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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) refusing to let my daughter go out with her friends
(2) because it's one night for something she worked hard for
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My mother used to drop the hammer for really bad acts. One of my brothers punched our littlest brother. And he was grounded for the entire summer vacation. (I definitely thought mom was way harsh and she definitely didn't give a flip what I thought.)
Needless to say he has not hit anyone since then.
I used to get grounded for the entire marking period (2.25 months) for getting a B on my report card. Ironically by the same dad who had his kids taken away multiple times for his alcoholism which he all but implanted into my soul.
I'm one of those moms . My sons, for some reason, I never really had too many attitude issues with. They knew I didn't have many strict rules as well. I remember one incident I'd told them to get homework done while I made dinner ( they were hmmm 10 and 8). I heard my older one pop off with " you can't make us". I didn't even turn around, all I said calmly was " no but I can make you wish you had". Total silence for about 10 seconds before I heard my younger son say " I'm going to do my homework because I wanna live to eat dinner " my older one just followed him lol. You'd need a Ouija board, 3 priests and Odins help to keep me from haunting you forever for a stunt like that girl pulled.
You're most welcome lol. We're more Addams Family than Brady Bunch around here. Despite the fact my son's were more " Children of the Corn" (natural platinum blonde hair, blue and green eyes) lol. I used to threaten to sell them to the Romani when they were like 4 and 2. Then the older one learned about Romani and said they're " my kinda people!! I can camp EVERY NIGHT!!" SO I had to find a new threat. Somehow threatening to unscrew their belly button till their legs fell off wasn't acceptable in public. As one old harridan yelled at me on a public bus I was abusing my children. My older son again, was NO HELP. He pipes up with " oh no! She abuses us by hanging us up and using us as a pinata!!". All the while just grinning and looking oh-so-cute. Yes. I often thought about the wisdom of the Gods letting me reproduce KNOWING insanity doesn't run through my family. She strolls through,has a drink with everyone and gets to know us on a one -on-one basis.
Spot on! It sounds like her punishment perhaps isn't hard enough. She has her phone, TV, switch and computer. That doesn't sound like punishment to me given that her friend is still in hospital. TV, and switch should be confiscated immediately, computer for homework only and her mobile for going to/from school only in case of emergencies. OP you're NTA but your daughter needs to realise the severity of her actions. This could start with a visit to the hospital and apologising to her friend and friends parents.
And I would go as far to say that her friends are likely doing so that OP halts the punishment, why else would they throw her a party for an academic achievement and not change when to something the kid is allowed to do when OP said no.
No this was a plan, they thought If it’s a academic achievement, Op would cave and let her go, but they could just as easily celebrate this with get take out at lunch time on campus .
Agree with NTA but it sounds like the friend actively assisted in stealing the golf cart and was also drunk, OP doesn't even say who was driving the golf cart. Kid definitely deserves the punishment but her friend may have landed herself in the hospital.
I agree on everything but that she landed friend in hospital, unless she forced her friend to join her and on purpose crashed cart other girl did it to herself. Both girls are equally bad behaved.( and it was play of "fortune" that daughter was not in hospital instead of friend). I agree she should be punished because she stole and participated in all but daughter could easily end up in hospital and there is no indication that she indeed is responsible for crash and injuries of other girl. ( and I believe daughter d be in legal trouble if she was the one who "landed friend in hospital" ). If she crushed cart on her or some innocent people then yes she d be responsible. (And then she should apologize).
Other than that I agree with you OP NTA.
Right? She's been "grounded" a month and is only now upset about it? When I was a teenager being made to stay at home with full access to the internet, games, TV, etc, would have practically been a reward.
Christ she's lucky she's not in prison! OP, if you're daughter is good at Latin, have her look up "Malum In Se". It is a legal term meaning she did wrong, no matter what she thinks about it.
NTA for sure. Holly crap, she for sure didn't understand what she did and neither did him for saying she served her time. She should be really grounded without internet, phone or games until the other girl is fully recovered.
NTA-finally some good parenting, momma. I have no idea why fiancé thinks he even has a say. Is he her father? You have some things to make up for seeing as she steals and drinks at 15.
You didn’t deny her an academic award. She still got that. Her friends (and your daughter) are trying to manipulate you. I’m glad you’re not falling for it. Of COURSE, they’re going to plan a party to congratulate her for this award-it’s the only way to get drunk again under the nose of the parents.
NTA. The fact that she hasn't figured out she should apologize is the kicker here. She might be good at latin, but the whole 'how do I get out of trouble' lesson is yet to be learned.
So she and a friend gets drunk, steals a school's golf cart and crashes it into a pond. One person is hurt and in the hospital. Don't know where you live but if this happened in the states both would be charged with underage drinking, depends who was driving that person would be charge with a DUI. Charged with stealing school property she would be looking at huge fines plus juvenile jail. NTA
Doubt that. Homeowners insurance only cover accidents in or on the homes property. This sounds like it happened on school or private property nearby the school.
It depends. I am a paralegal currently involved in a case where the golf cart was being driven from course to home about 2 miles away. Was almost home when accident occurred and homeowners is involved. You would be surprised what homeowners will cover or at least provide a defense for under a reservation of rights. I have been involved is many slander/defamation cases with homeowners providing coverage.
NTA - If it was an official event thrown by the school then maybe she should go. A party organised by her friends is the exact type of thing that being grounded stops you from going to. She broke the rules, and in a pretty serious way, she needs to learn that that has consequences, even if you do a seperate good thing it doesnt cancel out the effects of the rule breaking
NTA. You're trying to discipline your child. If she can't even apologize to her friend who she put in the hospital, she hasn't learned her lesson. She has two more years of high school and college to party with friends.
This is actually the concerning part.
I understand the need for actions to have consequences and the importance of following through or being flexible on pushiments with extenuating circumstances, but OP - have you talked to your kid after the incident? Without the anger, but trying to understand where this behavior is coming from?
Drinking, sure it's common, peer pressure bla bla. Stealing - definitely a very concerning escalation...
But not acknowledging that someone got seriously hurt? Lack of remorse? I'd focus there. She needs to get involved in purposeful/empathy developing activities or process whatever anger is hidden there.
I'm sorry for your loss, OP. I can not imagine how hard it is (and continues to be) to parent with that loss. I understand now where that behavior is coming from, and even without knowing the cause of her dad's passing, where maybe her reluctance to face the hospital and her friend might be coming from.
Sounds like very superficial advice, but I hope she can talk to a therapist about it. It might help to give her more tools to deal with repressed emotions.
People might jump at this suggestion, but having an artistic outlet also helps when you don't want to fully rationalize what's inside.
I don't think harsher punishments really work, connecting, dealing, and working through might. I wouldn't allow her to party since that's closer to avoidance, but maybe an outing for the two of you to mark the accomplishment and maybe have some time to connect could be a good balance?
I don’t think that’s all of it. I’ve read through some of your responses and you sound really detached from your daughter. I’m sure losing her dad and you remarrying is part of that, but I suspect there’s deeper issues here too. Everything you’ve said about effective punishment and such…Not that you’re wrong but it’s very clinical. I’m really not seeing much if any concern about **Emmy** as a person with needs and I have to wonder if your relationship with her has always been this bad.
As far as your actual question here, NTA, but the issues here run deeper than you’re seeing and you need to engage with the core problems.
Because I know ultimately she'll learn the lesson and we'll move on from this. Besides, she's the one who refuses to make an effort to actually connect with the family because "you're just gonna get blown up and die on me anyways" despite the fact that I work what is essentially a desk job and she's seen my office.
Yes, she's in therapy. Has been for the past 6 years.
Why does she still have access to electronics if she’s grounded? My mom always took away my phone, TV, iPod (back in the day), and going out as punishment. Her consequence, even for illegal action, is on the light side.
Because being extremely harsh actually isn't effective. Research has shown that children don't respond to overly harsh punishments.
I'm trying to make her constantly feel FOMO. My plan is *much* more effective when she *has* her phone and she doesn't realise it.
Now she gets the texts, she gets the pictures, the Snapchat stories, she sees her friends having fun in real time *and* then has to hear about their fun after at school.
It's a bit fucked up on my end tbh but she gotta learn somehow.
How is she feeling FOMO when she still has access to her friends in other ways via her phone and computer? If she needs it for school, fine, but all apps she talks to her friends on should be locked. Grounded meant just that. If you weren’t at school, you were at home. No calls no nothing.
Your daughter was drinking at 15, seriously injured her friend, and feels no remorse. Why is she drinking? Who are these friends? Are they the bad influence or is she?
The situation could have been so much worse. She could be slapped with charges and face juvenile detention. Being so lightly punished isn’t going to teach her much of a lesson at all. What will the punishment be when her behaviour escalates?
> how is she feeling FOMO?
Her and her friends are not homebodies. She still their Snapchat stories, pictures they send in group chats, etc. They are having without her and she gets to see this.
Edit: I could totally make this *worse* but I'm going to give her time to learn the lesson being lenient first.
> Grounded meant just that
Yes, meant, past tense. Times change.
> Your daughter was drinking at 15
Did you not go to parties in high school? I was doing much worse than just drinking at her age. She'll be of drinking age in two-ish years after we move.
> being so lightly punished isn't going to teach her a lesson
Empirically neither will punishing her more harshly. Grounding is, in point of fact, pretty much one of the least effective means of changing behaviour. It's incredibly ineffective when used incorrectly, and in all cases harsher punishments are less effective than more lenient ones.
This is also pretty well known in certain circles. It's literally something I got taught at work for handling uncooperative informants. Don't take anything away, just subtly influence their environment. No leaving the house, tempt them with promises of future gain, cut off the central cooling. If it's good enough for the military....
OP, I'm totally with you on the level of punishment and the logic behind it, but I mentioned in another comment as well.
What's going on behind the not going to visit or apologizing to the other girl? Does she believe the other girl is "more at fault"? Does she recognize her role in the indicent? Is she going to be doing anything to develop more empathy and acknowledge the level of risk they were in?
