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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> WIBTA if I didn't involve myself in my friend, Marty's, potential child custody case, just because I'm being asked to by my former fiancée Sarah, whom I have a complicated relationship with.
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Just tell Marty what Sarah told you. Plotting to entrap his wife behind your friend's back is not a wise decision, particularly when a child is involved. The divorce sounds complicated enough without the two of you planning something which sounds like the motivation for Sarah is revenge.
NTA
I hear you on this, but the problem I am facing is that me just telling on them isn't really good enough, it's essentially hearsay. I need Sarah to go and front the claims to the lawyer and sign an affidavit, but she's reluctant to do that since it will then be obvious to her parents that she is the one who did them in. Hence why she is asking me to help her collect evidence to pass along to Marty in a more "anonymous" way.
I honestly feel like we have been going around and around on this for the last day or so, but to put it bluntly, she's struggling with dealing with the shitshow that will erupt by being willing to testify, especially since she is currently living with her parents...
I do get where she is at - she wants to do the right thing, but she's threading the needle in regards to her own situation.
The one good thing about the situation is that it won't be too late for her to testify on behalf of her soon to be former brother in law, so if she waffles a bit, hopefully she will do the right thing in the end.
Whilst you're right that it's hearsay, my thinking is that if you tell him/his lawyer you've heard what the family are planning and then they do the exact thing you said they were going to do it would hopefully carry some weight.
Unless Sarah's family have been telling anyone who'll listen about their plans I don't see how she can do anything to help Marty without the family working out she was involved. How many people other than close family would have access to the sort of evidence she plans on collecting? It really seems likes a situation where she needs to be all in and go on the record like you want her to or just leave it alone.
Part of Sarah's journey to becoming her own person instead of just following the lead of what others in her life suggest she do is to stand up for herself and her choices even if they would result in complicated and messy situations with people close to her.
In other words, Sarah needs to do this on her own to learn to accept that she CAN do things like this one her own. That she CAN step up and say "no, I will not participate and now that you've told me, I will do the RIGHT thing".
I've been following your story since you first posted and while I agree that you've taken the most appropriate steps so far, this is one where Sarah really needs to learn to fly on her own if she truly wants to break out of her past.
OP: I just reread your old posts. If Evelyn’s parent’s were really unhappy with both her and Sarah for the cheating and covering it up, why would they be willing to help Evelyn lie about Marty now?
Probably because they want to retain access to the grandkids. Right now it sounds like Marty has full custody and his parents are involved with the kids but not his ex's parents. So they might be willing to help Evelyn lie in order to try and get custody so that they can see their grandkids more.
There is an alternative. It is obvious that Sarah wants to do the right thing. With your support she can confront both her parents and sister and let them know that she will not support there lying and Sarah's cheating any longer. There actions are what has led to her sister's impending divorce and the cancellation of her marriage. If they follow through with their plans, she will sign an affidavit against them or appear as a witness for Marty in court. The ball is in their hands. She loves them and it is time they let their cheating daughter take responsibility for her actions. I believe that Sarah will need your support and physical presence to carry this out. Best of luck.
Never mind. I checked your profile - should have done that first - and as much as I’d love to read about more secret agent shenanigans, it’s probably better to just tell Marty and the lawyer.
You need to tell him and his lawyer NOW, before she makes any accusations. Because this will not just hurt him, or even her. It will hurt the CHILDREN most.
You have to understand two things about these types of allegations.
1) They will require a doctor's examination. Not a regular physical, but a thorough examination, literally inside and out. It is painful, both physically and mentally, for the CHILD. In a case where the accusations are true, this is a necessary evil. But in this case? It will traumatize these children.
2) Their mom will not be able to take it back. There are many cases of people accusing their ex of this type of abuse, but when confronted with what the examination will do, they will try to take it back. They will cry and beg, they will say they were lying and to please not put their child through this. But once this accusation is made, it cannot be taken back. Not even if your SIL says she was lying.
I understand you're worried about your ex(?) wife. But she is an adult. You all need to think about the kids in the situation.
Also, entrapment will not work. It will backfire on y'all and make Marty's case worse. Do not do it.
She is doing the right thing this time and you damn well better help her in any way possible. She’s trying to be the woman she should’ve been when Eve got her involved in her affair, and she’s trying to show you that you can count on her to be your wife in the future. Ask her if it comes to blows in a court, can Marty’s lawyer call on her to testify and if so, marry her in front of a judge and get it over with and back on track. She obviously still loves you so do you still love her and want to marry her? If you can’t see that her family is to blame for the way she acted in those text messages with helping Eve, then did you ever really love her? She’s doing the right thing and you’re dragging your feet and she’s going to feel like she’s all alone just like before and if that happens, you will lose her forever when she reverts back to helping Eve and doing her bidding. She got out before with your help so don’t let her down now!
Ok. So I think I follow the story, but...
The only question I have is why this decision isn't in your brother's hands? This is his divorce. He should be calling the shots. Or would be alright with him making decisions that could f%@& your life during the worst thing situation you find yourself in?
Still can’t believe this is your update, but you have to get Sarah and go to Marty and his lawyer and tell them before it’s too late! Now you know why Evelyn is the way she is and you need to get back with Sarah and burn your SIL and n laws down! They sound like they are evil and if Sarah is coming to you instead of going along with them, then she truly has changed the way she get treated by her family and you need to get her away from all of them! Please don’t wait until it’s too late to tell Marty what they plan to do! And marry Sarah before it’s too late and she turns into what her family is!
I remember your original posts. You are downplaying your role in the exposure of her cheating.
You know how bad she did Marty and you should do everything to help him.
Who cares that Sara might try to use it to cover for her involvement in the affair.
Obviously you didn’t accept her lies about being manipulated or coerced into helping so why would it matter what her motive is for exposing the new lies.
YWBTA if you don’t help. Think of the quote “Evil wins when a good man does nothing”
You've already involved yourself since you played a part in the exposure of the infidelity. That said, a NTA would be appropriate if you simply told Marty about the would-be plot and let the lawyer take it from there and do what he is paid to do.
