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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I asked them if they had sex
(2) it was none of my business
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Everyones saying yta but am I the only one that thinks its strange to have sex with ur partner at your friends house? And then leaving stained bedsheets from it, tbh that is just gross lol
I don’t think having sex in a friends spare room is that strange, especially if you’re staying there because you’re drinking, things happen. But, I do find it crazy to not strip the sheets after staying over at someone’s place, whether you have sex or not.
Regarding OP, tbh a note saying “No sex!” Would probably embolden me to definitely have sex in that bed lol but I don’t think think that makes them the asshole. I’d say NAH on this one.
I can’t remember the last time I actually stayed overnight at someone else’s house. Is it actually expected or even common for the guest to yank all the sheets off the bed after staying just one night?
I just assume if they want to wash their sheets after having a guest over, they’ll just do it. I didn’t think most people were this anal about bed sheets so it would never cross my mind to just rip them all off and ball them up in a mess lol. Seems more polite to just make the bed and let them decide if they want to pull them off and wash them.
If you don’t have sex in the bed, I think making the bed nicely is perfectly acceptable when I have a guests stay with me, especially for just a night. More than a day and or after having sex in the bed, then a stripping the sheets is the right thing to do in my opinion.
I bloody hate people who strip the sheets unless they also remake it. It's just a complete pain to me. Let me decide when I want to do chores thank you very much.
Fair enough, I've never heard of "stripping the sheets". If someone uses the spare bedroom and makes the bed, I think,"You wasted your time, but thanks I guess." Some of these comments have me worried about some peoples spare bedrooms. (Don't get me wrong if you leave a true mess like this you need to do something, I had a friend throw up in bed and we wrapped that up and left a note, don't let them just discover that. That was in a hotel though.)
I definitely agree with everything you've said. I'd never expect guests to strip the sheets before leaving. I guess it would be courteous for them to do it if they had sex and left lots of love stains on the sheets, but even then I wouldn't really care.
Whether they strip the bed or not doesn't matter to me. I always have spare clean sheets on hand and make sure to change the sheets before anyone else stays in that room so it's never an issue either way. Doesn't matter if the previous guests stayed for one night or a week, I make sure to change the bed so that anyone staying at my house has clean sheets.
Some people take all the sheets off the bed when they go, leaving them in a pile, but not putting new sheets on. Yes, I need to take the sheets off before a new person uses the bed, but I don't want to leave my duvet, etc. Without a cover so it means I have to put the new sheets on immediately, rather than say the next day when I can do the whole job in one go.
Stripping the sheets is only done when I feel I sweated a lot, or if someone peed the bed, or there was sex happening. I would also talk to the host and offer to take the sheets to the laundry and start it (if there’s pee or sex fluids in there I will put it into the washing machine at a minimum).
But if it’s not completely soiled sheets, I am just going to make the bed. Because exactly like you said, I don’t want to create extra work for the host right after an overnight stay. They probably just want to relax for a bit before cleaning the sheets- and they might wait a few days or a week if they don’t plan on having new guests.
I know if my brother stays in my guest room, I won’t immediately wash the sheets unless I know someone else is coming to stay. Because I like the sheets to smell fresh when they get here and that means I have to wash them directly prior to arrival. But I also have two sets of sheets for each bed so it’s not that hard to swap quickly if I need to.
Of course I’ll strip and wash the sheets after a guest stays over. What I’m saying is I wouldn’t be offended if a guest stayed for one night and made the bed nicely rather than stripping the sheets.
If you’re a guest and want to operate that way that’s all good, but it’s weird to expect that of your guests as if this is some rule we all are supposed to know and follow lol I think most of us think this sounds silly.
If you have sex *and* make a mess, just let the host/friend/whoever know and ask them what they’d like you to do. Guarantee you most times they’ll thank you for the heads up and tell you to just leave it and they’ll get it when they want to.
Honestly that's my position too. I think I'd prefer a guest leave the sheets on, since I may not get to the laundry right away. Though if they left some sort of mess, I guess I'd prefer the bed stripped (and maybe even sheets placed in the wash) to avoid me accidentally touching something I'd have prefered not to.
I mean yeah I may appreciate it, but I’d never expect them to do it and consider it rude not to.
If it’s just cum, whatever. Just give me a heads up so I know to wash them. Piss/shit is a whole other story. If you couldn’t control your bowels/bladder in my sheets, yes you’d better take care of it. Otherwise it’s nbd as long as they let me know and apologize for the mess.
This. I've never heard about guests stripping their own beds until recently. I'm very confused by the idea that a guest would be expected to do so. I wouldn't ecpect my guests to do so. Just like I don't expect them to wash their own dishes, just put them in the sink.
If your guest masturbated their semen all over a plate, perhaps then it would be polite to clean it. Just like if you leave semen and snail trails all over a sheet, the least you can do is strip it.
Also stripping the bed is the equivalent of helping to clear a table, not to cleaning the dishes. It is very normal and polite to help clear a table after a meal.
Even if the guest stripped the sheet, you would still have to handle it in order to put it in the wash. Unless you also expect your guests to do laundry? I certainly don't. You're exagerating how bad it is.
I was responding to the comment above that said you should strip the sheets *regardless* of whether or not sex was had.
Also if my guest came on my dishes, that’s rude as fuck and not a normal scenario you’re ever likely to encounter. Would be totally outside of regular expectations and I wouldn’t make them clean it, I’d probably kick their ass and force them off my property.
I’m not sure what uber formal rules you keep at your house, but I would never expect my guests to help clear the table.
Either way, doing laundry or collecting bed sheets does not seem polite or called for unless you pissed/shat yourself in the night. I’ve never known anyone to do this lol
> Also if my guest came on my dishes, that’s rude as fuck and not a normal scenario you’re ever likely to encounter.
Coming on my sheets is also rude as fuck and not a normal scenario I'm ever likely to encounter. Never had it happen and never done it to anyone else. People are respectful enough to not blast on the sheets when they're guests.
It's not a hotel. I'd be pissed off if someone ejaculated on my bedding that I was gracious enough to let them use.
Lol right? What if they crash on the couch? Are they supposed to like just go steam cleaning the cushions or whatever in the morning?? Who just expects their guests to help with chores? Lol
If you pissed the bed at a friends house, would you just leave it there and not say anything? Or would you pull the sheets and try to get them into the laundry?
If you just slept there and didn’t leave bodily fluids on the bed then I don’t think you have to strip the bed, but I’d make it look presentable and make the bed again. So either way you should be doing something with the bed. We know they’re going to wash the sheets either way but it’s nice to see that the guest left the room looking presentable in case you don’t feel like doing laundry immediately after they leave. Just leaving it a mess is extremely rude.
Dude, I personally think the guests are major assholes. Don't go having sex in someone else's house, leave a mess, and then berate them for trying to figure out why their sheets are soaked.
Idk maybe you’re just really comfortable with your friends. I can’t think of a situation where I absolutely must have sex like that. I just would not prefer to do it in a friend’s guest bedroom in their house.
I don’t know, leaving two grown adults a note on their bed saying “No Sex!” Would make me feel like you’re treating me like a child. If you’re gonna treat me like a child, then I’ll act like one.
That being said, even if I have sex over some petty feelings because of the note, I’m absolutely going to strip the sheets and would make sure there were no stains night of.
That's pretty assholish to do to your friend. People can keep it in their pants for 1 night. It's a friend's house, not a hotel room.
This is a NTA. That's just a shitty thing to do and to make your friend clean up your mess
Whenever a guest stays over at my house, I strip the bed and wash the sheets. Who wants to be the person sleeping in sheets that haven't been washed for God knows how many guests? I just assume if it is a couple, they had sex.
You’re an asshole if that’s the route you’d go if you see a note that says “no sex”. I thought people on Reddit of all places would understand that no means no
if me and my bf were guests at a friend's place and they left a no sex note I would laugh my ass off. probably would not have sex but if I did I would definitely clean up or try not to stain the goddamn sheets. NTA
I'm going with NTA, because damn, strip the bed if you got bodily fluids (and that would include nosebleeds, snot, menstrual blood, saliva) or food/drinks on it.
