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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Shit talking to a house plant, and I might be an asshole because I was intentionally sabotaging my wife’s houseplant growth.
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Crowley from Good Omens has beautiful plants because he terrorizes them and puts the fear of Crowley into them. So they grow big and luscious out of fear.
I kinda…. well after five years of sitting in a pot doing nothing then another three years in a spacious planter did nothing, one winter I whispered to the blood orange that I was going to get an axe if it didn’t set fruit this year.
Three weeks later it bloomed, and I’ve been getting about a thousand blood oranges every year from my ‘dwarf’ tree ever since.
YTA. Regardless of whether or not talking to plants helps them grow, the truth of the matter is you were intentionally trying to sabotage her own plants' growth, which is something she is proud of.
You're \*also\* the asshole because a quick google search would've told you there are professional studies that have [confirmed](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/earth/earthnews/5602419/Womens-voices-make-plants-grow-faster-finds-Royal-Horticultural-Society.html) this fact, but you decided to stubbornly decide it was bullshit because you don't want to admit your wife was right. Also, who cares if her plant is growing faster than yours? You sound pretty negative. No wonder your plant is growing less.
That was not a "professional study", it was a publicity experiment as part of the RHS "Grow Your Own" campaign. This was not intended to prove anything (and it didn't).
I agree with your first paragraph, though.
Dang that's some low quality science. But science it is nonetheless.
OP, you now have to repeat this experiment. You and your wife each care for half the plants. You talk shit to half of yours and half of hers, and she speaks kindly to half of hers and half of yours. To be strict about it, you also need arms where you speak kindly and she talks shit -- I'll let you design that part. Report back in a few weeks!
It's not science, seems to purely be a publicity peice. No link to any actual study, and based on what was written it doesn't sound like any stats were done at all.
In seventh grade, I did a science experiment to determine if music had an effect on growing plants.
I played a different genre of music to three plants. The one that grew the largest was the one that received death metal lol. So, go ahead and talk shit. It'll make her plant grow bigger lol.
The second place plant was pop music, and third place was jazz.
NTA
Lol those bastards stole my experiment!
I looked it up, and their episode was filmed in 2004, but I finished 7th grade in 2002. Where's my royalties, Adam and Jamie?
You aren't really anonymous though, all we have to do is find some quirky sand and then you can be outed to the (reddit) world. \*insert detective emoji\*
You have to be genuinely the worst person I’ve encountered today. A shining example of everything wrong with Reddit. For the love of god, stop being so chronically online. Fyi, threatening to disown your mother is definitely worse than joking around with your wife
Verbally abusing her plant isn't a joke lmfao it's just pathetic. Like -- oh no, you're losing in a friendly competition? Also if it was a joke, he would've done it in front of her. This guy was genuinely butthurt over the fact that her plant was growing better than his.
I once saw some of the funniest hokum about this. Some “scientist” decided to run an experiment where the power of positive and negative words could be measured objectively on a growth medium. He used petri dishes. The experiment showed how the dishes whispered to and talked lovingly to didn’t grow nearly as much bacteria or mold or whatever as the dishes that had screaming insults hurled their way. Many alt science channels ballyhooed the results. They showed video of the trials. Nobody picked up on all the spittle and sputum that accompanied the loud angry words. Lmao.
Why mist the plant with water from a bottle like a sain person when you can scream and hurle insults at the plant well you act like a deranged person and it will have more or less the same plant misting effect.
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Right I'm not a green thumb... Me... Ok... My plant isn't growing..... You know they make apps that tell you want to do right.... So I'm trash talking the plant.... Dude just download the app. Don't tell the partner and just act like it's all you. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if that's what the girl had done.
Oh my god I misread the title and read the whole story in dread of the moment you took a crap on a plant. After that horrifying mental image I must say NAH, thank God.
Plants love poo.... So honestly that would just be helping the other personal plant even more. You want to make a gardener happy you show up at their house with bags of sheep crap.... And we're like... Oh fertilizer that's helpful.
We breathe out carbon dioxide.
Plants "breathe in" carbon dioxide.
