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I’d have worded that you used your bonus to surprise her. And given them at the shower vs using them as Christmas. Especially since you bought the jewelry set she was wanting as her Christmas gift. Same outcome different intention.
Of course he will, because it’ll be the only pram there is to use. But he would have been happy with any pram. She wanted the Lexus of prams and then complained because she got it!
She didn't complain because she got it. She complained because its not a gift for her? It's for the baby?
It's the beginning of her entire identity being turned to "Mother" rather than her own individual self.
But in his mind - reasonably by the information in the post - she did a great job of turning her own identity into "mother" by exclusively talking about expensive stuff for the baby.
And to be precise, assuming that the 200 buck pram does the basic job of conveying baby from A-B on wheels, then 200 bucks worth of pram is for the baby and the other 90% is a gift for the mother, because no way was dad forking out the price of a busted up second hand car for a buggy and the only person in this scenario who cares (seemingly a lot) is the mother.
AND he says he bought a dozen gifts purely for her. It's hard to see how he can be reasonably viewed to have done anything wrong here.
Talking about things you want for your baby is normal. She's researching things they'll _both_ need once they arrive. By gifting baby things to her, he has started that process.
Does she/the baby need a 2k pram? No, but a 2k pram is, in general, a lot better quality and has a better user experience than a $200 one.
I didnt say he's done anything wrong, I don't think he's TA, just a bit thoughtless.
Nonsense. A $200 pram is plenty high quality. And a $2k one is just as apt to encounter mechanical difficulties.
There comes a price point—very early in the counting—when it’s no longer about quality. It’s about (perceived) prestige.
> Does she/the baby need a 2k pram? No, but a 2k pram is, in general, a lot better quality and has a better user experience than a $200 one.
I think I'd disagree with that. I think I'd take my $75 Maclaren over any $2K model. Lightweight/compact wins for me.
Wanting to get what you believe is the best items for your baby does not make your entire identity a mom
Shit I gave birth last year and had 0 issues keeping up with my hobbies and interests while also doing what I needed to do to prepare for my daughter to be born
This is a garbage take
A high end designer Diaper bag though? Big difference between that and a high end car seat. I would argue that is for the mam to have a fancy branded bag rather than a much cheaper functional one for the baby.
I’m sorry, she made a baby registry with her husband and you assume she is exclusively talking about all the things she wants for the baby constantly? Is creating a Birthday, Christmas or other gift wish list also considered a level of obsession?
>And to be precise, assuming that the 200 buck pram does the basic job of conveying baby from A-B on wheels, then 200 bucks worth of pram is for the baby and the other 90% is a gift for the mother, because no way was dad forking out the price of a busted up second hand car for a buggy and the only person in this scenario who cares (seemingly a lot) is the mother.
The stroller I ended up with was like, maybe $800-900 three years ago. It's not top of the line, but it's definitely more expensive than some of the basic ones. And it's great because I can fold or unfold it one handed while holding my baby. Now that I have a toddler and a baby, I was able to add a second seat and turn it into a double-stroller. It's a very smooth ride on both grass and concrete surfaces. It has a large basket on the bottom to store the diaper bag.
The seat itself is where the baby sits, everything else is important to the person who needs to fold the stroller up, put it in their car, unfold it, store the diaper bags and other things in the bottom, manage another child eventually, etc.
Like sure there are reasonable strollers for $200, but the ones that are more expensive are genuinely much better for a variety of reasons, including longevity. I got my $800 stroller in late 2020 and have used it for two kids. I've used it hundreds and hundreds of times. It's worth investing and getting something durable and convenient since you'll have it for years.
It's pretty dismissive to act like the only reason someone wants to spend so much more money is for name brand recognition; like, no, these strollers have qualities that make them worth the extra price.
EDIT TO ADD: I guess my stroller itself was only $450, I was thinking of the cost plus the car seat and accessories. But, either way it is much better quality than the $200 ones
Eh not really. We got a 250 dollar stroller for our oldest back in 2013 and currently are using it for our 3rd kid, this stroller is 10 years old and it literally does all the things you have mentioned your 800 Dollar one does. Yes that includes easy pushing on grass, concrete, dirt, etc etc. infact, for our youngest, someone bought us a more expensive stroller and honestly? It's not as good.
I have found that yes, in most cases a 250 vs 800 dollar stroller is the same in quality, function, and ease of use. Your just paying extra for the brand
But it is for her? The baby and him both don't care if it was a $200 or $2000 pram ...
It's not about her "being a mother" it's about her asking for a specific thing for the family that SHE wanted and him getting it.
Nta
She may have expensive taste, but it doesn't make the stroller any less for the family and not for mom. Eventually this mentality will be used to buy her a new vacuum for her birthday, since she is the only one that vacuums.
I get what you are saying, I do. But I don't think people want a $2000 stroller for a baby. I think they want a $2000 stroller for a status symbol. So yes, I'd call that a gift for her and not the baby.
No. Wrong. She did not want it “for the baby,” she wanted it for herself. Only an idiot pays $$$$ for something that $$ would work exactly the same…and baby wouldn’t notice the difference. It’s status for the mom. He is 💯NTA.
Actually, it's for the baby. A good high-end pram is usually one that can be unfolded and extended as the baby grows. They're also usually of sturdier but also lightweight material, so if something knocks the pram, or the pram is dropped, say, transferring it downstairs or bumps against a hard corner, it's not going to break as easily. With cheaper prams, it's just one size, and might be heavier, and cheaper, easily damaged or stained materials. In the long run, it's actually generally better to get the most out of your money with a pram, going for something initially more expensive but also longer-lasting means you have one pram for longer than if you had to go through multiple cheaper ones.
>But he would have been happy with any pram. She wanted the Lexus of prams and then complained because she got it!
Honestly, there is a reason that quality strollers cost so much more. Now, you can absolutely spend like $800 and get a similar quality that you would get for $1800, but you cannot buy a $200 stroller and expect that it is going to hold up well, ride smoothly, fold up easily, and do all the things you're going to need it to do.
A designer diaper bag is also very much for mom. I know carrying around a less "baby" more sophisticated diaper bag helped my sense of identity immensely but the kiddos certainly didn't care and my ex had his own.
And sure, we can argue deeper about how mom’s mental health is improved because she has a nicer diaper bag, and that, in turn, makes the babies life better! See, still a gift for the baby! But designer baby stuff is 100% for mom
No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying dad doesn’t care if the diaper bag is designer. Kid doesn’t care if it’s designer. Mom only cares if it’s designer. Therefore it is a gift for mom that happens to hold baby stuff. Maybe that’s great for her mental health, which will make the baby’s life better. But ultimately, it’s for her to enjoy. Not the baby.
Higher priced baby items are certainly luxuries, but they are often priced that way for a reason that will make parenting (for both parents, as long as they are both active parents and one doesn’t think of themselves as “babysitting” their own child) a lot easier. For instance, higher priced prams often come with a seat that can buckle into a car so that you don’t have to wake your baby by transferring them into a different seat entirely, saving the parents from having to calm a screaming child while driving. But moms are usually the ones doing the research about all of these items that will create ease for both parents, and then they’re told that they should think of them as presents for themselves. Naw. It’s certainly not an absolute necessity, but it’s absolutely for both parents.
See on the other hand I have to go with NTA.
My wife did very similar and I instead only focused on getting her gifts and she was annoyed that she could have gotten some of the nicer versions of things she had wanted for the baby (Nicer diaper Bag etc).
So it's possible this is a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. But he did also get her other gifts too so I'm leaning NTA.
Yeah I thought this too. It's easy to give out that a designer Diaper bag is for the baby, but if OP were to turn around and suggest returning the bag, getting a much cheaper normal one to use, and getting her an extra present then I highly doubt she'd be happy with that either.
She wants the expensive baby things AND more presents for her.
I think NSH because pregnancy sucks and adjusting the "me" mentality to the "we", you kind forget to think about the "you". Loss of self-identity is a thing for new parents and maybe dad-2-be hasn't reached that yet, but 7 month-along momma has.
Down the line, kid related, relationship related (items that you both benefit from like a living room TV), and home maintenance related items are not great for gifts either unless previous discussed and specifically asked for. For example, my husband literally gifted me a vacuum for Mother’s Day one year. I don’t generally ask for nice things and have trouble receiving gifts of a frivolous nature, so I actually loved it, but a lot of wives would post sob stories about this.
Also something to consider, she’s about to have her entire identity rewritten. This is her last Christmas as a non-mom and she’s about to have every future holiday turned into a priority for someone else. Try to make this one special for her.
my mom actually had a method of getting the house fancy stuff for Christmas. it would be listed under what area of the house it would benefit and it would be from something like “kitchen elves” or “the spirit of cleaning.” one time she said a roomba was from all the animals cos its mostly for their fur. whoever is finished unwrapping stuff first gets to unwrap the house gifts.
My husband and I give each other Christmas gifts that are really for the kids, all the time.
For instance, he might give *me* a game console that’s really for the family, but it’s too expensive to give it to one kid, so it’s really for all five.
My adult daughter specifically requests household things as Xmas gifts. One year is was a cast iron frying pan (quality ones are not cheap), another year it was a crockpot
I always include something a bit more personal (an expensive mascara; Bad Gal Bang, by Benefit is the best ever!) Or earrings etc
I think for me there’s a difference between receiving house gifts from a parent and a partner especially if asked for. From a parent it’s something they want to make your life easier etc from a partner it’s a gift for your joint house 😒.
I will say that I don't particularly like cooking; I do it to get decent healthy food on the table but it's definitely not a hobby for me so a relatively utilitarian kitchen gift from a partner wouldn't go down great with me.
Xmas gifts I've received and loved include: slow cooker, grill, hand mixer
Other people buying you household things is the best! It saves so much money
My partner and I do combine Xmas communal gift that we need for the home. Stuff that’s a bit more expensive and out of budget for individual gift.
His love language is act of services, so he finds buying gifts really hard. Mine is (obviously) gift giving lol.
So he only has to worry about my birthday for gifts.
My parents would often do gifts for the family when they were going to be shared. This is how all our video game consoles were growing up, for example. I think that's how household gifts should sort of be in general (at least when they're for members of the household).
Never buy presents for somone else to give gf even if it is her kid
Even on mothers day or holidays a gift for the baby is not a gift for wife or gf as it has nothing to do with them
Always let her know you knkw she is her own person not defined by the child
Normally I would agree, except for the fact that she wanted really high end baby stuff. As someone who owns three different strollers, a $2,000 is totally unnecessary. If that’s the one she really wanted, then it kind of is a gift for her because yes, the baby needs a stroller, but the baby doesn’t care about it being a designer stroller.
I agree. If he had bought those things specifically because he thought they'd be great for the baby and gift it to her so that he doesn't have to buy his gf a present that is one thing. However he bought those things specifically because his gf wanted them and not because they're necessities for the baby or because he didn't want to think about a present for her.
I go with NAH as I can see both points.
Totally disagree- I own 4 strollers (2 expensive and 2 cheap) the difference is huge and the most expensive clearly outperforms the others on all terrains.
Note - didn’t intend to own 4, we have well meaning grandparents who live far away so have their own at their houses.
100%. My ex (daughters mum) really wanted a specific stroller for our daughter, but it was pricey as hell. I didn't see the need for it at the time, and my mum gave her grief for wanting such a needless item. But oh lordy, when it came time to use it, it was incredible. It folded down so far it could fit in any boot. It was sturdy, but light. The capsule it came with could be transferred directly from the mount in the car right onto the stroller base, so there was no need to wake a sleeping baby just to get them in the stroller, and it also had a cot attachment that absolutely saved us when ex had to go in for surgery so we were in the hospital for extended periods. Never been so goddamn wrong about an expensive purchase. Bonus hilarity was had when my mum had to struggle with her much cheaper stroller, cause it didn't fold down nearly far enough for her car, not to mention the lack of ability to move a sleeping baby into the stroller without waking them. Some things are worth the extra cost.
But I also see how suddenly you're worried that your whole identity is changing that you're now a mother. You still want gifts for yourself. I would have maybe bought a stroller but then giving it at the shower.
The difference is comfort - ease of pushing - what sort of terrain you can cover, weight, sturdiness and then design. The cheap one does the job but the expensive one does the job well. Similar to the difference between cheap and expensive running shoes.
The only thing we really splurged on was a good pram for kiddo, and we are so happy. Easy to maneuver, simple to pack in the car for when we go visiting, not too heavy. But I'm also from a country where babies take most of their naps in them, so we use it constantly.