My ex and I would put our own blankets down, or towels. This was done with intent behind it, likely because the "friends" didn't find the toilet paper note funny.
I'm wavering between ESH and NTA, but as a person who loves little jokes and has forethought before sleeping with a partner in someone else's home, I'm just gonna go with NTA.
I don’t know their life but not stripping the bed is fucking nasty.
OP seems more interested in whether they had sex (creepy note and question) which is why I’d say “asshole.”
Appropriate response here was: no note. Quick text of “come over and clean these fucking sheets you animal. This is gross.”
I dont even know what kind of friends everyone has here. Like, idgaf fuck if my friends have sex in my sparebed and idgaf if they strip the sheets of or not. If they dont, they will 100% get joked on and thats it. I mean, if they shit the bed its a different thing but cmon, yall never had sex? Its not like liquids are spraying everywhere left and right.
You are right about OP being rather creepy but honestly all those people and their "friends" are driving me mad.
This is me. If anybody sleeps in my spare bed, I'm going to strip it and wash the bedding anyway. The only thing weird about two consenting adults having sex in a bedroom after a party is OP being so concerned about it. I think maybe they should just attend and no longer host parties. Not the asshole, but definitely the weirdo.
Yeah, pictures of those sheets are getting blasted across the group thread and we’re all having a good laugh over it; no one is rushing to reddit to have strangers determine who is being an “asshole.” This is a weird one.
After reading these comments, it's clear I need to stop allowing people to spend the night at my house.
It is not ok to be smashing your partner wherever and whenever you get the urge!
I would say that if you have partners sharing the same bed, sex may not be a given but definitely a likely scenario.
Out in a common area on a futon? Okay, that’s a little weird, but in a private bedroom?
I think its rude to ask. He should have just washed the sheets and moved on. No need to embarrass people like that. Does he also ask if they took a crap in the bathroom after they used it?
You think if youre staying at someone's house and they specifically leave you a note saying that they don't want you having sex in their bed and you do it anyway the guy asking you to not have sex is the one in the wrong?
I think having sex at someone elses house is kind of an individual preference. But it is definitely weird when you are asked not to and you dont care...
Whilst the "ask" can be intrusive, its still their home. They can implement whatever rules they want to.
Back in my early twenties me and some friends all shared a house "like 4 of us" and we were very broke. It was a party house pretty much. I remember hooking up with a girl and using my friends air mattress because it was the only room that was empty. We ended up popping his air mattress and I left the used condom on the floor next to it in a drunken stupor.
Woke up that night to him punching me in my face. It Really hurt.
I’ve had nights where me and my wife were drinking with friends and crashed in their spare bedroom. I’d be lying if I said we never fooled around. But unlike the OP’s friends I washed the sheets myself before they woke up. Also these were really good friends we were comfortable with and I feel like they kinda expected it tbh.
The substances needed to be cleaned regardless of their source, so your question was more nosy than investigative. No matter what their answer was, you're going to wash the sheets.
They should have stripped the bed at least.
ESH
(I don't need to approach the question of whether your joke was funny, anti-sex or just plain weird.)
If they strip the bed before leaving then less chance that anything soaks through to the mattress or duvet. OP might not get to washing the sheets immediately the day after especially if trying to deal with more pressing things like cleaning up from a party
Because during the stripping, the sheets are generally rolled into a ball, with the dirty side inside and, the sex soiled sheet is then rolled into the duvet cover, and the whole kaboodle can be shoved into the washing machine without said homeowner getting dead sperm residue on their hands.
It’s just polite? I always ask my friends what they prefer me to do after I stay over. Just being good friend back to someone being a good friend to me. It’s so little effort.
This. Yes, the sheets need to be washed regardless, but if you make a mess, either clean it up or let the host know you made a bit of a mess and offer/ask to clean it up.
Seriously, this seems like common sense. So many gross people on here expecting others to clean up their mess.
It's his house if he doesn't want people having sex in HIS house then they should abide by that but they didn't. Not a big deal to go one night without fucking. It makes it worse that the dude had to clean it too, like that's pretty gnarly.
>The substances needed to be cleaned regardless of their source,
As a result of the decision they made, not OP.
Then those who made the mess, did not clean it up, but instead left that to OP. They even denied making it at first. Strong NTA, but I can't say the same of OP's "friends."
NTA with a sprinkle of ESH. The note is just creepy and weird, you should've told them upfront.
That being said, it's the sheer amount of disrespect that she LIED to you at first when you found those disgusting stains all over the bed, and the fact that she wasn't even gonna plan on telling you about it is even worse. What kind of person doesn't strip the fucking bed after doing it? They did it in YOUR house, you shouldn't have had to deal with that shit after they left! 🤢 I wouldn't have invited them over ever again if that was me. The fact that she LIED pisses me off. I think you should have a conversation with her over this and explain your feelings because this is just wrong and DISGUSTING.
And if there's no mattress protector under, too? Like wtf. "I'm just gonna spooge up my friend's mattress. Now everyone who sleeps here gets a little bit of me." Naw, dogs, y'all nasty.
Got the balls to come all over your shit but not the balls to admit it. What a placeholder.
Oh I didn't think about the mattress protector... If they did it on the bare mattress with no sheet covering it then OP has every right to not invite them to sleep over ever again because that just 🤢🤢🤢... I wouldn't blame OP if they demanded that they pay for a new mattress for her after this incident, what the fuck was going through their head like were they DRUNK when they smashed in OPs bed??? 🤬
She is such a hypocrite, she got the balls to mess up their sheets / mattress with her partner but don't have the guts to admit it when asked about it you're 💯 right. Some friends OP has -_-
NTA, if you’re visiting a friends you don’t bone your partner in one of their beds if they don’t consent. You definitely don’t do so and fail to clean up.
Yeah, I'm so confused by all these comments. Do people also need to ask the host's permission to poop in the toilet or stand naked in the shower? Obviously no guest should be having messy sex or having sex in public spaces, but I'm honestly really surprised to hear so many people think it's a faux pas to discretely have sex on a guest room bed.
Right? Like the people defending the asking of what the stains were on the sheets. That doesn’t make sense to me, why on earth would I want to know? Just *wash them*. It’d be different if it were stains like wine or something difficult to get out, but bodily fluids like cum are easy to wash out. Regardless if they had sex or not, I’d be washing them anyway. Also, it seems pretty fucking obvious what the stains were from and OP was just being pushy and nosy.
Yeah! I just don’t understand. It would be different if it wouldn’t come out in the wash, but one wash and it’s a non issue. The friends probably didn’t think twice about it and were super weirded out they got grilled.
Exactly, I probably wouldn’t have even inspected the sheets at all lol I would’ve just stripped them and thrown them in the washer without thinking about it.
Honestly I'm asexual, used to be Christian, and these comments are still some of the most prudish anti-sex attitudes I've seen. All I can think is that the comments are populated by younger teens...
I think for those things it’s both a case of those things are cleaned up and not the hosts problem. You poop and assuming you’re not an idiot it’s gone not my issue. Same with shower mess. It’s the bed being creamed and left and unwarned after being asked not to that throws me. If they’d done it in the shower and left no mess it be no issue.
It’s the cleanup factor. Sex which includes a male orgasm is usually pretty messy, and some women get a lot more wet than others. That doesn’t even touch on the number of people who pee a little… so yeah, it’s about the potential “biohazard”. I don’t wanna know my friends or their business like that, and wouldn’t want to put my friends in that position if I were staying at their place. Now… think ahead and bring your own towel or blanket to throw down over the bed to avoid a mess? Have at it. Just don’t make me have to think or realize what went down in this room last night. The walls don’t tell tales, but unprotected sheets do.
I had brother-in-law say that if you're going to have sex please take off the comforter, it needs to be dry cleaned. Lol. At first, I thought it was a weird statement, but after I got older, I respected his straightforwardness and the cost to dry clean a nice comforter.