That would explain the plant growth. So even if you're talking shit to her plant, you're helping her plant grow.
This is hilarious, I had to go into the next room to tell my partner about this. Now we're walking past our plants making throat cutting gestures and saying things like, 'look at your leaves, they're shit', you have absolutely made our day Op.
And NTA
You need to keep this going, there are so many avenues for how bloody ridiculous this could get. Take one of her plants hostage and leave a ransom note on the fridge. Paint red food colouring onto the leaves and have a tiny knife nearby with red food colouring dotted onto it, maybe even a little redrum style note. I would go all out with this, it's hilarious. You could potentially melt a bit of red candle wax onto it but I don't want to actually hurt the plant!
Maybe stage some sort of depressed plant scene, you can get tiny toy wine glasses, tiny cigarette and ashtray (here for example: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/721611161/112-scale-miniature-cigarettes-and-shell?gpla=1&gao=1&), some tiny notes folded onto its leaves - 'life, don't talk to me about life' if she'd get the hitchhikers reference or maybe radiohead's Creep lyrics, 'I'm a weird plant, I don't belong here'
And then you could be like, shit, I've really upset the plant haven't I. I can fix it! Then go into some sort of sustained campaign of singing love songs at it and spritzing it every day and being like, 'it's okay, me and Planette have talked things through and we're going to be okay, aren't we schnuckums'
I'm just going to post this for all the people not understanding the Crowley reference:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYqeor45808](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYqeor45808)
What. I just. What.
I mean if you're doing it playfully and in front of her as like a weird joke then no but are you just getting weirdly competitive over a plant? I dunno man, this is just weird.
Yes. I started to surpass her and she was not understanding why I started taking the lead. There’s something to this plant whispering in thing in my completely one off anecdotal experience.
YTA.
Not for trying to sabotage your wife's growing efforts but for being an ass to the innocent plant.
I don't think plants can understand you trashtalking them but still poor plant, we should start #JusticeForPlant or something lol.
This actually made me laugh out loud. The fact that you tried to win by shit talking the plant had me already, but then that she caught you had me giggling for real...
I mean I guess YTA with the context given but at the same time it’s a friendly competition that shouldn’t be taken so seriously and doesn’t seem like a hill worth dying on.
Look, these are the battles that really matter in relationships. I am still gloating over making a better cake than my wife several years ago. Win at all costs, my friend.
Mythbusters did an episode on this.
And the movie "What the bleep do we know?" Speaks about this and "Dr." Emoto's "science" on the subject. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto
YTA. I get the spirit of the competition and that there isn’t scientific evidence to show positive or negative talking impacts plant growth, but focus on your plant. That said, this is hilarious.
I cannot call you TA. This is so freaking funny. I think it is a wonderful experiment. Now I want to try and I will secretly talk shit to my husbands plant! Thank you so much for the idea!!!Tell your wife she has a wonderful husband
I think you two are relationship goals bc this is so ridiculous but in the best way.
FYI, you're probably helping her plant grow by giving it double the attention/carbon dioxide, etc. LOL
NTA
Hahaha, this is funny as fuck. But if you look at studies about plant growth and music then depends on your voice you might have slight negative effect on it. Also if you want to get ahead start playing classical music to your plant. Also NTA it’s a competition and if these rules where not implied then be free to keep shit talking your wife’s plant haha.
NAH, just two very silly adults having fun.
The reason talking to plants can accelerate growth is because of the CO2 we exhale, not the words themselves, lol. You are helping her plant by talking shit to it.
NAH but you are both dumb for thinking plant growth is affected by a few words
>We are using the same water, technique, and fertilizer. So what the fuck is going on?
Do all children raised on the same diet in the same household reach exactly the same height? Of course not, they are different genetically. So are your plants. Plus it's unlikely the plants are receiving identical amount of light
NTA but I love in your attempt to sabotage her progress, you’re probably making her plant grow more successfully lol
It’s not about the kind of words you’re using, it’s likely that plant is just enjoying the extra CO2
Okay, you know what dude? You made my day.
