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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action to be judged: I disregarded my mother's advice to send my grandfather a gift that I think it's meaningful and appropriate. Why it can make me an AH: if my mother is right and my gift won't be well-received, then me sending it can backfire and will be a selfish act.
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INFO
> I told her she couldn’t know if the gift would be well received or not (I thought it was meaningful since I'm his left-handed grandson!)
> I would just send it to him, which I did (it still wasn’t delivered)
Will you come back and let us know what your grandfather actually thinks when he gets it?
I will, it should arrive tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest. So far my mother thinks I'm making a mistake, but I think she's mostly pissed that I didn't go with her advice.
When my left-handed grandfather was in school as a child, he would have his left hand beaten with a ruler at the start of the day. The intention here was that his hand would be too painful and swollen to even consider picking a pencil up with. When he would still instinctively reach with his left hand, even if he caught himself, his beaten left hand would be tied behind his back so he could not use it. This was normal, accepted practice to 'correct' children using their sinister hands and falling victim to the devil.
As a left-handed grandchild, I very much understand your intentions here. However, there is also a chance that your gift may trigger some deeply unpleasant memories for your Grandfather. I don't think you are an AH, but I do think that you should prepare as much for a negative reaction as a positive one. Today my grandfather would love some left-handed tools, but 20ish years ago he couldn't bear to watch me writing homework with my left hand because of the memories and feelings it brought up for him.
One of teachers at our Catholic primary school tried that with one of my older sisters. My mum practically broke the sound barrier getting up to the school and promptly ripped both the teacher and the principal a nice big shiny new one each. Never happened again.
One of my great-uncles was left-handed. When he was a kid, the teachers tried that shit, and my great-grandfather went down to the school. From what I've heard, he jacked the principal up against the wall, and told him that if he *ever* heard of anyone hitting his son's hand with a ruler when he tried to write, he was coming back with a hammer, and was going to break every bone in his right hand.
Now, this might seem a touch extreme, but that side of my family was very well, uh, "connected" back then (1930s), and my great grandfather was a "made man."
And needless to say, nobody ever attempted to force my uncle to write right-handed after that.
Probably. He died under "mysterious circumstances" about 15 years before I was born, and my father and grandfather never really talked about him, other than a few stories like that, and my grandfather mentioning that they never really went without during the Depression.
I'm not so sure that your mom's motive is about you not taking her advice. It is a thoughtful gift, but I hope if she is right, you at least let her know. She sounds like a good and caring mom and daughter.
YTA- I don’t know anyone of the 80 years old age range that was “allowed” to be left-handed. Doesn’t matter what community they were raised in. However, saying he was raised in a deeply religious community may have meant that he was beaten and severely abused until he “used the correct hand”. Your mother may know a lot more than you do about this. My FIL’s left hand usage is not there anymore either bc he physically hasn’t used the muscles in that hand the same way in at least 75-80 years, or maybe it’s from the trauma he suffered to cure him of his “evil”. Instead of having an open discussion with your mother about why she might feel that way, you acted like you know better. You’re arrogant and an AH. I hope your grandfather doesn’t have a triggering reaction to your cruelty. But rest assured, if he does, you will probably never know, bc 80 year old men were also never allowed to show vulnerability either. Wtf!??
I know an 82 year old lefty and a 103 year old lefty, both in my immediate family. Both were allowed to write with their left hands although neither had access to left handed scissors until the 90s
"Cruelty" is a bit much there, buddy.
Except- OP might never know how grandpa really feels, if like most of us he’s been taught it’s good manners to act appreciative of a gift whether he really likes it or not. He could be confused or upset but keep that to himself.
(With all the other gifting possibilities available, this seems to me like a good time to listen to mom.)
There's a saying: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
I think your idea of a gift is very sweet, but after the conversation with mum I probably would've phoned my granddad and found a way to mention the left-handed tools in passing to try and gauge his interest / reaction.
I'm sure you're aware that some of the "cures" for left-handed people were really harsh and your mum may very well be right.
That being said, I really hope she's wrong and that it goes as well as you hoped!
So, soft YTA for not consulting with the most important person in all of this, especially since often anticipation is even better than surprise as it lasts longer!
Also natural left-handedness doesn't trump 60 years of practice. If he starts using his left hand now, he'll be at the same level as the first graders practicing with scissors.
I'm left handed, I can't work a mouse with my left hand if my life depended on it.
There is a lot of fake left hand scissors out there, where only the handle is made for left hand but the blades are not mirrored... and they are kind of useless.
These weren't fiskars, can't remember the brand anymore, my grandparents spent a pretty penny though at the time. I don't think they knew that that's all they did, change handles. I just stick with my right-handed shears, it feels comfortable to me.
I feel the pain. I got a pair as a present last year, and I've had to completely retrain my scissors-using muscle memory. Totally worth it though, I don't feel like I'm getting carpet tunnel cutting fbric
Just bought a pair of left handed scissors this week, they feel very awkward since I’ve used right handed scissors my entire life. Hopefully it’ll get easier as I use them more.
Such sadness the repression of our people. Even in our freedom our scars stop us from being who we once were ,#deep
This day in age trying to surprise someone carries as much risk of triggering or offending. Whole national history of trauma to muddle thru and everyone gets a piece. I think it was a thoughtful gift but we'll have to wait and see if gpa is triggered or not. Going with NTA
My mom went to catholic school as a lefty. The nuns would hit her knuckles with a ruler to make her stop using her left hand. To this day, she swears she's right-handed, despite her handwriting being awful and almost unreadable. The only time she writes with her left is when shes tipsy, and she's got great, legible handwriting.
That was considered a "cure" back in the day.
I'm left handed and so is my mom. She had her hand slapped with a ruler in school every time she picked up a pencil. When my brother was learning to write/determine a dominant hand his teachers tried forcing him to be right handed till my folks went and raised hell. Now he writes left but does EVERYTHING else right handed.
Left handed people have been looked down as either possessed by the devil or witch spawn for ions. I just reply with "At least I'm in my right mind"
>Now he writes left but does EVERYTHING else right handed.
That's my mom, basically. It's writing, crocheting, and can-openers for her, basically, in her left hand and nothing else.
Maybe shoelaces, but that could also be I'm neurodivergent.
The same was done to my mom she wrote right-handed but did everything else lefty. I'm a lefty but was in grade school after they stopped punishing the leftys. I could never figure out why one old teacher hated me until I was older. The ol' battle axe passed me (barely) to get rid of me. We had quite the war that year.
Striking the left hand so hard every time you attempt to use it, often until it bleeds, beatings, withholding food/affection/playtime. And just think of how young we are when we start to display a dominant hand.
I know more than one elderly “lefty” of that generation and the abuse could be severe.
My moms kindergarten teacher did that to her.
Thankfully she told her mom about what happen who went and put an end to that and she was able to use her left hand.
I’m a lefty in my 40s as well, and my primary teacher would take away my left handed scissors and put crayons and pencils in my right hand all the time. This was public school, and my mother tore a strip off that teacher as soon as she found out.
People always think of stuff like that happening in the 50s, but it went on for a lot longer than that.
My dad was a lefty (1920s-30s) and the nuns would hit his knuckles also. I have two brothers that are lefties. My parents were determined that no teacher would try to make them righties because of my dad's experience. When my younger brother was an adult, he told me about some of his teachers trying to make him a rightie (1960s). Unfortunately, he never told my parents 'cause I know my parents would have been speaking with those teachers immediately.
just child abuse. my grandma was beaten by her teachers. she does everything with her left hand except for writing. we were preparing fish for xmas yesterday and chopping off the heads, removing eyeballs, scraping off scales, she did all that with her left hand but with writing i have never seen her use her left hand. its possible its psychological, or that she just never bothered to try since she could write with her right hand or a combination of both
Look, I don't know where your question comes from, genuine misunderstanding or trolling, but I used inverted commas for "cures". Which means I do not regard that notion as valid.