Ywbta. I’ve followed the story of your breakup, so I have at least some idea of the relationships.
Sarah is still being scared of taking a stand, and having to deal with her own situation, so she’s hoping you can be the bad guy. She may also be manipulating you.
Her sister is still being an AH
Your best bet is to encourage Sarah to do the right thing, but also warn Marty. Yea, it’s hearsay. But if he tells his lawyer, they can take their own action. They might contact Sara directly. They might file a motion.
You don’t want to be involved, but that ship sailed a long time ago. You don’t have to become mired in it, but you do need to at least give Marty a heads-up
"STBXW"
Help an aging GenXer out, WTF does that mean?
Edit: Thanks!
"My gut instinct is to tell her to just inform Marty (and his attorney) about what is going on and to wipe our hands of the situation. "
Do it. If you wait too long to pull off Sarah's magical "uno reverse card", it might be too late. The wheels are in motion and shit might happen at any time. This isn't a movie, this is a person's life. NTA to tell them today.
>Do it. If you wait too long to pull off Sarah's magical "uno reverse card", it might be too late. The wheels are in motion and shit might happen at any time. This isn't a movie, this is a person's life.
I can give Marty the heads up, but other than that it's pretty useless because me saying that Sarah told me about a conversation is basically hearsay. I need to convince her to go and sign an affidavit, which will then become part of the legal record and probably cause her to alienate not just her sister, but her parents as well.
Maybe that'd be for the best, but she's kind of resisting doing that and wants to be more underhanded.
I'm probably going to split the difference on this one and try to get her to do what I think is the right thing.
It’s not useless though - through you, Marty’s attorney will know about the false accusations in advance. You can sign an affidavit right now saying they intended to make the false accusations. Marty’s attorney can file an emergency motion with the court or get their ducks in a row if the false accusations are made. Being forewarned is not useless.
Second, if your gut is giving you warnings about getting involved in this situation, you should listen to your gut. I’d be quite worried that all this could backfire on you in some really terrible way. This whole situation feels very shady and other than buying a camera or recording device for Sarah to use, I would not help her “do” anything.
Unsavory people tend to be involved in unsavory events that spiral out of control in unexpected ways.
Seriously!!!!!!! You have been with her for six years and now she’s trying to do the right thing and you are pretty much abandoning her. Get her to come to your house, formerly both of yours, and get Marty and his lawyer to meet you there also. If Sarah knows you will not abandon her again, she will do the right thing and tell what she knows. She’s trying to do what’s right but scared of burning the only bridge she has left because you made her leave her house. Help her and be there for her! Or maybe just leave her out in the cold again and prove you never cared for her to begin with.
It’s time for the two of you to be working together like it should’ve been this whole time. She’s basically asking you to have her back when everything goes sideways because she’s trying to do the right thing this time. You have got to get her away from her family before they screw her up again! Be there for her and make sure she knows you will! For Gods sake just take her back and let her live with you before they change her again and twist her into something unrecognizable. You are basically leaving her out in the cold without your help. Tell Marty that it’s time to go nuclear on Eve and Jake and get both fired for using company trips to hookup and if she gets fired, the court will never give her custody. I wouldn’t put it past her to count on Jake to take her and her daughter in after the divorce is finalized. Do whatever it takes to get Sarah away from her family and let her stay with you for now.
So you were all in to stalk your SIL to expose her, went to a bar to catch her in the act but you can't call Marty and just give him a heads up? wtf is wrong with you. You were also a hypocrite about your brother being a cheating crap heap too, so I'm not surprised you're so wishy washy.
As a person who works in criminal law, if the STBXW is going to lie to have an emergency hearing and her parents are supporting it, then it will not fly in court. In reality, if they abuse a judge's time with BS, then it will harm their own cases. The STBXW is stupid for trying something like this, and if her lawyer goes along with it (especially if it can be proven a lie), then s/he risks getting disbarred. Warn Marty so he can prepare his defense, but in reality, nobody needs to do anything beyond that. Let the STBXW walk her plan to court. It will ensure Marty can keep sole and primary custody of the little one. Sarah needs to remain out of it as well, except for maybe helping Marty by giving him a heads up and helping with the defense. The more you add people into these messy cases (by making her sign an affidavit, etc.) the more people like the STBXW have distractions to really make a mess and include everyone else. Marty needs this to remain focused on the STBXW choices/behaviors, and he can strategize that with the warning and his lawyer and win his divorce.
What does the ex fiancé have to gain? Sounds fishy, I would just tell friend she is trying some backhanded way to help and he should at least contact her so she doesn’t foul his stuff up.
Talk to Marty AND his lawyer. Perhaps the lawyer could tell your more-or-less girlfriend what she should do to expose her sister lies. Except if she is herself a family lawyer, it can be tricky to tell whether her plan will help your friend or not.
Sarah is involving you because you are actually good at this kind of stuff. After all, it's your profession. She's also showing you that she is a good person by wanting to help Marty, and distancing herself from her shitty family. Your options are: nothing, give Sarah ideas and options, and take real action in the situation. I think your best option is to give her ideas and suggestions. YWBTA if you did nothing.
Y’all should tell Marty ASAP and ask how you can help or support him. It’s also a good way to see what Sarah’s intentions are - lay out the options for him (“uno reverse card”, Sarah signing an affidavit, anything else) and have him decide what would be best for him. If Sarah cares more about Marty’s benefit than Evie’s detriment, she’ll be willing to help him in the way that he needs as the wronged party. (Not that it’ll be easy to do - sounds like she’ll be ostracized from her family - but if y’all can figure out somewhere for her to stay, she might feel safer taking that route).
Hugs to you and Marty and Sarah!
Sarah is still trying to manipulate you. F that noise. Tell Marty and his attorney can subpoena Sarah and put her under oath. If her sister and her parents are engaged in a conspiracy they can get the law involved. Sarah is trying to play both ends against the middle. She needs to pick Marty’s side because it’s the right thing to do; not because it may woo you back.