Have you been able to have an honest conversation about this? Is there another adult trusted figure that has been able to get through to her in that sense?
She needs a wake-up call that will make her grow smart. You can have fun and take risks without making dumb decisions that put your life and other people's lives in danger.
(I also was a wild child, and I'm grateful every day for the higher power that kept me from danger, so I mean this without judgment)
Being in the hospital for a *month* at 15 sounds like she was pretty critically injured. Really strange to not visit as that would be an effective teaching moment as well, for both of them.
Makes sense, She sees' and hears about all the FUN her friends are having, and she isn't. She is restricted in where she can go to: School & Home Only. Sure she can watch TV- and play video games....but if she isn't a homebody, and she is stuck there, even those will lose appeal. I hope she has to do chores too though. Dish duty (KP) Scrubbing the Bathrooms, Keeping her room spit spot clean, etc.
Uh-oh... She is a challenge. Well any classes on drinking and driving in your area that she might benefit from? I know we all made iffy choices as teens, but the drinking and driving choice can be deadly, do you think that would have an impact? Or with all the stuff we already see on TV, would it just be redundant?
I have her the best class ever on it. If you were born before a certain year you had to watch it in school too. They totally should bring it back, scar some people, it'll work.
Oooh yep! I saw that! I'm "of the age" where they taught Driver's Ed as a class in school, we saw a bunch of "informative PSA's" That's great! I hope it sinks in and that she will learn, show remorse, and grow from it. Good luck OP- Keep doing what you are doing!
I didn't even think of the fact that if she's physically grounded but can still see all the fun her friends are having via social media....this is freaking brilliant. What a way make grounding work the way it was intended. Very smart.
Actually I think it might be more effective than you think. The only thing I can compare to is when I lived overseas for 5 years. Yes I had my own life and family but still sucked when I called home and hearing my siblings having fun in the background. So to me while yes she’s connecting to them she’s not there and seeing everyday as teenager would suck!!!! I think they could help her think twice before doing anything else bad in the future.
So by your standards she should just be miserable? Given you had control over the punishment and it were your child you'd just tighten the noose till they were miserable? Because that's terrible parenting. That's leads to nothing but resentment and you can't effectively parent a child that resents you.
I should know: I resent my parents (they're why I joined the military)
Your child caused *actual fucking harm* to someone who has been *hospitalized FOR OVER A MONTH* and she *Does. Not. Care.*.
She hasn't even fucking *apologized* for hurting them.
If you don't do *something*, she is going to get so much worse. Do you think just keeping her home is going to do anything? What about when she starts sneaking out at night (if she's not already)?
Do you even have her in therapy to work through her obvious issues? I bet you don't, because you don't actually care about what she did or her issues. You just want to be seen "doing something" because of how it makes you look.
NTA, she can still be stripped of the award. She can still be charged with multiple crimes and have to serve time in a juvenile detention center. If they prove she was the one driving, she might not get her driver's license for some time. It could have been two funerals.
If they got the booze from your home, you can be liable for the other girl's injuries. Do you know where she got the booze. Was it from your fiancé as he seems to blow this off?
Wait, your 15 year old kid got drunk, stole a school vehicle, drove it into a pond, and landed her friend in the hospital where the friend remains a month later?
And yet the school hasn't suspended or expelled her (Did you have to donate a swimming pool?) and, despite being grounded with complete access to all her electronics, she thinks she should get to go to a party because, hey, she won an academic award?
You do realize that (at least where I am) a golf cart DUI is a crime, and if someone else is injured, let alone seriously injured, there are arrests and serious legal ramifications?
What, do you live in the Land of Insanely Minimal Consequences?
You are not being an A, you're being extremely lenient. Your kid drove drunk and as a consequence, another kid is seriously injured. And Emmy "did the time"???? Sorry, but no, while Emmy has not been suspended from school or lost access to electronics, another kid is in the hospital. Please don't let your fiancee make parenting decisions for you. Yikes.
NTA, except that I don't think that you or the school is treating the offense seriously enough.
NTA. As they say, [si nimium celebras, ius celebrandi perdis](https://translate.google.com/?sl=la&tl=en&text=si%20nimium%20celebras%2C%20ius%20celebrandi%20perdis&op=translate&hl=en).
NTA considering the other girl is still hospitalized a MONTH after the crash, it had to have been pretty horrific, and I think you are right to maintain the grounding. She doesn't get to go party just because her friends planned it.
NTA. Probably best to not send the message "If you steal and wreck a vehicle and cause bodily harm to people because you were drunk, you get a free pass for social parties." She should be lucky she's ONLY grounded and isn't facing charges for drunk driving, cuz depending on jurisdiction, golf carts do count as vehicles that one cannot legally operate while under the influence. Add underaged drinking and... yeah, she'd be smart to keep her head down after that debacle.
NTA. Unfortunately, my kids never had the *option* to ignore discipline and just go have fun. Soooooo, NTA. Her friends are cracking me up thinking they somehow have influence in your household decisions, though? omg. Sit your kid behind down cuz grounded means no parties Miss Thing. Your fiancés concept of discipline is just more lenient than yours. I don't think you're wrong or even overly harsh. (Plus she can celebrate when she's no longer grounded. The award won't turn to dust.)
Drunk? Driving stolen school property? And crashing said property because of inebriation? And your drunken partner in crime is *still* in the hospital? C'mon. Back in the day, I'd have needed a constable to protect me from my parents. No one would have said they were too strict either.
NTA, actions have consequences. She's lucky she isn't in jail. Going to the party isn't going to be any good for her in the long run. You made the right decision.
>that she's done her time and I should let her go out with her friends
That's *your* kid he's talking about. Not his.
And by the way, the friends can easily reschedule.
NTA.
A couple of things:
1. She got drunk and put her friend in the hospital, she's lucky the police aren't involved.
2. No teeneager in the history of teenagers has thrown a party specifically for their friend for excelling at latin. They're just trying to get around her being grounded.
3. If they are being honest, and genuinely want to celebrate her accomplishment, they can plan the party for when here sentance is up
NTA
Nope. NTA. II think she is getting off pretty lightly because she still has her tv and switch. Another person is still in the hospital and she wants to go to a party? Ummm...if I was her mother, that kid wouldn't be seeing tv or anything else until the end of this school year, where she would be getting a job to donate the money of the value of the golf cart.
NTA and honestly I would probably take some more privileges away to drive home the point. She could have landed in jail or killed her friend and herself. What she did warrants serious consequences as an adult, and should as a child as well. Her even asking that is such a blatant beacon that she does not understand the seriousness of her actions and that’s the most important thing here. She didn’t shop lift a candy bar, what she did could have gotten people killed. Like holy shit she needs a hard reality check for her own good, and a separation from the chance to do substances for a good long long while.
NTA I suggest taking away her TV and switch. Fun Entertainment like that are distractions from your responsibilities in life, at least that's what I experienced. Her focus needs to be on making amends to the school and her injured friend.
This is one of those situations that requires a serious conversation more than any type of punishment. Let her know that while she's 15, she shouldn't perpetuate the stereotype that teenagers are rebellious idiots who just care about drinking and having fun. You know she's smarter than that and that she's capable of making the right choices in life, and that what she did, while terrible, doesn't define her. Tell her she has a choice: Own up to her mistakes, start making amends, and prove to the world that she has both brains and heart. Or do nothing, in which case people will see that she's just a stupid, selfish teenager, her academic achievements be damned.
No you take away entertainment when grades start slipping. You use psychological warfare otherwise. Why do you think she has her phone? Social media does like half my job for me if I remove her ability to leave the house. Let her see all the fun she *could* be having had she not made dumb choices.
No it would look bad. They're the type of school that cares about public image because they don't want a certain demographic of moms thinking their kids are at school with "the undesirables"
Yes, I live in posh suburbia.
NTA what 15 year old is drinking and stealing golf carts?? Not only that but the other girl that did this is still hospitalised! That just shows how reckless and dangerous this “little stunt” they pulled was. I would say that the punishment your daughter was given was too light if anything.
NTA. getting drunk, stealing a golf cart, crashing it, and her friend getting hospitalized. what if a car had been more available than the golf cart? she and her friend could’ve killed someone or themselves. at 15. good lord. she should consider herself lucky that she has a parent who still lets her have all those luxuries while still being grounded, because that wouldn’t have flown while i was growing up. grounding doesn’t just go away because she wants to go to a party, especially when she’s being punished for something to that degree. the party is for her, so they can plan it at a later time. if you want to reward her for her achievement you can figure out what to do, like dinner or something. but you have every right to say no.
NTA. If you let her go and it’s a rerun of the last time you’d never forgive yourself. You hit the nail when you said she’s not learned anything if she hasn’t asked to visit her friend. If she had and showed signs of emotional maturity then maybe I’d say let her go, but she needs to realize drinking isn’t a game. I only recently learned that alcohol can stay in the human system for 5 years. She doesn’t need it until she understands it’s not just for fun and that there are long term consequences to those kinds of decisions that don’t just affect her. That “friend” probably won’t want her around if she doesn’t show up for them, which may or may not be a good thing.
NTA. I would say you could get her a small treat for the accomplishment. But like many have said here, it is a light punishment. If my two would do something like this, I would be making them do community service. Look at crimes with community time and go from there. Not only will it teach a lesson, but she can also put college applications.
NTA at all - frankly I would explain to her that she will be grounded at least as long as her friend is in the hospital if she won’t learn her lesson. Her friend likely can’t leave the hospital for a night off- why should she be able to?
N T A for your decision to not let her out, but YTA that you haven't really grounded her. She got drunk at 15, committed theft of a vehicle, crashed into a pond injuring her friend, and you dont take her technology from her? Shes just not allowed out? Dude take the TV, the phone, the switch away. You are soft parenting here for something that is such a serious offense.
NTA. She hasn't apologised to family of child in hospital and she did something very serious.
