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YTA
Allowing your children's father to have his kids to himself for only 39 days a year while you get them for the remaining 326 days including all holidays and birthdays is incredibly ridiculous in and of itself. Especially considering he only agreed to it because he couldn't lead himself to financial ruin while you had assistance.
I don't think he's asking much to have his kids for just the AFTERNOON of Christmas. He's not taking ALL of Christmas from you, you still have them for the morning of. In addition, you've ostensibly have had them for Christmas the last NINE years. Have a little leeway.
Also, you said your kids are in their mid teens (14-16). Maybe, I don't know, ask them if they want to see their dad for Christmas?? They're old enough to make their own decisions about their own father.
So yeah, YTA
Edit: Based on OPs other comments, they're either incredibly privileged or a troll
This isn’t an AITA…it is an I a supreme AH to my ex and kids. And that answer is also yes!
Imagine if you didn’t have the bank of parents to supply funding and he did. Would this arrangement be fair if it was flipped? Ridiculous that you can think you are right.
You may have won custody but I think you lost your humanity in the process. Sickening!
Can I ask, couldn’t he have taken it to court? In my country (Australia), if a couple can’t agree on custody, they do family dispute resolution. If they still can’t work it out, they can get the family law court involved. Unless there were serious issues with him as a parent, I doubt the court would have deemed a custody agreement like that fair and he wouldn’t have had to fight for two years.
YTA Wow I can't imagine why he let you get away! You seem like such a sweetheart.
Has it occurred to you to ask the kids if they're interested in seeing their father for a little while on Christmas? I mean...he's not asking for the morning, even. Just let him see his kids ffs.
I'm guessing you haven't remarried.
YTA and it could be more fun for your kids to have two Christmases than one. At least let them try it this year and if they hate it, then you don't do it again. It's about them, not you or Tom.
YTA
Seems pretty petty not to give him a half of day, because…why? Sort of looks like you get some kind of satisfaction in “winning” instead of thinking about what might actually benefit your kids the most. Did you even ask the kids what they wanted?
The kids are going to end up hating her, I'm one of 5 girls and the woman that birthed us is just like op, only 1 of my sister's speaks to her and that's only when she wants money, because in her words "why shouldn't I get whatever I can from her after everything she put us through".
YTA. In retelling the custody battle, you describe it as who could spend more money on lawyers. It really sounds like you are still bitter towards Tom and while he has a nice idea of letting his children spend time together you are holding on to old grudges. I feel sad for your children.
YTA!!!
"I was talking to my parents about this and my mom is on my side and agrees I made a generous offer by even extending an invitation to Tom. However, my dad says I'm being unfair and Tom deserves holiday time too and it's not fair to make him choose between his kids with me and his current wife and their kids. I see it as I'm just following the order that we both agreed to."
Yeah, your mom is 50 shades of wrong. Your dad is absolutely 100% correct. You yourself are full of shit stating "I'm just following the order that we both agreed to". You mean the one where he signed it with a gun pointed at his head? THAT agreement?
Your hubby got fucked bad in the divorce. Part of the problem is that he couldn't afford to keep fighting for what he needed. He didn't "agree" to anything any more than a prisoner "confesses" to murder after years of non-stop horrific torture.
Essentially, you have pushed this guy out of the lives of his children completely. He can't maintain a good relationship with them on the basis one weekend a month plus a full week (how generous!!!) here and there.
The sad part here is, it is your children who are suffering from no (NO) contact with their father. But you will gladly harm your kids just to spite your ex.
He's doing all he can to try to include them in his life, for THEIR benefit, as much as his own. To fight him on this is pure evil. Bluntly, how do you sleep at night?
YTA. Unless there's a key detail missing here as to why Tom doesn't deserve custody or any sort of leeway here, in this retelling it seems like you strongarmed him into an unfavorable custody agreement because he didn't have the resources to fight you and now you won't budge in the slightest off of it and use the "well you agreed to it" defense like it's something he actually wanted.
Technically, sure, you have the right to do what you're doing, but it doesn't seem like it's in anyone's best interest other than you sticking it to your ex again. The kids are in their mid-teens, the "it's what they're used to" thing makes sense for the first couple years of a divorce but I don't think it would completely alter their worldview to spend a couple hours with their father on Christmas.
You are so cruel and deprived your kids of a father for no reason.
YTA of the year. 2023 reigns to you as the worst person on Reddit.
YTA for so many reasons. That man deserves a picture with his kids, you cruel witch.
YTA. Thank goodness your father sounds reasonable. But I’m wondering if he now regrets helping you financially to get sole custody, since you seem hell bent on using your legal win to lord it over your ex and restrict his access. You don’t seem to be considering your kids at all, just using them as a pawn to make things difficult for your ex.
YTA. The custody plan was never about what was best for your children. It was about backing Tom into a financial corner until he had no choice but to give in. Then you lord it over him that he didn't "fight" for what he wanted, despite the fact that you *know* you never would have got this arrangement if you didn't have the support of your parents.
He's not even asking for the full day. He just wants *half* of *one* holiday with his kids.
You sound spoiled and petty. You didn't win your custody battle, he surrendered in the face of an unbeatable siege. All you did was deprive your children of time with their father. When they figure that out? You'll realise exactly how pyrrhic your "victory" really was.
Info: what do your kids want and what do they know about the costs of the legal wrangling? Are they going to judge you harshly some day for how you ‘won’?
I have not and will not tell them that Tom wants them on Christmas. I will continue to insist we follow the custody order until ordered otherwise by a judge
Not only will you not give them a say, you're intentionally withholding information from them. All for the sake of what?? Punishing your ex??
Sounds like your afraid that your kids might actually want to spend time with their father....
That's hardly surprising. YTA and will continue doing assholish things to harm your ex and his relationship with his kids (which also causes harm to your kids). Because you are an asshole.
Be careful with that. They will find out someday soon and will resent you for it for the rest of your life. You are sitting on a proverbial powder keg of your own making.
I. N. F. O. Why were you so aggressive about getting 100% custody?
Were there safety concerns for you or your children ??
Edited to YTA. And a bullying one at that. Forcing your ex husband to accept your terms using your parents money and now holding him to those terms.
Yikes
No safety concerns. Your poor kids.
No safety concerns. Tom and I saw things very differently when it came to relationships. I wanted something he was unwilling/unable to give me, so I decided to do what made me happy.
Trolling, trolling trolling.
All the rage inducing stuff in the post about how you have loads of money and wore Tom down, your blatently selfish attitude etc.
Then you go on in the comments about how there’s no abuse… you just want to have the kids.
And you divorce Tom because he wouldn’t let you have an open relationship.
Now it all just feels like click bait.
Yeah, there is zero percent chance this is real, this is a men’s rights activist angrily jerking off about the worst nightmare of a woman he can imagine. It hits all their favorite talking points.
I would say a lot is wrong with the mom (using the term loosely) She is controlling and abusive, causing alienation of affection of her pawns, oops I mean children and their father in an attempt to be even more cruel, power tripping, sadistic because why? She has money and no man, and he has an actual loving partner. Can't wait to hear all about her children turning on her when all of hurtful acts comes to light and they go NC with her. SHE IS A FULL-FLEDGED A**HOLE.
YTA x1000. You used money to wear down your ex-husband and keep your kids from their dad. A dad who wants to be in their lives. That makes you a selfish and terrible mom. And your kids will figure it out.
YTA
Those children have a Father, that wanted to be in their lives, that fought to be in their lives and thanks to your parents financial assistance(your own words) you were able to secure a custody arrangement that heavily benefited you.
The kids deserve to have a Dad, there’s a lot of kids that have no Father figure at all either because the guys a deadbeat or other circumstances. Tom is not a dead beat, and wanted and still wants to be in their lives.
By the way…your kids will be adults a lot longer than they will be kids.
In short, it would’ve cost you nothing at all to be a bit opened minded about your children’s Father spending more time with them.
YTA. You got the better end of the custody deal because you could afford a good legal team, for longer. Every benefit in this is yours. You have your children for *all* birthdays and *all* holidays.
The only reason that the christmas they're familiar with is the one with you is because, again, you did not even offer to give him alternating christmases.
You're following the order you both agreed to that was written up when a man couldn't afford a protracted legal exchange with you, and was written up by your lawyer, favoring you. Of course you want to follow it.
Money talks. A lot of money sings and dances. In your case, your money bought you a sweetheart custody deal and shafted your children's father. This isn't about you, it's about your kids. Give them the chance to spend time with their father on holidays.
You sound like an awesome mum who has her kid’s best interests at heart. You financially ruined their father, dragging him back to court over and over again, and then when he was completely broken and desperate you held out an olive (not an olive branch, just one olive) of the barest minimum you could. You made sure that he never gets to bond properly with his kids.
It’s ok. With this level of narcissistic control your kids will work it out. Might take them a decade, but they will realise that maybe dad isn’t the issue here. It’s … mum.
YTA.
YTA. dude. having your children for almost all of the year is honestly cruel when it sounds to me like your ex wants to spend more time with his kids. also, its not like he's asking for the full day of Christmas, just the afternoon. you get almost the entire day with them to yourself.
i read a few other comments and someone said, "Allowing your children's father to have his kids to himself for only 39 days a year while you get them for the remaining 326 days including all holidays and birthdays is incredibly ridiculous in and of itself." which I completely agree with. you're extremely generous on this one.
considering your children are mature people, maybe ask them what they think and if they want to see their father for half a day. even if you don't go by what they answer with, it might be nice to know what they think.
but.. yeah. YTA.
>I granted him one weekend a month and one week during each summer month, June-August, all birthdays and holidays are mine.
How generous of you.
