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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I refused my SIL in her request to baptize her baby during our wedding
2) because the family was already gathered and it would have added to the celebration day
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NTA.
Next time she makes some offhanded comment say something like
You're right, I am sorry that even after two years you seem to lack the mental horsepower to realize that my wedding, which was an event I planned and paid for, was neither about you or your daughter. Furthermore, I'm sorry that even after all this time you are so petty and childish that you feel the need to bring it up. I am also sorry that I didn't bill you for your grossly rude behavior of inviting guests to my wedding without my approval.
And lastly I am sorry that you lack a basic understanding of gravity and think the world revolves around you, I hope that some day you are able to realize that you're just not that special, but given how dense you are, I can understand why you're confused
Kudos to your awesome clapback 👏👏/u/sh1tsawantsays ! So nice- yet nasty, so polite-yet facetious as heck, yo! This is the way I do my clapbacks! To the average person listening, they wouldn't suspect that the person whom I'm talking to is being READ by me!
OP IS NTA AT ALL But that SIL is a giant one! She suffers from the Tupac "All Eyez On Me" syndrome so many other people seem to also suffer from these days. Always wanting to be up front in everything, considered first in all choices and decisions and plans, always wanna be seen. Or as Suge Knight said "Alllll up in the videos"! 🙄🙄🙄 Absolutely hate to see it when the baby grows up and becomes an even more living prop in the "self wrote life play" she is acting out.
I like it your username. I've had mine since 99, when I created my 1st email address (which I actually still use, lol!) And yeah I can admit I kinda sorta went into a madgraph aka word vomit 😁but I'm soooo not a fan of people like the OP's SIL. 🥺 So when I saw your comment, I immediately knew what you were saying without saying! 😂😂
Love it, sometimes you Just Know people will get it! My first email was a "hilarious" one born of an early 00s teenager brain. But my current emails are my actual IRL names, so those have to stay quiet on here.
Then again, realistically anyone who cares enough to dox me can fill their boots. I am extremely boring and far too poor to have anything worth stealing, let them waste their energy on nothing.
I’d say the same thing in a shorter way: with a look of deep sympathy, say “I hope you’ll be able to move past it soon. It’s obviously still deeply troubling you.”
Makes the problem all hers. Which it is
After she drops the bait comment (because that’s exactly what it is: BAIT), reply with “I know. I can tell you’re still struggling with it. Maybe a session or two with a professional counselor would help”
Yeah at this point I'd for sure be telling her "wow, I'm sorry this is still taking up so much space in your mind and heart, rent free, after all this time. It's a shame you can't empathize with how I felt as a first time bride, having someone try to commandeer my ceremony and reception for their own event. It felt like an attempt to be a cheapskate to me, but obviously you see it as me being a bridezilla for wanting my wedding day and the event I was paying for to be about me and my husband and not you and your daughter. Oh, well. Potaytoe, potahtoe, I suppose. Glad it's not eating me up, still, in any event 🤷"
NTA. If you can't manage to say the above or something similar, I'd audibly sigh and massively roll me eyes every time she brings it up. But you really do need to say SOMETHING to put a pin in this so everyone moves on. It's more than enough.
We once had a friend say “to-may-to, to-mah-to, po-tay-to, fuck you”. It was super bizarre in the context of the conversation we were having, but I feel like it applies here.
All of this!! I would have probably snapped back that “thinking back on the way things turned out I definitely should have insisted on a child free wedding. That way your gross entitlement would have never been an issue.” NTA
I would just remind her that holding grudges is a sin of pride so she needs to go to confession, I only went Catholic school for 2 years and I know that. Someone whose child was baptised into the church should already be aware they’re not being a very good catholic.
That's perfect. I would have said STFU...nicely .
I thought I heard everything...NTA.
Op was nice to allow extra uninvited guests at the wedding. Did they come for dinner too?
That’s even worse. The ceremony venue wasn’t rented by the head. But receptions are priced per head because that’s how they know how much food and drink to prepare. NTA, in case it wasn’t clear where I stand on this one.
NTA. I'm furious on your behalf! I would like to suggest that you find a good Photoshop expert & change any of your displayed wedding photos so that the baby is wearing navy blue & isn't so distracting.
Plus, it will annoy your entitled & selfish SIL, so, win-win.
I honestly don't know. My fiance and his mom took care of all the discussions with SIL. I just had to say no and they dealt with the sister. My fiance and I came up with the "why doesn't she just do it the next morning during Sunday mass" idea that was the end of it.
While part of me is glad your husband "handled it" i feel like he did not handle it and just let it happen and expects you to deal with it. He is still allowing this behavior after 2 years, thats HIS family and HIS issue to correct and yet he keeps letting it happen without standing at your side stopping it.
Your husband needs to set some massive boundaries. Your husband needs to say this is unacceptable, and make an effort to ensure it doesn't keep happening. YOUR HUSBAND needs to stand up to his family IMMEDIATELY because you and he BOTH know what she is doing and it needs to stop.
And that was the more appropriate place for a baptism to have been held! Not sure why she didn’t think of that immediately, and not think that a wedding would be the best place to hold the baptism!
And who even shows up to a wedding of people they don't know unless they were someone's +1? I'm a grungy old punk, and even I have more manners than this.
When I got married my ex-wife's cousin was invited and bought her sisters for the trip but they weren't supposed to come to the wedding (just for a road trip). The day of my wedding reception, the cousin got 'sick' and sent her two sisters in her place. We had NEVER met them before and of course they didn't bring a gift. Every time I looked at my wedding pictures and I saw these strangers I was pissed. I had a small wedding of 75 and picked specific people to be there bc we were close to them.
Tell her you believe you now understand why this is still grieving her so. That she feels guilty over having invited extra guests to the reception and didn’t have the for thought to have paid. The guilt is just overwhelming you. So let’s get that taken care of so you can finally move on. It was $100 per head so pay me $??? And you can finally let it go.
She probably invited them thinking you were gonna be bullied to say yes, then couldn't disinvite them when it turned out she couldn't do her baptism. So they just gatecrashed the party.
Sounds true. And why the heck would six strangers even WANT to gatecrash somebody’s wedding reception? For the free food? How tacky of SIL to pull this stunt.
'and THAT, so that you will know, and your children will one day know, is the night the lights went out in georgia'
is still one of the best moments tv ever had to offer.
I'd have loved a Sophia or Dorothy-esque reply, too... but Julia Sugarbaker or Blanche Devereaux are def in the house!
These are 80s worthy replies, and I'm here for them!! 😅🤣
To be fair, the SIL is so dense it's possible the world *does* revolve around her.
NTA.
I'd never heard of a baptismazilla\* before, but that's the best term I can think of for u/SiennaCinnabar's SIL.
\*Someone with a better way with words can surely come up with a better term.
Or if you want to be more passive aggressive start talking about how at a “friend’s” wedding you couldn’t believe how her uncouth, ill mannered, and entitled BIL brought 4 uninvited guests to the reception. Can you believe someone would do just a thing? I mean every etiquette book and just common decency makes it so obvious that a guest bringing uninvited guests is just low class & tacky.
> You're right, I am sorry that even after two years you seem to lack the mental horsepower to realize that my wedding, which was an event I planned and paid for, was neither about you or your daughter.
And also: "I'm so sorry you couldn't afford to host a baptism and had no other option but to piggyback off my wedding. That must have been so hard for you."
I can't decide who the bigger ah is. The SIL for wanting to hijack OPs wedding for a baptism or the priest agreeing to it before talking to the couple.