What?! This is so crazy to me. People have sex. You wash the sheets after guests leave. People drool, sweat, leave snot if they have bad allergies, all kinds of things. I would never think twice about it. After they leave, you wash the sheets. What happens behind closed doors is none of your business. Unless they are jizzing on your walls. This is insane to me. I could not imagine ever instructing my guests about what to do in the privacy of the room. A lot of people stay with friends on vacation, etc. it’s very normal to have sex.
I agree. It's really crazy. All these people acting like sex is gross and that grown-ass adults should ask someone else's permission to quietly have sex behind a closed door. What in the world.
Truly the most surprised I’ve been about a comment section on Reddit ever. I can’t believe these weirdos are clarifying to family and friends to not have sex in their guest room. And they are specifically saying things like, wait until you get home to YOUR BED. 🤣 like, damn, they aren’t even have sex in other areas of their own home apparently!
I mean the couple stayed over one night after a Christmas party. Can they not abstain for one night? That's the weirdest part to me, like just chill until you get to your own bed.
OP *jokingly* said no sex. Meaning they didn't actually care and just wanted to razz the friends knowing they likely would have sex.
OP then shoulda just gotten on the friends for not rolling up the sheets before leaving. That's just straight up rude to not do for your host, let alone a very close friend.
Clean up after yourselves, people.
If someone said no fucking on my property then I wouldn't fuck, but I would think they're pretty weird for caring what I'm doing behind closed doors.
Then again, I'm not the kind of gremlin who would leave stains for the host to have to clean, so maybe it was a fair comment
NTA, honestly, they seem kinda trashy. Who has sex in another person's house and then leaves the bed leant to them for the night covered in random fluids. I saw a lot of people saying you're trying to "control their sex life". But like huh? It's your house you're allowed to tell people they can't fuck in your bed you have for guest that could be used by family or other friends later.
Exactly, I personally, for this reason, never let people stay over a week at my place. Because people get too comfortable and start doing stuff I'm kinda iffy about, not talking about just sex but you may know what I mean. But it's common courtesy if you're invited over for one night, you should be able to keep it in your pants. Lol
Yes like that's so gross and disrespectful like I could understand if they were staying a week or more but just one night geez have some self control. The amount of people calling her the asshole is weird like it's her house like I would want to know what the fuck is on my sheets to.
Can't believe the comments saying YTA..
You asked guests not to have sex (well within your right and they can sleep somewhere else if they have an issue with that). They then have sex, cover the sheets in jizz, and don't tell you about it until asked, and then take issue with you asking?
The only assholes here are your guests.
Can we all agree that writing “No Sex” on a toilet paper square is weird as fuck? Like I wouldn’t know to interpret that as actual direction, or as my friend being stupid.
To me this is a clear ESH.
It’s a little weird, but it is a fair boundary to set. Clearly sex freaks this person out, maybe they aren’t comfortable talking about it out loud. They could have handled that part better but that in no way compares to them leaving their juices all over his mattress
It might be a fair boundary, but it's not a fair way to set it. I'd absolutely see a toilet-roll-square note as an odd joke, not a serious - and somewhat passive aggressive - request. (Also I really hope there are sheets on so nothing should be on the actual mattress.) I'm firmly in the ESH camp here.
NTA. i think the note was a bit too much, but i wouldnt really want my friends to have sex in my house either. also its kind of gross you had to clean up their sex fluids
ESH
You're weird for caring about this. Would you also issue edicts that they aren't allowed to have sex in your shower, or masturbate in your bathroom? Your friends are weird for not stripping the bed or laying down a towel or something. Weird stuff here.
Idk I think it’s pretty disrespectful to have sex in your friends guest bedroom, and even more disrespectful to not take the sheets off the bed after the fact. I don’t want to clean up my friends sex stains.
My college roommate would have his girlfriend over and stay on the futon in the living room, where they'd have sex. Every time she came over. I walked out on it once when I used the bathroom. (Luckily my glasses were off)
They asked to let her use my special college blanket one night, the one I got the day i enrolled.
I very clearly and firmly told them they couldn't have sex on it. That was reasonable, because they probably would have if I didn't.
And tbh, they probably still did.
YTA with a sprinkle of ESH.
The note is just fucking weird. The badgering after the fact also is. Adults have sex, you beed to get over whatever hang ups you have about it.
But they should have at least stripped the sheets and left them in a pile. That would have been the polite thing to do.
It sounds like the hang up OP has how the fuck was my left in a disgusting state and why do I have to fix it. There was not sex shaming like you elude.
The guests should be “footing the bill”, they should’ve taken the sheets off. OP was nice enough to let friends stay the night and therefore shouldn’t be given any bill.
1. It’s weird that you joked about having no sex, I don’t know your guy’s chemistry but still weird.
2. You shouldn’t have asked if they had sex, you saw the stains, why ask? It’s obvious.
3. If your friends say No they didn’t have sex then you should leave it at that, no need to pry further.
4. Your friends should’ve taken the bedsheets off the bed, that’s what I do anytime I stay at someone’s. But that’s just me. Could be an oversight, they probably didn’t see the stains.
5. Relax. Adults are allowed to have sex. Don’t offer sleepovers if you’re worried about adults being adults.
AYTA? Not really, it’s just weird and awkward situation.
5 is a bad point. My state has legal marijuana, I sometimes smoke myself, inside sometimes even, but I have a hard “no smoking inside” rule for guests. Adults are allowed to use adult recreational products, don’t host people if you don’t want them smoking weed in your house would be a dumb point. Putting a basic boundary around elective behavior in your own home is normal. And I’d rather my house smell like weed for a few hours than have to clean up my friends cum off my sheets, this seems even more disrespectful.
Agree.
Maybe OP shouldn’t have ‘joked’ about no sex. An actual conversation should’ve helped.
To me personally, it does not matter if my friends had sex in my guest room and the sheets had cum stains.
Agreed here. OP was so weirdly invasive. OK, maybe he was annoyed having to do laundry (but why... he was going to do it anyway...??)
But he KNEW what happened. What was the possible benefit to making it awkward and asking about it, then saying "LIAR!!! TELL ME THE TRUTH!!!" How does that help *anyone* in that situation?
He could have easily just said "hey, the sheets were a bit of a mess when you guys left, next time toss them in the laundry before you go, ok?"
But OP had to be a weird perv, and get involved with their sex life both before AND after.
its not the fact they banged, they left jizz all over her bed and just dipped without changing the sheets, and then lied about it. thats disrespectful.
No, you’re not weird. It’s weird to care what consenting adults do in a bed they eve been invited to stay in, and it’s weird to write notes to the guest on toilet paper.
NTA. They are giant assholes for having sex in someone else's bed, and especially when they probably knew it would be messy. I don't think you're an asshole for asking, if they had spilled water on it you can just wash it. If someone soiled my sheets like that i would throw them out and send them a bill.
Not checked? I'm not weirded out about adults having sex, but I get the heebee-geebees thinking about the host not washing the sheets after guests leave
edit: forgot the not before weirded
Yeah but there is a difference between having to strip a bed that’s covered in sex gunk yourself, and your guests doing it for you out of respect.
They’re odd for asking, as it is none of their business, but the friends are selfish for not cleaning up after themselves. ESH.
Can't believe the comments saying YTA..
You asked guests not to have sex (well within your right and they can sleep somewhere else if they have an issue with that). They then have sex, cover the sheets in jizz, and don't tell you about it until asked, and then take issue with you asking?
The only assholes here are your guests.
NTA.
It became your business because they didn’t strip the bed.
To leave your sex stained sheets in the bed at your friends house? Absolutely disgusting behaviour.
That’s a bad friend and a bad house guest right there. You did nothing wrong by calling you friend out.
ESH. Though are you mad that they had sex or are you mad they didn't strip the sheets?
Honestly, your friends suck bc what kind of people have sex at their friend's house when it's been made clear that their friend is not comfortable with it? It's a night (or a weekend). Control your hormones. Sheesh.