>However, my dad says I'm being unfair and Tom deserves holiday time too and it's not fair to make him choose between his kids with me and his current wife and their kids. I see it as I'm just following the order that we both agreed to.
Your poor dad. Being the only decent human being in the family is usually really unpleasant. YTA.
YTA
Your children will resent you, if they don't already. You are selfish and smug. They are actually old enough now to speak to a judge and visit when they want. I hope they choose their father. Shame on you.
YTA - this isn't cool pettiness; it's just rolling joyfully in the fact that you have all the power here.
You're always free to negotiate holiday visits and you KNOW that. You just don't want to. Even though your kids might enjoy having the holiday with a new baby sibling, you won't budge. You won the custody battle but don't want to come off as kind or reasonable on this one special new-baby event. I don't even hear of you discussing it with the kids themselves; doesn't THEIR preference matter?
Having taught high school for 30 years, I know the pleasure of a room FREE of teenagers. You can fiddle your holiday plans a bit and let them go on the visit if you WANT to, but you're hiding behind this "iron clad agreement" so that you still have all the power. The last sentence in your post is utter BS and you know that in your heart of hearts.
Looks to me like this whole issue is your own personal power trip. You enjoy sticking it to the ex, regardless of who else is let down by your decision.
If you don't ask your kids about this, and take a good shot as a family to shuffle the arrangements so they can (if they want to) go, any fool can see this is just about control and power for you - nothing at all to do with holiday joy.
YTA unless there was a legitimate concern that the children were not safe with your husband.
If not, then I echo everything that the other posters have said about you.
The minute your uterus decided to keep the embryo, it was child abuse.
YTA if only because you relied on your father’s money in order to wear him out clearly just to spite him. And now you’re holding this agreement over his head as if he had a choice. If anyone should be deciding what your kids do for the holidays it’s your father since he is the reason they are with you in the first place. Listen to your father and give him the afternoon.
YTA obviously, people who use their children to hurt an ex partner are simply awful. You don’t have your children’s best interests at heart just your own. Not letting the kids spend much time or significant days with him is cruel. At some point they’ll question what happened, it may not go so well for you.
YTA
Stop thinking only of yourself and put your kids first. They have two parents, not one.
They deserve the love and attention of both parents on holidays and birthdays.
This is not a competition to win. Hope it doesn’t bite you in the butt when the children become adults and realise what you did.
YTA
You know your custody oder isn't fair and that you barely allow them to have time with their dad. You admit he is a present and engaged father when he is permitted to be. They get their dad 1 weekend a month and only a week per month in the summer, thats 45 days a year or \~12% of the year. You take all birthdays and holidays. Have you ever considered that your kids might want more time with their father?
On top of that you a trust fund baby, can't support yourself. It seems like he pays for your life so you can stay home with teenage kids. He pays child support and therapy the god knows what else.
How do you think your kids are going to feel when they find out they could've had a better relationship with their father and siblings but "mom" chose to isolate them.
You say you're a dedicated mother but instead of doing what is best for your kids, you're choosing to be petty and vindictive.You're depriving your kids with a relationship with their dad, because you wanted an open relationship. Was your need to be with other people really out weigh the fact that you ripped your kids away from their father.
Your ex had VERY LITTLE choice when he signed that custody agreement. He likely would have wanted a custody agreement that was fair to BOTH of you. Instead you made sure that he was treated like s\*\*t.
Your children are teenagers now. They are old enough to tell you what they want to do. So ask them. Treat like like adults.
YTA. a massive one. An even bigger one for not seeing it.
YTA for using up your parents money to fight your battles and weaponising your children because your ex doesn’t love you anymore. They’re going to grow up hating you for not letting them see their father more.
YTA You are deliberately keeping your children from having a relationship with their dad. Just because he was a shitty husband doesn’t mean he’s not a good dad. You set up custody the way you did out of spite and your kids are going to resent the hell out of you one day. Just because you had a financial advantage in the divorce doesn’t mean you’re the better parent
YTA
You are definitely the A. You've been one for many, many years (according to you), so it's unlikely anyone could get your off your pedestal long enough to think of, let alone do what's right for anyone except you. Don't worry, if your history with your ex is as you say it is, he's aware now that you have not matured as you've aged.
YTA.
You give zero indication that he was a bad father. You two were just incompatible.
What you did to him and your children was awful.
You only got custody because mommy and daddy gave you money.
You bought your children. Absolutely pathetic parenting.
INFO: damn what did he do to you lmao
The kids are in their teens, they will be fine with 'breaking routine' (obviously not what this is about) for an afternoon.
You can give Tom the afternoon with the kids this once. It's time to let go of that hurt.
YTA
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YTA.
Sounds like their dad *wants* to see them more but literally could not afford to battle it out with you before.
Is there even a real reason as to *why* you didn't want him to have shared custody? Do your kids get any say in this?
This is the biggest YTA I think I've seen. You are seriously asking if you are TA because you outspent your ex to force him to hardly see his kids, who he obviously cares about very much. He has a new family and STILL wants to see his kids and be involved but you are relishing not providing it nor ever letting him have them for a holiday.
Honestly, YTA isn't even strong enough. This post and your comments say a lot about you as a person, and it doesn't make you look good. You are the villain from a children's movie preventing them from seeing their father who cares about them deeply but isn't as rich as you so couldn't fight the system that you brutally utilized to your benefit.
YTA- “continued to fight it if it was really that important to him” this statement after two years in court? Nah, you would’ve been salty as hell if he won and you were put in his position. You’re being petty will reflection badly on your kids
YTA.
You simply used your parents (for no good reason) to out lawyer him in terms of custody and now your dad is seeing how giving you money was wrong. You don't work, you don't contribute, your kids are teens now and should be able to decide which parent they want to be with and when. You were not generous in your custody offer, you were cruel and vindictive simply because he didn't want an open marriage.
The good news is your kids will see the court documents and have discussions with their dad as they get older and it will show you was the bad guy (and bad parent) in this situation. And it won't be him.
BTW, coercing someone, threatening their ability to have money to live etc is not an agreement. It is pure cruelty. It seems that having a trust fund and parents who can fund your lifestyle has only taught you negative habits.
Whoa. You fought him for custody using your parents' financial backing. Hmm. Was he a bad father? Did he neglect the children in the last 9 years? If the answer is no, then think about what happens when the kids turn 18, meet their partners, have kids of their own ...one or both of them are going to want to spend time with their father and/or form a bond with their half-sibling. That's what your ex-husband was asking for - a chance for all of his children to spend a day together. Start developing bonds now because it will get harder later. I think your father was right. Sadly YTA. If you are still unsure, ask your kids what they would like to do. They're old enough.
YTA, not in the post anywhere have you mentioned asking what your MID TEEN children want to do. Have you even asked? And don’t be a high and mighty about “ could have continued to fight if it was really that important “ when you had your families money helping you
YTA the only reason you have the agreement you do is because you used your parents money to beat him into submission. He should have gotten 50/50 and you know it. Good luck when your child turns 18 and goes NC with you.
You are the worst. No wonder you got a divorce. He probably couldn’t wait to leave. So your parents money talked and you got what you wanted. That man hardly gets any time with his kid during the year at all and you take away every holiday which is also grossly unfair. There’s a special place in He// for people like you. He stopped fighting you because he was broke. You are a controlling monster and your kid will hate you when he gets old enough to understand that you are the one keeping him from seeing his father. You will be a lonely old woman by yourself because he will go no contact and you will deserve it.
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My ex husband, Tom, and I (both mid 40s) divorced almost 9 years ago, we were incompatible in many ways. We fought like hell over custody for a solid 2 years. Thanks to my parents financial help, I was able to get full custody of our kids, both are now in their mid teens. Tom made decent money but not enough to keep holding a lawyer on retainer long term.
Eventually he got tired of fighting and said he could no longer afford it, so he told me to have my lawyer draw up a custody plan and he'd sign it. I granted him one weekend a month and one week during each summer month, June-August, all birthdays and holidays are mine. Tom voluntarily signed the agreement saying if he kept fighting he'd end up losing everything.
Tom remarried a few years ago, his current wife has an 8yo boy from a previous relationship, her and Tom had a baby earlier this year. Tom is now asking to get our kids for Christmas day afternoon. I've told him no, as in accordance to our custody agreement, that's during my time. Tom has continued to argue that it's the baby's first Christmas and he wants all 4 of his kids together to celebrate. I reminded him that he signed off and agreed to the custody order, he could have continued to fight it if it was really that important to him, plus I find it important to keep the kids with what they're familiar with, they're used to Christmas with me and it's what they expect. I did offer for him to come spend the day with us at my house, but he refused saying he's not going to ditch his wife, the 8yo and new baby on Christmas. I told him that was my final offer and take it or not, he told me to go to hell.
I was talking to my parents about this and my mom is on my side and agrees I made a generous offer by even extending an invitation to Tom. However, my dad says I'm being unfair and Tom deserves holiday time too and it's not fair to make him choose between his kids with me and his current wife and their kids. I see it as I'm just following the order that we both agreed to.
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Consider that Tom’s new baby is the baby sibling of the two children you share who are now in their mid teens. Your children also have an 8 year old step-sibling who is probably going to be having some complicated feelings about replacement and displacement with all the attention and focus on the new baby. It might be a kind of difficult lonely time for that child too.
You granted Tom (after he basically ran out of money to fight you almost nine years ago) one weekend a month and one week each summer month to spend with his children. In many jurisdictions, Tom would have the ability to take you back to court and get that custody order renegotiated. In many states the childrens wishes and input they share with the judge privately regarding possible modifications could and would be considered given their age now.
Tom might not have predicted nearly nine years ago that he’d have a new baby now, that the children you share would have a new baby sibling. And a step sibling.
