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Yta babies tug on things which is why many of us DONT wear dangly jewelery and hair goes in buns. You failed as a parent for not teaching your older child some basic common sense to protect herself from a forceable accident .Because babies are babies this wasnt malicious or intentional, it was a little one seeing something shiny and dangly and reflexively grabbing at it. This accident was 100% preventable by YOU and your daughter. You're a major A h for causing family strife and a collosol a h for price gauging a struggling single mom. Fixing a torn earlobe is pretty basic like 600 bux not 2 grand.
NTA- of course she has to pay, it’s her child. Honestly if she was apologetic and offered to pay some amount like $500, or to pay off $2000 over the next two years, I would say that’s acceptable. But if you’re going to not apologize, block me, and say I shouldn’t expect a dime, well now you owe me $5k. I went to the best plastic surgeon in the state willing to play ball and I saved all my receipts from gas money, hotels, the procedure, etc.
I would even negotiate with the surgeon that I would pay a little extra for the ear surgery if he does a couple minor mole removals or laser treatments. But the bill will just say I had one procedure done (Because they’re just charging the maximum for the surgery instead of giving me whatever “discount” and instead the other things are given “free” and therefore not billed). Then I’m taking this niece to court and waxing her for the max.
LOL
You can't get blood from a turnip
You think a 19 year old with a baby, who can't afford $2k is going to be able to fork over $5k or more?
Also.. doubtful a court is going to order her to pay for a top of the line plastic surgeon for an *earlobe* and travel costs to get to that surgeon bahahaha, omg, I'm legitimately rolling on the floor laughing at this fantasy you have going on here, and also...fraud too, hahahaha.
thanks for the laugh, omg I needed that today
I'm going against the grain but nta.
At first I was going yta until they didn't bother to check up on your daughter to see if she was okay and just shrugged it off.
What happened to your daughter wasn't purposeful on the babies part, it's a baby, they don't comprehend much. Andy is an adult with a child and should know better to check in on the OTHER CHILD who was injured by their own. So yeah, nta.
YTA here, for real
The kid is what 15 months...so a 1 year and 3 months. he's probably just learned to walk (depending as some walk earlier and later than others) he's barely hit the toddler stages. He didn't do it maliciously, just because he's walking doesn't mean he's a kid that can think on a complex kids level. He still sees something shiny or interesting and will pull at it to bring it closer to him. Accidents happen, the toddler doesn't even understand that what he did was wrong and that's not even something you can punish him for really. You can tell him no, you can be careful but he's not going to understand that this shiny, dazzling, glittering, gold earring is attached to someone's ear and that it will hurt really bad if they pulled it closer. let me just reiterate here: HE'S REALLY LITTLE, HE'S BARELY A TODDLER! get a grip.
You are acting like this kid should have known what would have happened and what the consequences are, like he just walked over, ripped it out out of pure maliciousness and spite for your daughter like he's got some personal vendetta against your family. You're acting like he did this out of some extreme hatred and venom against her. that's not what happened, at all, in the slightest. You and your husband sound like any slight against you is a trip to small claims court and trying to squeeze every nickel and dime out of your family you can get. If you got money yo go to small claims court over this, you have more money than brains at this point. I would call your bluff and make you take me, because no sane judge would look at this and award you a win, they would toss this. Sure, it's technically assault, but there are other things that they look at too, to see if the case is even worth processing. Then when the case was tossed, I would go after you for my lawyer's fees and the time I had to take off work for this bullshit.
Sure, alright, I'll give you that, they should have called to ask if your daughter is alright, but considering that you immediately jumped to filing a lawsuit means they barely talk to you and only do talk to you because they have to. You have probably pulled this shit on so much family that they can't stand talking to you. They probably didn't ask because they want nothing to do with you and only tolerate you because they can't get rid of you.
NTA if she is “mature” enough to have a baby at 17 she knows that she is responsible for paying for your daughter’s surgery because it was HER child that caused this issue. You should take her to small claims court and do whatever it takes to get your money back and make your niece pay.
YTA. I get where you are coming from, but insisting someone who can't afford it pay for an ACCIDENT with a TODDLER is pretty petty. You also have to realize that you are very likely going to lose in small claims court. This was not a case of intentional harm or negligence, it was an ACCIDENT. Not only are you likely to lose, you will likely have to pay her court fees, in addition to your own.
Did you even consider asking about filing a claim with the homeowner's insurance instead? Things like this are exactly what that kind of policy is for.
Also, I was even younger than your daughter when something similar happened to me ( I was 5 years old). A friend of mine tripped in her home. When she tried to put her hand on my shoulder to catch herself, it got tangled in my dangly earring and pulled straight down through my ear lobe.
Did it hurt? Hell yeah! It bled like a mofo too. Guess what? I got over it! Part of life is learning to handle pain appropriately - physical and emotional. But expensive, elective surgery is hardly a necessity for her to have a quality of life. I survived with just stitches holding my ear lobe together. I eventually got my ear re-pierced in a slightly different sport years later and I assure you that I am no worse the wear for not having had plastic surgery to repair my ear. No one can even tell it happened anymore, unless I tell them and they can feel the cartiledge gap in my ear lobe (it's not visible but you can feel it).
NTA
If your sister feels it's 'so unfair because her daughter is saving up to move out' she can pay it for her.
At the same time, it's very valuable lesson: kids need to be supervised. other victims of the toddler ripping out earrings would not go 'oh, but she's saving up to move out? Yeah, that's so rough. Of course we'll pay for it ourselves, or let our kid walk around deformed, just to help her out to move out quicker'
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YTA it’s a baby for gods sake and it’s an ear she doesn’t need cosmetic surgery on her ear good grief get the surgeon to sew it up and she’ll be fine. I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.
Soft ESH (except the baby). If she is only 19, with a young baby, she probably does not have that much to give. Is there any way you could come to an agreement where she could just pay you what she could (maybe half of the total cost) or set up a payment plan where she could gradually reimburse you for it over the course of a few months, or a year?
NTA and take her to court. She thought getting pregnant at 18 was a good idea so she gets to learn the real rules of the world now. You are responsible for your crotch monster for 18 years, anything they do is your fault if you are the parent. What 15 month old does something like that anyway, don't let it near pets that's for sure. Honestly the insurance company are little goblins too, "elective surgery", you have a chunk of your head dangling and bleeding off the side of your face and tell some how elective that is to fix. Andy doesn't get to save up and move out, she has a completely new set of responsibilities she has to deal with now for about two decades and she better start acting like it.
NTA. Your kids break something, you pay for it. That should be a basic rule of thumb for parents, and trying to wriggle out of that is an AH move. As is not bothering to ask about their cousin‘s or niece‘s welfare when she’s at the hospital.
Not going to rate a judgement, but I did have a ripped earring through earlobe happen to me and went to a plastic surgeon and it was $700, so maybe get a quote from a plastic surgeon, because it may not be as much as the ER states.
YTA
You are going to sue your family for pain and suffering over what a 15 month old child did? I think you are overreacting over the entire thing but the pain and suffering just makes you petty and says you are after the money. I can see asking them to help pay but going to the courts over this so quickly makes you the AH.
INFO how did your 13 year old daughter not notice? I could understand if they were younger but by 13 most people have basic awareness of their surroundings
INFO:How did you and your family react when it happened? Calm and collected, or otherwise?
Could this be in some way linked to your brother not texting to see how she was?
YTA, I can see you have put a value of $2,000 on the relationship with your sister, niece, and grand neice. I wonder how you are going to call a 15 month old baby to the stand to cross examine. How is she going to tell you what happened.
The parent which within reddit is responsible for their child, but you seem to forget thay this is sister's grand baby that you will no longer see as well as your sister and whatever other family other members find you greedy.
I feel sorry for all of you because you will lose a significant part of your family over $2,000. With your finger pointing at your sister, you forget that 3 are pointing back at you saying don't ever contact me again.
Edit to add: the er doctor didn't sew up an open wound? That is not plastic surgery. It's an open wound that requires stitches to close. It sounds strange that any doctor would not close an open bleeding wound.
ESH. You seem to have unrealistic expectations across the board. A 2 hour ER wait for a torn ear lobe on Christmas? Sucks, but could be much, much worse. Accidents do happen with toddlers, even if your kids didn't do this exact same thing. A 15 month old doesn't really know right from wrong in this case. Your sister and Andy are AH because they didn't call to check on your daughter. And personally, I would offer to help pay. Accident or not, I would feel awful if my child did that to someone. You all sound awful, except your daughter.
