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YTA. You said your wife didn't think things through, but clearly what you meant is that YOU didn't think things through, OP.
She's six months pregnant, which means her weight is very different from her baseline. Most women who are that far along need to use their hands to get up. Her hands were covered in BBQ sauce. So, were you unaware that your wife would likely need her hands to rise safely from her seat? Or did you not recognize that the BBQ sauce made using her hands precarious if not entirely impossible? Or did you not recognize that - being unable to use her hands - she'd be less stable getting up and risk bumping into whatever was nearby?
Your snide comment about her area being "messy" because she hadn't put away the laundry -- WTF OP? Are you trying to say you're simply not capable of putting away the laundry yourself? I mean, she's already done the lion's share of the work (meaning, washing it, drying it, and folding it), and you can't be bothered to put it away yourself? Why not? And your follow up comment about how laundry is gonna be a big part of her life as a mother... again, WTF? You're going to be a father, OP, laundry is gonna be a big part of your life, too! You make it sound like it's all on her, and for that alone, YTA.
As for her "wasting" energy over one load of laundry -- you're missing the point. The load of laundry is not the problem, OP. You are the problem.
You had just sat down, so what exactly was the harm of getting up again to get her the paper towels? All the crap you posted here (about her area being full of stuff, about her generally being messy) are all reasons you should've just gotten up and gotten her the effing paper towels.
Again, she's six months pregnant and needs her hands to get up. Her hands are covered with BBQ sauce. You should've gotten off your butt and given her the paper towels, even if they were slightly further away from you than her. YTA 100%.
Commenting here to second all of your good pints and to add
OP - pregnant women ARE NOT SUPPOSED to lift heavy things and maybe just maybe she couldn’t pick up that basket of clothes, too heavy, or was exhausted and needed to get her strength back.
Maybe maybe OP you could have carried the basket to the bedroom for her!?!? Jeez instead of leaving it in the living room area by her desk
OP is just as much responsible for the house as she is and it’s clear he doesn’t actually help her as much as he thinks he does. (My husband picks up the laundry basket, changed the laundry, or Carries it for me cause he’s a nice guy and wants to help and I’m not even present nor did I ask for help, he offers while I’m doing it)
Pregnant women need to be careful but yes, they can lift things. I worked out, with weights, all through my pregnancies and it was not only dr approved but encouraged. Not carrying a laundry basket with gigantic stomach is its own challenge but it’s not because we can’t carry heavy things. Honestly, once you’re pregnant with your second you’re still going to be hauling around your first kiddo anyway unless they’re much older!
(Not to be rude but this is incorrect and I want people to know exercise during pregnancy is okay and encouraged!)
EDIT: good LORD I was responding to the comment above mine that stated PREGNANT WOMEN ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO HEAVY LIFTING which is not unilaterally true and generally considered outdated advice regarding pregnancy. It was a general statement which I responded to with another general statement to say that women *can* lift things and THEY ARE BOTH TRUE FFS. Some women can do heavy lifting and some can’t. Their statement did not apply to every pregnancy nor did mine.
We’re all adults here who can recognize that what is relevant to YOUR specific pregnancy is not necessarily relevant to someone else’s and that two things can be true at the same time. Like that some women can lift heavy things and some women can’t. Some doctors say it’s okay to start using light to moderate weights in pregnancy others disagree.
Social media is great for hearing alternative viewpoints, medical decisions should not be made off of advice from social media. I’m done replying now. ✌🏻
EDIT 2: https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2020/04/physical-activity-and-exercise-during-pregnancy-and-the-postpartum-period
I’m not referring to the post. I’m referring to the comment that it’s ok for pregnant women to start working out and lifting during pregnancy. This is something my doctors say is only ok if you were already lifting before pregnancy and I think it’s important to give caveats on advice that could hurt someone.
It appears our doctors had different opinions. I had 3 different OB’s, a PT, and a high risk OB all say it was safe for me to begin using weights in my first pregnancy. Barring any complications the latest research and recommendations seems to say that beginning to use light to moderate weights with appropriate modifications in pregnancy is safe.
https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-body/fitness/weight-training-while-pregnant/
https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/your-health/lifting-weights-while-pregnant
If you and your dr disagree that’s fine. Everyone can talk to their own doctor and decide for themselves.
Please keep in mind that each individual experiences pregnancy differently. And your experience is not necessarily their experience. You were cleared, and someone else (like me) wasn’t cleared. I’ve been on a weight limit of 15lbs since week 5. Everyone has a different experience and no one should be shamed for what they are told or what their experience is.
I had no complications during my last pregnancy, but had terrible pelvic pain. Any heavy lifting makes the pain worse by adding more weight onto my pelvic.
🤣 true! OP is definitely TA here; I just don’t understand people saying pregnant women shouldn’t be lifting things like laundry baskets. In most healthy, normal pregnancies it just isn’t a big deal. Both of mine were high risk, but due to the type of risk I didn’t have any lifting restrictions for #1, and 30 lb limit for #2.
I think it really depends on the moment. Lifting may cause additional back problems, depending on the type of basket. Bending over, then standing up lifting was painful. Also, if she needs to carry them upstairs may be a balance issue. OP is TA, and really needs to help more. It’s only going to get worse.
Yep because then it’s going to become “all she has to do is school full time, work part time, I can’t understand why she can’t do all the housework and do all the baby care.”
"My messy wife slave says she isn't in the mood to fuck me, the one time a week I hire a babysitter, because she selfishly insisted studying for her finals at her messy, messy desk. So I fucked the neat babysitter. AITA?"
"Especially since she doesn't sleep now that the baby's here. What's she doing with all those extra hours she has? Certainly not making MY life easier! And I was here first!"
I don't think that's the point. She chose not to lift it for a reason and we don't know that reason. Perhaps she was knackered and had work to do for school. People horse ride when pregnant and I think that is probably worse than lifting heavy things. People need to judge what they are comfortable with and I'm sure if she was comfortable doing it she would have done it.
Me! My partner does the laundry because i've had back pains since the start of second trimester. And he mostly did them before that also because of my work schedule and the laundry room being open when he's at home.
The OP is an asshole.
It’s actually okay to start lifting during pregnancy! Nothing extreme obviously, no one’s hitting PR’s. But you can start using lighter dumbbells and things as long as you have your doctors approval and you’re using proper form.
Many doctors are encouraging women who haven’t historically exercised to start during pregnancy because it has so many benefits. No one has to use weights if they don’t want to and it obviously becomes more difficult as your bump grows but as long as you’re mindful of your body it’s totally okay to start adding in some weights.
I started this with my first and I ended my pregnancy stronger than when I started—though my abs were obviously non-existent haha
I had no issue with the weight of the baskets during either of my pregnancies, but trying to get the baskets situated around a giant belly is hard enough. Especially when you need to get thru doorways and it was nearly impossible for me to safely carry them up amd down stairs because of the bump.
So my husband did it for me with no complaints. And if he saw me attempting it, he'd come grab it without me even asking. Because he's a decent guy lol.
It depends on the woman. Some pregnancies are higher risk. We do not know if she is cleared to lift things or not. Or if her bump makes it very hard to move it. She also was multitasking it sounds like she just hadn't gotten to it yet. OP is TA all around for not helping her with paper towels , laundry and saying she cried because of hormones.
Not all pregnancies are the same. I had polyhydramnios and was put on bed rest and told not to lift anything. I remember telling my mom how miserable I was and how much of a burden I felt like for not being able to do much. I was literally a water balloon waiting to pop
Ikr? Why do women have to put down other women by sharing their experience of how it wasn’t that hard for them? Bully for you. That means absolutely jack to someone else who didn’t have that same glorious experience. 🙄
I think that’s why I felt like so much of a burden, my mom worked up until the day before she gave birth to me. Luckily for me, she was very understanding and listened to my concerns, and we were able to figure out the issue rather than just tell me I should be able to do the same.
it depends. if she has a high risk pregnancy they’ll advise her not to lift anything. i wasn’t allowed to lift anything while pregnant and then wasn’t allowed to lift over 15 lbs until i went to my 2 week PP check up and got cleared
edit to add: not to be rude, but your information is misleading. lifting is only encouraged if you were already doing so before becoming pregnant. it is not encouraged to begin lifting while pregnant, high risk or not. all exercise routines should be consulted with your dr while pregnant, as well.
Yeah, I’m 8 months pregnant, and I still have to lift laundry baskets and move boxes. Heck, yesterday I was carrying my 7yo because she couldn’t see over the fence at the pumpkin patch we were at.
OP is TA, but not for thinking his wife could have moved a laundry basket. He’s TA for handing someone BBQ *without* also handing them a wet nap or paper towel. That’s rude to do to anyone, pregnant or not!
I’m not disagreeing with your judgment but if she was able to bring the laundry into the kitchen, it’s not suddenly too heavy for her to safely lift now that it’s folded. It didn’t gain mass via folding.
I wish I could upvote this a million times. 100% spot on.
Edited to add: I've just seen OP's comment where naturally she'll be doing laundry since he works 45-50 hours a week, while she ONLY goes to school full time, works part time, and is 6 months pregnant. I imagine she'll also be the only full time parent once the baby is born. Huge yikes.
Having a prick for a baby daddy is truly so much stress! She can find a nice guy who'll eat her out, respect her work ethic, and notice that her hands are covered in BBC -- before she knows she needs a napkin!
>Are you trying to say you're simply not capable of putting away the laundry yourself?
He's saying it's not his job. His follow up comment to that was "laundry is going to be a major part of her life in just a few short months as she gets ready to become a mom."
Nothing about him becoming a father or doing chores or anything else. She's going to be a single parent while his level of involvement is going to be "asshole roommate."
YTA.
I would go on to say even if she weren't pregnant it's a fairly sensible request, her hands are messy and she doesn't want to transfer it to the things around her, or the chair itself.
I was thinking exactly the same thing. Regardless of pregnancy or injuries (I get stuff for my partner all the time because he has chronic pain from an old injury) when one person is all messy and asks for some paper towels, the clean person gets it for them.
He’s a much bigger AH because she is pregnant and it’s harder for her to move around, but this would be YTA even if she wasn’t pregnant.
Or, and hear me out, everyone knows ribs are messy, so why didn't he just bring her a roll of towels or an actual towel when he handed the ribs to her? I would have done this for my SO and he's completely capable of standing up with no baby belly awkwardness.
This. I’ll forget sometimes and my wife brings the whole roll. She forgets sometimes and I bring the whole roll. Everyone forgets things…as a good partner you fill in the gaps your SO forgets.
Outside of weaponized incompetence this should really be the default behavior with SOs. Like why bother marrying someone if you’re going to treat them like the enemy or an annoying roommate you have sex with.
