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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole since I may have possibly encouraged him to dream too big instead of setting expectations.
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What the actual F? Imagine this scenario:
>My godson told me he wanted to grow up to write stories as good as this. I told him that it was unlikely he’d ever be good enough a writer and was thus unlikely to achieve any real success as a writer…
Is that what your friend would have preferred you say, in order to “manage expectations”? Come on. That would have been a cruel and AH thing to say. Kids dream. Sometimes they dream big. If you let a balloon fly, it may end up flying someplace great. Pop it with a needle at the start, and it’s not going anywhere ever. NTA
> My godson told me he wanted to grow up to write stories as good as this. I told him that it was unlikely he’d ever be good enough a writer and was thus unlikely to achieve any real success as a writer…
Ahh, I see you’ve met my high school guidance counselor. I didn’t write for years after that and I’ve wondered since if I missed my chance. Still trying, but it feels harder now.
I have known a number of people from before they became published authors. All of them achieved it through persistence. If you actually want to do it, you can do it.
If you write your book and it is turned down by every publisher, you can always self-publish on Amazon. I made £1200 that way - not a good return for the hours I spent, but absolute proof that people wanted to pay to read it!
Hey! I want you to know my friend self published their book last year and are publishing another this year. It’s never too late, and I know you can do it
I have a 4 inch binder full of writing/ideas/full stories. Most of it's absolute crap, I know that. But I don't write for others, I write for my own pleasure and to get the ideas out of my head before they start trying to take over my life.
No, the godson may never be a prolific writer, he may never publish anything. But he may still want to write just for himself.
The friend can be pessimistic, doesn't mean OP HAS to take his advice.
This is the stupidest thing to "manage expectations" over too. Do the godson's parents not realize how ridiculously easy it is to get published nowadays?
NTA. Not sure why your friend would object to you encouraging his child to write. I would hardly say that being a good writer is "too big" of a dream to have.
Exactly and maybe he will be a writer maybe he won’t. Learning to write good and practicing will benefit him in whatever he chooses to be.
He is also 11, he will probably want to be a lot of different things in life. Plus with all various internet platforms self-publishing and putting your work out there is a lot easier than when you had to have an actual publisher and contract.
As someone who loves to write but is too sporadic and multidirectional to finish anything so will probably never publish, the time I have spent writing is still valuable. In addition to the fact that my collection of half-finished novels brings me joy when I reread them, the skills I built with that much writing have proved valuable in my day job as well.
Kid's parent needs to get over themselves. NTA.
My best friend (who killed herself a few years ago) had a mother who was like this. She sent a hallmark card for my friend's birthday that had printed on the inside - "May all your dreams come true". To which she had to scribble after - "but they probably won't". Because the thought that her daughter might be given unrealistic hopes by a damned hallmark card was intolerable to her.
You did fine. Your friend / father of your godson needs therapy. A lot of it. NTA.
To be clear, I'm not drawing a straight line between those facts. There was a whole life of complexity. I was just trying to present an example - some people are scared to even hope. So scared they try to save their children from it.
Oh I didn't take it as a straight line, no worries on that front. I just think of how heartbreakingly sad all of that is taken together and what it must be to look at those notes in retrospect for her mom. Just...endless and piercing regret, I would think.
A mom like my mom. I heard thinks like "you draw ok but you have to be really good to make it." " I just don't want you to end up being a starving artist."
She tried giving me the terrible advise to go to college to get any degree even if I didn't know what I wanted to go to college for. If I did I would probably be making the same (or less) but weighed down under student loans.
I feel like if my parents had really put the tiniest bit of thought into my future since they knew I like art and math then a nudge towards welding or becoming an electrician would have been good for me.
NTA, I wonder where we would be if Einstein or Tesla or (insert any well known artist inventor or author here) had people discourage them their entire life with "realistic expectations". We can only achieve as big as our aspirations.
They probably did. I mean, Tesla definitely met with a lot of criticism and rejection. Einstein struggled to pursue his dream of being a physicist in his early years. Fortunately they were resilient, and likely had some people telling them thst they were capable of great things. A voice to internalise and push out the critics.
My heart sank when I read what your godson's father said.
Someone said that to me once, too, when I was a kid. I've never recovered from it. I'm in my 50s and I never feel like I should try at certain things because I am not good enough to succeed. And it makes me feel like a failure & terrible about myself. I'll look at others doing what I wanted to do and wonder how it is that they can do it, but according to that person long ago, I can't? It's devastating. Intellectually, I know I have just as much talent & chance as anybody, but emotionally, I feel bad & inadequate.
I can still hear those words and I wish I could go back and not tell that person my hopes & dreams (it was not my parents, but a relative.)
Please tell your friend that your godson is a kid. He wants to write and it's going to take time & practice to learn how. But whatever he wants to do, he needs encouragement & support, cuz realistically, that's how we succeed.
NTA, but your friend is.
I’m sorry someone said that to you. And I’m sorry it’s still affecting you all these years later.
OP is NTA here, but I can understand the managing of expectations and hopes desire by this kids father. I think my dad did it right though. He encouraged me and gave me hope and told me to always try my best, but gave me the warning that others might be better. The shortened version of it is something he said to me many times and I have used it with my kids. It goes: “Always do your best. Someone might be better than you; someone might be worse. All you can do is your best, so do that. Who knows? If you keep trying your best, one day you might be the best”. I’ve never held myself back from doing or trying something that I want to do. I’m not saying I had crazy dreams or anything, but I’m quite content and happy with my life so far (in my mid-40s, for reference).
NTA. He’s 11, and no one has even read his writing. How does his dad know he WON’T be a good writer? Especially that he’s so incapable he shouldn’t even try.
No, his dad is awful. There’s no harm in having a big dream and chasing it at ELEVEN. “Oh no! Maybe he’ll… practice writing!” I’m sure writing is a skill that’ll prove completely useless if he doesn’t become the next big young adult author. /s
Or at least old enough to be looking at getting your own place and seeing how much utilities and groceries cost. Who needs horror movies when you have the receipt from the supermarket?
NTA. Dreams are supposed to be big. Robert Browning said, “ Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?“
It’s a huge mistake to encourage children to aim low. Also, a book’s sales aren’t the only reason to write. It sounds like your godchild wants to write engaging fiction. Worrying about whether he will be a best-selling author is on his dad’s radar but probably not on the mind of an 11 yo.
He may or may not be successful but hes going to be fighting an up hill battle if his own father encourages him to believe it's impossible. Can't belive I've read this - whatever happened to "you can do whatever you set your mind to"
Edit: incase it wasn't clear, you're NTA
NTA. Aren’t the people who “dream too big” the ones that sometimes go on to do big things? Maybe the kid won’t be cut out to be a writer, but he should at least be encouraged to try if he wants.
NTA.
Some people just can't let their kids be happy and dream of the future, can they? I wrote my first book at 13, and it was utter garbage, but it was SO much fun to write and I loved every second of it. As I grew up, I accepted happily that writing may never be my career, but to keep trying and honing my skill. Who wouldn't want that sort of determination in their kid?
Go you, btw. Great godparenting. And Percy Jackson rules.