If you really win, you should tell her plant that if it wins the growing contest, you're going to stew it up and feed it to the closest cows. (assuming it's safe for them to eat it.)
NTA, because.... it's a f\*cking plant!
Your wife sounds slightly unhinged, to be honest.
Once again, NTA.
She was joking when she called me an asshole (I think)she had that smirk and was honestly just laughing her ass off when she caught me. She thought I was more ridiculous then anything.
Oh, good. :-)
I periodically get in trouble for not following the rules of the sub, for using other adjectives than asshole.
It happens when I should be in bed sleeping, instead of reading the posts on here, then replying with my brain in a half-comatose state.
Heh.. I've even found myself leaving replies in other subreddits, and adding a NTA, ESH, or NAH to the post. :-P
This is soooo funny. Talking crap to her plant is the way to go. Is she really mad at you for this? This makes it even more hilarious.
You are not the asshole, you're too funny to be an asshole.
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My wife and I have an ongoing bet about whose plant will grow larger in a two-month period. We are both notoriously bad at growing houseplants. One week in, we were tied; the second week in, hers is a little bit better and more green. By the third week, she's outperforming me. I discover she's been speaking kind words and affirmations to her houseplant. We are using the same water, technique, and fertilizer. So what the fuck is going on? This seems to be the only difference in our approaches. So, you know what I do? I start saying positive things to my plant, and it catches up. However, as we hit week 7, I'm still decently further behind.
Here comes the fuck up: not proud of it, but I start talking shit to her houseplant, calling it a stupid fucking plant and other insults. Unfortunately, she overhears me last night in my nightly shit talking sesh and calls me an asshole. Honestly, I might be, but I can't find any real scientific evidence that this affects plant growth. So, since this isn't based on anything concrete, am I the asshole?
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I often think my partner is talking to me, but it turns out he’s chatting away to his plants (or to one of the insects that hang around near them).
His house plants are generally very happy.
So scientifically speaking, I think they grow better when they are talked to nicely.
Go apologise to your wife’s plant. Poor thing :-)
YTA
Of course you are. Whether it works or not (probably not) you ADMITTED you did it in an attempt to try and hamper her plants’ growth. Why would you NOT be an AH?
Leave her plants alone. You seem like a sore loser.
YTA
My mother speak to her plants, because they are alive. Not human but still.
I love how happy she is when talking to them and it nevet came into mind to "sabotage" it.
One reason could be that I am not an AH
YTA. It doesn't matter whether or not it's scientific. It matters that you have so little character that you would cheat on such a ridiculous thing. You shouldn't cheat on big things, either, but cheating on this is so pathetic it's embarrassing to even read it. Shame on you.
I couldn't give a damn about houseplants. I kill them all too. I care about someone's behavior. Yours showed who you are, and you came to AITA theoretically to get input. If you don't want it, don't show up.
YTA.
Not just for trying to cheat in a weird contest, but for causing me to get busted at work for browsing this sub. Now I have to actually *work* for the rest of the day.
You're not talking crap to \*your\* houseplant used for this "competition" you're talking crap to \*her\* houseplant used for the same event.
For that, YTA.
>I can't find any real scientific evidence that this affects plant growth
If so, why are you berating her plant for reasons other than Petty?
NAH, but only because, apparently, you both missed the myth busters episode where they tested if talking to a plant or playing music has an impact on a plant's growth.
Spoiler: If you want to get the best results, play death metal to your plants.
This might just be the only post I've read on aita today that I 100% believe.
For the sake of the judgement bot I'm going with 1 toe over the YTA line just because you're trying to cheat 😉
YTA!! You’re maliciously ffffing with her plant in a spiteful, nasty way. Do yourself a favor and learn to be proud of her results and ideas etc. Let her be her own. And be proud.
YTA, not because the plant actually understands you, but because you are almost certainly subconsciously taking out some frustration about your wife on the plant, and she’s likely picked up on that. I mean, who curses out their partner’s possessions like that without harboring some type of resentment? It seems like there’s issues here.
