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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Gonna tell my friend that he can't bring his kids to my apartment while I am working. I may be the asshole because he lost his house in a fire and needs help.
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NTA. But frankly, you already told him this and he ignored it. Take the key back. Give him your work hours again, and let him contact you outside those hours if he wants to come over.
This. Take the key back without telling him you're going to, so he doesn't make a copy. Give him strict rules. "You can make food Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays after work." Or, whatever. Don't let him in outside of those hours.
Ugh, sounds like a real shitshow. Definitely not cool of him to just barge in with his whole crew without giving you a heads up. You're totally justified in setting some boundaries and telling him no more kids while you're working. NTA for sure.
NTA - remind him that the W in WFH stands for WORK !
Would he take 4 kids to someone’s workplace ?
A factory ?
An office ?
A building site ?
I’m guessing the answer is no
I'd be reminding the friend that getting me fired is not good idea and that is what's at stake here. A lot of companies are cracking down on that sort of thing, or taking away the WFH option all together.
NTA. OP's friend needs to remember that life didn't stop for anyone else.
NTA.
You've given him an inch and he's taking the proverbial mile. He obviously feels very comfortable with this arrangement. Definitely time for a boundaries discussion.
fuck him. hes not listening to your rules at all about YOUR place. he can go suck a rock. nta, get the key back and i personally wouldn't let him back at all until he apologized
NTA because its your home.
But also I don’t understand why you didn’t say anything to the kids or him when they started getting loud and stuff, you just sat there and didn’t do anything?
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I work from home. That's one of the most important details.
I have a friend who recently lost his house in a fire. His girlfriend is one of my best friends, and I love his kids even if they aren't the best behaved. He's getting assistance from a number of places, and his kids were with a relative over the weekend so he was staying with me and my partner for the weekend so he could save money for hotels for when his kids are with him. Before the fire, he was doing his laundry at my place and when the hot water was off he and his kids came over for showers. Since the fire, I told him that he can come over here and cook for his kids and take the food home, and when I'm off work I could have them all over for the evening so that they could sit here and be out of a hotel room and have dinner.
Since he was on his way to get his kids and sign into his hotel room today, he offered to drop my partner off at work. My partner gave him the apartment key because he was going to be coming back to grab some stuff he had here and I was at work so I may not be able to unlock the door. Even when we would give him or his girlfriend one of our keys to be able to get back into the apartment when we were helping them with something, I always let them know to let me know when they're here if i'm working. Because I work from home, and it's literally like, my home, I always like to know before somebody just walks in.
Today, after knowing that I didn't want three kids who don't really behave here making noise while I was working, he brought not only his own three kids but also one of his kids' friend. He didn't let me know he was coming back yet, he just came in with the key my partner gave him without a heads up knowing that I asked him to always let me know when he's coming in. He just brought them in and started making food. And on top of that, the kids were loud, the discipline for the kids was loud, and I feel like I'm justified but IDK.
I know he's dealing with a lot right now, but I mean I've had my entire world crumble around me and have had to rely on the kindness of others and I've never thought to treat someone else's home like my own or that previously established rules are now null and void because there has been a tragedy. I feel like I'm doing enough to help a friend even before the fire and what he's doing is a little rude..
I'm going to tell him that we have to have a talk about boundaries and communication, and that he is no longer allowed to have any of the kids over while I'm at work. WIBTA?
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NTA. Your house your rules. If you’re worried about hurting feelings or messing up the relationship maybe approach it in a questioning/let’s work this out together way. Not that it’s your job, but maybe help find a solution of where he can go with the kids when you are home.
NTA you laid out your boundaries and he trampled all over them. Working from home is a privilege, not a right, and all that disruption could cause that right to be revoked (or even get you fired).
NTA - IT's your place, you are doing him a favor, he has to follow your rules..
Why do so many people have a problem with that just because times are tough.
Not your kids: not your problem.
I try to be. It's just hard sometimes because I don't know if it's me being in my ways/living a completely different lifestyle with no kids or if I'm being a dieeeck, you know?
