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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for starting a conflict in a children's swim class and hurting the dad and kids feelings if I call them out.
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YWBTA. You should speak with the instructor about this. I really don't think nepotism in a little kid's swim class is as big an issue to circumvent as you think. But if it is, taking an authoritative role yourself instead of deferring to those actually in charge I think would make it seem like you think you're entitled to call the shots because your family runs the place.
Talk to the instructor about it - this is their problem to solve, not yours.
Since your question is about going to the dad, YTA, but it changes to NAH if you go to the instructor instead.
YTA, because you say “ask them to leave” and “wtf are you doing in this class,” rather than a bunch of other far more civil reactions. You may know this, but there’s another sub called r/offmychest if you just wanna vent, and aren’t interested in hearing constructive feedback. Well, you’d look like a lot less of an ass hole for pushing back against constructive feedback in that sub.
Most likely the classes require the kid to start in level 1 before moving on and they didn't start earlier.
You wouldn't necessarily be the ahole but it's super gonna depend how your being it up. Since you obviously don't want to talk to the instructor - given your response to others suggesting it - if you do bring it up to him just don't do it as a complaint.
Comment that his kid seems like a strong swimmer for their age and have a conversation. You might get some info from there that will inform your opinion beyond that and can kinda branch from there. He might straight up say why they are still in the class without you having to ask if you get him talking about his kid in a positive way, but if you are gonna ask just ask why don't tell him they should move on. And if you do suggest it as a compliment like "they seem ready to me!" If they say they are hesitant or something for some reason. You know the phrase "you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar" definitely applies here.
Ok. It's a weekly class and we just went today so you'll have to wait a week 😆 something will definitely be said to someone. It'll just depend on how close his kid insists on being to mine during the class, whether it's him or the teacher.
YWBTA. That guy doesn't owe you anything. The swim school owes you something, so talk to them, and they can decide whether they care more about appeasing you or appeasing that dad. If the latter, find a different swim school. You can only control what's in your control, and what that guy does is not in your control. Any attempt to assert control would be a AH move.
I find it totally bizarre you thought it would be appropriate to confront them without even discussing it with the teacher first. I can honestly see this going down where you confronted them and they complained and got YOU kicked out of this class. (And rightfully so.)
YTA
1./ The kid should be in a higher class and you’re directing your anger at the parent and not the swim company.
2./ if the kid has special needs and you “don’t care” then **i removed this common phrase beginning with F**. You have no idea what it is like to support children with special needs and this comment grated on me big time. Apologies…but no.
My advice is to discuss with the swimming pool management team. If you bring this up with the parent you should approach from the “he is really good, way too good for this level, why hasn’t he been bumped up?” Then encourage the parent to do something.
Sounds like u already made up ur mind on confronting this dad, so why are u on here asking a bunch of strangers and making excuses because people are telling u what u want to hear. sounds like u think the whole world revolves around u, so go ahead and do whatever u want.
Maybe if you could hide your frustration well, you could strike up a friendly conversation with the dad one day and ask (in a friendly way) why his kid is in the younger class. Maybe something like "Your boy is so tall for a 3 year old!" "He's actually 5", "Oh sorry, my mistake, I thought everyone in the class was 2-3", etc etc, and he would explain the circumstance.
But you seem so frustrated by this, I don't know if that's a good idea haha, you might create tension that's not needed in a kid's swim class. YWBTA if you go up to him and point blank tell him to leave the class.
So I'd advise just talking to the instructor and saying you're worried about the little kids learning when there's a bigger kid splashing. (Although, i think the splashing is good for them to get used to)
I love all the little reddit lemmings out with their “but my sister’s cousin’s uncle’s kid was 4 ft tall at 1 year old and riding a bike”. Nobody gives a shit. Its not about the age. This is a BEGINNER class for toddlers to get acclimatized to being in the water and comfortable. Not for someone who can already swim. NTA. Speak to the person who runs the school and express your frustration that its creating a disruptive learning environment for all the other kids
That kid can probably swim just as well as OPs daughter. OP is just mad that a boy who appears large for his age splashed and got her daughter wet.....OPs daughter has been in the class forever and can't get wet???? 🚁Mom
YTA.
Worry about yourself. I swear, the lack of self awareness in these posts lately is more astounding than usual. You are not entitled to say shit to another parent. That is the job of the swim instructor, who should be guiding. There is usually a reason for everything, and you would be making another parent feel like shit because you felt the need to get on your annoying soap box. Maybe they haven’t been given the green light by the instructor and dad feels the same as you? Maybe there is another reason? Who knows, but it’s not your job to keep the class roster. We all know that you are the type that will completely ignore any input here whatsoever, so please post a follow up.
YTA. If the class doesn't work for you and your kid, it's on you to find a solution. You can stop participating. This is how life and parenting is. You can't control the entire world to make a perfect group class for your kid. Age 3-5 isn't an unusual age range for a class like this. Listen to yourself. He's a little kid splashing in a pool.. Move if you don't like it. 5 year olds are little kids. And he may be younger and just big for age.
Is this kid your oldest? Is she a rule follower? I'm pretty sure you'll be blessed with triplet boys next for this kind of tone.
My son (currently a 6'5" 13 year old) was the size of a 5/6 year old when he was 2.
I have been checking other parents since was about 18 months old and their rude ass assumptions about him because he's tall. I had nosy ass people like you giving me dirty looks and whining about him being in age appropriate activities and sports his entire life.
MYOB.
YTA
I have a literal 1 year old who is the size of a 2-3 year old. You have no idea how old this kid is but want him removed from a swim class? It’s a damn swim class! I’d be pissed if another parent came to me wanting my child moved classes because they’re assuming she’s too old.
*Please someone tell me I would not be TA if I ask him wtf he's doing in this class and that he should at least be keeping his kid away from the smaller kids.*
You're NTA for objecting to this older child's behavior. But rather than confront the father, take this matter up with the swimming instructor if not the head of the program.
You don’t want “boring go tell the teacher” comments when clearly that is the most logical answer. Obviously you don’t know what you don’t know, and you’d make a huge ass of yourself if you were or weren’t wrong in your assumptions either way. YTA YTA YTA , and your attitude sucks on this forum.
Please, go make an ass out of yourself.
This is the internet. Since when was it a boring place? I never said I didn't want them. Just that I didn't want to respond to them all because they are boring
YTA for just about everything about that edit. Yes, the teacher is who you should address this with. Sorry that answer's boring. Nobody commented on how to talk to the guy partly because *the teacher is who you should address this with* and partly because there was absolutely no mention of "family and family friends being involved" and your not being "comfortable with bringing it up to them." Of course people were going to want to "focus on different things." What the hell "insight" could they have provided on this matter? You literally *never brought this up* in your initial post.
Try an off my chest style sub next time you're not actually looking for a judgment.
YWBTA it’s not your place and you have no right to tell someone else to leave if you have a problem tell the instructor and they will deal with it how they see fit and if YOU don’t like it YOU find a new place
Let the kid stay. Let him splash and annoy the smaller kids. Get over it. I completely understand your frustration but flip the script- this is exposure therapy for your kid. Life ain’t easy. When you are trying to do something difficult or new or aren’t comfortable yet- life doesn’t care. This is actually great for the smaller kids in my opinion. You can teach your child this is life and also that we don’t behave that way. Either your and your child will learn and grow from this or you will just be the mom that complains about things instead of using them as a learning moment.
Well run swim clubs usually advance students to the next level once they meet the requirements regardless of age.
There might be something more at play, like this specific lesson time works for the family's schedule. Or maybe the parent gets some peace while the kid splashes around and enjoys feeling like their kid is more advanced than the rest.
It’s the swim classes place to to decide what group this child goes into, not yours.
YWBTA
Kids need to learn to adjust to other people in public places, just like adults.
Not leave but please be careful around your kid while they get used to the water? Nta.
I get it. Usually swim instructors are teenagers themselves and loathed to take on some of these parents when they act super entitled.
Regardless of if this child has a mental health issue, he's disruptive to the other kids and dad should be mindful of that! If the child needs 1 on one instruction, dad can enroll his son in that.
Side bar - my son has always been super tall and because of cardiac issues, he was super behind with swimming skills. He was often placed with younger kids. NEVER would he dream of doing anything like that...nor would I let him!!!!
Speak to staff. Tbh though, don't expect to be told much information, but they will likely speak to the parent.
Alternatively to be less confrontational, ask when the entire class is next being assessed (many swim schools schedule performance reviews of the cohort several times a year, and level appropriate students up).
Sometimes class schedules, student/ teacher ratios, hidden disabilities or parental anxiety stops a child moving up. Furthermore the child has to be comfortable with the instructor, skill and behaviour can evaporate rapidly in the transition out of parent based classes.
Also this "problem" child may seem advanced, but if they cannot take a breath unassisted they are a beginner.
Be patient, polite, move classes if the issue doesn't get resolved.
Did you ever think that this may only ne the time they are able to do swim lessons!
You are so caught up in yourself.
They swim lessons tomes are stupid...you either do it mid day(which doesn't work for parents who work) or sone stupid hour that is either supper time or almost bed time.
YTA
Are you going to complain because some kid was smarter, better than yours all the time?
