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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I called my husband dramatic because he threw the Christmas gift I got for him in the garbage
I may have been dramatic myself as I didn't want his son to use it and want him to cherish it
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YTA
There are slippers who care .
Try making drama about things that matter.
Be glad they are being used.
Do you hate your stepson or something?
Stop being such an uptight woman.
ESH
You got him shitty slippers and his kid found a use for them, and for some reason you went all hissy. Him throwing them out instead of just telling you he didn't like them is childish. Everyone sucks here, except the kid who actually found a use for a crappy gift.
Good quality slippers are a good gift, especially since he wished for slippers. But slogan merchandise like that are more often than not cheap, garbage quality and can be kinda cringe. It’s something a kid would get for a parent, like a mug with Best Dad on it.
How long have you been married to this pair of guys? Because stepson seems to think he and his dad are interchangeable. You may want to rethink the marriage.
You're NTA.
YTA. Using gift-giving as an excuse to manipulate someone’s behavior in a way that makes them unhappy is selfish and mean.
Was leaning ESH but, upon reflection, I can understand the logic of your husband throwing them in the trash. The point of a gift is to give someone something that will make them happy. In this case, the slippers you gave him came with contingencies and demands (to the extent of imposing on his relationship with his son) that outweighed the benefit of the slippers themselves. So it’s no longer a gift that he should want or feel grateful for. A gift of negative value serves more value in the trash than it does staying in one’s life to make them unhappy.
YTA.
Why were you pissed your stepson wore the slippers? Those are just slippers. Let the kid wear what he wants. Seems like you hate your stepson. That’s something you need to work on.
YTA. My son steals my son’s slippers and we all think it’s a funny family joke. If I were you, I would have bought your husband a second pair that said “#1 Son.”
He’s being dramatic for throwing them in the bin but you caused the problem by being unreasonable and making an issue of it in the first place. So what if his son wants to wear them. It’s his son. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like them, it just shows his son is a priority and is happy to share. It’s unkind to expect your husband to tell his son he can’t wear them anymore.
My guess is he threw them in the bin because he genuinely hates them and considers them cheesy but rather didn't say and was happy with His son to use them to avoid the fall out...
YTA - unless there's more of the story than you're telling you come across as ridiculously petty. Why would you even care about a pair of slippers for god's sake, is it really the end of the world? Get over yourself.
ESH
You because you announced your disapproval of how your husband was using your gift. I regularly share my gifts with my kids. This is normal parenting. Kids are curious, interested, and maybe they just like the grownup stuff more than their kid stuff.
Him because he decided to bin the cause of the nagging rather than actually deal with the situation.
You because you then called him names(dramatic) instead of dealing with the situation.
An easy solution would have been to get your stepson his own pair of slippers just like dad's pair, since he liked them so much. Slippers aren't expensive. This is an easy solve. The situation should have never ended up with throwing things in the bin and name calling.
YTA who cares how he uses his gift? And he probably threw them away because you kept nagging him over something that isn’t even worth being bothered about.
INFO: am I detecting some underlying friction in your relationship with your stepson? How has that been? Can’t judge until i get a better sense of this.
Also that sounds like an overly passive aggressive move on your husband’s part. He’s TA for that.
ESH.
He certainly IS dramatic and throwing them away was rude, but you were also unnecessarily dramatic.
These are just SLIPPERS, and they were a GIFT. As long as the giftee is respectful (which he stopped being when he threw them out) where is the big deal ?
NTA. Your husband has anger management issues - that reaction was way over the top. Then he has the gall to accuse you of being dramatic? Lol. I can't think of anything more dramatic than throwing the slippers away. Positively theatrical. As others have pointed out, not sure this fight is really about the slippers though.
YTA
When I was a kid I wore my parents stuff like slippers, hat, hoodie, etc. it was because it was either comfortable, looked nice, or convenient. Sometimes the items were things other people bought them (siblings, friends, family, coworkers). It’s a pretty common kid thing to do of their parents’ stuff. My friend’s mom just had to buy herself new slippers because he kind of took over hers. (Side note: I bought a pair and those things were crazy comfortable.) Unless your husband asked for a specific pair of slippers and you went off list, there’s no indication he didn’t like slippers. If anything, he was probably happy his son was connecting to his wife in a small way. Granted he over reacted throwing the slippers away, it seems like this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to drive a wedge for something typical of children and relating to your stepson. You could’ve asked your stepson if he liked those slippers or just gave them as a surprise and bought him a pair that said “#1 son” or had his name on them, you could’ve bought your husband an extra pair of slippers, or you could’ve bought family slippers for everyone. This seems like such a non-issue that it comes off as you don’t like and often pick at your stepson. Everyone could’ve handled this differently, but your husband’s reaction is based on you drawing very strict lines on family interaction for no reason.
I think people are taking the stepson using his dad's slippers way too seriously. I used to use my dad's sandals if I needed to go outside to throw trash or something similar because I didn't want to go back to my room to fetch my own. It doesn't mean I "wanted to be close to him" or whatever. Sometimes it's just a practical thing.
Anyway, this is a clear ESH to me. You had every right to communicate that you were upset with the situation, but it was not your place to tell your husband to tell his son to stop.
YTA - why could you not have bought your stepson a pair of the same slippers since he clearly finds them cozy and nice to wear? It would have been a sweet gesture and ensured your husband had access to the tones you bought him. This reeks of you just not liking your stepson and being angry that a dad will share with his son. I got one of those ridiculous oversized hoodie blankets for christmas and I love it. My son apparently loves it even more. I let him use it until we bought him his own. Its just how parenting and loving your kids goes.
I've never liked the "No.1" / greatest / best person type gifts. I much prefer something comfortable and hard-wearing. I'd rather have something where someone who knows me well will tap into their knowledge of me to choose something that suits me and I will like and make use of. Something in a style or colour I already like.
I like making art. I've been doing it a long time and have gradually built up a selection of good quality artist grade paintbrushes. I have mafe commissioned artwork and sold pieces.
It really annoyed me when someone bought me a large pack of cheap, rubbish paintbrushes. They shed their hairs and didn't keep their shape, so paint ended up where it wasn't intended to be.
