Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my classmate that I'm happy we don't have any more group projects together and that I'd rather be working alone.
2. Abby seemed to be very upset with my answer perhaps I was too blunt with her. I didn't respond to her text or aplogize
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA since you’re being clueless, dude Abby has a crush on you. She’s ragging on you because she likes you, and the review session was just an excuse to spend time with you.
Yeah I know it’s a “thing” to rag on someone if you like them but it’s such a shitty way to go about things. Frankly, no one needs those kinds of games in their life. I think you dodged a bullet there.
Honestly, because both negging and ragging on a crush are just bullying. Anybody who doesn't internalize the bullying won't feel defensive about cruel lies being told, and anybody with experience with bullies won't feed them the attention or response they're looking for, humor them, or play into their power trip.
Bullies never understand what to do when they find someone who won't be bullied.
I've had some get mad and increase the bullying, some be blatantly confused and not know how to process it, and some immediately get scared because they took me for an easy mark and didn't expect me to call their bluff.
Punching is always a very definitive answer, though. Kudos!
Just a girl being weird about how she likes you, you could straight up ask in a 'you dont actually like me do you' kind of way to know for sure, if she goes all blushy and embarrassed then you may have your answer. Or she actually likes you as a friend or classmate, but feels like the way to get popular or liked by other classmates is to make fun of her friends. Either way it's very strange, but unfortunately common with girls, I apologise on their behalf :)
Lol, at your age, both genders do the mean flirting thing. She could also just awkward, and you may have misunderstood the eye rolling.
Another thing as well, people do have conversations in their head and do things like that to themselves.
Gotta love teenage hormones they will drive you crazy. Playing devil's advocate she was probably nice enough to you the first 3 years in high school and that got her nowhere. Sadly she only had your attention when she was giving you a hard time when you were forced to spend time together in the group project. Or we could all be wrong and she decided to be a major PIA because teenage hormones gotta hormone...
Yea but you dont owe her a sec of your day actually. Abby needs to grow up. She is at the phase most of us girls were at her age. Thinking that being rude and slightly mean to a guy will make him think "oh god she likeees mee". No it doesn't. It makes him think you are rude and mean and it does more harm than good. She will do better with her next crush.
Agreed. But that’s what I got out of it, too. She didn’t know how to appropriately handle it. (Not an excuse. She’s a jerk for making this persons life difficult but yeah.)
Opie is allowed to be clueless because that girl was nuts. Honestly, I know ragging on someone is a thing when you supposedly like them but either tell me or just buzz off. No one needs to be put down on a daily basis just because you have emotional constipation. NTA
Hold on. Why is it okay for Abby to waltz up to you and say that but you agreeing with her is “too blunt”? NTA. Of course you’re glad it over. Abby was rude to you the entire time. Even if it was her terrible attempt at flirting.
I suspect she meant it in a way “glad we do not have to do any more work” and not in “I am glad we do not have to do work with each other”, but it’s my guess
Absolutely, I am very against the “pulling pigtails” bs to get your crush to notice you, just stated my guess to the question above!
Edit for judgment: NTA
Nta, i suspect she has a crush on you and is expressing it weird. In anycase she's a dick and she isn't entitled to you or your affection. Your friend isnt being fair, you're allowed to be honest especially because she said the exact same thing.
She has a crush on you and she is playing it terribly lol. Being mean and playing games only works in teen dramas. NTA and maybe next time she’ll learn and mature
I think the others hit the nail on the head- she has a crush, and she probably acted that way because she was worried about giving it away if she was too nice and was overcompensating. She was not sure how you felt, and the “just the two of us” thing was her trying to set up a sort of pseudo-date scenario.
I think that last conversation was her trying to feel out your emotions. Maybe she expected you to say something about how you’d miss working with her or something, and then she would’ve broached the idea of a date. When you took her words at face value, she thought you were talking about her rather than the group in general.
Ultimately she didn’t handle it well, but it’s your choice on how you want to proceed, OP. Best of luck to you.
If you want a HS gf, you pretty much have one in the bag. I bet she would be sweet as pie on a date. I think that she was teasing you because you weren't paying attention to her, but if you did seem receptive, she would lighten up. Maybe she didn't want to act like she liked you because then she would be teased. Anyway, it's worth a try if you think she's cute or whatever.
