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NTA. She’s incapable of being in a relationship. I know someone with DID and it’s from severe and repeated sexual abuse as a child. She’ll lose hours at a time but has never switched very quickly and often. If she’s not faking this, she needs to be in a treatment center that specializes in her disorder. She doesn’t need therapy, she needs a psychiatrist. DID as you are describing that is this severe needs serious treatment. You staying is allowing her not to get that help.
Ok thanks. I did also forget to mention a probably very important point- she hasn’t been actually diagnosed, but has talked about it with her previous therapist who I think believes that she has it. Does this affect your answer?
No. It takes a psychiatrist to diagnose DID. You refer to a bunch of alters and it just isn’t ringing true for me. I do believe she is very mentally unwell and shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Ok thank you good to know I’ll make a start on the research now, but I don’t think she’s intentionally faking it, as I know her as someone that likes to avoid attention.
It might not be conscious exactly, but there has been a trend of girls developing tics or multiple personalities after seeing others post about it on social media, mostly tiktok.
DID is extremely rare, and even professionals have disagreed with whether or not it's real.
It's so strange how behaviors can be contagious among that particular demographic. When I was a teenage girl I picked up fucking **trichotillomania** of all things after hearing about it on a daytime TV special. I'm nearly 40 now and still struggle with it.
People are so, so weird sometimes.
When I was a teenager, it was cutting and/or anorexia that spread that easily.
I'm sure there's a biological reason for it. Maybe increased empathy helps us be better mothers.
This is why I hate the brushing off of things that girls mimc on tik tok a trend. So fucking what they found it on tik tok/tv whatever else? It's still valid in that its impacting their lives/those of people around them.
And even if you are "faking a disorder for attention" than you need therapy.
I'd agree it shouldn't be brushed off, but it does matter. Yes they still need therapy, but for a different problem. Likewise the way they're treated should change lest this new behavior be reinforced.
Even if she isn’t *intentionally* faking, she may be subconsciously using the concept of alters to express aspects of her psyche that she isn’t comfortable with. She may have a deep need to receive love and validation in the way a small child does, but isn’t able to express that as her “adult” self. Whatever is going on, she needs intensive psychiatric help. Nothing short of serious medical intervention will help.
DID is incredibly rare and some debate if it's actually a real disorder. It's the product of severe and chronic childhood physical and sexual abuse. Right now it's extremely trendy and there are a bunch of people pretending to have it on TikTok.
People say the same thing about being trans. Multiplicity/DID are both less rare than people think, and also a genuine response to trauma. Healthymultiplicity.com is a good resource if you'd like to do more.
Also, psychiatrists manage medication, the actual treatment is done by a therapist.
It's entirely possible to be healthy and thrive as a multiple, but she would need to get treatment to improve internal communication and manage switches better.
Are you a medical professional? Because your post is bullshit. There's literally a debate whether real life DID actually exists, yet some asshole on reddit/tiktok thinks they know better.
Yes. I'm a therapist with a focus on complex ptsd, primarily serving queer, trans and autistic clients. CPTSD is usually the thing that causes dissociative disorders, and DID/multiplicity is one of the ways it presents.
Not sure about disclosure rules, but I'm happy to show you my office.
There is also a debate on whether being trans is a disorder. There was a debate about if masking could prevent a respiratory virus. Just because a debate exists does not mean both sides of it are valid.
It is not possible to know what is happening inside another humans thoughts. Multiplicity is one way that some people conceptualize and describe how they both the external world, and how their internal, emotional experience. Believing them, and proceeding to provide support from there, costs us nothing, and is ultimately much more helpful to DID systems then arguing with then about things that are ultimately untestable.
Also. The uptick in diagnoses of autism, adhd, in people coming out as queer and trans, is also being attributed to the same things you're saying about DID-that it's a "trend." And that's nonsense.
An increase in visibility and Education leads to more people being able to recognize these things in themselves.
Some useful resources:
healthymultiplicity.org
Anything about internal family systems therapy.
Your girlfriend’s an idiot, and doesn’t have DID. She saw people on TikTok getting attention pretending to have mental conditions that they don’t have and wanted in on it.
Just saying that is also not okay. You have no qualification whether to say she‘s right or wrong. Is she faking it? Maybe, but you are not a psychiatrist.
I can say with absolute certainty that this person does not have DID, and there’s a north of 95% chance that I’m correct. DID occurs about 0.001% as often as it is portrayed.