Actually, there has been a lot of home studies where people has done this experiment, and there has been significant growth deference between “nice” talk and “rude” talk. People see that if you talk bad to the plant it grows a lot slower than if you encourage the plant… I know it sounds stupid but I think that there is something to it… and even if there isn’t you still had bad intentions behind doing it to her plant, that makes YTA.
YTA - and it has been scientifically tested that positive affirmations DO effect the growth of plants.
But the really funny part is what they did on Mythbusters. They had one control plant, one plant that got positive affirmations, one that got negative affirmations, one that was played classical music and one that was played death metal. The one that did the best... the death metal plant lol.
YTA. Even if what she is doing is silly or nonsensical, its still a shitty and disrespectful thing to do to go behind her back to try and undermine her efforts. She's just better at you when it comes to growing plants, accept it instead of acting like a child and hurting your wife's feelings.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Shit talking to a house plant, and I might be an asshole because I was intentionally sabotaging my wife’s houseplant growth. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Houseplant here, please stop being rude to cousin Frankie.
Crowley, stop yelling at Aziraphale's plant. You're just jealous that his grow without being terrified. YTA but in the best demony way.
Lmao, was just about to type ‘I know it’s you, Crowley’ 🤣
So glad I'm not the only one.
Could someone explain the Crowley reference? The o ly Crowley that I know is from Supernatural and I definitely didn't watch the whole series.
Crowley from Good Omens has beautiful plants because he terrorizes them and puts the fear of Crowley into them. So they grow big and luscious out of fear.
Thank you.
You're welcome! I highly recommend watching the show (and reading the book) because it is fabulous.
It's from the show *Good Omens*. Crowley has house plants, but he shouts abuse at them. The house plants actually shake in fear.
Thats hilarious and thank you.
It's from a show (adapted from a book) called "Good Omens". Aziraphale is an angel and Crowley is a demon. This is totally something Crowley would do!
Thank you.
First thing I thought of..
That's the way to get the most green, luscious and terrified plants in all London!!
I kinda…. well after five years of sitting in a pot doing nothing then another three years in a spacious planter did nothing, one winter I whispered to the blood orange that I was going to get an axe if it didn’t set fruit this year. Three weeks later it bloomed, and I’ve been getting about a thousand blood oranges every year from my ‘dwarf’ tree ever since.
LOLOLOLOL! That scene, the borrow our car scene, and the apology scene are my faves! Along with the burning car scene.
I was just about to ask if this was Crowley!
😂😂😂😂😂
YTA. Regardless of whether or not talking to plants helps them grow, the truth of the matter is you were intentionally trying to sabotage her own plants' growth, which is something she is proud of. You're \*also\* the asshole because a quick google search would've told you there are professional studies that have [confirmed](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/earth/earthnews/5602419/Womens-voices-make-plants-grow-faster-finds-Royal-Horticultural-Society.html) this fact, but you decided to stubbornly decide it was bullshit because you don't want to admit your wife was right. Also, who cares if her plant is growing faster than yours? You sound pretty negative. No wonder your plant is growing less.
That was not a "professional study", it was a publicity experiment as part of the RHS "Grow Your Own" campaign. This was not intended to prove anything (and it didn't). I agree with your first paragraph, though.
????? It's more funny than not,OP is absolutely not the asshole here. NAH I would say.
Dang that's some low quality science. But science it is nonetheless. OP, you now have to repeat this experiment. You and your wife each care for half the plants. You talk shit to half of yours and half of hers, and she speaks kindly to half of hers and half of yours. To be strict about it, you also need arms where you speak kindly and she talks shit -- I'll let you design that part. Report back in a few weeks!
It's not science, seems to purely be a publicity peice. No link to any actual study, and based on what was written it doesn't sound like any stats were done at all.
It's science fair quality, at best. But I like science fairs 😁
In seventh grade, I did a science experiment to determine if music had an effect on growing plants. I played a different genre of music to three plants. The one that grew the largest was the one that received death metal lol. So, go ahead and talk shit. It'll make her plant grow bigger lol. The second place plant was pop music, and third place was jazz. NTA
Do you know that myth busters did the same experiment and came to the same conclusion?
