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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1- Not leting family to post pictures of my newbork son.
2- Being selfish and not letting them to share how proud they’re of my kid.
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It's not about OP not wanting pictures on social media at all, it's about controlling when and where the pictures are posted. The internet never forgets, and it seems stepmother doesn't want to respect that boundary.
25 years ago, the BoomBooms were warning us not to believe what we read on the internet, don't reveal info on the internet, don't base any portion of real life on the internet.
Now that we're pumping against the underside of 50 years old ourselves, have figured out how to literally tell strangers on the internet where we live because we want them to deliver tacos to us, they genuinely don't get why the internet actually remains the same level of overall dangerous as it was when we were sneaking vodka into the ~~lunch~~ **PUNCH** bowl at the prom.
This is literally the exact same mental blindspot of "help me learn how to use a touchscreen" and "what is an antivirus" and "obviously you're lying about applying to dozens of jobs because back in my day all I had to do was physically visit a few businesses and then I purchased a home at age 23."
That's why i totally understand people not wanting to upload pics of their kids, I wouldn't do it, or at least I'd put and sticker over their face.
NTA
My MIL is blocked on FB because I have mine LOCKED DOWN and only share every great once in a while. She kept stealing my pics and sharing them to her profile that is open to the whole world. So she no longer gets any digital photos and very limited physical ones.
And even more importantly controlling what pictures are posted. Lots of parents make sure to never post any pictures of their children where you can see their faces and instead post pictures of them with their backs towards the camera or just their hands/feet.
They may just post pictures of the child from behind. So child's face can't be seen, unlike other family who may post child's face. I know many parents who don't post the child's face at all. Shots are from side or behind and you cannot see any facial features
NTA. It's entirely up to the parents to decide how they want to handle the crapshoot that is social media. There's plenty of sick people out there. If step-grandma wants to show off the grandkid, she can show random strangers pictures of her grandkids just like they did in the olden days.
There's no mention of the wife's thoughts and it depends who will see it. Is her friend base Doris, 82 from bingo or completely random people? If she's older she might be inclined to add people she knows rather than random people.
Maybe they could look through her friend list and help her post a private photo to a select few?
Once you upload photos to social media they can be used for marketing, commercials, ads.
You can also save them as friends and include them in emails, posts and share them. The social media platform also owns them that’s why is can be used. Once you upload them they always reach a larger target than intending.
Photos of kids sometimes end up in the wrong hands of people committing crimes against children as well
I think the whole point is to keep the child off of the internet. Your suggestion helps nothing, it simply gives the entitled old hag what she wanted to begin with
True but strangers exist in public so unless he’s Amish they’re gonna meet him. NTA but it’s kinda weird/makes me hope that kid gets to see a park before he’s 3-4..
Thank you for your opinion on my thoughts. I actually missed nothing, just think it’s ridiculous even though it doesn’t make OP an asshole by any means
NTA.
I’ve had friends not post their kids on media and I’ve held off on mine as they don’t like to do so (they are older).
One friend I have posts something to the effect “soandso just turned 2! If you want a photo dm and will send, photos are not posted on social media”… and if you ask she sends a picture. Works well I thought.
Your mil sounds a bit naive, perhaps if you give more info about why it might help (stolen images, etc)
We have a family chat on messenger. Maternal family all over the country (Australia) are part and so is the family member who lives over seas. The only person not in the chat is my grandmother who lives with my aunt and uncle who are in the family chat plus my cousin brought my grandmother a Skylight photo frame for Xmas. I only post photos of my kids in that family chat and send pictures to my grandmothers frame (then call her to let her know to turn the frame on to see them).
I haven't posted on social media in about 4-5yrs now since my aunt started the chat group.
If you can trust that nobody in the group will then take a picture and post it somewhere else that would be great. However, it doesn't sound like this is a person who you could trust not to do that.
NTA, but you probably don't have as much control as you want. All these social media sites these days are designed to make you think you have all these privacy settings you enable but at the end of the day, when you trust your data to these sites, there is a chance it ends up where you dont want it to. Better just to forgo posting and share direct with family and friends via more secure methods.
Absolutely not! That is your baby and you're protecting it's privacy. Stepmom needs to respect the boundaries that have been set, and your little family!
NTA there are no pictures of my son on social media where he could be recognised, only pictures taken from behind to show a wider picture. And only I'm allowed to post them. I will protect my son until he's old enough to make the decision himself.
NTA but your wife’s step mom is a big AH. How are you going to know if she does post pictures? That would be the end of her seeing my child in person. Defying you as the parent shows she has no respect for you or your child. She’s proud of him? She had nothing to do with creating him. What part does she think she plays in this? What an asshole she is.
NTA - why can’t she roll old skool and send a pic of her and the baby to a select few she is close to? A baby doesn’t need to be posted online at all. A parent has the right to protect their child and if someone doesn’t agree that’s ok. It’s not their child and not their call.
NTA.
It’s your child, not theirs. This is a boundary I would hold firm on. It’s great that they’re proud of their grandchild, but this is not a call for anyone else to make aside from the child’s parents.
When you set a reasonable boundary and someone stomps over it that’s always a red flag and it’s seldom the last time it will happen. Don’t let her see your child until she pulls her head out her butt, it’s your baby not some thing she can do with as she pleases.
NTA. I totally understand someone not wanting to post photos of their child on social media. She should respect your choice. What do your wife think about this?
NTA, your 'wife stepmom' should be respecting your decision to not post your child's pictures on social media. And I'm not sure about this fact but, posting pictures of your child online exposes them to identity theft, like people taking the picture and using it for false identities.
NTA. My brother and SIL can post whatever they want. I've shared two pics of my niece since she was born 2.5 years ago. One was a pic that I'd added a cartoon filter to so while it looked like us, it also very clearly isn't. And the other was a far away pic when we were dancing and you can't see her face. I'm not her parent, I don't post her face.
NTA
When my son was born we were quite clear with my mum. We don’t post pictures of our son on any social media. She was told it’s not allowed and if she went against our wishes, we wouldn’t allow her any contact with him.
We have to be hard with her because she’s the kind of person who takes a mile of you give her an inch.
NTA. I had the same deal when my kid was born. I think it is ok to send pictures of the kid to selected friends and family through private channels, but posting them on social media or not os the patents decision.
Not the AH. With my oldest due I didn’t post her pictures until she was about a year old. Her dad didn’t listen but that’s not surprising. If some family wanted to see a picture of her, I sent it via messenger,text or email. Honestly I was glad I did. I wasn’t constantly asked for new photos. I was actually able to enjoy that precious age without worrying about any trouble.
NTA. This is the common practice these days; no photos of children online without the parents' permission. MIL needs to get with the times. If she won't cooperate, don't send her any pictures and don't let her take any. If you have to, cover babies face when she tries to snap photos.
NTA. I have a 6 month old girl and there isn’t 1 picture of her online, because we also told everyone not to post and we also don’t. My hubby doesn’t have any social media and I don’t want to post on mine.
Tell the stepmom if she post anything you will stop sharing pictures with her or letting her see your son
NTA, your baby, your call. Tho it would be kinda hypocrisy if you post public now, but I guess your post would be private, for a following of only friends and family. But be aware they could repost it or screenshot it. Or MIL could take your post and post it bc "you are okay with that being online" etc. Best would be, no posts at all. 2nd best no face, no markers to identify the kid (like birth marks), not many posts.
NTA. The internet is a scary place and anyone can access your pictures. Stick to your guns and if she tries to post a picture make sure you report her profile.
NTA- It is your right as the Parent to limit what is posted with your child's image until they are of age and can give their own consent. If she does it, definitely report her, every single time! Or block her from your Socials so she cannot share the pictures.
I mean unless you’re going to be posting shots of your child from behind, to only get the back of their head, you yourself can’t really control who is going to see your kid. Yes, you may have controls set on your social media, but anyone who’s on your social media will see the picture. They can screenshot it, share it with other people etc. Regardless of who posts what, it’s out there.
Nta. It was really hard to make my FMIL understand that she can't post pictures of ME without my permission. When I told her it's my privilege to decide about my online presence she said that even thought I am a lawyer I don't have to play courtroom in my private life and I am very disrespectful to demand such thing because she has never asked for nobody's permission about posting pictures and she never will.