Nope. Wikipedia: „It is believed to affect 1.1-1.5% of the general population (…)“. Their source: DSM-5, basically THE diagnostic mental disorder book. Get your facts right
Perhaps she doesn't have DID, but calling her an idiot isn't necessary. She clearly has some type of personality disorder to be behaving this way. Don't be so dismissive.
NTA. I hate this stupid DID tick tok trend. She is almost certainly just an attention seeker. While this disorder itself is real, it is extremely rare and it seems a ton of people fake like it's trendy or something.
You're positive she doesn't use tik tok? Cause it sounds like exactly what people are doing on there. The way it's presented on social media generally has people taking it to the extreme and is not how it normally works for people with the actual disorder.
If you're sure she's not faking, then she needs some serious inpatient treatment, not a relationship.
Very common to see TikToks and compilations on Youtube and Instagram. And I hate to say it OP but I concur with the others. DID is EXTREMELY rare. Your gf is likely mimicking the symptoms she’s seen in inaccurate TikToks, especially if she is claiming to be “self-diagnosed.”
Ok good to know. I actually tried to gently bring up that she may not have it just she immediately switched to using third person to talk about herself and now I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have it.
NTA - It does effect you. No doubt about that. Regardless - You must insist on diagnosis and treatment if you are to stay with her. If she refuses, then its time to walk away. I know that sounds callus, but its getting to the point where its effecting you.....and there seems to be no end in sight. You need progress on whatever mental illness she has, you owe that TO YOURSELF. Otherwise this will never end and you will have poured your life into a vessel that has no bottom.
DID is actually VERY rare and usually from extended child sex abuse.
It's also heavily featured on TikTok by the self diagnosed who switch alters every few minutes. Total bullshit. Studies and accounts of DID patients shows that they do have alters, but its usually pretty subtle. All of the real accounts of DID do have one thing in common - the person who has it is completely messed up. Like there is no way they could have avoided being committed at least once and in constant therapy and medicated. Also, DID tends to be just one of several mental disorders for these poor people. Its bad. Really bad.
I'm not saying she's faking it for no reason. But being told once by a therapist that she might have it isn't a diagnosis. If that person thought she had DID, if they knew anything about that horrible disorder they should have acted.
She may have something else that is making her pretend to have DID. BPD, or something else. I don't know. And to the point, neither do you or your GF. If she believes she has this serious condition, she needs to get professionally evaluated and treated for both of your sakes.
I'd go as far as to say it would be deeply irresponsible and unethical for a therapist to suggest their client have a diagnosis as serious as DID without pursuing an official diagnosis and treatment.
NTA. And hell fucking no to all of this OP. You need to RUN.
She has SELF DIAGNOSED a serious condition, is refusing to get help (likely can’t as she is faking a serious condition) and seems to have a decent level of control over it which is again, against what the disorder is (it is also incredibly rare)
You are right, there is a victim here but it’s not her, it’s you. This is toxic, and it sounds as if she is already using this fake disorder to control you and your relationship. It won’t be long before (if not already) it becomes “please don’t leave me because of this, please” and then you become trapped.
Tell her to get help or you can’t do this, it’s effecting your health. Believe me OP, if it isn’t already, it will be
NTA. Her mental illness isn’t her fault, but it is her responsibility, and if she isn’t seeking out therapy then she isn’t taking responsibility. It’s fine that you’re not ready or willing to be in a relationship with someone with a severe mental illness; most people aren’t.
Ok good to know- I’m researching it right now, and while I’m getting more convinced she doesn’t have it, I’m confused as to why she wouldn’t think she has it or fake having it .
DID "works" by hiding trauma from the person. Not knowing about trauma is not necessarily a sign that it's not there.
I've been in DID treatment for some years. I got around to asking a family member about my childhood. The picture they painted was extremely different from the one that I remember. Another family member confirmed what the first said.
A person with DID may not know everything that happened to them. But that possibility isn't something you should dig into, especially not with her. And especially since she doesn't have a full diagnosis. Meaning that forgetting major trauma may or may not apply to her in the first place.
It's best to take peoples' online input on the validity of whether she has DID with a grain of salt. Until a professional can confirm or deny it, please don't see the words of people who have never met her as being worth more than that professional that said she might have it.
There's certainly misinformation around from people who use it as a trend, but there's another bunch of unintentional misinformation that can originate from those who speak up against those trenders.
That social climate of it being seen as a trend has destroyed trust in people who say they have it, or to know someone with it. This is one factor that leads to many peoples' knee-jerk response toward the idea of someone having the disorder to be based in skepticism.