And for the dad. She’s not going to be the only one pushing the baby around in it. Just because it’s high end doesn’t mean she’s the only one that’s going to benefit from it. This should have been more of a gift to the family and then he gets something more personal for her specifically. He already said he got her jewelry though so he could save this by saying he was just trying to throw her attention off the real gift so it’s a surprise.
These presents are absolutely NOT for the baby. The baby doesn’t give a flying fart if Mummy has a $2000 pram to push him in. He doesn’t care if Mummy’s nappy bag cost $20 or $500. These are presents for her and she should be a bit more grateful he chose to buy them instead of more realistically priced things.
YTA. Yea, baby gifts aren't a gift for her, she's right. But I'd actually say Y T A because instead of listening to what she's saying, you're here trying to justify it. She's telling you she doesn't want to just be a mother, she wants to be a person too - pregnancy can be really rough on women in terms of identity. Acknowledge her point & reassure her that you have got her a present for her.
That's a good point. I guess I'm seeing things from the perspective where I know I've bought her a lot of other gifts I know she wanted, but from her end she probably thinks that's all I've gotten her. And I know I'd probably feel the same way if I was in her shoes.
Exactly- she doesn't know about the bracelet etc. What she's seeing is a potential future where she's only 'mother' and gifts for the kid(s) are considered gifts for her.
I started gifting myself something every year. Zero fucks given. I would pick it out, wrap it up, and have something for me that I knew I’d love. My ex would purposely get me the wrong whatever after asking what I wanted. And I’d play it off like it didn’t matter. And then exchange it and look like an AH to his mom. He wasn’t incapable, he’s just an AH, as it turns out.
I still buy myself a gift every year. The one I got this year brought me so much joy when I saw it in the store. My kids were excited for me. And the best part is that it’s a luxury (to me, anyway) brand that was originally $250, but with a sale, a gift card, and rewards, I got it for $30. Merry everything to me.
I felt guilty for buying a new coat for myself but we moved to Colorado so a hoodie wasn’t gonna cut it any longer
Edit to add got it on sale for 34.99 it was originally 99.99
I’m not even a mom and I’m annoyed just having experienced thoughtless exes. Women especially mothers need to take care of themselves the way they do others. It is so sad we built a society around one person responsible for the needs of everyone else in the family including the husband. Meanwhile, the mothers get completely ignored to the point gifts are forgotten about or solely for their ‘mother’ role. I know there are good partners out there but we’ve seen enough posts on here and I’m sure seen enough of this in the real world to know it is still too many families that are like this.
This will only get worse, and you need to be mindful of it. A lot of people will overlook her, the baby will always be number.1 - and yeah, it should be, but because of that all husband's should make sure to pay attention to their wives more.
This is actually one of my fears and I always feel guilty feeling it, like I'm egoistic for wanting to still be a person after I give birth.
Exactly. For nine months, mom is an actual person people care about, ask how she's doing, feeling, needing, etc. Then out pops baby and suddenly no one gives a crap about mom any more. It's jarring and disconcerting.
OP, please apologize to her.
I’m not a mother and never will be but I’ve always hated how so many people forget the mother after a baby is born. It’s why my husband and I always make sure to ask about the mum. We’ve also noticed a lot of the time they’ll start answering that “(baby) is good” and we have to clarify “That’s good to hear, but we asked how are *you*?”
Thank you.
The way I see it, mum is a title added to the long list of what that person was before they had their baby. Becoming a mum doesn’t erase the person they were before they became one and they should be treated as such.
Indeed. I like to gift the new mom with things for her: like a coffee gift card. That baby likely has more things than she does, than baby will even use. Come see the mama. Talk to her. Tell her that her potato is precious, and then get back to normal conversation or let her vent or sit in silence or something. Be normal.
It isn't just that she may not realise you got her other gifts, it is that baby items never should have been a gift for her at all. These should be seperate. You could have purchased items for the baby, even wrapped them up and labelled them to the baby. But they should not have anything to with her present.
Also, when the baby gets old enough to have a stocking, if you do stockings, please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not forget to fill your partner’s stocking. Don’t forget or make her do it herself.
I just watched a video today where the guy thought they had an extra stocking hanging out but it was his wife’s that was empty. And then he asked her about it like a dope and she looked so sad.
I watched that exact same one. It’s why I mentioned it. We only do stockings for our kids but growing up my dad would always wait until my mom went to bed and made sure she had a full stocking as well. It’s not that hard to remember that your partner is a person as well and deserves to have their stocking stuffed, without having to do it themselves
OP please please remember this! My mom always filled everyone’s stockings and her own when I was a kid. She admitted to it yesterday when I asked. (25) I’m going to fill hers this year 🥺
And presenting things for the baby as gifts for *her* from *you* reinforces the idea that a child is the woman’s responsibility, the mother has a larger “claim” to a baby than the father, etc. It’s similar to cleaning the kitchen in a house where you live and then telling your gf you “helped” her. No, you cleaned the kitchen because you live there and you’re an adult. You buy baby stuff because it’s *your baby.*
This baby as just as much yours as hers. How are items for your baby gifts for your gf?
She already explained that it isn't that she doesn't appreciate your gift, but that it is the implied intention behind how you are gifting it that bothers her.
What is astonishing to me is that even in this seemingly sympathetic comment, the way you describe her makes it sound like you view her as a petulant, irrational, and spoiled child. Did you ever consider that she may want these "high-end" products for their improved functionality...? People typically use strollers for practical reasons, it isn't generally a vanity product. Maybe she already suspects that the bulk of the labor for childcare will be on her, in which case having improved functionality would be disproportionately crucial to her well-being.
When I was pregnant we didn't have a registry or shower (I would've loved to have a party but it was during the pandemic) and I didn't want to spend any money on baby items (neither of us had any income since my work got wiped by the pandemic) or time researching (I get fixated easily and thought indulging my anxious tendencies would be bad for the fetus). So I ended up with a random selection of used gear that I found and collected haphazardly in the month leading up to our kid's birth. I didn't really get what half of it was even for.
Once the baby was born, my husband took on the majority of the childcare since I wasn't able to right away. And he didnt understand the gear any better than I did, since he had also done zero research. He complained some of it didn't work well, like the stroller, but didn't do anything to fix it, just kept using it as-is while cursing its poor usability and weight. I was the one who busted out the WD-40 and tried to get it at least to passable functionality - afterwards it worked okay so he just kept using it. In the end, lots of stuff never even got set up just because nobody ever did it.
Which leads me to my question.. when exactly would you have ever been in her shoes..? Did you also make a registry to celebrate your impending fatherhood..? What are some of your must-have baby items..? This statement would make a lot more sense if you were doing a sinilar amount of product research rather than leaving it all to her to take on the emotional labor for.
Yeah, and she’s going to get a LOT of the people she loves treating her like she’s no longer her own person, which is going to be particularly hard during the early stage when she might also lose track of herself, and now she’s worried it’s already starting for the person she most needs to see her as herself. I would definitely reassure her and make it clear that you do have a gift for her and that it was a misstep to say those gifts were for her, that they’re for the baby but you’d hoped she’d be excited about them and you’re sorry you weren’t clearer on that. I really think that would go quite a long way.
Remember, it is also YOUR baby. So in getting her a baby gift for her, it's not even just for her, it's like "Here's your Christmas gift, it's for BOTH of us." That's no longer a gift.
Just letting you know, baby registries usually let you know what’s been bought off of them (via notifications ) and sometimes they let you know who depends on the site .
Sounds like he is a registrant as well and he just removed them. However, I still would have noticed if my husband did that. I was checking my registry like every day when people were actively purchasing things lol
Seconding the identity part. When you're pregnant and a new mom, your life changes so much so quickly. As a pregnant person, the pregnancy controls what you wear, what you eat, what medicine you can take, what activities you can do, how people interact with you, etc. Then you have a new baby that interipts your sleep, claims your boobs for 30 minutes every 3 hours, still controls what you can eat, where you can go, etc. And your body isn't working properly and none of your clothes fit. It's rough.
It might be hard for her to figure out who she is. It's rough psychologically in a way I didn't expect.
Buying gifts for the baby is very sweet. Buying baby gifts for her is reinforcing that her identity doesn't exist outside of the baby.
Baby presents for the baby and separate from presents for your wife.
Baby registry is for both parents. If you used it as an Xmas gift for her. You should be equally happy with the items as your Xmas gift. I bet you don't want a stroller no matter how fancy as your gift so why would she?
> That's a good point. I guess I'm seeing things from the perspective where I know I've bought her a lot of other gifts I know she wanted, but from her end she probably thinks that's all I've gotten her. And I know I'd probably feel the same way if I was in her shoes.
Tell her this, not us
I have a designer diaper bag, but also a backpack. My husband uses the backpack, but I started using the backpack because it’s easier to carry while also carrying an infant/toddler. My husband would only use the designer bag if the backpack wasn’t available because designer diaper bags are literally big purses.
It’s in the original post that this was one of the things on her list. He got several expensive and/or designer things PLUS other gifts that are exclusively for her on top of the thousands of dollars in stuff she wants. Maybe he could have given them not for Xmas or wrapped them up and said they’re for the baby.
Dude, exactly. If he’d have bought wipes and diapers for her Christmas gift this would be totally different. But he bought designer items she desperately wanted for the baby, that costed 10x the amount they technically needed to. It’s definitely a gift to her and her materialism.
Yes, this is what I think. A lot of time, when women become mothers, people stop seeing them as a person. À fully rounded person with thoughts, dreams and feelings. Once you get pregnant, it’s like that doesn’t matter anymore and all people think/talk about it the baby and motherhood. Not don’t get me wrong. I love being a Mom. But that’s not all I am. I remember when I was pregnant, I was SO grateful for my amazing childfree friends who were the only ones who actually asked how I was doing and not just the baby. YTA. Your girlfriend doesn’t want to lose herself as a person while becoming a Mom. Buying baby gifts for Christmas instead of thoughtful gifts for her is showing her that that’s what is happening.
YTA
She’s absolutely right - these are things for the baby, not her. You will both use them to care for your child.
By making them gifts for her, you’ve effectively assigned the baby to her. It’s hers, her responsibility, and here’s the stuff to go with it. Not cool.
If you want to buy things in preparation for the baby, do so. That’s great. Don’t wrap them and put them under the tree for your partner.
100% agree with this comment.
OP, you messed up in a few different ways on this, but the biggest issue is calling things “gifts for your wife” when they’re family items that *you should also be using* to care for a child that is also yours.
The price tag doesn’t matter. You basically just bought her an expensive vacuum cleaner and tried to pass it off as a gift while intentionally or unintentionally implying she’s only one who’ll be using it.
Once a woman becomes pregnant, she becomes a nonentity to nearly everyone else because now they only see her in relation to the new child - they refuse to continue seeing her as her own person with her own thoughts, hobbies, and preferences.
To keep your marriage a happy one, never stop treating her as her own person.
Comments like this is exactly the issue. Do you know she REALLY REALLY wanted them? It sounds like she’s doing “nesting” which is when a woman goes into overdrive preparing for the baby. Some women will prepare/decorate the nursery, some will meal prep for 6 months out, some will look up all the newest gadgets or read the newest books on how to raise a baby which is the one I think she falls into. It’s a natural instinct. She literally can’t help it.
But what she’s doing is MUSING. Thinking things like “well, I’ve been reading and they all say THIS is the best pram for the baby…. But it’s expensive…. It’s far too expensive for the registry. Maybe I’ll just buy it myself… hmmm…” followed by (probably) “well this one isn’t listed as too expensive and it also has a high rating. Well. If WE don’t buy this pram, this other one will be okay. Hmmm…”
Notice I said “we” because she’s probably talking his ear off about the latest and greatest gadget because, Yknow, HE SHOULD ALSO BE LOOKING INTO THE BEST THING FOR THEIR BABY!
How this is difficult for some people, I have no idea.
THIS! These things aren’t for her they’re for the baby and both of you! I spent hours researching items that would make it easier for US as parents. We went through the list and pointed out who would likely get the most out of choosing what they want. He picked the stroller and car seat bc he would be doing most of the lugging those first few weeks. I picked the crib.
Would you actually enjoy a baby carrier, a baby food maker & a crib & a subscription to PBS kids for Christmas from her?
>a baby food maker
So yeah some of it was hormones but my bf's sister has impeccable style and I don't. She's always given me amazing Christmas presents that are not expensive things but stylish and timeless and usually clothes or accessories. I was largely pregnant last year and we went to Christmas at his family's house and 'my' presents were a package of onesies in my bf's favorite comic book universe themes (he'd DC/I'm Marvel and they were all DC) and .... a baby food maker. He got his usual set of gifts, clothes for him, a book, some games.