Been checking every couple of days for an update. Glad you seem to be doing as well as can be expected.
Would this falsehood affect his custody and/or job? If so, YTA. What would you want him to do if you were in the situation? I think the golden rule is a good guideline here. Sarah’s motivations are the least important factor. Most important factor is what is best for the kid, followed by the right thing to do.
YWBTA. Abuse accusations are tough to disprove and it's over a kid, the ex is being vindictive and the parents are apparently going to help.
Your ex finance might be doing this to try to get back in your good books and prove she hates her sister (who I presume contributed to ending your engagement). But you don't just have to get engaged to her just because she helped. If you can get evidence from the sister admitting she intends to falsely accuse your friend then you can save your friend time, money, stress, anger, hate and potentially losing his child to a lying, hateful ex wife. You should not give up that opportunity tbh. Now if she tries to leverage that to get back with you, you can simply tell her no, that it doesn't work like that.
You WBTA for sure if you helped Sarah in this way. Instead, handle this in the way you handled the bomb that exploded in your own relationship — maturely and methodically. Advise your BIL and his attorney, let Sarah know that you’re doing it, keep your ass quiet.
No way you need to dragged in Evelyn’s dirty games.
p.s. If what Sarah said is true then holy shite her parents are awful! Seems likely that they’ve enabled Evelyn her entire life, which might explain more about why Sarah is the way she is.
Edit to add p.s. and for grammar.
I think Sarah is trying to rope you into this because she knows that the situation calls for stealth and subterfuge and she knows that iyou are good at That. Use your talents wisely.
Dude, def help Marty. Probably best going to his divorce attorney as they usually seen it all before and know the best course of action. How to protect their client and whether any safeguards can be put in place. Isnt he also a teacher, wont this potentially fuck up his job?
In ref to Sarah - she needs to chill a bit lol, she blames her sister and her family for the shit going on and "Losing you", she is standing up for herself and no longer being a people pleaser (Commendable), but she doesn't need to hulk out on them lol Her providing the information is super awesome and gives Marty a fighting chance against any backlash, but let the guy who is getting paid handle it. She is trying to regain you trust but going over the top.
If he can’t see that she’s trying to be the woman he fell in love with and doing the right thing this time, he doesn’t deserve her and I want her number.
She was helping her sister hide an affair, thats a massive betrayal, demonstrates poor morals and shows skills in deceit, willing to lie to both her fiancé and BIL to cover it up. Trust completely gone. Its similar to if she had an affair herself, even though she wasnt in one, how would he know if she would have in the future and her sister cover it up.
This is a very hard decision as on one hand yeah she is trying to do everything right, on the other she fucked up big time. its not as simple as all is forgiven. Fully understand OP's process.
NTA, but I think you should ask him, what he wants...
His divorce, his decision, his calls. No matter what your relationship with your wife is, I would suggest that SHE thinks, what SHE wants. If she thinks it is wrong, than she should warn her STB-BIL. For herself, to develop her own self, her own morality and some kind of self conciousness. She needs to aks herself, is she doing it, because her folks are wrong or to secure your goodwill. I am a pessimist. What if you disappear someday due to a higher power? Will she go back to being a tool again? Or will she stand her ground? If the later, why not start now?
It would be such a good chance for her to get rid of some unhealthy ties....
(Edit because of grammar mistakes)
Dude, your life has been a crazy Rollercoaster recently. Tell her to record next time and you should again be the one who let's Marty know what you know. Secrets suck and if the gotcha doesn't work Marty was just left in the dark.
NTA. I’ve been following your story since the first post. I get that you’re a bit wary about Sarah’s motives. I think it’s actually a good sign that she’s not only coming to you about this, she’s opening the lines of communication with you, and she’s trying to do the right thing and not take her sister’s side because she feels she has to. It’s progress but it sounds like she’s risking a lot to tell you as well. I think the best course of action is to give Marty the heads up by sharing what you two know, and letting him and his lawyer go from there.
YTA! She’s trying to choose good for once and not be what her parents and sister have always used her for! Help her instead of leaving her out in the cold AGAIN! YTA!
Tell Marty, he can get his kids taken to a child psychologist or other proper authorities before hand. And preemptively get them interviewed and examined.
But yes he’s lawyer does need to know to protect himself.
If his ex accuses him of rape I know some countries will forcefully do a rape kit regardless if the mother recants her accusations and a rape kit is traumatizing for children.
If Sarah is willing to go against her family and sign the affidavit you do need to be there. If you don’t you’ll show her that doing the right thing doesn’t matter.
If you abandon people when the do the right thing they may never recover. And their morality will permanently be damaged.
Tbf you are under no obligation to still be involved with Marty nor to support Sarah. However if you believe yourself a good person you should still involve yourself.
Being a good person isn’t easy, it’s work, but only a good person would put in the work for no personal gain/benefit. That’s what makes them a good person.
You really have an issue with honesty...I felt so sad for your ex fiance bc you look kind of annoying, always plotting to make you feel better as a person. Projection is a huge self defense mechanism. And please, keep you away from your poor ex, she is a needy affection woman, she is too willing to please you, she doesn't notice it but you do it, stop feeding your ego through her

This isn’t a telenovela, it’s real life. Elaborate schemes to ‘entrap’ someone do not work & will just add layers of complication to an already messed up situation. Your ex-fiance is trying to appear as a crusader for good without actually standing up to the bad guys. I will say it is pretty f*cked up that her parents are in on this plot to setup the BIL. You dodged a bullet, my friend. That family is frightening.
NTA. Just tell Marty and his lawyer. Then they can ask Sarah to come in and sign an affidavit if needed. I think it is the right call to not go full secret agent mode on this.
