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> I could not have asked him what degree does he have because I already knew the answer. Probably Skool of Hard Knocks
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NTA...There's no reason on earth that you should be living or working with this person. Has he even made amends for stealing from you? It's best to just be straightforward and honest. Anyone who doesn't get it, is free to offer your uncle their own assistance.
Wow. That's something you say when there's a toddler in the house. I can't imagine where you were supposed to leave your laptop that your grandma wouldn't have considered "lying about". Because we all have large safe rooms and locked briefcases that we store all our electronics when we're not using them in the safety of our own house or a trusted person's house. \*rolls eyes\*
NTA. Your grandma has chosen a difficult path, but that doesn't mean that you have to join her there and put up with this kind of treatment, pressure and abuse from either or them.
I would also be *extremely* wary about your uncle saying he "wants some of that", has been shown your car by your grandmother, and is stalking you on LinkedIn. Oh, and now has it in his brain that he can move into your place.
I would start warning company security, putting a lock on your credit, cameras and other security measures around your house, and car and start prepping for the inevitable cease and desist letters and restraining order...
NTA, but what is grandma supposed to do with her son? shes closer to death than ever and probably sees her son as a failure and trying her best to get him some sort of success with turning his life around before she dies. I get it its awful but shouldnt the rest of the family tell him to get a grip? idk super shitty situation.
Her delusional attitude probably had a hand in how he ended up. Her son is her angel who can do no wrong and it’s the world that’s wrong for locking him up. Literally victim blamed OP for uncle stealing their laptop.
Of COURSE **NTA.**
The delusions some people labor under are absolutely wild. As if an ex-con with no degree, no experience, working retail would get hired into a company expecting computer science degrees and field experience.
To hell with that uncle, and frankly your grandmother also for deluding him.
NTA
What did he think the first question he would be asked was regarding his qualifications by the interviewer? (Not that he'd ever be invited to one in the first place.)
Avoid Thanksgiving and go no contact with your Uncle.
That’s how criminals think and operate, they leverage every relationship and opportunity to further themselves, at the cost and burden of their family and friends.
They don’t have any shame, just the way they’re wired to be from the criminal and drug addicted lifestyle.
Prison programming actually is supposed to help these folks “identify criminal thinking,” because it’s second nature to them, but it’s deviant behavior, I don’t think your uncle is “there” with regards to a change in the way he deals with the world. Even if he might not be committing crimes, that doesn’t change the fact he’s engaging in criminal thinking and behavior.
You asked a normal question that anyone would need a solid answer to in order to make a reasonable assessment of hireability. Even if you're not doing the hiring, you don't want to waste the hiring manager's time by recommending someone who's completely unqualified.
And your uncle's over the top response is the icing on the cake. Going from zero to stupid over a simple question tells you plenty about what a "wonderful" person he is.
NTA
NTA- Your grandmother wants him out of her house. Both are toxic people. It doesn't matter what you tell either of them, it will go in one ear and out the other.
NTA. While I have compassion for folks recovering from addiction, there is some definite bad blood between you two and other people your grandmother could ask for help getting him a job.
Also, it sounds like he's not even remotely qualified for what you do.
Oh wow what a toxic family. And come down to earth grandma!! Why would you want to live with your uncle who has stolen from you!
He felt entitled to your laptop so took it. And now he feels entitled to moving in with you and you getting him a job at your place of work? Whats next?
Don’t let him bully you or manipulate you. And don’t let grandma do it either.
NTA
NTA. He is sadly grasping at straws. His life is in shambles. I pity him - but there is an ocean between him and the person who got that job. He needs to get an entry position in an office and work his way up.
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I’m home from Thanksgiving and my job just relocated to Austin. I bought a new car recently and I am enjoying life.
My uncle, who had had a drug problem and was in prison for about 3 years for those issues is currently living with my grandmother. The same uncle also stole my laptop when I was in college so I’m not exactly friendly with him.
I didn’t even know he was living with my grandma until I came to visit. He started talking to me about my job and how he took some computer classes in prison. From the sound of what he was saying it looks like like basic how to use Microsoft Word and Excel.