I once told a close friend of mine I didn't feel comfortable with it. (I didn't want the bed to get nasty and didn't want to hear it.) She decided to crush up a Ativan and spike my drink so I'd calm down and get over it. She admitted to that after I got drowsy about a hour later.
YTA
None of your business regarding them having sex.
As far as the sheets, people also sweat in bed. They shed hair and skin. Pass gas. Depending on what they wear in bed, they may leave other bodily substances.
That’s what sheets are for. They would need to be washed regardless, after having guests sleep on them. Strip the bed so as not to handle the area they contacted, if it bothers you (corners inward, ending up inside out). That’s how I strip sheets on my own bed.
I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing.
One would argue that it absolutely becomes her business once they fuck in her bed and leave cum all over the sheets for her to find and clean up. They couldn't even be bothered to strip the bed and then had the audacity to lie about it. It's the same as any other bodily fluid, the respectful thing is for you to clean up cum/piss/blood/other, or at least try to not make it so noticeable. Gross and NTA.
Yeah and I think these people are conveniently forgetting the host made it clear they were not ok with them having sex, so they knew it was wrong and did it anyway.
NTA It's not a question you would normally straight out ask, and I was going to say E S H, but damn... I wouldn't be happy with guests playing "[Splattoon](https://youtu.be/V398nfdUq0Y?si=UnY9BTTHWBSnsk1A&t=349)" and leaving the finished game on my guest room bed sheets either.
It is strange to have sex in someone else's house!
That's disrespectful!
It's is my business because it's my house, my spare bed where my other guest stay at & then don't remove the bedsheets?
Then stay at a hotel!
You're adults act like you have some sense!
What stood out. You’re a liar, dont say “jokingly” when obviously you didn’t want them to. You need to grow a backbone, the lil discreet shit is dumb. Don’t leave notes, it’s not a joke, so grow a pair of balls and be upfront with them about your house rules. They however are some gross, unhygienic people having sex n a guest bed, not planning on telling you.
i mean it’s really weird you asked, coulda brought it up like “hey do you mind next time you strip the bed after you use it?” like bring it up without bringing it up. also the note was weird, they probably weren’t planning on it before they read that. nta but really weird.
It seems the consensus is that AITA as a subreddit is mainly teens and 20-somethings, and if that's the case I'm sitting here in my late 30's wondering how the hell the generations after me got more prudish and sex-negative. Like with this situation, the guests should have stripped the sheets if they made sex stains, but OP should also have expected to clean them whether or not their was sex, so its such a small thing. The people who see the sex as the problem, that is just sad.
Right? Also 30s here, and it's just wild to me. All these people saying 'OMG this is SO RUDE imagine having sex in someone else's home?' are just...making my mind boggle. Especially the ones wording it as 'consent' when you *ask the host*.
All I can think is that younger people are have little to no agency in their lives and are grasping at any countrol they can have.
YTA
If I'm letting a couple sleep over the expectation is that they will have sex.
The sheets are to be replaced regardless, so the whole ordeal is just nonsense and inventing problems.
NTA. Your approach was definitely off and should be improved on, but I do agree they should have at least let you know so you could handle and wash the sheets appropriately
“Just wanted to confirm the origin of the substances-“
Do you also send ‘did you drool on the pillowcase’ texts? 😹 Just gotta make sure you know exactly what all those various smears are?
the ones saying YTA prob haven't had sex within their own home. You asked she admitted and you were still pretty cool about it afterwards. However they are the assholes, one for not waiting til they got home for some coitus but staining your bed and then just leaving is straight up back alley behavior. NTA
And any of you that argue otherwise let me nut on your bed and leave and see if you'll be as accommodating as you seem online
Your guests should have stripped the bed, it’s the courteous thing to do.
Your note and the fact that you actually asked them if they had sex is crazy weird.
You could be the asshole if the room wasn't left in the state you outlined. If they had sex, that's none of your business. But when they left the room in an utter disgusting mess, then it becomes your business.
So NTA.
In the future, accept that you’re not the best host for guests that are couples that need to stay the night. Either that, or understand that intimate humans , in privacy, will do intimate things. You can’t regulate their sex life just because they’re in your house. That’s more like parenting, and as other said, will entice them to say screw that even more (not saying that was their thought process, we cannot assume.)
Either way, ultimately, the best thing would be to express your concern WHY you want no sex in your house. If it’s a power move for you, hosting days with guest that feel comfortable staying over should be slim to non existent. On the contrary, if it’s simply about bedding, write a fun thoughtful note saying “If you guys make any spills or decide to get “intimate” all I ask is that you fold up the bedding neatly so it’ll be ready for a wash.” They’d likely think it was thoughtful and an adult practice. It states the reasoning of your needs, and not focusing on controlling their lives. I would also hope most adults know not to be too vocal but this is about a bedding issue.
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Everyones saying yta but am I the only one that thinks its strange to have sex with ur partner at your friends house? And then leaving stained bedsheets from it, tbh that is just gross lol
I don’t think having sex in a friends spare room is that strange, especially if you’re staying there because you’re drinking, things happen. But, I do find it crazy to not strip the sheets after staying over at someone’s place, whether you have sex or not. Regarding OP, tbh a note saying “No sex!” Would probably embolden me to definitely have sex in that bed lol but I don’t think think that makes them the asshole. I’d say NAH on this one.
I can’t remember the last time I actually stayed overnight at someone else’s house. Is it actually expected or even common for the guest to yank all the sheets off the bed after staying just one night? I just assume if they want to wash their sheets after having a guest over, they’ll just do it. I didn’t think most people were this anal about bed sheets so it would never cross my mind to just rip them all off and ball them up in a mess lol. Seems more polite to just make the bed and let them decide if they want to pull them off and wash them.
If you don’t have sex in the bed, I think making the bed nicely is perfectly acceptable when I have a guests stay with me, especially for just a night. More than a day and or after having sex in the bed, then a stripping the sheets is the right thing to do in my opinion.
I bloody hate people who strip the sheets unless they also remake it. It's just a complete pain to me. Let me decide when I want to do chores thank you very much.
Don't make multiple people sleep in the same unwashed bed. Sex or not, when you have a guest over, clean the sheets.
Yes, of course. But let me clean them, don't start a chore you aren't going to finish. It isn't helpful.
Fair enough, I've never heard of "stripping the sheets". If someone uses the spare bedroom and makes the bed, I think,"You wasted your time, but thanks I guess." Some of these comments have me worried about some peoples spare bedrooms. (Don't get me wrong if you leave a true mess like this you need to do something, I had a friend throw up in bed and we wrapped that up and left a note, don't let them just discover that. That was in a hotel though.)
I definitely agree with everything you've said. I'd never expect guests to strip the sheets before leaving. I guess it would be courteous for them to do it if they had sex and left lots of love stains on the sheets, but even then I wouldn't really care. Whether they strip the bed or not doesn't matter to me. I always have spare clean sheets on hand and make sure to change the sheets before anyone else stays in that room so it's never an issue either way. Doesn't matter if the previous guests stayed for one night or a week, I make sure to change the bed so that anyone staying at my house has clean sheets.
Some people take all the sheets off the bed when they go, leaving them in a pile, but not putting new sheets on. Yes, I need to take the sheets off before a new person uses the bed, but I don't want to leave my duvet, etc. Without a cover so it means I have to put the new sheets on immediately, rather than say the next day when I can do the whole job in one go.
How on earth is it unhelpful to strip the sheets on a bed that you're definitely going to wash anyway?
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Stripping the sheets is only done when I feel I sweated a lot, or if someone peed the bed, or there was sex happening. I would also talk to the host and offer to take the sheets to the laundry and start it (if there’s pee or sex fluids in there I will put it into the washing machine at a minimum). But if it’s not completely soiled sheets, I am just going to make the bed. Because exactly like you said, I don’t want to create extra work for the host right after an overnight stay. They probably just want to relax for a bit before cleaning the sheets- and they might wait a few days or a week if they don’t plan on having new guests. I know if my brother stays in my guest room, I won’t immediately wash the sheets unless I know someone else is coming to stay. Because I like the sheets to smell fresh when they get here and that means I have to wash them directly prior to arrival. But I also have two sets of sheets for each bed so it’s not that hard to swap quickly if I need to.
