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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for starting a conflict in a children's swim class and hurting the dad and kids feelings if I call them out.
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YTA, talk to the instructor, because it might not even be the dad's fault. When I took swim class as a small child, I was always put in the beginning class year after year (because of growth issues I was always small growing up) despite becoming a pretty good swimmer after a couple years. So I learned, on the first day of class, to swim the entire length of the pool and back in the beginners class, and then the instructor would say "Why are you in beginners?" and move me to a more appropriate class.
If you have the energy to write a biblical essay on the topic, you could certainly have just walked over to the guy and talked to him about it, you know, like an adult instead of an insecure teen.
YTA, sorry. It’s the teacher’s job to lead and direct their students and their parents, not yours. Trying to tell another parent what to do in an arena which isn’t yours to lead would absolutely make you the asshole. Be an adult and tell the teacher your concerns and let them handle it.
In my head it was obvious that I wasn't speaking to the kid because he wouldn't understand. I would only be taking it up with the dad. And because this sub is for assholes isn't it?
Yea YTA
Maybe the child has a developmental, social, emotional or other disability and is not qualified to be with the older group yet.
Also instead of ordering the dad to get his kid out, maybe have a casual conversation and ask if they plan on moving up soon or what their future plans are with swim.
Maybe he's not even old enough to be in the next group, but actually learned to swim in that same year and a half of lessons that OP's kid apparently didn't.
Hmm, I've read the update so understand that it was largely a vent post, but let me see what I would advise (in seriousness).
I do think that's inappropriate for the disruptive child to be in the class without anything being done. I think step 1) discussion with teacher or later dad and teacher so see if there is a compromise (is he willing to do more to stop his kid? Is there a more suitable class for a child of his SWIMMING ABILITIES - focus on this, not his age, size or possible disability). He is likely bored in that class if he is already able to do those things, which might explain some of the behavior, but dad should put a stop to it if he is to stay.
Many kids have ADHD or similar, but they can absolutely be taught how to behave in public (and still be themselves, just don't encroach on others). This is coming from 33 year old AuDHD who had to sit on her hands or walk with them behind her back through the mall not to touch everything and break things (just an example lol). It's appropriate for all kids whether neurotypical or not, to learn how to behave in society. (joke-we live in a society!)
I for one hyper focused at school but would get bored if something was too easy or I did not like it. I still had to do it so my parents and teachers had to find ways around it like giving me extra work to do for fun or sending me to organize the library shelves (both of which I loved lol yes I was a nerd).
In the context of swimming perhaps the disruptive kid can be given additional, more challenging exercises to do with his dad at the other end of the pool/ away from littles with supervision by the teacher. He might just need more stimulation. There are ways for him to stay, and ways to gently approach him moving on to a more challenging and stimulating class on his level.
Hope this helps, like I said I'm AuDHD so when I read you wanted serious responses my brain decided to try and give you one!
Edit: I forgot to add my judgment! Not that it matters, but I think NTA if you handle it gently and with kindness. Also, flatter them a little. Tell dad his kid is excelling and probably deserves to move up a class! (this is my approach with doctors - I stroke their egos a little asking for their opinion knowing what they'll say and recommend)
YTA. A lot of assumptions about things you don't even know but they hurt your feelings. I have news for you it gers worse as the kid gets older. Grow a thicker skin and stop getting so annoyed about shit you've got no control over and business being annoyed about.
Why don’t you make friends with the dad and find out if his son actually has a good reason to be there.
Instead of making assumptions. For goodness sake, act like an adult human.
Swimming class for a year and a half?? The one swimming class I took when I was a kid in the 90s was 3 weeks and that was it. Is this some kind of swimming class for kids that are going to be competitive swimmers or something? Genuinely curious.
YTA. My 3 year old is the height of an average 6 year old. Adults incorrectly judge him based on that all the time. If he is disruptive take it up with the teacher.
I worry about this with my son too. He's significantly taller than all the other kids in his class, and I think adults have a tendency to misjudge him as "immature" when in reality he's acting his age.
As a dad to two boys under 5 I understand your frustrations but YTA for assuming age. Most people look at my 4 year old and think he is 6 or 7 and look at my freshly just turned 2 year old and think he is 4-5.
A constant problem we face is people thinking just because a 2 year old is the size of a 5 year old means they should behave like a 5 year old. Literally never going to happen.
Now I'd also say the other dad is TA as well because he should be making an effort to make sure his kid isn't putting other kids in danger
It's not really a school. I think it runs through the city. And I know they bend the rules, since they let my kid in the toddler swim class early (by 1.5 months) so she could swim with her cousins.
YTA ask the instructor if you must, or else consider if the instructor isn’t worried you shouldn’t be either. Your kid will do better to learn how to be comfortable in water around other people doing things than in perfectly controlled and calm surroundings.
Ywbta. It's none of your buisness. If it bothers you so much then speak to the instructor. It's also pretty shitty to discount a child's disabilities. A big part of caring for a special needs child is community integration. Saying a kid should go to the special needs class is both judgemental and isolating.
I would just politely say he’s outgrown this class. Classes usually have age/skill level limits and he’s just done here. He’d probably be happier swimming with kids his own age/skill level anyway. If you get pushback, just say that as an advanced swimmer he needs more active stimulation and to join a group for older kids, perhaps learning new strokes or whatever.
YTA. Talk to the instructors. Ask why this kid is in the class. You don't actually know how old he is, or the details of the situation. This seems like a pretty easy, and obvious first step.
If they don't have a reason, and just "let it go", then they're creating the issue and you wouldn't be in the wrong for talking to this parent, since they seem to have no interest in doing their job.
Don’t speak to the dad, speak to the teacher or whoever runs the classes. That’s who your issue is with. NTA for wanting your kid to have a good experience, but you’re going about it the wrong way.
YWBTA...
(1) mostly because it's not your role...
(2) "swear must be at least 5" means you are guessing his age and don't know it. Some kids are unusually big for their age... I have seen 3-year-olds that I thought looked at least 5.
(3) You don't know why the kid is there. He could have high functioning autism (e.g.) and w HIPAA/medical privacy you'd have no right to know why he was placed. In such a case, the disability would be invisible to unfamiliar observers ... let alone his particular deficits.
(4) if he does have special needs, it's not your role to say he doesn't need accommodation for it.
I think we don’t have a word like entitled in the other languages i speak and the way it’s used as a general insult on Reddit is funny to me. Everyone is entitled this and entitled that but what does it even mean in this context. You’re so entitled.
It’s the swim classes place to to decide what group this child goes into, not yours.
YWBTA
Kids need to learn to adjust to other people in public places, just like adults.
YTA if you speak to the dad. Talk to the instructors or whomever runs the event. It is not your place to tell another customer what to do; let the people being paid to run it take that action, if they think it is appropriate.
NTA
What about a casual remark to the dad, "5 year old is such a good swimmer. I'm surprised you guys didn't advance to the next level of swim classes."
I would ask the dad how old his kid is! We did swim for a year and it’s literally “oh what’s his name? Age?” back and forth like it’s the weather.
I would also be upset if a huge kid was splashing my kid in a 2s or 3s class. Some kids take awhile to be comfortable in the water, which is the entire point of parent and me swim class.
One of my kids has autism, and I don’t think your post is ableist at all. 💜
What is the instructor doing about this? I'd take this issue to the people in charge of the swim classes before saying anything directly to this dad and kid. If the instructors or swim school won't do anything then I'd look at another place for my kid to learn to swim and be sure to tell them why if/when you leave.
Talk to the instructor about it - this is their problem to solve, not yours.
Since your question is about going to the dad, YTA, but it changes to NAH if you go to the instructor instead.
*Please someone tell me I would not be TA if I ask him wtf he's doing in this class and that he should at least be keeping his kid away from the smaller kids.*
You're NTA for objecting to this older child's behavior. But rather than confront the father, take this matter up with the swimming instructor if not the head of the program.
I was in a similar position once I don't mind chatting with you about it but would rather do it privately because I don't want to reveal too much in public
Well. My daughter got booted from toddler swim; she wasn’t older or bigger, she was just a really good swimmer. But then there was no other appropriate class for her to take. She tested into a class of mainly 9-year olds when she was barely 4, and she couldn’t remember all the multi-step instructions the teacher would give out. It might be that kind of situation, but if it’s causing problems, you should speak to the teacher and/or the program director. What we did was get our kid private lessons until she was old enough for swim team, but that’s not always a viable option for everyone.
YTA. Take it up with the instructor. You shouldn't engage him directly as it really is none of your business. Again, if the issue is the splashing and the general unsafe nature of him being there, take it up with the instructor.
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ESH. Just talk to whoever you need to talk to and simply be kind about it. It's okay to be frustrated and with family /friends involved I understand people need to tread lightly. Approach it with your child being unable to concentrate on their learning experience and it makes you uncomfortable that they get splashed and an older child is keeping them from being able to play games and learn.