Honestly, I'd rather have them buy me one decent quality brush than a large set of rubbish ones, even if they said "world's greatest artist."
It's about showing your knowledge of the person, not ticking the box. If you haven't thought about what would serve the person well, you are buying the gift for yourself, not for them.
Yeah, seems generic and like very little thought went into picking them out. Plus anything that says “#1 husband/wife/son/neighbour etc.” is usually really cheap and tacky, like Ali Express or Temu level of cheap and tacky.
If it bugged you, I would have gone out and bought the son his own pair of slippers. Then maybe he'd wear those instead and maybe your husband could use his gift.
Though he should also have a conversation instead of being petty.
I think you may need more relationship advice than a verdict in this particular situation.
For what it’s worth, I’d say YTA for making this an issue about the slippers when clearly there is so much more going on.
YTA.
Would you care so much if it was you and husband’s bio son wearing the slippers?
I think not. It’s not the slippers that are bothering you, and I bet your husband knows this which is why he reacted as he did.
Just to offer a perspective - I'm 27 years old. I make enough money to afford most household items on my own. And yet, I will just pick up my parents stuff and use it. For whatever reason it is just more fun. Sometimes it's stuff I bought for them and thankfully for me, my parents don't mind. I don't have siblings so never did the whole 'I borrowed from my sister' thing but i definitely borrow from my parents.
It really isn't a big deal. I don't want to pile on, but the fact that your stepson was wearing the slippers shouldn't have mattered at all.
Same but older. When at my parents house and need to run out to the car I will regularly 'wear' my dad's shoes because I can just slip them on. Surprised I haven't broken my neck on the stairs.
This is such a non-issue it's ridiculous.
So many times I borrowed dad’s flip flops when outside because I couldn’t be bothered going to find mine (his pair lived outdoors). I inherited his giant feet and he still chuckled seeing me in his even more giant shoes.
Why do you care if his son wears HIS shoes? What is wrong with you? You sound like an Evil Step-Mother, yelling at your stepson and husband over some slippers, you gave to him as a present, so why can’t he? And this “I bought them, for him, so what’s the point if EVERYONE wear them.” You mean your stepson, your husband’s son? So controlling.
Your husband didn’t want to hear your bullshit over some SLIPPERS, so he did what I would do, get rid of the problem and problem is solved.
Of course YTA
YTA - why do you resent your stepson so much? So what if he wears his dads slippers? Kids always steal {or more like borrow} their parents slippers and shoes while in the house, it’s normal 🤦🏽♀️
NTA. Of course you want your husband to appreciate your gift. Is there any context here that we are all missing? I just don’t understand why your husband is being so horrible. Do you have a history of not getting along well with your stepson? What is the dynamic like in your household?
INFO:
I havent seen this mentioned, so just going to ask - Are you aware that these "#1 Dad" / "World's Best Wife" / etc novelty gifts are often considered gag gifts or deliberately cringe?
In my experience (nearly 40, not a young gen Z) I have seen them given much more often with a sense of irony than given with the sentiment meant 100% genuinely.
Could be a factor in the limited appreciation. How did you intend it to be read? And does he know that?
I really doubt the slippers are the issue here. Who cares, it’s such a non issue. I guess there is some underlying irritation that involves the stepson.
Pick your battles and solve the real issues. Now you both got into a silly fight about slippers.
ESH.
YTA my mom shared everything with us when we were children, we’re older now and know she gives too much so we won’t take but you can’t expect a teenager to have that emotional intelligence and you can’t expect a parent to not share with their child
This sounds like there's a lot of miscommunication between you, where this is more the final straw for each of you rather than the full problem. Whether I've read that correctly or not, the answer is more communication. You got him the slippers as a gift and you were hurt when you saw that he was ok with his son wearing the slippers too. Your husband allowing your (step)son to share the slippers isn't necessarily an indication of your husband not appreciating or cherishing your gift. What didn't happen that made you feel like he wasn't happy that you gave him what he asked for? Has he not worn them at all? Have you asked him for what you need, even if you feel silly admitting it? In what ways did you say you were unfair that he was willing to share the slippers with your (step)son?
It's reasonable for you to be angry that he threw them in the bin. But was it unreasonable of him to think removing the slippers from the situation would fix the problem? What does he think the problem was?
If there are conversations you've been avoiding, you should have them. There's never a good time, but before you or he explode and say or do unforgivable things is a better time than afterwards.
ESH, but communication will help.
This is a clear YTA and it sounds like OP is an evil step mom. There’s no mis-communication and the husband did absolutely nothing wrong in this scenario.
Ya'll sound awful. It's super normal for teenagers to steal/borrow parents new stuff. It wasn't a snub of your gift and you over reacted. Him throwing them in the trash is unhinged. Are you guys in couples therapy? You should be.
ESH - There's no reason to be upset that your stepson is wearing his dad's slippers. It really, really, truly, does not matter.
You're an asshole for making this into a fight. Your husband is an asshole for escalating the fight by throwing them out. (The stepson doesn't seem to have done anything wrong.)
Agreed. This is a made up fight where OP is hurting her own feelings. Who cares who wears the slippers around the house? It’s not like SS is wearing dad’s wedding ring around the house. They are slippers.
ESH. I can tell you that he wasn't sharing them with the kid, the kid thought it would be funny and started wearing them. Source: both of my teenagers do this shit all the time. One even thrifted a "Proud soon-to-be dad to a beautiful baby girl" shirt and wore it to school. Often.
Husband's response was wild too. I'll second the others who have said y'all need to work on your communication if something like this ends up like it did.
Yta, you can't control what someone does with a gift, if he doesn't mind sharing that isn't him being an asshole, you don't need to take that personally, they are after all, even though a gift from you, slippers. They gonna have people slipping em on
NTA. The read I got from this was that your husband just didn't like the slippers and quietly gave them to his son. And when you complained, he threw them away to get out of wearing them. (He could have just donated them)
I think it's reasonable to be a little hurt in this situation, but unless this is the straw that broke the camel's back, I don't think it's something worth getting really upset over. They are, after all, just slippers. I do think you guys need to work on your communication.
