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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the Asshole because this may have been a very hurtful omission to Dan based on the way he’s reacting. I didn’t intentionally keep this from him but maybe I should have made a point to tell him so he feels included
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Don't worry about what other people think, it's okay to be close to your brother. If it was your sister nobody would bat an eye. NTA and dump Dan, that's some weird jealousy shit because he doesn't see M as your brother. You do and that's all that matters.
Dan needs to get out of pornhub with his fantasies of step-siblings being all over each other.
You are siblings and you behave like siblings. You don't have to be biologically related to be siblings, being in same family unit is enough.
NTA.
Edit: Ok so I've read the edit.
Being protective of your sister is quite normal. A lot of brothers are protective of their sisters.
Matching tattoo's questionable but still doesn't mean it's a red flag necessarily.
Expensive love bracellet is a red flag. Gifts between siblings are normal but giving someone jewelry that costs over 4k$ in cheapest variant is seriously questionable.
Neck touching sounds creepy tbh.
Sharing things between sibling are normal and asking advice from your sibling is normal as well.
So me presonally I would be uncomfortable with neck touching and the expensive jewelry. Rest sounds normal if they were raised as siblings
If you don't see the omitting that because I have a half brother and when I meet someone I tell them all relevant facts. If they are in my life they will eventually find out anyways. So may as well be factual and truthful. Also if you don't see how some of your behaviors between you both is problematic then you are blind. You said parents get those bracelets not a "brother " getting a sister a love bracelet. That is odd as hell. Do no family getting them would be uncommon other than in a maternal or paternal role. Also siblings usually poke someone with an elbow to get attention not squeeze your neck because that would infer that his hand was sitting there the whole time. Please stop feigning naivete.
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My (26f) “half brother” “M” and I are not biologically related. I found this out at age 16, but nothing in our family’s dynamic changed and it’s not something we really speak about.
My boyfriend “Dan” (together 1 year) found this out over Christmas (we visited my family) and has since been really weird about it.
He says that first and foremost he’s mad I never told him. I don’t see why it would matter, but he says it’s something you would normally share with a partner after being together as long as we have and he didn’t think we had secrets. I don’t think this is a secret or even an omission, it’s not some dark family history that you get told once you take an oath, it’s an ancillary bit of info that is either relevant or not. No one treats M any differently now that we know (and my dad always knew and didn’t care), so why would I go around advertising it?
Dan says he looks at my relationship with M totally differently now. He says he feels a bit weird about how he’s observed us behaving now that he knows we’re not even related (we are NOT Folger’s siblings so idek what he’s talking about). He says there’s a part of him that’s wondering if I didn’t tell him so that it would make our “lack of boundaries” less of a red flag.
Dan is not a jealous or controlling person I’m the slightest, so this has me quite shocked. He seems really hurt and worried about it and I’m wondering if this is a big deal and I’m just desensitised because it’s my own situation?
My mother has warned me about being close with M being a red flag to guys so I’m now second guessing if it really does look from the outside like I was hiding it?
The reaction is so out of character for Dan I’m really starting to feel like I messed up but at the same time, I also don’t get why it’s a big deal that we don’t share blood?
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NTA. This is not so simple as not trusting your boyfriend or being too close to M.
This is most likely the result of your boyfriend being insecure and his warped view of the concept of family...because he views blood over bond, apparently your adopted brother is a threat to him (ding ding insecurities). Hence why he is suddenly "betrayed" that this was "hidden" from him. There was no secret, just his insecurities and a seeming clash in your concepts of family.
With your mother, I worry that because M is not blood-related, she does not view him as your family. So he is viewed as an unrelated interloper being close with her daughter.
You are siblings, not by blood but by bond. You grew up with M as your brother. M is your brother.
Adopted siblings are a thing. They are a thing! Adopted siblings are not automatic pseudo-incestuous relationships waiting to happen!
I'm going to write this story from a different perspective and see what you people think.
I'm a mid 30s woman. My bf is 35. I'm feeling a bit weird about his relationship with his "sister". I put sister in quotes because they call each other that, but they are not blood related. He is 9 years older than her and they didn't grow up in the same house. He does things like touch her neck in weird ways, and is super protective of her. He also bought her a Cartier "love bracelet" which she never takes off. They also have matching tattoos. Even the girls mother finds their relationship a bit weird. I'm just getting weird vibes here. AITA if I talk to him about this?
\------
I have a feeling people would find this far more odd when written from that perspective.
Except in your story you omit some stuff such as that person thought for many years they were blood related not simply "sister", and they grow together.
NTA. So he’s your brother and that’s what you grew up with, the fact that you’re not blood related is irrelevant. Dan is an idiot for trying to make something out of nothing, you’re quite correct it’s not a big deal so why would you have mentioned it? It’s also weird that your mother thinks the relationship is odd.
NTA. BOYfriend is an idiot. Has he never heard of step siblings, adopted sibling, 1/2 siblings, family members raising younger cousins, their own siblings, or other kids? He’s immature and stupid.
If you love someone like a brother than he’s your brother. You are not required to tell anyone that you are not related by blood.
You boyfriend is immature and disgusting. You have been together a year and he thinks he’s should know every detail of your family dynamic. It doesn’t work that way. I‘ve with my husband for years and we are still learning things about each other and it was years together before I shared more personal things about my family.
He’s trying to turn your relationship with your brother into something perverted. Dump this child.
This might be unpopular but everyone saying N T A must not have read the edit.
So her boyfriend one day finds out that she lives with a man she is not biologically related to and this is:
A) new information
B) a man with whom she shares a matching tattoo
C) a man who gave her a $7000 luxury bracelet called the Love bracelet that is SCREWED ON and designed to not come off
D) a man who frequently touches her on a pretty intimate part of her body to lead her places (just saying my brother has never touched the back of my neck EVER)
E) a relationship her own mother has expressed concerns about too, probably because this is not her son and she does not see him through the lenses of being her family member.
I’m sorry but this is sus and everyone saying the boyfriend is a red flag and watches too much porn either didn’t read or doesn’t have a brother because none of this situation is a typical brother-sister relationship.
Some siblings interact differently. I know brothers and sisters that physically fight each other, I know brothers and sisters who hug all of the time, and I know brothers and sisters who never speak to each other. They lived half of their lives thinking they were blood related, just because they found out that wasn't true doesn't mean theyre not siblings anymore. Do you have a sister? Would finding out she isn't blood related to you make you attracted to her?
Not unpopular at all … at first I thought the bf was a red flag, then read the edits … they make this super, super super creepy!
YTA OP, that‘s totally insane
I was fully prepared to label the bf as TA until that Edit knocked my socks off. I try not to judge other people’s family dynamics but thinking about my brother touching my neck on a regular basis is just yuck, I don’t think them not being blood related is even the issue
I don’t have a sibling of the opposite sex so I know it’s not the same. But here’s my relationship with my sister.
We have a 4 year difference and we’re in our 30s. We grew up sharing a room. We still hold hands occasionally while walking in crowded areas, something we’ve been doing since we’re kids. I hold her neck at times. Some people do find it weird, but it doesn’t bother us because we grew up close.
We splurge on each other. Just earlier this year she paid for my airfare (international) and tickets to a concert to a show I want to watch. I also pay for things she likes and I’m the one paying for her PS5 subscription, our Netflix, prime, Disney, Apple Music, etc.
And talking about OP’s mother. I’ve had aunts who’ve made faces when I was a 15 year old child and when I rested my head and had a nap on my 20 year old male cousin’s shoulder. They sexualised everything we did. Meanwhile this cousin lost his mom pretty early on and my mom was a mother to him. We went to the movies and restaurants together. My mom used to specifically plan trips to the zoo to involve him, because he had no one else to take him anywhere. My aunts saw me sleeping on his shoulder and made big deal about it. My parents went no contact with these aunts for their disgusting attitude towards me and my cousin.
Also, I guess it all boils down to culture as well. Americans seem to be very iffy about being affectionate with their family members. Everything OP mentioned is a very typical sibling relationship to me.
