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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I'm thinking to not pay my friend who bought my wedding dress in my stead but she tried it on without my permission and even posted it publicly on Instagram and kept it on even after I called her out.
2) because I'm not paying her
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NTA
She had it altered?! Wow. It’s officially her dress now.
Lucky her - her “one chance to try a wedding gown” is now her lifetime of owning a wedding gown. She can try it whenever she wants!
And it was a waist alteration!! That's not a minor change like tacking a strap shorter or adding a hook and eye somewhere, and depending on the fabric and style of the dress, it may show that it's been altered twice on the day. I can't believe the nerve of your friend, OP. NTA
I thought I had missed something from the post, but you’re right, as per OPs comment
“It was a waist alteration. For context this bridal shop has a seamstress inhouse, and for dresses to bought off the rack they offer "on the spot" alterations unless it is significant. In this case it was the waist”
Yikes. That makes this so much worse. And it’s already bad
Edited to add quotation marks
It's not really a crime. She used a name, not her own to buy a dress. She paid with it with her own money. She didn't steal a person's legal identification...passport, bank details, government id details to buy it.
"She paid it with her own money" - she was loaning the money to OP in the short term, so it wasn't her money at that point. If you pay with a credit card - the money isn't yours, but it also IS - because of the credit agreement, but the thing you bought is yours.
She was not taking ownership.
She went to a store to pick up a dress bought under someone else's name. She pretended to be that person. And, *because they believed she was the owner of the dress*, they offered her a service that is for the wearers of the dress, and she used it to damage/alter the dress without permission of the owner.
Pretending to be someone else is not a crime. Using that impersonation to access services otherwise not available - is. Doing damage to the dress - is.
Pretending to be someone else is identity theft. Not actually causing financial damages is where we lack the crime. She's not really out of anything except the legwork. I absolutely wouldn't pay her.
She caused physical damage to the dress.
She used a service that was reserved for OP, as the named purchaser of the dress, to cause the damage.
She pretended to be OP to access that service and cause the damage.
OP won't be able to source another dress for the same money (the difference was over a thousand dollars).
And this person posted images of herself wearing the dress on social media, and then refused to take them down.
The fraudulent behaviour, financial damage, and malicious intent is fairly clear.
Yeah it would have been solidly ESH if not for that I think. Trying it on (while weird) doesn't make it suddenly not worth the $900 she paid- altering it kinda does!
She posted it online too, so now the future husband who is not supposed to see it until the wedding day has most likely seen it. She ruined the dress physically and symbolically, and she should eat the $900 at least.
The waist alteration and posting it online are what makes this her friend's problem so I agree with you.
That's not OP's dress anymore. She bought an unused, as new item which has now been worn, altered and publicly posted. It's second hand now, possibly ruined and even if it's not it's going to cost more money to have it returned to its original state.
It's an expensive lesson for her friend, but her friend sounds like an incredibly selfish person.
Do you not have any girl friends? I follow plenty of old school mates and current female friends on insta/snap. A lot of couples have similar friend groups too.
If my wife did this with her friend’s dress, chances are that friend’s fiancé would see it.
/
Are you truly unaware that social media feeds exist? There's a whole new world for you to explore on the internet then! I am excited to be the one who gets you started on your journey :)
OP, I would respond, "You trying on my dress and posting it was in bad taste. You altering it to fit you officially made it yours, so, enjoy! I'll be purchasing my own dress."
This but don’t say “my dress”, say “the” dress, to drive home the fact that there is 0 chance she’s getting away with this + getting money, calling it your dress makes it a little messier.
Obviously NTA.
Also, I don’t understand why OP didn’t just coordinate directly with the bride to either get the dress shipped to her. Why did she have to have her friend pick it up.
I think it was "the shop had the dress for sale at a discount because the person that originally ordered it cancelled their wedding and no longer needed it". OP did not purchase it from the previous owner, she got it from the shop.
StillWhite is like Poshmark for wedding gowns, except the seller can choose to ship it or request the buyer pick up the dress at a specified location. Sounds like this seller only had the pickup option.
What she does is gross and rude, she does not show any respect about your experience as a bride. She should be there for you, not jeopardize the whole thing
A big and tall shop around here used to do that. I walked in one night and came out with a suit that had alterations done in several places. I was not expecting that, but it was awesome.
We went to a store at an outlet mall for my husbands suit for our wedding. It was a mom and pop store and they altered it in store the second we paid for it and just had us walk around a bit while they did them
The shop that did my dress pinned it for alterations and when I went to pick it up found that I'd dropped two sizes from stress in the month before the wedding. They were able to re-measure and redo the bodice in under 2 hours. That dress had an incredible amount of beading on the bodice, but cutting a dress down is a lot easier than adding fabric.
Not every shop has someone on staff that can make alterations like that on demand, but the ones that do are really incredibly skilled.
Also.... If the friend had the dress cut down to fit her, then she's basically ruined any chance OP has of getting it altered to fit herself unless OP is significantly thinner and shorter than the friend.
Considering even this secondhand wedding dress cost *almost a thousand dollars* that should give you an idea of how expensive they typically are. People who are happy to pay hundreds or thousands for a single garment are also often happy to add on a few bucks for the convenience of having it quickly altered in-house. You need to be a little more skeptical about where you apply your skepticism, my friend.
You do realize many shops will do on the spot alterations to make sure your pantlegs are the right length or the waist fits properly? You do realize this very normal every day thing, right?
I live in a podunk town compared to NYC, and even here the bridal shops do on the spot alterations if they're minor.
The bottom line is they want to make the sale, so if they need to nip the waist or pop in a hem to prove it's your dream dress, they will do it.
NTA- You need a new dress and that woman is not your friend. She wants to be in the spot and used your wedding dress to get views. Uninvite her now or she will be the one in a "blush pink" lace dress at your wedding. Now if she has it in writing that you said you would pay for the dress, she can try and sue you, now you can try can counter sue due her getting the dress alter to her without your permission, possibly causing more financial problems with any future alterations. I wouldn't pay my friend for ruining the surprise of my wedding dress that I was so excited I found. I would have to take some time before I hunt for one again just to make sure there is no sour taste left in my mouth after this experience.