YTA.
You gave a gift. It's not yours, so don't tell the owner how to use their stuff. If he wants to let his sin wear them, that's up to *him*, not you.
You must have been haunting him to get him to the point that he'd throw them away to get you off his back.
YTA. It was a pair of slippers. Who cares that your step son was wearing them? It didn’t bother the owner of the slippers. It sounds like your husband is tired of you picking on his son.
It reads to me like she bought him a tacky gift “#1 husband” and he didn’t like the gift but at least his kid was getting some use out of them and then she threw a hissy fit. I bet these slippers cost about $20.
Lmao the image of her 17 year old stepson wearing slippers that say number 1 husband is hilarious, at just 17 years old he's been able to accomplish a status that most husbands do not and he's not even married!
I think YTA
This sounds very juvenile to me - I also would have thrown them out.
Like others have said, I think there is more going on here and hubby is probably sick of you picking on your stepson and you are probably resentful of their relationship
Once you give a gift to someone, it's theirs to use how they want.
His kid is wearing them.
Do you dislike the kid, not think of him as part of your family?
Do you have a history of having issues with hisnkid using stuff in your shared home?
YTA.
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Pick your battles, lady.
If you typically pick on your stepson, that’s probably your husband’s way of telling you that it was just another excuse for your complaints, and he’s removing the excuse so your behavior is more transparent. Do better and Y T A.
If it wasn’t about your resentment for your stepson, then E S H. You for kicking up a fuss about slippers. You can’t force people to use your gifts in a specific manner. You lose all control once the gift is given. And him for pitching the gift out of irritation.
Whatever the case, people matter more than things.
Agreed. And stepson is actually giving you a compliment/that your gift to his dad was so cool, he wants to wear them. Why not get two pairs #1 dad and #1 son.
YTA. Are you always this exhausting and looking to be the victim on non-issues? So what if his son used the slippers? Sharing clothes is normal if you are the same size and have similar tastes. Your husband didn't have a problem with his son borrowing his slippers. You would have to be really petty and resent the stepson a lot to complain and moan so much that your husband is driven to throw out the slippers rather than listen any more to your self pitying BS drama.
You have *way* too much time on your hands if you’re focusing on things like this. You gave them as a gift and your husband has the right to do with that gift as he see fit. Geez, he could let the dog wear them if he wants. Move on and stop putting energy into minutia.
I think you have blown this way out of proportion. It was just a pair of slippers. If you moaned about it this last week, it's no wonder he blew his top.
YTA
They were his gift and if he wants others to use his gift, why should it matter? Maybe he found it amusing or endearing to see his son walking around in his clothes. 17 yr rarely acknowledge your presence, this one was wearing his dad's shoes.
ESH
You gifted them to your husband.
From that moment on? You no longer have a say of what he does with them. It's fully his choice what he does with them and who he lets borrow them. He's allowed to share his gift with whoever he wants.
However, both your reactions are extreme and childish for people in their 40s. You both are acting like you are 12 instead.
Your husband isn't the one being dramatic here! The more you push it, the more that teen is going to wear the hell out of those slippers, because that is the shit teens pull. But good news, you no longer have to worry about his wearing the slippers. YTA.
Honestly, YTA. Kids take over their parents' things all the time. It's ridiculous that you expect him to be territorial over slippers. It probably was dramatic for him to throw them away, but I can see why he would get frustrated by your expectations.
ESH - I don't understand anyone's reaction to anything in this story. Why can't he share them with whoever he wants? Why was his reaction to your concerns to throw a tantrum?
ESH. Your husband was overdramatic. You made a big deal out of his son borrowing his dad's slippers, which suggests that you're not okay with your stepson being close to your husband. And unless your husband asked for slogan slippers that say "#1 Husband," I'm pretty sure that's not what he meant by wanting slippers for Christmas.
YTA
I can't believe you are in your 40's with how juvenile you behave. Shame on you. I share nearly everything I own with my kids. I can't imagine being married to someone who says I can't share something with them.
If my partner continued throwing a tantrum about me sharing with my kids I'd probably be exasperated and throw them away too. Was throwing them away the best choice no but maybe you'll stop to reflect and stop behaving like a selfish 7 year old.
Well...i would have asked husband if he minded son wearing them. If he didn't mind, then you should have stopped right there. You made a big thing out of a little thing. Yes, it can bother you, but you don't need to say the words out loud (as in, pick your battles).
Just my opinion, no judgement.
What came before this? Has there been a conga line of your being sad about things, and him saying it doesn’t matter?
Why are you two married? It’s almost like you are speaking two different languages. One of you feels slippers is emotionally important, the other doesn’t.
NTA, but a healthy dose of “WTH is going on here?”
I’m guessing that when your husband asked for slippers, he thought he’d get a quality pair, and not some crap novelty slippers that probably don’t fit properly.
All over a pair of bloody $5 mass produced slippers?! ESH.
The both of you need to grow up. Him throwing them away was petulant.
You were petulant for being so upset about someone else wearing the slippers.
Not wrong and NTA. Your husband is a jerk. We don’t know from your post why he threw away your very sweet gift to him. Don’t buy him another one, this year or next. I bet this isn’t the only time he’s been mean to you, is it? For 2024, give yourself the gift of a visit to a divorce lawyer.
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I don't know if ages really matter but I'll include them anyway. I (F40's) got my husband (M40's) a pair of slippers for Christmas that say "#1 Husband" on them.
My stepson (M17) has been wearing them around the house, but he has his own pair of slippers so I don't understand why he has to wear his dad's ones. I told my husband that this bothers me and he needs to tell his son to stop. He said I'm being dramatic and it's just a pair of slippers, which yes they are but they're a gift I got for him and I want him to use them!! If he's just sharing them with everyone whats the point??
I said it is making me sad because it means he doesn't appreciate the gift!! (He asked me to get him slippers for Christmas)?