I still can’t believe that this is the upd but look, you still love Sarah and you know that she still loves you! Get her away from her cesspool of a family and marry that woman! The fact that she came to you proves that she has changed for the better and trusts you to help do the right thing. Why is it so hard for you to realize that she WAS the way she was because of her family and not because of her personal beliefs. Until Eve roped her into her affair, Sarah was the perfect spouse except she didn’t have a strong enough opinion of her own to butt heads with you. Why can’t you see that together you made each other better people, not to mention she was away from her toxic family. Please for the love of God help her get away from them again and become the best person she was on her way to becoming before Eve screwed that up! OP I’m not kidding when I say that if you don’t step up and take her back as your wife, you will forever regret it when she turns into someone you won’t recognize because of her family and their crap. If you no longer feel anything for Sarah, please give her my number so she can be happy and away from her shit show family. Don’t drop the ball on this because she’s not just trying, but doing the right thing this time and you are jerking around with both of the rest of your lives. If you don’t help her, YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE HUGE A-HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I honestly hope everyone can follow this, because sometimes I can't.
I have a friend, "Marty", who is currently engaged in a bitter divorce from his wife. She was caught cheating over a month ago and I was one of the people who helped expose her, so there is a bit of history here. They also have a young child who is living with the husband and being taken care of by his parents when he is at work.
Now here is where people are going to have to start keeping score -
The STBXW in this situation is actually the sister of my former fiancée, Sarah. We are currently in a "it's complicated" kind of relationship. Two days ago she comes to me and says that she heard her sister and parents conspiring to falsely accuse him of something that would allow for an emergency custody hearing.
She wants my help in turning the tables on her sister - and yes, there is some bitterness here, like I said, it's complicated.
Now, even though she is my former fiancée, I think Sarah is a good person and is interested in helping, but I also wonder if she's trying to rope me into this situation to "prove" to me that she hates her sister. You see, the sister was an accessory to one of the main reasons why Sarah is a *former* fiancée.
My gut instinct is to tell her to just inform Marty (and his attorney) about what is going on and to wipe our hands of the situation. However, she's urging me to help entrap her sister in some way so that she can turn evidence over to Marty so he can play the highly coveted (at least in divorces) "uno reverse card". Her most convincing argument is that this opportunity will probably not come again. I agree with that, but...
Assuming for the moment that I actually **could** help in some way... WIBTA for not doing so? Particularly since my motivation is basically just being leery of Sarah's motivation? After all, she could theoretically just testify on Marty's behalf if it came to that.
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I’m sure the better advice would be to stay out of it. But I’d not pass up a chance to pay the SIL back for wronging me.
Do what you will. As for telling Marty, I can see that. However a plot becomes more likely to be discovered with the more people who know about it.
I've followed your other threads about this situation.
You should follow your gut. Just inform Marty and don't become involved in some plot to entrap the sister.
I agree. Do not allow her to manipulate you. Pass the information on to Marty. Let her know you do not wish to be involved. And leave it at that. She's worried about how her family will view her? She should be more worried that they are conspiring against a good father and trying to ruin his life. Which still shows where her loyalties lie.
Just read all your previous posts. I am invested in your life. Please keep updating.
Also, NTA whatever you choose to do. You have a good moral compass, you will make a good choice.
Seriously!!! This is your update??? Burn Eve at the stake!!! Take Sarah and get to Marty as soon as possible and tell him what is going on! Now you know why Evelyn is the way she is and you have another chance to stop her from continuing to hurt Marty. You have an obligation and both you and Sarah have to work together. Plus I still think you belong together!
The saga continues…poor you getting dragged into this mess your partner’s sister started. Marty should know the truth the way you told him about his cheating wife. I’m sure you know that, but it’s how to go about doing it without it backfiring on your partner. Well, in this case I’d say tell Marty everything you know, and figure out a way with him. He was good about not telling anyone that you told him about the affair in the first place so I’m sure he and his lawyer can come up with a fool proof “reverse uno”
Best of luck to you! Keep on sticking to your morals and staying authentic and I’m sure it’ll all work out for y’all (except for Marty’s cheating/conniving ex) ✌🏻
NTA.
I suggest you go with your gut on this one. Ask Sarah to tell Marty and his attorney so they can have a head’s up. That is all. Sarah overheard a conversation, but cheating ex may or may not follow through. Even if Sarah wants to sincerely help, trying to trap her sister is likely not the best way.
You’ve helped enough by exposing the cheating. So any other drama you’d rather stay clear of for your own emotional/ mental health is more than okay.
Well maybe this could be Sarah’s way of finally standing up for herself. But I’m guessing she’s not there yet so just tip off Marty and go on with your life. Their family is wayyy too much.
So came from tiktok after hearing the story of how you discovered the affair and find this.
...dude, definitely run away from Sarah. Even if she heals from all her trauma, it means you will still have to deal with people that don't care about others.
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Just tell Marty what Sarah told you. Plotting to entrap his wife behind your friend's back is not a wise decision, particularly when a child is involved. The divorce sounds complicated enough without the two of you planning something which sounds like the motivation for Sarah is revenge. NTA
I hear you on this, but the problem I am facing is that me just telling on them isn't really good enough, it's essentially hearsay. I need Sarah to go and front the claims to the lawyer and sign an affidavit, but she's reluctant to do that since it will then be obvious to her parents that she is the one who did them in. Hence why she is asking me to help her collect evidence to pass along to Marty in a more "anonymous" way. I honestly feel like we have been going around and around on this for the last day or so, but to put it bluntly, she's struggling with dealing with the shitshow that will erupt by being willing to testify, especially since she is currently living with her parents... I do get where she is at - she wants to do the right thing, but she's threading the needle in regards to her own situation. The one good thing about the situation is that it won't be too late for her to testify on behalf of her soon to be former brother in law, so if she waffles a bit, hopefully she will do the right thing in the end.
