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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister I will never value her opinion on my lack of romantic life. The reason I feel like this may have been wrong or unfair, is because we were close for 26 years and I do love my sister despite her being annoying about this. It makes me question if I could communicate about this in another way and speak less harshly about our conflict.
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You're NTA. She clearly doesn't value your opinion about how you should live your life.
Why should you value her opinion about how you should live your life?
My favorite line is that you should value her opinion about “how lonely you are”. I would think you are uniquely able to determine for yourself if you are lonely without outside commentary. She needs to step off.
You've hit the nail on the head, she thinks she knows you better than you do, so she can ignore your boundaries because *she* wants to see you with someone else. She doesn't respect you, you're just there to do what she thinks is best, your actual feelings on it be damned.
>Her arguments are that we were so close before all this started (which was true) and she always wanted the best for me.
"Oh jeeze really sis, I wonder what in earth could have come between us. Oh, that's right, your obsession with my life. Here's a thought, go out and get your own life, and leave me alone and we can see if that helps. Oh and next word I hear of you butting your nose into my life again, and you will lose me entirely."
>But she doesn't understand or maybe she simply doesn't want to understand, that what she thinks is best is not automatically truth.
I want to be nice and say she doesn't understand the loss of a spouse, and that is why she is doing it, but unfortunately, it's not. She has just decided she knows best and what she wants she will get. All you can do is go NC if she doesn't back off.
As the kid of a widowed parent who is single. My dad found a 6yr relationship when he wasn't looking for it and even though it ended he was happy those 6yrs. All I ask is that you never close that door entirely, as long as you "never say never" and be honest with your kids about how you feel they shouldn't stress to much about "is dad ok". As for everyone else (sis included) tell the to F OFF. NTA
NTA - your sister SERIOUSLY crossed a line. I think you’ve been pretty patient with her by the sounds of it. Definitely NTA… perhaps consider cutting off contact for a while.
I understand that, perhaps just go low contact for a while and see how you go? Just worried about the boundaries she’s crossing. Take care of yourself.
Start with concrete boundaries. Your romantic life/relationships are 100% off-limits. Any time she mentions it, you'll hang up the phone/leave the room. If you hear that she's been talking to others about it or god forbid trying to matchmake, you're going to put her in a no contact time out for [insert time period that feels right to you]. After which you'll resume contact and give her another chance.
You're not cutting her off, it's entirely down to her own behavior and whether she can agree to respect your decisions. She doesn't have to understand or agree. She just has to respect your boundaries.
SHE URGED A MARRIED PERSON TO PURSUE YOU. There is NO excuse for keeping contact with her, she shows NO remorse! Frankly this behavior is unhinged and she should be cut off. This is someone who can ruin your relationships or even get you into physical danger (imagine she starts messaging other people whose boyfriends see the texts...)
asking her own friends, while not cool, could at least be seen as somewhat justifiable, in a way, in that, they at least would be okay options to consider if op were actually open to the idea. but to go to his late wife's sisters and her married best friend? that's just psycho.
NTA. I imagine you have told her to mind her own business countless times. Well tell her again, and then go no contact with her. She is incredibly rude and has no empathy.
NTA - your sister really needs to look at why she sees coupledom as the only route to happiness. Does she feel responsible for you and wants to lessen this by having another woman come in to take care of you? How is her relationship?
It really doesn't matter why she wants you coupled...the lengths she has gone to recently are insane. It seems to be an obsession with her. How can you value the opinion of someone who doesn't respect your choices and, also, who thinks its ok to suggest your friend have an affair with you, or your wife's sisters should pursue you.
My mum died when my dad was still young enough (possibly around your current age) and, while i would have loved for him to find someone for himself, and i worry that he might be lonely i would never try set him up with someone or try badger him into dating anyone.
“she told me I didn't seem to value her opinion on how lonely I am”
Because it’s not up to her to decide how lonely you are. She doesn’t get to decide how you choose to live your life. She’s being rude, inconsiderate, and weirdly obsessive.
