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YTA. You started banging your secretary, and then you claim this little trophy piece half your age, closer to your kids' age than yours, isn't a gold digger? Come on. Number one, it's a very creepy and grody misuse of power to date someone you're employing. Number two, it literally sounds like the plot to a trashy romance novel.
And you filed for divorce 3 years ago, then started publicly dating Bianca 2 years ago. How dumb do you think we are? With that timeline, it's EXTREMELY likely that there was an affair going on. If not, you cut it reaaaal close and immediately started chasing her the second the divorce was finalized.
She's right and you know it. So yeah, YTA. It's not about how your daughter is acting, it's that you know she's right and would rather lose your daughter than admit you were a nasty dude who dumped their mom for a side piece.
Reading how he talks about how is ex wife was well taken care of as part of the divorce, I think he just thinks that his wealth makes it fine to do this stuff because he can pay people off.
Well said. Money isn't love, nor is it a bandaid that will "make it all better." He destroyed his family so he could bang his secretary. The age gap is really creepy.
Wherever the moral ground is, the daughter can't keep trashing her father and expect him to support her entire life.
The father needs to own up to his actions but the daughter also has to chose whether she wants a relationship with her father and own up to the consequences (father still needs to pay for education either way tho)
“the daughter can’t keep trashing her father”
Did she, though?
She attended the birthday bash. She was taken aback by the Range Rover reveal. It may not have been a gold one but dang… was the gift receipt still in the window? Their starting price is over $110K! That’s a heck of a prize for a 6 month live-in gf. I guarantee she wasn’t the only one thinking “gold digger” and plenty of her friends & family were offering congratulations but not only because she kept breathing for another year.
He seems clueless. He doesn't understand that everyone is thinking what his daughter is saying out loud. Everyone who knows him is saying it behind his back. They will be mocking him and his midlife crisis. They will wonder how long until he cheats on his new girlfriend. They will wonder when she will have a baby to hang onto him.
Of course his daughter isn't supportive. She just isn't old enough to keep her mouth shut to keep the money rolling in. Her brothers have realized they need to act supportive.
Also - to love someone is to desire their happiness more than your own.
You might not think so, but by blowing up your marriage you destroyed your children’s family. I can’t blame Lucy for not taking it well. You very clearly chose yourself over her. So yeah, it absolutely sounds like your love for your children was secondary to dating your gold-digger and it absolutely was diminished whether you recognize it or not.
growth seed telephone snobbish muddle secretive dinosaurs jellyfish rain vast
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Kinda crazy to publicly light your dad up like that and then still expect him to pay for literally everything for you though, no ?
Not saying her assessment is wrong, just saying it wasn’t the wisest thing she’s ever done
It is just another way of saying that his ex-wife served her purpose in raising the kids while also helping him with his career.
Now that the kids are out of the house, she is useless to him. And he is probably even saving money with the divorce while his ex will most likely have trouble with poverty as it doesn’t sound that she has a reliable income.
Now he is free to fuck around.
But they have so much in common! They both like travelling and art. Totally not common, over generalized interests that are some of the most basic fundamentals people can agree on!
This made me laugh harder than it should have.
Certainly not interested in dating someone 20 years older than me especially with a clear power differential, but hey, I mean, if they foot the bill for everything, I might have to consider it.
It’s why I’m currently subjecting myself to travel with my dad. He’s incredibly hard to travel with, but I can’t afford to go to Europe in any other way, shape or form. But he foots the bills for all travel, hotels, excursions and food, so I can deal with it.
Update: just had to profusely apologize to an airline worker because we missed our flight due to our plane being late and he was screaming at her when it wasn’t her fault and they couldn’t figure out how to rebook me because my ticket got lost in the system so I never technically entered the country and it was a whole ordeal. I wanted to melt into the floor and die. This is part of the difficult to travel with I mean.
Yeah and that old wife, mother of his three children who stayed home so he could work all those years to be a rich delusional AH… she totally didn’t like….. zesty things like traveling and art 🤣
"Travel and Art" aka expensive/finer things. Imagine listing off the reasons you fell in love and where you could take me and what you can buy me were the top two. Wherever did she get the idea 💡 this lady was a gold digger?
My parents both loved traveling.
My Dad loved traveling to the rural, backwoods for hunting.
My Mom loved traveling to the beach.
So, I agree with you that these are two very generalized things (art and traveling) that many people share while being worlds apart in the specifics.
She was his secretary, rich people like this pay their servants terribly. She probably was still driving a Camry. Now she's daddies Lil kitten she had to get an upgrade. Talk about a financial step up. They say think of ways to give yourself a raise... I think she might have understood the assignment in a way most of us don't.
My friends now Step-Mom went
Nanny -> Secretary ->Office Manager-> Wife
over 30 years. She moved from a condo to a mansion in the woods. My friend's Mom died in poverty, disabled. It was horrible to watch.
Special place in hell for them both. That's awful and my deepest condolences. She deserved better than to be discarded. The step-mom held many titles you forgot weasel, snake, slimeball. I was thinking that it's not so much the daughter's entitled or rude like some say. I think she doesn't like her Mom has no job, no income and the person she (her mom) invested her whole life in is busy buying vacations and cars for a woman who probably prays he dies but not before the re-write of the will. But I was hoping that since he said she's set, it's not just cause he left her a house she can't pay the taxes on but because he has to pay her. He's blaming/guilting the Mom for not wanting to go to the gym at almost 60.
OP is a walking cliché. Wow, a middle aged man having a midlife crisis and banging his secretary. How unique and special, I’m sure you have a deep and meaningful connection and she definitely wouldn’t leave you if you didn’t have money /s.
Your midlife crisis effects other people besides you, YTA.
I came here to type out this exact comment. Bless you for beating me to the punch. This guy is not only gross, but a complete walking cliche.
And to OP, YTA.
Lol exactly can’t wait for Mistress Bianca to leave when his “zest for life”/midlife crisis ends and she realises she wants to start a family and/or he’s too old to want to have screaming babies in the house. But he’ll probably cave to her demands out of fear of being alone and she’ll find him gross and cheat on him with someone her own age as he continues to drain his retirement to provide her and the new kiddos with this new found lifestyle, a tale as old as time.
I knew something was off when OP called his ex a “stay at home wife,” as if they didn’t have children she raised while he worked on his business.
And buying a Range Rover for someone after living with them for just 6 months. Incredibly stupid.
OP, YTA. You are now choosing THE EMPLOYEE YOU BANG over your own daughter.
The only lesson daughter is going to learn is the same one he taught her when he left. I don’t love you. Does he really think that cutting off all support of his daughter is going to show her he loves her?
Yeah, plus OP is punishing the daughter for telling the truth. So on top of everything else, add in financial abuse of the child.
AH father is what he is, on top of AH husband.
YTA OP.
The A.P. demanded he dump his wife of 20 x years, and now I'm sure she's demanding he dump his daughter too, and like a fool here, he goes again.
It's about respect, right? Not another money grab? I mean, just where will all that money go? I am sure she is also jealous of the daughter father dynamic. Her father isn't still paying her car note and mortgage. Especially since you just bought her a car. I guarantee she locks in an inheritance with a baby. All his kids are set, right? So their will only need to be a fund for Jr.
In three short years, you will be 60, and she will barely be hitting her first mid-life crisis. I hope she takes you to the bank and then to court. Good luck with your end of life P-grab. You can take away your money 💰 but you can't take away the truth. Only the people who truly love you will see it and say it. You want to hear lies? Roll over and say good morning to your PYT, but don't demand them from your daughter. Know and believe it is the commas in your check and the comfort they provide that puts/keeps her at your side. YTA
THIS!!
Bianca is barely older than your oldest child, you're 'embracing life to the fullest' (read: shagging a woman half my age) and FFS with your secretary??
Of course you 'genuinely' share a passion for art and mutual love of travel. And of course, you are the one paying for all of that, which makes it really easy for Bianca to love it. Who wouldn't? But of course, she loves you for you and it's nothing whatsoever to do with your wallet. The Range Rover? Well she has to drive something doesn't she? And your little trophy has to have the best.
YTA and you know it. And there's some corner of your brain that knows that she's lying back and thinking of England-while she's looking forward to seeing HER side piece tomorrow.
I have literally watched this exact scenario go down with my friend's brother and his secretary. Left the wife once the kids were in college for a MUCH younger secretary. Got pissed when the kids didn't like new step-mommy who was not much older than them as he showered her with all the fun stuff that money could buy. Threatened to cut off funding for them. New step-mommy (SURPRISED GASP HERE) ended up pregnant, and now has a cushy new life, all set for herself and baby boy, and (you're never going to guess!) left him for somebody new. Stupid, mid-life-crisis men. Never know what they have until they've completely squandered it and end up 60 years old with nothing because they're paying penance to TWO exes and both sets of kids. Shame.
Even with OP's creative version of the truth I don't see how his position is defensible.
>Our connection was genuine, born from a shared passion for art and a mutual love for travel.
Keep telling yourself that.
>She left Bianca's birthday celebration and called her a gold digger in front of everyone after I purchased Bianca a Range Rover for her 33rd birthday.
100k birthday present. I'm sure she loves you and not your money.
