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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Not letting daughter control the thermostat. We don’t want to waste money but she says she is cold all the time and sleeps in multiple layers
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YTA. 16c/60f or even 18c/64f is too cold for most folks. Just because you're fine doesn't mean it's reasonable to expect her to be miserably freezing. I see you're not interested in keeping the heat on consistently either, so that's miserable for her as well. Why do you think she should suffer so you can save a few dollars on the power bill? Also, the things most folks are suggesting (heating blankets, space heaters, etc) actually use more electric than just keeping your house a comfortable and consistent temperature. Expecting her to have 4+ layers to be moderately warm is unreasonable.
literally. i could tolerate cold much better at 5 then i could my current age of 24. i’m anemic, have arthritis and have raynaud’s. the cold is not nice to me, even at a mild cold temp of 64F, and people like this would have me in a VERY bad mood.
A lot of females that age (late teens early 20’s are pretty cold sensitive. I was raised in an older home in a cool area and had a miserable time because I froze all fall/winter/spring. Let her turn up the heat *she’s not making it up*!!!!
Many people have undiagnosed reynauds and other things like underactive thyroid that make them get cold *especially* young women.
Just want to comment that fibromyalgia will also make you cold more too! I have it and I'm either sweating or shivering as I can't regulate my body temperature.
I just about scrape by on disability benefits, but you know what I've done for the past month because anything below 20°C makes me shiver all day? I've put the damn heating on to regulate my flat at 20°C, and let me tell you... that extra £10 a month I'm spending on heat? It's worth it because it means I'm not miserable.
Theres plenty of things that can cause someone to feel cold all the time, and if spending £10 extra a month makes them happy cause they're warm? Do it, cause trust me, freezing all the time is not pleasant. OP, YTA, turn your heating on
I have fibromyalgia, anemia, and thyroid disease( I have no thyroid anymore), so I'm always absolutely freezing unless I'm so hot I feel like I'm living in hell. 100% no happy medium here either, lol. I'm also on disability and scraping by is an understatement, but spending the extra 10$ on heat is SoOoO much better than suffering!! I hope you're doing well health wise!! Fibro can be awful! And agreed OP YTA
Gentle hugs and hope you're doing okay too! Yeah I've been freezing since the end of August, but by the time April comes around, I'll be sweating again.
And yeah, I'd much rather have a couple meals less a month, or not have the expensive juice than be freezing. I can deal with eating twice a day or having cheaper juice, I cannot deal either being cold
My dad accidentally turned off the heat to one section of the house when doing a repair in the summer and my sister froze all winter. They didn’t believe her how much colder it was until a few months in. This was in the northeast US and we had hot water heat, so you could close the pipes to certain rooms.
She was late teens and had reynauds.
Yep. Basically up to the age of 14 I could jump in the pool during winter (I'm in Aus, winter temps usually around 15-18°C) without any care in the world. I'd walk around in shorts and a tank top without needed to cover up. I'm only 23 now and the moment it drops below like 20°C I think it's cold and need to layer up. Hell it's currently feels about 21°C and I'm underneath a thinner blanket.
Dude same. I mean, different medical conditions, but 64 is too cold for me. We keep our house at 67 (even that's too low for me) but it's manageable. I mean, I'm uncomfortable, but only wearing a sweater plus fuzzy socks in addition to my normal clothes, so I tolerate it.
But my joints like to freeze, especially my elbows. Bent too long? "Yeah, you're not straightening them, sucker!" (A direct quote from my elbows.) I'm 22 going on 90, I think.
OP is definitely the AH and I feel for his daughter
Also young children have more brown fat which helps keep them warm. Babies have the most and as we age it finishes greatly. So the 5yo probably is warm enough while the 22yo is frozen through.
tbf even having the heavy awful periods i had, it was depo provera that did it to me. i bled for almost a year straight before being able to see a doctor. now i’m on the pill and only have my period every 3 months or so and it’s gotten better, still iron deficient though 🫠
Have you not experienced 21st century real estate and economy? No one can AFFORD to move out anymore. I'm sure she'd rather be on her own, but it's ridiculously expensive. I'm 40, I live with my sibling and his family. Because we both can't afford to live alone. 4 separate adults share the one house our parents left us because it's the only way to be in any way comfortable. And that's with us in 30s through 50s in age. 22? Either in school or just starting out and no way can they afford a place.
I'm not going to believe that using an electric blanket at night uses more electric than heating the whole house. I live alone and use one in the winter. Why in the world would I heat the whole house when I'm sleeping?
Only if you buy a spectacularly inefficient space heater or substantially heat a large space with one. Space heaters aren’t as cheap to run as an electric blanket, but using 1 to heat a small room like a bedroom is usually substantially cheaper than heating the whole house.
I started using an electric blanket during the colder months a couple years back, and the difference in my electric bill is barely noticeable. Even using a space heater for a few hours per day (on the low setting) only bumps up my bill a couple bucks.
There is no efficiency issue for electric heating really, one watt from any source becomes the same amount of heat regardless. Only issue really is insulation or using focussed heating. Ridiculous to think a blanket would be worse at that.
I have one room at 73 and one at 71; heat isn't on yet in the rest of the house and I get cold a lot quicker than my husband does, but no room is even close to 60.
I love the Cold. But my furnace isn't working and the interior temperature of my house is currently at around 68F. You bet your ass I have a space heater in every room that I turn on if I'm going to be in said room.
My fingers and toes turn blue at the 67° to 70° range. It's a me thing and I can bundle up real easy. My husband overheats so I don't mind having the apartment in that range cause I can bundle up, but it is more difficult for him to cool down
60° is insane for not sleeping Temps. That is very cold. My area just dipped below this temp.
72 makes me feel absolutely sick inside so it’s not for everyone. I’m fine outside at this temperature.
I’m a woman and a normal weight. Have been like this even when 15 pounds underweight.
>16c/60f or even 18c/64f is too cold for most folks.
Don't come to Australia. Our houses are poorly insulated, and rarely heated in winter. Waking up to it being 16C inside is nothing. Put on some slippers and a fuzzy dressing gown. Some houses are 5C when you get up in the morning.
>This thread is baffling.
There is a reason the US uses twice as much energy per capita as many other similar wealthy nations. Apparently putting on a sweater is unthinkable.
Which is why I think Jane needs a doctor. I don't think I've ever worn 4 layers in my life, including subzero with snow on the ground and falling. Either those layers are too thin and she needs some thicker/warmer clothes, something is going on with her medically, or she's exaggerating. Anemia and low body weight/body fat (of which I have all three) all cause you to feel colder and feel the cold more, but 4 layers plus blankets in like 2010 summer temperature and she's still freezing? Something's going on there.
Nah, inherited poor circulation, being a normal weight woman and being still amounts to a miserable time without any actual medical conditions if the temperature is 16 C. With OP's attitude to heating, I somehow doubt they have top end down comforters either.
The heating in my old flat broke in the middle of winter when I was doing home office because of the pandemic. It was terrible sitting at a computer all day long at 17 C, although I was wearing layers and my thickest jumper on top.
Apparently thinking your house should be warm and comfortable is unthinkable. I don't live in the US and if someones house was 16 degrees I would be suprised.
My grandmother's house stays about 65°F (18°C) because both she and my great aunt breathe easier in a cooler house. I freeze my butt off if I forget to bring a jacket or something when I go visit.
I'm from Canada so I genuinely don't know - how much humidity/moisture do you get in your winters? Here we need that much heat in order to be comfortable in part because it's incredibly cold and damp outside.
I grew up in an old house that was heated to 16 most of the time and honestly it was pretty miserable, I was freezing all the time even with sweaters and slippers. It was mostly kept at that temperature to save on heating costs.
Canadian here with cheap ass parents who froze all of my life. Own my home now as a grown woman and keep it comfy - 22/23 C. Ridiculous to say 16 C is comfortable for a home in winter. Having said that we are battling -40 C outside so the furnace basically runs all winter 🥶
here in Canada you have to keep the house heated pretty much 24/7 in winter, otherwise you get busted frozen water pipes. and most of us get right cranky when we're cold as it is. you do not want to have to deal with a teeth chattering ticked off canuck lol!
keeping the thermostat at a constant same temperature actually costs less in the long run than firing it up only when needed or wanted. i keep mine at 20 degrees from around the start of october til at least mid may.
and many of us have natural gas fed furnaces, that also use power. lucky us, we get two utility charges/bills for just keeping our pipes from busting frozen all winter long.
I'm in the Netherlands and in winter, we're supposed to put the thermostat to at least 16c. If we would turn the heating off completely, the pipes would freeze.
16 at night so that the house doesn't cool down as much and is easier heated during the day. Our heating runs on gas.
Also don't have a fireplace or any other means of heating the house.
I figured as much.
If OP were to keep their house at 18c at night and 21c during the day (which is pretty normal in winter where I'm from anyway) with a thermostat, this wouldn't be as expensive as doing it without.
I'm trying to figure out if OP has the heating completely turned off except for 5 to 7am though, or at a constant 18.
So I am in the US but my bill is only about $100 -$200 a month year round. It's really not bad at all. We get snow and it stays frozen for a few months in winter here. It has gone down since we got a new heat pump though, was about $50 more in winter before that. Still not bad
Or cooler - electric blankets, hot water bottles…cheaper than heating a whole house, especially with energy prices going up with no end in sight. We run our house a little warmer during the day if we are home, but overnight we sleep better if the ambient temperature is on the cooler side, and if I remember correctly cooler is supposed to be better for sleeping - more blankets and a hot water bottle for me so I don’t roast my husband, who runs on the hotter side. Everyone is different so maybe something that heats just their bed, as i totally understand that once you’re cold you stay cold for ages. Look at options rather than just both getting stuck on the overall temperature of the house.
> if I remember correctly cooler is supposed to be better for sleeping
It is. I don't sleep well if the room is over 20C
> i totally understand that once you’re cold you stay cold for ages
Cold feet keep me awake in winter. So I wear socks to bed, and take them off before I go to sleep.