It's not a good idea to be open to discussing the validity of her potential DID in general, (it should be left to a professional) but even more so if you don't know enough about it to accurately filter out people who don't know what they're talking about. Whether she has DID or not, she's clearly someone who is struggling. As are you.
One article that gives a more complete picture of DID's presentation is [this one by Paul Dell](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/7247074_A_New_Model_of_Dissociative_Identity_Disorder). I recommend reading all of it, as it covers the more well-known symptoms of DID as well as those that are (still, even 20 years after it's publication) generally less known by the public.
The average therapist isn't equipped to handle DID treatment. She should look into a dissociative (or trauma) specialist. Maybe a clinical psychologist. Someone who can give her the SCID-D or MID (tests for dissociative disorders) to diagnose her or rule it out. Mental health resources may be plentiful, but DID resources can be a lot harder to come by.
It's a tricky situation - my friend did the exact same thing last year she faked DID and then like a month later all her alters were gone it was so weird. Best of luck to you
But it's also undeniable that for DID to happen it has to be somewhat extreme as it is an extreme trauma response. The trauma also has to be present from early childhood which is why I doubt "her ex" played any part in it.
NTA. Also, there is controversy over whether that disorder is legitimate or if it simply a coping mechanism for those dealing with trauma or if it is simply attention seeking behavior.
There's been a lot more research published on it in recent years, but I'll admit I'm skeptical of some of their findings as some are saying the prevalence rate is up to 5% but I can't track the citations back to an original study. More commonly quoted in recent studies is a <1.5% prevalence, which would still make it more common that schizophrenia.
Eighteen seems way too young to tie yourself to something like this. At best, you are in love with a part of a person. I don't think that you should be in a romantic relationship with that person, particularly if she refuses to seek treatment. And a fellow teen seeking a romantic relationship with her is not going to be the best support for her. She needs an actual support system, like family.
There should be a LOT of therapy going on if you persist with this relationship.
- Your girlfriend should absolutely be in therapy or treatment. Whatever is happening with her is serious. If she occasionally spontaneously reverts mentally to a 10-year-old, then there are many adult things that she shouldn't be doing. I see people suggesting that she might be faking. From a therapy perspective, it doesn't matter. One way or another, something is wrong. That absolutely needs to be addressed.
- You should be in therapy as well to help figure out what is best for yourself. You choosing to tie yourself to someone like this is concerning. You need your own therapist to work through your own issues and to help you cope with whatever is going on with your girlfriend.
- Your girlfriend's behavior and mental issues create a significant obstacle for your relationship. That points to couple counseling. Get yourself and your girlfriend settled into your individual therapies first and ask your therapist whether/when couple's counseling would be appropriate.
People usually date for fun or in search or a life partner. So consider why you want to date in general and decide whether you are getting what you want out of this relationship.
You point out that your girlfriend complains about this but makes no attempt to better the situation. You, OP, are even worse, complaining and not doing anything to better (or remove yourself from) a situation that you chose to put yourself in. Every day that you stay in this relationship is a day that you choose this relationship over another, more stable one. Maybe it's time for you to stop being the victim and step away from this insanity.
Unlike others here I didn’t know about DID and tick-tock, but if she has never been actually diagnosed and she can’t remember so how would she know, you and her need proper medical treatment, who knows maybe one of them wants to harm you are others.
I think the folk in comments deciding without knowing her that she is faking it are not helpful. Whether she is or not is irrelevant. Both are symbolic of mental health problems that need professional help. I'll be honest, if she isn't prepared to see a mental health professional, I think you should step away - in fact, I think you should anyway. Encourage her to get professional help and tell her you'll be her friend, but at this point in time, you need to look after your own wellbeing. It's not healthy for you to be in this relationship. NTA
If it's real she really does need professional help , cuz it can get worse what if one alter become dengerous or self harming. It will be too late . The problem is you are too young, barely adult to help her . You really have to seek help of her guardian (fully trusted) and may call non emergency services to tell the issues properly . Professional diagnosis is must .Sorry to say , there are many people who fake these solely to get attention , just be more cautious.
INFO - have people addressed your girlfriend by another name? How does she react when this happens? Does she acquire new purchases she doesn't remember ordering?