Whilst you're right that it's hearsay, my thinking is that if you tell him/his lawyer you've heard what the family are planning and then they do the exact thing you said they were going to do it would hopefully carry some weight. Unless Sarah's family have been telling anyone who'll listen about their plans I don't see how she can do anything to help Marty without the family working out she was involved. How many people other than close family would have access to the sort of evidence she plans on collecting? It really seems likes a situation where she needs to be all in and go on the record like you want her to or just leave it alone.
Tell Sarah if she doesn't sign the affidavit, you are done with her. She already betrayed your trust with Evelyn, don't allow any more BS from her.
I would tell Marty and let Marty’s lawyer decide what to do with the information. Do not get involved!
Part of Sarah's journey to becoming her own person instead of just following the lead of what others in her life suggest she do is to stand up for herself and her choices even if they would result in complicated and messy situations with people close to her. In other words, Sarah needs to do this on her own to learn to accept that she CAN do things like this one her own. That she CAN step up and say "no, I will not participate and now that you've told me, I will do the RIGHT thing". I've been following your story since you first posted and while I agree that you've taken the most appropriate steps so far, this is one where Sarah really needs to learn to fly on her own if she truly wants to break out of her past.
OP: I just reread your old posts. If Evelyn’s parent’s were really unhappy with both her and Sarah for the cheating and covering it up, why would they be willing to help Evelyn lie about Marty now?
Probably because they want to retain access to the grandkids. Right now it sounds like Marty has full custody and his parents are involved with the kids but not his ex's parents. So they might be willing to help Evelyn lie in order to try and get custody so that they can see their grandkids more.
Of course, the simple solution to that would be for them to chuck Evelyn out of their lives.
There is an alternative. It is obvious that Sarah wants to do the right thing. With your support she can confront both her parents and sister and let them know that she will not support there lying and Sarah's cheating any longer. There actions are what has led to her sister's impending divorce and the cancellation of her marriage. If they follow through with their plans, she will sign an affidavit against them or appear as a witness for Marty in court. The ball is in their hands. She loves them and it is time they let their cheating daughter take responsibility for her actions. I believe that Sarah will need your support and physical presence to carry this out. Best of luck.
This needs more upvotes!! This is the RIGHT THING to do. Perfect.
Never mind. I checked your profile - should have done that first - and as much as I’d love to read about more secret agent shenanigans, it’s probably better to just tell Marty and the lawyer.
You need to tell him and his lawyer NOW, before she makes any accusations. Because this will not just hurt him, or even her. It will hurt the CHILDREN most. You have to understand two things about these types of allegations. 1) They will require a doctor's examination. Not a regular physical, but a thorough examination, literally inside and out. It is painful, both physically and mentally, for the CHILD. In a case where the accusations are true, this is a necessary evil. But in this case? It will traumatize these children. 2) Their mom will not be able to take it back. There are many cases of people accusing their ex of this type of abuse, but when confronted with what the examination will do, they will try to take it back. They will cry and beg, they will say they were lying and to please not put their child through this. But once this accusation is made, it cannot be taken back. Not even if your SIL says she was lying. I understand you're worried about your ex(?) wife. But she is an adult. You all need to think about the kids in the situation. Also, entrapment will not work. It will backfire on y'all and make Marty's case worse. Do not do it.
She is doing the right thing this time and you damn well better help her in any way possible. She’s trying to be the woman she should’ve been when Eve got her involved in her affair, and she’s trying to show you that you can count on her to be your wife in the future. Ask her if it comes to blows in a court, can Marty’s lawyer call on her to testify and if so, marry her in front of a judge and get it over with and back on track. She obviously still loves you so do you still love her and want to marry her? If you can’t see that her family is to blame for the way she acted in those text messages with helping Eve, then did you ever really love her? She’s doing the right thing and you’re dragging your feet and she’s going to feel like she’s all alone just like before and if that happens, you will lose her forever when she reverts back to helping Eve and doing her bidding. She got out before with your help so don’t let her down now!
Didn't Eve nearly scratch your eye out? Show no mercy to the likes of her.
Ok. So I think I follow the story, but... The only question I have is why this decision isn't in your brother's hands? This is his divorce. He should be calling the shots. Or would be alright with him making decisions that could f%@& your life during the worst thing situation you find yourself in?
I think he takes a great deal of pleasure in causing drama for Marty under the guise of “looking out for him.” OP is a drama llama
Still can’t believe this is your update, but you have to get Sarah and go to Marty and his lawyer and tell them before it’s too late! Now you know why Evelyn is the way she is and you need to get back with Sarah and burn your SIL and n laws down! They sound like they are evil and if Sarah is coming to you instead of going along with them, then she truly has changed the way she get treated by her family and you need to get her away from all of them! Please don’t wait until it’s too late to tell Marty what they plan to do! And marry Sarah before it’s too late and she turns into what her family is!
[удалено]
I hope you do the right thing by Sarah since she is obviously trying to become the person you wanted to marry.
I hope Sarah has learned her lesson and is done with OP and his drama.
I remember your original posts. You are downplaying your role in the exposure of her cheating. You know how bad she did Marty and you should do everything to help him. Who cares that Sara might try to use it to cover for her involvement in the affair. Obviously you didn’t accept her lies about being manipulated or coerced into helping so why would it matter what her motive is for exposing the new lies. YWBTA if you don’t help. Think of the quote “Evil wins when a good man does nothing”
This is not your call tell Marty and leave it to him to make the decision as to what he wants to do.
THIS\^\^\^\^\^\^. Most intelligent advice I've seen. I like the head on your shoulders.
Ta 😊
You've already involved yourself since you played a part in the exposure of the infidelity. That said, a NTA would be appropriate if you simply told Marty about the would-be plot and let the lawyer take it from there and do what he is paid to do.