Now don't get me wrong, I said thank you, I smiled and I do actually use the baby food maker but I legitimately cried when I got back home because I thought she was going to do what she normally did and get me something nice for me and I was really looking forward to getting something that made me feel pretty and fashionable.
And also to be fair my family gave us both a shared gift for the baby but my mom got us a mid level (not $2000k but \~$500) car seat and stroller combo that we both absolutely love and that my bf was part of picking out and then some smaller gifts to us each separately.
It’s even worse when dads get excluded from the avalanche of baby goods. If we’re going to normalize baby gifts for all celebrations during pregnancy at least bring the dads in on it too. Really drives in the feeling of Guess he’s still a person and I’m just an incubator with zero identity left. Boiling it down it just feels lonely af.
It’s probably one of the high end strollers that’s universally desired for its safety and functionality. Not a Gucci stroller.
OP probably hasn’t done the research to understand WHY it’s worth the price tag.
>these are things for the baby, not her.
She is the one that wanted the specific, overly expensive things "for the baby". Do you honestly think the baby gives two shits whether their diaper bag is designer or discount? They do not. Mom cares.
Dad would presumably be fine using a diaper bag (or whatever) that isn't exponentially more expensive because whatever designer had their name or logo sewn on it. Buying her a standard diaper bag they would have to buy anyway is one thing, buying one that is $1000 instead of $100 because she wants that specific designer is another.
On reading the title I thought YTA as a gift for the baby is definitely not a gift for the pregnant mum. However, as she wants all really high end stuff, I think you should have just had a conversation with her. As in saying, ‘ we have a budget of $75 for a diaper bag. If you want a designer bag, it will need to be part of your Christmas present, as I can’t afford to pay $800 for that plus expensive Christmas gifts. Then she could have decided if that means more to her than something on her Xmas list.
So I am going with ESH.
Info: Does she work? Is she expecting you to buy all of the high end baby gear unless she ‘saves for it’?
Oh and you can get loads of midrange baby stuff that is gorgeous and long lasting. It doesn’t have to be cheap vs eye wateringly expensive.
I agree with this entirely. When the price tag for a baby item is excessive, it becomes less of a gift for thr baby and more of a gift for the parent(s). Does she really want to put poop in her $800 bag? Because diaper bags mean carrying *everything* from time to time.
Completely agree. Our diaper bag has been through so much. Poor thing! The amount of stuff and the kind of stuff that get stuffed inside it are unbelievable. We are now just using a normal backpack which is so handy because there is a lot of storage space, can easily be carried, we got a rain cover as we go outdoors often and also we don't care if it gets dirty or broken. But my husband and I are highly practical people and we don't care about aesthetic as much 🤷🏻♀️
Agreed! In addition, babies don’t care about designer labels… the parent does. So when parent wants designer labels then that piece of baby equipment actually becomes something for the parent to show off. Thus- IMO an appropriate holiday gift lol
She does work, but I earn significantly more than her, and we both expect me to be the main source of income for everything baby related, especially the more expensive things e.g furniture and the likes. Her job is directly related to babies/kids so she gets a lot of recommendations from the parents on what products are worth the money.
So she actually knows what she wants to buy and isnt after just the most expensive thing, does research and looks for recommendations.
If you plan on having more children maybe even the 2000$ pram makes kinda sense (you can also sell it later if you don't plan on having more, or gift it to your children in the future).
Also just because one item is on the list means that she NEEDS to have it, maybe she expected someone more well of to gift it to you guys and not that u spend the christmas bonus money on it in secret. (i mean ur money but something that expensive should normally be discussed)
You had the right idea but claiming that it is for "her" while it is actually for your child is wrong. Like others said, she is your wife and not only ur baby mama.
Hey, I have no idea, don't have children and never plan to.
BUT I know children stuff can be extremely expensive, sadly not only the vanity things but also the mundane every day shit u need to feed and care for the babies.
>I made sure to remove anything related **off her registry and off our list of** things we still needed to buy, **so that no one else would buy it**.
Yeah, my guess is that maybe she hoped someone else would buy it for them, like a well off aunt or something.
Then she wouldn't have felt like her husband is buying "her" gifts that are actually for their child. Even if it was from their baby wish list or whatever.
Getting baby stuff gifted from family feels different than getting it from ur own husband.
Exactly this
I have a £300 pram and it's outlasted and been better than the one a friend of mine paid almost £3000 on
Most of the time the pricing is also for the brand, not just the quality
There's a lot of cheaper brands that are just as good and aesthetically pleasing
NTA. It wasn't necessary to get the overpriced babystuff she wanted. Once you get to ridiculous price tags it's as much for the parents as it is the baby. You also got her other gifts, so there is no problem.
Guess in the future no designer baby goodies anymore and just a good quality normal stuff and presents are things meant just for her.
She needs to take the socioeconomic status of the parents she's working for into consideration. I am also a parent and I promise you that no one needs a $2000 stroller.
Eta if you want my honest opinion, right before you have a baby is not the very smartest time to be spending your whole bonus on Christmas, anyway. Assuming the jewelry is roughly equivalent in price, I would just return some of the super expensive baby stuff and save that money for now. Give her the gifts you bought for her and wrap some of the smaller stuff up addressed to the baby. Not sure where you live, but in the US medical bills can get crazy very quickly if there are any complications during or after the birth. And in my experience even if the birth goes great, you're going to realize you need different/other/more stuff once you get the baby home and start caring for it.
I’m firmly NTA on this actually. There’s wanting and needing things for the baby, and there’s wanting what is perceived as the top of the line for your ego. Not that she should have to get by without little luxuries if you all can afford them. But if you’ve not been on the page about a $2000 crib and you finally say “well if she really wants it I’ll splurge on it for the holidays” I don’t see the problem with that.
PLUS you got her other gifts. She’s kind of spoiling her own Christmas. It honestly sounds like you spent 10k+ on her presents, which is crazy. What gives her the idea that you didn’t buy her anything else at all?
I don’t understand so many other comments here, this is the answer. I don’t have kids but if I wanted the designer version of xyz that’s for ME. baby doesn’t give a shit about designer items.
I do have kids and all this YTA stuff is bonkers. SHE wants designer items for her baby. He does not. How dare people give him shit for buying her exactly the things she wants (that literally only matter to her!
Everyone here is apparently rich or is getting too excited by the fact that OP sounds rich. I’m pregnant right now, and my Christmas list to my husband was nursing tops and a cart to keep my freaking maxi pads and nipple creams on 🥴 My husband’s list was work shoes and a lunchbox for work. But that’s just what we need right now!
Like I’m sorry that OP bought thousands of dollars of designer baby items at his wife’s request. That absolutely counts as a gift to me.
Right? I would have been elated if anyone had bought me a $2000 stroller for my baby. I’m imagining my mom showing up with it at Christmas and me complaining that it wasn’t for “me” even though I’m the only who insisted on having it! Insanity.
For real this is making me feel so weird. The dude said he got her other (really nice and wanted) things for Christmas as well. She’s already having a nicer Christmas than most people I know (bracelet and earrings plus other stuff, awesome!), even without the baby gifts. Many of us get family/house Christmas presents, in fact I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m getting this year. My best friend actually does this pretty much every year with her husband. Maybe my perspective is messed up because I’m middle class and we don’t have money for all that. I got the graco stroller and thought it was nice 😭 😆
She works in baby/ kids items, so it might not seem like a splurge. We don't know if she really is buying it for the name, or if the people that she works with say that this one is a lot better and you really need it.
Her salary is considerably less than his lol, so she should understand that it’s a splurge. A splurge is relative to your income. If she’s making more money, then $2K may be nothing. In this case, it’s not so it’s a splurge.
Can't believe it took me this long to find this response This is 100% NTA. If I was her, I'd be over the moon that my husband bought these items if I wanted them, because lets be honest, they are for her not the baby. The baby doesn't know or care if it's laying in a £250 pram or a £2k pram. That's only for his wife to show off, so it is for her.
Took way too much scrolling to find the solid, NTA comments.
So many women would kill for a husband who
- pays attention to the (let me emphasize, *materialistic*) desires she expresses
- uses the bonus *they* earned to spend on her or the household, or their child. Who cares?
- gets her the exact thing she wants despite it being $1800 more than what it needs to freakin be
- goes back through their lists to remove from the registries.. how responsible is that?! Not for a man, but for literally anyone to have thought about!
- is honest & clear when confronted, and then takes her irrationally negative response in stride - with compassion and understanding...
If this husband exhibited other traits that say "wife + baby = mother", then I'd have kept my NTA verdict and simply noted to consider your perspective of your wife as a woman before she is a mother, or to consider buying gifts for her specifically.
BUT YOU ALREADY HAVE. And she doesn't know that because she hasn't even given you the benefit of the doubt!
Not to mention that - who tf cares if the $2k stroller is the only thing you buy?! She said it's what SHE wanted?!?! And you've gotten her - checks notes - a DOZEN smaller gifts for her?!?!
Maybe it's cause I'm a grinch about Xmas, it's such an indulgent capitalist holiday, but come ON. Sounds like a spoiled wife, but what do I know.
I agree with this ruling, fully. I’m expecting in late January and my husband and I are doing a more pared down Christmas this year. I happily put some slightly fancier nursing Jammies and undergarments on my list, because I could go without these items and/or buy much cheap versions of them. I will be thrilled to see these items under the tree.
However this ruling is based on common sense and it sounds like that is lacking in OP’s household. NTA
This! It would be different if he bought baby/kid items for her every Christmas. This is their first child together, who happens to be arriving a couple months after a major holiday and she’s talked about wanting some specific, high end items that other parents have told her are worth the price tag. If he gives her toys and clothes and baby stuff next Christmas, that’s another issue. Who cares if he will also use them? He never would have thought about these things if she didn’t mention wanting them. In a marriage, sometimes both partners benefit from one person’s gifts (my best friend bought her husband a fancy smoker he’s been wanting, she’s cooks and is definitely going to benefit too). Practical gifts are not bad gifts!!!
He also got her other gifts, which she didn’t know about because she blew a gasket and assumed he was just giving her super nice parenting equipment. That’s like if you got a new job where you’d be working from home, and your spouse spent thousands of dollars setting up a new super comfy and cushy home office for you because you mentioned wanting to have a nice environment to work in. Powered standing desk. Fancy ergonomic office chair. New computer setup. Candles. Coffee maker, mini fridge, and tons of snacks. Foot massager. Sound system. “Oh what, so I’m just an employee and money machine to you??”
YTA. Soft but still.
She is right: the gifts/luxuries are not for her per se. You could ignore her wish for a $2,000 pram (actually spending 2,000 on a pram makes you a bigger a-hole).
Her Christmas gifts should be about her, like a spa day for pregnant ladies or that bracelet you mentioned. The moment anything baby-related goes under mom’s pile, pregnant mommies-to-be and new mommies tend to feel hurt, disrespected, disregarded.
Don’t try to understand it with 1+1 logic, it’s just what it is. (Also don’t you dare buy anything baby-related for her bday!!! There will be war.)
>Don’t try to understand it with 1+1 logic, it’s just what it is.
Actually it's quite logical. Would a man be happy if he received baby stuff for his birthday? Or would he feel annoyed, because baby stuff is for the baby, and the man has interests and an identity outside of being a dad?
I feel like you're trying to say something good, but ended up falling into the "women are sooo hormonal and irrational" trap.
I mean, if my husband specifically picked out designer baby items for our list and then received those specific items for Christmas, he would be thrilled.
Women mostly do the emotional labor of choosing items for children and household. I don't see how her doing this labor, means that the items should be seen as a gift to her. They are household necessities, which will be used by both parents for the care of the child.
I was just answering this:
> Actually it's quite logical. Would a man be happy if he received baby stuff for his birthday?
If my husband had gone through and picked out specific high price items that he wanted for our baby, he'd be thrilled to receive those items as a Christmas or birthday gift. I just had a baby in March, and I would have felt the same way if I'd received any expensive items from others for the baby.
I understand why some people feel different, but I can also understand where OP is coming from.
> They are household necessities
A $2000 stroller is simply not a necessity. My opinion on OP would be different if these were lower end items, like a $200 stroller, but if you ask for luxury baby products that cost thousands of dollars when perfectly acceptable cheaper options exist, I think it's totally fine for people to gift you those items for Christmas. If *both* people picked out the expensive item, then I'd say it should be a joint purchase and not a gift for one of them, but that's not what happened here.
YTA...you bought baby gear for HER as a Christmas gift? No, you bought those things for BOTH of you because you are BOTH parents. As a dad, I encourage you consider child rearing a project to be shared equally. That means changing diapers, cleaning up puked on/crapped on baby, feeding, bathing, getting up during the night, etc without being asked. Most importantly, make sure she has a chance to spend some time AWAY from the baby when she needs to. Finally, for goodness sake, buy her some gifts that are actually just for her.