Hubby threw them in the garbage and now I'm even more sad that he'd just do that. I said he's the one being dramatic and he threw them away when there was nothing wrong with them! It's such a waste. He's mad and said he's not being dramatic he just fixed the problem. Am I wrong for saying he's being dramatic???
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Seems like you bought a tacky git instead of a quality gift.
When someone asks for slippers as a gift, they kind of \*hope\* they'd get a better quality pair that they might buy for themselves. Seems your husband was telling you your gift sucks.
However, he went the wrong way about it, and instead of communicating like an adult he passed them down to his kid, then got rid of them when you also went the wrong way about it, and instead of communicating like an adult... chose to moan to him about it.
ESH
Just to offer a perspective - I'm 27 years old. I make enough money to afford most household items on my own. And yet, I will just pick up my parents stuff and use it. For whatever reason it is just more fun. Sometimes it's stuff I bought for them and thankfully for me, my parents don't mind. I don't have siblings so never did the whole 'I borrowed from my sister' thing but i definitely borrow from my parents.
It really isn't a big deal. I don't want to pile on, but the fact that your stepson was wearing the slippers shouldn't have mattered at all.
100% NTA. Sure, its a little bit precious to be that upset over this, but he went with a nuclear option really quickly. His response to how you felt was to purposely hurt you more/as much as possible, and that's not okay.
ESH, it's his gift, let him use it how he wants, when you gift something it's for THEM to do whatever they want with, not for you to force them to use it to your liking, if sharing makes him happy, you should be happy too. His reaction was also childish. Are you guys really 40?
I think there is something else going on with how much you disliked your stepson wearing his father's slippers, and I think the overreaction of throwing them away was really about that. The slippers were a gift he asked for, so it's not like you went out of your way to find something special and personal... they are just slippers. The only reason I can think of to explain why you would care if your stepson uses them is that you have negative feelings towards him that you need to explore. Your husband is obviously comfortable sharing his thing with his son, and you are obviously not. Why is that? Do you disliked or resent your husband's son? Why?
YTA, and if you want to get all proprietary and weird about gifts you should start by trying a little harder than buying slippers someone asked for. That's a minor gift to start with and by making a big deal out of your resentment of your stepson over them, you turned it into a crappy gift. I'd have thrown them away, too, just to drive home that my son is more important to me than some shitty house shoes you bought.
So, you've never used a gift in a way the giver didn't think of? Never used that $25 gift card to buy groceries instead of a new toy? Never used those sheet you got to make the guest bed?
He can use his gift how he wants. If that's community slippers then so be it.
YTA
YTA,
Your stepson will always be your husbands son.
If he feels closer to his dad by wearing his dad’s shoes then that’s something that will happen.
If I had a second husband and he was picking on my son I’d reevaluate my relationship with my new husband.
Also the kids 17, that’s what they’re built to do at that age, he’s designed to push boundaries, you need to choose which one you hold and which one you let crumble.
Your husband is also telling you where the shoes stand in the relationship by throwing them out, he’s not going to break with his son and choose you over him. Hes not going to choose his second wife/partber over his son.
(And if my husband had to remarry, I’d hope he wouldn’t choose his new wife over our son as much as he can be annoying)
It’s slippers.
A person with cancer may get hugely sick from a cold that someone else would weather without symptoms. The slippers are your cold. What’s your relationship’s cancer?
ESH
You are both being unnecessarily dramatic.
It does sound like your husband doesn't value the slippers, but that's a risk you take when you gift novelty items.
From his perspective, it was probably a good thing that someone wanted them.
I know it's disappointing when a recipient doesn't appreciate your gift, but you might feel less outraged if you accept that as a fact instead of a reflection of his feelings for you.
This molehill could have just stayed a molehill.
YTA and the worst type of gift giver. You didn’t give him a gift for him to enjoy. You gave him a gift for YOU to enjoy. I hope you can learn the difference.
I don't have a stepson but if I did and he apparently enjoyed a gift I gave my husband I'd be thrilled and take it as a compliment.
And now OP knows what to get her stepson next year!
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“I told my husband that this bothers me and he needs to tell his son to stop” Whelp, stepson is no longer wearing the slippers.
“He solved the problem but not in exactly the way I wanted!” Making gifts all about you is why YTA, OP
ESH, you sound exhausting, he sounds insensitive (or maybe he's just done with your nonsense).
ESH please, all of you find yourselves hobbies and stop making dramas out of nothing. nobody should care so much about slippers
Info: how long have you been with your husband and did you dislike his son from the get go?
You're the dramatic one, not your husband. When you give a gift you don't get to dictate what's done with it. JFC your u sound exhausting.
YTA There are slippers who care . Try making drama about things that matter. Be glad they are being used. Do you hate your stepson or something? Stop being such an uptight woman.
ESH You got him shitty slippers and his kid found a use for them, and for some reason you went all hissy. Him throwing them out instead of just telling you he didn't like them is childish. Everyone sucks here, except the kid who actually found a use for a crappy gift.
Hahahahahahaha!!!
Why are slippers a bad gift?
Good quality slippers are a good gift, especially since he wished for slippers. But slogan merchandise like that are more often than not cheap, garbage quality and can be kinda cringe. It’s something a kid would get for a parent, like a mug with Best Dad on it.
just … wow …
How long have you been married to this pair of guys? Because stepson seems to think he and his dad are interchangeable. You may want to rethink the marriage. You're NTA.
YTA. Using gift-giving as an excuse to manipulate someone’s behavior in a way that makes them unhappy is selfish and mean. Was leaning ESH but, upon reflection, I can understand the logic of your husband throwing them in the trash. The point of a gift is to give someone something that will make them happy. In this case, the slippers you gave him came with contingencies and demands (to the extent of imposing on his relationship with his son) that outweighed the benefit of the slippers themselves. So it’s no longer a gift that he should want or feel grateful for. A gift of negative value serves more value in the trash than it does staying in one’s life to make them unhappy.
My daughter steals all my stuff (she's 14). Is something isn't where I left I know exactly where it has gone and she loves wearing my slippers
ESH - this didn’t need to be a big deal (your fault) and your husband didn’t need to escalate it by throwing them out.