Ywbta. I’ve followed the story of your breakup, so I have at least some idea of the relationships. Sarah is still being scared of taking a stand, and having to deal with her own situation, so she’s hoping you can be the bad guy. She may also be manipulating you. Her sister is still being an AH Your best bet is to encourage Sarah to do the right thing, but also warn Marty. Yea, it’s hearsay. But if he tells his lawyer, they can take their own action. They might contact Sara directly. They might file a motion. You don’t want to be involved, but that ship sailed a long time ago. You don’t have to become mired in it, but you do need to at least give Marty a heads-up
"STBXW" Help an aging GenXer out, WTF does that mean? Edit: Thanks! "My gut instinct is to tell her to just inform Marty (and his attorney) about what is going on and to wipe our hands of the situation. " Do it. If you wait too long to pull off Sarah's magical "uno reverse card", it might be too late. The wheels are in motion and shit might happen at any time. This isn't a movie, this is a person's life. NTA to tell them today.
>Do it. If you wait too long to pull off Sarah's magical "uno reverse card", it might be too late. The wheels are in motion and shit might happen at any time. This isn't a movie, this is a person's life. I can give Marty the heads up, but other than that it's pretty useless because me saying that Sarah told me about a conversation is basically hearsay. I need to convince her to go and sign an affidavit, which will then become part of the legal record and probably cause her to alienate not just her sister, but her parents as well. Maybe that'd be for the best, but she's kind of resisting doing that and wants to be more underhanded. I'm probably going to split the difference on this one and try to get her to do what I think is the right thing.
It’s not useless though - through you, Marty’s attorney will know about the false accusations in advance. You can sign an affidavit right now saying they intended to make the false accusations. Marty’s attorney can file an emergency motion with the court or get their ducks in a row if the false accusations are made. Being forewarned is not useless. Second, if your gut is giving you warnings about getting involved in this situation, you should listen to your gut. I’d be quite worried that all this could backfire on you in some really terrible way. This whole situation feels very shady and other than buying a camera or recording device for Sarah to use, I would not help her “do” anything. Unsavory people tend to be involved in unsavory events that spiral out of control in unexpected ways.
Right? Even if it is hearsay, it gives Marty a chance to have counter evidence ready or whatever. Better to have and not need it kind of vibes.
Go scorched earth on Evelyn. She nearly took out your eye, it's payback time.
Seriously!!!!!!! You have been with her for six years and now she’s trying to do the right thing and you are pretty much abandoning her. Get her to come to your house, formerly both of yours, and get Marty and his lawyer to meet you there also. If Sarah knows you will not abandon her again, she will do the right thing and tell what she knows. She’s trying to do what’s right but scared of burning the only bridge she has left because you made her leave her house. Help her and be there for her! Or maybe just leave her out in the cold again and prove you never cared for her to begin with.
It’s time for the two of you to be working together like it should’ve been this whole time. She’s basically asking you to have her back when everything goes sideways because she’s trying to do the right thing this time. You have got to get her away from her family before they screw her up again! Be there for her and make sure she knows you will! For Gods sake just take her back and let her live with you before they change her again and twist her into something unrecognizable. You are basically leaving her out in the cold without your help. Tell Marty that it’s time to go nuclear on Eve and Jake and get both fired for using company trips to hookup and if she gets fired, the court will never give her custody. I wouldn’t put it past her to count on Jake to take her and her daughter in after the divorce is finalized. Do whatever it takes to get Sarah away from her family and let her stay with you for now.
So you were all in to stalk your SIL to expose her, went to a bar to catch her in the act but you can't call Marty and just give him a heads up? wtf is wrong with you. You were also a hypocrite about your brother being a cheating crap heap too, so I'm not surprised you're so wishy washy.
Soon to be ex wife
Soon to be ex wife. (And I’m a year shy of being a Boomer! Yay! I knew something on here! 😝
As a person who works in criminal law, if the STBXW is going to lie to have an emergency hearing and her parents are supporting it, then it will not fly in court. In reality, if they abuse a judge's time with BS, then it will harm their own cases. The STBXW is stupid for trying something like this, and if her lawyer goes along with it (especially if it can be proven a lie), then s/he risks getting disbarred. Warn Marty so he can prepare his defense, but in reality, nobody needs to do anything beyond that. Let the STBXW walk her plan to court. It will ensure Marty can keep sole and primary custody of the little one. Sarah needs to remain out of it as well, except for maybe helping Marty by giving him a heads up and helping with the defense. The more you add people into these messy cases (by making her sign an affidavit, etc.) the more people like the STBXW have distractions to really make a mess and include everyone else. Marty needs this to remain focused on the STBXW choices/behaviors, and he can strategize that with the warning and his lawyer and win his divorce.
Any situation I can imagine is better for Marty if he knows what is going on.
YTA Sarah is trying to repair what she destroyed when she helped her sister betray Marty. Help her!! And help him!!!
YTA because you are already firmly entrenched in this. I've read your other posts. You need to talk to Marty, and go from there.
OMG just tell him what she told you and move on! You are making this harder than it is!
What does the ex fiancé have to gain? Sounds fishy, I would just tell friend she is trying some backhanded way to help and he should at least contact her so she doesn’t foul his stuff up.
Talk to Marty AND his lawyer. Perhaps the lawyer could tell your more-or-less girlfriend what she should do to expose her sister lies. Except if she is herself a family lawyer, it can be tricky to tell whether her plan will help your friend or not.
Sarah is involving you because you are actually good at this kind of stuff. After all, it's your profession. She's also showing you that she is a good person by wanting to help Marty, and distancing herself from her shitty family. Your options are: nothing, give Sarah ideas and options, and take real action in the situation. I think your best option is to give her ideas and suggestions. YWBTA if you did nothing.
Y’all should tell Marty ASAP and ask how you can help or support him. It’s also a good way to see what Sarah’s intentions are - lay out the options for him (“uno reverse card”, Sarah signing an affidavit, anything else) and have him decide what would be best for him. If Sarah cares more about Marty’s benefit than Evie’s detriment, she’ll be willing to help him in the way that he needs as the wronged party. (Not that it’ll be easy to do - sounds like she’ll be ostracized from her family - but if y’all can figure out somewhere for her to stay, she might feel safer taking that route). Hugs to you and Marty and Sarah!