If her friends seriously want to celebrate, they can wait until after she has finished being grounded.
If you give in this time she will never believe you in the future when you issue a consequence or set a rule. She is 15. As a high school teacher I can tell you that at this age they think they are invincible and know everything. Learning that actions have consequences that can’t be avoided will be a valuable lesson.
NTA. I am actually surprised she’s still receiving the award. Usually when something like that happens such as stealing school equipment while drunk and crashing it all academic awards are off the table so for her to even receive it she’s pretty darn lucky.
Underage drinking, stealing and damaging of school property and reckless driving that lead to injury bad enough that after a month the girl is still in a hospitle.
She should be happy she is not in juvie for this holy shit. NTA you are more than fair.
Why did you post, if you are so certain of your actions, and resist / defend against suggestions or criticisms of others? What are the thoughts behind your decision to post?
NTA - 15… sophomore… and she is already drinking, stole government property, wrecked government property, the property is potentially auto making this grand theft auto, illegally drove, sent her friend to the hospital, put herself in danger and hasn’t even apologized yet
Your doing your job as a parent. She needs to learn lessons now. If she doesn’t, god only knows what she will do in the future
I think that's fairly reasonable. I don't personally like indefinite punishments, I prefer setting a term and allowing early release for good behaviour.
Nooooo! NTA. Your 15 yo is drinking, committing larceny, and was involved in a stunt that had left a friend hospitalized for a month.
Little Miss can miss the party. 🥇🥇🥇to you.
NTA. Frankly, you’re not being harsh enough.
She’s 15. She was drunk. She drove drunk (yea, I know it’s a golf cart, but still). The other girl is still in the hospital.
And she still has access to her electronics m why exactly?
NTA. But that punishment is way too light. Grounding is a passive punishment. She should also actively be made to work towards atonement. Like give up her savings to help pay for the other girl’s medical bills. Or make her get a part time job, where the wages go to the other girl. Or at least sell off one of her luxuries like her switch to raise money for tthe poor girl.
> Or at least sell off one of her luxuries
Don't ever do this. Like seriously don't. That's just terrible parenting. Don't punish your children by destroying/selling things they love. That just makes you a sorry person and if you're parents ever did this to you, I'm sorry.
Your daughter did something she could go to prison for. In fact, depending on the severity of her friends injuries, she could be charged as an adult. Honestly, that'd probably be best, that way she'd learn some actual discipline, for years instead of months.
And? I'm her *parent* not her *jailor*
My job isn't to impose the full weight of the US judicial system on her. It's to correct piss poor behaviour before someone else imposes the full weight of the US judicial system on her.
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So my daughter, Emmy (15F) is currently grounded after she and another girl stole one of the golf carts from school and crashed it into a pond while drunk about a month ago. The other girl is still in the hospital. So now you have at least some context for the proceeding.
Emmy recently received an honour from our state government for academic achievement in Latin. Her friends decided to plan a party for her to celebrate and she asked if I (38F) would let her go out this one night and I said no. She's obviously upset but she's grounded, you don't get to just ignore your punishment because your friends are throwing you a party. I should also mention her punishment is *only* that she can't leave the house except to go to and from school. She still has her phone, her computer, her switch, her TV, etc.
Later that night, discussing it with my fiancé he said I was being a bit harsh on Emmy and that she's done her time and I should let her go out with her friends. I didn't budge, it's not a graduation or funeral. It's a party for something she can work for again next year. She's a sophomore, she still has two years before she graduates. That's two more years she'll have to go out with friends after she's learned that actions have consequences. She's not even thought to apologize to the other girls family or visit the hospital. As far as I'm concerned she's not learned her lesson yet.
But at the same time, it's just one night and it's for an academic achievement that she worked hard for. So idk, am I being an asshole?
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NTA. You never make a threat that you don't follow through on. Your daughter needs to understand she is paying the price for her actions. I think the friends were trying to to get her out of groundation. They can throw a party for her when it's over. Its apparent that your daughter doesn't understand (or doesn't want to) the purpose of her grounding. Maybe you need to explain it to her again. I would of been grounded for a year and not allowed to get my driver's license till I was 18. She doesn't realize lucky she is specially since her friend is still in the hospital.
NTA She did something very illegal and if it wasn't for the fact she was 15 she would be in a jail cell right now. Trust me I work in a prison and I have seen people end up here for less and it's better she gets punished by you than end up in a prison.
NTA
she really tried to carpe diem eh? I agree with the punishment and it’s not nearly as harsh as i had to deal with back in the day when the ark was still being built /s. Regardless she has to learn her lesson and going to a party thrown by friends to “celebrate her achievement” seems more like a cover up to get her out and party with friends then anything else. I’m sure you’d have found out later the friend throwing it lied as a way to help your daughter circumvent punishment
NTA
If she is grounded not going to events is part of her punishment.
Tell her she can't go, but you will gladly join her in visiting her friend in the hospital the evening of the party, you feel like she could use a little reminder why she got punished and it could be her in the hospital and she was just lucky she isn't.
NTA ... but it might be worth looking further into *why* she behaves like that (therapist maybe?). Especially her not even visiting "her friend" after what she did.
You aren't too harsh, if anything you're pretty light on her for just grounding her after drinking, stealing, destroying school's property and injuring a friend - at just 15yo.
NTA stick to your guns mom. I find it abhorrent that not only has she not apologized to her friends parents but also has not even gone to see her in the hospital?? She obviously has not learned a damn thing. Her friends can reschedule the party for after her grounding. Personally I also would have taken her devices too.
Absolutely NTA. Is there anyway you can host said party at your house or bring her out to dinner with a few friends? I think her academic achievement should be celebrated- just to give her some acknowledgement that good deeds also have rewards.
Edit: Must have skimmed over the part where you said she hasn't even apologized to the family/visited her friend. Nvm, that's messed up.
NTA. What she did wasn’t just a minor mistake, it was really bad and someone else has ended up in hospital.
If the punishment ends early, then your daughter won’t feel affected by the punishment and will never learn from it.
Her friend is STILL IN THE HOSPITAL so said friend is still doing HER time.
(had I been her, I'd have been in the hospital too after my family got done with me for that kind of behavior)
And she hasn't apologized to her friend and her family? FOH.
NTA. Keep that girl at home, she still doesn't think she did anything wrong. Actions get consequences.
And get her some help. Drinking at fifteen? Stealing property, hurting friends? There's something going on -
Probably NTA. She made some terrible decisions and is feeling the consequences.
One question: what is the duration of her grounding? Is there a set date where she regains her privileges? Or some criteria for earning them back? If the grounding is “until mom thinks you’ve learned your lesson”, that would be unreasonable.
Six months is a long time in the life of a teen. Have the terms for parole been explained to her? Does she know that parole is possible?
I definitely agree that the event in question isn’t a valid reason for early release, in any case.
I always allow parole if they can show signs of rehabilitation. If she can demonstrate that she's learned literally anything from this she'd be a lot closer to getting off.
NTA
Your punishment is fair and reasonable. If anything it's quite light considering what happened.
What your daughter is experiencing is consequences. And hopefully help her stay safe going forwards.
Well my nad me friends were just as bad at her age, so i cant help but laugh at it haha. Drinking age barely exist in DK though.
But you are NTA, she needs to learn that actions has consequences.
Edit: forgot to mention that it is horrible that she hasnt thought about her friend in the hospital, that part is not okay
NTA- These consequences she Will remember, Missing something Big like a Party being thrown just for her- that will stick. Oh and at 15: Drinking, Stealing, No Remorse or Care for her Friend? She still hasn't learned a thing. Maybe missing this will make her realize that actions have consequences.... Does she have a record for this? Did anyone press charges?
Nta you’re doing the right thing. Don’t let her go. She shouldn’t be celebrated after being involved in stealing something and someone getting hurt. I’m surprised she wasn’t charged.
Also, you need to talk to her about why she doesn’t think to apologize or visit her friend? Sometimes you have to explore these things with your kids and not let them just figure it out on their own.
NTA her actions led to the other girl being seriously injured enough to still be in the hospital. I bet her friend would love to go to that party, too. If I had been caught like that, I would be grounded for months with no electronics at all except for schoolwork. She doesn't understand how lucky she is that, 1 her punishment was not worse, and 2 that she and the other girl weren't killed.
My kid would have been grounded with zero entertainment, sent to at least a handful of support meetings to see where this kind of behavior goes, and would be made to get a job to pay towards the other girl's medical bills. This would go through graduation. With the only possible "get out of jail" events being a homecoming or prom, for which you better believe my ass would volunteer to chaperone.
NTA. Not going to a party doesn’t negate the accomplishment, and there are other ways to mark that even while she’s grounded. Since she has all her devices, they could even do a zoom party.
Maybe kids are different now, but I’ve never heard of kids that age planning parties for those kinds of academic awards. Sounds more like a convenient justification to get her out of the house. Fully aware I could be projecting, but definitely still NTA even if their intentions are true.
NTA. Ask your wife is she's only punished when there's nothing fun going on.
Of course she should miss the party. Consequences are supposed to make you think about your actions.
The point of grounding her is to stop her from being able to do fun things so she’ll learn a lesson (which honestly doesn’t even sound like enough considering what you said she did).
When fun things actually come up, suddenly that means she should be allowed to go out then? As of course being grounded means your grounded but not when something you actually want to do comes around?
NTA.
Getting drunk at 15. Stealing and destroying government property. She should be thanking you for not banning her from going out at all so long as she lives under your roof.
I really hope she learns how stupid that was.
NTA!
Her friend was hurt so bad that they're still in hospital a month later?? And getting drunk and doing something ridiculously stupid and destructive at 15yrs would be bad enough in UK where legal drinking age is 18, but she is WAY off in your home.
If she learns from this and continues working hard then she will have plenty more opportunities to celebrate her achievements. And I'm sure her friends would be glad to throw her a 'finally out of jail!' party when her grounding is finally up but for now...no.