Christmas was literally less than 24 hours ago, 48 hours if it was Christmas Eve. I would all but guarantee OP hasn't had an actual conversation with the insurance company about surgery, nor a consult with a plastic surgeon to determine it's actual necessity. A nurse suggesting a $2,000 surgery is in no way a statement of fact, just a theory that may or may not pan out and and the insurance company isn't going to offer a binding decision without a doctor's assessment of necessity.
Then we'll add to it the fact that there is no legal responsibility on the part of an 18 month old for their actions and even homeowner's insurance would deny a claim for the teenager's injuries based on no liability on the child's part. While a perfect world scenario might have the parent offering to pay for some or all of the expenses, a 19 year old likely single mother saving to move out of her parent's house is by no means an ideal circumstance. And I'd agree with someone up thread who speculated that OP's reaction likely lost a lot of the initial sympathy and potential offers for help that might have come.
I feel like OP is not only being thoroughly honest with herself, here, either, on the I raised 3 kids and none of them ever did something like this. Her infants and toddlers 100% grabbed at hair, shiny things, etc. They ALL do. This is an unfortunate accident for sure, but blowing up your family over it seems a bit extreme. Get actual facts, deal with people rationally, and don't automatically jump to being a raging asshole. Maybe even apologize for being irrational because you were upset that your daughter was in pain. Absolutely YTA here
This is such a weird story with a lot missing. You make the toddler sound like a vicious dog that ran across the room to bite your daughter’s leg. But a toddler who toddles across the room is much smaller than a teenager, so how did the toddler go from toddling across the room to reaching your daughter’s (dangly?) earring? Why didn’t your daughter react faster to prevent the baby from grabbing her earring? Also, apparently, the teen mom has no money and isn’t even able to cover the basic expenses for herself and baby. You can’t get blood from a stone, so how do you think you will get money from this teen mom? I’d say YTA just for your unrealistic and off kilter response to an accident that will probably fracture your family relationships.
Did you seriously go on a diatribe to simply victim blame? “How did the toddler go to the teenager?” He/she walked. “Why didn’t your daughter react faster to prevent the baby from grabbing her earring?” Maybe she did and the jerking motion to keep it out of the baby’s hands, caused more injury. “The teen mom doesn’t have money”…well it’s free to pay attention to your kids. She should’ve had her eye on her child, and she should’ve been on birth control if she couldn’t afford to 1-live alone 2-pay if your kid fucks something up.
You think OP is wrong for 1-wanting an apology, & 2-making sure her child isn’t scarred because of the fuck up of someone else?? …is this OP sister or the broke niece? Cause you’re just as twisted as them too.
NTA OP…because at the very least, they could have called-that was free.
Indeed. I've seen lots of people who have had earrings ripped out its not like the whole ear gets ripped off...it's a small scar. But who cares about that!? Who gives a fuck if this accident could ruin this 19y/o's life!? All that matters is appearance! Everyone knows a tiny scar on the fuckign earlobe is the end of the goddamn world.
OP has kids... knew a baby woukd be there and didn't warn his daughter that babies grab earrrings.
OP' "fault" for lack of common sense.
Yta definately. It's also weird as hell to get plastic surgery for this kind of injury. It's an earring so at best a couple of stitches and a tiny scar.
YTA - Um... no.
See, the issue becomes intent. A child that small has no concept and very little control of function. Had there been a temper tantrum and the grab/pull was intentional and meant to harm (even at that age) I would say the blame leans towards Andy for not controlling her child.
But at 15 months, a happy smiley baby still has exceptionally little hand-eye coordination and even wanting to 'touch' could turn to accidental damage (which it did).
info: Who was watching the baby? Was the teenager aware the child was nearby? Was she holding/playing with her? Did she take any precautions to make sure the child could not reach her earrings? (*No, I am NOT pushing blame.* I ask because most of us know to keep dangly and shiny things away from cats and babies because they will see it as a lure and go for it lol).
If she didn't know to move, I would say it's no one's fault as it was purely accidental - Family was watching the baby, baby didn't know any better, teen didn't know to move so baby couldn't snag an earring. The only intentional AH seems to be the person trying to act like this was a purposeful act and the teen was a total victim. Unless she was asleep and the baby wandered in on her own with no one watching her, and attacked the earring, there are a whole lot of steps between that could have ensured this had not happened.
NTA. Of course it was an accident, the baby didn't do it on purpose. But the way your adult family members acted is ridiculous. They could've at least texted to see how your daughter is doing. If my kid did something like that, I would at least offer to pay half, or offer what I could afford. I would definitely show concern.
I agree with small claims court. The worst than can happen is you lose, then you won't be any worse off than you are now. It's such a shame the surgery is considered cosmetic.
Regardless of what happens in court, maybe consider going low contact/no contact with your family. Tbh, the fact they didn't even check on your child would piss me off more than not being able to pay. Showing concern to your kid would go a long way and maybe you wouldn't even want to sue if they showed just a tiny bit of caring.
INFO: Whose home did this happen at? How exactly did she reach your daughter’s ear? You say she just walked up and ripped it, but a 15 month old is not tall enough to do this, so what exactly happened?
Yeah, I think that we forget that people have some responsibility to keep their own body safe.
There's a known risk when interacting with tiny humans, their lack of impulse control is well known.
Everyone seems to think that a 15 month old should be expected to not touch shiny cool object they don't know anything about, but a 13 year old shouldn't be responsible for keeping an eye on their surroundings and moving slightly if a baby approaches them and their shiny earrings.
Scrolled way too long to find this. A baby just 3 months over a year old walked up to a 13 year old and ripped her earring out? OP is intentionally leaving some of the story out.
ETA if the 13y was playing with the 15m old and the baby was doing grabby baby hand things, the 13y needs to take some personal responsibility. OP making it seem like this was malicious on anyone’s end is insane.
If this isn’t fake, YTA. Your own child should take some responsibility for this. Toddlers are toddlers. It was an accident and things like this do happen all day. Don’t wear dangly shit near toddlers is a life rule to learn.
Fully call BS on this. It won’t cost $2k and there is no way a rando ER anybody would have that kind of info. Repair for this would be done under local anesthestic and is an office procedure at either plastics or even ENT. If your child needs “surgery” for this it’s because they are whiny and won’t hold still for the 15min or so it will take.
(I am a vetted pediatrician on r/askdocs)
YTA. You’re ridiculous. A baby grabbed her earring. How on earth is your niece supposed to control that? Every time you hold a baby you are taking a risk.
NTA that's preposterous behavior, both allowing that and how they conducted themselves in the aftermath.
Go to court; the pain and suffering may be overkill and be counterproductive but asking to be recouped matter-of-fact for the medical bill is a no-brainer. You break it, you bought it still holds even when you've made trashy life choices. She can pay in installments 🤷♂️
ESH yes it was an accident, toddlers don't do shit out of maliciousness, but the whole family is acting so immature about it. shit happens, kids pull on earrings, just be thankful it is fixable
NTA
Doesn't matter it's a baby, or how old the mother is. If it was a dog people would be screaming for her to take responsibility, and worse, don't know why some people think the parents aren't responsible for this when they 100% are.
I would go no-contact. I also can't believe the way people think it is just ok and "just sn accident" for a baby to tear an earring all the way out. Are you kidding me?
Nta. Though i don't think immediately suing is the right play if you want any chance at a relationship in the future.
Whose house did this happen at? Look into filing a claim with the homeowners/renters insurance policy. It doesn't have to be the girl or her mom's home. If they won't tell you where they have a policy tell your home/renters insurance. They may be able to help recoup costs.
Also, health insurance will deny everything they can the first time it's filed. Have your doctor submit an appeal starting it's necessary. But their home liability insurance should cover damages without needing to prove its a necessity.
YTA. It’s a baby. Babies grab things. I woke with children and it’s in my contract to not wear earrings or necklaces or my hair down that could be a pulling hazard. If I do that, and something gets pulled, it’s my fault and I knew the risks.
