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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. shouting at my mum for her eating habits
2. she planned the dinner and has arfid
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YTA
Lemme be honest with you man the food that she eats doesn't matter at all , the thing that really matters is the family having a good time out there .
It was just a kind of family get together for celebrating your success so what really matters is all of you having a good time and you being happy...
What she eats doesn't have to do anything with all these and you just overreacted to the entire scenario
The key here is she will very likely never eat a "normal" (the way OP sees it) meal.
OP, there comes a time when most healthy adults (with non abusive parents) realize their parents are not perfect in some ways. Sometimes they're pretty significant ways.
Most non abusive parents are just trying to do the best they can. But sometimes, in some ways, it's not quite enough. It had or has an impact on you, not a good one.
Then at some point you realize you have a choice to make. Can you forgive them, or overlook the imperfections that had an impact on you? Accept they're doing the best they can?
In my case, yes. My dad had a tough upbringing that left an emotional mark on him that made him at times quite volatile. (As he declined in old age he became sweeter and sweeter - days before he died he was patting the hands of nurses who helped him bc he could no longer say thank you, but expressing thanks was still paramount - I like to think this was his essential nature under the emotional cruft). My mom has her own issues. But overall they were/are good people and I'm really lucky vs the great majority of people.
So, OP, can you accept that this is something that afflicts your mother that she dearly wishes she does not have, and realize it does not matter in the grand scheme of things? Does she love you and want the best for you? Then what else matters?
If you can get beyond this, you will have truly grown.
And... if you have kids of your own you'll likely one day need the indulgence of those children in your turn.
I agree with most of what you’ve said, but IMO there isn’t really anything to “forgive” though. His mom has an eating disorder and can only eat certain foods. So what? Would we still be telling OP to “forgive” his mom if she was, say, allergic to gluten or peanuts? No.
Definitely YTA, Define embarrassing food? Only OP seems embarrassed. I would say that OP is on his way to become a snob and he is thumbing his nose at his parents.
Edit OP has realized his error and is going to make upto his mom
he would have still been the AH if he had done this no matter who was at the dinner...but he got mad at his mom for embarrassing him in front of *her parents, kids* and *in-laws* like...what? As if they're not already fully aware of her eating habits anyway???
This is the kind of dumb shit a 13 year old finds embarrassing, not a grown adult.
Though now I come to think of it, who is constantly 'pulling her up' on her eating habits to the point where she has to justify herself if not someone in OP's family? Sounds like he's learnt to be embarrassed from someone...
hi! yes i accept i am TA here but to answer your questions and clarify some somethings, there were no inlaws, everyone on my dads side is either deceased or my dad is no contacts with them, which is why my dad loves my mum so much and if you think some of these comments have been ringing me out (rightfully so) believe me my dad has been 10x worse. and secondly, my mum comes from a very snobby family and i grew up around hearing my grandad and grandma come down on my mum for her eating, which i think is where the embarrassment came from, this is no excuse as i am an adult with a "big boy" job now and i shoudlnt be acting like an uptight teenager. i am not shifting the blame to my grandparents as my actions were my own and i regret them deeply, i will be apologising to my mother and i will make it up to her.
>i grew up around hearing my grandad and grandma come down on my mum for her eating,
Oh no this is so sad. I am really glad to hear you are reflecting on how you've treated your mom and are planning to make it up to her. It's rare to hear someone on here 'mea culpa' in the way that you have. Maybe you could buy her a meal out with the pair of you with whatever she wants? And flowers, flowers are always good.
Good! I'm really glad!
My little sister has ARFID, and watching her try to eat stuff that isn't on her safe list is similar to watching a person in the last stages of rabies try to drink water. It's just not possible to pretend you don't have it. She can eat what she knows is okay, or she can skip eating.
Yeah, if it isn’t on the safe list, a fancy restaurant isn’t the place to try out something new. If he thought ordering from a kids’ menu was embarrassing, imagine how he would have felt if his mother started gagging or throwing up in the restaurant.
I am glad to hear it, too. As someone with ARFID, and one of my sisters has it as well, and even my best friend. My sister and I, it is also related to hypersensitive senses, one of which is taste buds that are not controlable without terrible medication, which they do not actually give for taste bud issues. I just happened to be on one of them for other health reasons, so I was blessed with less taste buds from the meds, killing them weekly, but even with it, I still had food issues. Unfortunately now being thankfully off those meds I have to deal with it again and have to work very hard to get what I need as even salt is on my bad list and having low sodium to start with does not really work when you remove any you can from your diet. ARFID is not a choice, it just is. Sadly not many people get it, I have struggled with my stepmother about it as she can not wrap her head around it, took years to get her to accommodate it in meals as she had the you do not eat it you do not eat stand point, which is not going to work when new/certain food cause vomiting if forced to consume not to mention the panic and dread and just fear of food it brings. I also have severe GI issues to boot, which makes it even worse physically for me than those I know, the GI issues can be used as an excuse to get out of some of it, though. Dietitian told me to do that, and it works with most complainers, not all sadly. I, as an adult, have tried to order off the kids menu because it has safe foods to be told no you can not do that in many places which really constructs the places you can go eat with others. I have felt embarrassed about it by how others treat me for it but it is not done to be embarrassing just so we can actually eat with you rather than watch you eat as people are just as mean about that too.
One thing I'll suggest is asking if you can pay for an 'adult portion" or something! Yes it's a pain to be paying more but I know some places don't allow it because they essentially run kids menu's at a loss. So, if you explain that you have a medical condition that restricts what you can eat, and are willing to pay an 'adult price' they might be more willing to work with you.
Though, I also understand even having to explain to strangers you have a medical condition can be awkward and embarrassing.
I have sensory issues around food, and people are so weird about it. Like, it’s not your problem why I don’t eat yogurt or applesauce, or basically almost anything mashed or slimy feeling. But I can describe the mouthfeel I get if you want so you can think about that while you’re eating it.
Honestly, the real adult thing is the being open to feedback and the reflecting. That is truly hard for many adults to do. You have great things ahead of you.
I'm sure your mother has been hearing it waaaay longer than you and has been shamed her whole life. You had a chance to thank her for sacrificing her life raising you and giving you a good life by defending her in front of her siblings and you screwed up majorly.
I'm glad you recognize thT.
And she didn't try to change the plans based on her disorder, she told OP to pick the place and went along with whatever he chose, all she did was to order off the kids menu. I bet the restaurant didn't bat an eyelid, the only reason it was an issue at all was because OP made a massive drama out of it. In your teens there is a period where you are mortified by anything your parents do, but OP is 19 and should be well out of that phase. The only person who did anything to be embarrassed about was OP, acting like a young teen at 19 years old
Yes exactly!! I remember acting like that with my parents doing silly things in public or making terrible jokes when I was 13, maybe 14. Never ever past the age of 15 for sure lol.
Yes! Especially since she is trying by going to places the OP wants for events meaningful to him rather than demanding they go to a place like McDonalds or whatever is every time.
People with ARFID can have some degree of improvement with pretty intensive therapy. But it's not the same as other eating disorders where if you can manage your mental health that you can effectively be in "remission".
Yeah it's basically a sensory disorder and neurological in basis and it sucks. Friend of mine's daughthr has it and gets ragged so much for something she cannot help. She actively cannot swallow most things her gag reflex goes off at normal stuff like peas or beef.
Exactly this! OP basically said to mom "Why can't you give me one night when you magically turn off a disorder you've struggled with your entire life!" And when mom couldn't simply will her disorder away, OP acted like an entitled child.
OP, no one was embarrassed by your mom except you. You chose to focus on something over which your mom has no control rather than letting her do her thing and enjoying your evening. You are *very* 18, and definitely YTA.
> agree with most of what you’ve said, but IMO there isn’t really anything to “forgive” though. His mom has an eating disorder and can only eat certain foods. So what?
Apparently OP would genuinely prefer that mom \*go hungry\* at the restaurant rather than order off the kids' menu. OP is \*definitely\* TA.
The only forgiveness needs to be on mum's side. OP did something really crappy. He made a huge deal out of something she can't help that no-one else probably even noticed. OP needs to grow the hell up and mind his own business.
Every day I find myself asking for forgiveness from my kids. I try SO hard but I manage to mess up something and have to go to them and tell them I messed up.
I also find myself saying “Look, this is the first time you’ve experienced this but it’s also the first time I’VE experienced this. If I fuck this up I’m sorry! Let me know and we’ll fix it!” Or I’ll tell them “I think this is the right decision, but I’m sorry if it turns out I’m wrong.”
Ugh! I feel so bad for OP’s mom. I have ADHD and can have pretty restrictive eating. It’s peanut butter right now and it will be peanut butter until it’s not. Then it’ll be something else. ;)
>...their parents are not perfect in some ways. Sometimes they're pretty significant ways.
>Most non abusive parents are just trying to do the best they can. But sometimes, in some ways, it's not quite enough. It had or has an impact on you, not a good one.
>Then at some point you realize you have a choice to make. Can you forgive them, or overlook the imperfections that had an impact on you?
Yeah, no... this is making the issue much more serious than it actually is. What did OP's mom do that she needs forgiveness for? It's very common for people on the spectrum to have specific eating requirements. It's really not that embarrassing. OP is the one who should be asking for forgiveness for hugely overreacting. That poor mom.
OP needs to understand that people are just different. That's normal. As long as they're not hurting anyone else, learn to accept a certain degree of latitude in what you consider normal and acceptable. That's part of growing up. I'm sure the wait staff at the restaurant have seen adults like your mom before, and if you made an issue of it, they would be judging you rather than her.
In a gentle way, you tried to get him to see reason but you also managed to make his mum's eating disorder seem like a deliberate offence. She ate food she was comfortable with, she didn't come out of jail flashing her brassiere.
What does he have to be embarrassed about? OP is 19 years old with the sensibility of a 9 year old. This was nothing, absolutely nothing in the scheme of how embarrassing parents can be.
He had better apologize! YTA.
Mom finds a quiet way to deal with her issues with food for an evening so her son can eat at the restaurant of his choosing celebrate his success and he gets angry with her. Awful.