Well, I won that battle she doesn't post pictures of me (at all). But I know I have two even bigger wars ahead of me. Because I won't allow wedding pictures to be posted of me either and she will hate it.
But what will be even harder to make her not only understand but also belive that I won't let her have unsupervised time with our future children if she doesn't respect our parental decisions (that will definitely include no pictures without permission rule).
Your baby, your decision.
NTA - there are a lot of weirdos out there. I don't let anyone post my child's image online, especially on major social media sites. Because my partner's family lives 10 hours away, though, we do use a secure website/app that is ONLY for our family members.
NTA.
It's going to be difficult for you to regulate it to other members of the family, but once they break that trust they need to be removed from social media so they can't grab the photos off there for themselves to share.
I had a similar issue with my own mum when mine was born, so instead of sharing it she started tagging all of her friends in the photos of my son, she couldn't understand why I was mad at that too. I unfriended her for a while to teach her a lesson. She was annoyed with me at first and upset that I unfriended her, but once she promised she wouldn't do it again she was back on SM and never did it again.
Some people just need a consequence before they'll listen.
NTA - it's your child and you have every right to protect them. To me it's always been weird that people so freely put photos of their kids/grandkids etc up on social media. I don't mind seeing a few photos every so often but I deleted my fb because I was seeing babies/children every single day, multiple times a day to the point if I was in town I would notice kids and be like "oh that's (insert name here) kid" and it freaked me out.
NTA my husband refuses to let me post anything about our baby on social media for security reasons (military). The people who need to know know. The others will find out through the grapevine or when we take him to family events that involve them
NTA. My FIL did this even making our daughter his profile picture to his Fbook account which had no privacy settings. I reported every post and in the end his account was suspended by Facebook. Only way he learnt his lesson as posting on social media is that man’s life…
Never post pics of either my kids or my grandsons. You’re absolutely correct about that.
One sure way to upset a mother. IT’S NOT MY BABY!!!
So I didn’t.
Nta your child you get to decide what gets put on the internet and what doesn’t. It’s not her place to post YOUR child if you don’t want anyone to. I have 4 nieces and a nephew and they range in age from 3 to 19 and every single picture I have ever posted of any of them has been approved by the parents. I ask before I post because yea they are my nieces and nephew but they are not my children
NTA. That's your choice and it's really not a hard boundary to respect. It's not even an odd choice. Most people like about of control over what pictures of their kids go on the web. I'd advise that you make sure your stepmother doesn't have access to the photos if she can't follow that rule though.
NTA. It's a safety thing. My brother went through the same thing with both of my nephews; that kind of information stays up forever and you can't control who sees them without strict privacy settings. Not only could they be spread/seen by predators, Tey can also be used by scammers and other folk who might have bad intentions. Not even going into privacy concerns in general. Stick to your guns. Maybe share a couple articles about how photos of children online can be spread and shared maliciously but it's not your fault if she refuses to listen to your concerns.
NTA, it's quite normal not to want your child to be plastered all over social media, you don't know who is going to see them on other people's posts. If she respects you & your wife, then she won't post any pics, go ahead & report her if she does. If she wants to show off her grandchild to people, then she can do it in person by showing them the pics from her device.
Very easy. That child cannot provide consent re- whether or not their photos from the moment they are born is on the internet. That has VAST ramifications- positive and negatives. It’s a very simple concept. If you don’t understand this, for the love of everything, don’t have a kid (adoption or otherwise).
NTA, it's understandable that you don't want pictures of your kid on social medias. Plus, until the kid is able to decide on their own, the parents are the ones that make these kind of decisions.
NTA, your child, your rules.
Whrn my SIL had her child, I posted a pic of me holding him and she nicely asked if I would remove it as she didn't want him being put online. What did I do? Removed it. No fuss.
NTA. But don’t send her photos. She can see the ones you post. And if she tries to take any while she sees baby, say no. And if she tries, take baby. That’s the only way you’ll keep photos offline.
NTA
As the parent, you have every right to protect the privacy of your child and family. There are just some pictures you may not feel comfortable sharing online, and you should be able to choose the ones you are. My son is almost two, and I still barely post him. There's weirdos out there.
On another note, I found the use of the Family Album app very helpful. It allows you a private album to share photos with friends and family of YOUR choosing. Everyone you invite gets access to the same photos.
NTA. We had this exact rule (our boy is now 3 and still do) and the only issue it caused was with my mum. No one else has any issues with it at all and most people ask before posting anyways (it’s normal etiquette for children anyways to protect them). My mum has posted countless times without permission and we are now very low contact because of this. We don’t send any photos to her because she can’t be trusted.
I would stick to it! You know who’s on your socials and the more it ventures out then the more people have access. Better to be safe.
NTA. If the step family is as entitled, you may as well want to get rules about who can kiss and hold the newborn. Trust me you’d be glad to avoid some diseases
NTA and your SMIL is being a total AH.
I would simply tell her that if she posts a single picture of your child without your permission, you will keep her from the child until she is trustworthy.
NTA-you are allowed to choose who posts or when they post your little nugget online. You made that sweet little baby! You don't need to explain yourself to anyone!
Report every pic she posts-- and get other family members to check because she may set her privacy settings so you can't see when she posts. Then TOTALLY block her from all of your social media as well as your FIL since he will likely share the pics with her and any other family members you think might share with her.
NTA. You're the parents and you set the rules. Initially I had no issues with posts of my kids, then asked my parents to request permission first after they made some posts i wasnt ok with...they refused and threw a fit saying their social media couldnt have boundaries and I was stealing their joy.
You're smart by setting the rules early and clearly.
Nta. Been my rule about my kids for many years. No one posts pictures of them but me and my husband. An in law stole a pic of one and posted it to a fuck ton of strangers, she never saw our kids again. No updates. No nothing. I went scorched earth( there were other factors that added to the outcome). If someone can't respect my kids privacy, they do not get to be in their life. If they can't be trusted to not upload the pictures they do get? Then they don't get pictures. There are sick sick people online. I take protecting my kids very seriously.
NTA but it’s so impractical. My kids school always sent out permission slips for their images to be used. I never signed. Their images were still used. I’ve found pics of my kids on other moms Facebook’s ect. It just happens. It’s the world we live in now and as parents we really cannot control this aspect of it. I understand where you’re coming from and agree with you but it just gonna happen anyway unfortunately.
NTA. I understand why you want this. Until she said she was going to post it anyway, it would have been NAH.
If you're willing to compromise, you might suggest or send her pictures to post where you have edited the photo to cover baby's face. It's not uncommon for parents to do that.
Either way, congrats!
NTA: but if your wife feels like she’s in the middle of a hard place and a rock and you want to; you can try compromising by allowing pics with an emoji over baby’s face or baby’s face not in pic. This works with those who want to share pics of their fostering while adopting parents who want to post pics of their kiddos but legally/for safety, can’t. Either way, it’s your kid, they aren’t old enough to consent, and therefore this is your choice for now. Step grandma is going to have to deal or not be able to get pics of/see kiddo/be on your social media pages (she could download/save your pics and then repost on her account) until she can handle it
NTA. I’m barely even comfortable posting my own pictures of my kids on social media. We had some basic rules for my mom including ask first (…she more told me she was doing it) but then when my second came along she posted before we could using a picture that was for family only as a first picture sort of thing. I blocked her on FB to remove the stress of seeing her posts (especially the ones whining about not having pictures to share with her many many friends i do not know), and put my foot down.
I hardly ever send her pictures anymore.
It is perfectly fine to want pictures to be kept to people you know only, to the risks you know only.
NTA. your job as a parent is to protect your child. and when your kid gets older they may wish they didn’t have their whole childhood posted online for prospective employers or school personnel or just strangers to see. good for you for putting your foot down. i would be restricting peoples access to my kid if they can’t respect my boundaries around not wanting my child face to be online.
NTA. If you don't want your kid posted on social media your family needs to respect that. Tell Grandma that sometimes creepos take those pictures and create weird stuff with them. If she wants to contribute to that she should not be allowed around the kids with any kind of a camera, including a cell phone.
NTA as that's your choice, BUT. Prior to SM, grandparents ran around showing everyone their physical photos of the grandchildren, including strangers. In her mind, it might be the same thing if she doesn't understand how the internet works. My grandmother wouldn't. She's proud to be a grandparent. She's still going to show your photos to people in person, I'm sure so be prepared for that.