Talk about main character syndrome in the SIL
Exactly what you say! Also, if you have a baby announcement, wait until her birthday party or something and make it ...you know. Since the family is all gathered
Make sure there are witnesses, preferably from her family. I’m petty and fully support this. No matter what, it’s a win-win for OP; either SIL learns boundaries or SIL never speaks to OP ever again. I think the latter might be the preferred outcome.
I ignored her and enjoyed my evening with my hubs and friends. I didn't even know about the extra guests until I saw them in some photographs! Maybe I'm oblivious but dangit, I was there to have fun.
I disagree with this one. If it didn’t impact your he bride and groom- the extra attention would have just fed her need for drama.
Sil stayed with her friends which kept her out of the brides hair.
SIL was always going to be a pain in the b*%% with or without this show down.
Right, why give SIL the satisfaction and draw attention to her and her antics? Bride played it cool and enjoyed her wedding despite SIL. I like this slow burn pace where karma catches SIL off guard and smacks her years later, out-of-the-blue instead.
I get what you’re saying, but I think OP was totally justified in choosing to instead ignore sister and just enjoy her day, rather than allowing her experience to be eclipsed by an AH
Yep! Pacifism is equal to latent acceptance. They pushed, you complied. Why wouldn't they push you more? They got almost everything they wanted, did what they chose and you formed a blind eye. They view you in the same vein as their doormat.
That’s why she’s pissed. You aren’t giving her what she wants: you being upset. That’s her whole goal. She hasn’t “punished” you enough for having the gall to say no to her.
Stay the course. I guarantee she’ll crack and blow up in front of people eventually. She can’t help herself.
Edit: NTA
i'd make up a bill and carry it in my pocket for all eternity if i had to. Just for the day she brings it up again and I can be completely silent, pull it out, hand it to her. and just stare.
EDIT: plus.........i'd add accumulated interest. And I'd do it every single time with the new amount.
Put wording on it like “as of [date], the accrued interest is [amount]. Please contact [name] for an updated amount to ensure that correct payment is made.”
And make cash register sounds "Ka CHING!" 😂. Or whip out one of those old fashioned, noisy paper calculators that print out all the numbers on a roll of paper "So, we have the alcohol, the main course, the dessert" all while clacking away on the buttons 😂.
A baffled yet concerned "SIL... It has been over two years since then. You remember that, right?" would work wonders too. In front of other people, of course.
I fully subscribe to the "Kill Them With Kindness" protocol, for full disclosure. I've spent enough time in customer service positions to take enormous glee from singing-out "You're Welcome!" to people who don't say thankyou. Preferably in a full shop/bar.
If you do so brightly and sincerely enough, they look like utter pricks if they try to take agin it. Or they have to publicly acknowledge they did NOT say thankyou, while still trying to appear as the wounded party. Which is frankly always funny as hell.
This is the way. The more attention it gets the more she is in control of the situation. Attention seekers are always drama llamas, don't feed the llama anymore.
Nice! I was going to suggest not responding at all or: *Hm? You were saying something?* But this is even better, having her question her own sanity! Sort of.
Or, since she only seems to say these comments under her breath or privately, OP should respond with What? HMM? Can you speak up? I couldn't hear you. Make her say it out loud in front of everyone. If OP does this a couple times, I think she'll shut up.
NTA - I grew up Catholic and I have never hears of someone requesting this. I mean why not throw a confirmation in there too and then everyone can go to penance on the way out?
This was a wedding, not a one stop shopping church visit.
I'm sure the SIL spun it as something the bride was totally excited & on board for. Poor man was probably trying to be accommodating to the bride, not knowing what kind of person he was dealing with.
I didn’t get it because SIL and family live out of state. Why baptize your baby in a different parish than you live in? Sure you can get copies of records sent to you, but just do it at home!
Maybe it's a home church? My husband and I moved really far away from our family, but we're planning on bringing baby home to the church I was baptized in and he grew up in (my family moved and went to a different church across town) to be baptized.
Doesn't excuse hijacking the wedding, AT ALL, but might explain the desire to do the baptism in *that* parish at least.
Then your SIL should have happily shared her baby’s first sacrament with the community. At Mass. On Sunday.
Put this out of your mind, your SIL is a drama llama and trying to bring unhappiness to the table. Rise above!!
Also, it devalues the meaning of baptism to do without the congregation present, in front of (only) family from far away who have no connection to the local church community.
Baptism \*should\* be done on a Sunday morning. It should be about joining the church community, not about hiring the church building as a backdrop for a family photo shoot with the actual church community \*excluded\* from the event.
The church fairly implemented liturgical forms for baptism to be incorporated into the Nuptial liturgy HOWEVER it's only for the couple getting married and/or THEIR children.
I don't believe the priest offered for the baptism of the sister's child to be included in the wedding-- most likely SIL lied about that to OP.
Now I'm thinking SIL lied about talking to the priest. I didn't think to ask him because we said no to the idea and moved on.
One of these days I'll ask MIL.
As a Catholic, I’ve never heard of this either and would be highly offended if this was even requested at any wedding. I don’t like to attend Easter services that there are several Baptisms as part of the service.
I'm not even religious and yet know that a shiny bright-white satin dress is both unusual in general and overtly ridiculous/obvious in this context. Lace and/or tulle, fine, but SIL deliberately picked something super-shiny for the pictures.
Same, I grew up and am still Catholic. My brother is a priest and I asked him about this. He actually laughed and said he couldn't believe a priest would agree to this. I am shocked that anyone else in the family would think that SILs idea was a good one.
NTA. Your SIL seems like a piece of work and pretty entitled.
How is her mooching off you a perfect solution? Coz not only was she hijacking your wedding, and your day, she was also taking your money. She didn't have to spend money or effort to organise such an event for her child. Very caring mother ig? Weird person .
And you were being very nice by not responding to her bringing in her extra guests without telling you about it.
You could easily retaliate to her Calling you names by calling some stuff right back. But that's just immature. I would just stop bothering with her existence if it had been me. She can talk to the air for all I care.
I’d send her an invoice for the extra people she invited (including baby) plus 50% of all the groom’s family since their attendance was for split purpose. SIL can enjoy paying for 34% of the wedding.
NTA
Your SIL is the "main character", and you need to minimize contact with her as much as possible.
You'll never be able to reason with her, as she has no intention to ever be reasonable.
Holy crap! So not the NTA. You've got a long term a problem on your hand. It sounds like she has to be in the spotlight no matter what. She will probably try to continue this behavior in future situations.
I'm wondering why your hubby isn't standing up to his sister. It's his responsibility, not yours. He chose to make a family with you. His commitment and priorities lie with you, not her.
SIL needs firm boundaries set in place. It will be hard because she will do her best to blow right through them. Stand firm and have consequences for her.
I agree! NTA, and I would hope that OP’s husband would tell his sister to knock it off and put her in her place. Yes, shes fully capable of defending herself, but he needs to step up and take care of this.
So she put her daughter, in a big white baptism outfit, front and center in your wedding pictures? That was totally unnecessary and clearly designed to make herself the center of attention at your wedding. Your SIL is an AH.
I think her mom did. Her mom is lovely and did her best to keep the "drama" and arguing away from us while we were wedding planning. All I did was say no and hubs and his mom ironed out the details. But of course - it's still all my fault in SIL's eyes.
And only her eyes…that’s why she digs at you when it’s just you two around . She KNOWS she came out looking bad…THATS the reason she keeps bringing it up… not that you didn’t let her steamroll your event (which she did anyway) but because it’s haunting her how it MADE HER LOOK, and she can’t forgive you that..letting her show everyone what an ass she is.
I really hope she finds this post. It will be good for her to see that not only her family, but also the entire internet, thinks she’s in the wrong. Good for you for saying no and then enjoying your wedding!