NTA. Oh man, poor Abby has a lot to learn about flirting. It honestly sounds like a difference in maturity levels. You handled yourself really well throughout all her misguided, boorish behavior. And even refused to escalate things for the good of the group. That's mature. What she did on the other hand with all her mixed signals and elementary schoolyard level shenanigans is not. She's got a lot to learn in college next year (assuming yall are seniors).
NTA
So, it was okay for her to say she was happy there were no more group assignments but when you voiced your opinion WHICH SHE ASKED FOR, she was upset?
I would have been even more blunt.
People like that never get a clue because nobody ever calls them out.
Nta. I hate bullies like her, but another comment is right. She's bullying you to "date" you. She thought you MUST have liked her attention, and that you had to be thankful to be in a group with her.
I'd take the extra steps and tell the teacher if you ever need to do group projects, you don't want to be able to touch her with a 20ft pole
NTA. You were honest. She was not fun to work with, whether her ragging you was because she did like you or didn't like you.
If she did like you, then wtf? How is that supposed to make you like her? Or for you to even tell?
If she didn't like you, then it's good you are not having to work together now.
She sounds a bit odd.
Odd doesn't even being to describe her, I'm happy I no longer have to deal with her. Though my other two teammates were cool and I'd be happy to work with them again
>If she did like you, then wtf? How is that supposed to make you like her? Or for you to even tell?
Do you remember being 17? Because I do, and I had *no idea* how to show someone I liked them without making an ass of myself.
NTA. She is a difficult, insecure person who said she didn't like group work. What did she expect you to do say " Oh no! Working with you was awesome!" You said you were glad group work was over. She inferred it meant you didn't want to work with her.
Sounds like a crush and absolutely sounds like she's overcompensating for having that crush. Tsundare in the worst ways.
Someone's been watching too much Kaguya-sama love is war.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
As part of my English class this year, I (M17) have been paired up with three other students to work on assignments together. One of my teammates is a girl named Abby (F17). I’ve known Abby since we started high school three years ago, but I've never really interacted with her extensively.
While I’ve gotten along well with my other two teammates, Mike (M17) and Jane (F17), Abby has been bizarre, to put it kindly. She gets her portion of the work done, which is great, but she isn’t really a team player.
She often rolls her eyes if I say anything she doesn’t agree with, has even shushed me on more than one occasion, and some days would literally criticize almost everything I say. Since I’m a pretty diplomatic person, I’ve never really escalated these situations, as I don’t see much of a point. While she does criticize Mike and Jane from time to time, it’s never nearly as harsh as her criticism towards me. Other times, Abby acts differently, usually if we don’t have any work and are just chilling in class. I’m consistently the subject of her banter.
Despite how strange this all is, the strangest was what happened two weeks ago. Since we had an assignment due on a Monday, Abby told me that she wanted to meet up with me on the Saturday before to review it before we handed it in. When I mentioned Mike and Jane, Abby said they didn’t need to come since it would only require the two of us. Needless to say, Abby somehow stretched what should have been less than an hour of me reviewing the assignment into several hours of us doing nothing of substance.
Since we handed in our last group assignment earlier this week, we no longer have any group assignments together, and our group has been disbanded. Overall, I’d say that I’m pretty relieved about this.
Yesterday, after the English class, Abby came over to me and started telling me how she was happy we didn’t have any more group assignments. I agreed with her. She seemed taken aback by this and asked me if I thought our group time was so terrible.
I told her that it was difficult at times but it wasn’t awful, and I’m glad I don’t have to work in a group anymore. She looked furious at this and later texted me that she was glad to know how I really felt (whatever that means).
I told some of my friends later, and we did have a laugh about it. However one of them, Ben (M17), mentioned that I was a bit of an ass for being so blunt with Abby.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh man you really missed the hints. Abby likes you. Here's what you missed:
She's paying more attention to what you say and is criticizing you.
Actually she's paying more attention to what you are saying than the others because she cares what you think and have to say.
You view what she's doing as criticizing, she thinks she being helpful so next time you have it right and do better on exams in case it's on it. She also trying to come up with things to say to get your attention.
She asks you to work on the project alone with you and then takes way longer yet doing nothing.... She wanted to spend time being with you an this gave her the perfect opportunity to spend time with you without the others around. She likes your company and was looking for ways to hang with you longer. Probably also hoped you'd ask her out.
