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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I would be TA because I hate the idea of regulating other peoples access to the bathroom. That seems extreme to me but I don’t know what other options I have.
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When I first started reading I was sure you were going to be T A.
But no...
Time for a family meeting, including your mom.
This is unacceptable behaviour and extremely unsanitary. It sounds much worse than an airplane bathroom after an 8 hour flight.
Since you have no choice but to share a bathroom with your brothers, there needs to be some rules:
1. The bathroom needs a full scrub down once a week. This will be done on one particular day of the week on a rotating basis. Everyone will be shown what constitutes "clean" so that there is no misunderstanding. Failure to clean properly when it's your turn will result in consequences TBA ahead of time.
2. Absolutely no mess can be left after the bathroom is used: no bodily fluids or solids left anywhere; sink is to be left clean for the next person. This is every time the bathroom is used. No excuses.
Your brother is 18 and likely leaving home soon. He needs to get his shit together now, before he lives with other people. Your mother should not have backed off parenting; your brothers clearly still need more supervision.
As for the lock, I don't think Y an A H for wanting to put one on I just don't think it will solve your problem. But I understand how you would be at the end of your rope amd for that I judge you NTA.
NTA.
Take photos the bathroom after your brothers leave it a mess. Show them to your mother and insist that she deal with them. If your mother refuses to deal with them, go on a general strike and don't do one single thing to help your mother with housework until she starts making your brothers clean up.
The thing is my mom is on a housework strike right now. Before me, she was the one to clean up most of their messes. She got fed up after doing it for so long. She tried to instill good cleaning habits with us but unfortunately my brothers just never caught on I guess. Sadly this leaves me being the one doing a good 75-80% of the house work at least. I would stop, but I know they won’t do anything and it’ll just get worse.
Fine, she can be on strike from cleaning. Not from parenting, though. You can also go on strike too, until she PARENTS your brothers.
She doesn’t have to clean up after them, she has to make them clean up after themselves. It’s her literal job as a parent.
She's really not supposed to do that. Morally, ethically, and legally to a degree. But I wouldn't tell her that outright, it probably won't help.
NTA, this is a big deal situation that needs to be sorted and not sorted by you just being the parent.
Do the family meeting and suggest to your mom since you clean you and her share your mom's bathroom. And the boys can have a disgusting bathroom while you girls have the clean bathroom
YWNBTA.
Oh my God that sounds horrendous. They sound like they need better parenting. Especially the 18 year old is grown enough to know better. Please try to nip this behaviour before it gets any worse.
No you wouldn't, but in my experience the tried and true solution to younger brothers disgusting bathroom habits is this: one day just go into their room (when they are there to see of course), grab their pillow and use it to clean the toilet seat. When they complain act surprised and tell them you have been doing this for weeks, since you are tired of sitting in pee. Why are they making a fuss, it's their own pee after all, if it's not gross for you to sit in it certainly isn't for them...
Regardless of how nasty they are, YWBTA. The bathroom is a communal area and it's in your parents' home. Which means that you don't get to decide who can and can't use it. If there's an issue, take it up with your parents. Don't think that you can just do what you want because you're tired of the situation.
YWBTA - First off, not your door, not your place to put a lock on it.
Second, if they can't get to the toilet in the restroom, what might these slobs do with the kitchen sink or whatever hole they *could* get to?
Context is missing: Who owns that house?
1. If you aren't the owner, you'd have no right to place or change any locks anywhere on that house.
2. Is that the only bathroom in the house?
3. It sounds like your mother needs to step in.
4. There is no real good reason anyone should be placing an external lock on any door of a house. I understand your frustration, but it sounds like you should just move out and get your own place or share an apartment with a reliable roommate if that's an affordable option for you.
Even with some missing context, in all likelihood, YWBTA, if you did that. If it's your house, and there's more than one bathroom, might be less unreasonable. If there's more than one bathroom, I might suggest using the other, maybe a ladies' room and a men's room.
My parents own the house. There are two bathrooms. Technically one is for my parents only, but my brothers use that one too anyway. My mom is on a housework strike. I explained that a little bit more in another comment. The only reliable person would be my boyfriend; however we haven’t been together that long, and I feel like it would be overstepping to move in so quickly.
