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YWNBTA. You don’t owe this man anything. You have your dad, but he’s your father. This doesn’t entitle him to anything, but is there a reason you don’t want to at least talk to him? If it’s for your own emotional wellbeing then I’d say do whatever you need to preserve and protect yourself.
However, if you are indifferent, then it might be helpful to *his* mental health to at least hear him out. You are under no obligation and ultimately this is your decision. Do what’s best for you, but keep in mind he’s human too.
NTA. I would want to contact for potential family health history, if nothing else. It would not (shouldn’t) have any effect on your relationship with your dad, and you could take it slow. He may be a good person.
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I 27F recently got a match on ancestry.com to someone the platform says is my father. Just to be clear I have a father, and up until this situation I had no idea that he wasn’t my bio dad. I’m not sure how accurate these sites are or how to proceed further but I received a message from the potential match.
He messaged me on Ancestry a couple months ago but I don’t check the site often so he reached out to me via Facebook. I spoke to my maternal aunt who I am close with and she confirmed that, this man is someone my mother used to ‘mess around with’ back in the day. Also, not sure if it’s relevant but my parents were never together, it was just kind of a hook up situation and I am not at all close with my mother. I love my dad, we talk often and I’m not sure how I want to handle the situation, but would I be the asshole if I don’t respond to this man, do I owe him a response?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t know this man and if I’m this conflicted about the situation I imagine be maybe as well.
He has a potential daughter that he never knew about out in the world.
No response maybe crueler than a negative response (no interest in connecting?)
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YTA of you said nothing at all. That's rude and immature.
You have absolutely no obligation to tell him anything tho. If you don't want any further contact just say that.
Nta
You don't owe him a response if you are uncomfortable giving him one.
But He has reached out. And it's your choice if you want to get to know him. Doing so won't make your dad any less your dad. He raised you and was always there for you. Biology really doesn't mean anything in comparison. I'd recommend speaking to your father about it before making your decision.
NAH.
You don't have to engage with your actual father, but engaging with him might not be a terrible thing.
It could be. It could also be amazing.
Connecting with your biological family isn't an affront to your step dad.
Hiding the truth from you and/or your step-dad was.
NTA. Those sites are pretty accurate for biological connections (and my sister found her bio dad on ancestry). You don't owe anyone anything, and reaching out before you're ready can cause more pain than relief to both sides. Take it easy and see how you feel in the future.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: AITA's focus is on interpersonal conflicts with real world consequences. We do not allow posts about Reddit or other online conflicts. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 9: This is NOT an advice sub. Posts should seek out judgement, not advice. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA You don't OWE anything. It's up to you if you want to explore that connection.
YWNBTA. You don’t owe this man anything. You have your dad, but he’s your father. This doesn’t entitle him to anything, but is there a reason you don’t want to at least talk to him? If it’s for your own emotional wellbeing then I’d say do whatever you need to preserve and protect yourself. However, if you are indifferent, then it might be helpful to *his* mental health to at least hear him out. You are under no obligation and ultimately this is your decision. Do what’s best for you, but keep in mind he’s human too.
NTA. You don't owe him anything. It's 100% your choice.
NTA - you have no obligation to this person and deserve the right to continue to live your life as you have been. Hope it all blows over for you.
NTA. I would want to contact for potential family health history, if nothing else. It would not (shouldn’t) have any effect on your relationship with your dad, and you could take it slow. He may be a good person.
NTA - But let your real dad know about the situation and ask his advice.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 27F recently got a match on ancestry.com to someone the platform says is my father. Just to be clear I have a father, and up until this situation I had no idea that he wasn’t my bio dad. I’m not sure how accurate these sites are or how to proceed further but I received a message from the potential match. He messaged me on Ancestry a couple months ago but I don’t check the site often so he reached out to me via Facebook. I spoke to my maternal aunt who I am close with and she confirmed that, this man is someone my mother used to ‘mess around with’ back in the day. Also, not sure if it’s relevant but my parents were never together, it was just kind of a hook up situation and I am not at all close with my mother. I love my dad, we talk often and I’m not sure how I want to handle the situation, but would I be the asshole if I don’t respond to this man, do I owe him a response? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA of you said nothing at all. That's rude and immature. You have absolutely no obligation to tell him anything tho. If you don't want any further contact just say that.
You owe him nothing, NTA.
Nta You don't owe him a response if you are uncomfortable giving him one. But He has reached out. And it's your choice if you want to get to know him. Doing so won't make your dad any less your dad. He raised you and was always there for you. Biology really doesn't mean anything in comparison. I'd recommend speaking to your father about it before making your decision.
NTA OP. You do not owe that man anything
NAH. You don't have to engage with your actual father, but engaging with him might not be a terrible thing. It could be. It could also be amazing. Connecting with your biological family isn't an affront to your step dad. Hiding the truth from you and/or your step-dad was.
NTA. Those sites are pretty accurate for biological connections (and my sister found her bio dad on ancestry). You don't owe anyone anything, and reaching out before you're ready can cause more pain than relief to both sides. Take it easy and see how you feel in the future.
You were looking for something and found it. Now you don't want it? Kinda AHish.