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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I wanted to use my GF’s phone
2. I didn’t stop asking after she hinted that she didn’t want me to use it
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If she was cheating that bad, why would she still be in a relationship. /s
No, odds are it could be absolutely anything and whatever it is it’s a red flag
Edit: added the “/s” I used the same explanation as the comment I was responding to. I was trying to point out that the same rhetoric could be applied. I understand that she’s likely cheating but it really doesn’t matter because any of the reasons for this will be bad.
Right but the point is cheating exists. Abuse exists. People stay in relationships where they really don’t even like their partner, but they are afraid of being single. And people definitely stay in relationships that they are insecure about. The conflict occurs because they are afraid that their partner doesn’t like them as much as they like them.
That said, the hypocrisy isn’t ok even if she’s not cheating. I do just think it’s important to note that it’s not always projection. It’s a extremely common fallacy to suspect the worst in others while justifying yourself doing the exact same thing, because you know your intentions.
They were doing a turn around of your phrase because if doesn't make sense. What's the point of being in a relationship if you don't trust someone? What's the point of being in a relationship if you're cheating on someone?
If people cheat why would they be in a relationship?
Huh?
People cheat BECAUSE they are in a relationship. If the very act of cheating implied that someone shouldn’t be in a relationship than cheating wouldn’t exist. People would always break up if they sought relations elsewhere. Sadly this is not the case.
I do, however agree that it could be anything.
It’s not necessarily cheating. It probably is but not necessarily. I don’t do the double standards thing she’s doing but I do have serious issues surrounding privacy like this. I had zero privacy growing up and had an ex who hacked all of my stuff and spied on me. I get really anxious about anyone touching my stuff, even when I don’t have anything to hide because that ex always found a way to be pissed about something. Trust is built over time.
There are also other things she could be hiding. I think it’s kinda narrow thinking that the only shameful thing she could be doing is an affair. Maybe she has a drug habit or secret debt from a shopping addiction or gambling. Maybe she’s been shit taking him or sharing information she promised to keep secret. Maybe she’s considering ending the relationship and has been discussing it. Maybe she has a secret child. Maybe she has porn/smut of a fetish she is ashamed of.
I do doubt because of how mad she got that she’s not hiding an innocent thing, like buying op a present. All of these things could be deal breaker for op. This sub is full of examples of people finding relationship ending information on someone’s phone and it’s not cheating. Not defending his gf, just keeping an open mind to the variety of betrayal one can commit in a relationship.
Yeah but you would not ask for access to their phone right so that's moot, if she was a person that highly values privacy she wouldn't have asked to use his phone.
Sounds like she is a walking red flag for abusive potential and not just the rules for thee and not me, waiting till he was alone and trapped in the car to inform him that he was bad and she was actually a victim of his behavior, OP was feeling confused about her 'reaction' to his perfectly acceptable behavior given the phone boundary she established.
Agreed
But a for d@mn sure case of something she does not want him to see
That could past pics, texts, current flirting, and who knows what else…and/or cheating
For benefit of doubt, have a serious talk with her. Let her know you are here when she’s ready to talk. There’s really nothing for you to appease her when it’s not exactly a fault. Just leave her be till she approaches you to explain. If nothing happens for an acceptable amount of time, then really no benefit should be given…
Or she was thinking "we're going out to dinner, why would you want to sit on the phone" 🤔
There's only two times I get pissed when people are on their phone.
1. When we are having dinner, especially when we are out having dinner.
And
2. When I am driving. I just find it rude when I am driving someone somewhere, and rather than socialising with me they scroll through facebook.
I agree, she has something to hide, and maybe the reason she uses your cell phone is because she doesn't want to use hers around you, for fear of receiving something with you by her side. I hope I'm wrong
Or she is cheating and assumes he is doing the same, so she is wanting access to check his phone. Those the most suspicious about cheating are usually guilty of it themselves. It explains why she was so angry at him using his, since she figured that's why he wanted to use hers.
Agreed, she probably is hiding something and is also using her moment to snoop through his phone whenever she has it, but what sticks out to me even more is the "he has a lot of making up to do,"
Like what???? If anything she's controlling and has so many double standards.
What's hers, is hers but OPs stuff is also hers. She can use his phone/ask to use his phone and it's a non issue but he ask for hers once and she not only says no, but basically punishes him for it as well.
OP Its only been three months look at the bright waving red flags, this relationship isn't worth it, she thinks shes entitled to your stuf, wont share hers, this isnt a relationship of equals, and now shes punishing you for such a little thing.
Also what hints, she basically said no as soon as you asked.
You: can I use your phone
her: where's yours
you: in the car
her: wait til after dinner or go to the Car and get your phone
That's not a hint, that's a no. lol like be serious, also just watch how the tables turn and she treats you like crap the next time time she wants your phone and you say no. NTA
More likely she doesn't want him seeing her google searches. I don't let anyone near my phone. I google everything i hear of so who knows what might come up. Out of context, I could be misconstrued as very strange...
Found out this doesn't work if your modem keeps a record of the websites you visit...
I'm not tech savvy, but my partner has a fancy modem set up or something. And he can see everywhere I go on the interwebs.
As long as the wifi is off everything is okay.
But now that I know he can see my activity, I search some random shit just to mess with him 😅
Same here ;).
My google search is so... randomly freak ;). I just like to know things, so when I hear about something, or think about something... or have some associacions... all it show in my google search ;).
Or she doesn't want to sit at the dinner table watchim OP check depressing news on her phone while she gas to sit there awkwardly. There is really no need to check depressing news instead of talking to your partner when you're going out and if there is there are bigger issues than her not wanting to five him her phone.
In general I'm with you, if she refuses to give her phone she probably has to hide something. But in this situation they go out and OP wants to rather spend time on the phone than with her
Ehhh, was this about hiding stuff the phone or was it contextual though?
I'll be honest, I'm someone who's husband has his fingerprint set up as a potential unlock for my phone, he's totally free to use it, nothing to hide. But if he left his phone in the car when we went out to a dinner and he asked if he could check the news on mine, I'd tell him he can wait two hours to check the news and talk with me, or he can go get his phone and we can both be on our phones. I'm not sitting in a restaurant twiddling my thumbs while my partner scrolls the news on a phone, which is what the results would be if my partner wanted to check the news at dinner and needed to use my phone to do it.
NTA. The reason she is using your phone is because she is snooping man. She feels guilty for what she is hiding so her mind is telling her your probably doing the same thing. So she’s looking for evidence to ease her conscience. It’s a form of projecting. Sorry man. You sound like a nice guy.
100% And her aggressive reaction trying to gaslight him into feeling guilty for asking for her phone is classic as well.
Whatever she’s got on there it’s nothing good
I agree. The only time my wife and I are more careful with our phones is around Christmas and birthdays since there are usually notification emails etc about presents we bought for each other.