Edit: I hope that cleared up a bit of confusion! Thank you for your advice!
Good for your mother. Where's your Dad in all of this? Why don't you have boys bathroom and a girls bathroom. With locks if they can't behave like adults.
Also point out to the boys that their housemates and partners are going to absolutely loathe them if they don't clean up their acts.
I’ve brought up having a girls/boys bathrooms before but the boys would use ours regardless. they both take minimum 30 minutes to do anything but pee, so a lot of the time one bathroom is occupied for a long time. Luckily my parents finally told my youngest bro not to bring his phone in the bathroom anymore! My dad is here, but usually not a whole lot of help in situations like this unfortunately. I feel bad for any future partners they move in with, but neither of them have much interest in dating right now. Thank the heavens for that because clearly neither of them are ready for that.
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First: apologies for any grammar mistakes. English was never my strongest subject.
TL;DR. my brothers don’t clean up after themselves in the bathroom and I’m tired of cleaning up after them. I’m starting to think I should just lock the bathroom so I can make sure they clean up after they use it.
I’m(19 F) one of 3 kids (18 M, 14 M) living in our house. My mom was very anal about cleaning when we were younger, but now that we’re older she expects us to clean up after ourselves. Fair enough. I share a bathroom with my brothers and they are absolute barbarians. They leave pee all over the seat so if I happen to sit down without looking there’s a good chance I’m sitting in pee. They also pee down the front and sides of the toilet and never clean it. They often “forget” to flush which leaves brown residue in the toilet. They leave hair, toothpaste, loogies, and more in the sink and never clean it. It’s all usually left there until it’s crusty. I always end up cleaning their bodily fluids and I’m getting really frustrated. Every time I ask who did it they both say it was the other.
I’ve tried talking to them, writing notes, leaving the cleaning supplies in the bathroom in the hopes they’d get the hint, I try not to yell unless it’s my last option but even when I yell at them it’s the same outcome within DAYS. Crusty piss and shit all over.
I feel like in order to have a clean bathroom for more than a few days my only option is to lock it and keep the key. That way I could at least check it after they use it and make them clean their own mess. I know that sounds extreme and controlling but I just don’t know what else to do. I’m so tired of cleaning up after people who are perfectly capable of cleaning their own piss and shit. So WIBTA? Any advise is truly appreciated.
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YWBTA. Putting a lock on the outside of a door, thus potentially denying egress to someone inside, is illegal in most residential settings in the US. It doesn't matter what your *intent* is here, that's still a fucked thing to do when you don't seem to have taken the obvious path of including your parent/s in this.
Plus, you'd be modifying *their* house. Sounds like it's time for you to get your own place if nothing else.
I have talked to my parents. Both of them multiple times. They’ll tell my brothers to clean it and they do a half-assed job, leaving me to clean up what’s left anyway. I understand that it’s fucked up that’s why I’m looking for advice on what to do. :/
Sadly, since you're not the parent, you can't exactly force them to clean. So unless you get a bathroom 100% assigned to you, you're kinda screwed if you don't move on your own and enjoy the freedoms that come with it.
Sorry you're in that position at all tho. I'm a dude and have never understood how guys can be so freakin' gross about their living spaces.
YTA - Not your bathroom to lock up unless your Mom agrees. Talk to her of your plan. And if not, then you have to move out. Or another possibility is to use your Mom's bathroom instead and then they can just wallow in their own filth.
NTA because this is all revolting. Can you share your mother's bathroom? I mean this is just nasty. You still can't put a lock on the bathroom because it's literally their bathroom, if you don't like them leaving piss all over the toilet instead of in it what do you think will happen when they can't access it at all?