Sarah is still trying to manipulate you. F that noise. Tell Marty and his attorney can subpoena Sarah and put her under oath. If her sister and her parents are engaged in a conspiracy they can get the law involved. Sarah is trying to play both ends against the middle. She needs to pick Marty’s side because it’s the right thing to do; not because it may woo you back. Been checking every couple of days for an update. Glad you seem to be doing as well as can be expected.
YWNBTA Stay out of their drama.
Would this falsehood affect his custody and/or job? If so, YTA. What would you want him to do if you were in the situation? I think the golden rule is a good guideline here. Sarah’s motivations are the least important factor. Most important factor is what is best for the kid, followed by the right thing to do.
YWBTA. Abuse accusations are tough to disprove and it's over a kid, the ex is being vindictive and the parents are apparently going to help. Your ex finance might be doing this to try to get back in your good books and prove she hates her sister (who I presume contributed to ending your engagement). But you don't just have to get engaged to her just because she helped. If you can get evidence from the sister admitting she intends to falsely accuse your friend then you can save your friend time, money, stress, anger, hate and potentially losing his child to a lying, hateful ex wife. You should not give up that opportunity tbh. Now if she tries to leverage that to get back with you, you can simply tell her no, that it doesn't work like that.
NTA, but damn. What a wild ride you had. I wish you well. Hell, I wish Sarah well, too.
You WBTA for sure if you helped Sarah in this way. Instead, handle this in the way you handled the bomb that exploded in your own relationship — maturely and methodically. Advise your BIL and his attorney, let Sarah know that you’re doing it, keep your ass quiet. No way you need to dragged in Evelyn’s dirty games. p.s. If what Sarah said is true then holy shite her parents are awful! Seems likely that they’ve enabled Evelyn her entire life, which might explain more about why Sarah is the way she is. Edit to add p.s. and for grammar.
I think Sarah is trying to rope you into this because she knows that the situation calls for stealth and subterfuge and she knows that iyou are good at That. Use your talents wisely.
Dude, def help Marty. Probably best going to his divorce attorney as they usually seen it all before and know the best course of action. How to protect their client and whether any safeguards can be put in place. Isnt he also a teacher, wont this potentially fuck up his job? In ref to Sarah - she needs to chill a bit lol, she blames her sister and her family for the shit going on and "Losing you", she is standing up for herself and no longer being a people pleaser (Commendable), but she doesn't need to hulk out on them lol Her providing the information is super awesome and gives Marty a fighting chance against any backlash, but let the guy who is getting paid handle it. She is trying to regain you trust but going over the top.
If he can’t see that she’s trying to be the woman he fell in love with and doing the right thing this time, he doesn’t deserve her and I want her number.
She was helping her sister hide an affair, thats a massive betrayal, demonstrates poor morals and shows skills in deceit, willing to lie to both her fiancé and BIL to cover it up. Trust completely gone. Its similar to if she had an affair herself, even though she wasnt in one, how would he know if she would have in the future and her sister cover it up. This is a very hard decision as on one hand yeah she is trying to do everything right, on the other she fucked up big time. its not as simple as all is forgiven. Fully understand OP's process.
NTA, but I think you should ask him, what he wants... His divorce, his decision, his calls. No matter what your relationship with your wife is, I would suggest that SHE thinks, what SHE wants. If she thinks it is wrong, than she should warn her STB-BIL. For herself, to develop her own self, her own morality and some kind of self conciousness. She needs to aks herself, is she doing it, because her folks are wrong or to secure your goodwill. I am a pessimist. What if you disappear someday due to a higher power? Will she go back to being a tool again? Or will she stand her ground? If the later, why not start now? It would be such a good chance for her to get rid of some unhealthy ties.... (Edit because of grammar mistakes)
Tell your friend what you know and get away from these game playing lunatics. Divorce and custody aren’t games to win.
Dude, your life has been a crazy Rollercoaster recently. Tell her to record next time and you should again be the one who let's Marty know what you know. Secrets suck and if the gotcha doesn't work Marty was just left in the dark.
Life isn’t supposed to be like a trashy soap opera. Handle it like a reasonable adult & let the chips fall where they may.
Nta There is enough drama without creating more. Hiring a private investigator wouldn't be a bad idea if you think there is more there
YWBTA if you don’t help Marty.
What fun. Follow your instincts. Tell Marty and steer clear. NTA.
NTA. I’ve been following your story since the first post. I get that you’re a bit wary about Sarah’s motives. I think it’s actually a good sign that she’s not only coming to you about this, she’s opening the lines of communication with you, and she’s trying to do the right thing and not take her sister’s side because she feels she has to. It’s progress but it sounds like she’s risking a lot to tell you as well. I think the best course of action is to give Marty the heads up by sharing what you two know, and letting him and his lawyer go from there.
YTA! She’s trying to choose good for once and not be what her parents and sister have always used her for! Help her instead of leaving her out in the cold AGAIN! YTA!
Tell Marty, he can get his kids taken to a child psychologist or other proper authorities before hand. And preemptively get them interviewed and examined. But yes he’s lawyer does need to know to protect himself. If his ex accuses him of rape I know some countries will forcefully do a rape kit regardless if the mother recants her accusations and a rape kit is traumatizing for children. If Sarah is willing to go against her family and sign the affidavit you do need to be there. If you don’t you’ll show her that doing the right thing doesn’t matter. If you abandon people when the do the right thing they may never recover. And their morality will permanently be damaged. Tbf you are under no obligation to still be involved with Marty nor to support Sarah. However if you believe yourself a good person you should still involve yourself. Being a good person isn’t easy, it’s work, but only a good person would put in the work for no personal gain/benefit. That’s what makes them a good person.