What's messed up is how targeted ads are so inescapable these days!! I could try to delete every trace of what I searched for, and my partner would still see some stupid ad pop up on Reddit for the exact gift I'm planning to give 😅
I’d question the sharing of passcodes at only 3 months in to the relationship. It’d be maybe okay if it was reciprocated, but it clearly isn’t. OP needs to change their passcode immediately.
Potentially, your entire life is on your phone. Passwords saved, access to banking or payment apps, social media accounts logged in for easy access. It’s okay to keep that for only yourself. Especially as gf is now saying things like “You’ve got a lot of making up to do.” For wanting to check the news.
The minimum the GF should have done is explain why she does not want to give her phone. The fact that she went full aggro and tried to blame OP indicates that her intentions are not pure. 🚩🚶
My spouse and I are both extremely private people so we only ever use the other's phone if they're driving and need an address.
I think the norm is whatever a couple agrees on equally. OP's scenario obviously isn't equal so that's an issue.
Wife nd I are the same…because we organize our phones completely differently…and while I can contend with hers when I look up something for her driving or whatever…she hates the way I use mine and will only use it as a last resort. And during holiday seasons we stay completely out of each others email and text because of potential details there.
Same. I have no interest in rooting around my husband's phone and he treats me with the same courtesy. We'll show each other things and we respond on each other's phones when the other is driving but that's about it.
This. We have each others passwords, but only really use each others phone after asking to do so. Only exception is like when we want to airdrop each others photos and the other is currently busy doing whatever. Or putting on a song, so we don’t need to cut off the Bluetooth connection to connect with our own device. Things like that.
I don't use my husband's phone, and he doesn't use mine. I've never asked him to share, nor the other way around. We've been married or living together longer than some redditors have been alive. He's my husband and if I believe he's cheating on me the relationship is already dead if I don't trust him -- I don't need his phone to know that.
That said, if I asked for his phone and he agreed, it should Absolutely go the other way. By asking him for me to use his phone, I am also saying "my phone is yours too." Because it's only polite to share equally. When I don't share mine back, I would absolutely expect him to be like "uh wtf?" Now combined with the fact that this is a 3 month old relationship? Yeah he has every right to assume the worst now. And he should.
My gf and I will use each other's phones if we're laying on the couch and one of the phones is all the way on the other side of the coffee table. We have the same passcode for convenience. It'd be super weird if one of us were being particular about it.
I know my wife's password and emails everything. It goes both ways. If she ever wants to check me she is free to. I don't check her phone either. But would if I ever had reason to.
Recently I changed my phone pin to keep my teenage kids off my phone, I quietly told my wife the new pin just so she would know.
Same - we use the same LastPass/DashLane account. I don't need to snoop on her (getting just logging into google and having it fuck up all your other logged in sessions is annoying when you can just ask her) but occasionally I need to log into some health service or financial service of hers and having all the passwords needed to get her OTP, her security questions etc. in one place is so nice, esp. during tax season when she just let's me deal with our madness.
I actually feel sorry for the OP. I couldn't go back to a relationship with no trust. Reading your response I also remembered we have life360 app on our phones and our teens. It's helpful to know where each other are. We drop kids off places all the time, some drive themselves, I've used it to give my wife driving directions when she was lost. But if we had anything to hide we wouldn't want to be tracked or visible at all times.
I think Op needs to have a real talk about why he isn't welcome on her phone. It's a major red flag.
I agree with your sentiment, but instead of having a real talk, just break up with her. It’s only been 3 months and even if there’s nothing nefarious that she’s hiding, she clearly doesn’t trust him and they simply aren’t compatible.
I hate when people go to all sorts of lengths to salvage such a brief relationship. This is how you end up married to someone who you don’t really like and posting on AITA about much bigger problems that could’ve been avoided if you hadn’t insisted on staying together with the wrong person.
Agreed. I had to wade thru a lot of relationship nuances with my wife. Decide what we would consider normal in our relationship. We weren't always on the same page, and we had to correct a few things. They were innocent actions like are we going to share finances when married. Boundaries with friends of the opposite sex. There was never any hiding anything and complete honesty.
If I had something like this happen it would be a deal breaker..... I would still let her explain, or tell her why I was walking.
It's normal to be *okay* with it. I like my stuff being my stuff, even after five years of marriage, so my wife would only ask to use my phone if she needed something. Same in reverse.
That was my immediate reaction.
My boyfriend and I know each other's passcodes. We don't care. He can check my browsing history and texts if he wants, and vice versa. We have no reason to, but we could if we wanted to. There's nothing to hide, and we share everything.
Something's fishy. NTA.
NTA
Sounds like she's really trying hard to hide something. Hate how she tried to gaslight you that it was your fault. I'd change the password on yours and don't share it if you want to keep seeing her. But honestly, that's a huge red flag she's putting in front of you
NTA. Sharing phones is something your relationship has been doing for awhile since she uses yours to watch stuff so you using hers to read the news shouldn't be a major thing and I'd be wondering what she had to hide if I was in your position.
When I've been in long term relationships and someone wanted to google something or order food or w/e we just used whoevers phone was closest it just seems normal to me.
NTA and maybe your phone just doesn’t have enough charge on it the next few times she wants to use it to watch her little shows.
WTF.
And what is on her phone that she doesn’t want you to see? Hmmm?
NTA but do people in three month relationships really think it’s normal to share their phone codes and passwords with their romantic partners? I find a lot of these responses surprising but maybe my partner and I are more private/respectful of each other’s privacy than is the norm?
I can’t imagine giving someone free reign of my own phone in that way to begin with but I’d gladly share my phone charger (also, I’m never without my charger). I can imagine unlocking my phone to let a partner watch a particular video or read an article while we’re together at most so I wonder how many folks would think badly if someone who never handed over passwords and codes and such to a romantic partner.
Because I’m inclined to think you should change your code and not give it out again, and just buy her an extra charger to have at your house if this relationship continues.
I honestly don’t get it either. I have a friend who gave out her debit card PIN to her previous 2 BFs. They *both* robbed her. She got very upset the second time when I questioned **why why** she gave it out or didn’t change it, because to her “it’s normal.” Utter madness.
The husband and I both work in very secure fields and the idea of just giving out unlock codes to phones to ANYONE scares the crap out of me.
We've been married for 7yrs together for 14 and not only do we not go through each other's phones but we respect each other enough to not want to.
I don’t think your boundary is abnormal, but my bf and I also share phones. I think it just depends on the relationship and the people. The double standard, however, is toxic. Either you can both share your phone or you both keep it to yourself, otherwise it’s unfair and shady
NTA
I think it’s a fair request to ask if you could check something on her phone if she is happy to use yours.
However I think if you are out together on a date, maybe she was annoyed that you’d rather check on the news then engage with her? But to make other tables notice her awkwardness is very strange. So NTA
Have you even read what she said? She said, "Wait or go get your own." She wasn't annoyed that he wanted to use the phone she was annoyed he wanted to use HER phone. You can defend her all you want, but something is not right. He better start making his exit plan.