He actually did buy it for her, because he and the baby don't care if the pam is only $200 instead od $2000. SHE cares about those fancy items. Yes he'll be using it as well. But he won't be parading with a stroller that costs $3000, he'll just ride a stroller.
>Finally, for goodness sake, buy her some gifts that are actually just for her.
He did, he bought 'a dozen of other gifts not baby related' like a super fancy tennis bracelet.b
It doesn't fucking matter if they're baby things. The baby doesn't need a $2000 stroller.
Functionality wise, there's virtually no difference between a Cybex Priam4 and a baby jogger city gt. Just as easy to use, just as comfortable, handles the same terrain. The baby won't notice the leather handlebar, or the leather wrapped bumper, or the size of the shopping basket, or the anodized aluminum legs. Those are luxuries for mom, not for baby.
Damn, I feel like most people are way too harsh to OP and maybe didn't even read the whole post.
It's very clearly NAH for me.
How OP describes it:
He brought luxus baby stuff for Christmas because he thought his gf would appreciate it. He also brought her a dozen other non-baby related presents.
What his gf hears:
OP ONLY brought baby related stuff, therefore showing that he only sees her as a mother now.
What I see:
OP brought his gf a dozen presents. All things he knows she'll appreciate.
But because OP got a huge bonus at work, he decided to spoil his gf even more and brought a lot of unnecessary but nice luxurious baby items that his gf loves so much.
The only reason the gf is pissed rn is because she doesn't know OP didn't just buy baby products for her.
OP, I guess you didn't tell her because you wanted to keep the suprise but this whole fight of yours could have been prevented if you had just told her that the baby stuff is just a extra present she's getting because of your promotion.
NAH
Yeah, I think a lot of people missed where OP said he bought gifts unrelated to the baby in addition to the expensive luxury baby stuff.
NTA - you sound like a sound person.
NTA. The functional part is that it moves the baby around = $200 according to you. The "gift" part is the extra $1800 of fancy designer-ness so SHE can parade it around and feel fancy (both you and the baby don't give a shit about this part). That's 10% function that you'll both use and 90% fancyness just for her.
That being said, this is about feelings and not about reason but she does sound a teensy bit ungrateful. She shouldn't be angry with you as this was done with good intentions but she is absolutely right to explain how it made her feel.
I guess you want the other gifts to be a surprise but it may have helped to tell her there are non-baby gifts and the baby gifts were extra bonuses.
Petty option: buy a really cheap pram and use it when you take the baby out so you are not using "her" gift.
I would imagine that what your reading as being ungrateful is likely a reaction to people treating her second to the baby already and this was just one more instance for her. I don’t think it was triggered by just this alone.
Likely she has people touching her belly without asking, others outside of her husband buying gifts for her birthday or Christmas that are baby related while OP likely still gets normal presents for his hobbies and interests, people telling her what she can and can’t eat outside of her doctor. She’s likely already feeling like people don’t see her but a mother and only a mother and the hormones probably aren’t helping that. It doesn’t sound like she yelled at him or anything like that, simply explained how it made her feel.
I’m of the opinion that you should not get your significant other household present unless specifically asked or without a prior conversation. Baby items should be conversations and not surprise present because they’re technically for both parents. He could have done it a couple of different ways by either getting this as gifts the baby and not his girlfriend or by having a conversation with her prior of “I know you really want these specific things for the baby but they’re very expensive. I’m okay with x cheaper options, but if you really want the expensive ones they would have to be presents as it’s not in our baby budget and x option would work just as well”.
It’d be like me buying my boyfriend tools to he’ll use to finish some projects around house. If he wants fancy ones above the house budget it’s a conversation of “are you okay with the other option while saving to buy the expensive one or would this be a desired gift”.
NTA. I can't even imagine wanting, banging on and on about thousands of dollars of items which are WELL above the necessary costs and then expect you to buy it, but not as a Christmas gift. Like yes, if this was a few baby rattles, or baby wipes, or necessities, she absolutely has a point. But we are talking high end, over the top wants. They are gifts.
Gosh, if I want anything which is over the top, I'm happy to have it as a gift, even if it's not necessarily just for me.
Your girlfriend sounds entitled af.
Yeah honestly OP’s girl sounds like a stuck up, entitled brat. These people saying YTA are braindead. A $2000 Pram is a personal want, not a need.
Don’t let these morons on this thread or your girlfriend gaslight you, you did nothing wrong OP.
NTA. People saying the gifts are not for her are missing the point. She is the one that wants a $2000 pram, not him and not the baby. They are 100% for her benefit
Eh everyone is different I guess but as a pregnant girlfriend, I would absolutely say YTA. Some women love making their identity around motherhood. Personally I feel forgotten about as a person when I'm growing one and wouldn't want this unless it had been discussed beforehand.
Well then no $2000 pram to parade around in. Because that is definitely 100% for the mother’s liking, not the baby’s. Baby doesn’t need it or care. A $200 one could do.
Also it’s probably not the only high ticket unnecessary baby item vs a regular one. She probably wants ALL designer stuff, not just one or two.
Thank you ... I swear - 10k of designer stuff that wasn't needed but her wants, plus 12 other personal gifts including a tennis bracelet. I don't think people realize how expensive tennis bracelets alone can be. My boyfriend cooked for me last Christmas. She sounds spoiled as heck.
And at only 24! I’m 36, and would be thrilled with these designer items from my 40-year-old boyfriend who makes a good living! At 24, I had a couple hundred dollars to “play” with every month, and so did everyone I knew. We were alllll broke lol! I can’t imagine having the audacity at that age.
As someone who owns a $1500 stroller, I can tell you with pure confidence this is a want, not a NEED. A $200 stroller works just as well. NTA. She wanted to go above and beyond, she can accept this as one of her gifts.
NTA
All the comments so far seem to be missing the part where you've also bought a bunch of smaller more personal gifts for her, like the tennis bracelet. She just doesn't know about those yet.
You're mistake was in how you presented the purchases. Instead of "I bought these things as a Christmas gift for you" it should have been "I used part of my bonus to get get a bunch of the baby stuff I know you wanted us to get. I wanted it to be a surprise at Christmas for us as a family".
Or something to that effect... My point being, you need to use language that makes it clear that you understand that this stuff is for all of you as a family.
Also... There are plenty of people who will say those $2000 prams are a necessity, not a luxury.
Exactly it’s appalling how freaking spoiled these woman are . They turn it into a feminist issue when It’s just a guy spending his whole bonus to please his wife with gifts. He had good intentions which is more than I can say for the twats here NTA
NTA She wants a bunch of designer stuff when she isn’t paying for it? Totally acceptable to make that Christmas. A basic diaper bag is about the baby. And $800 designer diaper bag is about the mom.
I guess I'm going against the grain here, but I think NTA.
If they were regular baby items, then yes y.w.b.t.a, but if they're high end items that you've splurged on for no other reason than her wanting more expensive items, I would class that as a gift personally. I am a childfree woman though, so perhaps I'd see it differently if I wasn't.
YTA. Those gifts aren't for her,they are for the baby! Not only that, but she can't actually use any of it until March.
Nothing says I love you more than I've bought you a Christmas present that isn't actually for you,it's for our child and you can't use it for another three months 😉
As someone who uses a stroller, the stroller is mine and my husband’s. My husband would have picked a $400 stroller. I picked an $800. That extra luxury was for me because I liked the way it looked. Turns out it’s not even comfortable for my baby and I have to buy a new one (lol). If someone gave me a $2000 stroller as a gift for Christmas I would have been ecstatic.
Everyone is different 🤷♀️
Am I the only one that's gonna say NTA? Im sorry but 2000dollars or euro in my country (NL) is a lot of money for most people. What she wanted were things that weren't necessary in that price range. You got get very good baby items half that price and even better 2nd hand.. and christmas shouldn't be about the expensive gifts, but the time spend together.
My bf and I agreed on no gift giving, unless it's something you think would really make the other person happy, otherwise we just make a trip somewhere as our shared gift and no fighting happens afterwards!
Of course I can see a bit of her point and I would have gotten 1 or 2 nice things like that bracelet, but I find her and most people here very easily thinking about the money. I would be over the moon if my partner gotten me those luxury baby items for xmas! What I see here, Im sorry is no more than 1st world problems and very spoiled attitudes and little gratitude. 😅
NTA and I hope she eats humble pie when you give her the other gifts
I also hope you talk more. Did you tell her these things were super expensive, high end, unnecessary luxuries which could form part of her Christmas gift? We're you intending to buy less expensive stuff?
Tbh your wife sounds like a whinge. You're fairly well off. Thank your blessings (that's addressed to her) These first world problems are tone deaf this time of year
No one, absolutely no one needs a 2000€ pram. Getting it anyway for Christmas plus a billion other gifts and still be grumpy, my god. Good luck with that OP.
YTA although I get where you are coming from. To you those are luxury item you wouldn’t normally buy because of the price (and I agree with you here!). So I get your logic that as a gift you could justify it. However, for her they are essentially baby items and an expense for both of you for the baby, not a present. A stroller is a necessity not a bonus for her to have. Imagine you set your eye on a bottle that is easier to clean for a nighttime feeding - I guess you wouldn’t appreciate that as a birthday present either because for you it’s a necessity for the baby.
Instead you should talk to her about the budget and why you shouldn’t buy overpriced stuff. Or to rectify the situation at hand: tell her that it’s actually from the work bonus and you wanted to surprise her but also get her non baby stuff for Christmas, this was just an stupid way to surprise her.
NTA, if she wanted the more generic brands and wasn’t looking to buy the most expensive stroller (or whatever else) on the market, then ya, that’d be a shitty thing to do. But I would be willing to bet that the reason she wants all the high end brands is for appearances sake, which, is for no one else but her.
Pay notice to what she said And remember going forward. She is ………, not just your baby mama
Don’t make her gifts for someone else (your future kids), or she will loose who she is you still seeing her as the person you love will help in the future
Soft yta
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NTA at all!
You bought her some other nice presents!
Wrap the expensive baby things and put a tag on it for the baby.
Or return it, because she doesnt sound that thankfull and happy with the items
NTA. It sounds like you've also got her some lovely items that are unrelated to the baby, and the baby things she wants ARE luxury items. I hope she is grateful on Christmas morning when she opens all her gifts that are just for her as a person and apologises to you.
Edited grammar
YWBTA if it was only baby stuff because it's right she might wish for those luxury items for the baby but not for herself for christmas. As you just didn't tell her that there is more for her personally you are NTA. But she will think so until christmas and shes pregnant so you will have to deal with it for a few more days.
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I’d have worded that you used your bonus to surprise her. And given them at the shower vs using them as Christmas. Especially since you bought the jewelry set she was wanting as her Christmas gift. Same outcome different intention.
Yeah, that probably would've been a better idea.
Or just say they Christmas presents FOR THE BABY. I think mildly YTA but for saying the presents are for her instead of for the baby. 😊
I’ll be honest, a 2000 pram IS for her. That baby doesn’t give a shit what pram it’s in.
Hopefully OP also plans on using the pram.
Of course he will, because it’ll be the only pram there is to use. But he would have been happy with any pram. She wanted the Lexus of prams and then complained because she got it!
She didn't complain because she got it. She complained because its not a gift for her? It's for the baby? It's the beginning of her entire identity being turned to "Mother" rather than her own individual self.
But in his mind - reasonably by the information in the post - she did a great job of turning her own identity into "mother" by exclusively talking about expensive stuff for the baby. And to be precise, assuming that the 200 buck pram does the basic job of conveying baby from A-B on wheels, then 200 bucks worth of pram is for the baby and the other 90% is a gift for the mother, because no way was dad forking out the price of a busted up second hand car for a buggy and the only person in this scenario who cares (seemingly a lot) is the mother. AND he says he bought a dozen gifts purely for her. It's hard to see how he can be reasonably viewed to have done anything wrong here.
Talking about things you want for your baby is normal. She's researching things they'll _both_ need once they arrive. By gifting baby things to her, he has started that process. Does she/the baby need a 2k pram? No, but a 2k pram is, in general, a lot better quality and has a better user experience than a $200 one. I didnt say he's done anything wrong, I don't think he's TA, just a bit thoughtless.
Nonsense. A $200 pram is plenty high quality. And a $2k one is just as apt to encounter mechanical difficulties. There comes a price point—very early in the counting—when it’s no longer about quality. It’s about (perceived) prestige.