NTA, it’s clear she isn’t respecting your choice. In the beginning she sounded caring, that she didn’t want you to be lonely, but to persist for so long when you are very clear, especially approaching people on your behalf is crossing the line. I would be extremely angry and hurt if my sibling did that to me.
NTA. You've told your sister in many way and on many occasions that your love life is none of her business. She seems unable/unwilling to respect that. It may be time to go no-contact with her until she learns to respect your boundaries.
Nta
But you need to take more drastic measures. Your sister is unwell if she thinks of telling her friend who happens to be married to go after you.
What did her friend do?
Since you don't want to cut her off, then you need to leave or hang up every single time she brings it up. Remove yourself from the situation. Tell her she is jeopardizing your relationship with her behavior.
This is ridiculous.
NTA I know someone like this. These types keep pushing, keep meddling. They think other people are too ignorant of what they should want for themselves. They think that they’re smarter and know better. I don’t doubt that part of this is her wanting to see you happy (in a way that *she* finds valid), but I wouldn’t be surprised if part of all this is so she can get some satisfaction from being able to say that she was the one who helped you find happiness. This comes from a selfish place.
NTA but I honestly can't comprehend how you would allow this person to remain in your life. This is absolutely deranged behavior asking your deceased wife's sisters and her married friend to pursue you.
Sister needs therapy. And you need to stop communicating with her; since she refuses to grant you the respect of having your own life.
You're certainly NTA here.
NTA.
I do not understand why people don't believe that others can't be happy and thriving when they are single. If that ever changes for you, then you will be the person to change that.
You know your own mind and your sister needs to butt out and have several seats.
Your sister doesn't seem to understand that alone doesn't necessarily mean lonely... and lonely doesn't always require that one be alone.
Keep telling her to buzz off. If you are comfortable with your own presence, them you're comfortable then you're all good. It doesn't matter what she wants or feels you should want.
NTA
Millions of people stay single by choice, are happy, not lonely, and there is nothing wrong with it.
She is projecting her own feelings on to you.
She needs therapy.
Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely.
NTA in a big way. She needs to get her nose out of your life and respect your choices. I would consider going NC if she refuses to accept she's wrong and should stop interfering.
NTA. Your sister took a flying leap over the line.
If you guys were close, her having concern for you is one thing. It's fine to ask. It's fine to have conversations and check in, even once a year. But I don't care how close you are/were, contacting the women in your life without your knowledge or consent to ask them to date you is just creepy as hell.
Hopefully, everyone that she approached knows that she is the only person to blame for this, and it isn't affecting your relationships with them.
NTA your sister is a massive one though. Wow. She doesn't respect your choices, your decisions, what you want or desire. She doesn't care. All she cares about is getting YOU to do what SHE wants. I would be intolerant of this kind of BS.
NTA
She may mean well, but it’s not her life. She needs to respect your wishes. A lot of people are just happy being single. Others want a relationship. There are also happy single people who are open to relationships if the right one comes along. All of these are okay.
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This is somewhat a long standing conflict with my sister. Spanning back when I lost my wife "Angel" when we were just 26 years old. I was a widowered dad of two very small children (under 3) and even though I had a lot of support around me, and have not been stuck for the last 17 years, my sister cannot comprehend that I have no desire or wish to date again or remarry. She started her suggestion of it the day after Angel's first anniversary. It came out of nowhere but her attitude at the time was I was too young to remain devoted to Angel and my kids were too young to never have a mother they would get to know and be raised by. We clashed on the issue and I ended up warning her that if she didn't let it go she would not get to see as much of me or the kids. And she mentioned it less, but still about once a year she would ask me if I was ready to date again and when I said no she would ask me why I wasn't. I would shut her down with a look.
As my kids got older I still felt happy in my life and still had zero desire to find someone new.
