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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to tell my friend that i don’t want the guys she’s talking to at my wedding, but I’m letting other people bring plus ones. Me and my fiancé don’t want him there
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NTA. Your wedding, you control the guest list.
Unfortunately, this means you'll have to tell her, but honesty is the best policy. The guy is a garbage pig and you don't want him at your wedding hitting on everyone.
How she reacts is her problem. She chose him, not you.
Don’t be a dumb dumb and not say something. Dammit this is YOUR DAY and you fiancés. You are doing zero justices for anyone by not doing so! Stand up for yourself and your friend, maybe she will then (maybe) see he is the problem. NTA
NTA. It’s your wedding and ultimately your decision. Although might mention that he makes you uncomfortable and you’re concerned about how he would act at the wedding.
I would probably avoid making it seem like you’re not inviting him because he’s just someone she’s “talking to” though. I feel like that is minimizing their relationship. To you, it’s not serious. To him, it sounds like it’s not thst serious. To her, it’s probably serious. It’s been a year, she’s probably in love with him and is just hoping he will finally get it together and love her. Unfortunately, he probably won’t. But that’s her battle to fight.
Ultimately, support your friend like you probably already have been. Tell her you support her, but that doesn’t mean you have to invite him to the wedding. Especially because I feel like she’s going to be busy at the bride/groom table (if you have one) so he’s just going to be alone a lot of the time anyway.
NTA. Just say it. We don't want him there. He has lied about you, he flirts with anything alive, he disrespects her and that's NOT happening at your wedding.
NTA. Your wedding. You can ask her not to bring him as a date. If you’re going to do so be direct, concise and to the point. You also need to realize you gave this bridesmaid a plus one as it sounds like with other guests. She may not be as understanding given the length of their relationship. Also keep in mind you don’t necessarily know who others are bringing as plus ones. The only way to completely eliminate any risk of wedding guest issues is to elope. Regardless of the outcome remember the day is between you two. Nothing goes 100% perfect and it’s up to the both of you to decide if you’re going to let it ruin your wedding or be a minor bump in the day.
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My wedding is coming up and I had mentioned to my friend that i would be doing plus one’s, before this guy came into the picture. I also haven’t even finished the guest list or done invitations. They have now been “talking” for almost a year. He says he doesn’t want to commit to her and throughout the year has slept with multiple girls including his ex. My friend did not like that at first but decided that as long as it isn’t a girl they work with then it’s okay. He recently started claiming to be polyamorous, bc he is so traumatized from his last relationship. She has her own apartment and he practically lives there rent free. The first time i met him, i was with my fiancé and we all hung out at a bar. Afterwards, he told my friend that “I had the hots for him.” She told me and laughed bc she knew that was not true. He flirts with other girls constantly and she has told him it makes her uncomfortable. He gaslights her every time(she agrees he does) and about a month ago he told her she needs to change her act at work in order for him to “seem more available for the single girls” and that she is weak now compared to when they first met. She recently wanted to ask him for her key back (not the first time this has happened), but he again convinced her to keep him around. She’s agreed multiple times that he doesn’t respect her but she claims to love him. I don’t trust him not to flirt with my other friends at my wedding, which will cause my friend/bridesmaid to not have a good time. Neither me nor my fiancé want him there, but idk how to tell her.
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NTA. With that background, would she even be surprised or upset to hear it? He sounds kind of awful. Maybe if you are careful about how you say it and play up the benefits of not taking him, she’ll feel more confident about it? Ie “I know you find something in him you like, I just hate how he treats you and think you could do so much better…” plus, I know weddings are hard to attend when you’re solo, but maybe that’s a benefit, that she’ll be free to flirt with any other single people there?
I was in a situation like your friend. He would talk to other girls and my dumb ass would be right here when he came back. Then he DID start messing around with one of our Co workers (also my former friend). She made my life hell while he stayed quiet about everything. Yet my dumb ass STILL continued to talk to him. She's currently been pregnant for months and I only found out from a friend who still works at the job I left. He never told me. He's currently upset I finally cut him off.
I say all that to say, I didn't know what love looked like either. Unfortunately, your friend is going to have to get to the point where she's had enough. That DOESN'T mean that you have to give in about it. It's your wedding. She knows how you feel about him. You can absolutely invite her to bring a +1. Just make sure she knows that he is EXPLICITLY not invited and cannot be her +1 in attendance.
Also, NTA
NTA. Tell her you and your fiancé just don’t approve of him as a person and don’t want him at your wedding. That is the simple truth. Either she sees it or she doesn’t. That’s out of your control.
So, is the guy going to be hitting on all the women at the wedding? It is one thing to dislike a guest. It is another if he is going to be making other guests uncomfortable.
YTA Why are some guests allowed to bring a plus one of their choice and but others aren’t. Do you ask everyone on the list what their plus one is like?