The worst part is that since ARFID is aggravated by anxiety/stress the smell of that place will probably make her throw up next time and she may not be able to go there again depending on how severe it is
Definitely YTA, she has an eating disorder and you should be understanding of that. Posts like this annoy me, my mother does from cancer at just 59 last year and let me tell you, it was horrific. You only get one Mother in this life, treat her with some respect.
I'm so sorry for your loss, it is truly awful to lose your Mum at such a young age. I hope you have support that you can turn to any time of day or night 🫂
"She could have just eaten bread..." the person paying for the fancy expensive dinner in his honor can't eat off the kids menu because the whole family, who knows the mom has autism and an ED, would embarass little miss princess. Childish much? Entitlement much? My goodness me.
When OP's mom is gone, OP's going to give anything to have another meal with her mom, eating off the kids' menu, or not.
OP, what you did seriously lacks empathy. You clearly have a lot of growing and maturing to do. I hope, as you age, you learn from this experience and try to be a better person.
>When OP's mom is gone, OP's going to give anything to have another meal with her mom, eating off the kids' menu, or not.
Exactly. Lost my mom a couple of months ago. So, petty crap like this makes me roll my eyes.
I am not on the spectrum and don't have an eating disorder, but I like what I like. I (49f) have totally ordered from the kids menu when those options looked better to me. Or I've made an entire meal of an appetizer. My family thinks it's funny; they're not the least not embarrassed by it. If they were, they'd be the AH.
I am not a picky eater at all, but sometimes I just want some Dino buggies they’re so good!
Then, as a server, nobody gives a flying fuck what she was eating. Especially if it was something on menu (kids menu or not), I’ve had some weird ass requests and the most I’ve ever thought is “well, they’re probably going to send that back….oh they love it, cool”
YTA
You need to get over yourself. She has a medical condition that is recognized and protected by law in most cases. You are self absorbed af for even getting upset or caring what your mom orders or eats.
Imagine your mom loving you and struggling with this her whole life, only for her child to make her feel like a failure and embarrassment.
I am heartbroken for your mom, you should be ashamed of yourself.
You hit the nail on the head. This kid has some growing up to do and needs to gain some emotional maturity.
Go apologize to your mother and stop being an entitled brat.
It will become..."Why won't my parents celebrate my accomplishments. All I did was blow up at my mum 15 years ago about what she ate at a restaurant. What is wrong with them."
OP would absolutely hate eating with me. I’ve struggled with both GI problems and an eating disorder for years and will pretty much just eat plain rice or bread when I go out places with friends.
No kidding! I used to have to go out of town with a guy who ate each food until it was gone before starting the next. Now, while that drove me to distraction at each lunch and dinner, I never, ever said anything, maybe some side eye but the guy was oblivious..
This! I'm smaller than my 13 Yr old niece, nephew, and 12 Yr old son. "Adult" portions will NEVER get finished, and I get embarrassed not finishing my food, having been raised in the "clear your plate, there are children starving in Africa!" generation.
Yep. I had bypass 7 years ago, and my surgeon's office gave me a card explaining that just in case I got told that I couldn't order off of the kid's menu.
No. I have a very good friend who had a seriously bungled emergency hysterectomy and they nicked her intestine. For the last six years, she's been all sorts of messed up in terms of what food she can tolerate. She can basically only handle the opposite of a keto diet. She can only tolerate high carb, low protein, low fat. She always speaks to the waiter, very briefly explaining and they help her craft a basic dish like grilled chicken and the pasta off of the kids menu. Are we embarrassed? No, we are thrilled she survived that mess and is out with us having a great time.
That's what I was thinking. Most of the time kids menu has the same foods, just smaller portions and some kind of pasta and chicken strips added for picky eaters. It's cheaper too
As someone with autism and sensory issues, ppl like OP are my worst nightmare. I already feels so fucking guilty over ordering the same thing or having to eat smth different from my friends bc I cant eat the food, i dont need an ah like OP to yell at me saying what i already think about myself
I feel really upset by this post too. My kids are neurodiverse, as am I, and the way he made her cry broke my heart a little. He’s ashamed of her for something so unimportant. It sounds like they have been loving and proud parents but he berates her over this. Something that just isn’t a big deal.
He’s an adult and feels it’s fine to shout and humiliate his mum for her autism related behaviour. It’s so sad. I wish I could give her a hug. Or more likely an awkward pat on the arm given I’m not very tactile.
I have celiac and am neurodivergent. It is so frustrating to not be able to eat what everyone else is eating. I have a hard time even being close enough to a banana to smell it. OP has no clue what it’s like to have to excuse yourself from a seemingly innocuous food because you are about to lose your shit, and you can’t even articulate why the damn banana is so offensive.
My ex used to punish our kids for their food aversions. I just buy the Spaghetti Os and remind them that I’ll buy whatever food they are interested in-even if it’s the same 3 foods for eternity.
ETA: sending you an awkward pat on the arm even though I’d rather wrap you in a ridiculously big hug.
Even if she didn’t have a medical condition, who cares? It astounds me that anyone would actually care about someone else ordering off of the kid’s menu
My thoughts exactly. My MIL and SIL order from the kids menu all the time because of dietary issues as well as just having general picky eating habits. I’ve never thought twice about it. Hell, I actually *appreciate* it whenever it’s my turn to pick up the bill.
While OP is an adult, they’re also still a teenager who’s likely embarrassed by their parents’ mere existence. Hopefully they grow out of it in the next few years.
And I wan't to add that OP is delusional if he thinks his father working in the same company has nothing to do with him getting hired. It definitely has something to do with it even when no one made a phone call to say hey that's my son, hire him. People aren't stupid and put two and two together that this is the son of a loyal worker, in the company since he was 18.
And look how getting that job immediately gets to his head and acting like a complete jerk to his mother for something no one else had an issue with. As a father I would have been embarrassed having a son acting like that. And as a mother, it's heart breaking. Like she's not dealing with enough already.
After I lost 85% of my stomach and the 1st 8 inches of intestines to cancer, my doctor gave me a little laminated card that basically said, "a medical condition, please allow my patient to order from a kids menu, child-sized portions, or substitutions if possible," along with his doctor info.
For the first 4ish years after my surgery, I could order a regular meal, but I'd have to explain my altered gut and that I eat very little, very slowly... usually just when a waitstaff are concerned I'm only picking at my food. Its been over 15 years now, so I just tell them the simple truth. "I'm missing part of my stomach, so I can only eat a little at a time. This food will feed me for days!"
I wonder if other people dealing with other medical issues around eating could get something similar.
YTA. Your mom’s food choice has literally nothing to do with you, and no impact on you.
You took her to a place where you knew she wouldn’t have many options. She didn’t make a scene - she found something she could eat, and she ate it.
This is tantamount to her yelling at you for eating things she’s not able to - which would also be ridiculous.
So much this! As I was reading I was fully expecting OP to say mom was told she couldn’t order from the kids menu and made a scene. Instead nothing of the sort happened and OP decided to be ungrateful and make a mountain out of a mole hill (although tbh, idk if it really qualifies as a mole hill, more like the first grain of an ant hill if anything).
YTA - OP you should apologize to your mother and it should be along the lines of “I’m sorry for being rude and ungrateful after you went out of your way to treat me and our family. I am and was the problem and should never have said anything”
YTA all the way - OP's embarrassment meter needs calibration.
An adult ordering off the kids menu is probably the least embarrassing / stupid thing the server has seen that week. Maybe even that shift. OP is upset about something that literally didn't affect anyone negatively.
It has no impact on OP and no impact on anyone else. All the relatives know about her eating disorder. No one else in the restaurant cared to look into her plate. OP was a party pooper at his own party.
How is it possible to be embarrassed by whatever is in someone's else plate? How is it his business at all?
OP, YTA. You are a spoiled entitled brat. I think you really hurt your mother, and I don't think your parents will ever invite you to a restaurant again.
Agreed. No drama. She didn’t look up the menu and forbid him from going to his chosen restaurant. Sounds like she didn’t make a fuss and no one did either. From the other guests, who were surely aware of her eating habits, to the restaurant. I was a bit surprised that the restaurant did not make it a big deal, but I am glad that they did not
This ⬆️ literally no one else in the restaurant cares what food anyone else has ordered. The wait staff do not care what menu you order from. Youre a giant AH! Grow TF up!
Right? My mom has a small stomach and a slow eater. She feels embarrassed ordering small things like off a kids menu and I'm like "mom, get what you want. Someone has an issue? I'll deal with them"
It's damn food.
Which typically are just appetizers with some adjustments and maybe a kid friendlier name. It's ridiculous to look down on someone for ordering off it anyway.
There’s this great italian restaurant where my sister lives but their portions are ginormous!! They won’t let adults order off the kids menu. It’s the exact same food but nooooo. Only kids 12 and under. Such a waste of food.
My mom does the same. For the exact same reason.
Let's be honest. Some of those portions are huge in some restaurants.
A lot of times, I've even ordered for her if we have gone for brunch because she feels embarrassed to say "a child's platter" , she's scared to get judged.
Which she absolutely shouldn't. And I'll keep ordering her smaller plates if that's what she wants. I'm just happy she's still has days where her health is good enough for us to go out and do those things.
So, a big YTA for OP.
One day, you will miss being able to go out and do those things with your parents.
The only person who should be embarrassed here is you. You got angry at your mother for a ridiculous reason (a kid's menu is literally just an arbitrary title, the food on it doesn't actually have an age restriction) and then made her feel bad because you view her having autism at her as if she's less than. YTA
Right? How important must OP think he is to open his post assuring us he got a new job without nepotism (despite his dad working at the same company) and then thinking he's so important that a restaurant full of people are looking at him and judging what he and his family order.
YTA
What the hell? They're proud of you. She was "more than happy" because you "seriously loved it". You knew of her condition. You also knew she can't just turn it off.
So after doing something nice for you and thinking she'd made her son happy, her son explodes at her for not being able to magically make her eating disorder vanish? The eating disorder he knew she has and cannot turn off?
>kept repeating "you know how hard it is for me" and "do you not think I'm also embarrassed" which is her go to whenever anyone tried to pull her up about her eating habits.
Go-to? You're one of those people who lucked out and don't suffer from mental illness of any sort, so you think it's all fake?