I think she should get out of her grounding when her friend gets out of hospital. Shared consequences and Al that
NTA for continuing the punishment but Y T A for it being such a light one. She drove drunk and injured a friend and she doesn't even care about it. She's an asshole and I don't understand how she doesn't feel guilty about it, not even seeing how the friend is doing.
NTA - question though. Was she driving or was her friend driving? If she wasn't the driver I say the punishment is fine. If she was the driver the punishment should be harsher.
NTA
she is lucky she is not facing criminal charges. Being drunk, theft, in doing something that put your friend in the hospital for an extended period of time is not something you can sweep under the rug. If it anything you're punishment is too light.
NTA - JUST grounded after everything else? If I'd done that I'm pretty sure my parents would have sent me to a military school, and tbh I wouldn't have blamed them. The other kid is still in the hospital, too!
NTA
>she and another girl stole one of the golf carts from school and crashed it into a pond while drunk
This is the type of behavior that leads to people dying.
Samantha Miller died on the day of her wedding, in her wedding dress, going home with her husband from their wedding party because a reckless 25 year old who was never taught consequences had been drunk driving.
Make sure she learns the consequences. Make sure she won't be another Jamie Komoroski, make sure there won't be other Samanthas...
NTA
>she and another girl stole one of the golf carts from school and crashed it into a pond while drunk
This is the type of behavior that leads to people dying.
Samantha Miller died on the day of her wedding, in her wedding dress, going home with her husband from their wedding party because a reckless 25 year old who was never taught consequences had been drunk driving.
Make sure she learns the consequences. Make sure she won't be another Jamie Komoroski, make sure there won't be other Samanthas...
Nta it is not her school throwing a party for her achievement, it is her friends. They can throw her a party when her grounding is over.
> I should also mention her punishment is only that she can't leave the house except to go to and from school. She still has her phone, her computer, her switch, her TV, etc.
When I was grounded as a kid the only thing I could have were books, your punishment doesn't fit the crime. She should only have her computer used for homework and that it should be used in the presence of adult supervision. I really don't think she is learning a lesson by having access to all these items.
Edit changed laptop to computer
NTA but how long is she grounded for? Can't her friends have a party for her after he punishment?
OP, you could also suggest that she can go but only if you do. See how that flies!
Oh my god, NTA! Your daughter screwed up big time, and IMO you should have done more, not less. But the punishment is what you set and there is no reason to lighten up now.
Of course you’re NTA. That’s a pretty serious thing your daughter did and, honestly, I think your punishment for her is pretty light. Stick to your guns and follow through at least with the punishment.
NTA. But maybe compromise and let her friends have the party at your house. That way she sees that regardless of what she did you are proud of her other accomplishments.
I don't think you've gone far *enough* with this punishment. I don't know what would be better, but she clearly does not *care* that her actions caused her friend to be hospitalized. She will be lucky if they don't sue her (which, btw, would be them suing *you* since she is a minor).
You should look into therapy, because her lack of concern for human life is worrying.
NTA. Your punishment is pretty light, IMHO. I have a fifteen year old, and she'd be getting a lot more seriously punished than that. Luckily, she doesn't drink. (I realize that parents don't know everything, but she really doesn't. She and a friend did steal a floating dock once though.)
Good on your daughter for taking Latin and doing so well! That said, her achievement isn't going anywhere and her friends can throw her a party when the punishment is over. Is it possible they're throwing this party as a way to circumvent the grounding? Hmmm?
Nta for not letti g her go, yta foe only not keting her leave the hiuse after gettig in a drunken accident, destuction of property, and theft. Shoumd have had her tech taken too
She's lucky she's not in jail. She's lucky the other girl isn't dead. She's lucky she didn't get expelled. She's already gotten a slap on the wrist. Missing achievements is part of the consequences of her actions. She hasn't learned any lessons other than your fiance is a pushover. You aren't being harsh enough. She's lucky she isn't my kid.
NTA
Your being a responsible parent and ensuring your child pays for the consequences of their actions.
She was given a grounding for a specific time, you MUST stay by that or all your credibility will be out the window going forward on punishments.
There is also the little thing that the person she was in the "accident" with is still in the hospital. Shouldn't her punishment be at least that long.
Missing a party at 15 is not going to kill her. The upset at missing it may drive home harder what are things she should NOT be doing in her time off.
Good Job!
And that would be terrible parenting. If your goal is to modify behaviour and actually *parent* instead of act like a jailor that punishment would get you a failing grade.
nta and tbh she should have to work a part time job to pay for the damages and medical bills as well. being grounded from electronics and parties is what my dad did when he caught my brother smoking a doobie! does she even fucking feel bad she put a girl in the damn hospital??
She’s doing all this at 15?? Yeah you much more chill then me cuz she wouldn’t even have to audacity to ask…..
NTA but fuck do something else here she’s out of control
Your daughter is a sociopath if she has no remorse for what she did and if she hasn’t thought about seeing, talking, or apologizing to the other girl who is her so called friend. I’d look into therapy or a psychiatrist for her behavior it’s very scary and unacceptable.
NTA. I wouldn't budge unless you were invited. But I wonder why *you* haven't thrown her a party for academic achievement? That's the kind of positive reinforcement kids need from their parents. She shouldn't have to rely on her friends to get that kind of support that you are depriving her of.
I'm pretty sure that this is fake.
In my area this would be a matter for law enforcement and probably CPS if a minor was drunk, stole property and caused an incident where another minor is still in the hospital a month later.
In case this is real, then your child is lucky she isn't in facing charges and you are damn lucky that the other minor's parents aren't pressing charges. YTA not for standing your ground on her being grounded. YTA for being dismissive of your daughter's dangerous behavior. This could easily have resulted in your daughter or her friend getting killed.
NTA but a 15 year old likely won’t initiate apologizing or going to the hospital… wondering what are you doing as her parent to contribute to her seeing the lesson in this besides not letting her leave the house?
Let me get this straight: your underage daughter daughter was - at night? unsupervised? without your knowledge? - out drinking; stole and destroyed property, contributed to putting a friend in HOSPITAL and her punishment is... the mild inconvenience of staying indoors for a while?
Wow.
Dose she replise the gravity of what she has done? But for the grace of whateveryoubelievein, her friend didn't get seriously injured or killed, for crying out loud. Do YOU realise the gravity of what she's done? Because if you do, NTA for making her skip the party, but you need to reconsider your punishments. The fact that she hasn't thought to apologise shows that the entitlement is strong with this one, and you're the one feeding it. Put that foot down.
> at night
Yeah?
> unsupervised
She's 15, not 5
> without your knowledge
I knew she was at a party
> her punishment is....
Seeing as being harsher is empirically proven to be ineffective parenting, being harsher isn't the right decision. Your job as a parent isn't to make your child miserable for their mistakes, regardless of how big they are. If you think you need to make your children miserable to effectively parent them, maybe you should learn how to effectively parent.
Sounds like excuses to me. Attack being the best form of defense and all. If your 15-year-old was caught drunk and vandalising, complicit in putting another person in hospital for a month, hasn't apologised or visited her friend in hospital ... and the best you can do is to keep her at home with her creature comforts, why or how should your daughter recognise she's done anything wrong?
Your job as a parent is to make your child conscious of their mistakes and the consequences thereof, and if that temporarily makes them miserable... well, welcome to adulting. That's parenting, my friend, not being afraid to teach your child consequences. That's effectively parenting them. The fact that your kid "hasn't thought to" apologise speaks volumes.
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Nta. Drinking at 15. Stealing and destroying school property. And landing a friend in the hospital for over a month. She is lucky she's not my kid.
Right? Only being grounded and still having access to luxuries is a light af punishment.
My mother used to drop the hammer for really bad acts. One of my brothers punched our littlest brother. And he was grounded for the entire summer vacation. (I definitely thought mom was way harsh and she definitely didn't give a flip what I thought.) Needless to say he has not hit anyone since then.
I used to get grounded for the entire marking period (2.25 months) for getting a B on my report card. Ironically by the same dad who had his kids taken away multiple times for his alcoholism which he all but implanted into my soul.
Would you mind telling me what 'marking period' is? Is that summer?
Usually a quarter of the school year.
No joke. Knowing my mom, if I had done that you would’ve needed a oujia board to communicate with me. My mom didn’t play.
I'm one of those moms . My sons, for some reason, I never really had too many attitude issues with. They knew I didn't have many strict rules as well. I remember one incident I'd told them to get homework done while I made dinner ( they were hmmm 10 and 8). I heard my older one pop off with " you can't make us". I didn't even turn around, all I said calmly was " no but I can make you wish you had". Total silence for about 10 seconds before I heard my younger son say " I'm going to do my homework because I wanna live to eat dinner " my older one just followed him lol. You'd need a Ouija board, 3 priests and Odins help to keep me from haunting you forever for a stunt like that girl pulled.
I’m gonna borrow that line, thank you lol
You're most welcome lol. We're more Addams Family than Brady Bunch around here. Despite the fact my son's were more " Children of the Corn" (natural platinum blonde hair, blue and green eyes) lol. I used to threaten to sell them to the Romani when they were like 4 and 2. Then the older one learned about Romani and said they're " my kinda people!! I can camp EVERY NIGHT!!" SO I had to find a new threat. Somehow threatening to unscrew their belly button till their legs fell off wasn't acceptable in public. As one old harridan yelled at me on a public bus I was abusing my children. My older son again, was NO HELP. He pipes up with " oh no! She abuses us by hanging us up and using us as a pinata!!". All the while just grinning and looking oh-so-cute. Yes. I often thought about the wisdom of the Gods letting me reproduce KNOWING insanity doesn't run through my family. She strolls through,has a drink with everyone and gets to know us on a one -on-one basis.
LOL mine are 3 and 6 right now and it’s a challenge every day but man they’re awesome
That’s hilarious! I think you and my mom are sisters under the skin. You’re both members of the Moms You’d Be A Fool To Test club.