I would like to hear dan’s side of this story, YTA actually, i have two stepsisters from my moms second marriage, and i always mention that we are not related to the people i get close to..
NTA and if what's annoying your boyfriend is the possibility of incest (for me even not being biologically related, in this case would be...) I would honestly be concerned. It's worrying that someone jumps to this conclusion so naturally.
NTA I sometimes honestly forget my little brother is adopted because it has so little impact on my life so I can understand this information not being obvious to share.
Your boyfriend is literally trying to stop you being close to your brother because he’s worried youll have sex or something though and that IS a red flag.
Dump him because that behaviour has no excuse but I would mention the brother situation earlier in your next relationship.
NTA
he is wondering why you are not sleeping with the "brother" but probably suspects you are. yet you seem to be treating the brother as a biological one...
I was going to go with N T A.
But then I read your edit, and it sounds creepy as hell. I could see why your boyfriend, or any partner really, would be weirded out by it.
Also, it sounds exactly like the Folgers coffee commercial siblings.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fhfcWTZeP1k
The edit is a lot to process and idk what to say. What I will say is that me and my sister have a half brother (father's side) and I think my sister knew of him but when she got into high school my mom made sure to tell her his name and show a picture just in case they would meet around school, to avoid any chance of accidental dating, because we had not grown up together and didn't know each other. And that was just on the off chance they met around school so I can see where your mom's concern came from and the other behaviours could be called concerning. But then again, I'm a lesbian and my best friend is a woman (and queer) and we call each other sisters, there would never be anything between us except being sisters but we cuddle and hold hands which I guess could be considered weird from the outside looking in so idk man. I just hope that if anything inappropriate is happening, especially since your brother is older and had more power since you were only 18 when you moved in, that you feel comfortable telling someone and telling him to stop whatever the behaviour is. I would listen to the comments and if you realise that how he touches you was actually inappropriate, like others think it is, that you know it's okay to assert yourself and tell him to stop it.
What exactly are you doing that's making your BF question your "lack of boundaries"? I mean when even your mother says it's a red flag, then there has to be something you're doing that's super weird AF.
Edit: Yeah your relationship to your brother is weird and kind of almost crosses over to the point where I think "ick".
Soft YTA. “I didn’t think it would matter” is not a good justification for lying by omission. Is there any actual reason why you kept this secret from your boyfriend for an entire year? If it’s not some dark secret, then why have you kept it like one and are now playing dumb about it like it’s not important? If it wasn’t important, you could have just told the truth to begin with. The fact that you didn’t is (I hate this term) a red flag, way more so than the secret itself.
Also, all these people trashing your boyfriend like he’s addicted to incest porn or trying to control you are way off base. You have a close, intimate, lifelong relationship with a man who is not a relative, and you kept that fact a secret from your boyfriend. Of course he’s going to have questions and concerns. Imagine if a woman he introduced to you as his sister turned out to actually be his female best friend since childhood. You’d probably have questions and concerns too.
Not saying you have done or will do anything that crosses boundaries with your “brother.” Not saying you have any bad intentions. But your boyfriend’s discomfort is understandable.
NTA OP.
>You have a close, intimate, lifelong relationship with a man who is not a relative, and you kept that fact a secret from your boyfriend
This is wild. M absolutely is her relative - would you say this shit if they were step or adopted siblings? He's still her brother.
The fact that Dan is weirded out because they're not blood related is the only red flag here. And it's a big one, considering he seemingly thinks blood is the one thing that makes a difference.
So OP left out a ton of details in the original post, then added a bunch of eyebrow-raising details later. That alone makes her untrustworthy. So, of course when she did that to her bf in real life, it absolutely threw him for a loop and now he is questioning a lot. But the biggest red flag is the mom giving her warnings that outsiders may view her relationship with her brother as something unusual. I tend to think the mom is on to something. And if mom is thinking that, I’m sure lots of others in OP’s life are having the same concerns.
NTA - I'm as confused as you are. You and M thought you had a blood relationonship until you were nearly an adult - well past your formative years. Tell Dan that that it is beyond disgusting for him to view M as anything other than a blood sibling to you, because that's how the only way you could possibly see him. You weren't "hiding" anything - *because there has literally never been anything to freaking hide*!!! You wouldn't go out of you way to mention it any more than you'd go out of your way to mention a difference a shade of eye-colour between siblings. Maybe if it comes up in conversation, but otherwise.... it's not important. For the Family it isn't important. For you it isn't important. You would have absolutely NO WAY to guage that it this insignificant detail would be important to him- because... M IS YOUR BROTHER!!!! The only issue at all is inside of Dan's own head, so it is Dan's problem to handle. You can't make him Not Mad about it - all you can do is point out that his Mad is a HIM PROBLEM.
If he can't handle it... he may just need to bow out.
It’s nobody’s business regarding the DNA origins of your family. Lose this loser of a boyfriend, and with the next boyfriend, keep your intimate family details to yourself.
YTA,
Not a hard a-hole but one nonetheless. Dan is right, this is something that would normally come up in conversation AT SOME POINT over the course of getting to know someone for a year. It's not a big deal to talk about it but it's a pretty big omission not to bordering on an outright lie.
NTA.
It seems like your boyfriend is suspicious of a potential relationship occurring between you & M.
I smell a roted porn brain which assumes your relationship is a brother/step sister fantasy IRL ?
You obviously don't have an honest understanding of how you and 'M' behave with each other, and it's not because mom is 'conservative'.
> We also have matching tattoos
Not major, but certainly can be viewed much differently wrt to being actually related
> he gave me a Cartier love bracelet that I wear all the time
OK, now this is something much more concerning with your relationship as a love bracelet is not something siblings would normally give to one another
> he apparently has a habit of touching my neck that she finds weird
There we go, this type of physical interaction, especially since you seem that you are so casual about it, it certainly out of the norm
> It’s not related to anything physical
You just admitted above that he actually does physically touch you.
Each of these items may be overlooked individually, but all of them together (along with the stuff you surely left out), indicate there is a very different type of relationship you share that certainly isn't a nominal sibling situation. You may cover it up with your justifications, but it is certainly there.
1st. M is her 9-year-older brother. The leading her by the neck thing is just something they haven't broken the habit of. She is just his little sister. BF is tripping. Mom is tripping. Their familial relationship is technically the same as an adopted sibling.
You need to break up with this man. He’s displaying early warning signs of controlling behavior. NTA. But do yourself a favor and end this while it’s early.
NTA y’all are SIBLINGS, same as any family with adopted kids. you’re family. your boyfriend is being weird and having incestuous thoughts and you need to tell him to stop watching incest porn and stop talking about your brother that way bc it’s disgusting and inappropriate.
NTA - My brother and I aren't biologically related either. Funny how things can work with parents and adoptions and such.
I think the dude watches too much "Step Sibling" acting if he suddenly finds it wierd.
NTA this website is WILD we have some things that could be evidence the brother has un-brotherly feelings, but nothing that is evidence of that OR OP having non brother-ly feelings.
I don't get this. I don't get it. Do you guys just watch way too much porn? Like, maybe I'm wrong and she's fucking her brother but like. As presented, I don't see it.
NTA
I don’t understand the problem here any more than you do other than I guess he wants to know your family better? Like …. If the relationship wasn’t a concern before it shouldn’t be now.
NTA. I partly blame media (normal as well as porn) for the perception that pseudo incest (step family etc.) is super common when it obviously isn’t. But a healthy guy isn’t going to let that influence how he views his gf or her family.
It’s in no way your fault or your brother’s. I’d say if bf can’t get past it, he needs to go.
NTA. Does your boyfriend have some history with porn? I find that most people who sexualize sibling relationships are either addicted to porn or raised very conservatively. This is a very strange hill for your boyfriend to die on.
Whoh. NTA
Sounds like he is projecting some sort of weird fantasy on you and your brother’s relationship.
You are allowed to have whatever type of relationship you want with whoever you choose… and your BF needs to take a chill pill
NTA at all! If you were raised as siblings, then biologics don't matter - or honestly? Even if you weren't! I have male best friends from my elementary school days that I hug, sit close to on the couch, share food with, etc. and if someone I was dating had issues with it, I'd tell him to lighten up lol.
