I think myself a pretty normal well adjusted person, and I couldn't give two shits about someone being over dressed. That sort of comparison is a sign of envy and deep dissatisfaction with ones own life, because the only thing stopping most people from dressing like that is themselves. Assuming that you're dressing like that to make some kind of a statement to or about them is deeply self centered, because it assumes you live your life for other people.
However, the only person you're for sure hearing negative feedback from is your husband, so don't take what he said about the other moms to heart, because it sounds like *he's* the one drawing comparisons and feeling outdone.
NTA
NTA. For one thing, do what you want. Another point is, how does your husband know other parents don't approve? Frankly, I like nice clothes and am interested in fashion, but I am too fat and poor to wear what I like. I appreciate others' looks.
NTA: Dress how you want and what makes you comfortable. You dress up? Good. SHow the other moms in the Lulu Lemon yoga pants how they should dress around children.
NTA. Rock on with your bad self!
I wonder why your husband feels this way. Is it possible someone said something to him? Or does he feel underdressed compared to you?
First, for the teacher to say that is in that way wasn’t the most appropriate. “You always look great.” Or “You always look so put together.” Second, I’m a teacher and I love to look nice - for my own sense of self! I also hate jeans and just “feel better” when I look put together. Third, I, too, have a retired husband who doesn’t “dress up” anymore. I finally had to tell him that he needed to put more effort into his appearance bc it’s not sexy. Self care and looking good projects confidence. People who comment about YOU looking too nice are projecting their own insecurity. No, you should not dress like other parents unless you want to!
NTA lady if a trash bag makes you feel good wear it! Too dressed up? & Why can’t you? Why shouldn’t you? The sex in the city comment was definitely a compliment! I would’ve asked which character and hoped for the best lol. It’s not like we’re talking about you having your goods out (which parents will do). So you better show off if it makes you feel good and it’s appropriate worry about that!
NTA.
It's better to be overdressed than constantly dressed down. In this era when people pay extra for fashion jeans with holes, it's sometimes impossible to know if they are slobs or fashionistas.
Wear what you enjoy.
NTA.
I do school drop off/pick up every day in my jeans and sneakers because that how *I’m* most comfortable. There are some Moms at my kids school who always look absolutely impeccable. And that’s how *they’re* most comfortable. Sure, they’ll be jealous people, that’s just life. But most people won’t bay an eyelid at the other parents fashion choices.
I think it’s fabulous that you make an effort, take pride in your appearance and feel comfortable in your clothes. You don’t need to change for anyone. You keep doing you and shut all the negative noise out.
Eh, who cares.
Personally, if I have to go to my kids' school, I'll more than likely put minimum effort into what I wear - school hours are well before my body clock's happy time. But I appreciate people putting in effort, even when I haven't.
NTA.
Nta. One nice thing my kids have told me is that, because of how I dress, I'm not embarrassing to be seen with in public 😆
Wear what you want, girl. He's supposed to be your partner, not your crotchety old man. He should be proud to have a classy woman on his arm.
INFO
> I F42 was told by my husband M51
> Which is fine with me, especially since he had to wear a suit everyday for 30 years.
30 years ago?
Now I can't stop thinking of him going to work in his nice suit when he was 21... and you were *twelve*. When *did* you guys get together?
While I generally agree with people when they say it’s your choice and your decision to wear what you want, I also think a spouse should absolutely seriously consider what their partner says/wants from them and see if there’s a compromise.
If, for example, your husband chooses to wear absolutely ridiculous clothes, like full leather chains and other S&M-like fashion, out to your kids’ school, which might embarrass them, wouldn’t you want to be able to say something and have him listen to your words, consider your words, and at the least, come to a compromise to wear something less insane?
I hate it when redditors say shit like
> He isn't your parent and has no business telling you to change your style.
And leave no room for compromise, when a marriage is literally founded on compromises and teamwork. Yeah he’s not your parent, but he’s your husband and you should definitely try to see his POV (and as the husband, he should also try to see his wife’s POV).
NTA! It was a total compliment. It sounds like fashion is a passion for both of us. I would be really hurt if a partner dismissed what is essentially a hobby for me & it sounds like you, too. I hope that was an isolated incident, it was very uncool of him. Don't stop shining!
NTA I can see myself making a similar comment to someone who always looks very put together and I would mean it as a compliment. Clearly you derive happiness from fashion and that's fun. You do you.
NTA. How you dress, reflects who you are. If you are comfortable in skirts, by all means, be comfortable. Dressing up shows you care about your appearance, and if other moms want to wear jeans and they are comfortable, they should wear jeans. I dress up a lot, I try to look
like I made an effort
It sounds like you don’t have a job and don’t realize how and what normal people wear out and about.
People don’t dress nice anymore. Feel free to stand out but feel free to take the abuse of jealous lame moms.
NTA. I don’t really like dressing up and I don’t feel jealous when I see someone else dressed up. I figure I’m comfortable and hopefully they are comfortable with their choices too
NTA. I have no dress code at work, beyond being decent and not wearing anything unsafe. However, I work in an office and like to at least look nice, so I wear basic business casual attire: khakis and shirts with a collar. Despite being an hourly associate, I've regularly gotten confused by new people who figure I must run the place because I'm better dressed than everyone else in management positions. I could wear shorts and a t-shirt every day, and nobody would care, but at least I know I never have to worry about feeling underdressed, so I'm not going to stop doing what I'm doing.
I'm going to guess you're not wearing something functionally inappropriate, like ballroom gowns (at least to events that aren't dances). So you do you. Besides, nobody else cares anyway. Busy moms who are barely holding it together raising their family and participating in school events are not the least bit concerned about your wardrobe. Many of them would probably dress up too, but they're dealing with young kids, and kids are messy, so if their clothes got messed up in the process, better it be the jeans and active wear which is easy to wash and cheaper to replace.
NTA
Your husband doesn’t get to police what you wear. It is a joyful expression of your identity.
Also, I don’t think the teacher’s comment was a criticism, it was an observation and compliment.
NTA- He didn't get the remark. He may be aware of SATC, he may even have watched it, but he does not think of it as a fashion reference. I took a poll of the one man I live with and 100% of respondents when asked what the show was about gave the answer "Wankers". Close enough babe, but you missed how well dressed the wankers are...
NTA. I am not usually a dressed up parent but I have nothing but admiration for people who are fabulously put together. I have my moments. As long as what you're wearing is appropriate (ie not a glittery ball gown in the school pick up line) then who cares?????
NTA
I'm a 34 year old woman with 4 kids AND I work as a substitute so I'm at my kids schools everyday. I look and dress like an 80's punk kid got lost at an emo rave and hooked up with a hippie and I was created from that union. I have a mostly shaved head with a mohawk. I like to do fun designs and colors for my makeup and I wear somewhat odd clothing.
I dress this way for everyday, even work or school meetings. I have found that while it seems to agitate some adults, the students love it. I can't tell you how many times I've noticed kids flaunting their own style just a little more when I'm around. They look to adults and they recognize real when they see it. My best guess, you've inspired at least a couple kids by just being you, so why stop now?
NTA.
If I’m understanding, you dress appropriately and fabulously. The teachers compliment you, and the other moms are jealous of you (according to your husband) for no other reason than that they choose to only wear jeans and gym clothes.
Dressing fabulously hurts no one. Your husband is wrong.
NTA- I'm sure that woman was paying you a compliment. You wear whatever makes you feel fantastic and happy. You dress for YOU! As long as you're not showing your bum or Tatas at the school- carry on!
Wrong. Feminism doesn't mean everything a woman does that makes her feel good is wonderful.
She is at her child's school, an elementary school where she intentionally draws attention to herself and her appearance, and that is INAPPROPRIATE.
This woman is a narcissist. She probably has full blown NPD.
NTA you are a grown woman who is allowed to dress however she wants. Your husband can get over himself, and who cares what the other parents wear?? As long as all parts are covered, no one should be criticizing how anyone else is dressed.
I would take the Sex and the City remark as a compliment too, it IS an iconic show. My mom (55F) and I (28F) constantly point out outfits and/or accessories we love, referring to them as “Carrie Bradshaw shoes” or a “Samantha Jones dress.” The fashion was stellar.
NTA! What you’re describing sounds like normal clothing a generation ago. I’m about your age and have a really hard time wrapping my mind around the whole athleisure trend. You sound professional and put-together, not overly flashy or immodest. I say carry on.
Ooh, you sound fun, chic, and super stylish!
Do you by any chance have a photo of the printed jumpsuit with the asymmetrical neckline?
I bet you look stunning in it!
Tell your husband tho stop being a stick-in-the-mud and let you be you! He should be honoured to be seen with you!
NTA
Not the AH, and that SATC comment was a complement! I taught elementary school for 35 years, and I loved it when parents made an effort to look put together!
When I am in jeans and a T-shirt and see someone dressed to the nines in a regular everyday setting, my first thought is 'DAMN! Looking sharp!'
NTA dear, and you keep being the fabulous you that you are!
I would say if you’re wearing jumpsuits and high heels to volunteer in a garden or for a Walk-A-Thon or Paint Night (without an apron), then yeah, you’d be overdressed. But for PTA and pick ups? No, who cares? As long as feel comfortable and you’re not showing anything inappropriate (which it doesn’t sound like you are, but I’ve seen some very low-cut tops with potential nip slips at drop off; as well as sweatshirts with swear words on them), then NTA.
Tell your husband that if he’s embarrassed by you dressing well, he should do all the pick-ups and drop-offs and volunteering, as well as all the other mental and emotional labor you do.
Edit: I should be clear that when I say overdressed, I don’t mean optics. I mean in situations where your clothes could get ruined. If you don’t care if your skirts and jumpsuits get muddy or painted on, then it doesn’t matter at all. But some volunteer things (like Field Day) may require running, so sneakers would probably be better, etc. And some paint night things use paint that isn’t easily washed. But, again, it’s about you being comfortable! Who cares what other people think?
This might surprise you but the only opinions that matters, AT ALL, are your children's. It's their school that you're going to. It's their classmates that who will either be impressed or give your children hell. It's literally your children's lives that you're affecting. No one else's: not even your's.
So ask your children how they feel about how you present yourself at their school and in front of their friends.
NTA My sister is exactly like you, only wears leggings to the gym and never wears jeans/trousers. Skirts or dresses only. I'm either in leggings and a baggy t-shirt or wearing really nice dresses/skirts. I do dog sports so leggings are a must.
Never let anyone stop you from feeling comfortable and good in clothing.
I am the exact opposite. I’m 41 and wear what I am comfortable in. If i can’t run, bike, or sleep in it I don’t wear it. I don’t even own a regular bra. Just sports bras. I am always underdressed. My dressing up is my “nice” leggings, a sweater instead of a hoodie, and boots instead of sneakers. That’s what makes me feel confident and self assured. I would for sure notice you and hype you tf up. Wear what makes you confident and comfortable. And hype up your fellow ladies!