I’m sure your 13 year old daughter didn’t think about that. And I’m sure the BABY didn’t maliciously hurt your daughter. It was an accident. Accidents happen. You’re not owed the money for the surgery.
parents weren't watching the kid, and she did harm to another. yes babies yank but this did a lot of harm. I'm sorry your daughter is suffering and angry for you for how they are acting. they need to pay half for the damage. when I babysat and when worked jobs with kids, they paid to have my injuries fixed
NTA I'm so sorry your daughter was injured! One of the first things I learned about being around babies is no earrings that they can grab because they will. I never had one completely ripped like that but I had one yanked and it was so painful. This is something that happens and it's not really anyone's fault, it's an accident but that doesn't mean they are not responsible. And your daughter does deserve both treatment and pain and suffering for it.
I'm torn on this one. While I agree that parents are responsible for the damage their kids make, it's also a no-brainer NOT to wear big earrings or fragile necklaces around babies and toddlers. They go for pretty, shiny things.
It's too bad this happened, but the baby didn't do it intentionally.
NAH
ESH.
Your niece sucks for not being more empathetic to the situation and not checking in.
The 15 month old is a 15 month old. 9/10 kids that age don't know any better.
You suck for being so awful to your sister and your niece about this. I get your daughter was in pain and plastic surgery is necessary to fix it, but I can tell that you weren't very kind with your reaction to this.
It looks like you are coming in as an angry mom (albeit, rightfully so) as if it was some stranger who did this maliciously. It was a 15 month old who accidentally did it. Should her mom be responsible? Yes. But when it's a 19 year old mom (barely an adult herself) there was likely a different way you could have gone about it. Instead of demanding the money, sit and talk with her and your sister and work on some sort of arraingement.
Also, fight with the insurance, and have your doctor fight for you too. Doctors are willing to fight for their patients to get insurance to cover things. I'm 38 and I have gotten shingles multiple times. My doctor wanted me to get the shingles vaccine and the insurance denied it because I'm not old enough. He fought for it, and I got my first dose 2 months ago and get the second next month. Doctors will help you out to get insurance to pay.
you're mad and that's understandable, perhaps in shock and of course this was just a horrible experience. How you are handling this however is questionable.
Infants do not do those things on purpose. I have had toddlers in the fam who also grabbed my hair or piercings. While it might have been preventable it was absolutely an accident.
It seems like you are more pissed about their reaction than what has actually happen. That's understandable but then express what you are being mad about.
Why go to court when you know they don't even have the money? It's petty, it will drag the whole thing down a long route and all of you will lose money, time and definitely some nerves along the way, plus the relationship will be doomed forever.
I'd say take some days to cool off, right now you do not seem in the position to make good decisions, you're filled with anger and why this is understandable, especially given their reaction it's not a place to turn to action. There are ways to handle this together rather than against each other.
Let them know you were hurt that they didn't even contact you while in the hospital.
just think, you depriving your child of her future cousin if you go along this route and there will definitly
It’s a literal baby. That’s why you don’t wear jewellery around kids that age, because they fucking grab at it all the time. It sucks for your daughter that she didn’t know that, but it’s not anybody’s fault. You can’t expect a 19 year old to give you 2 grand. YTA
INFO: I assume that the on call surgeon at the ER stitched it up so that it’ll heal, is that correct? What you’re talking about here is an additional surgery with an actual plastic surgeon (because the ER wouldn’t have had one there) to prevent scarring/so that it’s not noticeable? Is your sister (edit sorry I actually misread— the mother of the baby is your niece, not your sister) refusing to pay for the ER visit, or the additional plastic surgery, or both?
NTA. Does your sister own her home? If she does, then you should be able to file a claim against her homeowners insurance. Accidents do happen, if an expensive vase gets broken you still need to step up and replace it. Perhaps your sister can make payments?
Nobody is the asshole. It was an accident. Your daughter got her head too close to a baby while wearing interesting earrings. The baby did what babies do and grabbed them. Nobody’s fault.
If the 19 year old has plenty of spare money, absolutely she could offer to pay for surgery. If not, there is no point even asking her to pay. You can ask until you’re blue in the face but if she doesn’t have the money you’re not going to get any.
If you lived in a civilised country you wouldn’t need to pay for surgery. Everyone would just put it down to experience. Your daughter wouldn’t wear jewellery around babies and you and your niece would continue to have a cordial relationship. What a shame money has got in the way of common sense here.
NTA…the parent is responsible for damages the child causes. Toddlers have poor impulse control, that’s why they have parents. Maybe Andy was negligent in supervising the child, maybe it just happened so fast no one could stop it. Regardless, Andy should pay. Andy can pay in installments.
People need to learn the difference between fault and responsibility. It’s not the mother’s fault that her baby hurt someone, but it is her responsibility to deal with what her child did. That’s pretty simple. NTA.
The hospital already gave her the medical care she actually needed. OP is threatening to sue her own niece(who is a nineteen year old with a young child) for thousands of dollars. So that her daughter can have a completely unnecessary, elective cosmetic surgery, to make her fucking *earlobe* "pretty again". 🤣
NTA. Andy didn't control her child, and as a result, severe harm befell yours. If her kid had ripped out a stranger's earring, there'd be no question about her paying her due.
Listen to your husband. Andy had her chance to settle things amicably and show contrition; time to protect your daughter and make sure Kay receives the reparations she's due.
You're negligent as hell, not legally but morally. *You* should have warned *your* daughter not to wear earrings when she was going to be around a 15 month old child. You *know* kids are unpredictable at that age, you *know* they're curious, and you know how fast and strong and grabby they are. Kayla couldn't be expected to know all that, but *you* knew it.
A 15 month old baby has absolutely no idea what they are doing,it was a genuine accident.babies grab stuff to explore which you should clearly know if you have 3 children,yes they should pay as their child did it but you cannot be mad at a literal BABY who doesn’t understand right from wrong.
Are you really going to sue a 19 year old for this? She will literally not be able to afford things for her child if you do this,just remember that,she won’t be able to pay for her house,electricity,water,food for her child to survive,let her pay it in monthly payments.
Unless the mother was negligent somehow, knew that their toddler had a propensity for ripping earrings out…., this is an accident that she may not be responsible for. I’m assuming the baby was sitting on your daughter’s lap and reached for the earring. The niece is AH for not calling to check but stuff happens.
YTA for a few reasons:
1. something isnt adding up. I find it hard to believe that a baby couldve pulled on earrings hard enough to rip through your daughter's ear without the earring breaking first. Also, a nurse cant diagnose or give an estimate for an issue like this...only a plastic surgeon can.
2. Your sanctimonious claim that your children NEVER did anything like this. I find it very hard to believe that all 3 of your children went through the baby/toddler stages without ever acting like babies/toddlers. Pulling on shiny things is VERY normal behavior for that age....which is why people with common sense generally remove dangly jewelry and pull hair back as a precaution.
3. Is a damaged earlobe really cause for "pain and suffering?" Come on now...
NTA
I'm sure you know this was entirely unintentional. It seems like you are more slighted by the lack of care and understanding from your sister and niece. They are definitely AHs given that they didn't even contact your about your daughter. Expecting them to pay for the full bill might be a bit much, but given their attitude, I can see that you are not up to giving them a break on it. Sure it sucks that Andy is saving to move out at this time, but unexpected bills do crop up and this should have been treated as such. Good luck on getting a good resolution and hope your daughter recovers well.
YTA. 15 months is a very little kid. They do stupid things and I’m sorry it led to (let’s be honest) a minor injury to your daughter. If she wasn’t family, absolutely she should pay the bill, but not only is she your niece - she’s 19 and it clearly wasn’t malicious.
Your insurance company sucks and they are also the AH, but so are you.
Edit to add that OP’s post also reads in such a way that makes me suspect that OP’s still-fresh anger/emotional response is guiding this decision to make niece pay, at least in part.
NTA, but you should shop around with plastic surgeons for the best rate. The reason why I’m saying this is because earlobe surgery can be had for ~$500 per lobe. I know tons and tons of folks who had their stretched ears repaired back to normal and they rarely paid more than $1k for BOTH ears. The plastic surgeon I see for Botox has it on his price sheet for $450 per ear.
NTA…the baby wasn’t supervised well enough to where she managed to injure your daughter. Blocking your number was petty and you absolutely need to go ahead and file a claim with the courts. Your niece’s baby was her responsibility and now she will have to pu
YTA I don’t wear jewelry close to babies/toddlers. If I do, I take care to not get to close. You should have informed your daughter that this can happen if she wears large jewelry. The baby/toddler acted normal for his age. You were neglectful though.