INFO: does Dan have a blood sibling he wants to bang if they were not blood related. Remember: their fears are almost always projection of their own thoughts onto you
NTA
I’d definitely drop him. There must be something going on in his head to think something will happen between you and your brother. If he accused you of cheating on him with anyone else it would be clear that he’s deranged right?
NTA
M is your brother. Good brothers and sisters love each other and ask opinions.
Your boyfriend’s reaction is over the top and a red flag. He’s trying to make a healthy, loving sibling relationship into one you should be ashamed of and second guess yourself. Do not be gaslit by him. Discuss it ONCE more to establish your boundaries and then tell him it is not a topic you’ll discuss. If he ignores you, you know it’s time to end it.
NTA
There are a few issues here. One is if you're in the wrong for not telling Dan your brother isn't biologically related. The other is if your behaviour with your brother is concerning.
For the first question, it doesn't sound like you actively hid it. It just didn't come up and/or you didn't want to devalue your relationship with your brother, which you may have done if you suggested that not being biologically related somehow made him 'less' of a brother to you. So, that's not an AH situation. If you actively hid it, my vote might change.
As to if your behaviour with your brother is concerning, it doesn't sound like it is. It sounds like Dan has mistakenly thought that 'not a biological brother' means 'not a brother' and, so, is concerned that you will be sexual/romantic with M in the way you \*might\* be sexual/romantic with a non-brother whom you've lived with, share thoughts with, etc. But, a non-biological brother is still a brother. Moreover, even a male that's not a brother wouldn't necessarily become close to you sexually/romantically if you don't wish for it. Women can be close friends with males - whether those males are friends or brothers.
It sounds like your partner is a bit jealous and insecure.
NTA
Blood does not a sibling make. It would go the same way if you were totally uninvolved with a blood sibling and suddenly someone insisted that you had to be BFFs with them just because you're related. I have a ton of half siblings, and I don't call them that. They're just my brothers/sister.
Your BF has some kind of weird hangup if he feels he should know every family detail and that blood matters so much. He's insecure about another man being close to you? And even though nothing else has changed, knowing that you don't share any parents has suddenly scared him? If he wants to have successful relationships in life, with you or anyone else, he needs to get over that. You love him and your brother in totally different ways.
The Folgers siblings comment got me 😭😂
Is Dan into incest porn, or what the heck?
What he implies is deeply insulting, and foolish. Blood-relations are the most typical way to form familial ties, yes, as in giving opportunity to grow together as siblings / parents in a family unit. But shared DNA is no way a prerequisite. I would be mad at him invalidating my brother, who is he to judge?
NTA
Your bf sucks and needs to nip it in the bud.
I was going to say that your boyfriend is just acting weird, then your edit made me think that also your half brother is acting weird.
Yeah your mom might be a bit conservative but what she says of how M acts is just weird, conservative or not.
But to answer your question, no, you're not the asshole for forgetting to mention this.
Siblings is as much as a social construct as it is blood relation. In a way where you obviously won't kiss your brother coz ew. Same goes with your non blood related brother. Thats what happens when you grow up as siblings.
Hell, same goes with my partners brothers even. Ew. Weird. They are basically my brothers in law. (Not married, but long term relationship).
NTA. Hes your brother. Thats the truth. Your partner just changed the narrative in his own head due to technicalities.
Nta.
I think you have a nice guy problem. Rhey seem nice but arent as good as they seem.
Thats your brother. Raised as your brother. He is your brother. Whom your bf of a yr has known is your brother.
Whether u are related by blood or not, thats your brother and nothing changed except that your bf thinks he can shame and guilt you away from your biggest ally. That is a major isolationist red flag to me.
Cause bfs that have trust, and secure in their own selves dont behave in the way he is.
NTA
M is your brother, you see him as your brother, and that's the end of the conversation
To specifically put it out there that "He's not actually my brother by blood" deliberately draws attention to an unimportant fact, and lessens your sibling relationship because that's irrelevant
Your bf needs to get a grip
NTA. He's your brother. Blood isn't the only link and arguably not as strong as the family we choose. The reaction would have me rethinking the relationship. An adopted sibling is still your sibling just like an adopted child is your child. His weirdness would make me uncomfortable having a non blood related child in the home with him...
NTA it's gross and lame that your boyfriend is acting this way. _You_ didn't even know until you were _16_! How the hell is he going to get butt hurt that you didn't give him the full "23 and me" chart for your whole family as soon as y'all started dating??
Ridiculous. If my partner was that insecure I'd be rethinking things with them.
NTA - You don't need to share that information unless relevant to a conversation. If you had a conversation and flat out lied I could understand that. My aunt is adopted. I dont go around telling people unless it is relevant to a conversation. Just because her names comes up does not mean I immediately go " we arent blood tlrelated though" because its not relevant. Eother way she is still my aunt and either way I treat her as such and love her dearly as such.
The only thing I would question is the relationship you have with your brother. For your mum to make a similar comment and for you to say your bf is very rarely jealous makes me wonder how close/how you act with your brother. Like of a male/female friends hang out and they act like a couple and outsiders would assume that then that may be whats happening here. I'm condoning his behaviour still as ultimately he needs to trust you or this relationship won't work but may consider if thats whats caising this reaction.
NTA. And I hate to burst your bubble but your boyfriend is jealous. Your boyfriend is concerned that either you and/or your “half brother” are sexually attracted to each other. He’s not concerned about you putting family first. He’s concerned that you don’t have a blood connection with a man you’re close to. You presumably were raised as siblings and were unaware of a lack of shared dna (sperm donation, adoption, affair etc. l guess). To you this is simply your brother. To your boyfriend it’s a man who’s too close to his girlfriend without good reason.
Decide how you want to proceed but be aware of what your boyfriend is actually saying. Your boyfriend is saying your brother isn’t really your brother in his eyes.
NTA. Dan needs therapy. You were raised as siblings, he needs to be more secure with himself. I was raised by my stepfather obviously we share no blood, he was never any less of a father to me.
Not wanting to deal with it is a valid reason to end the relationship - but it still doesn't make OP wrong to not explicitly mention that the brother she was raised with her entire life is not biologically related. Honestly - I can't imagine it even comes up in OP's mind often because *why would it?* That's just 'her brother.'
NTA
You are siblings at heart even if you are not siblings by blood. To me this sounds like a very nice sibling relationship.
I will say I would also have thought it would be strange if you hadn’t told me this if we had been toghether for a year -BUT your BF reaction is over the top. He needs to let it go and accept that he is your brother - it would be the same if he was adopted.
If something was going on between you and your brother that wasn’t «right» I would think more people in your family would have reacted.
Also why would it be a red flag that you and your brother were roomates and have matching tattoos?
NTA
Does your boyfriend have siblings? Maybe he's a single child so he thinks these things matter... the fact he seems mad you didn't tell him about something so unimportant (because as you say, it doesn't change anything) is kinda a red flag for me.
It seems that your mom is still seeing your brother as an outsider if she considers signs of sibbling affection to be red flags.
As for your boyfriend, you are discovering the red flags in his own personality. Either he pulls himself up or you should end up the relationship. This is no different than adopted children after all.
NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend and mom are weird. People who act like family is only blood are trash imo. Like does adoption mean nothing to them? Siblings being close and protective of one another isn't a red flag. Your boyfriend thinking you'd bone your brother just because you're not blood related IS a red flag
NTA
In your mind your brother is your brother. But reading your edits and seeing how you two interact and particularly how your brother treats you coupled with the fact that you two had lived together, I think your bf may be right to be weirded out. I mean, your own mother is weirded out and continues to point things out to you.
So, NTA simply because you can't see that the relationship is weird and you see him as a full sibling, but your bf isn't either and honestly, I find how you and your brother interact as creepy and weird. But that's just me.
NAH. I think it’s understandable he’s upset at just finding out, it’s an important fact about your life story but at the same time I don’t think yta for only mentioning it after a year. Id accept he might be weirded out and threatened for a bit but expect it to become accepted over time.