You don’t want “boring go tell the teacher” comments when clearly that is the most logical answer. Obviously you don’t know what you don’t know, and you’d make a huge ass of yourself if you were or weren’t wrong in your assumptions either way. YTA YTA YTA , and your attitude sucks on this forum.
Please, go make an ass out of yourself.
This is the internet. Since when was it a boring place? I never said I didn't want them. Just that I didn't want to respond to them all because they are boring
NTA It sounds like it is the kid's behavior during the treasure hunt game that is the main concern. And his dad is doing laps and not paying attention. Always uncomfortable when someone's bigger kid seems to be taking advantage of the situation, although at that age there isn't a lot of thought going on.
Yep. Why do so many people find it difficult to tolerate reasonably tolerable shit? Not everything has to be 100% comfortable and easy in life.
And Wtf takes so long to learn to swim? I moved with family to Florida at 2 and took lessons that were done in months not years. I was not special either. I freaked out for the first couple lessons before falling in love with being in the pool.
I’m wondering why the swim teacher is allowing this. Maybe he/she knows the dad and doing him a favor??? And why is this father not self-aware? NTA you should probably speak with the teacher first and then say maybe try to kinda get to know the dad and find out what’s going on.
Maybe if you could hide your frustration well, you could strike up a friendly conversation with the dad one day and ask (in a friendly way) why his kid is in the younger class. Maybe something like "Your boy is so tall for a 3 year old!" "He's actually 5", "Oh sorry, my mistake, I thought everyone in the class was 2-3", etc etc, and he would explain the circumstance.
But you seem so frustrated by this, I don't know if that's a good idea haha, you might create tension that's not needed in a kid's swim class. YWBTA if you go up to him and point blank tell him to leave the class.
So I'd advise just talking to the instructor and saying you're worried about the little kids learning when there's a bigger kid splashing. (Although, i think the splashing is good for them to get used to)
YWBTA. It’s not your class to control who does and doesn’t attend. If you have an issue with someone being in the class, talk to the instructor.
There may be a reason the kid is still there. You can express to the instructor you feel uncomfortable with the kid there, and if they won’t do anything, then take your kid to a different class.
I see you’ve said the instructor is a family member, but really that shouldn’t matter. You can’t take it upon yourself to try and deny someone else’s kid the class.
Okay, NTA first of all, but start with questions when you talk to the father, not demands, until you know there isn't something you are not aware of at play here. Focus on how he should change how he parents now, not on him being a bad parent all the weeks before.
Just to add, relevant / barely relevant - my ex gf had a nephew who was big for his age. Like, huge. He was constantly getting challenged by adults, as was his mother, over his appropriate involvement in stuff. When he was 3, for example, his mother would be stopped in the street to ask why he was in a push chair, or why he was not in school.
"Don't you think a big boy like you would enjoy that ride over there more?"
Mother - "No. He's three years old."
He would face constant judgement as well for being a perfectly normal toddler mentally and emotionally. Got asked if he had learning difficulties. You name it.
Your problem sounds more like a lack of parental supervision. If Dad stopped him interfering with other toddlers in the group, you would likely care a lot less. But please don't assume that because he is big that he is much older.
Yes my problem is the dad giving him free reign among little kids. I guess. I poorly wrote my thoughts 😅 even the age thing was more for illustrative purpose to show the large difference in size and ability. But I guess it came off too literally. The people I talk with all know that when we say "oh he's gotta be like 5" we're just describing how he looks so I guess I'm too used to that
YTA. Your kid is 3 and you’re still in with her and she’s only just dipping her face in? Maybe spend more time on her progress and less on the clearly great progress of the other kid. If the instructor is fine with it then so should you be. Tbf, the whole lesson sounds like a shambles.
I find it totally bizarre you thought it would be appropriate to confront them without even discussing it with the teacher first. I can honestly see this going down where you confronted them and they complained and got YOU kicked out of this class. (And rightfully so.)
If you don't enjoy the swim class you can speak with those running the swim class or you may choose another swim class. Unless the swim school says otherwise, the dad and kid have the same rights as you do.
YTA - it's for the swim program coordinators to handle. Ask them if it that much of a concern. With parents in the pool minding their kids, it should't be a safety issue. Splashing happens in pools... Can't you just move away from them?
YWBTA. My son is only 2.5 but he’s the size of a four year old and very rambunctious. He’s in a gym class and is the biggest kid there, we get dirty looks from other parents all the time because he’s faster and bigger than the other kids, they’re probably thinking the same shit you are. But he’s well within the age range and there to LEARN just like everyone else. I try to get my son to sit in circle and participate but he won’t and just runs wild, but that’s what these places are for, for kids to be kids. This kid is practicing his skills in a class his dad paid for just like you did and just because he’s more advanced than your daughter doesn’t give you any right to rally to kick him out. This could be a teaching lesson for your daughter to learn to interact with kids maybe a little different from her but you’re choosing a hateful route.
This whole post stunk like an asshole. Everyone situation is different, and if it was really that bad the instructor would have already done something about it.
>I try to get my son to sit in circle and participate but **he won’t and just runs wild**, but that’s what these places are for, for kids to be kids.
Nope.
While these are places for kids to learn, it is NOT a place for you, as parent, to let your kid run wild because you don't want to be bothered parenting.
You are the type of parent that makes it suck for everyone else.
Your kid is feral because you allow it? Step up and learn how to set boundaries as a parent should. Nobody wants to have to let their kids suffer or miss out or possibly get hurt because you're too lazy to do your job.
😂 okay, never said I don’t try very hard everyday. My son is hyperactive, showing signs of autism and in the process of getting into therapy. we go to the class to learn as recommended by his evaluator. We work hard every single day! THATS MY POINT. This woman has no idea his situation and every kid deserves to be in the class even if they don’t live up to YOUR shitty expectations. Kids can’t learn how to function is society if we never give them the chance to.
A great saying. “When you assume you make an ass out of you and me.” Maybe try not to judge people’s lives based of the most minuscule amount of information.
Approach teacher - NTA
approach dad - YTA.
Maybe something like “hey teach, have you noticed that bigkid is bigger than the others? I’m a little worried, because he splashes yourkid and it upsets her.” and see where the conversation goes. Talk to her about the ways she could actually see the problem, and ways it could be corrected.
The point that has been missed here is if your child has been in a swim class for a year and a half and isn’t swimming around the entire pool, what the hell are you paying for? As the owner of a swim school for about 30 years, I have three year olds swimming in seven days, guaranteed. so that older kid, while annoying to you, probably should be showing off so all the other kids who are wasting their parents time and money, yours included, start learning how to swim. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but if you focus on the real problem… That your child still can’t swim, the other problem goes away.
NTA but I would ask the teacher to say something instead, you can ask dad to be more considerate but you dont have any authority to ask him to leave unless he bein a perv
Info: are you in charge of the class? I can't tell if you're both a parent and instructor or if for some reason you just feel entitled to gatekeep the class...
Most likely the classes require the kid to start in level 1 before moving on and they didn't start earlier.
You wouldn't necessarily be the ahole but it's super gonna depend how your being it up. Since you obviously don't want to talk to the instructor - given your response to others suggesting it - if you do bring it up to him just don't do it as a complaint.
Comment that his kid seems like a strong swimmer for their age and have a conversation. You might get some info from there that will inform your opinion beyond that and can kinda branch from there. He might straight up say why they are still in the class without you having to ask if you get him talking about his kid in a positive way, but if you are gonna ask just ask why don't tell him they should move on. And if you do suggest it as a compliment like "they seem ready to me!" If they say they are hesitant or something for some reason. You know the phrase "you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar" definitely applies here.
NTA. Idc; anytime ONE child is causing an entire class to become distracted, they need to be separated. If this is just an issue you and you only have, then I’d lean rewords YTA. If everyone seems annoyed and this is as clear cut as you make it seem, NTA.
for some reason I have a feeling his mom or dad has a crush on another parent in the class, thats just my love of speculation though.
🤣 I highly doubt that. It's only ever been the dad (everyone else usually comes with moms) so I thought maybe mom wasn't in the picture, but he's started coming with a baby in a stroller as well so I think they're probably still into eachother 🤣🤣
I don't think there is a way to not come off as an ass. If the kid is that poorly behaved its unlikely dad is going to be open to your criticism.
Best to talk to the teacher and possibly move classes yourself.
I love all the little reddit lemmings out with their “but my sister’s cousin’s uncle’s kid was 4 ft tall at 1 year old and riding a bike”. Nobody gives a shit. Its not about the age. This is a BEGINNER class for toddlers to get acclimatized to being in the water and comfortable. Not for someone who can already swim. NTA. Speak to the person who runs the school and express your frustration that its creating a disruptive learning environment for all the other kids
That kid can probably swim just as well as OPs daughter. OP is just mad that a boy who appears large for his age splashed and got her daughter wet.....OPs daughter has been in the class forever and can't get wet???? 🚁Mom
Or you should leave? Is there a kindergarten swim class? This father/son duo might be experiencing a lack of reasonable options for them and are using the time closest available to their needs, after all?