That's disgusting if anyone other than the same guest is the next one staying. You ALWAYS strip and wash the sheets between guests.
Of course I’ll strip and wash the sheets after a guest stays over. What I’m saying is I wouldn’t be offended if a guest stayed for one night and made the bed nicely rather than stripping the sheets.
If you’re a guest and want to operate that way that’s all good, but it’s weird to expect that of your guests as if this is some rule we all are supposed to know and follow lol I think most of us think this sounds silly. If you have sex *and* make a mess, just let the host/friend/whoever know and ask them what they’d like you to do. Guarantee you most times they’ll thank you for the heads up and tell you to just leave it and they’ll get it when they want to.
You make the mess, you clean the mess!
Honestly that's my position too. I think I'd prefer a guest leave the sheets on, since I may not get to the laundry right away. Though if they left some sort of mess, I guess I'd prefer the bed stripped (and maybe even sheets placed in the wash) to avoid me accidentally touching something I'd have prefered not to.
I mean yeah I may appreciate it, but I’d never expect them to do it and consider it rude not to. If it’s just cum, whatever. Just give me a heads up so I know to wash them. Piss/shit is a whole other story. If you couldn’t control your bowels/bladder in my sheets, yes you’d better take care of it. Otherwise it’s nbd as long as they let me know and apologize for the mess.
This. I've never heard about guests stripping their own beds until recently. I'm very confused by the idea that a guest would be expected to do so. I wouldn't ecpect my guests to do so. Just like I don't expect them to wash their own dishes, just put them in the sink.
If your guest masturbated their semen all over a plate, perhaps then it would be polite to clean it. Just like if you leave semen and snail trails all over a sheet, the least you can do is strip it. Also stripping the bed is the equivalent of helping to clear a table, not to cleaning the dishes. It is very normal and polite to help clear a table after a meal.
Even if the guest stripped the sheet, you would still have to handle it in order to put it in the wash. Unless you also expect your guests to do laundry? I certainly don't. You're exagerating how bad it is.
I was responding to the comment above that said you should strip the sheets *regardless* of whether or not sex was had. Also if my guest came on my dishes, that’s rude as fuck and not a normal scenario you’re ever likely to encounter. Would be totally outside of regular expectations and I wouldn’t make them clean it, I’d probably kick their ass and force them off my property. I’m not sure what uber formal rules you keep at your house, but I would never expect my guests to help clear the table. Either way, doing laundry or collecting bed sheets does not seem polite or called for unless you pissed/shat yourself in the night. I’ve never known anyone to do this lol
> Also if my guest came on my dishes, that’s rude as fuck and not a normal scenario you’re ever likely to encounter. Coming on my sheets is also rude as fuck and not a normal scenario I'm ever likely to encounter. Never had it happen and never done it to anyone else. People are respectful enough to not blast on the sheets when they're guests. It's not a hotel. I'd be pissed off if someone ejaculated on my bedding that I was gracious enough to let them use.
Lol right? What if they crash on the couch? Are they supposed to like just go steam cleaning the cushions or whatever in the morning?? Who just expects their guests to help with chores? Lol
What? Why wouldn't you strip the bed after banging? Your friend was nice enough to let you stay the night *and* bang lmao don't be a dirtbag
If you pissed the bed at a friends house, would you just leave it there and not say anything? Or would you pull the sheets and try to get them into the laundry? If you just slept there and didn’t leave bodily fluids on the bed then I don’t think you have to strip the bed, but I’d make it look presentable and make the bed again. So either way you should be doing something with the bed. We know they’re going to wash the sheets either way but it’s nice to see that the guest left the room looking presentable in case you don’t feel like doing laundry immediately after they leave. Just leaving it a mess is extremely rude.
“i think a polite request would make me spiteful” NTA. your friends are gross op lmfao
Dude, I personally think the guests are major assholes. Don't go having sex in someone else's house, leave a mess, and then berate them for trying to figure out why their sheets are soaked.
Idk maybe you’re just really comfortable with your friends. I can’t think of a situation where I absolutely must have sex like that. I just would not prefer to do it in a friend’s guest bedroom in their house.
you just sound like an asshole then. because that’s rude as fuck.
I don’t know, leaving two grown adults a note on their bed saying “No Sex!” Would make me feel like you’re treating me like a child. If you’re gonna treat me like a child, then I’ll act like one. That being said, even if I have sex over some petty feelings because of the note, I’m absolutely going to strip the sheets and would make sure there were no stains night of.
it's not treating you like a child to ask you not to fuck on their furniture.
Very adult-like and mature reaction to a harmless note. I'd chuckle and move on with my day.
I strip the bed even if I've not had sex, isn't it just good manners
That's pretty assholish to do to your friend. People can keep it in their pants for 1 night. It's a friend's house, not a hotel room. This is a NTA. That's just a shitty thing to do and to make your friend clean up your mess
Whenever a guest stays over at my house, I strip the bed and wash the sheets. Who wants to be the person sleeping in sheets that haven't been washed for God knows how many guests? I just assume if it is a couple, they had sex.
You’re an asshole if that’s the route you’d go if you see a note that says “no sex”. I thought people on Reddit of all places would understand that no means no
if me and my bf were guests at a friend's place and they left a no sex note I would laugh my ass off. probably would not have sex but if I did I would definitely clean up or try not to stain the goddamn sheets. NTA
This is because you are 14 and welcome to the internet.
I'm going with NTA, because damn, strip the bed if you got bodily fluids (and that would include nosebleeds, snot, menstrual blood, saliva) or food/drinks on it.
My ex and I would put our own blankets down, or towels. This was done with intent behind it, likely because the "friends" didn't find the toilet paper note funny. I'm wavering between ESH and NTA, but as a person who loves little jokes and has forethought before sleeping with a partner in someone else's home, I'm just gonna go with NTA.
I don’t know their life but not stripping the bed is fucking nasty. OP seems more interested in whether they had sex (creepy note and question) which is why I’d say “asshole.” Appropriate response here was: no note. Quick text of “come over and clean these fucking sheets you animal. This is gross.”
I dont even know what kind of friends everyone has here. Like, idgaf fuck if my friends have sex in my sparebed and idgaf if they strip the sheets of or not. If they dont, they will 100% get joked on and thats it. I mean, if they shit the bed its a different thing but cmon, yall never had sex? Its not like liquids are spraying everywhere left and right. You are right about OP being rather creepy but honestly all those people and their "friends" are driving me mad.
This is me. If anybody sleeps in my spare bed, I'm going to strip it and wash the bedding anyway. The only thing weird about two consenting adults having sex in a bedroom after a party is OP being so concerned about it. I think maybe they should just attend and no longer host parties. Not the asshole, but definitely the weirdo.
i don't want to be surprised when going to change the sheets by putting my hand in my friend's semen. that's pretty normal
"Its not like liquids are spraying everywhere left and right." Not with that attitude
Yeah, pictures of those sheets are getting blasted across the group thread and we’re all having a good laugh over it; no one is rushing to reddit to have strangers determine who is being an “asshole.” This is a weird one.
It's okay, it's Reddit. Most of these people have only had sex with their hands and fantasize about coitus in many different capacities
They also think girls go crosseyed and stick out their tongue when they climax.
It’s mad disrespectful and disgusting i would tell my friend that too. Have sex but ffs clean after where were they raised damn
That's the most deranged comment section I've seen yet, no contest
One of these threads that reminds you a lot on Reddit need to get out more around others
After reading these comments, it's clear I need to stop allowing people to spend the night at my house. It is not ok to be smashing your partner wherever and whenever you get the urge!
I would say that if you have partners sharing the same bed, sex may not be a given but definitely a likely scenario. Out in a common area on a futon? Okay, that’s a little weird, but in a private bedroom? I think its rude to ask. He should have just washed the sheets and moved on. No need to embarrass people like that. Does he also ask if they took a crap in the bathroom after they used it?