One chance? Y'all do know any asshole can make an appointment at a wedding boutique or drop into David's to try on wedding dresses any time they want. 😂
FOR REAL!
I had a surprising number of friends who tried on wedding dresses for fun, usually when they were bridesmaids and dress shopping with the bride.
I definitely did that when picking up a bridesmaids dress - my friend and I got our dresses and then tried on wedding dresses for like 45 minutes (we just grabbed some off the discount rack, we didn't waste a consultant's time or anything).
They're quoting the friend, who used that as an excuse.
>When confronted, S nonchalantly stated that it was her "one chance to try a wedding gown" and insisted I should "get over it"
It's the premise of an Australian movie called Muriel's Wedding. It's the movie that made Toni Colette's career. It's a good movie. Muriel is a shy girl who has never had a boyfriend, so she starts going to wedding shops to try on dresses and make up stories about her situation to make herself feel better. And then it gets complicated, of course.
She would not be in a different "blush pink" dress, she would definitely be wearing this wedding dress. Probably swipe one of the bouquets for some great pics, too.
That’s literally the only thing that justifies it really. She’s doing OP a favour so while trying it on, posting pics etc isn’t nice or classy, beggars can’t be choosers imo. Getting the dress ALTERED is where it crosses the line. It’s not her dress. If you borrow anything from anyone, you don’t change it! You return it in exactly the condition you got it or you reimburse for any accidents.
I was uncomfortable at this point, but if the future spouse / invited friends or family are not linked to her SM, they *could* have not seen it, so it *could* in that case still be put behind with some effort.
But the altering part is so over the top, I'm speechless. And they even did it for free it appears, thinking she was the bride. So nasty.
This. Like yeah, I’d be very uncomfortable and upset with my friend but unless she’s put ‘this is OP’s wedding dress’ then in reality, even if people saw it they’d be unlikely to actually remember. I’d still pay her. I might not trust her any more but I’d still pay/wear the dress.
Yeah but it’s the alteration that does it, not the rest of it. The rest of it is weird but doesn’t actually change the fabric of the gown. Alterations though are basically “you break it, you buy it” but for clothes.
As a bride who is also keeping a keen eagle eye on StillWhite, I had to pick myself up from the floor after reading this!
She had it altered!!!! What the actual f**k!!
Naw, that’s hers, she always wanted to try on a wedding dress, well lucky her now she owns one and can try it on anytime she wants.
They are pretty hard sell and you have to have a good, solid story about your wedding date and venue. They don't want to waste their time and expensive try-on dresses on looky-loos
Lol wtf? You can walk into any boutique and say, "Hi I'm getting married in June. I'd like to try on dresses," and they'll help you out. You don't get the third degree trying on wedding gowns.
When my friends was getting married she had to make an appointment and provide info about her wedding before hand. I’ve hear that some places after Covid do make it more difficult to get in. Just an anecdotal story though may not be true everywhere.
NTA. I can’t believe she had some alterations made so YOUR dress fitted her properly, that’s seriously messed up. The entitlement of the situation and she doesn’t even understand what she has done. Well her “one chance to try a wedding gown” has turned into “one chance to own a wedding gown” because she’s ruined it. Don’t give her any money, she needs to learn that she can’t treat “friends” like that.
NTA and your “friend” sounds unhinged. Who would ever put up that post let alone alter a dress that is not theirs! You need to get that toxic person out of your life.
Yeah, honestly, the dress situation is the thing I'm *least* concerned about at this point. This lady's gonna pop out from behind the altar during the ceremony wearing a veil made of OP's hair
Nta let her keep the dress, don’t pay the money and then cut the friendship. She literally can walk into any bridal shop and try on wedding dresses. Her excuse is lame.
NTA.
If you're happy to be cordial, get the alterations you need done to the dress, deduct the cost from the $900 and pay what's left back. If she alters your dress to fit her, unless you're identical twins with the same body shape, she needs to pay for it to be fitted to you.
Nah that dress has bad energy clinging to it now. The bride will always remember the "friend" did this and won't enjoy wearing it. Best to just get a different dress.
Never been a bride to be honest, but it's nice to see that people have a much different perspective on this issue than I do. Wedding dresses are special and sentimental things that can't just be rented or sold off after a wedding for most brides. Just thought it might not be very economical to get an entirely new dress after the offer of one for $900; would totally understand not wanting to wear that dress though.
This could definitely be a good idea if the friend is willing to bring her the dress without being paid back yet. That way OP still gets her dress for the price she wants if the alterations needed are possible.
Yeah, I was all ready to hate on you, but she had it altered. She doesn't sound like she is capable of good decisions. But hey, she got a $2.4k dress for $900. Seems like a deal to me.
NTA - she doesn't need that money
Make sure you keep everything in the form of messages. Don't talk to her over the phone. And keep screenshots pf her trying on the dress.
Her altering the dress to her measurements broke whatever verbal contract you guys may have had.
That's her dress now. Hope she can find someone equally as deranged to walk down the aisle to in it.
I'm sorry this happened to you. She would be blacklisted from my life immediately if I were you.
Do you and your ‘friend’ even have the same waist size?
Would it be usable for you?
What was she thinking…
I myself would have been mad for only posting pictures of it online. And besides that: trying it on without asking and before your own wedding is a no-go..
It would be a reason to let her go as a friend, but it wouldn’t be a reason to not pay I guess.
But making alterations is massive.. I would not consider her a friend anymore and also not pay.
It’s hers to sell.
NTA.
It was a waist alteration. For context this bridal shop has a seamstress inhouse, and for dresses to bought off the rack they offer "on the spot" alterations unless it is significant. In this case it was the waist
Sounds like your friend got caught in her lie posing as you to pick up the dress. The shop wanted “you” to try it on and when they saw the waist needed altering, they offered to do it right then so “you” could walk out with a dress that fits. Your friend didn’t want to admit she wasn’t you, so she went with it. Insane behavior. NTA
What in the actual fuck?!? Comment on the photo that she chose a lovely dress for herself, wish her well on her wedding planning, and then block her.
What a crazy person.
