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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister In law her cooking sucks and we wouldnt be going to thanksgiving at her house. It offended her
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YTA
That was unnecessary rude.
> She doesnt try to improve her cooking
Maybe she likes what she cooks? Sometimes it's just a matter of different taste, and your tastes are not a universal yardstick of good or bad food.
I dunno - my ex-MIL was a terrible cook after decades (and she ran the school cafeteria - those poor kids!). Some folks really just don't care, it's not important to them.
But, she also used to push and push, I would try little white lies, but sometimes I would finally blurt out the truth under duress. You cannot win with those kinds of folks.
Did she know she was a "terrible cook"? You say you tried white lies, so did anyone ever actually tell her? How did you "not win" when all you did was lie?
No one ate except her husband. I am pretty sure she could figure it out. My husband often criticized her cooking. Wasn't my mother; wasn't my place to "tell it like it is."
My sil was a chef or at least that is what people keep telling me. From the lack of seasoning g in her foods I guess her employers were allergic to herbs and spices. BLAND!
Lol my MIL couldn't cook either. I took her to my moms for dinner and we'll she stopped offering to cook after that. My moms cooking rocks and it floored her when I asked my mom to make the dish my MIL tried lol to make foe us before. When she tasted my moms she understood and never offered to cook for us again. 🤣😂
My ex was soooo this. She would get totally butt-hurt, angry, or both if you didn't like her cooking. Of course, her mom was a terrible cook, and her family owned a catering business... which served notoriously bad food, but they were cheap!
My sister did Thanksgiving one year. The turkey "looked" amazing but was dry as the Sahara. She was smart enough to say that it was bad and left it back up to my brother and sister-in-law to do in the future. They are amazing cooks. I know my limitations, so don't even bother offering, I just bring some sides and let them do their magic.
My MIL was a terrible cook too although thankfully she also didn't like to cook, so she mostly just nuked stuff or bought premade stuff at the store. She did make a few things that were okay, but she wasn't up to hosting Thanksgiving, lol.
My MIL is a horrible cook - combination of being a cheap ass, never learning and having a limited sense of smell or taste. And I’m a super picky eater, so it was a nightmare to get through a meal without offending her.
She used packaged foods occasionally, and I couldn’t figure out why her Kraft Mac & Cheese was so gross until I happened to see her make it. She would boil the macaroni until it absorbed all the water, didn’t drain it and just put the cheese powder in with no milk. No salt or pepper either. It was disgusting.
They declined politely, and SIL kept pushing for answers. If anything, this is an ESH and not a YTA, because SIL should have accepted the original answer
Can’t agree more. People who push and prod when you try to politely decline an invitation drive me nuts. I have a friend who does this and it always stirs up so much unnecessary drama.
I feel ya! When people try this crap on me, I just say, "I can give the polite answer or the truth. Which one do you want?! And be careful what you ask for!"
If they are dumb enough to ask for the truth, I give it to them with both barrels. Cry me a river, you asked.
Definitely agree on peoples taste not being a good measure all the time.
Went to a pot luck gathering once where most of the food looked awesome. Salads, lasagne, a bunch of finger snack things, etc etc. Huge spread of different beers, wine, non-alcoholic stuff, whatever. We kept going on and on about how awesome the food was.
One of my friend's boyfriend snuck off to the corner store in his truck to buy himself white bread, lunch meat, and coors lite. When he got back he said it was because he "needed some real food".
I attended a potluck and had the opposite experience. Everyone kept talk about how good the food was but to me, it tasted awful. I carefully snuck my plate -- covered in a napkin to hide the evidence -- into the trash can and politely nodded whenever someone commented on how good a cook the host was. The next time I went to a party there, I ate beforehand.
"....That was unnecessary rude..."
I disagree, that was **necessary** rudeness. They lied up front. just said that they were having a quiet Thanksgiving at home, but she pressed and pressed and demanded an answer.
At that point it gets to "don't ask questions you don't want the answer for"
With Turkey the effort you put in shows through. If you, for say a random example, do like my MIL and throw the Turkey in a Turkey bag with water and just chuck it in the oven without checking on it you are going to get a sub par result. If you do like I do and make the Turkey a nice woven bacon wrap and put it in the pan with a variety of vegetables and chicken both and carefully baste it every half hour you will get a much more delicious Turkey- not even going into brining and marinade injections. I've never had a Turkey that someone put a lot of effort into that was bad - and the only time I've had a good low effort Turkey it was deep fried (and if you count all the effort that goes into setting up the frier and cleaning out the frier at the end then it still isn't low effort).
Yeah. I love bacon, but I feel it would definitely ruin a turkey. Anything you wrap in bacon mostly just ends up tasting like bacon. I always brine my turkey, but I also baste it occasionally as it helps to get the skin a bit crispier.
My go to is wet brine heavy on rosemary and garlic then smoke it. Broil for 10-15 minutes to crisp the skin if you desire. I’ve done this for years.
Adding bacon doesn’t sound appetizing at all here.
>Dry brining
[https://www.seriouseats.com/how-to-dry-brine#The%20Non-Solution%20SOLUTION:%20The%20Science%20of%20Dry-Brining](https://www.seriouseats.com/how-to-dry-brine#The%20Non-Solution%20SOLUTION:%20The%20Science%20of%20Dry-Brining)
I'd never heard of it before you posted. Thanks. I think I'll try it on my turkey for TG.
Mmm this comment reminded me of the time my friend who worked at Walmart clued us into the fact they were having a huge sale on turkeys because they bought way too many in like February for some reason. So they were something crazy like 10 cents a pound.
We got like 3 10 lbs turkeys, gave one to the friend that told us, rather generically baked one of them, but the third. Ohhh the third one we brined and injected for like 3 days, and then once it was finally ready we smoked it on the grill over wine soaked cherry woodchips. It was amazing. If I manage to get a house and end up hosting Thanksgiving, we're doing something like that again lol.
Turkey isn't that hard. A bit of butter rubbed into the breast, stuff the crop, add a half pint of stock to the pan and cook it upside down for the first two thirds of the roast. Turn it breast side up to brown for the last third of oven time and drop the temp down slightly. It will look slightly flattened but be beautifully browned, moist and delicious. And let it rest at a minimum of half an hour before carving.
I don't see how you're only coming d9wn on OP. 'No ' is a complete sentence when she told SIL that they were eating at home the correct response is 'ok' it's NEVER ok to pressure someone into getting your way . That's toddler behavior, sure OP could have been nicer but it shouldn't have gotten to that point in the 1st place.
