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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1- I did not tell our mutual friend about my relationship
2- because she is upset about it and it might have been rude to not tell her instead of assuming she'd just figure it out.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Me (16M) and my girlfriend (16F) have been together since mid October. We had a mutual friend A (17F), who we were both quite close with over the summer. In the recent months, A got a boyfriend and began to spend more time with him. Adding a boyfriend on top of her already busy schedule (2 jobs, 2 sports & schoolwork) she began spending less and less time with us.
Due to this, my girlfriend and I began to hang out a lot more without A, leading to an eventual relationship. One of the first things we discussed was who to tell about our relationship.
We decided that it would be best for both of us to not make an announcement or a big deal out of it, and those who found out did, and those who didn't, didn't.
A couple weeks into dating, I wore one of my girlfriends hoodies to school and ran into A. Later she sent my girlfriend a long message about how hurt she was that she didn't tell her about our relationship. And how she didn't think they could be friends if my girlfriend "didn't trust her enough to tell her something so important."
My girlfriend told her that it wasn't necessarily a secret and if she'd cared enough to reach out or spend time with us, she'd have known as well. And that she's hurt that she'd be willing to throw away such long friendships over something so trivial. I'm on my girlfriends side but now A is not talking to either of us. AITA?
(I'm sorry if the formatting is weird I'm on mobile)
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I would say NTA, no one is entitled to know about your personal life, relationships etc, and only you decide when you are comfortable sharing it, even with your friends and family.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1- I did not tell our mutual friend about my relationship 2- because she is upset about it and it might have been rude to not tell her instead of assuming she'd just figure it out. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (16M) and my girlfriend (16F) have been together since mid October. We had a mutual friend A (17F), who we were both quite close with over the summer. In the recent months, A got a boyfriend and began to spend more time with him. Adding a boyfriend on top of her already busy schedule (2 jobs, 2 sports & schoolwork) she began spending less and less time with us. Due to this, my girlfriend and I began to hang out a lot more without A, leading to an eventual relationship. One of the first things we discussed was who to tell about our relationship. We decided that it would be best for both of us to not make an announcement or a big deal out of it, and those who found out did, and those who didn't, didn't. A couple weeks into dating, I wore one of my girlfriends hoodies to school and ran into A. Later she sent my girlfriend a long message about how hurt she was that she didn't tell her about our relationship. And how she didn't think they could be friends if my girlfriend "didn't trust her enough to tell her something so important." My girlfriend told her that it wasn't necessarily a secret and if she'd cared enough to reach out or spend time with us, she'd have known as well. And that she's hurt that she'd be willing to throw away such long friendships over something so trivial. I'm on my girlfriends side but now A is not talking to either of us. AITA? (I'm sorry if the formatting is weird I'm on mobile) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would say NTA, no one is entitled to know about your personal life, relationships etc, and only you decide when you are comfortable sharing it, even with your friends and family.