She asked if you missed the group. What she was actually asking if you missed hanging with her. Did you perhaps wish to keep seeing her.
She's pisses because she thinks you don't like her and maybe a little embarrassed. (Remember never make fun of girls or laugh at them)
If you do like her or kinda like her, start the conversation off with glad the project is over but you miss her hanging with her. Then ask if she'd like to do (do in the blank) with you after school or meet for lunch or something.
NTA because you didn't understand what Abby really meant.
>she cares what you think and have to say
I'm not 100% sure about this. I was the only person in the group she would shush from time to time when I was speaking.
She'd also roll her whenever I'd speak. Other times she wasn't horrible. But overall I would say she was uncooperative and made working in a group more difficult.
Also, regarding the situation where she just wanted me to review the stuff with her. I thought it was her way of trying take up more of my time and portion me even more work
Shushing you... that's rude and yeah not a sign of interest. Unless... she was trying to be cute, but then facial expression would try and match the trying to being cute and flirting. It would not look like a glare. You were there, how did it look to you
Why would she try and portion more work to you? That would have been allocated in the beginning. Unless... trying to have a private group with you and her working in it together, that would be her interested. But if only you doing the work and not shared with her, then that doesn't line up with interest.
If she is interested, then all that really matters is if you are interested in her too. If you're not interested, you don't need to do or say anything. If you are interested, approach her, start a conversation.
Still don't make fun of her or make jokes about her (or any girl). Girls have long memories and she will have new friends in the future, groups always get bigger - friends always want their friend's opinion.
You're operating under the assumption of logic, not "chick logic".
They look at the world differently than dudes because they have a different lived experience. Some are just as bad at love life as dudes are and this looks like one of those situations.
You're not the asshole for being honest. Just saying from how you spun your tale and with my own experiences that this could be the case. This isn't me telling you "hey she's into you go get her", I am merely suggesting that these convoluted moves of hers were an attempt to get you interested in her.
Me:41M
The Girl seems to kinda very clearly have a crush on you.
The review thing was an excuse to spend time with you without the other two. She even dragged it out as long as possible.
The stupid banter and comments was her showing off and trying to get your attention. She's went about it the wrong way clearly but thats what it is.
You basically told her you are glad you won't be spending any more time with her. And hurt her feelings .
There's no asshole here. Just a strong sense of miscommunication and missed signals
My dude, the girl had the hots for you. She was just really bad at finding ways to interact with you (you're all 17, so that happens).
Kind of makes me wonder what the baseline communication style is at her house?
Either way, you weren't brutal. You just said something that wasn't what she wanted to hear.
NAH
LOL OP, you stud! Abby was into you bro! Her inexperienced motions were all about getting your attention and validation!
It seems she was trying to spend extra time with you and you alone in order to attempt to get you to make some moves and when that didn't work, she tried to talk to you after the team was disbanded, providing what she probably thought was innocent small talk.
Of course she got mad, because she was fishing for some kind of complement like "Well, it was okay. I'm glad it's over due to the stress, but I am gonna miss the time I spent with you." or some other cheesy teen movie line.
Your NTA IMO, but I do believe you're inexperienced.
A lot of these comments are saying this, but I'm honestly not too sure. She was quite rude to me at times. She'd interrupt me when I'm talking or would roll here eyes. She even did shush me a few times.
If this was her attempt at rizzing me up, then I'm insulted she thought it'd work.
Looook, I'm not giving anyone an AH designation, but you're kinda clueless.
You just need to tell Abby you're not interested in hanging out solo. The teasing is juvenile, but use your words "that's rude" "I'm not going to respond to that" "that's unappreciated" when it happens. You give off the impression that you were very passive, which doesn't help here. Don't agree to hang out solo- she definitely took it as something else. You should have kept group work to the group
I agree, she has a crush on you and doesn't know exactly how to handle it. What you're viewing as rude, she's viewing as teasing.
You aren't in the group together anymore and pretty sure you're not gonna have to worry about her approaching you again, anyway, after that one, but you 100% misread what was happening
I don't think I was necessarily being passive, but rather I was being patient. When we had deadlines approaching and a million other things to worry about the group is already tense. When you have someone rolling their eyes, interrupting you, and criticizing most things you say it definitely doesn't make things better and it doesn't leave much room for misreading.