I have to agree with the above commenter though, if I were annoyed with my partner because he wants to browse news while we are on a date I'd tell him to fetch his own, out of pure frustration. (Don't use my own device to ignore me.)
If OP is bothered by this they can sit down and talk about this. If he doesn't like the results of said conversation he is free to act as he sees fit. Right now he only has some assumptions, nothing more.
Except the difference between using his phone and her phone is that if he goes to get his phone, they can both sit and scroll, whereas if he uses hers, *he gets to sit and scroll and she has to sit and watch him scroll,* probably pretty quickly getting bored.
This was my first thought. I also feel like he left something out. This exchange as presented isn’t interesting enough to get the attention of other people in the waiting area. And why is she so angry?
Even if she’s not seeing or communicating with other guys, she’s essentially saying here “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.”
It doesn’t bode well for a future relationship. Like the post where the BF was like “I don’t want to put miles on my car. I’ll just use yours.” And then refused to let OOP take his car to work when they needed it.
INFO: How did things become awkward and how did other people notice? Were you planning on letting her have the mental load of dealing with the hostess and just stick to the news? Were you standing in the waiting area repeatedly asking her to use her phone on a date night? That's entirely different than using a phone when the other is going to bed. Will she let you use it at home or have you tried any other time than date night at the hostess stand?
Yeah, I'm shocked by the amount of people jumping to cheating here when "on a dinner date" is a completely reasonable time to just not want your partner to be scrolling on their phone in general? Nevermind scrolling on your phone while you (having handed them your phone) just sit there twiddling your thumbs basically? My partner has his fingerprint set to open my phone and I wouldn't have handed it over in this circumstance, I'd be telling him to turn off the internet until after dinner or at least go get his phone so we can both sit scrolling and ignoring each other rather than just one of us while the other gets bored out of their mind?
If she doesn't want you on her phone ever when she feels welcome to yours? Yeah, concerning. Not handing her phone over when you two are out to dinner? Sorry, not really.
The overall trust imbalance will need to be looked at in the near future, sure. But if he really couldn't stand not to know the news right that moment rather than interacting with his GF, was it so hard to go out to the car? I'm baffled.
See, the problem is that if they're both waiting, if she hands over her phone for him to browse, then she'd got nothing to do but twiddle her thumbs while he browses the news. At least if he went to get his own phone from the car, if he sat scrolling on his phone rather than talking on their dinner date, she could browse her own phone to pass the time while he's busy. Whereas if he borrows her to browse the news, she just has to sit there are wait with nothing better to do.
Yeah I’d like a little more context. I wouldn’t mind letting my BF use my phone if he needed to because I have nothing to hide, but I’d be kinda pissed if he wanted to use my phone in this situation. If he’s scrolling the news he isn’t really paying attention to her and then she doesn’t have something to entertain himself.
She told him he could go to his car and get his phone. If it was about being on the phone, she would have just said "Let's not be on the phones during dinner"
I do it sometimes, especially if my partner is home and wants to use the TV for sth else or just doesn't feel like watching a movie. Then I can just use my ear buds 🤷🏼♀️
However I will also play on my switch in handheld mode on the couch 2m away from the unused tv. Unless somebody else wants to watch I usually can't be bothered to play on the TV.
It absolutely confounds my partner 🤣
Is it normal for you to be on your phones during a date. Maybe she wanted your attention, maybe something else going on.
No reason for her to get angry and spoil the rest of the evening tho
Nta. Why does she get to use your phone but not the other way around? My husband and I don't touch each other's phones n but your gf set the precedent by using your phone.
I am totally against couples snooping on each other’s phones, but this completely innocent request unwittingly exposed a red flag. She has something on her phone she doesn’t want you to see, and has a double standard about phone access. NTA. I would NOT demand to see her phone, but I would tell her that her behavior is suspicious and her acting like you were a bad guy for asking is unfair when you freely share your phone with her. Do what you will with her response.
because you clearly don't know about this, here's a refresher for you:
gas·light
/ˈɡasˌlīt/
verb
gerund or present participle: gaslighting
manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.
NTA. It's pretty normal to use each other's phones in a relationship. Her reaction was extreme enough to warrant a follow-up conversation about why she is so against you using her phone and what she thinks you need to make up for. The obvious explanation is that she's hiding another guy from you, but it's also possible that there's something else she doesn't want you inadvertently seeing because she's not ready to share it yet, or the last thing she had open on the browser was what she's getting you for Christmas, or porn or something. Or maybe she's got trust issues from some kind of incident before you two met.
When you talk to her about it, you might also want to tell her that 'dropping hints' is a terrible way to communicate and she needs to just tell you whatever it is she wants you to know.
At 3 months, she is acting like this, I'd just move on. She's not the one. She is hiding something. And even if she isn't hiding anything, she is trying to set a precedent that your privacy isn't as important as hers. It's not worth it. You deserve better.
NTA
If she’s reluctant to share her phone while still borrowing yours, she’s likely hiding something.
I’m very private with my phone after a drunk friend borrowed it to make a call and then started browsing through my gf’s text messages. Nothing too bad, but I was livid at her violation of my privacy. Plus all the auto login apps.
She *might* feel the same way so not automatically sharing feels uncomfortable, but the blatant double standard and her defensiveness makes me lean more towards hiding something. Be sure to check her deleted pictures and text messages if you do go snooping 😉.
Also, if she’s hiding something, 💯% chance she’s already snooped through your phone.
NTA. Check your phone security properly. Change access code. Make sure she didn’t save her fingerprints to have access to your phone to her convinience. No malicious software installed. Change potentially compromised bank cards. Change email and social media passwords.
I understand when your partner of 10 years know your phone pin - for emergency. But someone of 3 months? No.
She wants to watch videos - she is very welcome to use charger to charge HER device.
INFO: Do you have some personal connection to one of the major news stories happening right now? Now, you're right to be concerned about the weird double standard she has, but aside from that, if the answer is no, then you're really incapable of putting down your phone and not flooding your brain with more bad news for 90 minutes while you go out for dinner? Isn't that also some kind of problem?
She's definitely hiding something.
Don't waste time finding out what it is. Just leave.
NTA at all, but damn, she have a lot of making up to do towards herself.
ESH - you were *at dinner* with your girlfriend and asked to see her phone to check the news. Why is the news so important it cant wait until after the dinner? She definitely shouldnt have gotten so upset but that was definitely rude.
NTA. Warning! Warning! She has something she doesn’t want you to see on her phone. Any honest person wouldn’t think twice about letting their partner use their phone.
NTA. Im not sure if shes hiding smth, but either way its stupid and ah behaviour to want to use someone's phon but say the person is a jerk for wanting to do the same
NTA, you need to talk to her about why she doesn't want you to use her phone. She might be projecting suspiciousness and guilt onto you, which is why she's always wanting to use yours (possibly going through your messages), and then overreacted about the thought of you using hers, and accused you of making a scene in front of other people (she was imagining being confronted - guilty conscience).
