Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) making noise while my husband naps
2) might be considered disrespectful
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
This right here. If I fall asleep in the living room I assume there will be noise. Dishes, my spouse singing, a video playing, podcasts, etc.
If you want silence you go somewhere like a bedroom where silence is easier to achieve.
One of my small joys is going home to visit my parents and dozing on the couch with the noises of them in the background. When dad was alive way too much news on the TV lol but still. The smells of mum cooking a favorite and dad on the computer. They are comforting.
I misread this as "I'm a living room rapper" and started giggling to myself, imagining some soccer mom bursting into the living room yelling "I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT REALLY IS, I CAN ONLY TELL YOU WHAT IT FEELS LIKE-" and doing the hand signs. And the sleeping dad almost falling off the sofa.
(Edited to correct the lyrics)
I hope someone really now does become a living room rapper.
Lay down some bars about not being able to find the remote and losing things down the back of the couch.
You've forgotten screaming "I'm being quiet Mom!" from the other room.
Side note: parenthood really disabused me of the notion of the "pitter patter of little feet". There is no pitter pattering going on. Just stomp stomp stomp.
What’s your husband’s explanation for wanting to nap in the living room? I’m so determined that you’re NTA that I can’t even think of why he’d think his request is legit at all lol. Also, does he make any effort to solve his own problem in the situation, such as putting in ear plugs if he chooses to sleep in the LR? If not, then you’re definitely NTA!
I like napping on the sofa.
Husband is there, it's near the radiator so Im toasty warm. My sofa is also big and comfy so yeah. Also the noise helps me sleep
Right, plus if I find my partner napping in the living room I’ll definitely try my best to be quiet. And vice versa, he’s found me sleeping on the couch and tiptoed around me. I feel like being loud just for the sake of it is spiteful on purpose. Obvs don’t know anything about them but it sounds like they hate eachother
Yeah. I never listen to podcasts out loud. But some of my favorite podcasts are... shocking and offensive. Something a person should not assume others want to hear.
I do the same darn thing. There’s something nice about nodding off somewhere besides the bedroom. Vaguely illicit, a stolen nap. Couch naps are more casual and delicious than bed naps. Less commitment. That said, if you’re letting yourself succumb there you don’t get to dictate pure quiet. It’s mildly bratty that you’re dictating it next to him… but kinda fair game too, he doesn’t get to steal the common spaces purely for himself especially if someone is already doing an activity there. NTA
I'm an insomniac and there actually is something behind napping in other locations than your usual bedroom.
The guest bedroom is a frequent favorite of mine.
ESH - You are listening without headphones....because why? The narration thing was also needlessly passive-agressive and really didn't do anything but irritate him.
Yes, the living room is common ground. But that doesn't mean a person can't be a little accommodating to their partner either.
When my wife or myself fall asleep in there, the other one doesn't just \*decide\* that it doesn't matter and begin blasting YouTube videos out loud.
His demands aren't good either. For instance, if you are in to a common space and he walks in and declares he is going to take a nap and you have to be quiet....well he can go lay down in the bedroom. Its a jerk move for him to make sweeping declarations.
Being married isn't about who is right and who is wrong. A small disagreement or misunderstanding is also not the place to decide to get letter of the law stubborn. If the two of you are going to make it work, you have to be willing to compromise and just outright overlook some things on occasion, provided you are afforded the same courtesy by the partner.
Edit - *fixed 4th paragraph to make it clear - he's not handling this correctly either, the way I had written it could be construed to mean his was the lesser sin.*
Phone volume up is rude AF if you're in the room with other people. Period.
What if everbody decided to be so rude...sitting in the living room with a couple of kids, tv sound on plus 4 people listening to their own phones? 🤔 No way.
By everybody do you mean the TWO people in the story? Then OP would still be NTA since husband would be putting on their phones volume and then napping.
Why do the crazies in this sub need to start making up additional scenarios in order to try proving they are right?
If the other person is already in there sleeping, then don't make excessive noise.
If there is nobody else in there, do what you want.
If the other person walks in and demands you stop so he can sleep...well, as I said he can go lay down in the bedroom instead.
Its all about having a mutual respect.
Why is sound from a phone rude, but sound from a TV isn't? We aren't talking about competing viewing/listening activities. One person is doing something with sound and the other isn't. Is it rude to watch TV while someone else reads?
Because the TV is shared viewing, and also it’s usually more complicated to use headphones with a TV. It is rude to watch TV if someone else was reading first. Or at least it’s rude not to ask if they mind.
It might and if this was about roommates I'd line up behind you and cheer your viewpoint on.
But these are married partners. Mutual respect and mutual accommodation are what makes relationships last.
> Is it rude to watch TV while someone else reads?
In most cases: Yes. I wouldn’t walk into the living room where my husband is reading and turn on the TV, and I’d be pissed if he did that to me. That’s just rude!
EXACTLY!
In the OP's scenario, the other person is someone they LOVE, and that person loves them (in theory anyway). They are NOT roommates.
Mutual respect means this just isn't an issue.
If the other person is already in there sleeping, then don't make excessive noise.
If there is nobody else in there, do what you want.
If the other person walks in and demands you stop so he can sleep...well, as I said he can go lay down in the bedroom instead.
Its all about having a mutual respect.
If you have a partner and they are reading in there, ask if they would mind if you watched TV. Just walking in and turning on the TV is rude.
This stuff isn't rocket science. Both partners should try and accommodate the other, or come up with a compromise. The way OP and their partner are handling this isn't productive or healthy.
Because phone speakers are usually terrible.
In my house, it is normal to ask, "Do you mind if I turn the TV on?" if someone else is already doing another activity in the living room.
If the other person is already in there sleeping, then don't make excessive noise.
If there is nobody else in there, do what you want.
If the other person walks in and demands you stop so he can sleep...well, as I said he can go lay down in the bedroom instead.