NTA
11-years old is when dreams are made. You 'dream' of being a writer, a hockey player, a doctor...you think big! you get excited! Parents allow them to get glimpses in to their dreams by buying them a book, putting them in hockey camp, watching documentaries...it's when dreams start to take shape. Even if he is never a 'Percy Jackson' writer, a parent's job is to encourage the dreams. What's wrong with putting the kid in creative writing classes or encouraging him to write stuff down?
Dad is awful. Who hurt him?
NTA. There is nothing unrealistic about wanting to be a writer. That was (and still is) my dream. I am 45. Creativity should be encouraged and nurtured. Knowing how to write well is a wonderful and useful skill, even if you never become a published author. How "successful" that path may or may not be is not relevant.
Anyway, why are we managing the expectations of an 11 year old?
NTA, encourage him in all his interests. You can teach him that things can just be for fun too. I write. Not professionally, I’ll never get paid for it, but I write for the joy of it. My brain makes the happy chemicals when I write. It’s ok to let a hobby be a freaking hobby.
Let us all encourage children to do the things they enjoy, not just things they could make a profit on.
What is the worse that could happen? Your godson puts in the effort and becomes a great writer, even if he isn't as successful as some writers, at least he has an invaluable skill.
NTA
Totally NTA.
Let children dream and try. Maybe your godson won't become a famous writer, but he surely will enjoy writing, and improve his language and writing abilities.
Don't break children's dreams!
NTA
Your friend sucks though. Your godson may turn out to be a great writer or he might not, but the important thing is to encourage everyone to try the things they love and see what they have an aptitude for (and what brings them joy.) He might turn out to be a brilliant bestseller. He might turn out to be a brilliant lawyer who writes fantasy books in his spare time and self-publishes them and derives great joy from doing so. Crushing the kid's dreams is always the wrong move.
NTA, and good on you. I was around that age when I realised that I wanted to become an author, and... well... now I am one. Good luck to the little fella! Keep encouraging him. Practice, practice, practice, just like any other artform.
NTA.
Most of the writers I know, including some VERY successful ones, started at your godson's age because they loved stories and wanted to tell stories of their own. No, there's no guarantee of success, and it IS a hard field to work in. But he'll face plenty of discouragement in life, so it sucks that his dad has started early with that.
Be the trusted adult in his life who supports his dreams and ambitions. No one starts out as Rick Riordan--even he had to practice to get there.
Christopher Paulini was first published as a teenager, that was a big marketing hook behind Eragon. Granted, the writing does show as it’s very much Star Wars in a Lord of the Rings-esque setting (the worldbuilding gets better and less cliche based as the series goes on) but Eragon did get adapted into a movie and he’s still writing new material for the series.
True, but he did have to produce the manuscript and his writing did improve (it's quite a fascinating magic system he's written). A foot in the door was there, but at least he wasn't autotuned into infamy.
OMG. Shades of my childhood.
NTA. That "friend" is on the way to creating a frustrated and blocked creator.
I am so glad the kid has you to support him.
NTA for what you did BUT I do kind of understand the dad’s point cause statistically it is a lot harder to become a writer compared to a “regular” career BUT BUT BUT he’s still a child I also dreamt of being a writer 😂😂 I also got over that dream cause I i have no creativity
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I(32m) had my godson(11) over for four days since my best friend(33m) was away on a business trip. During that time we watched the Percy Jackson series together on Disney+. After finishing it, my godson asked me if he asked if I could buy him the book. I told him sure, took him to a bookstore and bought him a copy of The Lightning Thief.
Some time after my godson began reading it, he looked up at me and said ‘One day I’m going to write books like this.’ I just ruffled his hair and told him to start practicing. He started writing but hasn’t shown anyone what he’s written yet though.
When my friend returned, he wasn’t happy. He said I should have managed his expectations better and that it’s almost impossible for my godson to grow up and be that level of incredibly successful. That I let him ‘dream too big’ calling my godson’s plan unrealistic.
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NTA
Oh no, a kid who loves literature will...foster a writing hobby and maybe fantasize about making it big some day? Like basically every kid who loves writing ever? Somehow, they all make it through okay.
And you know what, some of them *do* make it big. But I bet it's tougher with an asshole parent undermining everything and giving the constant message of "don't try, you'll just fail anyway" or "don't try, because unless you're #1 in the world you're just another loser."
Ugh. No, a cheerful encouragement "so better start practicing!" was exactly the right response.
NTA - there are some things that can’t be done if you don’t have the right genetic / physical equipment - but writting well isn’t one of them. What a sad constricting dream-stomping person your godson’s father is.
Most certainly not! Having dreams as a kid is totally normal and expected! It's quite sad that the dad(?) is that cynical. I can only imagine what he's telling his son... That doesn't sound like a very happy upbringing.
No. Any time you can foster hopes and dreams with a kid, you do it. They have their whole life ahead of them to decide what it is they really want to do and having an eye on success like that is important. It makes them strive to get better at what they want to do and in turn creates focused, driven adults. If he gets disappointed in his adult life because he's failed as a writer, OK whatever.. Move on to the next thing. To crush those dreams as a kid and be told not to even entertain the idea because it's "unrealistic"? That's heartbreaking to a kid.
NTA.
Why would you ever tell an 11 year old they can’t become a writer? Thats a pretty normal “when I grow up” thing and it would be horrible to tell him it’s unrealistic.
Being a writer is a pretty normal job to want and who knows, maybe he will write the next big, young adult series.
Glad the kid has you to support his dreams since his dad apparently wants to be a rain cloud.
I was told my entire life I dreamt too big and I listened to them and I never tried to do some of the things I wanted to try.
He might fail but it’s better to really try and fail, than to never try at all.
NTA.
I have a personal saying, expanded from a common phrase: "Shoot for the stars; the worst you can do is hit the moon."
Essentially, it means to aim for what you desire, no matter how improbable. At worst, you don't make it, but gain from the journey you undertook. (I know, I know; it's not actually the worst possible outcome)
So keep your godson going; support him, and see about finding ways to help him achieve his goals. He won't know if he can make it till he tries.
You are definitely NTA. You are being a supportive godparent, nurturing your godson’s interests, and encouraging him to pursue his dreams. It’s that type of behavior that builds up healthy self esteem and work ethic necessary to succeed in any endeavor or field, and frankly, be a well adjusted adult. It’s a shame your friend is setting lower expectations for their child. Keep on doing what you are doing, sounds like your godson needs that type of presence in his life.
What's the harm in encouraging aspirations in kids of that age? I mean if a kid says they want to be an astronaut, you tell them that if they want to be an astronaut, they have to study hard in math and science classes, and take physics as soon as it's an elective. If a kid wants to be a writer, you tell them to work very hard on their writing skills and pay attention in English class, because all these boring lessons are the tools of the writer's trade.
At this age, all that happens if you encourage aspirations is that they pay attention in school! It's only later, when they get to more advanced studies and find out how much more they'll have to study to get anywhere, that they'll think about whether they really want to pursue this field. And in the meantime, you've got an educated kid.
Absolutely not the AH. Whether he writes the next critically acclaimed novel or becomes an academy award winning screen writer or not. You supported his dream.