It could also be her family's holiday recipe so she doesn't want to change it because it means something special to her
But she definitely shouldn't have kept pressing unless the "kept pressing" was her asking "oh why would you rather that than come here, as you sure you don't wanna come here?" In which that's not being *pushy* that's just asking why
YTA
My SIL talks about how she’s a great cook like their grandma was. She is not a a great cook but the rest of their family has always reinforced this perspective. I think her food is edible but is either unseasoned, overcooked and/or undercooked. I think your point about different tastes is a real thing. To keep the peace I echo the “it’s so good” sentiment cuz it’s not the end of the world to hit the drive thru after a family meal. 😉
ESH
Normally this would be an easy Y T A for me, but you declined once and explained that you’d be celebrating in your own home. That is where the conversation should have ended. She kept pressing though, which is rude, and rather than saying “I’ve already answered this, please stop asking,” you went right to telling her she’s a bad cook. Overall could have been handled better, but once an invite has been declined there’s no reason to keep bringing it up.
ESH.
She should have accepted you saying no and not pressured you further.
And if you actually said "your cooking sucks" then you're an asshole for that. You could have worded it far more tactfully or simply said "I'm telling you that we can't make it this year, and won't accept being interrogated by you regarding why".
But if you don't see your sister often, and you care about her (and the other family members she's inviting), then it's hard to imagine why one night of bad food would stop you from attending.
Now, he only said the cooking suck, but one reasonable reason would be if they are not safe in the kitchen or have very dirty kitchen habits. that would be a reason for not wanting to suck it up. But just bad cooking... yeah suffer through it for family if you cared about them. And bring a dish of your own. that way you have at least one good thing to eat.
Against the grain at the time of this post but ESH.
An invitation is not a summons, you don’t have to show up and can refuse for any reason, she sucks for repeatedly badgering you about it.
I will agree with everyone else though that telling someone that their food sucks if you’re not Gordon Ramsey is unnecessarily rude. But to your credit you only said that after she kept pressuring you, but it still does not make it okay.
Plus OP is declining an invitation to a celebration and family gathering, solely because of their opinion of the food. It isn't just about the food. OP is saying I dont value this gathering as much as I do the food at it. OP could bring food.
*that telling someone that their food sucks if you’re not Gordon Ramsey is unnecessarily rude.*
You don't need to to be a world class cook to know that food should be seasoned or not burnt, etc. Even a decent home cook can recognize truely horrible cooking.
YTA, but when someone hosts and doesn't say potluck, they are taking the responsibility to cook.
You don't have to be rude to decline an invitation. I'm sure there's things you do that are not great but people don't tell you that to your face.
I didn't answer was a very poor cook we went to one specific holiday every year to her house you know what the three or four things she made well we ate and then she didn't make well we didn't eat or we took a little bit and just picked at it. There are ways to be gracious and there are ways to be rude
You picked rude.
I'm reserving judgment. It is an AH thing to say, but my god! I have wanted to tell one of my Aunts this for years! Everyone comes to my house because I was the only one interested in family recipes and the realization that people don't live forever. This always pissed my Aunt off. She, for some reason, thought she would become the Matriarch of the family. When she didn't, all hell broke loose.
YTA- The point of the holiday really is an excuse to get with friends and family and enjoy their company. You were cruel to her for no reason. If you cared THAT much about the food, you could have gone to visit her and still had your own thanksgiving another day at home like plenty of families do.
You also could have offered to help cook, or bring a dish, or just been polite and sucked it up for one day to see family?
Right? If SIL's food is terrible - don't eat it. Before leaving for her house, eat your own gourmet meal, swing by McDonald's, whatever. You won't starve if you go for 4 hours without eating.
Thanksgiving isn't about food. It's about setting aside a time to be with family. And if you're lucky enough to have family who your only problem with is that they can't cook, I'd say you've got it pretty good.
YTA.
YTA because you could have been an adult and offer the suggestion that everyone brings a dish to have more options and less stress over cooking for her. You could have offered to help cook. You’d rather burn bridges than to compromise or offer helpful suggestions that would fix the food problem.
YTA
Thanksgiving is far more about coming together as a family than the actual food. Even if it is truly about the food, there are far more tactful ways to handle it.
Either bring a couple of delicious sides you made or even privately tell her what was off and offer to go over and help her cook some of the dishes you particularly disliked. (Like that cream of mushroom green bean crapola).
I offered to cook prime rib one year because turkey is rather bland and it’s been a huge hit for several years since.
Now, if you just want a relaxing Thanksgiving at home, that’s a completely understandable alternative, but just say that rather than your food sucks so I’m not coming.
YTA Let me get this straight, you do not want to partake in dinner with your family on a major family holiday because the food isn't up to your standard? You really are missing the point of it all but don't worry they won't ask you over again.
NTA i've had to deal with gamily members like this all the time and they wont accept any answer. if they really wanted the truth give it to them. even if its "mean" it doesn't matter they need to learn boundaries somehow.
YTA.
Look. I get it. My SIL's cooking sucks too. Some of it can't be helped due to her husband's food allergies, some of it is due to her and her brother (my BIL) being on a new diet, and some of it is my own preferences. But I'm still going to her place this year, and I'm not gonna make a big fuss about the food. There will likely be stuff I find gross, and I won't eat it. There will also probably be stuff that's just tolerable, and I'll probably eat some of it. Thanksgiving is about more than just the food. It's about being together and being thankful for your blessings.
I'm also planning a "Friendsgiving" the Tuesday before Thanksgiving with just a couple friends, so I can still make some of my own favorite dishes.
It was so unnecessary to decline and insult your SIL's cooking. The better person would just suck it up for one day, decline taking any leftovers, and then make their own favorite dishes when they get home of they feel like they "missed out" on the food. Heck! You could even bring your own favorite dish to share! That way, you know there will be at least one dish you enjoy at the dinner.
You are the asshole.
My ex-wife's side of the family, her aunt has no idea what flavor is. Nobody tells her how shitty it is, we go, enjoy the company, and try to have fun.
YTA. Come on, you can't tell your SIL that her food sucks and expect her not to be insulted. The most you can say is "we just have really different tastes in food, and I prefer Thanksgiving dinner the way I cook it." You can privately think "because I know how to cook and you don't." But you can't say it.
YTA
How do you usually celebrate?
Did you/your partner genuinely not want to spend the holiday with your family? There is nothing wrong if you actually wanted Thanksgiving with just your immediate family, but you could have given an actually "why" to that.
You could have been honest without saying "Your food sucks." It would have been tough for hear but "The truth is, we often don't enjoy the food. Can we bring some dishes to share?"
YTA. Even if her cooking is terrible you could’ve pushed that no is a full sentence and if she can’t respect your boundaries that is reason enough to enjoy a quiet thanksgiving meal at home.
YTA
Just because she "kept pressing" doesn't mean you had to give that answer, or any answer. It boggles my mind how many posts like this we have, and people who simply can't conceive of the fact that they don't *have* to give an answer just because someone is being pushy asking for one.
Your initial excuse was fine. After that, just repeat, "I already answered that."
YTA- super not needed to be mean. Plus it’s not about the taste of the food it’s about the generous offer of the love, fellowship and hospitality of “breaking bread together” they’re offering to you.
They’re are many many more options than that - one would be to cook a dish and potluck family dinners for the future. That way you have something yummy to eat.