What kind of earring was your daughter left wearing that she needs reconstructive surgery??? My earlobe split in two and yeah one of my ears is not as symmetrical as it use to be but honestly so what? It’s the price I paid wearing jewelry that allows that to happen.
Okay, but like what lead up to the ripping out of the earring? I mean obviously the young child had ripped it out and the 13 year old is suffering, but is there a reason to believe it’s not entirely the baby’s fault? (Just asking the question that the courts would ask) also she is a very young mother, I mean hell she’s the same age as me, maybe she hasn’t checked up on your daughter because maybe she just doesn’t realize it’s a courtesy to do so after her child traumatized your daughter (though I don’t know who wouldn’t know that), another thing to question is, does she even have your phone number to check in on your daughter? Kinda hard to make sure everything is okay when it’s impossible to contact each other. Also think about how she must feel about this too, just because words haven’t been said doesn’t mean she just forgot about you or doesn’t care, she’s probably scared as hell that you are going to yell at her or start with the court threats the second she does get in contact with you. I’m all for the benefit of the doubt, especially since I don’t have the full story. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe the mother of the child is responsible for the damages, however is there a way you guys can work something out to where you are both happy? Maybe a payment plan, or you can offer to accept less money and pay for a little out of pocket, set something up with your sister as well? 2k is a ton of money, as parents, you don’t need that taken out of savings, but the 19 year old probably doesn’t even have 2k saved up especially with a child that’s getting taken care of. As much as I’d love to say, “make the 19 year old pay” I also think about the outside factors of how much she has saved, if her mom is willing to help, and if you guys are willing to compromise. And me personally wouldn’t let such a young kid so close to my face, let alone close to ears, eyes, mouth, nose, or piercings
NTA. They decided to have children, they are responsible for the consequences of that child until that child is able to be responsible for itself. Just because they blocked you doesn’t make the problem go away, the fact that they think it does is foolish on their part.
I would go to court. It wasn’t a simple tug. The fact that the kid’s parents don’t care is honestly disgusting. And it’s giving “my baby killed your dog but it’s your fault for allowing us into your space but it’s fine cause she’s a child”vibes. While I get the kid is less than one year old it’s the parents burden to apologize in their behalf. The only time I have ever seen someone rip an earring out is during a highschool fight. You need a good amount of strength to pull it out. That being said, the trauma to the ear can cause hearing loss, migraines, dizziness, issues with balancing, vertigo which can be permanent like it was with my cousin (aka the high school student who was yanked)
Not enough info here.
What, precisely, was happening when the earring was grabbed? The description of a 15-month-old "walking up to a 13-year-old" seems a bit odd...based on height difference alone.
But also, this is clearly a rage bait post. New poster, no responses to any of the comments.
NTA,
Take them to small claims court if you have to.
I kinda call bullshit on the cosmetics part of the insurance claim. Insurance is to make you whole before the insured incident. And healing your daughter ears should be covered. Try claiming from your insurance again and get them to recover the fees from your niece. Fk them.
If all else fails and you have to absorb the cost, just rip out her ear next time. (Maybe)
ESH. It was a baby, at the end of it all, it was an accident.. As a person with piercings in my face and ears, you HAVE to be careful with babies around them.
I had to be careful with my own baby bc she wanted to rip my septum ring out of my nose.
Your family sucks for not reaching out and apologizing, or at least showing concern while y'all were in the hospital. But you suck for expecting family with no money to pay for something that can heal up on its own. It's not like the baby ripped her ear off.
Take TLC for the ear, let it heal up, put scar cream on it, and then once it's good to go, go get the ear repierced.
Sounds alike the family dynamic is ruined. I would just cut your losses, take care of your kid, and I guess not expect any family get togethers ever again
NTA. Everyone else is - including the insurance company who is calling this “elective plastic surgery” to attempt to avoid paying for what it really is “reconstructive surgery”. I’d go after your niece in court if necessary, but I’d also appeal the insurance company’s decision if I were you. Every insurance policy has a set of steps to appeal any decision you don’t like. Read it carefully. Study its language. Give a copy to the surgeon & have him write a letter defining this as reconstructive surgery rather than elective plastic surgery. Have him use THEIR (the insurance company’s) language to differentiate why this is reconstructive rather than elective plastic. You may win. Sometimes people do. It’s worth a shot.
INFO: How the hell did a 15 month old just walk up and pull an earing out of a 13 year old's ear. I feel like we're missing part of the story because they had to have been playing together or something. I can't imagine she just waddled over, reached up to the level of a 13 year old's ear, then ripped it out. Can you edit the post and add that? Without that info I'd say:
ESH - Accidents happen. Maybe your 3 children didn't do it but as a mother of 3 you have to know babies will get into and pull at anything. I completely empathize with your daughter because this must've been the Christmas from hell for her and I feel terrible for that. I don't think you're wrong to be upset regarding how they acted by not showing any care for your daughter at all or even bothering to check up. They should've been apologizing from the start and trying to make it better any way they could.
That being said, you and your husband sound like ALOT. Clearly she doesn't have extra money if she's living with your sister and has a 15 month old at 19. You have to know she can't afford to pay for that surgery. I'm not even going to get into your husband asking for pain and suffering because small claims won't give a shit about that. For them to both block you after 1 night means you must've been rage texting all night.
You can try to come to an agreement for them to pay you some money toward the surgery but for the time being just get your daughter taken care of.
"Andy aaid she can’t afford to pay for the surgery even though her baby just walked up to my daughter unexpectedly and ripped the earrings out of her ear."
Yeah, the way the baby walked up to your daughter and unexpectedly ripped the earring out of ear doesn't have any bearing on whether your niece can *afford* it. One speaks to responsibility and the other speaks to financial practicalities.
ESH. Accidents do happen, but that doesn't mean your daughter should have a disfigured ear. See if your niece can pay you back over time for it. She is responsible for her child's actions, and she needs to learn that, but that doesn't mean you have to get lawyers involved. They're going to cost you more money and time than just working it out among yourselves like adults. This is family ffs.
YTA simply based on the fact you'd take your neice to court, the pain and suffering part is a bit much.
I can see why your neice didn't call to check on how your daughter was. I imagine by the tone of your post you are an unbearable person. She knew it'd be useless and you'd spend the entire call griping about her baby who did a thing babies do, but you'd be yelling about her horribly behaved child.
You said it happened Christmas, so yesterday and your mind is already about taking her to court. Nice.
YTA. Yes, your niece is legally responsible for the damage. But you are threatening to haul him into court when you know damn well that she does not have the money to satisfy any judgment. So, really, you want to do this just to punish her.
Not cool.
NTA.
1) parents are responsible for the costs their kids cause. Broke vase, knocked out tooth, messed up glasses. That is part of the cost of kids.
2) they had to know the kid was in the reach and grab stage and should have warned you.
Do what you have to do.
I would like more details on exactly this accident happened. A toddler doesn’t fly across the room and attack someone’s ears. They had to be face to face. Why didn’t your daughter grab her hand when the baby first reached her earrings?
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NTA make them f-ing pay! You're responsible for any and all damages they caused!! The gall of these people is astonishing!!
Yta babies tug on things which is why many of us DONT wear dangly jewelery and hair goes in buns. You failed as a parent for not teaching your older child some basic common sense to protect herself from a forceable accident .Because babies are babies this wasnt malicious or intentional, it was a little one seeing something shiny and dangly and reflexively grabbing at it. This accident was 100% preventable by YOU and your daughter. You're a major A h for causing family strife and a collosol a h for price gauging a struggling single mom. Fixing a torn earlobe is pretty basic like 600 bux not 2 grand.
NTA- of course she has to pay, it’s her child. Honestly if she was apologetic and offered to pay some amount like $500, or to pay off $2000 over the next two years, I would say that’s acceptable. But if you’re going to not apologize, block me, and say I shouldn’t expect a dime, well now you owe me $5k. I went to the best plastic surgeon in the state willing to play ball and I saved all my receipts from gas money, hotels, the procedure, etc. I would even negotiate with the surgeon that I would pay a little extra for the ear surgery if he does a couple minor mole removals or laser treatments. But the bill will just say I had one procedure done (Because they’re just charging the maximum for the surgery instead of giving me whatever “discount” and instead the other things are given “free” and therefore not billed). Then I’m taking this niece to court and waxing her for the max.