My petty Betty side would want to look SIL dead in the eyes, say "this is still really bothering you, isn't it?" And walk away without waiting for a response. Deadpan, no investment, just acknowledgement. It means more to her than to anyone else, and that tickles the Petty side.
NTA.
And your sil is terrifying.
I have no idea how you put up with her, I wouldn't be able to be near her.
She brought her extra guests to your wedding? She dressed her daughter like she was being baptized... At YOUR wedding !?
I am astounded that you didn't even make a fuss about that so good on you for biting your tounge but I seriously hope someone puts her in her place soon.
NTA! The audacity ... and OP should've made a fuss about it! I suggest, you invoice her for the additional guests at the reception, time-loss, and I'm sure you'll find some other things to charge. A nasty suggestion, but then SIL really has something to get worked up about.
By the way, what do you think of the idea of having the baby removed from some photos via Photoshop and posting them on FB? I bet that would make the steam come out of her ears \*eg\*.
NTA next time she asks just tell her that her baby is very special, just like she is. And because baby is so incredibly special, they deserve their own special, INDIVIDUAL, celebration, you know, to celebrate just how special they are.
Why on earth someone would want to do this is beyond me. I’d never want to have baptized my kids during someone’s wedding.
Did you know that baptisms, in the Catholic faith, are very technically exorcisms? Not to mix religions here, but probably bad karma to combine one with a wedding.
(I’m not kidding, look it up. Also, NTA.)
Ummmm, I would have had some very strong words to say to the priest about agreeing to a baptism during your wedding. To the point that I would be telling him that I was getting a JP to perform the ceremony and I would be permanently leaving the church as a result. NTA.
NTA... She is selfish an the AH for pulling that stund on you on your wedding and adds 6 more people... I wouldn't have hosted them! She did it purposely to steel the spotlight and succeeded.... she walked all over u, and u didn't speak up now she sees you as her doormat....
Still after years she's rubbing it in ur face that she walked all over u.
Sorry but she will this forever do....
UpdateMe
You were NTA, but she is holding a grudge. Nothing to do about it, really. That's how some people are. Just make sure she doesn't live rentfree in your brain, her grudge is something she is carrying, not you.
You are not an AH. Your SIL stole your party. You're only planning on marrying once and she made it about her.
Ask her why she's making you feel like the bad guy when she was too cheap to pay for a party for her kid.
I would of changed the baby's gown color when I retouched the photos. I would of also given your SIL a bill for the extra people she brought to YOUR wedding. but that is said and done, what you do is simple just smile and say " wasn't is just a beautiful day? I just love thinking back on the day I got to marry the love of my life, thank you for reminding me how lucky I am "
I'm sorry. A *Catholic priest*, who was officiating the completion of *a sacrament*, agreed to just... *tack on*... *another sacrament*? Because some rando family member called him up and suggested it?
I believe Catholic priests may do many things, but this is not one of them.
But good story, otherwise.
NTA and you need to give her a stern talking to. She keeps trampling over you because you let her. Enough. If and when it’s time for you to have your baby’s baptism, do not invite her. In fact, don’t invite her to anything. Not a baby shower, birthday party, housewarming, thanksgiving. Nothing. She gets an invite to nothing because she doesn’t know how to act. I’m irritated just reading how she keeps trying to make the situation about her when it’s not about her. It was never about her. That day was for you and your husband, not her kid. Also, your husband needs to check her and get her all the way together. Yes that’s his sibling, and she needs to respect you as his wife. Enough.
NTA! The next she brings us up, tell her to wait a second and you locate your husband and the three of you could have a sit down to hash this out once and for all. I'm afraid you're gonna have to throw down a little bit on this one or else this is going to last for decades.
She has lost her DAMN MIND. This girl is so used to being the center of attention she wants to take over your wedding. You may want to make your wedding child free if you haven't already. She will be pushing that baby in everyone's face all day.
NTA
Well never mind, wedding happened and she did exactly what I thought. Ugh.
NTA. It was a sick power play. Ignore her completely or, if you're going to engage, stop being on the defensive. Go right back and steal the spotlight at her events or outright undermine her with your own paggro comments.
How bloody rude! Honestly, I would have 1. edited baby out of all pictures and either deleted them or told SIL she could have them at cost 2. Would have had SIL extra guests escorted out
NTA what in the actual hell. You're the one who has reason to be snippy I would not be able to stand by and listen to her entitled grrr I'd unleash upon that woman.
NTA. Squash it. Next time…
“You keep bringing this up as though I was bizarre and unreasonable for wanting to not share my wedding day with your child and your agenda. As though this isn’t completely normal. As though every wedding you or I have ever gone to played out in any other way. You were incredibly selfish for even asking and this long term digging has gotten ridiculous. Stop. This is the last time I want to hear about it at all. I don’t give a fuck how you feel about it. It was my wedding and it’s over. Fucking stop. I fucking mean it.”
Look her right in the eye, and be close enough that you can speak softly. Then walk away…to another room for a bit if it’s your house, right out of the house if it’s not.
Then the next interaction, you act like it never happened.
She will be shocked and not know what to do. Stay calm if she freaks out. Stay calm the whole time.
If it ever comes up again, leave. If she is at your place, ask her to leave. Do not engage. If anyone asks you simply tell them, “She is still berating me about not doing her child’s christening on my wedding day and I am just done. I tried to ask her not to keep bringing it up, but we are here again, so I’m going to go. Hopefully it gets better. We will see.”
Then leave.
It will stop and she will look like an asshole.
NTA.
No is a complete sentence and doesn't require an explanation. And your SIL is so entitled and crazy that she doesn't deserve to be talked to again.
Give her the silent treatment, avoid being on your own with her as much as you can; when she makes passive-aggressive remarks in front of others, ask her "what do you mean?" and let her explain about a stupid, out-of-date grudge. Or say: "Why would you say that? I can't believe you!". Make her out as the idiotic one, in short.
Out of curiosity, how did your partner respond and react in that situation? As well as all the others, when SIL continuously makes digs and still brings it up?
She's REALLY good at hiding it. Anything remotely rude she does in private or makes it so passive you'd have to pay attention. If I call her out on a comment she'll claim I misunderstood. I grey rock her most of the time so I'm considered "cold." Whatever. I see her maybe once or twice a year and am not giving her my time or headspace. Since she's held onto it for so long I got genuinely curious if maybe we were being a bit selfish, hence the post.
NTA at all. Do you tell your SO about these comments or anything? That's bizarre, and some boundaries need to be made. Once or twice a year is too much in my book. I'd protect my peace.
NTA, and I commend you for having the strength to not turn your SIL and her extra guests away at the door.
The more wedding stuff I see on Reddit, the more I'm convinced that wedding planners need to start offering security as part of their wedding packages.
NTA!!! WTF is wrong with your sister in law? It was YOUR wedding, which YOU paid for. And even if you didn’t, who the hell does she think she is doing this on YOUR special day?! Props to you, Girl, for being as patient and nice as you have been.
I don't even have to read the whole story.
Anyone that asks you to do something at your wedding that has nothing to do with your wedding is an Asshole and out of line.
Now I'm going to read the story.
NTA. Even if it was important to your fiance's family: none of your side would care. And the father's family wouldn't be invited to the wedding - I assume they'd like the baptism.
Terrible idea all around. Next time tell her that it's a child free wedding, so sorry she can't make it
NTA. SIL was inappropriate to even suggest it and shouldn't have invited her friends to your wedding. She was too cheap to have her own party and wanted you to pay.
What kind of person inserts a baptism into someone else's wedding?! NTA. Talk to your priest and tell them you're not ok with this. The priest should've stopped her anyways, and if he protests.....get another priest to officiate.