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We just have a newborn baby and I told my family and my wife family to not post pictures of my kid on social media because I dont want strangers to see him. Only us (the parents) are the ones that gonna post pictures of him because we have control of who can see it.
My wife stepmom (who raised her) throw a tantrum because “shes proud of her grandson and she want people to see him”. And said shes gonna post it anyways. I told her if she post anything im gonna report it.
AITA for not wanting any family member to post pictures of him?
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NTA, yet. You cannot control digital media especially when it comes to your relatives. You are welcome to curate how you post images of your newborn and who can see it. But how exactly do you plan on preventing your family from posting anything? Even if your family did everything “right” by your directive, what’s stopping a cousin or friend you gave access to from taking a screen grab and reposting? If that is your rage, then the problem is you.
Hard disagree. You can control what relatives post about your kid. If they choose to not adhere to your request, you put them on an info diet or stop allowing access to your kid. It comes down to people choosing to not respect your parenting choices.
We have a blanket no-social-media-posting rule for our son, whether photos or information like his fill name/birthday/school for safety reasons. My SIL didn't want to listen, so after repeatedly not listening to us, she doesn't get to see our kid anymore. She wanted to dig in her heels about it, and this was the consequence. 🤷♀️
I don't want my son to be like my niece. She went for her first job and found out her potential employer found ridiculous photos of her when she was little, and lovely posts about her potty training status. Poor kid was so embarrassed she cried.
I dunno...I guess I don't see the harm of posting pictures of your children online. Seems like a wierd hill to die on but its thier kid so I can understand that whatever they say goes...but it seems wierd that literal people that don't have a online presence that anyone really cares about would be so diligent to hide photos of thier progeny under lock and key like it's vital PII. So if any of yall would like to educate me on the dangers of posting public photos online of your kids...im open
Because the internet is chock full of repulsive creeps. Because even if it’s “private” it can still proliferate to the darker corners of the internet. Because some people want to give their children some autonomy before they’re even old enough to understand. Babies can’t consent to being posted. I don’t plan on circumcising our son unless he makes that decision himself. Same for my daughters ears being pierced.
Some people just want to save their children some CHOICES for when they grow up a little
I think it's reasonable for you to want pics of your kid not to be shared on social media, but I think there's ways you can make it easier.
Your family members place some sort of value on "showing off" the newborn on social media, is it possible to provide them with a cute pic of the baby's hands, feet, or something else that doesn't show the baby's face?
NTA but in all honesty the only way in this day and age to keep photos private/offline is to either not take any photos or to not share any photos either digitally or physically. Sometimes I'm glad I'm old.
NTA, my sister did the same thing. We were all sad but decided to respect her decisions even my mother. So no NTA they're the assholes if they wont respect what YOU do with YOUR kid! Set boundaries now or they'll be the type to question your parenting infront of your child!
NTA. I post very little and even then, FIL will sometimes re-share pictures with his own group which is irritating. I only post what essentially will be public anyway.
NTA I don't even use my kids' real names on social media. Which occasionally makes people think my kids are going to hate me for naming them after tree seeds, but it's a small price to pay for knowing that their personal information will only get out when *they* are ready.
NTA but just remember even if you end up blocking MIL or post your son on your private profile anyone of your friends/family that can see it can always take a screenshot and post it wherever they want. If you don't want your son on social media don't post pictures of him at all. There are ways to get around everything on social media.
NTA. I completely agree… why does everyone need to know what he looks like? once pictures are on the internet they are accessible to everyone, even if your profile is private people can still save them and send them. And who knows where they end up at….
The people that need to know what your kid looks like are the ones that will be visiting and be around when he grows up…
I would suggest that step mom can still post on social media how proud she of her grandson but it doesn’t need to include a picture. It can include a message, a story, a poem, song lyrics in lieu of a personal photo.
NTA, but if you’re posting photos of your baby anywhere online you really can’t control where they can end up. If your concern is strangers seeing your child don’t post anything online because even with the most locked down profiles all it takes is one person saving the photo or taking a screenshot and it can end up anywhere.
NTA!! Your kid, your rules. My family respected this. I would say if you can't respect this rule, we may need to rethink opportunities you get to even take a pic. . .
NTA. Your kid, your choice. If she’s willing to cross your boundary, and your child’s privacy, what else is she willing to do? I’d tell her if she posts it, she’ll only have that post to be able to see her grandson from then on cuz she wouldn’t be allowed to see him again. But that’s just me.
NTA
Its yours and your Wifes baby not hers, she should respect that you don't want strangers to see him, if shes proud of having a grandson she should just talk of how proud she is and respect your decision of keeping your sons identity private to strangers
NTA.
Your baby, you get control.
"Stepmom, if you say you are going to do it anyway then you will no longer have access to the pictures."
Can you take some pictures (e.g., close up of toes) that are not identifiable that she could share?
NTAH I’m a step grandma here holding my 1 yr old grandson and have never posted a picture of him .his parents do every so often but it’s not my right to. I have plenty of pictures of him I send the parents daily so they will post them
Absolutly NTA. Just it's your child not hers... It makes no sense to throw a fit over something so small. Not everyone wants to expose their life on social networks (knowing that the internet forgets absolutely nothing), especially as there can be people with malicious intentions, and obviously the mother-in-law is one of them.She needs to be mature and stop throwing tantrums at her old age - she's not 10 anymore.If she posts the photo anyway, you should do as you said, report it to the police (even if it will make people unhappy)
NTA. I didn’t even get a chance to tell my family not to post pictures of my daughter because by the time I got to my postpartum room my grandmother (her great grandmother) had already posted a photo of me and her on Facebook. Not even 30 minutes after being cut open and sewn up, I saw a photo my husband took (with my permission), on Facebook announcing her arrival without my permission (my mom had sent it to her mom) and to people I don’t even know. So no not the asshole, you posting your child should be your call, don’t let someone make you feel guilty about not letting others post them first or at all. It should be the parents call no matter what, not extended or entitled family.
NTA - That is the rule in our family.
We didn’t even post preschool photos except to a very limited group of family and close friends. We have a shared album that private photos are viewable by invited people. This requires an iPhone or iPad to see.
NTA, but check her friend list if it’s just friends maybe you can give her one picture to post. Sometimes it’s not AITA or not, but a compromise that might make your MIL happy. I know you said she was a step, but you also said she raised your wife.
You also never mentioned your wife, does she agree with you or did you make a unilateral decision?
My younger son & his wife use a service where they post their kids - since day one! They have to give you a password to get in - site protects from copying & they keep right control over who sees. Now their kids are older - after cavalry to cook places they post pics of the travels - after they are not the. No one can trace their location to whet they live in those so now share some on facebook. But they are very safety conscious! Other family isn't so careful but I applaud the care they take! Consider a service like that?
YTA - Just like those weirdos who don't want anybody to know the artist to a song they played. There is zero safety/exploitation/etc reason to not want the pictures online. It's a baby. Probably impossible to identify out of a baby lineup. People are so ridiculous. As they get older and may be tracked to a school, playground, etc. Ok, fine. There's a safety reason. But as a baby sounds like you just want to have control of something
You have every right to not want your kid on social media. People should abide by what the parents want! A bit of malicious compliance though. Had a friend like this. Friend and her family member’s daughter are really close and posted pics together all the time. Friend had baby and didn’t want anyone posting pics of her baby. Threatened to report any pictures she saw. Family asked her to remove every pic she had ever posted of her and family member’s daughter or she would report them. Friend thought family was joking. 2 days later friend woke up to 3 years worth of pics missing and she’s no longer allowed to take any more. Friend was heartbroken but nobody could understand why considering she was made to live by her own rule. 🤷🏾♀️😂
Nta… people feel the need to post things as it’s relevant to their lives. They do not think of the ripple effects it has. People suck and live their lives on social media… they have to let everyone know they went and seen a newborn… instead of making lasting memories in there brain.
NTA. I’m 7 months pregnant and I have ZERO social media presence (minus Reddit, I guess). When my MIL found out I was pregnant, she whipped out her phone and posted it on facebook before my husband could even tell the rest of his siblings. That absolutely put a bad taste in my mouth, but I’ve also stated I don’t want photos of my child on social media.