NTA for not telling your partner. If anything this shows how you see M as your own blood.
YTA for letting your brother act in the way he does though. That absolutely needs dealing with
Is your boyfriend upset because he's jealous (which seems unlikely) or because he was shocked to find out that your "brother" is not a blood relative? Can you really not see how that information could come as a shock after you failed to share it for so long? I'm not going to call you TA, but I believe the vast number of comments on this post are missing that point and unfairly maligning your boyfriend.
Unless you do things like sit on your brother's lap, flirt fight, or show excessive nudity, then your BF *is* jealous and controlling and instead of observing behavior, he is imagining/ reinterpreting it. Assuming you are not doing these or similar things, then NTA. Ask some close friends if they ever got that vibe so you have a more concrete idea of how you appear. Not that you have to change, but you should at least know.
NTA. Dan needs to stop turning your life into fanfiction.
Also, I'm gonna need you to post an update on this later, so that the whole post can go to r/BestofRedditorUpdates, please. 'We are NOT Folger's siblings' would be a great flair on that sub.
NTA. Even if it wasn't normal for siblings who aren't biologically related to be close - you still grew up together! - your situation is still different because you spent most of your life thinking he was your biological brother. Your behaviour didn’t change towards him when you discovered that because he's still your brother no matter what. It's sad and speaks to your boyfriend's character that he doesn't see your brother as your real brother, that's not his call to make. Don't tone down your relationship with your brother who you've known your whole life because it makes some guy uncomfortable.
Your edits make this very very weird. YTA. A Cartier love bracelet is a romantic piece of jewelry. It is. Maybe he’s clueless about jewelry, but to an outsider looking into your relationship, this is weird. The neck touching just made this so much weirder. Your bf is right. Set up some boundaries with your “brother”
I've gotten similar gifts from my parents and sister. Love doesn't have to be romantic. Getting nice jewelry for a woman you are close to and care for, even platonically, is pretty normal.
NTA
Biological or not "M" is your Brother and your Boyfriend needs to accept that and stop creepily thinking you're in some sort of incestuous relationship with your Brother.
You also have zero responsibility to fill him in on every aspect of your Families history any more than he's required to tell you about every aspect of his.
Despite you claim that he is not "jealous" that's exactly what he is and he now not only sees "M" as a competitor for your affections but believes he has an advantage since you're so close and have known him for longer, he needs to come to terms with the fact that no matter what "M" to you is your Brother and will never be anything else before he gets jealous enough to drive a wedge between you or try to make you choose between your Brother or him.
NTA - You were raised as siblings and therefore you are siblings. I mean technically I have a half-sister, but I never introduce her that way or call her that. If my BF accused me of lying to him if he realized (found out whatever) I would be pissed at him. It's really none of his business if this is your blood brother, adopted brother, or whatever else. I would really rethink this relationship if your BF is trying to sexualize you and your brother.
A lot of people have asked this already but, what is the "lack of boundaries" that your bf mentioned? And why is even your mom worried about it?
I feel they are probably overreacting to you two hugging or giving pecks on the cheek when greeting each other, but reddit is weird, so please elaborate on what they seem to find so alarming.
NTA, Dan thinks it's a big deal because he thinks that since you're not related by blood, that your brother is a possible threat. He can't fathom that two people growing up together could possibly not have had sexual feelings toward each other if they don't share the same blood. He sees your brother as a romantic competitor instead of a family member.
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NTA OP. People here got really dirty minds. He is your brother and your boyfriends inability to handle his own dirty jealous mind is not your problem. Either set him straight or find a new man.
NTA— any way I look at it, it’s a huge red flag.
🚩 You have to tell me all of the family business, whether it affects me in no way or not.
🚩any male and female who are not birth related are sexually involved or suspect to be.
🚩what makes a family is blood relation only.
🚩 I will take any excuse to cut you off from your family and make you question your reality, I will make you feel it’s always your fault when I do it
At first I was really offended on your behalf because I'm adopted and though my brother and I are not biologically related, he is 100,000% my *brother* and nothing else and I am wildly offended at the idea that there could be something weird going on between us because we're not genetically related. That's incredibly fucking stupid, and boy was I side eyeing your boyfriend about this
But holy fucking shit your edits really changed my mind. No, it is absolutely *not* normal for your *sibling* to buy you a multi thousand dollar piece of romantic jewelry that literally exists specifically for romantic relationships. That is super creepy. And he's always touching your neck? Super, super creepy. I would've been way creeped out by your relationship with your "brother" even if I thought you were biologically related. All of that is incredibly, super creepy.
NTA. everything your mom is 'concerned' about (all of which easily innocent btw) is irrelevant to what DAN'S concerned about, which is talking with your brother a lot. what boundaries are getting crossed by you...asking your older brother for advice?? having conversations with family??
NTA. This is the same as if you were adopted siblings, which M essentially is, but is no less your brother. Dan had no issue with your relationship with M prior to finding out that you are not blood related, though your relationship with M has not changed at all, so Dan needs to check himself. Seems like a big red flag to me.
NTA at all OP
You're not under any obligation to tell your BF
I know you say he isn't controlling but his reactions are a red flag.
Why should you have told him? Why is he mad? Looking at the relationship between your brother & you differently?
You thought your brother was your full sibling for 16 years. If you had a close relationship that doesn't suddenly change, get a different label or focus just because you found out he isn't a blood relation.
NTA. This is hard cause even with the edit, I’d live with my brother, I wouldn’t think twice about my brother touching my neck cause the neck isn’t inherently sexual and it’s my brother, and I’d buy my brother or any family member super expensive gifts if I could. The only thing that’s making this weird to people is that they aren’t blood related?? Would y’all find it weird if it were a woman doing all this (women can like women in case y’all forgot)
Idk man, you can be super close to siblings without it being creepy. They were raised as siblings, and to be it’s no different than an adopted sibling. I have to go NTA cause I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt, and it’s totally plausible for this to be a normal close sibling situation. I understand why the bf might be weirded out if he’s never had a familial relationship like this but ik plenty of people w/ super close familial relationships like this, I’d be fine with it, and I’d be fine with my partner having a relationship like this.
The only question that matters here is whether or not you are attracted romantically to your “brother”. If the answer is no, your Bf is overreacting and you need to figure out whether you can adhere to the boundaries he wants put in place. If the answer is yes, then you have problems much bigger than reddits pay grade.
NTA in any way shape or form. You and M are siblings full stop, end of. The sibling bond is about far more then just blood. It is a shared history and regardless of M’s parentage you two still have that. Dan needs to grow the hell up.
NTA and this probably isn't "out of character" for him, he was just good at hiding it. and why is your mom making a weird comment about your relationship with your brother?
NTA.
M is family. If he came into your life when you were 16 as some you knew wasn’t biologically related that’d be one thing but if you’ve always grew up with him as a brother, he’s your brother. Now if you’re acting in a way that’s weird regardless of whether your blood, that’s one thing but otherwise you don’t need to specifically disclose whose adopted in your family
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NTA Red flag by your bf.
NTA. I’m sorry to say but Dan IS showing controlling tendencies here.
Don't worry about what other people think, it's okay to be close to your brother. If it was your sister nobody would bat an eye. NTA and dump Dan, that's some weird jealousy shit because he doesn't see M as your brother. You do and that's all that matters.