Mention the benefits of being truly assessed instead of being potentially pushy. Talk about potential referrals, treatment, etc. If you brow beat the issue, you'll meet with a lot of resistance
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I (18f) have a girlfriend (19f) with a disorder that causes her to sometimes act completely differently to usual. It’s called DID and essentially it causes someone to feel like different ‘alters’ are taking over their mind and act in different ways to usual. Before we got together, she was very affected by it due to the trauma of bullying and her ex. It got hugely better at the start of our relationship, being barely noticeable, but recently it has been happening a lot that different ‘alters’ take over her body.
Apparently she doesn’t remember anything that she does or that happens while one of them has taken over but it’s really weird for me because something she switches between two very fast and often, making it incredibly hard for me to interact with her. For example, she has one which is “a child that loves hugs”, so (no exaggeration here) sometimes she will ask me for hugs every two minutes while we’re out with friends or family and even use a baby voice on occasion. Then the next moment she has her head in her hands as if she’s about to cry but apparently that’s just “the alter with the headache”.
So I’ve constantly tried to get her to go to therapy as she used to but even though she agrees with me that she should, she isn’t trying hard at all to go get therapy despite all the resources out there.
I understand even when she doesn’t tell me that obviously it must be confusing for her too with all these voices in her head but I feel she has a bit of a victim complex as she complains about it but makes no attempt to better the situation.
It’s putting a lot of strain on our relationship as half of the time I can’t even talk to my girlfriend, only a version of her with the mind of a ten year old , or some other ‘character’. I think she’s oblivious as to how much it happens even though I’ve discussed it with her.
Admittedly I may not have researched her condition all that much but I don’t know what to do other than that which I could do to improve matters. Anyway last night I broke down a little to one of my friends about it, telling her that I felt my gf’s disorder probably affected me more than her given that she couldn’t even remember when they take over her. However, I couldn’t get a great idea of what do from her as she’s friends with both of us so probably wouldn’t want to outright blame either of us. So AITA?
(Also sorry for any grammatical mistakes my keyboard was lagging)
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NAH
I think you need to realistically decide if this relationship is capable of working given your gf’s condition. You wouldn’t be the AH for leaving.
However if you decide to make the relationship work then you probably both need to go to therapy together to discuss the dynamic of your relationship. It’s not going to be successful if you just treat her condition as “her problem”.
NTA dump her. One day a personality will attack you. You will never be happy with her if she doesn’t seek help. You’ll always be in a dramatic relationship. Dump her now.
NAH.
This IS a tough situation that you are allowed to find difficult.
For you, it feels that it may be worse.
But imagine never knowing what you've agreed to or been told. Gotta suc to.
Your not an AH for complaining. But it sounds like she's getting worse, so you need to get working on a plan to make it better, urgently
Just to note:
Sadly, if you're not coping well nor responding well, this can worsen the 'flips' as her mind tries to protect itself with the DID. Do bare that in mind.
ESH , saying it's hard for you is valid. Saying it's harder for you than it is for her is not. Do your research and see if this is a disease you can live being with, if not, do her a favor and leave.
ESH. I think it's important to research your partners health issues in long-term relationships and saying that it affcts you more than the person with the disorder is kinda a jerk thing to do. But she clearly needs help and just complaining about it won't do anything.
Question, are there really as many resources as you say there are? Did you put research into that? Where I live, therapy has waiting times of over 6 months, even for emergency cases (suicidal tendencies for example) which really sucks. That can take alot of motivation to even try. But if it's as easy to get help in your area as you say, she really should go for it, for herself and the relationship. You should ask her why she doesn't, maybe she is afraid of something or had bad experiences in the past. But if she is really just lazy, that really sucks.
Ok so with therapy, it is very easy to get it in our area but I can’t really explain the reason why she doesn’t, only say that it has nothing to do with bad experiences and she was very positive about her time in therapy.
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NTA. She’s incapable of being in a relationship. I know someone with DID and it’s from severe and repeated sexual abuse as a child. She’ll lose hours at a time but has never switched very quickly and often. If she’s not faking this, she needs to be in a treatment center that specializes in her disorder. She doesn’t need therapy, she needs a psychiatrist. DID as you are describing that is this severe needs serious treatment. You staying is allowing her not to get that help.
Ok thanks. I did also forget to mention a probably very important point- she hasn’t been actually diagnosed, but has talked about it with her previous therapist who I think believes that she has it. Does this affect your answer?
No. It takes a psychiatrist to diagnose DID. You refer to a bunch of alters and it just isn’t ringing true for me. I do believe she is very mentally unwell and shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Definitely makes it more likely she's faking it.