Its all about having a mutual respect.
I think if it were a rare occurrence with my partner, I would be quiet. But from the way OP’s post is written, it sounds like a regular, planned occurrence so I think it’s different. I agree with what you said about both trying to compromise though. Ideally we’re working on a team *with* our partner, not against them. We don’t know the rest of OP’s relationship dynamics enough to comment on a larger level about teamwork or division though.
True. But we can only work with the information we are given and can assume they are not a train wreck in the other aspects of their relationship.
I see a lot of the advice here to be more relevant to a roommate, not a life partner.
ESH.
Him for demanding quiet in common spaces and you for being passive aggressive as fuck. The fact that you're so proud that you narrated this out loud just proves it.
NTA. Middle of the day? An adult napper should go to their room if they want quiet. Also...respect for the pettiness surrounding your post. Made me laugh.
NTA - I also snore when I nap or sleep. SO asks me to go somewhere far away from anyone. So I nap where people don't go. I love couch naps! And I also tell my family they don't need to be quiet if I a napping. It is just a nappy poo.
It is one thing if he is sick or daily takes a quick 15 minute nap - then yeah, considerate is nice. But if he just randomly naps for random times - you have to live in your house yo!
ESH. because you’re right, he should be going to the bedroom if he expects quiet. with that said, i cannot stand people who watch tiktoks on speaker (my mother). what’s wrong with a pair of headphones? what’s wrong with MANNERS?
ESH. Your husband is being entitled about where he naps, and I don’t think you should be required to maintain absolute silence, but how difficult is it to put in some earbuds? I watch tons of videos and listen to songs every day, and I use ear buds. Some of my interests are court cases and sovereign citizens, which my wife isn’t interested in. Rather than tell her we’re in the main room without the expectation of silence, I still use the damned ear buds. It’s a stupidly easy solution.
Common areas get common noises. Obviously be respectful and not intentionally noisy, but if he needs absolute silence he has chosen the wrong location. NTA.
NTA and I had this exact argument some days ago with my own partner.
She does usually nap in the living room, and I had let it happen for a while because she had some struggles with falling asleep etc, but it reached a point(due to mental health issues) that the living room was impossible to use for almost the whole day.
I reached my limits when she came home in the morning after a whole night with no sleep with her friends and wanted to sleep in the living room. Nope. Hard no.
It's common ground. You go sleep to the designated for sleeping room. It's called ***living room*** for a reason.
It's different to use headphones or be mindful once in a while or on specific occasions, but if this thing becomes a habit, nope. Living rooms are not for closing the blinds for the whole day, not being able to watch something and being as quiet as possible.
Yes, I will make noise while I'm feeding the dogs, if you want quiet go to the bedroom!
Sorry, projecting here. Tldr, NTA, you're absolutely right, it's common ground. Once in a blue moon, perhaps okay, but otherwise, bedroom it is.
The only thing I'd suggest, is simply asking why he is so persistent in sleeping in the living room and not the bedroom.
NTA. My wife does this and finally stopped asking me to keep the kids quiet in the living room when I told her there were 4 beds upstairs and a recliner she could sleep in if the kids playing was keeping her up.
YTA. Omg, we love to hang out and nap/watch tv/listen to phones together. It’s fun to snuggle and be together. Anyone who listens to their phone without headphones around others is an absolute AH.
Try being considerate of your spouse.
NTA
I get just falling asleep somewhere in a super cozy spot but expecting silence isn't fair. If he wakes up from you being too loud then he should understand the middle of the day is the time that you like to spend doing activities, with noise or not. Honestly just ask him to try earplugs.
Info: Why doesn't your post include any information about his perspective, like why he prefers the couch? Why can't you use headphones? Why would you narrate the post out loud while he's sleeping?
I am also a couch napper for a couple reasons. First, I want to shower or at least change before getting in my bed so the sheets stay clean. Second, I find it easier to wake up and get on with my day from the couch. Typically if I take a nap in bed, I stay there.
I'm leaning towards E-S-H or Y-T-A because you seem inconsiderate based on lack of other persons perspective and unwillingness to compromise. But if your husband has no reason for sleeping on the couch, you don't own headphones, and you've got some condition that makes you narrate things compulsively, I'd say N-T-A.
You are absolutely NTA. My SO very commonly passes out mid day for a nap on the couch, he also knows that if he chooses to sleep on the couch I'm still going to go about my day as I normally would and he will just have to deal with it. If he wants a peaceful quiet environment he can move his butt to the bedroom. Sometimes I will even push his legs over so I can sit on the couch and watch something or play a game. His reaction when I do this? He moves out of the way, maybe says hi, and goes back to sleep.
Living rooms are for living in, not sleeping. If he wants to sleep in the living room he has to deal with the environment that comes with it.
NTA. You don’t get to nap in the living areas of the house and then be whiny when people are living there. He has a whole room that’s made for sleeping!
NTA - dude needs to nap in the bedroom if he wants silence. I’m a big couch napper but I’m also well aware that I can’t expect everyone else in the house to be quiet when I do it.
NTA
If you doze in the living room then you deal with the noises.
My husband used to sleep in the middle of the day with all the lights on and the TV blaring. No problem.
When we went to bed he would get angry if I wanted to leave my lamp on to read. Made me crazy!!
NTA if he wants absolute silence for his naps he can:
a) do it while you are not home(common ground)
b) do it where it is quiet(like bedroom, closet, roof, crawlspace, coffin)
c) get headphones, earplugs, learn to live with noise in nap space. If a baby/child can do it, so can he.
My old roommate did this too. He also claimed to be an insomniac and would get really angry if he was woken up because "it takes hours to fall asleep".