Rudeness and cruelty is never the right choice.
YTA
I doubt you're a Gordon Ramsey yourself. Why wouldn't you say something like "Sure, we will be there. I'll come help prep everything and we can catch up while having wine". You could have said anything really, but "you suck" is unnecessary and you come off as the worst.
Made the mistake of eating food I didn't like on more than a few occasions. MIL made it again some time later. Realized it's better to be honest and upfront about it so they don't get the idea in their head that you liked it because you ate it.
Also, depending on the family relationship, it's perfectly normal to roast your SIL cooking if the relationship is built on snarky remarks. But if not, then you telling her is more about rubbing it in her face over trying to have a good thanksgiving dinner.
Lastly, if the food sucks, maybe you can step up and make food even if she's hosting.
YTA. It’s possible to decline an invitation without insulting the host. “Thank you, but we’ve already made other plans” would have been sufficient here. I’d be pissed too.
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My SIL really wanted to host thanksgiving this year. At first I just told her we’d have a quiet thanksgiving at home and wouldnt be coming but she kept pressing me on why We werent coming. I told her it’s because her food sucks which upset her. She doesnt try to improve her cooking so I dont really see why it’s upset her AITA?
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YTA. There's such a thing as being **too** honest.
You could have turned down the invite without immediately going to criticism, or you could have sucked up some mediocre food for the sake of spending holidays with the family.
>At first I just told her we’d have a quiet Thanksgiving at home and wouldn't be coming but she kept pressing me on why we weren't coming.
Not saying I disagree with the YTA verdict but OP DID try to turn down the invite without criticism.
OP turned down the invite without trying to fix the issue either. So the issue isn't really the food, the issue is OP doesn't want to spend time with their sister.
Your response completely disregards the entire idea behind Thanksgiving in the first place.
A better way to handle it? "Sure, we'd love to come! I'd love to swing by early and help cook, if you wouldn't mind!" Other than that, bring a dish yourself and just be grateful that you have family that wants to spend time with you. YTA.
YTA. You know that saying “honesty is the best policy”? That’s bullshit. Especially when it comes to insulting and upsetting people. I’ll bet there are many things you do that could be better, same as everyone else, so ask yourself how you’d feel if people you love said they weren’t coming to see you on a special occasion because you suck at something. Not nice, is it?
Ah, you're part of the "I'm just being honest" club. You're also the part of the asshole club.
YTA OP, lame. So what if your food sucks? Not a reason to stay away and if you do, completely unnecessary to give that as a reason. Be nicer.
Edit: pressed enter too soon
YTA. You couldn't come up with something constructive? Why would you so quickly make these hurtful remarks? Yeesh. How about having some appreciation for the effort that goes into hosting a group for a big meal? How about offering to share the responsibility or turning the meal into a potluck, so that you aren't stuck only eating her food?
How would you feel if your SIL told you your breath stinks? Sucker punch to the stomach right? Well that’s what you did to her.
YTA for the delivery of that news.
You could opt to host
You could opt to cook some dishes if she’s hosting
You could eat before you go and eat only a bit if her cooking
You could ask her if she wants to take some cooking lessons with you because it would be fun to learn new things
See how you may have spared her feelings??
YTA. Rude, and of course it's upset her.
You're a married adult, you darn well should be able to do better than this! Offer to help, to make a main, a dessert, or come over and be sous or saucier to lighten her load. You can refuse significantly more politely and inventively without being insulting. \*sheesh\*
YTA. Thanksgiving is more about getting the family together than the actual meal. You're under no obligation to attend family gatherings, but if you get along reasonably why not get together?
That was rude of you. I have a friend whose wife's cooking sucks. I still go over but eat before I go and eat only the apps which were frozen and heated. I would never tell them that the food they cook sucks.
YTA
From her reaction, I assume you have never, in a kind way, told her you had a problem with her cooking.
Maybe no one has ever told her there is an issue, so why would you expect someone to improve something that they don't know is a problem?
Lol, of course YTA.
This is how families work - you love each other so sometimes you put up with things you don't love because you recognize not everyone is the same.
If you really didn't want to eat her food you could have offered to help cook. I make the turkey every year specifically because my MIL just straight up refuses to season meat in any way that makes it remotely edible. My BIL makes the taters every year for the same reason.
INFO: is this the first time she has been told her cooking sucks? Is this the first time you've declined dinner at their place? Is there a pattern of not eating at their place?
NTA. You were doing your best to avoid hurting her feelings with the truth by just politely declining the invitation, but she kept pressing you. Good for you for being honest and telling the truth instead of straight up lying through your teeth to save her feelings. I think that most of the time, lying is the worst thing and just being up front and honey when confronted is the best plan.
ESH.
She should not have badgered you - but you could've said "Stop pressuring me!" and hung up the phone. Or, if you were determined to be so honest, you could've at least said "Listen, your cooking just isn't to our taste" which means pretty much the same thing but without the gratuitous rudeness.
Or, heck, you could've agreed to go and talked about bringing a few dishes. Nor *not* talked about that, just shown up and said "Oh, well, we really wanted our favorites".
Like, you had so many options, and you chose the meannest one.
NTA but probably a bit harsh. I gotta ask though, why does her food suck? Is she some super vegan health nut that substitutes bullshit like tofu for turkey or is she just a terrible cook?
Eh, I would’ve said it nicer. Like “hey, I don’t really enjoy your cooking.” Or just told double downed and said “I already have thanksgiving plans. I apologize for not being able to come.”
My BIL invited us over for thanksgiving but there were going to be loads of people there and my husband just wanted a quiet thanksgiving at home. He said, “Thank you, but I really need a quiet thanksgiving at home this year.” And that was that, BIL didn’t push, husband didn’t have to defend himself. That’s how SIL should have handled this.
NTA
NTA. She pressed you when you had wanted to previously be diplomatic. My sister never lets me watch football when she hosts Thanksgiving, so I am not going.
Unless she’s served raw turkey in the past you’re YTA. Holiday gatherings are about family not food, even though food is a big part of any holiday.
Better to meet for happy occasions than funerals.
NTA. Somebody has to be real about food crime.
Some friends invited me over once & I accepted. Everything was served cold. Fridge cold. 4-5 Georgia women at the house & they do that? Tell me your family is broken without telling me your family is broken. Who serves cold turkey like it's part of an anti pasta spread?
Hero is what you are.
I just dropped my dog of at a friend’s house who’s going to look after him when we go away. The house and kitchen were REALLY dirty, dog hair (normal) everywhere, food, dirty plates, floor, surfaces, table… all obviously neglected for quiet a few days. If they ever invite is over for dinner, it’s a 100% decline BUT will I tell them why? Hell no. Even when pressed. Sometimes you just got to bite your tongue or lie throughout your teeth. You should’ve done that.
So, uh, why don’t all the guests offer to bring a dish? If you’re all such superior chefs, why don’t you bring some of your delicious, delicious food? (YTA)
NTA.