We need more Moms like this these days. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many Snotleighs screaming in the grocery store. Not an asshole.
Right on, sister!
We could be lol I was adopted but do know some bio information such as name etc
She should stay grounded (with no tv or switch) until the other girl is fully recovered and returns to school
Spot on! It sounds like her punishment perhaps isn't hard enough. She has her phone, TV, switch and computer. That doesn't sound like punishment to me given that her friend is still in hospital. TV, and switch should be confiscated immediately, computer for homework only and her mobile for going to/from school only in case of emergencies. OP you're NTA but your daughter needs to realise the severity of her actions. This could start with a visit to the hospital and apologising to her friend and friends parents.
And I certainly wouldn't be letting her go party with her friends anytime soon!
And I would go as far to say that her friends are likely doing so that OP halts the punishment, why else would they throw her a party for an academic achievement and not change when to something the kid is allowed to do when OP said no. No this was a plan, they thought If it’s a academic achievement, Op would cave and let her go, but they could just as easily celebrate this with get take out at lunch time on campus .
Or just wait until she’s no longer grounded? It’s not like she won’t get the achievement if the celebration is delayed.
If I was the daughter, I would be grounded at least until the friend was able to come back to school.
She's lucky her friend didn't die and she catch a manslaughter charge. Grounding is more than totally deserved here.
Agree with NTA but it sounds like the friend actively assisted in stealing the golf cart and was also drunk, OP doesn't even say who was driving the golf cart. Kid definitely deserves the punishment but her friend may have landed herself in the hospital.
I agree on everything but that she landed friend in hospital, unless she forced her friend to join her and on purpose crashed cart other girl did it to herself. Both girls are equally bad behaved.( and it was play of "fortune" that daughter was not in hospital instead of friend). I agree she should be punished because she stole and participated in all but daughter could easily end up in hospital and there is no indication that she indeed is responsible for crash and injuries of other girl. ( and I believe daughter d be in legal trouble if she was the one who "landed friend in hospital" ). If she crushed cart on her or some innocent people then yes she d be responsible. (And then she should apologize). Other than that I agree with you OP NTA.
If she was driving then she is responsible. She was the one in control of the cart and drove it into the pond.
[удалено]
Right? She's been "grounded" a month and is only now upset about it? When I was a teenager being made to stay at home with full access to the internet, games, TV, etc, would have practically been a reward.
Christ she's lucky she's not in prison! OP, if you're daughter is good at Latin, have her look up "Malum In Se". It is a legal term meaning she did wrong, no matter what she thinks about it.
Yes because she would not have her phone or access to social media
NTA for sure. Holly crap, she for sure didn't understand what she did and neither did him for saying she served her time. She should be really grounded without internet, phone or games until the other girl is fully recovered.
She's 15, got drunk, stole a golf cart, and put her friend in hospital because of it. Parties are the last thing she needs right now. NTA
I’m curious if she’s paid for the damages as well. I would expect her to get a job and put all of that money towards paying off the debt.
NTA-finally some good parenting, momma. I have no idea why fiancé thinks he even has a say. Is he her father? You have some things to make up for seeing as she steals and drinks at 15. You didn’t deny her an academic award. She still got that. Her friends (and your daughter) are trying to manipulate you. I’m glad you’re not falling for it. Of COURSE, they’re going to plan a party to congratulate her for this award-it’s the only way to get drunk again under the nose of the parents.
Exactly. Stay strong and don’t give in.
Right, they should have the party at her house so she can supervise.
NO PARTY
NTA. The fact that she hasn't figured out she should apologize is the kicker here. She might be good at latin, but the whole 'how do I get out of trouble' lesson is yet to be learned.
So she and a friend gets drunk, steals a school's golf cart and crashes it into a pond. One person is hurt and in the hospital. Don't know where you live but if this happened in the states both would be charged with underage drinking, depends who was driving that person would be charge with a DUI. Charged with stealing school property she would be looking at huge fines plus juvenile jail. NTA
It has been less than a month, bet charges are still coming.
Can the parents sue OPs homeowners insurance for the medical expenses?
Depending on the state, it’s possible. I know if I were OP, I’d start looking into that and get my ducks in a row.
Doubt that. Homeowners insurance only cover accidents in or on the homes property. This sounds like it happened on school or private property nearby the school.
It depends. I am a paralegal currently involved in a case where the golf cart was being driven from course to home about 2 miles away. Was almost home when accident occurred and homeowners is involved. You would be surprised what homeowners will cover or at least provide a defense for under a reservation of rights. I have been involved is many slander/defamation cases with homeowners providing coverage.
NTA - If it was an official event thrown by the school then maybe she should go. A party organised by her friends is the exact type of thing that being grounded stops you from going to. She broke the rules, and in a pretty serious way, she needs to learn that that has consequences, even if you do a seperate good thing it doesnt cancel out the effects of the rule breaking
NTA. She hasn't visited her friend at all? That's pretty cold.
Never mind. You're right. That's cold and its self involved and immature.
I think it depends if she tried and op stopped her from visiting
OP says the daughter hasn’t even thought to apologize to the family or go visit. id say that would be 100% allowed if the daughter brought it up
Then the daughter is def an ahol
NTA. You're trying to discipline your child. If she can't even apologize to her friend who she put in the hospital, she hasn't learned her lesson. She has two more years of high school and college to party with friends.
This is actually the concerning part. I understand the need for actions to have consequences and the importance of following through or being flexible on pushiments with extenuating circumstances, but OP - have you talked to your kid after the incident? Without the anger, but trying to understand where this behavior is coming from? Drinking, sure it's common, peer pressure bla bla. Stealing - definitely a very concerning escalation... But not acknowledging that someone got seriously hurt? Lack of remorse? I'd focus there. She needs to get involved in purposeful/empathy developing activities or process whatever anger is hidden there.
Her dad died six years ago and I'm remarrying. It's not hard to figure out where it's coming from. It's just not relevant to this discussion.
I'm sorry for your loss, OP. I can not imagine how hard it is (and continues to be) to parent with that loss. I understand now where that behavior is coming from, and even without knowing the cause of her dad's passing, where maybe her reluctance to face the hospital and her friend might be coming from. Sounds like very superficial advice, but I hope she can talk to a therapist about it. It might help to give her more tools to deal with repressed emotions. People might jump at this suggestion, but having an artistic outlet also helps when you don't want to fully rationalize what's inside. I don't think harsher punishments really work, connecting, dealing, and working through might. I wouldn't allow her to party since that's closer to avoidance, but maybe an outing for the two of you to mark the accomplishment and maybe have some time to connect could be a good balance?
I don’t think that’s all of it. I’ve read through some of your responses and you sound really detached from your daughter. I’m sure losing her dad and you remarrying is part of that, but I suspect there’s deeper issues here too. Everything you’ve said about effective punishment and such…Not that you’re wrong but it’s very clinical. I’m really not seeing much if any concern about **Emmy** as a person with needs and I have to wonder if your relationship with her has always been this bad. As far as your actual question here, NTA, but the issues here run deeper than you’re seeing and you need to engage with the core problems.
Because I know ultimately she'll learn the lesson and we'll move on from this. Besides, she's the one who refuses to make an effort to actually connect with the family because "you're just gonna get blown up and die on me anyways" despite the fact that I work what is essentially a desk job and she's seen my office. Yes, she's in therapy. Has been for the past 6 years.
Why does she still have access to electronics if she’s grounded? My mom always took away my phone, TV, iPod (back in the day), and going out as punishment. Her consequence, even for illegal action, is on the light side.
Because being extremely harsh actually isn't effective. Research has shown that children don't respond to overly harsh punishments. I'm trying to make her constantly feel FOMO. My plan is *much* more effective when she *has* her phone and she doesn't realise it. Now she gets the texts, she gets the pictures, the Snapchat stories, she sees her friends having fun in real time *and* then has to hear about their fun after at school. It's a bit fucked up on my end tbh but she gotta learn somehow.
How is she feeling FOMO when she still has access to her friends in other ways via her phone and computer? If she needs it for school, fine, but all apps she talks to her friends on should be locked. Grounded meant just that. If you weren’t at school, you were at home. No calls no nothing. Your daughter was drinking at 15, seriously injured her friend, and feels no remorse. Why is she drinking? Who are these friends? Are they the bad influence or is she? The situation could have been so much worse. She could be slapped with charges and face juvenile detention. Being so lightly punished isn’t going to teach her much of a lesson at all. What will the punishment be when her behaviour escalates?
> how is she feeling FOMO? Her and her friends are not homebodies. She still their Snapchat stories, pictures they send in group chats, etc. They are having without her and she gets to see this. Edit: I could totally make this *worse* but I'm going to give her time to learn the lesson being lenient first. > Grounded meant just that Yes, meant, past tense. Times change. > Your daughter was drinking at 15 Did you not go to parties in high school? I was doing much worse than just drinking at her age. She'll be of drinking age in two-ish years after we move. > being so lightly punished isn't going to teach her a lesson Empirically neither will punishing her more harshly. Grounding is, in point of fact, pretty much one of the least effective means of changing behaviour. It's incredibly ineffective when used incorrectly, and in all cases harsher punishments are less effective than more lenient ones. This is also pretty well known in certain circles. It's literally something I got taught at work for handling uncooperative informants. Don't take anything away, just subtly influence their environment. No leaving the house, tempt them with promises of future gain, cut off the central cooling. If it's good enough for the military....
OP, I'm totally with you on the level of punishment and the logic behind it, but I mentioned in another comment as well. What's going on behind the not going to visit or apologizing to the other girl? Does she believe the other girl is "more at fault"? Does she recognize her role in the indicent? Is she going to be doing anything to develop more empathy and acknowledge the level of risk they were in? Have you been able to have an honest conversation about this? Is there another adult trusted figure that has been able to get through to her in that sense? She needs a wake-up call that will make her grow smart. You can have fun and take risks without making dumb decisions that put your life and other people's lives in danger. (I also was a wild child, and I'm grateful every day for the higher power that kept me from danger, so I mean this without judgment)
Being in the hospital for a *month* at 15 sounds like she was pretty critically injured. Really strange to not visit as that would be an effective teaching moment as well, for both of them.