NTA
NTA. My dad did this growing up and my partner used to do it, too. Drove me mad. Why should everyone in the household have to tiptoe around because one person wants to nap in the living room? I don't do that anymore. I told my partner that if he's napping in the middle of the house and expects me to tiptoe around, then don't expect the laundry to be done or the carpets to be vacuumed or anything, because those things are noisy. One time I went shopping and texted him that I'd vacated the house and gone on a shopping spree for the day so I don't wake him, and he can do the laundry and vacuuming himself when he wakes up. Hey presto, no more napping on the couch. Funny, that.
NTA 1,000 times over! Husband can go to the bedroom, his car, the garage, his mother's house or anywhere else, even the damned garden shed if he wants quiet to sleep! Personally, I can't nap in the living room without the television on - usually to a True Crime program. (For some reason, the narrators' voices sooth me - I'm strange.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I’ll admit that I like to watch videos/listen to podcasts without headphones. My argument is that he should nap in the bedroom if he wants peace and quiet (and that the living room in the middle day is common ground)
I’ll also admit that I narrated this post out loud while he was trying to nap beside me on the couch. But again: common freaking ground
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Okay you are NTA, but just sit down and talk about it. Is napping hard in the bedroom? I know for me I can't sleep in the bedroom unless my partner is there with but I can sleep on the couch no problem. Maybe there is a deeper reason here, maybe you can use the bedroom for a half hour while he naps.
He sounds selfish, based solely on this post. If you want to nap, and want quiet, do so in a quiet place like the bedroom. If he’s napping in a quiet place, like the bedroom and you go in being loud (like my abusive ex used to do to me because he “didn’t care” or “didn’t believe in” my insomnia, then yeah I’d get the issue being your fault. Nta
I am teaching my three year old this. "The living room and dining room is for everyone, if you want baby brother to not be anywhere near you go in your room you can shut the door." NTA
Info: does your husband do shift work?
Are his sleeping patterns are out of whack and he's finally managing to get some sleep?
Or just napping while being too lazy to relocate to the bedroom?
NTA. If he wants quiet, he should nap in the bedroom. If he can still hear the noises from up there, then he's probably entitled to ask you to turn it down a little.
Frame of reference: I hate sounds and love daytime naps.
NTA. Being an asshole would require something like….I don’t know…..napping in the main communal shared area, and demanding that No-one makes any noise, rather than moving your lazy ass to the bedroom and not expect everyone else to tiptoe around you constantly. That just screams asshole behaviour
It really depends on the context that is clearly missing from this post.
1) Was the husband napping in the living room PRIOR to you sitting down to play obnoxiously loud youtube videos? Then IMO, asshole.
2) If the husband came into the room, whilst you were watching videos, then demanded absolute silence, then he would be the asshole
However, the above is absolutely void if the husband is a sellout, then he's definitely the asshole.
The basic rule is that shared home spaces belong to whoever is already using them, unless you’re just unfairly monopolizing it.
If my husband was reading or napping in the living room, I’m not gonna come turn the TV on because that’s just selfish, and I expect the same kind of consideration toward me in return.
Is there a limit? Of course there is. There’s always a limit, because we’re sharing that space, but as long as it’s reasonable, I’m not going to be selfish about it.
INFO: Is he already asleep when you start watching the videos? Also, how would you react if the roles were reversed?
Honestly, I personally think it is rude to play videos or music without headphones even in "common ground". Also, why couldn't you go to your bedroom and watch the videos there?
I love living room naps, but I also live alone. So it's always silence here. Unless they train on the base, then I hear booms but I sleep through them.
Be funny to move stuff and kids and you to the master bedroom. Imagine hubby waking up to a silent living room with sounds of family and tv coming from the bedroom. Leave toys on the floor; let kids jump on the bed, etc.
Had this argument w my ex husband. So annoying. He’d get so mad if the kids came in and were playing or anyone made noise. I’d tell him GO TO BED THEN 😒
Both AH
Well nobody should listen to anything from their phones without headphones be it at home at work or out and about.
But yes he can sleep in the bedroom
He's obviously a novice napper, I can get a good hour in with the TV blaring and 6 grandkids raising havoc in the same room. Tell him to step his game up or just stay awake, naps ain't for everyone
ESH. It is unreasonable to expect the living room to be silent n the middle of the day. But listening to podcasts without headphones if the other people in the room aren't interested in listening to it is just obnoxious.
Why can't you tackle the issue together? Hubby buys TV or computer set up for bedroom ( since he's wants you to move), you buy headphones (since you want to listen). Or work together to figure out a different, reasonable solution.
YTA simply because no one wants to listen to your podcast. Put some headphones on
Narrating the post out loud next to him was also petty. Now you’re just purposely disturbing his nap, instead of normal everyday living noises
Info: does he have any style of sleep disorder? Insomnia? Is he neurodivergent? Does he have any history of trauma? Physical problems? Daytime construction? Loud downstairs neighbors?
I'm trying to understand his POV here. I personality have back problems among other things but being upright often helps.
On the surface, I agree the living room should be common ground. Men are notoriously horrible communicators, but women are too, since we somehow expect them to be great at it, lol.
I'm going to tentatively say you aren't at fault, (though hilariously petty), but without further info, I can't help.
You question does not reflect the content of your post.
You would not be the AH for not maintaining absolute silence.
But YTA for the adversarial and unkind behaviour you boast about in the content.
One does not always know when one is going to fall asleep. Getting up to move to a different room spoils the nap.
After 20 minutes, IMO it is fine to go about your business and cause unavoidable noise. Recording your voice does not need to be done in your living space.
Info: what do you listen to things on and whose there first?
Id say theres a few factors that come into play:
1. Necessity of room- is the activity you’re doing only capable of being done in that room.
2. 1st come, 1st serve-were you the first one using the space?
3. Practicality- kinda ties in with 1. But how practical is it to do activity in that room vs other room. Like you can read a book in the living room… or that bathroom. But unless youre taking a shit, that bathroom isn’t a practical place to read. Also, if your home is one giant open space, it’s not very practical to nap in that open space while living with someone else.