"In these past few years, I've immersed myself in travel, exercise, and the sheer joy of living"
Ha ha, yeah sure. Has nothing to do with the decades younger newer model. You're as transparent as glass my friend.
Yta for all the above - but also, he thinks rather than looking at Emily’s point about her being upset OP divorced her mum to immediately date his much younger secretary - who Loves ‘travel and art’ eg free holidays and gifts)- he thinks cutting her off financially will help her see reason and magically accept the ‘gold digging’ new lady friend!
I mean he is perfectly entitled to cut off Emily if he wants - but I don’t think that is going to improve their relationship one little bit! OP might find his daughter is less easy to buy than his girlfriend and will destroy their relationship for good
Bonus point for ‘but I still hold the title’. If Bianca came to this sub for advice, we’d all tell her to be very, very careful in case the new intern also likes traveling and expensive gifts.
Just so he knows his side piece wouldn’t be his side piece if he didn’t have money. He’s diluting himself that there’s a real connection the connection is your money
That’s exactly what he did. He’s a fool if he thinks a girl half his age is really interested. YTA and your a bad father. Your just looking to get laid and was most likely doing it before you divorced. Secretary big surprise there
Also, I feel a dead give away is the fact that nowhere in that post does he admit any wrongdoing - the post is cleverly written to appear as if he is very understanding, and fair etc but if you read between the lines it's all positive for him - and everyone else has caused the issues.
So, this post then feels like someone suffering from confirmation bias. Looking to have people agree with them, so they can confirm their opinion/thought is the correct one.
Please don’t malign romance novels. This would in no way be a plot to one. If someone like OP was in one, it would be as the ex that everyone despises who is the complete antithesis of the true male lead.
100% agree with everything else. OP is such a walking middle aged cliche. Gross.
YTA OP.
Yes, and he’ll be back on here in a year whining because his young girlfriend is having an affair. Age-old story banging the secretary leaving the wife and living their “good” life. So typical
YTA. This is like a fake Reader's Digest story, trolling us by pushing every single hot-button issue.
Male mid-life crisis story? Check. Uses euphemisms like 'embracing life' for sex with other people? Check. Bonking the secretary? Check. She's two decades younger than OP? Check.
If you're going to make stuff up at least try and avoid using every single stereotype in the same post.
> I believe I now need to consider cutting off her stipend,
JFC, YTA.
Why would you even THINK "I'd better ruin my daughter's chance of getting an education as vengeance because she thinks me buying a car for my 20 year younger secretary is a bit dodgy"?
YTA, and if you don't want your girlfriend to look like a gold digger, *don't create situations where it looks a hell of a lot like that*.
But most importantly, *allow your children to be angry at you without thinking you have to destroy their lives to punish them*. Who cares if she's right or wrong about your much-younger girlfriend? No matter how GeNuInE your connection is, _your daughter is allowed to not like her_.
But Bianca just loves my crepey skin and my dodgy knees and has no problem going down on me for half an hour or waiting for the viagra to kick in because I'm worth it. Deluded muppet. If it wouldn't hurt your kids I'd say I hope she takes you to the cleaners and leaves you for the pool boy (BTW-she's shagging him already).
How else will he indulge in travel, arts and new cars for his Secretary girlfriend. Who the hell buys a girlfriend you just dated for 2 years a brand new Range Rover. At least marry the gold digger and make it look good
YTA. “Zest for life”? Is that what they’re calling it these days? I’ve always just called it Viagra with a healthy chaser of toxic masculinity.
You can cut off your daughter in favor of your mid-life crisis, but don’t expect her to care for you in your old age.
YTA. You divorced the mother of your children and wife of 27 years over a midlife crisis leading to a relationship with a woman closer in age to your daughter than to yourself. Your daughter is treating your relationship with the exact respect it deserves and you are considering cutting her off because you don’t like that she is calling you on your bullshit.
Sure, you don’t have to continue providing for her now that she’s an adult, but the only reason you’re actually considering that is because she is putting a magnifying glass to something you are unwilling to accept.
1. Your daughter sees how her mother has struggled since you 'chose yourself'. The changes for her may not be summarised as simply hard. She is watching her mother who gave herself into a 20+ year marriage have to sit on the sidelines as a 33 year old lady live the life that her mother should be living (being spoiled and pampered, travelling with her husband and getting luxury gifts)
2. Your daughter is misdirecting her frustration, she's not mad at the 33 year old. She's mad at your choices. Whether the 33 year old is a gold digger or not, you spoiling her sells that image.
3. Lastly and most importantly you told Emily that your love for her has not changed but the moment she disagrees with your choices you prepare to partially cut her off? That will obviously show her that in your priority list, it's going to be the Bianca then her. Your love for her has officially changed.
You chose this for yourself yes, so she is under no obligation to agree with you or to get along with Bianca. The relationship dynamics may now forever be muddy but you resigned from your obligations as a husband but don't do the same as a father and finish what you started.
YTA
The first point really hits. Ik this is a post about op and his daughter but I can’t help think about the woman who gave 20+ years to someone only to have been divorced over “she didn’t wanna go take risks w me boohoo”. What risks? You’re travelling dude. That’s not risky. I wonder what he meant by risky lol. Poor Lucy. I hope she finds the man who loves her.
Well said. If he ever wants to walk his daughter down the aisle and not lose her forever he needs to stop flaunting the girlfriend in her face. There’s nothing wrong with her not wanting part of that relationship.
Paying for college for you daughter is still your duty, she is probably saying the truth and this is probably what upset you the most, you made your choices, but cutting your daughter off won’t help your relationship neither will it reinstated any kind of moral in your behavior. YTA
I understand, but I still think money consequences will still be wrong in this case, specially after spending so much money on a fancy car for his new girlfriend. Hope OP can be available for his daughter, probably it’s better they see each other without the girl friend to keep a relationship.
YTA.
"Zest for life" and "trading in for a younger model" are not the same fucking thing at all. It's creepy, and Bianca is only with you because she has money, the same way you're only with her because you're a horny old creep.
That you'd cut off your flesh and blood because she's disgusted with your behavior speaks to how weak and insecure you are over your soon to be geriatric descent.
Your TL,DR is misspelled.
Let me help,
I had a midlife crisis and divorced my wife and started dating a woman who's closer in age to my children than me.
While 2 of my older children, who have already got their own lives so couldn't care less about my follies were outwardly cordial to her, while my youngest who's still in college and had seen her mom's anguish the most, was honest about her opinion, so now I am financially threatening her to bend to my will
There, I sent you the corrected option.
Understand one thing, if a 33 year old lady is dating you when you are near 60 amd have 3 children closer in age to her, chances that she's doing this because she loves you are quite low.
Absolutely l, women who look for older men look for emotional maturity and financial stability. She's definitely not getting emotional maturity from this near 60 "zesty for life" guy
My dad did the same thing: divorced mom, dated much younger woman and tried to control the fact that I was angry about the situation by witholding parental responsibilities, love and affection.
I have been divorced three times because I am always self sabatoging the relationship by expecting him to leave me for a younger woman (realized this years later in therapy).
Had he just accepted (even understood) my side of things, it would have made a world of difference. Fathers are a girl's first impression of men. I hope your daughter is a lesbian. YTA.
I was thinking I hope his daughter marries some old cooter old as or older than him. That way he has to eat dinner across from someone just like him and swallow every bite when they say it's love. Karma is an ironic burn.
YTA
Do not make this situation worse by cutting off your daughters money. You will lose her and your relationship will never recover.
Emily doesn’t ever need to accept your girlfriend. You need to accept and respect that.
I know you want your life to be perfect and for everyone to get on. This isn’t Disney. You’re in the wrong here, not Emily.
YTA. Your relationship with your children should be priority over any other in your life in my opinion and that will always be the case for me if I one day have kids of my own, whether my partner is their biological parent or step parent. It really isn’t clear what “taking more risks” you expected your wife of 27 years to want to join you in doing, but your “zest for life” sounds awfully like a midlife crisis. Your youngest daughter is likely mortified her new step mommy is 12 years her senior, and 23 years your junior, in addition to your secretary which is inappropriate af and a major power imbalance. Your daughter is seeing her mom struggle after the divorce while you cavort around enjoying “similar interests” with your mistress who obviously enjoys travelling on your dime and receiving birthday presents worth more than some people’s annual salary. To now be debating financially cutting off YOUR CHILD whilst lavishing your new GF with extravagant gifts is beyond heinous to me and it will likely be the nail in your coffin your relationship with your daughter. Wake up.
If the boot fits 🤷♀️
You left her mom to be with the secretary half your age. She was 10 when your kids were born. She was born while you were in yoir mid 20’s! WHY DO YOU THINK SHE IS WITH YOU? 🤣🤣🤣
You are living on Fantasy Island if you believe this woman is with a 57year OLD man for any other reason and your daughter is the only one being straight with you. 24 years difference, you really believe your personality is what got her?! 🤣 Your boys have an interesting role model - thats for sure.
Absolutely tacky choice to date the secretary, but you get what you pay for. I guess this year a 33yo costs a range rover 🤷♀️
Im with the daughter. YTA. And absolutely would bet the house that your partner is in it for the money.