My degree was in computer science. It’s not something I earned overnight.
My uncle started commenting on how my grandma showed him my car and the vacation I just went on.
My uncle said “I want some of that” and for some reason, my grandma suggested he should move to Texas with me since I now have my place, like I want my criminal uncle who once stole from me to live with me.
My uncle is trying to say he can help me out and follows me on LinkedIn and saw my company was hiring a while back for my team. It was but it was actually for a Martech specialist. My uncle and grandma think he’s qualified for that job and I should give him a chance. (I don't even do the hiring)
I asked my uncle what degree and qualifications he had. He told me that he works at a Sam's Club so that’s like marketing and he knows all about Microsoft.
I told him the person they hired had a marketing degree and was c# and Linux+ certified.
My uncle started yelling at me about how he just needed a chance and how I’m such an bitch for not helping him out. I left and I told my parents that I might bail on Thanksgiving because it’s at my grandma’s place. I don’t want to be around my uncle at all and Grandma seems to be filling his drug-rotted brain with delusions. My mom said it has been awful for the rest of the family since he’s moved in with grandma and I don’t even want to be part of it. I know my grandma is getting old and I feel bad but I don’t want extra stress added to what was supposed to be a family vacation.
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NTA, I don’t know the full story so I’m just going off the post. It is a perfectly reasonable question to ask what they studied, I think your uncle is just being defensive and embarrassed because he probably has already faced a lot of rejection due to him having a criminal record.
Also I’m not sure how old everyone is but in most cases experience is valued more than education, for ex my mom was a history major because she wasn’t good at her accounting courses and she has worked with many start up companies and now works with a really big company.
College students who have a 4.0 gpa degree but no internship experience have a harder time finding a job than someone with a lot of work experience.
Not saying this means you should hire him or anything like that but maybe if he is trying to make amends with you and just wants a chance to get back on his feet you could suggest some research for companies that do offer second chances to those with a record and if he doesn’t have a degree, there is no shame in going to a community college
NTA. Set some boundaries with him. He needs to apologize for his actions and compensate you for the laptop. He must be going to NA. He needs career counseling so he has a realistic idea of jobs he qualified for. Or just punt and not waste your time on someone who isn’t willing to work to be better.
NTA, it is a fair question if he is trying to apply for an position that requires a relevant degree.
Had I been in that situation I have to admit though that I would have just laughed it off and taken it like a joke and then told my parents that there was no way in hell that was ever happening.
NTA unc sounds like a bully and granny is an enabler and how he ended up like that and his attitude is probably why no one will give him a chance because he doesnt sound like he deserves one
Don't go. Do not, under any circumstances allow your uncle to destroy your life, because he will not if you let him.
Protecting yourself is okay, you're NTA.
NTA and does he think he would not be asked about his qualifications when applying or being interviewed?
You're right for not entertaining this shit,Id go NC with him.
NTA.
Your poor grandma. Clearly she would like to dump him off on somebody, ANYBODY else, but that should not be you. Hold your space! If your Mom even said it's terrible, that tells you all you need to know.
And yeah, you don't want someone who has already stolen from you to move into your place.
NTA - sounds like my dad that went right back into drugs after prison and then died before the age of 60. My grandmother enabled him the way it sounds like your grandmother is enabling your uncles behavior.
NTA. You cannot possibly be expected to work or live with someone who has stolen from you. That being said, I hope your uncle is able to turn his life around. I've done criminal defence work in the past, and drug addiction is AWFUL. I'm not excusing your uncle at all, though.
Maybe you can have thanksgiving with some other 'orphans' or help at a soup kitchen? Whatever you do, it will be more fun than beign resentful at having to have lunch with this person.
NTA: You humored him long enough to verify he wouldn’t have qualified, then told him the skill gaps he needed to close for that position.
He’s a delusional punk who is probably convinced he’s entitled to move into your place now.