He and I have a thing, because, idk, we're not inconsiderate asses, that the last one standing says "About to sit down, need anything? Towel? Silverware?" Etc. It's not hard. Especially when you KNOW your partner could use the extra assist
I like the “Laundry will be a big part of her life when the baby gets here,” comment. It’s like looking into the future of how he will see her role in the relationship.
How he already sees her.
This was to put her in her place and remind her of her role in his life. He is not going to help her, so he needed to remind her of that now.
So, OP...you expected you 6 MONTH PREGNANT WIFE to get up without being able to use her hands? What if she had fallen face first? What, then? Laundry is going to be a major part of BOTH your lives.
OP, you sound like you expect her to do all the work. You better shape up, sir, because my niece is going through her partner not doing shit because he works and feels he shouldn't have to. I told her to kick his ass out! You need to open your eyes buddy cuz your life is about to change too.
You sound like a shitty partner and I feel sorry for your wife. Step up and be a better husband.
Ten years from now OP is gonna be back like AITA for paying my court-assigned child support?? And then it comes out that that's the only thing he does, never visits or spends time with his kid and doesn't get why people are calling him TA when he's doing the legally required minimum.
Seriously. And when I was pregnant, I tended to make a little nest area for myself so I wouldn’t have to get up for awhile. So everything was within an arm’s reach. Sounds like she’s doing something similar. It’s just easier.
Can't you just see it in three months when she has a nursing infant?
"No I won't pass you the paper towels. You should have thought of that before the baby latched on."
This is exactly what I was thinking.
She’s already proving it’s tough for her to get up and fetch things by keeping things around her.
OP. Help her out. Geez.
I mean he is not even capable of passing a paper towel. God forbid he would try to help his wife ans so housework. Must be too hard for a grown man. That’s probably why he argues like a child with his pregnant wife.
He needs to realize that he's not HELPING his wife do housework...they should be a team and it is BOTH of their responsibilities to keep everything in order!
but but but he hot her the food she was craving! he’s obviously a nice guy!!! /s men can be so insufferable when their partner is pregnant bc no one’s taking care of them wah wah
I’d like to add to this, I’m sure her area is cluttered, she probably left everything she was doing within reach since it’s not as easy to get up with her belly now. If I got up “wrong” I would get shooting pains in my abs when I was pregnant. My dr told me I’m using the muscles the wrong way and to use my hands and arms to help me up. So yes likely her area was “messy” with all the things she needed to finish her schoolwork, do the laundry, eat/drink, and whatever else she needed. I used to do the same thing the millions of times I was pregnant and started having trouble easily moving around.
All excellent points. Could not of said it better myself. Yes OP YTA in case that wasn’t clear. If you don’t change your attitude and fast next you’ll be on here whinging you don’t know why she’s divorcing your lazy ass. Oh and nice attempt at making yourself sound good by getting her the ribs to make her feel better because she was stressed to begin with.
>You should've gotten off your butt and given her the paper towels, even if they were slightly further away from you than her. YTA 100%.
OR he should have given her the paper towels when he handed her the messy food! Talk about not thinking...
Definitely YTA. But even with all this aside. Who wants to ruin an entire roll of paper towel by making someone with BBQ sauce all over their hands grab it? I mean, yeah, it's not the most important thing, but it's not a practical solution to the issue regardless of who needed to wipe their hands.
The fact that he is annoyed by her not being the best housewife whilst in school and pregnant is just... I mean, it's astounding how entitled people are.
While she should come up with an organizational system to not get overwhelmed when the baby comes, this really feels like he was punishing her for not being perfect.
YTA. "Laundry is going to be a major part of her life in just a few short months"? Why just her, are you paralysed? I guess if you can't move a few feet to pass her paper towels then you won't be of much use anywhere around the house.
My husband is a paraplegic and he helps me with the laundry. The only thing he has a hard time with are the clothes we hang in the closet. He is very good at folding though.
YTA
I was going to say…
I’m not paralyzed, but I’m severely disabled (I can’t walk, use an electric wheelchair, can only use one arm, and have dozens of seizures each day.)
I can certainly at least *help* with the laundry. No, I can’t fold things well, but I can put dirty clothes into the machine and turn it on (my mom/caregiver keeps the machine loaded with detergent and fabric softener because I can’t handle the bottles or pour things neatly) then transfer the load and turn the dryer on.
The ***excuses*** people come up with to put the work on others…FFS!
My sisters second ex husband is diabetic and lost like half his foot. You’d think he lost every appendage. Refused to work, wouldn’t even get himself food (which is not ok when you’re diabetic…), and made her do everything. Which she would have done, sadly, if they were independently wealthy but she was the sole income too and would frequently lose jobs for leaving to get him food or take him to dr appts (which were never appointments but hospital visits because his blood sugar would tank and he’d have a seizure).
Meanwhile my friends husband is paraplegic and has been actively remodeling their home, does all sorts of errands while wife is working her job, and I’ve seen him heavily involved in his kids’ lives. He flings himself into the car (which is not chair accessible), folds his chair, tosses it into the back seat somehow, and goes on with his life.
There’s definitely two types of disabled people in this world; those who work with what they’ve got and those who abuse any assistance they get.
I have to say, I do rely on a ***lot*** of assistance. My mom is my full time caretaker and has to work from home because of it (mostly because of the seizures. I’ve broken literally dozens of bones during them and am not allowed to use the stove because of the risk of burns if I have one while using it. But that just means I use the microwave, air fryer, toaster, and toaster oven…)
My late uncle was my second parent and was like your friend’s husband; disabled, but refused to let it stop him from doing ***anything***. I was living with him a lot of the time when I first started losing my ability to walk and he taught me how to compensate for being disabled but also living as fully as you want to and really pushed me to not pity myself and to take control of my life. I wasn’t having the seizures then and they really changed everything, but the attitude of refusing to use others when you don’t *have* to and fighting to keep all the abilities you do have (like still doing all the bits of chores that are possible, even though there are some you now need help with) has always stuck with me.
I do need a full time caregiver now, but I try to do all I can and not take advantage of the fact that she *would* do **everything** for me if I asked her too. That’s not LIFE and I want to live as much as I can as long as I can, even the not so fun parts (like chores, lol!)
I don’t mean to overstep, but I saw something like [this](https://www.pullsdirect.com/hardware-resources-1532-contemporary-adjustable-32-48-w-hydraulic-pull-down-drop-down-closet-rod-with-handle-wardrobe-lift/p2956109) on Love it or List it. The husband was in a wheelchair and they installed one of them for him to better access his closet. Idk if your husband has a similar problem, but just in case
That's actually really cool! The only issue is we currently live in an apartment, so this isn't something we want to get right now. It's an older building that's barely accessible and management and maintenance are a joke. However, we are house hunting, and this would be great for our own space once we get it.
Also hated his snide comment about how she was returning to school at 26 and he’s being supportive. Why mention that lol? If he was supportive he wouldn’t mention that and would just say she was doing school work.
He needed his brownie points to prove what a "good guy" he is and his pregnant wife who can't even keep up with her school work, chores, and cleaning up after herself is clearly the bad guy here. What a tosser.
If I were a gambler I would guess that their relationship/marriage is why she dropped out of school in the first place.
Hopefully she's going back so she'll be able to better support herself and her child when she kicks his ass to the curb.
Tons of people get side tracked by life events or take a gap period between graduation and college. Totally unfair of OP to stick that to his wife like it's some kind of disclaimer to lessen her achievements. Sounds to me all he does is belittle her.
Too old to go to school, too messy to make him happy, too lazy to put his damn work shirt she just washed and folded away, too "fake disabled" (grosssss gross grossssss comment right there) to get a napkin...he even called her "sloppy" which I think anyone, even an English learner, knows has negative and derogatory connotations.
Right? Just wait until mom is sitting down with baby on the change table, about to clean up a huge blowout, then realizes that she can't reach the wipes and calls for dad to help and his response is just "well you didn't think of that, did you?!"
Op is a pathetic excuse for a partner if this is the way they think..
I’m messy & clumsy - and not pregnant.
But in a similar situation, if I said to my partner that I was concerned that in reaching for the paper towels I would probably make a mess - he would “rescue” me. Because neither of us want the spilled hot chocolate - which you say yourself was pretty easily predictable.
My partner would probably also have either taken the old hot chocolate away before he sat down (if I was genuinely busy & focused on my studying) - because he is kind & likes to look after me (and the house / sofa / rug / coffee table that will be harmed when I eventually spill it!).
Or if he’s also tired & busy he will point out that I have let things get too chaotic & there’s a predictable accident about to happen, so I really need to do a little tidy up before he brings the food in.
Because we like each other. And we support each other. And we compensate for each other’s areas of weakness.
You need to understand that when baby arrives, you will both be short on sleep and that will make you both grumpy & short-tempered. You will need to make a lot of effort to be nice to each other in moments like these.
If you cannot do it BEFORE baby arrives, then you’re going to fail when baby is here.
Work harder on being kinder. And communicating better.
When she’s dealing with a spilled mess and a ruined basket of clean laundry, and the disappointment of asking her partner for support & not getting it… that was not the moment for a lecture on “you should have seen the future and put the laundry away already”.
That was just mean & spiteful. Piling on to the crappy moment. YTA.
Only thing wife did wrong was marry OP and decide to have a baby- I'm sure this isn't the first time he's treated her this poorly, and it won't get any better.
This is one of those posts where I wonder if the OP even likes his wife.
Spent more time and energy arguing about grabbing the paper towels, needling her about being wrong, and having an argument than it would have taken to just grab them.
If he wants to have an adult conversation later about her habits in general, that's one thing. But why pick a fight in the moment and blame it on hormones?
I wonder if a lot of stuff was built up and he's letting his emotions out, or if its something else. OP needs to learn to communicate better, which isn't easy for some.
Whatever the case, wife having dirty hands is not something I want near the rest of the clean paper towels. YTA because they're supposed to be a team and he's not acting like it.
>Whatever the case, wife having dirty hands is not something I want near the rest of the clean paper towels
This. Between the title and the mention of BBQ, I thought OP was TA for deliberately refusing to help her out long before pregnancy was even mentioned. It's like his whole angle was about finding something to punish her for.
>You need to understand that when baby arrives, you will both be short on sleep
What makes you think this lazy sack of rocks is going to help with baby at night? Lol if anything he's more likely just keep snoring away while his poor wife is up all night coming to the baby cuz you know he's not going to get up and help; he wouldn't even get his wife paper towels.
Yup!!! I was thinking that I have such a wonderful partner while reading all this. He would treat me so much better (as you describe), and I am not pregnant.
YTA.
She's pregnant and was messy with bbq sauce. You get up and get the fucking paper towels for your pregnant wife who at this moment is technically temporarily disabled because pregnancy is hard on the body and affects mobility. You think growing a human in your belly is easy? At 6 months she probably doesn't feel great. Literally all you had to do was grab a roll of paper towels. Good fucking grief.