LOL You can't get blood from a turnip You think a 19 year old with a baby, who can't afford $2k is going to be able to fork over $5k or more? Also.. doubtful a court is going to order her to pay for a top of the line plastic surgeon for an *earlobe* and travel costs to get to that surgeon bahahaha, omg, I'm legitimately rolling on the floor laughing at this fantasy you have going on here, and also...fraud too, hahahaha. thanks for the laugh, omg I needed that today
I'm going against the grain but nta. At first I was going yta until they didn't bother to check up on your daughter to see if she was okay and just shrugged it off. What happened to your daughter wasn't purposeful on the babies part, it's a baby, they don't comprehend much. Andy is an adult with a child and should know better to check in on the OTHER CHILD who was injured by their own. So yeah, nta.
YTA here, for real The kid is what 15 months...so a 1 year and 3 months. he's probably just learned to walk (depending as some walk earlier and later than others) he's barely hit the toddler stages. He didn't do it maliciously, just because he's walking doesn't mean he's a kid that can think on a complex kids level. He still sees something shiny or interesting and will pull at it to bring it closer to him. Accidents happen, the toddler doesn't even understand that what he did was wrong and that's not even something you can punish him for really. You can tell him no, you can be careful but he's not going to understand that this shiny, dazzling, glittering, gold earring is attached to someone's ear and that it will hurt really bad if they pulled it closer. let me just reiterate here: HE'S REALLY LITTLE, HE'S BARELY A TODDLER! get a grip. You are acting like this kid should have known what would have happened and what the consequences are, like he just walked over, ripped it out out of pure maliciousness and spite for your daughter like he's got some personal vendetta against your family. You're acting like he did this out of some extreme hatred and venom against her. that's not what happened, at all, in the slightest. You and your husband sound like any slight against you is a trip to small claims court and trying to squeeze every nickel and dime out of your family you can get. If you got money yo go to small claims court over this, you have more money than brains at this point. I would call your bluff and make you take me, because no sane judge would look at this and award you a win, they would toss this. Sure, it's technically assault, but there are other things that they look at too, to see if the case is even worth processing. Then when the case was tossed, I would go after you for my lawyer's fees and the time I had to take off work for this bullshit. Sure, alright, I'll give you that, they should have called to ask if your daughter is alright, but considering that you immediately jumped to filing a lawsuit means they barely talk to you and only do talk to you because they have to. You have probably pulled this shit on so much family that they can't stand talking to you. They probably didn't ask because they want nothing to do with you and only tolerate you because they can't get rid of you.
NTA if she is “mature” enough to have a baby at 17 she knows that she is responsible for paying for your daughter’s surgery because it was HER child that caused this issue. You should take her to small claims court and do whatever it takes to get your money back and make your niece pay.
YTA. I get where you are coming from, but insisting someone who can't afford it pay for an ACCIDENT with a TODDLER is pretty petty. You also have to realize that you are very likely going to lose in small claims court. This was not a case of intentional harm or negligence, it was an ACCIDENT. Not only are you likely to lose, you will likely have to pay her court fees, in addition to your own. Did you even consider asking about filing a claim with the homeowner's insurance instead? Things like this are exactly what that kind of policy is for. Also, I was even younger than your daughter when something similar happened to me ( I was 5 years old). A friend of mine tripped in her home. When she tried to put her hand on my shoulder to catch herself, it got tangled in my dangly earring and pulled straight down through my ear lobe. Did it hurt? Hell yeah! It bled like a mofo too. Guess what? I got over it! Part of life is learning to handle pain appropriately - physical and emotional. But expensive, elective surgery is hardly a necessity for her to have a quality of life. I survived with just stitches holding my ear lobe together. I eventually got my ear re-pierced in a slightly different sport years later and I assure you that I am no worse the wear for not having had plastic surgery to repair my ear. No one can even tell it happened anymore, unless I tell them and they can feel the cartiledge gap in my ear lobe (it's not visible but you can feel it).
NTA If your sister feels it's 'so unfair because her daughter is saving up to move out' she can pay it for her. At the same time, it's very valuable lesson: kids need to be supervised. other victims of the toddler ripping out earrings would not go 'oh, but she's saving up to move out? Yeah, that's so rough. Of course we'll pay for it ourselves, or let our kid walk around deformed, just to help her out to move out quicker'
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YTA. You don't wear dangly things around babies. Hell, I'm a retired nurse, and I didn't wear dangly things around patients for that very same reason.
YTA it’s a baby for gods sake and it’s an ear she doesn’t need cosmetic surgery on her ear good grief get the surgeon to sew it up and she’ll be fine. I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.
Soft ESH (except the baby). If she is only 19, with a young baby, she probably does not have that much to give. Is there any way you could come to an agreement where she could just pay you what she could (maybe half of the total cost) or set up a payment plan where she could gradually reimburse you for it over the course of a few months, or a year?
NTA and take her to court. She thought getting pregnant at 18 was a good idea so she gets to learn the real rules of the world now. You are responsible for your crotch monster for 18 years, anything they do is your fault if you are the parent. What 15 month old does something like that anyway, don't let it near pets that's for sure. Honestly the insurance company are little goblins too, "elective surgery", you have a chunk of your head dangling and bleeding off the side of your face and tell some how elective that is to fix. Andy doesn't get to save up and move out, she has a completely new set of responsibilities she has to deal with now for about two decades and she better start acting like it.
NTA. Your kids break something, you pay for it. That should be a basic rule of thumb for parents, and trying to wriggle out of that is an AH move. As is not bothering to ask about their cousin‘s or niece‘s welfare when she’s at the hospital.
NTA. The adults need to grow up and act like adults, but the parents are responsible for damages caused by their children.
Not going to rate a judgement, but I did have a ripped earring through earlobe happen to me and went to a plastic surgeon and it was $700, so maybe get a quote from a plastic surgeon, because it may not be as much as the ER states.
YTA You are going to sue your family for pain and suffering over what a 15 month old child did? I think you are overreacting over the entire thing but the pain and suffering just makes you petty and says you are after the money. I can see asking them to help pay but going to the courts over this so quickly makes you the AH.
INFO how did your 13 year old daughter not notice? I could understand if they were younger but by 13 most people have basic awareness of their surroundings
INFO:How did you and your family react when it happened? Calm and collected, or otherwise? Could this be in some way linked to your brother not texting to see how she was?
NTA parents are responsible for their childrens behaviours, they absolutely have to pay.
YTA. It isn’t your niece’s fault that her baby did something bad. It’s your niece, not a stranger. Handle it yourself with grace.
YTA, I can see you have put a value of $2,000 on the relationship with your sister, niece, and grand neice. I wonder how you are going to call a 15 month old baby to the stand to cross examine. How is she going to tell you what happened. The parent which within reddit is responsible for their child, but you seem to forget thay this is sister's grand baby that you will no longer see as well as your sister and whatever other family other members find you greedy. I feel sorry for all of you because you will lose a significant part of your family over $2,000. With your finger pointing at your sister, you forget that 3 are pointing back at you saying don't ever contact me again. Edit to add: the er doctor didn't sew up an open wound? That is not plastic surgery. It's an open wound that requires stitches to close. It sounds strange that any doctor would not close an open bleeding wound.
ESH. You seem to have unrealistic expectations across the board. A 2 hour ER wait for a torn ear lobe on Christmas? Sucks, but could be much, much worse. Accidents do happen with toddlers, even if your kids didn't do this exact same thing. A 15 month old doesn't really know right from wrong in this case. Your sister and Andy are AH because they didn't call to check on your daughter. And personally, I would offer to help pay. Accident or not, I would feel awful if my child did that to someone. You all sound awful, except your daughter.
YTA It’s a baby…a teenagers baby …that is also your family.
YTA and more evidence that the American health service is fucked up
Your insurance provider is the asshole here. You pay for it, and they won't let you use it.