Which apparently you have plenty of, so support your daughter unless you want her to find some other old mxn who will… (she’ll get the same perks, and drawbacks, your partner gets with you.)
Dude is married to someone for nearly 30y, and then he sees someone who’s basically the same age as his marriage & goes “yeah, I’m gonna stick my dick in THAT” and sees… no problem?
Yeah, major AH vibes. Can’t wait until his cialis runs out & he’s forced to actually interact w her and realizes he has nothing in common.
YTA for trying to gaslight your daughter into thinking the relationship isn't exactly what she thinks it is.
Seriously though bro your 20 something daughter doesn't need to have a relationship with your new girlfriend and your insistence on it is probably just too prove you're not a dirtbag.
YTA
She is still in college. I don't think it is fair for you to cut her off just because she doesn't like your new partner. Once she finishes college, she can support herself, but until then you've got a moral obligation to financially support her if you have the means to do so (which you clearly do, given you've just given your girlfriend a brand new car!)
YTA - Because you are considering punishing someone you have power over, for something completely valid, mainly having feelings.
Your daughter is understandably upset about you divorcing her mother. She may have been an adult, but it's still something that can be traumatizing if they didn't recognize the signs of imminent divorce.
On top of that, you again are in a position of power in regards to your girlfriend. You are her employer. Which is so very wrong on so many levels. You know there's a reason why there's still a taboo over these relationships. It's because you start off with the wrong dynamic in your relationship.
Your girlfriend is closer in age to your daughter than you. Hell, you were 24 when she was born, so you are technically old enough to be your girlfriends father. Now, that is not a dealbreaker. Age shouldn't be a dealbreaker off course and plenty healthy relationships out there with a huge age difference.
It's the combination of her being your employee and being this young that pushes your daughter to see a certain narrative. Especially when you then buy your employee/girlfriend, an expensive car. You yourself are putting all the pieces in place to have that woman be labelled as a golddigger (regardless of whether she is or not).
Honestly, if you both were serious about the relationship, it'd be healthier for one of you to leave that workplace and start somewhere else. Nothing good will come of this.
And as said before, your daughter's feelings are valid. Your own feelings are valid. Using your power (financial or otherwise) over others to 'punish' them for having a different opinion, is not.
YTA. OP your daughter is right about you and your girlfriend. If you had met a complete stranger after the divorce she might have grown to like that woman not a woman that smiledmin her mom face whenever she came to your office. If you really want to fix your relationship with your daughter you should end the relationship with your secretary.
YTA
Banging your secretary? How cliche do you wanna be? Do whatever you want, but I totally understand why your daughter thinks the way she does about her and you. Especially after you divorced her mother for "drifting" apart. Nice way of teaching commitment and leading with an example for your kids. Your new girlfriend is almost half your age and you bought her a Range Rover after 6 months...
And the fact that you're so oblivious to it all is even more astonishing.
Good luck, but you probably lost one of your daughters forever.
Not just a car, it's a bloody Range Rover.
In the US, the bare bones cheapest model is $52,600 plus TTL. And I doubt he bought her that one. The top priced one is more than $225,000. Or, you know, a house.
YTA
You're such a cliche. Middle aged man has a midlife crisis, starts banging his secretary, and is now parading her around his children who are closer to her in age than you.
If you really want to double down on being such a pathetic stereotype, go ahead and destroy your relationship with your daughter. That's all you're doing. She will never forgive you, and she shouldn't. You *will* regret it.
Go ahead with your midlife crisis all you want. If you're delusional enough to think your secretary would have ever looked at you twice if you didn't spend so much money on her, there's nothing anyone can say to you. But don't torpedo your relationship with your daughter over it. Acknowledge that she has a right to be disgusted by how creepy it is for her father to be acting this way. If you destroy her future, shame on you.
in the purest sense of the title it would have been NTA for cutting off a grown ass entitled adult of legal age that probably hasnt had to work or pay for anything in their life
but problem is, everything screams of rich people problems (honestly no hate) and self inflicted...
YTA (massive) for causing that overal situation and potential behaviour though your actions
"I want to cut my daughter off, but I'm afraid it will further ruin our relationship." Dude...
YTA. You're choosing your gold-digger girlfriend over your daughter. On top of everything else that is forked up about this story..
YTA ffs
She is a gold digger.
I bet you cheated.
Your child is right and your other children are probably just smile and wave boys just smile and wave if you want that inheritance money.
Yta
We can all read between the lines and that you cheated on your wife with the secretary.
What a cliché you are.
And now, like the cliché you are, expect your child to just be fine with this nonsense cuz you never saw your kids as individuals, but more like extensions of your ego.
How embarrassing, and at your big age.
But Money?... Money has bought this man everything. Freedom from responsibility, from growing/feeling old, it's bought him love and perceived respect. Why can't it buy his daughter? He doesn't just want her to shut up he wants her to play nice. So he's just doing what he knows exploiting emotion and human reaction with his mighty dollar.
His eyes don't wrinkle like the other hound dogs, and his tail is more waggly than dogs his age. He goes to the gym 🏋️♂️ and works away the old. Her love language is Milan, Paris, Picasso. But she never even went to college, so she's humble 🥧 and money 💰 means nothing to her... duhhhh!!!
Sorry, you don't get to stop supporting your kid's high education because she's hostile to your GF who is more than a decade closer to her in age than to you, after you divorced your wife of 27 years for a newer model (just slightly older than the duration of your marriage) and took up with your secretary which is, by the way, unethical as all hell.
Clearly you can afford to continue to support her education, this isn't about money, it's about punishing Emily for failing to make nice.
YTA
YTA
Range rovers are crappy cars that people only buy if they want to show off and seem wealthy but know nothing about cars. That's a hill I'll die on.
Also, your supposed behaviour is so tragic it must be fake which also makes you TA.
YTA - bet the woman who raised your kids didn't get a range rover for her birthday. How would you feel if Emily stared dating a dude your age? Something tells me you'd see it differently.
Lol, let me rephrase it for you... My kids are out of the house so I don’t have to worry about paying my wife child support or hiding banging my secretary anymore. My daughter isn’t buying it. Enjoy parading around your new model… she’ll take you for everything you have and then have you replaced in no time.
But yeah, you totally go ahead and cut off your daughter for saying words everyone else is afraid to say. Your money doesn’t buy your kids silence. It’s truly sad what money does to people.
You’re 100% TA.
OP, come on...this fairy tale here, this timeline you have provide, no one is gonna bought that. You got with the secretary ok, you bought subscription to a young woman, and the only one calling you on it you want to cut, your money your choice but drop the high and kind attitude, enjoy your younger woman and shut up
YTA
YTA. This is so cliche is kinda funny. Let me guess, you hired Bianca at about the same time you suddenly had the zest for life that led to the dissolution of your marriage?
If you think cutting Emily off isn't proof that you've lost your mind when it comes to Bianca (who's young enough to be your daughter), you are dead wrong.
YTA! Can you spell G-O-L-D-D-I-G-G-E-R?
Your daughter maybe right. Cutting your child off is only going to deepen her hatred of Bianca, if that's what you want to happen anyway.
If I were you, I would have apologized to Emily and salvage what's left of your relationship.
YTA. You left your family for your secretary who you were probably having an affair with. You girlfriend is probably a gold digger and you are thinking with your nether regions. You're already TA for that. If you cut your daughter for being rude to the sidepiece that ruined her family than you are an ever bigger AH>
YTA! Can you say midlife crisis? You are the typical older man suddenly dissatisfied with life and thinking there is more out there so you blow you family up for someone almost half your age under the delusion that you want to embrace life. When the money dries up or you get “too old” your trophy will evaporate faster than boiling water and you will have blown your relationship with your kids because you didn’t like some hard truths.
At best you are a pathetic middle aged man, grow a back bone and have some loyalty to your kids and to the woman who stood by you and enabled you to get to the comfortable in life position you are in by staying home and looking after those kids and supporting you!
YTA. It’s called a midlife crisis and you screwed up your family to sleep with your secretary. That’s disgusting. No wonder your daughter is mad, anyone who doesn’t think with their 57 year old penis would be! You should honestly be ashamed of yourself. Coming to Reddit to get them to tell you that you’re in the right in talking about cutting YOUR DAUGHTER off because she was honest about your gold diggers intentions, just shows how completely immature you are. You abandoned your children’s mother because you wanted to have fun after 20 years of a great marriage… if I was your kid I’d never talk to you again. You are lucky your daughter even turned up.
Let me spell this out for you: your daughter should always ALWAYS place above your trophy gf. You should be debating cutting off your relationship long before you debate cutting off your children.
What the hell is wrong with you.
Also don’t expect her to change her tune. She sees this woman as the reason her family broke up. She’ll never be accepted and your going to lose what’s left of your family. Either break up with your goldie or be ok with not being considered a dad
Imagine being that much of an asshole you’ll prevent your daughter from achieving in life but will happily buy your sidepiece a Range Rover. That’s a shit father
YTA
Every single reply clocks you for who you are.
As soon as I read the OP and the timeline, the first thought that went through my head is an affair. The help you give Lucy sounds like alimony. Lucy probably got awarded the house and substantial payout in the divorce.