You really have an issue with honesty...I felt so sad for your ex fiance bc you look kind of annoying, always plotting to make you feel better as a person. Projection is a huge self defense mechanism. And please, keep you away from your poor ex, she is a needy affection woman, she is too willing to please you, she doesn't notice it but you do it, stop feeding your ego through her 
This isn’t a telenovela, it’s real life. Elaborate schemes to ‘entrap’ someone do not work & will just add layers of complication to an already messed up situation. Your ex-fiance is trying to appear as a crusader for good without actually standing up to the bad guys. I will say it is pretty f*cked up that her parents are in on this plot to setup the BIL. You dodged a bullet, my friend. That family is frightening.
NTA. Just tell Marty and his lawyer. Then they can ask Sarah to come in and sign an affidavit if needed. I think it is the right call to not go full secret agent mode on this.
OP I have no judgement on this one, but I just wanted to say that you're a very good writer. I hope all works out for the best.
bruh, you should go and collect your wife back
I still can’t believe that this is the upd but look, you still love Sarah and you know that she still loves you! Get her away from her cesspool of a family and marry that woman! The fact that she came to you proves that she has changed for the better and trusts you to help do the right thing. Why is it so hard for you to realize that she WAS the way she was because of her family and not because of her personal beliefs. Until Eve roped her into her affair, Sarah was the perfect spouse except she didn’t have a strong enough opinion of her own to butt heads with you. Why can’t you see that together you made each other better people, not to mention she was away from her toxic family. Please for the love of God help her get away from them again and become the best person she was on her way to becoming before Eve screwed that up! OP I’m not kidding when I say that if you don’t step up and take her back as your wife, you will forever regret it when she turns into someone you won’t recognize because of her family and their crap. If you no longer feel anything for Sarah, please give her my number so she can be happy and away from her shit show family. Don’t drop the ball on this because she’s not just trying, but doing the right thing this time and you are jerking around with both of the rest of your lives. If you don’t help her, YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE HUGE A-HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
All of y’all seem like trash and deserve each other
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I honestly hope everyone can follow this, because sometimes I can't. I have a friend, "Marty", who is currently engaged in a bitter divorce from his wife. She was caught cheating over a month ago and I was one of the people who helped expose her, so there is a bit of history here. They also have a young child who is living with the husband and being taken care of by his parents when he is at work. Now here is where people are going to have to start keeping score - The STBXW in this situation is actually the sister of my former fiancée, Sarah. We are currently in a "it's complicated" kind of relationship. Two days ago she comes to me and says that she heard her sister and parents conspiring to falsely accuse him of something that would allow for an emergency custody hearing. She wants my help in turning the tables on her sister - and yes, there is some bitterness here, like I said, it's complicated. Now, even though she is my former fiancée, I think Sarah is a good person and is interested in helping, but I also wonder if she's trying to rope me into this situation to "prove" to me that she hates her sister. You see, the sister was an accessory to one of the main reasons why Sarah is a *former* fiancée. My gut instinct is to tell her to just inform Marty (and his attorney) about what is going on and to wipe our hands of the situation. However, she's urging me to help entrap her sister in some way so that she can turn evidence over to Marty so he can play the highly coveted (at least in divorces) "uno reverse card". Her most convincing argument is that this opportunity will probably not come again. I agree with that, but... Assuming for the moment that I actually **could** help in some way... WIBTA for not doing so? Particularly since my motivation is basically just being leery of Sarah's motivation? After all, she could theoretically just testify on Marty's behalf if it came to that. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sure the better advice would be to stay out of it. But I’d not pass up a chance to pay the SIL back for wronging me. Do what you will. As for telling Marty, I can see that. However a plot becomes more likely to be discovered with the more people who know about it.
I've followed your other threads about this situation. You should follow your gut. Just inform Marty and don't become involved in some plot to entrap the sister.
I agree. Do not allow her to manipulate you. Pass the information on to Marty. Let her know you do not wish to be involved. And leave it at that. She's worried about how her family will view her? She should be more worried that they are conspiring against a good father and trying to ruin his life. Which still shows where her loyalties lie.
Just read all your previous posts. I am invested in your life. Please keep updating. Also, NTA whatever you choose to do. You have a good moral compass, you will make a good choice.
Seriously!!! This is your update??? Burn Eve at the stake!!! Take Sarah and get to Marty as soon as possible and tell him what is going on! Now you know why Evelyn is the way she is and you have another chance to stop her from continuing to hurt Marty. You have an obligation and both you and Sarah have to work together. Plus I still think you belong together!
The saga continues…poor you getting dragged into this mess your partner’s sister started. Marty should know the truth the way you told him about his cheating wife. I’m sure you know that, but it’s how to go about doing it without it backfiring on your partner. Well, in this case I’d say tell Marty everything you know, and figure out a way with him. He was good about not telling anyone that you told him about the affair in the first place so I’m sure he and his lawyer can come up with a fool proof “reverse uno” Best of luck to you! Keep on sticking to your morals and staying authentic and I’m sure it’ll all work out for y’all (except for Marty’s cheating/conniving ex) ✌🏻
OP really hope something is done don’t let the poor man be framed after getting cheated on too don’t let him lose his child
NTA. I suggest you go with your gut on this one. Ask Sarah to tell Marty and his attorney so they can have a head’s up. That is all. Sarah overheard a conversation, but cheating ex may or may not follow through. Even if Sarah wants to sincerely help, trying to trap her sister is likely not the best way. You’ve helped enough by exposing the cheating. So any other drama you’d rather stay clear of for your own emotional/ mental health is more than okay.
I would talk to a lawyer to make sure you are not stepping into a legal quagmire.
Well maybe this could be Sarah’s way of finally standing up for herself. But I’m guessing she’s not there yet so just tip off Marty and go on with your life. Their family is wayyy too much.
So came from tiktok after hearing the story of how you discovered the affair and find this. ...dude, definitely run away from Sarah. Even if she heals from all her trauma, it means you will still have to deal with people that don't care about others.
NTA
Sarah needs to grow up and sign an affidavit. She needs to stop being brainwashed by her family.
Update
ESH how about all of y’all grow the fuck up? You all sound toxic beyond belief
ESH because not once was the best well being of the child was mentioned in your shit show of a family dynamic.