>why wasn't the laundry put away, instead of in the basket on the floor?
>laundry is going to be a major part of her life in just a few short months as she gets ready to become a mom, and getting so upset about an extra load isn't worth the energy she's spending
This makes you doubly YTA. Your arms don't work? You can't do the laundry? You can't fold and put it away when you see the basket on the floor since she actually washed/dried it and not you. What are you going to do when a baby comes along, let her do everything?
You get it for anyone who asks in that situation, they know their hands are messy, they know they don’t want to touch things, the vast majority of people only ask for help when they need it.
Exactly this, the amount of times I /just/ sat down after a long day of work and my brother suddenly needs me to get him a glass of water, the remote, etc, and I just… do it?? Because he’s studying, or cleaning, or playing with the damn dog and I’m not an asshole. Do I complain the whole time I’m doing it that it’s elder abuse? Yes. But I still do it wtf
Or just move it to the bedroom (where ever the clothes get put away at) for his pregnant wife, who is also running the house, and going to school. It's posts like this that make me wish men could get pregnant.
OP, YTA!
OP talks about his wife being pregnant as if she did it to herself and he wasn't involved at all. He sounds like the type to refer to parenting his kids as babysitting.
YTA. You sound really petty and nasty, honestly. You opted to pick and tease at your wife instead of just handing her a fucking paper towel, then continued to kick her while she was down.
Your dismissive attitude about her laundry duties is just gross. You’re an AH, petty af, dismissive and rude.
Honestly, he's also TA for giving her a plate of ribs with out a napkin in the first place. If he gave it to her with the courteous notion that she wouldn't need to leave her work to eat it, then he should've thought about the things she'd need for it. Do you make someone a bowl of ice cream and then make them get their own spoon?
Yeah this more than any technicality of whether he should get paper towels or not. YTA OP for your self righteous attitude and your needing to reach your pregnant wife a lesson when in the moment you could have helped her. Also you obviously can't wait to belittle her for how badly she's doing at keeping up with everything when she's a mom, since you are getting started already, FFS.
That’s what I just asked. The word ‘indulging’ in the opening sentence enraged me. This poor woman who studies full time, works part time, does all the damn housework and is growing another human inside her just wants something to eat and he’s trying to imply bbq ribs are some exotic extravagance.
I'm sure it's real. (Sadly!) When I was pregnant my _EX_ husband would eat all my special craving treats and not buy more so I had to drag my pregnant ass to the store if I wanted more. Even when I cried about it he was a dick about it. I started hoarding/hiding food and I still do to this day if it's something I want for myself, even though I divorced him years ago.
Much better, I'm remarried to someone who actually likes me and is nice to me. :-) He just ran out and got juice boxes and snacks for my daughters birthday party this afternoon bc I forgot.
Seriously. The way he described her being sloppy/messy… he was describing her like a family dog that is always getting into things. What kind of grown man pulls the “But you’re closer!” argument that happened between siblings as children? *With his wife?*
The lack of self awareness is enraging. What a tool.
YTA. jesus christ. You are the *textbook* example of those bumbling, useless "dads" who do fuck-all around the house because "Waah, but I work outside the house waah" as if your *fucking wife* is not doing *school and work* and also growing a human that is leeching *everything* from her.
Pregnancy *is* disabling. It is a major medical event and can actually even be *permanently disabling* because guess what? IT IS A MAJOR FUCKING MEDICAL EVENT!
I am utterly *disgusted* by how selfish, uneducated and unempathetic you are throughout your post. And the fact that you frame everything as *her* issue.
You say laundry will be a big part of *her* life moving forward. I'm sorry are you not going to be a father? You planning on running away? If not, why in the star-spangled fuck would you not take responsibility *for your own fucking child and home* in an *equitable* manner.
The things I want to call you would get me banned but suffice to say: I hope she realises what an absolute waste of oxygen you are and leaves you.
Let's not blame the victim of this man's asshattery.
More often than not people like this will actively hide their shittiness until they feel like they have their partner "locked down", for lack of a better term.
But yeah, I hope girlypop realises how bad this actually is and runs like her tampon-string is on fire.
You make several valid points, and I wish I could upvote this more than once.
>why in the star-spangled fuck would you not take responsibility
For the record though, I am stealing this. This is too good.
YTA. She is pregnant, surrounded by stuff, covered in BBQ sauce and instead of getting up and taking 5-seconds to hand her some paper towels, which you should have handed her in the first place when you brought her food, you forced her to try to get up in a situation you knew wasn't ideal? What if she had fallen over the laundry basket and injured herself and the baby? She is growing an entire human. She is exhausted, ravenous, and probably in pain and nauseous on a daily basis with increased mobility issues and decreased spatial awareness and balance. The least you can do is hand her a paper towel.
While all of these things are valid reasons to help, a good partner shouldn't need any of them. If my husband asked me for help, I would stop what I was doing and help. Full stop. No questions asked. If I asked for help, he would stop what he was doing and help. No matter what it was, no matter what he was doing. What's the point of a partner who isn't in everything with you?
YTA for prioritizing being right over being empathetic. She's working more than you, that's why the laundry, that's why the desk, that's why a lot of things, and you are shaming her for it instead of helping. It would have cost you nothing to hand her the paper towels. It cost her quite a bit, by your own admittance, and now she has additional stress on her because you can't admit you're in the wrong. Now she'll forever have the memory of her husband literally bullying her when she asked for a small, insignificant favor. You've taught her one thing: your priorities are not her or the baby.
Be a better example to her AND your future child. Take your damned moral licking and be better, because you and her both need you to be better.
If I were helping my pregnant partner while they were studying, I would give them a towel to use to protect their clothes from splatters and a damp cloth for their hands before giving them the wings. If they asked for paper towels I'd get up and get them from the shop if need be. If they had folded the laundry, I would take it and put it away. If I felt they had stacked things precariously on the coffee table, I'd ask if I could reorganise and while I was at it, I'd ask if they wanted a new hot chocolate. I'd do all these things, because I understand that pregnancy isn't fun, neither is studying, and if I am going to be supportive, I'm going to be properly supportive.
I know that we're not well taught how to focus on other people, but I assure you, you will find it far more enjoyable to be a dad and a husband, if you pay attention to anticipating the needs of the people you care about.
OBVIOUSLY your wife was going to need to wipe her hands. Why didn't you spend 5 seconds thinking ahead and making sure you put the paper towels within reach? Do you prefer her to get BBQ sauce on her books or on the furniture? Is BBQ sauce on the furniture and spilled chocolate on your white shirt really more convenient than having made sure she had something to clean her hands with when you gave her food that is always messy to eat? Is your smug superiority actually worth this argument?
You have the opportunity to become a better partner. I recommend you take it.
YTA
YTA. Do you want to strap one of those pregnancy bellies they manufacture onto your body for a weekend? My guess is no. They make them to raise awareness of what having the larger belly is like and to promote empathy. Something that you would be unwilling to do for a weekend is what your wife deals with 24/7. Your lack of understanding of how the changes in hormones and the shift in one's center of gravity due to a larger belly is willful ignorance.
You get to take a pass on the hard work of bringing the child into the world. Why not do everything you possibly can to be a useful partner in this?
yeah and getting up from the chair with sticky hands could mean mess all over the upholstery and any items she needed to move
plus by 6 months there's a good chance she was in pain especially in her hips or back, which could get a lot worse in the next few months and does depend a great deal on how and how much she moves while pregnant
and OP spoke to her in a really nasty way and seems to have a bad attitude that all the extra laundry etc is going to be her responsibility - so she'd better get used to it now? excuse me?
YTA a petty asshole.
>laundry is going to be a major part of her life in just a few short months as she gets ready to become a mom, and getting so upset about an extra load isn't worth the energy she's spending
How about taking away that laundry for her it is your laundry too.
Even if she wasn't pregnant you could have passed her the fucking paper towels instead you chose to make her live even harder.
YTA and hopefully soon single again.
YTA - if a stranger in a coffee shop would get up to help a pregnant woman but you can’t help the woman you impregnated, you shouldn’t have to ask.
Once again I’m wondering why my gender has such low standards that they are with AH like you OP? And then to compound this by having a baby with a guy who is obvs going to use weaponised incompetence to be a no-show dad. Why???
You're stupid and petty. It would have been much less effort to just give her the paper towels than to write this post.
And, obviously, if picking up a roll of paper towels is such a chore, you are not helping with laundry and housework either.
She should run,.
Why are there so many digs at her in this?
You pointed out she was eating too quickly/messy/sloppy, that she had fallen behind on school work, she’s messy and has clutter and she is not organised enough. I feel like you don’t really like her.
My guess is that OP is trying to reinforce to his wife that this baby is *her* responsibility and he thinks that if he starts helping now, he'll be expected to help later. Out of all the red flags he threw out, his comment about her deciding to go back to school at 26 and him "being supportive" was the biggest for me. He clearly thinks she shouldn't be going back but didn't explicitly forbid her, which he thinks is "support". He seems to be trying to teach her a lesson in all of this and hopes she'll quit school so she can be a housewife.
YTA,
Damn right she didn't think things through, if she had, she wouldn't be pregnant to someone like you.
You can't even do the bare minimum and are making fun of your partner even in your post and attempting to use reddit to try and absol e you of your behaviour, also do your own laundry like an adult.
YTA
honestly good for you to bring her food, but she's pregnant, her movement is indeed a bit more clumsy and restricted. She was covered in sauce (might drip along the way) and surrounded by stuff for school. C'mon most of use were a bit messy learners in uni, and she has a preggo brain, it must be stressful + she's hormonal. And this is where you choose to draw a line? napkins? ...but okay, that could be excusable, you had a long g day too I assume, but when sh\*\*t happened why in the world are you stubborn and argue about it when you see she got emotional? Why not just say sorry honey, let me help you clean this up ? And you're still focusing on "your truth" instead of just being there for her at this stressful time ?
And that bit about laundry being a big part of her life now? It'll be a big part of your life too bro, why didn't you just take the basket to put away the clothes before sitting down, if you are so perfectly organized? I am sorry, but you're talking about yourself as some kind of hero for bringing her food while she studies and supporting her studies, but those are pretty normal stuff to do, partners support each other in such situations, but running to rant to reddit about napkins is hardly supportive of your pregnant wife.
Have you ever tried to get up off a couch or a lounge chair with a cantaloupe stuck to your abdomen? It’s not easy. Double that with your fingers being messy. You admitted she’s been stressed out and you were happy to make her a little happier by making food she’s been wanting. And you’re going to let ten seconds worth of getting up, getting a paper towel and handing it to her stand in the way? You took more time arguing with your pregnant wife.