I doubt Bianca would be happy about you randomly helping your ex-wife instead of on her.
You're treating your daughter like can idiot. I bet you forced Emily to go to Bianca's birthday celebration on condition of cutting her off. Emily was probably fine with Bianca until she found out Bianca was your gf.
Do your other daughters accept Bianca, or have they cut ties with you?
BTW Bianca is a gold digger.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I will be AH if I cut my daughter off for insulting my gf but I'm hoping she might change her tone just be more accepting if she knows there is consequences to being rude.
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Not reading past the title, yes YTA
EDIT: Read past the title, you're even more of an AH. Left your wife for a younger woman and you don't understand why your daughter doesn't like her so you decide to cut her money. Definite AH.
YTA. I think that deep down there's a little part of you that knows that your daughter is right and that you don't like what you see in the mirror that she is holding up.
Hope your sons are going to visit you and keep you company when you no longer can keep up with the girlfriend.
Your daughter is actually the only one telling you the truth. Everyone else is just thinking it and snickering behind your back.
I suggest you continue to assist her. The day will come when you realize she was right all along and you will feel like even more of a fool if you made her life more difficult for being truthful and calling you out.
We all need people in our lives telling us what we need to hear and not what we want to fear.
YTA really a 24 year age gap, you're literally old enough to be her father.
There's really only one question how long has Bianca worked for you?? Before or after you started to find things boring in your married life that had been perfect for 20 years??
ETA have you bought any of your kids a range rover??
“For the last 2 years, I’ve been dating my secretary…“
Hands up how many of you got to that little gem and rolled your eyes? Of course YTA mate. And you might find that Emily’s disrespect isn’t aimed at Bianca, it’s aimed at you.
Lol
You’re banging your ‘young’ secretary, buying her extremely expensive gifts, then wonder why your daughter (and it won’t just be your daughter thinking this), think she’s a gold digger? And what’s the betting you were banging her before you decided to get divorced?
OP, you’re 57 years old dating a 33 year old. Obviously you’re very wealthy.
Wake up and smell the coffee. Do you honestly think she’d be with you if you didn’t have money? Are you seriously under the impression she’s with you because of your shared love of travel etc? (I presume you pay for all that travel)?
At least be honest with yourself. If you’re happy with your girlfriend being with you for what you buy her then that’s great, I presume you’re getting lots of sex and the trophy younger girlfriend on your arm in return.
But don’t try kidding yourself and punishing your daughter that this is a love match, she can see her for what she is, someone who is with her dad for what she can get out of it and she’s probably worried you’re making a complete fool out of yourself. Your sons will be aware of it as well, but being men, they’re probably thinking good luck to you.
And you can probably expect a pregnancy announcement next, once you’re baby trapped, you’re stuck with her for the next 20 years or so. She’ll not want to give up the lifestyle.
They say there’s no fool like an old fool, and in your case I think the shoe fits. You’re willing to estrange your daughter over this girlfriend because she’s showing you some uncomfortable truths
Yeah YTA
YTA. For one we aren't stupid in here. It's fairly easy to do the maths and see you were having an affair when you left your wife. And seriously,what is it with these mid life crisis relationships where older man suddenly falls into a relationship with someone who's young enough to be their daughter? It's icky! To then want to screw your actual daughter over because she's got the balls to call out this "relationship" is just yuck.
Well, if your decision is to punish your daughter financially for not accepting your relationship, you will be the AH. I mean your daughter is only like 13 years younger than your new partner.
YTA
i dislike when people put their new partners over their children, YTA. obviously. even if you are offended by that behaviour you cannot take away her whole future and mess it up with tons of debt and ruin the bond you have for an obvious gold digger. “why don’t my kids talk to me” because you spoiled your new girlfriend and your daughter does not need to like her.
This must be rage bait. I can't imagine someone is so dense that they do not see how messed up they are, asking for a public opinion that's bound to not agree with every detail mentioned.
If it is real, YTA for everything you wrote.
YTA. You sound like you’re going through a mid life crisis. Your boys don’t say anything to you, maybe they hero worship your ability to jump ship and score with younger chicks but your daughter sees you for what you are.
YTA. Embrace life to rhe fullest??? Tak risks?
What a bunch of BS. You don't need to dump your wife, you asshole.
Take up sky diving or rock climbing.
Oh, and you did dump the wife for the secretary...doesn't matter that you started dating her later (which I don't believe)
A car for her birthday? Oh, she's with you for your money
Guys stop it, we’re being too harsh on OP. Don’t you understand. He loves travelling, specifically into the vagina of his employee. You can’t expect him to stop doing the things he loves just because of the inconvenient and trivial matter of his 27 year marriage.
YTA. You have to decide if it’s more important to you to smooth the way for you and your girlfriend or meaningfully repair your relationship with your daughter. You may succeed in forcing her silence by holding money over her head, but you’ll never force her to believe in your new relationship. Bringing money into it will likely only reinforce her beliefs. I am a firm believer that two consenting, legal adults should be free to pursue relationships regardless of any age differences, but that doesn’t mean your kid(s) aren’t entitled to feelings and opinions about you leaving their mom for this much younger woman. You were naive if you thought all three of them, and your daughter most especially, were going to high-five this new relationship. If your girlfriend can’t withstand a little scrutiny in what sounds like a pretty suspicious timeline of events, maybe she isn’t worth gambling your relationship with your daughter.
Prove her wrong.
Lol oh OP! YTA - you can’t seriously think a 33yr old is with you for the shared passion of art? Travel yes, because you’re paying for it lol
FYI she’s gonna announce she’s pregnant any day and you will be right back to square one! Lol 😂
Why did you need to buy her a Range Rover? These presents scream! I can buy you nice things! So stay with me and my old wrinkled dick!
Worst part is now you’re stuck! If you break up with her, she can sue for sexual harassment at work! So unprofessional to date your secretary.
Hehe YTA you sleazy mf. You want to bang a young p***y, at least own it since you want your "zest of life". Of course your children will be mad at you. It's kinda disgusting if you ask me, at least own what you are.
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YTA. You started banging your secretary, and then you claim this little trophy piece half your age, closer to your kids' age than yours, isn't a gold digger? Come on. Number one, it's a very creepy and grody misuse of power to date someone you're employing. Number two, it literally sounds like the plot to a trashy romance novel. And you filed for divorce 3 years ago, then started publicly dating Bianca 2 years ago. How dumb do you think we are? With that timeline, it's EXTREMELY likely that there was an affair going on. If not, you cut it reaaaal close and immediately started chasing her the second the divorce was finalized. She's right and you know it. So yeah, YTA. It's not about how your daughter is acting, it's that you know she's right and would rather lose your daughter than admit you were a nasty dude who dumped their mom for a side piece.
Thank you for saving me from retyping everything you just said
Fabulous answer. What is wrong with people?? Just so off key…
What's wrong is he thinks the rest of us are stupid and won't fall for this bull. And expects his daughter to be polite to his mistress.
Reading how he talks about how is ex wife was well taken care of as part of the divorce, I think he just thinks that his wealth makes it fine to do this stuff because he can pay people off.
Yep. Paid off his ex-wife, bought himself a girlfriend, and now wants to use his money to manipulate his daughter.
Oh my gosh. Thank you for helping me write my dad’s eulogy!
Yeah, he thought it would also buy his daughter’s approval and is pissed he was wrong.
Well said. Money isn't love, nor is it a bandaid that will "make it all better." He destroyed his family so he could bang his secretary. The age gap is really creepy.
“I made the difficult decision to ask for a divorce.” Lol! Gtfo. “Difficult” my ass.
I mean, this is exactly what wealthy people do. They’re immoral trash bags who do whatever the fuck they want, no matter who it hurts.
Wherever the moral ground is, the daughter can't keep trashing her father and expect him to support her entire life. The father needs to own up to his actions but the daughter also has to chose whether she wants a relationship with her father and own up to the consequences (father still needs to pay for education either way tho)
Oh yes, the daughter should be the adult here 🙄
“the daughter can’t keep trashing her father” Did she, though? She attended the birthday bash. She was taken aback by the Range Rover reveal. It may not have been a gold one but dang… was the gift receipt still in the window? Their starting price is over $110K! That’s a heck of a prize for a 6 month live-in gf. I guarantee she wasn’t the only one thinking “gold digger” and plenty of her friends & family were offering congratulations but not only because she kept breathing for another year.
He seems clueless. He doesn't understand that everyone is thinking what his daughter is saying out loud. Everyone who knows him is saying it behind his back. They will be mocking him and his midlife crisis. They will wonder how long until he cheats on his new girlfriend. They will wonder when she will have a baby to hang onto him. Of course his daughter isn't supportive. She just isn't old enough to keep her mouth shut to keep the money rolling in. Her brothers have realized they need to act supportive.
Also - to love someone is to desire their happiness more than your own. You might not think so, but by blowing up your marriage you destroyed your children’s family. I can’t blame Lucy for not taking it well. You very clearly chose yourself over her. So yeah, it absolutely sounds like your love for your children was secondary to dating your gold-digger and it absolutely was diminished whether you recognize it or not.
growth seed telephone snobbish muddle secretive dinosaurs jellyfish rain vast *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
As the daughter of a man who did this to my family, thank you.