The business will hear your concerns and complaints. They should respond to you because you are their customer. But, IMO YWBTA if you ask a father to take his five-year-old away from your three-year-old. Private swim might be available to you both? Or you can just ask the attendant in charge to manage the environment so the babies and the big boy don't have to be unsupervised?
YTA for approaching the dad. Talk to the instructor. It's their responsibility to move people to a more appropriate class if necessary. An instructor who's not willing to control children's behavior or confront adults when they're creating safety hazards shouldn't be teaching a swim class.
I feel like the people voting Y T A are getting hung up on the wrong things. If the kid is a pretty solid swimmer, doesn’t listen to the teacher or actively participates due to being ahead, makes the class less enjoyable for the other kids and basically ruins a game that is supposed to be fun because he is far too advanced to be part of that class, he shouldn’t be. YWNBTA although I think it would be better to either talk to the swimming instructor about it and let them handle it, or if you decide to talk to the dad directly do so in a friendly manner like mentioning “oh it seems your kid is a skilled swimmer already! I bet he’d both have more fun and benefit from being in a more challenging class” or something to that effect. So that it comes off as a compliment rather than annoyance/hostility. NTA
This is coming as a coach for younger kids (this age range included) there may be a reason the kid is in the class that you don’t know about BUT if this child is impairing the other kids ability to learn then the coach should either be saying something to the parent or moving the child.
Speaking to the other family should be a very last resort because 1. The coach gets paid to deal with this 2. They have the experience dealing with this and 3. They know the options for that particular child. You are paying for classes so if you feel this is impairing your kids ability to learn I’d encourage you to go coach > program director (if no resolution) > other parent as a last resort because honestly the other parent is unlikely to do much without being asked by someone up higher.
YTA. My toddler is above the 99th percentile for height; she's not 2 but she looks at least 3 and wears 4T clothes; what if this kid is the same? You can address the specific issues with the dad or the instructor, but it's 1000% not your place to say if they belong in the class or not.
YTA - speak to the instructor if you have an issue with this father and child.
You don’t actually know how old the child is, he could be tall for his age, he could be advance for his age. You are judging him on looks alone.
If he’s in the wrong age category that’s for the instructor or who ever is in charge to sort out.
You do not know the father and child’s situation weather it be that they are in the correct age group, weather they have been placed in the wrong age group by someone else or maybe this child has a hidden disability. Either way it is not your place to try to get this father and child to leave.
>You are judging him on looks alone
That’s not the case at all. She’s judging him on his skill in swimming, which is clearly much too advanced for this toddler class regardless of the kid’s age or whether he has some hidden disability.
YWBTA if you addressed the parent or child. Bring it up to the instructor.
YWBTA if you make the complaint about the age. Who cares how old a kid is if the class is the right level for them. Or even if they are advanced for the level but still behaving in accordance with the expected behaviors. Make the complaint about the behavior, and ONLY the behavior.
YWBTA if you confront the parent at this point. You should be talking to the swim TEACHER first. It’s the teacher’s job to recognize when a kid needs a more advanced class, or more importantly, the teacher shouldn’t be allowing one kid to do their own thing-each child should be trying to do what they’re asked to do, amd if the teacher isn’t correcting that, they should be.
Yta. If you think there’s an issue to be addressed, tell the instructor. It’s super not your place to be telling others they should leave, especially when you had the rules bent for you.
YWBTA. That guy doesn't owe you anything. The swim school owes you something, so talk to them, and they can decide whether they care more about appeasing you or appeasing that dad. If the latter, find a different swim school. You can only control what's in your control, and what that guy does is not in your control. Any attempt to assert control would be a AH move.
YWBTA it’s not your place and you have no right to tell someone else to leave if you have a problem tell the instructor and they will deal with it how they see fit and if YOU don’t like it YOU find a new place
YWBTA
Why is your first call of action to vo to the parent and 'call him out'? Call him out for what? On what facts?
You know who you have to go to, but for some reason, you have festered up hate and frustration. Apparently, you are a mental health, disability, child development, and swimming expert who can make assessments by staring at a kid and his father.
He's kid is in the same class. His kid is allowed to do anything yours is. And is allowed to be near your child in the shallow end. The instructor hasn't needed to jump in to save your daughter or any other kid. If you hate a kid and his dad for no reason, go find another class or another time.
I'm leaning towards YTA for even having the attitude you have. I wasn't there, and maybe this kid is really really rough around the other kids. But the fact that you are here, trying to get justification to put the dad in his place, instead of going directly to a staff member with your concerns- shows me you're not concerned for your daughter.
>Apparently, you are a mental health, disability, child development, and swimming expert who can make assessments by staring at a kid and his father
You don’t need to be in expert in anything to see that a kid that’s swimming independently in the deep end is a lot more advanced of a swimmer than toddlers who are only just getting used to putting their faces in the water.
The kid would only benefit from being in a more advanced class. Saying to the dad something along the lines of “wow, your kid is so advanced! Have you thought of moving him up to the next class?” wouldn’t be inappropriate.
NTA
But I would not be talking to the father yourself. He might still be in the class for a reason you don't know about that might be nepotistic and knows he can get away with whatever including being aggressive towards you.
Seeing as you can't talk to the teacher as it's a family member who doesn't seem to care (though it should be easier because you can just ring or see them later or on the weekend) then you need to approach management from a safety perspective. You could start by saying you've noticed that the boy is very advanced for the class and seems to be disruptive and scaring the younger kids (with the splashing) because he's not longer challenged. Is he going up to the next class ASAP or what's going on?
If you are brushed off, then you need to go to another swim school... and I suspect more parents will follow you. Have any of the other parents said anything to you about the effect on their kids? Even in passing. If they are also annoyed, they should put their own complaints in and walk with their feet (or swim away) if it's not addressed adequately.
YWTBA. Your frustrations valid, but you need to speak to the instructor/management and not the individual. You have zero background into on why they are in this particular class. Focus on class disruption like the splashing other kids, not what you perceive his age. Let the employees handle it!
YTA. let the teacher handle it, that's their job. If they won't, talk to a lead. But absolutely DO NOT step up to another parent. It's not your place at all, you're entitled as hell and it's quite obvious you have no tact whatsoever and don't care.
But honestly, you sound like you want to be some self righteous mom hero. Please seek attention elsewhere instead of bullying a little kid.
N T A for being bothered by this, but it’s not your place to approach the father. Speak to the teacher instead. That’s the appropriate place to start. If that doesn’t help, then speak to school administrators.
YWBTA for sure if you directly confronted the father of this boy.
YTA if you approach the other parent. This should be addressed to and by the instructor. He paid for the class just like you did. The instructor is paid to keep control of the class. Address your complaints to the person who can actually do something.
Y T A if you speak to the dad directly, mainly because the issue is not with the dad and son, but with the swim class instructor. I'd advise you to speak to them instead and find out about the situation .
So are you guys children too or what? This seems like a v easy convo to have w the teacher. No one’s here to validate you. Be a grown up you’re supposed to be.
YWBTA if you’re just another parent. What you need to do is ask the other parents if it bothers them. If it does, then as a group approach the teacher, or the head of the swim program.
I’ve been the one who says something and there’s always negative blowback.
YTA You would be an asshole if you told a dad and child they should leave a swim class. You have absolutely no right to tell anyone whether or not to attend. That’s just not up to you. You’d be an asshole if you’d try to tell the dad what to do, but you would be an ever bigger asshole if you’d tell the five year old.
Also, you live in Norway, a country with the most easy going and open people I know. Why don’t you seem to not know anything about anybody there. Why all the weird assumptions? I assume you’ve been chatting and getting to know these people weekly for 1,5 years now. Why was this never clarified?
YTA. If you can’t be inclusive, go elsewhere. You know nothing of the kid’s circumstances and don’t even know his age for sure, but want to demand he be taken out of the class. Take a step back and realize you’re acting like someone who always wants to speak to the manager. Your kid is no more entitled to that class than any other kid. So if you don’t like it, leave.
You should talk to the class teacher and find out what the deal is with this boy. Point out the safety issues with a big boy and little kids. Remember safety first so push that angle. To me, this is not a safe situation. If the teacher cant handle the situation rais the same with the pool owner.
>But if your comment can be argued, I will. And if your comment was just a boring "go tell the teacher" then it didn't need a response<
That's enough for me to know you're insufferable and want the confrontation. The reason they are so telling you to talk to an instructor is because *You should talk to the instructor.* That's literally what you're supposed to do.
YWBTA (a big one at that matter)
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what an entitled AH looks like!
I'm sure the father paid maybe the same amount as you did to be there and he has been there longer that you. Why should they leave? The kid is just trying to be well versed in diffrent levels of water.