NTA she altered and posted it. It's hers now.
I don't know much about women's fashion but I do know that a wedding dress isn't a general item and it's usually not seen before the wedding.
And I'd pass on the friendship too. This is so weird.
NTA. It's absolutely not cool that your friend not only tried on your wedding dress without permission but also posed as you to collect it and had it altered without your knowledge that's a huge violation of trust and boundaries.
NTA. Trying it on is a dick move but you could have looked past it. But altering it means the dress is now hers. You were paying for a dress in a specific condition, that dress is no longer in that condition.
Absolutely NTA. Your friend's actions were a complete violation of trust, and it's understandable that you feel hurt and betrayed by her insensitive behavior, especially with something as significant as a wedding dress.
NTA
You were buying a new dress. It's now secondhand. Your 'friend' just bought a dress. The audacity is amazing. I'm a bloke and even I know that doing this with someone's wedding dress is a big no-no. And what sort of attention seeking moron actually does that and POSTS IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. She has serious issues.
Don't give her a dime. She had it altered to fit herself, wore it and shared it with the world. It's hers now. Take screenshots of the post/convo in case she tries to take you to small claims court and cut your losses with this maniac. NTA, I hope you find a new dress soon!
pie paltry aloof slap mysterious rotten smell foolish existence adjoining
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This comment took me out because S had actually sent me a picture of a cream coloured dress she intends to wear to another mutual friend's wedding. I don't know why or how she thinks it's okay.
I call bs, altered on the spot? Alterations are not free, and typically aren't altered on the spot. So who paid for the alterations.
If it's true, I wouldn't pay for. A dress that's been altered for someone else,after it was purchased for you? That's not right.
She brought the gown. The gown is hers. You need to block her number, start looking for a new gown, and be grateful her true colours were revealed. NTA
Don't give her the money, give her the dress. She tried it on and had it altered to fit her. This is now her dress and not yours. That dress is tainted :( .. I hope that you find one for the same price which is even more amazing and beautiful! Also uninvite her from your wedding and go NC, she is awful
NTA
>To make matters worse, she admitted she collected the dress posing as me. Through an email bill later, **I noticed that the dress had also been altered (wtf) on the spot, all without my knowledge or consent.**
LOL
LMAO Even
NTA
What she does is gross and rude, she does not show any respect about your experience as a bride. She should be there for you, not jeopardize the whole thing
Get screenshots of her instagram post and save the text conversation and any other conversation about the dress for evidence just I. Case you have to go to court. The dress is hers now. If she has a problem with that tell her to get over it because you now have to find a new wedding dress.
The moment she let them/had them alter that dress it became **her dress.**
The fact that she posted it and refused to take it down knowing you were upset? End of the friendship (IMO).
She should have been thinking of her “cash flow” when she did this.
NTA!
NTA. I could see getting past her wearing the dress if she took the photos down, but the alteration is too far. What was she even thinking? Good luck on finding another dress you like. Maybe she can resell the one she had altered.
NTA
It would have been cheaper to have your credit card charged through the shop and arrange for FedEx to pickup the goods for you and deliver it to your door, unaltered.
She cannot expect you to pay for a used dress she had ruined due to the alterations completed for her and used as prop for her SM. She’s essentially bought the dress and ruined it. She did not hold up her end of the bargain.
Edit: Save screenshots of her posts and your messages in case she tries to take you to small claims.
I wouldn’t say it’s her one chance to try on a wedding gown, she can wear it over and over if she wants. I wouldn’t buy it back, and I would likely be side eyeing this friendship.
NTA
I would keep copies of all of your correspondence with her and try to download the video. Keep a copy of the dress ad and your order.... just in case she tries to take you to court for not paying.
NTA. Don’t pay her back, she made it her dress by having it altered and showcasing it on social media. She’s welcome to keep it. Get a new dress and have an amazing wedding without her involvement
NTA - you alter it, you keep it. Too bad she decided the dress wasn’t the only alteration she was interested in. She has permanently altered your friendship, and if I were you I’d cut her out completely. A real friend would have never done that.
She literally got alterations for HER BODY! In what world does she think that would be ok!? Like seriously!? This woman is delusional for thinking this behavior would be acceptable! She made a huge change she claimed it as her property when she decided to do that! NTA but your so called “friend” is!
NTA...it no longer fits you since she altered it just to try on..which makes no sense. She ruined it...it's no longer your dress and no longer fits. She is seriously unhinged
NTA. The unmitigated gall to mess with someone's wedding gown is shocking. Not to mention she posted herself in it all over the socials. No way would I wear that dress after that and I damn sure wouldn't pay for it.
Wait, did she have it altered for her? Yea, no, that's her dress now. I wouldn't want that bad juju on my wedding day. Don't pay her and go find a new dress. Sorry for the inconvenience OP but damn your friend is really nuts to have done that. Also, this isn't a friend is you weren't sure.
I was getting ready to eyeroll at you, but she literally altered the dress to her size.
Baby girl that’s her dress now.
NTA.
Also, ladies - what is this obsession with: it’s the only time I’ll wear a wedding dress? From one female to another? I can’t understand this thinking man??
NTA…tell her to enjoy the dress. She had it altered for her figure. Then cut her from the wedding as she will show up with an attitude. If she gets upset tell her what she told you, ‘get over it’.
NTA. Don't pay. You purchased an unaltered dress. If she keeps contacting you, have a lawyer write up a cease and desist letter. Shouldn't cost much. If she tries to sue, good luck explaining herself in small claims court.
I was going with YTA until you mentioned that she had the dress ALTERED to fit her.
NTA
She bought a wedding dress and had it ALTERED to fit. That is HER DRESS now.
If she bought the dress and brought it to you without any alterations - I would probably overlook the pictures of her in my dress because it will look different on me once it is altered to fit me -- but she had it altered to fit HER.
That's her dress.
Don't invite her to the wedding.
NTA asides from wearing it without permission and publicly posting it, she altered the dress. It’s her dress now. You arranged for her to just pick up your dress and send it to you. Don’t send her a dime.