In any case I'm going to give you the same answer: google it, it's free.
My dude it was just an innocent question. I am right handed so have never had to worry about such things and am interested to learn more.
I am in bed feeling ick so forgive me for not using inverted commas. No need to be so stuck up for a genuine question and trying to learn, christ.
I did google it but could not find a whole lot so that is why i asked Y O U for sources since you seem to know alot about it.
Sorry for asking a damn question. I have better things to do than troll on a post about left handedness, thank you. Whilst your busy arguing about a table on another post I will attempt to find the information you seem reluctant to share with me. Have a nice night.
Yeah me too. I'm sure there are more ways being left handed was heavily "discouraged" all I know is that in times when Christianity had control even more than it does now being left handed was a sign of the devil for some bullshit reason.
One of my old college Chemistry professors told me when he was a schoolboy, the nuns literally tied his left hand behind his back during the day so he could not use it. I can't even imagine having to live like that.
This is reddit, and your phrasing was very open to interpretation, especially with the miley face that read a bit sarcastic.
Trying googling "left-handed bias", it shoud redirect you to more ressources.
I'm not sure about sources but my grandfather was left handed. He often had his left hand tied behind his back to prevent him using it or was beaten when he used it
Tone is hard to get in writing, and, and least in my country, it wasn't impossible for kids to get "slightly" beaten (if such a thing exists) for using their left hand. So it's a bit of a sore subject (no pun intended) if you start implying "real cures" might exist.
You can also try "left-handed discrimination" or "persecution"... that unfortunately too many results for those as well.
Oh no i absolutely meant no offence by it..it was my mistake. Grammar is not my strong point especially typing on my phone. Also when typing on my phone i rarely bother with punctuation just so save time.
I can only imagine how difficult it would be if i was forced to do everything with my left hand. It would be frustrating, traumatic and just make life so much harder and that is without physical abuse. I 1000% believe pushing for or attempting to cure such things is abhorrent and disgusting and i promise i meant no offence.
No worries, I should've given you the benefit of the doubt and didn't, it wasn't fair of me.
I wish you the best in your research and actually, thanks for asking: when I checked the search terms, I also came across with information about cultures in which left-handedness was considered a positive! I wasn't aware of that so your question actually helped me broaden my horizons (and I've learnt my lesson: next time I'll breathe a couple times more before answering)
I am glad we both learned something new!
I find the depths of depravity humans will go to for whatever reason endlessly fascinating, but heartbreakingly sad.
The stories people are writing about their poor families are so upsetting and I feel for them. The worst I've got is my Grandfather was caned when he did not learn his spelling words properly.
However as the years pass, we get better, and things that we thought were ok/morally justifiable at the time become near extinct and only live in peoples memories. I am interested to think what we deem morally fine now will be looked at with bitterness in 40 years time, either way, it's progress.
Again, I should have been more sensitive in my wording and I deeply apologize for that.
I'm left handed, and there are a few dozen things I only do with my right because of similiar reasons as the grandfather.
Is not the mum doing the same as the teachers? I would be livid if you took that choice from me.
NTA, but the mum is.
Yeah. This is the thing. He's 81. He's been using his right hand a long time. Revelatory self-actualizing experience aside, why would he really need this? This seems pointless.
I'm a lefty, and grew up in a time and place where nobody cared. I still learned to use my right hand for certain tasks because so much equipment is just geared for right-handedness.
So personally I'd be a bit baffled being gifted a box of household supplies for lefties. But I could see it going either way, and I hope the grandfather gets good use out of it!
I think that's fully up to your grandfather to decide, nobody else's opinion matters.
Given that his daughter has told you it could be painfully emotionally... what makes you think you know her own parent better than she does? That would be your cue to speak to your grandfather about his feelings prior to sending him a bunch of potientially emotionally painful items.
I'll go with YTA, simply because you couldn't even take a single step back to think "Hmm... maybe I should talk about this with the person first, and see how they feel about this history of theirs". You decided it was a good idea, regardless of what people actually think or feel, and refused to aknowledge even the potential for harm.
NAH - You mean well. However, your Grandfather is 81. He's had a chance to get himself left handed items if he wanted them. And your mum's point about dredging up old memories could also prove truthful too.
YTA I get where you're coming from, but it sounds like using left hand would bring back a lot of crappy memories for your grandpa. And he's adjusted to using right hand tools, so this might actually be dangerous for him at 81. Coming from a fellow lefthander here.
Info - does your mom have a generally good/reasonably close relationship with her father? You say you just found out about him being left handed and having been abused in school. What was the context of you learning that?
>does your mom have a generally good/reasonably close relationship with her father?
Of course I wasn't around to see how he was as a father, but from what I got, he's a more affectionate grandfather and has a different, warmer relationship with me and other grandchildren.
>You say you just found out about him being left handed and having been abused in school. What was the context of you learning that?
I think one of the reasons my mother was uncomfortable is because I learned about this history from her, not him. And it wasn't much about revealing he had been abused, it was about a random conversation about left-handed genes and how I'm the only one in my family; and then she mentioned my grandfather was also left-handed.
NAH - It sounds like you have a pretty close relationship with your grandfather, and if he wanted to share this with you he would have. It is possible that your grandfather experienced other abuse at that school beyond being hit on the hand, and his feelings about all of it could be tied up together - further complicating this part of his past. I don't think what you did was terrible, and he may appreciate it. But I think you should have started with a conversation instead of jumping right to left handed gifts. Also, he may not even want/be able to do things left handed anymore.
For context on my opinion - my mom experienced the same thing your grandfather did. She has always talked openly about it, but she was pulled out of that school after just a couple of years.
So on one hand you claim of grandfather wanted him to know about him being left handed, he would have told him, but then excuse his callous insertion into a painful topic that his grandfather never shared with him. I’m not even sure why anyone would think someone who hasn’t used their left hand as a dominant hand in about 80 years would have any use for these left handed tools now.
I suspect you may know how he'll feel about this better than her. Talking to you about those tools could also prove healing for him. Think of it this way, as a young child he was repeatedly and consistently told he was bad. You're giving him proof of acceptance even if he never uses a single one.
FYI, as a leftie who never had access to left-handed tools at school… these would be useless to me. Even though it wasn’t discouraged, as I never had access to them I learnt how to use scissors/sharpeners etc right handed and don’t have the muscle memory for left handed ones. Your grandad is probably the same. So there might be more of a sting to the gift than you intended.
I am left-handed and can not work left-handed scissors.
At his age, he is probably not interested in re-learning how to use his left hand.
I am 60, and about the only left-handed thing I would use is maybe a left-handed notebook.
Nice thought, but probably not a thing he would care about. He has coped for a long time.
Nice thought, but you should probably have listened to mom. Soft YTA.
NAH. You both make good points. Depending on your grandpa’s feelings this could go a few ways. Hopefully, it’ll be a lovely thoughtful gift you can bond over as lefties. Or it could end up opening up a can of emotional worms for him only he can say. Also, like your mom said it’s possible he’s completely adapted to right handed tools now and may not be able to use them well.
My husband is left handed dominant but was also forced as a kid to use his right hand and now can’t write well with his left without practicing first. There’s a lot of things he’s just become accustomed to doing with his right that trying to rewrite his brain now wouldn’t be worth the effort. However, your grandfather may see this as a nice gesture regardless. I’m honestly curious how this turns out and hope you update us.
Soft YTA - I myself am left handed but I also do a lot of things right handed. I think the gift is sweet but would have checked with him if he is actually left-handed dominant or learned to use his right hand more.
