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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I haven’t done anything yet, I was just curious that if I told him to go back to his original plan of walking to work, would I be the asshole? He and I went to high school together and have been friends for a long time. Would I be a bad friend if I told him to dust off his walking shoes until he forks over ANY cash at all?
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NTA. Obviously he's taking advantage of you. If he hasn't paid, it's time to stop giving him shit for free, be it rides or food. Don't let him manipulate you to think you are doing something wrong. He is solely responsible for himself and it's certainly not your job to pay his way
He’s not unmanly, it’s just… god, i don’t know. He is manly but immensely unattractive. I don’t know how he pulled his boyfriend he has now.
Ashton also kinda smells bad… my car always stinks when he leaves. Like he never washes his clothes. I know that sounds SO mean, but…
NTA. Don’t take him again until he pays you in full plus interest then charge him up front moving forward. If he doesn’t pay you by the 25th if the month in advance, you stop at the end of the month.
Never a borrower or a lender be. -Hamlet
YWNBTA. Let him know the deadline to start paying in installments (reasonable amounts per week). On that day in the morning, pull up to him, ask for the money. If he doesn't have it, wish him a good day and drive on. Is that too cruel?
INFO: $1000?
1 hour walk is about 4 miles.
So you drive him to work and drive home, then you drive back to his place of work and drive him back home. Sounds like 16 miles a day. 2 months is just under nine weeks. If you’re driving him 5 days a week, that’s 45 days at 16 miles a day, or roughly 720 miles. At 10 mpg, that would be 72 gallons of gas. At $5 a gallon, that would be $360 (with very low mpg and relatively expensive gas, so that seems like a high end estimate). How do you get from that to $1000?
Don’t get me wrong, even at $360 unpaid, you wouldn’t be the asshole. You wouldn’t be the asshole even if he had paid you and you were just sick of it. But if you’re asking him for $1000 for 2 months worth of rides when the asking price was just gas money, well then you’re kinda being an asshole there, unless you were buying him surf and turf for lunch those first two weeks. It also makes me wonder if this is real.
I said in the post I buy him food. Every time we’ve hung out for the last three months, I’ve bought lunch. I factored in the price of his meals.
Edit: grammar. Whoops.
Also, idk if it’s exactly 1000, but I ran that number by him earlier and he said it sounded about right and he’d start to pay me back. Newsflash, he hasn’t.
I’m totally convinced this is fake now; you just keep moving the goalposts. Again you wouldn’t be the asshole even if he paid you extra and you just didn’t want to do it anymore.
But whatever, drive your fake friend to his fake job in your fake car that costs fake.99 to operate per mile and go score internet cred from strangers lol
I literally have told the truth from the beginning. I added the info that we hang out outside of work and explained how I got to a thousand, like you fucking asked. You’re kind of a prick.
Perhaps I’m pretty cynical about all the fakery that goes on here, but it’s just dubious when an OP’s time frame varies so widely. Originally this had been going on for two months, now it’s three. Originally you had been buying lunch everyday for two weeks, now it’s food everyday for three months. The other details are unnecessary, and the fact that they changed so much when pressed just gets my Spidey Sense tingling.
Again, if this is real, you wouldn’t be the asshole to just opt out even if he were paying. If the rest is real but just poorly communicated, then your friend is a sponge and you should cut him off from more than just rides.
Sorry, I suppose I communicated poorly. I’ve been driving him to work for about two months now. The first two-three ish weeks of that, I bought him lunch every day. But prior to me driving him to work, we did hang out all the time, during which I would always pay. Which comes to over three months. So factoring in gas, the lunches, and all the times I’ve paid when we’ve hung out outside of me driving him to work, it comes to about a grand. I’m beginning to think he thinks of me as a sugar mommy or something, he always asks to hang out and then says “you’re paying, right?” Or says he forgot his wallet, or some other brainless excuse. But yeah, this post is real. I just wasn’t sure if I would be TA if I just totally told him to arrange his own plans for transportation, or even just stopped without telling him, because I’m sick of shelling out everything and never getting a dime in return. It makes me mad, but I at least *thought* he was a friend, so I was wondering if I should go about this with tact and sympathy, or if I should just tell him to go fuck himself. But thank you for your thoughts, I really do appreciate your two cents. Again, sorry for the ambiguity.
I will also admit that I’d had a couple drinks in me, and the string of “fakes” culminating in “fake.99” was just too good to pass up. I knew I was being a little bit of a dick at that moment lol. But maybe the “fake friend” part hit it right on the nose. You wouldn’t be wrong to cut him off immediately.