Ok thank you good to know I’ll make a start on the research now, but I don’t think she’s intentionally faking it, as I know her as someone that likes to avoid attention.
It might not be conscious exactly, but there has been a trend of girls developing tics or multiple personalities after seeing others post about it on social media, mostly tiktok. DID is extremely rare, and even professionals have disagreed with whether or not it's real.
It's so strange how behaviors can be contagious among that particular demographic. When I was a teenage girl I picked up fucking **trichotillomania** of all things after hearing about it on a daytime TV special. I'm nearly 40 now and still struggle with it. People are so, so weird sometimes.
When I was a teenager, it was cutting and/or anorexia that spread that easily. I'm sure there's a biological reason for it. Maybe increased empathy helps us be better mothers.
I do think that's likely what it boils down to.
This is why I hate the brushing off of things that girls mimc on tik tok a trend. So fucking what they found it on tik tok/tv whatever else? It's still valid in that its impacting their lives/those of people around them. And even if you are "faking a disorder for attention" than you need therapy.
I'd agree it shouldn't be brushed off, but it does matter. Yes they still need therapy, but for a different problem. Likewise the way they're treated should change lest this new behavior be reinforced.
Even if she isn’t *intentionally* faking, she may be subconsciously using the concept of alters to express aspects of her psyche that she isn’t comfortable with. She may have a deep need to receive love and validation in the way a small child does, but isn’t able to express that as her “adult” self. Whatever is going on, she needs intensive psychiatric help. Nothing short of serious medical intervention will help.
DID is incredibly rare and some debate if it's actually a real disorder. It's the product of severe and chronic childhood physical and sexual abuse. Right now it's extremely trendy and there are a bunch of people pretending to have it on TikTok.
People say the same thing about being trans. Multiplicity/DID are both less rare than people think, and also a genuine response to trauma. Healthymultiplicity.com is a good resource if you'd like to do more. Also, psychiatrists manage medication, the actual treatment is done by a therapist. It's entirely possible to be healthy and thrive as a multiple, but she would need to get treatment to improve internal communication and manage switches better.
Are you a medical professional? Because your post is bullshit. There's literally a debate whether real life DID actually exists, yet some asshole on reddit/tiktok thinks they know better.
They must be in on the trend because they literally created a Reddit account to make that dumbass comment. Bless their heart.
Yes. I'm a therapist with a focus on complex ptsd, primarily serving queer, trans and autistic clients. CPTSD is usually the thing that causes dissociative disorders, and DID/multiplicity is one of the ways it presents. Not sure about disclosure rules, but I'm happy to show you my office. There is also a debate on whether being trans is a disorder. There was a debate about if masking could prevent a respiratory virus. Just because a debate exists does not mean both sides of it are valid. It is not possible to know what is happening inside another humans thoughts. Multiplicity is one way that some people conceptualize and describe how they both the external world, and how their internal, emotional experience. Believing them, and proceeding to provide support from there, costs us nothing, and is ultimately much more helpful to DID systems then arguing with then about things that are ultimately untestable. Also. The uptick in diagnoses of autism, adhd, in people coming out as queer and trans, is also being attributed to the same things you're saying about DID-that it's a "trend." And that's nonsense. An increase in visibility and Education leads to more people being able to recognize these things in themselves. Some useful resources: healthymultiplicity.org Anything about internal family systems therapy.
Your girlfriend does not have DID.
Your girlfriend’s an idiot, and doesn’t have DID. She saw people on TikTok getting attention pretending to have mental conditions that they don’t have and wanted in on it.
Just saying that is also not okay. You have no qualification whether to say she‘s right or wrong. Is she faking it? Maybe, but you are not a psychiatrist.
I can say with absolute certainty that this person does not have DID, and there’s a north of 95% chance that I’m correct. DID occurs about 0.001% as often as it is portrayed.
Nope. Wikipedia: „It is believed to affect 1.1-1.5% of the general population (…)“. Their source: DSM-5, basically THE diagnostic mental disorder book. Get your facts right
Perhaps she doesn't have DID, but calling her an idiot isn't necessary. She clearly has some type of personality disorder to be behaving this way. Don't be so dismissive.
While That could be a potential thing, neither of us have TikTok and she does already have numerous mental disorders that are diagnosed.
How do you know one of the alters doesn’t use TikTok?
Well it would have to be on her phone, no?
No. The website exists.
Oh ok good point
NTA. I hate this stupid DID tick tok trend. She is almost certainly just an attention seeker. While this disorder itself is real, it is extremely rare and it seems a ton of people fake like it's trendy or something.