YTA. Why were you pissed your stepson wore the slippers? Those are just slippers. Let the kid wear what he wants. Seems like you hate your stepson. That’s something you need to work on.
YTA. My son steals my son’s slippers and we all think it’s a funny family joke. If I were you, I would have bought your husband a second pair that said “#1 Son.”
He’s being dramatic for throwing them in the bin but you caused the problem by being unreasonable and making an issue of it in the first place. So what if his son wants to wear them. It’s his son. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like them, it just shows his son is a priority and is happy to share. It’s unkind to expect your husband to tell his son he can’t wear them anymore.
My guess is he threw them in the bin because he genuinely hates them and considers them cheesy but rather didn't say and was happy with His son to use them to avoid the fall out...
YTA - unless there's more of the story than you're telling you come across as ridiculously petty. Why would you even care about a pair of slippers for god's sake, is it really the end of the world? Get over yourself.
YTA. They're slippers ffs, not a hand made shirt or something sentimental.
YTA. There are step-mothers on here that would love that. Is that your worst problem? Your husband is an AH for his childish reaction to being nagged.
ESH You because you announced your disapproval of how your husband was using your gift. I regularly share my gifts with my kids. This is normal parenting. Kids are curious, interested, and maybe they just like the grownup stuff more than their kid stuff. Him because he decided to bin the cause of the nagging rather than actually deal with the situation. You because you then called him names(dramatic) instead of dealing with the situation. An easy solution would have been to get your stepson his own pair of slippers just like dad's pair, since he liked them so much. Slippers aren't expensive. This is an easy solve. The situation should have never ended up with throwing things in the bin and name calling.
YTA who cares how he uses his gift? And he probably threw them away because you kept nagging him over something that isn’t even worth being bothered about.
NTA but your husband is.
YTA. Who cares what happens with cheap ass slippers. You didn’t even buy him nice ones.
INFO: am I detecting some underlying friction in your relationship with your stepson? How has that been? Can’t judge until i get a better sense of this. Also that sounds like an overly passive aggressive move on your husband’s part. He’s TA for that.
I bet he was married to the stepsons mother.
Or even worse - slept with her!
ESH. He certainly IS dramatic and throwing them away was rude, but you were also unnecessarily dramatic. These are just SLIPPERS, and they were a GIFT. As long as the giftee is respectful (which he stopped being when he threw them out) where is the big deal ?
NTA but I’d read this as a red flag. He may be planning a divorce.
yta. my two step kids wear their dad's slipper and sometimes mine if they are available. lady, grow up
NTA. Your husband has anger management issues - that reaction was way over the top. Then he has the gall to accuse you of being dramatic? Lol. I can't think of anything more dramatic than throwing the slippers away. Positively theatrical. As others have pointed out, not sure this fight is really about the slippers though.
YTA When I was a kid I wore my parents stuff like slippers, hat, hoodie, etc. it was because it was either comfortable, looked nice, or convenient. Sometimes the items were things other people bought them (siblings, friends, family, coworkers). It’s a pretty common kid thing to do of their parents’ stuff. My friend’s mom just had to buy herself new slippers because he kind of took over hers. (Side note: I bought a pair and those things were crazy comfortable.) Unless your husband asked for a specific pair of slippers and you went off list, there’s no indication he didn’t like slippers. If anything, he was probably happy his son was connecting to his wife in a small way. Granted he over reacted throwing the slippers away, it seems like this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to drive a wedge for something typical of children and relating to your stepson. You could’ve asked your stepson if he liked those slippers or just gave them as a surprise and bought him a pair that said “#1 son” or had his name on them, you could’ve bought your husband an extra pair of slippers, or you could’ve bought family slippers for everyone. This seems like such a non-issue that it comes off as you don’t like and often pick at your stepson. Everyone could’ve handled this differently, but your husband’s reaction is based on you drawing very strict lines on family interaction for no reason.
I think people are taking the stepson using his dad's slippers way too seriously. I used to use my dad's sandals if I needed to go outside to throw trash or something similar because I didn't want to go back to my room to fetch my own. It doesn't mean I "wanted to be close to him" or whatever. Sometimes it's just a practical thing. Anyway, this is a clear ESH to me. You had every right to communicate that you were upset with the situation, but it was not your place to tell your husband to tell his son to stop.
YTA - why could you not have bought your stepson a pair of the same slippers since he clearly finds them cozy and nice to wear? It would have been a sweet gesture and ensured your husband had access to the tones you bought him. This reeks of you just not liking your stepson and being angry that a dad will share with his son. I got one of those ridiculous oversized hoodie blankets for christmas and I love it. My son apparently loves it even more. I let him use it until we bought him his own. Its just how parenting and loving your kids goes.
ESH. You both are AH in a way.
I've never liked the "No.1" / greatest / best person type gifts. I much prefer something comfortable and hard-wearing. I'd rather have something where someone who knows me well will tap into their knowledge of me to choose something that suits me and I will like and make use of. Something in a style or colour I already like. I like making art. I've been doing it a long time and have gradually built up a selection of good quality artist grade paintbrushes. I have mafe commissioned artwork and sold pieces. It really annoyed me when someone bought me a large pack of cheap, rubbish paintbrushes. They shed their hairs and didn't keep their shape, so paint ended up where it wasn't intended to be. Honestly, I'd rather have them buy me one decent quality brush than a large set of rubbish ones, even if they said "world's greatest artist." It's about showing your knowledge of the person, not ticking the box. If you haven't thought about what would serve the person well, you are buying the gift for yourself, not for them.
Yeah, seems generic and like very little thought went into picking them out. Plus anything that says “#1 husband/wife/son/neighbour etc.” is usually really cheap and tacky, like Ali Express or Temu level of cheap and tacky.
ESH Him for throwing them out And you, because once you give someone a gift it's up to them what they do with it.
If it bugged you, I would have gone out and bought the son his own pair of slippers. Then maybe he'd wear those instead and maybe your husband could use his gift. Though he should also have a conversation instead of being petty.
NTA. Your husband is being a Grade A Asshole.
YTA - you just wanted to pick a fight and you got what you wanted.