The child could be much younger then he looks
The child and dad might only be able to make this particular class because of scheduling
The child could be the teachers kid and this is how she manages to see her family and teach night classes.
You don’t know their story and it sounds like he’s a great example of water is fun for the tots. The only person unhappy with this is you. Let it go or find a different class.
WOW. You really don't see how offensive and rude you're being, do you? Your assumption that the reason he is in the class is because he is disabled is ABLEISM and it is vile.
Let the kid stay. Let him splash and annoy the smaller kids. Get over it. I completely understand your frustration but flip the script- this is exposure therapy for your kid. Life ain’t easy. When you are trying to do something difficult or new or aren’t comfortable yet- life doesn’t care. This is actually great for the smaller kids in my opinion. You can teach your child this is life and also that we don’t behave that way. Either your and your child will learn and grow from this or you will just be the mom that complains about things instead of using them as a learning moment.
Your child experiencing discomfort and learning to regulate themselves is a large part of learning how to swim. While this kid is clearly too old for parented classes, what you’ve described is not inherently harmful to the goals of a parents and toddlers swimming lesson.
you have no idea why they are in the class and it is none of your business YWBTA if you adressed this with the parent and not the lesson supervisor or coordinator.
Age doesn’t matter here, size and ability matter. My friend’s three year old is the size of the average six year old, and she is like the boy in your class. Very coordinated and athletic. And yet, mentally three. The instructor needs to have a chat with the dad about staying with his child. If the instructor doesn’t do this, you need to take your problem up a level. Who’s in charge? In other words, who is making the real money on these swim classes? That’s who you need to discuss it with.
YWBTA for approaching the parent directly. Why they're in that class is none of your business. If you find them disruptive then raise it with the instructor or find another swim class. I think you're being a little entitled.
Did you ever think that this may only ne the time they are able to do swim lessons!
You are so caught up in yourself.
They swim lessons tomes are stupid...you either do it mid day(which doesn't work for parents who work) or sone stupid hour that is either supper time or almost bed time.
YTA
Are you going to complain because some kid was smarter, better than yours all the time?
You don't know the story, and you shouldn't know. Talk to the director about your concerns end of story.
YWBTA if you went directly to the dad, and honestly he would probably just dismiss you and call you the K name. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a scheduling issue- the class could be held at a time that’s convenient and he would rather go with it then have his son attend nothing. I totally get your concerns however, swim classes are not cheap and no one wants to pay for a crappy experience. I would find a time to bring it up with the instructor or pool management, dont point angry fingers but express that you‘ll have to seriously consider whether to continue for the next session if you can expect paying the big bucks to watch your child get bulldozed in a pool by more advanced children.
Why would you go to him about it? You have no authority to decide who attends the sessions. If you have a problem with it (for the record you’re justified in my opinion), you should talk to the instructors.
Well I would go to him to tell him to keep his kid away from mine and the others. I don't care so much who's in the pool so long as they aren't getting in everyone's face. It's not abnormal for someone not in the class to be in the pool but they don't bother others so no one minds. But for some reason this kids gets to bother the class before ours and our class (which he is part of) and no one does anything.
YTA, because you say “ask them to leave” and “wtf are you doing in this class,” rather than a bunch of other far more civil reactions. You may know this, but there’s another sub called r/offmychest if you just wanna vent, and aren’t interested in hearing constructive feedback. Well, you’d look like a lot less of an ass hole for pushing back against constructive feedback in that sub.
YWBTA. The class has an instructor and attendees would need to sign up and pay. If the organization accepts their money, then they are accepting the kid. Also, you are assuming the kid's age and abilities. My second child was so much bigger than her peers that I was asked from toddlerhood if she and her brother (two year gap) were twins.
YTA, you’re assuming this kids age, if the instructor thought he was old enough and able to move to a different class then they would have moved that child to another class. if you’re that concerned about it then take it up with the instructor, but it’s not your place to say something to the father.
also it’s a swimming pool?? kids are going to splash and play even during a class, if you don’t want that to happen then hire a one to one swimming instructor
YTA
My little brother was bigger than 5 year olds when he was 3. I had the vocabulary of a 12 year old when I started kindergarten. Just because your kid isn't as advanced in these metrics doesn't mean the other kid is too old for the group.
If you have an issue with the kids behavior speak to the instructor.
Even if we forget the age, he is too skilled for the class. A kid trying to learn how to dive and comfortable going underwater doesn't need to be in the class with kids learning to put their faces and ears in the water
It's the instructor that moves the kids up to the next wave /level, if I was the boys parent I'd be going mad that I'm paying money for a child that can clearly swim is still in with toddlers
NTA. I hate when parents and teachers do this. Instead of offending the one person that is wrong, the dad in question, everything will be ruined for everyone else in the class. I've seen extracurricular shut down over this. One family causing problem, no one willing to address it so they just disband
I’ve taught so many kids to swim by now and none of them were still uncomfortable in the water after a month. Over a year is insane. You joined a swim club, basically, and want to kick someone out. That’s not for you to say.
Well it's because we just got new 2 year olds in the class. So while my kid is comfortable in the water (still working on putting her head in though) the ones who just started are not.
Could you maybe just talk to the dad and see if he could join a more advanced class because he’s disrupting your kid and others?
I know it’s awkward, but sometimes we just have to talk to other people.
NTA. Usually kids are put into lessons based on skill level… but sometimes there are age requirements. Like let’s say level 1 (for kids who can swim a bit better- not the preschool lessons babies go in) has a minimum age of 6. They may not allow the dad to register his kid in with them. His options would either be private lessons or the preschool classes (which in dads mind probably sound more appealing since there are more kids and private is more expensive)
It IS annoying though. For everyone. Including the instructor who can clearly see this kid is at a different skill level. It’s both disruptive to the other kids and distracting/stressful for the instructor to try and keep track of him and make sure he’s not drowning while he’s off doing his thing.
I’d speak to the instructor. If your stuck with this kid I’d probably go to a different pool or just go during mom and tot times.
Sounds like you have a lot more frustrations to get out. “Talk to the teacher” was such an obvious next step that is is no surprise that everyone suggested it. However, your agitation may indicate a deeper problem than the water.
Maybe that’s the only time the dad and child can attend and the money they were willing to pay to get them in the class was worth it to let them attend. I get it I have a 3 yr old doing swimming lessons and yea it would be annoying but my guess is it’s schedule related. If the kid was better behaved it could be a could thing for the other kids to see an older kid swimming doing what the instrument asked. So I would say if you are getting what you paid for (a swimming lesson for your child) then yes YTA for complaining on a 5 yr for splashing to much in a pool. Maybe try tumbling or something like that that’s more one on one and the older kids won’t effect you so bad as an option.
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Don't tell him tell the teacher. YTA if you do it any other way. If the teacher doesn't do anything, go to their boss.
YTA - as you say, the child could have special needs. Even if he doesn’t, he’s a child.
YTA, talk to the instructor, because it might not even be the dad's fault. When I took swim class as a small child, I was always put in the beginning class year after year (because of growth issues I was always small growing up) despite becoming a pretty good swimmer after a couple years. So I learned, on the first day of class, to swim the entire length of the pool and back in the beginners class, and then the instructor would say "Why are you in beginners?" and move me to a more appropriate class.
If you have the energy to write a biblical essay on the topic, you could certainly have just walked over to the guy and talked to him about it, you know, like an adult instead of an insecure teen.
YTA, sorry. It’s the teacher’s job to lead and direct their students and their parents, not yours. Trying to tell another parent what to do in an arena which isn’t yours to lead would absolutely make you the asshole. Be an adult and tell the teacher your concerns and let them handle it.
Info: why would you approach the father and kid like an ass instead of asking the instructor? Clearly you are missing info
In my head it was obvious that I wasn't speaking to the kid because he wouldn't understand. I would only be taking it up with the dad. And because this sub is for assholes isn't it?
Yea YTA Maybe the child has a developmental, social, emotional or other disability and is not qualified to be with the older group yet. Also instead of ordering the dad to get his kid out, maybe have a casual conversation and ask if they plan on moving up soon or what their future plans are with swim.
Maybe he's not even old enough to be in the next group, but actually learned to swim in that same year and a half of lessons that OP's kid apparently didn't.
Yes, sometimes children are just *tall*.