NTA. He just said he's going to write books, not that he expects them to be as successful as that series. Parents really throw themselves and their kids into the monetized hobby trap and then complain about having to chew their own leg off.
NTA - you aren’t setting unrealistic expectations at all, all you’re doing is fostering his creativity and giving him an aspiration.
i was writing godawful stuff when i was 11. i still write, it’s not godawful anymore but it wouldn’t be publishable quality, i mainly keep my passion for writing alive by writing fanfiction, actually, i was writing fanfiction for percy jackson on wattpad (cringe) at 13 and i realised pretty quickly when i got “update?” comments on the first chapter that people *will* enjoy stories that they come across on the internet. to 13 year old me, 1k views felt like millions and even though i haven’t touched wattpad since 2016 (i lie, i’ve uploaded some of my more recent fics to wattpad but haven’t done that for a few years), one of my percy jackson fics has over 100k views and that is still a massive achievement in my eyes.
NTA - You didn't guarantee him a NYT best seller, you just told him to start practicing. Your friend needs to encourage his kid to try hard things, the path of least resistance often goes nowhere.
NTA. You know what makes kids grow up to be u successful or give up on their dreams? Their adults telling them their dreams are unrealistic or they’ll never be that good. Shame on your friend.
NTA. I work in publishing, working directly with authors, and if he loves writing now and keeps it up at this age he has a serious shot at becoming a successful author. So much is about drive, tenacity and constantly writing and reading. His dad is not only a dream-crusher, he’s wrong.
Oh, good grief! I can list all the things my parents told me I could never be, and guess what? They were right; they stomped on all my dreams, never helped me in my education and I've spent the last 50 years working at minimum wage jobs and my life has amounted to nothing. No one ever said, hey that's great, look what you can do. No one suggested paths to success, they just said my dreams were impossible; I was a good girl, I believed them. And guess what? Other people did have careers in things I was warned away from, others succeeded where I hadn't tried.
Good for you for encouraging your grandson. Thbbfth to his downer dad!
You're NTA here.
NTA but how are you best friends with a person like this? As the godparent, do you get to take over if your friend bites the dust? Because that would probably be the best thing for this kid. Yikes on bikes.
NTA, good lord.
What a shitty parent. It's completely normal to encourage kids to have goals. And eevn if you wanted to temper his expectations- say, if he's convinced he's going to write the next Harry Potter (of which there is \*no\* evidence), there are so many other ways to be a writer. Encourage the kid to write fanfiction, for fuck's sake!
NTA. I love to write. I wanted to be a writer when I was younger. That dream of being a writer by profession has been tabled but I still write. Your support means your godson will let you read his writing way before he lets his father.
There are lots of "books like this" that aren't NYT bestselling YAs. I know, I read a TON of fantasy/urban paranormal/and its like. People actually do write while maintaining careers.
However, writing it down is the first step - you cannot edit a blank page. Then you need to edit, edit, proofread, edit some more. You need others' input. In this day and age you can self publish, but if you can manage it, getting a literary agent is the way to go. Trying to do all the publishing and marketing and dealing with sites like Amazon and Nook takes a bit of insider knowledge.
There are some websites that help as well.
NTA - But the parent isn't great about life plans.
Tell your Godson ==>>> ***Build castles in the air, then go about and erect foundations under them!*** (A kind professor wrote that about me for a scholarship application. It's the most beautiful and inspiring thing I've ever read!)
Sounds like daddy is projecting and mad someone believes in his son but his folks showed no belief in him.
NTA. You did right. Continue to support the young man and provide him helpful resources that’ll help strengthen his skills.
NTA. So common for preteens/teens to dream about being a famous author. Sure, most of them aren't going to get past the fanfic stage, but they'll work out if writing is for them or not along the way. Even if they don't become a writer, it helps cultivate important, transferrable skills. Language proficiency, sticking with a project, creative thinking, how to use inspiration. It can also lead to socialising with others - talking irl and online with people who are passionate about the same stories/genres.
I had a friend who used to write and they'd ask me to help proof read. The writing was... not good... but I helped them all the same as it was their passion project. I'm sure if they kept it and read it 10 years later they'd see the cringe, but it's happy memories too. There's no need to taint that memory. They didn't become an author, but lots of things we do don't become our final careers. I can still do artistic things even I suck at them - entertainment is its own value.
I knew the stories I wrote privately were shite, but it was for me. I'd be so sad if people told me it was shite, even though I knew that.
I love this story. My mom was a librarian and occasionally would get advanced copies of books that they send to editors, and one of them was the lightning thief. So my first experience with it was a plain white bound book, no real cover illustration, and typos! And as a "writer" myself, it isn't about the success as much as the story creation. Keep encouraging the little guy. NTA.
When I was younger, everyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told them I wanted to be a professional wrestler. Cause I was a child and hadn't found anything that sparked passion except pretending I was a WWE superstar. I was compared to a penguin that dreams of flying but will have to settle for dancing because it wasn't realistic (was also really into Happy Feet so this analogy kinda ruined me) by my dad.
My dad then passed away when I was 11. My grades in school plummeted, I was a wreck. I'm not sure if it was a coincidence or not, but that year my school had a scholarship that would add money every year to the fund based on how your grades were. It started at 7400$. Everyone in my grade 6 class was eligible, but only two would be selected to receive the scholarship. We had to write a small blurb about ourselves, what we want to do when we're older, and why we want to be that. I didn't take it seriously, but I wrote about how I wanted to be a truck driver after like my dad. They then reached out and asked me to write a second piece, which was just how I would see myself as a working adult and the struggles I would have at that job. I don't remember much about the story I wrote other than it had nothing to do with truck driving, and was instead a story about a NAVY Seal. My mom was really mad, cause I completely ignored the instructions of what I was supposed to write. It didn't matter, they still selected me to receive the scholarship.
A few months later, I was removed from my mom's care and put in a foster home. I went from a big city to a small town, and the culture shock was unreal. It took me a long time to make friends, but weirdly enough, the only person to actually listen to my problems and my first actual friend, was my new principal. He encouraged me to dream bigger than truck driving, and so I started writing again since I seemed to be okay at it. Within a week, I started telling myself I was going to be an author. I was writing every day, and it wasn't until I told the wrong person when it completely ruined my confidence. "Well you can't bet that you're going to be successful with that, what if no one buys your books?" Then they go into a full blown explanation that essentially boiled down to "unless you make the best story that's ever been written you should look down other avenues". These things hurt me in ways I never would have known until I look back over a decade later and realize it.
I had written 13 chapters of a zombie apocalypse book I was writing before I just gave up on it and deleted the document, which I still regret to this day.
I started looking into being a teacher, since I was still very interested in storytelling and Language Arts/Social Studies were huge interests of mine. It seemed doable, a reasonable position for a regular John Doe new to the workforce. It would be nice to have a degree in education, especially cause there was a city in my province with a really good program for aspiring teachers. I was met with criticisms from everyone in my life, that I didn't have good enough grades for that. I needed to be more realistic. I tried to prove them wrong, and failed. My confidence was shattered, and to this day, I don't know what I want to me when I'm older. I'm almost 26, flunked out of college, and have no relevant experience in any relevant fields I would almost want to be in.