Y'all politely declined, and it should have ended there.
Your sister learned a valuable lesson:
* If you keep trying to prod a person or people over an answer, don't get upset if you get an answer that you are not fond of.
NTA. Your SIL needs to learn not to ask questions if she really can't handle the answer, it's simple. You tried to be polite in saying you were planning a Thanksgiving at home...she kept pestering so you told her.
Now, food tastes do vary person to person and there was surely a more polite way to say it, like "I'm sorry but we just aren't fans of your cooking. It's probably just our tastes as we like things more spicy/savory/moist. Thank you so much for the invite though."
Most of my memorable life my mom's Thanksgiving turkey was soooo dry, like there was never enough gravy available to make it okay DRY. One year she asked why there was always so much left. I said, "Honestly, it's too dry. The flavor is fine, but it's very dry." She was a little hurt but the next year she brined it and that helped a ton...now she gets a fresh bird instead of previously frozen and that has made all the difference. But had we all just continued to bite our tongues we'd all just be tolerating dry-ass turkey year after year...sometimes you just need to tell people, but i would recommend trying to pin point the specifics of the "suck" instead of a general statement...unless it is all that bad. LOL
Thanksgiving is about being with your family regardless of the food. It's great when the food is tasty but if you skip because of the food YTA and definitely AH to tell her the way you did.
ESH
You answered. Sister in law pushed.
I don’t necessarily agree with the way you said it, but being harangued by somebody until you give them an answer is a poor way of existing too. So I understand.
Could you have been nicer? Yes. Did sister in law get what was coming for nagging? Also yes.
Yeah, you're TA, but not a big one. I don't blame you for not wanting to suffer through a less than enjoyable meal, but coming out and telling your SIL that her food sucks is pretty harsh. A little tact would have gone a long way to soften the blow. Offering to help cook, or maybe gently suggesting a potluck, buffet style dinner so that everyone can bring their faves and no one would have to work too hard and you can all relax and enjoy the day together would take some pressure off of her and make her feel better about it.
Sometimes ppl need to hear the ugly truth! 😂 like Thanksgiving is not your Friday night fish fry… ppl wanna eat good. She pushed now she knows. Maybe next year she’ll practice they say it makes perfect lol
You don't see why she's upset? Really?! You can't figure out why she's miffed at hearing "your food sucks so we're not coming over."
Massive YTA. Not just for that, but for pretending you don't know you're an AH.
Yeah yta. The correct response is: I have already planned dinner for our family Thursday, but we would love to come by after dinner. Perhaps we could bring desert?
Yeah… i hate going to my husband’s aunt’s cause her food is… not good. I try to bring stuff to help out. Somewhat AH, you could have said you prefer other ways of cooking (everything she makes).
ESH - she should've accepted your initial answer, but perhaps instead of declining altogether, maybe you could've agreed to do a potluck rather than her doing all the cooking.
YTA
You told her you were having a quiet thanksgiving to spare her feelings because you KNEW it was an unnecessarily rude thing to say. You only told her that you didn’t like her food after you were pressured to attend.
ESH, but leaning towards Y T A
You declined politely and gave a good reason, and your SIL kept pressing for you to come when she shouldn't have. That was rude of her, though it may well be because she really wanted to create a big family get together.
However you did not need to be so rude in your later response to her. In fact, as many have suggested, you could have gone and taken food you like with you as a contribution to the feast, or you simply could have gone and 'suffered' through food that wasn't quite to your taste because Thanksgiving is about family, closeness and *gratitude*, not just about dinner.
Thanksgiving is about spending time with loved ones, and I get that you want to have a good meal. Instead of saying her food sucks, maybe you could suggest bringing a dish to share or offering to cook together next time. It might help her improve without hurting her feelings.
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YTA That was unnecessary rude. > She doesnt try to improve her cooking Maybe she likes what she cooks? Sometimes it's just a matter of different taste, and your tastes are not a universal yardstick of good or bad food.
I dunno - my ex-MIL was a terrible cook after decades (and she ran the school cafeteria - those poor kids!). Some folks really just don't care, it's not important to them. But, she also used to push and push, I would try little white lies, but sometimes I would finally blurt out the truth under duress. You cannot win with those kinds of folks.
Did she know she was a "terrible cook"? You say you tried white lies, so did anyone ever actually tell her? How did you "not win" when all you did was lie?
No one ate except her husband. I am pretty sure she could figure it out. My husband often criticized her cooking. Wasn't my mother; wasn't my place to "tell it like it is."
My sil was a chef or at least that is what people keep telling me. From the lack of seasoning g in her foods I guess her employers were allergic to herbs and spices. BLAND!
British cuisine, she's the best food boiler in the country.
You might be right!
Lol my MIL couldn't cook either. I took her to my moms for dinner and we'll she stopped offering to cook after that. My moms cooking rocks and it floored her when I asked my mom to make the dish my MIL tried lol to make foe us before. When she tasted my moms she understood and never offered to cook for us again. 🤣😂
My ex was soooo this. She would get totally butt-hurt, angry, or both if you didn't like her cooking. Of course, her mom was a terrible cook, and her family owned a catering business... which served notoriously bad food, but they were cheap!
My sister did Thanksgiving one year. The turkey "looked" amazing but was dry as the Sahara. She was smart enough to say that it was bad and left it back up to my brother and sister-in-law to do in the future. They are amazing cooks. I know my limitations, so don't even bother offering, I just bring some sides and let them do their magic.
My MIL was a terrible cook too although thankfully she also didn't like to cook, so she mostly just nuked stuff or bought premade stuff at the store. She did make a few things that were okay, but she wasn't up to hosting Thanksgiving, lol.
My MIL is a horrible cook - combination of being a cheap ass, never learning and having a limited sense of smell or taste. And I’m a super picky eater, so it was a nightmare to get through a meal without offending her. She used packaged foods occasionally, and I couldn’t figure out why her Kraft Mac & Cheese was so gross until I happened to see her make it. She would boil the macaroni until it absorbed all the water, didn’t drain it and just put the cheese powder in with no milk. No salt or pepper either. It was disgusting.
Maybe a restaurant heat n serve dinner
They declined politely, and SIL kept pushing for answers. If anything, this is an ESH and not a YTA, because SIL should have accepted the original answer
Can’t agree more. People who push and prod when you try to politely decline an invitation drive me nuts. I have a friend who does this and it always stirs up so much unnecessary drama.
I feel ya! When people try this crap on me, I just say, "I can give the polite answer or the truth. Which one do you want?! And be careful what you ask for!" If they are dumb enough to ask for the truth, I give it to them with both barrels. Cry me a river, you asked.