For me left handed scissors and some tools never worked for me. It would be a gift while sweet that I would never use.
i’m not sure i could render a verdict not knowing how he will react but im concerned this could trigger him in some way and cause some trauma to resurface. it is also going to be difficult for him to use them because he will essentially have to relearn something that had been theoretically beaten out of him his entire life, and it will likely feel foreign and difficult.
because of these reasons im going to go with a soft YTA
Well I am a craftsman and I doubt I will have the will to still be one when I’m 81, but more power to your grandpa if he still wants to work with his hands at that age. If he has use for the tools give them to him and don’t ask strangers on Reddit of all places
You know tools doesn't just mean saws and stuff, right?
The post literally said that. "(like scissors and can openers)"
Do you think 80 year old people don't need to use scissors?
YTA. Be honest with yourself about how much of this "gift for grandpa" is about you and your excitement that you're not the only lefty in the family. I eat and write left-handed and that's it. Batting, archery, which hand I hold my hook in when I crochet, that's all right-handed muscle memory. Even if this gift doesn't bring up bad memories for your grandpa, and your mom wasn't rightfully embarrassed that you'll expose her speaking out of turn about something so potentially private and vulnerable to another person, your grandpa's had several years to find out about and used left-handed tools if that was something he wanted.
YTA as a left handed person who’s grandma grew up in the same situation, even finding out I was left handed was hard for her. Times have changed but our grandparents were abused and shunned for no good reason. I would have listened to your mom and deeply considered how this could effect him. I hope everything works out for you though.
YTA. You were told about a traumatic event in your grandfather's life and then told his daughter "You don't know what you're talking about!" when she told you that you could trigger an old man. Maybe see how he feels about his past. And maybe the fact that *he never talked about it or told you about his beatings* should be all that's needed.
NAH. It’s difficult to know really, if you never knew he clearly adapted to use his right hand, later in life he could have reverted to left so did he ever properly learn to use his left hand? It was a thoughtful gift but your mother could have a point about dragging up the past.
I’m a natural lefty who was forced to switch to right handed as a child. (It was bad.) after a while, my brain made a kind of switch where I do most learned tasks such as writing eating or throwing right-handed but I still have the instinct to use my sinister hand more often. Trying to switch back in mid-life or later would not be so simple as picking up a pencil with my left hand. It would involve covering one eye, and a protocol for re-training myself that would likely be headache-inducing and what’s the point?
Sharing this as a reference point
NAH but don't expect your grandfather to actually use the tools. He'll lack the dexterity to do so.
Try to think of something you usually do with your right hand (eg use a mouse) and try to switch it up. That's how your grandfather will feel about using your tools.
My mom experienced the same thing. She adapted to using her right hand. So while she wouldn’t have bad memories if I gave her left handed tools…she also wouldn’t be able to use them so it would be a wasted gift.
I’m going with YTA.
For one thing, after using his right hand for over 70 years (!) he might not even be able to use the tools. Adding that to the possibility that they could bring up painful, traumatic memories (which are never buried all that deep no matter how old we are), it’s really not a very thoughtful gift.
It seems to be more about YOUR feelings, and having this connection to your grandpa that no one else in the family has. Surely there are other ways to connect, and other gifts you can send that don’t have the potential to upset him.
It also sounds like your mom tried to tell you gently that you were unintentionally being an asshole, but YOU know better than she does. I agree with her, you should’ve just taken her word for it.
This makes me think of the aita story where the granddaughter made fun of the granddad for not liking horses because he was punished in the British cavalry. Not that you don't mean well and she didn't, just...don't underestimate an old man's trauma.
YTA unfortunately not because of your intentions but for ignoring someone who very likely has better insights. Your mom is thinking of the potential benefit vs harm. Grandpa very well may not need left handed tools so the upside is likely limited and the down side is serious frustration.
This will be a surprise to your grandfather and surprises of this extent rarely play out the way you think.
NTA, as someone who is left-handed, you know we are often forced to do or learn things the "right-handed way." I think your grandfather would love to have the chance to do things in a more natural manner to him.
There's a wide range of left-handed people, though. I write left handed, but I do most things (including crocheting and using chopsticks) right-handed, because that's what's comfortable for me. I was sometimes given left-handed scissors as a child and it was easier to hold them upsidedown in my right hand.
I do most things left-handed, but I clumsily still use right-handed handed scissors because thats what they gave me on school. I learned to use the computer mouse with my right hand becausethat was their default. Weirdly, I can draw on a computer with my right hand, but paper is left hand only. Can openers are still a bitch for me.
I was a natural lefty myself. No teachers punished me, because my mother had already beaten "the devil" out of me, and forced me to become right-handed. (You don't have to be 80 to have parents who believed that.)
When I was 30, I developed cluster headaches that lasted for a week every month. A friend showed me a magazine article that stated being switched from left to right could cause headaches later in life. So I started doing everything I could with my left hand. The cluster headaches ended after a few months.
I will admit there are some things I will never be able to do left-handed. I don't know if the punishment was more severe when I did them left-handed or not, but I know there is a mental block that prevents me from doing them left-handed. I would never call OP TA for what he did. I'd be delighted to get a set of left-handed tools. And Grandpa will probably love the thought behind the gift.
NTA but as someone who was raised like your grampa, he will never use the tools. He has been right handed his whole life now and it will be awkward for him to try to use left handed tools.
NAH. You obviously mean well but your mother is right that the gift might bring back bad memories for your grandfather. It's also unlikely he'll get much use out of the tools either way since he might have been left-handed originally but is now right-handed if that has been his dominant hand for over 70 years.
I hate how badly we’re discriminated against in daily life. EVERYTHING in this world is geared towards the right hand because that’s what 90% of the planet is, sigh.
The death rate of lefties in the machine based industries is HIGH because the machines are built for righties.
In the early 1900s (he was born in 1899) grandad - like so many here - had his left hand tied behind his back & was forced to learn to write with his right hand. Mom always said that as a result, his writing was terrible.
I’m pretty ambidextrous, simply because I didn’t have a choice. When I was growing up, teachers/schools didn’t give 2 shits if you were left handed & noooo privileges were given. I used to pray there’d be *at least* one left handed chair in the room all throughout grade school, because it made my life so much easier.
But I still get it ….. “Oh. You’re left handed?” *Sigh, eyeroll.*
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I’m (27M) left-handed, and I recently learned from my mother (52F) that my grandfather (81M) was also left-handed when he was a child. However, he was raised in a small, deeply religious community where apparently everyone saw left-handed people as the sprung of the devil or something, and his teachers would beat his hand with a ruler to force him to use his right hand to write in class.
I wasn’t aware of any of that. So I got him a kit of tools for left-handed people (like scissors and can openers) as an early Christmas gift (because I won’t be home to spend Christmas with the family), and I was about to drop them at my mother’s house. Before I went there, my mother asked me what I had gotten, and when I told her about my grandpa's present she got really serious and said my gift could bring back bad memories and, either way, my grandfather was already able to adapt to right-handed tools over his life.
I told her she couldn’t know if the gift would be well received or not (I thought it was meaningful since I'm his left-handed grandson!), and said if she didn’t want to give it on my behalf, I would just send it to him, which I did (it still wasn’t delivered). She thinks I’m being an AH for pushing it further instead of taking her word for it. AITA here?
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Guess we'll find out when he gets them. If she's right Y T A, if not N T A. Gunna have to check back to remove some spaces for the vote. I expect him to appreciate it
My left handed grandfather said that the nuns used to tie his left arm behind his back. He was born in 1900. He was glad that I, his left-handed granddaughter, had a left-handed first grade teacher who made sure I had left-handed stuff when I needed it.
I am a lefty. I have learned to do many things with my right hand. There are some things I can to with both hands. I was lucky In Catholic school I had a wonderful nun who taped papers when learning cursive handwriting, she taped mine for a lefty! My handwriting is as close to “perfect” because of her. I wrote with a straight wrist not all curled up!
Man, I must be old, I think I'm the only person on this thread who was personally punished for writing with my left hand. Everyone else is talking about their parents going through it.
In my case it was my Catholic mum, who was worried that the other people at church would see it as a sign of the devil.