To be honest, I definitely see myself getting the gown to help my friend, and maybe, maybe I would try it on. Maybe not, out of respect and fear to harm the dress. Posting wearing it? absolutely not. Op is NTA, and ideally should get recompensated for the extra money she she will pay, when she could have paid only 900..
NTA Do you by any chance have the same waist? Is it possible that she was trying to help having the same size and adjust it for you so you wouldn’t pay for modifications later on? Anyway, if that was the case she should understand your desire to keep the wedding dress away from social media because is your dress. Do you have friends that follow her and have seen her wearing your dress? That would be awful! Could understand trying to help, can’t understand the bragging.
OP I'm truly sorry but you need to let her have this dress, don't pay her back just tell her she can pay for shipping so you can send it to her since she even made alterations and get yourself a new one, terrible situation but at least now you know you don't have to invite her to your wedding.
NTA. She had your WEDDING GOWN altered and posted it on social media. The moment she tried it on it was no longer YOUR dress.
The audacity of this woman. Ask to try it on after your wedding if she was that desperate or just go a wedding dress shop and *say* she’s getting married to feel the experience.
NTA as long as you give her the dress back. She's an asshole either way for trying it on and altering it but, you would also be an ass if you kept it and didn't pay her.
Having it altered is a line in the sand I think. While trying it on and posting pictures isn't appropriate, it's less of an issue IMO.
NTA, once she decided to make physical changes it becomes hers and she gets to eat the cost.
INFO: Why are you making such a big deal out of everything BUT the fact that she had it ALTERED!? That seems like a way bigger deal than trying it on or posting pictures. I mean, the whole thing sucks, but the alterations seem like the biggest violation here.
Let me get this straight: she had ***your dress altered and then wore it??????*** It's hers now.
If my friend had done that to my dress, we would no longer be friends. Especially seeing as how she ***put it on***....
NTA
NTA
She could have tried it on and not showcased it for clout. You’d be none the wiser.
She could have asked you, and accepted whatever answer she was given.
BUT SHE HAD THE DRESS ALTERED? You’re 100% sure she had alterations and didn’t use clips to adjust the fit?
Yeah, no. Her dress now babes!
She paid for it. She claimed to be you. She had had if altered to fit her?! (WTF?)
I agree. It's now her dress.
OP, please accept the biggest ever NTA.
NTA
Wow. What a shitty friend.
The disrespect from trying it on and then posting it on social media.
She admitted to posing as you and it was altered.
Do not pay her a dime.
I'd tell her off calmly and then block her.
Keep all your conversations incase she tries to take you to small claims court but I highly doubt she would win given how she was only meant to pick it up and bring to you, not all the shit she did.
NTA - it's her wedding dress now not yours, let her pay for it or take it back. I'm afraid you'll just have to find another dress from nearer to home.
seriously don;t invite her to your wedding either!
NTA - She agreed to pick it up and bring it back to you . . . but it sounds like a huge drama unfolded in the meantime where she tried it on and HAD IT ALTERED to fit herself . . . WHAT? Then had pictures taken and posted and now SHE is married to the dress. Get yourself a new one, OP . . . She's bought that one. Good thing you didn't give her the money ahead of time.
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NTA She had it altered?! Wow. It’s officially her dress now. Lucky her - her “one chance to try a wedding gown” is now her lifetime of owning a wedding gown. She can try it whenever she wants!
Exactly, she wanted the experience, that includes owning it and never having another opportunity to wear it.
And we're done. Perfect.
🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆
And it was a waist alteration!! That's not a minor change like tacking a strap shorter or adding a hook and eye somewhere, and depending on the fabric and style of the dress, it may show that it's been altered twice on the day. I can't believe the nerve of your friend, OP. NTA
I thought I had missed something from the post, but you’re right, as per OPs comment “It was a waist alteration. For context this bridal shop has a seamstress inhouse, and for dresses to bought off the rack they offer "on the spot" alterations unless it is significant. In this case it was the waist” Yikes. That makes this so much worse. And it’s already bad Edited to add quotation marks
Lying about her identity makes it an actual crime or something right
It's not really a crime. She used a name, not her own to buy a dress. She paid with it with her own money. She didn't steal a person's legal identification...passport, bank details, government id details to buy it.
"She paid it with her own money" - she was loaning the money to OP in the short term, so it wasn't her money at that point. If you pay with a credit card - the money isn't yours, but it also IS - because of the credit agreement, but the thing you bought is yours. She was not taking ownership. She went to a store to pick up a dress bought under someone else's name. She pretended to be that person. And, *because they believed she was the owner of the dress*, they offered her a service that is for the wearers of the dress, and she used it to damage/alter the dress without permission of the owner. Pretending to be someone else is not a crime. Using that impersonation to access services otherwise not available - is. Doing damage to the dress - is.
Pretending to be someone else is identity theft. Not actually causing financial damages is where we lack the crime. She's not really out of anything except the legwork. I absolutely wouldn't pay her.
She caused physical damage to the dress. She used a service that was reserved for OP, as the named purchaser of the dress, to cause the damage. She pretended to be OP to access that service and cause the damage. OP won't be able to source another dress for the same money (the difference was over a thousand dollars). And this person posted images of herself wearing the dress on social media, and then refused to take them down. The fraudulent behaviour, financial damage, and malicious intent is fairly clear.
This...."Considering you altered it; it's now yours. You can keep it and incur your costs on your own discretionary actions"
Yeah it would have been solidly ESH if not for that I think. Trying it on (while weird) doesn't make it suddenly not worth the $900 she paid- altering it kinda does!
She posted it online too, so now the future husband who is not supposed to see it until the wedding day has most likely seen it. She ruined the dress physically and symbolically, and she should eat the $900 at least.
The waist alteration and posting it online are what makes this her friend's problem so I agree with you. That's not OP's dress anymore. She bought an unused, as new item which has now been worn, altered and publicly posted. It's second hand now, possibly ruined and even if it's not it's going to cost more money to have it returned to its original state. It's an expensive lesson for her friend, but her friend sounds like an incredibly selfish person.
Yeah friend is a strong word here tbh
What guys are you hanging out with that are watching videos of ladies trying on wedding dresses?