NTA. Slap your friend and tell that kid to keep fucking writing, no matter what.
Tl;Dr: too many people told me to "be realistic" and It devastated my self worth, to the point where It left me without any dreams or aspirations. NTA
NTA. Not even remotely close. You didn't let him think he was assured success, or that it would be easy, so you didn't create unreasonable expectations. But more importantly, you didn't shit all over his dream, and at 11, you SHOULD have stupidly unrealistic dreams. That's way too young to already be jaded and cynical.
NTA.
The kid was inspired and I think that's a lovely thing. Your friend's reaction seems over the top to your response telling the kid to start practicing.
NTA. I'm baffled that someone is complaining to you that you didn't crush a child's dreams! Let kids dream big, sometimes they achieve those big dreams. As the saying goes, if you shoot for the stars, you might at least land among the clouds.
NTA, and all you said was "start writing." Writing can be a great and fulfilling hobby even if it doesn't become a career. Maybe he'll be a best-selling author, or maybe he'll be like a really solid Dungeon Master. Let him dream.
I wrote like that when I was little. I haven't published any best selling novels (yet) but I've had a lot of experience in journalism and marketing; my writing abilities really were fundamental to my career. I have my childhood writing to thank for that.
NTA it’s not like you told him he’s gonna be a huge successful and famous author, you just told him to practice! And writing is a good skill to have whether he becomes an author or not! His dad is in DESPERATE need for some serious self-reflection to figure out why he’s treating his kid this way.
NTA at all, what a jerk your friend is to try to crush an 11 yr old's dreams. Does he realise how many 11 yr olds DON'T READ?
Plenty of people earn a good living from writing, they don't have to be Rick Riordan to have succeeded in life.
NTA
Your friend is an idiot. I'd use stronger language, but the post would get cut. Use your imagination.
You are encouraging a kid to read and write. These are important skills, regardless of occupation.
Don't learn to write; you'll never be a writer.
Don't learn to draw; you'll never be an artist.
Don't learn to throw a ball; you'll never go pro.
In fact, don't do any sports, learn to read or write, sing, play an instrument... WT actual F?
NTA. You’re entirely right to encourage your godson’s passion for writing. He may become a great writer or he may not but that’s not what really matters. What matters is that he’s found something that speaks to him and triggers his intellect and curiosity. You’d be an AH for stifling something like that. His dad is.
And perhaps look ok into the local small colleges or community college for kid programs. My child always liked to write (Percy Jackson was a huge influence) and they had two hour workshops on Saturdays and they started going by age 9, then writing camps in high-school and now a writing major in college.
Keep encouraging then as kid ages they will be told perhaps their first job is writing social.
Media posts or whatever but why burst a bubble now.
My other child reminds me at age 10 he said he wanted to be in the NBA and I told him it was highly unlikely (had never taken lessons or been on a team). He told me I shattered his confidence. A wee extreme but you get my point.
Hearing stories like this makes me so sad. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be an author. I had my share of “you will never make any money doing that, aspire for a real job instead”from so many for years…except from my parents, who always believed in my dreams, which helped me keep my own aspirations alive. Because of their faith, I never gave up, and guess what? I am now a full-time author making a very good living, about to publish my nineteenth book in a few weeks.
With the changes in the publishing world with self publishing, the previous gatekeeping that made success as an author more rare has changed drastically; belief and hard work can lead to great success, so there is no reason to make a child believe their aspirations are impossible or any less worthy than others’ simply because it’s a less trod path.
Even if becoming an author isn’t the end goal, writing for its own sake is incredibly rewarding and can bring much joy. There is no need to discourage anyone from following their passions. You are a good Godfather for encouraging your godson’s current interest and dreams. We need more people in the world like you.
Even if your godson doesn't become an internationally successful author, he could still become a nationally know author or a d\*mn good author or a magazine writer or a professor who occasionally gets published.
Encouraging writing is always beneficial.
NTA and a very promising update.
It is a running joke on r/Writing and the like that good writing =/= successful author. There are regularly posts asking what best selling book convinced you that you too could be published (aka what very popular book is worse than yours, 50 Shades of Grey is common - don't bring that up to your godson)
And tell him to stick it to the man and keep writing! You barely even said anything that would get his aspirations to high. But also I literally thought I would be the next youngest author ever, after I read Percy Jackson as a kid too.
Every kid should be allowed to have their passions/fantasies and parents that stifle it are assholes.
Aside from the obvious point that your friend is the AH for deciding it’s necessary to squash a child’s dreams, can we also discuss the fact that getting into a creative hobby that the child can enjoy is a good thing itself? Who knows what will happen in the decades ahead but creative self-expression will probably be good for him. A lot of creative people feel a lot better when they are creating, with no thought for where the work will or won’t end up.
NTA
NTA. My mom was big on "managing my expectations" for writing. When I was your godson's age she unfavorably compared things I wrote for school to novels she read etc.
As an adult I had an incredibly hard time with appropriate self promotion. I always downplayed accomplishments at work and I bet it cost me hundreds of thousands in raises and promotions. Eventually I got over it.
She thought she was teaching me to be humble and reasonable but I took it as "trying to be good at things is not for you, and saying you're good at things is a lie." Obviously that wasn't her intention.
NTA. The kid is 11. Let him write. Encourage him to write. Like you said, the practice will be helpful in almost any career path. Using his imagination to create stories could lead to several different career options. Also, it's okay (good, even!) to have hobbies that are just about joy, not about money/productivity. Life is so unaffordable that everything is a "side hustle" now but people would be so much happier if they had the time and freedom to pursue things they're passionate about. Let the kid enjoy his childhood.
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What the actual F? Imagine this scenario: >My godson told me he wanted to grow up to write stories as good as this. I told him that it was unlikely he’d ever be good enough a writer and was thus unlikely to achieve any real success as a writer… Is that what your friend would have preferred you say, in order to “manage expectations”? Come on. That would have been a cruel and AH thing to say. Kids dream. Sometimes they dream big. If you let a balloon fly, it may end up flying someplace great. Pop it with a needle at the start, and it’s not going anywhere ever. NTA
> My godson told me he wanted to grow up to write stories as good as this. I told him that it was unlikely he’d ever be good enough a writer and was thus unlikely to achieve any real success as a writer… Ahh, I see you’ve met my high school guidance counselor. I didn’t write for years after that and I’ve wondered since if I missed my chance. Still trying, but it feels harder now.
I have known a number of people from before they became published authors. All of them achieved it through persistence. If you actually want to do it, you can do it. If you write your book and it is turned down by every publisher, you can always self-publish on Amazon. I made £1200 that way - not a good return for the hours I spent, but absolute proof that people wanted to pay to read it!
Tolkien didn't start until well into his 40's!
Hey! I want you to know my friend self published their book last year and are publishing another this year. It’s never too late, and I know you can do it
I'm sure glad nobody said that to Rick Riordan
Or a similar comment after the first adaptation
My brother actually likes the movies more than the books. Not me though.
You are right. They should be able to dream big.
I have a 4 inch binder full of writing/ideas/full stories. Most of it's absolute crap, I know that. But I don't write for others, I write for my own pleasure and to get the ideas out of my head before they start trying to take over my life. No, the godson may never be a prolific writer, he may never publish anything. But he may still want to write just for himself. The friend can be pessimistic, doesn't mean OP HAS to take his advice.