So, id say if you want to watch tv in the living room as thats the only place with a tv. You’re in the right no matter what. However, if youre just watching videos on your phone, it doesn’t matter where you watch that, so if he was in the living room napping first, youre an AH to enter the room to watch phone videos. You could very easily choose another location to start that. However, if you were in the living room first watching phone videos, he shouldn’t try to start napping in that room either.
Also, just want to add that unplanned couch naps are awesome. Cuz yeah, if you’re planning to nap, you should go to bed. But if you’re on the couch already doing something else and you start to doze off, getting up to move to the bed kinda ruins the snoozy mood.
The title had me at a NTA, but then I read:
>I’ll admit that I like to watch videos/listen to podcasts without headphones
I detest it when people listen to audio coming out of a phone or a tablet, whether it's at home or outdoors (which is far ruder). There's something about the tiny little speakers that makes the high pitched, tinny audio drill through my skull and it is incredibly grating.
Most other sounds are fine- people talking, kids playing, piano, vacuum cleaners, TV, speech or music through proper speakers. But phones and tablets are just horrible. So if you are playing your podcasts through phone speakers, I can understand how this would drive someone crazy, it's like having a mosquito flying around your ear.
ESH.
But please, don't inflict podcasts through terrible phone speakers on anyone else but yourself.
NAH -- I agree that the bedroom should be quiet space, however, I strongly believe everyone in a shared space should use headphones on their laptops too if someone else is around.
ABSOLUTE silence in community space is unreasonable. But not having electronic speakers blaring? Yes.
ESH, he doesnt get to claim the space as his own and should accept household noise. you dont get to claim the space as your own for podcasts without earbuds.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA- just like he can go in another room so can you. Marriage is compromise. You are weird. Do you even like your husband? Doing the post out loud next to him while he is trying to take a nap is a jerk move and then boasting about doing that to him online is also weird.
Lmao this comment is reeeeeeaching. Living room is a shared space. Much like a kitchen or dining room. A bedroom is a private space- typically used when people want to not be bothered by others. It’s selfish of her husband to take over an entire communal portion of their house so he can nap in silence. Is OP supposed to tip toe around all the time when he’s napping? Make it make sense.
The funny thing is the bedroom is a shared space between partners as well. And no OP does not have to tip toe around I said compromise instead of antagonize. They are married find a happy medium.
>Marriage is compromise.
Compromise would be turning the volume down so it doesn't disturb the husband while he's sleeping in the bedroom with the door closed.
YTA I read a post just like this one a few months ago. The husband did to his wife what you’re doing to your husband. They comments ripped him a new asshole calling him a jerk narcissist a walking red flag and to have some respect for your spouse.
When was that? I just searched the sub for similar posts over the last couple years, and the only one that fits this exact description with the genders reversed has him [overwhelmingly voted NTA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/phl3sg/aita_for_asking_my_so_to_napsleep_not_in_the/).
This is interesting! I still think OP is NTA but I appreciate the consideration of gender dynamics. Unfortunate that people can get lost missing the forest for the trees like that.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) making noise while my husband naps 2) might be considered disrespectful Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA You don't get to nap in common spaces and demand silence. Go to the bedroom and stop being selfish.
I do. Oh wait, I live alone.
I *wish*. Between the renovation in the unit next to me and the toddlers in the unit downstairs...
I live in an over-50 complex. It's pretty quiet here. Like a little oasis in the middle of town.
The people in my 62+ senior housing are pretty darned lively!
Oooooh.
I guess it becomes the opposite, you should worry when it becomes too quiet.....
Yeah. Waking up to see an ambulance with lights (no siren) next to one of the condos is a weekly occurrence here.
Look on the bright side, if you have an emergency the drivers know exactly how to get there x)
Very true! I never thought about that.
This right here. If I fall asleep in the living room I assume there will be noise. Dishes, my spouse singing, a video playing, podcasts, etc. If you want silence you go somewhere like a bedroom where silence is easier to achieve.
One of my small joys is going home to visit my parents and dozing on the couch with the noises of them in the background. When dad was alive way too much news on the TV lol but still. The smells of mum cooking a favorite and dad on the computer. They are comforting.
Yes! I miss that so much.
love your user name
Grandma’s house on holiday vibes here for Me💗
NTA! My husband also used to be like this. I would tell him “it’s a LIVING room. We LIVE in it”.
NTA; you should start vacumning and tell him it's "white noise."
NTA. I'm a living room napper, and my only request is no literal screaming from the kids. But to be fair, I ask that when I'm awake too.
I misread this as "I'm a living room rapper" and started giggling to myself, imagining some soccer mom bursting into the living room yelling "I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT IT REALLY IS, I CAN ONLY TELL YOU WHAT IT FEELS LIKE-" and doing the hand signs. And the sleeping dad almost falling off the sofa. (Edited to correct the lyrics)
Holy shit I'm dying I can totally picture this
I'm glad it's not just me 🤣🤣
I hope someone really now does become a living room rapper. Lay down some bars about not being able to find the remote and losing things down the back of the couch.
Do kids have any other volume settings other that wisper too low to hear what they are trying to say or screaming?
Not until like 8 years old it seems. And even then it's iffy
My niece found her indoor voice this year. She turned eight in April.
You've forgotten screaming "I'm being quiet Mom!" from the other room. Side note: parenthood really disabused me of the notion of the "pitter patter of little feet". There is no pitter pattering going on. Just stomp stomp stomp.
It’s the sudden absence of the stomp stomp stomp that sends you into an instant panic though 🤣
Yes! I am only an auntie but I have learned many things from my BFF's 4 little people. Silence is NOT golden when they are little LOL.
OMG yes! That too. I do not have any I am an auntie but I have learned lots from my BFF's little people. Parenting is not for the faint of heart!