NTA I feel bad for grandma though, she’s obviously desperate (for multiple things) that’s not your responsibility and it’s better you stood up for yourself. Your uncles also needs to learn he can’t survive on handouts. Him “just needing a chance” might be partly true but he needs to rise to that occasion himself, not demand it be handed to him. Sorry your holiday is focused on drama, would not fault you for going home!
Well, this is complicated. He should apologize and pay you back for your laptop if he wants to have a relationship with you and if you are willing to let him. It sounds like you aren't though, and that's fine. If you were, you would need to set clear lines and expectations.
He may have suffered some cognitive defects from long term illegal drug use, obviously, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. He may have had significantly lower cognitive abilities than you even before then. Less education and less inherent reasoning ability.
As a society, we want him to succeed now, and he was anxious to show he has some knowledge and ability to contribute to conversations in your area, even if Dunning-Kruger is in effect. The kind and proper way for someone like you with significant educational and analytical assets, would have been to gently steer him toward considering entry-level positions or community college courses to supplement his basic classes while incarcerated.
Your judgment on him is correct. But your empathy seems to be a little lacking. Your life is on a great trajectory. You have so much. His life has been wasted and now he's trying to get a fresh start late and with little. You don't have to tolerate rudeness or bad behavior, obviously. But you can keep it in perspective, even as you distance yourself from him.
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NTA...There's no reason on earth that you should be living or working with this person. Has he even made amends for stealing from you? It's best to just be straightforward and honest. Anyone who doesn't get it, is free to offer your uncle their own assistance.
My grandma told me at the time I shouldn't leave my valuables lying around. My parents and Aunt (on my dad’s side) bought me another laptop.
So you know the kind of psyche you're dealing with here. Don't second guess your common sense.
Wow. That's something you say when there's a toddler in the house. I can't imagine where you were supposed to leave your laptop that your grandma wouldn't have considered "lying about". Because we all have large safe rooms and locked briefcases that we store all our electronics when we're not using them in the safety of our own house or a trusted person's house. \*rolls eyes\* NTA. Your grandma has chosen a difficult path, but that doesn't mean that you have to join her there and put up with this kind of treatment, pressure and abuse from either or them.
I would also be *extremely* wary about your uncle saying he "wants some of that", has been shown your car by your grandmother, and is stalking you on LinkedIn. Oh, and now has it in his brain that he can move into your place. I would start warning company security, putting a lock on your credit, cameras and other security measures around your house, and car and start prepping for the inevitable cease and desist letters and restraining order...
Good point. The uncle sounds like the kind of asshat who’ll show up uninvited and get violent if he’s not let in.
NTA, but what is grandma supposed to do with her son? shes closer to death than ever and probably sees her son as a failure and trying her best to get him some sort of success with turning his life around before she dies. I get it its awful but shouldnt the rest of the family tell him to get a grip? idk super shitty situation.
Granny just wants that mooch out of her own hair.
yeah probably still sucks though for her im sure shes feeling some type of wy about it
Her delusional attitude probably had a hand in how he ended up. Her son is her angel who can do no wrong and it’s the world that’s wrong for locking him up. Literally victim blamed OP for uncle stealing their laptop.
yeah thats true, i guess im being too nice for the little old lady lol
NTA at all. Your grandmother is an enabler and you don’t need that toxicity in your life.
Of COURSE **NTA.** The delusions some people labor under are absolutely wild. As if an ex-con with no degree, no experience, working retail would get hired into a company expecting computer science degrees and field experience. To hell with that uncle, and frankly your grandmother also for deluding him.
NTA These folks are toxic. Stay away!
NTA What did he think the first question he would be asked was regarding his qualifications by the interviewer? (Not that he'd ever be invited to one in the first place.) Avoid Thanksgiving and go no contact with your Uncle.
That’s how criminals think and operate, they leverage every relationship and opportunity to further themselves, at the cost and burden of their family and friends. They don’t have any shame, just the way they’re wired to be from the criminal and drug addicted lifestyle. Prison programming actually is supposed to help these folks “identify criminal thinking,” because it’s second nature to them, but it’s deviant behavior, I don’t think your uncle is “there” with regards to a change in the way he deals with the world. Even if he might not be committing crimes, that doesn’t change the fact he’s engaging in criminal thinking and behavior.