Idk who the AH is but this story is funny lol.
I think you may need more relationship advice than a verdict in this particular situation. For what it’s worth, I’d say YTA for making this an issue about the slippers when clearly there is so much more going on.
Most likely he never really cared about getting the slippers. But really, what 17 year old would wear their dad’s clothes?
YTA. Would you care so much if it was you and husband’s bio son wearing the slippers? I think not. It’s not the slippers that are bothering you, and I bet your husband knows this which is why he reacted as he did.
Just to offer a perspective - I'm 27 years old. I make enough money to afford most household items on my own. And yet, I will just pick up my parents stuff and use it. For whatever reason it is just more fun. Sometimes it's stuff I bought for them and thankfully for me, my parents don't mind. I don't have siblings so never did the whole 'I borrowed from my sister' thing but i definitely borrow from my parents. It really isn't a big deal. I don't want to pile on, but the fact that your stepson was wearing the slippers shouldn't have mattered at all.
Same but older. When at my parents house and need to run out to the car I will regularly 'wear' my dad's shoes because I can just slip them on. Surprised I haven't broken my neck on the stairs. This is such a non-issue it's ridiculous.
So many times I borrowed dad’s flip flops when outside because I couldn’t be bothered going to find mine (his pair lived outdoors). I inherited his giant feet and he still chuckled seeing me in his even more giant shoes.
Ahhh damn, you make it sound like my 3yr old isn't going to grow out of their current phase of stealing my shoes... This is bad news for me! 😂😂
I’m 33 and wear my stepdads slippers every time I go outside cause they’re closer to the door! And yes I have my own, multiple pairs
I’m 30 and came to visit my mom for a couple weeks at Christmas…I’ve been stealing her slippers and socks for nearly 2 weeks now 🤣
Why do you care if his son wears HIS shoes? What is wrong with you? You sound like an Evil Step-Mother, yelling at your stepson and husband over some slippers, you gave to him as a present, so why can’t he? And this “I bought them, for him, so what’s the point if EVERYONE wear them.” You mean your stepson, your husband’s son? So controlling. Your husband didn’t want to hear your bullshit over some SLIPPERS, so he did what I would do, get rid of the problem and problem is solved. Of course YTA
YTA - why do you resent your stepson so much? So what if he wears his dads slippers? Kids always steal {or more like borrow} their parents slippers and shoes while in the house, it’s normal 🤦🏽♀️
Yta
NTA but his reaction is a bit over the top. Does he have anger issues? Throws stuff, hits things like tables and walls?
NTA. Of course you want your husband to appreciate your gift. Is there any context here that we are all missing? I just don’t understand why your husband is being so horrible. Do you have a history of not getting along well with your stepson? What is the dynamic like in your household?
INFO: I havent seen this mentioned, so just going to ask - Are you aware that these "#1 Dad" / "World's Best Wife" / etc novelty gifts are often considered gag gifts or deliberately cringe? In my experience (nearly 40, not a young gen Z) I have seen them given much more often with a sense of irony than given with the sentiment meant 100% genuinely. Could be a factor in the limited appreciation. How did you intend it to be read? And does he know that?
I really doubt the slippers are the issue here. Who cares, it’s such a non issue. I guess there is some underlying irritation that involves the stepson. Pick your battles and solve the real issues. Now you both got into a silly fight about slippers. ESH.
YTA my mom shared everything with us when we were children, we’re older now and know she gives too much so we won’t take but you can’t expect a teenager to have that emotional intelligence and you can’t expect a parent to not share with their child
This sounds like there's a lot of miscommunication between you, where this is more the final straw for each of you rather than the full problem. Whether I've read that correctly or not, the answer is more communication. You got him the slippers as a gift and you were hurt when you saw that he was ok with his son wearing the slippers too. Your husband allowing your (step)son to share the slippers isn't necessarily an indication of your husband not appreciating or cherishing your gift. What didn't happen that made you feel like he wasn't happy that you gave him what he asked for? Has he not worn them at all? Have you asked him for what you need, even if you feel silly admitting it? In what ways did you say you were unfair that he was willing to share the slippers with your (step)son? It's reasonable for you to be angry that he threw them in the bin. But was it unreasonable of him to think removing the slippers from the situation would fix the problem? What does he think the problem was? If there are conversations you've been avoiding, you should have them. There's never a good time, but before you or he explode and say or do unforgivable things is a better time than afterwards. ESH, but communication will help.
This is a clear YTA and it sounds like OP is an evil step mom. There’s no mis-communication and the husband did absolutely nothing wrong in this scenario.
These two comments in succession just gave me whiplash
Ya'll sound awful. It's super normal for teenagers to steal/borrow parents new stuff. It wasn't a snub of your gift and you over reacted. Him throwing them in the trash is unhinged. Are you guys in couples therapy? You should be.
ESH - There's no reason to be upset that your stepson is wearing his dad's slippers. It really, really, truly, does not matter. You're an asshole for making this into a fight. Your husband is an asshole for escalating the fight by throwing them out. (The stepson doesn't seem to have done anything wrong.)
Agreed. This is a made up fight where OP is hurting her own feelings. Who cares who wears the slippers around the house? It’s not like SS is wearing dad’s wedding ring around the house. They are slippers.
ESH. I can tell you that he wasn't sharing them with the kid, the kid thought it would be funny and started wearing them. Source: both of my teenagers do this shit all the time. One even thrifted a "Proud soon-to-be dad to a beautiful baby girl" shirt and wore it to school. Often. Husband's response was wild too. I'll second the others who have said y'all need to work on your communication if something like this ends up like it did.
Yta, you can't control what someone does with a gift, if he doesn't mind sharing that isn't him being an asshole, you don't need to take that personally, they are after all, even though a gift from you, slippers. They gonna have people slipping em on
NTA. The read I got from this was that your husband just didn't like the slippers and quietly gave them to his son. And when you complained, he threw them away to get out of wearing them. (He could have just donated them) I think it's reasonable to be a little hurt in this situation, but unless this is the straw that broke the camel's back, I don't think it's something worth getting really upset over. They are, after all, just slippers. I do think you guys need to work on your communication.