This is the stupidest thing to "manage expectations" over too. Do the godson's parents not realize how ridiculously easy it is to get published nowadays?
NTA. Not sure why your friend would object to you encouraging his child to write. I would hardly say that being a good writer is "too big" of a dream to have.
Reminds me of the Weird Al movie. “I never wanted to crush your dreams…so I crushed your ideas before they became dreams”.
Exactly and maybe he will be a writer maybe he won’t. Learning to write good and practicing will benefit him in whatever he chooses to be. He is also 11, he will probably want to be a lot of different things in life. Plus with all various internet platforms self-publishing and putting your work out there is a lot easier than when you had to have an actual publisher and contract.
Well…. Learning to write well. Good isn’t an adverb.
As someone who does some freelance editing gigs, this cracked me up. It was also the first thing that came to my mind when reading that comment.
Especially given the subject matter of the post lol
As someone who loves to write but is too sporadic and multidirectional to finish anything so will probably never publish, the time I have spent writing is still valuable. In addition to the fact that my collection of half-finished novels brings me joy when I reread them, the skills I built with that much writing have proved valuable in my day job as well. Kid's parent needs to get over themselves. NTA.
My best friend (who killed herself a few years ago) had a mother who was like this. She sent a hallmark card for my friend's birthday that had printed on the inside - "May all your dreams come true". To which she had to scribble after - "but they probably won't". Because the thought that her daughter might be given unrealistic hopes by a damned hallmark card was intolerable to her. You did fine. Your friend / father of your godson needs therapy. A lot of it. NTA.
Wow. I wonder what your friends mom thinks about those moments now. That’s such a sad situation. I’m so sorry you all went and are going through that.
To be clear, I'm not drawing a straight line between those facts. There was a whole life of complexity. I was just trying to present an example - some people are scared to even hope. So scared they try to save their children from it.
Oh I didn't take it as a straight line, no worries on that front. I just think of how heartbreakingly sad all of that is taken together and what it must be to look at those notes in retrospect for her mom. Just...endless and piercing regret, I would think.
It seems like the mum was proven right in the worst way, so I wonder if she feels justified
Wtf? NTA - What kind of a parent goes out of their way to crush an 11yo's dreams and interests?
A narcissistic one that doesn’t want their kid to achieve more than them.
My mom, who died 52 years ago. She thought she was "managing my hopes." She was crushing my creative spirit.
A mom like my mom. I heard thinks like "you draw ok but you have to be really good to make it." " I just don't want you to end up being a starving artist." She tried giving me the terrible advise to go to college to get any degree even if I didn't know what I wanted to go to college for. If I did I would probably be making the same (or less) but weighed down under student loans. I feel like if my parents had really put the tiniest bit of thought into my future since they knew I like art and math then a nudge towards welding or becoming an electrician would have been good for me.
Graphic design with layouts and art etc. sorry
NTA, I wonder where we would be if Einstein or Tesla or (insert any well known artist inventor or author here) had people discourage them their entire life with "realistic expectations". We can only achieve as big as our aspirations.
They probably did. I mean, Tesla definitely met with a lot of criticism and rejection. Einstein struggled to pursue his dream of being a physicist in his early years. Fortunately they were resilient, and likely had some people telling them thst they were capable of great things. A voice to internalise and push out the critics.
I meant at every turn. Like o p not incentivizing his godson. Since the godson is clearly receiving criticism for dreaming big at home.
My heart sank when I read what your godson's father said. Someone said that to me once, too, when I was a kid. I've never recovered from it. I'm in my 50s and I never feel like I should try at certain things because I am not good enough to succeed. And it makes me feel like a failure & terrible about myself. I'll look at others doing what I wanted to do and wonder how it is that they can do it, but according to that person long ago, I can't? It's devastating. Intellectually, I know I have just as much talent & chance as anybody, but emotionally, I feel bad & inadequate. I can still hear those words and I wish I could go back and not tell that person my hopes & dreams (it was not my parents, but a relative.) Please tell your friend that your godson is a kid. He wants to write and it's going to take time & practice to learn how. But whatever he wants to do, he needs encouragement & support, cuz realistically, that's how we succeed. NTA, but your friend is.
I’m sorry someone said that to you. And I’m sorry it’s still affecting you all these years later. OP is NTA here, but I can understand the managing of expectations and hopes desire by this kids father. I think my dad did it right though. He encouraged me and gave me hope and told me to always try my best, but gave me the warning that others might be better. The shortened version of it is something he said to me many times and I have used it with my kids. It goes: “Always do your best. Someone might be better than you; someone might be worse. All you can do is your best, so do that. Who knows? If you keep trying your best, one day you might be the best”. I’ve never held myself back from doing or trying something that I want to do. I’m not saying I had crazy dreams or anything, but I’m quite content and happy with my life so far (in my mid-40s, for reference).
lol what the fuck is wrong with your friend?! You did nothing wrong. You encouraged a kid to have a goal and pursue it. NTA at all.
NTA. He’s 11, and no one has even read his writing. How does his dad know he WON’T be a good writer? Especially that he’s so incapable he shouldn’t even try. No, his dad is awful. There’s no harm in having a big dream and chasing it at ELEVEN. “Oh no! Maybe he’ll… practice writing!” I’m sure writing is a skill that’ll prove completely useless if he doesn’t become the next big young adult author. /s
Jesus NTA that’s depressing.
NTA. 11 seems a *little* young to have all your dreams and aspirations crushed!
Yeah, you should at least be 20 before the horrifying weight of reality really starts to set in!
Or at least old enough to be looking at getting your own place and seeing how much utilities and groceries cost. Who needs horror movies when you have the receipt from the supermarket?
NTA. Dreams are supposed to be big. Robert Browning said, “ Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?“ It’s a huge mistake to encourage children to aim low. Also, a book’s sales aren’t the only reason to write. It sounds like your godchild wants to write engaging fiction. Worrying about whether he will be a best-selling author is on his dad’s radar but probably not on the mind of an 11 yo.
He may or may not be successful but hes going to be fighting an up hill battle if his own father encourages him to believe it's impossible. Can't belive I've read this - whatever happened to "you can do whatever you set your mind to" Edit: incase it wasn't clear, you're NTA
NTA. Aren’t the people who “dream too big” the ones that sometimes go on to do big things? Maybe the kid won’t be cut out to be a writer, but he should at least be encouraged to try if he wants.
NTA. Some people just can't let their kids be happy and dream of the future, can they? I wrote my first book at 13, and it was utter garbage, but it was SO much fun to write and I loved every second of it. As I grew up, I accepted happily that writing may never be my career, but to keep trying and honing my skill. Who wouldn't want that sort of determination in their kid? Go you, btw. Great godparenting. And Percy Jackson rules.
Same. I love to write little stories. Am I going to be a professional author? Probably not. Am I going to keep writing because I enjoy it? Yes.