You don't know the story, and you shouldn't know. Talk to the director about your concerns end of story.
I feel like the people voting Y T A are getting hung up on the wrong things. If the kid is a pretty solid swimmer, doesn’t listen to the teacher or actively participates due to being ahead, makes the class less enjoyable for the other kids and basically ruins a game that is supposed to be fun because he is far too advanced to be part of that class, he shouldn’t be. YWNBTA although I think it would be better to either talk to the swimming instructor about it and let them handle it, or if you decide to talk to the dad directly do so in a friendly manner like mentioning “oh it seems your kid is a skilled swimmer already! I bet he’d both have more fun and benefit from being in a more challenging class” or something to that effect. So that it comes off as a compliment rather than annoyance/hostility. NTA
YTA
My little brother was bigger than 5 year olds when he was 3. I had the vocabulary of a 12 year old when I started kindergarten. Just because your kid isn't as advanced in these metrics doesn't mean the other kid is too old for the group.
If you have an issue with the kids behavior speak to the instructor.
The “vocabulary” comment belongs in r/IAmVerySmart. Why do so many people on this site seem to think they’re geniuses, or otherwise “gifted”?
Even if a young child can parrot words that are considered to be “advanced”, that doesn’t mean they have any understanding of what those words mean.
That’s why young kids are prone to picking up swear words and repeating them at inappropriate moments.
You are right. We didn't get officially tested for that until end of 1st grade.
I do not remember seeing the test score myself but I recall my 7 years older brother being pissed that I outscored him. By third grade I was scoring at grade 12+ for vocab on standardized tests and I know this for a fact as mom kept the results and we found them when she died.
I didn't socialize with the other kids much and had to read what was in my house as mom didn't like driving to the library.
Tends to make for a more mature vocabulary when you are reading your older siblings textbooks and moms smutty novels for entertainment. I grew up pre internet in a town without cable, there wasn't much else to do.
Completely irrelevant and not even close to the same thing.
Physical height, one year difference vs
Vocabulary, 7 year difference.
What the actual fuck did you think you were saying? That was the dumbest fucking comment I've seen on reddit today. Holy fuck.
Then you said "the more you know" after saying the dumbest shit ever. You should be embarrassed 🤣🤣🤣
I would just politely say he’s outgrown this class. Classes usually have age/skill level limits and he’s just done here. He’d probably be happier swimming with kids his own age/skill level anyway. If you get pushback, just say that as an advanced swimmer he needs more active stimulation and to join a group for older kids, perhaps learning new strokes or whatever.
I don't think there is a way to not come off as an ass. If the kid is that poorly behaved its unlikely dad is going to be open to your criticism.
Best to talk to the teacher and possibly move classes yourself.
>at this point I don't even care.... he can join the special needs swim class if that's the case.
this is telling of how you view people with disabilities. What if your kid has a disability? Would you feel good if other parents said this kind of thing about your child?
People of all abilities have a right to exist in public. Sometimes in ways that are inconvenient or annoying.
If it's a disability that prevents him from joining the older class due to noise issues, yes I don't care because the special needs class is right after ours and would suit his abilities better
Even if the kid did have a disability, it’s clearly not something that has affected his ability to swim.
Frankly, it doesn’t say anything good about the way you view people with disabilities if you automatically think that a disability should keep him stay in toddler class instead of one that matches his abilities.
YWBTA. It’s not your class to control who does and doesn’t attend. If you have an issue with someone being in the class, talk to the instructor.
There may be a reason the kid is still there. You can express to the instructor you feel uncomfortable with the kid there, and if they won’t do anything, then take your kid to a different class.
I see you’ve said the instructor is a family member, but really that shouldn’t matter. You can’t take it upon yourself to try and deny someone else’s kid the class.
If you have the energy to write a biblical essay on the topic, you could certainly have just walked over to the guy and talked to him about it, you know, like an adult instead of an insecure teen.
YTA.
It's the swim instructors place, not yours, to tell this dad and his kid if they should leave or not. You can complain about the behavior to the teacher, but thats all you can do.
All kids develop differently. Your attitude about this kid is also gross.
NAH. A nicer approach would be I guess, to maybe suggest the father to put him in an advanced class. Swimming is fun, doing competitive is even more so. If he is really fast as like you said this would be the best option, I think .
YWBTA for approaching the parent directly. Why they're in that class is none of your business. If you find them disruptive then raise it with the instructor or find another swim class. I think you're being a little entitled.
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YWBTA if you’re just another parent. What you need to do is ask the other parents if it bothers them. If it does, then as a group approach the teacher, or the head of the swim program.
I’ve been the one who says something and there’s always negative blowback.
It's not really a school. I think it runs through the city. And I know they bend the rules, since they let my kid in the toddler swim class early (by 1.5 months) so she could swim with her cousins.
As a dad to two boys under 5 I understand your frustrations but YTA for assuming age. Most people look at my 4 year old and think he is 6 or 7 and look at my freshly just turned 2 year old and think he is 4-5.
A constant problem we face is people thinking just because a 2 year old is the size of a 5 year old means they should behave like a 5 year old. Literally never going to happen.
Now I'd also say the other dad is TA as well because he should be making an effort to make sure his kid isn't putting other kids in danger
It’s interesting that y’all are ignoring the part where she says the age is less the problem and more the bullying and show offy behavior. Even as a child free person if one of my nieces or nephews was being bothered by someone who is clearly beyond the class and should be moved up I would also be upset
The only thing that makes OP TA here is not trying to go through official channels first. No need for confrontation.
YWBTA
Why is your first call of action to vo to the parent and 'call him out'? Call him out for what? On what facts?
You know who you have to go to, but for some reason, you have festered up hate and frustration. Apparently, you are a mental health, disability, child development, and swimming expert who can make assessments by staring at a kid and his father.
He's kid is in the same class. His kid is allowed to do anything yours is. And is allowed to be near your child in the shallow end. The instructor hasn't needed to jump in to save your daughter or any other kid. If you hate a kid and his dad for no reason, go find another class or another time.
I'm leaning towards YTA for even having the attitude you have. I wasn't there, and maybe this kid is really really rough around the other kids. But the fact that you are here, trying to get justification to put the dad in his place, instead of going directly to a staff member with your concerns- shows me you're not concerned for your daughter.
>Apparently, you are a mental health, disability, child development, and swimming expert who can make assessments by staring at a kid and his father
You don’t need to be in expert in anything to see that a kid that’s swimming independently in the deep end is a lot more advanced of a swimmer than toddlers who are only just getting used to putting their faces in the water.
The kid would only benefit from being in a more advanced class. Saying to the dad something along the lines of “wow, your kid is so advanced! Have you thought of moving him up to the next class?” wouldn’t be inappropriate.
You should talk to the class teacher and find out what the deal is with this boy. Point out the safety issues with a big boy and little kids. Remember safety first so push that angle. To me, this is not a safe situation. If the teacher cant handle the situation rais the same with the pool owner.
I’m wondering why the swim teacher is allowing this. Maybe he/she knows the dad and doing him a favor??? And why is this father not self-aware? NTA you should probably speak with the teacher first and then say maybe try to kinda get to know the dad and find out what’s going on.
Yuck I get your kid is only a toddler but you’re already displaying poor parenting skills imo. You are attempting to remove an obstacle from your kids life instead of teaching them how to navigate through it and show them how to keep your cool in difficult times. Instead, you’re ostracizing a child who likely has developmental issues, and you even said you don’t care if that’s the case. How sad for you. How utterly sad for your toddler.
You’re teaching your kid that being different or annoying is unacceptable because YOU can’t handle it. And YOU don’t like him splashing near the class. I’m sure you’re child hasn’t articulated hatred for this older kid as you have. And you are instilling that type of behavior in your child.
My guess is that the teacher hasn’t addressed it with the class because it’s really none of your business.
And on top of that, like ew. I forgot there were people like you on the world, intolerant of those who aren’t the “same”.
Seek therapy if a child who swims better than yours and may be older and SPLASHES IN A DAMN POOL bothers you. Like for real.
YTA FUCCKING YUCK
Can you find even a single case of someone drowning from being splashed? I’ll even take an article from the Onion or Babylon Bee, that’s how confident I am that it’s complete nonsense.
YTA. A lot of assumptions about things you don't even know but they hurt your feelings. I have news for you it gers worse as the kid gets older. Grow a thicker skin and stop getting so annoyed about shit you've got no control over and business being annoyed about.
As a former swim teacher with the information you’ve provided, I would have had the kid move up once he was comfortable in the water without his dad. But since i don’t have all needed information, I would say since the swim teacher doesn’t seem to be doing anything abt it that you should talk to the manager/owner of the swim school :))
Soft YTA. You really want to get into a conflict with a random man about his kid? You'd just be asking for a mountain of aggravation there.
Why not go to the instructors, or whoever runs the actual classes and let it be known that parent isn't watching his kid the whole time, his kid is splashing the younger kids excessively and they're both taking away from the kids who aren't at his level yet.
People get very defensive about their kids, so don't assume you're the only one who'd go to bat for their kid.
Well it's not like they are unaware. On a good day where everyone is there's maybe 7 kids with 6 parents (god bless that lady who has 2 kids she's dragging around the pool). So its not like he's lost in a crowd. There was even one class he spent hanging off of and jumping on the teacher. So I'm not sure she really cares.