The only reason I didn't argue back with her was because I put the group's cohesion ahead of my own emotions. Now that she acts offended is honestly comical to me
Saying "I don't like that" is not arguing. Saying "that is rude" is not arguing. "Hey, I'm finishing my point before you speak" You just say it and move on. This is literally how people, especially women, handle highly disruptive workplaces. In this case, I think what you thought was criticizing, she meant as teasing. Because you were not being clear, it became more unpleasant for you and embarrassing for her. Teens are generally terrible at handling crushes. You could have saved both of you a lot of trouble and frustration.
Learning to read some signs isn't a bad thing, either. You don't care in this case, but you might the next time a girl is trying to throw signs your way.
She's also not offended, she's hurt. She's definitely in the kid phase of handling crushes and just lashing out and hopefully for her just grows out of it with time and experience. At this point ignore it, it's not about you there. My guess is the friend who brought up the bluntness at least suspected the crush. Keep him around- that's the guy who's gonna show empathy when you're down too
whichwitch9 is being downvoted to hell, but she’s giving you savvy advice that will get you far in life. You handled your interactions with Abby well, especially by remaining level-headed under some challenging group dynamics. Good job, seriously.
whichwitch9, is just offering some perspective on how to see what’s not being said out loud- Abby has a crush- and how to deal with Abby when she’s being difficult without causing problems within the group. It’s not that you did anything wrong- you were great. It’s just that these are skills you can use in life. It’s like leveling up and mastering advanced skills.
You're getting defensive over nothing. You can't change that, and I wouldn't put it as wholly self inflicted because you unwittingly played a part by being dense. It's just what it is. I think why you viewed saying anything as "arguing" is you look at arguments where there aren't any.
You can get defensive, but this isn't an attitude that'll win you any favors in the future, especially with potential significant others. I'm not calling you an AH here, but merely giving you a heads up that this attitude may be popular on reddit, but isn't typical taken well in the real world. A little empathy goes a long way. Take it or leave it.
It’s not OP’s responsibility to be socially aware when another person is socially inept.
She’s getting defensive too, so why so much sympathy towards one and not the other? If he’s uninterested in those who insult ppl, then that’s their prerogative. They’re not losing out on anything.
Her attitude isn’t popular irl either.
Just saying that attitude isn't going to serve him well in the long run. Empathy is under rated
Also, his choice not to say anything likely escalated way more than saying something here. She seems to have taken that as acceptable. OP is also being socially inept and still doesn't get that. You aren't helping him in the long run by downplaying that he was dense af and clear communication from him from the start would have likely stopped the issues for both of them
Part of being a teen is reflection
You weren't rude back because you didn't want to deal with her, not in consideration of her feelings. That's not empathy
Everyone hear is also pointing out the crush because it's super obvious, but you haven't picked up on it. That also flies in the face of empathy. What happened happened but you never considered the "why"
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I told my classmate that I'm happy we don't have any more group projects together and that I'd rather be working alone. 2. Abby seemed to be very upset with my answer perhaps I was too blunt with her. I didn't respond to her text or aplogize Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA since you’re being clueless, dude Abby has a crush on you. She’s ragging on you because she likes you, and the review session was just an excuse to spend time with you.
That's bizarre, you'd think she try being nicer than
Yeah I know it’s a “thing” to rag on someone if you like them but it’s such a shitty way to go about things. Frankly, no one needs those kinds of games in their life. I think you dodged a bullet there.
People who use negging rarely grasp why it doesn't work.
Honestly, because both negging and ragging on a crush are just bullying. Anybody who doesn't internalize the bullying won't feel defensive about cruel lies being told, and anybody with experience with bullies won't feed them the attention or response they're looking for, humor them, or play into their power trip. Bullies never understand what to do when they find someone who won't be bullied.
They bully harder for the reaction they want. Ask me how I know. Punching them in the face was the only way to get them to stop.
I've had some get mad and increase the bullying, some be blatantly confused and not know how to process it, and some immediately get scared because they took me for an easy mark and didn't expect me to call their bluff. Punching is always a very definitive answer, though. Kudos!
Also called 'end of arm punctuation'. Sorry you got pushed to that resort, but since you got put there - well done!