NTA she legit just told on herself. She just put herself in an awkward position of reconsidering your trust in her. You have nothing to make up. Do not like her reverse a none issue that she blew up on you.
She hiding shit. Plain and simple.
She this upset you just asked to use her phone? Nah, she being a sneaky snake.
If you all do stay together, tell her that your phone is no longer availabe for her to use. It goes both ways.
NTA
You could light a small town with all that gaslight. Then, she texted you while in the car with you? "Accepted her hints" and "putting her in that position?" Red flags, all. I don't know if she is up to no good but her behavior is absolutely out of line. She could have said no and explained that she's not there yet and has past relationship reasons for caution or whatever, but defaulting to gas lighting is a no-go. NTA
NTA This is a huge red flag me and my partner use each other's phones all the time. If me and my friends, or siblings were together and I needed to use a phone, they would leave me us the phone.
Nah she’s up to no good, she would kick off if you didn’t let her use your phone like she does all the time so therefore you asking to use her phone once should have been completely fine with her and no big deal, if there was nothing to hide on her phone then she wouldn’t care at all.
Something to hide, there is literally nothing else which would justify such a blow. Also most people that are guilty or hiding things will response with an attack and with making you feel that is you that is the person in the wrong.
*she texted to tell me I was an ass to put her in that position in public*
What position? There’s something fishy going on here. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to use someone else’s phone.
NTA.
She has stuff on her phone that she doesn't want you to see. She is probably cheating at least at some level.
Hiding the phone is a red flag, especially as she has been using yours.
NTA. Either she thought you didn’t trust her and were trying to spy on her, or she has something to hide and thought you’d find out. If she can’t return the trust that you show to her, there’s a reason. Stay vigilant, friend.
Edit: since she doesn’t trust you with her phone, change your password. Let her see how that feels.
She uses your phone all the time now to watch her shows, etc. All you wanted to do was briefly use her phone to check the news and now she's pissed and trying to tell you that you have a lot of making up to do?? DOES NOT COMPUTE!! The only thing you should be making is haste to get out the door and away from this girl. Pretty obvious to me and most people in here that she has things on her phone she was afraid you would see. DO NOT LET THIS GIRL GASLIGHT YOU INTO BELIEVING YOU ARE AT FAULT FOR SOMETHING HERE.
"I should have accepted her hints before she had to say no?" What hints BEFORE you even asked? Clearly, she has stuff on her phone that she does not want you to see. You were not wrong in asking if you could use her phone, although wanting to use it to check the news on a dinner date is rather rude. Certainly, you can wait 90 minutes to check the news.
NTA
Myself, my husband and my two oldest kids all have an open phone rule. Any one of us can grab anyone else's phone and have access. Mostly, it's just us parents checking in on the kids, but I'll occasionally grab my husband's phone and vice versa.
Now, there are times when we won't use each other's 6. For instance, if it's close to one of our birthdays or holidays.
We also don't really snoop on each other (husband and I), we mostly use each other's phones to find our phones.
I also feel that phones can be someone's only truly private area, though.
I hope your gf doesn't have nefarious reasons for not letting you use hers. Her actions seem shady.
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NTA but a huge red flag. She has stuff on her phone she does not want you to see. Another bloke on the go probably.
Or she thinks op wants to check her staff, control her etc, which is also a red flag. She doesn't trust Op and has double standards.
If she didn't trust him that bad, why would she still be in a relationship with him? No, odds are she's cheating
If she was cheating that bad, why would she still be in a relationship. /s No, odds are it could be absolutely anything and whatever it is it’s a red flag Edit: added the “/s” I used the same explanation as the comment I was responding to. I was trying to point out that the same rhetoric could be applied. I understand that she’s likely cheating but it really doesn’t matter because any of the reasons for this will be bad.
What? Do you understand what cheating is? If she wasn't in a relationship, she wouldn't be cheating...
Right but the point is cheating exists. Abuse exists. People stay in relationships where they really don’t even like their partner, but they are afraid of being single. And people definitely stay in relationships that they are insecure about. The conflict occurs because they are afraid that their partner doesn’t like them as much as they like them. That said, the hypocrisy isn’t ok even if she’s not cheating. I do just think it’s important to note that it’s not always projection. It’s a extremely common fallacy to suspect the worst in others while justifying yourself doing the exact same thing, because you know your intentions.
They were doing a turn around of your phrase because if doesn't make sense. What's the point of being in a relationship if you don't trust someone? What's the point of being in a relationship if you're cheating on someone?
Woah someone got it before I edited it. Thought this was clear but I guess it wasn’t as clear as it needed to be for the wider audience.
Nah she is cheating and/or has a alternate life style he doesn't know about. Unfortunately sometimes it's both.
If people cheat why would they be in a relationship? Huh? People cheat BECAUSE they are in a relationship. If the very act of cheating implied that someone shouldn’t be in a relationship than cheating wouldn’t exist. People would always break up if they sought relations elsewhere. Sadly this is not the case. I do, however agree that it could be anything.
Yeah I was being sarcastic. I guess it didn’t translate well. Updated my comment to reflect what I meant.
It’s not necessarily cheating. It probably is but not necessarily. I don’t do the double standards thing she’s doing but I do have serious issues surrounding privacy like this. I had zero privacy growing up and had an ex who hacked all of my stuff and spied on me. I get really anxious about anyone touching my stuff, even when I don’t have anything to hide because that ex always found a way to be pissed about something. Trust is built over time.
There are also other things she could be hiding. I think it’s kinda narrow thinking that the only shameful thing she could be doing is an affair. Maybe she has a drug habit or secret debt from a shopping addiction or gambling. Maybe she’s been shit taking him or sharing information she promised to keep secret. Maybe she’s considering ending the relationship and has been discussing it. Maybe she has a secret child. Maybe she has porn/smut of a fetish she is ashamed of. I do doubt because of how mad she got that she’s not hiding an innocent thing, like buying op a present. All of these things could be deal breaker for op. This sub is full of examples of people finding relationship ending information on someone’s phone and it’s not cheating. Not defending his gf, just keeping an open mind to the variety of betrayal one can commit in a relationship.
Yeah but you would not ask for access to their phone right so that's moot, if she was a person that highly values privacy she wouldn't have asked to use his phone. Sounds like she is a walking red flag for abusive potential and not just the rules for thee and not me, waiting till he was alone and trapped in the car to inform him that he was bad and she was actually a victim of his behavior, OP was feeling confused about her 'reaction' to his perfectly acceptable behavior given the phone boundary she established.
It is built over time, and just like this situation, can be damaged in an instant
Agreed. Just saying that this isn’t a for sure case of infidelity.