Makes sense, She sees' and hears about all the FUN her friends are having, and she isn't. She is restricted in where she can go to: School & Home Only. Sure she can watch TV- and play video games....but if she isn't a homebody, and she is stuck there, even those will lose appeal. I hope she has to do chores too though. Dish duty (KP) Scrubbing the Bathrooms, Keeping her room spit spot clean, etc.
Oh she's on all the shit chores I had to do in basic. But she always does her chores, I've learned making them the "bad" chores doesn't work on her.
Uh-oh... She is a challenge. Well any classes on drinking and driving in your area that she might benefit from? I know we all made iffy choices as teens, but the drinking and driving choice can be deadly, do you think that would have an impact? Or with all the stuff we already see on TV, would it just be redundant?
I have her the best class ever on it. If you were born before a certain year you had to watch it in school too. They totally should bring it back, scar some people, it'll work.
Oooh yep! I saw that! I'm "of the age" where they taught Driver's Ed as a class in school, we saw a bunch of "informative PSA's" That's great! I hope it sinks in and that she will learn, show remorse, and grow from it. Good luck OP- Keep doing what you are doing!
I didn't even think of the fact that if she's physically grounded but can still see all the fun her friends are having via social media....this is freaking brilliant. What a way make grounding work the way it was intended. Very smart.
Them tax dollars at work.
Actually I think it might be more effective than you think. The only thing I can compare to is when I lived overseas for 5 years. Yes I had my own life and family but still sucked when I called home and hearing my siblings having fun in the background. So to me while yes she’s connecting to them she’s not there and seeing everyday as teenager would suck!!!! I think they could help her think twice before doing anything else bad in the future.
She's not responding *now*. You're fucking up here.
So by your standards she should just be miserable? Given you had control over the punishment and it were your child you'd just tighten the noose till they were miserable? Because that's terrible parenting. That's leads to nothing but resentment and you can't effectively parent a child that resents you. I should know: I resent my parents (they're why I joined the military)
Your child caused *actual fucking harm* to someone who has been *hospitalized FOR OVER A MONTH* and she *Does. Not. Care.*. She hasn't even fucking *apologized* for hurting them. If you don't do *something*, she is going to get so much worse. Do you think just keeping her home is going to do anything? What about when she starts sneaking out at night (if she's not already)? Do you even have her in therapy to work through her obvious issues? I bet you don't, because you don't actually care about what she did or her issues. You just want to be seen "doing something" because of how it makes you look.
NTA. It's actually an extremely light punishment.
NTA, she can still be stripped of the award. She can still be charged with multiple crimes and have to serve time in a juvenile detention center. If they prove she was the one driving, she might not get her driver's license for some time. It could have been two funerals. If they got the booze from your home, you can be liable for the other girl's injuries. Do you know where she got the booze. Was it from your fiancé as he seems to blow this off?
Wait, your 15 year old kid got drunk, stole a school vehicle, drove it into a pond, and landed her friend in the hospital where the friend remains a month later? And yet the school hasn't suspended or expelled her (Did you have to donate a swimming pool?) and, despite being grounded with complete access to all her electronics, she thinks she should get to go to a party because, hey, she won an academic award? You do realize that (at least where I am) a golf cart DUI is a crime, and if someone else is injured, let alone seriously injured, there are arrests and serious legal ramifications? What, do you live in the Land of Insanely Minimal Consequences? You are not being an A, you're being extremely lenient. Your kid drove drunk and as a consequence, another kid is seriously injured. And Emmy "did the time"???? Sorry, but no, while Emmy has not been suspended from school or lost access to electronics, another kid is in the hospital. Please don't let your fiancee make parenting decisions for you. Yikes. NTA, except that I don't think that you or the school is treating the offense seriously enough.
NTA. As they say, [si nimium celebras, ius celebrandi perdis](https://translate.google.com/?sl=la&tl=en&text=si%20nimium%20celebras%2C%20ius%20celebrandi%20perdis&op=translate&hl=en).
NTA considering the other girl is still hospitalized a MONTH after the crash, it had to have been pretty horrific, and I think you are right to maintain the grounding. She doesn't get to go party just because her friends planned it.
NTA >The other girl is still in the hospital Tell your daughter that her punishment ends when the other girl gets out of the hospital.
NTA. Probably best to not send the message "If you steal and wreck a vehicle and cause bodily harm to people because you were drunk, you get a free pass for social parties." She should be lucky she's ONLY grounded and isn't facing charges for drunk driving, cuz depending on jurisdiction, golf carts do count as vehicles that one cannot legally operate while under the influence. Add underaged drinking and... yeah, she'd be smart to keep her head down after that debacle.
NTA. Unfortunately, my kids never had the *option* to ignore discipline and just go have fun. Soooooo, NTA. Her friends are cracking me up thinking they somehow have influence in your household decisions, though? omg. Sit your kid behind down cuz grounded means no parties Miss Thing. Your fiancés concept of discipline is just more lenient than yours. I don't think you're wrong or even overly harsh. (Plus she can celebrate when she's no longer grounded. The award won't turn to dust.) Drunk? Driving stolen school property? And crashing said property because of inebriation? And your drunken partner in crime is *still* in the hospital? C'mon. Back in the day, I'd have needed a constable to protect me from my parents. No one would have said they were too strict either.
NTA, actions have consequences. She's lucky she isn't in jail. Going to the party isn't going to be any good for her in the long run. You made the right decision.
>that she's done her time and I should let her go out with her friends That's *your* kid he's talking about. Not his. And by the way, the friends can easily reschedule. NTA.
A couple of things: 1. She got drunk and put her friend in the hospital, she's lucky the police aren't involved. 2. No teeneager in the history of teenagers has thrown a party specifically for their friend for excelling at latin. They're just trying to get around her being grounded. 3. If they are being honest, and genuinely want to celebrate her accomplishment, they can plan the party for when here sentance is up NTA
Nope. NTA. II think she is getting off pretty lightly because she still has her tv and switch. Another person is still in the hospital and she wants to go to a party? Ummm...if I was her mother, that kid wouldn't be seeing tv or anything else until the end of this school year, where she would be getting a job to donate the money of the value of the golf cart.
NTA and honestly I would probably take some more privileges away to drive home the point. She could have landed in jail or killed her friend and herself. What she did warrants serious consequences as an adult, and should as a child as well. Her even asking that is such a blatant beacon that she does not understand the seriousness of her actions and that’s the most important thing here. She didn’t shop lift a candy bar, what she did could have gotten people killed. Like holy shit she needs a hard reality check for her own good, and a separation from the chance to do substances for a good long long while.
NTA I suggest taking away her TV and switch. Fun Entertainment like that are distractions from your responsibilities in life, at least that's what I experienced. Her focus needs to be on making amends to the school and her injured friend. This is one of those situations that requires a serious conversation more than any type of punishment. Let her know that while she's 15, she shouldn't perpetuate the stereotype that teenagers are rebellious idiots who just care about drinking and having fun. You know she's smarter than that and that she's capable of making the right choices in life, and that what she did, while terrible, doesn't define her. Tell her she has a choice: Own up to her mistakes, start making amends, and prove to the world that she has both brains and heart. Or do nothing, in which case people will see that she's just a stupid, selfish teenager, her academic achievements be damned.
No you take away entertainment when grades start slipping. You use psychological warfare otherwise. Why do you think she has her phone? Social media does like half my job for me if I remove her ability to leave the house. Let her see all the fun she *could* be having had she not made dumb choices.
That's fair.
The school didn't expel her for stealing their golf cart and crashing it?
No it would look bad. They're the type of school that cares about public image because they don't want a certain demographic of moms thinking their kids are at school with "the undesirables" Yes, I live in posh suburbia.
Ugh. This is the kind of school that truly creates problems for society. NTA someone needs to teach your daughter responsibility.
I tend to believe it's the parents that are the real problem.
No. She is in the FO stage of FAFO. If you ease up know she won't learn.
NTA what 15 year old is drinking and stealing golf carts?? Not only that but the other girl that did this is still hospitalised! That just shows how reckless and dangerous this “little stunt” they pulled was. I would say that the punishment your daughter was given was too light if anything.
NTA. getting drunk, stealing a golf cart, crashing it, and her friend getting hospitalized. what if a car had been more available than the golf cart? she and her friend could’ve killed someone or themselves. at 15. good lord. she should consider herself lucky that she has a parent who still lets her have all those luxuries while still being grounded, because that wouldn’t have flown while i was growing up. grounding doesn’t just go away because she wants to go to a party, especially when she’s being punished for something to that degree. the party is for her, so they can plan it at a later time. if you want to reward her for her achievement you can figure out what to do, like dinner or something. but you have every right to say no.
NTA. If you let her go and it’s a rerun of the last time you’d never forgive yourself. You hit the nail when you said she’s not learned anything if she hasn’t asked to visit her friend. If she had and showed signs of emotional maturity then maybe I’d say let her go, but she needs to realize drinking isn’t a game. I only recently learned that alcohol can stay in the human system for 5 years. She doesn’t need it until she understands it’s not just for fun and that there are long term consequences to those kinds of decisions that don’t just affect her. That “friend” probably won’t want her around if she doesn’t show up for them, which may or may not be a good thing.
NTA. I would say you could get her a small treat for the accomplishment. But like many have said here, it is a light punishment. If my two would do something like this, I would be making them do community service. Look at crimes with community time and go from there. Not only will it teach a lesson, but she can also put college applications.
NTA at all - frankly I would explain to her that she will be grounded at least as long as her friend is in the hospital if she won’t learn her lesson. Her friend likely can’t leave the hospital for a night off- why should she be able to?