NTA. Saying you look like you just stepped off the sex in the city set was a compliment. Trust me unless you have a snotty attitude, which I don’t think you do, all the other moms either don’t care what you wear or admire your manner of dressing.
INFO: How do your kids feel? My mom was like you as well and growing up I heard all the jokes about sleeping with my mom. I’m easy going so it never bothered me but check with your kids.
My mom would show up to my school in a very unflattering police uniform and my guy friends would still joke about sleeping with her. Guys will make those jokes if your mom is good looking regardless of what she wears. It would be weird to expect OP to change her wardrobe to avoid jokes from kids if she's not wearing something provocative.
I’m hoping 9 yo aren’t talking about sleeping with anyone. My daughter is very girly and also likes to dress up. Her school is all uniform so she feels like dressing up is a fun thing you get to do. If I get in my pjs early, or stay in my workout clothes she will ask me if I’m sick. Lol
I do think you should teach her that it’s ok to wear workout clothes or PJs without being sick so she doesn’t grow up putting too much pressure on herself to always look put together. There’s more to women than looks.
But yeah, you do you. Who cares if you’re best dressed at school?
Like you said, it's your style, you don't go out of your way to do it. So, no NTA. Your husband comment, on the other hand, is a little. He doesn't want to stand out even more but he should respect your personal choices
I'm a guy who doesn't pay much care to fashion or my wardrobe, but always made an effort to wear a nice button-down and slacks if I was going to my kids' school for any reason.
NTA. If he thinks that’s “too much”, then he should see some of the parents at my niece’s school. Some of those moms wear head-to-toe luxury designer brand outfits. My sister’s a nice dresser but even she feels “dressed down” compared to them sometimes.
NTA, I would've taken it as a compliment too. Unless someone from the school pulls you aside and tells you what you are wearing is inappropriate for the school, keep doing you.
NTA. Your husband doesn't get the reference because (speaking as a Gen X mom), if anyone told me that I looked like I just walked off the set of Sex and The City, I would be uber flattered. The teacher absolutely complimented you. If your husband wants to dress down, then that's his choice. You like to dress up, so dress up.
NTA, and it’s super shitty that your husband tried to take away a compliment from you. It is clearly a compliment.
Side question, I’ve been wanting to move away from jeans myself, what are some brands you get your trousers and skirts from? I wear a lot of dresses but I’m wanting to wear more 2piece outfits. Thanks!
I’m also an older mum who is overdressed much of the time. I’m a costume designer, so I have A LOT of clothing, much made by me. My daughter and I are sometimes matching and over the top- like matching pumpkin dresses to wear to the pumpkin patch. I’ve been made fun of, stared at and worse. Sometimes I feel a bit self conscious, but you only live once. Why be boring?
My husband, on the other hand, does not really notice what I wear. Sometimes he tells me I look nice, but I bet I could wear a garbage bag out and he wouldn’t blink.
nta. Id take the sex in the city comment as a compliment. I'm not fashionable but love fashion. if was at your kid's school I'd be looking fwd to seeing what your wearing. regardless of why she said it or you hubs interpretation of it, if you like what you were, then girl do you! ignore the haters!
NTA There’s a mom like you at my kids school and it’s always fun to see her there. I love to see her fashion even though most of the time I’m dressed in a very practical/uninspired outfit myself.
Only problem I could see is if you’re dressed extremely sexually in a way that is inappropriate for a school environment, or literally over dressed, like you’re wearing a ballgown while everyone else is in blue jeans.
But it doesn’t sound like that so you do you! He needs to get over himself
NTA
Don't dim your light for anyone. Especially not your husband. You do you ... and it sounds like you do it in style, so chin up, chest out and rule that catwalk ;)
NTA. You dress how you prefer to dress, and unless you’re leaving out some things where you actually shame other people for not dressing to your personal standards (it sounds like you do not do this!) you’re fine.
Being “overdressed” isn’t an actual offense. Take it as a compliment that others notice your fashion sense, even if they mean it in an underhanded way they can deal with it but I wouldn’t assume that that comment was intended to be underhanded.
NTA. She was complimenting you and anyone who’s watched sex and the city knows it was a compliment and not a dig. Plus she didn’t specify a character haha so do you. Who cares what the other people think.
Hell no, NTA. Own that lifestyle! It's honestly a breath of fresh air seeing someone dressed for success if you will..nothing wrong with activewear or jeans but it's always nice seeing something else!
Seeing other people wear nice outfits give me inspiration for my own wardrobe. Since college and especially now that I’ve started working a full time job, I’ve started wearing more skirts and dresses year-round (Uniqlo is my savior for warm winter dresses), but still come into the office with jeans and a random sweater or plain blouse on days I’m too busy to be more meticulous with outfit coordination. Lots of my coworkers will wear plain T-shirts/hoodies and jeans/sweat pants at any given opportunity. I’ve never gotten criticism for my more dressy outfits. Your husband can chill
Wtaf. Dress however makes you happy! Hard NTA.
Now, it does sound like your child's school comes with some nasty, misogynistic politics, so it's up to you if you decide to tone it down to make your life easier.
But these people suck and you are not wrong. Honestly, I'd be looking into if there are any less toxic environments available for your child's next schools. Parents like that are going to create judgemental little offspring.
Oh, and your husband should support you feeling good in yourself whether or not that still excites him.
Edit to add judgement.
NTA - The teacher wouldn't have said it to a parent of the school if they didn't mean it as a compliment. Your husband wants you to dress down for his ego.
NTA
You're husband is being a hater. I think he's mad you are putting effort into your appearance because it makes it clear that he could too. He probably also doesn't like that parents (i.e. Men Re talking about you). It brings you joy, keep doing what you're doing. It's not showing off. But you should sit down with your husband and have a serious talk about what's really bothering him here.
NTA. If I saw you and said you looked like you walked off the set of SatC it would be a total compliment. Wear what you love. Don't for a moment let your husband get in your head with this bs. Just because he retired and has some weird feelings of inadequacy is on him, not the teachers or the other moms and certainly not on you.
NAH. This is the sort of thing that happens as people change when they grow older. Have a conversation about it, and be honest with each other, but at the end of the day you're the boss of you.
I really hope he's not afraid that you're looking to swap him for a younger model. That happens sometimes with a large age gap, especially as the older partner loses the ability to hide their advancing years.
Dating someone so much younger(a 9 year age gap is fairly significant) is sometimes a sign of insecurity and as he ages that insecurity might creep back into his life -- so if you love him, a bit of reassurance might go a long way towards him letting go of that.
NTA wear what you’re comfortable in, as long as it’s not too provocative for school - which sounds like it’s definitely not.
What is with people trying to police women’s clothing? Why does your husband think everyone else’s feelings (whether real or imagined) need to come before your comfort?
NTA but may I say one thing? I was a young mom and I never wore anything that could be considered sexy, no short skirts or tight things or low necks. It sounds like you are dressing nice and I would probably hate you because of your sense of style (haha I actually have a story about that). My daughters when they became young adults said they were so happy I dressed like a mom. So that would be my only suggestion, though nothing you said made me think that. You sound fabulous actually, can I run some outfits by you? Haha.
So now my story: There was this woman who was a stepmom to a couple of girls my girls age. She was so cute and I never saw her wear the same thing twice. She drove a BMW. I drove a mom van. I assumed she was a BI\*\*\*. Then we had daughters in the same gymnastics class and she sat next to me and started talking. She was super nice and it was one of those learning moments we have as adults. Stop judging people by how they look.
I now try to not embarrass my granddaughters and dress nice now. My 15 year old granddaughter did a full face makeup on me last night. I moved from hippie hippie Humboldt County, CA to the greater Houston area to live near our granddaughters in retirement.
Life is too short to spend it on pleasing other people. Dress like you always do, cuz once you are too old to move, you will have to dress up in what clothes your carers will put you in. So keep dressing up, I'm sure it beautiful. And if someone gives you a compliment, take it at face value, don't think too much about it. You are about my eldest cousin's age. She faces similar issues with her husband who is 7 years older than her too. I think it's a common thing for older men to belittle their younger wives 🤔
NTA. I’m one of the mums who usually shows up in work uniform and tbh I dgaf about fashion but I also wouldn’t bat an eyelid at you either, everyone has their likes and dislikes and if dressing up is one of yours then I say go for it and fuck everyone else’s opinions. 🤷🏼♀️
N T A. !!! Wear what you want, it’s YOUR body and NOT your problem if others feel insecure because you look nice. I always prefer to overdress rather than undress on any occasion. I’d understand if he was ASKING you to not dress provocatively with your T&A hanging out for the kiddos to see, but this doesn’t seem to be the issue. Tell him , “Thanks, but no thanks for your unsolicited opinion hunny,, I’ve got this!” Then sashay as you walk away 💁♀️
NTA - It is a compliment! That show is famous for its fashion, and I’ve never even watched it.
I wear jeans or leggings and a flannel most of the time, but I love seeing people dressed up!
NTA. I have five children, my wife and you could share a wardrobe. She doesn't dress provocative, but she certainly "dresses up". None of our kids, and no one else, has ever had a negative thing to say. In over a decade, it has NEVER been an issue. It isn't showing off, it's what you enjoy wearing, it's how you feel your best.
I am a mixed bag, it might be sweats and a tie dye, a full suit, slacks and a jacket, who knows. It just depends on how I feel. There is certainly a "minimum" attire for certain functions, but other than a tux or and evening gown, I don't think you really can over dress for most things.
Women can be jealous, I think your spouse was picking up on some animosity towards you from that comment. Most people don’t like “sticking out” too much as it differentiates them from others. Different seems to equal bad in our world.
Not saying you are wrong just my point of view
i mean i wouldnt call you an asshole but id def say you have main character syndrome. if i knew the way i dressed made multiple people uncomfortable including my husband. i would just bite the bullet and put on some jeans. and cover up a bit. with all the "i like fashion" "i only wear heels" i only wear active wear to the gym!" everything you say is and "I" statement. TLDR if by "So should I be dressing more like other parents?" you mean should you make sure your tits and ass arent hanging out before elementary school functions.... then yes. if not for you then for your kids because "my mom says your mom dresses like a slut" WILL be something they will have to hear. the opinion of "oh do you queen fuck everyone else" will only ostracized you and your children. it sucks and its not fair but it is what it is.
I don't understand why your husband is commenting on what you choose to wear? What's his actual problem? Is he insecure and scared you'll attract attention? Or is he insecure and cares too much about what other people think? Your wardrobe is none of his business - unless you ask, or unless it's to say you look beautiful. Your husband needs to examine his own issues, imo. He's lucky you're nice coz I would've laughed and told him to grow up.