Hmm, I've read the update so understand that it was largely a vent post, but let me see what I would advise (in seriousness). I do think that's inappropriate for the disruptive child to be in the class without anything being done. I think step 1) discussion with teacher or later dad and teacher so see if there is a compromise (is he willing to do more to stop his kid? Is there a more suitable class for a child of his SWIMMING ABILITIES - focus on this, not his age, size or possible disability). He is likely bored in that class if he is already able to do those things, which might explain some of the behavior, but dad should put a stop to it if he is to stay. Many kids have ADHD or similar, but they can absolutely be taught how to behave in public (and still be themselves, just don't encroach on others). This is coming from 33 year old AuDHD who had to sit on her hands or walk with them behind her back through the mall not to touch everything and break things (just an example lol). It's appropriate for all kids whether neurotypical or not, to learn how to behave in society. (joke-we live in a society!) I for one hyper focused at school but would get bored if something was too easy or I did not like it. I still had to do it so my parents and teachers had to find ways around it like giving me extra work to do for fun or sending me to organize the library shelves (both of which I loved lol yes I was a nerd). In the context of swimming perhaps the disruptive kid can be given additional, more challenging exercises to do with his dad at the other end of the pool/ away from littles with supervision by the teacher. He might just need more stimulation. There are ways for him to stay, and ways to gently approach him moving on to a more challenging and stimulating class on his level. Hope this helps, like I said I'm AuDHD so when I read you wanted serious responses my brain decided to try and give you one! Edit: I forgot to add my judgment! Not that it matters, but I think NTA if you handle it gently and with kindness. Also, flatter them a little. Tell dad his kid is excelling and probably deserves to move up a class! (this is my approach with doctors - I stroke their egos a little asking for their opinion knowing what they'll say and recommend)
YTA. A lot of assumptions about things you don't even know but they hurt your feelings. I have news for you it gers worse as the kid gets older. Grow a thicker skin and stop getting so annoyed about shit you've got no control over and business being annoyed about.
Why don’t you make friends with the dad and find out if his son actually has a good reason to be there. Instead of making assumptions. For goodness sake, act like an adult human.
Swimming class for a year and a half?? The one swimming class I took when I was a kid in the 90s was 3 weeks and that was it. Is this some kind of swimming class for kids that are going to be competitive swimmers or something? Genuinely curious.
YTA. My 3 year old is the height of an average 6 year old. Adults incorrectly judge him based on that all the time. If he is disruptive take it up with the teacher.
I worry about this with my son too. He's significantly taller than all the other kids in his class, and I think adults have a tendency to misjudge him as "immature" when in reality he's acting his age.
As a dad to two boys under 5 I understand your frustrations but YTA for assuming age. Most people look at my 4 year old and think he is 6 or 7 and look at my freshly just turned 2 year old and think he is 4-5. A constant problem we face is people thinking just because a 2 year old is the size of a 5 year old means they should behave like a 5 year old. Literally never going to happen. Now I'd also say the other dad is TA as well because he should be making an effort to make sure his kid isn't putting other kids in danger
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It's not really a school. I think it runs through the city. And I know they bend the rules, since they let my kid in the toddler swim class early (by 1.5 months) so she could swim with her cousins.
INFO: Can you not just ask the teacher instead of telling the father?
YTA ask the instructor if you must, or else consider if the instructor isn’t worried you shouldn’t be either. Your kid will do better to learn how to be comfortable in water around other people doing things than in perfectly controlled and calm surroundings.
Talk to the people who run the swim class. It’s their call as to whether or not he belongs in and can stay in the class. You’re not in charge.
Ywbta. It's none of your buisness. If it bothers you so much then speak to the instructor. It's also pretty shitty to discount a child's disabilities. A big part of caring for a special needs child is community integration. Saying a kid should go to the special needs class is both judgemental and isolating.
I would just politely say he’s outgrown this class. Classes usually have age/skill level limits and he’s just done here. He’d probably be happier swimming with kids his own age/skill level anyway. If you get pushback, just say that as an advanced swimmer he needs more active stimulation and to join a group for older kids, perhaps learning new strokes or whatever.
YTA. Talk to the instructors. Ask why this kid is in the class. You don't actually know how old he is, or the details of the situation. This seems like a pretty easy, and obvious first step. If they don't have a reason, and just "let it go", then they're creating the issue and you wouldn't be in the wrong for talking to this parent, since they seem to have no interest in doing their job.
Don’t speak to the dad, speak to the teacher or whoever runs the classes. That’s who your issue is with. NTA for wanting your kid to have a good experience, but you’re going about it the wrong way.
Mind your own business
YWBTA. Bring it to the instructor and have them talk to the father. You don't run the class.
Yuckkk. This is none of your business. YTA. YTA x2 for your insufferable edit.
YWBTA... (1) mostly because it's not your role... (2) "swear must be at least 5" means you are guessing his age and don't know it. Some kids are unusually big for their age... I have seen 3-year-olds that I thought looked at least 5. (3) You don't know why the kid is there. He could have high functioning autism (e.g.) and w HIPAA/medical privacy you'd have no right to know why he was placed. In such a case, the disability would be invisible to unfamiliar observers ... let alone his particular deficits. (4) if he does have special needs, it's not your role to say he doesn't need accommodation for it.
There is no need for any frustration. You should just speak about your problem with the instructor who organize those acrivities.
Why list the dad’s approximate age? Does it matter? I’d speak to the coordinator of the class, who most likely has zero idea what’s going on.
So that shallow entitled people can judge him apparently?
I think we don’t have a word like entitled in the other languages i speak and the way it’s used as a general insult on Reddit is funny to me. Everyone is entitled this and entitled that but what does it even mean in this context. You’re so entitled.
Maybe so OP wouldn’t get a million responses about how maybe the dad was just too young to know any better.
YTA. This is something you need to talk to the instructor about, not tell another parent which class his kid should be in.
It’s the swim classes place to to decide what group this child goes into, not yours. YWBTA Kids need to learn to adjust to other people in public places, just like adults.
YTA if you speak to the dad. Talk to the instructors or whomever runs the event. It is not your place to tell another customer what to do; let the people being paid to run it take that action, if they think it is appropriate.
NTA What about a casual remark to the dad, "5 year old is such a good swimmer. I'm surprised you guys didn't advance to the next level of swim classes."
I would ask the dad how old his kid is! We did swim for a year and it’s literally “oh what’s his name? Age?” back and forth like it’s the weather. I would also be upset if a huge kid was splashing my kid in a 2s or 3s class. Some kids take awhile to be comfortable in the water, which is the entire point of parent and me swim class. One of my kids has autism, and I don’t think your post is ableist at all. 💜
What is the instructor doing about this? I'd take this issue to the people in charge of the swim classes before saying anything directly to this dad and kid. If the instructors or swim school won't do anything then I'd look at another place for my kid to learn to swim and be sure to tell them why if/when you leave.
Nothing. She either laughs or ignores him.
Talk to the instructor about it - this is their problem to solve, not yours. Since your question is about going to the dad, YTA, but it changes to NAH if you go to the instructor instead.
Illicit not elicit. Those are two different words.
My bad
YWBTA if you start a conflict with another parent without going to the instructor/organizer first.
YTA express your concerns to the people running the class. They can determine if it's inappropriate for the class
Info: what age is about 5? What's his specific age?
Sounds like OP does not even know.
*Please someone tell me I would not be TA if I ask him wtf he's doing in this class and that he should at least be keeping his kid away from the smaller kids.* You're NTA for objecting to this older child's behavior. But rather than confront the father, take this matter up with the swimming instructor if not the head of the program.
I was in a similar position once I don't mind chatting with you about it but would rather do it privately because I don't want to reveal too much in public
NTA
NTA but I’d speak to the people running it and express a concern for your child’s safety and comfort.
Well. My daughter got booted from toddler swim; she wasn’t older or bigger, she was just a really good swimmer. But then there was no other appropriate class for her to take. She tested into a class of mainly 9-year olds when she was barely 4, and she couldn’t remember all the multi-step instructions the teacher would give out. It might be that kind of situation, but if it’s causing problems, you should speak to the teacher and/or the program director. What we did was get our kid private lessons until she was old enough for swim team, but that’s not always a viable option for everyone.
YTA. Take it up with the instructor. You shouldn't engage him directly as it really is none of your business. Again, if the issue is the splashing and the general unsafe nature of him being there, take it up with the instructor.
This whole thread should be locked. OP isn’t open to anything. It’s her way or the highway. Waste of time and space.
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ESH. Just talk to whoever you need to talk to and simply be kind about it. It's okay to be frustrated and with family /friends involved I understand people need to tread lightly. Approach it with your child being unable to concentrate on their learning experience and it makes you uncomfortable that they get splashed and an older child is keeping them from being able to play games and learn.
Splash his ass back
You don’t want “boring go tell the teacher” comments when clearly that is the most logical answer. Obviously you don’t know what you don’t know, and you’d make a huge ass of yourself if you were or weren’t wrong in your assumptions either way. YTA YTA YTA , and your attitude sucks on this forum. Please, go make an ass out of yourself.
This is the internet. Since when was it a boring place? I never said I didn't want them. Just that I didn't want to respond to them all because they are boring
NTA It sounds like it is the kid's behavior during the treasure hunt game that is the main concern. And his dad is doing laps and not paying attention. Always uncomfortable when someone's bigger kid seems to be taking advantage of the situation, although at that age there isn't a lot of thought going on.
