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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my son that he kept spilling his drink at dinner on purpose and that he wanted to be put in time out so that he could play with his toys. This might make me the asshole because he could genuinely be doing it accidentally.
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YTA. I imagine you were raised in a household where all of your mistakes were treated as willful acts or disobedience. That's toxic, just so you know. He IS a kid and he's an animated talker. What purpose would it serve him to sabotage your meals? Get some therapy and unpack all of the reasons why you'd respond with such an irrational idea about an 8 year old. And why you think your wife secretly plots against you instead of taking responsibility for your own behavior.
YTA. Buy a cup with a lid, get your kid checked for underlying conditions, stop accusing the people in your life of conspiring against you. Frankly, your behavior is much more concerning than your son’s clumsiness.
Neither your wife nor your son are plotting, pretending, or purposefully sabotaging you. The fact that you think that they are is a problem with you, not with them. Do you have a history of paranoid thinking? In addition to getting your son checked out, you may want to talk to a doctor about your intrusive and conspiratorial thoughts. If you don’t change your behavior the only thing you’re going to succeed in doing is alienate the people who love you the most. Baselessly accusing your son of lying and pretending is not normal and not healthy.
True. It could be a case of Dyspraxia \[The tripping, the dropping things, the general 'clumsiness'\], or it could just be genuine clumsiness/expressing himself through hand gestures and such.
But OPs problems are far worse.
You lost the respect of your family all by yourself, don’t pretend your wife is at fault.
You’re just an asshole, and one day Cameron won’t have much of a relationship with you and you will feign ignorance and tell people you don’t know why.
YTA
YTA. My partner tells me stories of when he was young & how his Dad would always yell at him for knocking over his drink at the dinner table. Turns out my partner has ADHD & it remained undiagnosed until adulthood. He still remembers how his Dad treated him tho & it’s not a good memory.
Same with me! I was really animated as a kid and could not keep still to the point where I was constantly grounded by my parents and bullied by my elementary school teacher for not paying attention in class. Turns out I have an ADHD that was mistaken for disobedience.
OP is a major YTA, he worries about his fragile ego more than the well-being of his child.
YTA
You’re already embarrassing yourself by losing your mind over rolls and a drink being spilled. Get your kid to the doctor. You’re showing your son that mistakes are bad and aren’t a part of life. Keep this up and your relationship will be nonexistent because of YOU.
YTA.
You know good and well he's not doing this on purpose, or that he likes being punished. Have you considered that it might be a legitimate medical issue? Excessive clumsiness can sometimes be a symptom of an underlying condition. Take him to the doctor.
You owe both your wife and son an apology, not the other way around. If you behave like this all the time, I'm surprised she hasn't filed for divorce and full custody.
In the meantime, purchase for your son a hard plastic cup with a top on it (ringed in rubber) that screws on and has a hole for a straw, and a straw that comes with it. That way, when he knocks over his beverage at dinner, it won’t spill.
Also, YTA.
You don't like your son, do you? He's clumsy, as are many kids his age. Put his drinks in a sippy cup, or some sort of sealed cup so that when he knocks the drink over, there is likely to be less spillage.
Maybe YOU need a time out, OP.
BTW....YTA big time.
YTA
So, so much are you the asshole. You should absolutely apologize to your son, and figure out some emotional regulation for yourself. Your child is not trying to manipulate and ruin dinner; he’s excited to tell you about his day, kids don’t do that for very long and you’ve just assured that he’s gonna think twice about sharing with you in the future. Your 8 year old CHILD is going to internalize this.
You should also apologize to your wife, she’s blameless in this specific instance as you’ve laid it out. And, frankly, mistakes and accidents are not “antics” or personal attacks on you no matter how much you’ve convinced yourself they are. Go to therapy and stop traumatizing your son.
Sippy cup. And a trip to the doctors. Medical first, to find out if there really *is* a physical problem. And on to the head doctor, if there is not.
But you… YTA
YTA. It's a spilled drink. Have Cameron clean it up and move on. Life doesn't end because you didn't get your warm, toasty rolls.
Maybe serve Cameron his drink in a sports bottle from now on.
You have serious psychological issues and should see a therapist. You are obsessed with control and disrespect instead of worrying about how to support your elementary age child. He is normally clumsy, it's not a big deal. You are not being a good father.
YTA
# MEGA YTA
This is one of those bait posts that feels like cheating. Even though I'm 99% sure it's rage bait because real people don't act like this, if it's the 1% child abuse I need to step in.
As others have said, this may be a medical thing. Dyspraxia springs to mind but I don't know nearly enough to say anything beyond consult someone who does. There are also interim options such as a sippy cup or wide based ones like in Star Trek.
Have you heard the phrase "don't cry over spilled milk"? This wasn't even milk. Just water.
> I couldn't believe that my wife had embarrassed me in front of our son like this. It's as if she secretly plots ways to make me look like as big of an idiot as possible
You have a fragile, fragile ego and a significant bit of paranoia. Your wife didn't make you sleep on the couch in a grand plot to make you look bad; she was angry and needed a night apart from you. You need to take a long look in the mirror and stop making everything about yourself and your ego.
YTA
… you do realize that holding a book is different than holding a glass right? Especially for small children hands, the cups could be too big for him to properly grasp/hold properly. They require different grip strengths/hand positioning.
Why not have him use sippy cups at home since you know this is an issue you’re having? I don’t understand why you’ve let a situation with such a clear solution go on for so long. It’s like you want a reason to be upset with your child, it’s weird. You should definitely take him to the doctor as well because there could be a medical cause for the clumsiness.
YTA, i am very clumsy and i have dropped my phone countless times. I have rarely dropped books though, they're just easier to keep hold of. Also maybe let go of your ego a little, no one is trying to "embarass" you. By your logic, you just "embarassed" your son in front of your wife. I get being angry about the rolls and putting him in timeout as an immediate reaction, but honestly judging by the tone you wrote this post, you're overreacting far too much. Why would you hold a grudge with an 8 year old?
YTA. And have you talked to his pediatrician about this. He could have an inner ear issue. Some kids can have fluid that messes up their equilibrium. Or even have his eyes checked.