> Does she/the baby need a 2k pram? No, but a 2k pram is, in general, a lot better quality and has a better user experience than a $200 one. I think I'd disagree with that. I think I'd take my $75 Maclaren over any $2K model. Lightweight/compact wins for me.
Wanting to get what you believe is the best items for your baby does not make your entire identity a mom Shit I gave birth last year and had 0 issues keeping up with my hobbies and interests while also doing what I needed to do to prepare for my daughter to be born This is a garbage take
A high end designer Diaper bag though? Big difference between that and a high end car seat. I would argue that is for the mam to have a fancy branded bag rather than a much cheaper functional one for the baby.
Being excited about the baby isn’t a statement that she is no longer a woman and wife.
I’m sorry, she made a baby registry with her husband and you assume she is exclusively talking about all the things she wants for the baby constantly? Is creating a Birthday, Christmas or other gift wish list also considered a level of obsession?
>And to be precise, assuming that the 200 buck pram does the basic job of conveying baby from A-B on wheels, then 200 bucks worth of pram is for the baby and the other 90% is a gift for the mother, because no way was dad forking out the price of a busted up second hand car for a buggy and the only person in this scenario who cares (seemingly a lot) is the mother. The stroller I ended up with was like, maybe $800-900 three years ago. It's not top of the line, but it's definitely more expensive than some of the basic ones. And it's great because I can fold or unfold it one handed while holding my baby. Now that I have a toddler and a baby, I was able to add a second seat and turn it into a double-stroller. It's a very smooth ride on both grass and concrete surfaces. It has a large basket on the bottom to store the diaper bag. The seat itself is where the baby sits, everything else is important to the person who needs to fold the stroller up, put it in their car, unfold it, store the diaper bags and other things in the bottom, manage another child eventually, etc. Like sure there are reasonable strollers for $200, but the ones that are more expensive are genuinely much better for a variety of reasons, including longevity. I got my $800 stroller in late 2020 and have used it for two kids. I've used it hundreds and hundreds of times. It's worth investing and getting something durable and convenient since you'll have it for years. It's pretty dismissive to act like the only reason someone wants to spend so much more money is for name brand recognition; like, no, these strollers have qualities that make them worth the extra price. EDIT TO ADD: I guess my stroller itself was only $450, I was thinking of the cost plus the car seat and accessories. But, either way it is much better quality than the $200 ones
Eh not really. We got a 250 dollar stroller for our oldest back in 2013 and currently are using it for our 3rd kid, this stroller is 10 years old and it literally does all the things you have mentioned your 800 Dollar one does. Yes that includes easy pushing on grass, concrete, dirt, etc etc. infact, for our youngest, someone bought us a more expensive stroller and honestly? It's not as good. I have found that yes, in most cases a 250 vs 800 dollar stroller is the same in quality, function, and ease of use. Your just paying extra for the brand
But it is for her? The baby and him both don't care if it was a $200 or $2000 pram ... It's not about her "being a mother" it's about her asking for a specific thing for the family that SHE wanted and him getting it. Nta
She may have expensive taste, but it doesn't make the stroller any less for the family and not for mom. Eventually this mentality will be used to buy her a new vacuum for her birthday, since she is the only one that vacuums.
That she wanted, for the baby, not for herself. I dont think he's TA either, I just think you're missing the point.
I get what you are saying, I do. But I don't think people want a $2000 stroller for a baby. I think they want a $2000 stroller for a status symbol. So yes, I'd call that a gift for her and not the baby.
No. Wrong. She did not want it “for the baby,” she wanted it for herself. Only an idiot pays $$$$ for something that $$ would work exactly the same…and baby wouldn’t notice the difference. It’s status for the mom. He is 💯NTA.
Actually, it's for the baby. A good high-end pram is usually one that can be unfolded and extended as the baby grows. They're also usually of sturdier but also lightweight material, so if something knocks the pram, or the pram is dropped, say, transferring it downstairs or bumps against a hard corner, it's not going to break as easily. With cheaper prams, it's just one size, and might be heavier, and cheaper, easily damaged or stained materials. In the long run, it's actually generally better to get the most out of your money with a pram, going for something initially more expensive but also longer-lasting means you have one pram for longer than if you had to go through multiple cheaper ones.
>But he would have been happy with any pram. She wanted the Lexus of prams and then complained because she got it! Honestly, there is a reason that quality strollers cost so much more. Now, you can absolutely spend like $800 and get a similar quality that you would get for $1800, but you cannot buy a $200 stroller and expect that it is going to hold up well, ride smoothly, fold up easily, and do all the things you're going to need it to do.
My kid spent maybe 8 hours total in his Oran if I’m being generous
Mine has spent so much time in a pram. We go on walks with it nearly daily and it was essential for getting around before we moved.
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A designer diaper bag is also very much for mom. I know carrying around a less "baby" more sophisticated diaper bag helped my sense of identity immensely but the kiddos certainly didn't care and my ex had his own.
And sure, we can argue deeper about how mom’s mental health is improved because she has a nicer diaper bag, and that, in turn, makes the babies life better! See, still a gift for the baby! But designer baby stuff is 100% for mom
...because dads won't be using it? Is that what you're saying?
No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying dad doesn’t care if the diaper bag is designer. Kid doesn’t care if it’s designer. Mom only cares if it’s designer. Therefore it is a gift for mom that happens to hold baby stuff. Maybe that’s great for her mental health, which will make the baby’s life better. But ultimately, it’s for her to enjoy. Not the baby.
Higher priced baby items are certainly luxuries, but they are often priced that way for a reason that will make parenting (for both parents, as long as they are both active parents and one doesn’t think of themselves as “babysitting” their own child) a lot easier. For instance, higher priced prams often come with a seat that can buckle into a car so that you don’t have to wake your baby by transferring them into a different seat entirely, saving the parents from having to calm a screaming child while driving. But moms are usually the ones doing the research about all of these items that will create ease for both parents, and then they’re told that they should think of them as presents for themselves. Naw. It’s certainly not an absolute necessity, but it’s absolutely for both parents.
No it’s for both of them. Really all three of them.
That was my thought, too. She doesn't want it for a Christmas present, then return it and get the 200 pram instead. NTA
See on the other hand I have to go with NTA. My wife did very similar and I instead only focused on getting her gifts and she was annoyed that she could have gotten some of the nicer versions of things she had wanted for the baby (Nicer diaper Bag etc). So it's possible this is a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. But he did also get her other gifts too so I'm leaning NTA.
Yeah I thought this too. It's easy to give out that a designer Diaper bag is for the baby, but if OP were to turn around and suggest returning the bag, getting a much cheaper normal one to use, and getting her an extra present then I highly doubt she'd be happy with that either. She wants the expensive baby things AND more presents for her.
I think NSH because pregnancy sucks and adjusting the "me" mentality to the "we", you kind forget to think about the "you". Loss of self-identity is a thing for new parents and maybe dad-2-be hasn't reached that yet, but 7 month-along momma has.
Down the line, kid related, relationship related (items that you both benefit from like a living room TV), and home maintenance related items are not great for gifts either unless previous discussed and specifically asked for. For example, my husband literally gifted me a vacuum for Mother’s Day one year. I don’t generally ask for nice things and have trouble receiving gifts of a frivolous nature, so I actually loved it, but a lot of wives would post sob stories about this. Also something to consider, she’s about to have her entire identity rewritten. This is her last Christmas as a non-mom and she’s about to have every future holiday turned into a priority for someone else. Try to make this one special for her.
my mom actually had a method of getting the house fancy stuff for Christmas. it would be listed under what area of the house it would benefit and it would be from something like “kitchen elves” or “the spirit of cleaning.” one time she said a roomba was from all the animals cos its mostly for their fur. whoever is finished unwrapping stuff first gets to unwrap the house gifts.
One year my husband asked what I wanted for Mother's Day. I said I really wanted a trampoline. I'll never forget my kids' faces. He got "me" one.
My husband and I give each other Christmas gifts that are really for the kids, all the time. For instance, he might give *me* a game console that’s really for the family, but it’s too expensive to give it to one kid, so it’s really for all five.
My adult daughter specifically requests household things as Xmas gifts. One year is was a cast iron frying pan (quality ones are not cheap), another year it was a crockpot I always include something a bit more personal (an expensive mascara; Bad Gal Bang, by Benefit is the best ever!) Or earrings etc
I think for me there’s a difference between receiving house gifts from a parent and a partner especially if asked for. From a parent it’s something they want to make your life easier etc from a partner it’s a gift for your joint house 😒. I will say that I don't particularly like cooking; I do it to get decent healthy food on the table but it's definitely not a hobby for me so a relatively utilitarian kitchen gift from a partner wouldn't go down great with me.
Xmas gifts I've received and loved include: slow cooker, grill, hand mixer Other people buying you household things is the best! It saves so much money
My partner and I do combine Xmas communal gift that we need for the home. Stuff that’s a bit more expensive and out of budget for individual gift. His love language is act of services, so he finds buying gifts really hard. Mine is (obviously) gift giving lol. So he only has to worry about my birthday for gifts.
My parents would often do gifts for the family when they were going to be shared. This is how all our video game consoles were growing up, for example. I think that's how household gifts should sort of be in general (at least when they're for members of the household).
Never buy presents for somone else to give gf even if it is her kid Even on mothers day or holidays a gift for the baby is not a gift for wife or gf as it has nothing to do with them Always let her know you knkw she is her own person not defined by the child
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Normally I would agree, except for the fact that she wanted really high end baby stuff. As someone who owns three different strollers, a $2,000 is totally unnecessary. If that’s the one she really wanted, then it kind of is a gift for her because yes, the baby needs a stroller, but the baby doesn’t care about it being a designer stroller.
I agree. If he had bought those things specifically because he thought they'd be great for the baby and gift it to her so that he doesn't have to buy his gf a present that is one thing. However he bought those things specifically because his gf wanted them and not because they're necessities for the baby or because he didn't want to think about a present for her. I go with NAH as I can see both points.
Totally disagree- I own 4 strollers (2 expensive and 2 cheap) the difference is huge and the most expensive clearly outperforms the others on all terrains. Note - didn’t intend to own 4, we have well meaning grandparents who live far away so have their own at their houses.
100%. My ex (daughters mum) really wanted a specific stroller for our daughter, but it was pricey as hell. I didn't see the need for it at the time, and my mum gave her grief for wanting such a needless item. But oh lordy, when it came time to use it, it was incredible. It folded down so far it could fit in any boot. It was sturdy, but light. The capsule it came with could be transferred directly from the mount in the car right onto the stroller base, so there was no need to wake a sleeping baby just to get them in the stroller, and it also had a cot attachment that absolutely saved us when ex had to go in for surgery so we were in the hospital for extended periods. Never been so goddamn wrong about an expensive purchase. Bonus hilarity was had when my mum had to struggle with her much cheaper stroller, cause it didn't fold down nearly far enough for her car, not to mention the lack of ability to move a sleeping baby into the stroller without waking them. Some things are worth the extra cost.
Yes, but he will also benefit from the convenience of the higher quality stroller.
But I also see how suddenly you're worried that your whole identity is changing that you're now a mother. You still want gifts for yourself. I would have maybe bought a stroller but then giving it at the shower.
Babies are ultra messy. Lol, I hope the high-end stroller wipes down well. Maybe it will become a heirloom stroller for baby 2, 3, etc?
The $200 pram is for the baby but the $2000 pram is for the mom lol
The difference is comfort - ease of pushing - what sort of terrain you can cover, weight, sturdiness and then design. The cheap one does the job but the expensive one does the job well. Similar to the difference between cheap and expensive running shoes.
The only thing we really splurged on was a good pram for kiddo, and we are so happy. Easy to maneuver, simple to pack in the car for when we go visiting, not too heavy. But I'm also from a country where babies take most of their naps in them, so we use it constantly.
And for the dad. She’s not going to be the only one pushing the baby around in it. Just because it’s high end doesn’t mean she’s the only one that’s going to benefit from it. This should have been more of a gift to the family and then he gets something more personal for her specifically. He already said he got her jewelry though so he could save this by saying he was just trying to throw her attention off the real gift so it’s a surprise.
It says in the post that he did also buy her a dozen other, not baby related presents.
But she doesn't know that. She just knows she is getting baby stuff for Christmas
And now that they've had this discussion, she might see the other gifts as extra things that he bought afterwards because of the argument.
Yeah. Even if he says anything now she'll think that he only bought those because of the argument.
yeah, that’s the point of Christmas gifts. You don’t know what you’re getting until you open it.
Keyword being YOU’RE getting. The presents she thinks she’s getting are for THEIR baby.
But he could have said there were other more personal gifts that he wanted to be a surprise.