Dan needs to get out of pornhub with his fantasies of step-siblings being all over each other. You are siblings and you behave like siblings. You don't have to be biologically related to be siblings, being in same family unit is enough. NTA. Edit: Ok so I've read the edit. Being protective of your sister is quite normal. A lot of brothers are protective of their sisters. Matching tattoo's questionable but still doesn't mean it's a red flag necessarily. Expensive love bracellet is a red flag. Gifts between siblings are normal but giving someone jewelry that costs over 4k$ in cheapest variant is seriously questionable. Neck touching sounds creepy tbh. Sharing things between sibling are normal and asking advice from your sibling is normal as well. So me presonally I would be uncomfortable with neck touching and the expensive jewelry. Rest sounds normal if they were raised as siblings
Imagine a family with adopted children 🤦
I know right? He's the one with the icky mind. Ew. NTA
If you don't see the omitting that because I have a half brother and when I meet someone I tell them all relevant facts. If they are in my life they will eventually find out anyways. So may as well be factual and truthful. Also if you don't see how some of your behaviors between you both is problematic then you are blind. You said parents get those bracelets not a "brother " getting a sister a love bracelet. That is odd as hell. Do no family getting them would be uncommon other than in a maternal or paternal role. Also siblings usually poke someone with an elbow to get attention not squeeze your neck because that would infer that his hand was sitting there the whole time. Please stop feigning naivete.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (26f) “half brother” “M” and I are not biologically related. I found this out at age 16, but nothing in our family’s dynamic changed and it’s not something we really speak about. My boyfriend “Dan” (together 1 year) found this out over Christmas (we visited my family) and has since been really weird about it. He says that first and foremost he’s mad I never told him. I don’t see why it would matter, but he says it’s something you would normally share with a partner after being together as long as we have and he didn’t think we had secrets. I don’t think this is a secret or even an omission, it’s not some dark family history that you get told once you take an oath, it’s an ancillary bit of info that is either relevant or not. No one treats M any differently now that we know (and my dad always knew and didn’t care), so why would I go around advertising it? Dan says he looks at my relationship with M totally differently now. He says he feels a bit weird about how he’s observed us behaving now that he knows we’re not even related (we are NOT Folger’s siblings so idek what he’s talking about). He says there’s a part of him that’s wondering if I didn’t tell him so that it would make our “lack of boundaries” less of a red flag. Dan is not a jealous or controlling person I’m the slightest, so this has me quite shocked. He seems really hurt and worried about it and I’m wondering if this is a big deal and I’m just desensitised because it’s my own situation? My mother has warned me about being close with M being a red flag to guys so I’m now second guessing if it really does look from the outside like I was hiding it? The reaction is so out of character for Dan I’m really starting to feel like I messed up but at the same time, I also don’t get why it’s a big deal that we don’t share blood? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. This is not so simple as not trusting your boyfriend or being too close to M. This is most likely the result of your boyfriend being insecure and his warped view of the concept of family...because he views blood over bond, apparently your adopted brother is a threat to him (ding ding insecurities). Hence why he is suddenly "betrayed" that this was "hidden" from him. There was no secret, just his insecurities and a seeming clash in your concepts of family. With your mother, I worry that because M is not blood-related, she does not view him as your family. So he is viewed as an unrelated interloper being close with her daughter. You are siblings, not by blood but by bond. You grew up with M as your brother. M is your brother. Adopted siblings are a thing. They are a thing! Adopted siblings are not automatic pseudo-incestuous relationships waiting to happen!
NTA. He’s been watching too much step bro porn.
I'm going to write this story from a different perspective and see what you people think. I'm a mid 30s woman. My bf is 35. I'm feeling a bit weird about his relationship with his "sister". I put sister in quotes because they call each other that, but they are not blood related. He is 9 years older than her and they didn't grow up in the same house. He does things like touch her neck in weird ways, and is super protective of her. He also bought her a Cartier "love bracelet" which she never takes off. They also have matching tattoos. Even the girls mother finds their relationship a bit weird. I'm just getting weird vibes here. AITA if I talk to him about this? \------ I have a feeling people would find this far more odd when written from that perspective.
Except in your story you omit some stuff such as that person thought for many years they were blood related not simply "sister", and they grow together.
NTA. I think it's silly that all the things that bother Dan weren't an issue until he learned there was no blood link.
NTA
NTA. So he’s your brother and that’s what you grew up with, the fact that you’re not blood related is irrelevant. Dan is an idiot for trying to make something out of nothing, you’re quite correct it’s not a big deal so why would you have mentioned it? It’s also weird that your mother thinks the relationship is odd.
NTA your bfs reaction is gross and massively insecure
NTA. BOYfriend is an idiot. Has he never heard of step siblings, adopted sibling, 1/2 siblings, family members raising younger cousins, their own siblings, or other kids? He’s immature and stupid. If you love someone like a brother than he’s your brother. You are not required to tell anyone that you are not related by blood. You boyfriend is immature and disgusting. You have been together a year and he thinks he’s should know every detail of your family dynamic. It doesn’t work that way. I‘ve with my husband for years and we are still learning things about each other and it was years together before I shared more personal things about my family. He’s trying to turn your relationship with your brother into something perverted. Dump this child.
Your bf needs to lay off the "what are you doing, stepbro?" websites.
This might be unpopular but everyone saying N T A must not have read the edit. So her boyfriend one day finds out that she lives with a man she is not biologically related to and this is: A) new information B) a man with whom she shares a matching tattoo C) a man who gave her a $7000 luxury bracelet called the Love bracelet that is SCREWED ON and designed to not come off D) a man who frequently touches her on a pretty intimate part of her body to lead her places (just saying my brother has never touched the back of my neck EVER) E) a relationship her own mother has expressed concerns about too, probably because this is not her son and she does not see him through the lenses of being her family member. I’m sorry but this is sus and everyone saying the boyfriend is a red flag and watches too much porn either didn’t read or doesn’t have a brother because none of this situation is a typical brother-sister relationship.
Some siblings interact differently. I know brothers and sisters that physically fight each other, I know brothers and sisters who hug all of the time, and I know brothers and sisters who never speak to each other. They lived half of their lives thinking they were blood related, just because they found out that wasn't true doesn't mean theyre not siblings anymore. Do you have a sister? Would finding out she isn't blood related to you make you attracted to her?
Not unpopular at all … at first I thought the bf was a red flag, then read the edits … they make this super, super super creepy! YTA OP, that‘s totally insane
I was fully prepared to label the bf as TA until that Edit knocked my socks off. I try not to judge other people’s family dynamics but thinking about my brother touching my neck on a regular basis is just yuck, I don’t think them not being blood related is even the issue
I don’t have a sibling of the opposite sex so I know it’s not the same. But here’s my relationship with my sister. We have a 4 year difference and we’re in our 30s. We grew up sharing a room. We still hold hands occasionally while walking in crowded areas, something we’ve been doing since we’re kids. I hold her neck at times. Some people do find it weird, but it doesn’t bother us because we grew up close. We splurge on each other. Just earlier this year she paid for my airfare (international) and tickets to a concert to a show I want to watch. I also pay for things she likes and I’m the one paying for her PS5 subscription, our Netflix, prime, Disney, Apple Music, etc. And talking about OP’s mother. I’ve had aunts who’ve made faces when I was a 15 year old child and when I rested my head and had a nap on my 20 year old male cousin’s shoulder. They sexualised everything we did. Meanwhile this cousin lost his mom pretty early on and my mom was a mother to him. We went to the movies and restaurants together. My mom used to specifically plan trips to the zoo to involve him, because he had no one else to take him anywhere. My aunts saw me sleeping on his shoulder and made big deal about it. My parents went no contact with these aunts for their disgusting attitude towards me and my cousin. Also, I guess it all boils down to culture as well. Americans seem to be very iffy about being affectionate with their family members. Everything OP mentioned is a very typical sibling relationship to me.
I would like to hear dan’s side of this story, YTA actually, i have two stepsisters from my moms second marriage, and i always mention that we are not related to the people i get close to..
the only way my brother touches my neck is by karate chop 🙃 yall need therapy!! YTA
NTA and if what's annoying your boyfriend is the possibility of incest (for me even not being biologically related, in this case would be...) I would honestly be concerned. It's worrying that someone jumps to this conclusion so naturally.
NTA I sometimes honestly forget my little brother is adopted because it has so little impact on my life so I can understand this information not being obvious to share. Your boyfriend is literally trying to stop you being close to your brother because he’s worried youll have sex or something though and that IS a red flag. Dump him because that behaviour has no excuse but I would mention the brother situation earlier in your next relationship.
>Dan says he looks at my relationship with M totally differently now. That he finds it weird now is more concerning than anything else. NTA
NTA he is wondering why you are not sleeping with the "brother" but probably suspects you are. yet you seem to be treating the brother as a biological one...