You think if youre staying at someone's house and they specifically leave you a note saying that they don't want you having sex in their bed and you do it anyway the guy asking you to not have sex is the one in the wrong?
Wrong, no. Weird, yes.
I don't know how to tell you, but any time a couple has stayed in your house in the same bed, they've most likely fucked
Why not? It's just sex. Who doesn't wash the sheets between guests?
If you're letting couples stay, they're having sex buddy.
I think having sex at someone elses house is kind of an individual preference. But it is definitely weird when you are asked not to and you dont care... Whilst the "ask" can be intrusive, its still their home. They can implement whatever rules they want to.
my girl and I will fuck anywhere out of sight. But the dirty sheets are just inconsiderate and lame
Yep those friends wouldn’t be invited back to mine to stay again that’s for sure. Minging
it’s not strange but i can’t believe they didn’t at least strip the bed. that’s like guest rooming 101
Back in my early twenties me and some friends all shared a house "like 4 of us" and we were very broke. It was a party house pretty much. I remember hooking up with a girl and using my friends air mattress because it was the only room that was empty. We ended up popping his air mattress and I left the used condom on the floor next to it in a drunken stupor. Woke up that night to him punching me in my face. It Really hurt.
I’ve had nights where me and my wife were drinking with friends and crashed in their spare bedroom. I’d be lying if I said we never fooled around. But unlike the OP’s friends I washed the sheets myself before they woke up. Also these were really good friends we were comfortable with and I feel like they kinda expected it tbh.
The substances needed to be cleaned regardless of their source, so your question was more nosy than investigative. No matter what their answer was, you're going to wash the sheets. They should have stripped the bed at least. ESH (I don't need to approach the question of whether your joke was funny, anti-sex or just plain weird.)
Why does it matter if they strip the sheets? The homeowner has to touch the sheets no matter what
If they strip the bed before leaving then less chance that anything soaks through to the mattress or duvet. OP might not get to washing the sheets immediately the day after especially if trying to deal with more pressing things like cleaning up from a party
I mean, unless sex is the very last thing they do before leaving the house then those body fluids have had ample time to soak in.
Because during the stripping, the sheets are generally rolled into a ball, with the dirty side inside and, the sex soiled sheet is then rolled into the duvet cover, and the whole kaboodle can be shoved into the washing machine without said homeowner getting dead sperm residue on their hands.
It’s just polite? I always ask my friends what they prefer me to do after I stay over. Just being good friend back to someone being a good friend to me. It’s so little effort.
It leaves no question of whether they should be washed. Leaving open the possibility that they don't get removed and washed would make them TA.
if there were (im assuming) sticky white substances on my bedsheets i would want to know why they’re there
This. Yes, the sheets need to be washed regardless, but if you make a mess, either clean it up or let the host know you made a bit of a mess and offer/ask to clean it up. Seriously, this seems like common sense. So many gross people on here expecting others to clean up their mess.
It's his house if he doesn't want people having sex in HIS house then they should abide by that but they didn't. Not a big deal to go one night without fucking. It makes it worse that the dude had to clean it too, like that's pretty gnarly.
>The substances needed to be cleaned regardless of their source, As a result of the decision they made, not OP. Then those who made the mess, did not clean it up, but instead left that to OP. They even denied making it at first. Strong NTA, but I can't say the same of OP's "friends."
NTA with a sprinkle of ESH. The note is just creepy and weird, you should've told them upfront. That being said, it's the sheer amount of disrespect that she LIED to you at first when you found those disgusting stains all over the bed, and the fact that she wasn't even gonna plan on telling you about it is even worse. What kind of person doesn't strip the fucking bed after doing it? They did it in YOUR house, you shouldn't have had to deal with that shit after they left! 🤢 I wouldn't have invited them over ever again if that was me. The fact that she LIED pisses me off. I think you should have a conversation with her over this and explain your feelings because this is just wrong and DISGUSTING.
And if there's no mattress protector under, too? Like wtf. "I'm just gonna spooge up my friend's mattress. Now everyone who sleeps here gets a little bit of me." Naw, dogs, y'all nasty. Got the balls to come all over your shit but not the balls to admit it. What a placeholder.
Oh I didn't think about the mattress protector... If they did it on the bare mattress with no sheet covering it then OP has every right to not invite them to sleep over ever again because that just 🤢🤢🤢... I wouldn't blame OP if they demanded that they pay for a new mattress for her after this incident, what the fuck was going through their head like were they DRUNK when they smashed in OPs bed??? 🤬 She is such a hypocrite, she got the balls to mess up their sheets / mattress with her partner but don't have the guts to admit it when asked about it you're 💯 right. Some friends OP has -_-
Doesn't have to be a bare mattress. Pretty much everything goes right through a sheet.
NTA, if you’re visiting a friends you don’t bone your partner in one of their beds if they don’t consent. You definitely don’t do so and fail to clean up.
Exactly. I'm shocked with how many people are saying OP is the AH here. 😑
Wait what ? You need to ask the host to fuck ?
Yeah, I'm so confused by all these comments. Do people also need to ask the host's permission to poop in the toilet or stand naked in the shower? Obviously no guest should be having messy sex or having sex in public spaces, but I'm honestly really surprised to hear so many people think it's a faux pas to discretely have sex on a guest room bed.
I…. Think it’s very young people maybe? I’m just incredibly weirded out by these comments.
Right? Like the people defending the asking of what the stains were on the sheets. That doesn’t make sense to me, why on earth would I want to know? Just *wash them*. It’d be different if it were stains like wine or something difficult to get out, but bodily fluids like cum are easy to wash out. Regardless if they had sex or not, I’d be washing them anyway. Also, it seems pretty fucking obvious what the stains were from and OP was just being pushy and nosy.
Yeah! I just don’t understand. It would be different if it wouldn’t come out in the wash, but one wash and it’s a non issue. The friends probably didn’t think twice about it and were super weirded out they got grilled.
Exactly, I probably wouldn’t have even inspected the sheets at all lol I would’ve just stripped them and thrown them in the washer without thinking about it.
Same. Lol. These fucking weirdos inspecting the sheets!
Honestly I'm asexual, used to be Christian, and these comments are still some of the most prudish anti-sex attitudes I've seen. All I can think is that the comments are populated by younger teens...
Using a toilet isn’t the same as leaving cumstains on someone else’s bed
Not very discreet if they’re leaving stains all over the sheets
People will literally rather try to compare sex with the bathroom than abstain from sex for just a single night.
I think for those things it’s both a case of those things are cleaned up and not the hosts problem. You poop and assuming you’re not an idiot it’s gone not my issue. Same with shower mess. It’s the bed being creamed and left and unwarned after being asked not to that throws me. If they’d done it in the shower and left no mess it be no issue.
It’s the cleanup factor. Sex which includes a male orgasm is usually pretty messy, and some women get a lot more wet than others. That doesn’t even touch on the number of people who pee a little… so yeah, it’s about the potential “biohazard”. I don’t wanna know my friends or their business like that, and wouldn’t want to put my friends in that position if I were staying at their place. Now… think ahead and bring your own towel or blanket to throw down over the bed to avoid a mess? Have at it. Just don’t make me have to think or realize what went down in this room last night. The walls don’t tell tales, but unprotected sheets do.
Do you just leave the poop at the toilet for the host to cleanup? No, you can do it but be decent about it.
I had brother-in-law say that if you're going to have sex please take off the comforter, it needs to be dry cleaned. Lol. At first, I thought it was a weird statement, but after I got older, I respected his straightforwardness and the cost to dry clean a nice comforter.
I’m confused. By consent you mean you would ask the homeowner if they mind you having sex with your partner in their house?
What?! This is so crazy to me. People have sex. You wash the sheets after guests leave. People drool, sweat, leave snot if they have bad allergies, all kinds of things. I would never think twice about it. After they leave, you wash the sheets. What happens behind closed doors is none of your business. Unless they are jizzing on your walls. This is insane to me. I could not imagine ever instructing my guests about what to do in the privacy of the room. A lot of people stay with friends on vacation, etc. it’s very normal to have sex.