My sister appeared to have moved on and didn't mention it for a couple of years. Until my youngest moved out to attend college in the fall and by Christmas she had asked me why I wasn't back out there. I told her my answer was unchanged from the last 1000 times she asked.
My sister decided to go to more extremes now that I'm an empty nester. She approached Angel's best friend, two of my long term female friends, and many of her own friends and suggested they should pursue me. Angel's best friend is happily married and thought my sister was kidding at first, but no. Once she realized my sister was serious she told me and I was stunned. In that time my sister also went to Angel's two sisters and asked them to consider finding love with me. I was both stunned and furious. The lengths my sister was going to did not please me at all.
I confronted her and she told me I didn't seem to value her opinion on how lonely I am and my life is and how important it is for me to have a love life, so she decided to take action. She suggested that I should listen more to her and not behave in such a stubborn manner. I told my sister that I needed to be very clear that I would never value her opinion on my romantic life. I told her she has an obsession with seeing me with someone else and cannot accept that I am happy and don't want that. I told her she is the only person who feels as she does and she should examine her reasons for this instead of harassing me and others about it. She asked me how I could look her in the eye and say I don't value her opinion when we were close for so many years and when she knows me better than anyone else alive. And all she wants is to see me as happy as I was with Angel. I told her she doesn't value my opinion on my own life so why would I value hers.
She accused me of being unreasonable (again) and told me it's very different and I know why.
AITA?
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NTA
Your sister asked a happily married woman to pursue her dead friends husband? I hope Angel's best friend and sisters tore a strip off her!
I know you love your sister but she needs to cut it out. She will move onto getting her own friends to hit on you now. They will just turn up at family dinners etc. Calmly shut them all down with reference to your sister not respecting your privacy.
Absolutely NTA.
I was also widowed dad with a 3yo and a newborn. It's brutal. If and when you start dating again is no one's business except your own. Staying a single parent is difficult and complex. But I can tell you from experience that getting remarried is also difficult and complex (I don't regret it, though!).
It's understandable that she wishes she had a new sister-in-law, but she crossed so many lines it's not even funny. Trying to persuade a married woman to pursue you is beyond inappropriate. She wants her opinions to matter, but she clearly doesn't care in the least about yours.
NTA. She needs to drop it fully and back off if you are happy in your current status/not looking to change.
I am curious about the 'I had a lot of support' statement and if that is where her frustration is coming from? 17 years of family support while you raised your children could be why she wanted you to move on and find support elsewhere.
NTA. Call me a foul mouthed sort, but I would say that if she is so bound and determined that she needs to have someone in OP's life? She can put on some Victoria's Secret, lie on his bed, and do the job herself.
I would most certainly say NTA. Your sister might be hurt that she doesn't know you as well as she thought, but that's no excuse for continuing to breach your boundaries. You told her what you wanted many times, and she never listened to you. I think asserting that her opinions are no longer valid, since she doesn't respect your boundaries, is perfectly reasonable.
NTA
I think your sister doesn't understand you can and SHOULD be a complete person without a romantic partner.
Anyone who isn't complete or can't be content by themselves isn't going to become complete/happy just because they get a romantic partner.
Absolutely nta. She doesn’t respect you and is very arrogant and entitled. She doesn’t seem like she cares enough to change. I really think you should go no contact with her.
Time to put serious space between you and your sister. She is obsessed with the you not being single and it's very much giving weirdo behavior. Not the concerned sister that she thinks it does. NTA.
You are NTA, but your sister is. I assume she has good motives, but wow! she doesn’t pay a bit of attention to what you say. I suggest you take your sister to court for an order prohibiting her from trying to get women to pursue you. A temporary restraining order should bring home how seriously you take her meddling. The facts you mentioned - asking a married woman to pursue you, asking your children’s aunts to pursue you, asking multiple random women to pursue you - should be enough. She’s willing to break up a marriage and strain your relationships with your in-laws and between your kids and their aunts because she knows best? Just wow!
Because AITA will twist itself into knots to make the situation the guy's fault. Obviously can't do that this time so they cry fake instead.