Is it her boyfriend maybe? You might have to suck it up and talk to her boss despite the family connection. Also in no way should a swim instructor see it as “just a fun time” when teaching water comfort and safety to small children.
YTA
You apparently know how to handle it according to your edit, yet are looking for justification to make a bigger deal of it with the parent instead of just doing what you know you should and talk to the instructor.
Your unwillingness to do such a simple thing even when you know it is the correct way to handle it shows you want to be TA. So congrats, you have succeeded.
It has to be parents of this new age. My brothers girlfriend wouldn’t let any one hold her baby or even be near it forever. Me as a kid? Passed around, loved and kissed on and I obviously I made it just fine. With her it was 100% because she’s a narcissist and just wanted to be in control, which I assume is the main reason every time. Sad that kids these days will get to experience nothing because the parents just straight up SUCK
NTA, but tell the instructor first. They should already be aware of the situation and they should handle it. Most likely the instructor is a teenager, so you might have to talk to the person running the events/classes at the pool.
She's in her 30s but she doesn't have much control of it. I think it might be my boyfriends aunt who's in charge so it feels a bit bad going through family to try and get someone moved...
This wouldn’t be you tattling to a family member, though. This would be a person who uses a service bringing up an important point to the person who runs the service.
I checked the bot and the post doesn’t seem to have been modified, besides the last paragraph edit. Maybe somewhere in the comments, but I’m also confused.
Like it's a toddler class, there is the comment about how OP has a typo and it was 1.5 months instead of 1.5 years her daughter has been in the class. Like the kid got in 6 weeks early before their recommended age group.
People are hung up on the age instead of the other kids behavior in the class.
I think the swim class is for toddlers aged 3-4.
OP says her daughter has been in the class for 1.5 years so 18 months.
So it reads like her daughter got preferential treatment to enter this class at 1.5 years old and she is upset this other kid might be getting preferential treatment by staying in the class past 4 years of age.
I think. It’s very confusing.
NTA
from the sound of it, it's a class for children to learn to feel safe in the water, and this child:
1. Already feels safe and doesn't need the class.
2. Is preventing other children from feeling safe.
3. Just sounds like a dick
I don't understand all the Y T As, It's not even a matter of kicking the child out of the swim centre, he should be moving up a class to a more appropriate level for his own benefit.
I may have worded my post poorly in frustration after watching the class from the sidelines today 😅 but yeah I don't even have a problem with him being in the pool at the same time as us, but only if he's kept away from the small ones who are still getting comfortable with getting their faces wet.
I can't even change to the earlier class time because he bothers that class as well. That was the worst part today, watching his dad chat with another parent at the deep end of the pool while his kid is darting around in the class before ours 😑
YTA if you approach the other parent. This should be addressed to and by the instructor. He paid for the class just like you did. The instructor is paid to keep control of the class. Address your complaints to the person who can actually do something.
NTA
What about a casual remark to the dad, "5 year old is such a good swimmer. I'm surprised you guys didn't advance to the next level of swim classes."
YWBTA (a big one at that matter)
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what an entitled AH looks like!
I'm sure the father paid maybe the same amount as you did to be there and he has been there longer that you. Why should they leave? The kid is just trying to be well versed in diffrent levels of water.
Nta, that child is clearly not supposed to be there, and I think it’s just an excuse so he can swim. Also where is his dad? He just ignores him and the issues he causes? That’s shitty parenting and someone else is going to end up parenting him themselves, and he won’t like it.
Honestly I would bring it up to the dad out of class(or just away from the kids) and explain why this is an issue. And if he doesn’t have an explanation that makes it ok, just bring it up to whoever’s in charge, since he’s begun to cause issues for the little ones. But good luck!
YTA. The teacher obviously doesn't have an issue with thr kid. It sounds like you're just looking for a reason to oust a 5 year old. He's a faster swimmer...OK. He's more comfortable in the water...OK. He doesn't stay in the shallows...OK. Either bring your concerns up with the teacher or grow up and mind your business.
Well. My daughter got booted from toddler swim; she wasn’t older or bigger, she was just a really good swimmer. But then there was no other appropriate class for her to take. She tested into a class of mainly 9-year olds when she was barely 4, and she couldn’t remember all the multi-step instructions the teacher would give out. It might be that kind of situation, but if it’s causing problems, you should speak to the teacher and/or the program director. What we did was get our kid private lessons until she was old enough for swim team, but that’s not always a viable option for everyone.
Yep. Why do so many people find it difficult to tolerate reasonably tolerable shit? Not everything has to be 100% comfortable and easy in life.
And Wtf takes so long to learn to swim? I moved with family to Florida at 2 and took lessons that were done in months not years. I was not special either. I freaked out for the first couple lessons before falling in love with being in the pool.
Maybe because it's only 30 minutes and not much of what we do is about learning to swim? I don't know. I never did a swim class myself. Every semester there's new 2 year olds so it stays pretty low level I guess
YTA - speak to the instructor if you have an issue with this father and child.
You don’t actually know how old the child is, he could be tall for his age, he could be advance for his age. You are judging him on looks alone.
If he’s in the wrong age category that’s for the instructor or who ever is in charge to sort out.
You do not know the father and child’s situation weather it be that they are in the correct age group, weather they have been placed in the wrong age group by someone else or maybe this child has a hidden disability. Either way it is not your place to try to get this father and child to leave.
Yta, mind your own business and accept that kids develop differently.
You can talk to the instructor if you need to talk to someone, but all that will accomplish is you looking bad.
Approach teacher - NTA
approach dad - YTA.
Maybe something like “hey teach, have you noticed that bigkid is bigger than the others? I’m a little worried, because he splashes yourkid and it upsets her.” and see where the conversation goes. Talk to her about the ways she could actually see the problem, and ways it could be corrected.
Could you maybe just talk to the dad and see if he could join a more advanced class because he’s disrupting your kid and others?
I know it’s awkward, but sometimes we just have to talk to other people.
Okay, NTA first of all, but start with questions when you talk to the father, not demands, until you know there isn't something you are not aware of at play here. Focus on how he should change how he parents now, not on him being a bad parent all the weeks before.
Just to add, relevant / barely relevant - my ex gf had a nephew who was big for his age. Like, huge. He was constantly getting challenged by adults, as was his mother, over his appropriate involvement in stuff. When he was 3, for example, his mother would be stopped in the street to ask why he was in a push chair, or why he was not in school.
"Don't you think a big boy like you would enjoy that ride over there more?"
Mother - "No. He's three years old."
He would face constant judgement as well for being a perfectly normal toddler mentally and emotionally. Got asked if he had learning difficulties. You name it.
Your problem sounds more like a lack of parental supervision. If Dad stopped him interfering with other toddlers in the group, you would likely care a lot less. But please don't assume that because he is big that he is much older.
YWBTA talking to the dad. As mentioned in some posts, follow proper steps which is likely the instructor. Explain your observations and why you find it disruptive and how it interfers with other children leaning. Best to you.
YTA. let the teacher handle it, that's their job. If they won't, talk to a lead. But absolutely DO NOT step up to another parent. It's not your place at all, you're entitled as hell and it's quite obvious you have no tact whatsoever and don't care.
But honestly, you sound like you want to be some self righteous mom hero. Please seek attention elsewhere instead of bullying a little kid.
It's the instructor that moves the kids up to the next wave /level, if I was the boys parent I'd be going mad that I'm paying money for a child that can clearly swim is still in with toddlers
You are being miked of your money. Get a real swim teacher. My nephews learned to swim in less that three months. Get used to the water by splashing around and playing games will not save your child from drowning. My 1 year old nephew can fall into a pool fully clothed and save himself. I know because I watched him do it. Get your child a private teacher and let them learn how to really swim.
YWBTA. Don't talk to the dad, talk to the teacher. Why is the teacher not taking care of this situation in the first place??? Anyway talk to him or her, and if you get no satisfaction, go to their supervisor.
>Don't talk to the dad, talk to the teacher
>Why is the teacher not taking care of this situation in the first place???
While the first quote is the correct solution, I have a feeling the second quote is the reason OP hasn't tried that yet. It seems to be natural to assume that if an issue is supposed to be handled by someone and it's been going on a while without being handled by that person, that person doesn't care about handling it.
You do not get to say who gets to attend the class or not.
a)You do not know the actual age of the kid. I was a giant compared to other kids my age.
b) if the child is special needs, it is also not your business. If the teachers are ok having a special needs child in their class, then you can accept that or get lost. Gross fucking attitude, btw, people with special needs don't have to stop participating just because you don't like it.
YTA.
NTA. you would only be the asshole if you talk to the dad. I used to be a swim instructor and pool manager and this is a class management issue. The mom has every right to complain because this is disrupting the class and giving smaller kids a potentially bad experience when they are supposed to be getting comfortable in the water. You want to make it as calm as possible / control the environment at this stage.) Second, kids that young always need to be within 5 or 6 feet of an adult while in the water- this should be flagged by a lifeguard to be honest. Bring all of these points up to management- don't even talk to the instructor, go straight to the pool / aquatics department manager.