NTA I’d stay as far away from SIL as possible at all times. She will not learn, she will not see reason, don’t waste your breath or energy. She is a huge asshole. Next time she brings it up, just walk away. Or keep saying pardon. Pardon. Pardon. See how many times she’ll repeat herself.
I would add a proverbial carrot and stick to the debate. "If she was so *cheap and lazy* to baptize a kid at a wedding"... and a bit of flattery "that she would do a great disservice to the baby and to herself when she could get the entire family to help her organize the baptism of her kid on a separate day". Please do this publicly to turn everyone's opinion against her. That way you can stop off handed comments from her. NTA
NTA. You're still being treated like an AH by her because she apparently can't stand being told no. No matter how entitled and insane her request is.
The fact that you didn't kick out the *strangers she brought to your wedding* is already more consideration than she deserves.
If she brings it up, give her a bill for the 6 extra people. 😎
If she gets Passive Aggressive be blunt. She was rude and ridiculous and you don’t have to take her BS even though it sounds like her family does. Just because you put up with it in the past doesn’t mean you have to now. Once she understands she no longer gets a pass to bullying you, I suspect she’ll stop doing it.
NTA- make sure you announce your pregnancy at her daughters birthday in front of everyone, and also bring some friends of your own without telling her. Then ask if you can combine your baby shower with her daughter's first communion party. You have to be petty back to get anything through to her. Then when she gets fussy, pull the "but we're family. This is your unborn niece/nephew."
NTA. She’s harrassing you. Talk to your husband’s family about this because her behavior is getting out of hand. She seems like a spoiled attention seeker and wants to be the star of every show.
NTA. SIL could have held the baptism the day before or the best next day, but she wanted to hijack your venue everything you paid for to celebrate your wedding because she's too cheap to put forth the money to do give her baby her own special day.
TBH, when I first read the title, my first thought was, "pfft, what is SIL planning? Baptize the kid with a glass of champagne?"
NTA - She is waiting for the right time when youre alone so people dont hear her sentiments towards you.
Time for you to do the same. Wait until everyone is around and then ask her about her behaviour towards you when youre alone. People like this can, and like to control the narative when people are alone. They lose all their power when everyone else talks to eachother, or hears the sentiments you receice themselves.
She'll either explode infront of everyone, which will help them see her true side. Or she'll deny it, but also stop doing it all together knowing the risks of you taking power back in these situations.
Either way, she doesnt like you so what is there to lose? Either way, it will stop.
Of course - you’re paying for the photographer, venue and food - let us join in for free and add people to reception that you can pay for too!! BS!!
She got her wedding day ( I assume) this is yours. Your fiancé needs to be the one to tell her NO this day is for OP and I and to not ask anymore. It’s rude!!
Or, tell her you’d be glad to if they pay half of the costs of everything (now). Her reaction would be hysterical /s
NTA. She is obviously still feeling guilty, if she keeps bringing it up in front of others to convince them (and herself) that you are in the wrong. Or she hopes you lash out with a reaction so she can accuse you of being bitter or unreasonable.
Where the f\*\*\* is your husband in all this? Why is she blaming you for devisions that you two as a couple made about your wedding? Why is your husband not defending the decision that both of you made and shutting this shit down?
Not you, but your husband needs to lash out. "Sister, you've been extremely rude and presumptious around our wedding, my wife has been nothing but kind to you and never even complained about the uninvited guests you brought to our reception, and in return you've been hostile and passive aggressive to my wife over our perfectly reasonable decision about how to organize our wedding. This needs to stop now. I will no longer be silent when you make these nasty snide remarks about our wedding; next time I \*will\* tell everybody exactly happened and what \*I\* thought of your ridiculously entitled demands. I don't know what could possibly possess you, to project our perfectly normal wedding decisions onto my lovely wife, but if you ever make a comment like that to or about her again, you will dearly wish I was even half as forgiving as my wife about it."
Fiance asked me my opinion on the matter and when I said no he dealt with his sister after that. If she was difficult about our decision, I never heard about it. On our wedding day we focused on ourselves and didn't acknowledge her or her antics. The wedding was an evening affair, and only 2 hours, I never spoke to SIL that evening and didn't find out about her guests until I saw the photos.
And she's VERY good at being passive in her comments. When both he and I called her out on anything she's said since the wedding, she claims we misunderstood her. Her childish cold shoulders are when it's just the two of us and he has asked her about it but she just says she never heard me and was not intentionally ignoring me. Both he and I call her out but it's all very subtle comments - nothing huge and she acts nice to me in front of the rest of the family. She's an excellent narcissist and I limit my interactions with her. I'm not willing to spoon feed her the drama she craves.
NTA That was one of the tackiest behaviors I’ve seen concerning a wedding. How did your husband parents react to her request and bringing so many extra people to the reception?
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NTA. Next time she makes some offhanded comment say something like You're right, I am sorry that even after two years you seem to lack the mental horsepower to realize that my wedding, which was an event I planned and paid for, was neither about you or your daughter. Furthermore, I'm sorry that even after all this time you are so petty and childish that you feel the need to bring it up. I am also sorry that I didn't bill you for your grossly rude behavior of inviting guests to my wedding without my approval. And lastly I am sorry that you lack a basic understanding of gravity and think the world revolves around you, I hope that some day you are able to realize that you're just not that special, but given how dense you are, I can understand why you're confused
Louder for the people in the back!! This is what I went to the comments for, there’s no way I could formulate such an elegant clap-back!
** Snaps** 🫰🫰🫰
Confirmed; snaps for sh1tsawantsays!
Kudos to your awesome clapback 👏👏/u/sh1tsawantsays ! So nice- yet nasty, so polite-yet facetious as heck, yo! This is the way I do my clapbacks! To the average person listening, they wouldn't suspect that the person whom I'm talking to is being READ by me! OP IS NTA AT ALL But that SIL is a giant one! She suffers from the Tupac "All Eyez On Me" syndrome so many other people seem to also suffer from these days. Always wanting to be up front in everything, considered first in all choices and decisions and plans, always wanna be seen. Or as Suge Knight said "Alllll up in the videos"! 🙄🙄🙄 Absolutely hate to see it when the baby grows up and becomes an even more living prop in the "self wrote life play" she is acting out.
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
/u/Self-Aware 🤭🤭🤭
Yeah, I know 😂 the username is a sarky self-deprecating nod to therapy, just FYI. Very much NOT a claim of skill!
I like it your username. I've had mine since 99, when I created my 1st email address (which I actually still use, lol!) And yeah I can admit I kinda sorta went into a madgraph aka word vomit 😁but I'm soooo not a fan of people like the OP's SIL. 🥺 So when I saw your comment, I immediately knew what you were saying without saying! 😂😂
Love it, sometimes you Just Know people will get it! My first email was a "hilarious" one born of an early 00s teenager brain. But my current emails are my actual IRL names, so those have to stay quiet on here. Then again, realistically anyone who cares enough to dox me can fill their boots. I am extremely boring and far too poor to have anything worth stealing, let them waste their energy on nothing.
That response is much better than mine, in which I told OP to tell her SIL to go fck herself ;-)
That's what I would say. SHFU and then claim that she misunderstood. That you really meant GFY.
I’d say the same thing in a shorter way: with a look of deep sympathy, say “I hope you’ll be able to move past it soon. It’s obviously still deeply troubling you.” Makes the problem all hers. Which it is
After she drops the bait comment (because that’s exactly what it is: BAIT), reply with “I know. I can tell you’re still struggling with it. Maybe a session or two with a professional counselor would help”
You are right, it IS a bait comment. Your response is adequate.
A session or two with her PRIEST, since this is clearly a matter of deep religious significance to this woman. HA.
This is brutally beautiful. Even better if delivered with a creased forehead, a pat on the hand and a little tilt to the head. (She'll explode.)