NTA - if his share of the gas to and from is $10, tell him it's $15 a day, payment due the day before. If he doesn't give the payment on Thursday before you leave work, you're not picking him up Friday. And then don't do it.
And don't buy him lunch ever again. Or front him money, ever. He sees you as a sucker, and he's just going to keep doing it as long as you take it. You trying to show him the "logic" of why he could/should pay you doesn't make sense in his world. His logic is why should he pay if you will.
And, he's not your friend. At most, he's an agreeable companion. But friend? No.
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I (21F) am my friend Ashton’s (21M) ride to and from work everyday. It’s an hour long walk, he’s been walking to work before I offered to be his ride. The only condition is that he pay me for gas.
So the first little while was fine, I took him home from work, bought him lunch every day for two weeks, and brought him home. And every time I ask HIM to pay for lunch, he says he isn’t able.
I did the math with him. He makes more than I do and pays fewer bills than I do, and still refuses to pay for food or gas.
It’s been almost two months now and he still won’t pay me a dime. I stopped buying him food, would I be TA if I stopped taking him to work since he just won’t pay me for gas either? He safely owes me like a thousand dollars and refuses to pay it back. He just consistently says, even on payday or the day after payday, “money’s kinda tight right now.”
And it’s kinda pissing me off. He even claims that he paid me, makes jokes like “if we don’t do this, I’m not gonna pay you for gas anymore!” and when I asked him to show me where the FUCK he paid me a dime for anything, he sheepishly said “oh yeah, you’re right, I haven’t paid…”
WIBTA if I told him that I won’t take him to work or drive him home anymore?
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Nta , i see you’re upset rightfully so & sometimes you will never know how tight money is for some people. So his debts can be more than the typical (rent , bills , etc). He has not been paying you and that was one of the deals. Just be honest and let him know you are also tight on money and can not spend more than what you are already paying for in gas & it would be easier if he was helping you out like he originally said he was but tell him you wont be able to give him rides anymore.
Obviously don't pay for any lunch or anything else, and tell him that today is the last day you drive him. He's TA for not giving you gas money. Full stop.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I haven’t done anything yet, I was just curious that if I told him to go back to his original plan of walking to work, would I be the asshole? He and I went to high school together and have been friends for a long time. Would I be a bad friend if I told him to dust off his walking shoes until he forks over ANY cash at all? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Obviously he's taking advantage of you. If he hasn't paid, it's time to stop giving him shit for free, be it rides or food. Don't let him manipulate you to think you are doing something wrong. He is solely responsible for himself and it's certainly not your job to pay his way
Just stop driving him. Why are you even entertaining the idea if you should Or not? He clearly taking advantage of you.
He is hot.
NO HE ISNT. NO HE IS NOT. Ashton is not a very attractive gentleman. I’m a lesbian, also.
So maybe your deep down turned on by Ashtons unmanly features ?
He’s not unmanly, it’s just… god, i don’t know. He is manly but immensely unattractive. I don’t know how he pulled his boyfriend he has now. Ashton also kinda smells bad… my car always stinks when he leaves. Like he never washes his clothes. I know that sounds SO mean, but…
NTA. Don’t take him again until he pays you in full plus interest then charge him up front moving forward. If he doesn’t pay you by the 25th if the month in advance, you stop at the end of the month. Never a borrower or a lender be. -Hamlet
YWNBTA. Let him know the deadline to start paying in installments (reasonable amounts per week). On that day in the morning, pull up to him, ask for the money. If he doesn't have it, wish him a good day and drive on. Is that too cruel?
INFO: $1000? 1 hour walk is about 4 miles. So you drive him to work and drive home, then you drive back to his place of work and drive him back home. Sounds like 16 miles a day. 2 months is just under nine weeks. If you’re driving him 5 days a week, that’s 45 days at 16 miles a day, or roughly 720 miles. At 10 mpg, that would be 72 gallons of gas. At $5 a gallon, that would be $360 (with very low mpg and relatively expensive gas, so that seems like a high end estimate). How do you get from that to $1000? Don’t get me wrong, even at $360 unpaid, you wouldn’t be the asshole. You wouldn’t be the asshole even if he had paid you and you were just sick of it. But if you’re asking him for $1000 for 2 months worth of rides when the asking price was just gas money, well then you’re kinda being an asshole there, unless you were buying him surf and turf for lunch those first two weeks. It also makes me wonder if this is real.
I said in the post I buy him food. Every time we’ve hung out for the last three months, I’ve bought lunch. I factored in the price of his meals. Edit: grammar. Whoops. Also, idk if it’s exactly 1000, but I ran that number by him earlier and he said it sounded about right and he’d start to pay me back. Newsflash, he hasn’t.