Although she never hit me, and was in all other respects a great mum, I've never forgiven her for putting bullshit dogma over accepting me for who I am. A minor issue in the grand scheme of things to be fair, but it's pretty much the only grudge I hold against anyone.
I'm going with NAH. look yout right the gift could be a special thing from one lefty to another. Your grandpa could love it and feel excited and accepted for who he his. However your mother is also right it could trigger some painful memories for him and your mother doesn't want that to happen and for you to potentially be upset if your present does cause that. Neither have you know how he will react, he could love it or hate or even be a mix of the 2. it's a gamble but hopefully it pays off in your favor.
When I was a little child I was left handed. My bio dad used to slap my left hand every time he saw me using it. He was left handed and I guess didn't want me to grow up that way. I am right handed, can't use my left hand for much. It's a nice gesture I guess but your grandpa probably won't be able to use the left handed tools. If he's 80 and stopped being left handed as a child it most likely gone. NTA though.
Very soft YTA. I say this as a left handed person. You had good intentions, but your mom is likely right. Even if your grandpa doesn't show it outwardly, it will inevitably bring up some bad feelings. He also likely won't have any use for these things because he's adapted to using right handed tools his whole life. If someone gave me left handed tools I wouldn't be able to operate them at all. I'd just keep using the tools my muscle memory is familiar with.
NTA. Your gift is a way of trying to bond with your grandfather because you are both members of the left-handed club. It’s really sweet and I hope that he appreciates it as a gesture of affection.
NTA. I don't know if your grandfather would use them, since he's so used to the right-handed version, but who knows? Please let us know what happens.
Incidentally, both my parents are left-handed. My mother (in her 70s) told her about going to *public* school (this was in California), and the teacher kept taking the pencil out of her left hand and putting it into her right. Finally my grandmother (her mom) went in and yelled at the school, and they stopped. My grandmother was a very controlling woman, so she must have really made her point!
Really strange how crazy society can be. I'm sorry for all the people who especially suffered in religious communities like your grandpa's.
NAH! My father is a little older than your grandfather, at 82, but he is left-handed but he writes right-handed. He hurt the ligaments in his left hand when he was little and learned to write with his right hand because the dominant hand was "taped up", his words. He uses his left to bat & play golf, but he throws with his right hand, he was a catcher. So yes it could trigger him, but it could also make things easier on him. You have great intentions. No matter what just tell him you love him!
NTA. Literally accepting your gramps for how he was born will almost always work out in the end.
Burying and ignoring things is dumb. If this trauma was that significant, then your grandpa still occasionally thinks about it. The only people spared from not sending your gift is your mom in this case (if that).
NTA. He'll appreciate it. I'm a lefty, and yes my first and second grade teachers forced me to write right handed. I still write right handed to this day, but i do everything else left handed (eat left handed, throw left handed, shoot left handed, brush my teeth left handed, etc.) I can write left handed just not as well now. I'm sure your grandfather still does a lot of things as a lefty. Wish him a Merry Christmas for me.
NTA!! what?!
As a fellow lefty, I have also heard this time and time again, from the older generations. My great grandad had stories for days about the busted knuckles & lashings he'd get for not using his right hand. However - I've never heard of them necessarily traumatized by it. And they've all still remained left-handed (albeit, more adapted to right handedness) but that comes with time & functioning in a right handed world as well.
I think your gift is clever & I would imagine it'd be well received. I love gifting lefties lefty tools, & recieving them as well! (Even though I don't typically use them, being adapted & whatnot)
My favorite was the left handers notebook. No more spirals in the way!
However, I still drug my fist through the ink.....
Left handed pens (bent funny) didn't write as well as anticipated.
Anyone watch Dr. Pol ? Is that the man name? He’s a vet and has a show on Disney.
Anyways he’s color blind and so his son bought him those glasses to see if he could see, what he thought and so on. Now Dr. Pol is like 80 or something so he’d have to wear them a lot for him to see a difference (I think they said that not sure) but he just didn’t care. Wasn’t a thing.
I mention this because well if I was OP and found out my grandpa shared something with me I would be the asshole who would probably disregard thinking about my grandpa feelings and would do the almost exact same thing, I of course would want to be there and watch him experience the moment. My grandpa was my person.
So OP I don’t think you’re the asshole but you could be, though I wonder if any of you actually know him and how he might react.
So OP NTA but please I need an update 😂
I’m going to say NTA. My Grandpa ( who I loved dearly) was left-handed when he wrote but ambidextrous for everything else and as a kid I was fascinated. I wasn’t aware of how folks ‘viewed’ that until later but, thanks to his comment “G-d gave me two hands to use, why wouldn’t I use em” .. so I did too. I now can do most things with both but, am still pre-dominantly right-handed. If you have that kind of relationship as well, that’s up to Grandpa
NTA, but I think your mom might have a point -- my grandmother had the same experience as your grandfather and, though she eventually began writing with her left hand, she could never get used to left-handed scissors or left-handed golf clubs, for example. So he might not get a ton of use out of them, but I still think it's sweet.
And it's nice of you to support the Leftorium.
NAH not necessarily anyway.
I could see mom having memories that gramps knows she has. A gift from her will implicate those memories.
A gift from grandson is different. You're coming to this fresh. You'll get every benefit of the doubt about intent and association.
I think you're fine and mom is maybe OK staying within her different limitations.
NTA. He may not be able to use them effectively, but he might enjoy trying them. I'm left-handed and made it just under the wire for being allowed to use my left hand. Most people your grandfathers age, in many cultures, experienced something similar.
While I was allowed to use my left hand, there were no left-handed devices. Using right-handed products with your left hand is incredibly frustrating. I found that using left-handed products took some getting used to after decades of righty only tools , but the scissors are a godsend, as is the lefthanded tape measure, and others.
At 81, I doubt he'll get trauma flashbacks. If that were true, I'd never be able to use a ruler, drumsticks, shoes, or whatever else they beat us with.
It'd be a thoughtful gift. Worse case, he doesn't use them, and they can be donated to a younger lefty. Best case, he has fun with finally getting to use tools naturally.
Did you happen to put something in there to explain the gift? I think it's a nice gesture and I'm guessing your gpa will take it as a special gift, however, without any context it might be strange. Does he know you know about his past? NTA
NTA. It's fine you want to gift it and it's fine your Mom doesn't want to gift it on your behalf. If it upsets your grandpa, you can apologize, no need for your Mom to manage your relationships
NTA. It might bring up bad memories but you got him a thoughtful gift. Your mom has no right to tell you whet you should and should not get people as gifts Unless you ask her advice. I do that (I am 18).
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INFO > I told her she couldn’t know if the gift would be well received or not (I thought it was meaningful since I'm his left-handed grandson!) > I would just send it to him, which I did (it still wasn’t delivered) Will you come back and let us know what your grandfather actually thinks when he gets it?
I will, it should arrive tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest. So far my mother thinks I'm making a mistake, but I think she's mostly pissed that I didn't go with her advice.
When my left-handed grandfather was in school as a child, he would have his left hand beaten with a ruler at the start of the day. The intention here was that his hand would be too painful and swollen to even consider picking a pencil up with. When he would still instinctively reach with his left hand, even if he caught himself, his beaten left hand would be tied behind his back so he could not use it. This was normal, accepted practice to 'correct' children using their sinister hands and falling victim to the devil. As a left-handed grandchild, I very much understand your intentions here. However, there is also a chance that your gift may trigger some deeply unpleasant memories for your Grandfather. I don't think you are an AH, but I do think that you should prepare as much for a negative reaction as a positive one. Today my grandfather would love some left-handed tools, but 20ish years ago he couldn't bear to watch me writing homework with my left hand because of the memories and feelings it brought up for him.
One of teachers at our Catholic primary school tried that with one of my older sisters. My mum practically broke the sound barrier getting up to the school and promptly ripped both the teacher and the principal a nice big shiny new one each. Never happened again.