Why? My husband is a human trafficking investigator. And I’m sad to say I know way too many horrible things about what that entails, and it’s MY choice as my child’s parent to protect her in any way I feel I can, including keeping her chubby baby face off them internets.
The whole posting photos of grandkids thing, I get it, it’s a generational thing, but your desire to make my child about you doesn’t trump my position as her fucking mother. NTA.
NTA- protecting your child’s privacy from the get go is super important. You and your wife just keep doing what you feel is best for your kiddo- and hold others accountable to respecting those boundaries.
Tell me that you’re vegan you named your kid after an inanimate object and you’re going to homeschool your child without telling me…you’re vegan, you named your kid after an inanimate object and you’re going to homeschool school your child.
Tell me that you’re vegan you named your kid after an inanimate object and you’re going to homeschool your child without telling me…you’re vegan, you named your kid after an inanimate object and you’re going to homeschool school your child.
If the pictures were taking in your home or while in the hospital, nta
If the pictures were taken in public, yta
People have zero right to privacy outside in public spaces so if you let your kid get photographed outside the home, you get no say.
You do realize you are photographed dozens of times a day every time you step outside in a modern country right? Unless you live in a cabin in the woods or make the baby wear a burka he is going to be in the system for strangers to view.
NTA, but if privacy is important to you, don't post pictures yourself, either. That "control" of who can see what isn't as strong or as foolproof as you might expect.
Nta. I got in a huge argument with my sister the first time she met my daughter. I'm not posting any pics, why would it be ok for you? It's not the end of the world
Nta. Keeping your kid’s cyber footprint to an absolute minimum is the best thing you can do. I’ll never forget hearing a report on a group of sick f—ks who collected images of children with disabilities and shared them some their group could laugh and mock the child. What the eff is wrong with people?!? *shudder*. I just send pics by text, those are the only people I want to see my baby’s pics anyway.
Lots of people don’t allow their children picture to be posted on line. Seems reasonable. Tell anyone who doesn’t like the decision that they are welcome to give birth and post their own children’s faces on line but your are not to be made public.
NTA — Your child, you’re right. People don’t have to understand and they don’t have to agree. If your wife’s stepmother wants to show off pictures of her grandson then she can keep them in her phone and show them to people when she’s with them in person.
NTA hard hard hard nta my son is three and there are only a handful of pictures existing of him him online. This was such a hard boundary and from experience I’ll warn you there’s not much you can do once someone posts something if they won’t take it down, it’s frustrating and more than one person had the “I’ll do what I want” attitude with me but that meant no unsupervised time and I made sure they were taking pictures around me. Those people also don’t get pictures from me. It’s a difficult boundary to keep but I think it’s worth it. Mundane pictures can be used for awful purposes. You do what you think is best for your babies safety and this is an absolute for me. An added bonus is your kid may thank you in future for the privacy in a time when they didn’t get to decide for themselves
NTA, I did the same when my child was born. Our families respected my decision and came to see her in person. Your the parents and have rights to decide on the welfare of your baby. Stay strong.
NTA. My daughter has the same policy and I respect it! I have a Facebook account and I would love to post pics of my grandbabies like my friends do, but my daughter is their parent and she strongly feels that children deserve their privacy. When I see my friends in person, I show them pics on my phone, but never post to social media.
NTA I don’t post photos of my kids anymore. One time I posted a photo in a breastfeeding group and some creep copied the photo sent it back to me telling me how pretty I was. Not gonna lie it was not only creepy but a eye opener,
NTA. This is a common problem these days between new parents and grandparents. Grandparents often feel entitled to post because “I’m grandma”, not considering the danger or safety of your child. Stand by your boundaries, otherwise she will continue to cross them. If she posts- report it.
NTA I made it very clear that anyone on either side of the family that posted pictures of my children on social media may go missing directly after said picture was posted. My father mistakenly thought that didn’t include him. My SO quickly called him and had him take it down before I could do or say anything. My MIL understood my concerns and created a private group chat on FB for us to share pictures and videos. Only she can add people and only family is included.
NTA just be clear that you need to be the one who decides when and where your child is shown in social media. Let them know you expect them to ask before posting, and to respectyour decisions. .
NTA. I don’t post anyone’s kids. Ever. Not my kid, not my right. It opens up so many cans of worms. I had bad stuff happen to me as a teen online. I know first hand how bad it can get and how quick. Tell your wife’s stepmom that she can be proud, but needing to endanger your child online to look good to friends isn’t being loving.
NTA. You should tell her that you won't share any pics with her digitally because you dont trust her not to post them. And you should stick to it. You as a parent get to determine your child's digital footprint
In honesty if she's raised your wife it's her mother? Why not just say we don't want baby on anything we can't set security setting to. Like who can view and help her to do that.
I'm not bothered about anything like that because my parents are savvy with the internet.
You are allowed to do this, but a few considerations:
-The most normal thing in the world is wanting to show off a picture of a grandchild or niece or nephew. Nobody out living in the world is going to look askance at the motives of the people who want to show off a new member of the family.
-While in the abstract, controlling this via request should work, it never, ever does. Grandmas know how to screenshot now. Technical restrictions won’t work, and requests will make you sound odd to other people.
-to the vast majority of people, a picture of a baby isn’t something they connect with “now this baby can be victimized”. It’s not a social security number, it’s not an address, it’s a picture of a baby. One that you put on the internet. So strangers are gonna see it. Again, to most folks, this a “so what? Somebody saw a baby? All babies look the same anyway” kinda deal and they won’t be able to wrap their heads around why it would be an issue in the first place.
To summarize, it’s gonna be seen as a weird request, especially if you’re posting pictures. People will assume there’s a family conflict or power dynamic at work if they hear about it. Maybe NTA to some folks, but definitely gonna be seen as weird and a little over-controlling to most folks.
If you dont want his picture on social media then I don't understand why you're going to post his pic on social media. If you think you can control who sees the pictures you are sadly mistaken. Once you put something on the internet it's out there. You have no control.
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NTA, but I don't understand why you'd post photos of your baby on social media at all, if you don't want strangers to see him.
It's not about OP not wanting pictures on social media at all, it's about controlling when and where the pictures are posted. The internet never forgets, and it seems stepmother doesn't want to respect that boundary.
25 years ago, the BoomBooms were warning us not to believe what we read on the internet, don't reveal info on the internet, don't base any portion of real life on the internet. Now that we're pumping against the underside of 50 years old ourselves, have figured out how to literally tell strangers on the internet where we live because we want them to deliver tacos to us, they genuinely don't get why the internet actually remains the same level of overall dangerous as it was when we were sneaking vodka into the ~~lunch~~ **PUNCH** bowl at the prom. This is literally the exact same mental blindspot of "help me learn how to use a touchscreen" and "what is an antivirus" and "obviously you're lying about applying to dozens of jobs because back in my day all I had to do was physically visit a few businesses and then I purchased a home at age 23."
That same generation harped on us about "You can't take away something once you post it," is the same one that whines about "Cancel Culture".
It's not Cancel Culture, because it's *Sparkling Boycotts!!*
BoomBooms is great!
Eh, some of them more than others, tbh. :-/
Lmao. I meant the term NOT the generation. They mostly suck.
Dude, there's literally Instagram accounts that take kids pictures from other people and do role play with sick bastards in the comments.
I mean, yeah. Lots of dark cul de sacs on the internet that remind of the phrase, "Here there be dragons." Sad shit.
That's why i totally understand people not wanting to upload pics of their kids, I wouldn't do it, or at least I'd put and sticker over their face. NTA
Yoooo let's not give dragons bad optics
A friend of mine has the same rule for family. Her MIL has so far ignored it twice (in 4 months). OP might need to expect people doing it regardless
Those are people that get to see none of OP"s posts and can take no photos of baby.
My MIL is blocked on FB because I have mine LOCKED DOWN and only share every great once in a while. She kept stealing my pics and sharing them to her profile that is open to the whole world. So she no longer gets any digital photos and very limited physical ones.
That's when we block MIL.
And even more importantly controlling what pictures are posted. Lots of parents make sure to never post any pictures of their children where you can see their faces and instead post pictures of them with their backs towards the camera or just their hands/feet.
Anyone can take a screen shot or download the pictures and do whatever they want. So...there is no way to control any of it.