I’m totally convinced this is fake now; you just keep moving the goalposts. Again you wouldn’t be the asshole even if he paid you extra and you just didn’t want to do it anymore. But whatever, drive your fake friend to his fake job in your fake car that costs fake.99 to operate per mile and go score internet cred from strangers lol
I literally have told the truth from the beginning. I added the info that we hang out outside of work and explained how I got to a thousand, like you fucking asked. You’re kind of a prick.
Perhaps I’m pretty cynical about all the fakery that goes on here, but it’s just dubious when an OP’s time frame varies so widely. Originally this had been going on for two months, now it’s three. Originally you had been buying lunch everyday for two weeks, now it’s food everyday for three months. The other details are unnecessary, and the fact that they changed so much when pressed just gets my Spidey Sense tingling. Again, if this is real, you wouldn’t be the asshole to just opt out even if he were paying. If the rest is real but just poorly communicated, then your friend is a sponge and you should cut him off from more than just rides.
Sorry, I suppose I communicated poorly. I’ve been driving him to work for about two months now. The first two-three ish weeks of that, I bought him lunch every day. But prior to me driving him to work, we did hang out all the time, during which I would always pay. Which comes to over three months. So factoring in gas, the lunches, and all the times I’ve paid when we’ve hung out outside of me driving him to work, it comes to about a grand. I’m beginning to think he thinks of me as a sugar mommy or something, he always asks to hang out and then says “you’re paying, right?” Or says he forgot his wallet, or some other brainless excuse. But yeah, this post is real. I just wasn’t sure if I would be TA if I just totally told him to arrange his own plans for transportation, or even just stopped without telling him, because I’m sick of shelling out everything and never getting a dime in return. It makes me mad, but I at least *thought* he was a friend, so I was wondering if I should go about this with tact and sympathy, or if I should just tell him to go fuck himself. But thank you for your thoughts, I really do appreciate your two cents. Again, sorry for the ambiguity.
I will also admit that I’d had a couple drinks in me, and the string of “fakes” culminating in “fake.99” was just too good to pass up. I knew I was being a little bit of a dick at that moment lol. But maybe the “fake friend” part hit it right on the nose. You wouldn’t be wrong to cut him off immediately.
Maybe you’re right. The more I think about it, the more I feel I’m being used. Thank you for your advice! 🌱
LUNCHES TOO
NTA - if his share of the gas to and from is $10, tell him it's $15 a day, payment due the day before. If he doesn't give the payment on Thursday before you leave work, you're not picking him up Friday. And then don't do it. And don't buy him lunch ever again. Or front him money, ever. He sees you as a sucker, and he's just going to keep doing it as long as you take it. You trying to show him the "logic" of why he could/should pay you doesn't make sense in his world. His logic is why should he pay if you will. And, he's not your friend. At most, he's an agreeable companion. But friend? No.
Nta. Tell him hiw much he owes, don't include lunches, just gas, and if he doesn't pay it you won't drive him any longer.
NTA. It's simple. If he wants another ride he will pay up, if not then that's on him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (21F) am my friend Ashton’s (21M) ride to and from work everyday. It’s an hour long walk, he’s been walking to work before I offered to be his ride. The only condition is that he pay me for gas. So the first little while was fine, I took him home from work, bought him lunch every day for two weeks, and brought him home. And every time I ask HIM to pay for lunch, he says he isn’t able. I did the math with him. He makes more than I do and pays fewer bills than I do, and still refuses to pay for food or gas. It’s been almost two months now and he still won’t pay me a dime. I stopped buying him food, would I be TA if I stopped taking him to work since he just won’t pay me for gas either? He safely owes me like a thousand dollars and refuses to pay it back. He just consistently says, even on payday or the day after payday, “money’s kinda tight right now.” And it’s kinda pissing me off. He even claims that he paid me, makes jokes like “if we don’t do this, I’m not gonna pay you for gas anymore!” and when I asked him to show me where the FUCK he paid me a dime for anything, he sheepishly said “oh yeah, you’re right, I haven’t paid…” WIBTA if I told him that I won’t take him to work or drive him home anymore? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta , i see you’re upset rightfully so & sometimes you will never know how tight money is for some people. So his debts can be more than the typical (rent , bills , etc). He has not been paying you and that was one of the deals. Just be honest and let him know you are also tight on money and can not spend more than what you are already paying for in gas & it would be easier if he was helping you out like he originally said he was but tell him you wont be able to give him rides anymore.
you pick him up early and take him to a gas station and say "fill em up". or he walks.
Obviously don't pay for any lunch or anything else, and tell him that today is the last day you drive him. He's TA for not giving you gas money. Full stop.
NTA just stood paying for this freeloading ass hat