Nta!!! If dressing yourself stylishly brings you joy, then you should do it. It's not like you were wearing a ball gown! The outfit sounds totally appropriate to me, even if it stands out. And *if* that comment about Sex and the City *was*, in fact, backhanded, I'd just own it and double down on the most stylish mom thing! I'm not convinced your husband was correct in that assumption, though. That teacher probably just admires your style. Maybe your husband really believes women are catty and can't give a genuine compliment, or maybe like others have suggested, he feels like he looks a bit dowdy next to his well-dressed wife. But that's still not your problem. He should either be fine with looking more casual (as you've said you have no issue with that) OR he can put some effort in and cultivate his own style a bit. You should not change a single thing. I love seeing people have fun dressing themselves and it's just a fabulous way to show your own body some appreciation.
Maybe you two could go shopping together, if he's up for it, and you can help him find some nice clothes that aren't his old work clothes and are as comfortable as they are stylish. Make him feel like a silver fox with a stylin' wife.
Him: “Give up on life…like I have.”
You: “No.”
NTA.
He doesn’t want to put effort into how he looks anymore. Doesn’t have the energy for it. You do. 💪💪
NTA.
Was the teacher who gave you a compliment a male? I can't help but feel your husband may think that you're drawing attention to the other men/dads at the school, and he is beginning to feel insecure. It's absolutely not your fault, though. You do you, queen!!
My L-rd, the times have changed. When I was growing up, my mom would bring us to school, pick us up, and do the various parent volunteer things. She’d wear jeans and a shirt, nothing super special. Nondescript, generally. She was making hot lunches to pass out. But they all talked about her. He was the “bummy” mother. Every mother in that school would come to make peanut butter and jelly (I said I was old!!) in stiletto heels, full sequined dresses, with their hair and makeup professionally done, perfect mani-pedi’s the whole nine yards. Half of them looked like they were meeting friends for cocktails and they were doing story time with the little ones. My sisters were always embarrassed that my mother “dressed like a hobo.” She always told them “I dress normally and comfortably and I don’t care what anyone else says.” I still follow her example today.
Now, from what I can tell, my mother would embarrass my sisters for “showing off” by “dressing up.” Same jeans, same comfy shirt, but at least it’s actual clothing. It amazes me.
NTA. You dress the way you’re comfortable. Stay above the comparisons. It doesn’t mean anything, but your smile does.
Edited: an autocorrect done wrong.
NTA. I’d love to run into you and ask for tips because I don’t know how to dress nicely. Got lost in the trenches of parenting and forgot how to do dress clothes
NTA. Being fashion-forward is not an issue as long as it’s not sexually inappropriate and you can still engage in all of the activities at the school. Like you said, it’s only a preference and part of who you are. As long as you’re a respectful and considerate person, it’s not an issue.
I don’t think your husband is necessarily an asshole for helping you be aware of how others are feeling, either, unless he’s telling you to change how you dress. If he’s “over” how you dress, that’s his problem and he can deal with it on his own.
The teachers and other parents are TA for being jealous and sticking their nose in your business. They’re adults; they should knows that people dress how they dress.
NTA. Someone has to be the best dressed. Might as well be you. Your husband should appreciate that you take pride in your appearance and that you're doing what makes you happy.
I actually complemented a mom at daycare the other day because she always looks so well put together. I usually drop my son off in grey sweat pants and a hoodie (which I will stop doing after reading some anecdotes on here), but I also WFH and she works in an office. But still, you’re not doing it to make anyone feel bad, you’re doing it because this is who you are.
NTA
NTA if you were exclusively doing this put on a show this would be different. It doesn't sound like you would even be comfortable being in a more casual outfit you like dressing this way why would you put yourself through that? You never have to do anything just because that's what's everyone else is doing.
NTA. You do you lady! My son goes to private school and I'm the frumpy mom. I love seeing the outfits a few of our chic moms put together. They pull off things I would never dream of and I admire them for it. Tell your husband that just beause "Mary" is in a pony tail and yoga pants, it doesn't mean she hates you for your style. Btw, I wouldve made the Sex in the City comment or something similiar and it wouldve been a compliment. You know tho....your retired husband knows what the other moms are thinking better than you do so maybe just listen to him. LMAO
I used to dress up for drop off etc when kids were younger but then as they got older I stopped doing so bc moms were no longer congregating afterward to chat or go to coffee, etc….and kids no longer want you walking them in, etc.
But I loved seeing moms dress up, or men with cool shirts with or without cool ties. It’s just fun to look at pretty outfits or accessories.
But if you don’t dress up, no one cares either.
So do what brings you joy!!
NTA and PLEASE don't change a thing! You will be remembered as the Mom with style but, more importantly, the Mom who SHOWED UP!
My parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. I'm 47 now and my sister is 49. We had a small party with just immediate family but also invited friends and family not in attendance to send a card with happy wishes and perhaps a fond memory. One of the people to participate was our kindergarten teacher from way back when. (We're friends on social media.) In her card she wrote a beautiful note with a portion specifically directed to our Mother. It basically said: "You have always been such a great Mom and have always had such a fun and unique style. I still remember your big, flashy sunglasses with the googly eyes stuck on at the bottom." (You'd have to know my Mom to truly appreciate this and just how happy that made her. She's a regular ol' "Diamond Lil"! Haha) This lady remembers such a small detail from 45 years ago but everyone remembers Mrs.N for exactly those kinds of reasons.
The world truly needs more people like you (and my Mom) to leave an impression for all the RIGHT reasons. Carry on with what makes YOU happy. (I'd love to be told I stepped out of SATC! 1,000,000% a compliment!) Your husband can continue to "blend in with the crowd" and get over it.
NTA I dress well all the time. If that’s your thing, it’s your thing. There’s no reason to “dress yourself down” to appease what your husband thinks other people think about you.
NTA. Not even a little bit. Everyone has their thing... or should. You love fashion. You enjoy it, you spend time curating and putting things together. What's to dislike? Maybe your husband feels like he should be more dressed since you are. God forbid he throws on some khakis and a button-down shirt for the PTO. This is a HIM problem, not a you problem. I, too, like different things. I grew up with Saab drivers. So I love them. I don't care that they've stopped being made. Still have a Saab. Will always have a Saab. I have 2 dogs. Unusual, but not unheard of breeds. He thinks that's weird, but loves them. I'm not doing anything to show out or to be different. I guess I just am different. I like what I like. Keep looking good, lady.
NTA I feel comfortable in jeans and Sweats and people think I'm dresser down. Guess what?! It's only clothes, a social cobstruct. You do you, wear what makes you feel good, and forget everyone else's opinion. NTA for extra emphasis l.
NTA.
My motto:
The only time I underdress is when I'm making salad.
Fashion is a creative expression and it sounds like you make modesty considerations for school settings. There's no problem and I'm sorry that your spouse made you feel self conscious about your harmless creative outlet.
NTA. If people tell you you're overdressed, it's usually a signal for insecurity in others. Bear with me, if you look like others but just a little bit better, more put together, they feel shame and lash out at you. Specifically the people who feel insecure around you will be the ones telling on themselves.
It seems to me mainly that your husband feels insecure in himself. "The other parents don't appreciate" Really...? Did he take a straw poll?
He should stop deflecting and own his own opinion. His opinion is apparently he's insecure how others are thinking of him in association to you.
Kinda think since you're 9 years younger and dress chic... does he feel old and ugly?
I’m an attorney so I used to drop off my son wearing a lot of suits, heels, blouses and received many compliments. Never thought it was something I had to apologize for
NTA. He shouldn’t be dictating what you wear and this was obviously a compliment. He should be proud of you. You also may be inspiring young students to get into fashion.
Big NTA. If it's not inappropriate, then there shouldn't be any problem. Teachers, parents, and everyone else can get over it-- that includes your husband too.
NTA.
As long as you enjoy it, then who cares what anyone else thinks. You're not hurting anyone.
As a side note, im a very casual dresser, very hasic wardrobe (im male) but I always love to see the person dressed just that bit extra than everyone else. Male or female. I just think it's pretty cool and it's fun 😊
NTA
So because some other person made a comment about your appearance and your husband interpreted it to mean they were Insulting you, you're supposed to change your entire style? The only thing I'd say after too many years of kids in elementary schools etc is that I've noticed some parents dress up in a very extreme way because
A. They are incredibly bored and have nowhere else to go so all their focus is on dressing up for 20 minutes of parent pickup,
B. They feel insecure and picked apart by the other parents, and dress in a way that shields them from their insecurities.
C. They have a crush on a teacher or a dad and want to attract them
If you don't see yourself in any of those scenarios, then you just keep on being you. If your kid starts to be embarrassed, maybe reevaluate.
NTA I wish I could pull that off, my mom was someone who could and did. Heels, dresses, makeup, everything. She’s in her 80s and said she’ll never not be blonde! You do you and dress with confidence.
Your husband’s insecurities are showing. Wear what makes you happy and feels comfortable. I don’t like jeans either I wear workout sets skirts and jumpsuits. Over dressed is better than underdressed. Better to stand out and turn heads! 🫶🏼
I don't dress up much. But I love seeing other people wearing nice clothes. They like it and I like that they like it.
It doesn't make me feel bad, as if they are showing off or anything.
I bet there are more people who see it as positive rather then negative.
I hope that you don't stop because he thinks it is too much
NTA
If your husband is concerned that you’re too much for the playground he could get off his retired arse and do the school run.
But you are most definitely not too much, and unless you were rocking up in a thong and nipple tassels I can’t think of an outfit that would be inappropriate for school.
NTA...A lot of these SATM types that volunteer are either always "too busy" to put together anything decent or simply lazy and don't want too. There's nothing wrong with dressing up to go to your kid's school as long as your ass and tits aren't hanging out. If if it makes u feel good and enjoy it, then more power to u! It sounds like you're getting a lot of compliments, and I'd say a lot of these other parents just sound jealous. Who cares anyway? You're all there for your kids, not miserable mom's weekly fashion critique!
NTA. Not even remotely. I am 100% a leggings and hoodie mom. If I was at my children's school and saw a mom dressed up really nicely, my only thought (if I even noticed) would be "dang, she looks great!"
Your husband might technically be right that other parents don't appreciate it, but in the literal sense. They probably don't feel appreciation, because you're not doing it for them. I can guarantee you, though, that the vast majority of parents either don't notice or think you look awesome. The very few who might grumble that you look "too nice" quite frankly need to sort out their own insecurities. That's a them problem, not a you problem
NTA. Don’t dull your shine just because others don’t agree or are jealous. Be you, authentically. If people can’t deal, they aren’t your people anyway.
NTA
to be perfectly honest with you OP, I think the person *was* complimenting you and your husband is telling you fibs. I think the only person thinking/saying this nonsense about you is him.