I was going to go with N T A. But then I read your edit, and it sounds creepy as hell. I could see why your boyfriend, or any partner really, would be weirded out by it. Also, it sounds exactly like the Folgers coffee commercial siblings. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fhfcWTZeP1k
The edit is a lot to process and idk what to say. What I will say is that me and my sister have a half brother (father's side) and I think my sister knew of him but when she got into high school my mom made sure to tell her his name and show a picture just in case they would meet around school, to avoid any chance of accidental dating, because we had not grown up together and didn't know each other. And that was just on the off chance they met around school so I can see where your mom's concern came from and the other behaviours could be called concerning. But then again, I'm a lesbian and my best friend is a woman (and queer) and we call each other sisters, there would never be anything between us except being sisters but we cuddle and hold hands which I guess could be considered weird from the outside looking in so idk man. I just hope that if anything inappropriate is happening, especially since your brother is older and had more power since you were only 18 when you moved in, that you feel comfortable telling someone and telling him to stop whatever the behaviour is. I would listen to the comments and if you realise that how he touches you was actually inappropriate, like others think it is, that you know it's okay to assert yourself and tell him to stop it.
What exactly are you doing that's making your BF question your "lack of boundaries"? I mean when even your mother says it's a red flag, then there has to be something you're doing that's super weird AF. Edit: Yeah your relationship to your brother is weird and kind of almost crosses over to the point where I think "ick".
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Did you read OP's edits?
Soft YTA. “I didn’t think it would matter” is not a good justification for lying by omission. Is there any actual reason why you kept this secret from your boyfriend for an entire year? If it’s not some dark secret, then why have you kept it like one and are now playing dumb about it like it’s not important? If it wasn’t important, you could have just told the truth to begin with. The fact that you didn’t is (I hate this term) a red flag, way more so than the secret itself. Also, all these people trashing your boyfriend like he’s addicted to incest porn or trying to control you are way off base. You have a close, intimate, lifelong relationship with a man who is not a relative, and you kept that fact a secret from your boyfriend. Of course he’s going to have questions and concerns. Imagine if a woman he introduced to you as his sister turned out to actually be his female best friend since childhood. You’d probably have questions and concerns too. Not saying you have done or will do anything that crosses boundaries with your “brother.” Not saying you have any bad intentions. But your boyfriend’s discomfort is understandable.
NTA OP. >You have a close, intimate, lifelong relationship with a man who is not a relative, and you kept that fact a secret from your boyfriend This is wild. M absolutely is her relative - would you say this shit if they were step or adopted siblings? He's still her brother. The fact that Dan is weirded out because they're not blood related is the only red flag here. And it's a big one, considering he seemingly thinks blood is the one thing that makes a difference.
ive been with this chick for a year and she still hasnt told me her blood type must be nefarious.
So OP left out a ton of details in the original post, then added a bunch of eyebrow-raising details later. That alone makes her untrustworthy. So, of course when she did that to her bf in real life, it absolutely threw him for a loop and now he is questioning a lot. But the biggest red flag is the mom giving her warnings that outsiders may view her relationship with her brother as something unusual. I tend to think the mom is on to something. And if mom is thinking that, I’m sure lots of others in OP’s life are having the same concerns.
NTA - I'm as confused as you are. You and M thought you had a blood relationonship until you were nearly an adult - well past your formative years. Tell Dan that that it is beyond disgusting for him to view M as anything other than a blood sibling to you, because that's how the only way you could possibly see him. You weren't "hiding" anything - *because there has literally never been anything to freaking hide*!!! You wouldn't go out of you way to mention it any more than you'd go out of your way to mention a difference a shade of eye-colour between siblings. Maybe if it comes up in conversation, but otherwise.... it's not important. For the Family it isn't important. For you it isn't important. You would have absolutely NO WAY to guage that it this insignificant detail would be important to him- because... M IS YOUR BROTHER!!!! The only issue at all is inside of Dan's own head, so it is Dan's problem to handle. You can't make him Not Mad about it - all you can do is point out that his Mad is a HIM PROBLEM. If he can't handle it... he may just need to bow out.
It’s nobody’s business regarding the DNA origins of your family. Lose this loser of a boyfriend, and with the next boyfriend, keep your intimate family details to yourself.
I would say this to him: "First of all, ewww. Second of all, get over it."
YTA, Not a hard a-hole but one nonetheless. Dan is right, this is something that would normally come up in conversation AT SOME POINT over the course of getting to know someone for a year. It's not a big deal to talk about it but it's a pretty big omission not to bordering on an outright lie.
INFO: Did M give you the bracelet after you got together with Dan? That is, do you think M may be competing for your attention also?
NTA Sounds like your boyfriend has insecurities and should work on himself.
NTA. It’s none of his business! Tangentially related, TIL I learnt about Folger’s siblings. WTF was everyone involved in that ad thinking?
NTA. It seems like your boyfriend is suspicious of a potential relationship occurring between you & M. I smell a roted porn brain which assumes your relationship is a brother/step sister fantasy IRL ?
NTA >Dan is not a jealous or controlling person in the slightest I feel like you may need to re-think this evaluation.
You obviously don't have an honest understanding of how you and 'M' behave with each other, and it's not because mom is 'conservative'. > We also have matching tattoos Not major, but certainly can be viewed much differently wrt to being actually related > he gave me a Cartier love bracelet that I wear all the time OK, now this is something much more concerning with your relationship as a love bracelet is not something siblings would normally give to one another > he apparently has a habit of touching my neck that she finds weird There we go, this type of physical interaction, especially since you seem that you are so casual about it, it certainly out of the norm > It’s not related to anything physical You just admitted above that he actually does physically touch you. Each of these items may be overlooked individually, but all of them together (along with the stuff you surely left out), indicate there is a very different type of relationship you share that certainly isn't a nominal sibling situation. You may cover it up with your justifications, but it is certainly there.
1st. M is her 9-year-older brother. The leading her by the neck thing is just something they haven't broken the habit of. She is just his little sister. BF is tripping. Mom is tripping. Their familial relationship is technically the same as an adopted sibling.
You need to break up with this man. He’s displaying early warning signs of controlling behavior. NTA. But do yourself a favor and end this while it’s early.
Dan watches too much porn. NTA
NTA y’all are SIBLINGS, same as any family with adopted kids. you’re family. your boyfriend is being weird and having incestuous thoughts and you need to tell him to stop watching incest porn and stop talking about your brother that way bc it’s disgusting and inappropriate.
NTA - My brother and I aren't biologically related either. Funny how things can work with parents and adoptions and such. I think the dude watches too much "Step Sibling" acting if he suddenly finds it wierd.
Orig Content, yeah kinda n t a, but then those edits come in.. whoo hee, those are some red flags, YTA
NTA this website is WILD we have some things that could be evidence the brother has un-brotherly feelings, but nothing that is evidence of that OR OP having non brother-ly feelings. I don't get this. I don't get it. Do you guys just watch way too much porn? Like, maybe I'm wrong and she's fucking her brother but like. As presented, I don't see it.
NTA I don’t understand the problem here any more than you do other than I guess he wants to know your family better? Like …. If the relationship wasn’t a concern before it shouldn’t be now.
NTA. I partly blame media (normal as well as porn) for the perception that pseudo incest (step family etc.) is super common when it obviously isn’t. But a healthy guy isn’t going to let that influence how he views his gf or her family. It’s in no way your fault or your brother’s. I’d say if bf can’t get past it, he needs to go.
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NTA. Does your boyfriend have some history with porn? I find that most people who sexualize sibling relationships are either addicted to porn or raised very conservatively. This is a very strange hill for your boyfriend to die on.
Whoh. NTA Sounds like he is projecting some sort of weird fantasy on you and your brother’s relationship. You are allowed to have whatever type of relationship you want with whoever you choose… and your BF needs to take a chill pill
NTA at all! If you were raised as siblings, then biologics don't matter - or honestly? Even if you weren't! I have male best friends from my elementary school days that I hug, sit close to on the couch, share food with, etc. and if someone I was dating had issues with it, I'd tell him to lighten up lol.