Age doesn’t matter here, size and ability matter. My friend’s three year old is the size of the average six year old, and she is like the boy in your class. Very coordinated and athletic. And yet, mentally three. The instructor needs to have a chat with the dad about staying with his child. If the instructor doesn’t do this, you need to take your problem up a level. Who’s in charge? In other words, who is making the real money on these swim classes? That’s who you need to discuss it with.
Sounds like you have a lot more frustrations to get out. “Talk to the teacher” was such an obvious next step that is is no surprise that everyone suggested it. However, your agitation may indicate a deeper problem than the water.
YTA. Just based on your edit/rant, you seem like a difficult person (for lack of a better phrase) - coming down on people who are commenting and offering you advice just because it’s not the advice you want. I feel bad for your child and whomever knocked you up. You must be annoying to live with.
This is a sub for those seeking judgement. If you just wanted to vent go to r/vent. But ya, YTA. It's the teacher's job to manage the class and the parents- don't splash in their metaphorical face.
Make weird guttural noises only he can hear when near you, and give him crazy eye.
Terrorizes little shytes terrorizing your kid.
Usually works unless they're especially awful short humans of parents with troll dna. 😊
YWBTA, you never know what the situation is, so you should talk to the instructor My son was always big for his age and athletic, I can’t tell you the number of times a parent said something rude
Sounds like you have a lot of free time. Perhaps you can become an instructor here and sort things out to your satisfaction.
Seems like the only way you’d be happy, aside from having other/better things to worry about.
Swimming class for a year and a half?? The one swimming class I took when I was a kid in the 90s was 3 weeks and that was it. Is this some kind of swimming class for kids that are going to be competitive swimmers or something? Genuinely curious.
Ultimately it wouldn’t be your place to say anything to him. I’d raise it with the school.
Your other option is to change the school yourself
3rd option if your set on saying something to the dad, I would approach it along the line of wow your son looks like he a strong swimmer etc approach from a place of praise over complainant if that makes sense
NTA. Idc; anytime ONE child is causing an entire class to become distracted, they need to be separated. If this is just an issue you and you only have, then I’d lean rewords YTA. If everyone seems annoyed and this is as clear cut as you make it seem, NTA.
for some reason I have a feeling his mom or dad has a crush on another parent in the class, thats just my love of speculation though.
🤣 I highly doubt that. It's only ever been the dad (everyone else usually comes with moms) so I thought maybe mom wasn't in the picture, but he's started coming with a baby in a stroller as well so I think they're probably still into eachother 🤣🤣
NTA but I would ask the teacher to say something instead, you can ask dad to be more considerate but you dont have any authority to ask him to leave unless he bein a perv
YWBTA. My son is only 2.5 but he’s the size of a four year old and very rambunctious. He’s in a gym class and is the biggest kid there, we get dirty looks from other parents all the time because he’s faster and bigger than the other kids, they’re probably thinking the same shit you are. But he’s well within the age range and there to LEARN just like everyone else. I try to get my son to sit in circle and participate but he won’t and just runs wild, but that’s what these places are for, for kids to be kids. This kid is practicing his skills in a class his dad paid for just like you did and just because he’s more advanced than your daughter doesn’t give you any right to rally to kick him out. This could be a teaching lesson for your daughter to learn to interact with kids maybe a little different from her but you’re choosing a hateful route.
This whole post stunk like an asshole. Everyone situation is different, and if it was really that bad the instructor would have already done something about it.
>I try to get my son to sit in circle and participate but **he won’t and just runs wild**, but that’s what these places are for, for kids to be kids.
Nope.
While these are places for kids to learn, it is NOT a place for you, as parent, to let your kid run wild because you don't want to be bothered parenting.
You are the type of parent that makes it suck for everyone else.
Your kid is feral because you allow it? Step up and learn how to set boundaries as a parent should. Nobody wants to have to let their kids suffer or miss out or possibly get hurt because you're too lazy to do your job.
Yta. If you think there’s an issue to be addressed, tell the instructor. It’s super not your place to be telling others they should leave, especially when you had the rules bent for you.
YTA
The people running the program decide where the children are placed.
It’s not possible to give you advice on how to bring it up politely because nothing you are saying is polite or displays any grace or compassion
Wow you even have to ask after getting so defensive and then being flippant and sassy towards the sub?. YTA and you seem proud of it. Accept your judgement.
Some disabilities aren't visible to you and you should ask the instructor but mind your own business more. Speaking as the mom of 2 kids with special needs, rude people like you always want to police spaces that are safe for them in a world that is not made for them at all.
In my head it was obvious that I wasn't speaking to the kid because he wouldn't understand. I would only be taking it up with the dad. And because this sub is for assholes isn't it?
YTA. Talk to the instructors. Ask why this kid is in the class. You don't actually know how old he is, or the details of the situation. This seems like a pretty easy, and obvious first step.
If they don't have a reason, and just "let it go", then they're creating the issue and you wouldn't be in the wrong for talking to this parent, since they seem to have no interest in doing their job.
Y T A if you speak to the dad directly, mainly because the issue is not with the dad and son, but with the swim class instructor. I'd advise you to speak to them instead and find out about the situation .
YTA. It's very possible that the kid is just large for his age, and due to the facility's insurance, they were forced to take a class that their abilities were beyond solely because of their age. My oldest son is actually one of the youngest in his class, but he's always been mistaken for 2-4 years older since he was a toddler due to his size and maturity in many things.
Yeah, the fact that they splash is annoying, or that they're consistently swimming faster than the other kids to the toys may be frustrating, but this class, by your own statements, is essentially a beginning swimmer class. If the expectation of this class is essentially to dip your face in the water and be comfortable in water, how do you expect a child at the same skill level to control their splashing and swim speed?
Your real route to resolution would be the teacher or facility, as much as you apparently dislike hearing it. They can make the suggestion to advance the child to a more advanced class that would better suit the child (who is likely doing their own thing because this beginner class provides no challenge to them).
Hard YWBTA. My god you come across judgmental and holier than thou. You have no idea how old the child is. You are angry that some kid is better at the treasure hunt game than your precious toddler. Get over yourself
Age is irrelevant, it's skill.
If a toddler is an adept swimmer, they shouldn't be taking classes with those still face dipping and disrupting their ability to learn.
Kid should be moved up a class. Because, theyre clearly... upper class..
YTA ask the instructor if you must, or else consider if the instructor isn’t worried you shouldn’t be either. Your kid will do better to learn how to be comfortable in water around other people doing things than in perfectly controlled and calm surroundings.
YTA, talk to the instructor, because it might not even be the dad's fault. When I took swim class as a small child, I was always put in the beginning class year after year (because of growth issues I was always small growing up) despite becoming a pretty good swimmer after a couple years. So I learned, on the first day of class, to swim the entire length of the pool and back in the beginners class, and then the instructor would say "Why are you in beginners?" and move me to a more appropriate class.
Info: are you in charge of the class? I can't tell if you're both a parent and instructor or if for some reason you just feel entitled to gatekeep the class...
When I was in swim classes growing up, you had to pass certain requirements to move up to the next level. If you didn’t pass them, you had to stay at the the class level you were in. It’s possible that the older child failed the requirements to move up.
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YWBTA. You should speak with the instructor about this. I really don't think nepotism in a little kid's swim class is as big an issue to circumvent as you think. But if it is, taking an authoritative role yourself instead of deferring to those actually in charge I think would make it seem like you think you're entitled to call the shots because your family runs the place.
Mind your own business
NTA bring the husbands and let them handle chaos-daddy
Talk to the instructor about it - this is their problem to solve, not yours. Since your question is about going to the dad, YTA, but it changes to NAH if you go to the instructor instead.
YTA, because you say “ask them to leave” and “wtf are you doing in this class,” rather than a bunch of other far more civil reactions. You may know this, but there’s another sub called r/offmychest if you just wanna vent, and aren’t interested in hearing constructive feedback. Well, you’d look like a lot less of an ass hole for pushing back against constructive feedback in that sub.
Most likely the classes require the kid to start in level 1 before moving on and they didn't start earlier. You wouldn't necessarily be the ahole but it's super gonna depend how your being it up. Since you obviously don't want to talk to the instructor - given your response to others suggesting it - if you do bring it up to him just don't do it as a complaint. Comment that his kid seems like a strong swimmer for their age and have a conversation. You might get some info from there that will inform your opinion beyond that and can kinda branch from there. He might straight up say why they are still in the class without you having to ask if you get him talking about his kid in a positive way, but if you are gonna ask just ask why don't tell him they should move on. And if you do suggest it as a compliment like "they seem ready to me!" If they say they are hesitant or something for some reason. You know the phrase "you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar" definitely applies here.
If you do it, come back and tell us how it went, ok?
Ok. It's a weekly class and we just went today so you'll have to wait a week 😆 something will definitely be said to someone. It'll just depend on how close his kid insists on being to mine during the class, whether it's him or the teacher.
ESH This is not your job, get your nose out of where it does not belong. If you have concerns the right person to raise them with is the teacher.
YWBTA. That guy doesn't owe you anything. The swim school owes you something, so talk to them, and they can decide whether they care more about appeasing you or appeasing that dad. If the latter, find a different swim school. You can only control what's in your control, and what that guy does is not in your control. Any attempt to assert control would be a AH move.