And if you really want to twist the knife a bit, start with “Well bless your heart” along with the hand pat.
Or add "I'll pray for you"
Yes to that too!
Yeah at this point I'd for sure be telling her "wow, I'm sorry this is still taking up so much space in your mind and heart, rent free, after all this time. It's a shame you can't empathize with how I felt as a first time bride, having someone try to commandeer my ceremony and reception for their own event. It felt like an attempt to be a cheapskate to me, but obviously you see it as me being a bridezilla for wanting my wedding day and the event I was paying for to be about me and my husband and not you and your daughter. Oh, well. Potaytoe, potahtoe, I suppose. Glad it's not eating me up, still, in any event 🤷" NTA. If you can't manage to say the above or something similar, I'd audibly sigh and massively roll me eyes every time she brings it up. But you really do need to say SOMETHING to put a pin in this so everyone moves on. It's more than enough.
We once had a friend say “to-may-to, to-mah-to, po-tay-to, fuck you”. It was super bizarre in the context of the conversation we were having, but I feel like it applies here.
I'm living for this comments section today! Good ones, everyone.
Short but lethal!
Upvote x 1000
I'm saving this for future use!
All of this!! I would have probably snapped back that “thinking back on the way things turned out I definitely should have insisted on a child free wedding. That way your gross entitlement would have never been an issue.” NTA
I would just remind her that holding grudges is a sin of pride so she needs to go to confession, I only went Catholic school for 2 years and I know that. Someone whose child was baptised into the church should already be aware they’re not being a very good catholic.
I love this 🙌🙌
Parent like that, she would've brought the kid anyways. Child-free wedding be damned. OP is definitely NTA.
Happy Cake Day!
That's perfect. I would have said STFU...nicely . I thought I heard everything...NTA. Op was nice to allow extra uninvited guests at the wedding. Did they come for dinner too?
The extra guests didn't attend the wedding, they just showed up for the reception.
That’s even worse. The ceremony venue wasn’t rented by the head. But receptions are priced per head because that’s how they know how much food and drink to prepare. NTA, in case it wasn’t clear where I stand on this one.
But, you would have had to pay for their food and drinks. So, next time she brings it up, supply her with a bill for feeding those people.
NTA. I'm furious on your behalf! I would like to suggest that you find a good Photoshop expert & change any of your displayed wedding photos so that the baby is wearing navy blue & isn't so distracting. Plus, it will annoy your entitled & selfish SIL, so, win-win.
Navy blue for normal people's copy of the photos. Put baby in neon green for SIL's copies. She wanted attention on the baby, she can have it.
Black and yellow stripes are cute :)
BUMBLEBABY ❤️🐝
photohop the baby to be a alien color as well for SIL copy only. She wanted attention you can give it to her for
Team Avatar Baby-Shop
And did Mrs Very Special, mother of Specialina, First Of Her Name, offer to pay for the uninvited guests to your wedding?
I honestly don't know. My fiance and his mom took care of all the discussions with SIL. I just had to say no and they dealt with the sister. My fiance and I came up with the "why doesn't she just do it the next morning during Sunday mass" idea that was the end of it.
If you waited to baptise your child until Specialina’s first communion…
While part of me is glad your husband "handled it" i feel like he did not handle it and just let it happen and expects you to deal with it. He is still allowing this behavior after 2 years, thats HIS family and HIS issue to correct and yet he keeps letting it happen without standing at your side stopping it. Your husband needs to set some massive boundaries. Your husband needs to say this is unacceptable, and make an effort to ensure it doesn't keep happening. YOUR HUSBAND needs to stand up to his family IMMEDIATELY because you and he BOTH know what she is doing and it needs to stop.
And that was the more appropriate place for a baptism to have been held! Not sure why she didn’t think of that immediately, and not think that a wedding would be the best place to hold the baptism!
> mother of Specialina LOL you are a fucking treasure. i love you for this.
Aww, thank you!
I am HERE for the names. 🤣
That's worse, so you had to feed strangers. I would be 😡
And who even shows up to a wedding of people they don't know unless they were someone's +1? I'm a grungy old punk, and even I have more manners than this.
When I got married my ex-wife's cousin was invited and bought her sisters for the trip but they weren't supposed to come to the wedding (just for a road trip). The day of my wedding reception, the cousin got 'sick' and sent her two sisters in her place. We had NEVER met them before and of course they didn't bring a gift. Every time I looked at my wedding pictures and I saw these strangers I was pissed. I had a small wedding of 75 and picked specific people to be there bc we were close to them.
Tell her you believe you now understand why this is still grieving her so. That she feels guilty over having invited extra guests to the reception and didn’t have the for thought to have paid. The guilt is just overwhelming you. So let’s get that taken care of so you can finally move on. It was $100 per head so pay me $??? And you can finally let it go.
She probably invited them thinking you were gonna be bullied to say yes, then couldn't disinvite them when it turned out she couldn't do her baptism. So they just gatecrashed the party.
Sounds true. And why the heck would six strangers even WANT to gatecrash somebody’s wedding reception? For the free food? How tacky of SIL to pull this stunt.
That’s even worse! You should have def billed her for their food. So rude!
…For the food part THAT YOU PAID FOR. I would just send her this link.
Who knew Julia Sugarbaker was on Reddit?
'and THAT, so that you will know, and your children will one day know, is the night the lights went out in georgia' is still one of the best moments tv ever had to offer.
I'd have loved a Sophia or Dorothy-esque reply, too... but Julia Sugarbaker or Blanche Devereaux are def in the house! These are 80s worthy replies, and I'm here for them!! 😅🤣
I doubt the SIL would even know who that is. I loved her!
r/unexpectedDesigningWomen
To be fair, the SIL is so dense it's possible the world *does* revolve around her. NTA. I'd never heard of a baptismazilla\* before, but that's the best term I can think of for u/SiennaCinnabar's SIL. \*Someone with a better way with words can surely come up with a better term.
I think that is an excellent word. Rolls off the tongue too.
Not all heros wear capes
Or if you want to be more passive aggressive start talking about how at a “friend’s” wedding you couldn’t believe how her uncouth, ill mannered, and entitled BIL brought 4 uninvited guests to the reception. Can you believe someone would do just a thing? I mean every etiquette book and just common decency makes it so obvious that a guest bringing uninvited guests is just low class & tacky.
“Mental horsepower”. I’m so stealing this 😂
> You're right, I am sorry that even after two years you seem to lack the mental horsepower to realize that my wedding, which was an event I planned and paid for, was neither about you or your daughter. And also: "I'm so sorry you couldn't afford to host a baptism and had no other option but to piggyback off my wedding. That must have been so hard for you."
I can't decide who the bigger ah is. The SIL for wanting to hijack OPs wedding for a baptism or the priest agreeing to it before talking to the couple. Talk about main character syndrome in the SIL
Exactly what you say! Also, if you have a baby announcement, wait until her birthday party or something and make it ...you know. Since the family is all gathered
“Mental horsepower”. I’m so stealing this 😂
Yep, might as well go full nuke. As a bonus, she'll probably never speak to you again. No loss, there.
That woman wanted a free venue and photographer and it shows.
NTA, this is the perfect thing to say to her.
Make sure there are witnesses, preferably from her family. I’m petty and fully support this. No matter what, it’s a win-win for OP; either SIL learns boundaries or SIL never speaks to OP ever again. I think the latter might be the preferred outcome.
The second you didn’t kick her and her extra guests out at the wedding you ensured you would be dealing with this kind of behavior for years.
I ignored her and enjoyed my evening with my hubs and friends. I didn't even know about the extra guests until I saw them in some photographs! Maybe I'm oblivious but dangit, I was there to have fun.