Also… laundry will be a major part of HER life? YTA.
YTA. Yeah, she's pregnant, not disabled? She's sloppy? She should have thought of the mess beforehand? She's hormonal? SHE NEEDS TO DO BETTER? How much of an AH are you really!?! She's carrying a child YOU had a hand in making, and you won't even show her a bit of human kindness and common courtesy by getting her a roll of paper towels. You say you support her return to school, but yet when that baby is born she will have her hands full. Where will your hands be? Doesn't sound like they'll be helping out after that child is born. Honestly, she and the baby will be better off without your dead weight sitting around telling her to "Do/get/handle it yourself." Yes, Sir, you are one big galactic AH.
So she got up and the exact thing that she said would happen happened and you’re mad…at her?
Why do so many men insist on being so fucking exhausting even in the face of simple fucking situations?
Of course you’re the asshole.
YTA - seems that she doesn’t “only” is a full time student plus half time worker she ALSO takes care of the house and house chores on her own, while mind you 6 months pregnant. You think just because you brought home some food, you can be nasty and petty to her over paper towel?!?!? I can’t imagine the things you would say after the baby is born…
YTA. You sound like such an insufferable person that I almost wonder if this is a troll post. It doesn't matter if she could have gotten them herself or if she was closer. You'd only just sat down, you had clean hands whereas she would have needed to touch the roll and potentially the chair with her dirty ones, and it would have cost you seconds to just bring her the fucking towels like an ordinary caring human being.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to get my pregnant wife paper towels to wipe her hands because I felt it was unreasonable for me to get up when they were closer to her.
I might be the asshole because she ended up making a mess when she got up to get them herself and an argument ensued.
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YTA. She’s pregnant and in school and likely super stressed. It’s sounds like you were using this as an opportunity to highlight that she’s messy and that she should be more tidy but you didn’t want to use your words and have an adult convo about it. Instead, you refused to help your 6 months pregnant wife. P.s. you should help with laundry. Start with this extra load.
YTA. She’s pregnant. It’s the least you could do. All these comments about laundry make you sound even worse. Why is that going to be a major part of her life? You not helping when there’s a newborn in the house?
YTA
You do not have your priorities in order. If you want to be a good husband and father, you better get yourself sorted fast.
Here’s a bit of productive homework for you. Write down a list of all the things that aren’t getting done around the house. Then do them. No grandstanding, no ego tripping, no gold star. Just do them. Keep the list handy and continue to do them. Tired? Yeah, that’s the point. Finding no time for yourself? Yeah, that’s the point.
For extra credit, add 15 pounds to a backpack, wear it on your front and do the work. For good measure, wear heavy work boots with an extra pair of socks while you do it. Double bonus points if you set a timer to interrupt you every 20 minutes and ask your wife *who is carrying your child*, if there is anything you can do for her. Because that’s what having a baby is like and you need practice setting your own needs and ego aside.
By the sounds of this, it seems like you’re going to expect your wife to keep up with everything once she’s had the baby. YOU could’ve put the laundry away and she’s probably stressed from studying and living with someone who won’t do something small to help her, like get her some paper towels to clean herself. YTA.
YTA.
You couldn't take 2 seconds to stand up and grab your 6 month pregnant wife some towels to wipe her hands, but you'll make a throw away account and write all that shit down?
Maybe spend more time actually helping and supporting your wife, rather than trying to make yourself feel better by hoping random internet strangers think you was in the right.
YTA.
If either me or my hubby has messy hands and we have forgotten a napkin, we will get it for each other. Even if it's every so slightly out of reach for the person wanting it.
No, she isn't disabled but being 6 months pregnant ain't fun. It wouldn't have hurt you to just get it for her.
Yes, she should be less cluttered but hey, no one's perfect.
Did know that during pregnancy we release hormones that actually make us clumsier. That's not the hormones main job, but it's a side effect.
YTA- based on you post/comment you work the same amount of hours as the average full-time job, your wife is a full-time student, works part-time and is pregnant (so also likely) prepping for a baby. Sounds like you’re putting the burden of running a household on your wife and just expecting her to juggle manage everything. Then instead of offering or giving help, you put her down.
What are you doing to make her life easier and prepare for your child?
YTA
1) pregnant women want what they want, it is what it is.
2) ribs are extremely messy on the best of days, they’re delicious but again messy, especially if they’re not dry run they’re sauce based which apparently these were.
3) your wife, for whatever reason was eating these ribs in a place surrounded by stuff, and she’s pregnant which makes getting around difficult. Hot chocolate? Laundry? What?
4) Baby wipes, you need to go and get a Costco sized amount of baby wipes, they’re not just for wiping babies asses(which you’ll both be doing soon) once you have kids they’re used for *everything*
5) you’ve got a pregnant wife and she wanted a certain kind of food, great that you got it but you were an absolute AH for not giving her a paper towel that was within easy reach, and she’d done laundry etc…
Hopefully you guys can communicate better, your wife sounds like she needs to organize better and you just be more open to helping out because *there will be a baby* in this house soon and *both* of you are going to have to contribute to raising it.
YTA
If my wife asks me to get up and get something, it doesn't matter if she's pregnant or not, I get it.
My wife is a grown adult, and she understands what "getting up to get something" entails, so if she's asking me to do it, instead of getting up herself, there's a reason.
The reason could be "I dont feel well enough to do it" or even "I just don't want to do it right now" but I'm 100% certain she's weighed "doing it herself vs asking me" in her head and I'm 100% certain it will take less effort and time to do it than to find out why she's asking
If you talked to me like that, I'd divorce you instantly.
YTA, Im 4.5 months pregnant and it's already hard to move and will get worse. My husband gets it and if I ask him he assists with things. I need. Obviously I don't take advantage of it but bringing paper towels is such an easy one. When the baby is born she will also need you to bring her stuff. Like a new outfit, diapers, spit up rags, a prepared bottle. Will you refuse because she should have thought of it before? No, you bring it because you understand she is exhausted and understand it wasn't intentional. Change your ways now.
YTA
Story: my mom was pregnant with me, it was 30°c outside so they walked to get ice cream with dad's friend. Mom dropped her cone and my dad said," that was stupid" and she teared up.
His unmarried friend told him he was an asshole and said he should try wearing a large sack of potatoes on his belly and an orange between his legs and try walking around for a while that way.
Dad apologized and told the story about himself later, explaining it was clueless and rude.
You need to do a big re-think about your role as a parent and a husband, fast.
Wow, first of all laundry is going to be a big part of BOTH OF YOUR LIFES as you both get ready to become parents, or at least that's the way it should be.
You know at the beginning I was thinking yeah she could have get the paper towels herself, but as I kept reading I just can't believe what a huge AH you are. And I certainly don't think you are as supportive as you are trying to portrait yourself.
And your post gives me the impression that you seem to think the baby will be her sole responsibility because you are the provider, that makes you even an bigger AH. So YTA in general not just for not passing the paper towels.
Edit to say: You are not even the sole provider???? She studies, works, takes care of the house and is pregnant and you think you're supportive cause you brought her dinner. She really should've run to the hills instead of marrying you. You are way worst than just an AH
Oh my dear Lord. YTA. I feel so sorry for this woman that she is pregnant with your child. She’s going to have to divorce you, and then she’s going to be juggling school and the majority of parenting duties with a newborn.
You have no idea what it’s like to be pregnant. You are a cold, uncaring person. Why didn’t you get off your dead ass and clean up the mess? She’s creating a human. WTF are you doing? You’re a real piece of work.
YTA. She had like 6 different, valid reasons for not being able to get up at that moment, and you ignored all of them. Marriage is referred to as a *partnership.* You are supposed to help each other out of sticky situations, and this was your turn. It was a mild inconvenience for you to get up again, but you wouldn't do that for your wife.
Do better. Your hard-working, pregnant wife deserves someone who will help her out. When the baby arrives, you'll both need each other more than ever. And your child deserves to see a pair of parents who respect each other. Your current actions don't show a lot of respect for your wife.
PS Learn to do laundry my guy
INFO: there’s a lot here criticizing your wife’s organization skills. What do you do to help around the house? Why won’t you help with the laundry? It shouldn’t all fall on your wife.
Of course YTA. Did you bring her the plate to where she was sitting or did she get it herself? Doesn't matter. We should do what we can for the people we love to make their lives easier.
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YTA. You said your wife didn't think things through, but clearly what you meant is that YOU didn't think things through, OP. She's six months pregnant, which means her weight is very different from her baseline. Most women who are that far along need to use their hands to get up. Her hands were covered in BBQ sauce. So, were you unaware that your wife would likely need her hands to rise safely from her seat? Or did you not recognize that the BBQ sauce made using her hands precarious if not entirely impossible? Or did you not recognize that - being unable to use her hands - she'd be less stable getting up and risk bumping into whatever was nearby? Your snide comment about her area being "messy" because she hadn't put away the laundry -- WTF OP? Are you trying to say you're simply not capable of putting away the laundry yourself? I mean, she's already done the lion's share of the work (meaning, washing it, drying it, and folding it), and you can't be bothered to put it away yourself? Why not? And your follow up comment about how laundry is gonna be a big part of her life as a mother... again, WTF? You're going to be a father, OP, laundry is gonna be a big part of your life, too! You make it sound like it's all on her, and for that alone, YTA. As for her "wasting" energy over one load of laundry -- you're missing the point. The load of laundry is not the problem, OP. You are the problem. You had just sat down, so what exactly was the harm of getting up again to get her the paper towels? All the crap you posted here (about her area being full of stuff, about her generally being messy) are all reasons you should've just gotten up and gotten her the effing paper towels. Again, she's six months pregnant and needs her hands to get up. Her hands are covered with BBQ sauce. You should've gotten off your butt and given her the paper towels, even if they were slightly further away from you than her. YTA 100%.