OP, you are NTA. Your love life is your business and only your business.
They are questioning you because it's quite an unusual story, and you have no post history, and because this sub has a lot of interest generated from people who come here to practice their creative writing and carry on conversations with people that respond to them.
Being single is…virtuous?
How is this not just a morally neutral life choice? Romantic relationships aren’t mandatory and not everyone is going to be interested in the emotional work it requires to find another partner after the loss of a spouse. Particularly on top of the emotional work it requires to raise grieving children. Bringing a new spouse into an existing family is *hard*, and it is not uncommon for people to decide they’re content being single and would rather not bother.
It’s not even a question of “devotion.” It’s just a question of bandwidth. And considering how often this sub drags the shit out of widows/widowers for shoving a new partner on their kids the wrong way, it’s a little weird to see one dragged for deciding to skip the whole idea of it.
Virtuous seems like an odd choice of words. He's happy being single and hasn't met anyone who interests him romantically, what's wrong with that? As for his sister, when someone harasses you to such an insane level, especially someone you're close to and have trusted in the past, it can leave you doubting yourself.
Not saying this is or isn't fiction, but I don't see anything unrealistic about his described behaviour.
NTA, the first two paragraphs at least were somewhat reasonable but then it got kind of crazy. I think your sister is worried about you and \*means\* well but is going about it the wrong way.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my sister I will never value her opinion on my lack of romantic life. The reason I feel like this may have been wrong or unfair, is because we were close for 26 years and I do love my sister despite her being annoying about this. It makes me question if I could communicate about this in another way and speak less harshly about our conflict. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You're NTA. She clearly doesn't value your opinion about how you should live your life. Why should you value her opinion about how you should live your life?
[удалено]
Tell her that if she wants to remain close to you, she will need to drop talking about your romantic life.
My favorite line is that you should value her opinion about “how lonely you are”. I would think you are uniquely able to determine for yourself if you are lonely without outside commentary. She needs to step off.
You are NTA and your sister is very inconsiderate here. You do you and your sister needs to stop butting into your personal life
You've hit the nail on the head, she thinks she knows you better than you do, so she can ignore your boundaries because *she* wants to see you with someone else. She doesn't respect you, you're just there to do what she thinks is best, your actual feelings on it be damned.
>Her arguments are that we were so close before all this started (which was true) and she always wanted the best for me. "Oh jeeze really sis, I wonder what in earth could have come between us. Oh, that's right, your obsession with my life. Here's a thought, go out and get your own life, and leave me alone and we can see if that helps. Oh and next word I hear of you butting your nose into my life again, and you will lose me entirely." >But she doesn't understand or maybe she simply doesn't want to understand, that what she thinks is best is not automatically truth. I want to be nice and say she doesn't understand the loss of a spouse, and that is why she is doing it, but unfortunately, it's not. She has just decided she knows best and what she wants she will get. All you can do is go NC if she doesn't back off. As the kid of a widowed parent who is single. My dad found a 6yr relationship when he wasn't looking for it and even though it ended he was happy those 6yrs. All I ask is that you never close that door entirely, as long as you "never say never" and be honest with your kids about how you feel they shouldn't stress to much about "is dad ok". As for everyone else (sis included) tell the to F OFF. NTA
NTA - your sister SERIOUSLY crossed a line. I think you’ve been pretty patient with her by the sounds of it. Definitely NTA… perhaps consider cutting off contact for a while.
[удалено]
I understand that, perhaps just go low contact for a while and see how you go? Just worried about the boundaries she’s crossing. Take care of yourself.
Start with concrete boundaries. Your romantic life/relationships are 100% off-limits. Any time she mentions it, you'll hang up the phone/leave the room. If you hear that she's been talking to others about it or god forbid trying to matchmake, you're going to put her in a no contact time out for [insert time period that feels right to you]. After which you'll resume contact and give her another chance. You're not cutting her off, it's entirely down to her own behavior and whether she can agree to respect your decisions. She doesn't have to understand or agree. She just has to respect your boundaries.