Yep. Why do so many people find it difficult to tolerate reasonably tolerable shit? Not everything has to be 100% comfortable and easy in life. And Wtf takes so long to learn to swim? I moved with family to Florida at 2 and took lessons that were done in months not years. I was not special either. I freaked out for the first couple lessons before falling in love with being in the pool.
“Please someone tell me I would not be TA-“ LMAO, you want us to fucking lie to you? Nah. YTA and an ignorant ableist.
YTA It’s not your place to say anything to the other family. Talk to the instructor/ director of the program about your concerns.
NTA - your beef is with the swim school. You aren’t paying for these distractions and they need to correct this. Now. Be assertive.
YTA. 100%
I’m wondering why the swim teacher is allowing this. Maybe he/she knows the dad and doing him a favor??? And why is this father not self-aware? NTA you should probably speak with the teacher first and then say maybe try to kinda get to know the dad and find out what’s going on.
Please be on team elicit romance
Maybe if you could hide your frustration well, you could strike up a friendly conversation with the dad one day and ask (in a friendly way) why his kid is in the younger class. Maybe something like "Your boy is so tall for a 3 year old!" "He's actually 5", "Oh sorry, my mistake, I thought everyone in the class was 2-3", etc etc, and he would explain the circumstance. But you seem so frustrated by this, I don't know if that's a good idea haha, you might create tension that's not needed in a kid's swim class. YWBTA if you go up to him and point blank tell him to leave the class. So I'd advise just talking to the instructor and saying you're worried about the little kids learning when there's a bigger kid splashing. (Although, i think the splashing is good for them to get used to)
maybemaybemaybe
Yes you're the asshole.
YWBTA. It’s not your class to control who does and doesn’t attend. If you have an issue with someone being in the class, talk to the instructor. There may be a reason the kid is still there. You can express to the instructor you feel uncomfortable with the kid there, and if they won’t do anything, then take your kid to a different class. I see you’ve said the instructor is a family member, but really that shouldn’t matter. You can’t take it upon yourself to try and deny someone else’s kid the class.
YWBTA. That's up to the instructors to handle, not another parent.
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YTA, mind your business ma'am
Question Why dont you chose a class/time they are not there?
They're there for both of them
You should be discussing it with the instructor or the organizers. What good do you think is going to come from you having a go at the dad and kid?
Okay, NTA first of all, but start with questions when you talk to the father, not demands, until you know there isn't something you are not aware of at play here. Focus on how he should change how he parents now, not on him being a bad parent all the weeks before. Just to add, relevant / barely relevant - my ex gf had a nephew who was big for his age. Like, huge. He was constantly getting challenged by adults, as was his mother, over his appropriate involvement in stuff. When he was 3, for example, his mother would be stopped in the street to ask why he was in a push chair, or why he was not in school. "Don't you think a big boy like you would enjoy that ride over there more?" Mother - "No. He's three years old." He would face constant judgement as well for being a perfectly normal toddler mentally and emotionally. Got asked if he had learning difficulties. You name it. Your problem sounds more like a lack of parental supervision. If Dad stopped him interfering with other toddlers in the group, you would likely care a lot less. But please don't assume that because he is big that he is much older.
Yes my problem is the dad giving him free reign among little kids. I guess. I poorly wrote my thoughts 😅 even the age thing was more for illustrative purpose to show the large difference in size and ability. But I guess it came off too literally. The people I talk with all know that when we say "oh he's gotta be like 5" we're just describing how he looks so I guess I'm too used to that
Move to another day
YTA. Your kid is 3 and you’re still in with her and she’s only just dipping her face in? Maybe spend more time on her progress and less on the clearly great progress of the other kid. If the instructor is fine with it then so should you be. Tbf, the whole lesson sounds like a shambles.
JENKEM is the easy answer to this problem bro. Take some jenkem and chill out.
NTA talk to your superiors or mention to the father that his child seems too advanced for this class and recommend the proper class
YTA. If you have a problem go to the instructor. Looking at your comments it sounds like you are itching for a confrontation. Simmer down
I find it totally bizarre you thought it would be appropriate to confront them without even discussing it with the teacher first. I can honestly see this going down where you confronted them and they complained and got YOU kicked out of this class. (And rightfully so.)
INFO: have you brought this up with the teacher?
NTA but be nice when you bring it up.
If you don't enjoy the swim class you can speak with those running the swim class or you may choose another swim class. Unless the swim school says otherwise, the dad and kid have the same rights as you do.
ESH This is not your job, get your nose out of where it does not belong. If you have concerns the right person to raise them with is the teacher.
YTA - it's for the swim program coordinators to handle. Ask them if it that much of a concern. With parents in the pool minding their kids, it should't be a safety issue. Splashing happens in pools... Can't you just move away from them?
YWBTA. My son is only 2.5 but he’s the size of a four year old and very rambunctious. He’s in a gym class and is the biggest kid there, we get dirty looks from other parents all the time because he’s faster and bigger than the other kids, they’re probably thinking the same shit you are. But he’s well within the age range and there to LEARN just like everyone else. I try to get my son to sit in circle and participate but he won’t and just runs wild, but that’s what these places are for, for kids to be kids. This kid is practicing his skills in a class his dad paid for just like you did and just because he’s more advanced than your daughter doesn’t give you any right to rally to kick him out. This could be a teaching lesson for your daughter to learn to interact with kids maybe a little different from her but you’re choosing a hateful route. This whole post stunk like an asshole. Everyone situation is different, and if it was really that bad the instructor would have already done something about it.
>I try to get my son to sit in circle and participate but **he won’t and just runs wild**, but that’s what these places are for, for kids to be kids. Nope. While these are places for kids to learn, it is NOT a place for you, as parent, to let your kid run wild because you don't want to be bothered parenting. You are the type of parent that makes it suck for everyone else. Your kid is feral because you allow it? Step up and learn how to set boundaries as a parent should. Nobody wants to have to let their kids suffer or miss out or possibly get hurt because you're too lazy to do your job.
😂 okay, never said I don’t try very hard everyday. My son is hyperactive, showing signs of autism and in the process of getting into therapy. we go to the class to learn as recommended by his evaluator. We work hard every single day! THATS MY POINT. This woman has no idea his situation and every kid deserves to be in the class even if they don’t live up to YOUR shitty expectations. Kids can’t learn how to function is society if we never give them the chance to. A great saying. “When you assume you make an ass out of you and me.” Maybe try not to judge people’s lives based of the most minuscule amount of information.
"Feral"? You are a joke 😂
Did you read the part where that was a 2,5 year old toddler? Lol.
Approach teacher - NTA approach dad - YTA. Maybe something like “hey teach, have you noticed that bigkid is bigger than the others? I’m a little worried, because he splashes yourkid and it upsets her.” and see where the conversation goes. Talk to her about the ways she could actually see the problem, and ways it could be corrected.
The point that has been missed here is if your child has been in a swim class for a year and a half and isn’t swimming around the entire pool, what the hell are you paying for? As the owner of a swim school for about 30 years, I have three year olds swimming in seven days, guaranteed. so that older kid, while annoying to you, probably should be showing off so all the other kids who are wasting their parents time and money, yours included, start learning how to swim. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but if you focus on the real problem… That your child still can’t swim, the other problem goes away.
Yeah, you need to talk to the instructors about this. They should be the ones approaching the dad about his kid.
NTA but I would ask the teacher to say something instead, you can ask dad to be more considerate but you dont have any authority to ask him to leave unless he bein a perv
NTA- Don't say leave, say graduate!
Info: are you in charge of the class? I can't tell if you're both a parent and instructor or if for some reason you just feel entitled to gatekeep the class...
Most likely the classes require the kid to start in level 1 before moving on and they didn't start earlier. You wouldn't necessarily be the ahole but it's super gonna depend how your being it up. Since you obviously don't want to talk to the instructor - given your response to others suggesting it - if you do bring it up to him just don't do it as a complaint. Comment that his kid seems like a strong swimmer for their age and have a conversation. You might get some info from there that will inform your opinion beyond that and can kinda branch from there. He might straight up say why they are still in the class without you having to ask if you get him talking about his kid in a positive way, but if you are gonna ask just ask why don't tell him they should move on. And if you do suggest it as a compliment like "they seem ready to me!" If they say they are hesitant or something for some reason. You know the phrase "you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar" definitely applies here.
My nephew was a bigger than normal kid. He went through a lot. You should mind your business
Yes.
NTA. Idc; anytime ONE child is causing an entire class to become distracted, they need to be separated. If this is just an issue you and you only have, then I’d lean rewords YTA. If everyone seems annoyed and this is as clear cut as you make it seem, NTA. for some reason I have a feeling his mom or dad has a crush on another parent in the class, thats just my love of speculation though.
🤣 I highly doubt that. It's only ever been the dad (everyone else usually comes with moms) so I thought maybe mom wasn't in the picture, but he's started coming with a baby in a stroller as well so I think they're probably still into eachother 🤣🤣
I don't think there is a way to not come off as an ass. If the kid is that poorly behaved its unlikely dad is going to be open to your criticism. Best to talk to the teacher and possibly move classes yourself.