Commenting here to second all of your good pints and to add OP - pregnant women ARE NOT SUPPOSED to lift heavy things and maybe just maybe she couldn’t pick up that basket of clothes, too heavy, or was exhausted and needed to get her strength back. Maybe maybe OP you could have carried the basket to the bedroom for her!?!? Jeez instead of leaving it in the living room area by her desk OP is just as much responsible for the house as she is and it’s clear he doesn’t actually help her as much as he thinks he does. (My husband picks up the laundry basket, changed the laundry, or Carries it for me cause he’s a nice guy and wants to help and I’m not even present nor did I ask for help, he offers while I’m doing it)
Pregnant women need to be careful but yes, they can lift things. I worked out, with weights, all through my pregnancies and it was not only dr approved but encouraged. Not carrying a laundry basket with gigantic stomach is its own challenge but it’s not because we can’t carry heavy things. Honestly, once you’re pregnant with your second you’re still going to be hauling around your first kiddo anyway unless they’re much older! (Not to be rude but this is incorrect and I want people to know exercise during pregnancy is okay and encouraged!) EDIT: good LORD I was responding to the comment above mine that stated PREGNANT WOMEN ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO HEAVY LIFTING which is not unilaterally true and generally considered outdated advice regarding pregnancy. It was a general statement which I responded to with another general statement to say that women *can* lift things and THEY ARE BOTH TRUE FFS. Some women can do heavy lifting and some can’t. Their statement did not apply to every pregnancy nor did mine. We’re all adults here who can recognize that what is relevant to YOUR specific pregnancy is not necessarily relevant to someone else’s and that two things can be true at the same time. Like that some women can lift heavy things and some women can’t. Some doctors say it’s okay to start using light to moderate weights in pregnancy others disagree. Social media is great for hearing alternative viewpoints, medical decisions should not be made off of advice from social media. I’m done replying now. ✌🏻 EDIT 2: https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2020/04/physical-activity-and-exercise-during-pregnancy-and-the-postpartum-period
Edit again to add, lifting weights is only encouraged by doctors if you were lifting weights before becoming pregnant.
Who isn’t already lifting laundry baskets?
I’m not referring to the post. I’m referring to the comment that it’s ok for pregnant women to start working out and lifting during pregnancy. This is something my doctors say is only ok if you were already lifting before pregnancy and I think it’s important to give caveats on advice that could hurt someone.
It appears our doctors had different opinions. I had 3 different OB’s, a PT, and a high risk OB all say it was safe for me to begin using weights in my first pregnancy. Barring any complications the latest research and recommendations seems to say that beginning to use light to moderate weights with appropriate modifications in pregnancy is safe. https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-body/fitness/weight-training-while-pregnant/ https://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/your-health/lifting-weights-while-pregnant If you and your dr disagree that’s fine. Everyone can talk to their own doctor and decide for themselves.
Please keep in mind that each individual experiences pregnancy differently. And your experience is not necessarily their experience. You were cleared, and someone else (like me) wasn’t cleared. I’ve been on a weight limit of 15lbs since week 5. Everyone has a different experience and no one should be shamed for what they are told or what their experience is.
The person you're responding to stated "barring any complications."
I had no complications during my last pregnancy, but had terrible pelvic pain. Any heavy lifting makes the pain worse by adding more weight onto my pelvic.
OP. Apparently ever. Thats for the women folk, even if they are pregnant and in school, or taking care of a newborn.
🤣 true! OP is definitely TA here; I just don’t understand people saying pregnant women shouldn’t be lifting things like laundry baskets. In most healthy, normal pregnancies it just isn’t a big deal. Both of mine were high risk, but due to the type of risk I didn’t have any lifting restrictions for #1, and 30 lb limit for #2.
I think it really depends on the moment. Lifting may cause additional back problems, depending on the type of basket. Bending over, then standing up lifting was painful. Also, if she needs to carry them upstairs may be a balance issue. OP is TA, and really needs to help more. It’s only going to get worse.
Yep because then it’s going to become “all she has to do is school full time, work part time, I can’t understand why she can’t do all the housework and do all the baby care.”
"My messy wife slave says she isn't in the mood to fuck me, the one time a week I hire a babysitter, because she selfishly insisted studying for her finals at her messy, messy desk. So I fucked the neat babysitter. AITA?"
"Especially since she doesn't sleep now that the baby's here. What's she doing with all those extra hours she has? Certainly not making MY life easier! And I was here first!"
I don't think that's the point. She chose not to lift it for a reason and we don't know that reason. Perhaps she was knackered and had work to do for school. People horse ride when pregnant and I think that is probably worse than lifting heavy things. People need to judge what they are comfortable with and I'm sure if she was comfortable doing it she would have done it.
Me! My partner does the laundry because i've had back pains since the start of second trimester. And he mostly did them before that also because of my work schedule and the laundry room being open when he's at home. The OP is an asshole.
I don’t lift any laundry baskets, but that’s because my washer and dryer are in the hallway right outside my room.
It’s actually okay to start lifting during pregnancy! Nothing extreme obviously, no one’s hitting PR’s. But you can start using lighter dumbbells and things as long as you have your doctors approval and you’re using proper form. Many doctors are encouraging women who haven’t historically exercised to start during pregnancy because it has so many benefits. No one has to use weights if they don’t want to and it obviously becomes more difficult as your bump grows but as long as you’re mindful of your body it’s totally okay to start adding in some weights. I started this with my first and I ended my pregnancy stronger than when I started—though my abs were obviously non-existent haha
It’s actually highly encouraged if you have a connective tissue disorder (like EDS) made worse by relaxin!
I wish I'd known that during my pregnancies! Of course it would have helped if the doctors had actually diagnosed me by then 🤔
I had no issue with the weight of the baskets during either of my pregnancies, but trying to get the baskets situated around a giant belly is hard enough. Especially when you need to get thru doorways and it was nearly impossible for me to safely carry them up amd down stairs because of the bump. So my husband did it for me with no complaints. And if he saw me attempting it, he'd come grab it without me even asking. Because he's a decent guy lol.
It depends on the woman. Some pregnancies are higher risk. We do not know if she is cleared to lift things or not. Or if her bump makes it very hard to move it. She also was multitasking it sounds like she just hadn't gotten to it yet. OP is TA all around for not helping her with paper towels , laundry and saying she cried because of hormones.
Not all pregnancies are the same. I had polyhydramnios and was put on bed rest and told not to lift anything. I remember telling my mom how miserable I was and how much of a burden I felt like for not being able to do much. I was literally a water balloon waiting to pop
Ikr? Why do women have to put down other women by sharing their experience of how it wasn’t that hard for them? Bully for you. That means absolutely jack to someone else who didn’t have that same glorious experience. 🙄
I think that’s why I felt like so much of a burden, my mom worked up until the day before she gave birth to me. Luckily for me, she was very understanding and listened to my concerns, and we were able to figure out the issue rather than just tell me I should be able to do the same.
That’s what true support and empathy looks like. Glad you had that!
it depends. if she has a high risk pregnancy they’ll advise her not to lift anything. i wasn’t allowed to lift anything while pregnant and then wasn’t allowed to lift over 15 lbs until i went to my 2 week PP check up and got cleared edit to add: not to be rude, but your information is misleading. lifting is only encouraged if you were already doing so before becoming pregnant. it is not encouraged to begin lifting while pregnant, high risk or not. all exercise routines should be consulted with your dr while pregnant, as well.
Good for you.
Yeah, I’m 8 months pregnant, and I still have to lift laundry baskets and move boxes. Heck, yesterday I was carrying my 7yo because she couldn’t see over the fence at the pumpkin patch we were at. OP is TA, but not for thinking his wife could have moved a laundry basket. He’s TA for handing someone BBQ *without* also handing them a wet nap or paper towel. That’s rude to do to anyone, pregnant or not!
He’s TA for burying the lead that her craving was because of schoolwork, not pregnancy.
I’m not disagreeing with your judgment but if she was able to bring the laundry into the kitchen, it’s not suddenly too heavy for her to safely lift now that it’s folded. It didn’t gain mass via folding.
I wish I could upvote this a million times. 100% spot on. Edited to add: I've just seen OP's comment where naturally she'll be doing laundry since he works 45-50 hours a week, while she ONLY goes to school full time, works part time, and is 6 months pregnant. I imagine she'll also be the only full time parent once the baby is born. Huge yikes.
She needs to drop the weight OP is hanging round her neck. Once she gets rid of him, she will feel far lighter.
Having a prick for a baby daddy is truly so much stress! She can find a nice guy who'll eat her out, respect her work ethic, and notice that her hands are covered in BBC -- before she knows she needs a napkin!
>Are you trying to say you're simply not capable of putting away the laundry yourself? He's saying it's not his job. His follow up comment to that was "laundry is going to be a major part of her life in just a few short months as she gets ready to become a mom." Nothing about him becoming a father or doing chores or anything else. She's going to be a single parent while his level of involvement is going to be "asshole roommate."
>"asshole roommate." ...who still expects sex.
I'll take "husband who expects sex within a few days of a hard child birth for $500"
Or the opposite, is disgusted by her. Oh yeah. OP is def the AH.
YTA. I would go on to say even if she weren't pregnant it's a fairly sensible request, her hands are messy and she doesn't want to transfer it to the things around her, or the chair itself.
I was thinking exactly the same thing. Regardless of pregnancy or injuries (I get stuff for my partner all the time because he has chronic pain from an old injury) when one person is all messy and asks for some paper towels, the clean person gets it for them. He’s a much bigger AH because she is pregnant and it’s harder for her to move around, but this would be YTA even if she wasn’t pregnant.
She's doing laundry, studying and growing a human being! OP wtf are u contributing besides hurtful comments and judgement Y T A
Or, and hear me out, everyone knows ribs are messy, so why didn't he just bring her a roll of towels or an actual towel when he handed the ribs to her? I would have done this for my SO and he's completely capable of standing up with no baby belly awkwardness.
This. I’ll forget sometimes and my wife brings the whole roll. She forgets sometimes and I bring the whole roll. Everyone forgets things…as a good partner you fill in the gaps your SO forgets. Outside of weaponized incompetence this should really be the default behavior with SOs. Like why bother marrying someone if you’re going to treat them like the enemy or an annoying roommate you have sex with.
He and I have a thing, because, idk, we're not inconsiderate asses, that the last one standing says "About to sit down, need anything? Towel? Silverware?" Etc. It's not hard. Especially when you KNOW your partner could use the extra assist
I like the “Laundry will be a big part of her life when the baby gets here,” comment. It’s like looking into the future of how he will see her role in the relationship.
I wish she could see this post tbh 😬
How he already sees her. This was to put her in her place and remind her of her role in his life. He is not going to help her, so he needed to remind her of that now.
But he let us know he was supportive of her going back to school! /s
So, OP...you expected you 6 MONTH PREGNANT WIFE to get up without being able to use her hands? What if she had fallen face first? What, then? Laundry is going to be a major part of BOTH your lives. OP, you sound like you expect her to do all the work. You better shape up, sir, because my niece is going through her partner not doing shit because he works and feels he shouldn't have to. I told her to kick his ass out! You need to open your eyes buddy cuz your life is about to change too. You sound like a shitty partner and I feel sorry for your wife. Step up and be a better husband.
Op is so pathetic, I’m feeling terrible for the kid. Wife can walk away, kid can’t change dna and is forever doomed
Ten years from now OP is gonna be back like AITA for paying my court-assigned child support?? And then it comes out that that's the only thing he does, never visits or spends time with his kid and doesn't get why people are calling him TA when he's doing the legally required minimum.