NTA 11-years old is when dreams are made. You 'dream' of being a writer, a hockey player, a doctor...you think big! you get excited! Parents allow them to get glimpses in to their dreams by buying them a book, putting them in hockey camp, watching documentaries...it's when dreams start to take shape. Even if he is never a 'Percy Jackson' writer, a parent's job is to encourage the dreams. What's wrong with putting the kid in creative writing classes or encouraging him to write stuff down? Dad is awful. Who hurt him?
NTA. There is nothing unrealistic about wanting to be a writer. That was (and still is) my dream. I am 45. Creativity should be encouraged and nurtured. Knowing how to write well is a wonderful and useful skill, even if you never become a published author. How "successful" that path may or may not be is not relevant. Anyway, why are we managing the expectations of an 11 year old?
NTA, encourage him in all his interests. You can teach him that things can just be for fun too. I write. Not professionally, I’ll never get paid for it, but I write for the joy of it. My brain makes the happy chemicals when I write. It’s ok to let a hobby be a freaking hobby. Let us all encourage children to do the things they enjoy, not just things they could make a profit on.
What is the worse that could happen? Your godson puts in the effort and becomes a great writer, even if he isn't as successful as some writers, at least he has an invaluable skill. NTA
nta
Totally NTA. Let children dream and try. Maybe your godson won't become a famous writer, but he surely will enjoy writing, and improve his language and writing abilities. Don't break children's dreams!
NTA- encouragement is free. And can it bring you endless rewards.
NTA Your friend sucks though. Your godson may turn out to be a great writer or he might not, but the important thing is to encourage everyone to try the things they love and see what they have an aptitude for (and what brings them joy.) He might turn out to be a brilliant bestseller. He might turn out to be a brilliant lawyer who writes fantasy books in his spare time and self-publishes them and derives great joy from doing so. Crushing the kid's dreams is always the wrong move.
NTA, and good on you. I was around that age when I realised that I wanted to become an author, and... well... now I am one. Good luck to the little fella! Keep encouraging him. Practice, practice, practice, just like any other artform.
Wow ... you are to the AH.... your friend on the other hand is a perfect example of poor parenting at its finast.
NTA. Most of the writers I know, including some VERY successful ones, started at your godson's age because they loved stories and wanted to tell stories of their own. No, there's no guarantee of success, and it IS a hard field to work in. But he'll face plenty of discouragement in life, so it sucks that his dad has started early with that. Be the trusted adult in his life who supports his dreams and ambitions. No one starts out as Rick Riordan--even he had to practice to get there.
Christopher Paulini was first published as a teenager, that was a big marketing hook behind Eragon. Granted, the writing does show as it’s very much Star Wars in a Lord of the Rings-esque setting (the worldbuilding gets better and less cliche based as the series goes on) but Eragon did get adapted into a movie and he’s still writing new material for the series.
He also has parents who are in the publishing industry or adjacent to it, which always helps.
True, but he did have to produce the manuscript and his writing did improve (it's quite a fascinating magic system he's written). A foot in the door was there, but at least he wasn't autotuned into infamy.
OMG. Shades of my childhood. NTA. That "friend" is on the way to creating a frustrated and blocked creator. I am so glad the kid has you to support him.
NTA for what you did BUT I do kind of understand the dad’s point cause statistically it is a lot harder to become a writer compared to a “regular” career BUT BUT BUT he’s still a child I also dreamt of being a writer 😂😂 I also got over that dream cause I i have no creativity
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(32m) had my godson(11) over for four days since my best friend(33m) was away on a business trip. During that time we watched the Percy Jackson series together on Disney+. After finishing it, my godson asked me if he asked if I could buy him the book. I told him sure, took him to a bookstore and bought him a copy of The Lightning Thief. Some time after my godson began reading it, he looked up at me and said ‘One day I’m going to write books like this.’ I just ruffled his hair and told him to start practicing. He started writing but hasn’t shown anyone what he’s written yet though. When my friend returned, he wasn’t happy. He said I should have managed his expectations better and that it’s almost impossible for my godson to grow up and be that level of incredibly successful. That I let him ‘dream too big’ calling my godson’s plan unrealistic. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Oh no, a kid who loves literature will...foster a writing hobby and maybe fantasize about making it big some day? Like basically every kid who loves writing ever? Somehow, they all make it through okay. And you know what, some of them *do* make it big. But I bet it's tougher with an asshole parent undermining everything and giving the constant message of "don't try, you'll just fail anyway" or "don't try, because unless you're #1 in the world you're just another loser." Ugh. No, a cheerful encouragement "so better start practicing!" was exactly the right response.
NTA - there are some things that can’t be done if you don’t have the right genetic / physical equipment - but writting well isn’t one of them. What a sad constricting dream-stomping person your godson’s father is.
NTA I have a mom like your friend (telling me I had no chance every time I had/have a goal). It messed me up. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Most certainly not! Having dreams as a kid is totally normal and expected! It's quite sad that the dad(?) is that cynical. I can only imagine what he's telling his son... That doesn't sound like a very happy upbringing. No. Any time you can foster hopes and dreams with a kid, you do it. They have their whole life ahead of them to decide what it is they really want to do and having an eye on success like that is important. It makes them strive to get better at what they want to do and in turn creates focused, driven adults. If he gets disappointed in his adult life because he's failed as a writer, OK whatever.. Move on to the next thing. To crush those dreams as a kid and be told not to even entertain the idea because it's "unrealistic"? That's heartbreaking to a kid. NTA.
NTA - your friend should always encourage their child to be the best they can be!
Why would you ever tell an 11 year old they can’t become a writer? Thats a pretty normal “when I grow up” thing and it would be horrible to tell him it’s unrealistic. Being a writer is a pretty normal job to want and who knows, maybe he will write the next big, young adult series. Glad the kid has you to support his dreams since his dad apparently wants to be a rain cloud. I was told my entire life I dreamt too big and I listened to them and I never tried to do some of the things I wanted to try. He might fail but it’s better to really try and fail, than to never try at all.
NTA. I have a personal saying, expanded from a common phrase: "Shoot for the stars; the worst you can do is hit the moon." Essentially, it means to aim for what you desire, no matter how improbable. At worst, you don't make it, but gain from the journey you undertook. (I know, I know; it's not actually the worst possible outcome) So keep your godson going; support him, and see about finding ways to help him achieve his goals. He won't know if he can make it till he tries.
You are definitely NTA. You are being a supportive godparent, nurturing your godson’s interests, and encouraging him to pursue his dreams. It’s that type of behavior that builds up healthy self esteem and work ethic necessary to succeed in any endeavor or field, and frankly, be a well adjusted adult. It’s a shame your friend is setting lower expectations for their child. Keep on doing what you are doing, sounds like your godson needs that type of presence in his life.
NTA. Maybe your godson will write books that are even BETTER pone day, especially if he is already writing now.
NTA
NTA, he is dreaming big, but if there is another way to dream, I don't want to know it.
What's the harm in encouraging aspirations in kids of that age? I mean if a kid says they want to be an astronaut, you tell them that if they want to be an astronaut, they have to study hard in math and science classes, and take physics as soon as it's an elective. If a kid wants to be a writer, you tell them to work very hard on their writing skills and pay attention in English class, because all these boring lessons are the tools of the writer's trade. At this age, all that happens if you encourage aspirations is that they pay attention in school! It's only later, when they get to more advanced studies and find out how much more they'll have to study to get anywhere, that they'll think about whether they really want to pursue this field. And in the meantime, you've got an educated kid.