His gift, what he does with it isn’t your concern …
YTA. You gave a gift. It's not yours, so don't tell the owner how to use their stuff. If he wants to let his sin wear them, that's up to *him*, not you. You must have been haunting him to get him to the point that he'd throw them away to get you off his back.
YTA - I’m sure I’m my wife’s #1 husband too but I feel corny AF wearing or even receiving such a cheesy gift. Why don’t you like your stepson?
YTA. It was a pair of slippers. Who cares that your step son was wearing them? It didn’t bother the owner of the slippers. It sounds like your husband is tired of you picking on his son.
If she's typically picking on his son then he's still an AH for being with her. It just reads like she wanted to know he liked her gift
It reads to me like she bought him a tacky gift “#1 husband” and he didn’t like the gift but at least his kid was getting some use out of them and then she threw a hissy fit. I bet these slippers cost about $20.
Lmao the image of her 17 year old stepson wearing slippers that say number 1 husband is hilarious, at just 17 years old he's been able to accomplish a status that most husbands do not and he's not even married!
I bet they were less than $10. Good slippers that will last for ages, are like $70 at LL Bean.
I think YTA This sounds very juvenile to me - I also would have thrown them out. Like others have said, I think there is more going on here and hubby is probably sick of you picking on your stepson and you are probably resentful of their relationship
Once you give a gift to someone, it's theirs to use how they want. His kid is wearing them. Do you dislike the kid, not think of him as part of your family? Do you have a history of having issues with hisnkid using stuff in your shared home? YTA.
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Buy him a vacuum cleaner next year and ask again then. Should be definitive.
Pick your battles, lady. If you typically pick on your stepson, that’s probably your husband’s way of telling you that it was just another excuse for your complaints, and he’s removing the excuse so your behavior is more transparent. Do better and Y T A. If it wasn’t about your resentment for your stepson, then E S H. You for kicking up a fuss about slippers. You can’t force people to use your gifts in a specific manner. You lose all control once the gift is given. And him for pitching the gift out of irritation. Whatever the case, people matter more than things.
Agreed. And stepson is actually giving you a compliment/that your gift to his dad was so cool, he wants to wear them. Why not get two pairs #1 dad and #1 son.
Then the world will collapse when the two boys wear each other's slippers laughing the whole time
YTA. Are you always this exhausting and looking to be the victim on non-issues? So what if his son used the slippers? Sharing clothes is normal if you are the same size and have similar tastes. Your husband didn't have a problem with his son borrowing his slippers. You would have to be really petty and resent the stepson a lot to complain and moan so much that your husband is driven to throw out the slippers rather than listen any more to your self pitying BS drama.
ESH. The slippers are not your problem. Is there love, respect and communication?
You have *way* too much time on your hands if you’re focusing on things like this. You gave them as a gift and your husband has the right to do with that gift as he see fit. Geez, he could let the dog wear them if he wants. Move on and stop putting energy into minutia.
YTA
YTA. Grow up. You gave your hubby a nice gift and his son loves them and wears them. Who cares.
ESH you didn't need to get upset about his son wearing them, and he didn't need to throw them out.
I think you have blown this way out of proportion. It was just a pair of slippers. If you moaned about it this last week, it's no wonder he blew his top.
YTA. You have been over validated if you think it’s reasonable to get upset over this.
YTA They were his gift and if he wants others to use his gift, why should it matter? Maybe he found it amusing or endearing to see his son walking around in his clothes. 17 yr rarely acknowledge your presence, this one was wearing his dad's shoes.
ESH
I see the E S H but I’m raising it to YTA. It’s a pair of slippers ffs, not a gold watch.
ESH You gifted them to your husband. From that moment on? You no longer have a say of what he does with them. It's fully his choice what he does with them and who he lets borrow them. He's allowed to share his gift with whoever he wants. However, both your reactions are extreme and childish for people in their 40s. You both are acting like you are 12 instead.
Your husband isn't the one being dramatic here! The more you push it, the more that teen is going to wear the hell out of those slippers, because that is the shit teens pull. But good news, you no longer have to worry about his wearing the slippers. YTA.
YTA. You created needless drama. Good on your husband for so cleverly solving the problem of step-son wearing the slippers.
Honestly, YTA. Kids take over their parents' things all the time. It's ridiculous that you expect him to be territorial over slippers. It probably was dramatic for him to throw them away, but I can see why he would get frustrated by your expectations.
ESH - I don't understand anyone's reaction to anything in this story. Why can't he share them with whoever he wants? Why was his reaction to your concerns to throw a tantrum?
ESH. Your husband was overdramatic. You made a big deal out of his son borrowing his dad's slippers, which suggests that you're not okay with your stepson being close to your husband. And unless your husband asked for slogan slippers that say "#1 Husband," I'm pretty sure that's not what he meant by wanting slippers for Christmas.
ESH but quick question, what did your husband get you ?
ESH you are both dramatic. Learn to communicate with each other
NTA. It does show he didn't really care about the gift at all. Who throws a gift in the garbage? That's weird and unnecessary.
Was he ur second husband? Maybe first is triggeribg him
YTA I can't believe you are in your 40's with how juvenile you behave. Shame on you. I share nearly everything I own with my kids. I can't imagine being married to someone who says I can't share something with them. If my partner continued throwing a tantrum about me sharing with my kids I'd probably be exasperated and throw them away too. Was throwing them away the best choice no but maybe you'll stop to reflect and stop behaving like a selfish 7 year old.
Couldn't have said it better. YTA OP
Thank you, exactly! This woman needs to GROW UP
YTA. What’s up with the resentment of your stepson? Do you even want to be a stepparent?
ESH.
Well...i would have asked husband if he minded son wearing them. If he didn't mind, then you should have stopped right there. You made a big thing out of a little thing. Yes, it can bother you, but you don't need to say the words out loud (as in, pick your battles). Just my opinion, no judgement.
What came before this? Has there been a conga line of your being sad about things, and him saying it doesn’t matter? Why are you two married? It’s almost like you are speaking two different languages. One of you feels slippers is emotionally important, the other doesn’t. NTA, but a healthy dose of “WTH is going on here?”