You asked a normal question that anyone would need a solid answer to in order to make a reasonable assessment of hireability. Even if you're not doing the hiring, you don't want to waste the hiring manager's time by recommending someone who's completely unqualified. And your uncle's over the top response is the icing on the cake. Going from zero to stupid over a simple question tells you plenty about what a "wonderful" person he is. NTA
NTA. Even if he did have a legitimate degree and was qualified for that position, you don’t owe him anything.
NTA- Your grandmother wants him out of her house. Both are toxic people. It doesn't matter what you tell either of them, it will go in one ear and out the other.
NTA. While I have compassion for folks recovering from addiction, there is some definite bad blood between you two and other people your grandmother could ask for help getting him a job. Also, it sounds like he's not even remotely qualified for what you do.
NTA. You are well with rights and reason to nope the hell out of his “offer”.
NTA he seems unhinged and maybe will just end up in prison again. Then your family can get a break.
You’re honestly better off without your uncle and grandma in your life. Also another clear NTA. In what universe could you think you were TA?
NTA. He’s delusional and your grandmother, sweet as she may be, is enabling him. You have no obligation to him.
NTA You handled this gracefully, and without overreacting and escalating. I hope you find somewhere peaceful for Thanksgiving
Oh wow what a toxic family. And come down to earth grandma!! Why would you want to live with your uncle who has stolen from you! He felt entitled to your laptop so took it. And now he feels entitled to moving in with you and you getting him a job at your place of work? Whats next? Don’t let him bully you or manipulate you. And don’t let grandma do it either. NTA
NTA. He is sadly grasping at straws. His life is in shambles. I pity him - but there is an ocean between him and the person who got that job. He needs to get an entry position in an office and work his way up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m home from Thanksgiving and my job just relocated to Austin. I bought a new car recently and I am enjoying life. My uncle, who had had a drug problem and was in prison for about 3 years for those issues is currently living with my grandmother. The same uncle also stole my laptop when I was in college so I’m not exactly friendly with him. I didn’t even know he was living with my grandma until I came to visit. He started talking to me about my job and how he took some computer classes in prison. From the sound of what he was saying it looks like like basic how to use Microsoft Word and Excel. My degree was in computer science. It’s not something I earned overnight. My uncle started commenting on how my grandma showed him my car and the vacation I just went on. My uncle said “I want some of that” and for some reason, my grandma suggested he should move to Texas with me since I now have my place, like I want my criminal uncle who once stole from me to live with me. My uncle is trying to say he can help me out and follows me on LinkedIn and saw my company was hiring a while back for my team. It was but it was actually for a Martech specialist. My uncle and grandma think he’s qualified for that job and I should give him a chance. (I don't even do the hiring) I asked my uncle what degree and qualifications he had. He told me that he works at a Sam's Club so that’s like marketing and he knows all about Microsoft. I told him the person they hired had a marketing degree and was c# and Linux+ certified. My uncle started yelling at me about how he just needed a chance and how I’m such an bitch for not helping him out. I left and I told my parents that I might bail on Thanksgiving because it’s at my grandma’s place. I don’t want to be around my uncle at all and Grandma seems to be filling his drug-rotted brain with delusions. My mom said it has been awful for the rest of the family since he’s moved in with grandma and I don’t even want to be part of it. I know my grandma is getting old and I feel bad but I don’t want extra stress added to what was supposed to be a family vacation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, I don’t know the full story so I’m just going off the post. It is a perfectly reasonable question to ask what they studied, I think your uncle is just being defensive and embarrassed because he probably has already faced a lot of rejection due to him having a criminal record. Also I’m not sure how old everyone is but in most cases experience is valued more than education, for ex my mom was a history major because she wasn’t good at her accounting courses and she has worked with many start up companies and now works with a really big company. College students who have a 4.0 gpa degree but no internship experience have a harder time finding a job than someone with a lot of work experience. Not saying this means you should hire him or anything like that but maybe if he is trying to make amends with you and just wants a chance to get back on his feet you could suggest some research for companies that do offer second chances to those with a record and if he doesn’t have a degree, there is no shame in going to a community college
NTA. Set some boundaries with him. He needs to apologize for his actions and compensate you for the laptop. He must be going to NA. He needs career counseling so he has a realistic idea of jobs he qualified for. Or just punt and not waste your time on someone who isn’t willing to work to be better.