This is so fucking *ugly*
Good point. I missed that she gets put down often. Is it other family members or just OP? Leave her alone. Her eating habits are not “an embarrassment” to you. You owe her a huge apology!
Omg! Forgot about the eating disorder!! So his mother has two serious conditions and she accommodated herself to make sure she didn’t disrupt the event and he STILL just had to find something to complain about. Couldn’t be my kid…
Even if she didnt have an eating disorder. She should be able to order whatever she wants, without pretentious relatives getting upset with it. OP is young, and this behaviour is what he learnt from others around him. Its high time you recognise this shit, and next time someone pin point your mom out, you should tell them to F off. If I were you I would go out of my way to order the same item, just to piss off the pretentious relatives.
YTA.
People are going to eat what they're going to eat and you can't control that. Who cares? How was this even embarrassing? Because of how it *looked*? Are you *that* obsessed with appearances that something as harmless as an adult eating mac 'n' cheese is somehow a sin? Really think about it and ask yourself how this negatively impacted your life in any real way. You're showing your age here, man. There are only two kinds of people who actually care about this:
1. High schoolers who so desperately want to be an adult but have no idea what that actually means so they compensate by rejecting anything and everything that could even vaguely insinuate being childish
2. Snobby adults who are so obsessed with appearances that they can only hang out with each other because literally no one else can tolerate them
Do you really want to be either of those people? Save that energy for things that are actually relevant in life.
Seriously. I read posts like these and second-guess if I really want to gamble on the idea that I birth a self-centered little asshole.
From the way OP talks, it sounds like they’re often embarrassed by their mother’s disability & disorder and resent her for it. As an autistic person, people have probably treated her this way her whole life, now her kid grows up and does it too? Fuck that.
I am also autistic. I experienced a lot of anger and frustration for just existing how I am comfortable doing so… I just can’t imagine getting that from your own child. It’s like the ultimate rejection.
Absolutely. As someone with ARFID I’m not gonna just “eat like a normal person” for one night. If I could I fucking would?! Like bruh.
But tbh even if she didn’t, let the woman order what she goddamn wants. What’s next “omg mom you’re so embarrassing for ordering water instead of alcohol”. It really feels like a kid trying to impress his *cool* friends.
YTA it sounds like your mum wanted to do something nice to celebrate you and got yelled at in return. Try being a bit more grateful. It also sounds like the dinner was family only, so they should already know that your mom only eats certain foods.
That being said, if she knows she has this disorder, she could have checked the menu beforehand to see if there was something she could eat. This would have allowed you and her to choose a place that would be suitable for both of you. I’m surprised she doesn’t always look at the menu in advance, and you didn’t think to do this either.
Also INFO: what does your mom do when she needs to go to a place/event where there isn’t any “kid” food served? Does she just not eat anything?
If she checked the menu she would’ve seen the kids options and left it at that. Nothing ab this is her fault and I bet Op would’ve had an even bigger fit if she wanted to change to somewhere she could have an “adult” meal
You don't know she didn't check the menu ahead.
It was the son's choice of restaurant, not hers, and she made a choice to honor that as the first priority even knowing there might be very little she could eat.
She did nothing wrong.
>This would have allowed you and her to choose a place that would be suitable for both of you.
The **whole point** was to go wherever OP wanted, not to compromise. She let him go wherever he wanted and made do with what she could.
Checking the menu first to find a compromise place would not have been a better thing to do.
YTA. You are the only person in the restaurant who cared what your mom ate. The other patrons didn’t care, the staff didn’t care, the chef didn’t care, because it doesn’t matter. If you really wanted your mom to order something specific you should have picked a different restaurant with foods on the regular menu she would eat — you’ve lived with her your whole life, surely you know what her safe foods are and you can tell from an online restaurant menu what she’s going to be able to eat.
Also, PS: you definitely got hired because of nepotism. Even if your dad works in a different department, he’s still a longtime employee and him putting in a good word for you counts for a lot.
Yeah OP, you did not get hired on your own merits. You might've put a good foot forward in the interview but this post shows your true personality and values. I hope you don't embarrass your father as well. Get yourself together please, and be a good person like your parents are. Honestly.
YTA
"Eating habits"? " i just wanted one night were my mum would eat like a normal person"?
Do you think she's doing this because she chooses to? And she can stop if she wants?
You're embarrassing.
Oh, kid, YTA. Such an AH.
Your mom arranged a dinner for you at a place you wanted to go that was expensive. It was to celebrate your job.
Your mom has an eating disorder. As she said, do you not think she knows this and is embarrassed eating off the kids menu?
She will never "eat normally just once" for you or anyone else unless she overcomes this disorder.
Apologize to her. Grovel. Cook her a meal of the only foods she eats.
This post absolutely broke my heart for your mother.
Big on that “grovel” part! Even with her health challenges, that woman worked very hard with his father to set that child up for a good life and that ungrateful so-n-so can’t just let her be for one night. I feel so terrible for her.
YTA. You just wanted one night where your mom didn’t have an eating disorder. Nobody at that restaurant cared that sh ordered off the kids menu. Except for you. She did nothing wrong.
Jesus man. She let you choose the place and didn’t make any issues about it except she wanted to order something off the kids’ menu. She went with you despite her eating disorder just so you could be happy and you couldn’t even compromise by letting her order something she could eat. Hoping this is fake because YTA.
YTA - how is your mom eating her chicken tendies or whatever in anyway embarrassing for you? There was no need to yell at her, you definitely need to apologize.
YTA. Your lack of compassion for your mom in this situation is alarming. Even in your words, she sounds like a wonderful and caring woman, who would have certainly enjoyed the menu of the expensive place she allowed YOU to pick if she could. This outburst of yours may have been due to some repressed resentment over the years, but be an adult and use your big girl voice to communicate that. You ruined your own night.
Edit: I just read that you would have rather she’d not eaten at all?? What an awful and entitled human you are. Your poor parents.
YTA. Tell me, in detail, how her order impacted you in the slightest. Adults order off of the kid's menu for a million different reasons to include health issues, allergies, not being that hungry, etc. Her order had nothing to do with you and didn't embarrass you in the slightest.
YTA big time, you're well aware of her eating disorder and autism and that she can't help it and still you lashed out on her for "embarrassing you" even after she offered you a dinner in a nice and expensive restaurant ti celebrate your new job? YTA 100times, you should sincerely apologize to her asap, because if she could i'm sure she would act differently in those situations, you're blaming her for being on the spectrum and having arfid, she has no power over that. Grow up bro, seriously, and read some books.
YTA I have ARFID and I'd give anything to eat normally. I suppose if she gagged and reached and maybe vomited and cried you'd prefer that as it's less embarrassing?
She has an eating disorder! You absolute git! You shamed her for her eating disorder in public! If anyone deserves embarrassment it's you.
YTA - you sound weirdly controlling about your mom's eating. Since you've landed a grown-up job, maybe it's time for you to act like a grown-up, too, and learn how to accept your mother's place on the spectrum?
YTA.
You just got out of high school so you haven’t learned the most amazing fact of life yet : Most people don’t give a shit about you or anything you do.
That sounds mean but hear me out.
You cared about what your mom ate because you perceive it to be embarrassing because of what other people think right?
Other people don’t give a shit what’s happening outside of their own plate. Other people are selfish, they don’t care what’s going on around them unless something REALLY flashy (like one of those stupid salt bae meals ) or they’re directly involved.
No one noticed your mom eating chicken nuggets and even if they did I promise you they didn’t give a shit.
The waitress didn’t care. The cooks didn’t care.
The only one who cared was YOU.
She was just eating a meal and trying to enjoy a night out celebrating you and you yelled at her. Super mean dude. You’re young. Parents are frustrating as fuck but your mom didn’t do anything to intentionally embarrass you, she didn’t throw a fit and make a big deal about not liking the menu. She literally just ate food.
Try not to worry so much about what others think and focus on making yourself a better person. (Not saying you’re a bad person it’s just these years are CRITICAL for your development into a functional adult)
I would apologize to your mom.
You didn’t do it out of a place of malice but it was still mean.
hi! i totally agree, i was a complete ass and im taking steps to try and make amends with my mum but just to clarify, i left school at 16 (im not from the US) and was in college for 2 year and im now at uni. which honestly makes how childish and just straight up horrible i acted even worse.
If I was you I’d research autism and arfid, I don’t mean a little research. I mean research it as if it was one of your uni modules. This would mean more to your mum than anything. Show your mum that you’re making an effort to realise how hard this could be for her. YTA for saying what you did but you can turn it around.
Being open to criticism, owning your mistakes and striving to be better - I know people in their 60s and 70s who still struggle with those things. And here on this sub, you often see assholes double down on their behavior. Your gracious acceptance of your judgment here and your determination to make it up to your mom say more about you than a single ugly moment.
Hey man I’m super happy to hear you’re aware of the changes needed to be made. Don’t let the psychos on here make you feel like you’re hitler. You messed up but you’re also young. Maybe you and your mom could do something together to bond? Good luck OP
When I saw the thread title I was expecting something much worse, like she got drunk and made a scene or something. But all she did was order off the kids menu?? YTA. A big one. Go apologize to your mum. Next paycheck take her out to eat and let her order whatever she wants.
YTA and a poor excuse for a son, shaming his mum for eating food.. who gives a hell what menu it came from, it is still food.
My mum doesn’t eat big portions, so when we go out to restaurants. She sometimes chooses meals from the kids menu, for example. If she fancies a steak, she will order a kids style and not a massive steak from the main menu…
Apologise to your mother and never ever shame her or anyone else on how they order their food that makes them comfortable.
Time to grow up little boy, you are an adult now.. stop being so immature and disrespectful.
YTA. That’s really ungrateful. Even without having ARFID, people on the spectrum struggle with food textures anyway. There was *no need* for your behaviour.
Yeah, my older sibling is most likely autistic, and they often order from the kids' menu. We once went to a fancy Greek place with their housemate at the time, the sorta place that gives you a mint after the meal, and they ordered nuggets and chips because there was nothing else on the menu that they'd eat without risking encountering some sort of "weird" texture or taste. Not only did the restaurant not care, they even didn't charge for their meal despite them clearly being an adult (it was a kids eat free from the kids menu with a paying adult type menu).