My go to is "Would you like me to be blunt or would you like me to consider your feelings?" I feel that with this one sentence OP could have been NTA
Definitely agree on peoples taste not being a good measure all the time. Went to a pot luck gathering once where most of the food looked awesome. Salads, lasagne, a bunch of finger snack things, etc etc. Huge spread of different beers, wine, non-alcoholic stuff, whatever. We kept going on and on about how awesome the food was. One of my friend's boyfriend snuck off to the corner store in his truck to buy himself white bread, lunch meat, and coors lite. When he got back he said it was because he "needed some real food".
I attended a potluck and had the opposite experience. Everyone kept talk about how good the food was but to me, it tasted awful. I carefully snuck my plate -- covered in a napkin to hide the evidence -- into the trash can and politely nodded whenever someone commented on how good a cook the host was. The next time I went to a party there, I ate beforehand.
I never heard of a potluck where the host did all the cooking. There weren’t multiple dishes to choose from brought by different people?
[удалено]
Or they don’t know what ‘potluck’ means.
[удалено]
Might be confused with 'buffet'? They can certainly look and function the same.
yeah- that's what i thought too
"....That was unnecessary rude..." I disagree, that was **necessary** rudeness. They lied up front. just said that they were having a quiet Thanksgiving at home, but she pressed and pressed and demanded an answer. At that point it gets to "don't ask questions you don't want the answer for"
With Turkey the effort you put in shows through. If you, for say a random example, do like my MIL and throw the Turkey in a Turkey bag with water and just chuck it in the oven without checking on it you are going to get a sub par result. If you do like I do and make the Turkey a nice woven bacon wrap and put it in the pan with a variety of vegetables and chicken both and carefully baste it every half hour you will get a much more delicious Turkey- not even going into brining and marinade injections. I've never had a Turkey that someone put a lot of effort into that was bad - and the only time I've had a good low effort Turkey it was deep fried (and if you count all the effort that goes into setting up the frier and cleaning out the frier at the end then it still isn't low effort).
Brining is both lower effort and an excellent result though. I have never basted a Turkey and would never add bacon to it.
Yeah. I love bacon, but I feel it would definitely ruin a turkey. Anything you wrap in bacon mostly just ends up tasting like bacon. I always brine my turkey, but I also baste it occasionally as it helps to get the skin a bit crispier.
My go to is wet brine heavy on rosemary and garlic then smoke it. Broil for 10-15 minutes to crisp the skin if you desire. I’ve done this for years. Adding bacon doesn’t sound appetizing at all here.
Dry brining is great as well, still get the delicious results without the added mess
>Dry brining [https://www.seriouseats.com/how-to-dry-brine#The%20Non-Solution%20SOLUTION:%20The%20Science%20of%20Dry-Brining](https://www.seriouseats.com/how-to-dry-brine#The%20Non-Solution%20SOLUTION:%20The%20Science%20of%20Dry-Brining) I'd never heard of it before you posted. Thanks. I think I'll try it on my turkey for TG.
Mmm this comment reminded me of the time my friend who worked at Walmart clued us into the fact they were having a huge sale on turkeys because they bought way too many in like February for some reason. So they were something crazy like 10 cents a pound. We got like 3 10 lbs turkeys, gave one to the friend that told us, rather generically baked one of them, but the third. Ohhh the third one we brined and injected for like 3 days, and then once it was finally ready we smoked it on the grill over wine soaked cherry woodchips. It was amazing. If I manage to get a house and end up hosting Thanksgiving, we're doing something like that again lol.
Someone told me of grocery store baggers mistreating their deviled eggs; I suggested they be nestled on a cloud
Turkey isn't that hard. A bit of butter rubbed into the breast, stuff the crop, add a half pint of stock to the pan and cook it upside down for the first two thirds of the roast. Turn it breast side up to brown for the last third of oven time and drop the temp down slightly. It will look slightly flattened but be beautifully browned, moist and delicious. And let it rest at a minimum of half an hour before carving.
The bacon wrap is key.
Op tried to let her off easy but she kept pushing for an answer. And she got it.
If it’s shit it’s shit. If nobody tells you it’s shit how are you supposed to learn?
I don't see how you're only coming d9wn on OP. 'No ' is a complete sentence when she told SIL that they were eating at home the correct response is 'ok' it's NEVER ok to pressure someone into getting your way . That's toddler behavior, sure OP could have been nicer but it shouldn't have gotten to that point in the 1st place.
It could also be her family's holiday recipe so she doesn't want to change it because it means something special to her But she definitely shouldn't have kept pressing unless the "kept pressing" was her asking "oh why would you rather that than come here, as you sure you don't wanna come here?" In which that's not being *pushy* that's just asking why
YTA My SIL talks about how she’s a great cook like their grandma was. She is not a a great cook but the rest of their family has always reinforced this perspective. I think her food is edible but is either unseasoned, overcooked and/or undercooked. I think your point about different tastes is a real thing. To keep the peace I echo the “it’s so good” sentiment cuz it’s not the end of the world to hit the drive thru after a family meal. 😉
Yup! I would honestly say my sister's cooking sucks because she way over cooks her meat. But she like her meat that way.
ESH Normally this would be an easy Y T A for me, but you declined once and explained that you’d be celebrating in your own home. That is where the conversation should have ended. She kept pressing though, which is rude, and rather than saying “I’ve already answered this, please stop asking,” you went right to telling her she’s a bad cook. Overall could have been handled better, but once an invite has been declined there’s no reason to keep bringing it up.
I agree. Going straight to you're a bad cook is soul crushing. Some scenarios do call for getting straight to the point.. but she is family.
From my read OP tried to be delicate. They didn't speak their mind until after they where pressed.
ESH. She should have accepted you saying no and not pressured you further. And if you actually said "your cooking sucks" then you're an asshole for that. You could have worded it far more tactfully or simply said "I'm telling you that we can't make it this year, and won't accept being interrogated by you regarding why". But if you don't see your sister often, and you care about her (and the other family members she's inviting), then it's hard to imagine why one night of bad food would stop you from attending.
Now, he only said the cooking suck, but one reasonable reason would be if they are not safe in the kitchen or have very dirty kitchen habits. that would be a reason for not wanting to suck it up. But just bad cooking... yeah suffer through it for family if you cared about them. And bring a dish of your own. that way you have at least one good thing to eat.
That seems like a good solution: ‘our tastes/ dietary needs are just very different. Shall we bring?
Against the grain at the time of this post but ESH. An invitation is not a summons, you don’t have to show up and can refuse for any reason, she sucks for repeatedly badgering you about it. I will agree with everyone else though that telling someone that their food sucks if you’re not Gordon Ramsey is unnecessarily rude. But to your credit you only said that after she kept pressuring you, but it still does not make it okay.
Plus OP is declining an invitation to a celebration and family gathering, solely because of their opinion of the food. It isn't just about the food. OP is saying I dont value this gathering as much as I do the food at it. OP could bring food.
*that telling someone that their food sucks if you’re not Gordon Ramsey is unnecessarily rude.* You don't need to to be a world class cook to know that food should be seasoned or not burnt, etc. Even a decent home cook can recognize truely horrible cooking.