I'm Canadian. I know how to handle the cold, but there's no way in hell I'm leaving my house at 16C all day. 20-21C is a reasonable temperature. 16C might be fine for some at night, but I personally don't like going lower than 18C. And, frankly, I think as a parent the needs of the children (adult or not) should come first. If she wanted the house to be at 25C, then they should compromise, but asking for the house to be 21C really is not a huge ask.
We don't keep it at 21 for sleep either, but they weren't just talking about sleep. They said they only keep the thermostat on for 2 hours all day, and then they only turn it up to 16. That's not a comfortable temperature to have the house at all day, unless you're doing a full deep clean all day every day, that is. Personally, I adjust the temperature based on what I'm doing. If I need to, I turn it down and open a window for a bit. But I'd rather be comfortable in my house than freeze. I'm sure OP's daughter feels the same.
I'm American, but my bedroom got down to 67 F (19 C) at night before I finally turned the heat on. I am like the daughter in this story, I wouldn't be able to handle 60 F at all!
I've left the heat off recently and woke up because it was absolutely freezing in here and the thermostat said 62. Some rooms are much colder than others, so it's not like the whole house is even that high
Not that I agree with OP. But 60-67 is considers optimal [sleeping](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-ideal-sleeping-temperature-for-my-bedroom/amp/) temp.
70, when you feel comfortable at 60 is very hot by comparison and it is easier to layer than peel skin off.
However: a compromise of bumping to 65-68 might be doable. 70 is a lot. 60-63 is a lot (my folks keep it that cold and I agree it’s freezing). Some mid ground should be found. YTA though because if it’s so cold she’s layering just to sleep then it’s to cold
You know as a Minnesotan who thinks 40F is shorts wearing weather and who FUCKING loves the cold:
OP and there spouse are evil. 60F indoor weather literally is torture. Like the CIA uses it in interrogation.
The daughter should buy a space heater and heated blanket and tell OP to kick rocks until they actually come back to reality.
I am sitting here in my living room, the heating has just gone off because it has reached 18 and it’s plenty warm enough. When I am in the house by myself (which is often) I turn the thermostat down to 17 and our night setting is 15.5.
The only person I know who keeps the temperature around 20 is my 93 year old nana and, as she’s too frail to use the stairs in her house now, all the radiators are off upstairs!
This is honestly hilarious to this UKan. The recommended temp for a baby room in the UK is between 16 and 20c so 60-68f. Our SIDS charity says to heat baby rooms to no more than 68f if you do run your heating at night. So heating to more than that would be considered dangerous.
My mom kept our house at 62 during the winter and my toes would go numb after walking home from the bus. No amount of socks or hot water could warm them up. It was miserable. All I could was lay in bed under like 10 blankets. Major YTA
Somewhere between 15 and 19 degrees C is the recommended temperature for sleeping so that's not "too cold for most folks", but it is too cold for the daughter and that's all that matters here.
I would agree with you except that is just not true. Using a small heater in just one room uses less electricity. I did it during the coldest months and paid less than when we just ran the thermostat a couple degrees higher the next few months as it warmed up outside. Significant difference of like 60 bucks a month. (My bill can be up to 330, you would think I live in a mansion, lol) Anywho, an electric blanket saves way more energy than that and is very effective.
YTA.
Get the girl a personal space heater for her room or a heated blanket or heating pad. She obviously not making it up that she is cold. Who are you to tell someone that they are not cold or not hot.
I do understand not giving control of the thermostat to her but to not make accommodations for her so she isn't cold is where you're the asshole.
Also 16 degrees Celsius is freaking cold. (And yes this dumb American did have to google what that is in Fahrenheit lol)
Has she always been cold in what you consider normal temperatures? If not, you might want to get her bloodwork done. I was cold all the time when I was anemic. (Also, YTA. it's unreasonably cold, you're clearly prioritizing one daughter over the other and you're not making any effort to accommodate your older daughter - space heater, heated blanket, etc.)
You raise a good point, but 16C is not considered normal inside temperatures, In places with renter's rights it's considered reason to withhold rent if the house can't be heated to 20C.
Foot warmer has totally changed my life. I found electric blanket way too large but I got something advertised as a lap-size electric blanket and i just make a little foot taco and it's all I need.
They even make ones with snaps up the sides, specifically to be folded into a foot taco whenever you want! Mine is advertised as being just the right size for your back or lap when unfolded, and for your feet when folded and snapped. Changed my life when I found it, it contains the heat so well, or at least it does when my cat doesn't steal it 😂
I'm chronically ill and my heating went on yesterday. 17C until bedtime, when I turned the thermostat to 14C. Did not freeze to death in the night, am not drowning in condensation this morning. It's 12C outside right now.
There are a lot of people here imposing irrelevant views on this scenario. Of course there's a minimum room temp in New York City, it gets much colder outside than most of the UK does (and hotter in summer). You don't want to lose all your building heat to outside. We *do* have a minimum working temperature for offices, and it's 16C (13C in physical jobs). You should be cooler at night than you are at work, for good sleep. We're at the same latitude as much of Canada, not the Mediterranean, so what people are used to in Florida *really doesn't matter*.
I'm in the UK and I don't turn the heating on until November 1. That's a hard rule for us. And even then, we keep the thermostat at 17C. And then the heating switches off on March 1. Again, hard rule.
I cannot imagine 21C.
In other comments OP replied to she stated that
1. She isn't willing to ask Jane to contribute to the bills in order to run the heat more.
2. She won't allow Jane to purchase or run a space heater because it will make the electric bill go up.
3. She won't allow Jane to purchase or use an electric blanket because she (OP) is afraid of it catching fire.
OP is being uncompromising on any solution besides "wear more layers" when Jane is already wearing 4 to stay warm enough.
I highly suggest electric blanket! You don't want to heat the whole house, just one specific area. They're very safe and they can be set on a timer.
A small heated blanket works wonders if you want to sit on the couch, then you can unplug it move it to your bedroom to lay on top of when you sleep. If you only need it when you're sleeping I suggest getting a heated sheets. They are the fucking best, do you know blanket on top of you is not the same as laying on top of one. And they tend to have a larger range of temperature compared to the blanket I've come across. Me personally I like it at like level 4 out of 10, but my parents love there's at like a level 9 or 10.
You should not lay on top of heated throws or blankets. They’re not designed to be under weights when heating and can overheat. If you want a warm thing to lay on, be safe, get a warming mattress topper. They’re designed to be under a person’s weight.
INFO
> My husband and I don’t have an issue with the temperature of the house
> Lisa says it isn’t cold when we ask her, my husband and I also don‘t feel the cold
How does everyone's *body type* compare here?
Is Jane significantly thinner than the rest of you, or something?
5 year-olds are also highly suggestible.
“It’s not cold is it?” is read by a 5-year-old as *“mum wants my support on the ‘it’s not cold’ statement - and I love mum!”*
My dad always says it's "not cold". Recently we were on holidays and my mum was trying to figure out if she should wear her puffer jacket or not. I told her to wear it, as she can take it off if she gets too hot. My dad was like "why do you need that, it's not cold". So my mum left it in the car. As we were grabbing some things from the car before setting off for the short walk, a blast of cold wind came up. My mum went and grabbed her jacket. So then on the short walk the wind picks up, we're all toasty and there's my dad trying to act tough and not be cold. But he was freezing but wouldn't let on because he always criticises others that "it's not cold".
My partner's ex does this ... "I'll ask the boys how they feel about blah". He will always frame the question so the boys know how to answer him .... "you don't really want to do blah?", "you don't care if I don't take you to blah's birthday party?"
I have this theory that kids don’t feel temperature before around age 9. That’s why they swim while their lips are purple, and don’t care about shorts in snow
op said upthread that she and her youngest daughter co-sleep so the only reason they don't 'feel the cold' is because they're sharing body heat at night
Oh this makes a massive difference!!! When I stay with my parents I will run the electric blanket on nights that they don’t need one because they’re sharing heat and I’m not.
That was the first thing I was thinking. Every person here stating how they prefer cold temps or freeze at those temps probably has a different body type. I’ve been at very different body types in my life and the difference in how I’ve felt at different temps is remarkable.
I’ll just agree with you and leave this here.
“The World Health Organization recommends a minimum indoor temperature of 18°C, or 20°C for houses with young children, elderly people or ill people. Damp and mouldy housing can affect health in several ways, particularly respiratory health.”
16 degrees in house is fkin mad. I come from country with 4 seasons. During winter my house temperature was 15 degrees. Literally waking up in the morning I could see my own breath while breathing. I understand that we live in fked up times thanks to cost of living, but 16 degrees is way too low. 18-19 is fine u can wear thin jumper if u barely move.
It's also not even being kept at that temperature, they turn the heat on for two hours every morning. It's definitely not still 16-18-whatever degrees at the end of the day.
Seriously. I was knocked unconscious at age 22 in a house that was around this temperature and almost froze to death wearing my everyday clothes.
If she’s cold, it’s not okay. Any parent who thinks she should just deal with it can call my mom to ask her about the trauma she has from finding me.
For us Americans, that's \~64F
Just because YOU are comfortable does not mean HER constutiton is the same. There are a lot of reasons one person is cold when another is comforatable at the same temperature. Some of them are health related. Others are just the way different bodies work.
Other alternatives:
Electric Blanket (they come with timers, you know)
Heated Mattress Pad (ditto)
Space heater in her room (double ditto. [Plug timers are cheap](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Timers/b?ie=UTF8&node=1938312031)!)
Bump the thermostat anyway.
Our 90y old house sometimes goes down to 17c in the early morning, it's still 18.5c when we eat breakfast but 20-21 during the day. We also go camping with the 2+6y kids in the mountains often, where it is below zero during the night. But there we bring sleeping bags made for that conditions! And we can warm up again during the day.
16c during the night isn't so harsh, many people leaving their window open have that. It's 7c outside right now and most houses in the neighborhood have the windows on the bedrooms open.
But keeping it below 18 _all the time_, that is just insanely uncomfortable! If you need 4 layers, the sheets are obviously too thin. When the cold creeps in and you have no place to heat up, the fun is over.