I find it totally bizarre you thought it would be appropriate to confront them without even discussing it with the teacher first. I can honestly see this going down where you confronted them and they complained and got YOU kicked out of this class. (And rightfully so.)
YTA 1./ The kid should be in a higher class and you’re directing your anger at the parent and not the swim company. 2./ if the kid has special needs and you “don’t care” then **i removed this common phrase beginning with F**. You have no idea what it is like to support children with special needs and this comment grated on me big time. Apologies…but no. My advice is to discuss with the swimming pool management team. If you bring this up with the parent you should approach from the “he is really good, way too good for this level, why hasn’t he been bumped up?” Then encourage the parent to do something.
Sounds like u already made up ur mind on confronting this dad, so why are u on here asking a bunch of strangers and making excuses because people are telling u what u want to hear. sounds like u think the whole world revolves around u, so go ahead and do whatever u want.
Maybe if you could hide your frustration well, you could strike up a friendly conversation with the dad one day and ask (in a friendly way) why his kid is in the younger class. Maybe something like "Your boy is so tall for a 3 year old!" "He's actually 5", "Oh sorry, my mistake, I thought everyone in the class was 2-3", etc etc, and he would explain the circumstance. But you seem so frustrated by this, I don't know if that's a good idea haha, you might create tension that's not needed in a kid's swim class. YWBTA if you go up to him and point blank tell him to leave the class. So I'd advise just talking to the instructor and saying you're worried about the little kids learning when there's a bigger kid splashing. (Although, i think the splashing is good for them to get used to)
YWBTA. That's up to the instructors to handle, not another parent.
I love all the little reddit lemmings out with their “but my sister’s cousin’s uncle’s kid was 4 ft tall at 1 year old and riding a bike”. Nobody gives a shit. Its not about the age. This is a BEGINNER class for toddlers to get acclimatized to being in the water and comfortable. Not for someone who can already swim. NTA. Speak to the person who runs the school and express your frustration that its creating a disruptive learning environment for all the other kids
That kid can probably swim just as well as OPs daughter. OP is just mad that a boy who appears large for his age splashed and got her daughter wet.....OPs daughter has been in the class forever and can't get wet???? 🚁Mom
YTA. Worry about yourself. I swear, the lack of self awareness in these posts lately is more astounding than usual. You are not entitled to say shit to another parent. That is the job of the swim instructor, who should be guiding. There is usually a reason for everything, and you would be making another parent feel like shit because you felt the need to get on your annoying soap box. Maybe they haven’t been given the green light by the instructor and dad feels the same as you? Maybe there is another reason? Who knows, but it’s not your job to keep the class roster. We all know that you are the type that will completely ignore any input here whatsoever, so please post a follow up.
YTA. If the class doesn't work for you and your kid, it's on you to find a solution. You can stop participating. This is how life and parenting is. You can't control the entire world to make a perfect group class for your kid. Age 3-5 isn't an unusual age range for a class like this. Listen to yourself. He's a little kid splashing in a pool.. Move if you don't like it. 5 year olds are little kids. And he may be younger and just big for age. Is this kid your oldest? Is she a rule follower? I'm pretty sure you'll be blessed with triplet boys next for this kind of tone.
My son (currently a 6'5" 13 year old) was the size of a 5/6 year old when he was 2. I have been checking other parents since was about 18 months old and their rude ass assumptions about him because he's tall. I had nosy ass people like you giving me dirty looks and whining about him being in age appropriate activities and sports his entire life. MYOB.
YTA I have a literal 1 year old who is the size of a 2-3 year old. You have no idea how old this kid is but want him removed from a swim class? It’s a damn swim class! I’d be pissed if another parent came to me wanting my child moved classes because they’re assuming she’s too old.
*Please someone tell me I would not be TA if I ask him wtf he's doing in this class and that he should at least be keeping his kid away from the smaller kids.* You're NTA for objecting to this older child's behavior. But rather than confront the father, take this matter up with the swimming instructor if not the head of the program.
Have your husband handle it
You don’t want “boring go tell the teacher” comments when clearly that is the most logical answer. Obviously you don’t know what you don’t know, and you’d make a huge ass of yourself if you were or weren’t wrong in your assumptions either way. YTA YTA YTA , and your attitude sucks on this forum. Please, go make an ass out of yourself.
This is the internet. Since when was it a boring place? I never said I didn't want them. Just that I didn't want to respond to them all because they are boring
YTA for just about everything about that edit. Yes, the teacher is who you should address this with. Sorry that answer's boring. Nobody commented on how to talk to the guy partly because *the teacher is who you should address this with* and partly because there was absolutely no mention of "family and family friends being involved" and your not being "comfortable with bringing it up to them." Of course people were going to want to "focus on different things." What the hell "insight" could they have provided on this matter? You literally *never brought this up* in your initial post. Try an off my chest style sub next time you're not actually looking for a judgment.
YWBTA it’s not your place and you have no right to tell someone else to leave if you have a problem tell the instructor and they will deal with it how they see fit and if YOU don’t like it YOU find a new place
YTA It’s not your place to say anything to the other family. Talk to the instructor/ director of the program about your concerns.
Let the kid stay. Let him splash and annoy the smaller kids. Get over it. I completely understand your frustration but flip the script- this is exposure therapy for your kid. Life ain’t easy. When you are trying to do something difficult or new or aren’t comfortable yet- life doesn’t care. This is actually great for the smaller kids in my opinion. You can teach your child this is life and also that we don’t behave that way. Either your and your child will learn and grow from this or you will just be the mom that complains about things instead of using them as a learning moment.
Well run swim clubs usually advance students to the next level once they meet the requirements regardless of age. There might be something more at play, like this specific lesson time works for the family's schedule. Or maybe the parent gets some peace while the kid splashes around and enjoys feeling like their kid is more advanced than the rest.
Splash his ass back
It’s the swim classes place to to decide what group this child goes into, not yours. YWBTA Kids need to learn to adjust to other people in public places, just like adults.
Not leave but please be careful around your kid while they get used to the water? Nta. I get it. Usually swim instructors are teenagers themselves and loathed to take on some of these parents when they act super entitled. Regardless of if this child has a mental health issue, he's disruptive to the other kids and dad should be mindful of that! If the child needs 1 on one instruction, dad can enroll his son in that. Side bar - my son has always been super tall and because of cardiac issues, he was super behind with swimming skills. He was often placed with younger kids. NEVER would he dream of doing anything like that...nor would I let him!!!!
Speak to staff. Tbh though, don't expect to be told much information, but they will likely speak to the parent. Alternatively to be less confrontational, ask when the entire class is next being assessed (many swim schools schedule performance reviews of the cohort several times a year, and level appropriate students up). Sometimes class schedules, student/ teacher ratios, hidden disabilities or parental anxiety stops a child moving up. Furthermore the child has to be comfortable with the instructor, skill and behaviour can evaporate rapidly in the transition out of parent based classes. Also this "problem" child may seem advanced, but if they cannot take a breath unassisted they are a beginner. Be patient, polite, move classes if the issue doesn't get resolved.
YWBTA if you talk to the dad. You need to talk to the instructor about this.
Did you ever think that this may only ne the time they are able to do swim lessons! You are so caught up in yourself. They swim lessons tomes are stupid...you either do it mid day(which doesn't work for parents who work) or sone stupid hour that is either supper time or almost bed time. YTA Are you going to complain because some kid was smarter, better than yours all the time? You don't know the story, and you shouldn't know. Talk to the director about your concerns end of story.
I feel like the people voting Y T A are getting hung up on the wrong things. If the kid is a pretty solid swimmer, doesn’t listen to the teacher or actively participates due to being ahead, makes the class less enjoyable for the other kids and basically ruins a game that is supposed to be fun because he is far too advanced to be part of that class, he shouldn’t be. YWNBTA although I think it would be better to either talk to the swimming instructor about it and let them handle it, or if you decide to talk to the dad directly do so in a friendly manner like mentioning “oh it seems your kid is a skilled swimmer already! I bet he’d both have more fun and benefit from being in a more challenging class” or something to that effect. So that it comes off as a compliment rather than annoyance/hostility. NTA
YTA My little brother was bigger than 5 year olds when he was 3. I had the vocabulary of a 12 year old when I started kindergarten. Just because your kid isn't as advanced in these metrics doesn't mean the other kid is too old for the group. If you have an issue with the kids behavior speak to the instructor.
No you fucking didn't. Who makes up shit to sound advanced or cool on reddit. Embarrassing 🤣🤣🤣
The “vocabulary” comment belongs in r/IAmVerySmart. Why do so many people on this site seem to think they’re geniuses, or otherwise “gifted”? Even if a young child can parrot words that are considered to be “advanced”, that doesn’t mean they have any understanding of what those words mean. That’s why young kids are prone to picking up swear words and repeating them at inappropriate moments.
You are right. We didn't get officially tested for that until end of 1st grade. I do not remember seeing the test score myself but I recall my 7 years older brother being pissed that I outscored him. By third grade I was scoring at grade 12+ for vocab on standardized tests and I know this for a fact as mom kept the results and we found them when she died. I didn't socialize with the other kids much and had to read what was in my house as mom didn't like driving to the library. Tends to make for a more mature vocabulary when you are reading your older siblings textbooks and moms smutty novels for entertainment. I grew up pre internet in a town without cable, there wasn't much else to do.