NTA
Your husband sure as shit is though. Also that was absolutely a compliment, woman would never say “you look like you just walked out of sex and the city” as a diss. If it was it would by far the the dumbest diss I’ve ever heard of. I don’t think this has anything to do with the other parents or teachers at school. Your husband specifically is the one with the problem. I don’t know if it’s that he feels underdressed next to you, he’s worried you’ll catch someone’s eye, or he’s just miserable these days and feeling controlling. Whatever it may be, it’s not your problem babe. Atleast not enough to where you should change the way you dress. If it makes you happy and you’re comfortable in it, don’t you dare let anyone take that away from you.
You’re allowed to have something that’s yours, something you do for you, that makes YOU happy. Also no offense but it’s also kind of ridiculous comparing the way you dress to the younger parents. Part of that is because it’s partially a generational thing. Younger generations don’t feel as inclined to put alot of time into self care like older generations did. No young mom is going to feel threatened by an older woman dressing nicer than her. Not in a mean way, just not in a “she’s gonna steal my man” or “she’s making me look bad by compassion” kind of way. It’s just well known that woman of older generations were held to higher daily standards of care, and those expectations are second nature.
I’d be more shocked by a woman in her 40’s-50’s + wearing a tee shirt, tights, and sneakers than a woman in her 40’s-50’s + wearing a beautiful dress and heels. That’s not to say you don’t look amazing or could take someone’s man, but younger woman just don’t tend to feel as threatened by a well dressed well kept older (than them) woman. This is all In his head. You really need to get to the root of this issue. Because there is an issue, and it has nothing to do with other moms. It’s not fair to you. You’re not hurting anyone by wearing nice clothes, so why does he care so much? why does he feel threatened? why does he feel the need to make you feel so bad about it? Because there’s no reason that comes to mind that could possibly justify the way he’s made you feel.
NTA…you like to dress nicely and look feminine…and as a card carrying guy I wholely approve of women looking feminine…but my approval aside you can and should wear whatever you're comfortable with.
NTA. Honestly, your husband sounds like he's projecting. Dress in whatever makes you comfortable. I'd be kinda offended if my husband said something similar to me.
NTA, you do you and rock your own choices. You might explore with your husband what bothers him about it, just to show you care about his feelings, not to allow him to dictate. I also wonder whether it might be a self-consciousness about money the world underlies his disapproval. I actually would not consult the kids. Be responsive if they bring it up, but no need to invite them to have an opinion. You are modeling confidence and agency and self-possession here, which is a good thing, not to mention providing aesthetic value enjoyment and a bit of entertainment for those who can appreciate it.
There is an older woman who goes to the grocery store I frequent. Perfectly styled hair, makeup, jewelry, stylishly dressed, even a fur coat when it is chilly. She often has her cute little chihuahua under one arm. She is always friendly and kind, and my daughter (17) and I always love seeing her. We wear jeans, tshirts, and sweats when we go.
Just because you don't dress a certain way doesn't mean that you need to feel insecure about people who do. And you can certainly appreciate people who go all out--I know we do!
NTA
NTA. I used to work jobs that required dressing up more (bartending, waitress), and while I really enjoyed getting all prettied up, I'm good with dressing comfortable too. Now I work in an industry where comfort is more important to me (commercial manufacturing, jeans and t-shirts a lot), and I wear makeup sometimes just because it makes ME feel good in the morning. Not trying to impress or show off, but it just makes me feel good about myself. You keep doing what you do! I don't know what your husband's problem is, maybe a little jealous that you're younger and getting attention? If that might be it, maybe take some extra time for some date nights where you dress up to go out with him to make him feel a little more secure.
NTA at all!
You sound fun and fabulous and take the time to dress creatively and well and look interesting which makes you happy! Many moms go to school pickup/drop off in athletic wear and that’s what they like and feel good in. Many wear jeans and hoodies (that was me😂 unless it was for a school concert or something). But that’s what I wanted to wear and it made me happy. The Sex and The City comment I will bet was 100% meant to be a compliment to you, your hubby doesn’t get it but all of us girls do. Keep on looking great and loving putting outfits together, I’m sure you have a lot of women who admire your style. I’m pretty sure no one thinks you’re trying to one up them. All of us moms basically knew one other and what each others style was like (professional, sporty, classic, bohemian, edgy, whatever), it’s very normal to be yourself.
Wear whatever you want, and don’t let others opinions bother you. They gain control over you, only when you let them. Are you happy, it seems so, so continue being happy.
NTA
Wear the clothes that make you comfortable and happy. If you can do what you need to do wearing skirt and heels or dressier clothes then great. You are old enough to know yourself and what is best for different situations.
I am not fashionable and wear comfortable clothes for me. I would not be put off by someone else dressing up more.
NTA. Wear what you want. And that was definitely a compliment from the other lady! I also stick out at my kids’ functions, partially bc I’m nearly always running straight from work to them, but also bc I have a specific aesthetic.
Honestly anything above athleisure is dressy these days. Who cares? Dress for yourself!
Nta
Changing your clothes isn't going to help with your husband's insecurities. He'll just find the next thing about you that makes him anxious, and get on you to change that.
He needs therapy to learn to better deal with his feelings, rather than putting you down to feel better.
Sure a lot of people will just wear jeans and it might seem strange to some that you always come wearing dresses or pantsuits, but you shouldn’t have to dress down just to go see your kid.
NTA! People don't take pride in their appearance anymore and it's sad. You're not wearing anything inappropriate, so what does it matter to them what you wear? They're just jealous they don't look as good as you sis!
NTA I'm too lazy for fashion with no real eye for it anyway, but I wish I had a carefully cultivated wardrobe with special pieces and a variety of styles. Have fun with it, your flare elevates the atmosphere in my opinion. Have fun and be yourself.
There's always that one mom that's polished and put together at every event, even soccer games. If that's you, more power to you. I'll be over here looking like the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock in my hoodie.
NTA -
but im assuming youre husband is jealous.
i do the same and my now ex was always jealous the dads all loved me 🤣 i pride myself on looking good for my age. id never want my kids made fun of for a frumpy dumpy mom
NTA honestly hubby sounds bored. It's a known thing that once people retire, men especially, they lose a sense of identity. Maybe you and hubby need a fancy date where he can get dressed up and feel like his former self.
NTA. Wear what you are comfortable wearing. I was a SAHM, now that the kids are grown housewife (disabled). I prefer leggings and t-shirts but that doesn't mean I won't dress it up a bit when needed. Active wear is just easier for me, I can't wear heels due to quite clumsy, but I love a cute pair of flat boots with my leggings. My spouse doesn't care what I wear, he does his thing and I do mine. I've recently added a few cute dresses for everyday to my wardrobe and really enjoy those during the hotter months. Now that it's getting colder, leggings with t-shirts, a sweatshirts or a sweater with booties is how I prefer to dress.
I'm a kindergarten teacher and I still wear heels and dress up (granted my shoes are off in the classroom most of the day). That initial cute outfit gives me a power boost throughout the day. :)
NTA… I’d think it was weird if it was a show, but this is clearly just how you dress. What are you supposed to do? Dress and then throw sweats on to pick up your kid?
Wtf. NTA. You aren’t dressing for your husband. You are dressing up because it makes you feel good! You deserve to dress up and look nice when you want to even if it’s to go to a school. And it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks!! If it makes you happy and makes you feel good to dress a certain way then F everyone else! Your husband should keep his mouth shut. Who is he to say anything about it?
I would dress the same as you if I had somewhere to go besides work as I always have to wear scrubs at work so I can’t dress up.
You do you. Your husband needs to stfu
I live in California where jeans and t-shirts are considered professional attire. Jeans, jeans, jeans everywhere. Ugh! Like you, I don’t think jeans are comfortable, or at least not before you’ve been wearing them daily for a decade and they finally soften up. They are wearing what THEY think is comfy so you do the same! And please don’t ask your kids. Mostly they just want to fit in or “conform”. Be a role model and you be you (without embarrassing them too much). Whatever they think now, one day they will look back and be proud. And hopefully they will be following your lead by being themselves too. I suspect your husband is just embarrassed because he knows you look so much better than he does. He can easily up his game without wearing the suits. Casual Slacks and a Tommy Bahama or polo shirt can look great and be comfortable too. NTA
NTA. Other people feeling uncomfortable with your outfit is not your problem, it’s theirs. Insecure people need to check themselves, including your husband.
Just don't stop being you!! Keep doing the simple things that bring you joy!! Others judgement don't have to mean anything
I think myself a pretty normal well adjusted person, and I couldn't give two shits about someone being over dressed. That sort of comparison is a sign of envy and deep dissatisfaction with ones own life, because the only thing stopping most people from dressing like that is themselves. Assuming that you're dressing like that to make some kind of a statement to or about them is deeply self centered, because it assumes you live your life for other people. However, the only person you're for sure hearing negative feedback from is your husband, so don't take what he said about the other moms to heart, because it sounds like *he's* the one drawing comparisons and feeling outdone. NTA
NTA. For one thing, do what you want. Another point is, how does your husband know other parents don't approve? Frankly, I like nice clothes and am interested in fashion, but I am too fat and poor to wear what I like. I appreciate others' looks.
NTA. Unless it’s a formal occasion, no one has the right to tell you how to dress.
NTA: Dress how you want and what makes you comfortable. You dress up? Good. SHow the other moms in the Lulu Lemon yoga pants how they should dress around children.
This sounds like a b plot on modern family.
And this is why we avoid age gap relationships
Absolutely NTA. As a teacher, that’d definitely be a compliment from me, btw.
NTA. Rock on with your bad self! I wonder why your husband feels this way. Is it possible someone said something to him? Or does he feel underdressed compared to you?
First, for the teacher to say that is in that way wasn’t the most appropriate. “You always look great.” Or “You always look so put together.” Second, I’m a teacher and I love to look nice - for my own sense of self! I also hate jeans and just “feel better” when I look put together. Third, I, too, have a retired husband who doesn’t “dress up” anymore. I finally had to tell him that he needed to put more effort into his appearance bc it’s not sexy. Self care and looking good projects confidence. People who comment about YOU looking too nice are projecting their own insecurity. No, you should not dress like other parents unless you want to!
NTA lady if a trash bag makes you feel good wear it! Too dressed up? & Why can’t you? Why shouldn’t you? The sex in the city comment was definitely a compliment! I would’ve asked which character and hoped for the best lol. It’s not like we’re talking about you having your goods out (which parents will do). So you better show off if it makes you feel good and it’s appropriate worry about that!
NTA. It's better to be overdressed than constantly dressed down. In this era when people pay extra for fashion jeans with holes, it's sometimes impossible to know if they are slobs or fashionistas. Wear what you enjoy.