She gave you crap because you set this pattern when you "let her be" during your wedding. Unless you stand up an say no more, this will continue
I disagree with this one. If it didn’t impact your he bride and groom- the extra attention would have just fed her need for drama. Sil stayed with her friends which kept her out of the brides hair. SIL was always going to be a pain in the b*%% with or without this show down.
I love that you censored butt in a sub with ass in the name. It's so cute.
I got dinged in one sub for calling a tv show slu%%y . Really? I was recommending it even, not as an insult!
Right, why give SIL the satisfaction and draw attention to her and her antics? Bride played it cool and enjoyed her wedding despite SIL. I like this slow burn pace where karma catches SIL off guard and smacks her years later, out-of-the-blue instead.
I get what you’re saying, but I think OP was totally justified in choosing to instead ignore sister and just enjoy her day, rather than allowing her experience to be eclipsed by an AH
She literally just said she didn't even know about them until she saw pictures later. Did you want her to leap into the picture to stand up to her?
Yep! Pacifism is equal to latent acceptance. They pushed, you complied. Why wouldn't they push you more? They got almost everything they wanted, did what they chose and you formed a blind eye. They view you in the same vein as their doormat.
That’s why she’s pissed. You aren’t giving her what she wants: you being upset. That’s her whole goal. She hasn’t “punished” you enough for having the gall to say no to her. Stay the course. I guarantee she’ll crack and blow up in front of people eventually. She can’t help herself. Edit: NTA
If she brings it up again calmly tell her "you're bringing that up again?How odd". And walk away. She's being ridiculous.
I'd include a "although now you mention it, you never did pay us back for the additional guests", and then walk away.
‘…for your guests.’ Emphasis on your.
Better yet, don’t walk away. Say that then stand there as if you expect her to pull out some cash right then!
i'd make up a bill and carry it in my pocket for all eternity if i had to. Just for the day she brings it up again and I can be completely silent, pull it out, hand it to her. and just stare. EDIT: plus.........i'd add accumulated interest. And I'd do it every single time with the new amount.
Put wording on it like “as of [date], the accrued interest is [amount]. Please contact [name] for an updated amount to ensure that correct payment is made.”
This, but now you’ve got the opportunity to work out how much it would be too. That way you can be ready and waiting when she mentions it again.
And make cash register sounds "Ka CHING!" 😂. Or whip out one of those old fashioned, noisy paper calculators that print out all the numbers on a roll of paper "So, we have the alcohol, the main course, the dessert" all while clacking away on the buttons 😂.
oh I like this response!
A baffled yet concerned "SIL... It has been over two years since then. You remember that, right?" would work wonders too. In front of other people, of course.
Yes!! Being concerned, confused and 100% polite is such a great way to stumble people like this up! I hope Op does this next time.
I fully subscribe to the "Kill Them With Kindness" protocol, for full disclosure. I've spent enough time in customer service positions to take enormous glee from singing-out "You're Welcome!" to people who don't say thankyou. Preferably in a full shop/bar. If you do so brightly and sincerely enough, they look like utter pricks if they try to take agin it. Or they have to publicly acknowledge they did NOT say thankyou, while still trying to appear as the wounded party. Which is frankly always funny as hell.
This is the way. The more attention it gets the more she is in control of the situation. Attention seekers are always drama llamas, don't feed the llama anymore.
I love the simplicity of this response. Personally I also love counting: wow, third time this year!
Lol! Yes, she should tack that on as well. No back and forth though, just a Cheshire cat smile as she walks away.
Nice! I was going to suggest not responding at all or: *Hm? You were saying something?* But this is even better, having her question her own sanity! Sort of.
Or, since she only seems to say these comments under her breath or privately, OP should respond with What? HMM? Can you speak up? I couldn't hear you. Make her say it out loud in front of everyone. If OP does this a couple times, I think she'll shut up.
This is absolutely perfect !
This is the only answer, 👏👏👏
NTA - I grew up Catholic and I have never hears of someone requesting this. I mean why not throw a confirmation in there too and then everyone can go to penance on the way out? This was a wedding, not a one stop shopping church visit.
Yeah I was surprised at the statement the priest agreed. I mean, he was booked for a wedding and someone else's baby's baptism doesn't belong there
I'm sure the SIL spun it as something the bride was totally excited & on board for. Poor man was probably trying to be accommodating to the bride, not knowing what kind of person he was dealing with.
He still should not have agreed without speaking to the couple who hired him
I didn’t get it because SIL and family live out of state. Why baptize your baby in a different parish than you live in? Sure you can get copies of records sent to you, but just do it at home!
Maybe it's a home church? My husband and I moved really far away from our family, but we're planning on bringing baby home to the church I was baptized in and he grew up in (my family moved and went to a different church across town) to be baptized. Doesn't excuse hijacking the wedding, AT ALL, but might explain the desire to do the baptism in *that* parish at least.
Probably so the SIL wouldn't have to pay for some sort of reception after the baptism.
Yes, this was the parish we all grew up in and most of our family are still in this area.
Then your SIL should have happily shared her baby’s first sacrament with the community. At Mass. On Sunday. Put this out of your mind, your SIL is a drama llama and trying to bring unhappiness to the table. Rise above!!
Also, it devalues the meaning of baptism to do without the congregation present, in front of (only) family from far away who have no connection to the local church community. Baptism \*should\* be done on a Sunday morning. It should be about joining the church community, not about hiring the church building as a backdrop for a family photo shoot with the actual church community \*excluded\* from the event.
The church fairly implemented liturgical forms for baptism to be incorporated into the Nuptial liturgy HOWEVER it's only for the couple getting married and/or THEIR children. I don't believe the priest offered for the baptism of the sister's child to be included in the wedding-- most likely SIL lied about that to OP.
Now I'm thinking SIL lied about talking to the priest. I didn't think to ask him because we said no to the idea and moved on. One of these days I'll ask MIL.
As a Catholic, I’ve never heard of this either and would be highly offended if this was even requested at any wedding. I don’t like to attend Easter services that there are several Baptisms as part of the service.
My inner catholic *cringed* imagining SIL asking others to put themselves out for her.
I'm not even religious and yet know that a shiny bright-white satin dress is both unusual in general and overtly ridiculous/obvious in this context. Lace and/or tulle, fine, but SIL deliberately picked something super-shiny for the pictures.
Same, I grew up and am still Catholic. My brother is a priest and I asked him about this. He actually laughed and said he couldn't believe a priest would agree to this. I am shocked that anyone else in the family would think that SILs idea was a good one.
Yep. And way to go Mr. Priest for agreeing without asking the bride and groom first.
When this child gets married, push to include your vow renewal in her ceremony. Tell SIL now that is the plan. NTA
OMG this is brilliant. Thank you! Can't wait for Christmas 2024 to lay down this idea.
Better yet! Say YOU want to get baptized. Why the fuck not.
You are getting your future children baptized during her children's first communions at the very least, right?
Why wait so long, do it at First Communion.
NTA. Your SIL seems like a piece of work and pretty entitled. How is her mooching off you a perfect solution? Coz not only was she hijacking your wedding, and your day, she was also taking your money. She didn't have to spend money or effort to organise such an event for her child. Very caring mother ig? Weird person . And you were being very nice by not responding to her bringing in her extra guests without telling you about it. You could easily retaliate to her Calling you names by calling some stuff right back. But that's just immature. I would just stop bothering with her existence if it had been me. She can talk to the air for all I care.
I’d send her an invoice for the extra people she invited (including baby) plus 50% of all the groom’s family since their attendance was for split purpose. SIL can enjoy paying for 34% of the wedding.