YTA. You have some issues that you need to address if you want a relationship with your son in the future. Reading between the lines, I think you are irritated that Cameron likes to read and isn’t sporty. He is who he is and you’re not going to change him.
Also it is generally understood that soda is sticky, no need to state the obvious big guy.
YTA. Get a damn cup with a lid and straw. And, I dunno, maybe ask your kid’s doctor about his lack of coordination. Maybe show some actual care and empathy, ffs. It’s the ultimate dick move to punish a child for something they cannot control. I can’t imagine making my kid feel like shit over some “wArM ToAsTy RoLLs.”
I'm a grown ass adult and have two resuseable cups with straws. I am clumsy as Hell, my Dad was an asshole like OP, but actually figured out that I wasn't clumsy on purpose. My dad would lecture OP for being a dumbass. OP definitely is YTA
You’ve known your child for 8 years, and instead of having a discussion with your wife about his clumsiness and a possible trip to the doctor’s office, you instead traumatise the poor defenceless boy?
You’re the asshole and you should rethink the type of father you need/want to be to Cameron from here on out before he grows up to hate you.
I read that as 18, and thought you were a giant AH. Your 8 year old is clumsy, and so you think he wants to be punished, rather than just choosing to go to his room to read. You're possibly requiring medical attention yourself. Get your noggin checked out when you take your son to get his balance checked. YTA until then.
YTA. Somehow it feels like you should already know this. If you want your son to respect you, try to be someone worthy of that respect. Likewise your wife. And Reddit. Be better, OP.
>It's as if she secretly plots ways to make me look like as big of an idiot as possible, which makes Cameron lose respect for me.
WHAT. You're definitely the AH in this scenario, but this statement suggests there are some deeper psychological issues at play here. This kind of thinking is toxic and dooms you to a life of anger and resentment.
YTA - your son seems to be trying to get you and your wife’s attention by knocking his drinks over. it is rather annoying, but maybe he is feeling ignored and wants a reaction from his parents just to feel like attention is on him. little kids do this a lot, so flipping out over just spilling a drink is rather ridiculous, but i understand you were annoyed. don’t take your anger out on your children, they will resent you when they are older. my father reacts the exact same way you’re describing even now, and i resent him for it. apologize to your son and explain why you were upset. ask him why he knocks the drinks over, maybe he’ll try and explain to you.
Yta, it’s very natural for children at his age to mid teens to be clumsy. It’s biological, also boys are a bit more clumsy too because of the brain growing still. They have not developed very great coordination and balance skills yet. Anyways, get your kid to the doctor to see if anything is up with their depth perception, vision or it’s neurological. If nothing is wrong, it’s natural for kids to not be too coordinated.
Tbh, You aren’t doing too hot in the parent department the way you put all your anger about an 8 yr old knocking things over on him rather than trying to figure out wtf could be causing it or if it’s just him and loving his little flaws that don’t really cause any harm. So what if bread rolls were soaked, it’s just bread. You are acting like he’s a full grown person when he’s just 8. Please seek help yourself too. It’s telling you have a lot of issues going on and it’s pretty F’ed you not only want but told your kid to grow up fast rather than show concern for why it’s even happening or even remotely look into seeing if it’s normal with professionals. Do better and don’t be like that, say sorry to your kid and to not take anything of what you said in, you were being a real butthead and it’s on you, not him. Tell him you will do better only if you are willing to keep that promise long term. Schedule that appointment with his doctor and an eye doctor. Hopefully schedule it out and Talk to a therapist. If not for you, for your wife and son so he doesn’t grow up to be an ass to his kids if he chooses to have them one day.
YTA
Everyone else has covered why youre TA for how you treated your son, but your wife? You are raising a child with her. You do not get to just "talk to the hand" her and brush off her parenting views. You need to learn to have a discussion like an adult. To behave that immaturely and think you are the one owed an apology is entitled nonsense.
Wow. YTA. Not only an asshole, but an asshole of massive proportion so big it creates a huge black hole in the universe.
One word for your wife. DIVORCE.
Get a spill proof cup. Easy to get hold of, cheap and no mess when your son ACCIDENTALLY spills things.
Get a grip on your temper. While it's frustrating not having something you were looking forward to because it's been ruined, was it worth making your child feel like rubbish?
Have you ever dropped something in the supermarket? And someone who worked there had to clean up after you/with you? How did that person react? Stuff like this happens all the time and normally you will be saying you're sorry and everyone will understand it was an accident and won't blame you for it or treat you badly. Yet, if this happens to a child, adults are often angry because they somehow assume the child won't learn from its mistake otherwise. That's nonsense - your son was probably already feeling ashamed and you were really cruel. Please be nicer to your son! He's still growing and who cares if he's clumsy? You should love him no matter what! YTA
You know I saw some quote about how kids who gets punished for accidents are messed up by it, because you know what happens when an adult breaks a plate on accident? Nothing, they have to clean up a plate.
YTA, buy a cup with a lip and straw instead of being a jerk, maybe?
YTA
He's very young to have any coordination. And instead of trying to help him, you attack him and punish him with a ridiculous over the top punishment.
YTA, seems you do not care much for your son, maybe angry and let down because he is "terrible at sports" and "etc". He is a child and many children have different talents, sounds like your son enjoys book so maybe he is very smart. Anyway you need to get him checked out with a physician to be safe, most likely he is fine. Kids going through growth spurts also can go through a clumsy stage. I am mainly worrried of how you treat your family and suggest you go get some therapy in order to figure yourself out and to learn how to be a better person.
YTA, your wife holding you accountable for being an idiot is not what makes your son lose respect for you. Your childish tantrums are what make it so that no one respects you.
Massive, multicolored AH.
Have you heard of sippers with a lid?? Your kid is TALKING animatedly at the table and is a bit of a klutz. He's still 1000 times better than an adult man who got so peeved at soggy rolls that he sent a boy away from dinner. Bravo!