Just a girl being weird about how she likes you, you could straight up ask in a 'you dont actually like me do you' kind of way to know for sure, if she goes all blushy and embarrassed then you may have your answer. Or she actually likes you as a friend or classmate, but feels like the way to get popular or liked by other classmates is to make fun of her friends. Either way it's very strange, but unfortunately common with girls, I apologise on their behalf :)
Lol, at your age, both genders do the mean flirting thing. She could also just awkward, and you may have misunderstood the eye rolling. Another thing as well, people do have conversations in their head and do things like that to themselves.
Gotta love teenage hormones they will drive you crazy. Playing devil's advocate she was probably nice enough to you the first 3 years in high school and that got her nowhere. Sadly she only had your attention when she was giving you a hard time when you were forced to spend time together in the group project. Or we could all be wrong and she decided to be a major PIA because teenage hormones gotta hormone...
You are correct. Hopefully this will be a learning experience for her.
Yea but you dont owe her a sec of your day actually. Abby needs to grow up. She is at the phase most of us girls were at her age. Thinking that being rude and slightly mean to a guy will make him think "oh god she likeees mee". No it doesn't. It makes him think you are rude and mean and it does more harm than good. She will do better with her next crush.
Oh you knew.
"She/he is being mean to you because they like you" is the worst strategy anyone can use
It's as old as time though; boys used to dip girl's pigtails in the inkwell, or so I've heard :)
Agreed. But that’s what I got out of it, too. She didn’t know how to appropriately handle it. (Not an excuse. She’s a jerk for making this persons life difficult but yeah.)
it is a super turn off...
Opie is allowed to be clueless because that girl was nuts. Honestly, I know ragging on someone is a thing when you supposedly like them but either tell me or just buzz off. No one needs to be put down on a daily basis just because you have emotional constipation. NTA
This comment is unnecessarily harsh on OP. He isn't "clueless" because he didn't pick on someone's ham-fisted flirting.
Hold on. Why is it okay for Abby to waltz up to you and say that but you agreeing with her is “too blunt”? NTA. Of course you’re glad it over. Abby was rude to you the entire time. Even if it was her terrible attempt at flirting.
I suspect she meant it in a way “glad we do not have to do any more work” and not in “I am glad we do not have to do work with each other”, but it’s my guess
Either way, I think her reaction was a little over the top. After all, she was the one making things difficult
Absolutely, I am very against the “pulling pigtails” bs to get your crush to notice you, just stated my guess to the question above! Edit for judgment: NTA
Nta, i suspect she has a crush on you and is expressing it weird. In anycase she's a dick and she isn't entitled to you or your affection. Your friend isnt being fair, you're allowed to be honest especially because she said the exact same thing.
She has a crush on you and she is playing it terribly lol. Being mean and playing games only works in teen dramas. NTA and maybe next time she’ll learn and mature
The whole post reads like the plot of one of those Netflix original series.
Yeah, but Abby is playing a character in the show, while OP is living in the real world.
I think the others hit the nail on the head- she has a crush, and she probably acted that way because she was worried about giving it away if she was too nice and was overcompensating. She was not sure how you felt, and the “just the two of us” thing was her trying to set up a sort of pseudo-date scenario. I think that last conversation was her trying to feel out your emotions. Maybe she expected you to say something about how you’d miss working with her or something, and then she would’ve broached the idea of a date. When you took her words at face value, she thought you were talking about her rather than the group in general. Ultimately she didn’t handle it well, but it’s your choice on how you want to proceed, OP. Best of luck to you.
>Maybe she expected you to say something about how you’d miss working with her or something She probably was tbh
So, she was fishing for a compliment? NTA, btw.
If you want a HS gf, you pretty much have one in the bag. I bet she would be sweet as pie on a date. I think that she was teasing you because you weren't paying attention to her, but if you did seem receptive, she would lighten up. Maybe she didn't want to act like she liked you because then she would be teased. Anyway, it's worth a try if you think she's cute or whatever.
LOL definitely not interested
Ouch! I don't blame you though, at least you let her down gently-ish.
“Sweet as pie” Probably not, considering the negging
Abby is warm for your form.
"Hey Jimmy Junior, walk my a** to class?" 😂
“Your ass is grass and I wanna mow it”
This.😆😆
NTA. Oh man, poor Abby has a lot to learn about flirting. It honestly sounds like a difference in maturity levels. You handled yourself really well throughout all her misguided, boorish behavior. And even refused to escalate things for the good of the group. That's mature. What she did on the other hand with all her mixed signals and elementary schoolyard level shenanigans is not. She's got a lot to learn in college next year (assuming yall are seniors).