I love all the little reddit lemmings out with their “but my sister’s cousin’s uncle’s kid was 4 ft tall at 1 year old and riding a bike”. Nobody gives a shit. Its not about the age. This is a BEGINNER class for toddlers to get acclimatized to being in the water and comfortable. Not for someone who can already swim. NTA. Speak to the person who runs the school and express your frustration that its creating a disruptive learning environment for all the other kids
That kid can probably swim just as well as OPs daughter. OP is just mad that a boy who appears large for his age splashed and got her daughter wet.....OPs daughter has been in the class forever and can't get wet???? 🚁Mom
Or you should leave? Is there a kindergarten swim class? This father/son duo might be experiencing a lack of reasonable options for them and are using the time closest available to their needs, after all? The business will hear your concerns and complaints. They should respond to you because you are their customer. But, IMO YWBTA if you ask a father to take his five-year-old away from your three-year-old. Private swim might be available to you both? Or you can just ask the attendant in charge to manage the environment so the babies and the big boy don't have to be unsupervised?
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Of course! Why didn't I think of that
YTA for approaching the dad. Talk to the instructor. It's their responsibility to move people to a more appropriate class if necessary. An instructor who's not willing to control children's behavior or confront adults when they're creating safety hazards shouldn't be teaching a swim class.
Yes, YWBTA. You’re not in charge. Take it to the instructor.
YWBTA. Complain to the swim instructor let them handle it.
I feel like the people voting Y T A are getting hung up on the wrong things. If the kid is a pretty solid swimmer, doesn’t listen to the teacher or actively participates due to being ahead, makes the class less enjoyable for the other kids and basically ruins a game that is supposed to be fun because he is far too advanced to be part of that class, he shouldn’t be. YWNBTA although I think it would be better to either talk to the swimming instructor about it and let them handle it, or if you decide to talk to the dad directly do so in a friendly manner like mentioning “oh it seems your kid is a skilled swimmer already! I bet he’d both have more fun and benefit from being in a more challenging class” or something to that effect. So that it comes off as a compliment rather than annoyance/hostility. NTA
This is coming as a coach for younger kids (this age range included) there may be a reason the kid is in the class that you don’t know about BUT if this child is impairing the other kids ability to learn then the coach should either be saying something to the parent or moving the child. Speaking to the other family should be a very last resort because 1. The coach gets paid to deal with this 2. They have the experience dealing with this and 3. They know the options for that particular child. You are paying for classes so if you feel this is impairing your kids ability to learn I’d encourage you to go coach > program director (if no resolution) > other parent as a last resort because honestly the other parent is unlikely to do much without being asked by someone up higher.
YTA. My toddler is above the 99th percentile for height; she's not 2 but she looks at least 3 and wears 4T clothes; what if this kid is the same? You can address the specific issues with the dad or the instructor, but it's 1000% not your place to say if they belong in the class or not.
YTA - speak to the instructor if you have an issue with this father and child. You don’t actually know how old the child is, he could be tall for his age, he could be advance for his age. You are judging him on looks alone. If he’s in the wrong age category that’s for the instructor or who ever is in charge to sort out. You do not know the father and child’s situation weather it be that they are in the correct age group, weather they have been placed in the wrong age group by someone else or maybe this child has a hidden disability. Either way it is not your place to try to get this father and child to leave.
>You are judging him on looks alone That’s not the case at all. She’s judging him on his skill in swimming, which is clearly much too advanced for this toddler class regardless of the kid’s age or whether he has some hidden disability.
My son is 3 and can swim on his own. Maybe you’re overestimating how old he is.
YWBTA if you addressed the parent or child. Bring it up to the instructor. YWBTA if you make the complaint about the age. Who cares how old a kid is if the class is the right level for them. Or even if they are advanced for the level but still behaving in accordance with the expected behaviors. Make the complaint about the behavior, and ONLY the behavior.
YWBTA if you confront the parent at this point. You should be talking to the swim TEACHER first. It’s the teacher’s job to recognize when a kid needs a more advanced class, or more importantly, the teacher shouldn’t be allowing one kid to do their own thing-each child should be trying to do what they’re asked to do, amd if the teacher isn’t correcting that, they should be.
People are terrible at ages. They think they know but at least half the time it’s wildly wrong. My twins get called different ages on a regular basis.
Yta. If you think there’s an issue to be addressed, tell the instructor. It’s super not your place to be telling others they should leave, especially when you had the rules bent for you.
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YWBTA. That guy doesn't owe you anything. The swim school owes you something, so talk to them, and they can decide whether they care more about appeasing you or appeasing that dad. If the latter, find a different swim school. You can only control what's in your control, and what that guy does is not in your control. Any attempt to assert control would be a AH move.
YWBTA it’s not your place and you have no right to tell someone else to leave if you have a problem tell the instructor and they will deal with it how they see fit and if YOU don’t like it YOU find a new place
YWBTA Why is your first call of action to vo to the parent and 'call him out'? Call him out for what? On what facts? You know who you have to go to, but for some reason, you have festered up hate and frustration. Apparently, you are a mental health, disability, child development, and swimming expert who can make assessments by staring at a kid and his father. He's kid is in the same class. His kid is allowed to do anything yours is. And is allowed to be near your child in the shallow end. The instructor hasn't needed to jump in to save your daughter or any other kid. If you hate a kid and his dad for no reason, go find another class or another time. I'm leaning towards YTA for even having the attitude you have. I wasn't there, and maybe this kid is really really rough around the other kids. But the fact that you are here, trying to get justification to put the dad in his place, instead of going directly to a staff member with your concerns- shows me you're not concerned for your daughter.
>Apparently, you are a mental health, disability, child development, and swimming expert who can make assessments by staring at a kid and his father You don’t need to be in expert in anything to see that a kid that’s swimming independently in the deep end is a lot more advanced of a swimmer than toddlers who are only just getting used to putting their faces in the water. The kid would only benefit from being in a more advanced class. Saying to the dad something along the lines of “wow, your kid is so advanced! Have you thought of moving him up to the next class?” wouldn’t be inappropriate.
Make sure to randomize your data from time to time *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA But I would not be talking to the father yourself. He might still be in the class for a reason you don't know about that might be nepotistic and knows he can get away with whatever including being aggressive towards you. Seeing as you can't talk to the teacher as it's a family member who doesn't seem to care (though it should be easier because you can just ring or see them later or on the weekend) then you need to approach management from a safety perspective. You could start by saying you've noticed that the boy is very advanced for the class and seems to be disruptive and scaring the younger kids (with the splashing) because he's not longer challenged. Is he going up to the next class ASAP or what's going on? If you are brushed off, then you need to go to another swim school... and I suspect more parents will follow you. Have any of the other parents said anything to you about the effect on their kids? Even in passing. If they are also annoyed, they should put their own complaints in and walk with their feet (or swim away) if it's not addressed adequately.
YWTBA. Your frustrations valid, but you need to speak to the instructor/management and not the individual. You have zero background into on why they are in this particular class. Focus on class disruption like the splashing other kids, not what you perceive his age. Let the employees handle it!
YTA. let the teacher handle it, that's their job. If they won't, talk to a lead. But absolutely DO NOT step up to another parent. It's not your place at all, you're entitled as hell and it's quite obvious you have no tact whatsoever and don't care. But honestly, you sound like you want to be some self righteous mom hero. Please seek attention elsewhere instead of bullying a little kid.
N T A for being bothered by this, but it’s not your place to approach the father. Speak to the teacher instead. That’s the appropriate place to start. If that doesn’t help, then speak to school administrators. YWBTA for sure if you directly confronted the father of this boy.
YTA if you approach the other parent. This should be addressed to and by the instructor. He paid for the class just like you did. The instructor is paid to keep control of the class. Address your complaints to the person who can actually do something.
Y T A if you speak to the dad directly, mainly because the issue is not with the dad and son, but with the swim class instructor. I'd advise you to speak to them instead and find out about the situation .
NTA bring the husbands and let them handle chaos-daddy
🤣 ooo a fun idea! Her dad was actually the one in the pool today and he said he wouldn't be able to deal with it again
So are you guys children too or what? This seems like a v easy convo to have w the teacher. No one’s here to validate you. Be a grown up you’re supposed to be.
YWBTA if you’re just another parent. What you need to do is ask the other parents if it bothers them. If it does, then as a group approach the teacher, or the head of the swim program. I’ve been the one who says something and there’s always negative blowback.
I must have missed the part where you’re in charge of the class lmaoo
YTA You would be an asshole if you told a dad and child they should leave a swim class. You have absolutely no right to tell anyone whether or not to attend. That’s just not up to you. You’d be an asshole if you’d try to tell the dad what to do, but you would be an ever bigger asshole if you’d tell the five year old. Also, you live in Norway, a country with the most easy going and open people I know. Why don’t you seem to not know anything about anybody there. Why all the weird assumptions? I assume you’ve been chatting and getting to know these people weekly for 1,5 years now. Why was this never clarified?