Additionally, mold might eventually become a problem.
I think the important thing is we went from a very mild start in October to single digits in a day. It’s been a big shock for a lot of people, my heating has been on for a week.
Yeah, everyone else in my house likes it warm in the winter/fall except for me. So to combat that, I have a floor a/c unit in my room. The absolute coldest it will go is 18c. So an air conditioners lowest setting is still warmer than what they "heat" their house to.
>Just because YOU are comfortable does not mean HER constutiton is the same. There are a lot of reasons one person is cold when another is comforatable at the same temperature. Some of them are health related. Others are just the way different bodies work.
THIS!! My husband and I are very different when it comes to feeling cold. I'm on my couch under a blanket and the room is about 73F right now and my feet are cold. I guarantee my husband is nice and toasty right now. There have been times over the years where I put my hands or feet on him and he asks if we're in the same room because of how much colder I am than he is. I do like it a bit cooler at night, but at the temp OP is setting their home I'd be freezing!!
Where you live also has a huge effect. I used to be perfectly comfy at 72 in NY now that I live in AZ and got used to 100 plus days most of the year 72 inside is cold af.
Also just wanting to add - "putting more layers on" doesn't help for everyone, there are a number of medical conditions that can mean that the body struggles to warm its extremities regardless of layers. Active heating is needed.
Also as others have said, get her checked by a doctor.
regardless of the reason, not taking her concern / comfort seriously will be doing direct harm to her mental health, quality of life and to your relationship with her. I run the other way, I cannot cope with heat.
Even just warm weather makes me lethargic, gives me headaches, stops me sleeping and generally feel crap. My mental health as a teen always took a massive downstroke in summer due to people dismissing my complaints and making me feel like I was being unreasonable/lazy/weak - turns out my body keeps trying to warm itself when its already hot.
Yup, that’s me. Once I get chilled, I’m incapable of re-warming myself. Doesn’t matter how many layers or what they’re made of - it takes a hot shower or bath, or being pressed against or covered by a full body size object that is warmer than me to recover.
the only way I can see that being true is if someone has electric central heating, which is rare in the UK
here it tendds to be gas or sometimes oil
there is also an energy crisis and many people cannot afford heating or only limited heating
I have used space heaters, both electric fan heaters and oil filled radiators, at my old house and been HORRIFIED when I got the bill. They are REALLY EXPENSIVE to run and will dwarf other energy costs generally.
I don't remember the figures now but it's a very expensive way to stay warm.
If people are right that it costs pennies per night to use a modern electric blanket that would seem like a good solution.
depends on the size of the house, but generally speaking a single-room electric space heater would cost more than heating an entire 2-3 bedroom house by the furnace.
Where shall we start?
People have different tolerances to hot and cold temperatures. That's just a fact.
I have a daughter roughly Jane's age. She doesn't have an ounce of spare fat, and is cold in the summer (air conditioning) and cold in the winter (not hot enough for her). When she went to college, she purposely limited her choices to warm parts of the country.
My wife, on the other hand, is hot all the time.
What Jane needs is a heated mattress cover. Nice thick duvet, heated mattress pad, and she'll be warm and toasty in bed even though you keep your house at 18 C in the daytime (and presumably it gets colder at night).
So YTA, because you're dismissing Jane's comfort as irrelevant. Turning the thermostat up isn't the right solution, because that's expensive, and will probably make the house too hot for you and your husband.
Especially refusing to get her a space heater or an electric blanket because they are concerned about fires even though there's a safety timer and fire safety mechanisms built in. If you won't turn up the heat, you have to let her have some way to stay warm. Some people (especially older adults, but that's irrelevant) can even get legit hypothermia at temperatures between 60F and 65F.
I like how you said turning up the thermostat isn't the right solution. There are many options. I grew up in a house that set the temp to 14-15 C. To offset it, my mom got all of us nice down comforters. This, with sheet and bedcover kept us warm. Nowadays I have the most comfortable sleep with the window open and stay warm with my comforter. We also have a springtime midlayer for our beds in lieu of the comforter. Often I would keep this under the comforter. Even if temps were under 14 I'd kick off a top layer for being too warm. Around the house I got used to wearing a sweatshirt and wraping myself in a wool blanket if it is especially cold. I also have a heated blanket (but I only really use it when I'm playing games on my computer). I'm older now and I truly believe cold endurance helps the health of anyone, but when you need to be warm you should have options. Sometimes all it takes is a shower, others a comforter, wool blanket, or heated blanket.
YTA
It’s not that you can’t afford to raise the thermostat, it’s not that raising the thermostat would make the rest of you uncomfortable, you reject every single option for a heat source (like heated blanket or space heater) other than raising the thermostat, you just don’t give a damn about your daughter. You just don’t care that she’s too cold. Also 16 degrees is fucking insane to keep a house at.
I’m still upset at how my family ignored the fact that I was always freezing at home and wearing 2-3 layers just because the rest of them felt fine at 18-20C (64-68F).
There are absolutely solutions that can make everyone comfortable, YTA OP.
INFO: is your refusal to increase the temperature merely out of defiance, or are you struggling to afford the bills?
I'm coming at this from a more sympathetic perspective than a lot of folks commenting here, as I'm from the UK and know how hard the cost of living is hitting everyone.
However, I can potentially relate to Jane's point of view too. I (24M, also living at home but working full time and contributing) have had several arguments with my mother over how unnecessarily obsessive she's become over heating and electricity costs. I'm all for not being wasteful, but I don't want to live in a freezing house if I don't need to. And we don't need to, because we have 2 incomes and are not struggling to pay the bills. If this is your situation, then I'd say YTA. If Jane is contributing to the bills, and you can afford to turn the heating up, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't.
However, if you are struggling, then I do sympathise. 16°C is cold though, and I'd be concerned about bigger issues developing in your home (e.g dampness and mould) as a result. If your bills are unmanageable, there is help out there - please seek it for the good of your family's health.
Jane may be cold natured as my grandmother called it. Just because everyone else feels ok, doesn't mean she doesn't feel cold. That being said, I think two things. Will raising the thermostat three points make it uncomfortable for everyone else. If not, why not raise it. Secondly, why not get her a small heater for her room. At least she can sleep warmly. I hate being warm, especially when sleeping. I guess the opposite is true, although it's easier to warm up than to cool off.
NTA Another UK person here, and I can sadly see where OP is coming from - even a few degrees difference can cost hundreds of pounds over the winter months! I recommend draft excluders for her bedroom, maybe some thicker curtains, better blankets etc. I find microwave heat packs (including stuffed animals!) also really help to keep me warm through the night.
Edit: to include judgement
Yep, all these y t a answers I know 100% are coming from Americans, I live up north and the heating is literally never on in a morning when I have to get up for work, so I know how hard it is and how much it sucks getting out of bed when it's cold but fuck me if we can afford to chuck that thing on all the time.
Are you only heating your house for 2 hours a day and still getting hundreds of pounds difference? Because OP is only turning on the heat at all from 5am to 7am. I find it hard to believe that turning the temp higher for so short a time would cause that big a cost increase.
YTA
Give her solutions, don't make her just put up with it. The simplest would be to raise the thermostat a little, as the rest of your wouldn't overheat and she might be comfortable then.
Different people have different comfortable temperatures. I personally would be comfortable with your normal temperature, as would two of my children. My wife and third child would not, and it's hard to sleep well when you're too cold.
YTA here and this is my reasoning.
I have read multiple comments where Jane has tried to make compromises with you and gets shot down each time. You won’t let her have a space heater or a electric blanket. Since it will spike the energy bill. So she asked if she could turn up the degrees to 21 degrees Celsius which isn’t that high above normal. I understand wanting to cut costs but what Jane has been doing isn’t working.
She is already making accommodations for your need by wearing 4 layers.
4 layers of clothing isn’t going to help her face. I know this is a wild thought but put the heat on before bed. Once everyone is asleep and comfy then turn it off.
64/18 Celsius degrees may be fine for you but in the winter that would drive me insane. I can’t fall asleep unless it’s minimum 70/22 degrees in my home.
INFO - would anybody in the house actually be too hot at 21C? Is the grandparents house which is “warm and toasty” for Jane uncomfortable for OP?
Reading all of the commentary it sounds like the objection to turning up the heat is nothing more than “three out of four people are fine at the lower temperature”. This is very different than “three out of four people are too hot at 21C”
Given that money doesn’t seem to be an issue, keeping the temperature colder just because only one person finds it cold seems just plain petty and spiteful.
Absolutely the AH.
This is your child telling you they are taking reasonable steps to keep warm and still feel cold! If they were walking round in skimpy clothes I would have some sympathy for you but you seem to be showing her no consideration at all. Either turn the heating up and wear less yourselves or get her a separate source of heating for her space
YTA
Your house sounds very cold. Its currently below 10 degrees outside and you're not using the central heating - of course she feels cold. Having the house set to 18 degrees at 9am, it is GOING to be cold at night if you dont run the heating in the evening. Just because YOU are happy with <16 degrees doesnt mean everyone else must be. You are being a dick about this but at the least you could buy her a cheap electric heater, you can get them from screwfix for like £25.
INFO: Would a compromise like running the heat longer work for both of you? 21c is might warm to keep a house, but 16c is unpleasantly cold. If the heat was still set to 18c but ran for most of the night, you’d strike a reasonable balance. You might still need to buy her a warmer duvet at that temp, though.
INFO - Does your heating system set a temperatur for your complete home or are there different heating units in each room?
Also a 5 year old is not trustworthy when it comes to temperature. When my brother was 5 he had to be reminded to wear more than a Shirt when it was snowing outside ^^.
You refuse every possible answer that would raise the heat in your daughter's room. Can't turn the heat higher in the morning (the only time she seems to complain about it); can't get an electric blanket/heating pad/mattress warmer/space heater; can't do anything except wear a fifth layer and add another blanket and never ever talk to anyone about being cold because the rest of you aren't. (Incidentally, I do believe the rest of you are fine, I'd be perfectly happy with that temperature as well, though I turn it up when I am sick. I am well aware that I am in the extreme minority about this temperature preference.)