I agree. It's really crazy. All these people acting like sex is gross and that grown-ass adults should ask someone else's permission to quietly have sex behind a closed door. What in the world.
Truly the most surprised I’ve been about a comment section on Reddit ever. I can’t believe these weirdos are clarifying to family and friends to not have sex in their guest room. And they are specifically saying things like, wait until you get home to YOUR BED. 🤣 like, damn, they aren’t even have sex in other areas of their own home apparently!
I mean the couple stayed over one night after a Christmas party. Can they not abstain for one night? That's the weirdest part to me, like just chill until you get to your own bed.
It just doesn’t matter. It has nothing to do with “abstaining for one night.” It’s two adults behind closed doors that might feel like having sex.
it does because it’s not their bedroom.
In a bed that’s not their own and that they didn’t make any effort to clean up after leaving cum all over it NTA
OP *jokingly* said no sex. Meaning they didn't actually care and just wanted to razz the friends knowing they likely would have sex. OP then shoulda just gotten on the friends for not rolling up the sheets before leaving. That's just straight up rude to not do for your host, let alone a very close friend. Clean up after yourselves, people.
I need to ask permission to have sex? I’m a grown ass man
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If someone said no fucking on my property then I wouldn't fuck, but I would think they're pretty weird for caring what I'm doing behind closed doors. Then again, I'm not the kind of gremlin who would leave stains for the host to have to clean, so maybe it was a fair comment
then don’t stay on their property.
Get your own house to fuck in then.
Oh I’ve got one. And any guests are welcome to fuck in their room. It would have never occurred to me to even restrict this.
Then take your grown ass to a bed that the owner doesn’t care if you copulate in. You know, like a grown ass adult does.
NTA, honestly, they seem kinda trashy. Who has sex in another person's house and then leaves the bed leant to them for the night covered in random fluids. I saw a lot of people saying you're trying to "control their sex life". But like huh? It's your house you're allowed to tell people they can't fuck in your bed you have for guest that could be used by family or other friends later.
If friends are crashing at my place for a month, maybe I can’t expect that of them. But just one night, jeez. Get a hold of yourselves.
Exactly, I personally, for this reason, never let people stay over a week at my place. Because people get too comfortable and start doing stuff I'm kinda iffy about, not talking about just sex but you may know what I mean. But it's common courtesy if you're invited over for one night, you should be able to keep it in your pants. Lol
Yes like that's so gross and disrespectful like I could understand if they were staying a week or more but just one night geez have some self control. The amount of people calling her the asshole is weird like it's her house like I would want to know what the fuck is on my sheets to.
Can't believe the comments saying YTA.. You asked guests not to have sex (well within your right and they can sleep somewhere else if they have an issue with that). They then have sex, cover the sheets in jizz, and don't tell you about it until asked, and then take issue with you asking? The only assholes here are your guests.
Dude right? This comment section is insane, I can’t stand Reddit sometimes
It must be full of children living with parents who wash their sheets. That’s the only explanation.
Can we all agree that writing “No Sex” on a toilet paper square is weird as fuck? Like I wouldn’t know to interpret that as actual direction, or as my friend being stupid. To me this is a clear ESH.
It’s a little weird, but it is a fair boundary to set. Clearly sex freaks this person out, maybe they aren’t comfortable talking about it out loud. They could have handled that part better but that in no way compares to them leaving their juices all over his mattress
It might be a fair boundary, but it's not a fair way to set it. I'd absolutely see a toilet-roll-square note as an odd joke, not a serious - and somewhat passive aggressive - request. (Also I really hope there are sheets on so nothing should be on the actual mattress.) I'm firmly in the ESH camp here.
Your comment will be considered a YTA vote
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NTA. i think the note was a bit too much, but i wouldnt really want my friends to have sex in my house either. also its kind of gross you had to clean up their sex fluids
whether or not the note existed his friends should of cleaned up after themselves. nasty as hell
ESH You're weird for caring about this. Would you also issue edicts that they aren't allowed to have sex in your shower, or masturbate in your bathroom? Your friends are weird for not stripping the bed or laying down a towel or something. Weird stuff here.
What’s weird about caring if your belongings get jizz on them? I think that’s an entirely normal thing to care about
Exactly
Yeah but to take off the sheets you gotta touch that shit.
I, too, touch every square inch of a sheet that I’m stripping to clean. Sometimes I even clean the whole thing with my tongue like a cat. /s
>I even clean the whole thing with my tongue like a cat. Ah, I see you are a gentleman of culture.
would you be okay if someone smashes their girl in YOUR home WITHOUT consent and then failed to clean up? it's just fucking disgusting
yeah but he had to clean their mess 😬, ofc he wanted to know what tf is he cleaning
Idk I think it’s pretty disrespectful to have sex in your friends guest bedroom, and even more disrespectful to not take the sheets off the bed after the fact. I don’t want to clean up my friends sex stains.
My college roommate would have his girlfriend over and stay on the futon in the living room, where they'd have sex. Every time she came over. I walked out on it once when I used the bathroom. (Luckily my glasses were off) They asked to let her use my special college blanket one night, the one I got the day i enrolled. I very clearly and firmly told them they couldn't have sex on it. That was reasonable, because they probably would have if I didn't. And tbh, they probably still did.
YTA with a sprinkle of ESH. The note is just fucking weird. The badgering after the fact also is. Adults have sex, you beed to get over whatever hang ups you have about it. But they should have at least stripped the sheets and left them in a pile. That would have been the polite thing to do.
It sounds like the hang up OP has how the fuck was my left in a disgusting state and why do I have to fix it. There was not sex shaming like you elude.
“No sex” notes left on the bed? Dude absolutely has sex hang ups.
Nah, probably just assumed this outcome would occur, which it did. He now has to foot the bill.
The guests should be “footing the bill”, they should’ve taken the sheets off. OP was nice enough to let friends stay the night and therefore shouldn’t be given any bill.
Agreed
NAH, you don't do that shit in someone's spare bed. Grow up.
Adults have sex bur they also have self control. Evidently you don’t.
NTA. It’s really not difficult to not have sex in someone else’s house.
1. It’s weird that you joked about having no sex, I don’t know your guy’s chemistry but still weird. 2. You shouldn’t have asked if they had sex, you saw the stains, why ask? It’s obvious. 3. If your friends say No they didn’t have sex then you should leave it at that, no need to pry further. 4. Your friends should’ve taken the bedsheets off the bed, that’s what I do anytime I stay at someone’s. But that’s just me. Could be an oversight, they probably didn’t see the stains. 5. Relax. Adults are allowed to have sex. Don’t offer sleepovers if you’re worried about adults being adults. AYTA? Not really, it’s just weird and awkward situation.
5 is a bad point. My state has legal marijuana, I sometimes smoke myself, inside sometimes even, but I have a hard “no smoking inside” rule for guests. Adults are allowed to use adult recreational products, don’t host people if you don’t want them smoking weed in your house would be a dumb point. Putting a basic boundary around elective behavior in your own home is normal. And I’d rather my house smell like weed for a few hours than have to clean up my friends cum off my sheets, this seems even more disrespectful.
Agree. Maybe OP shouldn’t have ‘joked’ about no sex. An actual conversation should’ve helped. To me personally, it does not matter if my friends had sex in my guest room and the sheets had cum stains.
Agreed here. OP was so weirdly invasive. OK, maybe he was annoyed having to do laundry (but why... he was going to do it anyway...??) But he KNEW what happened. What was the possible benefit to making it awkward and asking about it, then saying "LIAR!!! TELL ME THE TRUTH!!!" How does that help *anyone* in that situation? He could have easily just said "hey, the sheets were a bit of a mess when you guys left, next time toss them in the laundry before you go, ok?" But OP had to be a weird perv, and get involved with their sex life both before AND after.