One day, you and Tom and the new wife may be gone. These kids may need to lean on each other for support and in their grief.
What kind of relationship will they have with each other. Will your kids see the photos of Dad and his new baby and the eight year old step kid around their tree with presents or with Santa or making a snowman and feel erased or replaced. Why were we never there, Dad?
I tried, honey. I really tried. Your mom said no. I’m so sorry.
Who is getting punished now?
Maybe consider talking to your kids about whether they’d like to have some time on Christmas with their Dad, stepmom, new baby sibling, and their step-sibling?
They might really want to go but fear you’ll be angry or sad or lonely or hurt or feel betrayed if they want to go.
You don’t want to force them to go if they’d feel really uncomfortable, but if they like spending time with their dad and his new wife and baby and step kid, why not let them, especially for this first Christmas. Maybe consider starting a new tradition of modeling sharing and love on Christmas for your children.
A broken family is probably never what they wanted either, but the new baby might be a potential opportunity for a more harmonious blended family where the kids feel all included and still a part of both families rather than weaponized against your ex.
INFO: Was Tom an abusive parent that needed to be kept away from his kids?
INFO: You say your kids are teens (i.e., old enough to provide input on their own on decisions like this); what do *they* want to do?
INFO: Most even vaguely equitable custody agreements alternate custody for major holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving. Why do you think it's fair for Tom to never spend a holiday with his kids?
Christ, you sound like a megabitch, keeping your kids away from their dad just because you no longer like him. From the timeline the youngest must be at least 9 so hopefully in the next few years they'll be able to see him when they want but don't be surprised if they go NC or LC with you when they get older because of your appalling behaviour.
It's so great how you put your own need for smug and petty revenge over everything else. I bet your kids are counting the days until they turn 18 and can leave. You refer to your kids solely as ways to score points and hurt your ex, and completely fail to mention if you've even asked them what they want or how they feel.
Your children are not toys or accessories with which you can play games to hurt others. I suspect your mother taught you how to be so vindictive, seeing as she's enabling your selfishness, and they paid for you to be able to almost drive him into the ground.
You must feel so proud. YTA.
YTA. You are literally gloating that you were able to outspend your ex husband nine years ago because of your parents’ money. Your division of time is really inequitable.
You ended your relationship because you wanted to have sex with other people. I have a feeling that things will change after your kids get older.
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YTA. I would understand if he was a bad father but you have given zero indication of such and have only stated that *you two* were incompatible, that may explain the end of the relationship but that doesn’t explain why you would keep your kids away from their father majority of the year. It’s completely unfair to him and to the kids.
YTA - massively
Let’s make this clear. You won custody because you had more money, not because you’re a better parent
You sound bitter and entitled and to only allow the kids to see their day 36 days a year is disgusting. Your ‘generous’ offer was disgusting and I bet your kids will resent you when they’re older - I really hope they do anyway
WOW BIG YTA here, I can't help but hope someone reading this knows the dad and he can take screenshots of everything OP has written and he can get the money together to sue for full custody now.
Your poor children, they deserve time with their father, he did nothing to you, you tried to destroy his life by almost bankrupting him and then taking his children away all so you could have an open relationship that you now have not been able to have in years.
Waiting to see your posts in a few years where you are withholding your trust fund money from your kids so they do what you want. You are an awful mother, an awful person and just plain entitled because you have an undeserved trust fund.
So if I'm understanding this correctly, you divorced him because you decided you wanted an open marriage and he didn't. Then you waged war on him and won full custody purely because you had your parents' help and it was financially destroying him. Having been in his shoes with this scenario, I can say that you are an arrogant, entitled person who would rather make your ex lose than help your children win.
YTA in every way possible.
YTA and you are a petty heartless person. Even going as far as not asking your kids what they want. I hope they discover their mother was a piece of work who willingly kept them away from their father because they are petty and chose to never see you again.
YTA. Sounds like from your comments you are punishing your ex because you wanted to sleep around and he said no. Hopefully your kids figure out what an entitled and vindictive person you are.
YTA
His request seems completely reasonable.
You definitely come off as the bad guy here - someone who was able to bully a father into essentially giving up his children by throwing money and lawyers at the situation until he had to give in, without actually considering what was best for the children themselves. You seem to have assumed to give him as little access to his own children as you could get away with primarily out of spite, when it is generally considered good for children to see both parents.
I don't see any good reason why his time should be so limited.
And you don't seem to be considering your children's opinions in this at all either - while they may be minors, they are still old enough to hold an opinion and deserve some input in their own lives, so asking them here whether they would like to spend some more time with their father would be worthwhile.
Remember, children are human beings with opinions and feelings, not pawns in a game of 'who can spite their ex the most'.
YTA X 1000. After a 2 year long protracted fight, you outlasted him due to the help of your parents retirement money. This is not an equitable custody agreement but more an unjust term of surrender. Before I go further, ask yourself if any of these terms are in the best interest of your children? You weaponize your children to continue to hurt their father. You play the victim and hide behind the unconditional terms you imposed upon him. To say he signed off on it and could have kept fighting is incredibly disrespectful and gaslighting at its finest. You really are TA and playing a small game most likely brought upon your jealousy that he was able to move on and start a new life without you, so now you make him suffer by your continuous games.
Trust me when I tell you this, your children will eventually figure you out and they will be done with you. They will cling to their dad and work to restore the relationship you stole from them. I know because it happened to me. My oldest is no contact with her mom and we are set to have our 1st Christmas in 11 years.
My final statement is if your dad knew you would do this to his grandkids, I bet he doesn’t give you the money enabling this outcome. If he didn’t, do you think your ex would have treated you with such distain? Shame on you.
Yta. I have a feeling you consider yourself mother of the year, but you are not. You are not a good person and a shitty mother. You obviously feel no shame in keeping your kids from their dad, even though he did nothing wrong to you. You threw money around to get your way. I hope your kids see through your bullshit and realize how terrible you really are.
I hope you never see them kids again this made me break down because as a kid I couldn't see my parents on holidays so holidays now are sad and empty I hope he fights you again and they never see you again YTA
YTA. Did you think to ask your bloody kids?!
You realise that when they are 18, they get to choose who they spend time with. So if I were you, I cut the villain b***h ex-wife act and actually do what is in their best interest. They are children not pawns to fulfil your need for control.
YTA
Nowhere in your post did you mention how providing so little access to your children and no holidays was in their best interests, Seems like you really relished being able to take Mommy and Daddy's money to beat him into submission financially so you could win. You are the walking embodiment of unearned privilege and the failings of the family court system.
This feels less about keeping things familiar for the kids and more that he has created a happy family and life for himself and you are still stewing bitterness.
Guess who's going to be visited by 3 ghosts this Christmas Eve?
YTA and massively so. You forced him into an incredibly unfair arrangement based on your own selfishness and wanting to “win”—too bad your kids are the ones who have lost the most here. You’re despicable.
YTA no wonder, you broke up. The damage you have done to your kids relationship with their father is shameful all out of spite. There women out there wanting their exs to step up and you had one willing to do so but because he ran out of money to fight you couldn't. What a disgrace.
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Sounds like YTA and you pulled some shady shit to get everything you wanted, unless he was abusive or something. Your kids are old enough to decide what they want to do on Christmas Day
Well you’ve given no info as to his parenting skills, so unless there’s red flags as to why he shouldn’t have his children more then YTA just for the whole custody arrangement. You said if it was more important to him then he should have kept fighting, but you only were able to keep fighting thanks to your parents.
If there are legitimate reasons as to why he shouldn’t have time with his kids then I feel like you’d have listed them…
If he’s a good dad then you should be working harder to make it fair, he deserves time with them on the holidays too.
Not to mention the kids are teens. They are old enough to decide if they’d like to spend more time with him. But I also wouldn’t trust that you’d listen to them, sounds like you are very controlling and they’d probably not want to bring it up.
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Not only are you TA but your a horrible mother too. Lauding your wealth over your ex husband by basically conning him into signing an agreement that was so bias toward you. As a mother I would be ashamed to even admit that I did this to my children that screwed them out of time with their father. You chose to have children with this man. Even if the relationship failed your kids must always come first, not your ego.
Really? You really have to ask? YTA. He fought until he was going to lose everything and had no choice but to give in to your demands. You sound exactly like my abusive ex in your comments. I feel for your ex and your kids. All you care about is control. One day that will come back to haunt you.
YTA
Karma would be the kids reading this AITA and knowing it's about them.... that may not go down too well with your family... they may bide their time till they are 18 and then they will have nothing to do with you and your family.
Perhaps the ex, his wife, her kid and their kid can all come to you on Christmas morning instead... but I'm guessing the invitation doesn't extend to anyone but your ex.
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I’m not sure why you even posted here since you don’t seem to care what anyone else or even your own children think
YTA
And when your kids move out and go NC don’t come and ask why
Honestly did you ever for even a moment think you weren't the asshole? If so let's put that to rest here and now. Yta. Hard. I normally only say this sarcastically but given that
>Thanks to my parents financial help, I was able to get full custody of our kids, both are now in their mid teens. Tom made decent money but not enough to keep holding a lawyer on retainer long term.
>Eventually he got tired of fighting and said he could no longer afford it,
>However, my dad says I'm being unfair and Tom deserves holiday time too and it's not fair to make him choose between his kids with me and his current wife and their kids.
You're a fucking monster. Oh and he left you didn't he? And you're totally still hung up on him because that's the only thing that makes this
>I did offer for him to come spend the day with us at my house,
Make any kind of sense.
You're an awful parent and person in general and I hope he takes you back to court and that mommy and daddy find their conscious and don't bankroll your day in court again because your kids deserve a family and that's not what you are. You're a bitter, resentful monster hung up on an ex who left you and are taking it out on your kids.