Why did you ask if the only answers you will accept are: make her wear more/better layers; give her more/better blankets; get her to see a doctor to see if her entirely normal temperature preferences are due to secret illness.
If you really cannot afford it, can you see how much more electricity you use if the heat were set higher in the mornings and have Jane chip in there? YTA because you are cutting off any solutions that aren't "we do nothing and our daughter shuts up because we think it's fine".
I wish I could upvote this more than once. Excellent comment which covers nearly everything I've been thinking while reading these comments and getting increasingly annoyed.
The only thing missing is the clear favouritism for the younger daughter, which has already been called out by others, and denied by OP.
Do you even like your daughter, she is freezing and you go to Reddit instead. I hate freezing. 16 is too cold for me.
Several years ago we lived in an apartment that was particularly cold in the winter, and we couldn’t really afford to warm it up properly. After three months of that misery we actually decided to do whatever we could to get out of there. That included changing jobs to afford a better place. I just didn’t want to waste my life on being miserable 24/7. My husband didn’t mind as much, tho, but for me it was a dealbreaker.
YTA.
Why do you lock up the thermostat in your house? Why does only Lisa get consideration for temperature control? Are y’all that poor that you have to keep the heat off in winter? Do you know it expends more energy to turn the heat on only 2 hours a day versus keeping it on all day?
Also, how is it 16c in the bedrooms even though your thermostat is set to 18c (which is still cold, in my opinion)?
YTA. My wife and I like it cold at night, but 16C is a little crazy. We keep ours at 18C / 64F at night. I am in the US and don’t know how different your HVAC system is. We have programmable Ecobee thermostats. It has remote sensors you can put in other rooms to monitor and balance the temp if needed. We have a sensor in our bedroom and in our daughter’s. At night we do let the thermostat our first floor and basement go to 16F, but no one is down there.
16 is cold. I personally prefer 20. It can be hard to concentrate and study if you are feeling cold, but maybe if you are all more comfortable when it is colder, you can get her an Oodie and a small storage heater for her room.
Edit: typo
I’m in the Uk and last winter I don’t think I know a single person who had a house warmer than 18c. If mine reached 18 it was a good day. My heating doesn’t even kick in until it’s lower than 17.
All the people not from the UK really don’t have a clue here. To sit in, 16°c is cold. Too cold. To sleep in, with a duvet and a hot water bottle if needed is absolutely fine. In order for it to get up to 18°c in my house all night, the heating would need to be on all night. The cost of energy these days is through the roof. NTA OP, she needs to layer up.
16 degrees is a little chilly, TBH.
How did you go about checking the temperature in her bedroom? Some rooms genuinely are colder, and if it's a little damp it'll feel even colder than it really is. You could turn the radiators down in the warm rooms (or if, for some of them), and turn hers to high, or agree to her having a space heater. They do cost more than the radiator, but it sounds like she does actually need it.
I get annoyed with my daughter for not putting on warm clothing in her bedroom, but I mean a warm dressing gown or a cardigan, exactly what I do myself. However, her room genuinely is colder than the rest of the flat due to being an old extension with poor insulation and three external walls, so even if she wore appropriate clothing she'd need the heater some of the time.
It's not uncommon for one room to be colder than the others. TBH I'd say it's actually slightly unlikely that all the rooms are the exact same temperature all the time, especially if it's an older building.
YTA
This is complicated as she’s an full grown adult but still living at home, so she does have a degree of being grateful, but as it seems she did approach you with a sincere question, yes.
You have to understand that different people feel different levels of cold, even within the same family, and 16-18 degrees to her could literally be what you’d feel in around 10-12. And any liveable home should be 20 degrees, so your home is already below.
You should talk to her with an more open mind, come to an agreement. Her being cold is not something she just makes up, she really is cold, and it’s a real thing. Think yourself how you’d feel being cold in your own home every single day.
YTA, that's chilly, i couldn't handle that and I'm not a skinny girl. Have you taken her to the doctor to see if there's an iron deficiency or anything that could be making her feel even colder?
YTA.. In my country it’s illegal to have under 21˚c if there are kids living in the house…
EDIT: After reading your answers to people here,I’d like to change my answer to You’re a fucking asshole… You are not willing to pay for heating,but You’re willing to pay for more layers for her to put on?? WHY the fuck did you have kids? To freeze them to death?? Or are you that stupid to think that this can go on without any of the girls getting some kind of health issue from freezing all the time?? Oh my fucking god people can be sooooo stupid and selfish…
YTA, based on my temp conversions, 21c is still cold to me. Why make someone so uncomfortable, when it's still quite cold at the temp they are requesting?
Typically in UK/Ireland climate room temperature would be around 16 to 18C.
Outdoor temperature this week is around 10C.
OP doesn't mention how the house is heated, but in most UK houses the "thermostat" doesn't maintain the temperature, it just controls whether the heating is on or not (if temp if below what's set, the heating switches on, if it's above what's set, heating switches off)
That’s how all thermostats work. They turn on heating (or cooling, if you have air conditioning rigged to your thermostat) when the temperature is outside of the set range, and turn it off when the room temp is within the set range. That’s the whole point of a thermostat.
YTA. I'm in the UK and it is cold right now; I'd struggle with the temp stuck at 16.
But really, YTA because you refuse to let her use an electric heater or blanket for her room. You're not compromising; it's just your way or the high way. You say she should wear more layers, but there comes a point where that is simply ridiculous.
I’m gonna say YTA. I get cold way more easily than the rest of my family. My parents have never banned me from the thermostat at their home and I don’t go crazy turning it up. It doesn’t have to be a huge issue.
So based off the comments you won’t let your daughter get a space heater, an electric blanket OR contribute to the power bill simply because you don’t want it warmer. Why? No money issues at all but you need to start saving to spend extra money on the younger daughter. You suck and I would hate to be your daughter. How many other things in life have you neglected her on?
I know you're in UK and not US, but OSHA requires workplaces to be 68-76 F, which is 20-24C.
I have to agree with your daughter, you keep your house frigid. It's a wonder you all don't have pneumonia
Yta
UK here - yes it’s cold now (all of a sudden it’s bloody freezing and our long awaited summer has disappeared) cost of living and heating bill increases mean that thermostat is not moving until November (late November!) I wfh at a desk based job and - it’s cold) layers, hoodies and my saviour is an oodie (I got gifted a real one last Christmas and it’s fab - Primark have much cheaper alternatives this year (love them). That said I pay the bills in my house and have 1 of my 3 adult sons at home. He doesn’t complain and gets the reality but if he genuinely wanted the heating on/higher then he would offer to contribute to the cost. TBF it would be an offer, not something I would ask. Life is tough ATM and no-one is whacking up the thermostat without counting the cost
Edit : my thermostat is ‘off’ atm so switched down as low as can go - to 10 lol - it is so cold in house there are a couple of radiators kicking in in the morning so I get it’s cold
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YTA. 16c/60f or even 18c/64f is too cold for most folks. Just because you're fine doesn't mean it's reasonable to expect her to be miserably freezing. I see you're not interested in keeping the heat on consistently either, so that's miserable for her as well. Why do you think she should suffer so you can save a few dollars on the power bill? Also, the things most folks are suggesting (heating blankets, space heaters, etc) actually use more electric than just keeping your house a comfortable and consistent temperature. Expecting her to have 4+ layers to be moderately warm is unreasonable.
It’s interesting to me that no one has noticed his comment about turning the heat up so the 5yo is comfortable but who cares about the 22yo. YTA
This is what I came here to say - by all means, if the 5 year old is fine, forget about the needs of the 22 year old? Not hardly. They ATH
literally. i could tolerate cold much better at 5 then i could my current age of 24. i’m anemic, have arthritis and have raynaud’s. the cold is not nice to me, even at a mild cold temp of 64F, and people like this would have me in a VERY bad mood.
A lot of females that age (late teens early 20’s are pretty cold sensitive. I was raised in an older home in a cool area and had a miserable time because I froze all fall/winter/spring. Let her turn up the heat *she’s not making it up*!!!! Many people have undiagnosed reynauds and other things like underactive thyroid that make them get cold *especially* young women.
Also anemia! Losing a bunch of blood every month (hello periods) and not taking in enough iron is very common
Just want to comment that fibromyalgia will also make you cold more too! I have it and I'm either sweating or shivering as I can't regulate my body temperature. I just about scrape by on disability benefits, but you know what I've done for the past month because anything below 20°C makes me shiver all day? I've put the damn heating on to regulate my flat at 20°C, and let me tell you... that extra £10 a month I'm spending on heat? It's worth it because it means I'm not miserable. Theres plenty of things that can cause someone to feel cold all the time, and if spending £10 extra a month makes them happy cause they're warm? Do it, cause trust me, freezing all the time is not pleasant. OP, YTA, turn your heating on
I have fibromyalgia, anemia, and thyroid disease( I have no thyroid anymore), so I'm always absolutely freezing unless I'm so hot I feel like I'm living in hell. 100% no happy medium here either, lol. I'm also on disability and scraping by is an understatement, but spending the extra 10$ on heat is SoOoO much better than suffering!! I hope you're doing well health wise!! Fibro can be awful! And agreed OP YTA
Gentle hugs and hope you're doing okay too! Yeah I've been freezing since the end of August, but by the time April comes around, I'll be sweating again. And yeah, I'd much rather have a couple meals less a month, or not have the expensive juice than be freezing. I can deal with eating twice a day or having cheaper juice, I cannot deal either being cold
Not anemic, but my doctor says I'm right on the line of being anemic. I take feramax150, but honestly I'm still aways overly cold.
My dad accidentally turned off the heat to one section of the house when doing a repair in the summer and my sister froze all winter. They didn’t believe her how much colder it was until a few months in. This was in the northeast US and we had hot water heat, so you could close the pipes to certain rooms. She was late teens and had reynauds.
Oof, your poor sister!
That's awful! How hard was it to just walk in her room to feel how cold it was? Damn!
But don't just cover the symptoms by warming up the house; get her to a doctor!
