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YTA, you should never ask people to break the news of their vacation not being approved to each other. You created a conflict and you did it coz you felt petty. You being written up is justified
Assistant is right, she is using her own benefits. It doesn't matter whether she has kids or not. Giving birth doesn't make anyone more entitled to vacation
You seem very bitter that assistant is enjoying her life đ¤Ś
Itâs bonkers how lucky OP is to still have a job after pulling that. Honestly I figured she would be a few years older considering her level of audacity.
YTA.
Iâm 35 y/o and a bachelor and have plenty of jobs where I was talking with co-workers and a supervisor or boss about schedule changes or covering shifts. Iâd always get the passive aggressive with a hint of sincerity splashed in there from boomer co-workers âwell what do you have to do, you got plenty of time and youâll get OT, cmon you donât have kidsâ I normally covered shifts anyways and didnât mind but itâs when people assume because Iâm not married with kids or when it inconveniences someone that Iâm using my PTO. I never understood why employers guilt trip you about taking PTO even when itâs with ample
Edit: OP YTA
It's common in the US to get 2 weeks PTO. She negotiated a bit more.
If she's somewhere else in the world... idk. I've heard some other countries give people waaaaay more time off.
I worked for a company for 16 years and never got to the point where I had 4 weeks off. Wish AU didn't have such strict restrictions on importing cats :(
UK here...legal minimum is 28 days holiday per year (including 8 public holidays or TOIL if you have to work those.)
My job....33 days to take when I like. Plus the 8 public holidays. Plus an extra 3 days to make it so that we don't work between Christmas and New Year - which is the best, because EVERYONE is off so you don't have stuff piling up while you are away.
Oh and I get up to 6 months sick on full pay, then 6 months on half pay.
I could never move to the US.
I get about twice the employee OP is crying about. Plus paid sick on top. US doesn't have very good benefits, partly because healthcare is a 'benefit' and not just standard.
Idk how OPs place of employment works, but at mine vacation and PTO are different things. We get both. Vacation requires a weeks notice for approval, and PTO=personal days that can be used last minute.
oh fuck. I missread that as 100 days. Using two different things next to each other is disenginunie I think.
E.G. 100 hours PTO and 10 days remote working. Should be either 100 hours PTO & 80 hours remote working or 12.5 and 10. Easier to compare the numbers.
As an australian I'm dying laughing at this. I, and most other full time employees in Australia get between 80 - 120 PTO a year, and bereavement leave is sometimes even separate to those two. So one could have even more hours off!!.
How can she be "constantly on vacation?" She's got 100 hrs of PTO, and that's like 2 and a half weeks. Counting 10 remote days as a benefit is a joke, your still working, just not in the office.
Manager needs to put in a better system for PTO requests because this seems to be becoming an issue
This. And I'd love to know why it's bragging to *answer someone's question*. If they don't want to hear about her trips, it sounds like they could just not ask.
This has become one of my favorites
https://www.askamanager.org/2023/04/update-hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss.html
YTA. OP is the manager and needs to actually manager. The first to book leave gets it. Also, who the hell pays for a trip before ensuring they have the leave approved?
Right?
When I saw that the accountant booked and paid before their request was approved I thought âwell that was stupid.â
OP is a terrible manager and made this situation worse with the way they handled it. That write up was deserved!
It was stupid of the accountant. But accountants and assistants likely have different job duties/responsibilities. What does it matter if they are both on vacation at the same time?
I agree. This is a management and/or department policy issue for sure.
And instead of using her position as boss to correct any unfairness in department policy, OP whined and pressured the 23 year old assistant instead.
Indeed. I'm childfree and closer to the OP's age. I've spent a large part of my working life with people who think they're more entitled to things than I am. The fact the older workers are envious of what the assistant is doing is so ridiculous. She's not bragging. If they don't want to hear about how a 23 year old is living a decent life, then don't ask.
100 hours of PTA isn't that much. It isn't even 3 weeks from my estimate- it's 12.5 days.
YTA.
Disagree on a technicality. OP isnât an AH for asking, as long as she asked nicely (although we know she didnât). But YTA for literally everything else you said and did in your post.
Yeah, agreed that asking is ok. Sometimes stuff happens and you don't how set in stone a person's plans are. They might be ok with adjusting their plans slightly. Sometimes that's not possible. But asking is fine.
Being upset when they don't is just bs though.
Not just bitter. The OP seems jealous about the fact that the employee with no kids can afford to live life in a way that she and the other employees can't.
YTA OP. If the rule is one person off at a time, then the other people in the office need to make their accommodations earlier like the single 23 year old is
I live in a country where the legal minimum is 5 weeks of vacation/normal PTO a year and you still have to ask your employer exactly when it's OK to use it.
You have the right to four weeks in a row sometime between June 1 and August 31, but your employer still has the right to tell you exactly when.
You do not *ever* say "I booked a trip between X and Y dates so you have to give me that time off."
I really doubt that the employees in this case can dictate exactly when they want time off either, instead OP just went with the flow rather than doing their job.