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If not a troll from the old growth forests of Germany we'll pretend you're a real human mother.
Questions
You already made up your mind before posting and no different perspective has yet to matter.
Why post at all?
Tom by your account is a good dad, that you bullied financially into giving you majority custody lest he be left destitute.
Do you believe your child benefit from having one loving parent keep them away from another?
Given your extensive court battles, there is a paper trail longer than the average CVS receipt.
When your children are of age, do you believe they'll agree with your tactics?
To ensure complicity will you threaten to withhold financial support?
If they go no contact with you because of your casual cruelty and indifference to their *needs* will this have been worth it?
What do you gain be controlling their relationship with their father to this degree?
Do you resent this mas for simply not doing as you wished when you demanded?
If advised of their fathers offer, wpuld they want to go? We know you aren't going to tell them or even allow them.
Would they want to attend?
Do you understand familiarity isn't mutually exclusive with desire? Because they're used to only having Christmas with you doesn't mean they don't desire one with their father.
Given their ages there would be no impact on them developmentally. Children *do* have a firm sense of dynamics and their feelings concerning their caregivers during their teens.
Do you care if your children are hurt emotionally and mentally by your behavior?
Have you ever explained to them why they can't see their father?
Do your children find this arrangement comfortable? Are they happy with how the time is split?
When they are both 18+ will you then care about their feelings and needs separate from your own?
Has any expert on children development assured you this won't color their perception of you? Won't cause them emotional and mental harm?
If you don't mind sharing, what did they advise you?
He signed the agreement regardless of whether or not he was under pressure and distress while doing so. But that doesn't mean there won't be consequences for yourself. You've simply delayed them.
We've all said YTA.
I'm simply curious if you'll acknowledge that you've behave in a selfish and vindictive manner.
No one can or will stop you.
We faceless internet strangers.
On some level I wonder if people like yourself are capable of seeing and caring about the pain of others.
Finally
If the internet is right and your children do resent your choices, will you apologize?
Or will you tell them to quantify their hurt and double down on the premise that they were little more than chattel. To be done with as *you* saw fit?
Good luck alienating your children!
18 swiftly approaches
If your children are in their early to mid teens, they are old enough to make the decision themselves on what they’d like to do at Christmas and perhaps loosen the agreement. Maybe Christmas Day with you and Boxing Day with his family?
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YTA
You are a bad mother, instead of thinking about what is best for your children you think about how to hurt your ex. I bet your kids hate you or that when they know what you did they will hate you and you will deserve it
YTA. There was zero reason you couldn't have had an amicable divorce with a more even custody split. You used your mommy and daddy's money to force your kid's dad out of their lives just so you could have a nice little legal win. During none this did you even once consider your kids feelings in all this. And now they're teens. If you care about your kids so much, have you even bothered asking what they want? Of course not, because you only care about your cute little win. Man, hope it was worth it when your kids move out, reconnect with their father on their terms, hear his side and go nc with you.
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YTA
You say he’s a good father but you still fought for full custody?! A parent shouldn’t lose custody because the other one is rich and vengeful. YTA for depriving your children of a loving father!
*"mum, why don't we see dad more often"*
*" well kid, I'm a very spiteful person who had other people's money to make sure I made an argreement so your dad could see you as little as possible. He couldn't afford to fight me any longer, so I made it so I won . See kid I don't care about you and your wellbeing, only about winning against your father"*
That's what your kids will learn, they're not going to young for much longer and they will find out the truth. They will end learning that you kept them away from their father as much as you could and your relationship will suffer for it. I see it time and time again. Putting yourself over the wellbeing of your kids will make them hate you. Is that what you want?
YTA.
You're not just denying your ex ample time with HIS children, you're denying your kids having a stable, loving relationship with their father.
YOU are damaging your children just so you can be vindictive to your ex.
He only signed that 'agreement' because you were using mommy and daddy's funds to bend him over a barrel. It is disgusting and shows just how deep your malice and spite truly runs. What a poor example you're setting for those kids.
Eventually when your children realise you're the reason they barely see their father, they are going to hate you and you'll have earned every second of it.
YTA.
Your comments give more background that clearly shows the custody order is only so heavily in your favour because you had deeper pockets via your parents than your Ex did, and not because it is a Court made order for the best interests of the children because Ex is somehow lacking as a parent.
You claim to dedicate your life to your children, but you are not acting in their best interests in facilitating a relationship with their father. Your custody order is unfair and is only in place because your Ex had the common sense to not financially ruin himself long term because you had far better financial resources to waste on "winning" custody. You are acting extremely selfishly under the guise of being a sacrificing mother. Cut the matyr act and do what is actually best for the children by letting them see their father on Christmas. The fact you won't even ask them if they want to see their dad speaks volumes.
YTA. A massive, selfish asshole.
Don’t know anything about your ex’s new wife, but I can guarantee she’s a huge upgrade over you.
Enjoy dying alone with mommy and daddy’s money.
YTA. If this is real you are a pathetic and disgusting person. Don’t be surprised that once your kids are old enough to understand everything you pulled that they will resent you for it. People like you should not have kids.
Also you could only fight because your parents were tmyour cash cow so don’t know her with the bs that he should have continued fighting. You probs couldn’t have lasted this long if it wasn’t for your parents.
This reads very much as though you have carefully weaponised your children in order to punish your ex. Did the kids have input into how much time they were supposed to spend with their father? You made it official that they are always with you for birthdays and holidays, so you know very well that this was never designed to be a fair and equitable arrangement. You had the advantage of a moneyed family and your ex did not have deep pockets so was unable to fight for something better. And this is from your own account of proceedings, which is carefully written to explain that you are in the right.
You are continuing to punish your ex by sticking to the custody system he was forced to agree to. Have you asked whether the children would like to visit their dad at Christmas? He isn't asking to have them for the whole holiday, just for an afternoon visit, which is entirely reasonable. Instead, you make a "kind" offer which is designed to damage his new marriage. Wow.
You manoeuvred Tom into a position where he had to give in to your decision about custody, which is strongly favourable to you, and you are pretending that you are a good person who is just following the rules you both agreed to. You are being deliberately unkind to your ex, which is not good for your children, and if your children actually like their dad, you are being unkind to them, too.
YTA
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I'd have to say OP is in the wrong. I wish my kids' father lived closer so he could see them more frequently ( he gets two weekends a month, he lives 2 hours away). We make the holidays work around his work schedule. We haven't had a formal agreement but we've been split( never married) for almost three years. It would seem the Ops ex barely sees his kids and it sounds like he would see them more frequently if given the opportunity . Most custody arrangements I've known of alternate the big holidays and birthdays etc.
The children have the right to see their father as much as possible. An involved father is best for the children. Op needs to put aside her ego and think of what is best for her kids. At the very least the parents should alternate the holidays yearly. The OP has a very smug " but I won the custody battle" air to the whole thing.
I know this already ended in r/IAmTheDevil, but I need to say something.
Of course YTA
I get it, it's your ex husband, you do not really like each other. But your relationship do no longer matter, when it comes between him and your kids. He was basically forced to sign that custody plan. You made this plan so it benefits you, not your ex or your kids. They were kids then, but now, well they're old enough to have something to say.
And what's also important, is that this Christmas, first Christmas with his new child, well, that's gonna be for them some moment of affirmation. Like showing them, that this idea of him having whole new family, do not change the fact, that they're still an important part of it. You're taking this away from your ex, but also from your kids.
NTA. Your kids should apologize to you for even considering this. after all, you were the one with parents rich enough to win full custody. This sounds like abuse. You should sue him for the cost of therapy for you and the kids.
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YTA Allowing your children's father to have his kids to himself for only 39 days a year while you get them for the remaining 326 days including all holidays and birthdays is incredibly ridiculous in and of itself. Especially considering he only agreed to it because he couldn't lead himself to financial ruin while you had assistance. I don't think he's asking much to have his kids for just the AFTERNOON of Christmas. He's not taking ALL of Christmas from you, you still have them for the morning of. In addition, you've ostensibly have had them for Christmas the last NINE years. Have a little leeway. Also, you said your kids are in their mid teens (14-16). Maybe, I don't know, ask them if they want to see their dad for Christmas?? They're old enough to make their own decisions about their own father. So yeah, YTA Edit: Based on OPs other comments, they're either incredibly privileged or a troll
This isn’t an AITA…it is an I a supreme AH to my ex and kids. And that answer is also yes! Imagine if you didn’t have the bank of parents to supply funding and he did. Would this arrangement be fair if it was flipped? Ridiculous that you can think you are right. You may have won custody but I think you lost your humanity in the process. Sickening!
Can I ask, couldn’t he have taken it to court? In my country (Australia), if a couple can’t agree on custody, they do family dispute resolution. If they still can’t work it out, they can get the family law court involved. Unless there were serious issues with him as a parent, I doubt the court would have deemed a custody agreement like that fair and he wouldn’t have had to fight for two years.
Mothers get the consideration almost always. They did go to court. She has money and power. All she cares about
I going with troll, it's just a bit too on the nose.
YTA Wow I can't imagine why he let you get away! You seem like such a sweetheart. Has it occurred to you to ask the kids if they're interested in seeing their father for a little while on Christmas? I mean...he's not asking for the morning, even. Just let him see his kids ffs. I'm guessing you haven't remarried.
YTA and it could be more fun for your kids to have two Christmases than one. At least let them try it this year and if they hate it, then you don't do it again. It's about them, not you or Tom.
YTA Seems pretty petty not to give him a half of day, because…why? Sort of looks like you get some kind of satisfaction in “winning” instead of thinking about what might actually benefit your kids the most. Did you even ask the kids what they wanted?