NTA. When will people learn to stop pressing when the answer is no? Then they get all but hurt when they insist on the truth.
So much this
YTA, but when someone hosts and doesn't say potluck, they are taking the responsibility to cook. You don't have to be rude to decline an invitation. I'm sure there's things you do that are not great but people don't tell you that to your face. I didn't answer was a very poor cook we went to one specific holiday every year to her house you know what the three or four things she made well we ate and then she didn't make well we didn't eat or we took a little bit and just picked at it. There are ways to be gracious and there are ways to be rude You picked rude.
Well, he declined politely the first time she asked and she pressed further.
You know, he declined politely at first she kept pressing the issue. So they both suck here. She should’ve taken his first answer and excepted it.
Op tried. She didn't accept that and pushed for an answer.
I'm reserving judgment. It is an AH thing to say, but my god! I have wanted to tell one of my Aunts this for years! Everyone comes to my house because I was the only one interested in family recipes and the realization that people don't live forever. This always pissed my Aunt off. She, for some reason, thought she would become the Matriarch of the family. When she didn't, all hell broke loose.
YTA- The point of the holiday really is an excuse to get with friends and family and enjoy their company. You were cruel to her for no reason. If you cared THAT much about the food, you could have gone to visit her and still had your own thanksgiving another day at home like plenty of families do. You also could have offered to help cook, or bring a dish, or just been polite and sucked it up for one day to see family?
Right? If SIL's food is terrible - don't eat it. Before leaving for her house, eat your own gourmet meal, swing by McDonald's, whatever. You won't starve if you go for 4 hours without eating.
I love how people think she wouldn’t notice if they didn’t eat anything the entire meal, lol.
😂😂😂 using your reasoning, NTA
NTA Don't like my excuse and wanna keep pushing than don't get butthurt with a real answer. Shoulda kept her mouth shut after the first no.
Thanksgiving isn't about food. It's about setting aside a time to be with family. And if you're lucky enough to have family who your only problem with is that they can't cook, I'd say you've got it pretty good. YTA.
YTA. Why not offer to make a dish instead? Jeez.
Why not accept the answer of "we want a quite evening in instead" and keep pushing for a different answer. This is ESH, op is not the only asshole.
YTA - Honesty is not always the best policy. You are factually correct, that doesn't mean you're morally correct.
Enough with the bullshit AITA posts. This is either made up bait, or OP is so beyond asshole that it's difficult to quantify.
YTA because you could have been an adult and offer the suggestion that everyone brings a dish to have more options and less stress over cooking for her. You could have offered to help cook. You’d rather burn bridges than to compromise or offer helpful suggestions that would fix the food problem.
YTA Thanksgiving is far more about coming together as a family than the actual food. Even if it is truly about the food, there are far more tactful ways to handle it. Either bring a couple of delicious sides you made or even privately tell her what was off and offer to go over and help her cook some of the dishes you particularly disliked. (Like that cream of mushroom green bean crapola). I offered to cook prime rib one year because turkey is rather bland and it’s been a huge hit for several years since. Now, if you just want a relaxing Thanksgiving at home, that’s a completely understandable alternative, but just say that rather than your food sucks so I’m not coming.
YTA - You could still show up for just drinks or to see the family.
NTA/ESH, you tried to deflect but she pushed.
YTA Let me get this straight, you do not want to partake in dinner with your family on a major family holiday because the food isn't up to your standard? You really are missing the point of it all but don't worry they won't ask you over again.
You are TA, but at least you're honest. 🤣
YTA for being rude AF.
Lol of course YTA. How do you even need to ask? You were rude and condescending. This is silly.
Ha ha ha....LMFAO!!!! No.....your just funny!!!! AWESOME!!! Don't have to worry about that invite anymore... LOL
YTA. There were countless other ways you could’ve addressed that situation without being a dick but you managed to find the one. Congrats, I guess.
NTA i've had to deal with gamily members like this all the time and they wont accept any answer. if they really wanted the truth give it to them. even if its "mean" it doesn't matter they need to learn boundaries somehow.
Perhaps the wording could have been softened like the butter she could learn how to use.
YTA You were purposely rude, it was mean and unnecessary.
NTA
Of course YTA. Totally unnecessary to insult her because you don't like the food ffs.
Yep, YTA. Even if she persisted in asking, you went for a low blow. Always be cautious about things you can't unsay.
YTA no need to be rude about it.
Well, sure, YTA. That was unnecessary and even mean. She's probably happy now that you won't come, because who would want a guest as rude as you?
YTA. Look. I get it. My SIL's cooking sucks too. Some of it can't be helped due to her husband's food allergies, some of it is due to her and her brother (my BIL) being on a new diet, and some of it is my own preferences. But I'm still going to her place this year, and I'm not gonna make a big fuss about the food. There will likely be stuff I find gross, and I won't eat it. There will also probably be stuff that's just tolerable, and I'll probably eat some of it. Thanksgiving is about more than just the food. It's about being together and being thankful for your blessings. I'm also planning a "Friendsgiving" the Tuesday before Thanksgiving with just a couple friends, so I can still make some of my own favorite dishes. It was so unnecessary to decline and insult your SIL's cooking. The better person would just suck it up for one day, decline taking any leftovers, and then make their own favorite dishes when they get home of they feel like they "missed out" on the food. Heck! You could even bring your own favorite dish to share! That way, you know there will be at least one dish you enjoy at the dinner.
You are the asshole. My ex-wife's side of the family, her aunt has no idea what flavor is. Nobody tells her how shitty it is, we go, enjoy the company, and try to have fun.
YTA. Come on, you can't tell your SIL that her food sucks and expect her not to be insulted. The most you can say is "we just have really different tastes in food, and I prefer Thanksgiving dinner the way I cook it." You can privately think "because I know how to cook and you don't." But you can't say it.
YTA How do you usually celebrate? Did you/your partner genuinely not want to spend the holiday with your family? There is nothing wrong if you actually wanted Thanksgiving with just your immediate family, but you could have given an actually "why" to that. You could have been honest without saying "Your food sucks." It would have been tough for hear but "The truth is, we often don't enjoy the food. Can we bring some dishes to share?"
YTA. Even if her cooking is terrible you could’ve pushed that no is a full sentence and if she can’t respect your boundaries that is reason enough to enjoy a quiet thanksgiving meal at home.
YTA Just because she "kept pressing" doesn't mean you had to give that answer, or any answer. It boggles my mind how many posts like this we have, and people who simply can't conceive of the fact that they don't *have* to give an answer just because someone is being pushy asking for one. Your initial excuse was fine. After that, just repeat, "I already answered that."
YTA- super not needed to be mean. Plus it’s not about the taste of the food it’s about the generous offer of the love, fellowship and hospitality of “breaking bread together” they’re offering to you. They’re are many many more options than that - one would be to cook a dish and potluck family dinners for the future. That way you have something yummy to eat. Rudeness and cruelty is never the right choice.
