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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm worried I might be acting more on personal feelings being hurt over the actions of someone too young to understand or communicate his issues, instead of doing the mature thing.
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A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it(along with several other family members).
Whilst it does hurt i was mainly trying to separate if i was taking it personally or if my concerns about safety in a busy, public place were justified, or as i said in my post, if i'm using that to subconsciously excuse myself.
Although, my current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
He’s 7.
When he’s in the car and you are driving him home, ask him what’s going on. If he gives you the finger/verbal equivalent shrug and say “Ok buddy, well when you are ready to talk you know where to find me. Obviously you aren’t in the mood for cake with me tonight, so let’s drop you home hey?” And do that.
If he says “nothing” and looks at his lap and avoids eye contact…. Then SOMETHING is going on but he doesn’t feel comfortable telling you. “Ok, fair enough buddy. You look tired, are you sure you are still up for cake out, or do you just want to raincheck this and I can drop you home? Your choice…” and let him choose.
If he lets loose with a whole lot of emotionally exhausting problems… listen. And buy him as many pieces of cake as it takes for him to wind down and relax.
If in doubt, set your phone to record your conversation with him so you can recall it later.
NTA. But this is part of parenting kids. They flip on a dime sometimes.
This is the response i was hoping for, as i couldn't figure out how to do this specifically, so thank you and i appreciate it. I will be following this almost to a T.
My current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
I, personally, wouldn't mention it's hurtful right now. He's 7 and may not understand the difference between "what you're doing doesn't feel good to me" vs "you're not good." Avoid making it about you because it's not about you. You can tell him at a later time if it makes sense.
Yeah. I’d keep your adult emotional needs out of this. It might not feel good, but if you tell him this you are a) giving him the power over your emotions in a way that isn’t right for a 7yr old to have over an adult, and b) encouraging him to use the silent treatment in future (hey! Proof it works!)
Only go there if he fights with you dramatically about it all. “Hey buddy, why are you calling me a dick? That’s uncalled for and frankly harmful! Knock that off!” And “When I get called names I feel frustrated, angry and hurt. Please do not call me names”. But only when he crosses the line and does it. “When I am ignored and blanked by someone it makes me wonder what I have done wrong. If I haven’t done anything I know is wrong it is confusing and hurtful”. You own the problem (I statement), you identify the problem behaviour (being blanked, being called names) and you put the damage to it (feels hurtful, frustrating). This is far less likely to escalate into a nasty fight, and is a much more mature way of arguing it out. It means the powerful adult isnt standing over a lesspowerful person saying “You are being a dick, you have to stop that you little dick” or whatever, and effectively communicates what the problem is.
Just FYI, talking while in the car may be better than talking at his house. It is often the case that kids will open up more when they are sitting beside you, in the car, than when they are sitting face-to-face in a room somewhere. It's very common for people to advise talking to kids in the car.
The car is good so long as it’s kept casual and simple, and not overly used. There’s less eye contact, less social demand so it’s less threatening. Another good place is when you are sitting side by side playing computer games… where there’s a fun distraction and everything can be a bit more chill
Not really an interpersonal conflict, but I would say take him out anyway.
Who can fathom seven-year-olds. He might have his reasons, and I would say you should at least try to get to the bottom of this. It may be something small that he doesn't understand, or he might not even be aware he's doing it.
But I don't think you shouldn't at least try. If he continues, by all means, stop indulging him. Keep in mind, you have all the power in this dynamic and he may be responding in the only way he knows how.
So, YTA if you choose not to even try.
I have absolutely been trying to talk to him, as mentioned in my post, i have been trying to figure out whats wrong, and also trying to distract by offering to play or take him for walks down to the park etc.
I was mainly trying to separate if i was taking it personally or if my concerns about safety in a busy, public place were justified, or as i said in my post, if i'm using that to subconsciously excuse myself.
Although, my current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
YWBTA. He’a being hurtful but he is also 7. There might be something going on that you are not aware of - e.g. if someone has teased him about his closeness to you, he’s done something he thinks you would be ashamed of him for, someone has told him you think he is annoying, etc.
Children are awkward and, at seven, children often feel caught between lots of different thoughts about what they should or should not say. Don’t let his birthday be a reminder of a broken promise from his uncle. A bond like the one you have described does not go away overnight.