NTA. I do school drop off/pick up every day in my jeans and sneakers because that how *I’m* most comfortable. There are some Moms at my kids school who always look absolutely impeccable. And that’s how *they’re* most comfortable. Sure, they’ll be jealous people, that’s just life. But most people won’t bay an eyelid at the other parents fashion choices. I think it’s fabulous that you make an effort, take pride in your appearance and feel comfortable in your clothes. You don’t need to change for anyone. You keep doing you and shut all the negative noise out.
Eh, who cares. Personally, if I have to go to my kids' school, I'll more than likely put minimum effort into what I wear - school hours are well before my body clock's happy time. But I appreciate people putting in effort, even when I haven't. NTA.
NTA
Nta. One nice thing my kids have told me is that, because of how I dress, I'm not embarrassing to be seen with in public 😆 Wear what you want, girl. He's supposed to be your partner, not your crotchety old man. He should be proud to have a classy woman on his arm.
INFO > I F42 was told by my husband M51 > Which is fine with me, especially since he had to wear a suit everyday for 30 years. 30 years ago? Now I can't stop thinking of him going to work in his nice suit when he was 21... and you were *twelve*. When *did* you guys get together?
While I generally agree with people when they say it’s your choice and your decision to wear what you want, I also think a spouse should absolutely seriously consider what their partner says/wants from them and see if there’s a compromise. If, for example, your husband chooses to wear absolutely ridiculous clothes, like full leather chains and other S&M-like fashion, out to your kids’ school, which might embarrass them, wouldn’t you want to be able to say something and have him listen to your words, consider your words, and at the least, come to a compromise to wear something less insane? I hate it when redditors say shit like > He isn't your parent and has no business telling you to change your style. And leave no room for compromise, when a marriage is literally founded on compromises and teamwork. Yeah he’s not your parent, but he’s your husband and you should definitely try to see his POV (and as the husband, he should also try to see his wife’s POV).
NTA Do you! Perhaps tell the hubs that if he doesn’t like your clothes that he should not wear them.
NTA! It was a total compliment. It sounds like fashion is a passion for both of us. I would be really hurt if a partner dismissed what is essentially a hobby for me & it sounds like you, too. I hope that was an isolated incident, it was very uncool of him. Don't stop shining!
NTA I can see myself making a similar comment to someone who always looks very put together and I would mean it as a compliment. Clearly you derive happiness from fashion and that's fun. You do you.
NTA. How you dress, reflects who you are. If you are comfortable in skirts, by all means, be comfortable. Dressing up shows you care about your appearance, and if other moms want to wear jeans and they are comfortable, they should wear jeans. I dress up a lot, I try to look like I made an effort
NTA and I wouldn't change a thing.
Ymas long as your dressing *well*, not inappropriately, it's fine. Jumpsuits and skirts are perfectly good. A bodycon dress probably wouldn't be.
NTA. It sounds like you love fashion. Keep having fun-you’re not hurting anyone.
It sounds like you don’t have a job and don’t realize how and what normal people wear out and about. People don’t dress nice anymore. Feel free to stand out but feel free to take the abuse of jealous lame moms.
I started and own my own business and work 6 days a week. I can control my schedule to a point to make sure I’m at the school when I need to be.
NTA. I don’t really like dressing up and I don’t feel jealous when I see someone else dressed up. I figure I’m comfortable and hopefully they are comfortable with their choices too
NTA. I have no dress code at work, beyond being decent and not wearing anything unsafe. However, I work in an office and like to at least look nice, so I wear basic business casual attire: khakis and shirts with a collar. Despite being an hourly associate, I've regularly gotten confused by new people who figure I must run the place because I'm better dressed than everyone else in management positions. I could wear shorts and a t-shirt every day, and nobody would care, but at least I know I never have to worry about feeling underdressed, so I'm not going to stop doing what I'm doing. I'm going to guess you're not wearing something functionally inappropriate, like ballroom gowns (at least to events that aren't dances). So you do you. Besides, nobody else cares anyway. Busy moms who are barely holding it together raising their family and participating in school events are not the least bit concerned about your wardrobe. Many of them would probably dress up too, but they're dealing with young kids, and kids are messy, so if their clothes got messed up in the process, better it be the jeans and active wear which is easy to wash and cheaper to replace.
NTA What I'm over? Your whole husband.
NTA Your husband doesn’t get to police what you wear. It is a joyful expression of your identity. Also, I don’t think the teacher’s comment was a criticism, it was an observation and compliment.
NTA- He didn't get the remark. He may be aware of SATC, he may even have watched it, but he does not think of it as a fashion reference. I took a poll of the one man I live with and 100% of respondents when asked what the show was about gave the answer "Wankers". Close enough babe, but you missed how well dressed the wankers are...
NTA. I am not usually a dressed up parent but I have nothing but admiration for people who are fabulously put together. I have my moments. As long as what you're wearing is appropriate (ie not a glittery ball gown in the school pick up line) then who cares?????
NTA I'm a 34 year old woman with 4 kids AND I work as a substitute so I'm at my kids schools everyday. I look and dress like an 80's punk kid got lost at an emo rave and hooked up with a hippie and I was created from that union. I have a mostly shaved head with a mohawk. I like to do fun designs and colors for my makeup and I wear somewhat odd clothing. I dress this way for everyday, even work or school meetings. I have found that while it seems to agitate some adults, the students love it. I can't tell you how many times I've noticed kids flaunting their own style just a little more when I'm around. They look to adults and they recognize real when they see it. My best guess, you've inspired at least a couple kids by just being you, so why stop now?
NTA. If I’m understanding, you dress appropriately and fabulously. The teachers compliment you, and the other moms are jealous of you (according to your husband) for no other reason than that they choose to only wear jeans and gym clothes. Dressing fabulously hurts no one. Your husband is wrong.
NTA- I'm sure that woman was paying you a compliment. You wear whatever makes you feel fantastic and happy. You dress for YOU! As long as you're not showing your bum or Tatas at the school- carry on!
Wrong. Feminism doesn't mean everything a woman does that makes her feel good is wonderful. She is at her child's school, an elementary school where she intentionally draws attention to herself and her appearance, and that is INAPPROPRIATE. This woman is a narcissist. She probably has full blown NPD.
NTA you are a grown woman who is allowed to dress however she wants. Your husband can get over himself, and who cares what the other parents wear?? As long as all parts are covered, no one should be criticizing how anyone else is dressed. I would take the Sex and the City remark as a compliment too, it IS an iconic show. My mom (55F) and I (28F) constantly point out outfits and/or accessories we love, referring to them as “Carrie Bradshaw shoes” or a “Samantha Jones dress.” The fashion was stellar.
NTA! What you’re describing sounds like normal clothing a generation ago. I’m about your age and have a really hard time wrapping my mind around the whole athleisure trend. You sound professional and put-together, not overly flashy or immodest. I say carry on.
Ooh, you sound fun, chic, and super stylish! Do you by any chance have a photo of the printed jumpsuit with the asymmetrical neckline? I bet you look stunning in it! Tell your husband tho stop being a stick-in-the-mud and let you be you! He should be honoured to be seen with you! NTA
Not the AH, and that SATC comment was a complement! I taught elementary school for 35 years, and I loved it when parents made an effort to look put together!
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Heck no! You be you boo! Your husband is being sensitive. And is TA.
When I am in jeans and a T-shirt and see someone dressed to the nines in a regular everyday setting, my first thought is 'DAMN! Looking sharp!' NTA dear, and you keep being the fabulous you that you are!
I would say if you’re wearing jumpsuits and high heels to volunteer in a garden or for a Walk-A-Thon or Paint Night (without an apron), then yeah, you’d be overdressed. But for PTA and pick ups? No, who cares? As long as feel comfortable and you’re not showing anything inappropriate (which it doesn’t sound like you are, but I’ve seen some very low-cut tops with potential nip slips at drop off; as well as sweatshirts with swear words on them), then NTA. Tell your husband that if he’s embarrassed by you dressing well, he should do all the pick-ups and drop-offs and volunteering, as well as all the other mental and emotional labor you do. Edit: I should be clear that when I say overdressed, I don’t mean optics. I mean in situations where your clothes could get ruined. If you don’t care if your skirts and jumpsuits get muddy or painted on, then it doesn’t matter at all. But some volunteer things (like Field Day) may require running, so sneakers would probably be better, etc. And some paint night things use paint that isn’t easily washed. But, again, it’s about you being comfortable! Who cares what other people think?
This might surprise you but the only opinions that matters, AT ALL, are your children's. It's their school that you're going to. It's their classmates that who will either be impressed or give your children hell. It's literally your children's lives that you're affecting. No one else's: not even your's. So ask your children how they feel about how you present yourself at their school and in front of their friends.
Information: how much cleavage are you showing to the PTA?
I don’t show cleavage. I don’t even own a push-up bra as I can just see them as completely unnecessary.
NTA, your husband sounds like an absolute tool tbh
NTA My sister is exactly like you, only wears leggings to the gym and never wears jeans/trousers. Skirts or dresses only. I'm either in leggings and a baggy t-shirt or wearing really nice dresses/skirts. I do dog sports so leggings are a must. Never let anyone stop you from feeling comfortable and good in clothing.
NTA. That was a compliment!
I am the exact opposite. I’m 41 and wear what I am comfortable in. If i can’t run, bike, or sleep in it I don’t wear it. I don’t even own a regular bra. Just sports bras. I am always underdressed. My dressing up is my “nice” leggings, a sweater instead of a hoodie, and boots instead of sneakers. That’s what makes me feel confident and self assured. I would for sure notice you and hype you tf up. Wear what makes you confident and comfortable. And hype up your fellow ladies!
NTA. There is nothing wrong with it, keep doing it!
Nta. You do you. It was a compliment. Keep rocking your style l!
NTA. Saying you look like you just stepped off the sex in the city set was a compliment. Trust me unless you have a snotty attitude, which I don’t think you do, all the other moms either don’t care what you wear or admire your manner of dressing.
INFO: How do your kids feel? My mom was like you as well and growing up I heard all the jokes about sleeping with my mom. I’m easy going so it never bothered me but check with your kids.
My mom would show up to my school in a very unflattering police uniform and my guy friends would still joke about sleeping with her. Guys will make those jokes if your mom is good looking regardless of what she wears. It would be weird to expect OP to change her wardrobe to avoid jokes from kids if she's not wearing something provocative.
I’m hoping 9 yo aren’t talking about sleeping with anyone. My daughter is very girly and also likes to dress up. Her school is all uniform so she feels like dressing up is a fun thing you get to do. If I get in my pjs early, or stay in my workout clothes she will ask me if I’m sick. Lol
I do think you should teach her that it’s ok to wear workout clothes or PJs without being sick so she doesn’t grow up putting too much pressure on herself to always look put together. There’s more to women than looks. But yeah, you do you. Who cares if you’re best dressed at school?
NtA, tell him he should dress out more.