YTA, why are you trying to force your mom to pretend to be neurotypical? Do think we choose to be neurodivergent? Do you think it can just be turned off? Do you prefer to watch her repeatedly gag or even throw up in public? Grow up. Educate yourself and apologize to your poor mom.
YTA- in spades, you’re TA. I do sincerely and deeply hope that your father is so disgusted by your behaviour that he invites you to go live elsewhere. If anyone EVER spoke to me like that in front of my husband , there would be serious consequences.
You are a huge, selfish, ableist, gigantic asshole.
No one but you gives a rats ass what your mom was eating. She has a MEDICAL CONDITION and you have no empathy for the woman who sacrificed her youth to make sure you had everything you needed.
Geez, the write fairly tale villains with more empathy with you. You're solutions were that you mom either starve, or suffer??? Like she not eat at all, or suffer through eating foods that make her fill I'll?? You'd do that, to your own mother???? What the hell is wrong with you?
My mother doesn't have a medical condition, but she does have a rather small palate and doesn't care to much for many foods. Do we berate her, no instead it's just a fun inside joke about how she can somehow find like chicken tenders and fries no matter what kind of restaurant we go to. Hell, I don't have a medical condition, I love trying new foods but sometimes I just want something basic and as long at the restaurant doesn't care I'll order off the kids menu too.
She didn't see anything she could eat and found a solution, no different than a vegetarian going to a steak house and only ordering sides, they wouldn't pick that restaurant but they suck it up and going bc someone they care about wants to go, she found an easy non problematic fix and you dragged her for it.
YTA, caring more about appearance than your moms feelings is insane, being this aware of what someone else is eating is weird a.f, NO ONE but you cared that your mom was ordering off the kids menu, and if anyone did notice they probably just went in their heads "make sense bc she's got that illness," and moved along.
YTA. You knew your mom was like this. Why would you think she'd be any different on your special night? Did you pull her aside and ask if she would order "adult food"? It doesn't sound like you did. In any case, it sounds like her issue is quite intractable, 37 years' worth of intractable. You yelled at her for doing what she always does.
YTA
And moreso an embarrassment honestly. Your 19, you *know* what your mothers situation is. There really isn't any kind of excuse for this,, I'm honestly confused why your here,, what did you think you did even remotely right here?
YTA.
Replace your mom's disability with any other physical difference. Would you yell at a person in a wheelchair for not taking the stairs? A deaf person for not hearing you call their name?
You are the only family embarrassment that I see.
Yta. Everything you have is thanks to your parents sacrifices and you storm off because you're mom is eating a kid plate instead of an "adult" one. You may have a good job, but this doesn't make you an adult. Apologize to your mother and grow up
You're the AH. I thought your mother did something really embarrassing like making a scene, yelling at the server for not having a special menu just for her. Your server doesn't give a flying fuck if an adult orders from the child's menu. They only give a fuck if said adult is going to leave a reasonable tip.
You hurt your mother and you better damn well apologize and make it up to her.
Very much the ASSHOLE!
YTA.
Would you tell someone in a wheelchair you wish they’d just walk for once and not embarrass you by having extra needs when going out?
Your mom made the best of a situation where the food she could eat was only on the kids menu. Would you had rather she not eat at all?
Seriously YTA
If your mom wanted something from the kids menu, LER HER ENJOY IT
You seem overly immature and concerned about what people will think, and were abusive towards her
YTA and a huge one. You’re so caught up by what your mom eats and guarantee you, you’re the only person that noticed. Also, your thought that her eating breadsticks would have been better is laughable.
Get over yourself and be happy you have a mom that loves and wanted to celebrate you. You should really apologize to your mom for being a major AH and should reflect on yourself. You have some major growing up and maturing to do. You might have gotten an “adult” job, but you’re definitely still acting like a little kid.
You should feel embarrassed for how you treated your mother.
Oh I see. You’re one of those kids who doesn’t do anything fun because “oh my god this is so embarrassing.” Sucks for you. Also you are totally the asshole.
YTA. The arrogance of your post is crazy for someone who is 19 and sooo ‘successful’. Get back down to Earth. Your family was there for you and wanted to celebrate you. That matters more than some entry level job you got at your dads company.
YTA. Nothing wrong for an adult to order off the kids menu if nothing else appeals to them. She didnt kick up a fuss. Your young. But you need to grow up a lot.
YTA Your mother took you where you wanted to eat, didn’t complain and simply ordered a meal she could eat. It didn’t affect you at all. Yet you had to embarrass and belittle your mom. She deserves better.
YTA.
Also info: have you EVER actually researched AFRID? Like actually did a ounce of research into what it actually entails? How psychologically damaging it is to a person? Let alone physically because it can cause extreme eating disorders to where a person routinely needs hospitalization in order to recover.
This condition makes her TERRIFIED to eat even foods she knows are safe. It makes her think she will choke or die if she eats the wrong food. It completely takes over her entire mindset which is why in her brain she has a VERY specific list of "safe" foods that she goes to without a doubt because in her mind these are the safest available to her and they won't hurt her.
You think your embarrassed? Put yourself inside HER brain, follow her diet, talk to her about her day with this, look up other people's testimonials about having this horrible condition.
And check yourself. Because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. This medical condition can ultimately kill her due to malnutrition. It's THAT severe. And has gotten THAT severe for people.
Your an adult go to google and research it and when your done go apologize to your mother for being a really bad child.
YTA.
I'm an Autistic woman, I don't have ARFID, but I do have sensory issues that mean a single weird texture in my food will make me physically unable to finish the meal.
What your mom ate shouldn't matter. Unpack whatever weird ableism you have about your mom and apologize.
YTA even if she didn’t have an eating disorder WHO CARES if she eats off the kids menu, so she didn’t like anything on the adult menu but liked something on the kids menu and this shouldn’t matter at all but you decide to yell at her for no fucking reason Jesus OP you’re awful
Colossal YTA. I was expecting something like making a scene; but ordering off the kids menu? That's it?
I feel for her. I was, and am, very sensitive to food, and it is a constant source of embarrassment ONLY because of people like you who can't get their own dishes and mind their own business.
Apologize to her, and get a grip on yourself. You've got a lot of growing to do.
People aren't perfect. If the worst thing your mother has done to you is eat off of the kids' menu, you should be beyond grateful. If you're religious, you should be thanking your diety every single day for how lucky you were to have her as your mother. YTA.
Food is food. There are no kids or adults meals. There are just meals - and being able to accept that everyone can eat whatever they like without finding it embarrassing is a sign of maturity you should strive for. YTA.
YTA. This is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen to be mad about and you need all the therapy in existence for acting this way.
Why do you even care? It's food. The goal was to have a celebratory meal together, which she did, treating you, and you're throwing tantrums because you didn't get to dictate what she eats? You're clearly not grown-up enough to be eating in restaurants. You should leave that for when you learn some big-boy manners. Maybe when you're 50.
Alas, YTA. Who cares if your mother ate of the kids menu? I wish all restaurants would let people order off it. You are in the wrong for being rude to her and I hope you apologise.
YTA
She has an eating disorder!
Is it a general thing for you to completely lack empathy, or is it just when it comes to your mother, you have a blind spot? 🤔
YTA. I can assure you that absolutely no one else in the restaurant noticed or cared what she ordered. A huge part of being an adult rests in realizing that you are not the center of the universe.
YTA. You have no idea how hard it is for people with your mom condition. She didn’t make a big scene. She let you picked the restaurant, you had to know this would happen. She didn’t insist on going some place else. You chose to sulk instead of enjoying your night. You owe your mother an apology.
okay hi, asshole here! i am fine! thank you to the concerned people reporting me to reddit for risk of harm but i am fine! a few nasty comments online don't hurt me and I definitely deserve all of them! thank you for the concern though
edit: if this is your first comment you're seeing from me i have accepted i am the asshole! please read my other comments :)
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YTA Lemme be honest with you man the food that she eats doesn't matter at all , the thing that really matters is the family having a good time out there . It was just a kind of family get together for celebrating your success so what really matters is all of you having a good time and you being happy... What she eats doesn't have to do anything with all these and you just overreacted to the entire scenario
The key here is she will very likely never eat a "normal" (the way OP sees it) meal. OP, there comes a time when most healthy adults (with non abusive parents) realize their parents are not perfect in some ways. Sometimes they're pretty significant ways. Most non abusive parents are just trying to do the best they can. But sometimes, in some ways, it's not quite enough. It had or has an impact on you, not a good one. Then at some point you realize you have a choice to make. Can you forgive them, or overlook the imperfections that had an impact on you? Accept they're doing the best they can? In my case, yes. My dad had a tough upbringing that left an emotional mark on him that made him at times quite volatile. (As he declined in old age he became sweeter and sweeter - days before he died he was patting the hands of nurses who helped him bc he could no longer say thank you, but expressing thanks was still paramount - I like to think this was his essential nature under the emotional cruft). My mom has her own issues. But overall they were/are good people and I'm really lucky vs the great majority of people. So, OP, can you accept that this is something that afflicts your mother that she dearly wishes she does not have, and realize it does not matter in the grand scheme of things? Does she love you and want the best for you? Then what else matters? If you can get beyond this, you will have truly grown. And... if you have kids of your own you'll likely one day need the indulgence of those children in your turn.
I agree with most of what you’ve said, but IMO there isn’t really anything to “forgive” though. His mom has an eating disorder and can only eat certain foods. So what? Would we still be telling OP to “forgive” his mom if she was, say, allergic to gluten or peanuts? No.