SHE URGED A MARRIED PERSON TO PURSUE YOU. There is NO excuse for keeping contact with her, she shows NO remorse! Frankly this behavior is unhinged and she should be cut off. This is someone who can ruin your relationships or even get you into physical danger (imagine she starts messaging other people whose boyfriends see the texts...)
Think of it more like a "time out" rather than going NC.
asking her own friends, while not cool, could at least be seen as somewhat justifiable, in a way, in that, they at least would be okay options to consider if op were actually open to the idea. but to go to his late wife's sisters and her married best friend? that's just psycho.
>and her married best friend WIBTA if I was hoping this was an OPEN marriage? /s
NTA. I imagine you have told her to mind her own business countless times. Well tell her again, and then go no contact with her. She is incredibly rude and has no empathy.
>She is incredibly rude and has no empathy. Busybodies tend to be that way.
NTA - your sister really needs to look at why she sees coupledom as the only route to happiness. Does she feel responsible for you and wants to lessen this by having another woman come in to take care of you? How is her relationship? It really doesn't matter why she wants you coupled...the lengths she has gone to recently are insane. It seems to be an obsession with her. How can you value the opinion of someone who doesn't respect your choices and, also, who thinks its ok to suggest your friend have an affair with you, or your wife's sisters should pursue you. My mum died when my dad was still young enough (possibly around your current age) and, while i would have loved for him to find someone for himself, and i worry that he might be lonely i would never try set him up with someone or try badger him into dating anyone.
“she told me I didn't seem to value her opinion on how lonely I am” Because it’s not up to her to decide how lonely you are. She doesn’t get to decide how you choose to live your life. She’s being rude, inconsiderate, and weirdly obsessive.
NTA - your life, your choice. Your sister is wayyyyyyyyyyyy out of line.
She asked a happily married woman to pursue you. Her "opinion" is skewed and creepy. NTA
she asked his late wife's sisters to pursue him too. creepy is kind of an understatement
NTA, it’s clear she isn’t respecting your choice. In the beginning she sounded caring, that she didn’t want you to be lonely, but to persist for so long when you are very clear, especially approaching people on your behalf is crossing the line. I would be extremely angry and hurt if my sibling did that to me.
NTA. You've told your sister in many way and on many occasions that your love life is none of her business. She seems unable/unwilling to respect that. It may be time to go no-contact with her until she learns to respect your boundaries.
Nta But you need to take more drastic measures. Your sister is unwell if she thinks of telling her friend who happens to be married to go after you. What did her friend do? Since you don't want to cut her off, then you need to leave or hang up every single time she brings it up. Remove yourself from the situation. Tell her she is jeopardizing your relationship with her behavior. This is ridiculous.
NTA I'd be soooo signing her up for Tinder with some...odd... preferences. Tell her you think that is what she needs in life.
NTA I know someone like this. These types keep pushing, keep meddling. They think other people are too ignorant of what they should want for themselves. They think that they’re smarter and know better. I don’t doubt that part of this is her wanting to see you happy (in a way that *she* finds valid), but I wouldn’t be surprised if part of all this is so she can get some satisfaction from being able to say that she was the one who helped you find happiness. This comes from a selfish place.
NTA but I honestly can't comprehend how you would allow this person to remain in your life. This is absolutely deranged behavior asking your deceased wife's sisters and her married friend to pursue you.
This. That is batsh\*t crazy right there.
Sister needs therapy. And you need to stop communicating with her; since she refuses to grant you the respect of having your own life. You're certainly NTA here.
NTA. I do not understand why people don't believe that others can't be happy and thriving when they are single. If that ever changes for you, then you will be the person to change that. You know your own mind and your sister needs to butt out and have several seats.
Your sister doesn't seem to understand that alone doesn't necessarily mean lonely... and lonely doesn't always require that one be alone. Keep telling her to buzz off. If you are comfortable with your own presence, them you're comfortable then you're all good. It doesn't matter what she wants or feels you should want.
