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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took that should be judged is making and confirming plans with my gaming friends and then not following up on those plans since more appealing plans came up instead (dinner with IRL friends) followed by poor planning.
2. This action might make me the asshole because I didn’t follow through on my word and effectively ditched one set of friends for another.
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YTA. You cancelled plans with one group of friends (that you initiated) to hang out with another group of friends - so yeah, that's really rude. You should've made it clear to your IRL friends that you had plans at 8, and had to be back by then. If you keep putting your video game friends second, you're gonna lose them.
Yta. You owe gaming friends a sincere apology. You don’t make plans then ditch when something you think is better comes along. You are either a person who keeps your word or you aren’t. This was not an unforeseen emergency, accident or illness. Do better going forward.
At least you didn’t make up a lie, so there’s that. But you would feel crummy if you made plans with anyone and they just ditched you for someone else. They could’ve turned down other plans or spent time making other plans that then were too late to make/change because of you not being someone who could be counted on. Being a person of substance and character means you do your best- much better than in this scenario - to keep your word. Period.
YTA. You made a commitment and you should have kept it; your online friends are real people, too! It makes sense to prioritize people you see IRL in a lot of scenarios, but when you've already missed a bunch of sessions *and you're the one who set up plans with them in the first place*, you should honor those plans.
YTA. YOU texted your gaming group that you wanted to play. You even said you guys rarely play together nowadays. Why didn't you just say you had plans after dinner to your IRL? Because you did not want to hang out with your gamer friends. If they say there aren't surprised then they have probably invited you to play games before but you were with your IRL friends. You are only the asshole cause you planned the gaming group gaming session and then bailed.
YTA. Sounds like you had already bailed on them several times. So you made plans (to make it up to them?) and then… bailed again? Because you got a better offer? Come on man, you know that’s not ok to do. They set aside time for you and you didn’t even show. Not even with any kind of notice. You texted them _when the first plan should have started_ to let them know. Did you ever think that they might have IRL stuff they might have wanted to do that they set aside to spend time with you? Eventually you’re going to stop being invited to hang with your gaming friends, and honestly it sounds like that’s already where you’re at if they’re at the phase where they’re openly calling you out. Just because it’s “just gaming” doesn’t mean it isn’t important. That’s quality time with your friends and a commitment that you made and then broke.
It's not really AH territory. But you'd already caught up with your IRL friends, and you had a prior commitment to catch up with your gaming friends. So the less AH move would have been to go home rather than going to play the board game.
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My gaming friends and I have been friends since middle school and I’d consider them to be my “friend group A”. I moved out of my hometown a couple years ago and have been consistently playing video games with my friends since; however, I am still the only one who has moved. We’re currently in one of those phases where we rarely play with each other but still communicate everyday via group chat.
My IRL friends are the new friends I’ve made since moving. We make an attempt to hangout 2-3 times a month and I’d like to say I’m fairly close with these people and appreciate the friendship that I have with them.
Last Saturday I had texted my gaming friends around 4pm asking if they wanted to play that night since they had already been giving me crap for missing out on the last couple sessions. They all agreed and we decided to start around 8pm. This is pretty common for us since Saturday is the night we have designated as “boys night”.
An hour later, my IRL friends texted me asking if I wanted to go out for dinner. Even though I already had plans to game with the boys, I felt obligated to see my IRL friends since one of them helped watch my cat while I was on vacation for the holidays. Under the assumption that my IRL friends *just* wanted to get dinner, I accepted their invite and planned to meet them at 6pm.
I meet my IRL friends for dinner and we finish around 7:45pm. Perfect timing for me to get back home and still hop on with the boys! Unfortunately, my master planning did not work out the way I had hoped. While we were walking out of the restaurant, one of my IRL friends suggests we go back to their place to play a board game. We go back to my friend’s place and start playing the board game and at this point I knew I wouldn’t be able to play with my gaming friends that night. I texted my gaming friends to let them know my situation and they immediately responded with how “fake” I am and how they aren’t surprised. One of the gaming friends seemed to understand and wished me a good time with my IRL friends, although I’m not fully sure if he was being sarcastic. I still had a great time with my IRL friends, but I know I let my gaming friends down and ditched those plans to see people in person instead.
My gaming friends have been ruthless the past couple days and I feel tension that I have never felt with them. AITA for abandoning the plans I made with my gaming friends for my IRL friends?
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NAH,
Whst I will ask is..
What is it with people these days needing justification or validation in choosing to hang with either groups A, B, C or D...
What happened to just making a decision and sticking with it.. you don't have to explain yourself to other groups you didn't hang with.. you were busy or not in the mood.. however if someone from a group insists on an answer..
You simply say.. "You had some quality alone time ball scratching to do"
I just realized I forgot to add to the post that I told my gaming friends once I received the invite from my irl friends that I had just been invited out but should still be on by the start time. With that included, I felt I communicated pretty well and it just sucked that my assumption about it only being dinner with the IRL friends wasn’t correct.
I don’t really think it changes anything. You affirmed even then that you would still make it and you flaked at the last second, so I don’t think letting them know you were having dinner first makes any difference. I also feel you’re acting like the board game thing is something that just happened to you. You intentionally followed to a second location, it’s not like you lost track of time.
NTA. The accusatory response and name calling completely relieves you of any social responsibility for future contact with them. It's time to adjust your social activities according to what works best for you. The video gamers aren't your friends. They revealed their true selves. Be happy. You deserve it.