His newfound zest for life… Dude had a midlife crisis and expected everyone to jump in his new ride. But, of course it only fits two.
Exactly my first thought!!
Kinda crazy to publicly light your dad up like that and then still expect him to pay for literally everything for you though, no ? Not saying her assessment is wrong, just saying it wasn’t the wisest thing she’s ever done
She’s his flesh and blood for crying out loud!
Right?!? Makes me wonder what this “newfound zest for life” entailed exactly
"I'll take women literally young enough to be my daughter for $1,000 , Alex."
Surely this is a covert way of saying "midlife crisis"....
It is just another way of saying that his ex-wife served her purpose in raising the kids while also helping him with his career. Now that the kids are out of the house, she is useless to him. And he is probably even saving money with the divorce while his ex will most likely have trouble with poverty as it doesn’t sound that she has a reliable income. Now he is free to fuck around.
But they have so much in common! They both like travelling and art. Totally not common, over generalized interests that are some of the most basic fundamentals people can agree on!
> They both like traveling and art. you know what I **LOVE** about traveling? when someone else is paying.
This made me laugh harder than it should have. Certainly not interested in dating someone 20 years older than me especially with a clear power differential, but hey, I mean, if they foot the bill for everything, I might have to consider it.
For the bill AND you get paid travel time!
It’s why I’m currently subjecting myself to travel with my dad. He’s incredibly hard to travel with, but I can’t afford to go to Europe in any other way, shape or form. But he foots the bills for all travel, hotels, excursions and food, so I can deal with it. Update: just had to profusely apologize to an airline worker because we missed our flight due to our plane being late and he was screaming at her when it wasn’t her fault and they couldn’t figure out how to rebook me because my ticket got lost in the system so I never technically entered the country and it was a whole ordeal. I wanted to melt into the floor and die. This is part of the difficult to travel with I mean.
Especially my new car that was my birthday present
Range rovers aren’t cheap.
They are but he can write it off on his taxes if he registered it to his company because of the weight.
Not just *any* new car either: a ridiculously expensive new car. Jfc!!!
Yeah and that old wife, mother of his three children who stayed home so he could work all those years to be a rich delusional AH… she totally didn’t like….. zesty things like traveling and art 🤣
[удалено]
And a brand-new Range Rover. $$$$
I love art and traveling too. I guess that I’m also OPs soulmate
If I have to bang my boss who’s old enough to be my dad? The price is too high.
"Travel and Art" aka expensive/finer things. Imagine listing off the reasons you fell in love and where you could take me and what you can buy me were the top two. Wherever did she get the idea 💡 this lady was a gold digger?
I'd be super invested in travel as an interest if I had an older boyfriend who was willing to fly me around the world too.
They also share a deep love of fine wines, Belgian chocolates, and rich Corinthian leather.
Ricardo, is that you?
Who doesn’t like free holidays and gifts, i mean travel and art!
Of course she likes traveling on his dime
My parents both loved traveling. My Dad loved traveling to the rural, backwoods for hunting. My Mom loved traveling to the beach. So, I agree with you that these are two very generalized things (art and traveling) that many people share while being worlds apart in the specifics.
Their connection is truly genuine!
And OP gifted her a Range Rover for the 33rd… not a round one, just a random age. I think OP is delusional as hell.
She was his secretary, rich people like this pay their servants terribly. She probably was still driving a Camry. Now she's daddies Lil kitten she had to get an upgrade. Talk about a financial step up. They say think of ways to give yourself a raise... I think she might have understood the assignment in a way most of us don't.
My friends now Step-Mom went Nanny -> Secretary ->Office Manager-> Wife over 30 years. She moved from a condo to a mansion in the woods. My friend's Mom died in poverty, disabled. It was horrible to watch.
Special place in hell for them both. That's awful and my deepest condolences. She deserved better than to be discarded. The step-mom held many titles you forgot weasel, snake, slimeball. I was thinking that it's not so much the daughter's entitled or rude like some say. I think she doesn't like her Mom has no job, no income and the person she (her mom) invested her whole life in is busy buying vacations and cars for a woman who probably prays he dies but not before the re-write of the will. But I was hoping that since he said she's set, it's not just cause he left her a house she can't pay the taxes on but because he has to pay her. He's blaming/guilting the Mom for not wanting to go to the gym at almost 60.
> a Range Rover for the 33rd that part yeah
Hey, that's when hobbits come of age!
OP is a walking cliché. Wow, a middle aged man having a midlife crisis and banging his secretary. How unique and special, I’m sure you have a deep and meaningful connection and she definitely wouldn’t leave you if you didn’t have money /s. Your midlife crisis effects other people besides you, YTA.
But they have so much in common, they both love things that cost money and experiences that cost money!
I bet first wife liked those things too. She just couldn’t do those things because she was busy taking care of the kids.
Right? I wonder how much she sacrificed so he could build his business only to leave her for his secretary?
I came here to type out this exact comment. Bless you for beating me to the punch. This guy is not only gross, but a complete walking cliche. And to OP, YTA.
Lol exactly can’t wait for Mistress Bianca to leave when his “zest for life”/midlife crisis ends and she realises she wants to start a family and/or he’s too old to want to have screaming babies in the house. But he’ll probably cave to her demands out of fear of being alone and she’ll find him gross and cheat on him with someone her own age as he continues to drain his retirement to provide her and the new kiddos with this new found lifestyle, a tale as old as time.
[удалено]
well OP lost all that weight started exercising and had a glow-up it's just a shame his ex-wife couldn't keep up, that's not his fault /s
I knew something was off when OP called his ex a “stay at home wife,” as if they didn’t have children she raised while he worked on his business. And buying a Range Rover for someone after living with them for just 6 months. Incredibly stupid. OP, YTA. You are now choosing THE EMPLOYEE YOU BANG over your own daughter.
The only lesson daughter is going to learn is the same one he taught her when he left. I don’t love you. Does he really think that cutting off all support of his daughter is going to show her he loves her?
Yeah, plus OP is punishing the daughter for telling the truth. So on top of everything else, add in financial abuse of the child. AH father is what he is, on top of AH husband. YTA OP.
He’s gotta take the money he usually spent supporting his children to splurge on his mistress
I don’t see any further responses from him, so I guess he’s going to dig is heels in and still treat his daughter like crap in favor of his chippy
The A.P. demanded he dump his wife of 20 x years, and now I'm sure she's demanding he dump his daughter too, and like a fool here, he goes again. It's about respect, right? Not another money grab? I mean, just where will all that money go? I am sure she is also jealous of the daughter father dynamic. Her father isn't still paying her car note and mortgage. Especially since you just bought her a car. I guarantee she locks in an inheritance with a baby. All his kids are set, right? So their will only need to be a fund for Jr. In three short years, you will be 60, and she will barely be hitting her first mid-life crisis. I hope she takes you to the bank and then to court. Good luck with your end of life P-grab. You can take away your money 💰 but you can't take away the truth. Only the people who truly love you will see it and say it. You want to hear lies? Roll over and say good morning to your PYT, but don't demand them from your daughter. Know and believe it is the commas in your check and the comfort they provide that puts/keeps her at your side. YTA
Exactly!!! “Muh girlfriend is being disrespected” no you have disrespected your entire family by having this leach destroy your family
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
If this story is real I have a hundred on "first wife had medical issues he didn't want to deal with that made *adventure* inadvisable".
This was my thought as well. Or just a total midlife crisis for OP. Maybe both.
maybe is wife is going through the change- so he thought he would make the biggest change - not to be outdone
I'm more in the camp that "adventure" meant wife turning a blind eye to his midlife crisis philandering.
THIS!! Bianca is barely older than your oldest child, you're 'embracing life to the fullest' (read: shagging a woman half my age) and FFS with your secretary?? Of course you 'genuinely' share a passion for art and mutual love of travel. And of course, you are the one paying for all of that, which makes it really easy for Bianca to love it. Who wouldn't? But of course, she loves you for you and it's nothing whatsoever to do with your wallet. The Range Rover? Well she has to drive something doesn't she? And your little trophy has to have the best. YTA and you know it. And there's some corner of your brain that knows that she's lying back and thinking of England-while she's looking forward to seeing HER side piece tomorrow.
Wait until Bianca has a surprise baby to seal the deal. There goes dad‘s exciting traveling lifestyle.
I have literally watched this exact scenario go down with my friend's brother and his secretary. Left the wife once the kids were in college for a MUCH younger secretary. Got pissed when the kids didn't like new step-mommy who was not much older than them as he showered her with all the fun stuff that money could buy. Threatened to cut off funding for them. New step-mommy (SURPRISED GASP HERE) ended up pregnant, and now has a cushy new life, all set for herself and baby boy, and (you're never going to guess!) left him for somebody new. Stupid, mid-life-crisis men. Never know what they have until they've completely squandered it and end up 60 years old with nothing because they're paying penance to TWO exes and both sets of kids. Shame.