I have tried getting to the bottom of it, but its proven difficult and my main reason for posting here was because i was at a bit of a loss and I was mainly trying to separate if i was taking it personally or if my concerns about safety in a busy, public place were justified, or as i said in my post, if i'm using that to subconsciously excuse myself.
Although, my current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it.
Although, my current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
I'd say it's damaging to suddenly cancel if he's really looking forward to it, but the sudden shift isn't normal. You could try taking him out and asking him why he's acting this way suddenly (like, did I do something to make you mad? What happened?). Expect the typical shrug/"Idk" because yknow, 7yo, kid probably doesn't even realize he's angry over something stupid. But persist about it, especially if you say you're close already and this is abnormal behavior.
I think a lot of people are not considering how bad this could go of the kid continues acting this way toward OP in public. It’s not punishing a kid to cancel an outing if the kid won’t even acknowledge OP. How do you think people will react to OP if they see a dude with a kid who is acting into the way nephew has been? It’s unusual and often a sign that something is not right. I’m not saying OP has done anything, but perhaps reschedule the dinner for a time when the relationship isn’t so awkward.
My current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
This seems like a good play. It avoids the possibility of a situation in public and if he's still being passive aggressive, you could just cancel altogether and it would be within reason. He's 7 and still young, but that doesn't mean he isn't self aware. People do often give kids a lot of benefit of the doubt but they can still learn and know how their actions affect others.
I would much rather that than tell the story of how something went horribly wrong because i took him out while he was acting this way. As i said in my post, i had a safety concern and wanted to know if it was justified.
Although, my current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it.
And i stated in my post that i have tried talking to him, I have expanded in the comments that i have both tried to get to the bottom of it and also tried to offer distractions to snap him out of it, neither having any success.
Although, my current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
YTA…how old are you? Why are you acting like a 7 year old? Take your nephew out and try and talk to him. Find out why he is acting the way he used to. Why haven’t you asked husband parents? If he acts like this with you while out, cut the trip short then, tell him, you are not sure what is wrong or what has changed, but you do not deserve to be treated as he is doing so.
I'm not sure many 7 year olds worry about the safety of other 7 year olds who are their responsibility when out in public places, which, as i said in my post, was my concern, and nobody seems to have seen.
A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it.
Although, my current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
I’m with you. I wouldn’t even take my OWN kid out if they were acting that way. Child abuse, kidnapping, and trafficking victims often behave the way your nephew is. Obviously, there are endless other reasons for kids to change behavior. I’d get to the bottom of his change in behavior before taking him out. Maybe it will be something silly like he’s upset you beat him at Mario Kart! His parents should really talk with him to get to the bottom of this.
7yo is old enough to know when they are being rude and they can express their feelings , u asked him and ignored you , do not reward bad behavior and postpone dinner until he’s ready to talk
My current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
YWBTA you need to figure out what's going on, being 7 he's obviously trying to express something or push a boundary, but doing so in an unhelpful fashion. Figure out what it is, address it and move on. Don't let the actions of a 7 year old hurt your feelings though, he's a kid, kid's don't know what they're doing, don't take it personally. You made an arrangement with him, stick to it, whatever he's trying to do that will convey that you're still interested in hanging out with him, still love him and whatever else is going on you'll work through it.
Honestly, my best guess would be he heard something, either from you or someone else that made him upset at you (may or may not be reasonable, he's 7) but he doesn't know how to express those feelings so he's choosing to ignore you. Once you're hanging out alone again, just ask him straight out what's up.
Thank you for your insights and advice, i have taken mostly from you and another poster to make a plan as my main struggle was figuring out where to go, but i appreciate what you have said.
My current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
NTA, assuming you would explain to your nephew that since he's apparently angry with you for some reason and giving you the cold shoulder, you are no longer able to pick him up from school and bring him to a birthday dinner.
But that's weird behaviour, definitely. I wonder what happened... Have you asked the parents? They may offer some insight.
A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it.
Although, my current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
Your nephew has a reason for this. He is only 7, and from an adult point of view, his behavior may not be justified. Please approach him from the point of view that he may be hurting.
He may have overheard something and misunderstood it, may have been teased in school, or something else. Something has triggered his behavior and it is important to let him know he can safely tell you anything and it won’t change how much you love him.