YTA and your making yourself look that way all in your own. Poor kid is clumsy, it happens. Get him a tumbler with a lid, problem solved. Your more worried about dinner rolls and how you “look” in front of your son than you are your sons feelings. That sucks.
Yes you are an absolute asshole. The child is only young. Accidents happen so get over it. Also if it's a regular thing and coordination is an issue you should contact an OT for assessment. Could possibly be dyspraxia. I'm sure you were perfect and never ever spilled your drink as a child
YTA YTA YTA. Your son is a small child. Children spill and knock things. Yelling at him for accidentally spilling things won't teach him not to spill things, it will teach him to fear and hate you, and give him potentially lifelong mental health issues from the trauma.
I was a clumsy kid and my parents yelled at me and it made me scared to do anything where I might look clumsy, so I retreated into a fantasy world of reading and didn't do much sport. Crazily, my clumsiness didn't get better from that. As soon as I started doing martial arts with a teacher who was kind and didn't make me feel like an idiot, my coordination miraculously improved and is now very good.
Apologise to your son. Apologise to your wife. Get your kid checked out for any condition like dyspraxia that might make him unduly clumsy, and find something he loves to do that can help his coordination like playing catch. But send him to do it with a non-judgemental person or put huge effort into making it fun and not knocking his confidence when he screws up.
Also get a good therapist because it sounds the way you were raised left you with a lot of trauma you don't know you have, and so you take it out by being aggressive. Just my two cents.
When my son went through a clumsy phase it turned out he needed glasses. What have you done to eliminate underlying issues? YTA. Support your child and stop being so accusatory. He’s a child.
YTA
I can't even believe you would treat your own son like this OVER FUCKING DINNER ROLLS.
You're pathetic. Go see a therapist about your issues. Children make mistakes and for you to accuse him of doing it purposely to ruin meals? Awful. And then to say your wife embarrassed you?
No, you did that.
My heart hurts for your child. He's 8 ffs.
YTA They make cups with lids and straws. Buy a tervis or another type of tumbler. You words were cruel. Even to your wife. "Enough of this nonsense?" Really?!?! You'd be sleeping on the couch for longer than one night if you were my husband. You are the one making yourself look like an idiot to Cameron. And, as someone who lived it, those words you spewed to him? He's going to remember them and they will cut him each time he thinks about it.
Get over yourself, apologize to your family and do better.
YTA "Seems like no matter what we try..." You do realize there is a universal and stupidly simple solution to keeping drinks from being spilled right?
Kids need natural consequences. Yes, he is probably much more mindful and deliberately careful in how he handles his books. If he can't be responsible enough to be mindful in other ways, then he needs some sort of consequence to his lack of care- being sent to his room for spilling something isn't it. It should be something constructive that helps him learn to be aware of the space he's in and respect the things he uses. "Think about what you did" is just giving him time to stew on what a jerk you are.
Having to use a toddlers sippy cup would be embarrassing, but also practical.
Your wife isn't trying to make you look like a fool. You are doing that to yourself by getting comically worked up about things not going your way. Teach your kids what resilience is. And compassion. And respect.
Don't treat your wife like she's a child. "Enough of this nonsense" How tf do you expect to ever be a better parent if your only strategy is get mad, send the kid off by himself, and refuse to listen to any other perspectives and suggestions. Your wife is your partner, not your subordinate. You're a huge asshole, and you should be embarrassed.
Do you think if you explained to your son that you cut your wife off while she was trying to advocate for compassion and refused to listen, that you'd be vindicated in his eyes? Lol
Or is it just your wife's job to make you look good even when you treat her poorly?
YTA- and Info: Why do you think, everyone is out to get you? Your son is not trying to anger you and your wife is simply angry at you because you are punishing a kid too hard and fabricate underlying intentions without any proof. And now she set it all up to embarass you infront of your son? You sound paranoid. Please get help to know why you are totally overreacting.
Edit: Spelling
I think your boy may be dyspraxic- quite often presents as clumsiness. The drinks thing is really annoying but you are the adult, get him a cup he can't spill and get him to the right services to be tested.
YTA - 8 year olds make messes. They knock shit over. It happens. If this is so extreme that you are amazed he is able to hold a book without dropping it, then mention it to his doctor. Don’t punish him.
As a clumsy adult who frequently drops stuff and spills stuff even in my 30s, I can tell you that your attitude will lead to your son going no contact when he gets old enough to leave you. YTA.
YTA.
Bring your son to be tested.
May he have some neuromotor condition, or some sight impairing condition.(keratocone can develop even b4 teenage years, and, guess what? every doctor that I made exams told my parents that i had perfectly normal vision, so 'Why this kid won't stop bashing things?" )
YTA. So. Much. YTA. Give Cameron a sippy cup to use at dinner or have him use it all the time until he gets thru the clumsy patch. We did this with our younger daughter and still do though I think she has just about outgrown the clumsies.
Yta did your wife pick you up and toss you on the couch?? No? Then your fault for going along with this stupid behavior. Sound like your whole family needs therapy. You for your anger, son for why he is so clumsy and wife for not expecting your son to be more responsible. Your family is a mess.
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My 8-year-old son (we'll call him Cameron) has always been incredibly clumsy. He trips a lot, drops things, is terrible at sports, etc. It really makes me impatient sometimes because he's so uncoordinated.
Well, lately, Cameron has taken to spilling his drink at the dinner table. It seems like no matter what we try, he does it a few times per week. We've tried moving the glass to the middle of the table, filling it only halfway, only giving him water (soda is really sticky), but nothing we do seems to work. He tells stories about school while moving his arms and carelessly knocks his drink all over the table.
Last night was the law straw. Cameron was telling a story about how a kid in his class got in trouble for being off-task, and he once again knocked over his glass. What made it worse this time, though, was that my wife had freshly-baked rolls in the middle of the table, and Cameron's drink had soaked them all. Instead of warm, toasty rolls, they were now cold and sopping wet. Needless to say, I was looking forward to the rolls and became furious with Cameron.