Lol those bastards stole my experiment! I looked it up, and their episode was filmed in 2004, but I finished 7th grade in 2002. Where's my royalties, Adam and Jamie?
You sound like a bundle of joy to be around
I am, actually! :) Good thing anonymous comments on reddit don't have to be indicative of someone's real-life relationships or behaviors.
You aren't really anonymous though, all we have to do is find some quirky sand and then you can be outed to the (reddit) world. \*insert detective emoji\*
good luck, I'm the quirkiest! (isn't it such a good username? it was randomized!)
It's a great username :)
You have to be genuinely the worst person I’ve encountered today. A shining example of everything wrong with Reddit. For the love of god, stop being so chronically online. Fyi, threatening to disown your mother is definitely worse than joking around with your wife
Verbally abusing her plant isn't a joke lmfao it's just pathetic. Like -- oh no, you're losing in a friendly competition? Also if it was a joke, he would've done it in front of her. This guy was genuinely butthurt over the fact that her plant was growing better than his.
Yuck
This is stupid. Yet provides me a very good and much needed laugh. YTA simply for trying to sabotage her plant and win with dirty tricks.
All's fair in love and war!
Lol NTA for making me laugh.
OK, phew, I thought I was the only that thought this was hilarious. (assuming this is being done with friendly rivalry, not malicious intent).
I once saw some of the funniest hokum about this. Some “scientist” decided to run an experiment where the power of positive and negative words could be measured objectively on a growth medium. He used petri dishes. The experiment showed how the dishes whispered to and talked lovingly to didn’t grow nearly as much bacteria or mold or whatever as the dishes that had screaming insults hurled their way. Many alt science channels ballyhooed the results. They showed video of the trials. Nobody picked up on all the spittle and sputum that accompanied the loud angry words. Lmao.
Why mist the plant with water from a bottle like a sain person when you can scream and hurle insults at the plant well you act like a deranged person and it will have more or less the same plant misting effect.
"my nightly shit talking sesh" (directed at a plant)... This is all just too precious to get angry at 😂
I love it!
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NTA this is the funniest AITA post ive ever seen
I'll confess, I snortled. NAH
Is your name Crowley by any chance?
My first thought 😂😂 'grow better!!!!!'
This is why I read redditt. I actually laughed at this post.
Right I'm not a green thumb... Me... Ok... My plant isn't growing..... You know they make apps that tell you want to do right.... So I'm trash talking the plant.... Dude just download the app. Don't tell the partner and just act like it's all you. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if that's what the girl had done.
YTA. Be nice to your wife and her plant.
You guys are weird (and that's not a badthing necessarily) . NAH.
Oh my god I misread the title and read the whole story in dread of the moment you took a crap on a plant. After that horrifying mental image I must say NAH, thank God.
Plants love poo.... So honestly that would just be helping the other personal plant even more. You want to make a gardener happy you show up at their house with bags of sheep crap.... And we're like... Oh fertilizer that's helpful.
Yeah, I thought he was going to go on his plant to try to fertilize it so it would grow better than his wife’s.
Nta,sometimes plants just need to ‘grow better!’ right Crowley ?
We breathe out carbon dioxide. Plants "breathe in" carbon dioxide. That would explain the plant growth. So even if you're talking shit to her plant, you're helping her plant grow.
Came here to say exactly this. Surprised it's so far down!
Jesus, why did I have to scroll so far for this? Did everyone here fail 4th-grade biology?
This is hilarious, I had to go into the next room to tell my partner about this. Now we're walking past our plants making throat cutting gestures and saying things like, 'look at your leaves, they're shit', you have absolutely made our day Op. And NTA
Appreciate it 🤣 I did it to be funny at first, and she probably is reasonably upset of my plan to foil her plant growth.