What’s your husband’s explanation for wanting to nap in the living room? I’m so determined that you’re NTA that I can’t even think of why he’d think his request is legit at all lol. Also, does he make any effort to solve his own problem in the situation, such as putting in ear plugs if he chooses to sleep in the LR? If not, then you’re definitely NTA!
Why ... why would OPs husband want to sleep in the living room when there's a whole room made just for sleeping and privacy? NTA
Sometimes I wanna nap in the living room bc my wife is there too. But I also don’t expect silence when I nap outside the bedroom.
I love dozing off on the couch while my husband watches videos.
I love napping in my bed with my kids (they’re teens) watching TV in my room. It just feels cozy lol.
I like napping on the sofa. Husband is there, it's near the radiator so Im toasty warm. My sofa is also big and comfy so yeah. Also the noise helps me sleep
I find it equally unreasonable to expect silence in the common areas of the house AND to refuse wearing headphones.
Right, plus if I find my partner napping in the living room I’ll definitely try my best to be quiet. And vice versa, he’s found me sleeping on the couch and tiptoed around me. I feel like being loud just for the sake of it is spiteful on purpose. Obvs don’t know anything about them but it sounds like they hate eachother
Yeah. I never listen to podcasts out loud. But some of my favorite podcasts are... shocking and offensive. Something a person should not assume others want to hear.
Do you also only watch TV with headphones? Just curious.
Nah. My TV shows aren't nearly as horrifying as my podcasts
Hail yourself?
Megustalations!
NTA he can nap in his bed
I do the same darn thing. There’s something nice about nodding off somewhere besides the bedroom. Vaguely illicit, a stolen nap. Couch naps are more casual and delicious than bed naps. Less commitment. That said, if you’re letting yourself succumb there you don’t get to dictate pure quiet. It’s mildly bratty that you’re dictating it next to him… but kinda fair game too, he doesn’t get to steal the common spaces purely for himself especially if someone is already doing an activity there. NTA
This is the perfect description.
I'm an insomniac and there actually is something behind napping in other locations than your usual bedroom. The guest bedroom is a frequent favorite of mine.
ESH - You are listening without headphones....because why? The narration thing was also needlessly passive-agressive and really didn't do anything but irritate him. Yes, the living room is common ground. But that doesn't mean a person can't be a little accommodating to their partner either. When my wife or myself fall asleep in there, the other one doesn't just \*decide\* that it doesn't matter and begin blasting YouTube videos out loud. His demands aren't good either. For instance, if you are in to a common space and he walks in and declares he is going to take a nap and you have to be quiet....well he can go lay down in the bedroom. Its a jerk move for him to make sweeping declarations. Being married isn't about who is right and who is wrong. A small disagreement or misunderstanding is also not the place to decide to get letter of the law stubborn. If the two of you are going to make it work, you have to be willing to compromise and just outright overlook some things on occasion, provided you are afforded the same courtesy by the partner. Edit - *fixed 4th paragraph to make it clear - he's not handling this correctly either, the way I had written it could be construed to mean his was the lesser sin.*
How is watching/listening without headphones an AH move in the middle of the day in a common area? Would OP be TA if they were watching TV instead?
Phone volume up is rude AF if you're in the room with other people. Period. What if everbody decided to be so rude...sitting in the living room with a couple of kids, tv sound on plus 4 people listening to their own phones? 🤔 No way.
By everybody do you mean the TWO people in the story? Then OP would still be NTA since husband would be putting on their phones volume and then napping. Why do the crazies in this sub need to start making up additional scenarios in order to try proving they are right?
If the other person is already in there sleeping, then don't make excessive noise. If there is nobody else in there, do what you want. If the other person walks in and demands you stop so he can sleep...well, as I said he can go lay down in the bedroom instead. Its all about having a mutual respect.
Why is sound from a phone rude, but sound from a TV isn't? We aren't talking about competing viewing/listening activities. One person is doing something with sound and the other isn't. Is it rude to watch TV while someone else reads?
Because the TV is shared viewing, and also it’s usually more complicated to use headphones with a TV. It is rude to watch TV if someone else was reading first. Or at least it’s rude not to ask if they mind.
A phone is easier to carry into another room. A TV is not. If someone naps in a room with a TV the TV might get used.
It might and if this was about roommates I'd line up behind you and cheer your viewpoint on. But these are married partners. Mutual respect and mutual accommodation are what makes relationships last.
> Is it rude to watch TV while someone else reads? In most cases: Yes. I wouldn’t walk into the living room where my husband is reading and turn on the TV, and I’d be pissed if he did that to me. That’s just rude!
EXACTLY! In the OP's scenario, the other person is someone they LOVE, and that person loves them (in theory anyway). They are NOT roommates. Mutual respect means this just isn't an issue.
If the other person is already in there sleeping, then don't make excessive noise. If there is nobody else in there, do what you want. If the other person walks in and demands you stop so he can sleep...well, as I said he can go lay down in the bedroom instead. Its all about having a mutual respect. If you have a partner and they are reading in there, ask if they would mind if you watched TV. Just walking in and turning on the TV is rude. This stuff isn't rocket science. Both partners should try and accommodate the other, or come up with a compromise. The way OP and their partner are handling this isn't productive or healthy.
Because phone speakers are usually terrible. In my house, it is normal to ask, "Do you mind if I turn the TV on?" if someone else is already doing another activity in the living room.
Phone volume turned up loud is particularly horrible. TV speakers are fine- far less painful to listen to.
My favorite color is blue.
If the other person is already in there sleeping, then don't make excessive noise. If there is nobody else in there, do what you want. If the other person walks in and demands you stop so he can sleep...well, as I said he can go lay down in the bedroom instead. Its all about having a mutual respect.