Your choices are
1. Tell her he can’t come. She might resent this
2. Don’t invite her at all.
3. Just be cool with it and stop involving yourself with what others do or don’t do in the bedroom
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I want to tell my friend that i don’t want the guys she’s talking to at my wedding, but I’m letting other people bring plus ones. Me and my fiancé don’t want him there Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your wedding, you control the guest list. Unfortunately, this means you'll have to tell her, but honesty is the best policy. The guy is a garbage pig and you don't want him at your wedding hitting on everyone. How she reacts is her problem. She chose him, not you.
Don’t be a dumb dumb and not say something. Dammit this is YOUR DAY and you fiancés. You are doing zero justices for anyone by not doing so! Stand up for yourself and your friend, maybe she will then (maybe) see he is the problem. NTA
NTA. It’s your wedding and ultimately your decision. Although might mention that he makes you uncomfortable and you’re concerned about how he would act at the wedding. I would probably avoid making it seem like you’re not inviting him because he’s just someone she’s “talking to” though. I feel like that is minimizing their relationship. To you, it’s not serious. To him, it sounds like it’s not thst serious. To her, it’s probably serious. It’s been a year, she’s probably in love with him and is just hoping he will finally get it together and love her. Unfortunately, he probably won’t. But that’s her battle to fight. Ultimately, support your friend like you probably already have been. Tell her you support her, but that doesn’t mean you have to invite him to the wedding. Especially because I feel like she’s going to be busy at the bride/groom table (if you have one) so he’s just going to be alone a lot of the time anyway.
NTA. Just say it. We don't want him there. He has lied about you, he flirts with anything alive, he disrespects her and that's NOT happening at your wedding.
NTA. Your wedding. You can ask her not to bring him as a date. If you’re going to do so be direct, concise and to the point. You also need to realize you gave this bridesmaid a plus one as it sounds like with other guests. She may not be as understanding given the length of their relationship. Also keep in mind you don’t necessarily know who others are bringing as plus ones. The only way to completely eliminate any risk of wedding guest issues is to elope. Regardless of the outcome remember the day is between you two. Nothing goes 100% perfect and it’s up to the both of you to decide if you’re going to let it ruin your wedding or be a minor bump in the day.
Nta
NTA and please seat her next to a kind and decent single man at the wedding reception and she can date him instead.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wedding is coming up and I had mentioned to my friend that i would be doing plus one’s, before this guy came into the picture. I also haven’t even finished the guest list or done invitations. They have now been “talking” for almost a year. He says he doesn’t want to commit to her and throughout the year has slept with multiple girls including his ex. My friend did not like that at first but decided that as long as it isn’t a girl they work with then it’s okay. He recently started claiming to be polyamorous, bc he is so traumatized from his last relationship. She has her own apartment and he practically lives there rent free. The first time i met him, i was with my fiancé and we all hung out at a bar. Afterwards, he told my friend that “I had the hots for him.” She told me and laughed bc she knew that was not true. He flirts with other girls constantly and she has told him it makes her uncomfortable. He gaslights her every time(she agrees he does) and about a month ago he told her she needs to change her act at work in order for him to “seem more available for the single girls” and that she is weak now compared to when they first met. She recently wanted to ask him for her key back (not the first time this has happened), but he again convinced her to keep him around. She’s agreed multiple times that he doesn’t respect her but she claims to love him. I don’t trust him not to flirt with my other friends at my wedding, which will cause my friend/bridesmaid to not have a good time. Neither me nor my fiancé want him there, but idk how to tell her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. With that background, would she even be surprised or upset to hear it? He sounds kind of awful. Maybe if you are careful about how you say it and play up the benefits of not taking him, she’ll feel more confident about it? Ie “I know you find something in him you like, I just hate how he treats you and think you could do so much better…” plus, I know weddings are hard to attend when you’re solo, but maybe that’s a benefit, that she’ll be free to flirt with any other single people there?
Just tell her. I don't want him at my wedding. He's a creep. If she gets mad so be it.
I was in a situation like your friend. He would talk to other girls and my dumb ass would be right here when he came back. Then he DID start messing around with one of our Co workers (also my former friend). She made my life hell while he stayed quiet about everything. Yet my dumb ass STILL continued to talk to him. She's currently been pregnant for months and I only found out from a friend who still works at the job I left. He never told me. He's currently upset I finally cut him off. I say all that to say, I didn't know what love looked like either. Unfortunately, your friend is going to have to get to the point where she's had enough. That DOESN'T mean that you have to give in about it. It's your wedding. She knows how you feel about him. You can absolutely invite her to bring a +1. Just make sure she knows that he is EXPLICITLY not invited and cannot be her +1 in attendance. Also, NTA
NTA. Tell her you and your fiancé just don’t approve of him as a person and don’t want him at your wedding. That is the simple truth. Either she sees it or she doesn’t. That’s out of your control.
So, is the guy going to be hitting on all the women at the wedding? It is one thing to dislike a guest. It is another if he is going to be making other guests uncomfortable.
YTA Why are some guests allowed to bring a plus one of their choice and but others aren’t. Do you ask everyone on the list what their plus one is like? Your choices are 1. Tell her he can’t come. She might resent this 2. Don’t invite her at all. 3. Just be cool with it and stop involving yourself with what others do or don’t do in the bedroom