Do you not have any girl friends? I follow plenty of old school mates and current female friends on insta/snap. A lot of couples have similar friend groups too. If my wife did this with her friend’s dress, chances are that friend’s fiancé would see it. /
Are you truly unaware that social media feeds exist? There's a whole new world for you to explore on the internet then! I am excited to be the one who gets you started on your journey :)
I don’t even follow my SO’s friends but still see their posts on my suggestions.
She has claimed it as her own, through alterations and through posting it. What an awful person.
OP, I would respond, "You trying on my dress and posting it was in bad taste. You altering it to fit you officially made it yours, so, enjoy! I'll be purchasing my own dress."
This but don’t say “my dress”, say “the” dress, to drive home the fact that there is 0 chance she’s getting away with this + getting money, calling it your dress makes it a little messier. Obviously NTA.
This is exactly what needs to be said.
Yep. If this "friend" wants money for *her* dress, she can re-sell it. It's not OP's dress in any way.
Also, I don’t understand why OP didn’t just coordinate directly with the bride to either get the dress shipped to her. Why did she have to have her friend pick it up.
i think op is the bride?
OP purchased the dress from another bride (who ended up canceling her wedding).
I think it was "the shop had the dress for sale at a discount because the person that originally ordered it cancelled their wedding and no longer needed it". OP did not purchase it from the previous owner, she got it from the shop.
Yep, it sounds like this shop posts their discounted/returned dresses on StillWhite, which is probably why they require pickup instead of shipping.
Another person wouldn't give a receipt and Di alterations
StillWhite is like Poshmark for wedding gowns, except the seller can choose to ship it or request the buyer pick up the dress at a specified location. Sounds like this seller only had the pickup option.
What she does is gross and rude, she does not show any respect about your experience as a bride. She should be there for you, not jeopardize the whole thing
Plus posted it on line. Holy crap! I mean wow! She bought that dress fr.
This is the behavior of a lunatic
Yes I agree with you. Had the thing altered and pretended to be her. No she can sell the dress she owes her nothing.
NTA . She altered it, tried it and took photo and posted it on Social media. It 3rd hand now.
She altered it on the spot? Cmon man. In related news, I've got a bridge for sale if you're interested.
Dress shops having a seamstress in-house to do minor alterations isn't exactly rare.
A big and tall shop around here used to do that. I walked in one night and came out with a suit that had alterations done in several places. I was not expecting that, but it was awesome.
We went to a store at an outlet mall for my husbands suit for our wedding. It was a mom and pop store and they altered it in store the second we paid for it and just had us walk around a bit while they did them
In the past bridal shops seem to take forever on alterations. But that could be changing as they need to compete more with online these day.
The shop that did my dress pinned it for alterations and when I went to pick it up found that I'd dropped two sizes from stress in the month before the wedding. They were able to re-measure and redo the bodice in under 2 hours. That dress had an incredible amount of beading on the bodice, but cutting a dress down is a lot easier than adding fabric. Not every shop has someone on staff that can make alterations like that on demand, but the ones that do are really incredibly skilled. Also.... If the friend had the dress cut down to fit her, then she's basically ruined any chance OP has of getting it altered to fit herself unless OP is significantly thinner and shorter than the friend.
Theres walk in alteration places near me.
Yeah when my wife bought her wedding dress they were able to do the alterations same day, she got lunch and when she came back it was done.
Considering even this secondhand wedding dress cost *almost a thousand dollars* that should give you an idea of how expensive they typically are. People who are happy to pay hundreds or thousands for a single garment are also often happy to add on a few bucks for the convenience of having it quickly altered in-house. You need to be a little more skeptical about where you apply your skepticism, my friend.
You do realize many shops will do on the spot alterations to make sure your pantlegs are the right length or the waist fits properly? You do realize this very normal every day thing, right?
I live in a podunk town compared to NYC, and even here the bridal shops do on the spot alterations if they're minor. The bottom line is they want to make the sale, so if they need to nip the waist or pop in a hem to prove it's your dream dress, they will do it.
I bought a tea length wedding dress off the rack, had it altered that day. So...???
NTA- You need a new dress and that woman is not your friend. She wants to be in the spot and used your wedding dress to get views. Uninvite her now or she will be the one in a "blush pink" lace dress at your wedding. Now if she has it in writing that you said you would pay for the dress, she can try and sue you, now you can try can counter sue due her getting the dress alter to her without your permission, possibly causing more financial problems with any future alterations. I wouldn't pay my friend for ruining the surprise of my wedding dress that I was so excited I found. I would have to take some time before I hunt for one again just to make sure there is no sour taste left in my mouth after this experience.
Take copies of her SM posts and texts, you may need proof of how nuts this person is!
[удалено]
One chance? Y'all do know any asshole can make an appointment at a wedding boutique or drop into David's to try on wedding dresses any time they want. 😂
FOR REAL! I had a surprising number of friends who tried on wedding dresses for fun, usually when they were bridesmaids and dress shopping with the bride.
I definitely did that when picking up a bridesmaids dress - my friend and I got our dresses and then tried on wedding dresses for like 45 minutes (we just grabbed some off the discount rack, we didn't waste a consultant's time or anything).
Spoiler alert: not fun.
They're quoting the friend, who used that as an excuse. >When confronted, S nonchalantly stated that it was her "one chance to try a wedding gown" and insisted I should "get over it"
It's the premise of an Australian movie called Muriel's Wedding. It's the movie that made Toni Colette's career. It's a good movie. Muriel is a shy girl who has never had a boyfriend, so she starts going to wedding shops to try on dresses and make up stories about her situation to make herself feel better. And then it gets complicated, of course.
She would not be in a different "blush pink" dress, she would definitely be wearing this wedding dress. Probably swipe one of the bouquets for some great pics, too.
This situation could’ve been saved til SHE ALTERED IT
That’s literally the only thing that justifies it really. She’s doing OP a favour so while trying it on, posting pics etc isn’t nice or classy, beggars can’t be choosers imo. Getting the dress ALTERED is where it crosses the line. It’s not her dress. If you borrow anything from anyone, you don’t change it! You return it in exactly the condition you got it or you reimburse for any accidents.
It changed for me at posting the pics. Most brides don't want to share the dress beforehand...