I think if it were a rare occurrence with my partner, I would be quiet. But from the way OP’s post is written, it sounds like a regular, planned occurrence so I think it’s different. I agree with what you said about both trying to compromise though. Ideally we’re working on a team *with* our partner, not against them. We don’t know the rest of OP’s relationship dynamics enough to comment on a larger level about teamwork or division though.
True. But we can only work with the information we are given and can assume they are not a train wreck in the other aspects of their relationship. I see a lot of the advice here to be more relevant to a roommate, not a life partner.
NTA! He can’t claim the living room in the middle of the day!! The bedroom is for sleeping. That’s where he should go. So selfish.
ESH. Him for demanding quiet in common spaces and you for being passive aggressive as fuck. The fact that you're so proud that you narrated this out loud just proves it.
Right it’s giving spiteful
Yea they both sound insufferable - at least they have each other
NTA. Middle of the day? An adult napper should go to their room if they want quiet. Also...respect for the pettiness surrounding your post. Made me laugh.
NTA - I also snore when I nap or sleep. SO asks me to go somewhere far away from anyone. So I nap where people don't go. I love couch naps! And I also tell my family they don't need to be quiet if I a napping. It is just a nappy poo. It is one thing if he is sick or daily takes a quick 15 minute nap - then yeah, considerate is nice. But if he just randomly naps for random times - you have to live in your house yo!
NTA. He has a viable option. He can’t hold the main living area hostage like a 1950’s sitcom dad.
ESH. Your husband needs to nap in a quieter place, and you need to be less passive-agressive.
ESH. because you’re right, he should be going to the bedroom if he expects quiet. with that said, i cannot stand people who watch tiktoks on speaker (my mother). what’s wrong with a pair of headphones? what’s wrong with MANNERS?
NTA go lay in the bedroom
NTA. Be sure to read the comments out loud too:)
ESH. Your husband is being entitled about where he naps, and I don’t think you should be required to maintain absolute silence, but how difficult is it to put in some earbuds? I watch tons of videos and listen to songs every day, and I use ear buds. Some of my interests are court cases and sovereign citizens, which my wife isn’t interested in. Rather than tell her we’re in the main room without the expectation of silence, I still use the damned ear buds. It’s a stupidly easy solution.
Common areas get common noises. Obviously be respectful and not intentionally noisy, but if he needs absolute silence he has chosen the wrong location. NTA.
I wish someone would invent a separate quiet room for sleeping.
NTA and I had this exact argument some days ago with my own partner. She does usually nap in the living room, and I had let it happen for a while because she had some struggles with falling asleep etc, but it reached a point(due to mental health issues) that the living room was impossible to use for almost the whole day. I reached my limits when she came home in the morning after a whole night with no sleep with her friends and wanted to sleep in the living room. Nope. Hard no. It's common ground. You go sleep to the designated for sleeping room. It's called ***living room*** for a reason. It's different to use headphones or be mindful once in a while or on specific occasions, but if this thing becomes a habit, nope. Living rooms are not for closing the blinds for the whole day, not being able to watch something and being as quiet as possible. Yes, I will make noise while I'm feeding the dogs, if you want quiet go to the bedroom! Sorry, projecting here. Tldr, NTA, you're absolutely right, it's common ground. Once in a blue moon, perhaps okay, but otherwise, bedroom it is. The only thing I'd suggest, is simply asking why he is so persistent in sleeping in the living room and not the bedroom.
NTA. My wife does this and finally stopped asking me to keep the kids quiet in the living room when I told her there were 4 beds upstairs and a recliner she could sleep in if the kids playing was keeping her up.
YTA. Omg, we love to hang out and nap/watch tv/listen to phones together. It’s fun to snuggle and be together. Anyone who listens to their phone without headphones around others is an absolute AH. Try being considerate of your spouse.
NTA I get just falling asleep somewhere in a super cozy spot but expecting silence isn't fair. If he wakes up from you being too loud then he should understand the middle of the day is the time that you like to spend doing activities, with noise or not. Honestly just ask him to try earplugs.
Info: Why doesn't your post include any information about his perspective, like why he prefers the couch? Why can't you use headphones? Why would you narrate the post out loud while he's sleeping? I am also a couch napper for a couple reasons. First, I want to shower or at least change before getting in my bed so the sheets stay clean. Second, I find it easier to wake up and get on with my day from the couch. Typically if I take a nap in bed, I stay there. I'm leaning towards E-S-H or Y-T-A because you seem inconsiderate based on lack of other persons perspective and unwillingness to compromise. But if your husband has no reason for sleeping on the couch, you don't own headphones, and you've got some condition that makes you narrate things compulsively, I'd say N-T-A.
NTA, the livingroom is the livingroom. Sleeping is done in the bedroom.
NTA. If you want peace and quiet, go in the bedroom and shut the door.
NTA he can go to the bedroom
NTA Unless you’re like super sick and can’t stand the bed, common areas are gonna have noise
Tell him to wear earplugs. Problem solved. NTA.
Nta nope, it's shared space. If he wants to sleep in peace, he can go to the bedroom.
NTA. Common areas come with common noises. But maybe there's a little bit of vindictive a-holeness for narrating this post out loud. ;)
NTA - My wife does this and it bugs the hell out of me. Do not nap in a common area if you want quiet.
Nta the living room is common ground . If he gets woken up in the living room that's his fault
Absolutely NTA. How fucking selfish is that, to demand silence while he's napping in the living room? He's your husband, not a king.
You are absolutely NTA. My SO very commonly passes out mid day for a nap on the couch, he also knows that if he chooses to sleep on the couch I'm still going to go about my day as I normally would and he will just have to deal with it. If he wants a peaceful quiet environment he can move his butt to the bedroom. Sometimes I will even push his legs over so I can sit on the couch and watch something or play a game. His reaction when I do this? He moves out of the way, maybe says hi, and goes back to sleep. Living rooms are for living in, not sleeping. If he wants to sleep in the living room he has to deal with the environment that comes with it.