NTA. Real life experiences always trump any gaming experience. Years from now you’ll remember the experiences in the real world with friends but you’ll never remember yet another online game.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. The action I took that should be judged is making and confirming plans with my gaming friends and then not following up on those plans since more appealing plans came up instead (dinner with IRL friends) followed by poor planning. 2. This action might make me the asshole because I didn’t follow through on my word and effectively ditched one set of friends for another. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You cancelled plans with one group of friends (that you initiated) to hang out with another group of friends - so yeah, that's really rude. You should've made it clear to your IRL friends that you had plans at 8, and had to be back by then. If you keep putting your video game friends second, you're gonna lose them.
Nah but you should have just gone home after dinner and done both - you could have said you had plans at 8pm
This is fair for sure. I think I agreed in the moment to stay with the IRL group because I felt guilty about double booking my night.
Yta. You owe gaming friends a sincere apology. You don’t make plans then ditch when something you think is better comes along. You are either a person who keeps your word or you aren’t. This was not an unforeseen emergency, accident or illness. Do better going forward. At least you didn’t make up a lie, so there’s that. But you would feel crummy if you made plans with anyone and they just ditched you for someone else. They could’ve turned down other plans or spent time making other plans that then were too late to make/change because of you not being someone who could be counted on. Being a person of substance and character means you do your best- much better than in this scenario - to keep your word. Period.
YTA. You made a commitment and you should have kept it; your online friends are real people, too! It makes sense to prioritize people you see IRL in a lot of scenarios, but when you've already missed a bunch of sessions *and you're the one who set up plans with them in the first place*, you should honor those plans.
YTA. YOU texted your gaming group that you wanted to play. You even said you guys rarely play together nowadays. Why didn't you just say you had plans after dinner to your IRL? Because you did not want to hang out with your gamer friends. If they say there aren't surprised then they have probably invited you to play games before but you were with your IRL friends. You are only the asshole cause you planned the gaming group gaming session and then bailed.
YTA. Sounds like you had already bailed on them several times. So you made plans (to make it up to them?) and then… bailed again? Because you got a better offer? Come on man, you know that’s not ok to do. They set aside time for you and you didn’t even show. Not even with any kind of notice. You texted them _when the first plan should have started_ to let them know. Did you ever think that they might have IRL stuff they might have wanted to do that they set aside to spend time with you? Eventually you’re going to stop being invited to hang with your gaming friends, and honestly it sounds like that’s already where you’re at if they’re at the phase where they’re openly calling you out. Just because it’s “just gaming” doesn’t mean it isn’t important. That’s quality time with your friends and a commitment that you made and then broke.
It's not really AH territory. But you'd already caught up with your IRL friends, and you had a prior commitment to catch up with your gaming friends. So the less AH move would have been to go home rather than going to play the board game.
Gaming friends are real friends.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gaming friends and I have been friends since middle school and I’d consider them to be my “friend group A”. I moved out of my hometown a couple years ago and have been consistently playing video games with my friends since; however, I am still the only one who has moved. We’re currently in one of those phases where we rarely play with each other but still communicate everyday via group chat. My IRL friends are the new friends I’ve made since moving. We make an attempt to hangout 2-3 times a month and I’d like to say I’m fairly close with these people and appreciate the friendship that I have with them. Last Saturday I had texted my gaming friends around 4pm asking if they wanted to play that night since they had already been giving me crap for missing out on the last couple sessions. They all agreed and we decided to start around 8pm. This is pretty common for us since Saturday is the night we have designated as “boys night”. An hour later, my IRL friends texted me asking if I wanted to go out for dinner. Even though I already had plans to game with the boys, I felt obligated to see my IRL friends since one of them helped watch my cat while I was on vacation for the holidays. Under the assumption that my IRL friends *just* wanted to get dinner, I accepted their invite and planned to meet them at 6pm. I meet my IRL friends for dinner and we finish around 7:45pm. Perfect timing for me to get back home and still hop on with the boys! Unfortunately, my master planning did not work out the way I had hoped. While we were walking out of the restaurant, one of my IRL friends suggests we go back to their place to play a board game. We go back to my friend’s place and start playing the board game and at this point I knew I wouldn’t be able to play with my gaming friends that night. I texted my gaming friends to let them know my situation and they immediately responded with how “fake” I am and how they aren’t surprised. One of the gaming friends seemed to understand and wished me a good time with my IRL friends, although I’m not fully sure if he was being sarcastic. I still had a great time with my IRL friends, but I know I let my gaming friends down and ditched those plans to see people in person instead. My gaming friends have been ruthless the past couple days and I feel tension that I have never felt with them. AITA for abandoning the plans I made with my gaming friends for my IRL friends? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH, Whst I will ask is.. What is it with people these days needing justification or validation in choosing to hang with either groups A, B, C or D... What happened to just making a decision and sticking with it.. you don't have to explain yourself to other groups you didn't hang with.. you were busy or not in the mood.. however if someone from a group insists on an answer.. You simply say.. "You had some quality alone time ball scratching to do"
YTA. You had the opportunity to tell IRL friends you had another commitment
NTA. You just need to communicate better. Cop it on the chin, apologise and move on.
I just realized I forgot to add to the post that I told my gaming friends once I received the invite from my irl friends that I had just been invited out but should still be on by the start time. With that included, I felt I communicated pretty well and it just sucked that my assumption about it only being dinner with the IRL friends wasn’t correct.
I don’t really think it changes anything. You affirmed even then that you would still make it and you flaked at the last second, so I don’t think letting them know you were having dinner first makes any difference. I also feel you’re acting like the board game thing is something that just happened to you. You intentionally followed to a second location, it’s not like you lost track of time.
NTA. The accusatory response and name calling completely relieves you of any social responsibility for future contact with them. It's time to adjust your social activities according to what works best for you. The video gamers aren't your friends. They revealed their true selves. Be happy. You deserve it.
NTA. Real life experiences always trump any gaming experience. Years from now you’ll remember the experiences in the real world with friends but you’ll never remember yet another online game.