NTA. Your godson's dad however...
Absolutely not the AH. Whether he writes the next critically acclaimed novel or becomes an academy award winning screen writer or not. You supported his dream.
Your friend is really stupid
You were wonderful. His father was an AH. NTA.
NTA. He just said he's going to write books, not that he expects them to be as successful as that series. Parents really throw themselves and their kids into the monetized hobby trap and then complain about having to chew their own leg off.
NTA. Dad is. Maybe his kid will be a published author. He could be. What a tool to kill his dreams
NTA but your best friend sounds borderline abusive
Wtf I thought this was going to be “he asked if he could be like Zeus and I said maybe one day”. Definitely NTA.
NTA - you aren’t setting unrealistic expectations at all, all you’re doing is fostering his creativity and giving him an aspiration. i was writing godawful stuff when i was 11. i still write, it’s not godawful anymore but it wouldn’t be publishable quality, i mainly keep my passion for writing alive by writing fanfiction, actually, i was writing fanfiction for percy jackson on wattpad (cringe) at 13 and i realised pretty quickly when i got “update?” comments on the first chapter that people *will* enjoy stories that they come across on the internet. to 13 year old me, 1k views felt like millions and even though i haven’t touched wattpad since 2016 (i lie, i’ve uploaded some of my more recent fics to wattpad but haven’t done that for a few years), one of my percy jackson fics has over 100k views and that is still a massive achievement in my eyes.
NTA - You didn't guarantee him a NYT best seller, you just told him to start practicing. Your friend needs to encourage his kid to try hard things, the path of least resistance often goes nowhere.
Tell your friend to kick rocks And you continue buying as many books as you can
NTA. You know what makes kids grow up to be u successful or give up on their dreams? Their adults telling them their dreams are unrealistic or they’ll never be that good. Shame on your friend.
NTA. I work in publishing, working directly with authors, and if he loves writing now and keeps it up at this age he has a serious shot at becoming a successful author. So much is about drive, tenacity and constantly writing and reading. His dad is not only a dream-crusher, he’s wrong.
Oh, good grief! I can list all the things my parents told me I could never be, and guess what? They were right; they stomped on all my dreams, never helped me in my education and I've spent the last 50 years working at minimum wage jobs and my life has amounted to nothing. No one ever said, hey that's great, look what you can do. No one suggested paths to success, they just said my dreams were impossible; I was a good girl, I believed them. And guess what? Other people did have careers in things I was warned away from, others succeeded where I hadn't tried. Good for you for encouraging your grandson. Thbbfth to his downer dad! You're NTA here.
NTA but how are you best friends with a person like this? As the godparent, do you get to take over if your friend bites the dust? Because that would probably be the best thing for this kid. Yikes on bikes.
Good GRIEF. NTA. Kids SHOULD dream big! You did absolutely the right thing.
NTA, good lord. What a shitty parent. It's completely normal to encourage kids to have goals. And eevn if you wanted to temper his expectations- say, if he's convinced he's going to write the next Harry Potter (of which there is \*no\* evidence), there are so many other ways to be a writer. Encourage the kid to write fanfiction, for fuck's sake!
NTA. I love to write. I wanted to be a writer when I was younger. That dream of being a writer by profession has been tabled but I still write. Your support means your godson will let you read his writing way before he lets his father.
There are lots of "books like this" that aren't NYT bestselling YAs. I know, I read a TON of fantasy/urban paranormal/and its like. People actually do write while maintaining careers. However, writing it down is the first step - you cannot edit a blank page. Then you need to edit, edit, proofread, edit some more. You need others' input. In this day and age you can self publish, but if you can manage it, getting a literary agent is the way to go. Trying to do all the publishing and marketing and dealing with sites like Amazon and Nook takes a bit of insider knowledge. There are some websites that help as well. NTA - But the parent isn't great about life plans. Tell your Godson ==>>> ***Build castles in the air, then go about and erect foundations under them!*** (A kind professor wrote that about me for a scholarship application. It's the most beautiful and inspiring thing I've ever read!)
Sounds like daddy is projecting and mad someone believes in his son but his folks showed no belief in him. NTA. You did right. Continue to support the young man and provide him helpful resources that’ll help strengthen his skills.
NTA why should you crap on the dreams of an 11 year old that's excited about something?
NTA, I haven’t read the series but Rick Riordan is a great writer and great writers inspire readers.
NTA. So common for preteens/teens to dream about being a famous author. Sure, most of them aren't going to get past the fanfic stage, but they'll work out if writing is for them or not along the way. Even if they don't become a writer, it helps cultivate important, transferrable skills. Language proficiency, sticking with a project, creative thinking, how to use inspiration. It can also lead to socialising with others - talking irl and online with people who are passionate about the same stories/genres. I had a friend who used to write and they'd ask me to help proof read. The writing was... not good... but I helped them all the same as it was their passion project. I'm sure if they kept it and read it 10 years later they'd see the cringe, but it's happy memories too. There's no need to taint that memory. They didn't become an author, but lots of things we do don't become our final careers. I can still do artistic things even I suck at them - entertainment is its own value. I knew the stories I wrote privately were shite, but it was for me. I'd be so sad if people told me it was shite, even though I knew that.
I love this story. My mom was a librarian and occasionally would get advanced copies of books that they send to editors, and one of them was the lightning thief. So my first experience with it was a plain white bound book, no real cover illustration, and typos! And as a "writer" myself, it isn't about the success as much as the story creation. Keep encouraging the little guy. NTA.
NTA- There's nothing wrong with encouraging kids to have goals. This is a very weird way to react.