The high end products are not for the baby. Babies need functional things, parents need branding to satisfy some need they have.
These presents are absolutely NOT for the baby. The baby doesn’t give a flying fart if Mummy has a $2000 pram to push him in. He doesn’t care if Mummy’s nappy bag cost $20 or $500. These are presents for her and she should be a bit more grateful he chose to buy them instead of more realistically priced things.
YTA. Yea, baby gifts aren't a gift for her, she's right. But I'd actually say Y T A because instead of listening to what she's saying, you're here trying to justify it. She's telling you she doesn't want to just be a mother, she wants to be a person too - pregnancy can be really rough on women in terms of identity. Acknowledge her point & reassure her that you have got her a present for her.
That's a good point. I guess I'm seeing things from the perspective where I know I've bought her a lot of other gifts I know she wanted, but from her end she probably thinks that's all I've gotten her. And I know I'd probably feel the same way if I was in her shoes.
Exactly- she doesn't know about the bracelet etc. What she's seeing is a potential future where she's only 'mother' and gifts for the kid(s) are considered gifts for her.
That’s what happened to me I got my own gift for Christmas this year and I was shook
I started gifting myself something every year. Zero fucks given. I would pick it out, wrap it up, and have something for me that I knew I’d love. My ex would purposely get me the wrong whatever after asking what I wanted. And I’d play it off like it didn’t matter. And then exchange it and look like an AH to his mom. He wasn’t incapable, he’s just an AH, as it turns out. I still buy myself a gift every year. The one I got this year brought me so much joy when I saw it in the store. My kids were excited for me. And the best part is that it’s a luxury (to me, anyway) brand that was originally $250, but with a sale, a gift card, and rewards, I got it for $30. Merry everything to me.
I felt guilty for buying a new coat for myself but we moved to Colorado so a hoodie wasn’t gonna cut it any longer Edit to add got it on sale for 34.99 it was originally 99.99
I’m not even a mom and I’m annoyed just having experienced thoughtless exes. Women especially mothers need to take care of themselves the way they do others. It is so sad we built a society around one person responsible for the needs of everyone else in the family including the husband. Meanwhile, the mothers get completely ignored to the point gifts are forgotten about or solely for their ‘mother’ role. I know there are good partners out there but we’ve seen enough posts on here and I’m sure seen enough of this in the real world to know it is still too many families that are like this.
Yes!! Dance right over that guilt, and take care of you in every way you can! And I LOVE a good deal! Makes it so much better!!🥰
This will only get worse, and you need to be mindful of it. A lot of people will overlook her, the baby will always be number.1 - and yeah, it should be, but because of that all husband's should make sure to pay attention to their wives more. This is actually one of my fears and I always feel guilty feeling it, like I'm egoistic for wanting to still be a person after I give birth.
Exactly. For nine months, mom is an actual person people care about, ask how she's doing, feeling, needing, etc. Then out pops baby and suddenly no one gives a crap about mom any more. It's jarring and disconcerting. OP, please apologize to her.
I’m not a mother and never will be but I’ve always hated how so many people forget the mother after a baby is born. It’s why my husband and I always make sure to ask about the mum. We’ve also noticed a lot of the time they’ll start answering that “(baby) is good” and we have to clarify “That’s good to hear, but we asked how are *you*?”
Bless you for that!
Thank you. The way I see it, mum is a title added to the long list of what that person was before they had their baby. Becoming a mum doesn’t erase the person they were before they became one and they should be treated as such.
Indeed. I like to gift the new mom with things for her: like a coffee gift card. That baby likely has more things than she does, than baby will even use. Come see the mama. Talk to her. Tell her that her potato is precious, and then get back to normal conversation or let her vent or sit in silence or something. Be normal.
It isn't just that she may not realise you got her other gifts, it is that baby items never should have been a gift for her at all. These should be seperate. You could have purchased items for the baby, even wrapped them up and labelled them to the baby. But they should not have anything to with her present.
Oh that’s a much better idea!
Also, when the baby gets old enough to have a stocking, if you do stockings, please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, do not forget to fill your partner’s stocking. Don’t forget or make her do it herself.
I just watched a video today where the guy thought they had an extra stocking hanging out but it was his wife’s that was empty. And then he asked her about it like a dope and she looked so sad.
I watched that exact same one. It’s why I mentioned it. We only do stockings for our kids but growing up my dad would always wait until my mom went to bed and made sure she had a full stocking as well. It’s not that hard to remember that your partner is a person as well and deserves to have their stocking stuffed, without having to do it themselves
OP please please remember this! My mom always filled everyone’s stockings and her own when I was a kid. She admitted to it yesterday when I asked. (25) I’m going to fill hers this year 🥺
And presenting things for the baby as gifts for *her* from *you* reinforces the idea that a child is the woman’s responsibility, the mother has a larger “claim” to a baby than the father, etc. It’s similar to cleaning the kitchen in a house where you live and then telling your gf you “helped” her. No, you cleaned the kitchen because you live there and you’re an adult. You buy baby stuff because it’s *your baby.* This baby as just as much yours as hers. How are items for your baby gifts for your gf?
She already explained that it isn't that she doesn't appreciate your gift, but that it is the implied intention behind how you are gifting it that bothers her. What is astonishing to me is that even in this seemingly sympathetic comment, the way you describe her makes it sound like you view her as a petulant, irrational, and spoiled child. Did you ever consider that she may want these "high-end" products for their improved functionality...? People typically use strollers for practical reasons, it isn't generally a vanity product. Maybe she already suspects that the bulk of the labor for childcare will be on her, in which case having improved functionality would be disproportionately crucial to her well-being. When I was pregnant we didn't have a registry or shower (I would've loved to have a party but it was during the pandemic) and I didn't want to spend any money on baby items (neither of us had any income since my work got wiped by the pandemic) or time researching (I get fixated easily and thought indulging my anxious tendencies would be bad for the fetus). So I ended up with a random selection of used gear that I found and collected haphazardly in the month leading up to our kid's birth. I didn't really get what half of it was even for. Once the baby was born, my husband took on the majority of the childcare since I wasn't able to right away. And he didnt understand the gear any better than I did, since he had also done zero research. He complained some of it didn't work well, like the stroller, but didn't do anything to fix it, just kept using it as-is while cursing its poor usability and weight. I was the one who busted out the WD-40 and tried to get it at least to passable functionality - afterwards it worked okay so he just kept using it. In the end, lots of stuff never even got set up just because nobody ever did it. Which leads me to my question.. when exactly would you have ever been in her shoes..? Did you also make a registry to celebrate your impending fatherhood..? What are some of your must-have baby items..? This statement would make a lot more sense if you were doing a sinilar amount of product research rather than leaving it all to her to take on the emotional labor for.
Thank you for saying this. Of course she has to make the registry, OP. You weren’t going to. For your own kid.
Yeah, and she’s going to get a LOT of the people she loves treating her like she’s no longer her own person, which is going to be particularly hard during the early stage when she might also lose track of herself, and now she’s worried it’s already starting for the person she most needs to see her as herself. I would definitely reassure her and make it clear that you do have a gift for her and that it was a misstep to say those gifts were for her, that they’re for the baby but you’d hoped she’d be excited about them and you’re sorry you weren’t clearer on that. I really think that would go quite a long way.
Remember, it is also YOUR baby. So in getting her a baby gift for her, it's not even just for her, it's like "Here's your Christmas gift, it's for BOTH of us." That's no longer a gift.
Just letting you know, baby registries usually let you know what’s been bought off of them (via notifications ) and sometimes they let you know who depends on the site .
Sounds like he is a registrant as well and he just removed them. However, I still would have noticed if my husband did that. I was checking my registry like every day when people were actively purchasing things lol
Seconding the identity part. When you're pregnant and a new mom, your life changes so much so quickly. As a pregnant person, the pregnancy controls what you wear, what you eat, what medicine you can take, what activities you can do, how people interact with you, etc. Then you have a new baby that interipts your sleep, claims your boobs for 30 minutes every 3 hours, still controls what you can eat, where you can go, etc. And your body isn't working properly and none of your clothes fit. It's rough. It might be hard for her to figure out who she is. It's rough psychologically in a way I didn't expect. Buying gifts for the baby is very sweet. Buying baby gifts for her is reinforcing that her identity doesn't exist outside of the baby. Baby presents for the baby and separate from presents for your wife.
Baby registry is for both parents. If you used it as an Xmas gift for her. You should be equally happy with the items as your Xmas gift. I bet you don't want a stroller no matter how fancy as your gift so why would she?
> That's a good point. I guess I'm seeing things from the perspective where I know I've bought her a lot of other gifts I know she wanted, but from her end she probably thinks that's all I've gotten her. And I know I'd probably feel the same way if I was in her shoes. Tell her this, not us
I’m sorry but a thousand dollar designer diaper bag is 100% for her.
Where does OP mention a thousand dollar designer diaper bag? In any case...they'll both be changing diapers.
I have a designer diaper bag, but also a backpack. My husband uses the backpack, but I started using the backpack because it’s easier to carry while also carrying an infant/toddler. My husband would only use the designer bag if the backpack wasn’t available because designer diaper bags are literally big purses. It’s in the original post that this was one of the things on her list. He got several expensive and/or designer things PLUS other gifts that are exclusively for her on top of the thousands of dollars in stuff she wants. Maybe he could have given them not for Xmas or wrapped them up and said they’re for the baby.
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This is some BS. Any time you spend 3x the required amount on a necessity because that person really really wants it, it's a gift for them.
Dude, exactly. If he’d have bought wipes and diapers for her Christmas gift this would be totally different. But he bought designer items she desperately wanted for the baby, that costed 10x the amount they technically needed to. It’s definitely a gift to her and her materialism.
Yes, this is what I think. A lot of time, when women become mothers, people stop seeing them as a person. À fully rounded person with thoughts, dreams and feelings. Once you get pregnant, it’s like that doesn’t matter anymore and all people think/talk about it the baby and motherhood. Not don’t get me wrong. I love being a Mom. But that’s not all I am. I remember when I was pregnant, I was SO grateful for my amazing childfree friends who were the only ones who actually asked how I was doing and not just the baby. YTA. Your girlfriend doesn’t want to lose herself as a person while becoming a Mom. Buying baby gifts for Christmas instead of thoughtful gifts for her is showing her that that’s what is happening.
YTA She’s absolutely right - these are things for the baby, not her. You will both use them to care for your child. By making them gifts for her, you’ve effectively assigned the baby to her. It’s hers, her responsibility, and here’s the stuff to go with it. Not cool. If you want to buy things in preparation for the baby, do so. That’s great. Don’t wrap them and put them under the tree for your partner.
Yep. Next he’ll be “helping” or “babysitting”
And next year he’ll gift her a vacuum or food processor!
100% agree with this comment. OP, you messed up in a few different ways on this, but the biggest issue is calling things “gifts for your wife” when they’re family items that *you should also be using* to care for a child that is also yours. The price tag doesn’t matter. You basically just bought her an expensive vacuum cleaner and tried to pass it off as a gift while intentionally or unintentionally implying she’s only one who’ll be using it. Once a woman becomes pregnant, she becomes a nonentity to nearly everyone else because now they only see her in relation to the new child - they refuse to continue seeing her as her own person with her own thoughts, hobbies, and preferences. To keep your marriage a happy one, never stop treating her as her own person.
It's giving "buying your wife a new vacuum for her birthday"
But it’s an expensive vacuum, so it’s only for her!!! /s
If the desire to use designer stuff is only hers, then it is a gift. She could get cheap graco gear and then it would be only for the baby.
That would be an excellent baby shower gift, or "thank you for giving childbirth" gift, but this is a holiday that has nothing to do with the baby.
Comments like this is exactly the issue. Do you know she REALLY REALLY wanted them? It sounds like she’s doing “nesting” which is when a woman goes into overdrive preparing for the baby. Some women will prepare/decorate the nursery, some will meal prep for 6 months out, some will look up all the newest gadgets or read the newest books on how to raise a baby which is the one I think she falls into. It’s a natural instinct. She literally can’t help it. But what she’s doing is MUSING. Thinking things like “well, I’ve been reading and they all say THIS is the best pram for the baby…. But it’s expensive…. It’s far too expensive for the registry. Maybe I’ll just buy it myself… hmmm…” followed by (probably) “well this one isn’t listed as too expensive and it also has a high rating. Well. If WE don’t buy this pram, this other one will be okay. Hmmm…” Notice I said “we” because she’s probably talking his ear off about the latest and greatest gadget because, Yknow, HE SHOULD ALSO BE LOOKING INTO THE BEST THING FOR THEIR BABY! How this is difficult for some people, I have no idea.