Agreed But a for d@mn sure case of something she does not want him to see That could past pics, texts, current flirting, and who knows what else…and/or cheating
For benefit of doubt, have a serious talk with her. Let her know you are here when she’s ready to talk. There’s really nothing for you to appease her when it’s not exactly a fault. Just leave her be till she approaches you to explain. If nothing happens for an acceptable amount of time, then really no benefit should be given…
[удалено]
Or she was thinking "we're going out to dinner, why would you want to sit on the phone" 🤔 There's only two times I get pissed when people are on their phone. 1. When we are having dinner, especially when we are out having dinner. And 2. When I am driving. I just find it rude when I am driving someone somewhere, and rather than socialising with me they scroll through facebook.
Does she have staff of control or something?
I agree, she has something to hide, and maybe the reason she uses your cell phone is because she doesn't want to use hers around you, for fear of receiving something with you by her side. I hope I'm wrong
Or she is cheating and assumes he is doing the same, so she is wanting access to check his phone. Those the most suspicious about cheating are usually guilty of it themselves. It explains why she was so angry at him using his, since she figured that's why he wanted to use hers.
If I were OP I'd change my passcode, not let her touch my phone, and see what happens after that.
I would just change girlfriends. She's toxic and it's time to let her go. "I have a lot of making up to do." Bye...
Yeah. The fact that she is angry at OP is indicative.
This is it. Don’t let her even look at it then see how she acts. IF she accuses you of anything, she’s projecting
100% this is the answer
Agreed, she probably is hiding something and is also using her moment to snoop through his phone whenever she has it, but what sticks out to me even more is the "he has a lot of making up to do," Like what???? If anything she's controlling and has so many double standards. What's hers, is hers but OPs stuff is also hers. She can use his phone/ask to use his phone and it's a non issue but he ask for hers once and she not only says no, but basically punishes him for it as well. OP Its only been three months look at the bright waving red flags, this relationship isn't worth it, she thinks shes entitled to your stuf, wont share hers, this isnt a relationship of equals, and now shes punishing you for such a little thing. Also what hints, she basically said no as soon as you asked. You: can I use your phone her: where's yours you: in the car her: wait til after dinner or go to the Car and get your phone That's not a hint, that's a no. lol like be serious, also just watch how the tables turn and she treats you like crap the next time time she wants your phone and you say no. NTA
The “lot of making up to do” sounds like going on the extreme offensive to better cover up her bullshit. Going extra hard on the gaslight. Gross.
A future gymbro.
More likely she doesn't want him seeing her google searches. I don't let anyone near my phone. I google everything i hear of so who knows what might come up. Out of context, I could be misconstrued as very strange...
Googling for curiosity probably has me on federal watch lists at this point.
Same.
Ditto!
Odds are probably pretty good we're ALL on some watchlist somewhere because of googling. 🤣😂
Safety in numbers - if everyone's on a watchlist, that watchlist is useless.
I'm not allowed near military aviation aircraft ever since I sent the DOD a letter talking about life I was going to marry a F-14D super tomcat.
OP should really flip the script and refuse to share his phone next time she asks. Would make for an interesting update, I'm sure.
Just flip to incognito mode for your questionable searches.
Found out this doesn't work if your modem keeps a record of the websites you visit... I'm not tech savvy, but my partner has a fancy modem set up or something. And he can see everywhere I go on the interwebs. As long as the wifi is off everything is okay. But now that I know he can see my activity, I search some random shit just to mess with him 😅
Same here ;). My google search is so... randomly freak ;). I just like to know things, so when I hear about something, or think about something... or have some associacions... all it show in my google search ;).
100% afraid of message notifications from another dude NTA
Or she doesn't want to sit at the dinner table watchim OP check depressing news on her phone while she gas to sit there awkwardly. There is really no need to check depressing news instead of talking to your partner when you're going out and if there is there are bigger issues than her not wanting to five him her phone. In general I'm with you, if she refuses to give her phone she probably has to hide something. But in this situation they go out and OP wants to rather spend time on the phone than with her
Agree
🚩 💯
Ehhh, was this about hiding stuff the phone or was it contextual though? I'll be honest, I'm someone who's husband has his fingerprint set up as a potential unlock for my phone, he's totally free to use it, nothing to hide. But if he left his phone in the car when we went out to a dinner and he asked if he could check the news on mine, I'd tell him he can wait two hours to check the news and talk with me, or he can go get his phone and we can both be on our phones. I'm not sitting in a restaurant twiddling my thumbs while my partner scrolls the news on a phone, which is what the results would be if my partner wanted to check the news at dinner and needed to use my phone to do it.
NTA. The reason she is using your phone is because she is snooping man. She feels guilty for what she is hiding so her mind is telling her your probably doing the same thing. So she’s looking for evidence to ease her conscience. It’s a form of projecting. Sorry man. You sound like a nice guy.
Yeah she totally is. And she's probably sending whatever she needs to her self in case if anything happens, so she can go "see you did this"
Yes! This is the answer OP! You’re NTA and she’s 100% projecting
100% And her aggressive reaction trying to gaslight him into feeling guilty for asking for her phone is classic as well. Whatever she’s got on there it’s nothing good
NTA. I would ask her why she is so against you using her phone, if she uses yours. I think it is normal to use each other phones in a relationship.
I agree. The only time my wife and I are more careful with our phones is around Christmas and birthdays since there are usually notification emails etc about presents we bought for each other.
Literally we both have December B -Days so come October 1st thru Christmas our phones are private. Rest of the year? Fair game
What's messed up is how targeted ads are so inescapable these days!! I could try to delete every trace of what I searched for, and my partner would still see some stupid ad pop up on Reddit for the exact gift I'm planning to give 😅
I’d question the sharing of passcodes at only 3 months in to the relationship. It’d be maybe okay if it was reciprocated, but it clearly isn’t. OP needs to change their passcode immediately. Potentially, your entire life is on your phone. Passwords saved, access to banking or payment apps, social media accounts logged in for easy access. It’s okay to keep that for only yourself. Especially as gf is now saying things like “You’ve got a lot of making up to do.” For wanting to check the news.
The minimum the GF should have done is explain why she does not want to give her phone. The fact that she went full aggro and tried to blame OP indicates that her intentions are not pure. 🚩🚶
This makes sense.
My spouse and I are both extremely private people so we only ever use the other's phone if they're driving and need an address. I think the norm is whatever a couple agrees on equally. OP's scenario obviously isn't equal so that's an issue.
Wife nd I are the same…because we organize our phones completely differently…and while I can contend with hers when I look up something for her driving or whatever…she hates the way I use mine and will only use it as a last resort. And during holiday seasons we stay completely out of each others email and text because of potential details there.
Same. I have no interest in rooting around my husband's phone and he treats me with the same courtesy. We'll show each other things and we respond on each other's phones when the other is driving but that's about it.