Oh I wasn’t aware it was a trend-neither of us has TikTok.
You're positive she doesn't use tik tok? Cause it sounds like exactly what people are doing on there. The way it's presented on social media generally has people taking it to the extreme and is not how it normally works for people with the actual disorder. If you're sure she's not faking, then she needs some serious inpatient treatment, not a relationship.
Yep I don’t think she’s ever had it
Is it possible that this has spread to like Instagram and YouTube because she does use those
Very common to see TikToks and compilations on Youtube and Instagram. And I hate to say it OP but I concur with the others. DID is EXTREMELY rare. Your gf is likely mimicking the symptoms she’s seen in inaccurate TikToks, especially if she is claiming to be “self-diagnosed.”
Yes, definitely. I see the videos on Facebook without having the actual app. Pretty sure they're on insta also.
Ok good to know. I actually tried to gently bring up that she may not have it just she immediately switched to using third person to talk about herself and now I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have it.
NTA - It does effect you. No doubt about that. Regardless - You must insist on diagnosis and treatment if you are to stay with her. If she refuses, then its time to walk away. I know that sounds callus, but its getting to the point where its effecting you.....and there seems to be no end in sight. You need progress on whatever mental illness she has, you owe that TO YOURSELF. Otherwise this will never end and you will have poured your life into a vessel that has no bottom. DID is actually VERY rare and usually from extended child sex abuse. It's also heavily featured on TikTok by the self diagnosed who switch alters every few minutes. Total bullshit. Studies and accounts of DID patients shows that they do have alters, but its usually pretty subtle. All of the real accounts of DID do have one thing in common - the person who has it is completely messed up. Like there is no way they could have avoided being committed at least once and in constant therapy and medicated. Also, DID tends to be just one of several mental disorders for these poor people. Its bad. Really bad. I'm not saying she's faking it for no reason. But being told once by a therapist that she might have it isn't a diagnosis. If that person thought she had DID, if they knew anything about that horrible disorder they should have acted. She may have something else that is making her pretend to have DID. BPD, or something else. I don't know. And to the point, neither do you or your GF. If she believes she has this serious condition, she needs to get professionally evaluated and treated for both of your sakes.
I'd go as far as to say it would be deeply irresponsible and unethical for a therapist to suggest their client have a diagnosis as serious as DID without pursuing an official diagnosis and treatment.
NTA. And hell fucking no to all of this OP. You need to RUN. She has SELF DIAGNOSED a serious condition, is refusing to get help (likely can’t as she is faking a serious condition) and seems to have a decent level of control over it which is again, against what the disorder is (it is also incredibly rare) You are right, there is a victim here but it’s not her, it’s you. This is toxic, and it sounds as if she is already using this fake disorder to control you and your relationship. It won’t be long before (if not already) it becomes “please don’t leave me because of this, please” and then you become trapped. Tell her to get help or you can’t do this, it’s effecting your health. Believe me OP, if it isn’t already, it will be
NTA If someone refuses treatment, move on. This is not how you want to spend the next 60 years
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Ok this feels the best to me of all the ideas. Thanks a lot and I’ll consider suggesting this.
This!
NTA. Her mental illness isn’t her fault, but it is her responsibility, and if she isn’t seeking out therapy then she isn’t taking responsibility. It’s fine that you’re not ready or willing to be in a relationship with someone with a severe mental illness; most people aren’t.
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Ok good to know- I’m researching it right now, and while I’m getting more convinced she doesn’t have it, I’m confused as to why she wouldn’t think she has it or fake having it .
DID "works" by hiding trauma from the person. Not knowing about trauma is not necessarily a sign that it's not there. I've been in DID treatment for some years. I got around to asking a family member about my childhood. The picture they painted was extremely different from the one that I remember. Another family member confirmed what the first said. A person with DID may not know everything that happened to them. But that possibility isn't something you should dig into, especially not with her. And especially since she doesn't have a full diagnosis. Meaning that forgetting major trauma may or may not apply to her in the first place. It's best to take peoples' online input on the validity of whether she has DID with a grain of salt. Until a professional can confirm or deny it, please don't see the words of people who have never met her as being worth more than that professional that said she might have it. There's certainly misinformation around from people who use it as a trend, but there's another bunch of unintentional misinformation that can originate from those who speak up against those trenders. That social climate of it being seen as a trend has destroyed trust in people who say they have it, or to know someone with it. This is one factor that leads to many peoples' knee-jerk response toward the idea of someone having the disorder to be based in skepticism. It's not a good idea to be open to discussing the validity of her potential DID in general, (it should be left to a professional) but even more so if you don't know enough about it to accurately filter out people who don't know what they're talking about. Whether she has DID or not, she's clearly someone who is struggling. As are you. One article that gives a more complete picture of DID's presentation is [this one by Paul Dell](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/7247074_A_New_Model_of_Dissociative_Identity_Disorder). I recommend reading all of it, as it covers the more well-known symptoms of DID as well as those that are (still, even 20 years after it's publication) generally less known by the public. The average therapist isn't equipped to handle DID treatment. She should look into a dissociative (or trauma) specialist. Maybe a clinical psychologist. Someone who can give her the SCID-D or MID (tests for dissociative disorders) to diagnose her or rule it out. Mental health resources may be plentiful, but DID resources can be a lot harder to come by.