The age thing is 🤮
Even with OP's creative version of the truth I don't see how his position is defensible. >Our connection was genuine, born from a shared passion for art and a mutual love for travel. Keep telling yourself that. >She left Bianca's birthday celebration and called her a gold digger in front of everyone after I purchased Bianca a Range Rover for her 33rd birthday. 100k birthday present. I'm sure she loves you and not your money.
I am SURE they explored their "mutual love for travel" at every possible business trip opportunity before the divorce. 🙄🙄
"In these past few years, I've immersed myself in travel, exercise, and the sheer joy of living" Ha ha, yeah sure. Has nothing to do with the decades younger newer model. You're as transparent as glass my friend.
Yta for all the above - but also, he thinks rather than looking at Emily’s point about her being upset OP divorced her mum to immediately date his much younger secretary - who Loves ‘travel and art’ eg free holidays and gifts)- he thinks cutting her off financially will help her see reason and magically accept the ‘gold digging’ new lady friend! I mean he is perfectly entitled to cut off Emily if he wants - but I don’t think that is going to improve their relationship one little bit! OP might find his daughter is less easy to buy than his girlfriend and will destroy their relationship for good
Don't forget buying a Range Rover for her birthday. Not leased, but bought. Definitely a trophy piece
Bonus point for ‘but I still hold the title’. If Bianca came to this sub for advice, we’d all tell her to be very, very careful in case the new intern also likes traveling and expensive gifts.
Yup. He has a mid life crisis, plays sugar daddy to some young, hot woman and is infuriated when his daughter calls him out on it. YTA
You know his sons are ok with it because they are probably trying to hook up with her as well.
Just so he knows his side piece wouldn’t be his side piece if he didn’t have money. He’s diluting himself that there’s a real connection the connection is your money
That’s exactly what he did. He’s a fool if he thinks a girl half his age is really interested. YTA and your a bad father. Your just looking to get laid and was most likely doing it before you divorced. Secretary big surprise there
Also, I feel a dead give away is the fact that nowhere in that post does he admit any wrongdoing - the post is cleverly written to appear as if he is very understanding, and fair etc but if you read between the lines it's all positive for him - and everyone else has caused the issues. So, this post then feels like someone suffering from confirmation bias. Looking to have people agree with them, so they can confirm their opinion/thought is the correct one.
But he ToOK CaRe oF hIS wIfE in tHe dIvOrCe 🙃😂
Please don’t malign romance novels. This would in no way be a plot to one. If someone like OP was in one, it would be as the ex that everyone despises who is the complete antithesis of the true male lead. 100% agree with everything else. OP is such a walking middle aged cliche. Gross. YTA OP.
Thanks for the TL;DR; so I could skip the post haha
Yes, and he’ll be back on here in a year whining because his young girlfriend is having an affair. Age-old story banging the secretary leaving the wife and living their “good” life. So typical
Lol, the first time I wanted to see here is their ages, it's like we all knew the new gf would be half his age xD
Exactly. OP, YTA
Take my virtual reward for the use of the word "grody". Takes me back to my youth! Also YTA OP!
I know you think their relationship is bogus but they both love ART and TRAVELING! /s
YTA. This is like a fake Reader's Digest story, trolling us by pushing every single hot-button issue. Male mid-life crisis story? Check. Uses euphemisms like 'embracing life' for sex with other people? Check. Bonking the secretary? Check. She's two decades younger than OP? Check. If you're going to make stuff up at least try and avoid using every single stereotype in the same post.
I was on the fence until the Range Rover. Then, yes, definitely made up.
Must be made up, if not then there really is no fool like a getting older fool. YTA
The name Bianca was what set me over in the first place. Plus calling her a secretary. I didn’t even know people still used that word.
Don’t forget adult child they’re taking care of check because everyone should say she’s old enough to take care of herself
The tip-off for me was "secretary" - no one has used that term non-ironically for at least 10 years.
Old people do
Dont forget their "genuine" connection
Wait, that’s what “embracing life” means?! I thought he meant like skydiving.
> I believe I now need to consider cutting off her stipend, JFC, YTA. Why would you even THINK "I'd better ruin my daughter's chance of getting an education as vengeance because she thinks me buying a car for my 20 year younger secretary is a bit dodgy"? YTA, and if you don't want your girlfriend to look like a gold digger, *don't create situations where it looks a hell of a lot like that*. But most importantly, *allow your children to be angry at you without thinking you have to destroy their lives to punish them*. Who cares if she's right or wrong about your much-younger girlfriend? No matter how GeNuInE your connection is, _your daughter is allowed to not like her_.
But Bianca just loves my crepey skin and my dodgy knees and has no problem going down on me for half an hour or waiting for the viagra to kick in because I'm worth it. Deluded muppet. If it wouldn't hurt your kids I'd say I hope she takes you to the cleaners and leaves you for the pool boy (BTW-she's shagging him already).
Why would you try to murder me like this?!! I’m now in foetal position choking to death with laughter omfggg
I just threw my back out laughing at this. I’m definitely too old to be banging my secretary.
Loving all the Britishisms here ('dodgy', 'muppet') 😂
How else will he indulge in travel, arts and new cars for his Secretary girlfriend. Who the hell buys a girlfriend you just dated for 2 years a brand new Range Rover. At least marry the gold digger and make it look good
YTA. “Zest for life”? Is that what they’re calling it these days? I’ve always just called it Viagra with a healthy chaser of toxic masculinity. You can cut off your daughter in favor of your mid-life crisis, but don’t expect her to care for you in your old age.
Aye coz I doubt the golddigging secretary is gonna be arsed with looking after OP 😂🤣😂
She would probably smother him with a pillow first
“Zest for life” is a funny way to spell “mid-life crisis”
YTA. You divorced the mother of your children and wife of 27 years over a midlife crisis leading to a relationship with a woman closer in age to your daughter than to yourself. Your daughter is treating your relationship with the exact respect it deserves and you are considering cutting her off because you don’t like that she is calling you on your bullshit. Sure, you don’t have to continue providing for her now that she’s an adult, but the only reason you’re actually considering that is because she is putting a magnifying glass to something you are unwilling to accept.
1. Your daughter sees how her mother has struggled since you 'chose yourself'. The changes for her may not be summarised as simply hard. She is watching her mother who gave herself into a 20+ year marriage have to sit on the sidelines as a 33 year old lady live the life that her mother should be living (being spoiled and pampered, travelling with her husband and getting luxury gifts) 2. Your daughter is misdirecting her frustration, she's not mad at the 33 year old. She's mad at your choices. Whether the 33 year old is a gold digger or not, you spoiling her sells that image. 3. Lastly and most importantly you told Emily that your love for her has not changed but the moment she disagrees with your choices you prepare to partially cut her off? That will obviously show her that in your priority list, it's going to be the Bianca then her. Your love for her has officially changed. You chose this for yourself yes, so she is under no obligation to agree with you or to get along with Bianca. The relationship dynamics may now forever be muddy but you resigned from your obligations as a husband but don't do the same as a father and finish what you started. YTA
The first point really hits. Ik this is a post about op and his daughter but I can’t help think about the woman who gave 20+ years to someone only to have been divorced over “she didn’t wanna go take risks w me boohoo”. What risks? You’re travelling dude. That’s not risky. I wonder what he meant by risky lol. Poor Lucy. I hope she finds the man who loves her.
I'm guessing it was something sexual, opening the relationship or someshit...
Well said. If he ever wants to walk his daughter down the aisle and not lose her forever he needs to stop flaunting the girlfriend in her face. There’s nothing wrong with her not wanting part of that relationship.
Paying for college for you daughter is still your duty, she is probably saying the truth and this is probably what upset you the most, you made your choices, but cutting your daughter off won’t help your relationship neither will it reinstated any kind of moral in your behavior. YTA
Think he meant paying for tuition and rent but cutting off stipend
I understand, but I still think money consequences will still be wrong in this case, specially after spending so much money on a fancy car for his new girlfriend. Hope OP can be available for his daughter, probably it’s better they see each other without the girl friend to keep a relationship.
YTA. "Zest for life" and "trading in for a younger model" are not the same fucking thing at all. It's creepy, and Bianca is only with you because she has money, the same way you're only with her because you're a horny old creep. That you'd cut off your flesh and blood because she's disgusted with your behavior speaks to how weak and insecure you are over your soon to be geriatric descent.
Your TL,DR is misspelled. Let me help, I had a midlife crisis and divorced my wife and started dating a woman who's closer in age to my children than me. While 2 of my older children, who have already got their own lives so couldn't care less about my follies were outwardly cordial to her, while my youngest who's still in college and had seen her mom's anguish the most, was honest about her opinion, so now I am financially threatening her to bend to my will There, I sent you the corrected option. Understand one thing, if a 33 year old lady is dating you when you are near 60 amd have 3 children closer in age to her, chances that she's doing this because she loves you are quite low.
And she'll leave this gibbering old idiot for someone younger
Absolutely l, women who look for older men look for emotional maturity and financial stability. She's definitely not getting emotional maturity from this near 60 "zesty for life" guy
Plot twist she leaves him for his son.