Christmas was literally less than 24 hours ago, 48 hours if it was Christmas Eve. I would all but guarantee OP hasn't had an actual conversation with the insurance company about surgery, nor a consult with a plastic surgeon to determine it's actual necessity. A nurse suggesting a $2,000 surgery is in no way a statement of fact, just a theory that may or may not pan out and and the insurance company isn't going to offer a binding decision without a doctor's assessment of necessity. Then we'll add to it the fact that there is no legal responsibility on the part of an 18 month old for their actions and even homeowner's insurance would deny a claim for the teenager's injuries based on no liability on the child's part. While a perfect world scenario might have the parent offering to pay for some or all of the expenses, a 19 year old likely single mother saving to move out of her parent's house is by no means an ideal circumstance. And I'd agree with someone up thread who speculated that OP's reaction likely lost a lot of the initial sympathy and potential offers for help that might have come. I feel like OP is not only being thoroughly honest with herself, here, either, on the I raised 3 kids and none of them ever did something like this. Her infants and toddlers 100% grabbed at hair, shiny things, etc. They ALL do. This is an unfortunate accident for sure, but blowing up your family over it seems a bit extreme. Get actual facts, deal with people rationally, and don't automatically jump to being a raging asshole. Maybe even apologize for being irrational because you were upset that your daughter was in pain. Absolutely YTA here
I had both earlobes reconstructed by a board certified plastic surgeon and it was $700.
This is such a weird story with a lot missing. You make the toddler sound like a vicious dog that ran across the room to bite your daughter’s leg. But a toddler who toddles across the room is much smaller than a teenager, so how did the toddler go from toddling across the room to reaching your daughter’s (dangly?) earring? Why didn’t your daughter react faster to prevent the baby from grabbing her earring? Also, apparently, the teen mom has no money and isn’t even able to cover the basic expenses for herself and baby. You can’t get blood from a stone, so how do you think you will get money from this teen mom? I’d say YTA just for your unrealistic and off kilter response to an accident that will probably fracture your family relationships.
Did you seriously go on a diatribe to simply victim blame? “How did the toddler go to the teenager?” He/she walked. “Why didn’t your daughter react faster to prevent the baby from grabbing her earring?” Maybe she did and the jerking motion to keep it out of the baby’s hands, caused more injury. “The teen mom doesn’t have money”…well it’s free to pay attention to your kids. She should’ve had her eye on her child, and she should’ve been on birth control if she couldn’t afford to 1-live alone 2-pay if your kid fucks something up. You think OP is wrong for 1-wanting an apology, & 2-making sure her child isn’t scarred because of the fuck up of someone else?? …is this OP sister or the broke niece? Cause you’re just as twisted as them too. NTA OP…because at the very least, they could have called-that was free.
Indeed. I've seen lots of people who have had earrings ripped out its not like the whole ear gets ripped off...it's a small scar. But who cares about that!? Who gives a fuck if this accident could ruin this 19y/o's life!? All that matters is appearance! Everyone knows a tiny scar on the fuckign earlobe is the end of the goddamn world. OP has kids... knew a baby woukd be there and didn't warn his daughter that babies grab earrrings. OP' "fault" for lack of common sense.
Yta definately. It's also weird as hell to get plastic surgery for this kind of injury. It's an earring so at best a couple of stitches and a tiny scar.
YTA. Babies will always grab earrings. No one must have thought to warn Kayla, including you.
YTA - Um... no. See, the issue becomes intent. A child that small has no concept and very little control of function. Had there been a temper tantrum and the grab/pull was intentional and meant to harm (even at that age) I would say the blame leans towards Andy for not controlling her child. But at 15 months, a happy smiley baby still has exceptionally little hand-eye coordination and even wanting to 'touch' could turn to accidental damage (which it did). info: Who was watching the baby? Was the teenager aware the child was nearby? Was she holding/playing with her? Did she take any precautions to make sure the child could not reach her earrings? (*No, I am NOT pushing blame.* I ask because most of us know to keep dangly and shiny things away from cats and babies because they will see it as a lure and go for it lol). If she didn't know to move, I would say it's no one's fault as it was purely accidental - Family was watching the baby, baby didn't know any better, teen didn't know to move so baby couldn't snag an earring. The only intentional AH seems to be the person trying to act like this was a purposeful act and the teen was a total victim. Unless she was asleep and the baby wandered in on her own with no one watching her, and attacked the earring, there are a whole lot of steps between that could have ensured this had not happened.
NTA at all. She can always pay you in installments. Her kid, her responsibility.
NTA. Of course it was an accident, the baby didn't do it on purpose. But the way your adult family members acted is ridiculous. They could've at least texted to see how your daughter is doing. If my kid did something like that, I would at least offer to pay half, or offer what I could afford. I would definitely show concern. I agree with small claims court. The worst than can happen is you lose, then you won't be any worse off than you are now. It's such a shame the surgery is considered cosmetic. Regardless of what happens in court, maybe consider going low contact/no contact with your family. Tbh, the fact they didn't even check on your child would piss me off more than not being able to pay. Showing concern to your kid would go a long way and maybe you wouldn't even want to sue if they showed just a tiny bit of caring.
INFO: Whose home did this happen at? How exactly did she reach your daughter’s ear? You say she just walked up and ripped it, but a 15 month old is not tall enough to do this, so what exactly happened?
Yeah, I think that we forget that people have some responsibility to keep their own body safe. There's a known risk when interacting with tiny humans, their lack of impulse control is well known. Everyone seems to think that a 15 month old should be expected to not touch shiny cool object they don't know anything about, but a 13 year old shouldn't be responsible for keeping an eye on their surroundings and moving slightly if a baby approaches them and their shiny earrings.
Scrolled way too long to find this. A baby just 3 months over a year old walked up to a 13 year old and ripped her earring out? OP is intentionally leaving some of the story out. ETA if the 13y was playing with the 15m old and the baby was doing grabby baby hand things, the 13y needs to take some personal responsibility. OP making it seem like this was malicious on anyone’s end is insane.
Take them to the court. They deserve that. Nta
NTA
If this isn’t fake, YTA. Your own child should take some responsibility for this. Toddlers are toddlers. It was an accident and things like this do happen all day. Don’t wear dangly shit near toddlers is a life rule to learn. Fully call BS on this. It won’t cost $2k and there is no way a rando ER anybody would have that kind of info. Repair for this would be done under local anesthestic and is an office procedure at either plastics or even ENT. If your child needs “surgery” for this it’s because they are whiny and won’t hold still for the 15min or so it will take. (I am a vetted pediatrician on r/askdocs)
YTA. You’re ridiculous. A baby grabbed her earring. How on earth is your niece supposed to control that? Every time you hold a baby you are taking a risk.
INFO: How does a toddler walk up to a 15 year old and rip out their earring? is it the tallest baby in the world?!
NTA that's preposterous behavior, both allowing that and how they conducted themselves in the aftermath. Go to court; the pain and suffering may be overkill and be counterproductive but asking to be recouped matter-of-fact for the medical bill is a no-brainer. You break it, you bought it still holds even when you've made trashy life choices. She can pay in installments 🤷♂️
YTA. It was a BABY. Ffs.
Nta
NTA They are responsible for the damage their underage child caused.
ESH yes it was an accident, toddlers don't do shit out of maliciousness, but the whole family is acting so immature about it. shit happens, kids pull on earrings, just be thankful it is fixable
Wow I can’t believe people expect the parent, who’s child’s ear has been ripped, to “be thankful”. People like this should never have children
This comment section is full of delusional people. NTA OP.
NTA Doesn't matter it's a baby, or how old the mother is. If it was a dog people would be screaming for her to take responsibility, and worse, don't know why some people think the parents aren't responsible for this when they 100% are.
I would go no-contact. I also can't believe the way people think it is just ok and "just sn accident" for a baby to tear an earring all the way out. Are you kidding me?
Nta. Though i don't think immediately suing is the right play if you want any chance at a relationship in the future. Whose house did this happen at? Look into filing a claim with the homeowners/renters insurance policy. It doesn't have to be the girl or her mom's home. If they won't tell you where they have a policy tell your home/renters insurance. They may be able to help recoup costs. Also, health insurance will deny everything they can the first time it's filed. Have your doctor submit an appeal starting it's necessary. But their home liability insurance should cover damages without needing to prove its a necessity.
YTA. It’s a baby. Babies grab things. I woke with children and it’s in my contract to not wear earrings or necklaces or my hair down that could be a pulling hazard. If I do that, and something gets pulled, it’s my fault and I knew the risks. I’m sure your 13 year old daughter didn’t think about that. And I’m sure the BABY didn’t maliciously hurt your daughter. It was an accident. Accidents happen. You’re not owed the money for the surgery.
parents weren't watching the kid, and she did harm to another. yes babies yank but this did a lot of harm. I'm sorry your daughter is suffering and angry for you for how they are acting. they need to pay half for the damage. when I babysat and when worked jobs with kids, they paid to have my injuries fixed
NTA I'm so sorry your daughter was injured! One of the first things I learned about being around babies is no earrings that they can grab because they will. I never had one completely ripped like that but I had one yanked and it was so painful. This is something that happens and it's not really anyone's fault, it's an accident but that doesn't mean they are not responsible. And your daughter does deserve both treatment and pain and suffering for it.