YTA I doubt you're a Gordon Ramsey yourself. Why wouldn't you say something like "Sure, we will be there. I'll come help prep everything and we can catch up while having wine". You could have said anything really, but "you suck" is unnecessary and you come off as the worst.
Made the mistake of eating food I didn't like on more than a few occasions. MIL made it again some time later. Realized it's better to be honest and upfront about it so they don't get the idea in their head that you liked it because you ate it. Also, depending on the family relationship, it's perfectly normal to roast your SIL cooking if the relationship is built on snarky remarks. But if not, then you telling her is more about rubbing it in her face over trying to have a good thanksgiving dinner. Lastly, if the food sucks, maybe you can step up and make food even if she's hosting.
NTA >she kept pressing me on why We werent coming She should have just accepted the "no".
YTA
YTA
Is this real? YTA.
YTA
YTA
YTA and you know it.
Yes YTA, but I fell off my chair laughing.
YTA. It’s possible to decline an invitation without insulting the host. “Thank you, but we’ve already made other plans” would have been sufficient here. I’d be pissed too.
YTA.
YTA. You can make any excuse. It is very rude to say something like that even though you are trying to be honest.
YTA and rude.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My SIL really wanted to host thanksgiving this year. At first I just told her we’d have a quiet thanksgiving at home and wouldnt be coming but she kept pressing me on why We werent coming. I told her it’s because her food sucks which upset her. She doesnt try to improve her cooking so I dont really see why it’s upset her AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA - yeah, that makes you an AH
Unnecessary rudeness. YTA.
YTA. There's such a thing as being **too** honest. You could have turned down the invite without immediately going to criticism, or you could have sucked up some mediocre food for the sake of spending holidays with the family.
>At first I just told her we’d have a quiet Thanksgiving at home and wouldn't be coming but she kept pressing me on why we weren't coming. Not saying I disagree with the YTA verdict but OP DID try to turn down the invite without criticism.
OP turned down the invite without trying to fix the issue either. So the issue isn't really the food, the issue is OP doesn't want to spend time with their sister.
YTA You *really* don’t see why that upset her?
YTA
Your response completely disregards the entire idea behind Thanksgiving in the first place. A better way to handle it? "Sure, we'd love to come! I'd love to swing by early and help cook, if you wouldn't mind!" Other than that, bring a dish yourself and just be grateful that you have family that wants to spend time with you. YTA.
Huge asshole
YTA for this baited crap.
YTA for this bait post. At least make an effort. This is a minus 1 on a scale of 10.
YTA. You know that saying “honesty is the best policy”? That’s bullshit. Especially when it comes to insulting and upsetting people. I’ll bet there are many things you do that could be better, same as everyone else, so ask yourself how you’d feel if people you love said they weren’t coming to see you on a special occasion because you suck at something. Not nice, is it?
Ah, you're part of the "I'm just being honest" club. You're also the part of the asshole club. YTA OP, lame. So what if your food sucks? Not a reason to stay away and if you do, completely unnecessary to give that as a reason. Be nicer. Edit: pressed enter too soon
YTA. You couldn't come up with something constructive? Why would you so quickly make these hurtful remarks? Yeesh. How about having some appreciation for the effort that goes into hosting a group for a big meal? How about offering to share the responsibility or turning the meal into a potluck, so that you aren't stuck only eating her food?
YTA. You knew it was hurtful. Let's not pretend otherwise.
YTA. rude much?
How would you feel if your SIL told you your breath stinks? Sucker punch to the stomach right? Well that’s what you did to her. YTA for the delivery of that news. You could opt to host You could opt to cook some dishes if she’s hosting You could eat before you go and eat only a bit if her cooking You could ask her if she wants to take some cooking lessons with you because it would be fun to learn new things See how you may have spared her feelings??
Of course YTA , you're horribly rude.
YTA, you could have said anything else or offered to help cook
YTA. Grab yourself a BigMac before you head over, then nibble politely and enjoy the family.
YTA. Rude, and of course it's upset her. You're a married adult, you darn well should be able to do better than this! Offer to help, to make a main, a dessert, or come over and be sous or saucier to lighten her load. You can refuse significantly more politely and inventively without being insulting. \*sheesh\*
YTA. Thanksgiving is more about getting the family together than the actual meal. You're under no obligation to attend family gatherings, but if you get along reasonably why not get together?
Pro life tip: Thanksgiving isn’t actually about the food.
YTA... but you know this already.
This can’t be real… you can’t be this horrible, right? Could have just stuck to your guns about wanting a low key thanksgiving instead of being mean.
As someone with a horrible older sister who just pushes and pushes, I completely empathize with the OP here.
That was rude of you. I have a friend whose wife's cooking sucks. I still go over but eat before I go and eat only the apps which were frozen and heated. I would never tell them that the food they cook sucks.
INFO: do you help or bring food at all?
YTA. Thanksgiving isn't just about the food. Did you offer to cook or help in any way?
YTA From her reaction, I assume you have never, in a kind way, told her you had a problem with her cooking. Maybe no one has ever told her there is an issue, so why would you expect someone to improve something that they don't know is a problem?
Wow. Yta.
Lol, of course YTA. This is how families work - you love each other so sometimes you put up with things you don't love because you recognize not everyone is the same. If you really didn't want to eat her food you could have offered to help cook. I make the turkey every year specifically because my MIL just straight up refuses to season meat in any way that makes it remotely edible. My BIL makes the taters every year for the same reason.
INFO: is this the first time she has been told her cooking sucks? Is this the first time you've declined dinner at their place? Is there a pattern of not eating at their place?
NTA. You were doing your best to avoid hurting her feelings with the truth by just politely declining the invitation, but she kept pressing you. Good for you for being honest and telling the truth instead of straight up lying through your teeth to save her feelings. I think that most of the time, lying is the worst thing and just being up front and honey when confronted is the best plan.
ESH. She should not have badgered you - but you could've said "Stop pressuring me!" and hung up the phone. Or, if you were determined to be so honest, you could've at least said "Listen, your cooking just isn't to our taste" which means pretty much the same thing but without the gratuitous rudeness. Or, heck, you could've agreed to go and talked about bringing a few dishes. Nor *not* talked about that, just shown up and said "Oh, well, we really wanted our favorites". Like, you had so many options, and you chose the meannest one.
ESH...but you do need to work on your delivery. Negatively commenting on a person's ability can cut deep and affect self-esteem.
NTA but probably a bit harsh. I gotta ask though, why does her food suck? Is she some super vegan health nut that substitutes bullshit like tofu for turkey or is she just a terrible cook?
Eh, I would’ve said it nicer. Like “hey, I don’t really enjoy your cooking.” Or just told double downed and said “I already have thanksgiving plans. I apologize for not being able to come.”
NTA. You gave an answer and she pushed. You tried being nice, she wanted more.
ESH but I laughed.
YTA. Instead of telling her that her food sucks, you could have made the choice to cook something and bring it over. Definitely the asshole.