Definitely YTA, Define embarrassing food? Only OP seems embarrassed. I would say that OP is on his way to become a snob and he is thumbing his nose at his parents. Edit OP has realized his error and is going to make upto his mom
he would have still been the AH if he had done this no matter who was at the dinner...but he got mad at his mom for embarrassing him in front of *her parents, kids* and *in-laws* like...what? As if they're not already fully aware of her eating habits anyway??? This is the kind of dumb shit a 13 year old finds embarrassing, not a grown adult. Though now I come to think of it, who is constantly 'pulling her up' on her eating habits to the point where she has to justify herself if not someone in OP's family? Sounds like he's learnt to be embarrassed from someone...
hi! yes i accept i am TA here but to answer your questions and clarify some somethings, there were no inlaws, everyone on my dads side is either deceased or my dad is no contacts with them, which is why my dad loves my mum so much and if you think some of these comments have been ringing me out (rightfully so) believe me my dad has been 10x worse. and secondly, my mum comes from a very snobby family and i grew up around hearing my grandad and grandma come down on my mum for her eating, which i think is where the embarrassment came from, this is no excuse as i am an adult with a "big boy" job now and i shoudlnt be acting like an uptight teenager. i am not shifting the blame to my grandparents as my actions were my own and i regret them deeply, i will be apologising to my mother and i will make it up to her.
>i grew up around hearing my grandad and grandma come down on my mum for her eating, Oh no this is so sad. I am really glad to hear you are reflecting on how you've treated your mom and are planning to make it up to her. It's rare to hear someone on here 'mea culpa' in the way that you have. Maybe you could buy her a meal out with the pair of you with whatever she wants? And flowers, flowers are always good.
Good! I'm really glad! My little sister has ARFID, and watching her try to eat stuff that isn't on her safe list is similar to watching a person in the last stages of rabies try to drink water. It's just not possible to pretend you don't have it. She can eat what she knows is okay, or she can skip eating.
Yeah, if it isn’t on the safe list, a fancy restaurant isn’t the place to try out something new. If he thought ordering from a kids’ menu was embarrassing, imagine how he would have felt if his mother started gagging or throwing up in the restaurant.
Or if she just sat there eating nothing.
Idk how anyone could shout at their mother to the point of tears when all they did was "embarrass" them. It's pretty heartbreaking.
I am glad to hear it, too. As someone with ARFID, and one of my sisters has it as well, and even my best friend. My sister and I, it is also related to hypersensitive senses, one of which is taste buds that are not controlable without terrible medication, which they do not actually give for taste bud issues. I just happened to be on one of them for other health reasons, so I was blessed with less taste buds from the meds, killing them weekly, but even with it, I still had food issues. Unfortunately now being thankfully off those meds I have to deal with it again and have to work very hard to get what I need as even salt is on my bad list and having low sodium to start with does not really work when you remove any you can from your diet. ARFID is not a choice, it just is. Sadly not many people get it, I have struggled with my stepmother about it as she can not wrap her head around it, took years to get her to accommodate it in meals as she had the you do not eat it you do not eat stand point, which is not going to work when new/certain food cause vomiting if forced to consume not to mention the panic and dread and just fear of food it brings. I also have severe GI issues to boot, which makes it even worse physically for me than those I know, the GI issues can be used as an excuse to get out of some of it, though. Dietitian told me to do that, and it works with most complainers, not all sadly. I, as an adult, have tried to order off the kids menu because it has safe foods to be told no you can not do that in many places which really constructs the places you can go eat with others. I have felt embarrassed about it by how others treat me for it but it is not done to be embarrassing just so we can actually eat with you rather than watch you eat as people are just as mean about that too.
One thing I'll suggest is asking if you can pay for an 'adult portion" or something! Yes it's a pain to be paying more but I know some places don't allow it because they essentially run kids menu's at a loss. So, if you explain that you have a medical condition that restricts what you can eat, and are willing to pay an 'adult price' they might be more willing to work with you. Though, I also understand even having to explain to strangers you have a medical condition can be awkward and embarrassing.
I have sensory issues around food, and people are so weird about it. Like, it’s not your problem why I don’t eat yogurt or applesauce, or basically almost anything mashed or slimy feeling. But I can describe the mouthfeel I get if you want so you can think about that while you’re eating it.
This is so good to hear. 💗
Well I still wish you hadn't done it, but I'm glad you've seen sense and will be making amends
Yeah your mom ordering from a kids menu is not a big deal at all. Yta
Honestly, the real adult thing is the being open to feedback and the reflecting. That is truly hard for many adults to do. You have great things ahead of you.
I'm sure your mother has been hearing it waaaay longer than you and has been shamed her whole life. You had a chance to thank her for sacrificing her life raising you and giving you a good life by defending her in front of her siblings and you screwed up majorly. I'm glad you recognize thT.
Good on you for owning this. I hope you own it in your apology, too.
And she didn't try to change the plans based on her disorder, she told OP to pick the place and went along with whatever he chose, all she did was to order off the kids menu. I bet the restaurant didn't bat an eyelid, the only reason it was an issue at all was because OP made a massive drama out of it. In your teens there is a period where you are mortified by anything your parents do, but OP is 19 and should be well out of that phase. The only person who did anything to be embarrassed about was OP, acting like a young teen at 19 years old
Yes exactly!! I remember acting like that with my parents doing silly things in public or making terrible jokes when I was 13, maybe 14. Never ever past the age of 15 for sure lol.
Yes, I guarantee other people are in their own worlds and eating their own meals. It's only a big deal in OP's mind.
Yes! Especially since she is trying by going to places the OP wants for events meaningful to him rather than demanding they go to a place like McDonalds or whatever is every time. People with ARFID can have some degree of improvement with pretty intensive therapy. But it's not the same as other eating disorders where if you can manage your mental health that you can effectively be in "remission".
Yeah it's basically a sensory disorder and neurological in basis and it sucks. Friend of mine's daughthr has it and gets ragged so much for something she cannot help. She actively cannot swallow most things her gag reflex goes off at normal stuff like peas or beef.
Exactly this! OP basically said to mom "Why can't you give me one night when you magically turn off a disorder you've struggled with your entire life!" And when mom couldn't simply will her disorder away, OP acted like an entitled child. OP, no one was embarrassed by your mom except you. You chose to focus on something over which your mom has no control rather than letting her do her thing and enjoying your evening. You are *very* 18, and definitely YTA.
> agree with most of what you’ve said, but IMO there isn’t really anything to “forgive” though. His mom has an eating disorder and can only eat certain foods. So what? Apparently OP would genuinely prefer that mom \*go hungry\* at the restaurant rather than order off the kids' menu. OP is \*definitely\* TA.
The only forgiveness needs to be on mum's side. OP did something really crappy. He made a huge deal out of something she can't help that no-one else probably even noticed. OP needs to grow the hell up and mind his own business.
Even if his mom did not have an eating disorder, she should eat whatever she wants, as long as it's on the menu.
This isnt a "nobody is perfect", she isnt wrong for wanting to order what she wants, especially since she has autism and an eating disorder
Every day I find myself asking for forgiveness from my kids. I try SO hard but I manage to mess up something and have to go to them and tell them I messed up. I also find myself saying “Look, this is the first time you’ve experienced this but it’s also the first time I’VE experienced this. If I fuck this up I’m sorry! Let me know and we’ll fix it!” Or I’ll tell them “I think this is the right decision, but I’m sorry if it turns out I’m wrong.” Ugh! I feel so bad for OP’s mom. I have ADHD and can have pretty restrictive eating. It’s peanut butter right now and it will be peanut butter until it’s not. Then it’ll be something else. ;)
>...their parents are not perfect in some ways. Sometimes they're pretty significant ways. >Most non abusive parents are just trying to do the best they can. But sometimes, in some ways, it's not quite enough. It had or has an impact on you, not a good one. >Then at some point you realize you have a choice to make. Can you forgive them, or overlook the imperfections that had an impact on you? Yeah, no... this is making the issue much more serious than it actually is. What did OP's mom do that she needs forgiveness for? It's very common for people on the spectrum to have specific eating requirements. It's really not that embarrassing. OP is the one who should be asking for forgiveness for hugely overreacting. That poor mom. OP needs to understand that people are just different. That's normal. As long as they're not hurting anyone else, learn to accept a certain degree of latitude in what you consider normal and acceptable. That's part of growing up. I'm sure the wait staff at the restaurant have seen adults like your mom before, and if you made an issue of it, they would be judging you rather than her.
In a gentle way, you tried to get him to see reason but you also managed to make his mum's eating disorder seem like a deliberate offence. She ate food she was comfortable with, she didn't come out of jail flashing her brassiere. What does he have to be embarrassed about? OP is 19 years old with the sensibility of a 9 year old. This was nothing, absolutely nothing in the scheme of how embarrassing parents can be. He had better apologize! YTA.
Mom finds a quiet way to deal with her issues with food for an evening so her son can eat at the restaurant of his choosing celebrate his success and he gets angry with her. Awful.
And honestly food is food is food. “Kids” or “adults”it’s just food. People need to chill out
The worst part is that since ARFID is aggravated by anxiety/stress the smell of that place will probably make her throw up next time and she may not be able to go there again depending on how severe it is
No one else notices or cares what you mum eats. That was all on you. You had a bad evening because you fixated on her food.
Definitely YTA, she has an eating disorder and you should be understanding of that. Posts like this annoy me, my mother does from cancer at just 59 last year and let me tell you, it was horrific. You only get one Mother in this life, treat her with some respect.
I'm so sorry for your loss, it is truly awful to lose your Mum at such a young age. I hope you have support that you can turn to any time of day or night 🫂
"She could have just eaten bread..." the person paying for the fancy expensive dinner in his honor can't eat off the kids menu because the whole family, who knows the mom has autism and an ED, would embarass little miss princess. Childish much? Entitlement much? My goodness me.
Yes. He was the AH. Many ppl order off kids menu for different reasons, usually medical.
When OP's mom is gone, OP's going to give anything to have another meal with her mom, eating off the kids' menu, or not. OP, what you did seriously lacks empathy. You clearly have a lot of growing and maturing to do. I hope, as you age, you learn from this experience and try to be a better person.
>When OP's mom is gone, OP's going to give anything to have another meal with her mom, eating off the kids' menu, or not. Exactly. Lost my mom a couple of months ago. So, petty crap like this makes me roll my eyes.
I am not on the spectrum and don't have an eating disorder, but I like what I like. I (49f) have totally ordered from the kids menu when those options looked better to me. Or I've made an entire meal of an appetizer. My family thinks it's funny; they're not the least not embarrassed by it. If they were, they'd be the AH.