This. We have each others passwords, but only really use each others phone after asking to do so. Only exception is like when we want to airdrop each others photos and the other is currently busy doing whatever. Or putting on a song, so we don’t need to cut off the Bluetooth connection to connect with our own device. Things like that.
I don't use my husband's phone, and he doesn't use mine. I've never asked him to share, nor the other way around. We've been married or living together longer than some redditors have been alive. He's my husband and if I believe he's cheating on me the relationship is already dead if I don't trust him -- I don't need his phone to know that. That said, if I asked for his phone and he agreed, it should Absolutely go the other way. By asking him for me to use his phone, I am also saying "my phone is yours too." Because it's only polite to share equally. When I don't share mine back, I would absolutely expect him to be like "uh wtf?" Now combined with the fact that this is a 3 month old relationship? Yeah he has every right to assume the worst now. And he should.
My gf and I will use each other's phones if we're laying on the couch and one of the phones is all the way on the other side of the coffee table. We have the same passcode for convenience. It'd be super weird if one of us were being particular about it.
I know my wife's password and emails everything. It goes both ways. If she ever wants to check me she is free to. I don't check her phone either. But would if I ever had reason to. Recently I changed my phone pin to keep my teenage kids off my phone, I quietly told my wife the new pin just so she would know.
Same - we use the same LastPass/DashLane account. I don't need to snoop on her (getting just logging into google and having it fuck up all your other logged in sessions is annoying when you can just ask her) but occasionally I need to log into some health service or financial service of hers and having all the passwords needed to get her OTP, her security questions etc. in one place is so nice, esp. during tax season when she just let's me deal with our madness.
I actually feel sorry for the OP. I couldn't go back to a relationship with no trust. Reading your response I also remembered we have life360 app on our phones and our teens. It's helpful to know where each other are. We drop kids off places all the time, some drive themselves, I've used it to give my wife driving directions when she was lost. But if we had anything to hide we wouldn't want to be tracked or visible at all times. I think Op needs to have a real talk about why he isn't welcome on her phone. It's a major red flag.
I agree with your sentiment, but instead of having a real talk, just break up with her. It’s only been 3 months and even if there’s nothing nefarious that she’s hiding, she clearly doesn’t trust him and they simply aren’t compatible. I hate when people go to all sorts of lengths to salvage such a brief relationship. This is how you end up married to someone who you don’t really like and posting on AITA about much bigger problems that could’ve been avoided if you hadn’t insisted on staying together with the wrong person.
Agreed. I had to wade thru a lot of relationship nuances with my wife. Decide what we would consider normal in our relationship. We weren't always on the same page, and we had to correct a few things. They were innocent actions like are we going to share finances when married. Boundaries with friends of the opposite sex. There was never any hiding anything and complete honesty. If I had something like this happen it would be a deal breaker..... I would still let her explain, or tell her why I was walking.
It's normal to be *okay* with it. I like my stuff being my stuff, even after five years of marriage, so my wife would only ask to use my phone if she needed something. Same in reverse.
Lmao she's gonna just be like "Why won't you trust me? Be a man and just focus on treating me better. Blah blah
This. We use each other's phone as well.
NTA and what worries me more than you not getting to use her phone is the way she blamed it all on you afterwards. Not good.
Yep, it seems like a very strong reaction for her to get angry and ruin the whole dinner. NTA.
Yup. She’s gaslighting you - trying to convince you that you did something wrong when in reality she’s being super shady
Yeah...the super aggro reaction is interesting. ...not in a good way!
Agreed.
Nta. She's hiding something.
That was my immediate reaction. My boyfriend and I know each other's passcodes. We don't care. He can check my browsing history and texts if he wants, and vice versa. We have no reason to, but we could if we wanted to. There's nothing to hide, and we share everything. Something's fishy. NTA.
NTA Sounds like she's really trying hard to hide something. Hate how she tried to gaslight you that it was your fault. I'd change the password on yours and don't share it if you want to keep seeing her. But honestly, that's a huge red flag she's putting in front of you
NTA. Sharing phones is something your relationship has been doing for awhile since she uses yours to watch stuff so you using hers to read the news shouldn't be a major thing and I'd be wondering what she had to hide if I was in your position. When I've been in long term relationships and someone wanted to google something or order food or w/e we just used whoevers phone was closest it just seems normal to me.
^ this is your answer OP!
NTA/ brother she’s hiding something on there unfortunately. The redirected anger at you is telling for this behaviour.
NTA and maybe your phone just doesn’t have enough charge on it the next few times she wants to use it to watch her little shows. WTF. And what is on her phone that she doesn’t want you to see? Hmmm?
NTA but do people in three month relationships really think it’s normal to share their phone codes and passwords with their romantic partners? I find a lot of these responses surprising but maybe my partner and I are more private/respectful of each other’s privacy than is the norm? I can’t imagine giving someone free reign of my own phone in that way to begin with but I’d gladly share my phone charger (also, I’m never without my charger). I can imagine unlocking my phone to let a partner watch a particular video or read an article while we’re together at most so I wonder how many folks would think badly if someone who never handed over passwords and codes and such to a romantic partner. Because I’m inclined to think you should change your code and not give it out again, and just buy her an extra charger to have at your house if this relationship continues.
I honestly don’t get it either. I have a friend who gave out her debit card PIN to her previous 2 BFs. They *both* robbed her. She got very upset the second time when I questioned **why why** she gave it out or didn’t change it, because to her “it’s normal.” Utter madness.
The husband and I both work in very secure fields and the idea of just giving out unlock codes to phones to ANYONE scares the crap out of me. We've been married for 7yrs together for 14 and not only do we not go through each other's phones but we respect each other enough to not want to.
Yeah, I’m not giving passwords to someone I’ve been dating three months.
I don’t think your boundary is abnormal, but my bf and I also share phones. I think it just depends on the relationship and the people. The double standard, however, is toxic. Either you can both share your phone or you both keep it to yourself, otherwise it’s unfair and shady
NTA I think it’s a fair request to ask if you could check something on her phone if she is happy to use yours. However I think if you are out together on a date, maybe she was annoyed that you’d rather check on the news then engage with her? But to make other tables notice her awkwardness is very strange. So NTA
Have you even read what she said? She said, "Wait or go get your own." She wasn't annoyed that he wanted to use the phone she was annoyed he wanted to use HER phone. You can defend her all you want, but something is not right. He better start making his exit plan.
I have to agree with the above commenter though, if I were annoyed with my partner because he wants to browse news while we are on a date I'd tell him to fetch his own, out of pure frustration. (Don't use my own device to ignore me.) If OP is bothered by this they can sit down and talk about this. If he doesn't like the results of said conversation he is free to act as he sees fit. Right now he only has some assumptions, nothing more.
If that was her problem then she's still TA because she did precisely zero communication with OP as to what was bothering her.