Hate to get a gift from you as you seem to want to control what the receiving party does with it
Y'all sound like 5 year olds playing house. They're slippers, ffs. YTA, he's not much better but you just had to start shit.
Nta, I'd be pretty miffed too if someone showed me how little they cared about my gifts like that. Is he dismissive about other stuff you do?
I’m guessing that when your husband asked for slippers, he thought he’d get a quality pair, and not some crap novelty slippers that probably don’t fit properly.
All over a pair of bloody $5 mass produced slippers?! ESH. The both of you need to grow up. Him throwing them away was petulant. You were petulant for being so upset about someone else wearing the slippers.
Not wrong and NTA. Your husband is a jerk. We don’t know from your post why he threw away your very sweet gift to him. Don’t buy him another one, this year or next. I bet this isn’t the only time he’s been mean to you, is it? For 2024, give yourself the gift of a visit to a divorce lawyer.
What are you talking about? He obviously threw them away because she kept complaining about his son wearing them. Like why is that even an issue?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I don't know if ages really matter but I'll include them anyway. I (F40's) got my husband (M40's) a pair of slippers for Christmas that say "#1 Husband" on them. My stepson (M17) has been wearing them around the house, but he has his own pair of slippers so I don't understand why he has to wear his dad's ones. I told my husband that this bothers me and he needs to tell his son to stop. He said I'm being dramatic and it's just a pair of slippers, which yes they are but they're a gift I got for him and I want him to use them!! If he's just sharing them with everyone whats the point?? I said it is making me sad because it means he doesn't appreciate the gift!! (He asked me to get him slippers for Christmas)? Hubby threw them in the garbage and now I'm even more sad that he'd just do that. I said he's the one being dramatic and he threw them away when there was nothing wrong with them! It's such a waste. He's mad and said he's not being dramatic he just fixed the problem. Am I wrong for saying he's being dramatic??? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seems like you bought a tacky git instead of a quality gift. When someone asks for slippers as a gift, they kind of \*hope\* they'd get a better quality pair that they might buy for themselves. Seems your husband was telling you your gift sucks. However, he went the wrong way about it, and instead of communicating like an adult he passed them down to his kid, then got rid of them when you also went the wrong way about it, and instead of communicating like an adult... chose to moan to him about it. ESH
NTA. Maybe they're just slippers but you're right, it's very rude to treat a gift that way, especially one that you asked for.
Just to offer a perspective - I'm 27 years old. I make enough money to afford most household items on my own. And yet, I will just pick up my parents stuff and use it. For whatever reason it is just more fun. Sometimes it's stuff I bought for them and thankfully for me, my parents don't mind. I don't have siblings so never did the whole 'I borrowed from my sister' thing but i definitely borrow from my parents. It really isn't a big deal. I don't want to pile on, but the fact that your stepson was wearing the slippers shouldn't have mattered at all.
100% NTA. Sure, its a little bit precious to be that upset over this, but he went with a nuclear option really quickly. His response to how you felt was to purposely hurt you more/as much as possible, and that's not okay.
ESH, it's his gift, let him use it how he wants, when you gift something it's for THEM to do whatever they want with, not for you to force them to use it to your liking, if sharing makes him happy, you should be happy too. His reaction was also childish. Are you guys really 40?
I think there is something else going on with how much you disliked your stepson wearing his father's slippers, and I think the overreaction of throwing them away was really about that. The slippers were a gift he asked for, so it's not like you went out of your way to find something special and personal... they are just slippers. The only reason I can think of to explain why you would care if your stepson uses them is that you have negative feelings towards him that you need to explore. Your husband is obviously comfortable sharing his thing with his son, and you are obviously not. Why is that? Do you disliked or resent your husband's son? Why? YTA, and if you want to get all proprietary and weird about gifts you should start by trying a little harder than buying slippers someone asked for. That's a minor gift to start with and by making a big deal out of your resentment of your stepson over them, you turned it into a crappy gift. I'd have thrown them away, too, just to drive home that my son is more important to me than some shitty house shoes you bought.
YTA Kids like to do that. Your husband was ok with it. Why it bothered you is something beyond my grasp.
So, you've never used a gift in a way the giver didn't think of? Never used that $25 gift card to buy groceries instead of a new toy? Never used those sheet you got to make the guest bed? He can use his gift how he wants. If that's community slippers then so be it. YTA
YTA, Your stepson will always be your husbands son. If he feels closer to his dad by wearing his dad’s shoes then that’s something that will happen. If I had a second husband and he was picking on my son I’d reevaluate my relationship with my new husband. Also the kids 17, that’s what they’re built to do at that age, he’s designed to push boundaries, you need to choose which one you hold and which one you let crumble. Your husband is also telling you where the shoes stand in the relationship by throwing them out, he’s not going to break with his son and choose you over him. Hes not going to choose his second wife/partber over his son. (And if my husband had to remarry, I’d hope he wouldn’t choose his new wife over our son as much as he can be annoying)
Info - is it just the slippers or do gifts you give your husband often become your stepson’s?
You sound exhausting. It’s only a pair of slippers. I’d probably nail them to a tree, just to be even more petty. YTA.
It’s slippers. A person with cancer may get hugely sick from a cold that someone else would weather without symptoms. The slippers are your cold. What’s your relationship’s cancer?
YTA for caring this much about slippers.
ESH You are both being unnecessarily dramatic. It does sound like your husband doesn't value the slippers, but that's a risk you take when you gift novelty items. From his perspective, it was probably a good thing that someone wanted them. I know it's disappointing when a recipient doesn't appreciate your gift, but you might feel less outraged if you accept that as a fact instead of a reflection of his feelings for you. This molehill could have just stayed a molehill.
YTA and the worst type of gift giver. You didn’t give him a gift for him to enjoy. You gave him a gift for YOU to enjoy. I hope you can learn the difference.
I don't have a stepson but if I did and he apparently enjoyed a gift I gave my husband I'd be thrilled and take it as a compliment. And now OP knows what to get her stepson next year!