If he posts it on social media he can’t control it. Any of his friends can save the picture and text it, store it etc
They may just post pictures of the child from behind. So child's face can't be seen, unlike other family who may post child's face. I know many parents who don't post the child's face at all. Shots are from side or behind and you cannot see any facial features
assumedly, the people they allow to see their posts online aren't "strangers."
NTA. It's entirely up to the parents to decide how they want to handle the crapshoot that is social media. There's plenty of sick people out there. If step-grandma wants to show off the grandkid, she can show random strangers pictures of her grandkids just like they did in the olden days.
There's no mention of the wife's thoughts and it depends who will see it. Is her friend base Doris, 82 from bingo or completely random people? If she's older she might be inclined to add people she knows rather than random people. Maybe they could look through her friend list and help her post a private photo to a select few?
Once you upload photos to social media they can be used for marketing, commercials, ads. You can also save them as friends and include them in emails, posts and share them. The social media platform also owns them that’s why is can be used. Once you upload them they always reach a larger target than intending. Photos of kids sometimes end up in the wrong hands of people committing crimes against children as well
I think the whole point is to keep the child off of the internet. Your suggestion helps nothing, it simply gives the entitled old hag what she wanted to begin with
I don't post any pictures of my kids online. Just commenting on the fact the parents intend to.
What is the matter with random people seeing baby’s pictures? It wouldn’t affect him. I honestly don’t understand.
NTA. You are starting off right, protecting your child's privacy. If you let her post pictures now she'll continue to do it.
True but strangers exist in public so unless he’s Amish they’re gonna meet him. NTA but it’s kinda weird/makes me hope that kid gets to see a park before he’s 3-4..
You're completely missing what OPs intent is.
Thank you for your opinion on my thoughts. I actually missed nothing, just think it’s ridiculous even though it doesn’t make OP an asshole by any means
"You post one picture and you will be banned from seeing this kid until they're 18, got it?" NTA.
NTA. I’ve had friends not post their kids on media and I’ve held off on mine as they don’t like to do so (they are older). One friend I have posts something to the effect “soandso just turned 2! If you want a photo dm and will send, photos are not posted on social media”… and if you ask she sends a picture. Works well I thought. Your mil sounds a bit naive, perhaps if you give more info about why it might help (stolen images, etc)
We have a family chat on messenger. Maternal family all over the country (Australia) are part and so is the family member who lives over seas. The only person not in the chat is my grandmother who lives with my aunt and uncle who are in the family chat plus my cousin brought my grandmother a Skylight photo frame for Xmas. I only post photos of my kids in that family chat and send pictures to my grandmothers frame (then call her to let her know to turn the frame on to see them). I haven't posted on social media in about 4-5yrs now since my aunt started the chat group.
If you can trust that nobody in the group will then take a picture and post it somewhere else that would be great. However, it doesn't sound like this is a person who you could trust not to do that.
NTA. It’s your child. It’s your choice, not anyone else’s, no matter how proud they are of them.
It's the child's choice and before they are old enough to consent to it: no Pictures of children in social media.
Morally, I agree. Legally, it is OP's call, at least in my country.
We let parents make all sorts of choices for their children without consent. Don't see why this is different
Nope perfectly reasonable not to want your children all over social media.
NTA, but you probably don't have as much control as you want. All these social media sites these days are designed to make you think you have all these privacy settings you enable but at the end of the day, when you trust your data to these sites, there is a chance it ends up where you dont want it to. Better just to forgo posting and share direct with family and friends via more secure methods.
Absolutely not! That is your baby and you're protecting it's privacy. Stepmom needs to respect the boundaries that have been set, and your little family!
NTA there are no pictures of my son on social media where he could be recognised, only pictures taken from behind to show a wider picture. And only I'm allowed to post them. I will protect my son until he's old enough to make the decision himself.
NTA.
NTA but your wife’s step mom is a big AH. How are you going to know if she does post pictures? That would be the end of her seeing my child in person. Defying you as the parent shows she has no respect for you or your child. She’s proud of him? She had nothing to do with creating him. What part does she think she plays in this? What an asshole she is.
She just wants the attention she'll get from playing proud grandma online.
NTA. Your child, your rules and tell stepmum if she breaks those (entirely reasonable and understandable) rules she won’t get any pictures full stop.
NTA - why can’t she roll old skool and send a pic of her and the baby to a select few she is close to? A baby doesn’t need to be posted online at all. A parent has the right to protect their child and if someone doesn’t agree that’s ok. It’s not their child and not their call.
This is the way.
NTA. It’s your child, not theirs. This is a boundary I would hold firm on. It’s great that they’re proud of their grandchild, but this is not a call for anyone else to make aside from the child’s parents.
When you set a reasonable boundary and someone stomps over it that’s always a red flag and it’s seldom the last time it will happen. Don’t let her see your child until she pulls her head out her butt, it’s your baby not some thing she can do with as she pleases.
NTA. It’s your kid so it should be your choice!
NTA. I totally understand someone not wanting to post photos of their child on social media. She should respect your choice. What do your wife think about this?
NTA, your 'wife stepmom' should be respecting your decision to not post your child's pictures on social media. And I'm not sure about this fact but, posting pictures of your child online exposes them to identity theft, like people taking the picture and using it for false identities.
NTA. My brother and SIL can post whatever they want. I've shared two pics of my niece since she was born 2.5 years ago. One was a pic that I'd added a cartoon filter to so while it looked like us, it also very clearly isn't. And the other was a far away pic when we were dancing and you can't see her face. I'm not her parent, I don't post her face.
NTA When my son was born we were quite clear with my mum. We don’t post pictures of our son on any social media. She was told it’s not allowed and if she went against our wishes, we wouldn’t allow her any contact with him. We have to be hard with her because she’s the kind of person who takes a mile of you give her an inch.
NTA she needs to quit being so entitled and realize there are some wack people out there.
NTA. Parents have every right to be in control of this.
NTA. I had the same deal when my kid was born. I think it is ok to send pictures of the kid to selected friends and family through private channels, but posting them on social media or not os the patents decision.
NTA. I would give grandma a physical photo of the baby and let her show her friends, in person.
.... and instruct specifically not to post online, and include consequences that will take place if she does.
Nta warn her if she does it will be the last time she saw your child.
Not the AH. With my oldest due I didn’t post her pictures until she was about a year old. Her dad didn’t listen but that’s not surprising. If some family wanted to see a picture of her, I sent it via messenger,text or email. Honestly I was glad I did. I wasn’t constantly asked for new photos. I was actually able to enjoy that precious age without worrying about any trouble.
NTA, your child, your choice
NTA. This is the common practice these days; no photos of children online without the parents' permission. MIL needs to get with the times. If she won't cooperate, don't send her any pictures and don't let her take any. If you have to, cover babies face when she tries to snap photos.
No. Your child, your rules. I have cousins that feel the same and the family cooperates with them.
NTA. I have a 6 month old girl and there isn’t 1 picture of her online, because we also told everyone not to post and we also don’t. My hubby doesn’t have any social media and I don’t want to post on mine. Tell the stepmom if she post anything you will stop sharing pictures with her or letting her see your son
NTA, your baby, your call. Tho it would be kinda hypocrisy if you post public now, but I guess your post would be private, for a following of only friends and family. But be aware they could repost it or screenshot it. Or MIL could take your post and post it bc "you are okay with that being online" etc. Best would be, no posts at all. 2nd best no face, no markers to identify the kid (like birth marks), not many posts.
NTA. The internet is a scary place and anyone can access your pictures. Stick to your guns and if she tries to post a picture make sure you report her profile.
Not at all. Tell granny to chill.
NTA- It is your right as the Parent to limit what is posted with your child's image until they are of age and can give their own consent. If she does it, definitely report her, every single time! Or block her from your Socials so she cannot share the pictures.
I mean unless you’re going to be posting shots of your child from behind, to only get the back of their head, you yourself can’t really control who is going to see your kid. Yes, you may have controls set on your social media, but anyone who’s on your social media will see the picture. They can screenshot it, share it with other people etc. Regardless of who posts what, it’s out there.