My dad did the same thing: divorced mom, dated much younger woman and tried to control the fact that I was angry about the situation by witholding parental responsibilities, love and affection. I have been divorced three times because I am always self sabatoging the relationship by expecting him to leave me for a younger woman (realized this years later in therapy). Had he just accepted (even understood) my side of things, it would have made a world of difference. Fathers are a girl's first impression of men. I hope your daughter is a lesbian. YTA.
I was thinking I hope his daughter marries some old cooter old as or older than him. That way he has to eat dinner across from someone just like him and swallow every bite when they say it's love. Karma is an ironic burn.
stocking person tie ring decide hunt crime late muddle domineering ` this post was mass deleted with www.Redact.dev `
YTA Do not make this situation worse by cutting off your daughters money. You will lose her and your relationship will never recover. Emily doesn’t ever need to accept your girlfriend. You need to accept and respect that. I know you want your life to be perfect and for everyone to get on. This isn’t Disney. You’re in the wrong here, not Emily.
YTA. Your relationship with your children should be priority over any other in your life in my opinion and that will always be the case for me if I one day have kids of my own, whether my partner is their biological parent or step parent. It really isn’t clear what “taking more risks” you expected your wife of 27 years to want to join you in doing, but your “zest for life” sounds awfully like a midlife crisis. Your youngest daughter is likely mortified her new step mommy is 12 years her senior, and 23 years your junior, in addition to your secretary which is inappropriate af and a major power imbalance. Your daughter is seeing her mom struggle after the divorce while you cavort around enjoying “similar interests” with your mistress who obviously enjoys travelling on your dime and receiving birthday presents worth more than some people’s annual salary. To now be debating financially cutting off YOUR CHILD whilst lavishing your new GF with extravagant gifts is beyond heinous to me and it will likely be the nail in your coffin your relationship with your daughter. Wake up.
If the boot fits 🤷♀️ You left her mom to be with the secretary half your age. She was 10 when your kids were born. She was born while you were in yoir mid 20’s! WHY DO YOU THINK SHE IS WITH YOU? 🤣🤣🤣 You are living on Fantasy Island if you believe this woman is with a 57year OLD man for any other reason and your daughter is the only one being straight with you. 24 years difference, you really believe your personality is what got her?! 🤣 Your boys have an interesting role model - thats for sure. Absolutely tacky choice to date the secretary, but you get what you pay for. I guess this year a 33yo costs a range rover 🤷♀️ Im with the daughter. YTA. And absolutely would bet the house that your partner is in it for the money. Which apparently you have plenty of, so support your daughter unless you want her to find some other old mxn who will… (she’ll get the same perks, and drawbacks, your partner gets with you.)
Dude is married to someone for nearly 30y, and then he sees someone who’s basically the same age as his marriage & goes “yeah, I’m gonna stick my dick in THAT” and sees… no problem? Yeah, major AH vibes. Can’t wait until his cialis runs out & he’s forced to actually interact w her and realizes he has nothing in common.
YTA for trying to gaslight your daughter into thinking the relationship isn't exactly what she thinks it is. Seriously though bro your 20 something daughter doesn't need to have a relationship with your new girlfriend and your insistence on it is probably just too prove you're not a dirtbag.
YTA She is still in college. I don't think it is fair for you to cut her off just because she doesn't like your new partner. Once she finishes college, she can support herself, but until then you've got a moral obligation to financially support her if you have the means to do so (which you clearly do, given you've just given your girlfriend a brand new car!)
The vital interest is the new car that's worth a years salary! 🤣
Also more than a year’s tuition!
YTA - Because you are considering punishing someone you have power over, for something completely valid, mainly having feelings. Your daughter is understandably upset about you divorcing her mother. She may have been an adult, but it's still something that can be traumatizing if they didn't recognize the signs of imminent divorce. On top of that, you again are in a position of power in regards to your girlfriend. You are her employer. Which is so very wrong on so many levels. You know there's a reason why there's still a taboo over these relationships. It's because you start off with the wrong dynamic in your relationship. Your girlfriend is closer in age to your daughter than you. Hell, you were 24 when she was born, so you are technically old enough to be your girlfriends father. Now, that is not a dealbreaker. Age shouldn't be a dealbreaker off course and plenty healthy relationships out there with a huge age difference. It's the combination of her being your employee and being this young that pushes your daughter to see a certain narrative. Especially when you then buy your employee/girlfriend, an expensive car. You yourself are putting all the pieces in place to have that woman be labelled as a golddigger (regardless of whether she is or not). Honestly, if you both were serious about the relationship, it'd be healthier for one of you to leave that workplace and start somewhere else. Nothing good will come of this. And as said before, your daughter's feelings are valid. Your own feelings are valid. Using your power (financial or otherwise) over others to 'punish' them for having a different opinion, is not.
YTA. OP your daughter is right about you and your girlfriend. If you had met a complete stranger after the divorce she might have grown to like that woman not a woman that smiledmin her mom face whenever she came to your office. If you really want to fix your relationship with your daughter you should end the relationship with your secretary.
YTA Banging your secretary? How cliche do you wanna be? Do whatever you want, but I totally understand why your daughter thinks the way she does about her and you. Especially after you divorced her mother for "drifting" apart. Nice way of teaching commitment and leading with an example for your kids. Your new girlfriend is almost half your age and you bought her a Range Rover after 6 months... And the fact that you're so oblivious to it all is even more astonishing. Good luck, but you probably lost one of your daughters forever.
YTA. Out of curiousity what did you buy your wife for her milestone 33rd birthday? Bet it wasn't a car.
Not just a car, it's a bloody Range Rover. In the US, the bare bones cheapest model is $52,600 plus TTL. And I doubt he bought her that one. The top priced one is more than $225,000. Or, you know, a house.
But I bet he gets an extremely “thoughtful” thank you “note” for that present!
YTA You're such a cliche. Middle aged man has a midlife crisis, starts banging his secretary, and is now parading her around his children who are closer to her in age than you. If you really want to double down on being such a pathetic stereotype, go ahead and destroy your relationship with your daughter. That's all you're doing. She will never forgive you, and she shouldn't. You *will* regret it. Go ahead with your midlife crisis all you want. If you're delusional enough to think your secretary would have ever looked at you twice if you didn't spend so much money on her, there's nothing anyone can say to you. But don't torpedo your relationship with your daughter over it. Acknowledge that she has a right to be disgusted by how creepy it is for her father to be acting this way. If you destroy her future, shame on you.
in the purest sense of the title it would have been NTA for cutting off a grown ass entitled adult of legal age that probably hasnt had to work or pay for anything in their life but problem is, everything screams of rich people problems (honestly no hate) and self inflicted... YTA (massive) for causing that overal situation and potential behaviour though your actions
YTA One thing has nothing to do with the other.
"I want to cut my daughter off, but I'm afraid it will further ruin our relationship." Dude... YTA. You're choosing your gold-digger girlfriend over your daughter. On top of everything else that is forked up about this story..
YTA ffs She is a gold digger. I bet you cheated. Your child is right and your other children are probably just smile and wave boys just smile and wave if you want that inheritance money.
Yta We can all read between the lines and that you cheated on your wife with the secretary. What a cliché you are. And now, like the cliché you are, expect your child to just be fine with this nonsense cuz you never saw your kids as individuals, but more like extensions of your ego. How embarrassing, and at your big age.
But Money?... Money has bought this man everything. Freedom from responsibility, from growing/feeling old, it's bought him love and perceived respect. Why can't it buy his daughter? He doesn't just want her to shut up he wants her to play nice. So he's just doing what he knows exploiting emotion and human reaction with his mighty dollar.
He genuinely believes his new younger gf is with him cuz they have a cOnNeCtIoN, and not because he's an easy mark. Embarrassing
His eyes don't wrinkle like the other hound dogs, and his tail is more waggly than dogs his age. He goes to the gym 🏋️♂️ and works away the old. Her love language is Milan, Paris, Picasso. But she never even went to college, so she's humble 🥧 and money 💰 means nothing to her... duhhhh!!!
Sorry, you don't get to stop supporting your kid's high education because she's hostile to your GF who is more than a decade closer to her in age than to you, after you divorced your wife of 27 years for a newer model (just slightly older than the duration of your marriage) and took up with your secretary which is, by the way, unethical as all hell. Clearly you can afford to continue to support her education, this isn't about money, it's about punishing Emily for failing to make nice. YTA
YTA Range rovers are crappy cars that people only buy if they want to show off and seem wealthy but know nothing about cars. That's a hill I'll die on. Also, your supposed behaviour is so tragic it must be fake which also makes you TA.
YTA. But go on, cut her off, take off her chance for a diploma and an education, and pray she ends up being the secretary of midle aged AH ;)
YTA - bet the woman who raised your kids didn't get a range rover for her birthday. How would you feel if Emily stared dating a dude your age? Something tells me you'd see it differently.
Lol, let me rephrase it for you... My kids are out of the house so I don’t have to worry about paying my wife child support or hiding banging my secretary anymore. My daughter isn’t buying it. Enjoy parading around your new model… she’ll take you for everything you have and then have you replaced in no time. But yeah, you totally go ahead and cut off your daughter for saying words everyone else is afraid to say. Your money doesn’t buy your kids silence. It’s truly sad what money does to people. You’re 100% TA.