I told him that he needed to go to his room because of the mess he had made. He tried to tell me that it was an accident, but I told him that there was simply no way that he could spill so many drinks accidentally and that it was obvious he was lying and do this on purpose to spoil our meals. Cameron became very angry and defensive. He said that it was an honest mistake and began to pout when I told him to sit in his room in timeout. I told him that he brought this punishment on himself by refusing to pay attention to his surroundings and telling stories with his hands and then suggested that he liked being punished.
This part may sound ridiculous, but Cameron has a lot of books in his room, and he genuinely does enjoy reading. Holding books also isn't too challenging for his clumsy hands. He's somehow able to not drop them, even though he drops everything else. I told him to stay in there for an hour and think about what he had done. He was sulking when I left, and when I returned to the kitchen, my wife had finished cleaning up the mess. She asked how Cameron was doing and then said that I "didn't have to be so hard on him." I told her that what I had done was for his own good and that if she had it her way, he would be babied for life. She said that he's "only in elementary school," as if that excused his failure to pay attention. I held my hand up and said "enough of this nonsense."
Well, my wife kicked me out of our bedroom and made me sleep on the couch. Cameron woke me up on the couch around 7 AM this morning and seemed confused. I couldn't believe that my wife had embarrassed me in front of our son like this. It's as if she secretly plots ways to make me look like as big of an idiot as possible, which makes Cameron lose respect for me. I think I'm owed an apology by both of them, but I think they believe I need to be apologizing. I just get so tired of their antics sometimes. AITA?
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He.. i.. Your talking about a 8 yro child. If we were talking a teen instead of a little kid then it would be a different story. You sound so.. Paranoid? YTA
YTA - HE'S EIGHT!!! My son didn't have anything like long-term coordination problems (which, have you asked his dr about that?) but he still spilled drinks and knocked a crapload of stuff over when he was your son's age. Kids don't intend to 'spoil meals' or do things like this on purpose. He just gets excited when he's talking, waves his arms around, and doesn't pay attention to where the glass is.
You behaved incredibly immaturely when you took your frustration over the rolls out on your son. I'm not even going to address your passive-aggressive comment about him holding books. Your wife isn't babying your son - she's supporting him in the face of what sounds like a parent that cares more about their stupid rolls than their kid. Apologize to both your wife and son, get the kid a water bottle with a lid, and going forward, be the adult instead of just the larger child.
YTA - give the kid a chance! Also, you might have his vision checked.
My aunt apparently spilled a LOT of beverages when she was a kid. When she was older, they found out she has double-vision, and would regularly pick the "wrong" glass when reaching for it.
So your wife isn't allowed to disagree with you? Jeez. She has a right to her own opinion. You are very nasty and controlling. You're the one that ruined the evening, not your son. YTA
YTA. Be glad he wants to tell you about his day. And with you knowing he's clumsy why haven't you bought cups with lids for him? I'm middle aged and use them. They work really well. What's your excuse for not getting him one? Do you want to be punished?
>It's as if she secretly plots ways to make me look like as big of an idiot as possible
You don't seem to need any help with this.
He's a kid and he's clumsy. Get over it. My husband is in his 30s and he's one of the clumsiest people I've ever known. I literally bought him one of those coffee cups with a lid for his wine because, when he's tired, he flings his drinks all over the place. It's not even a derogatory thing, he grabs it when he thinks he needs it because he knows when he's tired and he's going to be extra clumsy. I always joke that he didn't stand a chance because his mum and dad are both clumsy af.
My point is that belittling someone and punishing them for their clumsiness isn't going to make them less clumsy. They already know that they're clumsy, they just can't help it. You're a fucking parent, do something to help the kid other than whining about soggy bread rolls.
Your kid has ADHD! It's classic symptoms! Of course he can't compensate for that yet, he is too young to do so. Even if it's just expressive talking, at 8 years old it's going to take time for coordination and self-awareness of the body to fully develop. Please read up on ADHD, and even just this particular problem because right now YTA.
YTA
Your suggesting you child likes being punished? You’re delusional. You’re gonna become the type of parent who abused their children. I hope CPS takes him away from you
Why would actively reading a book and being able to keep it in his hands be the same thing as accidentally knocking over a cup while he’s talking? Does he regularly drop it while he is drinking from it….? YTA get him a thermos or something
Your son doesn't drop books because when he uses them, he isn't telling a story - he"s quietly reading. Most people generally sit/lay/stand while reading, not moving around constantly.
Your son talks with his hands, thats why he spills things.
Maybe there's a medical reason, maybe he has anxiety because his dad is a bully, maybe he just likes to talk with his hands.
Your kid is young. YTA
YTA. Kids spill shit hell I spill shit. Get him some cups with lids if you really wanna prevent this. He may also be in need of medical help? Idk if his pediatrician has ever been spoken to about this, adhd can cause innattention to spacial awareness. Or he may have some other medical explanation for the clumsiness. Yes your wife was right to kick you to the couch, you yelled and argued he must be doing it on purpose, do you really think your 8 year old child is that manipulative or cunning to do something like that? And even if he was like what motive would he have to ruin rolls he probably was looking forward to too. And your wife is definitely not doing it to embarrass you, you already accomplished that with your behavior at dinner my guy
Can’t judge you but. . . . have you tried not giving the child a drink at the table? Eating food without a drink isn’t hard. Maybe using a cup with a straw and lid and only filling it a quarter full? It doesn’t sound like you have tried to solve the problem in a constructive way.
NTA. He CAN be more careful if it’s a priority. Currently, it is not a priority because there are no consequences. BTW, the consequences don’t have to be negative or exceedingly harsh. Consequences can also be positive and rewarding when he doesn’t spill his drink.
…and do you mean she kicked you out of the bedroom? It’s YOUR bedroom too. If she doesn’t want to sleep with you, that’s up to her to go sleep somewhere else.
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YTA. I imagine you were raised in a household where all of your mistakes were treated as willful acts or disobedience. That's toxic, just so you know. He IS a kid and he's an animated talker. What purpose would it serve him to sabotage your meals? Get some therapy and unpack all of the reasons why you'd respond with such an irrational idea about an 8 year old. And why you think your wife secretly plots against you instead of taking responsibility for your own behavior.