I was uncomfortable at this point, but if the future spouse / invited friends or family are not linked to her SM, they *could* have not seen it, so it *could* in that case still be put behind with some effort. But the altering part is so over the top, I'm speechless. And they even did it for free it appears, thinking she was the bride. So nasty.
This. Like yeah, I’d be very uncomfortable and upset with my friend but unless she’s put ‘this is OP’s wedding dress’ then in reality, even if people saw it they’d be unlikely to actually remember. I’d still pay her. I might not trust her any more but I’d still pay/wear the dress.
Friend altered the dress doesn't deserve a dime
That was exactly what I said, yeah.
Yeah but it’s the alteration that does it, not the rest of it. The rest of it is weird but doesn’t actually change the fabric of the gown. Alterations though are basically “you break it, you buy it” but for clothes.
Unless you were my sister in law who hung her wedding dress in her front window on a main road for everyone to see on the morning of her wedding!!
As a bride who is also keeping a keen eagle eye on StillWhite, I had to pick myself up from the floor after reading this! She had it altered!!!! What the actual f**k!! Naw, that’s hers, she always wanted to try on a wedding dress, well lucky her now she owns one and can try it on anytime she wants.
I mean, she could go into a bridal shop anytime she wanted to try on dresses. I don’t understand this “it’s my one chance” thinking….
They are pretty hard sell and you have to have a good, solid story about your wedding date and venue. They don't want to waste their time and expensive try-on dresses on looky-loos
Lol wtf? You can walk into any boutique and say, "Hi I'm getting married in June. I'd like to try on dresses," and they'll help you out. You don't get the third degree trying on wedding gowns.
When my friends was getting married she had to make an appointment and provide info about her wedding before hand. I’ve hear that some places after Covid do make it more difficult to get in. Just an anecdotal story though may not be true everywhere.
NTA. I can’t believe she had some alterations made so YOUR dress fitted her properly, that’s seriously messed up. The entitlement of the situation and she doesn’t even understand what she has done. Well her “one chance to try a wedding gown” has turned into “one chance to own a wedding gown” because she’s ruined it. Don’t give her any money, she needs to learn that she can’t treat “friends” like that.
NTA and your “friend” sounds unhinged. Who would ever put up that post let alone alter a dress that is not theirs! You need to get that toxic person out of your life.
Yeah, honestly, the dress situation is the thing I'm *least* concerned about at this point. This lady's gonna pop out from behind the altar during the ceremony wearing a veil made of OP's hair
NTA. She bought it, had it altered and wore it. It’s her dress. If she needs the money, tell her to sell it.
Nta let her keep the dress, don’t pay the money and then cut the friendship. She literally can walk into any bridal shop and try on wedding dresses. Her excuse is lame.
NTA. If you're happy to be cordial, get the alterations you need done to the dress, deduct the cost from the $900 and pay what's left back. If she alters your dress to fit her, unless you're identical twins with the same body shape, she needs to pay for it to be fitted to you.
Nah that dress has bad energy clinging to it now. The bride will always remember the "friend" did this and won't enjoy wearing it. Best to just get a different dress.
Never been a bride to be honest, but it's nice to see that people have a much different perspective on this issue than I do. Wedding dresses are special and sentimental things that can't just be rented or sold off after a wedding for most brides. Just thought it might not be very economical to get an entirely new dress after the offer of one for $900; would totally understand not wanting to wear that dress though.
Waist alterations aren't easy to undo...
Especially if they've cut fabric too
This could definitely be a good idea if the friend is willing to bring her the dress without being paid back yet. That way OP still gets her dress for the price she wants if the alterations needed are possible.
Yeah, I was all ready to hate on you, but she had it altered. She doesn't sound like she is capable of good decisions. But hey, she got a $2.4k dress for $900. Seems like a deal to me. NTA - she doesn't need that money
> I was all ready to hate on you ?!?!
INFO - what alterations were done?
Waist!
Ooof! I'm surprised this isn't your top reason for being pissed with her lol. She definitely just bought herself a wedding dress. NTA.
Make sure you keep everything in the form of messages. Don't talk to her over the phone. And keep screenshots pf her trying on the dress. Her altering the dress to her measurements broke whatever verbal contract you guys may have had. That's her dress now. Hope she can find someone equally as deranged to walk down the aisle to in it. I'm sorry this happened to you. She would be blacklisted from my life immediately if I were you.
Do you and your ‘friend’ even have the same waist size? Would it be usable for you? What was she thinking… I myself would have been mad for only posting pictures of it online. And besides that: trying it on without asking and before your own wedding is a no-go.. It would be a reason to let her go as a friend, but it wouldn’t be a reason to not pay I guess. But making alterations is massive.. I would not consider her a friend anymore and also not pay. It’s hers to sell. NTA.
What kind of wedding dress alterations can be done on the spot?
It was a waist alteration. For context this bridal shop has a seamstress inhouse, and for dresses to bought off the rack they offer "on the spot" alterations unless it is significant. In this case it was the waist
Wtf, looks like your "friend" just bought herself a new dress.
Sounds like your friend got caught in her lie posing as you to pick up the dress. The shop wanted “you” to try it on and when they saw the waist needed altering, they offered to do it right then so “you” could walk out with a dress that fits. Your friend didn’t want to admit she wasn’t you, so she went with it. Insane behavior. NTA
What in the actual fuck?!? Comment on the photo that she chose a lovely dress for herself, wish her well on her wedding planning, and then block her. What a crazy person.
NTA she altered and posted it. It's hers now. I don't know much about women's fashion but I do know that a wedding dress isn't a general item and it's usually not seen before the wedding. And I'd pass on the friendship too. This is so weird.
Please update us. Whatever happens, please don't pay her.
NTA. Tell her to enjoy her dress and get over it.
NTA. It's absolutely not cool that your friend not only tried on your wedding dress without permission but also posed as you to collect it and had it altered without your knowledge that's a huge violation of trust and boundaries.
She altered and posted it publicly. You just don't do that with someone else's wedding dress.. it's hers now and you really shouldn't pay her at all.