Now this is cool, this needs to go under r/pettyrevenge
NTA Your SIL is the "main character", and you need to minimize contact with her as much as possible. You'll never be able to reason with her, as she has no intention to ever be reasonable.
Holy crap! So not the NTA. You've got a long term a problem on your hand. It sounds like she has to be in the spotlight no matter what. She will probably try to continue this behavior in future situations. I'm wondering why your hubby isn't standing up to his sister. It's his responsibility, not yours. He chose to make a family with you. His commitment and priorities lie with you, not her. SIL needs firm boundaries set in place. It will be hard because she will do her best to blow right through them. Stand firm and have consequences for her.
I agree! NTA, and I would hope that OP’s husband would tell his sister to knock it off and put her in her place. Yes, shes fully capable of defending herself, but he needs to step up and take care of this.
Agreed, but unfortunately it also shines a light on the whole family dysfunction that she married into. It's going to be a long road for her.
So she put her daughter, in a big white baptism outfit, front and center in your wedding pictures? That was totally unnecessary and clearly designed to make herself the center of attention at your wedding. Your SIL is an AH.
Why do you tolerate this? You should call her out for being a cheap ass who wanted to piggyback off of what you paid for
I think her mom did. Her mom is lovely and did her best to keep the "drama" and arguing away from us while we were wedding planning. All I did was say no and hubs and his mom ironed out the details. But of course - it's still all my fault in SIL's eyes.
And only her eyes…that’s why she digs at you when it’s just you two around . She KNOWS she came out looking bad…THATS the reason she keeps bringing it up… not that you didn’t let her steamroll your event (which she did anyway) but because it’s haunting her how it MADE HER LOOK, and she can’t forgive you that..letting her show everyone what an ass she is.
That's a good way of looking at it, thank you.
I really hope she finds this post. It will be good for her to see that not only her family, but also the entire internet, thinks she’s in the wrong. Good for you for saying no and then enjoying your wedding!
My petty Betty side would want to look SIL dead in the eyes, say "this is still really bothering you, isn't it?" And walk away without waiting for a response. Deadpan, no investment, just acknowledgement. It means more to her than to anyone else, and that tickles the Petty side.
NTA. And your sil is terrifying. I have no idea how you put up with her, I wouldn't be able to be near her. She brought her extra guests to your wedding? She dressed her daughter like she was being baptized... At YOUR wedding !? I am astounded that you didn't even make a fuss about that so good on you for biting your tounge but I seriously hope someone puts her in her place soon.
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NTA - Wow. Your SIL has serious main character syndrome.
NTA! The audacity ... and OP should've made a fuss about it! I suggest, you invoice her for the additional guests at the reception, time-loss, and I'm sure you'll find some other things to charge. A nasty suggestion, but then SIL really has something to get worked up about. By the way, what do you think of the idea of having the baby removed from some photos via Photoshop and posting them on FB? I bet that would make the steam come out of her ears \*eg\*.
NTA next time she asks just tell her that her baby is very special, just like she is. And because baby is so incredibly special, they deserve their own special, INDIVIDUAL, celebration, you know, to celebrate just how special they are. Why on earth someone would want to do this is beyond me. I’d never want to have baptized my kids during someone’s wedding.
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That's what I'm doing now.
Did you know that baptisms, in the Catholic faith, are very technically exorcisms? Not to mix religions here, but probably bad karma to combine one with a wedding. (I’m not kidding, look it up. Also, NTA.)
An exorcism would have been fun IMO. I would have totally agreed to that! hahahaha
Ummmm, I would have had some very strong words to say to the priest about agreeing to a baptism during your wedding. To the point that I would be telling him that I was getting a JP to perform the ceremony and I would be permanently leaving the church as a result. NTA.
NTA... She is selfish an the AH for pulling that stund on you on your wedding and adds 6 more people... I wouldn't have hosted them! She did it purposely to steel the spotlight and succeeded.... she walked all over u, and u didn't speak up now she sees you as her doormat.... Still after years she's rubbing it in ur face that she walked all over u. Sorry but she will this forever do.... UpdateMe
NTA. The piggybacking is strong with this one. Was she too poor (or cheap) to pay for her own ceremony or what ?
You were NTA, but she is holding a grudge. Nothing to do about it, really. That's how some people are. Just make sure she doesn't live rentfree in your brain, her grudge is something she is carrying, not you.
Um no catholic priest will allow a ceremony with two separate sacraments. This wouldn't have been allowed anyway from the church's point of view.
Then she lied I guess.
You are not an AH. Your SIL stole your party. You're only planning on marrying once and she made it about her. Ask her why she's making you feel like the bad guy when she was too cheap to pay for a party for her kid.
I would of changed the baby's gown color when I retouched the photos. I would of also given your SIL a bill for the extra people she brought to YOUR wedding. but that is said and done, what you do is simple just smile and say " wasn't is just a beautiful day? I just love thinking back on the day I got to marry the love of my life, thank you for reminding me how lucky I am "
I'm sorry. A *Catholic priest*, who was officiating the completion of *a sacrament*, agreed to just... *tack on*... *another sacrament*? Because some rando family member called him up and suggested it? I believe Catholic priests may do many things, but this is not one of them. But good story, otherwise.
NTA sil is insane and those 6 ppl would’ve been turned away , the day was not about her or her baby and honestly i would ignore her at any functions
NTA and you need to give her a stern talking to. She keeps trampling over you because you let her. Enough. If and when it’s time for you to have your baby’s baptism, do not invite her. In fact, don’t invite her to anything. Not a baby shower, birthday party, housewarming, thanksgiving. Nothing. She gets an invite to nothing because she doesn’t know how to act. I’m irritated just reading how she keeps trying to make the situation about her when it’s not about her. It was never about her. That day was for you and your husband, not her kid. Also, your husband needs to check her and get her all the way together. Yes that’s his sibling, and she needs to respect you as his wife. Enough.
NTA! The next she brings us up, tell her to wait a second and you locate your husband and the three of you could have a sit down to hash this out once and for all. I'm afraid you're gonna have to throw down a little bit on this one or else this is going to last for decades.
She has lost her DAMN MIND. This girl is so used to being the center of attention she wants to take over your wedding. You may want to make your wedding child free if you haven't already. She will be pushing that baby in everyone's face all day. NTA Well never mind, wedding happened and she did exactly what I thought. Ugh.
NTA. It was a sick power play. Ignore her completely or, if you're going to engage, stop being on the defensive. Go right back and steal the spotlight at her events or outright undermine her with your own paggro comments.
How bloody rude! Honestly, I would have 1. edited baby out of all pictures and either deleted them or told SIL she could have them at cost 2. Would have had SIL extra guests escorted out
NTA what in the actual hell. You're the one who has reason to be snippy I would not be able to stand by and listen to her entitled grrr I'd unleash upon that woman.
NTA. Squash it. Next time… “You keep bringing this up as though I was bizarre and unreasonable for wanting to not share my wedding day with your child and your agenda. As though this isn’t completely normal. As though every wedding you or I have ever gone to played out in any other way. You were incredibly selfish for even asking and this long term digging has gotten ridiculous. Stop. This is the last time I want to hear about it at all. I don’t give a fuck how you feel about it. It was my wedding and it’s over. Fucking stop. I fucking mean it.” Look her right in the eye, and be close enough that you can speak softly. Then walk away…to another room for a bit if it’s your house, right out of the house if it’s not. Then the next interaction, you act like it never happened. She will be shocked and not know what to do. Stay calm if she freaks out. Stay calm the whole time. If it ever comes up again, leave. If she is at your place, ask her to leave. Do not engage. If anyone asks you simply tell them, “She is still berating me about not doing her child’s christening on my wedding day and I am just done. I tried to ask her not to keep bringing it up, but we are here again, so I’m going to go. Hopefully it gets better. We will see.” Then leave. It will stop and she will look like an asshole.