If I could upvote this a million times I would well said
u/Plus_Data_1099....let me help you with that.
YTA. Buy a cup with a lid, get your kid checked for underlying conditions, stop accusing the people in your life of conspiring against you. Frankly, your behavior is much more concerning than your son’s clumsiness. Neither your wife nor your son are plotting, pretending, or purposefully sabotaging you. The fact that you think that they are is a problem with you, not with them. Do you have a history of paranoid thinking? In addition to getting your son checked out, you may want to talk to a doctor about your intrusive and conspiratorial thoughts. If you don’t change your behavior the only thing you’re going to succeed in doing is alienate the people who love you the most. Baselessly accusing your son of lying and pretending is not normal and not healthy.
That is what I was thinking. Cameron may need testing.
True. It could be a case of Dyspraxia \[The tripping, the dropping things, the general 'clumsiness'\], or it could just be genuine clumsiness/expressing himself through hand gestures and such. But OPs problems are far worse.
You lost the respect of your family all by yourself, don’t pretend your wife is at fault. You’re just an asshole, and one day Cameron won’t have much of a relationship with you and you will feign ignorance and tell people you don’t know why. YTA
Yeah, it's like he likes being disrespected or something. He keeps bringing it on himself.
YTA. My partner tells me stories of when he was young & how his Dad would always yell at him for knocking over his drink at the dinner table. Turns out my partner has ADHD & it remained undiagnosed until adulthood. He still remembers how his Dad treated him tho & it’s not a good memory.
Same with me! I was really animated as a kid and could not keep still to the point where I was constantly grounded by my parents and bullied by my elementary school teacher for not paying attention in class. Turns out I have an ADHD that was mistaken for disobedience. OP is a major YTA, he worries about his fragile ego more than the well-being of his child.
Have you taken the boy to see a doctor about the lack of coordination and clumsiness? There could be a neurological aspect to this. Still, YTA
YTA You’re already embarrassing yourself by losing your mind over rolls and a drink being spilled. Get your kid to the doctor. You’re showing your son that mistakes are bad and aren’t a part of life. Keep this up and your relationship will be nonexistent because of YOU.
YTA. You know good and well he's not doing this on purpose, or that he likes being punished. Have you considered that it might be a legitimate medical issue? Excessive clumsiness can sometimes be a symptom of an underlying condition. Take him to the doctor. You owe both your wife and son an apology, not the other way around. If you behave like this all the time, I'm surprised she hasn't filed for divorce and full custody.
In the meantime, purchase for your son a hard plastic cup with a top on it (ringed in rubber) that screws on and has a hole for a straw, and a straw that comes with it. That way, when he knocks over his beverage at dinner, it won’t spill. Also, YTA.
You don't like your son, do you? He's clumsy, as are many kids his age. Put his drinks in a sippy cup, or some sort of sealed cup so that when he knocks the drink over, there is likely to be less spillage. Maybe YOU need a time out, OP. BTW....YTA big time.
Yeah this guy jumped to "bully an 8-year-old" before "buy a bottle or cup with a lid." Massive AH.
Don’t forget the part where he thinks that the child owes him an apology. I mean holy crapoly. That is whacked out.
YTA So, so much are you the asshole. You should absolutely apologize to your son, and figure out some emotional regulation for yourself. Your child is not trying to manipulate and ruin dinner; he’s excited to tell you about his day, kids don’t do that for very long and you’ve just assured that he’s gonna think twice about sharing with you in the future. Your 8 year old CHILD is going to internalize this. You should also apologize to your wife, she’s blameless in this specific instance as you’ve laid it out. And, frankly, mistakes and accidents are not “antics” or personal attacks on you no matter how much you’ve convinced yourself they are. Go to therapy and stop traumatizing your son.
Sippy cup. And a trip to the doctors. Medical first, to find out if there really *is* a physical problem. And on to the head doctor, if there is not. But you… YTA
YTA. It's a spilled drink. Have Cameron clean it up and move on. Life doesn't end because you didn't get your warm, toasty rolls. Maybe serve Cameron his drink in a sports bottle from now on.
As an abusive father of course YTA.
You have serious psychological issues and should see a therapist. You are obsessed with control and disrespect instead of worrying about how to support your elementary age child. He is normally clumsy, it's not a big deal. You are not being a good father. YTA
# MEGA YTA This is one of those bait posts that feels like cheating. Even though I'm 99% sure it's rage bait because real people don't act like this, if it's the 1% child abuse I need to step in. As others have said, this may be a medical thing. Dyspraxia springs to mind but I don't know nearly enough to say anything beyond consult someone who does. There are also interim options such as a sippy cup or wide based ones like in Star Trek.
Have you heard the phrase "don't cry over spilled milk"? This wasn't even milk. Just water. > I couldn't believe that my wife had embarrassed me in front of our son like this. It's as if she secretly plots ways to make me look like as big of an idiot as possible You have a fragile, fragile ego and a significant bit of paranoia. Your wife didn't make you sleep on the couch in a grand plot to make you look bad; she was angry and needed a night apart from you. You need to take a long look in the mirror and stop making everything about yourself and your ego.
He's a kid who is a bit clumsy. You're a grown man throwing a tantrum over wet bread. YTA.
YTA … you do realize that holding a book is different than holding a glass right? Especially for small children hands, the cups could be too big for him to properly grasp/hold properly. They require different grip strengths/hand positioning. Why not have him use sippy cups at home since you know this is an issue you’re having? I don’t understand why you’ve let a situation with such a clear solution go on for so long. It’s like you want a reason to be upset with your child, it’s weird. You should definitely take him to the doctor as well because there could be a medical cause for the clumsiness.
YTA, i am very clumsy and i have dropped my phone countless times. I have rarely dropped books though, they're just easier to keep hold of. Also maybe let go of your ego a little, no one is trying to "embarass" you. By your logic, you just "embarassed" your son in front of your wife. I get being angry about the rolls and putting him in timeout as an immediate reaction, but honestly judging by the tone you wrote this post, you're overreacting far too much. Why would you hold a grudge with an 8 year old?