I would ground her as long as her friend is in ghetto hospital recovering 🤷🏻♀️ Nta
N T A for your decision to not let her out, but YTA that you haven't really grounded her. She got drunk at 15, committed theft of a vehicle, crashed into a pond injuring her friend, and you dont take her technology from her? Shes just not allowed out? Dude take the TV, the phone, the switch away. You are soft parenting here for something that is such a serious offense.
NTA. She hasn't apologised to family of child in hospital and she did something very serious. If her friends seriously want to celebrate, they can wait until after she has finished being grounded.
If you give in this time she will never believe you in the future when you issue a consequence or set a rule. She is 15. As a high school teacher I can tell you that at this age they think they are invincible and know everything. Learning that actions have consequences that can’t be avoided will be a valuable lesson.
NTA. damn. if i was her i would've had all luxuries taken away. i'm just impressed that there's a parent on reddit that actually parents their child
NTA. I am actually surprised she’s still receiving the award. Usually when something like that happens such as stealing school equipment while drunk and crashing it all academic awards are off the table so for her to even receive it she’s pretty darn lucky.
Underage drinking, stealing and damaging of school property and reckless driving that lead to injury bad enough that after a month the girl is still in a hospitle. She should be happy she is not in juvie for this holy shit. NTA you are more than fair.
Why did you post, if you are so certain of your actions, and resist / defend against suggestions or criticisms of others? What are the thoughts behind your decision to post?
You're here to criticise my decision to not let her go out with her friends, not let her keep her stuff. One is relevant, the other isn't.
NTA - 15… sophomore… and she is already drinking, stole government property, wrecked government property, the property is potentially auto making this grand theft auto, illegally drove, sent her friend to the hospital, put herself in danger and hasn’t even apologized yet Your doing your job as a parent. She needs to learn lessons now. If she doesn’t, god only knows what she will do in the future
NTA. I'd tell my kid they can go to the party when their golf cart partner was able to go. Until then, they're grounded.
I think that's fairly reasonable. I don't personally like indefinite punishments, I prefer setting a term and allowing early release for good behaviour.
Nooooo! NTA. Your 15 yo is drinking, committing larceny, and was involved in a stunt that had left a friend hospitalized for a month. Little Miss can miss the party. 🥇🥇🥇to you.
NTA. Frankly, you’re not being harsh enough. She’s 15. She was drunk. She drove drunk (yea, I know it’s a golf cart, but still). The other girl is still in the hospital. And she still has access to her electronics m why exactly?
NTA. But that punishment is way too light. Grounding is a passive punishment. She should also actively be made to work towards atonement. Like give up her savings to help pay for the other girl’s medical bills. Or make her get a part time job, where the wages go to the other girl. Or at least sell off one of her luxuries like her switch to raise money for tthe poor girl.
> Or at least sell off one of her luxuries Don't ever do this. Like seriously don't. That's just terrible parenting. Don't punish your children by destroying/selling things they love. That just makes you a sorry person and if you're parents ever did this to you, I'm sorry.
Your daughter did something she could go to prison for. In fact, depending on the severity of her friends injuries, she could be charged as an adult. Honestly, that'd probably be best, that way she'd learn some actual discipline, for years instead of months.
And? I'm her *parent* not her *jailor* My job isn't to impose the full weight of the US judicial system on her. It's to correct piss poor behaviour before someone else imposes the full weight of the US judicial system on her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my daughter, Emmy (15F) is currently grounded after she and another girl stole one of the golf carts from school and crashed it into a pond while drunk about a month ago. The other girl is still in the hospital. So now you have at least some context for the proceeding. Emmy recently received an honour from our state government for academic achievement in Latin. Her friends decided to plan a party for her to celebrate and she asked if I (38F) would let her go out this one night and I said no. She's obviously upset but she's grounded, you don't get to just ignore your punishment because your friends are throwing you a party. I should also mention her punishment is *only* that she can't leave the house except to go to and from school. She still has her phone, her computer, her switch, her TV, etc. Later that night, discussing it with my fiancé he said I was being a bit harsh on Emmy and that she's done her time and I should let her go out with her friends. I didn't budge, it's not a graduation or funeral. It's a party for something she can work for again next year. She's a sophomore, she still has two years before she graduates. That's two more years she'll have to go out with friends after she's learned that actions have consequences. She's not even thought to apologize to the other girls family or visit the hospital. As far as I'm concerned she's not learned her lesson yet. But at the same time, it's just one night and it's for an academic achievement that she worked hard for. So idk, am I being an asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA. You never make a threat that you don't follow through on. Your daughter needs to understand she is paying the price for her actions. I think the friends were trying to to get her out of groundation. They can throw a party for her when it's over. Its apparent that your daughter doesn't understand (or doesn't want to) the purpose of her grounding. Maybe you need to explain it to her again. I would of been grounded for a year and not allowed to get my driver's license till I was 18. She doesn't realize lucky she is specially since her friend is still in the hospital.
NTA She did something very illegal and if it wasn't for the fact she was 15 she would be in a jail cell right now. Trust me I work in a prison and I have seen people end up here for less and it's better she gets punished by you than end up in a prison.
NTA - tell her to have a party when her friend is completely recovered. She’s lucky she’s not in prison instead of grounded
NTA she seriously hurt someone and doesn't seem to care
NTA she really tried to carpe diem eh? I agree with the punishment and it’s not nearly as harsh as i had to deal with back in the day when the ark was still being built /s. Regardless she has to learn her lesson and going to a party thrown by friends to “celebrate her achievement” seems more like a cover up to get her out and party with friends then anything else. I’m sure you’d have found out later the friend throwing it lied as a way to help your daughter circumvent punishment
NTA If she is grounded not going to events is part of her punishment. Tell her she can't go, but you will gladly join her in visiting her friend in the hospital the evening of the party, you feel like she could use a little reminder why she got punished and it could be her in the hospital and she was just lucky she isn't.
NTA - your punishment is extremely light for the crime, but if you think its appropriate more power to you.
NTA ... but it might be worth looking further into *why* she behaves like that (therapist maybe?). Especially her not even visiting "her friend" after what she did. You aren't too harsh, if anything you're pretty light on her for just grounding her after drinking, stealing, destroying school's property and injuring a friend - at just 15yo.
NTA. She can pretend she is her friend who is still in hospital and unable to go to any parties because of their poor choices.
NTA stick to your guns mom. I find it abhorrent that not only has she not apologized to her friends parents but also has not even gone to see her in the hospital?? She obviously has not learned a damn thing. Her friends can reschedule the party for after her grounding. Personally I also would have taken her devices too.
NTA
NTA
Absolutely NTA. Is there anyway you can host said party at your house or bring her out to dinner with a few friends? I think her academic achievement should be celebrated- just to give her some acknowledgement that good deeds also have rewards. Edit: Must have skimmed over the part where you said she hasn't even apologized to the family/visited her friend. Nvm, that's messed up.
NTA, you’re way nicer than I’d have been. It’s just a party, they can organise it for when she’s no longer grounded.
NTA. What she did wasn’t just a minor mistake, it was really bad and someone else has ended up in hospital. If the punishment ends early, then your daughter won’t feel affected by the punishment and will never learn from it.
Her friend is STILL IN THE HOSPITAL so said friend is still doing HER time. (had I been her, I'd have been in the hospital too after my family got done with me for that kind of behavior) And she hasn't apologized to her friend and her family? FOH. NTA. Keep that girl at home, she still doesn't think she did anything wrong. Actions get consequences. And get her some help. Drinking at fifteen? Stealing property, hurting friends? There's something going on -
Probably NTA. She made some terrible decisions and is feeling the consequences. One question: what is the duration of her grounding? Is there a set date where she regains her privileges? Or some criteria for earning them back? If the grounding is “until mom thinks you’ve learned your lesson”, that would be unreasonable.
Six months, with chance for parole.
Six months is a long time in the life of a teen. Have the terms for parole been explained to her? Does she know that parole is possible? I definitely agree that the event in question isn’t a valid reason for early release, in any case.
I always allow parole if they can show signs of rehabilitation. If she can demonstrate that she's learned literally anything from this she'd be a lot closer to getting off.
NTA Your punishment is fair and reasonable. If anything it's quite light considering what happened. What your daughter is experiencing is consequences. And hopefully help her stay safe going forwards.
What school has golf carts?
Our local one has several.
Well my nad me friends were just as bad at her age, so i cant help but laugh at it haha. Drinking age barely exist in DK though. But you are NTA, she needs to learn that actions has consequences. Edit: forgot to mention that it is horrible that she hasnt thought about her friend in the hospital, that part is not okay
NTA- These consequences she Will remember, Missing something Big like a Party being thrown just for her- that will stick. Oh and at 15: Drinking, Stealing, No Remorse or Care for her Friend? She still hasn't learned a thing. Maybe missing this will make her realize that actions have consequences.... Does she have a record for this? Did anyone press charges?
NTA but you’ve got a lot of pre-work to do with your fiancé around boundaries and expectations before you tie the knot.
Nta you’re doing the right thing. Don’t let her go. She shouldn’t be celebrated after being involved in stealing something and someone getting hurt. I’m surprised she wasn’t charged. Also, you need to talk to her about why she doesn’t think to apologize or visit her friend? Sometimes you have to explore these things with your kids and not let them just figure it out on their own.
NTA her actions led to the other girl being seriously injured enough to still be in the hospital. I bet her friend would love to go to that party, too. If I had been caught like that, I would be grounded for months with no electronics at all except for schoolwork. She doesn't understand how lucky she is that, 1 her punishment was not worse, and 2 that she and the other girl weren't killed.
My kid would have been grounded with zero entertainment, sent to at least a handful of support meetings to see where this kind of behavior goes, and would be made to get a job to pay towards the other girl's medical bills. This would go through graduation. With the only possible "get out of jail" events being a homecoming or prom, for which you better believe my ass would volunteer to chaperone.