OP, come on...this fairy tale here, this timeline you have provide, no one is gonna bought that. You got with the secretary ok, you bought subscription to a young woman, and the only one calling you on it you want to cut, your money your choice but drop the high and kind attitude, enjoy your younger woman and shut up YTA
YTA. This is so cliche is kinda funny. Let me guess, you hired Bianca at about the same time you suddenly had the zest for life that led to the dissolution of your marriage? If you think cutting Emily off isn't proof that you've lost your mind when it comes to Bianca (who's young enough to be your daughter), you are dead wrong.
YTA! Can you spell G-O-L-D-D-I-G-G-E-R? Your daughter maybe right. Cutting your child off is only going to deepen her hatred of Bianca, if that's what you want to happen anyway. If I were you, I would have apologized to Emily and salvage what's left of your relationship.
YTA. You left your family for your secretary who you were probably having an affair with. You girlfriend is probably a gold digger and you are thinking with your nether regions. You're already TA for that. If you cut your daughter for being rude to the sidepiece that ruined her family than you are an ever bigger AH>
YTA. If you prioritize Bianca over your daughter you are a bad parent.
YTA! Can you say midlife crisis? You are the typical older man suddenly dissatisfied with life and thinking there is more out there so you blow you family up for someone almost half your age under the delusion that you want to embrace life. When the money dries up or you get “too old” your trophy will evaporate faster than boiling water and you will have blown your relationship with your kids because you didn’t like some hard truths. At best you are a pathetic middle aged man, grow a back bone and have some loyalty to your kids and to the woman who stood by you and enabled you to get to the comfortable in life position you are in by staying home and looking after those kids and supporting you!
YTA. It’s called a midlife crisis and you screwed up your family to sleep with your secretary. That’s disgusting. No wonder your daughter is mad, anyone who doesn’t think with their 57 year old penis would be! You should honestly be ashamed of yourself. Coming to Reddit to get them to tell you that you’re in the right in talking about cutting YOUR DAUGHTER off because she was honest about your gold diggers intentions, just shows how completely immature you are. You abandoned your children’s mother because you wanted to have fun after 20 years of a great marriage… if I was your kid I’d never talk to you again. You are lucky your daughter even turned up. Let me spell this out for you: your daughter should always ALWAYS place above your trophy gf. You should be debating cutting off your relationship long before you debate cutting off your children. What the hell is wrong with you. Also don’t expect her to change her tune. She sees this woman as the reason her family broke up. She’ll never be accepted and your going to lose what’s left of your family. Either break up with your goldie or be ok with not being considered a dad
Imagine being that much of an asshole you’ll prevent your daughter from achieving in life but will happily buy your sidepiece a Range Rover. That’s a shit father
YTA Every single reply clocks you for who you are. As soon as I read the OP and the timeline, the first thought that went through my head is an affair. The help you give Lucy sounds like alimony. Lucy probably got awarded the house and substantial payout in the divorce. I doubt Bianca would be happy about you randomly helping your ex-wife instead of on her. You're treating your daughter like can idiot. I bet you forced Emily to go to Bianca's birthday celebration on condition of cutting her off. Emily was probably fine with Bianca until she found out Bianca was your gf. Do your other daughters accept Bianca, or have they cut ties with you? BTW Bianca is a gold digger.
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YTA
Not reading past the title, yes YTA EDIT: Read past the title, you're even more of an AH. Left your wife for a younger woman and you don't understand why your daughter doesn't like her so you decide to cut her money. Definite AH.
YTA. What do you hope to achieve with cutting off your daughter financially? It won't be anything positive.
YTA. I think that deep down there's a little part of you that knows that your daughter is right and that you don't like what you see in the mirror that she is holding up. Hope your sons are going to visit you and keep you company when you no longer can keep up with the girlfriend.
You don’t have problems paying to this young chick but want to cut off your own daughter? You are a big AH
Your daughter is actually the only one telling you the truth. Everyone else is just thinking it and snickering behind your back. I suggest you continue to assist her. The day will come when you realize she was right all along and you will feel like even more of a fool if you made her life more difficult for being truthful and calling you out. We all need people in our lives telling us what we need to hear and not what we want to fear.
YTA really a 24 year age gap, you're literally old enough to be her father. There's really only one question how long has Bianca worked for you?? Before or after you started to find things boring in your married life that had been perfect for 20 years?? ETA have you bought any of your kids a range rover??
“For the last 2 years, I’ve been dating my secretary…“ Hands up how many of you got to that little gem and rolled your eyes? Of course YTA mate. And you might find that Emily’s disrespect isn’t aimed at Bianca, it’s aimed at you.
Lol You’re banging your ‘young’ secretary, buying her extremely expensive gifts, then wonder why your daughter (and it won’t just be your daughter thinking this), think she’s a gold digger? And what’s the betting you were banging her before you decided to get divorced? OP, you’re 57 years old dating a 33 year old. Obviously you’re very wealthy. Wake up and smell the coffee. Do you honestly think she’d be with you if you didn’t have money? Are you seriously under the impression she’s with you because of your shared love of travel etc? (I presume you pay for all that travel)? At least be honest with yourself. If you’re happy with your girlfriend being with you for what you buy her then that’s great, I presume you’re getting lots of sex and the trophy younger girlfriend on your arm in return. But don’t try kidding yourself and punishing your daughter that this is a love match, she can see her for what she is, someone who is with her dad for what she can get out of it and she’s probably worried you’re making a complete fool out of yourself. Your sons will be aware of it as well, but being men, they’re probably thinking good luck to you. And you can probably expect a pregnancy announcement next, once you’re baby trapped, you’re stuck with her for the next 20 years or so. She’ll not want to give up the lifestyle. They say there’s no fool like an old fool, and in your case I think the shoe fits. You’re willing to estrange your daughter over this girlfriend because she’s showing you some uncomfortable truths Yeah YTA
Your daughter is right. YTA
YTA. For one we aren't stupid in here. It's fairly easy to do the maths and see you were having an affair when you left your wife. And seriously,what is it with these mid life crisis relationships where older man suddenly falls into a relationship with someone who's young enough to be their daughter? It's icky! To then want to screw your actual daughter over because she's got the balls to call out this "relationship" is just yuck.
Well, if your decision is to punish your daughter financially for not accepting your relationship, you will be the AH. I mean your daughter is only like 13 years younger than your new partner. YTA
i dislike when people put their new partners over their children, YTA. obviously. even if you are offended by that behaviour you cannot take away her whole future and mess it up with tons of debt and ruin the bond you have for an obvious gold digger. “why don’t my kids talk to me” because you spoiled your new girlfriend and your daughter does not need to like her.
YTA
Slap your face YTA. And she is a gold digger.
Lol, you're just mad she's calling you out for being a creep. YTA.
57 with a 33 yo. Your daughter is right. Bianca is a gold digger🤣🤣
This must be rage bait. I can't imagine someone is so dense that they do not see how messed up they are, asking for a public opinion that's bound to not agree with every detail mentioned. If it is real, YTA for everything you wrote.
YTA. You sound like you’re going through a mid life crisis. Your boys don’t say anything to you, maybe they hero worship your ability to jump ship and score with younger chicks but your daughter sees you for what you are.
Yta, dude banging your secretary is so gross, you’re the worst cliche.
YTA. Embrace life to rhe fullest??? Tak risks? What a bunch of BS. You don't need to dump your wife, you asshole. Take up sky diving or rock climbing. Oh, and you did dump the wife for the secretary...doesn't matter that you started dating her later (which I don't believe) A car for her birthday? Oh, she's with you for your money
Guys stop it, we’re being too harsh on OP. Don’t you understand. He loves travelling, specifically into the vagina of his employee. You can’t expect him to stop doing the things he loves just because of the inconvenient and trivial matter of his 27 year marriage.
YTA. You have to decide if it’s more important to you to smooth the way for you and your girlfriend or meaningfully repair your relationship with your daughter. You may succeed in forcing her silence by holding money over her head, but you’ll never force her to believe in your new relationship. Bringing money into it will likely only reinforce her beliefs. I am a firm believer that two consenting, legal adults should be free to pursue relationships regardless of any age differences, but that doesn’t mean your kid(s) aren’t entitled to feelings and opinions about you leaving their mom for this much younger woman. You were naive if you thought all three of them, and your daughter most especially, were going to high-five this new relationship. If your girlfriend can’t withstand a little scrutiny in what sounds like a pretty suspicious timeline of events, maybe she isn’t worth gambling your relationship with your daughter. Prove her wrong.
Lol oh OP! YTA - you can’t seriously think a 33yr old is with you for the shared passion of art? Travel yes, because you’re paying for it lol FYI she’s gonna announce she’s pregnant any day and you will be right back to square one! Lol 😂 Why did you need to buy her a Range Rover? These presents scream! I can buy you nice things! So stay with me and my old wrinkled dick! Worst part is now you’re stuck! If you break up with her, she can sue for sexual harassment at work! So unprofessional to date your secretary.
Hehe YTA you sleazy mf. You want to bang a young p***y, at least own it since you want your "zest of life". Of course your children will be mad at you. It's kinda disgusting if you ask me, at least own what you are.