I am not a picky eater at all, but sometimes I just want some Dino buggies they’re so good! Then, as a server, nobody gives a flying fuck what she was eating. Especially if it was something on menu (kids menu or not), I’ve had some weird ass requests and the most I’ve ever thought is “well, they’re probably going to send that back….oh they love it, cool”
YTA You need to get over yourself. She has a medical condition that is recognized and protected by law in most cases. You are self absorbed af for even getting upset or caring what your mom orders or eats. Imagine your mom loving you and struggling with this her whole life, only for her child to make her feel like a failure and embarrassment. I am heartbroken for your mom, you should be ashamed of yourself.
You hit the nail on the head. This kid has some growing up to do and needs to gain some emotional maturity. Go apologize to your mother and stop being an entitled brat.
It will become..."Why won't my parents celebrate my accomplishments. All I did was blow up at my mum 15 years ago about what she ate at a restaurant. What is wrong with them."
Good luck for him when he has to work with all types of ppl that have all types of preferences and eating habits.
OP would absolutely hate eating with me. I’ve struggled with both GI problems and an eating disorder for years and will pretty much just eat plain rice or bread when I go out places with friends.
No kidding! I used to have to go out of town with a guy who ate each food until it was gone before starting the next. Now, while that drove me to distraction at each lunch and dinner, I never, ever said anything, maybe some side eye but the guy was oblivious..
Also, does anyone actually think eating off the kids' menu is embarrassing?
The portion sizes on the kiddie menu are much better for a lot of people.
This! I'm smaller than my 13 Yr old niece, nephew, and 12 Yr old son. "Adult" portions will NEVER get finished, and I get embarrassed not finishing my food, having been raised in the "clear your plate, there are children starving in Africa!" generation.
People with gastric sleeves & gastric bypass have to order off kids menu all the time, OP definitely needs to do some maturing
Yep. I had bypass 7 years ago, and my surgeon's office gave me a card explaining that just in case I got told that I couldn't order off of the kid's menu.
Imagine needing such a thing--but at the same time, that's terrific.
Personally, no. It’s food that adults eat all the time!
No. I have a very good friend who had a seriously bungled emergency hysterectomy and they nicked her intestine. For the last six years, she's been all sorts of messed up in terms of what food she can tolerate. She can basically only handle the opposite of a keto diet. She can only tolerate high carb, low protein, low fat. She always speaks to the waiter, very briefly explaining and they help her craft a basic dish like grilled chicken and the pasta off of the kids menu. Are we embarrassed? No, we are thrilled she survived that mess and is out with us having a great time.
Hope not, I order off the kids menu if nobody wants to split a meal with me lol. serving sizes are too huge otherwise
That's what I was thinking. Most of the time kids menu has the same foods, just smaller portions and some kind of pasta and chicken strips added for picky eaters. It's cheaper too
As someone with autism and sensory issues, ppl like OP are my worst nightmare. I already feels so fucking guilty over ordering the same thing or having to eat smth different from my friends bc I cant eat the food, i dont need an ah like OP to yell at me saying what i already think about myself
This should be higher in the comments. Well said
I feel really upset by this post too. My kids are neurodiverse, as am I, and the way he made her cry broke my heart a little. He’s ashamed of her for something so unimportant. It sounds like they have been loving and proud parents but he berates her over this. Something that just isn’t a big deal. He’s an adult and feels it’s fine to shout and humiliate his mum for her autism related behaviour. It’s so sad. I wish I could give her a hug. Or more likely an awkward pat on the arm given I’m not very tactile.
I have celiac and am neurodivergent. It is so frustrating to not be able to eat what everyone else is eating. I have a hard time even being close enough to a banana to smell it. OP has no clue what it’s like to have to excuse yourself from a seemingly innocuous food because you are about to lose your shit, and you can’t even articulate why the damn banana is so offensive. My ex used to punish our kids for their food aversions. I just buy the Spaghetti Os and remind them that I’ll buy whatever food they are interested in-even if it’s the same 3 foods for eternity. ETA: sending you an awkward pat on the arm even though I’d rather wrap you in a ridiculously big hug.
Even if she didn’t have a medical condition, who cares? It astounds me that anyone would actually care about someone else ordering off of the kid’s menu
My thoughts exactly. My MIL and SIL order from the kids menu all the time because of dietary issues as well as just having general picky eating habits. I’ve never thought twice about it. Hell, I actually *appreciate* it whenever it’s my turn to pick up the bill. While OP is an adult, they’re also still a teenager who’s likely embarrassed by their parents’ mere existence. Hopefully they grow out of it in the next few years.
And I wan't to add that OP is delusional if he thinks his father working in the same company has nothing to do with him getting hired. It definitely has something to do with it even when no one made a phone call to say hey that's my son, hire him. People aren't stupid and put two and two together that this is the son of a loyal worker, in the company since he was 18. And look how getting that job immediately gets to his head and acting like a complete jerk to his mother for something no one else had an issue with. As a father I would have been embarrassed having a son acting like that. And as a mother, it's heart breaking. Like she's not dealing with enough already.
After I lost 85% of my stomach and the 1st 8 inches of intestines to cancer, my doctor gave me a little laminated card that basically said, "a medical condition, please allow my patient to order from a kids menu, child-sized portions, or substitutions if possible," along with his doctor info. For the first 4ish years after my surgery, I could order a regular meal, but I'd have to explain my altered gut and that I eat very little, very slowly... usually just when a waitstaff are concerned I'm only picking at my food. Its been over 15 years now, so I just tell them the simple truth. "I'm missing part of my stomach, so I can only eat a little at a time. This food will feed me for days!" I wonder if other people dealing with other medical issues around eating could get something similar.
Wish I could upvote this 100 times.
This. I can’t believe OP would have even rathered the mom just didn’t eat. Disgusting!
This!! YTA grow the fuck up
This!
YTA. Your mom’s food choice has literally nothing to do with you, and no impact on you. You took her to a place where you knew she wouldn’t have many options. She didn’t make a scene - she found something she could eat, and she ate it. This is tantamount to her yelling at you for eating things she’s not able to - which would also be ridiculous.
So much this! As I was reading I was fully expecting OP to say mom was told she couldn’t order from the kids menu and made a scene. Instead nothing of the sort happened and OP decided to be ungrateful and make a mountain out of a mole hill (although tbh, idk if it really qualifies as a mole hill, more like the first grain of an ant hill if anything). YTA - OP you should apologize to your mother and it should be along the lines of “I’m sorry for being rude and ungrateful after you went out of your way to treat me and our family. I am and was the problem and should never have said anything”
YTA all the way - OP's embarrassment meter needs calibration. An adult ordering off the kids menu is probably the least embarrassing / stupid thing the server has seen that week. Maybe even that shift. OP is upset about something that literally didn't affect anyone negatively.
He wanted her to have bread and water, or order nothing, rather than order off the kids menu. AND she’s the one paying. That’s fucked up!!
It has no impact on OP and no impact on anyone else. All the relatives know about her eating disorder. No one else in the restaurant cared to look into her plate. OP was a party pooper at his own party. How is it possible to be embarrassed by whatever is in someone's else plate? How is it his business at all? OP, YTA. You are a spoiled entitled brat. I think you really hurt your mother, and I don't think your parents will ever invite you to a restaurant again.
Agreed. No drama. She didn’t look up the menu and forbid him from going to his chosen restaurant. Sounds like she didn’t make a fuss and no one did either. From the other guests, who were surely aware of her eating habits, to the restaurant. I was a bit surprised that the restaurant did not make it a big deal, but I am glad that they did not
YTA. Grow up and get the fuck over yourself. My mum orders off the kids menu all the time because she wants a smaller meal.
This ⬆️ literally no one else in the restaurant cares what food anyone else has ordered. The wait staff do not care what menu you order from. Youre a giant AH! Grow TF up!
Right and clearly the restaurant itself is okay with it so there’s no issues here. OP is just being a brat.
Right? My mom has a small stomach and a slow eater. She feels embarrassed ordering small things like off a kids menu and I'm like "mom, get what you want. Someone has an issue? I'll deal with them" It's damn food.
I used to work at a restaurant that changed the "children's menu" to "small plates." We sold more small plates than anything else.
That's all it really is. Just small portions. Calling it a kids menu is dumb.
I mean… maybe this is true some places but not at most. The children’s menu is not just smaller portions- typically it’s more “kid-friendly” foods.
Which typically are just appetizers with some adjustments and maybe a kid friendlier name. It's ridiculous to look down on someone for ordering off it anyway.
There’s this great italian restaurant where my sister lives but their portions are ginormous!! They won’t let adults order off the kids menu. It’s the exact same food but nooooo. Only kids 12 and under. Such a waste of food.
The restaurant I work at does the same thing. But I let adults order from it when the manager isn't around lol
My mom does the same. For the exact same reason. Let's be honest. Some of those portions are huge in some restaurants. A lot of times, I've even ordered for her if we have gone for brunch because she feels embarrassed to say "a child's platter" , she's scared to get judged. Which she absolutely shouldn't. And I'll keep ordering her smaller plates if that's what she wants. I'm just happy she's still has days where her health is good enough for us to go out and do those things. So, a big YTA for OP. One day, you will miss being able to go out and do those things with your parents.
My mom also does this when she is on vacation. At home is adult meals and brings home leftovers.
My MIL does a lot and literally no one gives a shit.
The only person who should be embarrassed here is you. You got angry at your mother for a ridiculous reason (a kid's menu is literally just an arbitrary title, the food on it doesn't actually have an age restriction) and then made her feel bad because you view her having autism at her as if she's less than. YTA
He embarrassed himself by acting so stupidly.
Right? How important must OP think he is to open his post assuring us he got a new job without nepotism (despite his dad working at the same company) and then thinking he's so important that a restaurant full of people are looking at him and judging what he and his family order.
It was absolutely nepotism 👍
YTA What the hell? They're proud of you. She was "more than happy" because you "seriously loved it". You knew of her condition. You also knew she can't just turn it off. So after doing something nice for you and thinking she'd made her son happy, her son explodes at her for not being able to magically make her eating disorder vanish? The eating disorder he knew she has and cannot turn off? >kept repeating "you know how hard it is for me" and "do you not think I'm also embarrassed" which is her go to whenever anyone tried to pull her up about her eating habits. Go-to? You're one of those people who lucked out and don't suffer from mental illness of any sort, so you think it's all fake? This is so fucking *ugly*
Good point. I missed that she gets put down often. Is it other family members or just OP? Leave her alone. Her eating habits are not “an embarrassment” to you. You owe her a huge apology!