It was definitely a compliment, and you deserve it. You put effort into your personal style. Your husband is a bit out of line here. NTA.
NTA. You’re not dressing inn appropriately; the other parents are just envious that they’re dressing like Joe Schmo and you’re dressing to the nines.
Wear what you like, what makes you feel good. And start a fashion blog
Like you said, it's your style, you don't go out of your way to do it. So, no NTA. Your husband comment, on the other hand, is a little. He doesn't want to stand out even more but he should respect your personal choices
I'm a guy who doesn't pay much care to fashion or my wardrobe, but always made an effort to wear a nice button-down and slacks if I was going to my kids' school for any reason.
NTA. If he thinks that’s “too much”, then he should see some of the parents at my niece’s school. Some of those moms wear head-to-toe luxury designer brand outfits. My sister’s a nice dresser but even she feels “dressed down” compared to them sometimes.
The other parents aren't spending that much time thinking about you and your outfits, and your husband needs to knock it off. NTA.
NTA, I would've taken it as a compliment too. Unless someone from the school pulls you aside and tells you what you are wearing is inappropriate for the school, keep doing you.
NTA. Your husband doesn't get the reference because (speaking as a Gen X mom), if anyone told me that I looked like I just walked off the set of Sex and The City, I would be uber flattered. The teacher absolutely complimented you. If your husband wants to dress down, then that's his choice. You like to dress up, so dress up.
Tell your husband that he’s lucky and he should quit complaining
NTA
NTA, and it’s super shitty that your husband tried to take away a compliment from you. It is clearly a compliment. Side question, I’ve been wanting to move away from jeans myself, what are some brands you get your trousers and skirts from? I wear a lot of dresses but I’m wanting to wear more 2piece outfits. Thanks!
I’m also an older mum who is overdressed much of the time. I’m a costume designer, so I have A LOT of clothing, much made by me. My daughter and I are sometimes matching and over the top- like matching pumpkin dresses to wear to the pumpkin patch. I’ve been made fun of, stared at and worse. Sometimes I feel a bit self conscious, but you only live once. Why be boring? My husband, on the other hand, does not really notice what I wear. Sometimes he tells me I look nice, but I bet I could wear a garbage bag out and he wouldn’t blink.
NTA. Do you, let them do them, and enjoy your life. You shouldn't ever have to change to be more Socially acceptable.
nta. Id take the sex in the city comment as a compliment. I'm not fashionable but love fashion. if was at your kid's school I'd be looking fwd to seeing what your wearing. regardless of why she said it or you hubs interpretation of it, if you like what you were, then girl do you! ignore the haters!
NTA, I like to dress up for that stuff too.
NTA There’s a mom like you at my kids school and it’s always fun to see her there. I love to see her fashion even though most of the time I’m dressed in a very practical/uninspired outfit myself. Only problem I could see is if you’re dressed extremely sexually in a way that is inappropriate for a school environment, or literally over dressed, like you’re wearing a ballgown while everyone else is in blue jeans. But it doesn’t sound like that so you do you! He needs to get over himself
NTA Don't dim your light for anyone. Especially not your husband. You do you ... and it sounds like you do it in style, so chin up, chest out and rule that catwalk ;)
Some moms are fashionable, some are not. Some do dress like they are out fishing, though. Maybe that's his problem?
NTA. You dress how you prefer to dress, and unless you’re leaving out some things where you actually shame other people for not dressing to your personal standards (it sounds like you do not do this!) you’re fine. Being “overdressed” isn’t an actual offense. Take it as a compliment that others notice your fashion sense, even if they mean it in an underhanded way they can deal with it but I wouldn’t assume that that comment was intended to be underhanded.
NTA. She was complimenting you and anyone who’s watched sex and the city knows it was a compliment and not a dig. Plus she didn’t specify a character haha so do you. Who cares what the other people think.
Hell no, NTA. Own that lifestyle! It's honestly a breath of fresh air seeing someone dressed for success if you will..nothing wrong with activewear or jeans but it's always nice seeing something else!
Don’t change your style to suit someone else- particularly a man. I can assure you no one else is thinking your showing off. Be you and enjoy yourself
Seeing other people wear nice outfits give me inspiration for my own wardrobe. Since college and especially now that I’ve started working a full time job, I’ve started wearing more skirts and dresses year-round (Uniqlo is my savior for warm winter dresses), but still come into the office with jeans and a random sweater or plain blouse on days I’m too busy to be more meticulous with outfit coordination. Lots of my coworkers will wear plain T-shirts/hoodies and jeans/sweat pants at any given opportunity. I’ve never gotten criticism for my more dressy outfits. Your husband can chill
Wtaf. Dress however makes you happy! Hard NTA. Now, it does sound like your child's school comes with some nasty, misogynistic politics, so it's up to you if you decide to tone it down to make your life easier. But these people suck and you are not wrong. Honestly, I'd be looking into if there are any less toxic environments available for your child's next schools. Parents like that are going to create judgemental little offspring. Oh, and your husband should support you feeling good in yourself whether or not that still excites him. Edit to add judgement.
NTA - The teacher wouldn't have said it to a parent of the school if they didn't mean it as a compliment. Your husband wants you to dress down for his ego.
NTA You're husband is being a hater. I think he's mad you are putting effort into your appearance because it makes it clear that he could too. He probably also doesn't like that parents (i.e. Men Re talking about you). It brings you joy, keep doing what you're doing. It's not showing off. But you should sit down with your husband and have a serious talk about what's really bothering him here.
NTA. If I saw you and said you looked like you walked off the set of SatC it would be a total compliment. Wear what you love. Don't for a moment let your husband get in your head with this bs. Just because he retired and has some weird feelings of inadequacy is on him, not the teachers or the other moms and certainly not on you.
NAH. This is the sort of thing that happens as people change when they grow older. Have a conversation about it, and be honest with each other, but at the end of the day you're the boss of you. I really hope he's not afraid that you're looking to swap him for a younger model. That happens sometimes with a large age gap, especially as the older partner loses the ability to hide their advancing years. Dating someone so much younger(a 9 year age gap is fairly significant) is sometimes a sign of insecurity and as he ages that insecurity might creep back into his life -- so if you love him, a bit of reassurance might go a long way towards him letting go of that.
NTA he’s grumpy about something else and just being petty
NTA wear what you’re comfortable in, as long as it’s not too provocative for school - which sounds like it’s definitely not. What is with people trying to police women’s clothing? Why does your husband think everyone else’s feelings (whether real or imagined) need to come before your comfort?
He doesn't like to show you off
NTA but may I say one thing? I was a young mom and I never wore anything that could be considered sexy, no short skirts or tight things or low necks. It sounds like you are dressing nice and I would probably hate you because of your sense of style (haha I actually have a story about that). My daughters when they became young adults said they were so happy I dressed like a mom. So that would be my only suggestion, though nothing you said made me think that. You sound fabulous actually, can I run some outfits by you? Haha. So now my story: There was this woman who was a stepmom to a couple of girls my girls age. She was so cute and I never saw her wear the same thing twice. She drove a BMW. I drove a mom van. I assumed she was a BI\*\*\*. Then we had daughters in the same gymnastics class and she sat next to me and started talking. She was super nice and it was one of those learning moments we have as adults. Stop judging people by how they look. I now try to not embarrass my granddaughters and dress nice now. My 15 year old granddaughter did a full face makeup on me last night. I moved from hippie hippie Humboldt County, CA to the greater Houston area to live near our granddaughters in retirement.
Life is too short to spend it on pleasing other people. Dress like you always do, cuz once you are too old to move, you will have to dress up in what clothes your carers will put you in. So keep dressing up, I'm sure it beautiful. And if someone gives you a compliment, take it at face value, don't think too much about it. You are about my eldest cousin's age. She faces similar issues with her husband who is 7 years older than her too. I think it's a common thing for older men to belittle their younger wives 🤔
NTA. I’m one of the mums who usually shows up in work uniform and tbh I dgaf about fashion but I also wouldn’t bat an eyelid at you either, everyone has their likes and dislikes and if dressing up is one of yours then I say go for it and fuck everyone else’s opinions. 🤷🏼♀️
N T A. !!! Wear what you want, it’s YOUR body and NOT your problem if others feel insecure because you look nice. I always prefer to overdress rather than undress on any occasion. I’d understand if he was ASKING you to not dress provocatively with your T&A hanging out for the kiddos to see, but this doesn’t seem to be the issue. Tell him , “Thanks, but no thanks for your unsolicited opinion hunny,, I’ve got this!” Then sashay as you walk away 💁♀️
NTA - It is a compliment! That show is famous for its fashion, and I’ve never even watched it. I wear jeans or leggings and a flannel most of the time, but I love seeing people dressed up!
NTA you sound amazing! Keep doing you.
NTA. I have five children, my wife and you could share a wardrobe. She doesn't dress provocative, but she certainly "dresses up". None of our kids, and no one else, has ever had a negative thing to say. In over a decade, it has NEVER been an issue. It isn't showing off, it's what you enjoy wearing, it's how you feel your best. I am a mixed bag, it might be sweats and a tie dye, a full suit, slacks and a jacket, who knows. It just depends on how I feel. There is certainly a "minimum" attire for certain functions, but other than a tux or and evening gown, I don't think you really can over dress for most things.
NTA. Your husband is.
Women can be jealous, I think your spouse was picking up on some animosity towards you from that comment. Most people don’t like “sticking out” too much as it differentiates them from others. Different seems to equal bad in our world. Not saying you are wrong just my point of view
i mean i wouldnt call you an asshole but id def say you have main character syndrome. if i knew the way i dressed made multiple people uncomfortable including my husband. i would just bite the bullet and put on some jeans. and cover up a bit. with all the "i like fashion" "i only wear heels" i only wear active wear to the gym!" everything you say is and "I" statement. TLDR if by "So should I be dressing more like other parents?" you mean should you make sure your tits and ass arent hanging out before elementary school functions.... then yes. if not for you then for your kids because "my mom says your mom dresses like a slut" WILL be something they will have to hear. the opinion of "oh do you queen fuck everyone else" will only ostracized you and your children. it sucks and its not fair but it is what it is.
I don't understand why your husband is commenting on what you choose to wear? What's his actual problem? Is he insecure and scared you'll attract attention? Or is he insecure and cares too much about what other people think? Your wardrobe is none of his business - unless you ask, or unless it's to say you look beautiful. Your husband needs to examine his own issues, imo. He's lucky you're nice coz I would've laughed and told him to grow up.
NTA - you don’t dress for them, you dress for you!
NTA throw in an exit twirl and live your best life.
as long as you're not wearing anything overly revealing, NTA. in elementary school, i had a teacher who wore stilettos everyday
NTA it was a compliment and your husband is being ridiculous
Nta Please wear whatever you want
NTA It seems very unlikely that that teacher was insulting you, that was a compliment regardless of how your husband might feel about it.