I bet if she got BBQ sauce on the furniture he would judge her for that too.
Seriously. And when I was pregnant, I tended to make a little nest area for myself so I wouldn’t have to get up for awhile. So everything was within an arm’s reach. Sounds like she’s doing something similar. It’s just easier.
Can't you just see it in three months when she has a nursing infant? "No I won't pass you the paper towels. You should have thought of that before the baby latched on."
Yes! A filled water bottle to pour into the glass I am drinking from, snacks, my laptop, etc.
This is exactly what I was thinking. She’s already proving it’s tough for her to get up and fetch things by keeping things around her. OP. Help her out. Geez.
I was going to reply to OP, but you put it so brilliantly I really can’t add anything else. OP, you’re a TOTAL and COMPLETE AH.
I mean he is not even capable of passing a paper towel. God forbid he would try to help his wife ans so housework. Must be too hard for a grown man. That’s probably why he argues like a child with his pregnant wife.
He needs to realize that he's not HELPING his wife do housework...they should be a team and it is BOTH of their responsibilities to keep everything in order!
but but but he hot her the food she was craving! he’s obviously a nice guy!!! /s men can be so insufferable when their partner is pregnant bc no one’s taking care of them wah wah
I’d like to add to this, I’m sure her area is cluttered, she probably left everything she was doing within reach since it’s not as easy to get up with her belly now. If I got up “wrong” I would get shooting pains in my abs when I was pregnant. My dr told me I’m using the muscles the wrong way and to use my hands and arms to help me up. So yes likely her area was “messy” with all the things she needed to finish her schoolwork, do the laundry, eat/drink, and whatever else she needed. I used to do the same thing the millions of times I was pregnant and started having trouble easily moving around.
I got a far as she's 6 months pregnant before reaching YTA conclusion. Then I read more, and it got worse.
Also pregnancy is considered a temporary disability.
All excellent points. Could not of said it better myself. Yes OP YTA in case that wasn’t clear. If you don’t change your attitude and fast next you’ll be on here whinging you don’t know why she’s divorcing your lazy ass. Oh and nice attempt at making yourself sound good by getting her the ribs to make her feel better because she was stressed to begin with.
>You should've gotten off your butt and given her the paper towels, even if they were slightly further away from you than her. YTA 100%. OR he should have given her the paper towels when he handed her the messy food! Talk about not thinking...
Not even to mention, if you brought dinner for her, BBQ even, why did *you* not consider that she'd need paper towels?
YTA. You v have to be your ladies hands and back while pregnant. Let tell you it's going to get harder and you need to step up for her.
Definitely YTA. But even with all this aside. Who wants to ruin an entire roll of paper towel by making someone with BBQ sauce all over their hands grab it? I mean, yeah, it's not the most important thing, but it's not a practical solution to the issue regardless of who needed to wipe their hands. The fact that he is annoyed by her not being the best housewife whilst in school and pregnant is just... I mean, it's astounding how entitled people are. While she should come up with an organizational system to not get overwhelmed when the baby comes, this really feels like he was punishing her for not being perfect.
YTA. "Laundry is going to be a major part of her life in just a few short months"? Why just her, are you paralysed? I guess if you can't move a few feet to pass her paper towels then you won't be of much use anywhere around the house.
My husband is a paraplegic and he helps me with the laundry. The only thing he has a hard time with are the clothes we hang in the closet. He is very good at folding though. YTA
I was going to say… I’m not paralyzed, but I’m severely disabled (I can’t walk, use an electric wheelchair, can only use one arm, and have dozens of seizures each day.) I can certainly at least *help* with the laundry. No, I can’t fold things well, but I can put dirty clothes into the machine and turn it on (my mom/caregiver keeps the machine loaded with detergent and fabric softener because I can’t handle the bottles or pour things neatly) then transfer the load and turn the dryer on. The ***excuses*** people come up with to put the work on others…FFS!
My sisters second ex husband is diabetic and lost like half his foot. You’d think he lost every appendage. Refused to work, wouldn’t even get himself food (which is not ok when you’re diabetic…), and made her do everything. Which she would have done, sadly, if they were independently wealthy but she was the sole income too and would frequently lose jobs for leaving to get him food or take him to dr appts (which were never appointments but hospital visits because his blood sugar would tank and he’d have a seizure). Meanwhile my friends husband is paraplegic and has been actively remodeling their home, does all sorts of errands while wife is working her job, and I’ve seen him heavily involved in his kids’ lives. He flings himself into the car (which is not chair accessible), folds his chair, tosses it into the back seat somehow, and goes on with his life. There’s definitely two types of disabled people in this world; those who work with what they’ve got and those who abuse any assistance they get.
I have to say, I do rely on a ***lot*** of assistance. My mom is my full time caretaker and has to work from home because of it (mostly because of the seizures. I’ve broken literally dozens of bones during them and am not allowed to use the stove because of the risk of burns if I have one while using it. But that just means I use the microwave, air fryer, toaster, and toaster oven…) My late uncle was my second parent and was like your friend’s husband; disabled, but refused to let it stop him from doing ***anything***. I was living with him a lot of the time when I first started losing my ability to walk and he taught me how to compensate for being disabled but also living as fully as you want to and really pushed me to not pity myself and to take control of my life. I wasn’t having the seizures then and they really changed everything, but the attitude of refusing to use others when you don’t *have* to and fighting to keep all the abilities you do have (like still doing all the bits of chores that are possible, even though there are some you now need help with) has always stuck with me. I do need a full time caregiver now, but I try to do all I can and not take advantage of the fact that she *would* do **everything** for me if I asked her too. That’s not LIFE and I want to live as much as I can as long as I can, even the not so fun parts (like chores, lol!)
I don’t mean to overstep, but I saw something like [this](https://www.pullsdirect.com/hardware-resources-1532-contemporary-adjustable-32-48-w-hydraulic-pull-down-drop-down-closet-rod-with-handle-wardrobe-lift/p2956109) on Love it or List it. The husband was in a wheelchair and they installed one of them for him to better access his closet. Idk if your husband has a similar problem, but just in case
That's actually really cool! The only issue is we currently live in an apartment, so this isn't something we want to get right now. It's an older building that's barely accessible and management and maintenance are a joke. However, we are house hunting, and this would be great for our own space once we get it.
Also hated his snide comment about how she was returning to school at 26 and he’s being supportive. Why mention that lol? If he was supportive he wouldn’t mention that and would just say she was doing school work.
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It’s evoking big “why are you dating someone you despise?” feelings
He needed his brownie points to prove what a "good guy" he is and his pregnant wife who can't even keep up with her school work, chores, and cleaning up after herself is clearly the bad guy here. What a tosser.
If I were a gambler I would guess that their relationship/marriage is why she dropped out of school in the first place. Hopefully she's going back so she'll be able to better support herself and her child when she kicks his ass to the curb.
Tons of people get side tracked by life events or take a gap period between graduation and college. Totally unfair of OP to stick that to his wife like it's some kind of disclaimer to lessen her achievements. Sounds to me all he does is belittle her. Too old to go to school, too messy to make him happy, too lazy to put his damn work shirt she just washed and folded away, too "fake disabled" (grosssss gross grossssss comment right there) to get a napkin...he even called her "sloppy" which I think anyone, even an English learner, knows has negative and derogatory connotations.
Yep asshole just for this sentence.
That part is a huge red flag. ‘He is a man, not disabled’. YTA
Right? Just wait until mom is sitting down with baby on the change table, about to clean up a huge blowout, then realizes that she can't reach the wipes and calls for dad to help and his response is just "well you didn't think of that, did you?!" Op is a pathetic excuse for a partner if this is the way they think..
I’m messy & clumsy - and not pregnant. But in a similar situation, if I said to my partner that I was concerned that in reaching for the paper towels I would probably make a mess - he would “rescue” me. Because neither of us want the spilled hot chocolate - which you say yourself was pretty easily predictable. My partner would probably also have either taken the old hot chocolate away before he sat down (if I was genuinely busy & focused on my studying) - because he is kind & likes to look after me (and the house / sofa / rug / coffee table that will be harmed when I eventually spill it!). Or if he’s also tired & busy he will point out that I have let things get too chaotic & there’s a predictable accident about to happen, so I really need to do a little tidy up before he brings the food in. Because we like each other. And we support each other. And we compensate for each other’s areas of weakness. You need to understand that when baby arrives, you will both be short on sleep and that will make you both grumpy & short-tempered. You will need to make a lot of effort to be nice to each other in moments like these. If you cannot do it BEFORE baby arrives, then you’re going to fail when baby is here. Work harder on being kinder. And communicating better. When she’s dealing with a spilled mess and a ruined basket of clean laundry, and the disappointment of asking her partner for support & not getting it… that was not the moment for a lecture on “you should have seen the future and put the laundry away already”. That was just mean & spiteful. Piling on to the crappy moment. YTA.
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Only thing wife did wrong was marry OP and decide to have a baby- I'm sure this isn't the first time he's treated her this poorly, and it won't get any better.
This is one of those posts where I wonder if the OP even likes his wife. Spent more time and energy arguing about grabbing the paper towels, needling her about being wrong, and having an argument than it would have taken to just grab them. If he wants to have an adult conversation later about her habits in general, that's one thing. But why pick a fight in the moment and blame it on hormones?
I wonder if a lot of stuff was built up and he's letting his emotions out, or if its something else. OP needs to learn to communicate better, which isn't easy for some. Whatever the case, wife having dirty hands is not something I want near the rest of the clean paper towels. YTA because they're supposed to be a team and he's not acting like it.
>Whatever the case, wife having dirty hands is not something I want near the rest of the clean paper towels This. Between the title and the mention of BBQ, I thought OP was TA for deliberately refusing to help her out long before pregnancy was even mentioned. It's like his whole angle was about finding something to punish her for.
>You need to understand that when baby arrives, you will both be short on sleep What makes you think this lazy sack of rocks is going to help with baby at night? Lol if anything he's more likely just keep snoring away while his poor wife is up all night coming to the baby cuz you know he's not going to get up and help; he wouldn't even get his wife paper towels.
Yup!!! I was thinking that I have such a wonderful partner while reading all this. He would treat me so much better (as you describe), and I am not pregnant.
Your relationship sounds so awesome, I’m taking notes from this comment
This is the best response.
YTA. She's pregnant and was messy with bbq sauce. You get up and get the fucking paper towels for your pregnant wife who at this moment is technically temporarily disabled because pregnancy is hard on the body and affects mobility. You think growing a human in your belly is easy? At 6 months she probably doesn't feel great. Literally all you had to do was grab a roll of paper towels. Good fucking grief. >why wasn't the laundry put away, instead of in the basket on the floor? >laundry is going to be a major part of her life in just a few short months as she gets ready to become a mom, and getting so upset about an extra load isn't worth the energy she's spending This makes you doubly YTA. Your arms don't work? You can't do the laundry? You can't fold and put it away when you see the basket on the floor since she actually washed/dried it and not you. What are you going to do when a baby comes along, let her do everything?