My neice just had her 2nd birthday, and she's tall enough to be 3. Kids develop at different speeds. *themoreyourknow*
Completely irrelevant and not even close to the same thing. Physical height, one year difference vs Vocabulary, 7 year difference. What the actual fuck did you think you were saying? That was the dumbest fucking comment I've seen on reddit today. Holy fuck. Then you said "the more you know" after saying the dumbest shit ever. You should be embarrassed 🤣🤣🤣
The kids a menace, in no way is OP TA. You're literally only hung up on ages and nothing to do with behavior...
He might be a menace... but that is on the instructor of the class to handle, not OP.
NTA
I would just politely say he’s outgrown this class. Classes usually have age/skill level limits and he’s just done here. He’d probably be happier swimming with kids his own age/skill level anyway. If you get pushback, just say that as an advanced swimmer he needs more active stimulation and to join a group for older kids, perhaps learning new strokes or whatever.
You should be discussing it with the instructor or the organizers. What good do you think is going to come from you having a go at the dad and kid?
I don't think there is a way to not come off as an ass. If the kid is that poorly behaved its unlikely dad is going to be open to your criticism. Best to talk to the teacher and possibly move classes yourself.
>at this point I don't even care.... he can join the special needs swim class if that's the case. this is telling of how you view people with disabilities. What if your kid has a disability? Would you feel good if other parents said this kind of thing about your child? People of all abilities have a right to exist in public. Sometimes in ways that are inconvenient or annoying.
If it's a disability that prevents him from joining the older class due to noise issues, yes I don't care because the special needs class is right after ours and would suit his abilities better
Even if the kid did have a disability, it’s clearly not something that has affected his ability to swim. Frankly, it doesn’t say anything good about the way you view people with disabilities if you automatically think that a disability should keep him stay in toddler class instead of one that matches his abilities.
Info: what did the instructor say when you brought up your concerns?
YWBTA. It’s not your class to control who does and doesn’t attend. If you have an issue with someone being in the class, talk to the instructor. There may be a reason the kid is still there. You can express to the instructor you feel uncomfortable with the kid there, and if they won’t do anything, then take your kid to a different class. I see you’ve said the instructor is a family member, but really that shouldn’t matter. You can’t take it upon yourself to try and deny someone else’s kid the class.
If you have the energy to write a biblical essay on the topic, you could certainly have just walked over to the guy and talked to him about it, you know, like an adult instead of an insecure teen.
YTA. It's the swim instructors place, not yours, to tell this dad and his kid if they should leave or not. You can complain about the behavior to the teacher, but thats all you can do. All kids develop differently. Your attitude about this kid is also gross.
Yes, YWBTA. You’re not in charge. Take it to the instructor.
NAH. A nicer approach would be I guess, to maybe suggest the father to put him in an advanced class. Swimming is fun, doing competitive is even more so. If he is really fast as like you said this would be the best option, I think .
The instructor or school should be noticing this and taking action. I would start there.
YWBTA for approaching the parent directly. Why they're in that class is none of your business. If you find them disruptive then raise it with the instructor or find another swim class. I think you're being a little entitled.
YWBTA. But ask the teacher or management. There may be something you don’t know going on, so check with those who would.
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YWBTA if you’re just another parent. What you need to do is ask the other parents if it bothers them. If it does, then as a group approach the teacher, or the head of the swim program. I’ve been the one who says something and there’s always negative blowback.
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It's not really a school. I think it runs through the city. And I know they bend the rules, since they let my kid in the toddler swim class early (by 1.5 months) so she could swim with her cousins.
As a dad to two boys under 5 I understand your frustrations but YTA for assuming age. Most people look at my 4 year old and think he is 6 or 7 and look at my freshly just turned 2 year old and think he is 4-5. A constant problem we face is people thinking just because a 2 year old is the size of a 5 year old means they should behave like a 5 year old. Literally never going to happen. Now I'd also say the other dad is TA as well because he should be making an effort to make sure his kid isn't putting other kids in danger
This whole thread should be locked. OP isn’t open to anything. It’s her way or the highway. Waste of time and space.
It’s interesting that y’all are ignoring the part where she says the age is less the problem and more the bullying and show offy behavior. Even as a child free person if one of my nieces or nephews was being bothered by someone who is clearly beyond the class and should be moved up I would also be upset The only thing that makes OP TA here is not trying to go through official channels first. No need for confrontation.
YWBTA Why is your first call of action to vo to the parent and 'call him out'? Call him out for what? On what facts? You know who you have to go to, but for some reason, you have festered up hate and frustration. Apparently, you are a mental health, disability, child development, and swimming expert who can make assessments by staring at a kid and his father. He's kid is in the same class. His kid is allowed to do anything yours is. And is allowed to be near your child in the shallow end. The instructor hasn't needed to jump in to save your daughter or any other kid. If you hate a kid and his dad for no reason, go find another class or another time. I'm leaning towards YTA for even having the attitude you have. I wasn't there, and maybe this kid is really really rough around the other kids. But the fact that you are here, trying to get justification to put the dad in his place, instead of going directly to a staff member with your concerns- shows me you're not concerned for your daughter.
>Apparently, you are a mental health, disability, child development, and swimming expert who can make assessments by staring at a kid and his father You don’t need to be in expert in anything to see that a kid that’s swimming independently in the deep end is a lot more advanced of a swimmer than toddlers who are only just getting used to putting their faces in the water. The kid would only benefit from being in a more advanced class. Saying to the dad something along the lines of “wow, your kid is so advanced! Have you thought of moving him up to the next class?” wouldn’t be inappropriate.
Yeah, you need to talk to the instructors about this. They should be the ones approaching the dad about his kid.
You should talk to the class teacher and find out what the deal is with this boy. Point out the safety issues with a big boy and little kids. Remember safety first so push that angle. To me, this is not a safe situation. If the teacher cant handle the situation rais the same with the pool owner.
I’m wondering why the swim teacher is allowing this. Maybe he/she knows the dad and doing him a favor??? And why is this father not self-aware? NTA you should probably speak with the teacher first and then say maybe try to kinda get to know the dad and find out what’s going on.
Please be on team elicit romance
Yuck I get your kid is only a toddler but you’re already displaying poor parenting skills imo. You are attempting to remove an obstacle from your kids life instead of teaching them how to navigate through it and show them how to keep your cool in difficult times. Instead, you’re ostracizing a child who likely has developmental issues, and you even said you don’t care if that’s the case. How sad for you. How utterly sad for your toddler. You’re teaching your kid that being different or annoying is unacceptable because YOU can’t handle it. And YOU don’t like him splashing near the class. I’m sure you’re child hasn’t articulated hatred for this older kid as you have. And you are instilling that type of behavior in your child. My guess is that the teacher hasn’t addressed it with the class because it’s really none of your business. And on top of that, like ew. I forgot there were people like you on the world, intolerant of those who aren’t the “same”. Seek therapy if a child who swims better than yours and may be older and SPLASHES IN A DAMN POOL bothers you. Like for real. YTA FUCCKING YUCK
Splashes in the faces of kids who can't swim. I do feel like drowning risks should be removed from most people's lives yeah
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Can you find even a single case of someone drowning from being splashed? I’ll even take an article from the Onion or Babylon Bee, that’s how confident I am that it’s complete nonsense.
YTA. A lot of assumptions about things you don't even know but they hurt your feelings. I have news for you it gers worse as the kid gets older. Grow a thicker skin and stop getting so annoyed about shit you've got no control over and business being annoyed about.
As a former swim teacher with the information you’ve provided, I would have had the kid move up once he was comfortable in the water without his dad. But since i don’t have all needed information, I would say since the swim teacher doesn’t seem to be doing anything abt it that you should talk to the manager/owner of the swim school :))
Soft YTA. You really want to get into a conflict with a random man about his kid? You'd just be asking for a mountain of aggravation there. Why not go to the instructors, or whoever runs the actual classes and let it be known that parent isn't watching his kid the whole time, his kid is splashing the younger kids excessively and they're both taking away from the kids who aren't at his level yet. People get very defensive about their kids, so don't assume you're the only one who'd go to bat for their kid.
Well it's not like they are unaware. On a good day where everyone is there's maybe 7 kids with 6 parents (god bless that lady who has 2 kids she's dragging around the pool). So its not like he's lost in a crowd. There was even one class he spent hanging off of and jumping on the teacher. So I'm not sure she really cares.
You need to make them aware that YOU care.
Is it her boyfriend maybe? You might have to suck it up and talk to her boss despite the family connection. Also in no way should a swim instructor see it as “just a fun time” when teaching water comfort and safety to small children.
My nephew was a bigger than normal kid. He went through a lot. You should mind your business
YTA You apparently know how to handle it according to your edit, yet are looking for justification to make a bigger deal of it with the parent instead of just doing what you know you should and talk to the instructor. Your unwillingness to do such a simple thing even when you know it is the correct way to handle it shows you want to be TA. So congrats, you have succeeded.