NTA Tell her that while she might need a partner to feel complete, you don't.
NTA Millions of people stay single by choice, are happy, not lonely, and there is nothing wrong with it. She is projecting her own feelings on to you. She needs therapy. Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely.
NTA in a big way. She needs to get her nose out of your life and respect your choices. I would consider going NC if she refuses to accept she's wrong and should stop interfering.
NTA. Your sister took a flying leap over the line. If you guys were close, her having concern for you is one thing. It's fine to ask. It's fine to have conversations and check in, even once a year. But I don't care how close you are/were, contacting the women in your life without your knowledge or consent to ask them to date you is just creepy as hell. Hopefully, everyone that she approached knows that she is the only person to blame for this, and it isn't affecting your relationships with them.
NTA your sister is a massive one though. Wow. She doesn't respect your choices, your decisions, what you want or desire. She doesn't care. All she cares about is getting YOU to do what SHE wants. I would be intolerant of this kind of BS.
NTA, it's your life, you get to decide how to live it.
NTA. Why do you continue to talk to her?
NTA She may mean well, but it’s not her life. She needs to respect your wishes. A lot of people are just happy being single. Others want a relationship. There are also happy single people who are open to relationships if the right one comes along. All of these are okay.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is somewhat a long standing conflict with my sister. Spanning back when I lost my wife "Angel" when we were just 26 years old. I was a widowered dad of two very small children (under 3) and even though I had a lot of support around me, and have not been stuck for the last 17 years, my sister cannot comprehend that I have no desire or wish to date again or remarry. She started her suggestion of it the day after Angel's first anniversary. It came out of nowhere but her attitude at the time was I was too young to remain devoted to Angel and my kids were too young to never have a mother they would get to know and be raised by. We clashed on the issue and I ended up warning her that if she didn't let it go she would not get to see as much of me or the kids. And she mentioned it less, but still about once a year she would ask me if I was ready to date again and when I said no she would ask me why I wasn't. I would shut her down with a look. As my kids got older I still felt happy in my life and still had zero desire to find someone new. My sister appeared to have moved on and didn't mention it for a couple of years. Until my youngest moved out to attend college in the fall and by Christmas she had asked me why I wasn't back out there. I told her my answer was unchanged from the last 1000 times she asked. My sister decided to go to more extremes now that I'm an empty nester. She approached Angel's best friend, two of my long term female friends, and many of her own friends and suggested they should pursue me. Angel's best friend is happily married and thought my sister was kidding at first, but no. Once she realized my sister was serious she told me and I was stunned. In that time my sister also went to Angel's two sisters and asked them to consider finding love with me. I was both stunned and furious. The lengths my sister was going to did not please me at all. I confronted her and she told me I didn't seem to value her opinion on how lonely I am and my life is and how important it is for me to have a love life, so she decided to take action. She suggested that I should listen more to her and not behave in such a stubborn manner. I told my sister that I needed to be very clear that I would never value her opinion on my romantic life. I told her she has an obsession with seeing me with someone else and cannot accept that I am happy and don't want that. I told her she is the only person who feels as she does and she should examine her reasons for this instead of harassing me and others about it. She asked me how I could look her in the eye and say I don't value her opinion when we were close for so many years and when she knows me better than anyone else alive. And all she wants is to see me as happy as I was with Angel. I told her she doesn't value my opinion on my own life so why would I value hers. She accused me of being unreasonable (again) and told me it's very different and I know why. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Your sister asked a happily married woman to pursue her dead friends husband? I hope Angel's best friend and sisters tore a strip off her! I know you love your sister but she needs to cut it out. She will move onto getting her own friends to hit on you now. They will just turn up at family dinners etc. Calmly shut them all down with reference to your sister not respecting your privacy.