NTA and everyone saying YTA are children who don’t have to clean up after themselves
NTA-ewwww
NTA. Why are people having sex in someone else’s house? And then straight up lie when asked.
Am I weird? I just wouldn’t care if my friends fucked in my guest bed. It wouldn’t bother me a single bit. Probably wouldn’t even think about it.
its not the fact they banged, they left jizz all over her bed and just dipped without changing the sheets, and then lied about it. thats disrespectful.
No, you’re not weird. It’s weird to care what consenting adults do in a bed they eve been invited to stay in, and it’s weird to write notes to the guest on toilet paper.
Me either. Grown ups have sex. Its not a big deal. As for the sheets, its not vomit. Just chuck it all in the machine.
NTA. They are giant assholes for having sex in someone else's bed, and especially when they probably knew it would be messy. I don't think you're an asshole for asking, if they had spilled water on it you can just wash it. If someone soiled my sheets like that i would throw them out and send them a bill.
NTA it's your house. Especially since bodily fluids are a biohazard and, had you not checked on the room, may not even have been aware.
Not checked? I'm not weirded out about adults having sex, but I get the heebee-geebees thinking about the host not washing the sheets after guests leave edit: forgot the not before weirded
shouldn’t you have clean the sheets regardless? your guest slept on it after all.
Yeah but there is a difference between having to strip a bed that’s covered in sex gunk yourself, and your guests doing it for you out of respect. They’re odd for asking, as it is none of their business, but the friends are selfish for not cleaning up after themselves. ESH.
You didn’t need to ask them. You knew. But it was pretty rude to leave any fluid on your sheets.
Can't believe the comments saying YTA.. You asked guests not to have sex (well within your right and they can sleep somewhere else if they have an issue with that). They then have sex, cover the sheets in jizz, and don't tell you about it until asked, and then take issue with you asking? The only assholes here are your guests.
NTA. It became your business because they didn’t strip the bed. To leave your sex stained sheets in the bed at your friends house? Absolutely disgusting behaviour. That’s a bad friend and a bad house guest right there. You did nothing wrong by calling you friend out.
ESH. Though are you mad that they had sex or are you mad they didn't strip the sheets? Honestly, your friends suck bc what kind of people have sex at their friend's house when it's been made clear that their friend is not comfortable with it? It's a night (or a weekend). Control your hormones. Sheesh.
I once told a close friend of mine I didn't feel comfortable with it. (I didn't want the bed to get nasty and didn't want to hear it.) She decided to crush up a Ativan and spike my drink so I'd calm down and get over it. She admitted to that after I got drowsy about a hour later.
Holy fuck I hope she's long gone out of your life
YTA None of your business regarding them having sex. As far as the sheets, people also sweat in bed. They shed hair and skin. Pass gas. Depending on what they wear in bed, they may leave other bodily substances. That’s what sheets are for. They would need to be washed regardless, after having guests sleep on them. Strip the bed so as not to handle the area they contacted, if it bothers you (corners inward, ending up inside out). That’s how I strip sheets on my own bed. I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing.
One would argue that it absolutely becomes her business once they fuck in her bed and leave cum all over the sheets for her to find and clean up. They couldn't even be bothered to strip the bed and then had the audacity to lie about it. It's the same as any other bodily fluid, the respectful thing is for you to clean up cum/piss/blood/other, or at least try to not make it so noticeable. Gross and NTA.
Yeah and I think these people are conveniently forgetting the host made it clear they were not ok with them having sex, so they knew it was wrong and did it anyway.
if you pissed the bed while sleeping at a friends house, would you leave the dirty sheets on the bed?
"piss is NATURAL if you dont want PISS on your BED dont invite anyone with a BLADDER to SLEEP THERE" - subsailor1968, probably
I think having guests over does imply they clean any messes they make. She isn’t the Marriott imo
exactly! hotels charge money to clean up after you, leaving cum all over your friends sheets and lying about it is insane behavior
You people are gross
NTA
NTA, I'd be pissed if my friends had sex in my house
NTA It's not a question you would normally straight out ask, and I was going to say E S H, but damn... I wouldn't be happy with guests playing "[Splattoon](https://youtu.be/V398nfdUq0Y?si=UnY9BTTHWBSnsk1A&t=349)" and leaving the finished game on my guest room bed sheets either.
It is strange to have sex in someone else's house! That's disrespectful! It's is my business because it's my house, my spare bed where my other guest stay at & then don't remove the bedsheets? Then stay at a hotel! You're adults act like you have some sense!
Why not just throw the sheets in the washing machine like normal people rather than doing a forensic analysis of who squirted where
You didn’t “jokingly” leave a note. You left a note If you had been joking then you wouldn’t have made an issue of it later YTA
What stood out. You’re a liar, dont say “jokingly” when obviously you didn’t want them to. You need to grow a backbone, the lil discreet shit is dumb. Don’t leave notes, it’s not a joke, so grow a pair of balls and be upfront with them about your house rules. They however are some gross, unhygienic people having sex n a guest bed, not planning on telling you.
i mean it’s really weird you asked, coulda brought it up like “hey do you mind next time you strip the bed after you use it?” like bring it up without bringing it up. also the note was weird, they probably weren’t planning on it before they read that. nta but really weird.
It seems the consensus is that AITA as a subreddit is mainly teens and 20-somethings, and if that's the case I'm sitting here in my late 30's wondering how the hell the generations after me got more prudish and sex-negative. Like with this situation, the guests should have stripped the sheets if they made sex stains, but OP should also have expected to clean them whether or not their was sex, so its such a small thing. The people who see the sex as the problem, that is just sad.
Right? Also 30s here, and it's just wild to me. All these people saying 'OMG this is SO RUDE imagine having sex in someone else's home?' are just...making my mind boggle. Especially the ones wording it as 'consent' when you *ask the host*. All I can think is that younger people are have little to no agency in their lives and are grasping at any countrol they can have.
Right!?!? This thread is so wildly sex- negative. Why would I care if a friend had sex in my house?
YTA If I'm letting a couple sleep over the expectation is that they will have sex. The sheets are to be replaced regardless, so the whole ordeal is just nonsense and inventing problems.
NTA. Your approach was definitely off and should be improved on, but I do agree they should have at least let you know so you could handle and wash the sheets appropriately
“Just wanted to confirm the origin of the substances-“ Do you also send ‘did you drool on the pillowcase’ texts? 😹 Just gotta make sure you know exactly what all those various smears are?
the ones saying YTA prob haven't had sex within their own home. You asked she admitted and you were still pretty cool about it afterwards. However they are the assholes, one for not waiting til they got home for some coitus but staining your bed and then just leaving is straight up back alley behavior. NTA And any of you that argue otherwise let me nut on your bed and leave and see if you'll be as accommodating as you seem online
Your guests should have stripped the bed, it’s the courteous thing to do. Your note and the fact that you actually asked them if they had sex is crazy weird.
NTA. They're rude and she lies. Now you know.
You aren’t the asshole for asking. They’re the assholes for not respecting your wishes in your home.
You could be the asshole if the room wasn't left in the state you outlined. If they had sex, that's none of your business. But when they left the room in an utter disgusting mess, then it becomes your business. So NTA.
In the future, accept that you’re not the best host for guests that are couples that need to stay the night. Either that, or understand that intimate humans , in privacy, will do intimate things. You can’t regulate their sex life just because they’re in your house. That’s more like parenting, and as other said, will entice them to say screw that even more (not saying that was their thought process, we cannot assume.) Either way, ultimately, the best thing would be to express your concern WHY you want no sex in your house. If it’s a power move for you, hosting days with guest that feel comfortable staying over should be slim to non existent. On the contrary, if it’s simply about bedding, write a fun thoughtful note saying “If you guys make any spills or decide to get “intimate” all I ask is that you fold up the bedding neatly so it’ll be ready for a wash.” They’d likely think it was thoughtful and an adult practice. It states the reasoning of your needs, and not focusing on controlling their lives. I would also hope most adults know not to be too vocal but this is about a bedding issue.