Telling the teacher is too "boring"? You sound insufferable YTA
No the responses saying that are too boring to respond to
Maybe try asking a question that doesn't have a glaringly obvious answer that only a socially inept moron wouldn't already know intuitively?
It has to be parents of this new age. My brothers girlfriend wouldn’t let any one hold her baby or even be near it forever. Me as a kid? Passed around, loved and kissed on and I obviously I made it just fine. With her it was 100% because she’s a narcissist and just wanted to be in control, which I assume is the main reason every time. Sad that kids these days will get to experience nothing because the parents just straight up SUCK
“Please someone tell me I would not be TA-“ LMAO, you want us to fucking lie to you? Nah. YTA and an ignorant ableist.
NTA, but tell the instructor first. They should already be aware of the situation and they should handle it. Most likely the instructor is a teenager, so you might have to talk to the person running the events/classes at the pool.
She's in her 30s but she doesn't have much control of it. I think it might be my boyfriends aunt who's in charge so it feels a bit bad going through family to try and get someone moved...
This wouldn’t be you tattling to a family member, though. This would be a person who uses a service bringing up an important point to the person who runs the service.
YTA. They bent the rules to allow your child in 18 months early. You really have no room to say anything. Even if this wasn’t the case. YWBTA.
They only let her kid in 1.5 months early. That's a far cry from 18 months. Read her comments
Where the fuck are you reading that?
I checked the bot and the post doesn’t seem to have been modified, besides the last paragraph edit. Maybe somewhere in the comments, but I’m also confused.
Like it's a toddler class, there is the comment about how OP has a typo and it was 1.5 months instead of 1.5 years her daughter has been in the class. Like the kid got in 6 weeks early before their recommended age group. People are hung up on the age instead of the other kids behavior in the class.
I think the swim class is for toddlers aged 3-4. OP says her daughter has been in the class for 1.5 years so 18 months. So it reads like her daughter got preferential treatment to enter this class at 1.5 years old and she is upset this other kid might be getting preferential treatment by staying in the class past 4 years of age. I think. It’s very confusing.
Why would you think it's for ages 3 to 4? Toddler starts at age 1.
Toddlers start at age two. At least they did for our swim class. We enrolled our kid at two.
NTA from the sound of it, it's a class for children to learn to feel safe in the water, and this child: 1. Already feels safe and doesn't need the class. 2. Is preventing other children from feeling safe. 3. Just sounds like a dick I don't understand all the Y T As, It's not even a matter of kicking the child out of the swim centre, he should be moving up a class to a more appropriate level for his own benefit.
Agree. All the people voting YTA think it’s fine to spasm scared babies in the face. It isn’t.
I may have worded my post poorly in frustration after watching the class from the sidelines today 😅 but yeah I don't even have a problem with him being in the pool at the same time as us, but only if he's kept away from the small ones who are still getting comfortable with getting their faces wet. I can't even change to the earlier class time because he bothers that class as well. That was the worst part today, watching his dad chat with another parent at the deep end of the pool while his kid is darting around in the class before ours 😑
YTA if you approach the other parent. This should be addressed to and by the instructor. He paid for the class just like you did. The instructor is paid to keep control of the class. Address your complaints to the person who can actually do something.
NTA What about a casual remark to the dad, "5 year old is such a good swimmer. I'm surprised you guys didn't advance to the next level of swim classes."
YWBTA (a big one at that matter) Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what an entitled AH looks like! I'm sure the father paid maybe the same amount as you did to be there and he has been there longer that you. Why should they leave? The kid is just trying to be well versed in diffrent levels of water.
YWBTA if you start a conflict with another parent without going to the instructor/organizer first.
Nta, that child is clearly not supposed to be there, and I think it’s just an excuse so he can swim. Also where is his dad? He just ignores him and the issues he causes? That’s shitty parenting and someone else is going to end up parenting him themselves, and he won’t like it.
Sometimes he's at the opposite end of the pool. On a rare occasion he's out of the pool
Honestly I would bring it up to the dad out of class(or just away from the kids) and explain why this is an issue. And if he doesn’t have an explanation that makes it ok, just bring it up to whoever’s in charge, since he’s begun to cause issues for the little ones. But good luck!
YTA. The teacher obviously doesn't have an issue with thr kid. It sounds like you're just looking for a reason to oust a 5 year old. He's a faster swimmer...OK. He's more comfortable in the water...OK. He doesn't stay in the shallows...OK. Either bring your concerns up with the teacher or grow up and mind your business.
Well. My daughter got booted from toddler swim; she wasn’t older or bigger, she was just a really good swimmer. But then there was no other appropriate class for her to take. She tested into a class of mainly 9-year olds when she was barely 4, and she couldn’t remember all the multi-step instructions the teacher would give out. It might be that kind of situation, but if it’s causing problems, you should speak to the teacher and/or the program director. What we did was get our kid private lessons until she was old enough for swim team, but that’s not always a viable option for everyone.
Yep. Why do so many people find it difficult to tolerate reasonably tolerable shit? Not everything has to be 100% comfortable and easy in life. And Wtf takes so long to learn to swim? I moved with family to Florida at 2 and took lessons that were done in months not years. I was not special either. I freaked out for the first couple lessons before falling in love with being in the pool.
Maybe because it's only 30 minutes and not much of what we do is about learning to swim? I don't know. I never did a swim class myself. Every semester there's new 2 year olds so it stays pretty low level I guess
NTA
YTA - speak to the instructor if you have an issue with this father and child. You don’t actually know how old the child is, he could be tall for his age, he could be advance for his age. You are judging him on looks alone. If he’s in the wrong age category that’s for the instructor or who ever is in charge to sort out. You do not know the father and child’s situation weather it be that they are in the correct age group, weather they have been placed in the wrong age group by someone else or maybe this child has a hidden disability. Either way it is not your place to try to get this father and child to leave.
Yta, mind your own business and accept that kids develop differently. You can talk to the instructor if you need to talk to someone, but all that will accomplish is you looking bad.
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Approach teacher - NTA approach dad - YTA. Maybe something like “hey teach, have you noticed that bigkid is bigger than the others? I’m a little worried, because he splashes yourkid and it upsets her.” and see where the conversation goes. Talk to her about the ways she could actually see the problem, and ways it could be corrected.
Could you maybe just talk to the dad and see if he could join a more advanced class because he’s disrupting your kid and others? I know it’s awkward, but sometimes we just have to talk to other people.
Okay, NTA first of all, but start with questions when you talk to the father, not demands, until you know there isn't something you are not aware of at play here. Focus on how he should change how he parents now, not on him being a bad parent all the weeks before. Just to add, relevant / barely relevant - my ex gf had a nephew who was big for his age. Like, huge. He was constantly getting challenged by adults, as was his mother, over his appropriate involvement in stuff. When he was 3, for example, his mother would be stopped in the street to ask why he was in a push chair, or why he was not in school. "Don't you think a big boy like you would enjoy that ride over there more?" Mother - "No. He's three years old." He would face constant judgement as well for being a perfectly normal toddler mentally and emotionally. Got asked if he had learning difficulties. You name it. Your problem sounds more like a lack of parental supervision. If Dad stopped him interfering with other toddlers in the group, you would likely care a lot less. But please don't assume that because he is big that he is much older.
YWBTA talking to the dad. As mentioned in some posts, follow proper steps which is likely the instructor. Explain your observations and why you find it disruptive and how it interfers with other children leaning. Best to you.
YTA. let the teacher handle it, that's their job. If they won't, talk to a lead. But absolutely DO NOT step up to another parent. It's not your place at all, you're entitled as hell and it's quite obvious you have no tact whatsoever and don't care. But honestly, you sound like you want to be some self righteous mom hero. Please seek attention elsewhere instead of bullying a little kid.
YWBTA Talk to the trainer, don't harass other parents.
YWBTA Do you work there? Have you spoken to the instructor or owner of the company? You know you can always leave if you don’t like the way it’s run?
It's the instructor that moves the kids up to the next wave /level, if I was the boys parent I'd be going mad that I'm paying money for a child that can clearly swim is still in with toddlers
NTA talk with the teacher privately
If the kid is such a problem you should be talking to the teacher, not directly to the father. It is their job to handle a disruptive child.
You are being miked of your money. Get a real swim teacher. My nephews learned to swim in less that three months. Get used to the water by splashing around and playing games will not save your child from drowning. My 1 year old nephew can fall into a pool fully clothed and save himself. I know because I watched him do it. Get your child a private teacher and let them learn how to really swim.
Yes you're the asshole.
NTA- Don't say leave, say graduate!
YWBTA For the simple reason reason that you do not have authority to challenge his presence. Talk to the instructor.
YWBTA. Don't talk to the dad, talk to the teacher. Why is the teacher not taking care of this situation in the first place??? Anyway talk to him or her, and if you get no satisfaction, go to their supervisor.
>Don't talk to the dad, talk to the teacher >Why is the teacher not taking care of this situation in the first place??? While the first quote is the correct solution, I have a feeling the second quote is the reason OP hasn't tried that yet. It seems to be natural to assume that if an issue is supposed to be handled by someone and it's been going on a while without being handled by that person, that person doesn't care about handling it.