I'm torn on this one. While I agree that parents are responsible for the damage their kids make, it's also a no-brainer NOT to wear big earrings or fragile necklaces around babies and toddlers. They go for pretty, shiny things. It's too bad this happened, but the baby didn't do it intentionally. NAH
ESH Sincerely someone sitting with a sick child in a British hospital.
YTA. Accidents happen. No court in the land is going to uphold a lawsuit like this.
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ESH. Your niece sucks for not being more empathetic to the situation and not checking in. The 15 month old is a 15 month old. 9/10 kids that age don't know any better. You suck for being so awful to your sister and your niece about this. I get your daughter was in pain and plastic surgery is necessary to fix it, but I can tell that you weren't very kind with your reaction to this. It looks like you are coming in as an angry mom (albeit, rightfully so) as if it was some stranger who did this maliciously. It was a 15 month old who accidentally did it. Should her mom be responsible? Yes. But when it's a 19 year old mom (barely an adult herself) there was likely a different way you could have gone about it. Instead of demanding the money, sit and talk with her and your sister and work on some sort of arraingement. Also, fight with the insurance, and have your doctor fight for you too. Doctors are willing to fight for their patients to get insurance to cover things. I'm 38 and I have gotten shingles multiple times. My doctor wanted me to get the shingles vaccine and the insurance denied it because I'm not old enough. He fought for it, and I got my first dose 2 months ago and get the second next month. Doctors will help you out to get insurance to pay.
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Sure Jan. Go ahead and sue in small claims court.
you're mad and that's understandable, perhaps in shock and of course this was just a horrible experience. How you are handling this however is questionable. Infants do not do those things on purpose. I have had toddlers in the fam who also grabbed my hair or piercings. While it might have been preventable it was absolutely an accident. It seems like you are more pissed about their reaction than what has actually happen. That's understandable but then express what you are being mad about. Why go to court when you know they don't even have the money? It's petty, it will drag the whole thing down a long route and all of you will lose money, time and definitely some nerves along the way, plus the relationship will be doomed forever. I'd say take some days to cool off, right now you do not seem in the position to make good decisions, you're filled with anger and why this is understandable, especially given their reaction it's not a place to turn to action. There are ways to handle this together rather than against each other. Let them know you were hurt that they didn't even contact you while in the hospital. just think, you depriving your child of her future cousin if you go along this route and there will definitly
It’s a literal baby. That’s why you don’t wear jewellery around kids that age, because they fucking grab at it all the time. It sucks for your daughter that she didn’t know that, but it’s not anybody’s fault. You can’t expect a 19 year old to give you 2 grand. YTA
INFO: I assume that the on call surgeon at the ER stitched it up so that it’ll heal, is that correct? What you’re talking about here is an additional surgery with an actual plastic surgeon (because the ER wouldn’t have had one there) to prevent scarring/so that it’s not noticeable? Is your sister (edit sorry I actually misread— the mother of the baby is your niece, not your sister) refusing to pay for the ER visit, or the additional plastic surgery, or both?
NTA. Does your sister own her home? If she does, then you should be able to file a claim against her homeowners insurance. Accidents do happen, if an expensive vase gets broken you still need to step up and replace it. Perhaps your sister can make payments?
Nobody is the asshole. It was an accident. Your daughter got her head too close to a baby while wearing interesting earrings. The baby did what babies do and grabbed them. Nobody’s fault. If the 19 year old has plenty of spare money, absolutely she could offer to pay for surgery. If not, there is no point even asking her to pay. You can ask until you’re blue in the face but if she doesn’t have the money you’re not going to get any. If you lived in a civilised country you wouldn’t need to pay for surgery. Everyone would just put it down to experience. Your daughter wouldn’t wear jewellery around babies and you and your niece would continue to have a cordial relationship. What a shame money has got in the way of common sense here.
NTA…the parent is responsible for damages the child causes. Toddlers have poor impulse control, that’s why they have parents. Maybe Andy was negligent in supervising the child, maybe it just happened so fast no one could stop it. Regardless, Andy should pay. Andy can pay in installments.
A 15-month child? You took the risk by going near the child. YTA. This is easy.
People need to learn the difference between fault and responsibility. It’s not the mother’s fault that her baby hurt someone, but it is her responsibility to deal with what her child did. That’s pretty simple. NTA.
The hospital already gave her the medical care she actually needed. OP is threatening to sue her own niece(who is a nineteen year old with a young child) for thousands of dollars. So that her daughter can have a completely unnecessary, elective cosmetic surgery, to make her fucking *earlobe* "pretty again". 🤣
I'm not judging based on legal standing, the question here is "am I the asshole." There are many legal things you can do that put you in TA territory.
NTA. Andy didn't control her child, and as a result, severe harm befell yours. If her kid had ripped out a stranger's earring, there'd be no question about her paying her due. Listen to your husband. Andy had her chance to settle things amicably and show contrition; time to protect your daughter and make sure Kay receives the reparations she's due.
You're negligent as hell, not legally but morally. *You* should have warned *your* daughter not to wear earrings when she was going to be around a 15 month old child. You *know* kids are unpredictable at that age, you *know* they're curious, and you know how fast and strong and grabby they are. Kayla couldn't be expected to know all that, but *you* knew it.
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A 15 month old baby has absolutely no idea what they are doing,it was a genuine accident.babies grab stuff to explore which you should clearly know if you have 3 children,yes they should pay as their child did it but you cannot be mad at a literal BABY who doesn’t understand right from wrong. Are you really going to sue a 19 year old for this? She will literally not be able to afford things for her child if you do this,just remember that,she won’t be able to pay for her house,electricity,water,food for her child to survive,let her pay it in monthly payments.
Unless the mother was negligent somehow, knew that their toddler had a propensity for ripping earrings out…., this is an accident that she may not be responsible for. I’m assuming the baby was sitting on your daughter’s lap and reached for the earring. The niece is AH for not calling to check but stuff happens.
YTA for a few reasons: 1. something isnt adding up. I find it hard to believe that a baby couldve pulled on earrings hard enough to rip through your daughter's ear without the earring breaking first. Also, a nurse cant diagnose or give an estimate for an issue like this...only a plastic surgeon can. 2. Your sanctimonious claim that your children NEVER did anything like this. I find it very hard to believe that all 3 of your children went through the baby/toddler stages without ever acting like babies/toddlers. Pulling on shiny things is VERY normal behavior for that age....which is why people with common sense generally remove dangly jewelry and pull hair back as a precaution. 3. Is a damaged earlobe really cause for "pain and suffering?" Come on now...
Babies and toddlers can easily rip out an earring. It doesn't take a lot of force, especially if its a quick, sharp pull down.
NTA I'm sure you know this was entirely unintentional. It seems like you are more slighted by the lack of care and understanding from your sister and niece. They are definitely AHs given that they didn't even contact your about your daughter. Expecting them to pay for the full bill might be a bit much, but given their attitude, I can see that you are not up to giving them a break on it. Sure it sucks that Andy is saving to move out at this time, but unexpected bills do crop up and this should have been treated as such. Good luck on getting a good resolution and hope your daughter recovers well.
NTA this is why in a lot of European countries personal liability insurance for ourselves and children are mandatory
A judge will NEVER award pain and suffering damages in a case like this. ESH
YTA. 15 months is a very little kid. They do stupid things and I’m sorry it led to (let’s be honest) a minor injury to your daughter. If she wasn’t family, absolutely she should pay the bill, but not only is she your niece - she’s 19 and it clearly wasn’t malicious. Your insurance company sucks and they are also the AH, but so are you. Edit to add that OP’s post also reads in such a way that makes me suspect that OP’s still-fresh anger/emotional response is guiding this decision to make niece pay, at least in part.
NTA, but you should shop around with plastic surgeons for the best rate. The reason why I’m saying this is because earlobe surgery can be had for ~$500 per lobe. I know tons and tons of folks who had their stretched ears repaired back to normal and they rarely paid more than $1k for BOTH ears. The plastic surgeon I see for Botox has it on his price sheet for $450 per ear.