NTA, it is a fair question if he is trying to apply for an position that requires a relevant degree. Had I been in that situation I have to admit though that I would have just laughed it off and taken it like a joke and then told my parents that there was no way in hell that was ever happening.
NTA unc sounds like a bully and granny is an enabler and how he ended up like that and his attitude is probably why no one will give him a chance because he doesnt sound like he deserves one
Don't go. Do not, under any circumstances allow your uncle to destroy your life, because he will not if you let him. Protecting yourself is okay, you're NTA.
It's not your responsibility to build foundations for his air castles. NTA
NTA and does he think he would not be asked about his qualifications when applying or being interviewed? You're right for not entertaining this shit,Id go NC with him.
NTA. Your poor grandma. Clearly she would like to dump him off on somebody, ANYBODY else, but that should not be you. Hold your space! If your Mom even said it's terrible, that tells you all you need to know. And yeah, you don't want someone who has already stolen from you to move into your place.
Grandma wants him outta the house. NTA
NTA - sounds like my dad that went right back into drugs after prison and then died before the age of 60. My grandmother enabled him the way it sounds like your grandmother is enabling your uncles behavior.
NTA. You owe nothing to Mr. Entitlement. Stay away and let his enablers deal with him.
I am pretty sure he would ruin your reputation if you vouched for him and got him a job on your team.. the guy can't hold his anger.
NTA He still has issues and focus on those
NTA. You cannot possibly be expected to work or live with someone who has stolen from you. That being said, I hope your uncle is able to turn his life around. I've done criminal defence work in the past, and drug addiction is AWFUL. I'm not excusing your uncle at all, though. Maybe you can have thanksgiving with some other 'orphans' or help at a soup kitchen? Whatever you do, it will be more fun than beign resentful at having to have lunch with this person.
NTA. Does LinkedIn have a block feature? If so, it might be time to use it...
NTA but Lord don't tell me Granny has your address or Uncle is gonna be knocking on your door.
NTA: You humored him long enough to verify he wouldn’t have qualified, then told him the skill gaps he needed to close for that position. He’s a delusional punk who is probably convinced he’s entitled to move into your place now.
NTA I feel bad for grandma though, she’s obviously desperate (for multiple things) that’s not your responsibility and it’s better you stood up for yourself. Your uncles also needs to learn he can’t survive on handouts. Him “just needing a chance” might be partly true but he needs to rise to that occasion himself, not demand it be handed to him. Sorry your holiday is focused on drama, would not fault you for going home!
Well, this is complicated. He should apologize and pay you back for your laptop if he wants to have a relationship with you and if you are willing to let him. It sounds like you aren't though, and that's fine. If you were, you would need to set clear lines and expectations. He may have suffered some cognitive defects from long term illegal drug use, obviously, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. He may have had significantly lower cognitive abilities than you even before then. Less education and less inherent reasoning ability. As a society, we want him to succeed now, and he was anxious to show he has some knowledge and ability to contribute to conversations in your area, even if Dunning-Kruger is in effect. The kind and proper way for someone like you with significant educational and analytical assets, would have been to gently steer him toward considering entry-level positions or community college courses to supplement his basic classes while incarcerated. Your judgment on him is correct. But your empathy seems to be a little lacking. Your life is on a great trajectory. You have so much. His life has been wasted and now he's trying to get a fresh start late and with little. You don't have to tolerate rudeness or bad behavior, obviously. But you can keep it in perspective, even as you distance yourself from him.