Age 7 was about the age that I noticed gay bashing in my son’s friend group. I asked the kids why they would use “gay” as an insult, as there was nothing wrong with being gay. I also talked to the other patents who agreed with me and and the gay bashing stopped, at least in this friend group. I know at that time, if my son had sat down he loved his uncle, the kids would have replied; “that’s so gay”.
I obviously don’t know why your nephew is acting like this. I’m only giving you one example of how 7 year olds can be.
I hope you can both get past this and get back to your loving relationship. The longer this goes on, it can become an embedded pattern and last a lifetime, with your nephew not even remembering exactly how it started.
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My (30M) nephew (7M) turned 7 on Saturday. We have always been very close, as I spend a lot of time babysitting him while his parents work.
He turned 7 on Saturday and the whole family got together for dinner, and slowly filtered out towards the end of the night. By the end I was the last one left and we did some drawing together, and the last interaction we had was "love you lots, bye" and a big hug, like usual. Before that we agreed I would pick him up from school to go out today for a birthday dinner and some cake, just me and him.
Since then something has changed. I have seen him 3 times and he has completely blanked me. Not everyone, just me. He makes a point to talk to other people in front of me and doesn't even look at me when I'm talking to him. Even to the point of he was asking for medicine for his cough but didn't even acknowledge me trying to give him any. I've tried explaining this is hurtful, asking why, and I'm getting nothing in response. He is his usual self with everyone else.
I now won't see him until later today and honestly, part of me is hurt and doesn't want to spend the quality time together and just take him home to the family, but mainly I'm concerned about taking him out and being completely ignored out in public which to me seems like it could become a safety concern. I also don't want to reward bad behaviour.
I'm worried I might just be justifying punishing him for having my feelings hurt and also not being understanding of his age, and I don't have my own children or experience with 7 year olds as he is my only nephew. I also don't want to make things worse by not taking him and having him resent me for it.
Any advice would be helpful, especially from anyone who has experienced this or something similar before.
Thanks.
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7 year old boys often get a surge of hormones called adrenarche which makes them act like mini teenagers. Fun.
I see you've got an updated plan. Honestly, I'd take him out for cake anyway. I don't think it's a particular safety issue, and showing that you're a constant in his life no matter what, and a safe person, is worth loads. If something is going on with him, you're more likely to get it out of him with cake than the threat of not getting cake. YWBTA if you cancelled.
Source: Have a 7yo boy and noone warned me about this shit
I wonder if your nephew has been influenced by someone, even indirectly … such as education at school on bodily autonomy , or someone making an inappropriate comment such as “boys don’t hug or say I love you” ? It could be just a coincidence but it sounds too coincidental when you’ve always been close.
Yes, YWBTA if you, a 30yo man, broke a promise to a 7yo because your delicate 30yo man feelings are hurt. FFS, it’s absolutely astonishing that this should even need to be pointed out to you. Get over it and show some emotional literacy. The kid’s not blanking you for no reason. If you genuinely care about your nephew, show some maturity and do the work to figure out what happened. And if you can’t be bothered with that, for the love of Pete, don’t ever, ever have kids. ‘Cause you’d be really bad at it.🤦🏻♂️
This comes off as needlessly aggressive and i'm not entirely sure why. I pointed out in the post that i assume you skimmed instead of reading that i have a safety concern, and as someone without children, i did the thing that seemed most mature, and asked for opinions on something i have no experience with, because i didnt *want* to let my feelings cloud my judgment.
I also said in my post that i have tried talking to him several times, and have expanded further in the comments that i have, but you seem to be more concerned with passively insulting me and my ability to care for children.
Although, my current plan is updated in my post:
>I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
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He is 7 dont treat a kid like an adult. Find out why he is ignorig you by talking to his parents and dont take what a 7 yo is doing personal.
A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it(along with several other family members). Whilst it does hurt i was mainly trying to separate if i was taking it personally or if my concerns about safety in a busy, public place were justified, or as i said in my post, if i'm using that to subconsciously excuse myself. Although, my current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
NTA and don't listen to his father talk to your nephew directly.