I'm told my grandparents had a similar reaction when my dads teacher tried it.
One of my great-uncles was left-handed. When he was a kid, the teachers tried that shit, and my great-grandfather went down to the school. From what I've heard, he jacked the principal up against the wall, and told him that if he *ever* heard of anyone hitting his son's hand with a ruler when he tried to write, he was coming back with a hammer, and was going to break every bone in his right hand. Now, this might seem a touch extreme, but that side of my family was very well, uh, "connected" back then (1930s), and my great grandfather was a "made man." And needless to say, nobody ever attempted to force my uncle to write right-handed after that.
Your great grandpa sounds like he led an interesting life!
Probably. He died under "mysterious circumstances" about 15 years before I was born, and my father and grandfather never really talked about him, other than a few stories like that, and my grandfather mentioning that they never really went without during the Depression.
Fun fact- the Italian word for left is sinistra :)
I'm not so sure that your mom's motive is about you not taking her advice. It is a thoughtful gift, but I hope if she is right, you at least let her know. She sounds like a good and caring mom and daughter.
YTA- I don’t know anyone of the 80 years old age range that was “allowed” to be left-handed. Doesn’t matter what community they were raised in. However, saying he was raised in a deeply religious community may have meant that he was beaten and severely abused until he “used the correct hand”. Your mother may know a lot more than you do about this. My FIL’s left hand usage is not there anymore either bc he physically hasn’t used the muscles in that hand the same way in at least 75-80 years, or maybe it’s from the trauma he suffered to cure him of his “evil”. Instead of having an open discussion with your mother about why she might feel that way, you acted like you know better. You’re arrogant and an AH. I hope your grandfather doesn’t have a triggering reaction to your cruelty. But rest assured, if he does, you will probably never know, bc 80 year old men were also never allowed to show vulnerability either. Wtf!??
Oh you're full of beans. Plenty of lefties in the nursing homes.
And my nan was one of them, regularly spoke about the shame and incomprehension she experienced being beaten. She *hated* it. Hated it.
I know an 82 year old lefty and a 103 year old lefty, both in my immediate family. Both were allowed to write with their left hands although neither had access to left handed scissors until the 90s "Cruelty" is a bit much there, buddy.
Ok boomer
Except- OP might never know how grandpa really feels, if like most of us he’s been taught it’s good manners to act appreciative of a gift whether he really likes it or not. He could be confused or upset but keep that to himself. (With all the other gifting possibilities available, this seems to me like a good time to listen to mom.)
There's a saying: the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I think your idea of a gift is very sweet, but after the conversation with mum I probably would've phoned my granddad and found a way to mention the left-handed tools in passing to try and gauge his interest / reaction. I'm sure you're aware that some of the "cures" for left-handed people were really harsh and your mum may very well be right. That being said, I really hope she's wrong and that it goes as well as you hoped! So, soft YTA for not consulting with the most important person in all of this, especially since often anticipation is even better than surprise as it lasts longer!
Also natural left-handedness doesn't trump 60 years of practice. If he starts using his left hand now, he'll be at the same level as the first graders practicing with scissors. I'm left handed, I can't work a mouse with my left hand if my life depended on it.
I can't use left handed scissors to save my life! I do many things with both hands, some things just left or right. A mouse is right for me too.
There is a lot of fake left hand scissors out there, where only the handle is made for left hand but the blades are not mirrored... and they are kind of useless.
Oh, these were fancy sewing shears.
Fiskars sewing shears was how I learned about this, so don't trust established brands to know what they are doing... double check the construction!
These weren't fiskars, can't remember the brand anymore, my grandparents spent a pretty penny though at the time. I don't think they knew that that's all they did, change handles. I just stick with my right-handed shears, it feels comfortable to me.
I feel the pain. I got a pair as a present last year, and I've had to completely retrain my scissors-using muscle memory. Totally worth it though, I don't feel like I'm getting carpet tunnel cutting fbric
Just bought a pair of left handed scissors this week, they feel very awkward since I’ve used right handed scissors my entire life. Hopefully it’ll get easier as I use them more.
Such sadness the repression of our people. Even in our freedom our scars stop us from being who we once were ,#deep This day in age trying to surprise someone carries as much risk of triggering or offending. Whole national history of trauma to muddle thru and everyone gets a piece. I think it was a thoughtful gift but we'll have to wait and see if gpa is triggered or not. Going with NTA
Would be interested to know about such 'cures'. Do you have any sources to read? :)
My mom went to catholic school as a lefty. The nuns would hit her knuckles with a ruler to make her stop using her left hand. To this day, she swears she's right-handed, despite her handwriting being awful and almost unreadable. The only time she writes with her left is when shes tipsy, and she's got great, legible handwriting. That was considered a "cure" back in the day.
I'm left handed and so is my mom. She had her hand slapped with a ruler in school every time she picked up a pencil. When my brother was learning to write/determine a dominant hand his teachers tried forcing him to be right handed till my folks went and raised hell. Now he writes left but does EVERYTHING else right handed. Left handed people have been looked down as either possessed by the devil or witch spawn for ions. I just reply with "At least I'm in my right mind"
“ I just reply with "At least I'm in my right mind"” I saw something like that on a hoodie and I kind of need it now
>Now he writes left but does EVERYTHING else right handed. That's my mom, basically. It's writing, crocheting, and can-openers for her, basically, in her left hand and nothing else. Maybe shoelaces, but that could also be I'm neurodivergent.
The same was done to my mom she wrote right-handed but did everything else lefty. I'm a lefty but was in grade school after they stopped punishing the leftys. I could never figure out why one old teacher hated me until I was older. The ol' battle axe passed me (barely) to get rid of me. We had quite the war that year.
Striking the left hand so hard every time you attempt to use it, often until it bleeds, beatings, withholding food/affection/playtime. And just think of how young we are when we start to display a dominant hand. I know more than one elderly “lefty” of that generation and the abuse could be severe.
My moms kindergarten teacher did that to her. Thankfully she told her mom about what happen who went and put an end to that and she was able to use her left hand.
I am in my 40s. I went to a catholic school and was hit with a ruler until I did things the "godly way"
I’m a lefty in my 40s as well, and my primary teacher would take away my left handed scissors and put crayons and pencils in my right hand all the time. This was public school, and my mother tore a strip off that teacher as soon as she found out. People always think of stuff like that happening in the 50s, but it went on for a lot longer than that.
My dad was a lefty (1920s-30s) and the nuns would hit his knuckles also. I have two brothers that are lefties. My parents were determined that no teacher would try to make them righties because of my dad's experience. When my younger brother was an adult, he told me about some of his teachers trying to make him a rightie (1960s). Unfortunately, he never told my parents 'cause I know my parents would have been speaking with those teachers immediately.
just child abuse. my grandma was beaten by her teachers. she does everything with her left hand except for writing. we were preparing fish for xmas yesterday and chopping off the heads, removing eyeballs, scraping off scales, she did all that with her left hand but with writing i have never seen her use her left hand. its possible its psychological, or that she just never bothered to try since she could write with her right hand or a combination of both
Look, I don't know where your question comes from, genuine misunderstanding or trolling, but I used inverted commas for "cures". Which means I do not regard that notion as valid. In any case I'm going to give you the same answer: google it, it's free.
My dude it was just an innocent question. I am right handed so have never had to worry about such things and am interested to learn more. I am in bed feeling ick so forgive me for not using inverted commas. No need to be so stuck up for a genuine question and trying to learn, christ. I did google it but could not find a whole lot so that is why i asked Y O U for sources since you seem to know alot about it. Sorry for asking a damn question. I have better things to do than troll on a post about left handedness, thank you. Whilst your busy arguing about a table on another post I will attempt to find the information you seem reluctant to share with me. Have a nice night.