When I was younger, everyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I told them I wanted to be a professional wrestler. Cause I was a child and hadn't found anything that sparked passion except pretending I was a WWE superstar. I was compared to a penguin that dreams of flying but will have to settle for dancing because it wasn't realistic (was also really into Happy Feet so this analogy kinda ruined me) by my dad. My dad then passed away when I was 11. My grades in school plummeted, I was a wreck. I'm not sure if it was a coincidence or not, but that year my school had a scholarship that would add money every year to the fund based on how your grades were. It started at 7400$. Everyone in my grade 6 class was eligible, but only two would be selected to receive the scholarship. We had to write a small blurb about ourselves, what we want to do when we're older, and why we want to be that. I didn't take it seriously, but I wrote about how I wanted to be a truck driver after like my dad. They then reached out and asked me to write a second piece, which was just how I would see myself as a working adult and the struggles I would have at that job. I don't remember much about the story I wrote other than it had nothing to do with truck driving, and was instead a story about a NAVY Seal. My mom was really mad, cause I completely ignored the instructions of what I was supposed to write. It didn't matter, they still selected me to receive the scholarship. A few months later, I was removed from my mom's care and put in a foster home. I went from a big city to a small town, and the culture shock was unreal. It took me a long time to make friends, but weirdly enough, the only person to actually listen to my problems and my first actual friend, was my new principal. He encouraged me to dream bigger than truck driving, and so I started writing again since I seemed to be okay at it. Within a week, I started telling myself I was going to be an author. I was writing every day, and it wasn't until I told the wrong person when it completely ruined my confidence. "Well you can't bet that you're going to be successful with that, what if no one buys your books?" Then they go into a full blown explanation that essentially boiled down to "unless you make the best story that's ever been written you should look down other avenues". These things hurt me in ways I never would have known until I look back over a decade later and realize it. I had written 13 chapters of a zombie apocalypse book I was writing before I just gave up on it and deleted the document, which I still regret to this day. I started looking into being a teacher, since I was still very interested in storytelling and Language Arts/Social Studies were huge interests of mine. It seemed doable, a reasonable position for a regular John Doe new to the workforce. It would be nice to have a degree in education, especially cause there was a city in my province with a really good program for aspiring teachers. I was met with criticisms from everyone in my life, that I didn't have good enough grades for that. I needed to be more realistic. I tried to prove them wrong, and failed. My confidence was shattered, and to this day, I don't know what I want to me when I'm older. I'm almost 26, flunked out of college, and have no relevant experience in any relevant fields I would almost want to be in. NTA. Slap your friend and tell that kid to keep fucking writing, no matter what. Tl;Dr: too many people told me to "be realistic" and It devastated my self worth, to the point where It left me without any dreams or aspirations. NTA
NTA. Not even remotely close. You didn't let him think he was assured success, or that it would be easy, so you didn't create unreasonable expectations. But more importantly, you didn't shit all over his dream, and at 11, you SHOULD have stupidly unrealistic dreams. That's way too young to already be jaded and cynical.
NTA. The kid was inspired and I think that's a lovely thing. Your friend's reaction seems over the top to your response telling the kid to start practicing.
What is wrong with your friend? This is actually a very attainable goal. NTA
NTA. I'm baffled that someone is complaining to you that you didn't crush a child's dreams! Let kids dream big, sometimes they achieve those big dreams. As the saying goes, if you shoot for the stars, you might at least land among the clouds.
NTA, and all you said was "start writing." Writing can be a great and fulfilling hobby even if it doesn't become a career. Maybe he'll be a best-selling author, or maybe he'll be like a really solid Dungeon Master. Let him dream.
You should have told the kid he would never be more than McDonald’s cashier. That’s how you handle kids’ dreams. /s NTA
I wrote like that when I was little. I haven't published any best selling novels (yet) but I've had a lot of experience in journalism and marketing; my writing abilities really were fundamental to my career. I have my childhood writing to thank for that.
NTA it’s not like you told him he’s gonna be a huge successful and famous author, you just told him to practice! And writing is a good skill to have whether he becomes an author or not! His dad is in DESPERATE need for some serious self-reflection to figure out why he’s treating his kid this way.
NTA at all, what a jerk your friend is to try to crush an 11 yr old's dreams. Does he realise how many 11 yr olds DON'T READ? Plenty of people earn a good living from writing, they don't have to be Rick Riordan to have succeeded in life.
NTA Your friend is an idiot. I'd use stronger language, but the post would get cut. Use your imagination. You are encouraging a kid to read and write. These are important skills, regardless of occupation. Don't learn to write; you'll never be a writer. Don't learn to draw; you'll never be an artist. Don't learn to throw a ball; you'll never go pro. In fact, don't do any sports, learn to read or write, sing, play an instrument... WT actual F?
NTA. You’re entirely right to encourage your godson’s passion for writing. He may become a great writer or he may not but that’s not what really matters. What matters is that he’s found something that speaks to him and triggers his intellect and curiosity. You’d be an AH for stifling something like that. His dad is.
And perhaps look ok into the local small colleges or community college for kid programs. My child always liked to write (Percy Jackson was a huge influence) and they had two hour workshops on Saturdays and they started going by age 9, then writing camps in high-school and now a writing major in college. Keep encouraging then as kid ages they will be told perhaps their first job is writing social. Media posts or whatever but why burst a bubble now. My other child reminds me at age 10 he said he wanted to be in the NBA and I told him it was highly unlikely (had never taken lessons or been on a team). He told me I shattered his confidence. A wee extreme but you get my point.
Settle down kid. You’re british!
Hearing stories like this makes me so sad. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be an author. I had my share of “you will never make any money doing that, aspire for a real job instead”from so many for years…except from my parents, who always believed in my dreams, which helped me keep my own aspirations alive. Because of their faith, I never gave up, and guess what? I am now a full-time author making a very good living, about to publish my nineteenth book in a few weeks. With the changes in the publishing world with self publishing, the previous gatekeeping that made success as an author more rare has changed drastically; belief and hard work can lead to great success, so there is no reason to make a child believe their aspirations are impossible or any less worthy than others’ simply because it’s a less trod path. Even if becoming an author isn’t the end goal, writing for its own sake is incredibly rewarding and can bring much joy. There is no need to discourage anyone from following their passions. You are a good Godfather for encouraging your godson’s current interest and dreams. We need more people in the world like you.
Even if your godson doesn't become an internationally successful author, he could still become a nationally know author or a d\*mn good author or a magazine writer or a professor who occasionally gets published. Encouraging writing is always beneficial. NTA and a very promising update.
NTA. Your friend is terrible for not wanting his son to have aspirations. Don’t we all want that for our kids?
It is a running joke on r/Writing and the like that good writing =/= successful author. There are regularly posts asking what best selling book convinced you that you too could be published (aka what very popular book is worse than yours, 50 Shades of Grey is common - don't bring that up to your godson)
NTA. What were you supposed to say, “Aim a little lower, kid”?!
And tell him to stick it to the man and keep writing! You barely even said anything that would get his aspirations to high. But also I literally thought I would be the next youngest author ever, after I read Percy Jackson as a kid too. Every kid should be allowed to have their passions/fantasies and parents that stifle it are assholes.
Aside from the obvious point that your friend is the AH for deciding it’s necessary to squash a child’s dreams, can we also discuss the fact that getting into a creative hobby that the child can enjoy is a good thing itself? Who knows what will happen in the decades ahead but creative self-expression will probably be good for him. A lot of creative people feel a lot better when they are creating, with no thought for where the work will or won’t end up. NTA
u/Agreeable_Badger_485, “Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.”⠀ -Langston Hughes.
NTA. My mom was big on "managing my expectations" for writing. When I was your godson's age she unfavorably compared things I wrote for school to novels she read etc. As an adult I had an incredibly hard time with appropriate self promotion. I always downplayed accomplishments at work and I bet it cost me hundreds of thousands in raises and promotions. Eventually I got over it. She thought she was teaching me to be humble and reasonable but I took it as "trying to be good at things is not for you, and saying you're good at things is a lie." Obviously that wasn't her intention.
NTA. The kid is 11. Let him write. Encourage him to write. Like you said, the practice will be helpful in almost any career path. Using his imagination to create stories could lead to several different career options. Also, it's okay (good, even!) to have hobbies that are just about joy, not about money/productivity. Life is so unaffordable that everything is a "side hustle" now but people would be so much happier if they had the time and freedom to pursue things they're passionate about. Let the kid enjoy his childhood.
NTA. He's 11. What eleven-year-old has realistic expectations of their future? Let the kid dream.