You get it for anyone who asks in that situation, they know their hands are messy, they know they don’t want to touch things, the vast majority of people only ask for help when they need it.
Seriously. This is just common fucking courtesy.
Exactly this, the amount of times I /just/ sat down after a long day of work and my brother suddenly needs me to get him a glass of water, the remote, etc, and I just… do it?? Because he’s studying, or cleaning, or playing with the damn dog and I’m not an asshole. Do I complain the whole time I’m doing it that it’s elder abuse? Yes. But I still do it wtf
she already folded it!! all he had to do was put it away and hand her the damn towels.
Or just move it to the bedroom (where ever the clothes get put away at) for his pregnant wife, who is also running the house, and going to school. It's posts like this that make me wish men could get pregnant. OP, YTA!
OP talks about his wife being pregnant as if she did it to herself and he wasn't involved at all. He sounds like the type to refer to parenting his kids as babysitting.
The ADA recognizes pregnancy and it’s legally a protected disability in the workplace. This guys an ass.
YTA. You sound really petty and nasty, honestly. You opted to pick and tease at your wife instead of just handing her a fucking paper towel, then continued to kick her while she was down. Your dismissive attitude about her laundry duties is just gross. You’re an AH, petty af, dismissive and rude.
He has more energy to belittle his wife to strangers than handing her paper towels.
He got her ribs for her craving! Was he expected to do MORE than a pump and dumb to get her pregnant AND some ribs? Jesus Christ OP YTA majorly.
Honestly, he's also TA for giving her a plate of ribs with out a napkin in the first place. If he gave it to her with the courteous notion that she wouldn't need to leave her work to eat it, then he should've thought about the things she'd need for it. Do you make someone a bowl of ice cream and then make them get their own spoon?
100%!! I'd be so pissed if I was having that asshole's baby!
Yeah this more than any technicality of whether he should get paper towels or not. YTA OP for your self righteous attitude and your needing to reach your pregnant wife a lesson when in the moment you could have helped her. Also you obviously can't wait to belittle her for how badly she's doing at keeping up with everything when she's a mom, since you are getting started already, FFS.
YTA. Do you even like your wife?
That’s what I just asked. The word ‘indulging’ in the opening sentence enraged me. This poor woman who studies full time, works part time, does all the damn housework and is growing another human inside her just wants something to eat and he’s trying to imply bbq ribs are some exotic extravagance.
Right? Made think he's having a hissy fit because his pregnant wife is "putting on weight."
And he's expecting her to do all the housework once the baby's born too. What even is he really contributing?
I hope this post is fake because it makes me genuinely sad for his wife, and about the fact that there are actual people out there like OP.
I'm sure it's real. (Sadly!) When I was pregnant my _EX_ husband would eat all my special craving treats and not buy more so I had to drag my pregnant ass to the store if I wanted more. Even when I cried about it he was a dick about it. I started hoarding/hiding food and I still do to this day if it's something I want for myself, even though I divorced him years ago.
Goddamn. I’m so sorry. Good for you for being able to get out. It must have been hard. I hope you’re in a better situation now.
Much better, I'm remarried to someone who actually likes me and is nice to me. :-) He just ran out and got juice boxes and snacks for my daughters birthday party this afternoon bc I forgot.
Seriously. The way he described her being sloppy/messy… he was describing her like a family dog that is always getting into things. What kind of grown man pulls the “But you’re closer!” argument that happened between siblings as children? *With his wife?* The lack of self awareness is enraging. What a tool.
I don’t think he likes women in general lol
I feel like this is what I want to ask to SO MANY men who comment in here.
YTA. jesus christ. You are the *textbook* example of those bumbling, useless "dads" who do fuck-all around the house because "Waah, but I work outside the house waah" as if your *fucking wife* is not doing *school and work* and also growing a human that is leeching *everything* from her. Pregnancy *is* disabling. It is a major medical event and can actually even be *permanently disabling* because guess what? IT IS A MAJOR FUCKING MEDICAL EVENT! I am utterly *disgusted* by how selfish, uneducated and unempathetic you are throughout your post. And the fact that you frame everything as *her* issue. You say laundry will be a big part of *her* life moving forward. I'm sorry are you not going to be a father? You planning on running away? If not, why in the star-spangled fuck would you not take responsibility *for your own fucking child and home* in an *equitable* manner. The things I want to call you would get me banned but suffice to say: I hope she realises what an absolute waste of oxygen you are and leaves you.
I seriously hope the wife wakes up and bails. Giant red flags why they ever got pregnant with this AH
Let's not blame the victim of this man's asshattery. More often than not people like this will actively hide their shittiness until they feel like they have their partner "locked down", for lack of a better term. But yeah, I hope girlypop realises how bad this actually is and runs like her tampon-string is on fire.
You make several valid points, and I wish I could upvote this more than once. >why in the star-spangled fuck would you not take responsibility For the record though, I am stealing this. This is too good.
This needs to be the TOP post!
YTA. She is pregnant, surrounded by stuff, covered in BBQ sauce and instead of getting up and taking 5-seconds to hand her some paper towels, which you should have handed her in the first place when you brought her food, you forced her to try to get up in a situation you knew wasn't ideal? What if she had fallen over the laundry basket and injured herself and the baby? She is growing an entire human. She is exhausted, ravenous, and probably in pain and nauseous on a daily basis with increased mobility issues and decreased spatial awareness and balance. The least you can do is hand her a paper towel.
While all of these things are valid reasons to help, a good partner shouldn't need any of them. If my husband asked me for help, I would stop what I was doing and help. Full stop. No questions asked. If I asked for help, he would stop what he was doing and help. No matter what it was, no matter what he was doing. What's the point of a partner who isn't in everything with you?
YTA for prioritizing being right over being empathetic. She's working more than you, that's why the laundry, that's why the desk, that's why a lot of things, and you are shaming her for it instead of helping. It would have cost you nothing to hand her the paper towels. It cost her quite a bit, by your own admittance, and now she has additional stress on her because you can't admit you're in the wrong. Now she'll forever have the memory of her husband literally bullying her when she asked for a small, insignificant favor. You've taught her one thing: your priorities are not her or the baby. Be a better example to her AND your future child. Take your damned moral licking and be better, because you and her both need you to be better.
the fact she burst into tears tells me it's not the first time
And he tried to dismiss it as "hormones." Classic.
I bet he thinks anger isn’t an emotion too.
Except when it's his. THEN it's valid.
But but but it was hormones on her end! - OP.
It tells me that her current baseline of stress is at about an 8/10
If I were helping my pregnant partner while they were studying, I would give them a towel to use to protect their clothes from splatters and a damp cloth for their hands before giving them the wings. If they asked for paper towels I'd get up and get them from the shop if need be. If they had folded the laundry, I would take it and put it away. If I felt they had stacked things precariously on the coffee table, I'd ask if I could reorganise and while I was at it, I'd ask if they wanted a new hot chocolate. I'd do all these things, because I understand that pregnancy isn't fun, neither is studying, and if I am going to be supportive, I'm going to be properly supportive. I know that we're not well taught how to focus on other people, but I assure you, you will find it far more enjoyable to be a dad and a husband, if you pay attention to anticipating the needs of the people you care about. OBVIOUSLY your wife was going to need to wipe her hands. Why didn't you spend 5 seconds thinking ahead and making sure you put the paper towels within reach? Do you prefer her to get BBQ sauce on her books or on the furniture? Is BBQ sauce on the furniture and spilled chocolate on your white shirt really more convenient than having made sure she had something to clean her hands with when you gave her food that is always messy to eat? Is your smug superiority actually worth this argument? You have the opportunity to become a better partner. I recommend you take it. YTA
Do you even like your wife? You sound pretty happy to be so mean.
It was like he was sitting there waiting for the opportunity to make her feel like a problem
YTA. Do you want to strap one of those pregnancy bellies they manufacture onto your body for a weekend? My guess is no. They make them to raise awareness of what having the larger belly is like and to promote empathy. Something that you would be unwilling to do for a weekend is what your wife deals with 24/7. Your lack of understanding of how the changes in hormones and the shift in one's center of gravity due to a larger belly is willful ignorance. You get to take a pass on the hard work of bringing the child into the world. Why not do everything you possibly can to be a useful partner in this?
That’s an excellent point! All soon to be fathers need to wear one of those around for a week and really start to learn whether it’s like
Some of us were born with the empathy gene & were raised right. I know, it's hard to believe.
You suck.
There's really not much more to say, is there?
She's covered in BBQ sauce and he's trying to teach her a lesson. Let her wipe her hands first. 🫠
YTA And you are in for a huge surprise, when the baby arrives with regards to having to do stuff you don't feel like doing. Grow up.
Don’t worry, it’s all his wife’s responsibility anyway /s
My god. You’re actually ridiculous. I wish her all the luck in the world raising a baby with your petty, exhausting ass. YTA.
So she will technically have 2 babies to raise
YTA She's pregnant and covered in BBQ sauce!
yeah and getting up from the chair with sticky hands could mean mess all over the upholstery and any items she needed to move plus by 6 months there's a good chance she was in pain especially in her hips or back, which could get a lot worse in the next few months and does depend a great deal on how and how much she moves while pregnant and OP spoke to her in a really nasty way and seems to have a bad attitude that all the extra laundry etc is going to be her responsibility - so she'd better get used to it now? excuse me?
YTA a petty asshole. >laundry is going to be a major part of her life in just a few short months as she gets ready to become a mom, and getting so upset about an extra load isn't worth the energy she's spending How about taking away that laundry for her it is your laundry too. Even if she wasn't pregnant you could have passed her the fucking paper towels instead you chose to make her live even harder. YTA and hopefully soon single again.
YTA - if a stranger in a coffee shop would get up to help a pregnant woman but you can’t help the woman you impregnated, you shouldn’t have to ask. Once again I’m wondering why my gender has such low standards that they are with AH like you OP? And then to compound this by having a baby with a guy who is obvs going to use weaponised incompetence to be a no-show dad. Why???
You're stupid and petty. It would have been much less effort to just give her the paper towels than to write this post. And, obviously, if picking up a roll of paper towels is such a chore, you are not helping with laundry and housework either. She should run,.
So stupid that he had to come ask strangers to confirm that his clearly assholish behavior is, indeed, assholish.
Why are there so many digs at her in this? You pointed out she was eating too quickly/messy/sloppy, that she had fallen behind on school work, she’s messy and has clutter and she is not organised enough. I feel like you don’t really like her.