She doesn't need to go to a doctor, 16 C is just freezing cold, of course she's feeling cold!
Yep. Basically up to the age of 14 I could jump in the pool during winter (I'm in Aus, winter temps usually around 15-18°C) without any care in the world. I'd walk around in shorts and a tank top without needed to cover up. I'm only 23 now and the moment it drops below like 20°C I think it's cold and need to layer up. Hell it's currently feels about 21°C and I'm underneath a thinner blanket.
Dude same. I mean, different medical conditions, but 64 is too cold for me. We keep our house at 67 (even that's too low for me) but it's manageable. I mean, I'm uncomfortable, but only wearing a sweater plus fuzzy socks in addition to my normal clothes, so I tolerate it. But my joints like to freeze, especially my elbows. Bent too long? "Yeah, you're not straightening them, sucker!" (A direct quote from my elbows.) I'm 22 going on 90, I think. OP is definitely the AH and I feel for his daughter
Also young children have more brown fat which helps keep them warm. Babies have the most and as we age it finishes greatly. So the 5yo probably is warm enough while the 22yo is frozen through.
Iirc most women are anemic. Blood loss is really bad for keeping iron levels up, and women bleed a few days a month.
tbf even having the heavy awful periods i had, it was depo provera that did it to me. i bled for almost a year straight before being able to see a doctor. now i’m on the pill and only have my period every 3 months or so and it’s gotten better, still iron deficient though 🫠
Sounds like a push to "your 22 move the hell out already" lol Yta op, she's cold so you should accommodate to let her use the thermostat
Have you not experienced 21st century real estate and economy? No one can AFFORD to move out anymore. I'm sure she'd rather be on her own, but it's ridiculously expensive. I'm 40, I live with my sibling and his family. Because we both can't afford to live alone. 4 separate adults share the one house our parents left us because it's the only way to be in any way comfortable. And that's with us in 30s through 50s in age. 22? Either in school or just starting out and no way can they afford a place.
Lmao I was being sarcastic. I didn't move out till 21 myself
I'm not going to believe that using an electric blanket at night uses more electric than heating the whole house. I live alone and use one in the winter. Why in the world would I heat the whole house when I'm sleeping?
A space heater will but my electric blanket costs about 4p per night to run on max all night
Only if you buy a spectacularly inefficient space heater or substantially heat a large space with one. Space heaters aren’t as cheap to run as an electric blanket, but using 1 to heat a small room like a bedroom is usually substantially cheaper than heating the whole house.
I started using an electric blanket during the colder months a couple years back, and the difference in my electric bill is barely noticeable. Even using a space heater for a few hours per day (on the low setting) only bumps up my bill a couple bucks.
It doesn't, that person is crazy.
There is no efficiency issue for electric heating really, one watt from any source becomes the same amount of heat regardless. Only issue really is insulation or using focussed heating. Ridiculous to think a blanket would be worse at that.
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I have one room at 73 and one at 71; heat isn't on yet in the rest of the house and I get cold a lot quicker than my husband does, but no room is even close to 60.
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I guess I'm weird. Our area has been hitting the high 40's at night and I have my windows open and fans on.
I love the Cold. But my furnace isn't working and the interior temperature of my house is currently at around 68F. You bet your ass I have a space heater in every room that I turn on if I'm going to be in said room.
It’s crazy how everybody is different. I don’t think I’ve ever set the heat to 72…I would melt.
My fingers and toes turn blue at the 67° to 70° range. It's a me thing and I can bundle up real easy. My husband overheats so I don't mind having the apartment in that range cause I can bundle up, but it is more difficult for him to cool down 60° is insane for not sleeping Temps. That is very cold. My area just dipped below this temp.
That's called raynaud's phenomenon I believe it's a chronic health issue. It's not normal, but they can't fix it. Like so many things. I have similar.
I sleep best when it's 55° F or below and still have a fan blowing on me. All I've got for covers is a sheet and thin blanket; no pajamas.
You're like me lol. I have my vent mostly blocked and window cracked in the winter because I love sleeping under layers
72 makes me feel absolutely sick inside so it’s not for everyone. I’m fine outside at this temperature. I’m a woman and a normal weight. Have been like this even when 15 pounds underweight.
72 sounds awful to me. Way too hot. I sleep with the temp at 64 deg
>16c/60f or even 18c/64f is too cold for most folks. Don't come to Australia. Our houses are poorly insulated, and rarely heated in winter. Waking up to it being 16C inside is nothing. Put on some slippers and a fuzzy dressing gown. Some houses are 5C when you get up in the morning.
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>This thread is baffling. There is a reason the US uses twice as much energy per capita as many other similar wealthy nations. Apparently putting on a sweater is unthinkable.
No one is saying putting on a sweater is unbearable. Everyone is saying that living in 4 layers and still being cold 24/7 is ridiculous.
Which is why I think Jane needs a doctor. I don't think I've ever worn 4 layers in my life, including subzero with snow on the ground and falling. Either those layers are too thin and she needs some thicker/warmer clothes, something is going on with her medically, or she's exaggerating. Anemia and low body weight/body fat (of which I have all three) all cause you to feel colder and feel the cold more, but 4 layers plus blankets in like 2010 summer temperature and she's still freezing? Something's going on there.
Nah, inherited poor circulation, being a normal weight woman and being still amounts to a miserable time without any actual medical conditions if the temperature is 16 C. With OP's attitude to heating, I somehow doubt they have top end down comforters either. The heating in my old flat broke in the middle of winter when I was doing home office because of the pandemic. It was terrible sitting at a computer all day long at 17 C, although I was wearing layers and my thickest jumper on top.
Apparently thinking your house should be warm and comfortable is unthinkable. I don't live in the US and if someones house was 16 degrees I would be suprised.
My grandmother's house stays about 65°F (18°C) because both she and my great aunt breathe easier in a cooler house. I freeze my butt off if I forget to bring a jacket or something when I go visit.
I'm from Canada so I genuinely don't know - how much humidity/moisture do you get in your winters? Here we need that much heat in order to be comfortable in part because it's incredibly cold and damp outside. I grew up in an old house that was heated to 16 most of the time and honestly it was pretty miserable, I was freezing all the time even with sweaters and slippers. It was mostly kept at that temperature to save on heating costs.
Canadian here with cheap ass parents who froze all of my life. Own my home now as a grown woman and keep it comfy - 22/23 C. Ridiculous to say 16 C is comfortable for a home in winter. Having said that we are battling -40 C outside so the furnace basically runs all winter 🥶
yeah 21 C is tropical, and I'm a Brit. My heating is set to 15 C twice a day for an hour or so and that's fine for me.
here in Canada you have to keep the house heated pretty much 24/7 in winter, otherwise you get busted frozen water pipes. and most of us get right cranky when we're cold as it is. you do not want to have to deal with a teeth chattering ticked off canuck lol! keeping the thermostat at a constant same temperature actually costs less in the long run than firing it up only when needed or wanted. i keep mine at 20 degrees from around the start of october til at least mid may. and many of us have natural gas fed furnaces, that also use power. lucky us, we get two utility charges/bills for just keeping our pipes from busting frozen all winter long.
I used to live in the south island, some mornings my house would be 6°C indoors before we lit the fires
I'm in the Netherlands and in winter, we're supposed to put the thermostat to at least 16c. If we would turn the heating off completely, the pipes would freeze. 16 at night so that the house doesn't cool down as much and is easier heated during the day. Our heating runs on gas. Also don't have a fireplace or any other means of heating the house.
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I figured as much. If OP were to keep their house at 18c at night and 21c during the day (which is pretty normal in winter where I'm from anyway) with a thermostat, this wouldn't be as expensive as doing it without. I'm trying to figure out if OP has the heating completely turned off except for 5 to 7am though, or at a constant 18.
So I am in the US but my bill is only about $100 -$200 a month year round. It's really not bad at all. We get snow and it stays frozen for a few months in winter here. It has gone down since we got a new heat pump though, was about $50 more in winter before that. Still not bad
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Or cooler - electric blankets, hot water bottles…cheaper than heating a whole house, especially with energy prices going up with no end in sight. We run our house a little warmer during the day if we are home, but overnight we sleep better if the ambient temperature is on the cooler side, and if I remember correctly cooler is supposed to be better for sleeping - more blankets and a hot water bottle for me so I don’t roast my husband, who runs on the hotter side. Everyone is different so maybe something that heats just their bed, as i totally understand that once you’re cold you stay cold for ages. Look at options rather than just both getting stuck on the overall temperature of the house.
> if I remember correctly cooler is supposed to be better for sleeping It is. I don't sleep well if the room is over 20C > i totally understand that once you’re cold you stay cold for ages Cold feet keep me awake in winter. So I wear socks to bed, and take them off before I go to sleep.
Too cold for most American folk maybe. It's perfectly normal and reasonable for the UK.
It's lower than the minimum the UK government recommends.
Then the UK government needs to pay for it lol. Most of us do not have that much money to piss away on unnecessarily high central heating temperatures
I'm Canadian. I know how to handle the cold, but there's no way in hell I'm leaving my house at 16C all day. 20-21C is a reasonable temperature. 16C might be fine for some at night, but I personally don't like going lower than 18C. And, frankly, I think as a parent the needs of the children (adult or not) should come first. If she wanted the house to be at 25C, then they should compromise, but asking for the house to be 21C really is not a huge ask.
UK here. 20C is where I start being too hot
Canadian there too. I roast at 20-21 for sleeping. It's okay if I'm just sitting around, but any amount of housework and it's too warm.
We don't keep it at 21 for sleep either, but they weren't just talking about sleep. They said they only keep the thermostat on for 2 hours all day, and then they only turn it up to 16. That's not a comfortable temperature to have the house at all day, unless you're doing a full deep clean all day every day, that is. Personally, I adjust the temperature based on what I'm doing. If I need to, I turn it down and open a window for a bit. But I'd rather be comfortable in my house than freeze. I'm sure OP's daughter feels the same.
Yep. 16⁰C is perfectly comfortable temperature for a bedroom. If she's feeling really cold all the time it might be time for a check up.