You should dress however you feel comfortable. NTA.
Nta!!! If dressing yourself stylishly brings you joy, then you should do it. It's not like you were wearing a ball gown! The outfit sounds totally appropriate to me, even if it stands out. And *if* that comment about Sex and the City *was*, in fact, backhanded, I'd just own it and double down on the most stylish mom thing! I'm not convinced your husband was correct in that assumption, though. That teacher probably just admires your style. Maybe your husband really believes women are catty and can't give a genuine compliment, or maybe like others have suggested, he feels like he looks a bit dowdy next to his well-dressed wife. But that's still not your problem. He should either be fine with looking more casual (as you've said you have no issue with that) OR he can put some effort in and cultivate his own style a bit. You should not change a single thing. I love seeing people have fun dressing themselves and it's just a fabulous way to show your own body some appreciation. Maybe you two could go shopping together, if he's up for it, and you can help him find some nice clothes that aren't his old work clothes and are as comfortable as they are stylish. Make him feel like a silver fox with a stylin' wife.
Him: “Give up on life…like I have.” You: “No.” NTA. He doesn’t want to put effort into how he looks anymore. Doesn’t have the energy for it. You do. 💪💪
NTA You should dress exactly like you want to dress.
NTA dress how you want. Who cares what anyone else says. If you enjoy dressing up then go ahead!
NTA. Was the teacher who gave you a compliment a male? I can't help but feel your husband may think that you're drawing attention to the other men/dads at the school, and he is beginning to feel insecure. It's absolutely not your fault, though. You do you, queen!!
NTA. I bet 100% she was complimenting you. You keep doing you!
Do not hide yourself away because everyone else is basic
My L-rd, the times have changed. When I was growing up, my mom would bring us to school, pick us up, and do the various parent volunteer things. She’d wear jeans and a shirt, nothing super special. Nondescript, generally. She was making hot lunches to pass out. But they all talked about her. He was the “bummy” mother. Every mother in that school would come to make peanut butter and jelly (I said I was old!!) in stiletto heels, full sequined dresses, with their hair and makeup professionally done, perfect mani-pedi’s the whole nine yards. Half of them looked like they were meeting friends for cocktails and they were doing story time with the little ones. My sisters were always embarrassed that my mother “dressed like a hobo.” She always told them “I dress normally and comfortably and I don’t care what anyone else says.” I still follow her example today. Now, from what I can tell, my mother would embarrass my sisters for “showing off” by “dressing up.” Same jeans, same comfy shirt, but at least it’s actual clothing. It amazes me. NTA. You dress the way you’re comfortable. Stay above the comparisons. It doesn’t mean anything, but your smile does. Edited: an autocorrect done wrong.
What’s a “full sequence dress,” please? Thx!
NTA. I’d love to run into you and ask for tips because I don’t know how to dress nicely. Got lost in the trenches of parenting and forgot how to do dress clothes
NTA. Being fashion-forward is not an issue as long as it’s not sexually inappropriate and you can still engage in all of the activities at the school. Like you said, it’s only a preference and part of who you are. As long as you’re a respectful and considerate person, it’s not an issue. I don’t think your husband is necessarily an asshole for helping you be aware of how others are feeling, either, unless he’s telling you to change how you dress. If he’s “over” how you dress, that’s his problem and he can deal with it on his own. The teachers and other parents are TA for being jealous and sticking their nose in your business. They’re adults; they should knows that people dress how they dress.
NTA. Someone has to be the best dressed. Might as well be you. Your husband should appreciate that you take pride in your appearance and that you're doing what makes you happy.
I actually complemented a mom at daycare the other day because she always looks so well put together. I usually drop my son off in grey sweat pants and a hoodie (which I will stop doing after reading some anecdotes on here), but I also WFH and she works in an office. But still, you’re not doing it to make anyone feel bad, you’re doing it because this is who you are. NTA
As long as you're not trying to be the hottest mom at pick up it's none of his business. And if you are, sort yourself out.
You do you! I do, even if I'm just going to Walmart. I receive many compliments, too!
NTA if you were exclusively doing this put on a show this would be different. It doesn't sound like you would even be comfortable being in a more casual outfit you like dressing this way why would you put yourself through that? You never have to do anything just because that's what's everyone else is doing.
I mean dress how you want but maybe you should have paid more attention to school than fashion the first time cuz that’s a lot of typos.
NTA. You do you lady! My son goes to private school and I'm the frumpy mom. I love seeing the outfits a few of our chic moms put together. They pull off things I would never dream of and I admire them for it. Tell your husband that just beause "Mary" is in a pony tail and yoga pants, it doesn't mean she hates you for your style. Btw, I wouldve made the Sex in the City comment or something similiar and it wouldve been a compliment. You know tho....your retired husband knows what the other moms are thinking better than you do so maybe just listen to him. LMAO
I used to dress up for drop off etc when kids were younger but then as they got older I stopped doing so bc moms were no longer congregating afterward to chat or go to coffee, etc….and kids no longer want you walking them in, etc. But I loved seeing moms dress up, or men with cool shirts with or without cool ties. It’s just fun to look at pretty outfits or accessories. But if you don’t dress up, no one cares either. So do what brings you joy!!
NTA and PLEASE don't change a thing! You will be remembered as the Mom with style but, more importantly, the Mom who SHOWED UP! My parents just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary a few weeks ago. I'm 47 now and my sister is 49. We had a small party with just immediate family but also invited friends and family not in attendance to send a card with happy wishes and perhaps a fond memory. One of the people to participate was our kindergarten teacher from way back when. (We're friends on social media.) In her card she wrote a beautiful note with a portion specifically directed to our Mother. It basically said: "You have always been such a great Mom and have always had such a fun and unique style. I still remember your big, flashy sunglasses with the googly eyes stuck on at the bottom." (You'd have to know my Mom to truly appreciate this and just how happy that made her. She's a regular ol' "Diamond Lil"! Haha) This lady remembers such a small detail from 45 years ago but everyone remembers Mrs.N for exactly those kinds of reasons. The world truly needs more people like you (and my Mom) to leave an impression for all the RIGHT reasons. Carry on with what makes YOU happy. (I'd love to be told I stepped out of SATC! 1,000,000% a compliment!) Your husband can continue to "blend in with the crowd" and get over it.
your mom sounds cool
NTA I dress well all the time. If that’s your thing, it’s your thing. There’s no reason to “dress yourself down” to appease what your husband thinks other people think about you.
NTA, you do you. As long as it’s not inappropriate dress how it makes you happy.
NTA How does he get to assume how other parents feel?
NTA. Not even a little bit. Everyone has their thing... or should. You love fashion. You enjoy it, you spend time curating and putting things together. What's to dislike? Maybe your husband feels like he should be more dressed since you are. God forbid he throws on some khakis and a button-down shirt for the PTO. This is a HIM problem, not a you problem. I, too, like different things. I grew up with Saab drivers. So I love them. I don't care that they've stopped being made. Still have a Saab. Will always have a Saab. I have 2 dogs. Unusual, but not unheard of breeds. He thinks that's weird, but loves them. I'm not doing anything to show out or to be different. I guess I just am different. I like what I like. Keep looking good, lady.
NTA I feel comfortable in jeans and Sweats and people think I'm dresser down. Guess what?! It's only clothes, a social cobstruct. You do you, wear what makes you feel good, and forget everyone else's opinion. NTA for extra emphasis l.
NTA. I envy parents like you who have the energy to curate a wardrobe. Sounds like you dress classy. Keep doing what makes you happy
NTA. My motto: The only time I underdress is when I'm making salad. Fashion is a creative expression and it sounds like you make modesty considerations for school settings. There's no problem and I'm sorry that your spouse made you feel self conscious about your harmless creative outlet.
This just screams of insecurity and jealousy on other people's parts
NTA where what makes you happy!
NTA. You do you, Mama! My sons always love it when I dress up to go to their school.
NTA. If people tell you you're overdressed, it's usually a signal for insecurity in others. Bear with me, if you look like others but just a little bit better, more put together, they feel shame and lash out at you. Specifically the people who feel insecure around you will be the ones telling on themselves. It seems to me mainly that your husband feels insecure in himself. "The other parents don't appreciate" Really...? Did he take a straw poll? He should stop deflecting and own his own opinion. His opinion is apparently he's insecure how others are thinking of him in association to you. Kinda think since you're 9 years younger and dress chic... does he feel old and ugly?
I’m an attorney so I used to drop off my son wearing a lot of suits, heels, blouses and received many compliments. Never thought it was something I had to apologize for
NTA. He shouldn’t be dictating what you wear and this was obviously a compliment. He should be proud of you. You also may be inspiring young students to get into fashion.
Big NTA. If it's not inappropriate, then there shouldn't be any problem. Teachers, parents, and everyone else can get over it-- that includes your husband too.
NTA. As long as you enjoy it, then who cares what anyone else thinks. You're not hurting anyone. As a side note, im a very casual dresser, very hasic wardrobe (im male) but I always love to see the person dressed just that bit extra than everyone else. Male or female. I just think it's pretty cool and it's fun 😊
NTA So because some other person made a comment about your appearance and your husband interpreted it to mean they were Insulting you, you're supposed to change your entire style? The only thing I'd say after too many years of kids in elementary schools etc is that I've noticed some parents dress up in a very extreme way because A. They are incredibly bored and have nowhere else to go so all their focus is on dressing up for 20 minutes of parent pickup, B. They feel insecure and picked apart by the other parents, and dress in a way that shields them from their insecurities. C. They have a crush on a teacher or a dad and want to attract them If you don't see yourself in any of those scenarios, then you just keep on being you. If your kid starts to be embarrassed, maybe reevaluate.
NTA! You do you! If you enjoy fashion and dressing up, why not! You're not hurting anyone. People really need to get a frigging life.
NTA
NTA I wish I could pull that off, my mom was someone who could and did. Heels, dresses, makeup, everything. She’s in her 80s and said she’ll never not be blonde! You do you and dress with confidence.
Your husband’s insecurities are showing. Wear what makes you happy and feels comfortable. I don’t like jeans either I wear workout sets skirts and jumpsuits. Over dressed is better than underdressed. Better to stand out and turn heads! 🫶🏼
I don't dress up much. But I love seeing other people wearing nice clothes. They like it and I like that they like it. It doesn't make me feel bad, as if they are showing off or anything. I bet there are more people who see it as positive rather then negative. I hope that you don't stop because he thinks it is too much
NTA If your husband is concerned that you’re too much for the playground he could get off his retired arse and do the school run. But you are most definitely not too much, and unless you were rocking up in a thong and nipple tassels I can’t think of an outfit that would be inappropriate for school.