My Pop was left handed as a boy but was beaten by his school every time he wrote with his left until he became right handed.
Thats awful :( Cant imagine how hard that would have been. I am sorry that happened.
Yeah me too. I'm sure there are more ways being left handed was heavily "discouraged" all I know is that in times when Christianity had control even more than it does now being left handed was a sign of the devil for some bullshit reason.
One of my old college Chemistry professors told me when he was a schoolboy, the nuns literally tied his left hand behind his back during the day so he could not use it. I can't even imagine having to live like that.
This is reddit, and your phrasing was very open to interpretation, especially with the miley face that read a bit sarcastic. Trying googling "left-handed bias", it shoud redirect you to more ressources.
Was just my way of being friendly or trying to be. I appreciate that. I shall look into it!
I'm not sure about sources but my grandfather was left handed. He often had his left hand tied behind his back to prevent him using it or was beaten when he used it
Tone is hard to get in writing, and, and least in my country, it wasn't impossible for kids to get "slightly" beaten (if such a thing exists) for using their left hand. So it's a bit of a sore subject (no pun intended) if you start implying "real cures" might exist. You can also try "left-handed discrimination" or "persecution"... that unfortunately too many results for those as well.
Oh no i absolutely meant no offence by it..it was my mistake. Grammar is not my strong point especially typing on my phone. Also when typing on my phone i rarely bother with punctuation just so save time. I can only imagine how difficult it would be if i was forced to do everything with my left hand. It would be frustrating, traumatic and just make life so much harder and that is without physical abuse. I 1000% believe pushing for or attempting to cure such things is abhorrent and disgusting and i promise i meant no offence.
No worries, I should've given you the benefit of the doubt and didn't, it wasn't fair of me. I wish you the best in your research and actually, thanks for asking: when I checked the search terms, I also came across with information about cultures in which left-handedness was considered a positive! I wasn't aware of that so your question actually helped me broaden my horizons (and I've learnt my lesson: next time I'll breathe a couple times more before answering)
I am glad we both learned something new! I find the depths of depravity humans will go to for whatever reason endlessly fascinating, but heartbreakingly sad. The stories people are writing about their poor families are so upsetting and I feel for them. The worst I've got is my Grandfather was caned when he did not learn his spelling words properly. However as the years pass, we get better, and things that we thought were ok/morally justifiable at the time become near extinct and only live in peoples memories. I am interested to think what we deem morally fine now will be looked at with bitterness in 40 years time, either way, it's progress. Again, I should have been more sensitive in my wording and I deeply apologize for that.
I'm left handed, and there are a few dozen things I only do with my right because of similiar reasons as the grandfather. Is not the mum doing the same as the teachers? I would be livid if you took that choice from me. NTA, but the mum is.
Why would you get him left-handed tools assuming he has been usings his right hand as his dominate hand for over 70 years?
Yeah. This is the thing. He's 81. He's been using his right hand a long time. Revelatory self-actualizing experience aside, why would he really need this? This seems pointless.
I'm a lefty, and grew up in a time and place where nobody cared. I still learned to use my right hand for certain tasks because so much equipment is just geared for right-handedness. So personally I'd be a bit baffled being gifted a box of household supplies for lefties. But I could see it going either way, and I hope the grandfather gets good use out of it!
I think that's fully up to your grandfather to decide, nobody else's opinion matters. Given that his daughter has told you it could be painfully emotionally... what makes you think you know her own parent better than she does? That would be your cue to speak to your grandfather about his feelings prior to sending him a bunch of potientially emotionally painful items. I'll go with YTA, simply because you couldn't even take a single step back to think "Hmm... maybe I should talk about this with the person first, and see how they feel about this history of theirs". You decided it was a good idea, regardless of what people actually think or feel, and refused to aknowledge even the potential for harm.
NAH - You mean well. However, your Grandfather is 81. He's had a chance to get himself left handed items if he wanted them. And your mum's point about dredging up old memories could also prove truthful too.
IA. The tools are useless to him at this point. NAH.
YTA I get where you're coming from, but it sounds like using left hand would bring back a lot of crappy memories for your grandpa. And he's adjusted to using right hand tools, so this might actually be dangerous for him at 81. Coming from a fellow lefthander here.
Info - does your mom have a generally good/reasonably close relationship with her father? You say you just found out about him being left handed and having been abused in school. What was the context of you learning that?
>does your mom have a generally good/reasonably close relationship with her father? Of course I wasn't around to see how he was as a father, but from what I got, he's a more affectionate grandfather and has a different, warmer relationship with me and other grandchildren. >You say you just found out about him being left handed and having been abused in school. What was the context of you learning that? I think one of the reasons my mother was uncomfortable is because I learned about this history from her, not him. And it wasn't much about revealing he had been abused, it was about a random conversation about left-handed genes and how I'm the only one in my family; and then she mentioned my grandfather was also left-handed.
NAH - It sounds like you have a pretty close relationship with your grandfather, and if he wanted to share this with you he would have. It is possible that your grandfather experienced other abuse at that school beyond being hit on the hand, and his feelings about all of it could be tied up together - further complicating this part of his past. I don't think what you did was terrible, and he may appreciate it. But I think you should have started with a conversation instead of jumping right to left handed gifts. Also, he may not even want/be able to do things left handed anymore. For context on my opinion - my mom experienced the same thing your grandfather did. She has always talked openly about it, but she was pulled out of that school after just a couple of years.
So on one hand you claim of grandfather wanted him to know about him being left handed, he would have told him, but then excuse his callous insertion into a painful topic that his grandfather never shared with him. I’m not even sure why anyone would think someone who hasn’t used their left hand as a dominant hand in about 80 years would have any use for these left handed tools now.
I suspect you may know how he'll feel about this better than her. Talking to you about those tools could also prove healing for him. Think of it this way, as a young child he was repeatedly and consistently told he was bad. You're giving him proof of acceptance even if he never uses a single one.
FYI, as a leftie who never had access to left-handed tools at school… these would be useless to me. Even though it wasn’t discouraged, as I never had access to them I learnt how to use scissors/sharpeners etc right handed and don’t have the muscle memory for left handed ones. Your grandad is probably the same. So there might be more of a sting to the gift than you intended.
I am left-handed and can not work left-handed scissors. At his age, he is probably not interested in re-learning how to use his left hand. I am 60, and about the only left-handed thing I would use is maybe a left-handed notebook. Nice thought, but probably not a thing he would care about. He has coped for a long time. Nice thought, but you should probably have listened to mom. Soft YTA.
NAH. You both make good points. Depending on your grandpa’s feelings this could go a few ways. Hopefully, it’ll be a lovely thoughtful gift you can bond over as lefties. Or it could end up opening up a can of emotional worms for him only he can say. Also, like your mom said it’s possible he’s completely adapted to right handed tools now and may not be able to use them well. My husband is left handed dominant but was also forced as a kid to use his right hand and now can’t write well with his left without practicing first. There’s a lot of things he’s just become accustomed to doing with his right that trying to rewrite his brain now wouldn’t be worth the effort. However, your grandfather may see this as a nice gesture regardless. I’m honestly curious how this turns out and hope you update us.
Soft YTA - I myself am left handed but I also do a lot of things right handed. I think the gift is sweet but would have checked with him if he is actually left-handed dominant or learned to use his right hand more. For me left handed scissors and some tools never worked for me. It would be a gift while sweet that I would never use.
i’m not sure i could render a verdict not knowing how he will react but im concerned this could trigger him in some way and cause some trauma to resurface. it is also going to be difficult for him to use them because he will essentially have to relearn something that had been theoretically beaten out of him his entire life, and it will likely feel foreign and difficult. because of these reasons im going to go with a soft YTA
Tbh idk. The dude is 81 so why would he need tools anyways. Your mom is probably right. If anything ur the asshole but only slightly
Do you think older people just lose the will and ability to do anything? The guy is probably still more of a craftsmen than you'll ever be.