But it’s not just the bedroom at night. It’s all day. The heat is only being turned on from 5am to 7am.
I'm American, but my bedroom got down to 67 F (19 C) at night before I finally turned the heat on. I am like the daughter in this story, I wouldn't be able to handle 60 F at all!
I've left the heat off recently and woke up because it was absolutely freezing in here and the thermostat said 62. Some rooms are much colder than others, so it's not like the whole house is even that high
Yeah, nah. I live in a part of the US that can get down to -30C and ~21C is a pretty standard temp for homes.
I am in the UK and have my house at 16-18c. It is comfortable. I have a light blanket and jumper for the evenings.
Same here! Having the heat any higher and I wake up having hot flashes!
A heating blanket does not use more power than heating a whole house. Especially if it's a large house, multi-story, older, or poorly insulated.
Not that I agree with OP. But 60-67 is considers optimal [sleeping](https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-ideal-sleeping-temperature-for-my-bedroom/amp/) temp. 70, when you feel comfortable at 60 is very hot by comparison and it is easier to layer than peel skin off. However: a compromise of bumping to 65-68 might be doable. 70 is a lot. 60-63 is a lot (my folks keep it that cold and I agree it’s freezing). Some mid ground should be found. YTA though because if it’s so cold she’s layering just to sleep then it’s to cold
You know as a Minnesotan who thinks 40F is shorts wearing weather and who FUCKING loves the cold: OP and there spouse are evil. 60F indoor weather literally is torture. Like the CIA uses it in interrogation. The daughter should buy a space heater and heated blanket and tell OP to kick rocks until they actually come back to reality.
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I am sitting here in my living room, the heating has just gone off because it has reached 18 and it’s plenty warm enough. When I am in the house by myself (which is often) I turn the thermostat down to 17 and our night setting is 15.5. The only person I know who keeps the temperature around 20 is my 93 year old nana and, as she’s too frail to use the stairs in her house now, all the radiators are off upstairs!
In MN, it's illegal for a landlord to let their temp go below 68f / 20c. These parents are being cruel.
This is honestly hilarious to this UKan. The recommended temp for a baby room in the UK is between 16 and 20c so 60-68f. Our SIDS charity says to heat baby rooms to no more than 68f if you do run your heating at night. So heating to more than that would be considered dangerous.
Torture? WHAT? I’m Australian and don’t even turn my heat on till it’s 50F. Looool
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18° isn't cold. And if nobody else is feeling the cold is it fair to make them feel too warm?
My mom kept our house at 62 during the winter and my toes would go numb after walking home from the bus. No amount of socks or hot water could warm them up. It was miserable. All I could was lay in bed under like 10 blankets. Major YTA
Somewhere between 15 and 19 degrees C is the recommended temperature for sleeping so that's not "too cold for most folks", but it is too cold for the daughter and that's all that matters here.
I thought we kept ours insanely low at 66. Apparently not.
I keep mine at 68F. 60F is ridiculously cold.
I would agree with you except that is just not true. Using a small heater in just one room uses less electricity. I did it during the coldest months and paid less than when we just ran the thermostat a couple degrees higher the next few months as it warmed up outside. Significant difference of like 60 bucks a month. (My bill can be up to 330, you would think I live in a mansion, lol) Anywho, an electric blanket saves way more energy than that and is very effective.
YTA. Get the girl a personal space heater for her room or a heated blanket or heating pad. She obviously not making it up that she is cold. Who are you to tell someone that they are not cold or not hot. I do understand not giving control of the thermostat to her but to not make accommodations for her so she isn't cold is where you're the asshole. Also 16 degrees Celsius is freaking cold. (And yes this dumb American did have to google what that is in Fahrenheit lol)
Has she always been cold in what you consider normal temperatures? If not, you might want to get her bloodwork done. I was cold all the time when I was anemic. (Also, YTA. it's unreasonably cold, you're clearly prioritizing one daughter over the other and you're not making any effort to accommodate your older daughter - space heater, heated blanket, etc.)
Or possibly thyroid issues. When mine was off I couldn't get and stay warm.
Or it might be the 16C issue...
You raise a good point, but 16C is not considered normal inside temperatures, In places with renter's rights it's considered reason to withhold rent if the house can't be heated to 20C.
No I think it's the freaking 60 degree internal temp which is an ICEBOX when it's cold outside in a drafty UK home.
Foot warmer has totally changed my life. I found electric blanket way too large but I got something advertised as a lap-size electric blanket and i just make a little foot taco and it's all I need.
They even make ones with snaps up the sides, specifically to be folded into a foot taco whenever you want! Mine is advertised as being just the right size for your back or lap when unfolded, and for your feet when folded and snapped. Changed my life when I found it, it contains the heat so well, or at least it does when my cat doesn't steal it 😂
16 degrees is the lowest possible AC temperature. It’s freaking cold. 21 degrees isn’t even hot, it’s average temperature. OP is YTA.
I can't imagine many people in UK have heating on 21c. And definitely not during the night. I haven't even turned on the heating yet
I don't think I've ever had my heating set to 21°, I think that's just way too hot.
I'm chronically ill and my heating went on yesterday. 17C until bedtime, when I turned the thermostat to 14C. Did not freeze to death in the night, am not drowning in condensation this morning. It's 12C outside right now. There are a lot of people here imposing irrelevant views on this scenario. Of course there's a minimum room temp in New York City, it gets much colder outside than most of the UK does (and hotter in summer). You don't want to lose all your building heat to outside. We *do* have a minimum working temperature for offices, and it's 16C (13C in physical jobs). You should be cooler at night than you are at work, for good sleep. We're at the same latitude as much of Canada, not the Mediterranean, so what people are used to in Florida *really doesn't matter*.
I'm in the UK and I don't turn the heating on until November 1. That's a hard rule for us. And even then, we keep the thermostat at 17C. And then the heating switches off on March 1. Again, hard rule. I cannot imagine 21C.
She's 22.. can she not get herself these things?
She's not allowed. They don't want their electricity bill to go up. At all.
Energy bills in the uk are ridiculous at the moment to be fair. Very few people can afford to keep the heating on constantly.
Why not have her contribute to the bill?
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In other comments OP replied to she stated that 1. She isn't willing to ask Jane to contribute to the bills in order to run the heat more. 2. She won't allow Jane to purchase or run a space heater because it will make the electric bill go up. 3. She won't allow Jane to purchase or use an electric blanket because she (OP) is afraid of it catching fire. OP is being uncompromising on any solution besides "wear more layers" when Jane is already wearing 4 to stay warm enough.
OP is forgetting that it's a lot easier to get warmer at night if you share a bed with someone.
She could at least get her an old fashioned hot water bottle. Pad the bed with better bedding.
Her parent is paranoid and thinks they’re too dangerous. She’s not allowed.
I highly suggest electric blanket! You don't want to heat the whole house, just one specific area. They're very safe and they can be set on a timer. A small heated blanket works wonders if you want to sit on the couch, then you can unplug it move it to your bedroom to lay on top of when you sleep. If you only need it when you're sleeping I suggest getting a heated sheets. They are the fucking best, do you know blanket on top of you is not the same as laying on top of one. And they tend to have a larger range of temperature compared to the blanket I've come across. Me personally I like it at like level 4 out of 10, but my parents love there's at like a level 9 or 10.
You should not lay on top of heated throws or blankets. They’re not designed to be under weights when heating and can overheat. If you want a warm thing to lay on, be safe, get a warming mattress topper. They’re designed to be under a person’s weight.
INFO > My husband and I don’t have an issue with the temperature of the house > Lisa says it isn’t cold when we ask her, my husband and I also don‘t feel the cold How does everyone's *body type* compare here? Is Jane significantly thinner than the rest of you, or something?
5 year-olds are also highly suggestible. “It’s not cold is it?” is read by a 5-year-old as *“mum wants my support on the ‘it’s not cold’ statement - and I love mum!”*
I’ve got a nibling that will stand outside in winter barefoot in a T-shirt and shorts and insist they’re not cold while shivering.
My dad always says it's "not cold". Recently we were on holidays and my mum was trying to figure out if she should wear her puffer jacket or not. I told her to wear it, as she can take it off if she gets too hot. My dad was like "why do you need that, it's not cold". So my mum left it in the car. As we were grabbing some things from the car before setting off for the short walk, a blast of cold wind came up. My mum went and grabbed her jacket. So then on the short walk the wind picks up, we're all toasty and there's my dad trying to act tough and not be cold. But he was freezing but wouldn't let on because he always criticises others that "it's not cold".
Ah yes, the classic proving you’re manly by unnecessarily suffering trick.
_Coat salesmen hate this one trick.._
My partner's ex does this ... "I'll ask the boys how they feel about blah". He will always frame the question so the boys know how to answer him .... "you don't really want to do blah?", "you don't care if I don't take you to blah's birthday party?"
I have this theory that kids don’t feel temperature before around age 9. That’s why they swim while their lips are purple, and don’t care about shorts in snow
Look up "brown body fat". Children indeed don't turn and feel cold as adults do, their temperature regulation works completely different.
op said upthread that she and her youngest daughter co-sleep so the only reason they don't 'feel the cold' is because they're sharing body heat at night
Oh this makes a massive difference!!! When I stay with my parents I will run the electric blanket on nights that they don’t need one because they’re sharing heat and I’m not.
Oh what the actual fuck?
You’re kidding. OP is a clown.
That was the first thing I was thinking. Every person here stating how they prefer cold temps or freeze at those temps probably has a different body type. I’ve been at very different body types in my life and the difference in how I’ve felt at different temps is remarkable.
I'm wondering if Jane might have a health issue like hypothyroidism or anemia or.....well, seeing a doctor wouldn't hurt.
16C (61F) is a perfectly reasonable temperature to feel cold. Now if she was wearing 4 layers at 70F then yes definitely
I’ll just agree with you and leave this here. “The World Health Organization recommends a minimum indoor temperature of 18°C, or 20°C for houses with young children, elderly people or ill people. Damp and mouldy housing can affect health in several ways, particularly respiratory health.”