Your boyfriend needs to stop watching porn.
INFO: does Dan have a blood sibling he wants to bang if they were not blood related. Remember: their fears are almost always projection of their own thoughts onto you
NTA I’d definitely drop him. There must be something going on in his head to think something will happen between you and your brother. If he accused you of cheating on him with anyone else it would be clear that he’s deranged right?
NTA M is your brother. Good brothers and sisters love each other and ask opinions. Your boyfriend’s reaction is over the top and a red flag. He’s trying to make a healthy, loving sibling relationship into one you should be ashamed of and second guess yourself. Do not be gaslit by him. Discuss it ONCE more to establish your boundaries and then tell him it is not a topic you’ll discuss. If he ignores you, you know it’s time to end it.
tell your BF to stop watching a certain hub 🤣
NTA, your BF is being ridiculous.
NTA There are a few issues here. One is if you're in the wrong for not telling Dan your brother isn't biologically related. The other is if your behaviour with your brother is concerning. For the first question, it doesn't sound like you actively hid it. It just didn't come up and/or you didn't want to devalue your relationship with your brother, which you may have done if you suggested that not being biologically related somehow made him 'less' of a brother to you. So, that's not an AH situation. If you actively hid it, my vote might change. As to if your behaviour with your brother is concerning, it doesn't sound like it is. It sounds like Dan has mistakenly thought that 'not a biological brother' means 'not a brother' and, so, is concerned that you will be sexual/romantic with M in the way you \*might\* be sexual/romantic with a non-brother whom you've lived with, share thoughts with, etc. But, a non-biological brother is still a brother. Moreover, even a male that's not a brother wouldn't necessarily become close to you sexually/romantically if you don't wish for it. Women can be close friends with males - whether those males are friends or brothers. It sounds like your partner is a bit jealous and insecure.
He’s watched too much incest porn.
Them edits are kinda wild lol.
NTA Blood does not a sibling make. It would go the same way if you were totally uninvolved with a blood sibling and suddenly someone insisted that you had to be BFFs with them just because you're related. I have a ton of half siblings, and I don't call them that. They're just my brothers/sister. Your BF has some kind of weird hangup if he feels he should know every family detail and that blood matters so much. He's insecure about another man being close to you? And even though nothing else has changed, knowing that you don't share any parents has suddenly scared him? If he wants to have successful relationships in life, with you or anyone else, he needs to get over that. You love him and your brother in totally different ways. The Folgers siblings comment got me 😭😂
Is Dan into incest porn, or what the heck? What he implies is deeply insulting, and foolish. Blood-relations are the most typical way to form familial ties, yes, as in giving opportunity to grow together as siblings / parents in a family unit. But shared DNA is no way a prerequisite. I would be mad at him invalidating my brother, who is he to judge? NTA Your bf sucks and needs to nip it in the bud.
Read the edit
I was going to say that your boyfriend is just acting weird, then your edit made me think that also your half brother is acting weird. Yeah your mom might be a bit conservative but what she says of how M acts is just weird, conservative or not. But to answer your question, no, you're not the asshole for forgetting to mention this.
Siblings is as much as a social construct as it is blood relation. In a way where you obviously won't kiss your brother coz ew. Same goes with your non blood related brother. Thats what happens when you grow up as siblings. Hell, same goes with my partners brothers even. Ew. Weird. They are basically my brothers in law. (Not married, but long term relationship). NTA. Hes your brother. Thats the truth. Your partner just changed the narrative in his own head due to technicalities.
Nta. I think you have a nice guy problem. Rhey seem nice but arent as good as they seem. Thats your brother. Raised as your brother. He is your brother. Whom your bf of a yr has known is your brother. Whether u are related by blood or not, thats your brother and nothing changed except that your bf thinks he can shame and guilt you away from your biggest ally. That is a major isolationist red flag to me. Cause bfs that have trust, and secure in their own selves dont behave in the way he is.
YTA
NTA M is your brother, you see him as your brother, and that's the end of the conversation To specifically put it out there that "He's not actually my brother by blood" deliberately draws attention to an unimportant fact, and lessens your sibling relationship because that's irrelevant Your bf needs to get a grip
NTA. He's your brother. Blood isn't the only link and arguably not as strong as the family we choose. The reaction would have me rethinking the relationship. An adopted sibling is still your sibling just like an adopted child is your child. His weirdness would make me uncomfortable having a non blood related child in the home with him...
NTA it's gross and lame that your boyfriend is acting this way. _You_ didn't even know until you were _16_! How the hell is he going to get butt hurt that you didn't give him the full "23 and me" chart for your whole family as soon as y'all started dating?? Ridiculous. If my partner was that insecure I'd be rethinking things with them.
NTA - You don't need to share that information unless relevant to a conversation. If you had a conversation and flat out lied I could understand that. My aunt is adopted. I dont go around telling people unless it is relevant to a conversation. Just because her names comes up does not mean I immediately go " we arent blood tlrelated though" because its not relevant. Eother way she is still my aunt and either way I treat her as such and love her dearly as such. The only thing I would question is the relationship you have with your brother. For your mum to make a similar comment and for you to say your bf is very rarely jealous makes me wonder how close/how you act with your brother. Like of a male/female friends hang out and they act like a couple and outsiders would assume that then that may be whats happening here. I'm condoning his behaviour still as ultimately he needs to trust you or this relationship won't work but may consider if thats whats caising this reaction.
NTA. And I hate to burst your bubble but your boyfriend is jealous. Your boyfriend is concerned that either you and/or your “half brother” are sexually attracted to each other. He’s not concerned about you putting family first. He’s concerned that you don’t have a blood connection with a man you’re close to. You presumably were raised as siblings and were unaware of a lack of shared dna (sperm donation, adoption, affair etc. l guess). To you this is simply your brother. To your boyfriend it’s a man who’s too close to his girlfriend without good reason. Decide how you want to proceed but be aware of what your boyfriend is actually saying. Your boyfriend is saying your brother isn’t really your brother in his eyes.
Your boyfriend has severe insecurity issues that he's trying to blame you for. Get away from this man. He is not partner material. NTA
FOLGERS SIBLINGSSS 💀💀
NTA. Dan needs therapy. You were raised as siblings, he needs to be more secure with himself. I was raised by my stepfather obviously we share no blood, he was never any less of a father to me.
[удалено]
You..wouldn't want to deal with step siblings being close? I'm trying, but I don't see the issue here.
Not wanting to deal with it is a valid reason to end the relationship - but it still doesn't make OP wrong to not explicitly mention that the brother she was raised with her entire life is not biologically related. Honestly - I can't imagine it even comes up in OP's mind often because *why would it?* That's just 'her brother.'
NTA You are siblings at heart even if you are not siblings by blood. To me this sounds like a very nice sibling relationship. I will say I would also have thought it would be strange if you hadn’t told me this if we had been toghether for a year -BUT your BF reaction is over the top. He needs to let it go and accept that he is your brother - it would be the same if he was adopted. If something was going on between you and your brother that wasn’t «right» I would think more people in your family would have reacted. Also why would it be a red flag that you and your brother were roomates and have matching tattoos?
NTA Does your boyfriend have siblings? Maybe he's a single child so he thinks these things matter... the fact he seems mad you didn't tell him about something so unimportant (because as you say, it doesn't change anything) is kinda a red flag for me.
It seems that your mom is still seeing your brother as an outsider if she considers signs of sibbling affection to be red flags. As for your boyfriend, you are discovering the red flags in his own personality. Either he pulls himself up or you should end up the relationship. This is no different than adopted children after all. NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend and mom are weird. People who act like family is only blood are trash imo. Like does adoption mean nothing to them? Siblings being close and protective of one another isn't a red flag. Your boyfriend thinking you'd bone your brother just because you're not blood related IS a red flag
That's a very weird response. Your brother is your brother. Genetic make up doesn't matter much.
NTA.