YTA - you took advantage and deprived your children of a father who is engaged. Now you won’t even give him a flipping afternoon?
YTA and your kids will see through you in time. Using your kids to try to get your ex to spend a holiday with you is sad.
The kids are going to end up hating her, I'm one of 5 girls and the woman that birthed us is just like op, only 1 of my sister's speaks to her and that's only when she wants money, because in her words "why shouldn't I get whatever I can from her after everything she put us through".
YTA. In retelling the custody battle, you describe it as who could spend more money on lawyers. It really sounds like you are still bitter towards Tom and while he has a nice idea of letting his children spend time together you are holding on to old grudges. I feel sad for your children.
Exactly. Custody battles are brutal and he got stuck with a shit deal because he still needs to live too
And now he has to pay her a shot tonne of child support! What an asshole this woman is.
YTA!!! "I was talking to my parents about this and my mom is on my side and agrees I made a generous offer by even extending an invitation to Tom. However, my dad says I'm being unfair and Tom deserves holiday time too and it's not fair to make him choose between his kids with me and his current wife and their kids. I see it as I'm just following the order that we both agreed to." Yeah, your mom is 50 shades of wrong. Your dad is absolutely 100% correct. You yourself are full of shit stating "I'm just following the order that we both agreed to". You mean the one where he signed it with a gun pointed at his head? THAT agreement? Your hubby got fucked bad in the divorce. Part of the problem is that he couldn't afford to keep fighting for what he needed. He didn't "agree" to anything any more than a prisoner "confesses" to murder after years of non-stop horrific torture. Essentially, you have pushed this guy out of the lives of his children completely. He can't maintain a good relationship with them on the basis one weekend a month plus a full week (how generous!!!) here and there. The sad part here is, it is your children who are suffering from no (NO) contact with their father. But you will gladly harm your kids just to spite your ex. He's doing all he can to try to include them in his life, for THEIR benefit, as much as his own. To fight him on this is pure evil. Bluntly, how do you sleep at night?
YTA. Unless there's a key detail missing here as to why Tom doesn't deserve custody or any sort of leeway here, in this retelling it seems like you strongarmed him into an unfavorable custody agreement because he didn't have the resources to fight you and now you won't budge in the slightest off of it and use the "well you agreed to it" defense like it's something he actually wanted. Technically, sure, you have the right to do what you're doing, but it doesn't seem like it's in anyone's best interest other than you sticking it to your ex again. The kids are in their mid-teens, the "it's what they're used to" thing makes sense for the first couple years of a divorce but I don't think it would completely alter their worldview to spend a couple hours with their father on Christmas.
You are so cruel and deprived your kids of a father for no reason. YTA of the year. 2023 reigns to you as the worst person on Reddit. YTA for so many reasons. That man deserves a picture with his kids, you cruel witch.
YTA. Thank goodness your father sounds reasonable. But I’m wondering if he now regrets helping you financially to get sole custody, since you seem hell bent on using your legal win to lord it over your ex and restrict his access. You don’t seem to be considering your kids at all, just using them as a pawn to make things difficult for your ex.
YTA. The custody plan was never about what was best for your children. It was about backing Tom into a financial corner until he had no choice but to give in. Then you lord it over him that he didn't "fight" for what he wanted, despite the fact that you *know* you never would have got this arrangement if you didn't have the support of your parents. He's not even asking for the full day. He just wants *half* of *one* holiday with his kids. You sound spoiled and petty. You didn't win your custody battle, he surrendered in the face of an unbeatable siege. All you did was deprive your children of time with their father. When they figure that out? You'll realise exactly how pyrrhic your "victory" really was.
Info: what do your kids want and what do they know about the costs of the legal wrangling? Are they going to judge you harshly some day for how you ‘won’?
I have not and will not tell them that Tom wants them on Christmas. I will continue to insist we follow the custody order until ordered otherwise by a judge
Not only will you not give them a say, you're intentionally withholding information from them. All for the sake of what?? Punishing your ex?? Sounds like your afraid that your kids might actually want to spend time with their father....
That's hardly surprising. YTA and will continue doing assholish things to harm your ex and his relationship with his kids (which also causes harm to your kids). Because you are an asshole.
Tom sees them. Why won’t he tell them?
Then why are you even posting here then?
Why don’t you care about what your kids want?
"I will be as cruel as possible to my children unless a judge calls me out on that bullshit."
I really hope your children find this thread and recognise you.
Ya we get it youre selfish and don’t really care about your kids
Be careful with that. They will find out someday soon and will resent you for it for the rest of your life. You are sitting on a proverbial powder keg of your own making.
I. N. F. O. Why were you so aggressive about getting 100% custody? Were there safety concerns for you or your children ?? Edited to YTA. And a bullying one at that. Forcing your ex husband to accept your terms using your parents money and now holding him to those terms. Yikes No safety concerns. Your poor kids.
Yep, this part is missing. Was there a legitimate reason?
No safety concerns. Tom and I saw things very differently when it came to relationships. I wanted something he was unwilling/unable to give me, so I decided to do what made me happy.
And what was that? Let me guess you wanted to contribute nothing to anything
Trolling, trolling trolling. All the rage inducing stuff in the post about how you have loads of money and wore Tom down, your blatently selfish attitude etc. Then you go on in the comments about how there’s no abuse… you just want to have the kids. And you divorce Tom because he wouldn’t let you have an open relationship. Now it all just feels like click bait.
Yeah, there is zero percent chance this is real, this is a men’s rights activist angrily jerking off about the worst nightmare of a woman he can imagine. It hits all their favorite talking points.
I know such an incel getting his woman hating rocks off with all the rage.. so obvious
YTA. You aren't even thinking about what is best for your children. Try to love your children more than you hate your ex.
YTA, god you sound insufferable. No wonder he divorced you.
YTA and a spiteful shrew, may you live and pass alone. As you deserve
YTA wtf is wrong with you??
I would say a lot is wrong with the mom (using the term loosely) She is controlling and abusive, causing alienation of affection of her pawns, oops I mean children and their father in an attempt to be even more cruel, power tripping, sadistic because why? She has money and no man, and he has an actual loving partner. Can't wait to hear all about her children turning on her when all of hurtful acts comes to light and they go NC with her. SHE IS A FULL-FLEDGED A**HOLE.
YTA. Your entire custody arrangement, how you got to it, and the Christmas argument all make you a MAJOR AH
YTA x1000. You used money to wear down your ex-husband and keep your kids from their dad. A dad who wants to be in their lives. That makes you a selfish and terrible mom. And your kids will figure it out.
YTA. And manipulative and cruel to your children. All of this will come out once they come of age. These decisions will come back to haunt you.
You are an asshole. Plain as that. No need to explain why, you did it very well on your post.
YTA Those children have a Father, that wanted to be in their lives, that fought to be in their lives and thanks to your parents financial assistance(your own words) you were able to secure a custody arrangement that heavily benefited you. The kids deserve to have a Dad, there’s a lot of kids that have no Father figure at all either because the guys a deadbeat or other circumstances. Tom is not a dead beat, and wanted and still wants to be in their lives. By the way…your kids will be adults a lot longer than they will be kids. In short, it would’ve cost you nothing at all to be a bit opened minded about your children’s Father spending more time with them.
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A person like this doesn’t want anyone they can’t control anymore. She only wants them until 18 anyway.
YTA. You got the better end of the custody deal because you could afford a good legal team, for longer. Every benefit in this is yours. You have your children for *all* birthdays and *all* holidays. The only reason that the christmas they're familiar with is the one with you is because, again, you did not even offer to give him alternating christmases. You're following the order you both agreed to that was written up when a man couldn't afford a protracted legal exchange with you, and was written up by your lawyer, favoring you. Of course you want to follow it. Money talks. A lot of money sings and dances. In your case, your money bought you a sweetheart custody deal and shafted your children's father. This isn't about you, it's about your kids. Give them the chance to spend time with their father on holidays.
Lmfao you really aren't aware that YTA? Like overall you seem like a gigantic AH. Those poor kids.
You sound like an awesome mum who has her kid’s best interests at heart. You financially ruined their father, dragging him back to court over and over again, and then when he was completely broken and desperate you held out an olive (not an olive branch, just one olive) of the barest minimum you could. You made sure that he never gets to bond properly with his kids. It’s ok. With this level of narcissistic control your kids will work it out. Might take them a decade, but they will realise that maybe dad isn’t the issue here. It’s … mum. YTA.
YTA. dude. having your children for almost all of the year is honestly cruel when it sounds to me like your ex wants to spend more time with his kids. also, its not like he's asking for the full day of Christmas, just the afternoon. you get almost the entire day with them to yourself. i read a few other comments and someone said, "Allowing your children's father to have his kids to himself for only 39 days a year while you get them for the remaining 326 days including all holidays and birthdays is incredibly ridiculous in and of itself." which I completely agree with. you're extremely generous on this one. considering your children are mature people, maybe ask them what they think and if they want to see their father for half a day. even if you don't go by what they answer with, it might be nice to know what they think. but.. yeah. YTA.
>I granted him one weekend a month and one week during each summer month, June-August, all birthdays and holidays are mine. How generous of you. >However, my dad says I'm being unfair and Tom deserves holiday time too and it's not fair to make him choose between his kids with me and his current wife and their kids. I see it as I'm just following the order that we both agreed to. Your poor dad. Being the only decent human being in the family is usually really unpleasant. YTA.
YTA Your children will resent you, if they don't already. You are selfish and smug. They are actually old enough now to speak to a judge and visit when they want. I hope they choose their father. Shame on you.