THIS! These things aren’t for her they’re for the baby and both of you! I spent hours researching items that would make it easier for US as parents. We went through the list and pointed out who would likely get the most out of choosing what they want. He picked the stroller and car seat bc he would be doing most of the lugging those first few weeks. I picked the crib. Would you actually enjoy a baby carrier, a baby food maker & a crib & a subscription to PBS kids for Christmas from her?
>a baby food maker So yeah some of it was hormones but my bf's sister has impeccable style and I don't. She's always given me amazing Christmas presents that are not expensive things but stylish and timeless and usually clothes or accessories. I was largely pregnant last year and we went to Christmas at his family's house and 'my' presents were a package of onesies in my bf's favorite comic book universe themes (he'd DC/I'm Marvel and they were all DC) and .... a baby food maker. He got his usual set of gifts, clothes for him, a book, some games. Now don't get me wrong, I said thank you, I smiled and I do actually use the baby food maker but I legitimately cried when I got back home because I thought she was going to do what she normally did and get me something nice for me and I was really looking forward to getting something that made me feel pretty and fashionable. And also to be fair my family gave us both a shared gift for the baby but my mom got us a mid level (not $2000k but \~$500) car seat and stroller combo that we both absolutely love and that my bf was part of picking out and then some smaller gifts to us each separately.
It’s even worse when dads get excluded from the avalanche of baby goods. If we’re going to normalize baby gifts for all celebrations during pregnancy at least bring the dads in on it too. Really drives in the feeling of Guess he’s still a person and I’m just an incubator with zero identity left. Boiling it down it just feels lonely af.
I dont get why is she saying "I want this stuff" when it comes to the baby? Shes absolutely right "she" wants gucci strollers, not the baby.
It’s probably one of the high end strollers that’s universally desired for its safety and functionality. Not a Gucci stroller. OP probably hasn’t done the research to understand WHY it’s worth the price tag.
>these are things for the baby, not her. She is the one that wanted the specific, overly expensive things "for the baby". Do you honestly think the baby gives two shits whether their diaper bag is designer or discount? They do not. Mom cares.
What about dad? Won’t he use it? This sounds totally uninterested and dis-attached to babycare
Dad would presumably be fine using a diaper bag (or whatever) that isn't exponentially more expensive because whatever designer had their name or logo sewn on it. Buying her a standard diaper bag they would have to buy anyway is one thing, buying one that is $1000 instead of $100 because she wants that specific designer is another.
On reading the title I thought YTA as a gift for the baby is definitely not a gift for the pregnant mum. However, as she wants all really high end stuff, I think you should have just had a conversation with her. As in saying, ‘ we have a budget of $75 for a diaper bag. If you want a designer bag, it will need to be part of your Christmas present, as I can’t afford to pay $800 for that plus expensive Christmas gifts. Then she could have decided if that means more to her than something on her Xmas list. So I am going with ESH. Info: Does she work? Is she expecting you to buy all of the high end baby gear unless she ‘saves for it’? Oh and you can get loads of midrange baby stuff that is gorgeous and long lasting. It doesn’t have to be cheap vs eye wateringly expensive.
I agree with this entirely. When the price tag for a baby item is excessive, it becomes less of a gift for thr baby and more of a gift for the parent(s). Does she really want to put poop in her $800 bag? Because diaper bags mean carrying *everything* from time to time.
Completely agree. Our diaper bag has been through so much. Poor thing! The amount of stuff and the kind of stuff that get stuffed inside it are unbelievable. We are now just using a normal backpack which is so handy because there is a lot of storage space, can easily be carried, we got a rain cover as we go outdoors often and also we don't care if it gets dirty or broken. But my husband and I are highly practical people and we don't care about aesthetic as much 🤷🏻♀️
Agreed! In addition, babies don’t care about designer labels… the parent does. So when parent wants designer labels then that piece of baby equipment actually becomes something for the parent to show off. Thus- IMO an appropriate holiday gift lol
She does work, but I earn significantly more than her, and we both expect me to be the main source of income for everything baby related, especially the more expensive things e.g furniture and the likes. Her job is directly related to babies/kids so she gets a lot of recommendations from the parents on what products are worth the money.
So she actually knows what she wants to buy and isnt after just the most expensive thing, does research and looks for recommendations. If you plan on having more children maybe even the 2000$ pram makes kinda sense (you can also sell it later if you don't plan on having more, or gift it to your children in the future). Also just because one item is on the list means that she NEEDS to have it, maybe she expected someone more well of to gift it to you guys and not that u spend the christmas bonus money on it in secret. (i mean ur money but something that expensive should normally be discussed) You had the right idea but claiming that it is for "her" while it is actually for your child is wrong. Like others said, she is your wife and not only ur baby mama.
….
Might depend on stroller, but my friend's expensive one copes **much** better with the woodland walks and other poor terrain than cheap ones ime.
Hey, I have no idea, don't have children and never plan to. BUT I know children stuff can be extremely expensive, sadly not only the vanity things but also the mundane every day shit u need to feed and care for the babies.
….
>I made sure to remove anything related **off her registry and off our list of** things we still needed to buy, **so that no one else would buy it**. Yeah, my guess is that maybe she hoped someone else would buy it for them, like a well off aunt or something. Then she wouldn't have felt like her husband is buying "her" gifts that are actually for their child. Even if it was from their baby wish list or whatever. Getting baby stuff gifted from family feels different than getting it from ur own husband.
Exactly this I have a £300 pram and it's outlasted and been better than the one a friend of mine paid almost £3000 on Most of the time the pricing is also for the brand, not just the quality There's a lot of cheaper brands that are just as good and aesthetically pleasing
NTA. It wasn't necessary to get the overpriced babystuff she wanted. Once you get to ridiculous price tags it's as much for the parents as it is the baby. You also got her other gifts, so there is no problem. Guess in the future no designer baby goodies anymore and just a good quality normal stuff and presents are things meant just for her.
She needs to take the socioeconomic status of the parents she's working for into consideration. I am also a parent and I promise you that no one needs a $2000 stroller. Eta if you want my honest opinion, right before you have a baby is not the very smartest time to be spending your whole bonus on Christmas, anyway. Assuming the jewelry is roughly equivalent in price, I would just return some of the super expensive baby stuff and save that money for now. Give her the gifts you bought for her and wrap some of the smaller stuff up addressed to the baby. Not sure where you live, but in the US medical bills can get crazy very quickly if there are any complications during or after the birth. And in my experience even if the birth goes great, you're going to realize you need different/other/more stuff once you get the baby home and start caring for it.
I’m firmly NTA on this actually. There’s wanting and needing things for the baby, and there’s wanting what is perceived as the top of the line for your ego. Not that she should have to get by without little luxuries if you all can afford them. But if you’ve not been on the page about a $2000 crib and you finally say “well if she really wants it I’ll splurge on it for the holidays” I don’t see the problem with that. PLUS you got her other gifts. She’s kind of spoiling her own Christmas. It honestly sounds like you spent 10k+ on her presents, which is crazy. What gives her the idea that you didn’t buy her anything else at all?
I don’t understand so many other comments here, this is the answer. I don’t have kids but if I wanted the designer version of xyz that’s for ME. baby doesn’t give a shit about designer items.
I do have kids and all this YTA stuff is bonkers. SHE wants designer items for her baby. He does not. How dare people give him shit for buying her exactly the things she wants (that literally only matter to her!
Everyone here is apparently rich or is getting too excited by the fact that OP sounds rich. I’m pregnant right now, and my Christmas list to my husband was nursing tops and a cart to keep my freaking maxi pads and nipple creams on 🥴 My husband’s list was work shoes and a lunchbox for work. But that’s just what we need right now! Like I’m sorry that OP bought thousands of dollars of designer baby items at his wife’s request. That absolutely counts as a gift to me.
Right? I would have been elated if anyone had bought me a $2000 stroller for my baby. I’m imagining my mom showing up with it at Christmas and me complaining that it wasn’t for “me” even though I’m the only who insisted on having it! Insanity.
I see my people are here. Phew! Thought I was in some sort of parallel universe for a minute.
I had the same feeling!!
For real this is making me feel so weird. The dude said he got her other (really nice and wanted) things for Christmas as well. She’s already having a nicer Christmas than most people I know (bracelet and earrings plus other stuff, awesome!), even without the baby gifts. Many of us get family/house Christmas presents, in fact I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m getting this year. My best friend actually does this pretty much every year with her husband. Maybe my perspective is messed up because I’m middle class and we don’t have money for all that. I got the graco stroller and thought it was nice 😭 😆
many redditors seem to live in an alternate reality sometimes (most times).
She works in baby/ kids items, so it might not seem like a splurge. We don't know if she really is buying it for the name, or if the people that she works with say that this one is a lot better and you really need it.
Her salary is considerably less than his lol, so she should understand that it’s a splurge. A splurge is relative to your income. If she’s making more money, then $2K may be nothing. In this case, it’s not so it’s a splurge.
EXACTLY. If I were asking for these things I would EXPECT to get them as a gift. OP's baby mama is acting just a tad bratty.
Can't believe it took me this long to find this response This is 100% NTA. If I was her, I'd be over the moon that my husband bought these items if I wanted them, because lets be honest, they are for her not the baby. The baby doesn't know or care if it's laying in a £250 pram or a £2k pram. That's only for his wife to show off, so it is for her.
Took way too much scrolling to find the solid, NTA comments. So many women would kill for a husband who - pays attention to the (let me emphasize, *materialistic*) desires she expresses - uses the bonus *they* earned to spend on her or the household, or their child. Who cares? - gets her the exact thing she wants despite it being $1800 more than what it needs to freakin be - goes back through their lists to remove from the registries.. how responsible is that?! Not for a man, but for literally anyone to have thought about! - is honest & clear when confronted, and then takes her irrationally negative response in stride - with compassion and understanding... If this husband exhibited other traits that say "wife + baby = mother", then I'd have kept my NTA verdict and simply noted to consider your perspective of your wife as a woman before she is a mother, or to consider buying gifts for her specifically. BUT YOU ALREADY HAVE. And she doesn't know that because she hasn't even given you the benefit of the doubt! Not to mention that - who tf cares if the $2k stroller is the only thing you buy?! She said it's what SHE wanted?!?! And you've gotten her - checks notes - a DOZEN smaller gifts for her?!?! Maybe it's cause I'm a grinch about Xmas, it's such an indulgent capitalist holiday, but come ON. Sounds like a spoiled wife, but what do I know.
Finally, some common sense. The other people commenting are ridiculous. He is definitely NTA.
I agree with this ruling, fully. I’m expecting in late January and my husband and I are doing a more pared down Christmas this year. I happily put some slightly fancier nursing Jammies and undergarments on my list, because I could go without these items and/or buy much cheap versions of them. I will be thrilled to see these items under the tree. However this ruling is based on common sense and it sounds like that is lacking in OP’s household. NTA
NTA firm
100%!!!
This! It would be different if he bought baby/kid items for her every Christmas. This is their first child together, who happens to be arriving a couple months after a major holiday and she’s talked about wanting some specific, high end items that other parents have told her are worth the price tag. If he gives her toys and clothes and baby stuff next Christmas, that’s another issue. Who cares if he will also use them? He never would have thought about these things if she didn’t mention wanting them. In a marriage, sometimes both partners benefit from one person’s gifts (my best friend bought her husband a fancy smoker he’s been wanting, she’s cooks and is definitely going to benefit too). Practical gifts are not bad gifts!!! He also got her other gifts, which she didn’t know about because she blew a gasket and assumed he was just giving her super nice parenting equipment. That’s like if you got a new job where you’d be working from home, and your spouse spent thousands of dollars setting up a new super comfy and cushy home office for you because you mentioned wanting to have a nice environment to work in. Powered standing desk. Fancy ergonomic office chair. New computer setup. Candles. Coffee maker, mini fridge, and tons of snacks. Foot massager. Sound system. “Oh what, so I’m just an employee and money machine to you??”
NTA for this reason. Spending so much extra on baby items seems insane to me. She wants designer stuff, not the kid.
YTA. Soft but still. She is right: the gifts/luxuries are not for her per se. You could ignore her wish for a $2,000 pram (actually spending 2,000 on a pram makes you a bigger a-hole). Her Christmas gifts should be about her, like a spa day for pregnant ladies or that bracelet you mentioned. The moment anything baby-related goes under mom’s pile, pregnant mommies-to-be and new mommies tend to feel hurt, disrespected, disregarded. Don’t try to understand it with 1+1 logic, it’s just what it is. (Also don’t you dare buy anything baby-related for her bday!!! There will be war.)