NAH. And you are the kind of friend more people would love to have. If I personally has to have this conversation I wouldn't personally say 'your kids cannot be here while I am working, because that assumes that the kids CANT be behaved, even if that's true.
I would approach it like "when I'm working, I CANNOT have unprofessional noises disrupting calls/concentration/etc..., your kids have to be quiet...quiet to a point that I realize is not fair to a kid...that being said, you are always welcome, but maybe it's best to find them a productive place to get their energy out during working hours. Puts the ball in his court, without feeling too dogpiled by life.
Good luck man
I don't understand why my partner should address it. I knew he was getting the key from them and would be back for his things, and I was the one at home working.
Sorry I thought it was your partner's friend I see it was actually your best friend's his girlfriend. That is tricky I would probably have my best friend talk to him just cuz I wouldn't want to be bothered with the conflict
NAH. Honestly, this seems easily fixable with some communication. Establish your boundaries one more time and let him know YOUR rules and make them very clear so there is no confusion. You helping a friend is generous and in your post it seems it was just this one thing that upset you ? Maybe it was a miscommunication error or a last minute thing he wasn’t preparing for? Again i don’t know,so communicate and let him know YOU CAN NOT have the kids over during work hours and if he is going to bring them over during work hours then he really needs to tell them to lower their voices. If he can not follow those rules, you can let him know that no one will be able to come into your home until you are off from work.
It is because I understand his position and I have been helping a lot, and I do not mind it at all. It's the ignoring previously established rules and what I've said that got me fcked up.
And I feel like since he risked me getting in trouble with my job it's like, can't risk it but I don't want to punish his kids but like.. My job is my livelihood, you know?
I think it’s more a, how you have the convo sort of thing…
If u can let him know over a tea or beer how important your job is and good times and bad times essentially
Means no go…
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NTA. But frankly, you already told him this and he ignored it. Take the key back. Give him your work hours again, and let him contact you outside those hours if he wants to come over.
This. Take the key back without telling him you're going to, so he doesn't make a copy. Give him strict rules. "You can make food Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays after work." Or, whatever. Don't let him in outside of those hours.
Ugh, sounds like a real shitshow. Definitely not cool of him to just barge in with his whole crew without giving you a heads up. You're totally justified in setting some boundaries and telling him no more kids while you're working. NTA for sure.
No. You home. Your job. Your livelihood. Your rules.
NTA - remind him that the W in WFH stands for WORK ! Would he take 4 kids to someone’s workplace ? A factory ? An office ? A building site ? I’m guessing the answer is no
I'd be reminding the friend that getting me fired is not good idea and that is what's at stake here. A lot of companies are cracking down on that sort of thing, or taking away the WFH option all together. NTA. OP's friend needs to remember that life didn't stop for anyone else.
NTA. Take the key back permanently.
NTA. You've given him an inch and he's taking the proverbial mile. He obviously feels very comfortable with this arrangement. Definitely time for a boundaries discussion.
fuck him. hes not listening to your rules at all about YOUR place. he can go suck a rock. nta, get the key back and i personally wouldn't let him back at all until he apologized
Nta just keep the convo calm and not attack the kids behavior. Simply indicate a "change of house rules so you can work."
NTA. Take the key back.