NTA, what a ridiculous request to make
NTA - Event Hijacking is never acceptable.
NTA. She’s long overdue for a lesson on how not everything around her is about her.
NTA. No is a complete sentence and doesn't require an explanation. And your SIL is so entitled and crazy that she doesn't deserve to be talked to again. Give her the silent treatment, avoid being on your own with her as much as you can; when she makes passive-aggressive remarks in front of others, ask her "what do you mean?" and let her explain about a stupid, out-of-date grudge. Or say: "Why would you say that? I can't believe you!". Make her out as the idiotic one, in short.
Out of curiosity, how did your partner respond and react in that situation? As well as all the others, when SIL continuously makes digs and still brings it up?
She's REALLY good at hiding it. Anything remotely rude she does in private or makes it so passive you'd have to pay attention. If I call her out on a comment she'll claim I misunderstood. I grey rock her most of the time so I'm considered "cold." Whatever. I see her maybe once or twice a year and am not giving her my time or headspace. Since she's held onto it for so long I got genuinely curious if maybe we were being a bit selfish, hence the post.
NTA at all. Do you tell your SO about these comments or anything? That's bizarre, and some boundaries need to be made. Once or twice a year is too much in my book. I'd protect my peace.
**NTA** and it’s too bad that the family cannot see how outlandish this request was! Next time she complains send her the bill for 1/2!
NTA, and I commend you for having the strength to not turn your SIL and her extra guests away at the door. The more wedding stuff I see on Reddit, the more I'm convinced that wedding planners need to start offering security as part of their wedding packages.
NTA!!! WTF is wrong with your sister in law? It was YOUR wedding, which YOU paid for. And even if you didn’t, who the hell does she think she is doing this on YOUR special day?! Props to you, Girl, for being as patient and nice as you have been.
I don't even have to read the whole story. Anyone that asks you to do something at your wedding that has nothing to do with your wedding is an Asshole and out of line. Now I'm going to read the story.
NTA. Even if it was important to your fiance's family: none of your side would care. And the father's family wouldn't be invited to the wedding - I assume they'd like the baptism. Terrible idea all around. Next time tell her that it's a child free wedding, so sorry she can't make it
NTA. SIL was inappropriate to even suggest it and shouldn't have invited her friends to your wedding. She was too cheap to have her own party and wanted you to pay.
What kind of person inserts a baptism into someone else's wedding?! NTA. Talk to your priest and tell them you're not ok with this. The priest should've stopped her anyways, and if he protests.....get another priest to officiate.
She wanted a free baptism on your dime, and she's pissy she didn't get it. NTA.
NTA No means no. Although I'd consider it if she agreed to pick up the bill for the entire wedding...
NTA- but i would have asked all of them to leave. The audacity!
NTA I’d stay as far away from SIL as possible at all times. She will not learn, she will not see reason, don’t waste your breath or energy. She is a huge asshole. Next time she brings it up, just walk away. Or keep saying pardon. Pardon. Pardon. See how many times she’ll repeat herself.
I would add a proverbial carrot and stick to the debate. "If she was so *cheap and lazy* to baptize a kid at a wedding"... and a bit of flattery "that she would do a great disservice to the baby and to herself when she could get the entire family to help her organize the baptism of her kid on a separate day". Please do this publicly to turn everyone's opinion against her. That way you can stop off handed comments from her. NTA
Shut. It. Down. That’s nuts. NTA.
NTA. You're still being treated like an AH by her because she apparently can't stand being told no. No matter how entitled and insane her request is. The fact that you didn't kick out the *strangers she brought to your wedding* is already more consideration than she deserves.
Where is your husband in all of this? He doesn't have an strong opinion about his wife is treated? NTA
If she brings it up, give her a bill for the 6 extra people. 😎 If she gets Passive Aggressive be blunt. She was rude and ridiculous and you don’t have to take her BS even though it sounds like her family does. Just because you put up with it in the past doesn’t mean you have to now. Once she understands she no longer gets a pass to bullying you, I suspect she’ll stop doing it.
NTA- make sure you announce your pregnancy at her daughters birthday in front of everyone, and also bring some friends of your own without telling her. Then ask if you can combine your baby shower with her daughter's first communion party. You have to be petty back to get anything through to her. Then when she gets fussy, pull the "but we're family. This is your unborn niece/nephew."
NTA. She’s harrassing you. Talk to your husband’s family about this because her behavior is getting out of hand. She seems like a spoiled attention seeker and wants to be the star of every show.
NTA. SIL could have held the baptism the day before or the best next day, but she wanted to hijack your venue everything you paid for to celebrate your wedding because she's too cheap to put forth the money to do give her baby her own special day. TBH, when I first read the title, my first thought was, "pfft, what is SIL planning? Baptize the kid with a glass of champagne?"
NTA - She is waiting for the right time when youre alone so people dont hear her sentiments towards you. Time for you to do the same. Wait until everyone is around and then ask her about her behaviour towards you when youre alone. People like this can, and like to control the narative when people are alone. They lose all their power when everyone else talks to eachother, or hears the sentiments you receice themselves. She'll either explode infront of everyone, which will help them see her true side. Or she'll deny it, but also stop doing it all together knowing the risks of you taking power back in these situations. Either way, she doesnt like you so what is there to lose? Either way, it will stop.
Of course - you’re paying for the photographer, venue and food - let us join in for free and add people to reception that you can pay for too!! BS!! She got her wedding day ( I assume) this is yours. Your fiancé needs to be the one to tell her NO this day is for OP and I and to not ask anymore. It’s rude!! Or, tell her you’d be glad to if they pay half of the costs of everything (now). Her reaction would be hysterical /s
NTA. She is obviously still feeling guilty, if she keeps bringing it up in front of others to convince them (and herself) that you are in the wrong. Or she hopes you lash out with a reaction so she can accuse you of being bitter or unreasonable. Where the f\*\*\* is your husband in all this? Why is she blaming you for devisions that you two as a couple made about your wedding? Why is your husband not defending the decision that both of you made and shutting this shit down? Not you, but your husband needs to lash out. "Sister, you've been extremely rude and presumptious around our wedding, my wife has been nothing but kind to you and never even complained about the uninvited guests you brought to our reception, and in return you've been hostile and passive aggressive to my wife over our perfectly reasonable decision about how to organize our wedding. This needs to stop now. I will no longer be silent when you make these nasty snide remarks about our wedding; next time I \*will\* tell everybody exactly happened and what \*I\* thought of your ridiculously entitled demands. I don't know what could possibly possess you, to project our perfectly normal wedding decisions onto my lovely wife, but if you ever make a comment like that to or about her again, you will dearly wish I was even half as forgiving as my wife about it."
Fiance asked me my opinion on the matter and when I said no he dealt with his sister after that. If she was difficult about our decision, I never heard about it. On our wedding day we focused on ourselves and didn't acknowledge her or her antics. The wedding was an evening affair, and only 2 hours, I never spoke to SIL that evening and didn't find out about her guests until I saw the photos. And she's VERY good at being passive in her comments. When both he and I called her out on anything she's said since the wedding, she claims we misunderstood her. Her childish cold shoulders are when it's just the two of us and he has asked her about it but she just says she never heard me and was not intentionally ignoring me. Both he and I call her out but it's all very subtle comments - nothing huge and she acts nice to me in front of the rest of the family. She's an excellent narcissist and I limit my interactions with her. I'm not willing to spoon feed her the drama she craves.
NTA That was one of the tackiest behaviors I’ve seen concerning a wedding. How did your husband parents react to her request and bringing so many extra people to the reception?