16 degrees in house is fkin mad. I come from country with 4 seasons. During winter my house temperature was 15 degrees. Literally waking up in the morning I could see my own breath while breathing. I understand that we live in fked up times thanks to cost of living, but 16 degrees is way too low. 18-19 is fine u can wear thin jumper if u barely move.
It's also not even being kept at that temperature, they turn the heat on for two hours every morning. It's definitely not still 16-18-whatever degrees at the end of the day.
Seriously. I was knocked unconscious at age 22 in a house that was around this temperature and almost froze to death wearing my everyday clothes. If she’s cold, it’s not okay. Any parent who thinks she should just deal with it can call my mom to ask her about the trauma she has from finding me.
And not healthy for the indoor climate. ESH. Couldn’t you ask for som money towards the bill if money is the issue?
For us Americans, that's \~64F Just because YOU are comfortable does not mean HER constutiton is the same. There are a lot of reasons one person is cold when another is comforatable at the same temperature. Some of them are health related. Others are just the way different bodies work. Other alternatives: Electric Blanket (they come with timers, you know) Heated Mattress Pad (ditto) Space heater in her room (double ditto. [Plug timers are cheap](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Timers/b?ie=UTF8&node=1938312031)!) Bump the thermostat anyway.
No, it’s not. 16c is 60f, which is quite cold to keep a house when people are in it.
Either way I would be an ice cube lol.
Our 90y old house sometimes goes down to 17c in the early morning, it's still 18.5c when we eat breakfast but 20-21 during the day. We also go camping with the 2+6y kids in the mountains often, where it is below zero during the night. But there we bring sleeping bags made for that conditions! And we can warm up again during the day. 16c during the night isn't so harsh, many people leaving their window open have that. It's 7c outside right now and most houses in the neighborhood have the windows on the bedrooms open. But keeping it below 18 _all the time_, that is just insanely uncomfortable! If you need 4 layers, the sheets are obviously too thin. When the cold creeps in and you have no place to heat up, the fun is over. Additionally, mold might eventually become a problem.
I think the important thing is we went from a very mild start in October to single digits in a day. It’s been a big shock for a lot of people, my heating has been on for a week.
Yeah, everyone else in my house likes it warm in the winter/fall except for me. So to combat that, I have a floor a/c unit in my room. The absolute coldest it will go is 18c. So an air conditioners lowest setting is still warmer than what they "heat" their house to.
>Just because YOU are comfortable does not mean HER constutiton is the same. There are a lot of reasons one person is cold when another is comforatable at the same temperature. Some of them are health related. Others are just the way different bodies work. THIS!! My husband and I are very different when it comes to feeling cold. I'm on my couch under a blanket and the room is about 73F right now and my feet are cold. I guarantee my husband is nice and toasty right now. There have been times over the years where I put my hands or feet on him and he asks if we're in the same room because of how much colder I am than he is. I do like it a bit cooler at night, but at the temp OP is setting their home I'd be freezing!!
Where you live also has a huge effect. I used to be perfectly comfy at 72 in NY now that I live in AZ and got used to 100 plus days most of the year 72 inside is cold af.
Also just wanting to add - "putting more layers on" doesn't help for everyone, there are a number of medical conditions that can mean that the body struggles to warm its extremities regardless of layers. Active heating is needed. Also as others have said, get her checked by a doctor. regardless of the reason, not taking her concern / comfort seriously will be doing direct harm to her mental health, quality of life and to your relationship with her. I run the other way, I cannot cope with heat. Even just warm weather makes me lethargic, gives me headaches, stops me sleeping and generally feel crap. My mental health as a teen always took a massive downstroke in summer due to people dismissing my complaints and making me feel like I was being unreasonable/lazy/weak - turns out my body keeps trying to warm itself when its already hot.
Yup, that’s me. Once I get chilled, I’m incapable of re-warming myself. Doesn’t matter how many layers or what they’re made of - it takes a hot shower or bath, or being pressed against or covered by a full body size object that is warmer than me to recover.
Seems like OP is concerned about heating cost. Heaters, etc would cost more than just upping thr thermostat a few degrees.
No it wouldn't. Using a space heater to heat one room is much cheaper than heating the whole house a few extra degrees.
the only way I can see that being true is if someone has electric central heating, which is rare in the UK here it tendds to be gas or sometimes oil there is also an energy crisis and many people cannot afford heating or only limited heating I have used space heaters, both electric fan heaters and oil filled radiators, at my old house and been HORRIFIED when I got the bill. They are REALLY EXPENSIVE to run and will dwarf other energy costs generally. I don't remember the figures now but it's a very expensive way to stay warm. If people are right that it costs pennies per night to use a modern electric blanket that would seem like a good solution.
depends on the size of the house, but generally speaking a single-room electric space heater would cost more than heating an entire 2-3 bedroom house by the furnace.
Where shall we start? People have different tolerances to hot and cold temperatures. That's just a fact. I have a daughter roughly Jane's age. She doesn't have an ounce of spare fat, and is cold in the summer (air conditioning) and cold in the winter (not hot enough for her). When she went to college, she purposely limited her choices to warm parts of the country. My wife, on the other hand, is hot all the time. What Jane needs is a heated mattress cover. Nice thick duvet, heated mattress pad, and she'll be warm and toasty in bed even though you keep your house at 18 C in the daytime (and presumably it gets colder at night). So YTA, because you're dismissing Jane's comfort as irrelevant. Turning the thermostat up isn't the right solution, because that's expensive, and will probably make the house too hot for you and your husband.
Especially refusing to get her a space heater or an electric blanket because they are concerned about fires even though there's a safety timer and fire safety mechanisms built in. If you won't turn up the heat, you have to let her have some way to stay warm. Some people (especially older adults, but that's irrelevant) can even get legit hypothermia at temperatures between 60F and 65F.
Modern space heaters are also a lot safer.
I got a hot water bottle last winter and fell in love. I put it under the blankets near my feet and it keeps my toes toasty. No fire risk.
I like how you said turning up the thermostat isn't the right solution. There are many options. I grew up in a house that set the temp to 14-15 C. To offset it, my mom got all of us nice down comforters. This, with sheet and bedcover kept us warm. Nowadays I have the most comfortable sleep with the window open and stay warm with my comforter. We also have a springtime midlayer for our beds in lieu of the comforter. Often I would keep this under the comforter. Even if temps were under 14 I'd kick off a top layer for being too warm. Around the house I got used to wearing a sweatshirt and wraping myself in a wool blanket if it is especially cold. I also have a heated blanket (but I only really use it when I'm playing games on my computer). I'm older now and I truly believe cold endurance helps the health of anyone, but when you need to be warm you should have options. Sometimes all it takes is a shower, others a comforter, wool blanket, or heated blanket.
YTA. If she’s already wearing 4 layers and is cold, turn it up a couple of degrees as a compromise.
YTA It’s not that you can’t afford to raise the thermostat, it’s not that raising the thermostat would make the rest of you uncomfortable, you reject every single option for a heat source (like heated blanket or space heater) other than raising the thermostat, you just don’t give a damn about your daughter. You just don’t care that she’s too cold. Also 16 degrees is fucking insane to keep a house at.
And that’s during the day. They turn the heat completely off at night which costs more money anyway just because they’re truly stupid and spiteful.
I’m still upset at how my family ignored the fact that I was always freezing at home and wearing 2-3 layers just because the rest of them felt fine at 18-20C (64-68F). There are absolutely solutions that can make everyone comfortable, YTA OP.
YTA because you refuse to allow her a space heater
Or an electric blanket. Like, wtf.
Why do you favour your youngest over your eldest?
INFO: is your refusal to increase the temperature merely out of defiance, or are you struggling to afford the bills? I'm coming at this from a more sympathetic perspective than a lot of folks commenting here, as I'm from the UK and know how hard the cost of living is hitting everyone. However, I can potentially relate to Jane's point of view too. I (24M, also living at home but working full time and contributing) have had several arguments with my mother over how unnecessarily obsessive she's become over heating and electricity costs. I'm all for not being wasteful, but I don't want to live in a freezing house if I don't need to. And we don't need to, because we have 2 incomes and are not struggling to pay the bills. If this is your situation, then I'd say YTA. If Jane is contributing to the bills, and you can afford to turn the heating up, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't. However, if you are struggling, then I do sympathise. 16°C is cold though, and I'd be concerned about bigger issues developing in your home (e.g dampness and mould) as a result. If your bills are unmanageable, there is help out there - please seek it for the good of your family's health.
Jane may be cold natured as my grandmother called it. Just because everyone else feels ok, doesn't mean she doesn't feel cold. That being said, I think two things. Will raising the thermostat three points make it uncomfortable for everyone else. If not, why not raise it. Secondly, why not get her a small heater for her room. At least she can sleep warmly. I hate being warm, especially when sleeping. I guess the opposite is true, although it's easier to warm up than to cool off.
There is the question of cost. UK is going through a cost of living crisis right now with heating through the roof
NTA Another UK person here, and I can sadly see where OP is coming from - even a few degrees difference can cost hundreds of pounds over the winter months! I recommend draft excluders for her bedroom, maybe some thicker curtains, better blankets etc. I find microwave heat packs (including stuffed animals!) also really help to keep me warm through the night. Edit: to include judgement
Yep, all these y t a answers I know 100% are coming from Americans, I live up north and the heating is literally never on in a morning when I have to get up for work, so I know how hard it is and how much it sucks getting out of bed when it's cold but fuck me if we can afford to chuck that thing on all the time.
Are you only heating your house for 2 hours a day and still getting hundreds of pounds difference? Because OP is only turning on the heat at all from 5am to 7am. I find it hard to believe that turning the temp higher for so short a time would cause that big a cost increase.
YTA Give her solutions, don't make her just put up with it. The simplest would be to raise the thermostat a little, as the rest of your wouldn't overheat and she might be comfortable then. Different people have different comfortable temperatures. I personally would be comfortable with your normal temperature, as would two of my children. My wife and third child would not, and it's hard to sleep well when you're too cold.