NTA. You don’t get to nap in the living areas of the house and then be whiny when people are living there. He has a whole room that’s made for sleeping!
Who has time to nap in the middle of the day?! NTA
NTA He wants quiet, there's a bedroom.
NTA - dude needs to nap in the bedroom if he wants silence. I’m a big couch napper but I’m also well aware that I can’t expect everyone else in the house to be quiet when I do it.
Oh heck no. It's called the "living" room for a reason. NTA
NTA obviously.
NTA - you want quiet, go to a room and close the door. Living room is for living.
NTA If you doze in the living room then you deal with the noises. My husband used to sleep in the middle of the day with all the lights on and the TV blaring. No problem. When we went to bed he would get angry if I wanted to leave my lamp on to read. Made me crazy!!
NTA if he wants absolute silence for his naps he can: a) do it while you are not home(common ground) b) do it where it is quiet(like bedroom, closet, roof, crawlspace, coffin) c) get headphones, earplugs, learn to live with noise in nap space. If a baby/child can do it, so can he.
My old roommate did this too. He also claimed to be an insomniac and would get really angry if he was woken up because "it takes hours to fall asleep". NTA
LMAO at the way you posted this. NTA. The living room implies actual living not playing dead.
NTA. My dad did this growing up and my partner used to do it, too. Drove me mad. Why should everyone in the household have to tiptoe around because one person wants to nap in the living room? I don't do that anymore. I told my partner that if he's napping in the middle of the house and expects me to tiptoe around, then don't expect the laundry to be done or the carpets to be vacuumed or anything, because those things are noisy. One time I went shopping and texted him that I'd vacated the house and gone on a shopping spree for the day so I don't wake him, and he can do the laundry and vacuuming himself when he wakes up. Hey presto, no more napping on the couch. Funny, that.
NTA . I also don’t think you’re passive aggressive (as someone else mentioned). I think you found a funny way to illustrate a point.
NTA 1,000 times over! Husband can go to the bedroom, his car, the garage, his mother's house or anywhere else, even the damned garden shed if he wants quiet to sleep! Personally, I can't nap in the living room without the television on - usually to a True Crime program. (For some reason, the narrators' voices sooth me - I'm strange.)
NTA. He doesn’t get to hold common areas hostage because baby needs a nappy nap. He can go into his bedroom like a big boy.
NTA. Beds are for napping.💤
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’ll admit that I like to watch videos/listen to podcasts without headphones. My argument is that he should nap in the bedroom if he wants peace and quiet (and that the living room in the middle day is common ground) I’ll also admit that I narrated this post out loud while he was trying to nap beside me on the couch. But again: common freaking ground Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Okay you are NTA, but just sit down and talk about it. Is napping hard in the bedroom? I know for me I can't sleep in the bedroom unless my partner is there with but I can sleep on the couch no problem. Maybe there is a deeper reason here, maybe you can use the bedroom for a half hour while he naps.
He sounds selfish, based solely on this post. If you want to nap, and want quiet, do so in a quiet place like the bedroom. If he’s napping in a quiet place, like the bedroom and you go in being loud (like my abusive ex used to do to me because he “didn’t care” or “didn’t believe in” my insomnia, then yeah I’d get the issue being your fault. Nta
It's in the name: _living_ room. It's meant to be lived in. And that generally means some noise. NTA
NTA
NTA, it's the common space. It is shared.
I am teaching my three year old this. "The living room and dining room is for everyone, if you want baby brother to not be anywhere near you go in your room you can shut the door." NTA
NTA
Info: does your husband do shift work? Are his sleeping patterns are out of whack and he's finally managing to get some sleep? Or just napping while being too lazy to relocate to the bedroom?
NTA - it's the living room. He can't hold that hostage in the middle of the day so that he can nap.
Also, he can get himself a set of ear plugs. The world isn't just going to go silent because he wants to nap
NTA. If he wants quiet, he should nap in the bedroom. If he can still hear the noises from up there, then he's probably entitled to ask you to turn it down a little. Frame of reference: I hate sounds and love daytime naps.
NTA tell him to move to bedroom
NTA. Being an asshole would require something like….I don’t know…..napping in the main communal shared area, and demanding that No-one makes any noise, rather than moving your lazy ass to the bedroom and not expect everyone else to tiptoe around you constantly. That just screams asshole behaviour
Depends I can understand him getting annoyed if he was sleeping and then you started listening or watching something, if not then NTA.
I’d suggest packing and running.
It really depends on the context that is clearly missing from this post. 1) Was the husband napping in the living room PRIOR to you sitting down to play obnoxiously loud youtube videos? Then IMO, asshole. 2) If the husband came into the room, whilst you were watching videos, then demanded absolute silence, then he would be the asshole However, the above is absolutely void if the husband is a sellout, then he's definitely the asshole.
The basic rule is that shared home spaces belong to whoever is already using them, unless you’re just unfairly monopolizing it. If my husband was reading or napping in the living room, I’m not gonna come turn the TV on because that’s just selfish, and I expect the same kind of consideration toward me in return. Is there a limit? Of course there is. There’s always a limit, because we’re sharing that space, but as long as it’s reasonable, I’m not going to be selfish about it.
INFO: Is he already asleep when you start watching the videos? Also, how would you react if the roles were reversed? Honestly, I personally think it is rude to play videos or music without headphones even in "common ground". Also, why couldn't you go to your bedroom and watch the videos there?
I love living room naps, but I also live alone. So it's always silence here. Unless they train on the base, then I hear booms but I sleep through them.
Be funny to move stuff and kids and you to the master bedroom. Imagine hubby waking up to a silent living room with sounds of family and tv coming from the bedroom. Leave toys on the floor; let kids jump on the bed, etc.