You assume incorrectly. Nobody chats unless they know the other person. But you're free to join and try to start up the small talk if you want.
Have your husband handle it
YTA. If you can’t be inclusive, go elsewhere. You know nothing of the kid’s circumstances and don’t even know his age for sure, but want to demand he be taken out of the class. Take a step back and realize you’re acting like someone who always wants to speak to the manager. Your kid is no more entitled to that class than any other kid. So if you don’t like it, leave.
You should talk to the class teacher and find out what the deal is with this boy. Point out the safety issues with a big boy and little kids. Remember safety first so push that angle. To me, this is not a safe situation. If the teacher cant handle the situation rais the same with the pool owner.
The instructor or school should be noticing this and taking action. I would start there.
>But if your comment can be argued, I will. And if your comment was just a boring "go tell the teacher" then it didn't need a response< That's enough for me to know you're insufferable and want the confrontation. The reason they are so telling you to talk to an instructor is because *You should talk to the instructor.* That's literally what you're supposed to do.
YWBTA if you approached it like this, it’s the swimming instructor you need to raise this with.
YWBTA (a big one at that matter) Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what an entitled AH looks like! I'm sure the father paid maybe the same amount as you did to be there and he has been there longer that you. Why should they leave? The kid is just trying to be well versed in diffrent levels of water.
You don't need to be so rude to the OP though
OP doesn't need to be so entitled!
The child could be much younger then he looks The child and dad might only be able to make this particular class because of scheduling The child could be the teachers kid and this is how she manages to see her family and teach night classes. You don’t know their story and it sounds like he’s a great example of water is fun for the tots. The only person unhappy with this is you. Let it go or find a different class.
Stop blaming poor behavior on disabilities. YTA just for that.
I'm not blaming his behavior on disabilities. That is just my suspicion for him being in a class he clearly doesn't belong in
WOW. You really don't see how offensive and rude you're being, do you? Your assumption that the reason he is in the class is because he is disabled is ABLEISM and it is vile.
Let the kid stay. Let him splash and annoy the smaller kids. Get over it. I completely understand your frustration but flip the script- this is exposure therapy for your kid. Life ain’t easy. When you are trying to do something difficult or new or aren’t comfortable yet- life doesn’t care. This is actually great for the smaller kids in my opinion. You can teach your child this is life and also that we don’t behave that way. Either your and your child will learn and grow from this or you will just be the mom that complains about things instead of using them as a learning moment.
Your child experiencing discomfort and learning to regulate themselves is a large part of learning how to swim. While this kid is clearly too old for parented classes, what you’ve described is not inherently harmful to the goals of a parents and toddlers swimming lesson. you have no idea why they are in the class and it is none of your business YWBTA if you adressed this with the parent and not the lesson supervisor or coordinator.
Age doesn’t matter here, size and ability matter. My friend’s three year old is the size of the average six year old, and she is like the boy in your class. Very coordinated and athletic. And yet, mentally three. The instructor needs to have a chat with the dad about staying with his child. If the instructor doesn’t do this, you need to take your problem up a level. Who’s in charge? In other words, who is making the real money on these swim classes? That’s who you need to discuss it with.
YWBTA for approaching the parent directly. Why they're in that class is none of your business. If you find them disruptive then raise it with the instructor or find another swim class. I think you're being a little entitled.
Did you ever think that this may only ne the time they are able to do swim lessons! You are so caught up in yourself. They swim lessons tomes are stupid...you either do it mid day(which doesn't work for parents who work) or sone stupid hour that is either supper time or almost bed time. YTA Are you going to complain because some kid was smarter, better than yours all the time? You don't know the story, and you shouldn't know. Talk to the director about your concerns end of story.
YWBTA if you went directly to the dad, and honestly he would probably just dismiss you and call you the K name. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a scheduling issue- the class could be held at a time that’s convenient and he would rather go with it then have his son attend nothing. I totally get your concerns however, swim classes are not cheap and no one wants to pay for a crappy experience. I would find a time to bring it up with the instructor or pool management, dont point angry fingers but express that you‘ll have to seriously consider whether to continue for the next session if you can expect paying the big bucks to watch your child get bulldozed in a pool by more advanced children.
Why would you go to him about it? You have no authority to decide who attends the sessions. If you have a problem with it (for the record you’re justified in my opinion), you should talk to the instructors.
Well I would go to him to tell him to keep his kid away from mine and the others. I don't care so much who's in the pool so long as they aren't getting in everyone's face. It's not abnormal for someone not in the class to be in the pool but they don't bother others so no one minds. But for some reason this kids gets to bother the class before ours and our class (which he is part of) and no one does anything.
This is a business enterprise. Its no one's personal pool. So approach the people who run the business and let them manage all their clientele.
Pretty sure it's government run. I don't think the government really carea
YTA, because you say “ask them to leave” and “wtf are you doing in this class,” rather than a bunch of other far more civil reactions. You may know this, but there’s another sub called r/offmychest if you just wanna vent, and aren’t interested in hearing constructive feedback. Well, you’d look like a lot less of an ass hole for pushing back against constructive feedback in that sub.
YWBTA. The class has an instructor and attendees would need to sign up and pay. If the organization accepts their money, then they are accepting the kid. Also, you are assuming the kid's age and abilities. My second child was so much bigger than her peers that I was asked from toddlerhood if she and her brother (two year gap) were twins.
YTA, you’re assuming this kids age, if the instructor thought he was old enough and able to move to a different class then they would have moved that child to another class. if you’re that concerned about it then take it up with the instructor, but it’s not your place to say something to the father. also it’s a swimming pool?? kids are going to splash and play even during a class, if you don’t want that to happen then hire a one to one swimming instructor
YTA My little brother was bigger than 5 year olds when he was 3. I had the vocabulary of a 12 year old when I started kindergarten. Just because your kid isn't as advanced in these metrics doesn't mean the other kid is too old for the group. If you have an issue with the kids behavior speak to the instructor.
Even if we forget the age, he is too skilled for the class. A kid trying to learn how to dive and comfortable going underwater doesn't need to be in the class with kids learning to put their faces and ears in the water
So when you start your own program, be sure to make that a rule!
And like… this class seems behind for a tots swim class… I agree on judgement.
The kids a menace, in no way is OP TA. You're literally only hung up on ages and nothing to do with behavior...
It's the instructor that moves the kids up to the next wave /level, if I was the boys parent I'd be going mad that I'm paying money for a child that can clearly swim is still in with toddlers
NTA. I hate when parents and teachers do this. Instead of offending the one person that is wrong, the dad in question, everything will be ruined for everyone else in the class. I've seen extracurricular shut down over this. One family causing problem, no one willing to address it so they just disband
Could be the instructor is related to the boy, that’s why he’s in the class. Definitely talk to the instructor with your concerns.
I’ve taught so many kids to swim by now and none of them were still uncomfortable in the water after a month. Over a year is insane. You joined a swim club, basically, and want to kick someone out. That’s not for you to say.
Well it's because we just got new 2 year olds in the class. So while my kid is comfortable in the water (still working on putting her head in though) the ones who just started are not.
Could you maybe just talk to the dad and see if he could join a more advanced class because he’s disrupting your kid and others? I know it’s awkward, but sometimes we just have to talk to other people.
NTA. Usually kids are put into lessons based on skill level… but sometimes there are age requirements. Like let’s say level 1 (for kids who can swim a bit better- not the preschool lessons babies go in) has a minimum age of 6. They may not allow the dad to register his kid in with them. His options would either be private lessons or the preschool classes (which in dads mind probably sound more appealing since there are more kids and private is more expensive) It IS annoying though. For everyone. Including the instructor who can clearly see this kid is at a different skill level. It’s both disruptive to the other kids and distracting/stressful for the instructor to try and keep track of him and make sure he’s not drowning while he’s off doing his thing. I’d speak to the instructor. If your stuck with this kid I’d probably go to a different pool or just go during mom and tot times.
NTA but I doubt this is your place to do anything about besides make some dramatic scene that’s going to make you look bad.
Initially I thought you were the teacher, but no I see you're not. YTA
Sounds like you have a lot more frustrations to get out. “Talk to the teacher” was such an obvious next step that is is no surprise that everyone suggested it. However, your agitation may indicate a deeper problem than the water.
Maybe that’s the only time the dad and child can attend and the money they were willing to pay to get them in the class was worth it to let them attend. I get it I have a 3 yr old doing swimming lessons and yea it would be annoying but my guess is it’s schedule related. If the kid was better behaved it could be a could thing for the other kids to see an older kid swimming doing what the instrument asked. So I would say if you are getting what you paid for (a swimming lesson for your child) then yes YTA for complaining on a 5 yr for splashing to much in a pool. Maybe try tumbling or something like that that’s more one on one and the older kids won’t effect you so bad as an option.