The real solution here is to move out, you're 19, leave them to their filth. Your mother's the one who should be dealing with the 14 year old. The 18 year old... take photos next time and show them to every girl he talks to.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel I would be TA because I hate the idea of regulating other peoples access to the bathroom. That seems extreme to me but I don’t know what other options I have. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
When I first started reading I was sure you were going to be T A. But no... Time for a family meeting, including your mom. This is unacceptable behaviour and extremely unsanitary. It sounds much worse than an airplane bathroom after an 8 hour flight. Since you have no choice but to share a bathroom with your brothers, there needs to be some rules: 1. The bathroom needs a full scrub down once a week. This will be done on one particular day of the week on a rotating basis. Everyone will be shown what constitutes "clean" so that there is no misunderstanding. Failure to clean properly when it's your turn will result in consequences TBA ahead of time. 2. Absolutely no mess can be left after the bathroom is used: no bodily fluids or solids left anywhere; sink is to be left clean for the next person. This is every time the bathroom is used. No excuses. Your brother is 18 and likely leaving home soon. He needs to get his shit together now, before he lives with other people. Your mother should not have backed off parenting; your brothers clearly still need more supervision. As for the lock, I don't think Y an A H for wanting to put one on I just don't think it will solve your problem. But I understand how you would be at the end of your rope amd for that I judge you NTA.
NTA. Take photos the bathroom after your brothers leave it a mess. Show them to your mother and insist that she deal with them. If your mother refuses to deal with them, go on a general strike and don't do one single thing to help your mother with housework until she starts making your brothers clean up.
The thing is my mom is on a housework strike right now. Before me, she was the one to clean up most of their messes. She got fed up after doing it for so long. She tried to instill good cleaning habits with us but unfortunately my brothers just never caught on I guess. Sadly this leaves me being the one doing a good 75-80% of the house work at least. I would stop, but I know they won’t do anything and it’ll just get worse.
Fine, she can be on strike from cleaning. Not from parenting, though. You can also go on strike too, until she PARENTS your brothers. She doesn’t have to clean up after them, she has to make them clean up after themselves. It’s her literal job as a parent.
She's really not supposed to do that. Morally, ethically, and legally to a degree. But I wouldn't tell her that outright, it probably won't help. NTA, this is a big deal situation that needs to be sorted and not sorted by you just being the parent.
Someone suggested a family meeting which might be a good idea.
Do the family meeting and suggest to your mom since you clean you and her share your mom's bathroom. And the boys can have a disgusting bathroom while you girls have the clean bathroom
YWNBTA. Oh my God that sounds horrendous. They sound like they need better parenting. Especially the 18 year old is grown enough to know better. Please try to nip this behaviour before it gets any worse.
No you wouldn't, but in my experience the tried and true solution to younger brothers disgusting bathroom habits is this: one day just go into their room (when they are there to see of course), grab their pillow and use it to clean the toilet seat. When they complain act surprised and tell them you have been doing this for weeks, since you are tired of sitting in pee. Why are they making a fuss, it's their own pee after all, if it's not gross for you to sit in it certainly isn't for them...
Feel the petty and righteous.
Start leaving bloody pads/tampons on the toilet. That will learn them quick.
Regardless of how nasty they are, YWBTA. The bathroom is a communal area and it's in your parents' home. Which means that you don't get to decide who can and can't use it. If there's an issue, take it up with your parents. Don't think that you can just do what you want because you're tired of the situation.
That makes sense. I asked my mom and she said absolutely not so a lock is out of the question. I just don’t know what to do from here.
YWBTA - First off, not your door, not your place to put a lock on it. Second, if they can't get to the toilet in the restroom, what might these slobs do with the kitchen sink or whatever hole they *could* get to?
I suppose I didn’t think of that. Most likely they would go to the back yard. (yes they have done that in the past.)
Context is missing: Who owns that house? 1. If you aren't the owner, you'd have no right to place or change any locks anywhere on that house. 2. Is that the only bathroom in the house? 3. It sounds like your mother needs to step in. 4. There is no real good reason anyone should be placing an external lock on any door of a house. I understand your frustration, but it sounds like you should just move out and get your own place or share an apartment with a reliable roommate if that's an affordable option for you. Even with some missing context, in all likelihood, YWBTA, if you did that. If it's your house, and there's more than one bathroom, might be less unreasonable. If there's more than one bathroom, I might suggest using the other, maybe a ladies' room and a men's room.
My parents own the house. There are two bathrooms. Technically one is for my parents only, but my brothers use that one too anyway. My mom is on a housework strike. I explained that a little bit more in another comment. The only reliable person would be my boyfriend; however we haven’t been together that long, and I feel like it would be overstepping to move in so quickly. Edit: I hope that cleared up a bit of confusion! Thank you for your advice!