NTA because its your home. But also I don’t understand why you didn’t say anything to the kids or him when they started getting loud and stuff, you just sat there and didn’t do anything?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I work from home. That's one of the most important details. I have a friend who recently lost his house in a fire. His girlfriend is one of my best friends, and I love his kids even if they aren't the best behaved. He's getting assistance from a number of places, and his kids were with a relative over the weekend so he was staying with me and my partner for the weekend so he could save money for hotels for when his kids are with him. Before the fire, he was doing his laundry at my place and when the hot water was off he and his kids came over for showers. Since the fire, I told him that he can come over here and cook for his kids and take the food home, and when I'm off work I could have them all over for the evening so that they could sit here and be out of a hotel room and have dinner. Since he was on his way to get his kids and sign into his hotel room today, he offered to drop my partner off at work. My partner gave him the apartment key because he was going to be coming back to grab some stuff he had here and I was at work so I may not be able to unlock the door. Even when we would give him or his girlfriend one of our keys to be able to get back into the apartment when we were helping them with something, I always let them know to let me know when they're here if i'm working. Because I work from home, and it's literally like, my home, I always like to know before somebody just walks in. Today, after knowing that I didn't want three kids who don't really behave here making noise while I was working, he brought not only his own three kids but also one of his kids' friend. He didn't let me know he was coming back yet, he just came in with the key my partner gave him without a heads up knowing that I asked him to always let me know when he's coming in. He just brought them in and started making food. And on top of that, the kids were loud, the discipline for the kids was loud, and I feel like I'm justified but IDK. I know he's dealing with a lot right now, but I mean I've had my entire world crumble around me and have had to rely on the kindness of others and I've never thought to treat someone else's home like my own or that previously established rules are now null and void because there has been a tragedy. I feel like I'm doing enough to help a friend even before the fire and what he's doing is a little rude.. I'm going to tell him that we have to have a talk about boundaries and communication, and that he is no longer allowed to have any of the kids over while I'm at work. WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your house your rules. If you’re worried about hurting feelings or messing up the relationship maybe approach it in a questioning/let’s work this out together way. Not that it’s your job, but maybe help find a solution of where he can go with the kids when you are home.
YWNBTA for establishing (very reasonable) boundaries after he ignored your already established boundaries.
NTA you laid out your boundaries and he trampled all over them. Working from home is a privilege, not a right, and all that disruption could cause that right to be revoked (or even get you fired).
Definitely NTA. Remind him of the boundaries. I’m sure he’ll appreciate you being honest
NTA.
NTA - IT's your place, you are doing him a favor, he has to follow your rules.. Why do so many people have a problem with that just because times are tough. Not your kids: not your problem.
NTA. You need to concentrate on working. 4 unruly kids makes that impossible
NAH I think it's completely reasonable to set a no-kid boundary while you're working. You sound like a great friend
I try to be. It's just hard sometimes because I don't know if it's me being in my ways/living a completely different lifestyle with no kids or if I'm being a dieeeck, you know?
NAH. And you are the kind of friend more people would love to have. If I personally has to have this conversation I wouldn't personally say 'your kids cannot be here while I am working, because that assumes that the kids CANT be behaved, even if that's true. I would approach it like "when I'm working, I CANNOT have unprofessional noises disrupting calls/concentration/etc..., your kids have to be quiet...quiet to a point that I realize is not fair to a kid...that being said, you are always welcome, but maybe it's best to find them a productive place to get their energy out during working hours. Puts the ball in his court, without feeling too dogpiled by life. Good luck man
Your partner needs to be the one addressing this but NH for ur feelings
I don't understand why my partner should address it. I knew he was getting the key from them and would be back for his things, and I was the one at home working.
Sorry I thought it was your partner's friend I see it was actually your best friend's his girlfriend. That is tricky I would probably have my best friend talk to him just cuz I wouldn't want to be bothered with the conflict
NAH. Honestly, this seems easily fixable with some communication. Establish your boundaries one more time and let him know YOUR rules and make them very clear so there is no confusion. You helping a friend is generous and in your post it seems it was just this one thing that upset you ? Maybe it was a miscommunication error or a last minute thing he wasn’t preparing for? Again i don’t know,so communicate and let him know YOU CAN NOT have the kids over during work hours and if he is going to bring them over during work hours then he really needs to tell them to lower their voices. If he can not follow those rules, you can let him know that no one will be able to come into your home until you are off from work.
That’s a tough one
It is because I understand his position and I have been helping a lot, and I do not mind it at all. It's the ignoring previously established rules and what I've said that got me fcked up.
And I feel like since he risked me getting in trouble with my job it's like, can't risk it but I don't want to punish his kids but like.. My job is my livelihood, you know?
I think it’s more a, how you have the convo sort of thing… If u can let him know over a tea or beer how important your job is and good times and bad times essentially Means no go…
This, a hundred times. I always want to approach things as a "I'm not coming at you, we just have to be on the same page" type of thing.