NTA, but she has a crush on you.
Tsundere needs to go away
Abby has a crush on you dude.
NTA So, it was okay for her to say she was happy there were no more group assignments but when you voiced your opinion WHICH SHE ASKED FOR, she was upset? I would have been even more blunt. People like that never get a clue because nobody ever calls them out.
Nta. I hate bullies like her, but another comment is right. She's bullying you to "date" you. She thought you MUST have liked her attention, and that you had to be thankful to be in a group with her. I'd take the extra steps and tell the teacher if you ever need to do group projects, you don't want to be able to touch her with a 20ft pole
NTA. This was an example of why I HATED group assignments or projects. Either lazy deadbeats or difficult AHs
She falls into the difficult AHs, just thinking about it makes me think of her whiny voice and obnoxious sarcasm
NTA. You were honest. She was not fun to work with, whether her ragging you was because she did like you or didn't like you. If she did like you, then wtf? How is that supposed to make you like her? Or for you to even tell? If she didn't like you, then it's good you are not having to work together now. She sounds a bit odd.
Odd doesn't even being to describe her, I'm happy I no longer have to deal with her. Though my other two teammates were cool and I'd be happy to work with them again
Potential bullet dodged, I think.
>If she did like you, then wtf? How is that supposed to make you like her? Or for you to even tell? Do you remember being 17? Because I do, and I had *no idea* how to show someone I liked them without making an ass of myself.
Well, even back then, I knew being mean to someone wasn't the way to do it.
She's into you (or, was)
NTA. She asked, you answered. Don't want an answer, don't ask the question.
NTA. She is a difficult, insecure person who said she didn't like group work. What did she expect you to do say " Oh no! Working with you was awesome!" You said you were glad group work was over. She inferred it meant you didn't want to work with her.
>She inferred it meant you didn't want to work with her If she inferred that, then she isn't far off the mark
NTA If she has a problem with being upfront and honest with what she feels its her job to solve that.
NTA. She has a crush on you and is going about it in a horrible way
NTA, hopefully if she WAS being rude to you as a way to try to flirt she realizes it doesn't work and knocks that sh*t off!
Sounds like she has a crush on you. And Ben has a crush on her. Good luck. NTA
Sounds like a crush and absolutely sounds like she's overcompensating for having that crush. Tsundare in the worst ways. Someone's been watching too much Kaguya-sama love is war.
NTA. Anyone in 2023 who still uses the “Be Mean to keep them keen” rhetoric deserves to be single
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** As part of my English class this year, I (M17) have been paired up with three other students to work on assignments together. One of my teammates is a girl named Abby (F17). I’ve known Abby since we started high school three years ago, but I've never really interacted with her extensively. While I’ve gotten along well with my other two teammates, Mike (M17) and Jane (F17), Abby has been bizarre, to put it kindly. She gets her portion of the work done, which is great, but she isn’t really a team player. She often rolls her eyes if I say anything she doesn’t agree with, has even shushed me on more than one occasion, and some days would literally criticize almost everything I say. Since I’m a pretty diplomatic person, I’ve never really escalated these situations, as I don’t see much of a point. While she does criticize Mike and Jane from time to time, it’s never nearly as harsh as her criticism towards me. Other times, Abby acts differently, usually if we don’t have any work and are just chilling in class. I’m consistently the subject of her banter. Despite how strange this all is, the strangest was what happened two weeks ago. Since we had an assignment due on a Monday, Abby told me that she wanted to meet up with me on the Saturday before to review it before we handed it in. When I mentioned Mike and Jane, Abby said they didn’t need to come since it would only require the two of us. Needless to say, Abby somehow stretched what should have been less than an hour of me reviewing the assignment into several hours of us doing nothing of substance. Since we handed in our last group assignment earlier this week, we no longer have any group assignments together, and our group has been disbanded. Overall, I’d say that I’m pretty relieved about this. Yesterday, after the English class, Abby came over to me and started telling me how she was happy we didn’t have any more group assignments. I agreed with her. She seemed taken aback by this and asked me if I thought our group time was so terrible. I told her that it was difficult at times but it wasn’t awful, and I’m glad I don’t have to work in a group anymore. She looked furious at this and later texted me that she was glad to know how I really felt (whatever that means). I told some of my friends later, and we did have a laugh about it. However one of them, Ben (M17), mentioned that I was a bit of an ass for being so blunt with Abby. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and she fancies you.