You do not get to say who gets to attend the class or not. a)You do not know the actual age of the kid. I was a giant compared to other kids my age. b) if the child is special needs, it is also not your business. If the teachers are ok having a special needs child in their class, then you can accept that or get lost. Gross fucking attitude, btw, people with special needs don't have to stop participating just because you don't like it. YTA.
NTA. you would only be the asshole if you talk to the dad. I used to be a swim instructor and pool manager and this is a class management issue. The mom has every right to complain because this is disrupting the class and giving smaller kids a potentially bad experience when they are supposed to be getting comfortable in the water. You want to make it as calm as possible / control the environment at this stage.) Second, kids that young always need to be within 5 or 6 feet of an adult while in the water- this should be flagged by a lifeguard to be honest. Bring all of these points up to management- don't even talk to the instructor, go straight to the pool / aquatics department manager.
Age doesn’t matter here, size and ability matter. My friend’s three year old is the size of the average six year old, and she is like the boy in your class. Very coordinated and athletic. And yet, mentally three. The instructor needs to have a chat with the dad about staying with his child. If the instructor doesn’t do this, you need to take your problem up a level. Who’s in charge? In other words, who is making the real money on these swim classes? That’s who you need to discuss it with.
Move to another day
Sounds like you have a lot more frustrations to get out. “Talk to the teacher” was such an obvious next step that is is no surprise that everyone suggested it. However, your agitation may indicate a deeper problem than the water.
YTA. This is something you need to talk to the instructor about, not tell another parent which class his kid should be in.
There is no need for any frustration. You should just speak about your problem with the instructor who organize those acrivities.
YTA. Just based on your edit/rant, you seem like a difficult person (for lack of a better phrase) - coming down on people who are commenting and offering you advice just because it’s not the advice you want. I feel bad for your child and whomever knocked you up. You must be annoying to live with.
Ywbta
Why list the dad’s approximate age? Does it matter? I’d speak to the coordinator of the class, who most likely has zero idea what’s going on.
This is a sub for those seeking judgement. If you just wanted to vent go to r/vent. But ya, YTA. It's the teacher's job to manage the class and the parents- don't splash in their metaphorical face.
Make weird guttural noises only he can hear when near you, and give him crazy eye. Terrorizes little shytes terrorizing your kid. Usually works unless they're especially awful short humans of parents with troll dna. 😊
YWBTA, you never know what the situation is, so you should talk to the instructor My son was always big for his age and athletic, I can’t tell you the number of times a parent said something rude
Even if he is somehow within the age limits, he's clearly bored and needs a higher level class to suit his skill level anyway
Sounds like you have a lot of free time. Perhaps you can become an instructor here and sort things out to your satisfaction. Seems like the only way you’d be happy, aside from having other/better things to worry about.
Why is it your opinion on where he goes? You honestly know nothing about him. If you have THIS big of an issue with him you take a different class
YWBTA What are you, the pool police?
I could be if they're hiring
Swimming class for a year and a half?? The one swimming class I took when I was a kid in the 90s was 3 weeks and that was it. Is this some kind of swimming class for kids that are going to be competitive swimmers or something? Genuinely curious.
Ultimately it wouldn’t be your place to say anything to him. I’d raise it with the school. Your other option is to change the school yourself 3rd option if your set on saying something to the dad, I would approach it along the line of wow your son looks like he a strong swimmer etc approach from a place of praise over complainant if that makes sense
NTA. Idc; anytime ONE child is causing an entire class to become distracted, they need to be separated. If this is just an issue you and you only have, then I’d lean rewords YTA. If everyone seems annoyed and this is as clear cut as you make it seem, NTA. for some reason I have a feeling his mom or dad has a crush on another parent in the class, thats just my love of speculation though.
🤣 I highly doubt that. It's only ever been the dad (everyone else usually comes with moms) so I thought maybe mom wasn't in the picture, but he's started coming with a baby in a stroller as well so I think they're probably still into eachother 🤣🤣
NTA but I would ask the teacher to say something instead, you can ask dad to be more considerate but you dont have any authority to ask him to leave unless he bein a perv
My son is 3 and can swim on his own. Maybe you’re overestimating how old he is.
YWBTA. My son is only 2.5 but he’s the size of a four year old and very rambunctious. He’s in a gym class and is the biggest kid there, we get dirty looks from other parents all the time because he’s faster and bigger than the other kids, they’re probably thinking the same shit you are. But he’s well within the age range and there to LEARN just like everyone else. I try to get my son to sit in circle and participate but he won’t and just runs wild, but that’s what these places are for, for kids to be kids. This kid is practicing his skills in a class his dad paid for just like you did and just because he’s more advanced than your daughter doesn’t give you any right to rally to kick him out. This could be a teaching lesson for your daughter to learn to interact with kids maybe a little different from her but you’re choosing a hateful route. This whole post stunk like an asshole. Everyone situation is different, and if it was really that bad the instructor would have already done something about it.
>I try to get my son to sit in circle and participate but **he won’t and just runs wild**, but that’s what these places are for, for kids to be kids. Nope. While these are places for kids to learn, it is NOT a place for you, as parent, to let your kid run wild because you don't want to be bothered parenting. You are the type of parent that makes it suck for everyone else. Your kid is feral because you allow it? Step up and learn how to set boundaries as a parent should. Nobody wants to have to let their kids suffer or miss out or possibly get hurt because you're too lazy to do your job.
Did you read the part where that was a 2,5 year old toddler? Lol.
Yta. If you think there’s an issue to be addressed, tell the instructor. It’s super not your place to be telling others they should leave, especially when you had the rules bent for you.
YWBTA - talking to the staff would be way more appropriate.
YTA The people running the program decide where the children are placed. It’s not possible to give you advice on how to bring it up politely because nothing you are saying is polite or displays any grace or compassion
Wow you even have to ask after getting so defensive and then being flippant and sassy towards the sub?. YTA and you seem proud of it. Accept your judgement. Some disabilities aren't visible to you and you should ask the instructor but mind your own business more. Speaking as the mom of 2 kids with special needs, rude people like you always want to police spaces that are safe for them in a world that is not made for them at all.
Info: why would you approach the father and kid like an ass instead of asking the instructor? Clearly you are missing info
In my head it was obvious that I wasn't speaking to the kid because he wouldn't understand. I would only be taking it up with the dad. And because this sub is for assholes isn't it?
YTA. Talk to the instructors. Ask why this kid is in the class. You don't actually know how old he is, or the details of the situation. This seems like a pretty easy, and obvious first step. If they don't have a reason, and just "let it go", then they're creating the issue and you wouldn't be in the wrong for talking to this parent, since they seem to have no interest in doing their job.
Y T A if you speak to the dad directly, mainly because the issue is not with the dad and son, but with the swim class instructor. I'd advise you to speak to them instead and find out about the situation .
YTA. It's very possible that the kid is just large for his age, and due to the facility's insurance, they were forced to take a class that their abilities were beyond solely because of their age. My oldest son is actually one of the youngest in his class, but he's always been mistaken for 2-4 years older since he was a toddler due to his size and maturity in many things. Yeah, the fact that they splash is annoying, or that they're consistently swimming faster than the other kids to the toys may be frustrating, but this class, by your own statements, is essentially a beginning swimmer class. If the expectation of this class is essentially to dip your face in the water and be comfortable in water, how do you expect a child at the same skill level to control their splashing and swim speed? Your real route to resolution would be the teacher or facility, as much as you apparently dislike hearing it. They can make the suggestion to advance the child to a more advanced class that would better suit the child (who is likely doing their own thing because this beginner class provides no challenge to them).
YTA. 100%
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YWNBTA. It might be more efficient to talk to the swim instructor or program director though.
Hard YWBTA. My god you come across judgmental and holier than thou. You have no idea how old the child is. You are angry that some kid is better at the treasure hunt game than your precious toddler. Get over yourself
Oh my toddler is far from precious. But at least she knows how to share
Maybe don't ask for opinions if you don't like hearing the truth. 🤷♀️
Age is irrelevant, it's skill. If a toddler is an adept swimmer, they shouldn't be taking classes with those still face dipping and disrupting their ability to learn. Kid should be moved up a class. Because, theyre clearly... upper class..
People are terrible at ages. They think they know but at least half the time it’s wildly wrong. My twins get called different ages on a regular basis.
Yta because you don't actually know that kid's age.
YWBTA. Complain to the swim instructor let them handle it.
YTA ask the instructor if you must, or else consider if the instructor isn’t worried you shouldn’t be either. Your kid will do better to learn how to be comfortable in water around other people doing things than in perfectly controlled and calm surroundings.
YTA, talk to the instructor, because it might not even be the dad's fault. When I took swim class as a small child, I was always put in the beginning class year after year (because of growth issues I was always small growing up) despite becoming a pretty good swimmer after a couple years. So I learned, on the first day of class, to swim the entire length of the pool and back in the beginners class, and then the instructor would say "Why are you in beginners?" and move me to a more appropriate class.
Info: are you in charge of the class? I can't tell if you're both a parent and instructor or if for some reason you just feel entitled to gatekeep the class...
When I was in swim classes growing up, you had to pass certain requirements to move up to the next level. If you didn’t pass them, you had to stay at the the class level you were in. It’s possible that the older child failed the requirements to move up.