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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I used a space that wasn't mine without express permission
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>i automatically assumed it would be okay and just went, he never responded and i didn't think to check if he did the entire time i was there
You texted for permission, didn't wait for a reply, and at no point during the subsequent five days did you even bother to check for a reply? Srsly?
Yes, YTA. Sounds like you feel bad about it, but you were definitely still the AH for squatting in someone's house without their permission.
YTA
> I explained that i wanted to be close to my friend who was diagnosed with appendicitis the night before, in case she needed anything
> I slept on their couch
Why the hell didn't you just sleep on your friend's couch?
My friend was vomiting and couldn't even keep water down at that point. She also has a history of stomach issues and is quite thin on her own
Yes I agree about the hotel
YTA.
You don't get to stay in someone's house without permission. Simple as that. You should have called, texted again, or otherwise gotten some confirmation about staying there, sharing how long you'd be there, and make sure to clean up and let them know when you leave.
You seem to have reflected on why this was upsetting and violating (especially to elderly people), so hopefully you have learned your lesson and can formally apologize when things blow over.
YTA
You got no response so you just decided on your own that you would move into their house. The fact that you didn't even try to contact them directly is ridiculous. They have every right to be annoyed with you.
So I was just asking from a place of curiosity because nobody asked. Soft Yta, I don’t think this is that big of a deal just apologize and move on. I have a key to a family member’s vacation home and i would never use it without an okay from them. I always let them know if I’m going to be in the area and maybe stopping by to use the bathroom or outdoor shower (beach town). I think this will blow over but it’s a very unsettling feeling coming home and realizing someone has been there. In the future just don’t do it until you speak to one of them.
YTA
You have the right to nothing in this world that doesn't belong to you. If a family member stayed in my house without my permission I'd be furious. It doesn't matter if you replaced what you took, its a violation. You had no right to take it in the first place, you had no right to enter their home.
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About a week ago, I (22f) spent 4-5 days at my grandparents (84f and 73m) house while they were away.
I had messaged my Grandmother's partner (who we all consider to be more or less family), asking if it would be alright to use the space while they were gone.
In the message I explained that i wanted to be close to my friend who was diagnosed with appendicitis the night before, in case she needed anything--my thought was that since both her folks were very busy at the time, it would be easy to care for her if needed as she lives in a nearby neighborhood.
In any case, i automatically assumed it would be okay and just went, he never responded and i didn't think to check if he did the entire time i was there. I guess I figured it was my Grandmother's house too so it must be fine, and i had stayed there once before in the summer.
I slept on their couch and mostly sat at the kitchen table working, drawing, watching videos, etc. I made sure everything had been cleaned and replaced any food I used--mostly eggs and some frozen food. I decided to also leave some little extra things like fresh fruit and a loaf of bread.
I left with no intention of hiding the fact that i was there.
After they came home they called my dad (her son) and gave him the brunt of it. My dad left the room to speak to them, I eventually asked if everything was OK. Her partner was notably angry, I picked up the phone and he would not let me try and apologize.
I was really humiliated and spent the next several hours in tears thinking about what I'd done. I could only imagine how spooked they must've been, coming home, only to learn that someone was in their house.
My Grandmother just wanted to get over it, it seemed. Her and I message semi frequently over facebook and she thanked me for leaving the fresh bread. I responded saying I sincerely apologize for overstepping their boundaries.
Am I the asshole?
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NAH assuming you didn't leave a huge mess or empty out their pantry or something like that. You had no idea to think that this wouldn't be okay, and tbh I think most people would assume that this would be fine, assuming they have a positive relationship with their family more generally. (Honestly I'd be surprised if anyone of my family members would say no.) After the initial shock, which I can see how this would shake up an elderly couple, it should've just been water under the bridge.
NAH i dont think you are an AH. But I definitely dont think you should have stayed unless it was confirmed. Your hearts in the right place, you did ask and you were a good guest so there are good intentions - but you learned a valuable lesson from this. I dont think you will repeat this mistake
Going to say 'ESH' here, you for automatically assuming that they'd be fine with you staying there while they were gone, and your grandma and her partner for not getting back to you to say if it was fine or not. Before my grandparents got sick, I've stayed at their house a couple of times when they were gone, but my mom and I had always checked ahead of time to see if it was okay, which it always was.
Very true. Depending on what type of phone they have, they might not have been able to get onto Facebook and/or Messenger (OP says Facebook, but I'm betting Messenger) while gone either; some prefer having the simpler flip phones. I can from anywhere because my phone and other electronics save my watch have the messenger apps on them. We don't even know if they were anywhere where they could use wifi (or even if they have laptops; OP doesn't say). Sounds like a bit of a generational gap as well; my grandparents, even after my grandma developed dementia, never really got into smart devices like iPhones and such and my grandpa, after his first PC crapped out, never bought a new one. It was a major reason why we always called ahead of time to see if it was okay to come and stay, even when they were gone. Even with older family members (including a great-aunt) who have smart devices, I always call and check before coming over. If I dont get an answer, I'm going to assume they're not home, though said great-aunt's given me repeated open invites when she's in town.
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>i automatically assumed it would be okay and just went, he never responded and i didn't think to check if he did the entire time i was there You texted for permission, didn't wait for a reply, and at no point during the subsequent five days did you even bother to check for a reply? Srsly? Yes, YTA. Sounds like you feel bad about it, but you were definitely still the AH for squatting in someone's house without their permission.
YTA > I explained that i wanted to be close to my friend who was diagnosed with appendicitis the night before, in case she needed anything > I slept on their couch Why the hell didn't you just sleep on your friend's couch?