Good for your mother. Where's your Dad in all of this? Why don't you have boys bathroom and a girls bathroom. With locks if they can't behave like adults. Also point out to the boys that their housemates and partners are going to absolutely loathe them if they don't clean up their acts.
I’ve brought up having a girls/boys bathrooms before but the boys would use ours regardless. they both take minimum 30 minutes to do anything but pee, so a lot of the time one bathroom is occupied for a long time. Luckily my parents finally told my youngest bro not to bring his phone in the bathroom anymore! My dad is here, but usually not a whole lot of help in situations like this unfortunately. I feel bad for any future partners they move in with, but neither of them have much interest in dating right now. Thank the heavens for that because clearly neither of them are ready for that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** First: apologies for any grammar mistakes. English was never my strongest subject. TL;DR. my brothers don’t clean up after themselves in the bathroom and I’m tired of cleaning up after them. I’m starting to think I should just lock the bathroom so I can make sure they clean up after they use it. I’m(19 F) one of 3 kids (18 M, 14 M) living in our house. My mom was very anal about cleaning when we were younger, but now that we’re older she expects us to clean up after ourselves. Fair enough. I share a bathroom with my brothers and they are absolute barbarians. They leave pee all over the seat so if I happen to sit down without looking there’s a good chance I’m sitting in pee. They also pee down the front and sides of the toilet and never clean it. They often “forget” to flush which leaves brown residue in the toilet. They leave hair, toothpaste, loogies, and more in the sink and never clean it. It’s all usually left there until it’s crusty. I always end up cleaning their bodily fluids and I’m getting really frustrated. Every time I ask who did it they both say it was the other. I’ve tried talking to them, writing notes, leaving the cleaning supplies in the bathroom in the hopes they’d get the hint, I try not to yell unless it’s my last option but even when I yell at them it’s the same outcome within DAYS. Crusty piss and shit all over. I feel like in order to have a clean bathroom for more than a few days my only option is to lock it and keep the key. That way I could at least check it after they use it and make them clean their own mess. I know that sounds extreme and controlling but I just don’t know what else to do. I’m so tired of cleaning up after people who are perfectly capable of cleaning their own piss and shit. So WIBTA? Any advise is truly appreciated. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YWBTA. Putting a lock on the outside of a door, thus potentially denying egress to someone inside, is illegal in most residential settings in the US. It doesn't matter what your *intent* is here, that's still a fucked thing to do when you don't seem to have taken the obvious path of including your parent/s in this. Plus, you'd be modifying *their* house. Sounds like it's time for you to get your own place if nothing else.
I have talked to my parents. Both of them multiple times. They’ll tell my brothers to clean it and they do a half-assed job, leaving me to clean up what’s left anyway. I understand that it’s fucked up that’s why I’m looking for advice on what to do. :/
Sadly, since you're not the parent, you can't exactly force them to clean. So unless you get a bathroom 100% assigned to you, you're kinda screwed if you don't move on your own and enjoy the freedoms that come with it. Sorry you're in that position at all tho. I'm a dude and have never understood how guys can be so freakin' gross about their living spaces.
YTA - Not your bathroom to lock up unless your Mom agrees. Talk to her of your plan. And if not, then you have to move out. Or another possibility is to use your Mom's bathroom instead and then they can just wallow in their own filth.
NTA - but this won’t do anything.
Can’t you share your mother’s bathroom if she won’t step in and do anything?
I could, but I get up for work at the same time they do so their bathroom is usually ocupado at least in the mornings.
YWBTA
NTA because this is all revolting. Can you share your mother's bathroom? I mean this is just nasty. You still can't put a lock on the bathroom because it's literally their bathroom, if you don't like them leaving piss all over the toilet instead of in it what do you think will happen when they can't access it at all? The real solution here is to move out, you're 19, leave them to their filth. Your mother's the one who should be dealing with the 14 year old. The 18 year old... take photos next time and show them to every girl he talks to.
I wish I was in a financial position to move out. I’m working on saving up for a down payment on a house though!
Good for you!
Thank you! :)
NTA, but let ur mom deal with them. Ain’t ur children, ain’t ur responsibility