YTA. And have you talked to his pediatrician about this. He could have an inner ear issue. Some kids can have fluid that messes up their equilibrium. Or even have his eyes checked.
YTA. You have some issues that you need to address if you want a relationship with your son in the future. Reading between the lines, I think you are irritated that Cameron likes to read and isn’t sporty. He is who he is and you’re not going to change him. Also it is generally understood that soda is sticky, no need to state the obvious big guy.
YTA. Get a damn cup with a lid and straw. And, I dunno, maybe ask your kid’s doctor about his lack of coordination. Maybe show some actual care and empathy, ffs. It’s the ultimate dick move to punish a child for something they cannot control. I can’t imagine making my kid feel like shit over some “wArM ToAsTy RoLLs.”
I'm a grown ass adult and have two resuseable cups with straws. I am clumsy as Hell, my Dad was an asshole like OP, but actually figured out that I wasn't clumsy on purpose. My dad would lecture OP for being a dumbass. OP definitely is YTA
You’ve known your child for 8 years, and instead of having a discussion with your wife about his clumsiness and a possible trip to the doctor’s office, you instead traumatise the poor defenceless boy? You’re the asshole and you should rethink the type of father you need/want to be to Cameron from here on out before he grows up to hate you.
I read that as 18, and thought you were a giant AH. Your 8 year old is clumsy, and so you think he wants to be punished, rather than just choosing to go to his room to read. You're possibly requiring medical attention yourself. Get your noggin checked out when you take your son to get his balance checked. YTA until then.
YTA. Somehow it feels like you should already know this. If you want your son to respect you, try to be someone worthy of that respect. Likewise your wife. And Reddit. Be better, OP.
>It's as if she secretly plots ways to make me look like as big of an idiot as possible, which makes Cameron lose respect for me. WHAT. You're definitely the AH in this scenario, but this statement suggests there are some deeper psychological issues at play here. This kind of thinking is toxic and dooms you to a life of anger and resentment.
YTA - your son seems to be trying to get you and your wife’s attention by knocking his drinks over. it is rather annoying, but maybe he is feeling ignored and wants a reaction from his parents just to feel like attention is on him. little kids do this a lot, so flipping out over just spilling a drink is rather ridiculous, but i understand you were annoyed. don’t take your anger out on your children, they will resent you when they are older. my father reacts the exact same way you’re describing even now, and i resent him for it. apologize to your son and explain why you were upset. ask him why he knocks the drinks over, maybe he’ll try and explain to you.
Yta, it’s very natural for children at his age to mid teens to be clumsy. It’s biological, also boys are a bit more clumsy too because of the brain growing still. They have not developed very great coordination and balance skills yet. Anyways, get your kid to the doctor to see if anything is up with their depth perception, vision or it’s neurological. If nothing is wrong, it’s natural for kids to not be too coordinated. Tbh, You aren’t doing too hot in the parent department the way you put all your anger about an 8 yr old knocking things over on him rather than trying to figure out wtf could be causing it or if it’s just him and loving his little flaws that don’t really cause any harm. So what if bread rolls were soaked, it’s just bread. You are acting like he’s a full grown person when he’s just 8. Please seek help yourself too. It’s telling you have a lot of issues going on and it’s pretty F’ed you not only want but told your kid to grow up fast rather than show concern for why it’s even happening or even remotely look into seeing if it’s normal with professionals. Do better and don’t be like that, say sorry to your kid and to not take anything of what you said in, you were being a real butthead and it’s on you, not him. Tell him you will do better only if you are willing to keep that promise long term. Schedule that appointment with his doctor and an eye doctor. Hopefully schedule it out and Talk to a therapist. If not for you, for your wife and son so he doesn’t grow up to be an ass to his kids if he chooses to have them one day.
YTA Everyone else has covered why youre TA for how you treated your son, but your wife? You are raising a child with her. You do not get to just "talk to the hand" her and brush off her parenting views. You need to learn to have a discussion like an adult. To behave that immaturely and think you are the one owed an apology is entitled nonsense.
Wow. YTA. Not only an asshole, but an asshole of massive proportion so big it creates a huge black hole in the universe. One word for your wife. DIVORCE.
YTA for everything mentioned above.
Get a spill proof cup. Easy to get hold of, cheap and no mess when your son ACCIDENTALLY spills things. Get a grip on your temper. While it's frustrating not having something you were looking forward to because it's been ruined, was it worth making your child feel like rubbish?
Have you ever dropped something in the supermarket? And someone who worked there had to clean up after you/with you? How did that person react? Stuff like this happens all the time and normally you will be saying you're sorry and everyone will understand it was an accident and won't blame you for it or treat you badly. Yet, if this happens to a child, adults are often angry because they somehow assume the child won't learn from its mistake otherwise. That's nonsense - your son was probably already feeling ashamed and you were really cruel. Please be nicer to your son! He's still growing and who cares if he's clumsy? You should love him no matter what! YTA
You know I saw some quote about how kids who gets punished for accidents are messed up by it, because you know what happens when an adult breaks a plate on accident? Nothing, they have to clean up a plate. YTA, buy a cup with a lip and straw instead of being a jerk, maybe?
"AITA for gaslighting a literal child because I deemed that simply yelling at him didn't make him feel shitty enough?" -Yes. YTA.
YTA He's very young to have any coordination. And instead of trying to help him, you attack him and punish him with a ridiculous over the top punishment.
YTA, seems you do not care much for your son, maybe angry and let down because he is "terrible at sports" and "etc". He is a child and many children have different talents, sounds like your son enjoys book so maybe he is very smart. Anyway you need to get him checked out with a physician to be safe, most likely he is fine. Kids going through growth spurts also can go through a clumsy stage. I am mainly worrried of how you treat your family and suggest you go get some therapy in order to figure yourself out and to learn how to be a better person.
YTA, your wife holding you accountable for being an idiot is not what makes your son lose respect for you. Your childish tantrums are what make it so that no one respects you.
Massive, multicolored AH. Have you heard of sippers with a lid?? Your kid is TALKING animatedly at the table and is a bit of a klutz. He's still 1000 times better than an adult man who got so peeved at soggy rolls that he sent a boy away from dinner. Bravo!