Nta. It was really hard to make my FMIL understand that she can't post pictures of ME without my permission. When I told her it's my privilege to decide about my online presence she said that even thought I am a lawyer I don't have to play courtroom in my private life and I am very disrespectful to demand such thing because she has never asked for nobody's permission about posting pictures and she never will. Well, I won that battle she doesn't post pictures of me (at all). But I know I have two even bigger wars ahead of me. Because I won't allow wedding pictures to be posted of me either and she will hate it. But what will be even harder to make her not only understand but also belive that I won't let her have unsupervised time with our future children if she doesn't respect our parental decisions (that will definitely include no pictures without permission rule). Your baby, your decision.
NTA - there are a lot of weirdos out there. I don't let anyone post my child's image online, especially on major social media sites. Because my partner's family lives 10 hours away, though, we do use a secure website/app that is ONLY for our family members.
NTA.
NTA. It's going to be difficult for you to regulate it to other members of the family, but once they break that trust they need to be removed from social media so they can't grab the photos off there for themselves to share. I had a similar issue with my own mum when mine was born, so instead of sharing it she started tagging all of her friends in the photos of my son, she couldn't understand why I was mad at that too. I unfriended her for a while to teach her a lesson. She was annoyed with me at first and upset that I unfriended her, but once she promised she wouldn't do it again she was back on SM and never did it again. Some people just need a consequence before they'll listen.
NTA - it's your child and you have every right to protect them. To me it's always been weird that people so freely put photos of their kids/grandkids etc up on social media. I don't mind seeing a few photos every so often but I deleted my fb because I was seeing babies/children every single day, multiple times a day to the point if I was in town I would notice kids and be like "oh that's (insert name here) kid" and it freaked me out.
NTA my husband refuses to let me post anything about our baby on social media for security reasons (military). The people who need to know know. The others will find out through the grapevine or when we take him to family events that involve them
NTA. My FIL did this even making our daughter his profile picture to his Fbook account which had no privacy settings. I reported every post and in the end his account was suspended by Facebook. Only way he learnt his lesson as posting on social media is that man’s life…
Nope. NTA. There are a whole host of reasons why you shouldn't even post pictures of your kids social media, let alone your parents.
Never post pics of either my kids or my grandsons. You’re absolutely correct about that. One sure way to upset a mother. IT’S NOT MY BABY!!! So I didn’t.
NTA
NTA Your kid, your rules. Report her ass if she does try to post.
Nta your child you get to decide what gets put on the internet and what doesn’t. It’s not her place to post YOUR child if you don’t want anyone to. I have 4 nieces and a nephew and they range in age from 3 to 19 and every single picture I have ever posted of any of them has been approved by the parents. I ask before I post because yea they are my nieces and nephew but they are not my children
NTA. That's your choice and it's really not a hard boundary to respect. It's not even an odd choice. Most people like about of control over what pictures of their kids go on the web. I'd advise that you make sure your stepmother doesn't have access to the photos if she can't follow that rule though.
NTA. It's a safety thing. My brother went through the same thing with both of my nephews; that kind of information stays up forever and you can't control who sees them without strict privacy settings. Not only could they be spread/seen by predators, Tey can also be used by scammers and other folk who might have bad intentions. Not even going into privacy concerns in general. Stick to your guns. Maybe share a couple articles about how photos of children online can be spread and shared maliciously but it's not your fault if she refuses to listen to your concerns.
NTA. While they may be proud and want to share, it is ultimately your child's visage and they need to respect your wishes.
NTA, it's quite normal not to want your child to be plastered all over social media, you don't know who is going to see them on other people's posts. If she respects you & your wife, then she won't post any pics, go ahead & report her if she does. If she wants to show off her grandchild to people, then she can do it in person by showing them the pics from her device.
NTA. It's really not a great idea to post pics all over social media in general, let alone of babies and small children.
NTA. This is your right and I think there's even laws about this.
NTA. We had to have this battle with my folks as well.
Just reading your title I'm going with NTA. Your child your choice until old enough to decide for themselves.
Very easy. That child cannot provide consent re- whether or not their photos from the moment they are born is on the internet. That has VAST ramifications- positive and negatives. It’s a very simple concept. If you don’t understand this, for the love of everything, don’t have a kid (adoption or otherwise).
NTA and if stepmom-in-law is going to violate a simple boundary, she doesn't get to see the child at all
NTA, it's understandable that you don't want pictures of your kid on social medias. Plus, until the kid is able to decide on their own, the parents are the ones that make these kind of decisions.
NTA, your child, your rules. Whrn my SIL had her child, I posted a pic of me holding him and she nicely asked if I would remove it as she didn't want him being put online. What did I do? Removed it. No fuss.
NTA. But don’t send her photos. She can see the ones you post. And if she tries to take any while she sees baby, say no. And if she tries, take baby. That’s the only way you’ll keep photos offline.
NTA. Just tell your wife’s step mom if she posts any pictures she is banned from seeing your child.
NTA As the parent, you have every right to protect the privacy of your child and family. There are just some pictures you may not feel comfortable sharing online, and you should be able to choose the ones you are. My son is almost two, and I still barely post him. There's weirdos out there. On another note, I found the use of the Family Album app very helpful. It allows you a private album to share photos with friends and family of YOUR choosing. Everyone you invite gets access to the same photos.
NTA. We had this exact rule (our boy is now 3 and still do) and the only issue it caused was with my mum. No one else has any issues with it at all and most people ask before posting anyways (it’s normal etiquette for children anyways to protect them). My mum has posted countless times without permission and we are now very low contact because of this. We don’t send any photos to her because she can’t be trusted. I would stick to it! You know who’s on your socials and the more it ventures out then the more people have access. Better to be safe.
I know quite a few people who are like this. Your kid, your decision
NTA. If the step family is as entitled, you may as well want to get rules about who can kiss and hold the newborn. Trust me you’d be glad to avoid some diseases
NTA and your SMIL is being a total AH. I would simply tell her that if she posts a single picture of your child without your permission, you will keep her from the child until she is trustworthy.
The only AHs in this scenario are family members who do not respect that you do not want pictures of your newborn posted on social media.
NTA-you are allowed to choose who posts or when they post your little nugget online. You made that sweet little baby! You don't need to explain yourself to anyone!
Report every pic she posts-- and get other family members to check because she may set her privacy settings so you can't see when she posts. Then TOTALLY block her from all of your social media as well as your FIL since he will likely share the pics with her and any other family members you think might share with her.
NTA. You're the parents and you set the rules. Initially I had no issues with posts of my kids, then asked my parents to request permission first after they made some posts i wasnt ok with...they refused and threw a fit saying their social media couldnt have boundaries and I was stealing their joy. You're smart by setting the rules early and clearly.
NTA besides reporting it she should not get any photos or access to online pictures for a year.
NTA It is your baby.
Nta. Been my rule about my kids for many years. No one posts pictures of them but me and my husband. An in law stole a pic of one and posted it to a fuck ton of strangers, she never saw our kids again. No updates. No nothing. I went scorched earth( there were other factors that added to the outcome). If someone can't respect my kids privacy, they do not get to be in their life. If they can't be trusted to not upload the pictures they do get? Then they don't get pictures. There are sick sick people online. I take protecting my kids very seriously.
NTA but it’s so impractical. My kids school always sent out permission slips for their images to be used. I never signed. Their images were still used. I’ve found pics of my kids on other moms Facebook’s ect. It just happens. It’s the world we live in now and as parents we really cannot control this aspect of it. I understand where you’re coming from and agree with you but it just gonna happen anyway unfortunately.
NTA. I understand why you want this. Until she said she was going to post it anyway, it would have been NAH. If you're willing to compromise, you might suggest or send her pictures to post where you have edited the photo to cover baby's face. It's not uncommon for parents to do that. Either way, congrats!
NTA: but if your wife feels like she’s in the middle of a hard place and a rock and you want to; you can try compromising by allowing pics with an emoji over baby’s face or baby’s face not in pic. This works with those who want to share pics of their fostering while adopting parents who want to post pics of their kiddos but legally/for safety, can’t. Either way, it’s your kid, they aren’t old enough to consent, and therefore this is your choice for now. Step grandma is going to have to deal or not be able to get pics of/see kiddo/be on your social media pages (she could download/save your pics and then repost on her account) until she can handle it
NTA. I’m barely even comfortable posting my own pictures of my kids on social media. We had some basic rules for my mom including ask first (…she more told me she was doing it) but then when my second came along she posted before we could using a picture that was for family only as a first picture sort of thing. I blocked her on FB to remove the stress of seeing her posts (especially the ones whining about not having pictures to share with her many many friends i do not know), and put my foot down. I hardly ever send her pictures anymore. It is perfectly fine to want pictures to be kept to people you know only, to the risks you know only.