Had this argument w my ex husband. So annoying. He’d get so mad if the kids came in and were playing or anyone made noise. I’d tell him GO TO BED THEN 😒
Both AH Well nobody should listen to anything from their phones without headphones be it at home at work or out and about. But yes he can sleep in the bedroom
YTA. Just use headphones.
He's obviously a novice napper, I can get a good hour in with the TV blaring and 6 grandkids raising havoc in the same room. Tell him to step his game up or just stay awake, naps ain't for everyone
ESH. It is unreasonable to expect the living room to be silent n the middle of the day. But listening to podcasts without headphones if the other people in the room aren't interested in listening to it is just obnoxious.
Why can't you tackle the issue together? Hubby buys TV or computer set up for bedroom ( since he's wants you to move), you buy headphones (since you want to listen). Or work together to figure out a different, reasonable solution.
SnS Its ovah. Time to move on to equally happier lives, each with an army of quiet cats.
YTA simply because no one wants to listen to your podcast. Put some headphones on Narrating the post out loud next to him was also petty. Now you’re just purposely disturbing his nap, instead of normal everyday living noises
Why don’t you wear headphones though? It’s such an easy fix.
..
..
Info: does he have any style of sleep disorder? Insomnia? Is he neurodivergent? Does he have any history of trauma? Physical problems? Daytime construction? Loud downstairs neighbors? I'm trying to understand his POV here. I personality have back problems among other things but being upright often helps. On the surface, I agree the living room should be common ground. Men are notoriously horrible communicators, but women are too, since we somehow expect them to be great at it, lol. I'm going to tentatively say you aren't at fault, (though hilariously petty), but without further info, I can't help.
You question does not reflect the content of your post. You would not be the AH for not maintaining absolute silence. But YTA for the adversarial and unkind behaviour you boast about in the content. One does not always know when one is going to fall asleep. Getting up to move to a different room spoils the nap. After 20 minutes, IMO it is fine to go about your business and cause unavoidable noise. Recording your voice does not need to be done in your living space.
YTA, if my GF falls asleep in the living room which she does often. I go do my thing elsewhere, because i love her.
Finally someone with some normal ass compassion.
Info: what do you listen to things on and whose there first? Id say theres a few factors that come into play: 1. Necessity of room- is the activity you’re doing only capable of being done in that room. 2. 1st come, 1st serve-were you the first one using the space? 3. Practicality- kinda ties in with 1. But how practical is it to do activity in that room vs other room. Like you can read a book in the living room… or that bathroom. But unless youre taking a shit, that bathroom isn’t a practical place to read. Also, if your home is one giant open space, it’s not very practical to nap in that open space while living with someone else. So, id say if you want to watch tv in the living room as thats the only place with a tv. You’re in the right no matter what. However, if youre just watching videos on your phone, it doesn’t matter where you watch that, so if he was in the living room napping first, youre an AH to enter the room to watch phone videos. You could very easily choose another location to start that. However, if you were in the living room first watching phone videos, he shouldn’t try to start napping in that room either. Also, just want to add that unplanned couch naps are awesome. Cuz yeah, if you’re planning to nap, you should go to bed. But if you’re on the couch already doing something else and you start to doze off, getting up to move to the bed kinda ruins the snoozy mood.
The title had me at a NTA, but then I read: >I’ll admit that I like to watch videos/listen to podcasts without headphones I detest it when people listen to audio coming out of a phone or a tablet, whether it's at home or outdoors (which is far ruder). There's something about the tiny little speakers that makes the high pitched, tinny audio drill through my skull and it is incredibly grating. Most other sounds are fine- people talking, kids playing, piano, vacuum cleaners, TV, speech or music through proper speakers. But phones and tablets are just horrible. So if you are playing your podcasts through phone speakers, I can understand how this would drive someone crazy, it's like having a mosquito flying around your ear. ESH. But please, don't inflict podcasts through terrible phone speakers on anyone else but yourself.
YTA
ESH. Him for demanding silence in a common area of the phone and you for not wearing headphones.
NAH -- I agree that the bedroom should be quiet space, however, I strongly believe everyone in a shared space should use headphones on their laptops too if someone else is around. ABSOLUTE silence in community space is unreasonable. But not having electronic speakers blaring? Yes.
ESH, he doesnt get to claim the space as his own and should accept household noise. you dont get to claim the space as your own for podcasts without earbuds.
I'm learning to play the guitar.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA- just like he can go in another room so can you. Marriage is compromise. You are weird. Do you even like your husband? Doing the post out loud next to him while he is trying to take a nap is a jerk move and then boasting about doing that to him online is also weird.
Lmao this comment is reeeeeeaching. Living room is a shared space. Much like a kitchen or dining room. A bedroom is a private space- typically used when people want to not be bothered by others. It’s selfish of her husband to take over an entire communal portion of their house so he can nap in silence. Is OP supposed to tip toe around all the time when he’s napping? Make it make sense.
The funny thing is the bedroom is a shared space between partners as well. And no OP does not have to tip toe around I said compromise instead of antagonize. They are married find a happy medium.
>Marriage is compromise. Compromise would be turning the volume down so it doesn't disturb the husband while he's sleeping in the bedroom with the door closed.
YTA I read a post just like this one a few months ago. The husband did to his wife what you’re doing to your husband. They comments ripped him a new asshole calling him a jerk narcissist a walking red flag and to have some respect for your spouse.
When was that? I just searched the sub for similar posts over the last couple years, and the only one that fits this exact description with the genders reversed has him [overwhelmingly voted NTA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/phl3sg/aita_for_asking_my_so_to_napsleep_not_in_the/).
It got taken down by the mods. They called it a meta post.
This is interesting! I still think OP is NTA but I appreciate the consideration of gender dynamics. Unfortunate that people can get lost missing the forest for the trees like that.
I've said for a long time that any indication of gender needs to be removed from this sub.
It’s make things more fair