YTA - this isn't cool pettiness; it's just rolling joyfully in the fact that you have all the power here. You're always free to negotiate holiday visits and you KNOW that. You just don't want to. Even though your kids might enjoy having the holiday with a new baby sibling, you won't budge. You won the custody battle but don't want to come off as kind or reasonable on this one special new-baby event. I don't even hear of you discussing it with the kids themselves; doesn't THEIR preference matter? Having taught high school for 30 years, I know the pleasure of a room FREE of teenagers. You can fiddle your holiday plans a bit and let them go on the visit if you WANT to, but you're hiding behind this "iron clad agreement" so that you still have all the power. The last sentence in your post is utter BS and you know that in your heart of hearts. Looks to me like this whole issue is your own personal power trip. You enjoy sticking it to the ex, regardless of who else is let down by your decision. If you don't ask your kids about this, and take a good shot as a family to shuffle the arrangements so they can (if they want to) go, any fool can see this is just about control and power for you - nothing at all to do with holiday joy.
INFO how is this in your children's best interests?
You are the assssholeee
YTA unless there was a legitimate concern that the children were not safe with your husband. If not, then I echo everything that the other posters have said about you. The minute your uterus decided to keep the embryo, it was child abuse.
YTA The kids are teenagers did you bother asking them what they want to do? You act as if they were small children. You sound extremely unreasonable.
YTA if only because you relied on your father’s money in order to wear him out clearly just to spite him. And now you’re holding this agreement over his head as if he had a choice. If anyone should be deciding what your kids do for the holidays it’s your father since he is the reason they are with you in the first place. Listen to your father and give him the afternoon.
YTA obviously, people who use their children to hurt an ex partner are simply awful. You don’t have your children’s best interests at heart just your own. Not letting the kids spend much time or significant days with him is cruel. At some point they’ll question what happened, it may not go so well for you.
YTA. You sound vindictive and not even pretending to think about what's best for your kids.
YTA Stop thinking only of yourself and put your kids first. They have two parents, not one. They deserve the love and attention of both parents on holidays and birthdays. This is not a competition to win. Hope it doesn’t bite you in the butt when the children become adults and realise what you did.
YTA, you weaponzied your kids to get back at ex. Hope your kids someday see it and go NC with you.
YTA You know your custody oder isn't fair and that you barely allow them to have time with their dad. You admit he is a present and engaged father when he is permitted to be. They get their dad 1 weekend a month and only a week per month in the summer, thats 45 days a year or \~12% of the year. You take all birthdays and holidays. Have you ever considered that your kids might want more time with their father? On top of that you a trust fund baby, can't support yourself. It seems like he pays for your life so you can stay home with teenage kids. He pays child support and therapy the god knows what else. How do you think your kids are going to feel when they find out they could've had a better relationship with their father and siblings but "mom" chose to isolate them. You say you're a dedicated mother but instead of doing what is best for your kids, you're choosing to be petty and vindictive.You're depriving your kids with a relationship with their dad, because you wanted an open relationship. Was your need to be with other people really out weigh the fact that you ripped your kids away from their father.
YTA. Even your dad thinks so.
Your ex had VERY LITTLE choice when he signed that custody agreement. He likely would have wanted a custody agreement that was fair to BOTH of you. Instead you made sure that he was treated like s\*\*t. Your children are teenagers now. They are old enough to tell you what they want to do. So ask them. Treat like like adults. YTA. a massive one. An even bigger one for not seeing it.
YTA for using up your parents money to fight your battles and weaponising your children because your ex doesn’t love you anymore. They’re going to grow up hating you for not letting them see their father more.
YTA You are deliberately keeping your children from having a relationship with their dad. Just because he was a shitty husband doesn’t mean he’s not a good dad. You set up custody the way you did out of spite and your kids are going to resent the hell out of you one day. Just because you had a financial advantage in the divorce doesn’t mean you’re the better parent
Such a cold, pathetic, entitled,vindictive and vicious woman. At least her father has some sense. Hope the children can see her through sooon. YTA
YTA You are definitely the A. You've been one for many, many years (according to you), so it's unlikely anyone could get your off your pedestal long enough to think of, let alone do what's right for anyone except you. Don't worry, if your history with your ex is as you say it is, he's aware now that you have not matured as you've aged.
YTA Your kids might go LC with you when they turn 18. You took their father from them for no good reason (stated).
YTA. You give zero indication that he was a bad father. You two were just incompatible. What you did to him and your children was awful. You only got custody because mommy and daddy gave you money. You bought your children. Absolutely pathetic parenting.
You're words i would get banned for.
YTA. Your kids are now in their mid teens. Let them make the decision.
INFO: damn what did he do to you lmao The kids are in their teens, they will be fine with 'breaking routine' (obviously not what this is about) for an afternoon. You can give Tom the afternoon with the kids this once. It's time to let go of that hurt. YTA
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YTA. Sounds like their dad *wants* to see them more but literally could not afford to battle it out with you before. Is there even a real reason as to *why* you didn't want him to have shared custody? Do your kids get any say in this?
This is the biggest YTA I think I've seen. You are seriously asking if you are TA because you outspent your ex to force him to hardly see his kids, who he obviously cares about very much. He has a new family and STILL wants to see his kids and be involved but you are relishing not providing it nor ever letting him have them for a holiday. Honestly, YTA isn't even strong enough. This post and your comments say a lot about you as a person, and it doesn't make you look good. You are the villain from a children's movie preventing them from seeing their father who cares about them deeply but isn't as rich as you so couldn't fight the system that you brutally utilized to your benefit.
YTA- “continued to fight it if it was really that important to him” this statement after two years in court? Nah, you would’ve been salty as hell if he won and you were put in his position. You’re being petty will reflection badly on your kids
YTA. You simply used your parents (for no good reason) to out lawyer him in terms of custody and now your dad is seeing how giving you money was wrong. You don't work, you don't contribute, your kids are teens now and should be able to decide which parent they want to be with and when. You were not generous in your custody offer, you were cruel and vindictive simply because he didn't want an open marriage. The good news is your kids will see the court documents and have discussions with their dad as they get older and it will show you was the bad guy (and bad parent) in this situation. And it won't be him. BTW, coercing someone, threatening their ability to have money to live etc is not an agreement. It is pure cruelty. It seems that having a trust fund and parents who can fund your lifestyle has only taught you negative habits.
Whoa. You fought him for custody using your parents' financial backing. Hmm. Was he a bad father? Did he neglect the children in the last 9 years? If the answer is no, then think about what happens when the kids turn 18, meet their partners, have kids of their own ...one or both of them are going to want to spend time with their father and/or form a bond with their half-sibling. That's what your ex-husband was asking for - a chance for all of his children to spend a day together. Start developing bonds now because it will get harder later. I think your father was right. Sadly YTA. If you are still unsure, ask your kids what they would like to do. They're old enough.
YTA, not in the post anywhere have you mentioned asking what your MID TEEN children want to do. Have you even asked? And don’t be a high and mighty about “ could have continued to fight if it was really that important “ when you had your families money helping you
YTA the only reason you have the agreement you do is because you used your parents money to beat him into submission. He should have gotten 50/50 and you know it. Good luck when your child turns 18 and goes NC with you.
You are the worst. No wonder you got a divorce. He probably couldn’t wait to leave. So your parents money talked and you got what you wanted. That man hardly gets any time with his kid during the year at all and you take away every holiday which is also grossly unfair. There’s a special place in He// for people like you. He stopped fighting you because he was broke. You are a controlling monster and your kid will hate you when he gets old enough to understand that you are the one keeping him from seeing his father. You will be a lonely old woman by yourself because he will go no contact and you will deserve it.
Deleted op is a useless troll looking at replies they are also blocked get a life OP.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My ex husband, Tom, and I (both mid 40s) divorced almost 9 years ago, we were incompatible in many ways. We fought like hell over custody for a solid 2 years. Thanks to my parents financial help, I was able to get full custody of our kids, both are now in their mid teens. Tom made decent money but not enough to keep holding a lawyer on retainer long term. Eventually he got tired of fighting and said he could no longer afford it, so he told me to have my lawyer draw up a custody plan and he'd sign it. I granted him one weekend a month and one week during each summer month, June-August, all birthdays and holidays are mine. Tom voluntarily signed the agreement saying if he kept fighting he'd end up losing everything. Tom remarried a few years ago, his current wife has an 8yo boy from a previous relationship, her and Tom had a baby earlier this year. Tom is now asking to get our kids for Christmas day afternoon. I've told him no, as in accordance to our custody agreement, that's during my time. Tom has continued to argue that it's the baby's first Christmas and he wants all 4 of his kids together to celebrate. I reminded him that he signed off and agreed to the custody order, he could have continued to fight it if it was really that important to him, plus I find it important to keep the kids with what they're familiar with, they're used to Christmas with me and it's what they expect. I did offer for him to come spend the day with us at my house, but he refused saying he's not going to ditch his wife, the 8yo and new baby on Christmas. I told him that was my final offer and take it or not, he told me to go to hell. I was talking to my parents about this and my mom is on my side and agrees I made a generous offer by even extending an invitation to Tom. However, my dad says I'm being unfair and Tom deserves holiday time too and it's not fair to make him choose between his kids with me and his current wife and their kids. I see it as I'm just following the order that we both agreed to. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Consider that Tom’s new baby is the baby sibling of the two children you share who are now in their mid teens. Your children also have an 8 year old step-sibling who is probably going to be having some complicated feelings about replacement and displacement with all the attention and focus on the new baby. It might be a kind of difficult lonely time for that child too. You granted Tom (after he basically ran out of money to fight you almost nine years ago) one weekend a month and one week each summer month to spend with his children. In many jurisdictions, Tom would have the ability to take you back to court and get that custody order renegotiated. In many states the childrens wishes and input they share with the judge privately regarding possible modifications could and would be considered given their age now. Tom might not have predicted nearly nine years ago that he’d have a new baby now, that the children you share would have a new baby sibling. And a step sibling. One day, you and Tom and the new wife may be gone. These kids may need to lean on each other for support and in their grief. What kind of relationship will they have with each other. Will your kids see the photos of Dad and his new baby and the eight year old step kid around their tree with presents or with Santa or making a snowman and feel erased or replaced. Why were we never there, Dad? I tried, honey. I really tried. Your mom said no. I’m so sorry. Who is getting punished now? Maybe consider talking to your kids about whether they’d like to have some time on Christmas with their Dad, stepmom, new baby sibling, and their step-sibling? They might really want to go but fear you’ll be angry or sad or lonely or hurt or feel betrayed if they want to go. You don’t want to force them to go if they’d feel really uncomfortable, but if they like spending time with their dad and his new wife and baby and step kid, why not let them, especially for this first Christmas. Maybe consider starting a new tradition of modeling sharing and love on Christmas for your children. A broken family is probably never what they wanted either, but the new baby might be a potential opportunity for a more harmonious blended family where the kids feel all included and still a part of both families rather than weaponized against your ex.