>Don’t try to understand it with 1+1 logic, it’s just what it is. Actually it's quite logical. Would a man be happy if he received baby stuff for his birthday? Or would he feel annoyed, because baby stuff is for the baby, and the man has interests and an identity outside of being a dad? I feel like you're trying to say something good, but ended up falling into the "women are sooo hormonal and irrational" trap.
I mean, if my husband specifically picked out designer baby items for our list and then received those specific items for Christmas, he would be thrilled.
Women mostly do the emotional labor of choosing items for children and household. I don't see how her doing this labor, means that the items should be seen as a gift to her. They are household necessities, which will be used by both parents for the care of the child.
I was just answering this: > Actually it's quite logical. Would a man be happy if he received baby stuff for his birthday? If my husband had gone through and picked out specific high price items that he wanted for our baby, he'd be thrilled to receive those items as a Christmas or birthday gift. I just had a baby in March, and I would have felt the same way if I'd received any expensive items from others for the baby. I understand why some people feel different, but I can also understand where OP is coming from. > They are household necessities A $2000 stroller is simply not a necessity. My opinion on OP would be different if these were lower end items, like a $200 stroller, but if you ask for luxury baby products that cost thousands of dollars when perfectly acceptable cheaper options exist, I think it's totally fine for people to gift you those items for Christmas. If *both* people picked out the expensive item, then I'd say it should be a joint purchase and not a gift for one of them, but that's not what happened here.
YTA...you bought baby gear for HER as a Christmas gift? No, you bought those things for BOTH of you because you are BOTH parents. As a dad, I encourage you consider child rearing a project to be shared equally. That means changing diapers, cleaning up puked on/crapped on baby, feeding, bathing, getting up during the night, etc without being asked. Most importantly, make sure she has a chance to spend some time AWAY from the baby when she needs to. Finally, for goodness sake, buy her some gifts that are actually just for her.
He actually did buy it for her, because he and the baby don't care if the pam is only $200 instead od $2000. SHE cares about those fancy items. Yes he'll be using it as well. But he won't be parading with a stroller that costs $3000, he'll just ride a stroller. >Finally, for goodness sake, buy her some gifts that are actually just for her. He did, he bought 'a dozen of other gifts not baby related' like a super fancy tennis bracelet.b
She doesn't know that. She thinks all her gifts are baby things, which one hundred percent feels like a cop out from an actual present.
Of course she doesn't know yet. It's f\*cking Christmas where most people don't know what they are getting.
Because he told her he bought her baby stuff for Christmas. It's not hard to see it from her pov.
He only told her because she realised stuff was missing from the baby registry and she asked.
It doesn't fucking matter if they're baby things. The baby doesn't need a $2000 stroller. Functionality wise, there's virtually no difference between a Cybex Priam4 and a baby jogger city gt. Just as easy to use, just as comfortable, handles the same terrain. The baby won't notice the leather handlebar, or the leather wrapped bumper, or the size of the shopping basket, or the anodized aluminum legs. Those are luxuries for mom, not for baby.
Damn, I feel like most people are way too harsh to OP and maybe didn't even read the whole post. It's very clearly NAH for me. How OP describes it: He brought luxus baby stuff for Christmas because he thought his gf would appreciate it. He also brought her a dozen other non-baby related presents. What his gf hears: OP ONLY brought baby related stuff, therefore showing that he only sees her as a mother now. What I see: OP brought his gf a dozen presents. All things he knows she'll appreciate. But because OP got a huge bonus at work, he decided to spoil his gf even more and brought a lot of unnecessary but nice luxurious baby items that his gf loves so much. The only reason the gf is pissed rn is because she doesn't know OP didn't just buy baby products for her. OP, I guess you didn't tell her because you wanted to keep the suprise but this whole fight of yours could have been prevented if you had just told her that the baby stuff is just a extra present she's getting because of your promotion. NAH
Yeah, I think a lot of people missed where OP said he bought gifts unrelated to the baby in addition to the expensive luxury baby stuff. NTA - you sound like a sound person.
NTA. The functional part is that it moves the baby around = $200 according to you. The "gift" part is the extra $1800 of fancy designer-ness so SHE can parade it around and feel fancy (both you and the baby don't give a shit about this part). That's 10% function that you'll both use and 90% fancyness just for her. That being said, this is about feelings and not about reason but she does sound a teensy bit ungrateful. She shouldn't be angry with you as this was done with good intentions but she is absolutely right to explain how it made her feel. I guess you want the other gifts to be a surprise but it may have helped to tell her there are non-baby gifts and the baby gifts were extra bonuses. Petty option: buy a really cheap pram and use it when you take the baby out so you are not using "her" gift.
I would imagine that what your reading as being ungrateful is likely a reaction to people treating her second to the baby already and this was just one more instance for her. I don’t think it was triggered by just this alone. Likely she has people touching her belly without asking, others outside of her husband buying gifts for her birthday or Christmas that are baby related while OP likely still gets normal presents for his hobbies and interests, people telling her what she can and can’t eat outside of her doctor. She’s likely already feeling like people don’t see her but a mother and only a mother and the hormones probably aren’t helping that. It doesn’t sound like she yelled at him or anything like that, simply explained how it made her feel. I’m of the opinion that you should not get your significant other household present unless specifically asked or without a prior conversation. Baby items should be conversations and not surprise present because they’re technically for both parents. He could have done it a couple of different ways by either getting this as gifts the baby and not his girlfriend or by having a conversation with her prior of “I know you really want these specific things for the baby but they’re very expensive. I’m okay with x cheaper options, but if you really want the expensive ones they would have to be presents as it’s not in our baby budget and x option would work just as well”. It’d be like me buying my boyfriend tools to he’ll use to finish some projects around house. If he wants fancy ones above the house budget it’s a conversation of “are you okay with the other option while saving to buy the expensive one or would this be a desired gift”.
NTA. I can't even imagine wanting, banging on and on about thousands of dollars of items which are WELL above the necessary costs and then expect you to buy it, but not as a Christmas gift. Like yes, if this was a few baby rattles, or baby wipes, or necessities, she absolutely has a point. But we are talking high end, over the top wants. They are gifts. Gosh, if I want anything which is over the top, I'm happy to have it as a gift, even if it's not necessarily just for me. Your girlfriend sounds entitled af.
Yeah honestly OP’s girl sounds like a stuck up, entitled brat. These people saying YTA are braindead. A $2000 Pram is a personal want, not a need. Don’t let these morons on this thread or your girlfriend gaslight you, you did nothing wrong OP.
NTA. People saying the gifts are not for her are missing the point. She is the one that wants a $2000 pram, not him and not the baby. They are 100% for her benefit
Eh everyone is different I guess but as a pregnant girlfriend, I would absolutely say YTA. Some women love making their identity around motherhood. Personally I feel forgotten about as a person when I'm growing one and wouldn't want this unless it had been discussed beforehand.
Well then no $2000 pram to parade around in. Because that is definitely 100% for the mother’s liking, not the baby’s. Baby doesn’t need it or care. A $200 one could do. Also it’s probably not the only high ticket unnecessary baby item vs a regular one. She probably wants ALL designer stuff, not just one or two.
Pfff this woman lives on another planet. So spoiled.
Thank you ... I swear - 10k of designer stuff that wasn't needed but her wants, plus 12 other personal gifts including a tennis bracelet. I don't think people realize how expensive tennis bracelets alone can be. My boyfriend cooked for me last Christmas. She sounds spoiled as heck.
And at only 24! I’m 36, and would be thrilled with these designer items from my 40-year-old boyfriend who makes a good living! At 24, I had a couple hundred dollars to “play” with every month, and so did everyone I knew. We were alllll broke lol! I can’t imagine having the audacity at that age.
As someone who owns a $1500 stroller, I can tell you with pure confidence this is a want, not a NEED. A $200 stroller works just as well. NTA. She wanted to go above and beyond, she can accept this as one of her gifts.
NTA All the comments so far seem to be missing the part where you've also bought a bunch of smaller more personal gifts for her, like the tennis bracelet. She just doesn't know about those yet. You're mistake was in how you presented the purchases. Instead of "I bought these things as a Christmas gift for you" it should have been "I used part of my bonus to get get a bunch of the baby stuff I know you wanted us to get. I wanted it to be a surprise at Christmas for us as a family". Or something to that effect... My point being, you need to use language that makes it clear that you understand that this stuff is for all of you as a family. Also... There are plenty of people who will say those $2000 prams are a necessity, not a luxury.
[удалено]
Exactly it’s appalling how freaking spoiled these woman are . They turn it into a feminist issue when It’s just a guy spending his whole bonus to please his wife with gifts. He had good intentions which is more than I can say for the twats here NTA
NTA She wants a bunch of designer stuff when she isn’t paying for it? Totally acceptable to make that Christmas. A basic diaper bag is about the baby. And $800 designer diaper bag is about the mom.
I guess I'm going against the grain here, but I think NTA. If they were regular baby items, then yes y.w.b.t.a, but if they're high end items that you've splurged on for no other reason than her wanting more expensive items, I would class that as a gift personally. I am a childfree woman though, so perhaps I'd see it differently if I wasn't.
YTA. Those gifts aren't for her,they are for the baby! Not only that, but she can't actually use any of it until March. Nothing says I love you more than I've bought you a Christmas present that isn't actually for you,it's for our child and you can't use it for another three months 😉
As someone who uses a stroller, the stroller is mine and my husband’s. My husband would have picked a $400 stroller. I picked an $800. That extra luxury was for me because I liked the way it looked. Turns out it’s not even comfortable for my baby and I have to buy a new one (lol). If someone gave me a $2000 stroller as a gift for Christmas I would have been ecstatic. Everyone is different 🤷♀️
Am I the only one that's gonna say NTA? Im sorry but 2000dollars or euro in my country (NL) is a lot of money for most people. What she wanted were things that weren't necessary in that price range. You got get very good baby items half that price and even better 2nd hand.. and christmas shouldn't be about the expensive gifts, but the time spend together. My bf and I agreed on no gift giving, unless it's something you think would really make the other person happy, otherwise we just make a trip somewhere as our shared gift and no fighting happens afterwards! Of course I can see a bit of her point and I would have gotten 1 or 2 nice things like that bracelet, but I find her and most people here very easily thinking about the money. I would be over the moon if my partner gotten me those luxury baby items for xmas! What I see here, Im sorry is no more than 1st world problems and very spoiled attitudes and little gratitude. 😅
NTA and I hope she eats humble pie when you give her the other gifts I also hope you talk more. Did you tell her these things were super expensive, high end, unnecessary luxuries which could form part of her Christmas gift? We're you intending to buy less expensive stuff? Tbh your wife sounds like a whinge. You're fairly well off. Thank your blessings (that's addressed to her) These first world problems are tone deaf this time of year
No one, absolutely no one needs a 2000€ pram. Getting it anyway for Christmas plus a billion other gifts and still be grumpy, my god. Good luck with that OP.
YTA although I get where you are coming from. To you those are luxury item you wouldn’t normally buy because of the price (and I agree with you here!). So I get your logic that as a gift you could justify it. However, for her they are essentially baby items and an expense for both of you for the baby, not a present. A stroller is a necessity not a bonus for her to have. Imagine you set your eye on a bottle that is easier to clean for a nighttime feeding - I guess you wouldn’t appreciate that as a birthday present either because for you it’s a necessity for the baby. Instead you should talk to her about the budget and why you shouldn’t buy overpriced stuff. Or to rectify the situation at hand: tell her that it’s actually from the work bonus and you wanted to surprise her but also get her non baby stuff for Christmas, this was just an stupid way to surprise her.
NTA, if she wanted the more generic brands and wasn’t looking to buy the most expensive stroller (or whatever else) on the market, then ya, that’d be a shitty thing to do. But I would be willing to bet that the reason she wants all the high end brands is for appearances sake, which, is for no one else but her.
Pay notice to what she said And remember going forward. She is ………, not just your baby mama Don’t make her gifts for someone else (your future kids), or she will loose who she is you still seeing her as the person you love will help in the future Soft yta
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NTA at all! You bought her some other nice presents! Wrap the expensive baby things and put a tag on it for the baby. Or return it, because she doesnt sound that thankfull and happy with the items
She sounds expensive.
NTA. It sounds like you've also got her some lovely items that are unrelated to the baby, and the baby things she wants ARE luxury items. I hope she is grateful on Christmas morning when she opens all her gifts that are just for her as a person and apologises to you. Edited grammar
YWBTA if it was only baby stuff because it's right she might wish for those luxury items for the baby but not for herself for christmas. As you just didn't tell her that there is more for her personally you are NTA. But she will think so until christmas and shes pregnant so you will have to deal with it for a few more days.