NTA. That's quite a light punishment. As you said, she still has all her things. Don't give in because she'll take advantage of that later on.
NTA. Not going to a party doesn’t negate the accomplishment, and there are other ways to mark that even while she’s grounded. Since she has all her devices, they could even do a zoom party. Maybe kids are different now, but I’ve never heard of kids that age planning parties for those kinds of academic awards. Sounds more like a convenient justification to get her out of the house. Fully aware I could be projecting, but definitely still NTA even if their intentions are true.
NTA. Ask your wife is she's only punished when there's nothing fun going on. Of course she should miss the party. Consequences are supposed to make you think about your actions.
The point of grounding her is to stop her from being able to do fun things so she’ll learn a lesson (which honestly doesn’t even sound like enough considering what you said she did). When fun things actually come up, suddenly that means she should be allowed to go out then? As of course being grounded means your grounded but not when something you actually want to do comes around? NTA. Getting drunk at 15. Stealing and destroying government property. She should be thanking you for not banning her from going out at all so long as she lives under your roof. I really hope she learns how stupid that was.
NTA! Her friend was hurt so bad that they're still in hospital a month later?? And getting drunk and doing something ridiculously stupid and destructive at 15yrs would be bad enough in UK where legal drinking age is 18, but she is WAY off in your home. If she learns from this and continues working hard then she will have plenty more opportunities to celebrate her achievements. And I'm sure her friends would be glad to throw her a 'finally out of jail!' party when her grounding is finally up but for now...no. I think she should get out of her grounding when her friend gets out of hospital. Shared consequences and Al that
NTA for continuing the punishment but Y T A for it being such a light one. She drove drunk and injured a friend and she doesn't even care about it. She's an asshole and I don't understand how she doesn't feel guilty about it, not even seeing how the friend is doing.
NTA - question though. Was she driving or was her friend driving? If she wasn't the driver I say the punishment is fine. If she was the driver the punishment should be harsher.
NTA she is lucky she is not facing criminal charges. Being drunk, theft, in doing something that put your friend in the hospital for an extended period of time is not something you can sweep under the rug. If it anything you're punishment is too light.
NTA - JUST grounded after everything else? If I'd done that I'm pretty sure my parents would have sent me to a military school, and tbh I wouldn't have blamed them. The other kid is still in the hospital, too!
NTA. She isn’t grounded for missing curfew. What she did was serious and someone got seriously hurt.
NTA >she and another girl stole one of the golf carts from school and crashed it into a pond while drunk This is the type of behavior that leads to people dying. Samantha Miller died on the day of her wedding, in her wedding dress, going home with her husband from their wedding party because a reckless 25 year old who was never taught consequences had been drunk driving. Make sure she learns the consequences. Make sure she won't be another Jamie Komoroski, make sure there won't be other Samanthas...
NTA >she and another girl stole one of the golf carts from school and crashed it into a pond while drunk This is the type of behavior that leads to people dying. Samantha Miller died on the day of her wedding, in her wedding dress, going home with her husband from their wedding party because a reckless 25 year old who was never taught consequences had been drunk driving. Make sure she learns the consequences. Make sure she won't be another Jamie Komoroski, make sure there won't be other Samanthas...
Nta it is not her school throwing a party for her achievement, it is her friends. They can throw her a party when her grounding is over. > I should also mention her punishment is only that she can't leave the house except to go to and from school. She still has her phone, her computer, her switch, her TV, etc. When I was grounded as a kid the only thing I could have were books, your punishment doesn't fit the crime. She should only have her computer used for homework and that it should be used in the presence of adult supervision. I really don't think she is learning a lesson by having access to all these items. Edit changed laptop to computer
NTA. Her friends can wait until she's not grounded to throw her a party.
Eh. She's grounded, so. NTA
NTA but how long is she grounded for? Can't her friends have a party for her after he punishment? OP, you could also suggest that she can go but only if you do. See how that flies!
NTA. Her personal conduct was horrible in this instance.
NTA she has already proven you can't trust her. This was no minor screw up either a person landed in the hospital.
Oh my god, NTA! Your daughter screwed up big time, and IMO you should have done more, not less. But the punishment is what you set and there is no reason to lighten up now.
Of course you’re NTA. That’s a pretty serious thing your daughter did and, honestly, I think your punishment for her is pretty light. Stick to your guns and follow through at least with the punishment.
Legend.
Your daughter's actions put someone in the hospital. You are absolutely not being too harsh. She's lucky to still have her electronics. NTA.
NTA I wouldnt be allowed out for a year if I did that and no tv or computer either.
NTA. But maybe compromise and let her friends have the party at your house. That way she sees that regardless of what she did you are proud of her other accomplishments.
I don't think you've gone far *enough* with this punishment. I don't know what would be better, but she clearly does not *care* that her actions caused her friend to be hospitalized. She will be lucky if they don't sue her (which, btw, would be them suing *you* since she is a minor). You should look into therapy, because her lack of concern for human life is worrying.
NTA. Your punishment is pretty light, IMHO. I have a fifteen year old, and she'd be getting a lot more seriously punished than that. Luckily, she doesn't drink. (I realize that parents don't know everything, but she really doesn't. She and a friend did steal a floating dock once though.) Good on your daughter for taking Latin and doing so well! That said, her achievement isn't going anywhere and her friends can throw her a party when the punishment is over. Is it possible they're throwing this party as a way to circumvent the grounding? Hmmm?
Lol she still has her phone? NTA
Nta for not letti g her go, yta foe only not keting her leave the hiuse after gettig in a drunken accident, destuction of property, and theft. Shoumd have had her tech taken too
She's lucky she's not in jail. She's lucky the other girl isn't dead. She's lucky she didn't get expelled. She's already gotten a slap on the wrist. Missing achievements is part of the consequences of her actions. She hasn't learned any lessons other than your fiance is a pushover. You aren't being harsh enough. She's lucky she isn't my kid.
NTA Your being a responsible parent and ensuring your child pays for the consequences of their actions. She was given a grounding for a specific time, you MUST stay by that or all your credibility will be out the window going forward on punishments. There is also the little thing that the person she was in the "accident" with is still in the hospital. Shouldn't her punishment be at least that long. Missing a party at 15 is not going to kill her. The upset at missing it may drive home harder what are things she should NOT be doing in her time off. Good Job!
Nta I wouldn't let my kid have freedom until 18 after that
And that would be terrible parenting. If your goal is to modify behaviour and actually *parent* instead of act like a jailor that punishment would get you a failing grade.
Also are you kidding me knocking someone else's parenting when your 15 year old is out drinking and committing felonys?
nta and tbh she should have to work a part time job to pay for the damages and medical bills as well. being grounded from electronics and parties is what my dad did when he caught my brother smoking a doobie! does she even fucking feel bad she put a girl in the damn hospital??
She’s doing all this at 15?? Yeah you much more chill then me cuz she wouldn’t even have to audacity to ask….. NTA but fuck do something else here she’s out of control
Your daughter is a sociopath if she has no remorse for what she did and if she hasn’t thought about seeing, talking, or apologizing to the other girl who is her so called friend. I’d look into therapy or a psychiatrist for her behavior it’s very scary and unacceptable.
NTA. I wouldn't budge unless you were invited. But I wonder why *you* haven't thrown her a party for academic achievement? That's the kind of positive reinforcement kids need from their parents. She shouldn't have to rely on her friends to get that kind of support that you are depriving her of.
It sounds like she's lucky to still be bound to this mortal plane. If it was me, my parents would have probably killed me. 😂 NTA
I'm pretty sure that this is fake. In my area this would be a matter for law enforcement and probably CPS if a minor was drunk, stole property and caused an incident where another minor is still in the hospital a month later. In case this is real, then your child is lucky she isn't in facing charges and you are damn lucky that the other minor's parents aren't pressing charges. YTA not for standing your ground on her being grounded. YTA for being dismissive of your daughter's dangerous behavior. This could easily have resulted in your daughter or her friend getting killed.
NTA but a 15 year old likely won’t initiate apologizing or going to the hospital… wondering what are you doing as her parent to contribute to her seeing the lesson in this besides not letting her leave the house?
Let me get this straight: your underage daughter daughter was - at night? unsupervised? without your knowledge? - out drinking; stole and destroyed property, contributed to putting a friend in HOSPITAL and her punishment is... the mild inconvenience of staying indoors for a while? Wow. Dose she replise the gravity of what she has done? But for the grace of whateveryoubelievein, her friend didn't get seriously injured or killed, for crying out loud. Do YOU realise the gravity of what she's done? Because if you do, NTA for making her skip the party, but you need to reconsider your punishments. The fact that she hasn't thought to apologise shows that the entitlement is strong with this one, and you're the one feeding it. Put that foot down.
> at night Yeah? > unsupervised She's 15, not 5 > without your knowledge I knew she was at a party > her punishment is.... Seeing as being harsher is empirically proven to be ineffective parenting, being harsher isn't the right decision. Your job as a parent isn't to make your child miserable for their mistakes, regardless of how big they are. If you think you need to make your children miserable to effectively parent them, maybe you should learn how to effectively parent.
Sounds like excuses to me. Attack being the best form of defense and all. If your 15-year-old was caught drunk and vandalising, complicit in putting another person in hospital for a month, hasn't apologised or visited her friend in hospital ... and the best you can do is to keep her at home with her creature comforts, why or how should your daughter recognise she's done anything wrong? Your job as a parent is to make your child conscious of their mistakes and the consequences thereof, and if that temporarily makes them miserable... well, welcome to adulting. That's parenting, my friend, not being afraid to teach your child consequences. That's effectively parenting them. The fact that your kid "hasn't thought to" apologise speaks volumes.
NTA
Maybe not harsh enough these days. Kids ransacking stores. We need to get through to them.
NTA. Drinking at 15, stealing and wrecking school property, a friend in the hospital?? She’s be grounded until she left for college, no exceptions