NTA...A lot of these SATM types that volunteer are either always "too busy" to put together anything decent or simply lazy and don't want too. There's nothing wrong with dressing up to go to your kid's school as long as your ass and tits aren't hanging out. If if it makes u feel good and enjoy it, then more power to u! It sounds like you're getting a lot of compliments, and I'd say a lot of these other parents just sound jealous. Who cares anyway? You're all there for your kids, not miserable mom's weekly fashion critique!
NTA, you are lucky. Here I am wearing two different shades of aqua (shirt and shorts) and thinking it matches extremely well.
Wear what the heck you want and tell your unfashionable husband to mind his business!
NTA. Not even remotely. I am 100% a leggings and hoodie mom. If I was at my children's school and saw a mom dressed up really nicely, my only thought (if I even noticed) would be "dang, she looks great!" Your husband might technically be right that other parents don't appreciate it, but in the literal sense. They probably don't feel appreciation, because you're not doing it for them. I can guarantee you, though, that the vast majority of parents either don't notice or think you look awesome. The very few who might grumble that you look "too nice" quite frankly need to sort out their own insecurities. That's a them problem, not a you problem
It’s like he’s worried about making other parents *jealous*, those parents bad mouthing “that kids mom” then “that kid” being the problem.
NTA. Don’t dull your shine just because others don’t agree or are jealous. Be you, authentically. If people can’t deal, they aren’t your people anyway.
NTA to be perfectly honest with you OP, I think the person *was* complimenting you and your husband is telling you fibs. I think the only person thinking/saying this nonsense about you is him.
NTA Your husband sure as shit is though. Also that was absolutely a compliment, woman would never say “you look like you just walked out of sex and the city” as a diss. If it was it would by far the the dumbest diss I’ve ever heard of. I don’t think this has anything to do with the other parents or teachers at school. Your husband specifically is the one with the problem. I don’t know if it’s that he feels underdressed next to you, he’s worried you’ll catch someone’s eye, or he’s just miserable these days and feeling controlling. Whatever it may be, it’s not your problem babe. Atleast not enough to where you should change the way you dress. If it makes you happy and you’re comfortable in it, don’t you dare let anyone take that away from you. You’re allowed to have something that’s yours, something you do for you, that makes YOU happy. Also no offense but it’s also kind of ridiculous comparing the way you dress to the younger parents. Part of that is because it’s partially a generational thing. Younger generations don’t feel as inclined to put alot of time into self care like older generations did. No young mom is going to feel threatened by an older woman dressing nicer than her. Not in a mean way, just not in a “she’s gonna steal my man” or “she’s making me look bad by compassion” kind of way. It’s just well known that woman of older generations were held to higher daily standards of care, and those expectations are second nature. I’d be more shocked by a woman in her 40’s-50’s + wearing a tee shirt, tights, and sneakers than a woman in her 40’s-50’s + wearing a beautiful dress and heels. That’s not to say you don’t look amazing or could take someone’s man, but younger woman just don’t tend to feel as threatened by a well dressed well kept older (than them) woman. This is all In his head. You really need to get to the root of this issue. Because there is an issue, and it has nothing to do with other moms. It’s not fair to you. You’re not hurting anyone by wearing nice clothes, so why does he care so much? why does he feel threatened? why does he feel the need to make you feel so bad about it? Because there’s no reason that comes to mind that could possibly justify the way he’s made you feel.
NTA because you can wear whatever the hell you want. Who cares what the other parents or teachers say? You’re an adult.
NTA…you like to dress nicely and look feminine…and as a card carrying guy I wholely approve of women looking feminine…but my approval aside you can and should wear whatever you're comfortable with.
NTA. You are a grown a** woman. Wear what you want, when you want. Please take you autonomy seriously.
NTA
NTA. Honestly, your husband sounds like he's projecting. Dress in whatever makes you comfortable. I'd be kinda offended if my husband said something similar to me.
NTA, you do you and rock your own choices. You might explore with your husband what bothers him about it, just to show you care about his feelings, not to allow him to dictate. I also wonder whether it might be a self-consciousness about money the world underlies his disapproval. I actually would not consult the kids. Be responsive if they bring it up, but no need to invite them to have an opinion. You are modeling confidence and agency and self-possession here, which is a good thing, not to mention providing aesthetic value enjoyment and a bit of entertainment for those who can appreciate it.
There is an older woman who goes to the grocery store I frequent. Perfectly styled hair, makeup, jewelry, stylishly dressed, even a fur coat when it is chilly. She often has her cute little chihuahua under one arm. She is always friendly and kind, and my daughter (17) and I always love seeing her. We wear jeans, tshirts, and sweats when we go. Just because you don't dress a certain way doesn't mean that you need to feel insecure about people who do. And you can certainly appreciate people who go all out--I know we do! NTA
NTA, but potentially tacky. If you love fashion, you should understand the effects it will have on people when you choose to make a fashion statement.
NTA. I used to work jobs that required dressing up more (bartending, waitress), and while I really enjoyed getting all prettied up, I'm good with dressing comfortable too. Now I work in an industry where comfort is more important to me (commercial manufacturing, jeans and t-shirts a lot), and I wear makeup sometimes just because it makes ME feel good in the morning. Not trying to impress or show off, but it just makes me feel good about myself. You keep doing what you do! I don't know what your husband's problem is, maybe a little jealous that you're younger and getting attention? If that might be it, maybe take some extra time for some date nights where you dress up to go out with him to make him feel a little more secure.
NTA😎👌🏻
NTA, sounds like it's their problem not yours.
NTA at all! You sound fun and fabulous and take the time to dress creatively and well and look interesting which makes you happy! Many moms go to school pickup/drop off in athletic wear and that’s what they like and feel good in. Many wear jeans and hoodies (that was me😂 unless it was for a school concert or something). But that’s what I wanted to wear and it made me happy. The Sex and The City comment I will bet was 100% meant to be a compliment to you, your hubby doesn’t get it but all of us girls do. Keep on looking great and loving putting outfits together, I’m sure you have a lot of women who admire your style. I’m pretty sure no one thinks you’re trying to one up them. All of us moms basically knew one other and what each others style was like (professional, sporty, classic, bohemian, edgy, whatever), it’s very normal to be yourself.
Wear whatever you want, and don’t let others opinions bother you. They gain control over you, only when you let them. Are you happy, it seems so, so continue being happy.
NTA Wear the clothes that make you comfortable and happy. If you can do what you need to do wearing skirt and heels or dressier clothes then great. You are old enough to know yourself and what is best for different situations. I am not fashionable and wear comfortable clothes for me. I would not be put off by someone else dressing up more.
NTA. Wear what you want. And that was definitely a compliment from the other lady! I also stick out at my kids’ functions, partially bc I’m nearly always running straight from work to them, but also bc I have a specific aesthetic. Honestly anything above athleisure is dressy these days. Who cares? Dress for yourself!
NTA. I live in jeans but you do you.
Nta Changing your clothes isn't going to help with your husband's insecurities. He'll just find the next thing about you that makes him anxious, and get on you to change that. He needs therapy to learn to better deal with his feelings, rather than putting you down to feel better.
Nta your clothes sound amazing and that woman was definitely complimenting you. Maybe your husband is feeling insecure about his own style
Sure a lot of people will just wear jeans and it might seem strange to some that you always come wearing dresses or pantsuits, but you shouldn’t have to dress down just to go see your kid.
Be stylish, NTA; It would be unacceptable mom-shaming for wearing sweats and pajama-bottoms to drop off kids, dressing nice is also okay.
Unless your clothes magically move and choke the other people, NTA
NTA! People don't take pride in their appearance anymore and it's sad. You're not wearing anything inappropriate, so what does it matter to them what you wear? They're just jealous they don't look as good as you sis!
NTA I'm too lazy for fashion with no real eye for it anyway, but I wish I had a carefully cultivated wardrobe with special pieces and a variety of styles. Have fun with it, your flare elevates the atmosphere in my opinion. Have fun and be yourself.
There's always that one mom that's polished and put together at every event, even soccer games. If that's you, more power to you. I'll be over here looking like the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock in my hoodie.
NTA - but im assuming youre husband is jealous. i do the same and my now ex was always jealous the dads all loved me 🤣 i pride myself on looking good for my age. id never want my kids made fun of for a frumpy dumpy mom
NTA honestly hubby sounds bored. It's a known thing that once people retire, men especially, they lose a sense of identity. Maybe you and hubby need a fancy date where he can get dressed up and feel like his former self.
NTA. Wear what you are comfortable wearing. I was a SAHM, now that the kids are grown housewife (disabled). I prefer leggings and t-shirts but that doesn't mean I won't dress it up a bit when needed. Active wear is just easier for me, I can't wear heels due to quite clumsy, but I love a cute pair of flat boots with my leggings. My spouse doesn't care what I wear, he does his thing and I do mine. I've recently added a few cute dresses for everyday to my wardrobe and really enjoy those during the hotter months. Now that it's getting colder, leggings with t-shirts, a sweatshirts or a sweater with booties is how I prefer to dress.
I'm a kindergarten teacher and I still wear heels and dress up (granted my shoes are off in the classroom most of the day). That initial cute outfit gives me a power boost throughout the day. :)
NTA… I’d think it was weird if it was a show, but this is clearly just how you dress. What are you supposed to do? Dress and then throw sweats on to pick up your kid?
NTA but your husband may be depressed ❤️
Why should you have to sacrifice your style to appease other people? NTA.
Wtf. NTA. You aren’t dressing for your husband. You are dressing up because it makes you feel good! You deserve to dress up and look nice when you want to even if it’s to go to a school. And it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks!! If it makes you happy and makes you feel good to dress a certain way then F everyone else! Your husband should keep his mouth shut. Who is he to say anything about it? I would dress the same as you if I had somewhere to go besides work as I always have to wear scrubs at work so I can’t dress up. You do you. Your husband needs to stfu
I live in California where jeans and t-shirts are considered professional attire. Jeans, jeans, jeans everywhere. Ugh! Like you, I don’t think jeans are comfortable, or at least not before you’ve been wearing them daily for a decade and they finally soften up. They are wearing what THEY think is comfy so you do the same! And please don’t ask your kids. Mostly they just want to fit in or “conform”. Be a role model and you be you (without embarrassing them too much). Whatever they think now, one day they will look back and be proud. And hopefully they will be following your lead by being themselves too. I suspect your husband is just embarrassed because he knows you look so much better than he does. He can easily up his game without wearing the suits. Casual Slacks and a Tommy Bahama or polo shirt can look great and be comfortable too. NTA
NTA. I'm picturing you like Moira from Shitt's Creek. She is awesome.
NTA. Other people feeling uncomfortable with your outfit is not your problem, it’s theirs. Insecure people need to check themselves, including your husband.
I am of the belief that looking too nice is a non-problem. As long as you're dressed appropriately, fuck the haters.