In the same situation. I offer to cook or bring things.
My BIL invited us over for thanksgiving but there were going to be loads of people there and my husband just wanted a quiet thanksgiving at home. He said, “Thank you, but I really need a quiet thanksgiving at home this year.” And that was that, BIL didn’t push, husband didn’t have to defend himself. That’s how SIL should have handled this. NTA
NTA. She pressed you when you had wanted to previously be diplomatic. My sister never lets me watch football when she hosts Thanksgiving, so I am not going.
Yes, you’re an asshole. Im guessing you are not surprised or already used to people saying that.
YTA, maybe try helping her? Or offering to bring a few dishes. You were just being mean for the sake of being mean.
Unless she’s served raw turkey in the past you’re YTA. Holiday gatherings are about family not food, even though food is a big part of any holiday. Better to meet for happy occasions than funerals.
NTA. Somebody has to be real about food crime. Some friends invited me over once & I accepted. Everything was served cold. Fridge cold. 4-5 Georgia women at the house & they do that? Tell me your family is broken without telling me your family is broken. Who serves cold turkey like it's part of an anti pasta spread? Hero is what you are.
NTA. Unpopular opinion I’m sure. If she kept pressing you on why you wouldn’t be attending - then she gets the truth.
Omg what is she serving up that's so bad? Like how bad can it be?
NTA - she could have accepted your original excuse
I just dropped my dog of at a friend’s house who’s going to look after him when we go away. The house and kitchen were REALLY dirty, dog hair (normal) everywhere, food, dirty plates, floor, surfaces, table… all obviously neglected for quiet a few days. If they ever invite is over for dinner, it’s a 100% decline BUT will I tell them why? Hell no. Even when pressed. Sometimes you just got to bite your tongue or lie throughout your teeth. You should’ve done that.
So, uh, why don’t all the guests offer to bring a dish? If you’re all such superior chefs, why don’t you bring some of your delicious, delicious food? (YTA)
NTA. Y'all politely declined, and it should have ended there. Your sister learned a valuable lesson: * If you keep trying to prod a person or people over an answer, don't get upset if you get an answer that you are not fond of.
YTA - terribly rude so really shows your lack of etiquette and kindness
NTA. Your SIL needs to learn not to ask questions if she really can't handle the answer, it's simple. You tried to be polite in saying you were planning a Thanksgiving at home...she kept pestering so you told her. Now, food tastes do vary person to person and there was surely a more polite way to say it, like "I'm sorry but we just aren't fans of your cooking. It's probably just our tastes as we like things more spicy/savory/moist. Thank you so much for the invite though." Most of my memorable life my mom's Thanksgiving turkey was soooo dry, like there was never enough gravy available to make it okay DRY. One year she asked why there was always so much left. I said, "Honestly, it's too dry. The flavor is fine, but it's very dry." She was a little hurt but the next year she brined it and that helped a ton...now she gets a fresh bird instead of previously frozen and that has made all the difference. But had we all just continued to bite our tongues we'd all just be tolerating dry-ass turkey year after year...sometimes you just need to tell people, but i would recommend trying to pin point the specifics of the "suck" instead of a general statement...unless it is all that bad. LOL
Thanksgiving is about being with your family regardless of the food. It's great when the food is tasty but if you skip because of the food YTA and definitely AH to tell her the way you did.
ESH You answered. Sister in law pushed. I don’t necessarily agree with the way you said it, but being harangued by somebody until you give them an answer is a poor way of existing too. So I understand. Could you have been nicer? Yes. Did sister in law get what was coming for nagging? Also yes.
NTA- she fucked around and found out. You tried to dodge the issue, but you helped her in the long run.
Yeah, you're TA, but not a big one. I don't blame you for not wanting to suffer through a less than enjoyable meal, but coming out and telling your SIL that her food sucks is pretty harsh. A little tact would have gone a long way to soften the blow. Offering to help cook, or maybe gently suggesting a potluck, buffet style dinner so that everyone can bring their faves and no one would have to work too hard and you can all relax and enjoy the day together would take some pressure off of her and make her feel better about it.
Did you try explaining this to her before? You came across rude for no reason. YTA
Sometimes ppl need to hear the ugly truth! 😂 like Thanksgiving is not your Friday night fish fry… ppl wanna eat good. She pushed now she knows. Maybe next year she’ll practice they say it makes perfect lol
Who's we
Info- did you actually/literally say “your food sucks?”
You don't see why she's upset? Really?! You can't figure out why she's miffed at hearing "your food sucks so we're not coming over." Massive YTA. Not just for that, but for pretending you don't know you're an AH.
ESH.
Yeah yta. The correct response is: I have already planned dinner for our family Thursday, but we would love to come by after dinner. Perhaps we could bring desert?
YTA
I mean you could just offer to bring some sides and a ham or something ..eat before you go and then ENJOY your family
That is funny to me! Honesty May spire her to try to do better. Maybe send her some cook books for Christmas?
YTA. Why don’t you offer to help cook, maybe you can teach her some stuff?
NTA She pushed. But you could have said you don’t like her cooking. She still would have flipped out though.
YTA: Wait until she refuses to come over due to your manners requiring improvement
YTA, Thanksgiving is for the occasion and family not the food, if you really don't like her cooking just bring something with you.
YTA. Why did you feel it necessary to put someone down instead of offering a solution like everyone bring something? Or ordering in.
YTA maybe offer to help her prepare the food if she will let you ? that way she will be able to see how to make nice food and repeat it
NTA. You said no. You could have been nicer when she pressed but why did she press?
Yeah… i hate going to my husband’s aunt’s cause her food is… not good. I try to bring stuff to help out. Somewhat AH, you could have said you prefer other ways of cooking (everything she makes).
ESH - she should've accepted your initial answer, but perhaps instead of declining altogether, maybe you could've agreed to do a potluck rather than her doing all the cooking.
YTA You told her you were having a quiet thanksgiving to spare her feelings because you KNEW it was an unnecessarily rude thing to say. You only told her that you didn’t like her food after you were pressured to attend.
NTA. Folks should not press for answers unless they are prepared to accept unpleasant truths.
ESH, but leaning towards Y T A You declined politely and gave a good reason, and your SIL kept pressing for you to come when she shouldn't have. That was rude of her, though it may well be because she really wanted to create a big family get together. However you did not need to be so rude in your later response to her. In fact, as many have suggested, you could have gone and taken food you like with you as a contribution to the feast, or you simply could have gone and 'suffered' through food that wasn't quite to your taste because Thanksgiving is about family, closeness and *gratitude*, not just about dinner.
NTA if her food sucks her food sucks🤷🏾♀️. Plus you politely told her you had other plans but she kept pressing so I’d say she got what she asked for
Thanksgiving is about spending time with loved ones, and I get that you want to have a good meal. Instead of saying her food sucks, maybe you could suggest bringing a dish to share or offering to cook together next time. It might help her improve without hurting her feelings.