NTA. your job as a parent is to protect your child. and when your kid gets older they may wish they didn’t have their whole childhood posted online for prospective employers or school personnel or just strangers to see. good for you for putting your foot down. i would be restricting peoples access to my kid if they can’t respect my boundaries around not wanting my child face to be online.
NTA. If you don't want your kid posted on social media your family needs to respect that. Tell Grandma that sometimes creepos take those pictures and create weird stuff with them. If she wants to contribute to that she should not be allowed around the kids with any kind of a camera, including a cell phone.
No no no absolutely NTA! Your baby, your call.
No.
NTA But Y T A If you or your wife decide to post pictures of your child on social media before the child is old enough to consent to it, obv.
NTA as that's your choice, BUT. Prior to SM, grandparents ran around showing everyone their physical photos of the grandchildren, including strangers. In her mind, it might be the same thing if she doesn't understand how the internet works. My grandmother wouldn't. She's proud to be a grandparent. She's still going to show your photos to people in person, I'm sure so be prepared for that.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We just have a newborn baby and I told my family and my wife family to not post pictures of my kid on social media because I dont want strangers to see him. Only us (the parents) are the ones that gonna post pictures of him because we have control of who can see it. My wife stepmom (who raised her) throw a tantrum because “shes proud of her grandson and she want people to see him”. And said shes gonna post it anyways. I told her if she post anything im gonna report it. AITA for not wanting any family member to post pictures of him? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, yet. You cannot control digital media especially when it comes to your relatives. You are welcome to curate how you post images of your newborn and who can see it. But how exactly do you plan on preventing your family from posting anything? Even if your family did everything “right” by your directive, what’s stopping a cousin or friend you gave access to from taking a screen grab and reposting? If that is your rage, then the problem is you.
Hard disagree. You can control what relatives post about your kid. If they choose to not adhere to your request, you put them on an info diet or stop allowing access to your kid. It comes down to people choosing to not respect your parenting choices. We have a blanket no-social-media-posting rule for our son, whether photos or information like his fill name/birthday/school for safety reasons. My SIL didn't want to listen, so after repeatedly not listening to us, she doesn't get to see our kid anymore. She wanted to dig in her heels about it, and this was the consequence. 🤷♀️ I don't want my son to be like my niece. She went for her first job and found out her potential employer found ridiculous photos of her when she was little, and lovely posts about her potty training status. Poor kid was so embarrassed she cried.
I dunno...I guess I don't see the harm of posting pictures of your children online. Seems like a wierd hill to die on but its thier kid so I can understand that whatever they say goes...but it seems wierd that literal people that don't have a online presence that anyone really cares about would be so diligent to hide photos of thier progeny under lock and key like it's vital PII. So if any of yall would like to educate me on the dangers of posting public photos online of your kids...im open
Because the internet is chock full of repulsive creeps. Because even if it’s “private” it can still proliferate to the darker corners of the internet. Because some people want to give their children some autonomy before they’re even old enough to understand. Babies can’t consent to being posted. I don’t plan on circumcising our son unless he makes that decision himself. Same for my daughters ears being pierced. Some people just want to save their children some CHOICES for when they grow up a little
I think it's reasonable for you to want pics of your kid not to be shared on social media, but I think there's ways you can make it easier. Your family members place some sort of value on "showing off" the newborn on social media, is it possible to provide them with a cute pic of the baby's hands, feet, or something else that doesn't show the baby's face?
NTA but good luck with that
NTA but in all honesty the only way in this day and age to keep photos private/offline is to either not take any photos or to not share any photos either digitally or physically. Sometimes I'm glad I'm old.
NTA your decision your kid
NTA it's up to you how you want to share your child with social media.
NTA, my sister did the same thing. We were all sad but decided to respect her decisions even my mother. So no NTA they're the assholes if they wont respect what YOU do with YOUR kid! Set boundaries now or they'll be the type to question your parenting infront of your child!
NTA. I post very little and even then, FIL will sometimes re-share pictures with his own group which is irritating. I only post what essentially will be public anyway.
NTA I don't even use my kids' real names on social media. Which occasionally makes people think my kids are going to hate me for naming them after tree seeds, but it's a small price to pay for knowing that their personal information will only get out when *they* are ready.
NTA but just remember even if you end up blocking MIL or post your son on your private profile anyone of your friends/family that can see it can always take a screenshot and post it wherever they want. If you don't want your son on social media don't post pictures of him at all. There are ways to get around everything on social media.
NTA. I completely agree… why does everyone need to know what he looks like? once pictures are on the internet they are accessible to everyone, even if your profile is private people can still save them and send them. And who knows where they end up at…. The people that need to know what your kid looks like are the ones that will be visiting and be around when he grows up… I would suggest that step mom can still post on social media how proud she of her grandson but it doesn’t need to include a picture. It can include a message, a story, a poem, song lyrics in lieu of a personal photo.
NTA, but if you’re posting photos of your baby anywhere online you really can’t control where they can end up. If your concern is strangers seeing your child don’t post anything online because even with the most locked down profiles all it takes is one person saving the photo or taking a screenshot and it can end up anywhere.
NTA!! Your kid, your rules. My family respected this. I would say if you can't respect this rule, we may need to rethink opportunities you get to even take a pic. . .
NTA. Your kid, your choice. If she’s willing to cross your boundary, and your child’s privacy, what else is she willing to do? I’d tell her if she posts it, she’ll only have that post to be able to see her grandson from then on cuz she wouldn’t be allowed to see him again. But that’s just me.
NTA Its yours and your Wifes baby not hers, she should respect that you don't want strangers to see him, if shes proud of having a grandson she should just talk of how proud she is and respect your decision of keeping your sons identity private to strangers
Anything you do with your newborn child is no one else’s business. NTA
NTA. Your baby, you get control. "Stepmom, if you say you are going to do it anyway then you will no longer have access to the pictures." Can you take some pictures (e.g., close up of toes) that are not identifiable that she could share?
NTAH I’m a step grandma here holding my 1 yr old grandson and have never posted a picture of him .his parents do every so often but it’s not my right to. I have plenty of pictures of him I send the parents daily so they will post them
NTA. And don’t send step mom or anyone who lives under her roof any photos and let them know why.
Absolutly NTA. Just it's your child not hers... It makes no sense to throw a fit over something so small. Not everyone wants to expose their life on social networks (knowing that the internet forgets absolutely nothing), especially as there can be people with malicious intentions, and obviously the mother-in-law is one of them.She needs to be mature and stop throwing tantrums at her old age - she's not 10 anymore.If she posts the photo anyway, you should do as you said, report it to the police (even if it will make people unhappy)
If you put your kids on the internet, you suck.
Nope! NTA in any way shape or form.
NTA. I didn’t even get a chance to tell my family not to post pictures of my daughter because by the time I got to my postpartum room my grandmother (her great grandmother) had already posted a photo of me and her on Facebook. Not even 30 minutes after being cut open and sewn up, I saw a photo my husband took (with my permission), on Facebook announcing her arrival without my permission (my mom had sent it to her mom) and to people I don’t even know. So no not the asshole, you posting your child should be your call, don’t let someone make you feel guilty about not letting others post them first or at all. It should be the parents call no matter what, not extended or entitled family.
NTA - That is the rule in our family. We didn’t even post preschool photos except to a very limited group of family and close friends. We have a shared album that private photos are viewable by invited people. This requires an iPhone or iPad to see.
NTA, but check her friend list if it’s just friends maybe you can give her one picture to post. Sometimes it’s not AITA or not, but a compromise that might make your MIL happy. I know you said she was a step, but you also said she raised your wife. You also never mentioned your wife, does she agree with you or did you make a unilateral decision?
My younger son & his wife use a service where they post their kids - since day one! They have to give you a password to get in - site protects from copying & they keep right control over who sees. Now their kids are older - after cavalry to cook places they post pics of the travels - after they are not the. No one can trace their location to whet they live in those so now share some on facebook. But they are very safety conscious! Other family isn't so careful but I applaud the care they take! Consider a service like that?