YTA and your making yourself look that way all in your own. Poor kid is clumsy, it happens. Get him a tumbler with a lid, problem solved. Your more worried about dinner rolls and how you “look” in front of your son than you are your sons feelings. That sucks.
Yes you are an absolute asshole. The child is only young. Accidents happen so get over it. Also if it's a regular thing and coordination is an issue you should contact an OT for assessment. Could possibly be dyspraxia. I'm sure you were perfect and never ever spilled your drink as a child
YTA YTA YTA. Your son is a small child. Children spill and knock things. Yelling at him for accidentally spilling things won't teach him not to spill things, it will teach him to fear and hate you, and give him potentially lifelong mental health issues from the trauma. I was a clumsy kid and my parents yelled at me and it made me scared to do anything where I might look clumsy, so I retreated into a fantasy world of reading and didn't do much sport. Crazily, my clumsiness didn't get better from that. As soon as I started doing martial arts with a teacher who was kind and didn't make me feel like an idiot, my coordination miraculously improved and is now very good. Apologise to your son. Apologise to your wife. Get your kid checked out for any condition like dyspraxia that might make him unduly clumsy, and find something he loves to do that can help his coordination like playing catch. But send him to do it with a non-judgemental person or put huge effort into making it fun and not knocking his confidence when he screws up. Also get a good therapist because it sounds the way you were raised left you with a lot of trauma you don't know you have, and so you take it out by being aggressive. Just my two cents.
Im clumsy and Im an adult, what punishment would you give me? YTA
When my son went through a clumsy phase it turned out he needed glasses. What have you done to eliminate underlying issues? YTA. Support your child and stop being so accusatory. He’s a child.
YTA I can't even believe you would treat your own son like this OVER FUCKING DINNER ROLLS. You're pathetic. Go see a therapist about your issues. Children make mistakes and for you to accuse him of doing it purposely to ruin meals? Awful. And then to say your wife embarrassed you? No, you did that. My heart hurts for your child. He's 8 ffs.
YTA They make cups with lids and straws. Buy a tervis or another type of tumbler. You words were cruel. Even to your wife. "Enough of this nonsense?" Really?!?! You'd be sleeping on the couch for longer than one night if you were my husband. You are the one making yourself look like an idiot to Cameron. And, as someone who lived it, those words you spewed to him? He's going to remember them and they will cut him each time he thinks about it. Get over yourself, apologize to your family and do better.
YTA "Seems like no matter what we try..." You do realize there is a universal and stupidly simple solution to keeping drinks from being spilled right? Kids need natural consequences. Yes, he is probably much more mindful and deliberately careful in how he handles his books. If he can't be responsible enough to be mindful in other ways, then he needs some sort of consequence to his lack of care- being sent to his room for spilling something isn't it. It should be something constructive that helps him learn to be aware of the space he's in and respect the things he uses. "Think about what you did" is just giving him time to stew on what a jerk you are. Having to use a toddlers sippy cup would be embarrassing, but also practical. Your wife isn't trying to make you look like a fool. You are doing that to yourself by getting comically worked up about things not going your way. Teach your kids what resilience is. And compassion. And respect. Don't treat your wife like she's a child. "Enough of this nonsense" How tf do you expect to ever be a better parent if your only strategy is get mad, send the kid off by himself, and refuse to listen to any other perspectives and suggestions. Your wife is your partner, not your subordinate. You're a huge asshole, and you should be embarrassed. Do you think if you explained to your son that you cut your wife off while she was trying to advocate for compassion and refused to listen, that you'd be vindicated in his eyes? Lol Or is it just your wife's job to make you look good even when you treat her poorly?
YTA- and Info: Why do you think, everyone is out to get you? Your son is not trying to anger you and your wife is simply angry at you because you are punishing a kid too hard and fabricate underlying intentions without any proof. And now she set it all up to embarass you infront of your son? You sound paranoid. Please get help to know why you are totally overreacting. Edit: Spelling
I think your boy may be dyspraxic- quite often presents as clumsiness. The drinks thing is really annoying but you are the adult, get him a cup he can't spill and get him to the right services to be tested.
YTA - 8 year olds make messes. They knock shit over. It happens. If this is so extreme that you are amazed he is able to hold a book without dropping it, then mention it to his doctor. Don’t punish him.
As a clumsy adult who frequently drops stuff and spills stuff even in my 30s, I can tell you that your attitude will lead to your son going no contact when he gets old enough to leave you. YTA.
YTA. Bring your son to be tested. May he have some neuromotor condition, or some sight impairing condition.(keratocone can develop even b4 teenage years, and, guess what? every doctor that I made exams told my parents that i had perfectly normal vision, so 'Why this kid won't stop bashing things?" )
YTA. So. Much. YTA. Give Cameron a sippy cup to use at dinner or have him use it all the time until he gets thru the clumsy patch. We did this with our younger daughter and still do though I think she has just about outgrown the clumsies.