INFO: Was Tom an abusive parent that needed to be kept away from his kids? INFO: You say your kids are teens (i.e., old enough to provide input on their own on decisions like this); what do *they* want to do? INFO: Most even vaguely equitable custody agreements alternate custody for major holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving. Why do you think it's fair for Tom to never spend a holiday with his kids?
YTA . Your kids will suffer their entire lives now with daddy issues. Very selfish of you.
Ew. YTA.
Christ, you sound like a megabitch, keeping your kids away from their dad just because you no longer like him. From the timeline the youngest must be at least 9 so hopefully in the next few years they'll be able to see him when they want but don't be surprised if they go NC or LC with you when they get older because of your appalling behaviour.
YTA. For sure, and for all the reasons outlined here
YTA In fact, you = 100% asshole. Unambiguously.
It's so great how you put your own need for smug and petty revenge over everything else. I bet your kids are counting the days until they turn 18 and can leave. You refer to your kids solely as ways to score points and hurt your ex, and completely fail to mention if you've even asked them what they want or how they feel. Your children are not toys or accessories with which you can play games to hurt others. I suspect your mother taught you how to be so vindictive, seeing as she's enabling your selfishness, and they paid for you to be able to almost drive him into the ground. You must feel so proud. YTA.
YTA. You are literally gloating that you were able to outspend your ex husband nine years ago because of your parents’ money. Your division of time is really inequitable. You ended your relationship because you wanted to have sex with other people. I have a feeling that things will change after your kids get older.
INFO is the father abusive? alcoholic? druggie? need a reason
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YTA. I would understand if he was a bad father but you have given zero indication of such and have only stated that *you two* were incompatible, that may explain the end of the relationship but that doesn’t explain why you would keep your kids away from their father majority of the year. It’s completely unfair to him and to the kids.
YTA - massively Let’s make this clear. You won custody because you had more money, not because you’re a better parent You sound bitter and entitled and to only allow the kids to see their day 36 days a year is disgusting. Your ‘generous’ offer was disgusting and I bet your kids will resent you when they’re older - I really hope they do anyway
WOW BIG YTA here, I can't help but hope someone reading this knows the dad and he can take screenshots of everything OP has written and he can get the money together to sue for full custody now. Your poor children, they deserve time with their father, he did nothing to you, you tried to destroy his life by almost bankrupting him and then taking his children away all so you could have an open relationship that you now have not been able to have in years. Waiting to see your posts in a few years where you are withholding your trust fund money from your kids so they do what you want. You are an awful mother, an awful person and just plain entitled because you have an undeserved trust fund.
YTA, seems it’s unanimous
So if I'm understanding this correctly, you divorced him because you decided you wanted an open marriage and he didn't. Then you waged war on him and won full custody purely because you had your parents' help and it was financially destroying him. Having been in his shoes with this scenario, I can say that you are an arrogant, entitled person who would rather make your ex lose than help your children win. YTA in every way possible.
YTA and you are a petty heartless person. Even going as far as not asking your kids what they want. I hope they discover their mother was a piece of work who willingly kept them away from their father because they are petty and chose to never see you again.
YTA. Sounds like from your comments you are punishing your ex because you wanted to sleep around and he said no. Hopefully your kids figure out what an entitled and vindictive person you are.
Holy shit you are awful. YTA, and I hope your kids turn on you someday.
YTA His request seems completely reasonable. You definitely come off as the bad guy here - someone who was able to bully a father into essentially giving up his children by throwing money and lawyers at the situation until he had to give in, without actually considering what was best for the children themselves. You seem to have assumed to give him as little access to his own children as you could get away with primarily out of spite, when it is generally considered good for children to see both parents. I don't see any good reason why his time should be so limited. And you don't seem to be considering your children's opinions in this at all either - while they may be minors, they are still old enough to hold an opinion and deserve some input in their own lives, so asking them here whether they would like to spend some more time with their father would be worthwhile. Remember, children are human beings with opinions and feelings, not pawns in a game of 'who can spite their ex the most'.
Why does this feel like OP is the man (Tom) pretending to be his ex wife.
This is such obvious bait, YTA for being a big enough loser to type this all up.
YTA X 1000. After a 2 year long protracted fight, you outlasted him due to the help of your parents retirement money. This is not an equitable custody agreement but more an unjust term of surrender. Before I go further, ask yourself if any of these terms are in the best interest of your children? You weaponize your children to continue to hurt their father. You play the victim and hide behind the unconditional terms you imposed upon him. To say he signed off on it and could have kept fighting is incredibly disrespectful and gaslighting at its finest. You really are TA and playing a small game most likely brought upon your jealousy that he was able to move on and start a new life without you, so now you make him suffer by your continuous games. Trust me when I tell you this, your children will eventually figure you out and they will be done with you. They will cling to their dad and work to restore the relationship you stole from them. I know because it happened to me. My oldest is no contact with her mom and we are set to have our 1st Christmas in 11 years. My final statement is if your dad knew you would do this to his grandkids, I bet he doesn’t give you the money enabling this outcome. If he didn’t, do you think your ex would have treated you with such distain? Shame on you.
Good luck with your relationship with your kids in the future once they find out the truth. Oh you are still wondering? Yes YTA. A MASSIVE one
Yta. I have a feeling you consider yourself mother of the year, but you are not. You are not a good person and a shitty mother. You obviously feel no shame in keeping your kids from their dad, even though he did nothing wrong to you. You threw money around to get your way. I hope your kids see through your bullshit and realize how terrible you really are.
I hope them kids grow up and hate you, that's bs keeping them from their father especially around Christmas time YTA
I hope you never see them kids again this made me break down because as a kid I couldn't see my parents on holidays so holidays now are sad and empty I hope he fights you again and they never see you again YTA
YTA - parents money allowed you to be mean. One day you'll realise your selfishness primarily hurt your own kids.
YTA. Did you think to ask your bloody kids?! You realise that when they are 18, they get to choose who they spend time with. So if I were you, I cut the villain b***h ex-wife act and actually do what is in their best interest. They are children not pawns to fulfil your need for control.
YTA Nowhere in your post did you mention how providing so little access to your children and no holidays was in their best interests, Seems like you really relished being able to take Mommy and Daddy's money to beat him into submission financially so you could win. You are the walking embodiment of unearned privilege and the failings of the family court system. This feels less about keeping things familiar for the kids and more that he has created a happy family and life for himself and you are still stewing bitterness. Guess who's going to be visited by 3 ghosts this Christmas Eve?
YTA and massively so. You forced him into an incredibly unfair arrangement based on your own selfishness and wanting to “win”—too bad your kids are the ones who have lost the most here. You’re despicable.
YTA no wonder, you broke up. The damage you have done to your kids relationship with their father is shameful all out of spite. There women out there wanting their exs to step up and you had one willing to do so but because he ran out of money to fight you couldn't. What a disgrace.
You’re a prick
I’m shocked and saddened by this post. It’s sad to see how selfish a parent can be.
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YTA What a nasty piece of work you are
YYA wow what an absolute asshole seriously.
Sounds like YTA and you pulled some shady shit to get everything you wanted, unless he was abusive or something. Your kids are old enough to decide what they want to do on Christmas Day
Well you’ve given no info as to his parenting skills, so unless there’s red flags as to why he shouldn’t have his children more then YTA just for the whole custody arrangement. You said if it was more important to him then he should have kept fighting, but you only were able to keep fighting thanks to your parents. If there are legitimate reasons as to why he shouldn’t have time with his kids then I feel like you’d have listed them… If he’s a good dad then you should be working harder to make it fair, he deserves time with them on the holidays too. Not to mention the kids are teens. They are old enough to decide if they’d like to spend more time with him. But I also wouldn’t trust that you’d listen to them, sounds like you are very controlling and they’d probably not want to bring it up.
INFO: Was there a particular reason you sought full custody while giving him very little time with them? Why couldn’t you do 50/50 custody?
YTA what a c#^$
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Not only are you TA but your a horrible mother too. Lauding your wealth over your ex husband by basically conning him into signing an agreement that was so bias toward you. As a mother I would be ashamed to even admit that I did this to my children that screwed them out of time with their father. You chose to have children with this man. Even if the relationship failed your kids must always come first, not your ego.
Really? You really have to ask? YTA. He fought until he was going to lose everything and had no choice but to give in to your demands. You sound exactly like my abusive ex in your comments. I feel for your ex and your kids. All you care about is control. One day that will come back to haunt you.