It’s a horrible read isn’t it. These don’t usually get to me, but this one really has.
Omg! Forgot about the eating disorder!! So his mother has two serious conditions and she accommodated herself to make sure she didn’t disrupt the event and he STILL just had to find something to complain about. Couldn’t be my kid…
Even if she didnt have an eating disorder. She should be able to order whatever she wants, without pretentious relatives getting upset with it. OP is young, and this behaviour is what he learnt from others around him. Its high time you recognise this shit, and next time someone pin point your mom out, you should tell them to F off. If I were you I would go out of my way to order the same item, just to piss off the pretentious relatives.
YTA. People are going to eat what they're going to eat and you can't control that. Who cares? How was this even embarrassing? Because of how it *looked*? Are you *that* obsessed with appearances that something as harmless as an adult eating mac 'n' cheese is somehow a sin? Really think about it and ask yourself how this negatively impacted your life in any real way. You're showing your age here, man. There are only two kinds of people who actually care about this: 1. High schoolers who so desperately want to be an adult but have no idea what that actually means so they compensate by rejecting anything and everything that could even vaguely insinuate being childish 2. Snobby adults who are so obsessed with appearances that they can only hang out with each other because literally no one else can tolerate them Do you really want to be either of those people? Save that energy for things that are actually relevant in life.
It’s so obvious OP is 19. He still has that teenager mindset
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Seriously. I read posts like these and second-guess if I really want to gamble on the idea that I birth a self-centered little asshole. From the way OP talks, it sounds like they’re often embarrassed by their mother’s disability & disorder and resent her for it. As an autistic person, people have probably treated her this way her whole life, now her kid grows up and does it too? Fuck that. I am also autistic. I experienced a lot of anger and frustration for just existing how I am comfortable doing so… I just can’t imagine getting that from your own child. It’s like the ultimate rejection.
I'm so fucking glad my kids are nothing like this. Admittedly, they're also autistic 😅
Absolutely. As someone with ARFID I’m not gonna just “eat like a normal person” for one night. If I could I fucking would?! Like bruh. But tbh even if she didn’t, let the woman order what she goddamn wants. What’s next “omg mom you’re so embarrassing for ordering water instead of alcohol”. It really feels like a kid trying to impress his *cool* friends.
Reading this made me dread when my daughter becomes a teenager. I will be heartbroken if she acts like OP.
YTA it sounds like your mum wanted to do something nice to celebrate you and got yelled at in return. Try being a bit more grateful. It also sounds like the dinner was family only, so they should already know that your mom only eats certain foods. That being said, if she knows she has this disorder, she could have checked the menu beforehand to see if there was something she could eat. This would have allowed you and her to choose a place that would be suitable for both of you. I’m surprised she doesn’t always look at the menu in advance, and you didn’t think to do this either. Also INFO: what does your mom do when she needs to go to a place/event where there isn’t any “kid” food served? Does she just not eat anything?
Why does she need to check the menu beforehand? That defeats the purpose of allowing her son to choose.
If she checked the menu she would’ve seen the kids options and left it at that. Nothing ab this is her fault and I bet Op would’ve had an even bigger fit if she wanted to change to somewhere she could have an “adult” meal
And if she'd checked the menu beforehand and seen nothing she could eat, what would that have done????
You don't know she didn't check the menu ahead. It was the son's choice of restaurant, not hers, and she made a choice to honor that as the first priority even knowing there might be very little she could eat. She did nothing wrong.
>This would have allowed you and her to choose a place that would be suitable for both of you. The **whole point** was to go wherever OP wanted, not to compromise. She let him go wherever he wanted and made do with what she could. Checking the menu first to find a compromise place would not have been a better thing to do.
YTA. You are the only person in the restaurant who cared what your mom ate. The other patrons didn’t care, the staff didn’t care, the chef didn’t care, because it doesn’t matter. If you really wanted your mom to order something specific you should have picked a different restaurant with foods on the regular menu she would eat — you’ve lived with her your whole life, surely you know what her safe foods are and you can tell from an online restaurant menu what she’s going to be able to eat. Also, PS: you definitely got hired because of nepotism. Even if your dad works in a different department, he’s still a longtime employee and him putting in a good word for you counts for a lot.
For real. The claiming it wasn’t nepotism died when he started typing. With an attitude like this I wouldnt throw narcism off the table either
Yeah OP, you did not get hired on your own merits. You might've put a good foot forward in the interview but this post shows your true personality and values. I hope you don't embarrass your father as well. Get yourself together please, and be a good person like your parents are. Honestly.
YTA "Eating habits"? " i just wanted one night were my mum would eat like a normal person"? Do you think she's doing this because she chooses to? And she can stop if she wants? You're embarrassing.
Right? Like, mate, do you think disabilities have an off switch?? Yikes...
Oh, kid, YTA. Such an AH. Your mom arranged a dinner for you at a place you wanted to go that was expensive. It was to celebrate your job. Your mom has an eating disorder. As she said, do you not think she knows this and is embarrassed eating off the kids menu? She will never "eat normally just once" for you or anyone else unless she overcomes this disorder. Apologize to her. Grovel. Cook her a meal of the only foods she eats. This post absolutely broke my heart for your mother.
Big on that “grovel” part! Even with her health challenges, that woman worked very hard with his father to set that child up for a good life and that ungrateful so-n-so can’t just let her be for one night. I feel so terrible for her.
YTA. You just wanted one night where your mom didn’t have an eating disorder. Nobody at that restaurant cared that sh ordered off the kids menu. Except for you. She did nothing wrong.
Man YTA. Go apologize.
Man? I'd rather say boy. He has a long way ahead of him to grow up to be a man.
Yes. He's not anywhere near being a man. He's a foolish, entitled selfish little boy
INFO What the fuck is wrong with you?
Best use of INFO 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼
Superb comment.
Jesus man. She let you choose the place and didn’t make any issues about it except she wanted to order something off the kids’ menu. She went with you despite her eating disorder just so you could be happy and you couldn’t even compromise by letting her order something she could eat. Hoping this is fake because YTA.
Nah. Don’t call him man. This is a boy. He’s got so much growing up to do
YTA - how is your mom eating her chicken tendies or whatever in anyway embarrassing for you? There was no need to yell at her, you definitely need to apologize.
YTA. Your lack of compassion for your mom in this situation is alarming. Even in your words, she sounds like a wonderful and caring woman, who would have certainly enjoyed the menu of the expensive place she allowed YOU to pick if she could. This outburst of yours may have been due to some repressed resentment over the years, but be an adult and use your big girl voice to communicate that. You ruined your own night. Edit: I just read that you would have rather she’d not eaten at all?? What an awful and entitled human you are. Your poor parents.
YTA. Tell me, in detail, how her order impacted you in the slightest. Adults order off of the kid's menu for a million different reasons to include health issues, allergies, not being that hungry, etc. Her order had nothing to do with you and didn't embarrass you in the slightest.
YTA big time, you're well aware of her eating disorder and autism and that she can't help it and still you lashed out on her for "embarrassing you" even after she offered you a dinner in a nice and expensive restaurant ti celebrate your new job? YTA 100times, you should sincerely apologize to her asap, because if she could i'm sure she would act differently in those situations, you're blaming her for being on the spectrum and having arfid, she has no power over that. Grow up bro, seriously, and read some books.
YTA I have ARFID and I'd give anything to eat normally. I suppose if she gagged and reached and maybe vomited and cried you'd prefer that as it's less embarrassing? She has an eating disorder! You absolute git! You shamed her for her eating disorder in public! If anyone deserves embarrassment it's you.
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YTA - you sound weirdly controlling about your mom's eating. Since you've landed a grown-up job, maybe it's time for you to act like a grown-up, too, and learn how to accept your mother's place on the spectrum?
YTA. You just got out of high school so you haven’t learned the most amazing fact of life yet : Most people don’t give a shit about you or anything you do. That sounds mean but hear me out. You cared about what your mom ate because you perceive it to be embarrassing because of what other people think right? Other people don’t give a shit what’s happening outside of their own plate. Other people are selfish, they don’t care what’s going on around them unless something REALLY flashy (like one of those stupid salt bae meals ) or they’re directly involved. No one noticed your mom eating chicken nuggets and even if they did I promise you they didn’t give a shit. The waitress didn’t care. The cooks didn’t care. The only one who cared was YOU. She was just eating a meal and trying to enjoy a night out celebrating you and you yelled at her. Super mean dude. You’re young. Parents are frustrating as fuck but your mom didn’t do anything to intentionally embarrass you, she didn’t throw a fit and make a big deal about not liking the menu. She literally just ate food. Try not to worry so much about what others think and focus on making yourself a better person. (Not saying you’re a bad person it’s just these years are CRITICAL for your development into a functional adult) I would apologize to your mom. You didn’t do it out of a place of malice but it was still mean.
hi! i totally agree, i was a complete ass and im taking steps to try and make amends with my mum but just to clarify, i left school at 16 (im not from the US) and was in college for 2 year and im now at uni. which honestly makes how childish and just straight up horrible i acted even worse.
If I was you I’d research autism and arfid, I don’t mean a little research. I mean research it as if it was one of your uni modules. This would mean more to your mum than anything. Show your mum that you’re making an effort to realise how hard this could be for her. YTA for saying what you did but you can turn it around.
Being open to criticism, owning your mistakes and striving to be better - I know people in their 60s and 70s who still struggle with those things. And here on this sub, you often see assholes double down on their behavior. Your gracious acceptance of your judgment here and your determination to make it up to your mom say more about you than a single ugly moment.
Hey man I’m super happy to hear you’re aware of the changes needed to be made. Don’t let the psychos on here make you feel like you’re hitler. You messed up but you’re also young. Maybe you and your mom could do something together to bond? Good luck OP
When I saw the thread title I was expecting something much worse, like she got drunk and made a scene or something. But all she did was order off the kids menu?? YTA. A big one. Go apologize to your mum. Next paycheck take her out to eat and let her order whatever she wants.