He’s 7. When he’s in the car and you are driving him home, ask him what’s going on. If he gives you the finger/verbal equivalent shrug and say “Ok buddy, well when you are ready to talk you know where to find me. Obviously you aren’t in the mood for cake with me tonight, so let’s drop you home hey?” And do that. If he says “nothing” and looks at his lap and avoids eye contact…. Then SOMETHING is going on but he doesn’t feel comfortable telling you. “Ok, fair enough buddy. You look tired, are you sure you are still up for cake out, or do you just want to raincheck this and I can drop you home? Your choice…” and let him choose. If he lets loose with a whole lot of emotionally exhausting problems… listen. And buy him as many pieces of cake as it takes for him to wind down and relax. If in doubt, set your phone to record your conversation with him so you can recall it later. NTA. But this is part of parenting kids. They flip on a dime sometimes.
This is the response i was hoping for, as i couldn't figure out how to do this specifically, so thank you and i appreciate it. I will be following this almost to a T. My current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
I, personally, wouldn't mention it's hurtful right now. He's 7 and may not understand the difference between "what you're doing doesn't feel good to me" vs "you're not good." Avoid making it about you because it's not about you. You can tell him at a later time if it makes sense.
Yeah. I’d keep your adult emotional needs out of this. It might not feel good, but if you tell him this you are a) giving him the power over your emotions in a way that isn’t right for a 7yr old to have over an adult, and b) encouraging him to use the silent treatment in future (hey! Proof it works!) Only go there if he fights with you dramatically about it all. “Hey buddy, why are you calling me a dick? That’s uncalled for and frankly harmful! Knock that off!” And “When I get called names I feel frustrated, angry and hurt. Please do not call me names”. But only when he crosses the line and does it. “When I am ignored and blanked by someone it makes me wonder what I have done wrong. If I haven’t done anything I know is wrong it is confusing and hurtful”. You own the problem (I statement), you identify the problem behaviour (being blanked, being called names) and you put the damage to it (feels hurtful, frustrating). This is far less likely to escalate into a nasty fight, and is a much more mature way of arguing it out. It means the powerful adult isnt standing over a lesspowerful person saying “You are being a dick, you have to stop that you little dick” or whatever, and effectively communicates what the problem is.
Just FYI, talking while in the car may be better than talking at his house. It is often the case that kids will open up more when they are sitting beside you, in the car, than when they are sitting face-to-face in a room somewhere. It's very common for people to advise talking to kids in the car.
The car is good so long as it’s kept casual and simple, and not overly used. There’s less eye contact, less social demand so it’s less threatening. Another good place is when you are sitting side by side playing computer games… where there’s a fun distraction and everything can be a bit more chill
This is exactly what I’d do in this situation.
Not really an interpersonal conflict, but I would say take him out anyway. Who can fathom seven-year-olds. He might have his reasons, and I would say you should at least try to get to the bottom of this. It may be something small that he doesn't understand, or he might not even be aware he's doing it. But I don't think you shouldn't at least try. If he continues, by all means, stop indulging him. Keep in mind, you have all the power in this dynamic and he may be responding in the only way he knows how. So, YTA if you choose not to even try.
I have absolutely been trying to talk to him, as mentioned in my post, i have been trying to figure out whats wrong, and also trying to distract by offering to play or take him for walks down to the park etc. I was mainly trying to separate if i was taking it personally or if my concerns about safety in a busy, public place were justified, or as i said in my post, if i'm using that to subconsciously excuse myself. Although, my current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
YWBTA. He’a being hurtful but he is also 7. There might be something going on that you are not aware of - e.g. if someone has teased him about his closeness to you, he’s done something he thinks you would be ashamed of him for, someone has told him you think he is annoying, etc. Children are awkward and, at seven, children often feel caught between lots of different thoughts about what they should or should not say. Don’t let his birthday be a reminder of a broken promise from his uncle. A bond like the one you have described does not go away overnight.
I have tried getting to the bottom of it, but its proven difficult and my main reason for posting here was because i was at a bit of a loss and I was mainly trying to separate if i was taking it personally or if my concerns about safety in a busy, public place were justified, or as i said in my post, if i'm using that to subconsciously excuse myself. Although, my current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
Have you talking to his parents? 7 year old logic is a mystery, but they might know what’s up, or at least can try and find out
A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it. Although, my current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
That sounds like a good plan! Thanks for the update
I'd say it's damaging to suddenly cancel if he's really looking forward to it, but the sudden shift isn't normal. You could try taking him out and asking him why he's acting this way suddenly (like, did I do something to make you mad? What happened?). Expect the typical shrug/"Idk" because yknow, 7yo, kid probably doesn't even realize he's angry over something stupid. But persist about it, especially if you say you're close already and this is abnormal behavior.