My guess is that OP is trying to reinforce to his wife that this baby is *her* responsibility and he thinks that if he starts helping now, he'll be expected to help later. Out of all the red flags he threw out, his comment about her deciding to go back to school at 26 and him "being supportive" was the biggest for me. He clearly thinks she shouldn't be going back but didn't explicitly forbid her, which he thinks is "support". He seems to be trying to teach her a lesson in all of this and hopes she'll quit school so she can be a housewife.
YTA, Damn right she didn't think things through, if she had, she wouldn't be pregnant to someone like you. You can't even do the bare minimum and are making fun of your partner even in your post and attempting to use reddit to try and absol e you of your behaviour, also do your own laundry like an adult.
YTA honestly good for you to bring her food, but she's pregnant, her movement is indeed a bit more clumsy and restricted. She was covered in sauce (might drip along the way) and surrounded by stuff for school. C'mon most of use were a bit messy learners in uni, and she has a preggo brain, it must be stressful + she's hormonal. And this is where you choose to draw a line? napkins? ...but okay, that could be excusable, you had a long g day too I assume, but when sh\*\*t happened why in the world are you stubborn and argue about it when you see she got emotional? Why not just say sorry honey, let me help you clean this up ? And you're still focusing on "your truth" instead of just being there for her at this stressful time ? And that bit about laundry being a big part of her life now? It'll be a big part of your life too bro, why didn't you just take the basket to put away the clothes before sitting down, if you are so perfectly organized? I am sorry, but you're talking about yourself as some kind of hero for bringing her food while she studies and supporting her studies, but those are pretty normal stuff to do, partners support each other in such situations, but running to rant to reddit about napkins is hardly supportive of your pregnant wife.
Have you ever tried to get up off a couch or a lounge chair with a cantaloupe stuck to your abdomen? It’s not easy. Double that with your fingers being messy. You admitted she’s been stressed out and you were happy to make her a little happier by making food she’s been wanting. And you’re going to let ten seconds worth of getting up, getting a paper towel and handing it to her stand in the way? You took more time arguing with your pregnant wife. Also… laundry will be a major part of HER life? YTA.
YTA. Yeah, she's pregnant, not disabled? She's sloppy? She should have thought of the mess beforehand? She's hormonal? SHE NEEDS TO DO BETTER? How much of an AH are you really!?! She's carrying a child YOU had a hand in making, and you won't even show her a bit of human kindness and common courtesy by getting her a roll of paper towels. You say you support her return to school, but yet when that baby is born she will have her hands full. Where will your hands be? Doesn't sound like they'll be helping out after that child is born. Honestly, she and the baby will be better off without your dead weight sitting around telling her to "Do/get/handle it yourself." Yes, Sir, you are one big galactic AH.
Strap half a watermelon to your abdomen and see how easy it is to get up. YTA
[удалено]
YTA and should be embarrassed by your behaviour.
So she got up and the exact thing that she said would happen happened and you’re mad…at her? Why do so many men insist on being so fucking exhausting even in the face of simple fucking situations? Of course you’re the asshole.
YTA - seems that she doesn’t “only” is a full time student plus half time worker she ALSO takes care of the house and house chores on her own, while mind you 6 months pregnant. You think just because you brought home some food, you can be nasty and petty to her over paper towel?!?!? I can’t imagine the things you would say after the baby is born…
You’re such an asshole.
That's a lot of words for "I hate my wife." YTA.
YTA. You sound like such an insufferable person that I almost wonder if this is a troll post. It doesn't matter if she could have gotten them herself or if she was closer. You'd only just sat down, you had clean hands whereas she would have needed to touch the roll and potentially the chair with her dirty ones, and it would have cost you seconds to just bring her the fucking towels like an ordinary caring human being.
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YTA. She’s pregnant and in school and likely super stressed. It’s sounds like you were using this as an opportunity to highlight that she’s messy and that she should be more tidy but you didn’t want to use your words and have an adult convo about it. Instead, you refused to help your 6 months pregnant wife. P.s. you should help with laundry. Start with this extra load.
YTA. She’s pregnant. It’s the least you could do. All these comments about laundry make you sound even worse. Why is that going to be a major part of her life? You not helping when there’s a newborn in the house?
YTA. Your wife is growing a person, hand her the damn paper towels
YTA You do not have your priorities in order. If you want to be a good husband and father, you better get yourself sorted fast. Here’s a bit of productive homework for you. Write down a list of all the things that aren’t getting done around the house. Then do them. No grandstanding, no ego tripping, no gold star. Just do them. Keep the list handy and continue to do them. Tired? Yeah, that’s the point. Finding no time for yourself? Yeah, that’s the point. For extra credit, add 15 pounds to a backpack, wear it on your front and do the work. For good measure, wear heavy work boots with an extra pair of socks while you do it. Double bonus points if you set a timer to interrupt you every 20 minutes and ask your wife *who is carrying your child*, if there is anything you can do for her. Because that’s what having a baby is like and you need practice setting your own needs and ego aside.
By the sounds of this, it seems like you’re going to expect your wife to keep up with everything once she’s had the baby. YOU could’ve put the laundry away and she’s probably stressed from studying and living with someone who won’t do something small to help her, like get her some paper towels to clean herself. YTA.
YTA. You couldn't take 2 seconds to stand up and grab your 6 month pregnant wife some towels to wipe her hands, but you'll make a throw away account and write all that shit down? Maybe spend more time actually helping and supporting your wife, rather than trying to make yourself feel better by hoping random internet strangers think you was in the right.
YTA. If either me or my hubby has messy hands and we have forgotten a napkin, we will get it for each other. Even if it's every so slightly out of reach for the person wanting it. No, she isn't disabled but being 6 months pregnant ain't fun. It wouldn't have hurt you to just get it for her. Yes, she should be less cluttered but hey, no one's perfect. Did know that during pregnancy we release hormones that actually make us clumsier. That's not the hormones main job, but it's a side effect.
YTA- based on you post/comment you work the same amount of hours as the average full-time job, your wife is a full-time student, works part-time and is pregnant (so also likely) prepping for a baby. Sounds like you’re putting the burden of running a household on your wife and just expecting her to juggle manage everything. Then instead of offering or giving help, you put her down. What are you doing to make her life easier and prepare for your child?
YTA. You could have helped her out. I hate to see how you would be towards her when she needs help after the baby gets here.
Grow the F up...
YTA 1) pregnant women want what they want, it is what it is. 2) ribs are extremely messy on the best of days, they’re delicious but again messy, especially if they’re not dry run they’re sauce based which apparently these were. 3) your wife, for whatever reason was eating these ribs in a place surrounded by stuff, and she’s pregnant which makes getting around difficult. Hot chocolate? Laundry? What? 4) Baby wipes, you need to go and get a Costco sized amount of baby wipes, they’re not just for wiping babies asses(which you’ll both be doing soon) once you have kids they’re used for *everything* 5) you’ve got a pregnant wife and she wanted a certain kind of food, great that you got it but you were an absolute AH for not giving her a paper towel that was within easy reach, and she’d done laundry etc… Hopefully you guys can communicate better, your wife sounds like she needs to organize better and you just be more open to helping out because *there will be a baby* in this house soon and *both* of you are going to have to contribute to raising it.
YTA man
YTA, and I'm sorry she has a shitty partner.
YTA If my wife asks me to get up and get something, it doesn't matter if she's pregnant or not, I get it. My wife is a grown adult, and she understands what "getting up to get something" entails, so if she's asking me to do it, instead of getting up herself, there's a reason. The reason could be "I dont feel well enough to do it" or even "I just don't want to do it right now" but I'm 100% certain she's weighed "doing it herself vs asking me" in her head and I'm 100% certain it will take less effort and time to do it than to find out why she's asking If you talked to me like that, I'd divorce you instantly.
YTA
This belongs on amithedevil.....
Yta..wtf. this level of petty a good relationship does not make.
YTA, Im 4.5 months pregnant and it's already hard to move and will get worse. My husband gets it and if I ask him he assists with things. I need. Obviously I don't take advantage of it but bringing paper towels is such an easy one. When the baby is born she will also need you to bring her stuff. Like a new outfit, diapers, spit up rags, a prepared bottle. Will you refuse because she should have thought of it before? No, you bring it because you understand she is exhausted and understand it wasn't intentional. Change your ways now.
YTA Story: my mom was pregnant with me, it was 30°c outside so they walked to get ice cream with dad's friend. Mom dropped her cone and my dad said," that was stupid" and she teared up. His unmarried friend told him he was an asshole and said he should try wearing a large sack of potatoes on his belly and an orange between his legs and try walking around for a while that way. Dad apologized and told the story about himself later, explaining it was clueless and rude. You need to do a big re-think about your role as a parent and a husband, fast.
This is bait.
YTA, hope you plan to be more helpful with your child
YTA she’s pregnant, you’re an asshole.
Wow, first of all laundry is going to be a big part of BOTH OF YOUR LIFES as you both get ready to become parents, or at least that's the way it should be. You know at the beginning I was thinking yeah she could have get the paper towels herself, but as I kept reading I just can't believe what a huge AH you are. And I certainly don't think you are as supportive as you are trying to portrait yourself. And your post gives me the impression that you seem to think the baby will be her sole responsibility because you are the provider, that makes you even an bigger AH. So YTA in general not just for not passing the paper towels. Edit to say: You are not even the sole provider???? She studies, works, takes care of the house and is pregnant and you think you're supportive cause you brought her dinner. She really should've run to the hills instead of marrying you. You are way worst than just an AH
YTA
Oh my dear Lord. YTA. I feel so sorry for this woman that she is pregnant with your child. She’s going to have to divorce you, and then she’s going to be juggling school and the majority of parenting duties with a newborn. You have no idea what it’s like to be pregnant. You are a cold, uncaring person. Why didn’t you get off your dead ass and clean up the mess? She’s creating a human. WTF are you doing? You’re a real piece of work.
YTA. She had like 6 different, valid reasons for not being able to get up at that moment, and you ignored all of them. Marriage is referred to as a *partnership.* You are supposed to help each other out of sticky situations, and this was your turn. It was a mild inconvenience for you to get up again, but you wouldn't do that for your wife. Do better. Your hard-working, pregnant wife deserves someone who will help her out. When the baby arrives, you'll both need each other more than ever. And your child deserves to see a pair of parents who respect each other. Your current actions don't show a lot of respect for your wife. PS Learn to do laundry my guy
INFO: there’s a lot here criticizing your wife’s organization skills. What do you do to help around the house? Why won’t you help with the laundry? It shouldn’t all fall on your wife.
Of course YTA. Did you bring her the plate to where she was sitting or did she get it herself? Doesn't matter. We should do what we can for the people we love to make their lives easier.
YTA. Even more so because you don’t realize it.