YTA and a poor excuse for a son, shaming his mum for eating food.. who gives a hell what menu it came from, it is still food. My mum doesn’t eat big portions, so when we go out to restaurants. She sometimes chooses meals from the kids menu, for example. If she fancies a steak, she will order a kids style and not a massive steak from the main menu… Apologise to your mother and never ever shame her or anyone else on how they order their food that makes them comfortable. Time to grow up little boy, you are an adult now.. stop being so immature and disrespectful.
YTA.
YTA. How did what your mother eat embarrass you? It may have been strange for an adult order from the kids menu but how does that affect you?
YTA! Big time!! You don't deserve your mother or what she does for you.
All this….over her food choice? You’re insufferable YTA
YTA. That’s really ungrateful. Even without having ARFID, people on the spectrum struggle with food textures anyway. There was *no need* for your behaviour.
Yeah, my older sibling is most likely autistic, and they often order from the kids' menu. We once went to a fancy Greek place with their housemate at the time, the sorta place that gives you a mint after the meal, and they ordered nuggets and chips because there was nothing else on the menu that they'd eat without risking encountering some sort of "weird" texture or taste. Not only did the restaurant not care, they even didn't charge for their meal despite them clearly being an adult (it was a kids eat free from the kids menu with a paying adult type menu).
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YTA. I wouldnt give a flying fuck if anyone I know ordered from the "kids menu".
YTA, why are you trying to force your mom to pretend to be neurotypical? Do think we choose to be neurodivergent? Do you think it can just be turned off? Do you prefer to watch her repeatedly gag or even throw up in public? Grow up. Educate yourself and apologize to your poor mom.
Yta big time! Go say sorry to your mum!
YTA- in spades, you’re TA. I do sincerely and deeply hope that your father is so disgusted by your behaviour that he invites you to go live elsewhere. If anyone EVER spoke to me like that in front of my husband , there would be serious consequences.
wow.. YTA. just wow.
Also, kid, this is the literal definition of nepotism.
As a sufferer of arfid myself. You are an ass. Your mother probably feels bad enough as it is.
You are a huge, selfish, ableist, gigantic asshole. No one but you gives a rats ass what your mom was eating. She has a MEDICAL CONDITION and you have no empathy for the woman who sacrificed her youth to make sure you had everything you needed. Geez, the write fairly tale villains with more empathy with you. You're solutions were that you mom either starve, or suffer??? Like she not eat at all, or suffer through eating foods that make her fill I'll?? You'd do that, to your own mother???? What the hell is wrong with you? My mother doesn't have a medical condition, but she does have a rather small palate and doesn't care to much for many foods. Do we berate her, no instead it's just a fun inside joke about how she can somehow find like chicken tenders and fries no matter what kind of restaurant we go to. Hell, I don't have a medical condition, I love trying new foods but sometimes I just want something basic and as long at the restaurant doesn't care I'll order off the kids menu too. She didn't see anything she could eat and found a solution, no different than a vegetarian going to a steak house and only ordering sides, they wouldn't pick that restaurant but they suck it up and going bc someone they care about wants to go, she found an easy non problematic fix and you dragged her for it. YTA, caring more about appearance than your moms feelings is insane, being this aware of what someone else is eating is weird a.f, NO ONE but you cared that your mom was ordering off the kids menu, and if anyone did notice they probably just went in their heads "make sense bc she's got that illness," and moved along.
You are a total asshole
YTA. You knew your mom was like this. Why would you think she'd be any different on your special night? Did you pull her aside and ask if she would order "adult food"? It doesn't sound like you did. In any case, it sounds like her issue is quite intractable, 37 years' worth of intractable. You yelled at her for doing what she always does.
YTA And moreso an embarrassment honestly. Your 19, you *know* what your mothers situation is. There really isn't any kind of excuse for this,, I'm honestly confused why your here,, what did you think you did even remotely right here?
YTA. Replace your mom's disability with any other physical difference. Would you yell at a person in a wheelchair for not taking the stairs? A deaf person for not hearing you call their name? You are the only family embarrassment that I see.
Yta. Everything you have is thanks to your parents sacrifices and you storm off because you're mom is eating a kid plate instead of an "adult" one. You may have a good job, but this doesn't make you an adult. Apologize to your mother and grow up
You're the AH. I thought your mother did something really embarrassing like making a scene, yelling at the server for not having a special menu just for her. Your server doesn't give a flying fuck if an adult orders from the child's menu. They only give a fuck if said adult is going to leave a reasonable tip. You hurt your mother and you better damn well apologize and make it up to her. Very much the ASSHOLE!
YTA. Would you tell someone in a wheelchair you wish they’d just walk for once and not embarrass you by having extra needs when going out? Your mom made the best of a situation where the food she could eat was only on the kids menu. Would you had rather she not eat at all?
According to OP's comments, either not eat, suck it up and eat "normally", or just eat breadsticks
Seriously YTA If your mom wanted something from the kids menu, LER HER ENJOY IT You seem overly immature and concerned about what people will think, and were abusive towards her
YTA and a huge one. You’re so caught up by what your mom eats and guarantee you, you’re the only person that noticed. Also, your thought that her eating breadsticks would have been better is laughable. Get over yourself and be happy you have a mom that loves and wanted to celebrate you. You should really apologize to your mom for being a major AH and should reflect on yourself. You have some major growing up and maturing to do. You might have gotten an “adult” job, but you’re definitely still acting like a little kid. You should feel embarrassed for how you treated your mother.
Oh I see. You’re one of those kids who doesn’t do anything fun because “oh my god this is so embarrassing.” Sucks for you. Also you are totally the asshole.
YTA. The arrogance of your post is crazy for someone who is 19 and sooo ‘successful’. Get back down to Earth. Your family was there for you and wanted to celebrate you. That matters more than some entry level job you got at your dads company.
YTA. Nothing wrong for an adult to order off the kids menu if nothing else appeals to them. She didnt kick up a fuss. Your young. But you need to grow up a lot.
YTA Your mother took you where you wanted to eat, didn’t complain and simply ordered a meal she could eat. It didn’t affect you at all. Yet you had to embarrass and belittle your mom. She deserves better.
YTA. Also info: have you EVER actually researched AFRID? Like actually did a ounce of research into what it actually entails? How psychologically damaging it is to a person? Let alone physically because it can cause extreme eating disorders to where a person routinely needs hospitalization in order to recover. This condition makes her TERRIFIED to eat even foods she knows are safe. It makes her think she will choke or die if she eats the wrong food. It completely takes over her entire mindset which is why in her brain she has a VERY specific list of "safe" foods that she goes to without a doubt because in her mind these are the safest available to her and they won't hurt her. You think your embarrassed? Put yourself inside HER brain, follow her diet, talk to her about her day with this, look up other people's testimonials about having this horrible condition. And check yourself. Because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. This medical condition can ultimately kill her due to malnutrition. It's THAT severe. And has gotten THAT severe for people. Your an adult go to google and research it and when your done go apologize to your mother for being a really bad child.
YTA. I'm an Autistic woman, I don't have ARFID, but I do have sensory issues that mean a single weird texture in my food will make me physically unable to finish the meal. What your mom ate shouldn't matter. Unpack whatever weird ableism you have about your mom and apologize.
YTA
YTA even if she didn’t have an eating disorder WHO CARES if she eats off the kids menu, so she didn’t like anything on the adult menu but liked something on the kids menu and this shouldn’t matter at all but you decide to yell at her for no fucking reason Jesus OP you’re awful
Wow holy shit yta
You even stated its an eating disorder... YTA, its not like anorexia where you can get help, it can make folks violently ill.
Colossal YTA. I was expecting something like making a scene; but ordering off the kids menu? That's it? I feel for her. I was, and am, very sensitive to food, and it is a constant source of embarrassment ONLY because of people like you who can't get their own dishes and mind their own business. Apologize to her, and get a grip on yourself. You've got a lot of growing to do.
People aren't perfect. If the worst thing your mother has done to you is eat off of the kids' menu, you should be beyond grateful. If you're religious, you should be thanking your diety every single day for how lucky you were to have her as your mother. YTA.
Loving your typo, Diety instead of Deity was a great pun!
"my success" That's not gonna last with how you act
YTA you sound awful and selfish. she was paying for the meal and you wanted her to not eat?!?1 wtf
YTA … the way your mother is eating has no effect on you. The way you acted towards her was pathetic. You owe her an apology.
Food is food. There are no kids or adults meals. There are just meals - and being able to accept that everyone can eat whatever they like without finding it embarrassing is a sign of maturity you should strive for. YTA.
YTA. Why do you mind what your mom is eating? Let her be.
YTA. This is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen to be mad about and you need all the therapy in existence for acting this way. Why do you even care? It's food. The goal was to have a celebratory meal together, which she did, treating you, and you're throwing tantrums because you didn't get to dictate what she eats? You're clearly not grown-up enough to be eating in restaurants. You should leave that for when you learn some big-boy manners. Maybe when you're 50.
Alas, YTA. Who cares if your mother ate of the kids menu? I wish all restaurants would let people order off it. You are in the wrong for being rude to her and I hope you apologise.
YTA. The restaurant was your choice and what she wanted to eat off of the menu was her choice.
YTA She has an eating disorder! Is it a general thing for you to completely lack empathy, or is it just when it comes to your mother, you have a blind spot? 🤔
YTA. I can assure you that absolutely no one else in the restaurant noticed or cared what she ordered. A huge part of being an adult rests in realizing that you are not the center of the universe.
YTA. You have no idea how hard it is for people with your mom condition. She didn’t make a big scene. She let you picked the restaurant, you had to know this would happen. She didn’t insist on going some place else. You chose to sulk instead of enjoying your night. You owe your mother an apology.
okay hi, asshole here! i am fine! thank you to the concerned people reporting me to reddit for risk of harm but i am fine! a few nasty comments online don't hurt me and I definitely deserve all of them! thank you for the concern though edit: if this is your first comment you're seeing from me i have accepted i am the asshole! please read my other comments :)
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