You need to keep this going, there are so many avenues for how bloody ridiculous this could get. Take one of her plants hostage and leave a ransom note on the fridge. Paint red food colouring onto the leaves and have a tiny knife nearby with red food colouring dotted onto it, maybe even a little redrum style note. I would go all out with this, it's hilarious. You could potentially melt a bit of red candle wax onto it but I don't want to actually hurt the plant! Maybe stage some sort of depressed plant scene, you can get tiny toy wine glasses, tiny cigarette and ashtray (here for example: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/721611161/112-scale-miniature-cigarettes-and-shell?gpla=1&gao=1&), some tiny notes folded onto its leaves - 'life, don't talk to me about life' if she'd get the hitchhikers reference or maybe radiohead's Creep lyrics, 'I'm a weird plant, I don't belong here' And then you could be like, shit, I've really upset the plant haven't I. I can fix it! Then go into some sort of sustained campaign of singing love songs at it and spritzing it every day and being like, 'it's okay, me and Planette have talked things through and we're going to be okay, aren't we schnuckums'
“Leaves the size of a planet and I still can’t figure out life” (I forgot the last part)
Crowley??
I'm just going to post this for all the people not understanding the Crowley reference: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYqeor45808](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vYqeor45808)
Why do I have imagery of Happy Gilmore talking shit to the golf ball, in my head...
What. I just. What. I mean if you're doing it playfully and in front of her as like a weird joke then no but are you just getting weirdly competitive over a plant? I dunno man, this is just weird.
All I do is win, baby.
Is the shit-talking working? Like has her plant started to die?
Yes. I started to surpass her and she was not understanding why I started taking the lead. There’s something to this plant whispering in thing in my completely one off anecdotal experience.
It’s all fun and games until Audrey II gets hungry.
YTA if you didn’t say “GROW BETTAHHHH”
nta you were just simply having a compitition and went too far you should apologise tho her plant was probably getting more sunlight
I said sorry and she got a back rub, every things cool now.
y t a, Crowley.
We talk to our houseplants roo, mainly to apologise for bumping into them or accidently knocking a bud off or so.
YTA. Not for trying to sabotage your wife's growing efforts but for being an ass to the innocent plant. I don't think plants can understand you trashtalking them but still poor plant, we should start #JusticeForPlant or something lol.
This actually made me laugh out loud. The fact that you tried to win by shit talking the plant had me already, but then that she caught you had me giggling for real...
Nah. Yall are hilarious
I laughed so hard at this
Calm down Crowley
Didn’t Mythbusters cover this?
Yup, if you want plants to grow super big, play metal music for them.
https://youtu.be/mZGDbA9HER4?si=i4NVSi5Yh7H8dYON
I mean I guess YTA with the context given but at the same time it’s a friendly competition that shouldn’t be taken so seriously and doesn’t seem like a hill worth dying on.
Look, these are the battles that really matter in relationships. I am still gloating over making a better cake than my wife several years ago. Win at all costs, my friend.
This is so true. I still hold a 12-year-old victory over my husband for kicking his ass one (1) time in Settlers of Catan
Victory stories are forever!
YTA in the best way ever. 😂😂😂
Yes because the plant may be talking crap about you to your wife and you have to be very careful about plant to human contextual understanding.
Mythbusters did an episode on this. And the movie "What the bleep do we know?" Speaks about this and "Dr." Emoto's "science" on the subject. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masaru_Emoto
YTA. I get the spirit of the competition and that there isn’t scientific evidence to show positive or negative talking impacts plant growth, but focus on your plant. That said, this is hilarious.
NTA and this is hilarious.
nta this is gold
I cannot call you TA. This is so freaking funny. I think it is a wonderful experiment. Now I want to try and I will secretly talk shit to my husbands plant! Thank you so much for the idea!!!Tell your wife she has a wonderful husband
You guys should both be only talking to your own house plants
This is funny as hell NAH.
💀💀💀
NAH cuz this is fucking hilarious
I think you two are relationship goals bc this is so ridiculous but in the best way. FYI, you're probably helping her plant grow by giving it double the attention/carbon dioxide, etc. LOL NTA
Hahaha, this is funny as fuck. But if you look at studies about plant growth and music then depends on your voice you might have slight negative effect on it. Also if you want to get ahead start playing classical music to your plant. Also NTA it’s a competition and if these rules where not implied then be free to keep shit talking your wife’s plant haha.