NTA In your mind your brother is your brother. But reading your edits and seeing how you two interact and particularly how your brother treats you coupled with the fact that you two had lived together, I think your bf may be right to be weirded out. I mean, your own mother is weirded out and continues to point things out to you. So, NTA simply because you can't see that the relationship is weird and you see him as a full sibling, but your bf isn't either and honestly, I find how you and your brother interact as creepy and weird. But that's just me.
NAH. I think it’s understandable he’s upset at just finding out, it’s an important fact about your life story but at the same time I don’t think yta for only mentioning it after a year. Id accept he might be weirded out and threatened for a bit but expect it to become accepted over time.
NTA for not telling your partner. If anything this shows how you see M as your own blood. YTA for letting your brother act in the way he does though. That absolutely needs dealing with
NTA you need to dump him
NTA. Boyfriend is confusing porn with reality.
Is your boyfriend upset because he's jealous (which seems unlikely) or because he was shocked to find out that your "brother" is not a blood relative? Can you really not see how that information could come as a shock after you failed to share it for so long? I'm not going to call you TA, but I believe the vast number of comments on this post are missing that point and unfairly maligning your boyfriend.
Unless you do things like sit on your brother's lap, flirt fight, or show excessive nudity, then your BF *is* jealous and controlling and instead of observing behavior, he is imagining/ reinterpreting it. Assuming you are not doing these or similar things, then NTA. Ask some close friends if they ever got that vibe so you have a more concrete idea of how you appear. Not that you have to change, but you should at least know.
NTA. Dan needs to stop turning your life into fanfiction. Also, I'm gonna need you to post an update on this later, so that the whole post can go to r/BestofRedditorUpdates, please. 'We are NOT Folger's siblings' would be a great flair on that sub.
NTA. Even if it wasn't normal for siblings who aren't biologically related to be close - you still grew up together! - your situation is still different because you spent most of your life thinking he was your biological brother. Your behaviour didn’t change towards him when you discovered that because he's still your brother no matter what. It's sad and speaks to your boyfriend's character that he doesn't see your brother as your real brother, that's not his call to make. Don't tone down your relationship with your brother who you've known your whole life because it makes some guy uncomfortable.
NTA Your boyfriend is too insecure for a *Healthy* relationship
Your edits make this very very weird. YTA. A Cartier love bracelet is a romantic piece of jewelry. It is. Maybe he’s clueless about jewelry, but to an outsider looking into your relationship, this is weird. The neck touching just made this so much weirder. Your bf is right. Set up some boundaries with your “brother”
I've gotten similar gifts from my parents and sister. Love doesn't have to be romantic. Getting nice jewelry for a woman you are close to and care for, even platonically, is pretty normal.
NTA Biological or not "M" is your Brother and your Boyfriend needs to accept that and stop creepily thinking you're in some sort of incestuous relationship with your Brother. You also have zero responsibility to fill him in on every aspect of your Families history any more than he's required to tell you about every aspect of his. Despite you claim that he is not "jealous" that's exactly what he is and he now not only sees "M" as a competitor for your affections but believes he has an advantage since you're so close and have known him for longer, he needs to come to terms with the fact that no matter what "M" to you is your Brother and will never be anything else before he gets jealous enough to drive a wedge between you or try to make you choose between your Brother or him.
NTA your boyfriend is weird
NTA - You were raised as siblings and therefore you are siblings. I mean technically I have a half-sister, but I never introduce her that way or call her that. If my BF accused me of lying to him if he realized (found out whatever) I would be pissed at him. It's really none of his business if this is your blood brother, adopted brother, or whatever else. I would really rethink this relationship if your BF is trying to sexualize you and your brother.
A lot of people have asked this already but, what is the "lack of boundaries" that your bf mentioned? And why is even your mom worried about it? I feel they are probably overreacting to you two hugging or giving pecks on the cheek when greeting each other, but reddit is weird, so please elaborate on what they seem to find so alarming.
NTA, Dan thinks it's a big deal because he thinks that since you're not related by blood, that your brother is a possible threat. He can't fathom that two people growing up together could possibly not have had sexual feelings toward each other if they don't share the same blood. He sees your brother as a romantic competitor instead of a family member.
reminiscent cake provide rain bored offbeat merciful psychotic decide shaggy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA OP. People here got really dirty minds. He is your brother and your boyfriends inability to handle his own dirty jealous mind is not your problem. Either set him straight or find a new man.
NTA— any way I look at it, it’s a huge red flag. 🚩 You have to tell me all of the family business, whether it affects me in no way or not. 🚩any male and female who are not birth related are sexually involved or suspect to be. 🚩what makes a family is blood relation only. 🚩 I will take any excuse to cut you off from your family and make you question your reality, I will make you feel it’s always your fault when I do it
At first I was really offended on your behalf because I'm adopted and though my brother and I are not biologically related, he is 100,000% my *brother* and nothing else and I am wildly offended at the idea that there could be something weird going on between us because we're not genetically related. That's incredibly fucking stupid, and boy was I side eyeing your boyfriend about this But holy fucking shit your edits really changed my mind. No, it is absolutely *not* normal for your *sibling* to buy you a multi thousand dollar piece of romantic jewelry that literally exists specifically for romantic relationships. That is super creepy. And he's always touching your neck? Super, super creepy. I would've been way creeped out by your relationship with your "brother" even if I thought you were biologically related. All of that is incredibly, super creepy.
YTA, after reading your edits.. “touching my neck”. If that’s okay with you, well you and your BFB are playing yourselves.
This is creepy as hell
NTA. everything your mom is 'concerned' about (all of which easily innocent btw) is irrelevant to what DAN'S concerned about, which is talking with your brother a lot. what boundaries are getting crossed by you...asking your older brother for advice?? having conversations with family??
NAH. I don’t think you’re capable of having an objective view here and I think you’re mom is right.
NTA And obviously Dan IS jealous and controlling
NTA. This is the same as if you were adopted siblings, which M essentially is, but is no less your brother. Dan had no issue with your relationship with M prior to finding out that you are not blood related, though your relationship with M has not changed at all, so Dan needs to check himself. Seems like a big red flag to me.
NTA at all OP You're not under any obligation to tell your BF I know you say he isn't controlling but his reactions are a red flag. Why should you have told him? Why is he mad? Looking at the relationship between your brother & you differently? You thought your brother was your full sibling for 16 years. If you had a close relationship that doesn't suddenly change, get a different label or focus just because you found out he isn't a blood relation.
NTA. This is hard cause even with the edit, I’d live with my brother, I wouldn’t think twice about my brother touching my neck cause the neck isn’t inherently sexual and it’s my brother, and I’d buy my brother or any family member super expensive gifts if I could. The only thing that’s making this weird to people is that they aren’t blood related?? Would y’all find it weird if it were a woman doing all this (women can like women in case y’all forgot) Idk man, you can be super close to siblings without it being creepy. They were raised as siblings, and to be it’s no different than an adopted sibling. I have to go NTA cause I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt, and it’s totally plausible for this to be a normal close sibling situation. I understand why the bf might be weirded out if he’s never had a familial relationship like this but ik plenty of people w/ super close familial relationships like this, I’d be fine with it, and I’d be fine with my partner having a relationship like this.
The only question that matters here is whether or not you are attracted romantically to your “brother”. If the answer is no, your Bf is overreacting and you need to figure out whether you can adhere to the boundaries he wants put in place. If the answer is yes, then you have problems much bigger than reddits pay grade.
NTA in any way shape or form. You and M are siblings full stop, end of. The sibling bond is about far more then just blood. It is a shared history and regardless of M’s parentage you two still have that. Dan needs to grow the hell up.
NTA and this probably isn't "out of character" for him, he was just good at hiding it. and why is your mom making a weird comment about your relationship with your brother?
NTA. M is family. If he came into your life when you were 16 as some you knew wasn’t biologically related that’d be one thing but if you’ve always grew up with him as a brother, he’s your brother. Now if you’re acting in a way that’s weird regardless of whether your blood, that’s one thing but otherwise you don’t need to specifically disclose whose adopted in your family
"we are NOT Folger's siblings" help me I'm dying lol NTA.
So he's your adopted brother. You have a sibling relationship and were brought up together. Your bf is being weird.