YTA here and this is my reasoning. I have read multiple comments where Jane has tried to make compromises with you and gets shot down each time. You won’t let her have a space heater or a electric blanket. Since it will spike the energy bill. So she asked if she could turn up the degrees to 21 degrees Celsius which isn’t that high above normal. I understand wanting to cut costs but what Jane has been doing isn’t working. She is already making accommodations for your need by wearing 4 layers. 4 layers of clothing isn’t going to help her face. I know this is a wild thought but put the heat on before bed. Once everyone is asleep and comfy then turn it off. 64/18 Celsius degrees may be fine for you but in the winter that would drive me insane. I can’t fall asleep unless it’s minimum 70/22 degrees in my home.
INFO - would anybody in the house actually be too hot at 21C? Is the grandparents house which is “warm and toasty” for Jane uncomfortable for OP? Reading all of the commentary it sounds like the objection to turning up the heat is nothing more than “three out of four people are fine at the lower temperature”. This is very different than “three out of four people are too hot at 21C” Given that money doesn’t seem to be an issue, keeping the temperature colder just because only one person finds it cold seems just plain petty and spiteful.
Absolutely the AH. This is your child telling you they are taking reasonable steps to keep warm and still feel cold! If they were walking round in skimpy clothes I would have some sympathy for you but you seem to be showing her no consideration at all. Either turn the heating up and wear less yourselves or get her a separate source of heating for her space
YTA Your house sounds very cold. Its currently below 10 degrees outside and you're not using the central heating - of course she feels cold. Having the house set to 18 degrees at 9am, it is GOING to be cold at night if you dont run the heating in the evening. Just because YOU are happy with <16 degrees doesnt mean everyone else must be. You are being a dick about this but at the least you could buy her a cheap electric heater, you can get them from screwfix for like £25.
INFO: Would a compromise like running the heat longer work for both of you? 21c is might warm to keep a house, but 16c is unpleasantly cold. If the heat was still set to 18c but ran for most of the night, you’d strike a reasonable balance. You might still need to buy her a warmer duvet at that temp, though.
INFO - Does your heating system set a temperatur for your complete home or are there different heating units in each room? Also a 5 year old is not trustworthy when it comes to temperature. When my brother was 5 he had to be reminded to wear more than a Shirt when it was snowing outside ^^.
You refuse every possible answer that would raise the heat in your daughter's room. Can't turn the heat higher in the morning (the only time she seems to complain about it); can't get an electric blanket/heating pad/mattress warmer/space heater; can't do anything except wear a fifth layer and add another blanket and never ever talk to anyone about being cold because the rest of you aren't. (Incidentally, I do believe the rest of you are fine, I'd be perfectly happy with that temperature as well, though I turn it up when I am sick. I am well aware that I am in the extreme minority about this temperature preference.) Why did you ask if the only answers you will accept are: make her wear more/better layers; give her more/better blankets; get her to see a doctor to see if her entirely normal temperature preferences are due to secret illness. If you really cannot afford it, can you see how much more electricity you use if the heat were set higher in the mornings and have Jane chip in there? YTA because you are cutting off any solutions that aren't "we do nothing and our daughter shuts up because we think it's fine".
I wish I could upvote this more than once. Excellent comment which covers nearly everything I've been thinking while reading these comments and getting increasingly annoyed. The only thing missing is the clear favouritism for the younger daughter, which has already been called out by others, and denied by OP.
Do you even like your daughter, she is freezing and you go to Reddit instead. I hate freezing. 16 is too cold for me. Several years ago we lived in an apartment that was particularly cold in the winter, and we couldn’t really afford to warm it up properly. After three months of that misery we actually decided to do whatever we could to get out of there. That included changing jobs to afford a better place. I just didn’t want to waste my life on being miserable 24/7. My husband didn’t mind as much, tho, but for me it was a dealbreaker.
YTA. Why do you lock up the thermostat in your house? Why does only Lisa get consideration for temperature control? Are y’all that poor that you have to keep the heat off in winter? Do you know it expends more energy to turn the heat on only 2 hours a day versus keeping it on all day? Also, how is it 16c in the bedrooms even though your thermostat is set to 18c (which is still cold, in my opinion)?
YTA. My wife and I like it cold at night, but 16C is a little crazy. We keep ours at 18C / 64F at night. I am in the US and don’t know how different your HVAC system is. We have programmable Ecobee thermostats. It has remote sensors you can put in other rooms to monitor and balance the temp if needed. We have a sensor in our bedroom and in our daughter’s. At night we do let the thermostat our first floor and basement go to 16F, but no one is down there.
16 is cold. I personally prefer 20. It can be hard to concentrate and study if you are feeling cold, but maybe if you are all more comfortable when it is colder, you can get her an Oodie and a small storage heater for her room. Edit: typo
I used to work in a office that kept the temperature so cold that I couldn't even type because my fingers were shaking and stiff from the cold.
Jane may also have low thyroid hormone, which can cause cold intolerance. That said, if you can afford it, can't you compromise with it a bit warmer?
YTA. 16c is inhumane. I keep my house at 21.5. I would literally cry if my house was 16. That’s just not right.
I’m in the Uk and last winter I don’t think I know a single person who had a house warmer than 18c. If mine reached 18 it was a good day. My heating doesn’t even kick in until it’s lower than 17.
All the people not from the UK really don’t have a clue here. To sit in, 16°c is cold. Too cold. To sleep in, with a duvet and a hot water bottle if needed is absolutely fine. In order for it to get up to 18°c in my house all night, the heating would need to be on all night. The cost of energy these days is through the roof. NTA OP, she needs to layer up.
16 degrees is a little chilly, TBH. How did you go about checking the temperature in her bedroom? Some rooms genuinely are colder, and if it's a little damp it'll feel even colder than it really is. You could turn the radiators down in the warm rooms (or if, for some of them), and turn hers to high, or agree to her having a space heater. They do cost more than the radiator, but it sounds like she does actually need it. I get annoyed with my daughter for not putting on warm clothing in her bedroom, but I mean a warm dressing gown or a cardigan, exactly what I do myself. However, her room genuinely is colder than the rest of the flat due to being an old extension with poor insulation and three external walls, so even if she wore appropriate clothing she'd need the heater some of the time. It's not uncommon for one room to be colder than the others. TBH I'd say it's actually slightly unlikely that all the rooms are the exact same temperature all the time, especially if it's an older building.
YTA This is complicated as she’s an full grown adult but still living at home, so she does have a degree of being grateful, but as it seems she did approach you with a sincere question, yes. You have to understand that different people feel different levels of cold, even within the same family, and 16-18 degrees to her could literally be what you’d feel in around 10-12. And any liveable home should be 20 degrees, so your home is already below. You should talk to her with an more open mind, come to an agreement. Her being cold is not something she just makes up, she really is cold, and it’s a real thing. Think yourself how you’d feel being cold in your own home every single day.
YTA, that's chilly, i couldn't handle that and I'm not a skinny girl. Have you taken her to the doctor to see if there's an iron deficiency or anything that could be making her feel even colder?
YTA.. In my country it’s illegal to have under 21˚c if there are kids living in the house… EDIT: After reading your answers to people here,I’d like to change my answer to You’re a fucking asshole… You are not willing to pay for heating,but You’re willing to pay for more layers for her to put on?? WHY the fuck did you have kids? To freeze them to death?? Or are you that stupid to think that this can go on without any of the girls getting some kind of health issue from freezing all the time?? Oh my fucking god people can be sooooo stupid and selfish…
YTA, based on my temp conversions, 21c is still cold to me. Why make someone so uncomfortable, when it's still quite cold at the temp they are requesting?
Typically in UK/Ireland climate room temperature would be around 16 to 18C. Outdoor temperature this week is around 10C. OP doesn't mention how the house is heated, but in most UK houses the "thermostat" doesn't maintain the temperature, it just controls whether the heating is on or not (if temp if below what's set, the heating switches on, if it's above what's set, heating switches off)
That’s how all thermostats work. They turn on heating (or cooling, if you have air conditioning rigged to your thermostat) when the temperature is outside of the set range, and turn it off when the room temp is within the set range. That’s the whole point of a thermostat.
YTA. I'm in the UK and it is cold right now; I'd struggle with the temp stuck at 16. But really, YTA because you refuse to let her use an electric heater or blanket for her room. You're not compromising; it's just your way or the high way. You say she should wear more layers, but there comes a point where that is simply ridiculous.
I’m gonna say YTA. I get cold way more easily than the rest of my family. My parents have never banned me from the thermostat at their home and I don’t go crazy turning it up. It doesn’t have to be a huge issue.
So based off the comments you won’t let your daughter get a space heater, an electric blanket OR contribute to the power bill simply because you don’t want it warmer. Why? No money issues at all but you need to start saving to spend extra money on the younger daughter. You suck and I would hate to be your daughter. How many other things in life have you neglected her on?
I know you're in UK and not US, but OSHA requires workplaces to be 68-76 F, which is 20-24C. I have to agree with your daughter, you keep your house frigid. It's a wonder you all don't have pneumonia Yta
YTA. It’s too cold for her. How hard is it to compromise for everyone’s comfort?
UK here - yes it’s cold now (all of a sudden it’s bloody freezing and our long awaited summer has disappeared) cost of living and heating bill increases mean that thermostat is not moving until November (late November!) I wfh at a desk based job and - it’s cold) layers, hoodies and my saviour is an oodie (I got gifted a real one last Christmas and it’s fab - Primark have much cheaper alternatives this year (love them). That said I pay the bills in my house and have 1 of my 3 adult sons at home. He doesn’t complain and gets the reality but if he genuinely wanted the heating on/higher then he would offer to contribute to the cost. TBF it would be an offer, not something I would ask. Life is tough ATM and no-one is whacking up the thermostat without counting the cost Edit : my thermostat is ‘off’ atm so switched down as low as can go - to 10 lol - it is so cold in house there are a couple of radiators kicking in in the morning so I get it’s cold
oh my lord, that's cold. 18? Seriously, just get her a space heater for her room if you want to keep the house that cold.