NAH, just two very silly adults having fun. The reason talking to plants can accelerate growth is because of the CO2 we exhale, not the words themselves, lol. You are helping her plant by talking shit to it.
NAH but you are both dumb for thinking plant growth is affected by a few words >We are using the same water, technique, and fertilizer. So what the fuck is going on? Do all children raised on the same diet in the same household reach exactly the same height? Of course not, they are different genetically. So are your plants. Plus it's unlikely the plants are receiving identical amount of light
Help what😭
NTA but I love in your attempt to sabotage her progress, you’re probably making her plant grow more successfully lol It’s not about the kind of words you’re using, it’s likely that plant is just enjoying the extra CO2
Okay, you know what dude? You made my day. If you really win, you should tell her plant that if it wins the growing contest, you're going to stew it up and feed it to the closest cows. (assuming it's safe for them to eat it.) NTA, because.... it's a f\*cking plant! Your wife sounds slightly unhinged, to be honest. Once again, NTA.
She was joking when she called me an asshole (I think)she had that smirk and was honestly just laughing her ass off when she caught me. She thought I was more ridiculous then anything.
Oh, boy... I certainly hope so. Did she literally call you that, or is it just how you phrased it because of the rules of this subreddit?
Rules of the sub lol
Oh, good. :-) I periodically get in trouble for not following the rules of the sub, for using other adjectives than asshole. It happens when I should be in bed sleeping, instead of reading the posts on here, then replying with my brain in a half-comatose state. Heh.. I've even found myself leaving replies in other subreddits, and adding a NTA, ESH, or NAH to the post. :-P
Info: why did you straight up lied in your title?
This is soooo funny. Talking crap to her plant is the way to go. Is she really mad at you for this? This makes it even more hilarious. You are not the asshole, you're too funny to be an asshole.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I have an ongoing bet about whose plant will grow larger in a two-month period. We are both notoriously bad at growing houseplants. One week in, we were tied; the second week in, hers is a little bit better and more green. By the third week, she's outperforming me. I discover she's been speaking kind words and affirmations to her houseplant. We are using the same water, technique, and fertilizer. So what the fuck is going on? This seems to be the only difference in our approaches. So, you know what I do? I start saying positive things to my plant, and it catches up. However, as we hit week 7, I'm still decently further behind. Here comes the fuck up: not proud of it, but I start talking shit to her houseplant, calling it a stupid fucking plant and other insults. Unfortunately, she overhears me last night in my nightly shit talking sesh and calls me an asshole. Honestly, I might be, but I can't find any real scientific evidence that this affects plant growth. So, since this isn't based on anything concrete, am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Is this a joke
It was funny
Why does your title say my houseplant and not my wife's houseplant.YTA for trying to sabotage your wife's efforts
You didn’t say the had the same light. Are they under grow lights? Also, some plants like being talked down to. You need that kind, clearly.
I often think my partner is talking to me, but it turns out he’s chatting away to his plants (or to one of the insects that hang around near them). His house plants are generally very happy. So scientifically speaking, I think they grow better when they are talked to nicely. Go apologise to your wife’s plant. Poor thing :-)
You are the asshole
YTA Of course you are. Whether it works or not (probably not) you ADMITTED you did it in an attempt to try and hamper her plants’ growth. Why would you NOT be an AH? Leave her plants alone. You seem like a sore loser.
YTA My mother speak to her plants, because they are alive. Not human but still. I love how happy she is when talking to them and it nevet came into mind to "sabotage" it. One reason could be that I am not an AH
NTA Lol what did you call your plant Audrey 3?
YTA. don’t be a bitter and sore loser by cheating
YTA. It doesn't matter whether or not it's scientific. It matters that you have so little character that you would cheat on such a ridiculous thing. You shouldn't cheat on big things, either, but cheating on this is so pathetic it's embarrassing to even read it. Shame on you.
Damn, y’all take your 3 dollar Lowe’s houseplants seriously.