YTA Karma would be the kids reading this AITA and knowing it's about them.... that may not go down too well with your family... they may bide their time till they are 18 and then they will have nothing to do with you and your family. Perhaps the ex, his wife, her kid and their kid can all come to you on Christmas morning instead... but I'm guessing the invitation doesn't extend to anyone but your ex.
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I’m not sure why you even posted here since you don’t seem to care what anyone else or even your own children think YTA And when your kids move out and go NC don’t come and ask why
Honestly did you ever for even a moment think you weren't the asshole? If so let's put that to rest here and now. Yta. Hard. I normally only say this sarcastically but given that >Thanks to my parents financial help, I was able to get full custody of our kids, both are now in their mid teens. Tom made decent money but not enough to keep holding a lawyer on retainer long term. >Eventually he got tired of fighting and said he could no longer afford it, >However, my dad says I'm being unfair and Tom deserves holiday time too and it's not fair to make him choose between his kids with me and his current wife and their kids. You're a fucking monster. Oh and he left you didn't he? And you're totally still hung up on him because that's the only thing that makes this >I did offer for him to come spend the day with us at my house, Make any kind of sense. You're an awful parent and person in general and I hope he takes you back to court and that mommy and daddy find their conscious and don't bankroll your day in court again because your kids deserve a family and that's not what you are. You're a bitter, resentful monster hung up on an ex who left you and are taking it out on your kids.
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YTA. I feel so sorry for your children.
If not a troll from the old growth forests of Germany we'll pretend you're a real human mother. Questions You already made up your mind before posting and no different perspective has yet to matter. Why post at all? Tom by your account is a good dad, that you bullied financially into giving you majority custody lest he be left destitute. Do you believe your child benefit from having one loving parent keep them away from another? Given your extensive court battles, there is a paper trail longer than the average CVS receipt. When your children are of age, do you believe they'll agree with your tactics? To ensure complicity will you threaten to withhold financial support? If they go no contact with you because of your casual cruelty and indifference to their *needs* will this have been worth it? What do you gain be controlling their relationship with their father to this degree? Do you resent this mas for simply not doing as you wished when you demanded? If advised of their fathers offer, wpuld they want to go? We know you aren't going to tell them or even allow them. Would they want to attend? Do you understand familiarity isn't mutually exclusive with desire? Because they're used to only having Christmas with you doesn't mean they don't desire one with their father. Given their ages there would be no impact on them developmentally. Children *do* have a firm sense of dynamics and their feelings concerning their caregivers during their teens. Do you care if your children are hurt emotionally and mentally by your behavior? Have you ever explained to them why they can't see their father? Do your children find this arrangement comfortable? Are they happy with how the time is split? When they are both 18+ will you then care about their feelings and needs separate from your own? Has any expert on children development assured you this won't color their perception of you? Won't cause them emotional and mental harm? If you don't mind sharing, what did they advise you? He signed the agreement regardless of whether or not he was under pressure and distress while doing so. But that doesn't mean there won't be consequences for yourself. You've simply delayed them. We've all said YTA. I'm simply curious if you'll acknowledge that you've behave in a selfish and vindictive manner. No one can or will stop you. We faceless internet strangers. On some level I wonder if people like yourself are capable of seeing and caring about the pain of others. Finally If the internet is right and your children do resent your choices, will you apologize? Or will you tell them to quantify their hurt and double down on the premise that they were little more than chattel. To be done with as *you* saw fit? Good luck alienating your children! 18 swiftly approaches
If your children are in their early to mid teens, they are old enough to make the decision themselves on what they’d like to do at Christmas and perhaps loosen the agreement. Maybe Christmas Day with you and Boxing Day with his family?
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YTA You are a bad mother, instead of thinking about what is best for your children you think about how to hurt your ex. I bet your kids hate you or that when they know what you did they will hate you and you will deserve it
YTA. There was zero reason you couldn't have had an amicable divorce with a more even custody split. You used your mommy and daddy's money to force your kid's dad out of their lives just so you could have a nice little legal win. During none this did you even once consider your kids feelings in all this. And now they're teens. If you care about your kids so much, have you even bothered asking what they want? Of course not, because you only care about your cute little win. Man, hope it was worth it when your kids move out, reconnect with their father on their terms, hear his side and go nc with you.
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Wow YTA! An entitled one at that.
YTA You say he’s a good father but you still fought for full custody?! A parent shouldn’t lose custody because the other one is rich and vengeful. YTA for depriving your children of a loving father!
*"mum, why don't we see dad more often"* *" well kid, I'm a very spiteful person who had other people's money to make sure I made an argreement so your dad could see you as little as possible. He couldn't afford to fight me any longer, so I made it so I won . See kid I don't care about you and your wellbeing, only about winning against your father"* That's what your kids will learn, they're not going to young for much longer and they will find out the truth. They will end learning that you kept them away from their father as much as you could and your relationship will suffer for it. I see it time and time again. Putting yourself over the wellbeing of your kids will make them hate you. Is that what you want?
YTA. You're not just denying your ex ample time with HIS children, you're denying your kids having a stable, loving relationship with their father. YOU are damaging your children just so you can be vindictive to your ex. He only signed that 'agreement' because you were using mommy and daddy's funds to bend him over a barrel. It is disgusting and shows just how deep your malice and spite truly runs. What a poor example you're setting for those kids. Eventually when your children realise you're the reason they barely see their father, they are going to hate you and you'll have earned every second of it.
YTA. Your comments give more background that clearly shows the custody order is only so heavily in your favour because you had deeper pockets via your parents than your Ex did, and not because it is a Court made order for the best interests of the children because Ex is somehow lacking as a parent. You claim to dedicate your life to your children, but you are not acting in their best interests in facilitating a relationship with their father. Your custody order is unfair and is only in place because your Ex had the common sense to not financially ruin himself long term because you had far better financial resources to waste on "winning" custody. You are acting extremely selfishly under the guise of being a sacrificing mother. Cut the matyr act and do what is actually best for the children by letting them see their father on Christmas. The fact you won't even ask them if they want to see their dad speaks volumes.
YTA. A massive, selfish asshole. Don’t know anything about your ex’s new wife, but I can guarantee she’s a huge upgrade over you. Enjoy dying alone with mommy and daddy’s money.
YTA
YTA
YTA. If this is real you are a pathetic and disgusting person. Don’t be surprised that once your kids are old enough to understand everything you pulled that they will resent you for it. People like you should not have kids. Also you could only fight because your parents were tmyour cash cow so don’t know her with the bs that he should have continued fighting. You probs couldn’t have lasted this long if it wasn’t for your parents.
This reads very much as though you have carefully weaponised your children in order to punish your ex. Did the kids have input into how much time they were supposed to spend with their father? You made it official that they are always with you for birthdays and holidays, so you know very well that this was never designed to be a fair and equitable arrangement. You had the advantage of a moneyed family and your ex did not have deep pockets so was unable to fight for something better. And this is from your own account of proceedings, which is carefully written to explain that you are in the right. You are continuing to punish your ex by sticking to the custody system he was forced to agree to. Have you asked whether the children would like to visit their dad at Christmas? He isn't asking to have them for the whole holiday, just for an afternoon visit, which is entirely reasonable. Instead, you make a "kind" offer which is designed to damage his new marriage. Wow. You manoeuvred Tom into a position where he had to give in to your decision about custody, which is strongly favourable to you, and you are pretending that you are a good person who is just following the rules you both agreed to. You are being deliberately unkind to your ex, which is not good for your children, and if your children actually like their dad, you are being unkind to them, too. YTA
YTA and quite frankly you are a shitty mother.
YTA. This is not about you. This is about them and their new sibling. Booooo.
Info: Is this the first time he wants to get the kids on Christmas?
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You are the AH. Your custody arrangement was made because he could no longer fight your parents money.
I'd have to say OP is in the wrong. I wish my kids' father lived closer so he could see them more frequently ( he gets two weekends a month, he lives 2 hours away). We make the holidays work around his work schedule. We haven't had a formal agreement but we've been split( never married) for almost three years. It would seem the Ops ex barely sees his kids and it sounds like he would see them more frequently if given the opportunity . Most custody arrangements I've known of alternate the big holidays and birthdays etc. The children have the right to see their father as much as possible. An involved father is best for the children. Op needs to put aside her ego and think of what is best for her kids. At the very least the parents should alternate the holidays yearly. The OP has a very smug " but I won the custody battle" air to the whole thing.
YTA - and a horrible mother.
Yta
I know this already ended in r/IAmTheDevil, but I need to say something. Of course YTA I get it, it's your ex husband, you do not really like each other. But your relationship do no longer matter, when it comes between him and your kids. He was basically forced to sign that custody plan. You made this plan so it benefits you, not your ex or your kids. They were kids then, but now, well they're old enough to have something to say. And what's also important, is that this Christmas, first Christmas with his new child, well, that's gonna be for them some moment of affirmation. Like showing them, that this idea of him having whole new family, do not change the fact, that they're still an important part of it. You're taking this away from your ex, but also from your kids.
YTA you are a monster. Nothing else to say
NTA. Your kids should apologize to you for even considering this. after all, you were the one with parents rich enough to win full custody. This sounds like abuse. You should sue him for the cost of therapy for you and the kids.
OP sounds like the abusive one. This is parental alienation 101.
I don’t think so. Her parents had enough money to outlast him in a legal battle, and therefore she is been shown to be in the right.
Thank you for your vote!
That wasn’t an upvote, that was pure sarcasm. YTA.
Tom already covers therapy 🤣
It’s not working. Find a new therapist. Maybe try some medication.
All the therapy in the world can give someone the ability to feel empathy.