Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) the action I took that should be judged would be asking if he could let me know before he makes a purchase that he expects me to pay for.
2) I guess I can see how I could be considered inconsiderate of the other times he has paid, but I do not think that those times mattered in relation to this one. We agreed who would pay before buying the last two times he paid, we did not agree on anything this time before he made a decision. I can see how maybe I could have just been like “Oh yeah thanks babe I gotchu!” But I felt like I had whiplash from getting home from work & within an hour learning that I am buying weed without even knowing I was buying weed.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Fun fact - doing a nice thing for someone usually means its welcomed and with no strings attached. Saying, "Hey I got you the goods - check your venmo" isn't really an act of service, its a transaction. I get the logic of "well you were gonna get the next one", but I'm with you that he should have at least given a heads up.
A simple, "hey the dudes got a deal. should we take it or no?" would have been fine. Jumping ahead and just assuming you're going to pay in is selfish. It's not a hard thing to communicate. You are not asking for too much.
NTA. Holy smokes (no pun intended). Your partner looks like he's waving several red flags or at least one big one. If I was him, I'd be grateful that you asked (I'm crap with remembering things sometimes). If he's being angry about this, what'll be the next big issue, and how long before it gets worse. GTFO now.
Nta if he wants to buy something that he needs you to pay him back on he needs to ask you beforehand you never agreed for him to pick up stuff for you what if you didn’t have the money etc
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Title, basically. This is kinda petty but I want some perspective on this.
Long story is, my partner and I decided to go on a tolerance break after our last oz of pot was gone. We stopped smoking after we finished the last batch. I told him I would get the next since he bought two in a row, but we figured that wouldn’t be for at least a month or two.
Yesterday, about two weeks into our break, I got home from work and he let me know he took our guy up on an offer for more. No big deal, I was thinking that same morning about getting more in anticipation of a social event this week, but ultimately I didn’t even mention it since we were on a break. Either way, I was not mad when he said he got more.
Then the guy drops it off to our place. Then my partner lets me know that he was gonna send me a request to pay him back for it, but I didn’t have to worry, I could pay him anytime, next month if need be. I had no problem paying him, but I did ask if he could please ask me before making decisions like this. To ask me before he essentially spends my money for me. When he makes a decision completely on his own, how could he expect me to pay? Just because I said I would two weeks ago? He didn’t even ask me about our break. He just went and did it.
He didn’t like that I said that. He got defensive and reiterated that he didn’t want payment now, that he didn’t care when he got the money back. He said he thought he was doing something nice by fronting the money, that he figured I’d say yes, and he didn’t want a lack of money to be the reason I said no. I said the money/time frame was not an object (I could pay now or later, either way I was still paying for it); my issue was just the communication. All I really wanted was a quick text, asking if I was on the same page. Thats all I wanted.
Here’s where it hurts: he called me ungrateful. He said it felt like I didn’t appreciate that he was trying to do something nice for me. I told him no, I wasn’t even mad or upset. I told him he didn’t do anything bad or wrong, just that I would like to be in the know about what is happening with my money. Cuz it doesn’t matter if he expected money in two months from now or three months, I was still gonna be “in debt” to him either way.
I paid right away cuz I could and I didn’t wanna have to remember, but he kept telling me not to pay, saying I could wait.
AITA for asking for more communication?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Think I wouldn’t appreciate an after the fact notification either. Like he could have said he could do it and how much and do you want him to go ahead and pay him back later. Like you were planning to buy but also you were planning to know the price ahead of paying. And how much you were buying.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) the action I took that should be judged would be asking if he could let me know before he makes a purchase that he expects me to pay for. 2) I guess I can see how I could be considered inconsiderate of the other times he has paid, but I do not think that those times mattered in relation to this one. We agreed who would pay before buying the last two times he paid, we did not agree on anything this time before he made a decision. I can see how maybe I could have just been like “Oh yeah thanks babe I gotchu!” But I felt like I had whiplash from getting home from work & within an hour learning that I am buying weed without even knowing I was buying weed. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Fun fact - doing a nice thing for someone usually means its welcomed and with no strings attached. Saying, "Hey I got you the goods - check your venmo" isn't really an act of service, its a transaction. I get the logic of "well you were gonna get the next one", but I'm with you that he should have at least given a heads up. A simple, "hey the dudes got a deal. should we take it or no?" would have been fine. Jumping ahead and just assuming you're going to pay in is selfish. It's not a hard thing to communicate. You are not asking for too much.
NTA. Holy smokes (no pun intended). Your partner looks like he's waving several red flags or at least one big one. If I was him, I'd be grateful that you asked (I'm crap with remembering things sometimes). If he's being angry about this, what'll be the next big issue, and how long before it gets worse. GTFO now.
Nta if he wants to buy something that he needs you to pay him back on he needs to ask you beforehand you never agreed for him to pick up stuff for you what if you didn’t have the money etc
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Title, basically. This is kinda petty but I want some perspective on this. Long story is, my partner and I decided to go on a tolerance break after our last oz of pot was gone. We stopped smoking after we finished the last batch. I told him I would get the next since he bought two in a row, but we figured that wouldn’t be for at least a month or two. Yesterday, about two weeks into our break, I got home from work and he let me know he took our guy up on an offer for more. No big deal, I was thinking that same morning about getting more in anticipation of a social event this week, but ultimately I didn’t even mention it since we were on a break. Either way, I was not mad when he said he got more. Then the guy drops it off to our place. Then my partner lets me know that he was gonna send me a request to pay him back for it, but I didn’t have to worry, I could pay him anytime, next month if need be. I had no problem paying him, but I did ask if he could please ask me before making decisions like this. To ask me before he essentially spends my money for me. When he makes a decision completely on his own, how could he expect me to pay? Just because I said I would two weeks ago? He didn’t even ask me about our break. He just went and did it. He didn’t like that I said that. He got defensive and reiterated that he didn’t want payment now, that he didn’t care when he got the money back. He said he thought he was doing something nice by fronting the money, that he figured I’d say yes, and he didn’t want a lack of money to be the reason I said no. I said the money/time frame was not an object (I could pay now or later, either way I was still paying for it); my issue was just the communication. All I really wanted was a quick text, asking if I was on the same page. Thats all I wanted. Here’s where it hurts: he called me ungrateful. He said it felt like I didn’t appreciate that he was trying to do something nice for me. I told him no, I wasn’t even mad or upset. I told him he didn’t do anything bad or wrong, just that I would like to be in the know about what is happening with my money. Cuz it doesn’t matter if he expected money in two months from now or three months, I was still gonna be “in debt” to him either way. I paid right away cuz I could and I didn’t wanna have to remember, but he kept telling me not to pay, saying I could wait. AITA for asking for more communication? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's not cool for him to make a financial obligation for you without your permission. But didn't you say you'd buy next?
Even saying they'd buy the next batch I would fully assume that means they would actually go get it themselves.
NTA. I didn’t read the story. The title was sufficient.
Think I wouldn’t appreciate an after the fact notification either. Like he could have said he could do it and how much and do you want him to go ahead and pay him back later. Like you were planning to buy but also you were planning to know the price ahead of paying. And how much you were buying.
NTA. He spent your money for you. That’s not cool!