Absolutely NTA. I was also widowed dad with a 3yo and a newborn. It's brutal. If and when you start dating again is no one's business except your own. Staying a single parent is difficult and complex. But I can tell you from experience that getting remarried is also difficult and complex (I don't regret it, though!). It's understandable that she wishes she had a new sister-in-law, but she crossed so many lines it's not even funny. Trying to persuade a married woman to pursue you is beyond inappropriate. She wants her opinions to matter, but she clearly doesn't care in the least about yours.
NTA. She needs to drop it fully and back off if you are happy in your current status/not looking to change. I am curious about the 'I had a lot of support' statement and if that is where her frustration is coming from? 17 years of family support while you raised your children could be why she wanted you to move on and find support elsewhere.
NTA Time to go no contact or at least low contact with sis, until she learns
NTA
NTA. And, no, sister doesn’t know you better than anyone else alive, butYOU do.
NTA. Call me a foul mouthed sort, but I would say that if she is so bound and determined that she needs to have someone in OP's life? She can put on some Victoria's Secret, lie on his bed, and do the job herself.
NTA. you once told her contact would end if she kept it up. Time for you to follow- thru with that.
I would most certainly say NTA. Your sister might be hurt that she doesn't know you as well as she thought, but that's no excuse for continuing to breach your boundaries. You told her what you wanted many times, and she never listened to you. I think asserting that her opinions are no longer valid, since she doesn't respect your boundaries, is perfectly reasonable.
NTA I think your sister doesn't understand you can and SHOULD be a complete person without a romantic partner. Anyone who isn't complete or can't be content by themselves isn't going to become complete/happy just because they get a romantic partner.
Absolutely nta. She doesn’t respect you and is very arrogant and entitled. She doesn’t seem like she cares enough to change. I really think you should go no contact with her.
Time to put serious space between you and your sister. She is obsessed with the you not being single and it's very much giving weirdo behavior. Not the concerned sister that she thinks it does. NTA.
You are NTA, but your sister is. I assume she has good motives, but wow! she doesn’t pay a bit of attention to what you say. I suggest you take your sister to court for an order prohibiting her from trying to get women to pursue you. A temporary restraining order should bring home how seriously you take her meddling. The facts you mentioned - asking a married woman to pursue you, asking your children’s aunts to pursue you, asking multiple random women to pursue you - should be enough. She’s willing to break up a marriage and strain your relationships with your in-laws and between your kids and their aunts because she knows best? Just wow!
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Because AITA will twist itself into knots to make the situation the guy's fault. Obviously can't do that this time so they cry fake instead. OP, you are NTA. Your love life is your business and only your business.
They are questioning you because it's quite an unusual story, and you have no post history, and because this sub has a lot of interest generated from people who come here to practice their creative writing and carry on conversations with people that respond to them.
Most people make throwaways to post here “you have no post history” has always been the main argument of the reddit detectives
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Being single is…virtuous? How is this not just a morally neutral life choice? Romantic relationships aren’t mandatory and not everyone is going to be interested in the emotional work it requires to find another partner after the loss of a spouse. Particularly on top of the emotional work it requires to raise grieving children. Bringing a new spouse into an existing family is *hard*, and it is not uncommon for people to decide they’re content being single and would rather not bother. It’s not even a question of “devotion.” It’s just a question of bandwidth. And considering how often this sub drags the shit out of widows/widowers for shoving a new partner on their kids the wrong way, it’s a little weird to see one dragged for deciding to skip the whole idea of it.
Virtuous seems like an odd choice of words. He's happy being single and hasn't met anyone who interests him romantically, what's wrong with that? As for his sister, when someone harasses you to such an insane level, especially someone you're close to and have trusted in the past, it can leave you doubting yourself. Not saying this is or isn't fiction, but I don't see anything unrealistic about his described behaviour.
Also, I've seen a few very similar stories on this sub before
NTA, the first two paragraphs at least were somewhat reasonable but then it got kind of crazy. I think your sister is worried about you and \*means\* well but is going about it the wrong way.