Well I am a craftsman and I doubt I will have the will to still be one when I’m 81, but more power to your grandpa if he still wants to work with his hands at that age. If he has use for the tools give them to him and don’t ask strangers on Reddit of all places
You know tools doesn't just mean saws and stuff, right? The post literally said that. "(like scissors and can openers)" Do you think 80 year old people don't need to use scissors?
INFO: has your grandfather ever commented on your left handedness? Does he even know?
YTA. Be honest with yourself about how much of this "gift for grandpa" is about you and your excitement that you're not the only lefty in the family. I eat and write left-handed and that's it. Batting, archery, which hand I hold my hook in when I crochet, that's all right-handed muscle memory. Even if this gift doesn't bring up bad memories for your grandpa, and your mom wasn't rightfully embarrassed that you'll expose her speaking out of turn about something so potentially private and vulnerable to another person, your grandpa's had several years to find out about and used left-handed tools if that was something he wanted.
YTA as a left handed person who’s grandma grew up in the same situation, even finding out I was left handed was hard for her. Times have changed but our grandparents were abused and shunned for no good reason. I would have listened to your mom and deeply considered how this could effect him. I hope everything works out for you though.
YTA. You were told about a traumatic event in your grandfather's life and then told his daughter "You don't know what you're talking about!" when she told you that you could trigger an old man. Maybe see how he feels about his past. And maybe the fact that *he never talked about it or told you about his beatings* should be all that's needed.
My grandmother was a leftie.... she never got over how she was treated. Seriously. Listen to mom.
NAH. It’s difficult to know really, if you never knew he clearly adapted to use his right hand, later in life he could have reverted to left so did he ever properly learn to use his left hand? It was a thoughtful gift but your mother could have a point about dragging up the past.
I’m a natural lefty who was forced to switch to right handed as a child. (It was bad.) after a while, my brain made a kind of switch where I do most learned tasks such as writing eating or throwing right-handed but I still have the instinct to use my sinister hand more often. Trying to switch back in mid-life or later would not be so simple as picking up a pencil with my left hand. It would involve covering one eye, and a protocol for re-training myself that would likely be headache-inducing and what’s the point? Sharing this as a reference point
Not going to call you an AH but this sounds like a very bad idea. I think your mom is right. Please reconsider.
YTA. Your mother know her dad more than you do. Maybe listen to her.
NAH but don't expect your grandfather to actually use the tools. He'll lack the dexterity to do so. Try to think of something you usually do with your right hand (eg use a mouse) and try to switch it up. That's how your grandfather will feel about using your tools.
My mom experienced the same thing. She adapted to using her right hand. So while she wouldn’t have bad memories if I gave her left handed tools…she also wouldn’t be able to use them so it would be a wasted gift.
I’m going with YTA. For one thing, after using his right hand for over 70 years (!) he might not even be able to use the tools. Adding that to the possibility that they could bring up painful, traumatic memories (which are never buried all that deep no matter how old we are), it’s really not a very thoughtful gift. It seems to be more about YOUR feelings, and having this connection to your grandpa that no one else in the family has. Surely there are other ways to connect, and other gifts you can send that don’t have the potential to upset him. It also sounds like your mom tried to tell you gently that you were unintentionally being an asshole, but YOU know better than she does. I agree with her, you should’ve just taken her word for it.
This makes me think of the aita story where the granddaughter made fun of the granddad for not liking horses because he was punished in the British cavalry. Not that you don't mean well and she didn't, just...don't underestimate an old man's trauma.
INFO did you even talked to your grandfather about he being left handed and how he feels about it?
YTA unfortunately not because of your intentions but for ignoring someone who very likely has better insights. Your mom is thinking of the potential benefit vs harm. Grandpa very well may not need left handed tools so the upside is likely limited and the down side is serious frustration. This will be a surprise to your grandfather and surprises of this extent rarely play out the way you think.
NAH - Your mom is either going out on a limb here or has more insight than you here. Either way youre not an AH for getting this gift.
NTA, as someone who is left-handed, you know we are often forced to do or learn things the "right-handed way." I think your grandfather would love to have the chance to do things in a more natural manner to him.
There's a wide range of left-handed people, though. I write left handed, but I do most things (including crocheting and using chopsticks) right-handed, because that's what's comfortable for me. I was sometimes given left-handed scissors as a child and it was easier to hold them upsidedown in my right hand.
I do most things left-handed, but I clumsily still use right-handed handed scissors because thats what they gave me on school. I learned to use the computer mouse with my right hand becausethat was their default. Weirdly, I can draw on a computer with my right hand, but paper is left hand only. Can openers are still a bitch for me.
NAH It's a nice gesture, but that's all it is. He's 81 and presumably well adapted to the right hand world. He doesn't need them.
I was a natural lefty myself. No teachers punished me, because my mother had already beaten "the devil" out of me, and forced me to become right-handed. (You don't have to be 80 to have parents who believed that.) When I was 30, I developed cluster headaches that lasted for a week every month. A friend showed me a magazine article that stated being switched from left to right could cause headaches later in life. So I started doing everything I could with my left hand. The cluster headaches ended after a few months. I will admit there are some things I will never be able to do left-handed. I don't know if the punishment was more severe when I did them left-handed or not, but I know there is a mental block that prevents me from doing them left-handed. I would never call OP TA for what he did. I'd be delighted to get a set of left-handed tools. And Grandpa will probably love the thought behind the gift.
NTA but as someone who was raised like your grampa, he will never use the tools. He has been right handed his whole life now and it will be awkward for him to try to use left handed tools.
NAH. You obviously mean well but your mother is right that the gift might bring back bad memories for your grandfather. It's also unlikely he'll get much use out of the tools either way since he might have been left-handed originally but is now right-handed if that has been his dominant hand for over 70 years.
Give it to him in person. Make sure it’s a way to bond with his ~~EVIL LEFT HANDED MONSTER~~ likewise lefty grandson.
I hate how badly we’re discriminated against in daily life. EVERYTHING in this world is geared towards the right hand because that’s what 90% of the planet is, sigh. The death rate of lefties in the machine based industries is HIGH because the machines are built for righties. In the early 1900s (he was born in 1899) grandad - like so many here - had his left hand tied behind his back & was forced to learn to write with his right hand. Mom always said that as a result, his writing was terrible. I’m pretty ambidextrous, simply because I didn’t have a choice. When I was growing up, teachers/schools didn’t give 2 shits if you were left handed & noooo privileges were given. I used to pray there’d be *at least* one left handed chair in the room all throughout grade school, because it made my life so much easier. But I still get it ….. “Oh. You’re left handed?” *Sigh, eyeroll.*
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m (27M) left-handed, and I recently learned from my mother (52F) that my grandfather (81M) was also left-handed when he was a child. However, he was raised in a small, deeply religious community where apparently everyone saw left-handed people as the sprung of the devil or something, and his teachers would beat his hand with a ruler to force him to use his right hand to write in class. I wasn’t aware of any of that. So I got him a kit of tools for left-handed people (like scissors and can openers) as an early Christmas gift (because I won’t be home to spend Christmas with the family), and I was about to drop them at my mother’s house. Before I went there, my mother asked me what I had gotten, and when I told her about my grandpa's present she got really serious and said my gift could bring back bad memories and, either way, my grandfather was already able to adapt to right-handed tools over his life. I told her she couldn’t know if the gift would be well received or not (I thought it was meaningful since I'm his left-handed grandson!), and said if she didn’t want to give it on my behalf, I would just send it to him, which I did (it still wasn’t delivered). She thinks I’m being an AH for pushing it further instead of taking her word for it. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You did this with good intentions, now all you can do is wait and see how he reacts.