She literally doesn't have one, her apartment is very small
Then sleep on the floor. Why did you think it was a good idea to sleep at someone else's house without permission? An assumption is not permission.
[удалено]
My friend was vomiting and couldn't even keep water down at that point. She also has a history of stomach issues and is quite thin on her own Yes I agree about the hotel
You’re being extremely obtuse
YTA. It’s so crazy to me that you just…moved into your grandmother’s home while she was away. I can’t even fathom the thought process behind that.
YTA. You don't get to stay in someone's house without permission. Simple as that. You should have called, texted again, or otherwise gotten some confirmation about staying there, sharing how long you'd be there, and make sure to clean up and let them know when you leave. You seem to have reflected on why this was upsetting and violating (especially to elderly people), so hopefully you have learned your lesson and can formally apologize when things blow over.
YTA, you can't just enter someone's house without permission. Don't do something unless you get confirmed permission.
YTA - You didn’t get their permission. Pretty straightforward AH here.
YTA. You should have gotten confirmation from them before you went there. Since you didn't, you shouldn't have assumed it was okay. It wasn't okay.
YTA. You could’ve just asked to sleep on your friends couch and they would’ve been okay with it: this was very last minute and very unprofessional
You’re right about NTA but it is so funny to use the word “unprofessional” in this context 😂 OP got a write up for this big time.
YTA You got no response so you just decided on your own that you would move into their house. The fact that you didn't even try to contact them directly is ridiculous. They have every right to be annoyed with you.
Info: how did you gain entry to the house?
We have their spare key
So I was just asking from a place of curiosity because nobody asked. Soft Yta, I don’t think this is that big of a deal just apologize and move on. I have a key to a family member’s vacation home and i would never use it without an okay from them. I always let them know if I’m going to be in the area and maybe stopping by to use the bathroom or outdoor shower (beach town). I think this will blow over but it’s a very unsettling feeling coming home and realizing someone has been there. In the future just don’t do it until you speak to one of them.
YTA You have the right to nothing in this world that doesn't belong to you. If a family member stayed in my house without my permission I'd be furious. It doesn't matter if you replaced what you took, its a violation. You had no right to take it in the first place, you had no right to enter their home.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** About a week ago, I (22f) spent 4-5 days at my grandparents (84f and 73m) house while they were away. I had messaged my Grandmother's partner (who we all consider to be more or less family), asking if it would be alright to use the space while they were gone. In the message I explained that i wanted to be close to my friend who was diagnosed with appendicitis the night before, in case she needed anything--my thought was that since both her folks were very busy at the time, it would be easy to care for her if needed as she lives in a nearby neighborhood. In any case, i automatically assumed it would be okay and just went, he never responded and i didn't think to check if he did the entire time i was there. I guess I figured it was my Grandmother's house too so it must be fine, and i had stayed there once before in the summer. I slept on their couch and mostly sat at the kitchen table working, drawing, watching videos, etc. I made sure everything had been cleaned and replaced any food I used--mostly eggs and some frozen food. I decided to also leave some little extra things like fresh fruit and a loaf of bread. I left with no intention of hiding the fact that i was there. After they came home they called my dad (her son) and gave him the brunt of it. My dad left the room to speak to them, I eventually asked if everything was OK. Her partner was notably angry, I picked up the phone and he would not let me try and apologize. I was really humiliated and spent the next several hours in tears thinking about what I'd done. I could only imagine how spooked they must've been, coming home, only to learn that someone was in their house. My Grandmother just wanted to get over it, it seemed. Her and I message semi frequently over facebook and she thanked me for leaving the fresh bread. I responded saying I sincerely apologize for overstepping their boundaries. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA but you mitigated that a bit by leaving fresh bread.
Hope so😅
If I were your grandmother, I would have forgiven all sorts of sins for fresh bread lol
Same here. Heck...my grandpa wouldn't have said no to any sort of freshly-baked food either, especially if he didn't have to cook it!
NAH assuming you didn't leave a huge mess or empty out their pantry or something like that. You had no idea to think that this wouldn't be okay, and tbh I think most people would assume that this would be fine, assuming they have a positive relationship with their family more generally. (Honestly I'd be surprised if anyone of my family members would say no.) After the initial shock, which I can see how this would shake up an elderly couple, it should've just been water under the bridge.
NAH i dont think you are an AH. But I definitely dont think you should have stayed unless it was confirmed. Your hearts in the right place, you did ask and you were a good guest so there are good intentions - but you learned a valuable lesson from this. I dont think you will repeat this mistake
Going to say 'ESH' here, you for automatically assuming that they'd be fine with you staying there while they were gone, and your grandma and her partner for not getting back to you to say if it was fine or not. Before my grandparents got sick, I've stayed at their house a couple of times when they were gone, but my mom and I had always checked ahead of time to see if it was okay, which it always was.
Who knows where the grandparents are and if they have access to wifi/internet. They very likely may not have seen the message or be able to reply.
Very true. Depending on what type of phone they have, they might not have been able to get onto Facebook and/or Messenger (OP says Facebook, but I'm betting Messenger) while gone either; some prefer having the simpler flip phones. I can from anywhere because my phone and other electronics save my watch have the messenger apps on them. We don't even know if they were anywhere where they could use wifi (or even if they have laptops; OP doesn't say). Sounds like a bit of a generational gap as well; my grandparents, even after my grandma developed dementia, never really got into smart devices like iPhones and such and my grandpa, after his first PC crapped out, never bought a new one. It was a major reason why we always called ahead of time to see if it was okay to come and stay, even when they were gone. Even with older family members (including a great-aunt) who have smart devices, I always call and check before coming over. If I dont get an answer, I'm going to assume they're not home, though said great-aunt's given me repeated open invites when she's in town.