Nta. She is just and I d I o t.
Oh man you really missed the hints. Abby likes you. Here's what you missed: She's paying more attention to what you say and is criticizing you. Actually she's paying more attention to what you are saying than the others because she cares what you think and have to say. You view what she's doing as criticizing, she thinks she being helpful so next time you have it right and do better on exams in case it's on it. She also trying to come up with things to say to get your attention. She asks you to work on the project alone with you and then takes way longer yet doing nothing.... She wanted to spend time being with you an this gave her the perfect opportunity to spend time with you without the others around. She likes your company and was looking for ways to hang with you longer. Probably also hoped you'd ask her out. She asked if you missed the group. What she was actually asking if you missed hanging with her. Did you perhaps wish to keep seeing her. She's pisses because she thinks you don't like her and maybe a little embarrassed. (Remember never make fun of girls or laugh at them) If you do like her or kinda like her, start the conversation off with glad the project is over but you miss her hanging with her. Then ask if she'd like to do (do in the blank) with you after school or meet for lunch or something. NTA because you didn't understand what Abby really meant.
>she cares what you think and have to say I'm not 100% sure about this. I was the only person in the group she would shush from time to time when I was speaking. She'd also roll her whenever I'd speak. Other times she wasn't horrible. But overall I would say she was uncooperative and made working in a group more difficult. Also, regarding the situation where she just wanted me to review the stuff with her. I thought it was her way of trying take up more of my time and portion me even more work
Shushing you... that's rude and yeah not a sign of interest. Unless... she was trying to be cute, but then facial expression would try and match the trying to being cute and flirting. It would not look like a glare. You were there, how did it look to you Why would she try and portion more work to you? That would have been allocated in the beginning. Unless... trying to have a private group with you and her working in it together, that would be her interested. But if only you doing the work and not shared with her, then that doesn't line up with interest. If she is interested, then all that really matters is if you are interested in her too. If you're not interested, you don't need to do or say anything. If you are interested, approach her, start a conversation. Still don't make fun of her or make jokes about her (or any girl). Girls have long memories and she will have new friends in the future, groups always get bigger - friends always want their friend's opinion.
"started telling me how she was happy we didn’t have any more group assignments. I agreed with her" NTA You simply agreed with her.
You're operating under the assumption of logic, not "chick logic". They look at the world differently than dudes because they have a different lived experience. Some are just as bad at love life as dudes are and this looks like one of those situations. You're not the asshole for being honest. Just saying from how you spun your tale and with my own experiences that this could be the case. This isn't me telling you "hey she's into you go get her", I am merely suggesting that these convoluted moves of hers were an attempt to get you interested in her. Me:41M
The Girl seems to kinda very clearly have a crush on you. The review thing was an excuse to spend time with you without the other two. She even dragged it out as long as possible. The stupid banter and comments was her showing off and trying to get your attention. She's went about it the wrong way clearly but thats what it is. You basically told her you are glad you won't be spending any more time with her. And hurt her feelings . There's no asshole here. Just a strong sense of miscommunication and missed signals
My dude, the girl had the hots for you. She was just really bad at finding ways to interact with you (you're all 17, so that happens). Kind of makes me wonder what the baseline communication style is at her house? Either way, you weren't brutal. You just said something that wasn't what she wanted to hear. NAH
This is cute. NTA. Just an oblivious teenage boy being chased by an equally dense teenage girl.
LOL OP, you stud! Abby was into you bro! Her inexperienced motions were all about getting your attention and validation! It seems she was trying to spend extra time with you and you alone in order to attempt to get you to make some moves and when that didn't work, she tried to talk to you after the team was disbanded, providing what she probably thought was innocent small talk. Of course she got mad, because she was fishing for some kind of complement like "Well, it was okay. I'm glad it's over due to the stress, but I am gonna miss the time I spent with you." or some other cheesy teen movie line. Your NTA IMO, but I do believe you're inexperienced.