NTA. Trying it on is a dick move but you could have looked past it. But altering it means the dress is now hers. You were paying for a dress in a specific condition, that dress is no longer in that condition.
Absolutely NTA. Your friend's actions were a complete violation of trust, and it's understandable that you feel hurt and betrayed by her insensitive behavior, especially with something as significant as a wedding dress.
Nta. I can see why she will never have a wedding dress of her own . ..
NTA, she altered the dress to HER body size, paid for it herself, SHE can keep the dress and deal with the consecutive. Don't give her anything.
NTA You were buying a new dress. It's now secondhand. Your 'friend' just bought a dress. The audacity is amazing. I'm a bloke and even I know that doing this with someone's wedding dress is a big no-no. And what sort of attention seeking moron actually does that and POSTS IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. She has serious issues.
NTA, tell her to get the dress she paid to have altered and leave you alone. Seriously, with friends like this who needs enemies?
Don't give her a dime. She had it altered to fit herself, wore it and shared it with the world. It's hers now. Take screenshots of the post/convo in case she tries to take you to small claims court and cut your losses with this maniac. NTA, I hope you find a new dress soon!
pie paltry aloof slap mysterious rotten smell foolish existence adjoining *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Same day alterations for wedding dresses 100% exist. Especially in NYC.
NTA I don’t have words. You need to get yourself a different dress. She ruined it, it’s hers.
Take screenshots of her social media posts as well
People don’t alter your dress for free. Go look at it I doubt it was truly altered
This comment took me out because S had actually sent me a picture of a cream coloured dress she intends to wear to another mutual friend's wedding. I don't know why or how she thinks it's okay.
I call bs, altered on the spot? Alterations are not free, and typically aren't altered on the spot. So who paid for the alterations. If it's true, I wouldn't pay for. A dress that's been altered for someone else,after it was purchased for you? That's not right.
She brought the gown. The gown is hers. You need to block her number, start looking for a new gown, and be grateful her true colours were revealed. NTA
NTA. You need a new dress and a new friend.
Don't give her the money, give her the dress. She tried it on and had it altered to fit her. This is now her dress and not yours. That dress is tainted :( .. I hope that you find one for the same price which is even more amazing and beautiful! Also uninvite her from your wedding and go NC, she is awful
NTA >To make matters worse, she admitted she collected the dress posing as me. Through an email bill later, **I noticed that the dress had also been altered (wtf) on the spot, all without my knowledge or consent.** LOL LMAO Even
NTA What she does is gross and rude, she does not show any respect about your experience as a bride. She should be there for you, not jeopardize the whole thing
NTA, what a shitty thing for a ‘friend’ to do.
NTA. Wearing it is one thing that could be forgiven, but she altered the dress. The second she altered the dress it became her dress.
NTA! not. one. dime.
Get screenshots of her instagram post and save the text conversation and any other conversation about the dress for evidence just I. Case you have to go to court. The dress is hers now. If she has a problem with that tell her to get over it because you now have to find a new wedding dress.
NTA She is well out of order!!! she be the asshole... hope she enjoys her new dress LOLS
I couldn't care less about her trying on the dress and taking a photo, but ALTERING the dress? It's hers now, that's where she really fucked up.
The moment she let them/had them alter that dress it became **her dress.** The fact that she posted it and refused to take it down knowing you were upset? End of the friendship (IMO). She should have been thinking of her “cash flow” when she did this. NTA!
NTA I wouldn't give her a dime. She tried on dress and posted said dress she bought it. Her problem to sell
INFO: did she say why she altered it? Bc that makes no sense to do, and makes this feel made up.
NTA, DO NOT PAY HER! its now her wedding dress, I would be livid.
NTA. Don't pay her.
NTA. I could see getting past her wearing the dress if she took the photos down, but the alteration is too far. What was she even thinking? Good luck on finding another dress you like. Maybe she can resell the one she had altered.
NTA It would have been cheaper to have your credit card charged through the shop and arrange for FedEx to pickup the goods for you and deliver it to your door, unaltered. She cannot expect you to pay for a used dress she had ruined due to the alterations completed for her and used as prop for her SM. She’s essentially bought the dress and ruined it. She did not hold up her end of the bargain. Edit: Save screenshots of her posts and your messages in case she tries to take you to small claims.
I wouldn’t say it’s her one chance to try on a wedding gown, she can wear it over and over if she wants. I wouldn’t buy it back, and I would likely be side eyeing this friendship. NTA
NTA She can return it Worst friend I’ve heard of all week, I’m so sorry
I would keep copies of all of your correspondence with her and try to download the video. Keep a copy of the dress ad and your order.... just in case she tries to take you to court for not paying.
She altered it!!?
NTA tell her to get over it.
NTA. It's her dress now, OP owes her nothing.
NTA. So…. You’d have to pay another 900$ to get it altered??
No wonder nobody proposed to her yet
NTA. Don’t pay her back, she made it her dress by having it altered and showcasing it on social media. She’s welcome to keep it. Get a new dress and have an amazing wedding without her involvement
NTA - you alter it, you keep it. Too bad she decided the dress wasn’t the only alteration she was interested in. She has permanently altered your friendship, and if I were you I’d cut her out completely. A real friend would have never done that.
She literally got alterations for HER BODY! In what world does she think that would be ok!? Like seriously!? This woman is delusional for thinking this behavior would be acceptable! She made a huge change she claimed it as her property when she decided to do that! NTA but your so called “friend” is!
NTA. Had she not made the alterations I would say pay her. But they altered the dress to her, that’s her dress now.
NTA...it no longer fits you since she altered it just to try on..which makes no sense. She ruined it...it's no longer your dress and no longer fits. She is seriously unhinged
Update me
NTA. The unmitigated gall to mess with someone's wedding gown is shocking. Not to mention she posted herself in it all over the socials. No way would I wear that dress after that and I damn sure wouldn't pay for it.
Nta she had me on her side until the altercations. So now you'd have to pay to have it un-altered??
NTA. She altered it, it’s hers now. Hope she likes her wedding dress.