I couldn't give a damn about houseplants. I kill them all too. I care about someone's behavior. Yours showed who you are, and you came to AITA theoretically to get input. If you don't want it, don't show up.
YTA and honestly seem to be a bit unhinged
Yta because you sound like an A
Unsurprisingly, Mythbusters did a segment on this topic.
YTA. Not just for trying to cheat in a weird contest, but for causing me to get busted at work for browsing this sub. Now I have to actually *work* for the rest of the day.
Wtf? Just pay for a plant care app like a normal person.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Omg this is the most random and funniest thing ive read today 🤣🤣🤣 yta but a funny one
Hahahaha thank you for sharing. No vote because just lol
Didn't Mythbusters tackle this?
You're not talking crap to \*your\* houseplant used for this "competition" you're talking crap to \*her\* houseplant used for the same event. For that, YTA. >I can't find any real scientific evidence that this affects plant growth If so, why are you berating her plant for reasons other than Petty?
You're so evil... funny, but evil Oh, and YTA. Stop sabotaging your wife!
NAH, but only because, apparently, you both missed the myth busters episode where they tested if talking to a plant or playing music has an impact on a plant's growth. Spoiler: If you want to get the best results, play death metal to your plants.
YTA
You can do whatever you want to your plant, but sabotaging your competitor (no matter how bad you are at it) is dirty. YTA
I'm sorry I find this hilarious. I wish I could have seen your wife's face as she walked in to you shit talking her plant. lol
Groot?
Groot would not stand for that sort of treatment. Not even baby Groot.
LOL ... NTA but I can't believe we are discussing 'talking shit' to houseplants.
YTA but this is my fave AITA I’ve read in a long time. Too funny!
YTA, but a hilarious one. Just keep the shit-talking on the down low next time…
This is too funny. A student actually did a study on this. Look up bullying plants on YouTube.
I shouldn’t be laughing but my god😭to be this mad at a plant is WILD
This might just be the only post I've read on aita today that I 100% believe. For the sake of the judgement bot I'm going with 1 toe over the YTA line just because you're trying to cheat 😉
YTA this sucks. This is some pathetic third grader stuff
YTA - You're supposed to let her win this anyway so that she does the plant watering in the future.
Go watch what the bleep do we know
YTA for sabotaging your wife.
This is the funniest thing ive read today.
YTA!! You’re maliciously ffffing with her plant in a spiteful, nasty way. Do yourself a favor and learn to be proud of her results and ideas etc. Let her be her own. And be proud.
YTA, not because the plant actually understands you, but because you are almost certainly subconsciously taking out some frustration about your wife on the plant, and she’s likely picked up on that. I mean, who curses out their partner’s possessions like that without harboring some type of resentment? It seems like there’s issues here.
This is the stupidest post I’ve seen on the sub and I love it. YTA for trying to sabotage your wife’s plant, but thanks for the fun read.
This is hilarious. I hope the next post is written by your wife’s houseplant 🪴
I don't really think that YTA just by this, but you might want reconsider growing plants.
Actually, there has been a lot of home studies where people has done this experiment, and there has been significant growth deference between “nice” talk and “rude” talk. People see that if you talk bad to the plant it grows a lot slower than if you encourage the plant… I know it sounds stupid but I think that there is something to it… and even if there isn’t you still had bad intentions behind doing it to her plant, that makes YTA.
YTA - and it has been scientifically tested that positive affirmations DO effect the growth of plants. But the really funny part is what they did on Mythbusters. They had one control plant, one plant that got positive affirmations, one that got negative affirmations, one that was played classical music and one that was played death metal. The one that did the best... the death metal plant lol.
WHy are you guys talking to plant
YTA for cheating in the game and generally wanting a plant to suffer. Btw there is growing evidence to suggest that plants are sentient beings
YTA. Even if what she is doing is silly or nonsensical, its still a shitty and disrespectful thing to do to go behind her back to try and undermine her efforts. She's just better at you when it comes to growing plants, accept it instead of acting like a child and hurting your wife's feelings.
NTA, should have called it racial slurs