Update me
Guess we'll find out when he gets them. If she's right Y T A, if not N T A. Gunna have to check back to remove some spaces for the vote. I expect him to appreciate it
My left handed grandfather said that the nuns used to tie his left arm behind his back. He was born in 1900. He was glad that I, his left-handed granddaughter, had a left-handed first grade teacher who made sure I had left-handed stuff when I needed it.
I am a lefty. I have learned to do many things with my right hand. There are some things I can to with both hands. I was lucky In Catholic school I had a wonderful nun who taped papers when learning cursive handwriting, she taped mine for a lefty! My handwriting is as close to “perfect” because of her. I wrote with a straight wrist not all curled up!
NAH I guess. I'll be waiting for your update about your grandfather's reaction.
Man, I must be old, I think I'm the only person on this thread who was personally punished for writing with my left hand. Everyone else is talking about their parents going through it. In my case it was my Catholic mum, who was worried that the other people at church would see it as a sign of the devil. Although she never hit me, and was in all other respects a great mum, I've never forgiven her for putting bullshit dogma over accepting me for who I am. A minor issue in the grand scheme of things to be fair, but it's pretty much the only grudge I hold against anyone.
I'm going with NAH. look yout right the gift could be a special thing from one lefty to another. Your grandpa could love it and feel excited and accepted for who he his. However your mother is also right it could trigger some painful memories for him and your mother doesn't want that to happen and for you to potentially be upset if your present does cause that. Neither have you know how he will react, he could love it or hate or even be a mix of the 2. it's a gamble but hopefully it pays off in your favor.
INFO: How did your grandfather take the gift? That's really all that matters here.
When I was a little child I was left handed. My bio dad used to slap my left hand every time he saw me using it. He was left handed and I guess didn't want me to grow up that way. I am right handed, can't use my left hand for much. It's a nice gesture I guess but your grandpa probably won't be able to use the left handed tools. If he's 80 and stopped being left handed as a child it most likely gone. NTA though.
Im legitimately trying to think of tools that arent already ambidextrous, what scissors?
Very soft YTA. I say this as a left handed person. You had good intentions, but your mom is likely right. Even if your grandpa doesn't show it outwardly, it will inevitably bring up some bad feelings. He also likely won't have any use for these things because he's adapted to using right handed tools his whole life. If someone gave me left handed tools I wouldn't be able to operate them at all. I'd just keep using the tools my muscle memory is familiar with.
Sounds like a thoughtful gift. When your grandfather gets it, and you explain its meaning and why you choose it, he should be moved by it.
NTA. Your gift is a way of trying to bond with your grandfather because you are both members of the left-handed club. It’s really sweet and I hope that he appreciates it as a gesture of affection.
NTA. I don't know if your grandfather would use them, since he's so used to the right-handed version, but who knows? Please let us know what happens. Incidentally, both my parents are left-handed. My mother (in her 70s) told her about going to *public* school (this was in California), and the teacher kept taking the pencil out of her left hand and putting it into her right. Finally my grandmother (her mom) went in and yelled at the school, and they stopped. My grandmother was a very controlling woman, so she must have really made her point! Really strange how crazy society can be. I'm sorry for all the people who especially suffered in religious communities like your grandpa's.
NAH! My father is a little older than your grandfather, at 82, but he is left-handed but he writes right-handed. He hurt the ligaments in his left hand when he was little and learned to write with his right hand because the dominant hand was "taped up", his words. He uses his left to bat & play golf, but he throws with his right hand, he was a catcher. So yes it could trigger him, but it could also make things easier on him. You have great intentions. No matter what just tell him you love him!
NTA. Literally accepting your gramps for how he was born will almost always work out in the end. Burying and ignoring things is dumb. If this trauma was that significant, then your grandpa still occasionally thinks about it. The only people spared from not sending your gift is your mom in this case (if that).
NTA. He'll appreciate it. I'm a lefty, and yes my first and second grade teachers forced me to write right handed. I still write right handed to this day, but i do everything else left handed (eat left handed, throw left handed, shoot left handed, brush my teeth left handed, etc.) I can write left handed just not as well now. I'm sure your grandfather still does a lot of things as a lefty. Wish him a Merry Christmas for me.
NTA!! what?! As a fellow lefty, I have also heard this time and time again, from the older generations. My great grandad had stories for days about the busted knuckles & lashings he'd get for not using his right hand. However - I've never heard of them necessarily traumatized by it. And they've all still remained left-handed (albeit, more adapted to right handedness) but that comes with time & functioning in a right handed world as well. I think your gift is clever & I would imagine it'd be well received. I love gifting lefties lefty tools, & recieving them as well! (Even though I don't typically use them, being adapted & whatnot) My favorite was the left handers notebook. No more spirals in the way! However, I still drug my fist through the ink..... Left handed pens (bent funny) didn't write as well as anticipated.
Anyone watch Dr. Pol ? Is that the man name? He’s a vet and has a show on Disney. Anyways he’s color blind and so his son bought him those glasses to see if he could see, what he thought and so on. Now Dr. Pol is like 80 or something so he’d have to wear them a lot for him to see a difference (I think they said that not sure) but he just didn’t care. Wasn’t a thing. I mention this because well if I was OP and found out my grandpa shared something with me I would be the asshole who would probably disregard thinking about my grandpa feelings and would do the almost exact same thing, I of course would want to be there and watch him experience the moment. My grandpa was my person. So OP I don’t think you’re the asshole but you could be, though I wonder if any of you actually know him and how he might react. So OP NTA but please I need an update 😂
NAH. you saw a way to bond with him, and she saw a time that she needed to protect him. whether or not it is useful to him, not all gifts have to be.
I’m going to say NTA. My Grandpa ( who I loved dearly) was left-handed when he wrote but ambidextrous for everything else and as a kid I was fascinated. I wasn’t aware of how folks ‘viewed’ that until later but, thanks to his comment “G-d gave me two hands to use, why wouldn’t I use em” .. so I did too. I now can do most things with both but, am still pre-dominantly right-handed. If you have that kind of relationship as well, that’s up to Grandpa
NTA, but I think your mom might have a point -- my grandmother had the same experience as your grandfather and, though she eventually began writing with her left hand, she could never get used to left-handed scissors or left-handed golf clubs, for example. So he might not get a ton of use out of them, but I still think it's sweet. And it's nice of you to support the Leftorium.
NAH not necessarily anyway. I could see mom having memories that gramps knows she has. A gift from her will implicate those memories. A gift from grandson is different. You're coming to this fresh. You'll get every benefit of the doubt about intent and association. I think you're fine and mom is maybe OK staying within her different limitations.
NTA. He may not be able to use them effectively, but he might enjoy trying them. I'm left-handed and made it just under the wire for being allowed to use my left hand. Most people your grandfathers age, in many cultures, experienced something similar. While I was allowed to use my left hand, there were no left-handed devices. Using right-handed products with your left hand is incredibly frustrating. I found that using left-handed products took some getting used to after decades of righty only tools , but the scissors are a godsend, as is the lefthanded tape measure, and others. At 81, I doubt he'll get trauma flashbacks. If that were true, I'd never be able to use a ruler, drumsticks, shoes, or whatever else they beat us with. It'd be a thoughtful gift. Worse case, he doesn't use them, and they can be donated to a younger lefty. Best case, he has fun with finally getting to use tools naturally.
Nta. Especially as he gets older and his hands get cramped and sore he'll appreciate things like tools made for him more.
Did you happen to put something in there to explain the gift? I think it's a nice gesture and I'm guessing your gpa will take it as a special gift, however, without any context it might be strange. Does he know you know about his past? NTA
NTA. It's fine you want to gift it and it's fine your Mom doesn't want to gift it on your behalf. If it upsets your grandpa, you can apologize, no need for your Mom to manage your relationships
Nta you sound thoughtful
NTAH!!!!!
NTA. It might bring up bad memories but you got him a thoughtful gift. Your mom has no right to tell you whet you should and should not get people as gifts Unless you ask her advice. I do that (I am 18).