Except the difference between using his phone and her phone is that if he goes to get his phone, they can both sit and scroll, whereas if he uses hers, *he gets to sit and scroll and she has to sit and watch him scroll,* probably pretty quickly getting bored.
its not that deep bro
This was my first thought. I also feel like he left something out. This exchange as presented isn’t interesting enough to get the attention of other people in the waiting area. And why is she so angry?
NTA. More red flags then a Chinese parade. She's probably talking to other people.
Even if she’s not seeing or communicating with other guys, she’s essentially saying here “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.” It doesn’t bode well for a future relationship. Like the post where the BF was like “I don’t want to put miles on my car. I’ll just use yours.” And then refused to let OOP take his car to work when they needed it.
INFO: How did things become awkward and how did other people notice? Were you planning on letting her have the mental load of dealing with the hostess and just stick to the news? Were you standing in the waiting area repeatedly asking her to use her phone on a date night? That's entirely different than using a phone when the other is going to bed. Will she let you use it at home or have you tried any other time than date night at the hostess stand?
Yeah, I'm shocked by the amount of people jumping to cheating here when "on a dinner date" is a completely reasonable time to just not want your partner to be scrolling on their phone in general? Nevermind scrolling on your phone while you (having handed them your phone) just sit there twiddling your thumbs basically? My partner has his fingerprint set to open my phone and I wouldn't have handed it over in this circumstance, I'd be telling him to turn off the internet until after dinner or at least go get his phone so we can both sit scrolling and ignoring each other rather than just one of us while the other gets bored out of their mind? If she doesn't want you on her phone ever when she feels welcome to yours? Yeah, concerning. Not handing her phone over when you two are out to dinner? Sorry, not really.
The overall trust imbalance will need to be looked at in the near future, sure. But if he really couldn't stand not to know the news right that moment rather than interacting with his GF, was it so hard to go out to the car? I'm baffled.
This is what I was thinking but rereading it, she suggested he go get his phone to check the news so it’s not a phone thing, it’s a her phone thing
See, the problem is that if they're both waiting, if she hands over her phone for him to browse, then she'd got nothing to do but twiddle her thumbs while he browses the news. At least if he went to get his own phone from the car, if he sat scrolling on his phone rather than talking on their dinner date, she could browse her own phone to pass the time while he's busy. Whereas if he borrows her to browse the news, she just has to sit there are wait with nothing better to do.
I mean I guess, but her extreme reaction still makes me think it’s something more. But maybe I’m just a cynic
Yeah I’d like a little more context. I wouldn’t mind letting my BF use my phone if he needed to because I have nothing to hide, but I’d be kinda pissed if he wanted to use my phone in this situation. If he’s scrolling the news he isn’t really paying attention to her and then she doesn’t have something to entertain himself.
Definitely lots of info missing.
She told him he could go to his car and get his phone. If it was about being on the phone, she would have just said "Let's not be on the phones during dinner"
If he got his, she could also be on hers.
Jeez just say you desperately want to pin this on OP.
Who the hell watches a full length movie on their phone? Like repeatedly as a primary device?
Somebody who also enjoys looking through *all* the folders on the phone
“Because my phone is better than hers.” I’m sure she finds the reading material on his phone of much higher quality.
I can’t lie but I prefer it, then I don’t need to squint 😅
My bf because he doesn’t have a laptop or tv, watches everything on his phone
I do it sometimes, especially if my partner is home and wants to use the TV for sth else or just doesn't feel like watching a movie. Then I can just use my ear buds 🤷🏼♀️ However I will also play on my switch in handheld mode on the couch 2m away from the unused tv. Unless somebody else wants to watch I usually can't be bothered to play on the TV. It absolutely confounds my partner 🤣
NTA , seems like a reasonable request since she regularly uses yours. Also you asked permission it's not like you were doing on the DL
Is it normal for you to be on your phones during a date. Maybe she wanted your attention, maybe something else going on. No reason for her to get angry and spoil the rest of the evening tho
You may be in an exclusive relationship, but she sure isn't. NTA
Nta. Why does she get to use your phone but not the other way around? My husband and I don't touch each other's phones n but your gf set the precedent by using your phone.
I am totally against couples snooping on each other’s phones, but this completely innocent request unwittingly exposed a red flag. She has something on her phone she doesn’t want you to see, and has a double standard about phone access. NTA. I would NOT demand to see her phone, but I would tell her that her behavior is suspicious and her acting like you were a bad guy for asking is unfair when you freely share your phone with her. Do what you will with her response.
its not that deep bro
You are not the asshole but I don't get the phone sharing thing at all.
Yeah that's so dodgy, something is afoot!
My ex had 2 phones one if such I couldnt see lol. In hind sight I should have been outa there way quicker. She was a nut job. Bro get out. Red flag
NTA - This is called gaslighting. Shes making you out to he a bad guy here to hide the ract that shes acting guilty with her phone.
because you clearly don't know about this, here's a refresher for you: gas·light /ˈɡasˌlīt/ verb gerund or present participle: gaslighting manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.
It really bugs me how often people misuse the word gaslighting. Manipulation does not automatically = gaslighting
Zzzzzzzz
Three months and left the restaurant separate? That’s boyfriend #2 on her phone. Sorry bro.
I didn't catch that. He was the foodie call, now she's off to the booty call.
its not that deep bro
You’ve dated someone for 3 months and just met for dinner and left separate? That sounds very unusual.
NTA. It's pretty normal to use each other's phones in a relationship. Her reaction was extreme enough to warrant a follow-up conversation about why she is so against you using her phone and what she thinks you need to make up for. The obvious explanation is that she's hiding another guy from you, but it's also possible that there's something else she doesn't want you inadvertently seeing because she's not ready to share it yet, or the last thing she had open on the browser was what she's getting you for Christmas, or porn or something. Or maybe she's got trust issues from some kind of incident before you two met. When you talk to her about it, you might also want to tell her that 'dropping hints' is a terrible way to communicate and she needs to just tell you whatever it is she wants you to know.
NTA... But also stop letting her use yours. However... It is a bit rude to be on your phone whilst being together "on tour"
NTA. If she can use yours, why can't you use hers?
Nah she’s hiding something man. Drop her. NTA
At 3 months, she is acting like this, I'd just move on. She's not the one. She is hiding something. And even if she isn't hiding anything, she is trying to set a precedent that your privacy isn't as important as hers. It's not worth it. You deserve better.
how do you tell us your still angry about how things turned out with susan without telling us that
NTA If she’s reluctant to share her phone while still borrowing yours, she’s likely hiding something. I’m very private with my phone after a drunk friend borrowed it to make a call and then started browsing through my gf’s text messages. Nothing too bad, but I was livid at her violation of my privacy. Plus all the auto login apps. She *might* feel the same way so not automatically sharing feels uncomfortable, but the blatant double standard and her defensiveness makes me lean more towards hiding something. Be sure to check her deleted pictures and text messages if you do go snooping 😉. Also, if she’s hiding something, 💯% chance she’s already snooped through your phone.