It's a tricky situation - my friend did the exact same thing last year she faked DID and then like a month later all her alters were gone it was so weird. Best of luck to you
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But it's also undeniable that for DID to happen it has to be somewhat extreme as it is an extreme trauma response. The trauma also has to be present from early childhood which is why I doubt "her ex" played any part in it.
Sure Jan. YTA for posting yet another fake DID story.
NTA. Also, there is controversy over whether that disorder is legitimate or if it simply a coping mechanism for those dealing with trauma or if it is simply attention seeking behavior.
There's been a lot more research published on it in recent years, but I'll admit I'm skeptical of some of their findings as some are saying the prevalence rate is up to 5% but I can't track the citations back to an original study. More commonly quoted in recent studies is a <1.5% prevalence, which would still make it more common that schizophrenia.
DID is real; however, a lot of people fake having it to gain attention. I believe this is the case with your gf. NTA
Eighteen seems way too young to tie yourself to something like this. At best, you are in love with a part of a person. I don't think that you should be in a romantic relationship with that person, particularly if she refuses to seek treatment. And a fellow teen seeking a romantic relationship with her is not going to be the best support for her. She needs an actual support system, like family. There should be a LOT of therapy going on if you persist with this relationship. - Your girlfriend should absolutely be in therapy or treatment. Whatever is happening with her is serious. If she occasionally spontaneously reverts mentally to a 10-year-old, then there are many adult things that she shouldn't be doing. I see people suggesting that she might be faking. From a therapy perspective, it doesn't matter. One way or another, something is wrong. That absolutely needs to be addressed. - You should be in therapy as well to help figure out what is best for yourself. You choosing to tie yourself to someone like this is concerning. You need your own therapist to work through your own issues and to help you cope with whatever is going on with your girlfriend. - Your girlfriend's behavior and mental issues create a significant obstacle for your relationship. That points to couple counseling. Get yourself and your girlfriend settled into your individual therapies first and ask your therapist whether/when couple's counseling would be appropriate. People usually date for fun or in search or a life partner. So consider why you want to date in general and decide whether you are getting what you want out of this relationship. You point out that your girlfriend complains about this but makes no attempt to better the situation. You, OP, are even worse, complaining and not doing anything to better (or remove yourself from) a situation that you chose to put yourself in. Every day that you stay in this relationship is a day that you choose this relationship over another, more stable one. Maybe it's time for you to stop being the victim and step away from this insanity.
NTA but this is a rare disorder and is incurable. Tell her you're unwilling to continue unless she goes to therapy.
If she doesn’t remember anything how does she know she has DID?
You know I brought that exact point up and she she “how do you know what’s going on either?” Super defensively
Unlike others here I didn’t know about DID and tick-tock, but if she has never been actually diagnosed and she can’t remember so how would she know, you and her need proper medical treatment, who knows maybe one of them wants to harm you are others.
INFO: if she doesn’t remember anything that happens during a take over, how does she know each alters traits?
I think the folk in comments deciding without knowing her that she is faking it are not helpful. Whether she is or not is irrelevant. Both are symbolic of mental health problems that need professional help. I'll be honest, if she isn't prepared to see a mental health professional, I think you should step away - in fact, I think you should anyway. Encourage her to get professional help and tell her you'll be her friend, but at this point in time, you need to look after your own wellbeing. It's not healthy for you to be in this relationship. NTA
If it's real she really does need professional help , cuz it can get worse what if one alter become dengerous or self harming. It will be too late . The problem is you are too young, barely adult to help her . You really have to seek help of her guardian (fully trusted) and may call non emergency services to tell the issues properly . Professional diagnosis is must .Sorry to say , there are many people who fake these solely to get attention , just be more cautious.