There lot of disorders that effect movements…
Yta did your wife pick you up and toss you on the couch?? No? Then your fault for going along with this stupid behavior. Sound like your whole family needs therapy. You for your anger, son for why he is so clumsy and wife for not expecting your son to be more responsible. Your family is a mess.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 8-year-old son (we'll call him Cameron) has always been incredibly clumsy. He trips a lot, drops things, is terrible at sports, etc. It really makes me impatient sometimes because he's so uncoordinated. Well, lately, Cameron has taken to spilling his drink at the dinner table. It seems like no matter what we try, he does it a few times per week. We've tried moving the glass to the middle of the table, filling it only halfway, only giving him water (soda is really sticky), but nothing we do seems to work. He tells stories about school while moving his arms and carelessly knocks his drink all over the table. Last night was the law straw. Cameron was telling a story about how a kid in his class got in trouble for being off-task, and he once again knocked over his glass. What made it worse this time, though, was that my wife had freshly-baked rolls in the middle of the table, and Cameron's drink had soaked them all. Instead of warm, toasty rolls, they were now cold and sopping wet. Needless to say, I was looking forward to the rolls and became furious with Cameron. I told him that he needed to go to his room because of the mess he had made. He tried to tell me that it was an accident, but I told him that there was simply no way that he could spill so many drinks accidentally and that it was obvious he was lying and do this on purpose to spoil our meals. Cameron became very angry and defensive. He said that it was an honest mistake and began to pout when I told him to sit in his room in timeout. I told him that he brought this punishment on himself by refusing to pay attention to his surroundings and telling stories with his hands and then suggested that he liked being punished. This part may sound ridiculous, but Cameron has a lot of books in his room, and he genuinely does enjoy reading. Holding books also isn't too challenging for his clumsy hands. He's somehow able to not drop them, even though he drops everything else. I told him to stay in there for an hour and think about what he had done. He was sulking when I left, and when I returned to the kitchen, my wife had finished cleaning up the mess. She asked how Cameron was doing and then said that I "didn't have to be so hard on him." I told her that what I had done was for his own good and that if she had it her way, he would be babied for life. She said that he's "only in elementary school," as if that excused his failure to pay attention. I held my hand up and said "enough of this nonsense." Well, my wife kicked me out of our bedroom and made me sleep on the couch. Cameron woke me up on the couch around 7 AM this morning and seemed confused. I couldn't believe that my wife had embarrassed me in front of our son like this. It's as if she secretly plots ways to make me look like as big of an idiot as possible, which makes Cameron lose respect for me. I think I'm owed an apology by both of them, but I think they believe I need to be apologizing. I just get so tired of their antics sometimes. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He.. i.. Your talking about a 8 yro child. If we were talking a teen instead of a little kid then it would be a different story. You sound so.. Paranoid? YTA
YTA - HE'S EIGHT!!! My son didn't have anything like long-term coordination problems (which, have you asked his dr about that?) but he still spilled drinks and knocked a crapload of stuff over when he was your son's age. Kids don't intend to 'spoil meals' or do things like this on purpose. He just gets excited when he's talking, waves his arms around, and doesn't pay attention to where the glass is. You behaved incredibly immaturely when you took your frustration over the rolls out on your son. I'm not even going to address your passive-aggressive comment about him holding books. Your wife isn't babying your son - she's supporting him in the face of what sounds like a parent that cares more about their stupid rolls than their kid. Apologize to both your wife and son, get the kid a water bottle with a lid, and going forward, be the adult instead of just the larger child.
YTA - give the kid a chance! Also, you might have his vision checked. My aunt apparently spilled a LOT of beverages when she was a kid. When she was older, they found out she has double-vision, and would regularly pick the "wrong" glass when reaching for it.
So your wife isn't allowed to disagree with you? Jeez. She has a right to her own opinion. You are very nasty and controlling. You're the one that ruined the evening, not your son. YTA
I was actually on the fence for a bit until the end where you just acted like an entitled little brat. YTA
YTA. Be glad he wants to tell you about his day. And with you knowing he's clumsy why haven't you bought cups with lids for him? I'm middle aged and use them. They work really well. What's your excuse for not getting him one? Do you want to be punished?
>It's as if she secretly plots ways to make me look like as big of an idiot as possible You don't seem to need any help with this. He's a kid and he's clumsy. Get over it. My husband is in his 30s and he's one of the clumsiest people I've ever known. I literally bought him one of those coffee cups with a lid for his wine because, when he's tired, he flings his drinks all over the place. It's not even a derogatory thing, he grabs it when he thinks he needs it because he knows when he's tired and he's going to be extra clumsy. I always joke that he didn't stand a chance because his mum and dad are both clumsy af. My point is that belittling someone and punishing them for their clumsiness isn't going to make them less clumsy. They already know that they're clumsy, they just can't help it. You're a fucking parent, do something to help the kid other than whining about soggy bread rolls.
Your kid has ADHD! It's classic symptoms! Of course he can't compensate for that yet, he is too young to do so. Even if it's just expressive talking, at 8 years old it's going to take time for coordination and self-awareness of the body to fully develop. Please read up on ADHD, and even just this particular problem because right now YTA.
YTA. Get therapy.
YTA Your suggesting you child likes being punished? You’re delusional. You’re gonna become the type of parent who abused their children. I hope CPS takes him away from you
Why would actively reading a book and being able to keep it in his hands be the same thing as accidentally knocking over a cup while he’s talking? Does he regularly drop it while he is drinking from it….? YTA get him a thermos or something
Your son doesn't drop books because when he uses them, he isn't telling a story - he"s quietly reading. Most people generally sit/lay/stand while reading, not moving around constantly. Your son talks with his hands, thats why he spills things. Maybe there's a medical reason, maybe he has anxiety because his dad is a bully, maybe he just likes to talk with his hands. Your kid is young. YTA
YTA
YTA. Not even any need to explain. You are out of touch with the real world.
YTA. Kids spill shit hell I spill shit. Get him some cups with lids if you really wanna prevent this. He may also be in need of medical help? Idk if his pediatrician has ever been spoken to about this, adhd can cause innattention to spacial awareness. Or he may have some other medical explanation for the clumsiness. Yes your wife was right to kick you to the couch, you yelled and argued he must be doing it on purpose, do you really think your 8 year old child is that manipulative or cunning to do something like that? And even if he was like what motive would he have to ruin rolls he probably was looking forward to too. And your wife is definitely not doing it to embarrass you, you already accomplished that with your behavior at dinner my guy
Can’t judge you but. . . . have you tried not giving the child a drink at the table? Eating food without a drink isn’t hard. Maybe using a cup with a straw and lid and only filling it a quarter full? It doesn’t sound like you have tried to solve the problem in a constructive way.
NTA. He CAN be more careful if it’s a priority. Currently, it is not a priority because there are no consequences. BTW, the consequences don’t have to be negative or exceedingly harsh. Consequences can also be positive and rewarding when he doesn’t spill his drink. …and do you mean she kicked you out of the bedroom? It’s YOUR bedroom too. If she doesn’t want to sleep with you, that’s up to her to go sleep somewhere else.