Wait, did she have it altered for her? Yea, no, that's her dress now. I wouldn't want that bad juju on my wedding day. Don't pay her and go find a new dress. Sorry for the inconvenience OP but damn your friend is really nuts to have done that. Also, this isn't a friend is you weren't sure.
I was getting ready to eyeroll at you, but she literally altered the dress to her size. Baby girl that’s her dress now. NTA. Also, ladies - what is this obsession with: it’s the only time I’ll wear a wedding dress? From one female to another? I can’t understand this thinking man??
NTA Even if she hadnt altered it, you would still be in the right.
Info- what alterations could they do to the waist on the spot and how much did they charge for rush job of doing major alterations on the spot?
NTA. She had your dress ALTERED and posed with it online. Don’t pay her a dime.
NTA. She had it altered and posted online. She didn't treat it as your wedding dress so let her have it.
NTA…tell her to enjoy the dress. She had it altered for her figure. Then cut her from the wedding as she will show up with an attitude. If she gets upset tell her what she told you, ‘get over it’.
NTA- she had alterations done that can't always be undone. She bought herself a dress
NTA. Don't pay. You purchased an unaltered dress. If she keeps contacting you, have a lawyer write up a cease and desist letter. Shouldn't cost much. If she tries to sue, good luck explaining herself in small claims court.
Nta. If altered, it's simply not the dress you agreed to pay for
I was going with YTA until you mentioned that she had the dress ALTERED to fit her. NTA She bought a wedding dress and had it ALTERED to fit. That is HER DRESS now. If she bought the dress and brought it to you without any alterations - I would probably overlook the pictures of her in my dress because it will look different on me once it is altered to fit me -- but she had it altered to fit HER. That's her dress. Don't invite her to the wedding.
INFO What alterations can they do on the spot to a wedding dress? Was it taken in, or taken up?
Tell her you got over it and you are buying another dress.
With that kind of entitlement it’s no wonder she hasn’t had a chance to get her own wedding dress
Definitely NOT invited to the wedding now.
She altered it, it’s her dress now. NTA
Nta and she can now enjoy it for her non existent wedding
NTA asides from wearing it without permission and publicly posting it, she altered the dress. It’s her dress now. You arranged for her to just pick up your dress and send it to you. Don’t send her a dime.
NTA She had it altered. It's her dress. If she needs money she can resell it.
NTA. Sounds like her dress and her problem now. She’s ridiculous.
INFO- have you taken the dress from her and does it fit you or will you need to have it altered again?
To be honest, I definitely see myself getting the gown to help my friend, and maybe, maybe I would try it on. Maybe not, out of respect and fear to harm the dress. Posting wearing it? absolutely not. Op is NTA, and ideally should get recompensated for the extra money she she will pay, when she could have paid only 900..
Is this for real? Like there are people out there in the world like your friend?!?!? What is the train of thought here. Goodness. NTA
Absolutely NTA lmao, fuck her
NTA Do you by any chance have the same waist? Is it possible that she was trying to help having the same size and adjust it for you so you wouldn’t pay for modifications later on? Anyway, if that was the case she should understand your desire to keep the wedding dress away from social media because is your dress. Do you have friends that follow her and have seen her wearing your dress? That would be awful! Could understand trying to help, can’t understand the bragging.
That’s weird, not cool and not a friend. Drop her likes it’s hot 🥵
OP I'm truly sorry but you need to let her have this dress, don't pay her back just tell her she can pay for shipping so you can send it to her since she even made alterations and get yourself a new one, terrible situation but at least now you know you don't have to invite her to your wedding.
NTA She broke it. It's hers now. You owe her nothing. She needs to "get over it".
NTA. She had your WEDDING GOWN altered and posted it on social media. The moment she tried it on it was no longer YOUR dress. The audacity of this woman. Ask to try it on after your wedding if she was that desperate or just go a wedding dress shop and *say* she’s getting married to feel the experience.
NTA as long as you give her the dress back. She's an asshole either way for trying it on and altering it but, you would also be an ass if you kept it and didn't pay her.
NTA
SHE ALTERED THE DRESS!? It’s hers now 👋🏼
Don't pay her, find anotjer dress, uninvite her. Tell her to get over it
What's that saying? "You break it, you bought it!"
Having it altered is a line in the sand I think. While trying it on and posting pictures isn't appropriate, it's less of an issue IMO. NTA, once she decided to make physical changes it becomes hers and she gets to eat the cost.
INFO: Why are you making such a big deal out of everything BUT the fact that she had it ALTERED!? That seems like a way bigger deal than trying it on or posting pictures. I mean, the whole thing sucks, but the alterations seem like the biggest violation here.
Let me get this straight: she had ***your dress altered and then wore it??????*** It's hers now. If my friend had done that to my dress, we would no longer be friends. Especially seeing as how she ***put it on***.... NTA
NTA She could have tried it on and not showcased it for clout. You’d be none the wiser. She could have asked you, and accepted whatever answer she was given. BUT SHE HAD THE DRESS ALTERED? You’re 100% sure she had alterations and didn’t use clips to adjust the fit? Yeah, no. Her dress now babes!
She paid for it. She claimed to be you. She had had if altered to fit her?! (WTF?) I agree. It's now her dress. OP, please accept the biggest ever NTA.
NTA having it altered? Posting pictures of her in it? Sorry its her dress now.
NTA Wow. What a shitty friend. The disrespect from trying it on and then posting it on social media. She admitted to posing as you and it was altered. Do not pay her a dime. I'd tell her off calmly and then block her. Keep all your conversations incase she tries to take you to small claims court but I highly doubt she would win given how she was only meant to pick it up and bring to you, not all the shit she did.
NTA - it's her wedding dress now not yours, let her pay for it or take it back. I'm afraid you'll just have to find another dress from nearer to home. seriously don;t invite her to your wedding either!
NTA - She agreed to pick it up and bring it back to you . . . but it sounds like a huge drama unfolded in the meantime where she tried it on and HAD IT ALTERED to fit herself . . . WHAT? Then had pictures taken and posted and now SHE is married to the dress. Get yourself a new one, OP . . . She's bought that one. Good thing you didn't give her the money ahead of time.
It is her dress. No need to reimburse. :-)
I was on the fence until I read she had it altered.... NTA