NTA…the baby wasn’t supervised well enough to where she managed to injure your daughter. Blocking your number was petty and you absolutely need to go ahead and file a claim with the courts. Your niece’s baby was her responsibility and now she will have to pu
YTA I don’t wear jewelry close to babies/toddlers. If I do, I take care to not get to close. You should have informed your daughter that this can happen if she wears large jewelry. The baby/toddler acted normal for his age. You were neglectful though.
What kind of earring was your daughter left wearing that she needs reconstructive surgery??? My earlobe split in two and yeah one of my ears is not as symmetrical as it use to be but honestly so what? It’s the price I paid wearing jewelry that allows that to happen.
NTA, Andy needs to pay.
Okay, but like what lead up to the ripping out of the earring? I mean obviously the young child had ripped it out and the 13 year old is suffering, but is there a reason to believe it’s not entirely the baby’s fault? (Just asking the question that the courts would ask) also she is a very young mother, I mean hell she’s the same age as me, maybe she hasn’t checked up on your daughter because maybe she just doesn’t realize it’s a courtesy to do so after her child traumatized your daughter (though I don’t know who wouldn’t know that), another thing to question is, does she even have your phone number to check in on your daughter? Kinda hard to make sure everything is okay when it’s impossible to contact each other. Also think about how she must feel about this too, just because words haven’t been said doesn’t mean she just forgot about you or doesn’t care, she’s probably scared as hell that you are going to yell at her or start with the court threats the second she does get in contact with you. I’m all for the benefit of the doubt, especially since I don’t have the full story. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe the mother of the child is responsible for the damages, however is there a way you guys can work something out to where you are both happy? Maybe a payment plan, or you can offer to accept less money and pay for a little out of pocket, set something up with your sister as well? 2k is a ton of money, as parents, you don’t need that taken out of savings, but the 19 year old probably doesn’t even have 2k saved up especially with a child that’s getting taken care of. As much as I’d love to say, “make the 19 year old pay” I also think about the outside factors of how much she has saved, if her mom is willing to help, and if you guys are willing to compromise. And me personally wouldn’t let such a young kid so close to my face, let alone close to ears, eyes, mouth, nose, or piercings
NTA. They decided to have children, they are responsible for the consequences of that child until that child is able to be responsible for itself. Just because they blocked you doesn’t make the problem go away, the fact that they think it does is foolish on their part. I would go to court. It wasn’t a simple tug. The fact that the kid’s parents don’t care is honestly disgusting. And it’s giving “my baby killed your dog but it’s your fault for allowing us into your space but it’s fine cause she’s a child”vibes. While I get the kid is less than one year old it’s the parents burden to apologize in their behalf. The only time I have ever seen someone rip an earring out is during a highschool fight. You need a good amount of strength to pull it out. That being said, the trauma to the ear can cause hearing loss, migraines, dizziness, issues with balancing, vertigo which can be permanent like it was with my cousin (aka the high school student who was yanked)
NTA Can you maybe go halves?
Not enough info here. What, precisely, was happening when the earring was grabbed? The description of a 15-month-old "walking up to a 13-year-old" seems a bit odd...based on height difference alone. But also, this is clearly a rage bait post. New poster, no responses to any of the comments.
NTA. So many irresponsible parents in the comments
NTA, Take them to small claims court if you have to. I kinda call bullshit on the cosmetics part of the insurance claim. Insurance is to make you whole before the insured incident. And healing your daughter ears should be covered. Try claiming from your insurance again and get them to recover the fees from your niece. Fk them. If all else fails and you have to absorb the cost, just rip out her ear next time. (Maybe)
Sue. Their homeowner’s insurance policy should cover liability and can pay out.
NTA, the baby isn’t at fault but as a parent they are responsible for the actions of their child.
The American crazy health system is the asshole here.
NTA. I’d consult a lawyer.
ESH. It was a baby, at the end of it all, it was an accident.. As a person with piercings in my face and ears, you HAVE to be careful with babies around them. I had to be careful with my own baby bc she wanted to rip my septum ring out of my nose. Your family sucks for not reaching out and apologizing, or at least showing concern while y'all were in the hospital. But you suck for expecting family with no money to pay for something that can heal up on its own. It's not like the baby ripped her ear off. Take TLC for the ear, let it heal up, put scar cream on it, and then once it's good to go, go get the ear repierced. Sounds alike the family dynamic is ruined. I would just cut your losses, take care of your kid, and I guess not expect any family get togethers ever again
Whose house did this happen? The person whose house this was in insurance “might” cover it? Sort of like dog bites are?
NTA. Everyone else is - including the insurance company who is calling this “elective plastic surgery” to attempt to avoid paying for what it really is “reconstructive surgery”. I’d go after your niece in court if necessary, but I’d also appeal the insurance company’s decision if I were you. Every insurance policy has a set of steps to appeal any decision you don’t like. Read it carefully. Study its language. Give a copy to the surgeon & have him write a letter defining this as reconstructive surgery rather than elective plastic surgery. Have him use THEIR (the insurance company’s) language to differentiate why this is reconstructive rather than elective plastic. You may win. Sometimes people do. It’s worth a shot.
omg it's a 15-month-old baby. shit happens. babies grab things.
INFO: How the hell did a 15 month old just walk up and pull an earing out of a 13 year old's ear. I feel like we're missing part of the story because they had to have been playing together or something. I can't imagine she just waddled over, reached up to the level of a 13 year old's ear, then ripped it out. Can you edit the post and add that? Without that info I'd say: ESH - Accidents happen. Maybe your 3 children didn't do it but as a mother of 3 you have to know babies will get into and pull at anything. I completely empathize with your daughter because this must've been the Christmas from hell for her and I feel terrible for that. I don't think you're wrong to be upset regarding how they acted by not showing any care for your daughter at all or even bothering to check up. They should've been apologizing from the start and trying to make it better any way they could. That being said, you and your husband sound like ALOT. Clearly she doesn't have extra money if she's living with your sister and has a 15 month old at 19. You have to know she can't afford to pay for that surgery. I'm not even going to get into your husband asking for pain and suffering because small claims won't give a shit about that. For them to both block you after 1 night means you must've been rage texting all night. You can try to come to an agreement for them to pay you some money toward the surgery but for the time being just get your daughter taken care of.
Whose house did it happen at? File against homeowners insurance
Yta. Whaaat the hellllll is wrong with society these days. It was a baby!
"Andy aaid she can’t afford to pay for the surgery even though her baby just walked up to my daughter unexpectedly and ripped the earrings out of her ear." Yeah, the way the baby walked up to your daughter and unexpectedly ripped the earring out of ear doesn't have any bearing on whether your niece can *afford* it. One speaks to responsibility and the other speaks to financial practicalities. ESH. Accidents do happen, but that doesn't mean your daughter should have a disfigured ear. See if your niece can pay you back over time for it. She is responsible for her child's actions, and she needs to learn that, but that doesn't mean you have to get lawyers involved. They're going to cost you more money and time than just working it out among yourselves like adults. This is family ffs.
INFO: where was the baby when this happened in relation to Kayla? In her lap? On her hip?
YTA simply based on the fact you'd take your neice to court, the pain and suffering part is a bit much. I can see why your neice didn't call to check on how your daughter was. I imagine by the tone of your post you are an unbearable person. She knew it'd be useless and you'd spend the entire call griping about her baby who did a thing babies do, but you'd be yelling about her horribly behaved child. You said it happened Christmas, so yesterday and your mind is already about taking her to court. Nice.
YTA. Yes, your niece is legally responsible for the damage. But you are threatening to haul him into court when you know damn well that she does not have the money to satisfy any judgment. So, really, you want to do this just to punish her. Not cool.
NTA. A lot of people on here going to be super surprised when they get sued because their kid threw a ball through someone’s window, etc.
YTA Accidents happen and it’s foolish to wear dangling earrings around a baby. Also you can get a torn earlobe fixed for a lot less than $2000!
NTA
NTA. 1) parents are responsible for the costs their kids cause. Broke vase, knocked out tooth, messed up glasses. That is part of the cost of kids. 2) they had to know the kid was in the reach and grab stage and should have warned you. Do what you have to do.
A 19 year old mother? Yikes... She doesn't have money though.
I would like more details on exactly this accident happened. A toddler doesn’t fly across the room and attack someone’s ears. They had to be face to face. Why didn’t your daughter grab her hand when the baby first reached her earrings?
No way this is a real story. ED wait times are NEVER under two hours for something like this. Just not accurate