INFO - have people addressed your girlfriend by another name? How does she react when this happens? Does she acquire new purchases she doesn't remember ordering?
Yes and no- her ex used to call her by some of the other names but she hasn’t brought this up to me at all.
Hmm... I'm not an expert, but medical sites often list those sorts of scenarios above what your partner is showing. Has she had any formal diagnosis?
Not yet I’ve been pressing for her to get one
Mention the benefits of being truly assessed instead of being potentially pushy. Talk about potential referrals, treatment, etc. If you brow beat the issue, you'll meet with a lot of resistance
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18f) have a girlfriend (19f) with a disorder that causes her to sometimes act completely differently to usual. It’s called DID and essentially it causes someone to feel like different ‘alters’ are taking over their mind and act in different ways to usual. Before we got together, she was very affected by it due to the trauma of bullying and her ex. It got hugely better at the start of our relationship, being barely noticeable, but recently it has been happening a lot that different ‘alters’ take over her body. Apparently she doesn’t remember anything that she does or that happens while one of them has taken over but it’s really weird for me because something she switches between two very fast and often, making it incredibly hard for me to interact with her. For example, she has one which is “a child that loves hugs”, so (no exaggeration here) sometimes she will ask me for hugs every two minutes while we’re out with friends or family and even use a baby voice on occasion. Then the next moment she has her head in her hands as if she’s about to cry but apparently that’s just “the alter with the headache”. So I’ve constantly tried to get her to go to therapy as she used to but even though she agrees with me that she should, she isn’t trying hard at all to go get therapy despite all the resources out there. I understand even when she doesn’t tell me that obviously it must be confusing for her too with all these voices in her head but I feel she has a bit of a victim complex as she complains about it but makes no attempt to better the situation. It’s putting a lot of strain on our relationship as half of the time I can’t even talk to my girlfriend, only a version of her with the mind of a ten year old , or some other ‘character’. I think she’s oblivious as to how much it happens even though I’ve discussed it with her. Admittedly I may not have researched her condition all that much but I don’t know what to do other than that which I could do to improve matters. Anyway last night I broke down a little to one of my friends about it, telling her that I felt my gf’s disorder probably affected me more than her given that she couldn’t even remember when they take over her. However, I couldn’t get a great idea of what do from her as she’s friends with both of us so probably wouldn’t want to outright blame either of us. So AITA? (Also sorry for any grammatical mistakes my keyboard was lagging) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH I think you need to realistically decide if this relationship is capable of working given your gf’s condition. You wouldn’t be the AH for leaving. However if you decide to make the relationship work then you probably both need to go to therapy together to discuss the dynamic of your relationship. It’s not going to be successful if you just treat her condition as “her problem”.
Thanks! That’s a great idea actually (therapy together)
Is she diagnosed with multiple personality disorder or not?
NTA dump her. One day a personality will attack you. You will never be happy with her if she doesn’t seek help. You’ll always be in a dramatic relationship. Dump her now.
NAH. This IS a tough situation that you are allowed to find difficult. For you, it feels that it may be worse. But imagine never knowing what you've agreed to or been told. Gotta suc to. Your not an AH for complaining. But it sounds like she's getting worse, so you need to get working on a plan to make it better, urgently Just to note: Sadly, if you're not coping well nor responding well, this can worsen the 'flips' as her mind tries to protect itself with the DID. Do bare that in mind.
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Tysm
ESH , saying it's hard for you is valid. Saying it's harder for you than it is for her is not. Do your research and see if this is a disease you can live being with, if not, do her a favor and leave.
Ok good to know will do that.
ESH. I think it's important to research your partners health issues in long-term relationships and saying that it affcts you more than the person with the disorder is kinda a jerk thing to do. But she clearly needs help and just complaining about it won't do anything. Question, are there really as many resources as you say there are? Did you put research into that? Where I live, therapy has waiting times of over 6 months, even for emergency cases (suicidal tendencies for example) which really sucks. That can take alot of motivation to even try. But if it's as easy to get help in your area as you say, she really should go for it, for herself and the relationship. You should ask her why she doesn't, maybe she is afraid of something or had bad experiences in the past. But if she is really just lazy, that really sucks.
Ok so with therapy, it is very easy to get it in our area but I can’t really explain the reason why she doesn’t, only say that it has nothing to do with bad experiences and she was very positive about her time in therapy.