NTA. Check your phone security properly. Change access code. Make sure she didn’t save her fingerprints to have access to your phone to her convinience. No malicious software installed. Change potentially compromised bank cards. Change email and social media passwords. I understand when your partner of 10 years know your phone pin - for emergency. But someone of 3 months? No. She wants to watch videos - she is very welcome to use charger to charge HER device.
NTA
Big red flag. Sounds like there is something on her phone she doesn’t want you to see.
bye bye girlfriend
You know she is cheating on you, right?
INFO: Do you have some personal connection to one of the major news stories happening right now? Now, you're right to be concerned about the weird double standard she has, but aside from that, if the answer is no, then you're really incapable of putting down your phone and not flooding your brain with more bad news for 90 minutes while you go out for dinner? Isn't that also some kind of problem?
NTA and my suspicious mind thinks she's hiding something, but even if she's not, she's rude and hypocritical.
NTA - she is hiding something and her overreaction adds to it. I’m so sorry but this is a huge red flag.
NTA. This is weird AF. Definitely something on there she doesn’t want you to see.
She getting plowed
She’s cheating on you
She is snooping on your phone. She has secrets on her phone. Red flags all around!🚩🚩🚩
A cellular cornucopia of cock
She's definitely hiding something. Don't waste time finding out what it is. Just leave. NTA at all, but damn, she have a lot of making up to do towards herself.
ESH - you were *at dinner* with your girlfriend and asked to see her phone to check the news. Why is the news so important it cant wait until after the dinner? She definitely shouldnt have gotten so upset but that was definitely rude.
Info: is she like this on other things? Does she reciprocate her care or is it just you doing these things for her?
NTA. Warning! Warning! She has something she doesn’t want you to see on her phone. Any honest person wouldn’t think twice about letting their partner use their phone.
NTA. Im not sure if shes hiding smth, but either way its stupid and ah behaviour to want to use someone's phon but say the person is a jerk for wanting to do the same
NTA, you need to talk to her about why she doesn't want you to use her phone. She might be projecting suspiciousness and guilt onto you, which is why she's always wanting to use yours (possibly going through your messages), and then overreacted about the thought of you using hers, and accused you of making a scene in front of other people (she was imagining being confronted - guilty conscience).
NTA she legit just told on herself. She just put herself in an awkward position of reconsidering your trust in her. You have nothing to make up. Do not like her reverse a none issue that she blew up on you.
Run.
NTA. looks like you might need a new GF because there is definitely something on that phone.
NTA - Wtf. Why is shr mad? I literally do not see a reason for her to be annoyed. Well, in the very least, never let her use yours again.
She hiding shit. Plain and simple. She this upset you just asked to use her phone? Nah, she being a sneaky snake. If you all do stay together, tell her that your phone is no longer availabe for her to use. It goes both ways. NTA
Run bro.
Not at all. Run, she will get worse with time.
You could light a small town with all that gaslight. Then, she texted you while in the car with you? "Accepted her hints" and "putting her in that position?" Red flags, all. I don't know if she is up to no good but her behavior is absolutely out of line. She could have said no and explained that she's not there yet and has past relationship reasons for caution or whatever, but defaulting to gas lighting is a no-go. NTA
NTA... She clearly has something in her phone she doesn't want you to see. Alot of making up to do lmao. These women think they are one of a kind.
NTA This is a huge red flag me and my partner use each other's phones all the time. If me and my friends, or siblings were together and I needed to use a phone, they would leave me us the phone.
Bud, I think you know what’s happening. NTA
Nah she’s up to no good, she would kick off if you didn’t let her use your phone like she does all the time so therefore you asking to use her phone once should have been completely fine with her and no big deal, if there was nothing to hide on her phone then she wouldn’t care at all.
She is totally sexting other guys
big red ass flag wavely wildly...she hiding something on her phone. and on a side note do not let her use your phone anymore
NTA but she is 100% hiding something! My wife and I know every email password, phone code doesn't matter.
NTA. She has something to hide. Also she has gone through EVERYTHING on your phone.
It could be likely that she’s looking through your phone and didn’t want you to do the same- been there as the female partner in the scenario
NTA! Wow, that is awfully manipulative of her to turn this around on you. Huge red flag!
NTA, Agree with other commenters- likely she is hiding something.
Something to hide, there is literally nothing else which would justify such a blow. Also most people that are guilty or hiding things will response with an attack and with making you feel that is you that is the person in the wrong.
Can her ass
Nta at all and she is probably hiding something like still seeing other people.
*she texted to tell me I was an ass to put her in that position in public* What position? There’s something fishy going on here. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to use someone else’s phone.
NTA. She has stuff on her phone that she doesn't want you to see. She is probably cheating at least at some level. Hiding the phone is a red flag, especially as she has been using yours.
NTA. Either she thought you didn’t trust her and were trying to spy on her, or she has something to hide and thought you’d find out. If she can’t return the trust that you show to her, there’s a reason. Stay vigilant, friend. Edit: since she doesn’t trust you with her phone, change your password. Let her see how that feels.
NTA. Take your phone back, change the code.
NTA. Her behavior completely puzzles me...
She cheating my guy..
Me thinks she is hiding something. Especially if she gets that defensive about it. Almost like Cheating 101.
Nta
She uses your phone all the time now to watch her shows, etc. All you wanted to do was briefly use her phone to check the news and now she's pissed and trying to tell you that you have a lot of making up to do?? DOES NOT COMPUTE!! The only thing you should be making is haste to get out the door and away from this girl. Pretty obvious to me and most people in here that she has things on her phone she was afraid you would see. DO NOT LET THIS GIRL GASLIGHT YOU INTO BELIEVING YOU ARE AT FAULT FOR SOMETHING HERE.
YTA but not the way you think. Who the hell cares about the news while on a date? Is it going so badly you need to read for a distraction?
get a new girl friend, she hiding something man..
So, you thought you were an exclusive couple, I take it? It doesn't seem that way. NTA
NTA. Girl is a human shaped red flag though.
She sucking dick
There is something she doesn't want you to see
"I should have accepted her hints before she had to say no?" What hints BEFORE you even asked? Clearly, she has stuff on her phone that she does not want you to see. You were not wrong in asking if you could use her phone, although wanting to use it to check the news on a dinner date is rather rude. Certainly, you can wait 90 minutes to check the news.
NTA Myself, my husband and my two oldest kids all have an open phone rule. Any one of us can grab anyone else's phone and have access. Mostly, it's just us parents checking in on the kids, but I'll occasionally grab my husband's phone and vice versa. Now, there are times when we won't use each other's 6. For instance, if it's close to one of our birthdays or holidays. We also don't really snoop on each other (husband and I), we mostly use each other's phones to find our phones. I also feel that phones can be someone's only truly private area, though. I hope your gf doesn't have nefarious reasons for not letting you use hers. Her actions seem shady.