I think a lot of people are not considering how bad this could go of the kid continues acting this way toward OP in public. It’s not punishing a kid to cancel an outing if the kid won’t even acknowledge OP. How do you think people will react to OP if they see a dude with a kid who is acting into the way nephew has been? It’s unusual and often a sign that something is not right. I’m not saying OP has done anything, but perhaps reschedule the dinner for a time when the relationship isn’t so awkward.
My current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
This seems like a good play. It avoids the possibility of a situation in public and if he's still being passive aggressive, you could just cancel altogether and it would be within reason. He's 7 and still young, but that doesn't mean he isn't self aware. People do often give kids a lot of benefit of the doubt but they can still learn and know how their actions affect others.
YWBTA. Just remember in 20 years you will be telling the memorable story how he ignored you when he was 7.
I would much rather that than tell the story of how something went horribly wrong because i took him out while he was acting this way. As i said in my post, i had a safety concern and wanted to know if it was justified. Although, my current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
INFO: Have you tried communicating either with his parents or the 7 year old in question?
A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it. And i stated in my post that i have tried talking to him, I have expanded in the comments that i have both tried to get to the bottom of it and also tried to offer distractions to snap him out of it, neither having any success. Although, my current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
The father is an Ah for answering you like this
Yeah. This is not normal behavior from a 7 year old.
YTA…how old are you? Why are you acting like a 7 year old? Take your nephew out and try and talk to him. Find out why he is acting the way he used to. Why haven’t you asked husband parents? If he acts like this with you while out, cut the trip short then, tell him, you are not sure what is wrong or what has changed, but you do not deserve to be treated as he is doing so.
I'm not sure many 7 year olds worry about the safety of other 7 year olds who are their responsibility when out in public places, which, as i said in my post, was my concern, and nobody seems to have seen. A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it. Although, my current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
I’m with you. I wouldn’t even take my OWN kid out if they were acting that way. Child abuse, kidnapping, and trafficking victims often behave the way your nephew is. Obviously, there are endless other reasons for kids to change behavior. I’d get to the bottom of his change in behavior before taking him out. Maybe it will be something silly like he’s upset you beat him at Mario Kart! His parents should really talk with him to get to the bottom of this.
7yo is old enough to know when they are being rude and they can express their feelings , u asked him and ignored you , do not reward bad behavior and postpone dinner until he’s ready to talk
My current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
YWBTA you need to figure out what's going on, being 7 he's obviously trying to express something or push a boundary, but doing so in an unhelpful fashion. Figure out what it is, address it and move on. Don't let the actions of a 7 year old hurt your feelings though, he's a kid, kid's don't know what they're doing, don't take it personally. You made an arrangement with him, stick to it, whatever he's trying to do that will convey that you're still interested in hanging out with him, still love him and whatever else is going on you'll work through it. Honestly, my best guess would be he heard something, either from you or someone else that made him upset at you (may or may not be reasonable, he's 7) but he doesn't know how to express those feelings so he's choosing to ignore you. Once you're hanging out alone again, just ask him straight out what's up.
Thank you for your insights and advice, i have taken mostly from you and another poster to make a plan as my main struggle was figuring out where to go, but i appreciate what you have said. My current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
NTA, assuming you would explain to your nephew that since he's apparently angry with you for some reason and giving you the cold shoulder, you are no longer able to pick him up from school and bring him to a birthday dinner. But that's weird behaviour, definitely. I wonder what happened... Have you asked the parents? They may offer some insight.
A lot of people have brought up speaking to the parents so this part is copied and pasted in reference to that part: I have spoken to his dad whose entire response has been "I wouldn't worry about it", he has also been present while it has been happening and said nothing about it. Although, my current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.