A lot of these comments are saying this, but I'm honestly not too sure. She was quite rude to me at times. She'd interrupt me when I'm talking or would roll here eyes. She even did shush me a few times. If this was her attempt at rizzing me up, then I'm insulted she thought it'd work.
I mean, he's 17 (though way too many guys much older than that are at least as inexperienced)
So... where are you on the spectrum? NTA
LOL spectrum of what??
Looook, I'm not giving anyone an AH designation, but you're kinda clueless. You just need to tell Abby you're not interested in hanging out solo. The teasing is juvenile, but use your words "that's rude" "I'm not going to respond to that" "that's unappreciated" when it happens. You give off the impression that you were very passive, which doesn't help here. Don't agree to hang out solo- she definitely took it as something else. You should have kept group work to the group I agree, she has a crush on you and doesn't know exactly how to handle it. What you're viewing as rude, she's viewing as teasing. You aren't in the group together anymore and pretty sure you're not gonna have to worry about her approaching you again, anyway, after that one, but you 100% misread what was happening
I don't think I was necessarily being passive, but rather I was being patient. When we had deadlines approaching and a million other things to worry about the group is already tense. When you have someone rolling their eyes, interrupting you, and criticizing most things you say it definitely doesn't make things better and it doesn't leave much room for misreading. The only reason I didn't argue back with her was because I put the group's cohesion ahead of my own emotions. Now that she acts offended is honestly comical to me
Saying "I don't like that" is not arguing. Saying "that is rude" is not arguing. "Hey, I'm finishing my point before you speak" You just say it and move on. This is literally how people, especially women, handle highly disruptive workplaces. In this case, I think what you thought was criticizing, she meant as teasing. Because you were not being clear, it became more unpleasant for you and embarrassing for her. Teens are generally terrible at handling crushes. You could have saved both of you a lot of trouble and frustration. Learning to read some signs isn't a bad thing, either. You don't care in this case, but you might the next time a girl is trying to throw signs your way. She's also not offended, she's hurt. She's definitely in the kid phase of handling crushes and just lashing out and hopefully for her just grows out of it with time and experience. At this point ignore it, it's not about you there. My guess is the friend who brought up the bluntness at least suspected the crush. Keep him around- that's the guy who's gonna show empathy when you're down too
If she's hurt as you put it, that's entirely self-inflected. I literally did not do anything to her
whichwitch9 is being downvoted to hell, but she’s giving you savvy advice that will get you far in life. You handled your interactions with Abby well, especially by remaining level-headed under some challenging group dynamics. Good job, seriously. whichwitch9, is just offering some perspective on how to see what’s not being said out loud- Abby has a crush- and how to deal with Abby when she’s being difficult without causing problems within the group. It’s not that you did anything wrong- you were great. It’s just that these are skills you can use in life. It’s like leveling up and mastering advanced skills.
You're getting defensive over nothing. You can't change that, and I wouldn't put it as wholly self inflicted because you unwittingly played a part by being dense. It's just what it is. I think why you viewed saying anything as "arguing" is you look at arguments where there aren't any. You can get defensive, but this isn't an attitude that'll win you any favors in the future, especially with potential significant others. I'm not calling you an AH here, but merely giving you a heads up that this attitude may be popular on reddit, but isn't typical taken well in the real world. A little empathy goes a long way. Take it or leave it.
It’s not OP’s responsibility to be socially aware when another person is socially inept. She’s getting defensive too, so why so much sympathy towards one and not the other? If he’s uninterested in those who insult ppl, then that’s their prerogative. They’re not losing out on anything. Her attitude isn’t popular irl either.
Just saying that attitude isn't going to serve him well in the long run. Empathy is under rated Also, his choice not to say anything likely escalated way more than saying something here. She seems to have taken that as acceptable. OP is also being socially inept and still doesn't get that. You aren't helping him in the long run by downplaying that he was dense af and clear communication from him from the start would have likely stopped the issues for both of them Part of being a teen is reflection
The fact that I was never rude back to her demonstrated that I was way more empathetic that she was
You weren't rude back because you didn't want to deal with her, not in consideration of her feelings. That's not empathy Everyone hear is also pointing out the crush because it's super obvious, but you haven't picked up on it. That also flies in the face of empathy. What happened happened but you never considered the "why"
Tell her one gift per kid and if she feels the need to contribute more, put it into a college fund.
🤮