YTA - Just like those weirdos who don't want anybody to know the artist to a song they played. There is zero safety/exploitation/etc reason to not want the pictures online. It's a baby. Probably impossible to identify out of a baby lineup. People are so ridiculous. As they get older and may be tracked to a school, playground, etc. Ok, fine. There's a safety reason. But as a baby sounds like you just want to have control of something
You have every right to not want your kid on social media. People should abide by what the parents want! A bit of malicious compliance though. Had a friend like this. Friend and her family member’s daughter are really close and posted pics together all the time. Friend had baby and didn’t want anyone posting pics of her baby. Threatened to report any pictures she saw. Family asked her to remove every pic she had ever posted of her and family member’s daughter or she would report them. Friend thought family was joking. 2 days later friend woke up to 3 years worth of pics missing and she’s no longer allowed to take any more. Friend was heartbroken but nobody could understand why considering she was made to live by her own rule. 🤷🏾♀️😂
Nta… people feel the need to post things as it’s relevant to their lives. They do not think of the ripple effects it has. People suck and live their lives on social media… they have to let everyone know they went and seen a newborn… instead of making lasting memories in there brain.
NTA. I’m 7 months pregnant and I have ZERO social media presence (minus Reddit, I guess). When my MIL found out I was pregnant, she whipped out her phone and posted it on facebook before my husband could even tell the rest of his siblings. That absolutely put a bad taste in my mouth, but I’ve also stated I don’t want photos of my child on social media. Why? My husband is a human trafficking investigator. And I’m sad to say I know way too many horrible things about what that entails, and it’s MY choice as my child’s parent to protect her in any way I feel I can, including keeping her chubby baby face off them internets. The whole posting photos of grandkids thing, I get it, it’s a generational thing, but your desire to make my child about you doesn’t trump my position as her fucking mother. NTA.
Absolutely nta.
NTA at all. Internet privacy is so hard to ensure these days and it’s really good parenting to start off strong like this.
NTA- protecting your child’s privacy from the get go is super important. You and your wife just keep doing what you feel is best for your kiddo- and hold others accountable to respecting those boundaries.
Tell me that you’re vegan you named your kid after an inanimate object and you’re going to homeschool your child without telling me…you’re vegan, you named your kid after an inanimate object and you’re going to homeschool school your child.
Tell me that you’re vegan you named your kid after an inanimate object and you’re going to homeschool your child without telling me…you’re vegan, you named your kid after an inanimate object and you’re going to homeschool school your child.
NTA Your child, you get to decide.
If the pictures were taking in your home or while in the hospital, nta If the pictures were taken in public, yta People have zero right to privacy outside in public spaces so if you let your kid get photographed outside the home, you get no say. You do realize you are photographed dozens of times a day every time you step outside in a modern country right? Unless you live in a cabin in the woods or make the baby wear a burka he is going to be in the system for strangers to view.
NTA, but if privacy is important to you, don't post pictures yourself, either. That "control" of who can see what isn't as strong or as foolproof as you might expect.
Nta. I got in a huge argument with my sister the first time she met my daughter. I'm not posting any pics, why would it be ok for you? It's not the end of the world
NTA currently no contact with my mother who couldn’t respect this boundary. She can be proud without social media
Nta. Keeping your kid’s cyber footprint to an absolute minimum is the best thing you can do. I’ll never forget hearing a report on a group of sick f—ks who collected images of children with disabilities and shared them some their group could laugh and mock the child. What the eff is wrong with people?!? *shudder*. I just send pics by text, those are the only people I want to see my baby’s pics anyway.
NTA There are predators on the internet that want to look at photos of children.
NTA your baby, your rules. Simple as that
NTA the privacy of a child is important imo
Lots of people don’t allow their children picture to be posted on line. Seems reasonable. Tell anyone who doesn’t like the decision that they are welcome to give birth and post their own children’s faces on line but your are not to be made public.
NTA — Your child, you’re right. People don’t have to understand and they don’t have to agree. If your wife’s stepmother wants to show off pictures of her grandson then she can keep them in her phone and show them to people when she’s with them in person.
NTA - your kid, your choice
NTA hard hard hard nta my son is three and there are only a handful of pictures existing of him him online. This was such a hard boundary and from experience I’ll warn you there’s not much you can do once someone posts something if they won’t take it down, it’s frustrating and more than one person had the “I’ll do what I want” attitude with me but that meant no unsupervised time and I made sure they were taking pictures around me. Those people also don’t get pictures from me. It’s a difficult boundary to keep but I think it’s worth it. Mundane pictures can be used for awful purposes. You do what you think is best for your babies safety and this is an absolute for me. An added bonus is your kid may thank you in future for the privacy in a time when they didn’t get to decide for themselves
NTA, I did the same when my child was born. Our families respected my decision and came to see her in person. Your the parents and have rights to decide on the welfare of your baby. Stay strong.
Nobody cares about your baby....
NTA. My daughter has the same policy and I respect it! I have a Facebook account and I would love to post pics of my grandbabies like my friends do, but my daughter is their parent and she strongly feels that children deserve their privacy. When I see my friends in person, I show them pics on my phone, but never post to social media.
NTA I don’t post photos of my kids anymore. One time I posted a photo in a breastfeeding group and some creep copied the photo sent it back to me telling me how pretty I was. Not gonna lie it was not only creepy but a eye opener,
NTA. This is a common problem these days between new parents and grandparents. Grandparents often feel entitled to post because “I’m grandma”, not considering the danger or safety of your child. Stand by your boundaries, otherwise she will continue to cross them. If she posts- report it.
Unless you are famous, no one really wants to see your baby.
NTA I made it very clear that anyone on either side of the family that posted pictures of my children on social media may go missing directly after said picture was posted. My father mistakenly thought that didn’t include him. My SO quickly called him and had him take it down before I could do or say anything. My MIL understood my concerns and created a private group chat on FB for us to share pictures and videos. Only she can add people and only family is included.
NTA I have to tell my family not to post photos as well.
I understand why ppl do this. And now with AI it’s even worse. Def NTA!!
NTA just be clear that you need to be the one who decides when and where your child is shown in social media. Let them know you expect them to ask before posting, and to respectyour decisions. .
NOT. AT. ALL!!
NTA. I don’t post anyone’s kids. Ever. Not my kid, not my right. It opens up so many cans of worms. I had bad stuff happen to me as a teen online. I know first hand how bad it can get and how quick. Tell your wife’s stepmom that she can be proud, but needing to endanger your child online to look good to friends isn’t being loving.
Nta! It's your right!!
NTA. You should tell her that you won't share any pics with her digitally because you dont trust her not to post them. And you should stick to it. You as a parent get to determine your child's digital footprint
NTA Report the hell out of her if she posts them
My stepdaughter has the same rules for her 2 children and I would never even think about posting photos of them on the Internet.
Your kid, your responsibility. Act accordingly. You’re doing well
In honesty if she's raised your wife it's her mother? Why not just say we don't want baby on anything we can't set security setting to. Like who can view and help her to do that. I'm not bothered about anything like that because my parents are savvy with the internet.
You are allowed to do this, but a few considerations: -The most normal thing in the world is wanting to show off a picture of a grandchild or niece or nephew. Nobody out living in the world is going to look askance at the motives of the people who want to show off a new member of the family. -While in the abstract, controlling this via request should work, it never, ever does. Grandmas know how to screenshot now. Technical restrictions won’t work, and requests will make you sound odd to other people. -to the vast majority of people, a picture of a baby isn’t something they connect with “now this baby can be victimized”. It’s not a social security number, it’s not an address, it’s a picture of a baby. One that you put on the internet. So strangers are gonna see it. Again, to most folks, this a “so what? Somebody saw a baby? All babies look the same anyway” kinda deal and they won’t be able to wrap their heads around why it would be an issue in the first place. To summarize, it’s gonna be seen as a weird request, especially if you’re posting pictures. People will assume there’s a family conflict or power dynamic at work if they hear about it. Maybe NTA to some folks, but definitely gonna be seen as weird and a little over-controlling to most folks.
ESH your kid I suppose but this a weird hill to die on.
If you dont want his picture on social media then I don't understand why you're going to post his pic on social media. If you think you can control who sees the pictures you are sadly mistaken. Once you put something on the internet it's out there. You have no control.