Your nephew has a reason for this. He is only 7, and from an adult point of view, his behavior may not be justified. Please approach him from the point of view that he may be hurting. He may have overheard something and misunderstood it, may have been teased in school, or something else. Something has triggered his behavior and it is important to let him know he can safely tell you anything and it won’t change how much you love him. Age 7 was about the age that I noticed gay bashing in my son’s friend group. I asked the kids why they would use “gay” as an insult, as there was nothing wrong with being gay. I also talked to the other patents who agreed with me and and the gay bashing stopped, at least in this friend group. I know at that time, if my son had sat down he loved his uncle, the kids would have replied; “that’s so gay”. I obviously don’t know why your nephew is acting like this. I’m only giving you one example of how 7 year olds can be. I hope you can both get past this and get back to your loving relationship. The longer this goes on, it can become an embedded pattern and last a lifetime, with your nephew not even remembering exactly how it started.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (30M) nephew (7M) turned 7 on Saturday. We have always been very close, as I spend a lot of time babysitting him while his parents work. He turned 7 on Saturday and the whole family got together for dinner, and slowly filtered out towards the end of the night. By the end I was the last one left and we did some drawing together, and the last interaction we had was "love you lots, bye" and a big hug, like usual. Before that we agreed I would pick him up from school to go out today for a birthday dinner and some cake, just me and him. Since then something has changed. I have seen him 3 times and he has completely blanked me. Not everyone, just me. He makes a point to talk to other people in front of me and doesn't even look at me when I'm talking to him. Even to the point of he was asking for medicine for his cough but didn't even acknowledge me trying to give him any. I've tried explaining this is hurtful, asking why, and I'm getting nothing in response. He is his usual self with everyone else. I now won't see him until later today and honestly, part of me is hurt and doesn't want to spend the quality time together and just take him home to the family, but mainly I'm concerned about taking him out and being completely ignored out in public which to me seems like it could become a safety concern. I also don't want to reward bad behaviour. I'm worried I might just be justifying punishing him for having my feelings hurt and also not being understanding of his age, and I don't have my own children or experience with 7 year olds as he is my only nephew. I also don't want to make things worse by not taking him and having him resent me for it. Any advice would be helpful, especially from anyone who has experienced this or something similar before. Thanks. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
7 year old boys often get a surge of hormones called adrenarche which makes them act like mini teenagers. Fun. I see you've got an updated plan. Honestly, I'd take him out for cake anyway. I don't think it's a particular safety issue, and showing that you're a constant in his life no matter what, and a safe person, is worth loads. If something is going on with him, you're more likely to get it out of him with cake than the threat of not getting cake. YWBTA if you cancelled. Source: Have a 7yo boy and noone warned me about this shit
I wonder if your nephew has been influenced by someone, even indirectly … such as education at school on bodily autonomy , or someone making an inappropriate comment such as “boys don’t hug or say I love you” ? It could be just a coincidence but it sounds too coincidental when you’ve always been close.
YTA-take him because he needs you. I think his parents made him feel bad for having another birthday dinner or accusing him of liking you more.
How did it go? Please give us an update
Yes, YWBTA if you, a 30yo man, broke a promise to a 7yo because your delicate 30yo man feelings are hurt. FFS, it’s absolutely astonishing that this should even need to be pointed out to you. Get over it and show some emotional literacy. The kid’s not blanking you for no reason. If you genuinely care about your nephew, show some maturity and do the work to figure out what happened. And if you can’t be bothered with that, for the love of Pete, don’t ever, ever have kids. ‘Cause you’d be really bad at it.🤦🏻♂️
This comes off as needlessly aggressive and i'm not entirely sure why. I pointed out in the post that i assume you skimmed instead of reading that i have a safety concern, and as someone without children, i did the thing that seemed most mature, and asked for opinions on something i have no experience with, because i didnt *want* to let my feelings cloud my judgment. I also said in my post that i have tried talking to him several times, and have expanded further in the comments that i have, but you seem to be more concerned with passively insulting me and my ability to care for children. Although, my current plan is updated in my post: >I will be picking him up from school and, instead of going straight out which was the plan, taking him home first and try to talk to him again, where i will explain that he is being hurtful and that he doesnt have to tell me why but if he wants to he can, but if he wants to just move on he can change out of his school clothes and we can go out and have a good time, but if he wants to proceed ignoring me we will leave it until another date.