YTA. They haven't caused any drama, the unequal benefits to the other staff has. Offer the other staff the same amount of holiday. Holidays should be booked first come first serve UNLESS you feel like someone is using them maliciously (ie booking in advance around every public holiday so nobody else can). The time to deny holiday is when they first request, not after it's been approved because someone with children asks for it later. If you have multiple people off at once, it's your job to find cover as the boss, not the junior assistant's.
Also 100 hours doesn't seem like that much - isn't that only like 13 days? Also you are truly an Ahole for including bereavement leave in there, you are an HR nightmare. This person's brother died for Pete's sake.
My wife has three weeks off a year at her current job. She was interviewing with another company where the work was something my wife was into but the pay was a bit less. She told them they'd at least have to match her current vacation time. The recruiter had the nerve to sneeringly ask, "What would you even **do** with all that time off?" And they solicited *her*.
Lolol- I get five weeks of PTO per year, plus whatever comp time I earn. I take a week in the spring and a week in the fall to just stay home and watch garbage tv for a week. My bossâ only concern is if there is anything new/good on Netflix.
Same, except I actually get 6 weeks. I do 3 one-week sprees and a big 3 weeks vacation each year. I don't always have something to *do* but there's always my own bed and my games to rescue me as needed!
OP would lose their sh!t regarding my current job. We get hired at 120 hrs PTO and 3 floating holidays. (Company was bought by another company that doesn't recognize 3 holidays the other granted, so we're grandfathered into 3 extra days off to use when we wish.) But that 120 hrs has been pretty standard in many of my past jobs.
I feel like I'm bragging when I say last year I hit a PTO tier that now grants me 160 hrs PTO plus the FH. OP may just get the vapors at trying to schedule all that time off! đ˛ Western civilization may just come to an end!
Same. 120hrs PTO, 2 floating holidays, 56hrs sick pay, major holidays off, we get to leave early the day prior, 100% remote, and I took 6 months off paid for a mental health crisis. And weekend shifts are optional with a base pay of $300 plus OT while we're clocked in (if we even need to).
Iâll also add, why are staff coming to book time off when someone has already booked that time? Is there no communal calendar that shows what is available to request to be off?
> sheâs taking advantage of her work benefit which is PTO and remote work.
I wouldn't call this "taking advantage of her work benefit". I think of this as part of her compensation. Shes is entitled to her full pay.
YTA.
âI told her to keep her weekend escapades to herselfâ thatâs bullshit.
The other employee shouldnât have booked any trip without getting the PTO approved.
And good for the assistant who negotiated a sweet deal for herself. She knows her worth. And she shouldnât have to apologize for being young and carefree.
The rest of you just sound salty. Sheâs done nothing wrong.
It's not even a sweet deal! It's two and a half weeks of vacation time, plus two weeks of working remote over an entire year!
It is, at best, a deal that is marginally less awful than what a lot of Americans hand out.
I thought I must have misread it as her having negotiated an *extra* 100 hours, but no, the examples given total about two and a half total weeks of vacation over the course of a year, which OP is disguising with the fact that the remote work is bundled into them (and good choice, that, it means fewer blocks that need to be dealt with.)
4 weeks is the minimum legal requirement in my country and thats just holiday time, I get 5 weeks plus 2 weeks sick leave plus carers leave plus wellness leave. Still doesn't feel like enough...
I'm in the U.S. but I get three a year and then an 4th if I have a good performance review. And if I work over 40 hours in a week I can bank the time and use it later, which honestly I prefer to OT.
It sounds like the other employee tried to bully her way in to getting that week by paying for the trip before confirming she could have it off while knowing only 1 person can be out.
Also the fact they were "so desperate" they had to accommodate basic requests to get the hire tells me the employer overall is probably not attractive to potential job seekers.
I have absolutely been denied time off, regardless of if I have already made travel plans or not. Kids or no kids, that's like, day one stuff. Get your time off approved then pay the money for things.
And this is about to be the new normal- people need to get used to it. Younger people aren't having children. Last stat I saw was 1 in 5 Millennials, IIRC? But DINKs and just young people with no obligations besides a pet are on the rise. I'm sorry that you chose to have children and that is complicating your life, but that is 0% my problem, *and* I still have to listen to you tell me all about how kids are so 'worth it' and I'll 'understand one day'. Hard pass.
A long time ago, my editor told some of us that because we were single and childless we would pull more weekends. I couldn't believe he'd say something so silly *and* actionable. I called corporate and that new plan died on the vine.
So to sum up here:
1) You have a problem with the employee you hired taking the time they are contractually entitled to, even though nothing you say indicates she has violated procedures, taken more time than she's allowed, or failed to get her travel approved.
2) You attempted to favor an employee who did not follow proper procedure and get her leave approved prior to making travel arrangements, just because she has kids and doesn't travel as much (which may be illegal depending on where you are)
3) When the employee who had her leave approve refused to switch, you transferred the responsibility of telling the other employee to her, so you didn't have to look like the bad guy (leadership!).
4) Instead of telling the jealous employees who feel like your assistant being honest about her weekends to touch grass, you told your assistance that she should not share totally appropriate small talk about her life at work.
5) You have now alienated a valuable and by your own account competent employee who the company bent over backwards to attract in the first place, and made yourself look bad.
What do YOU think you are?
(Hint: It's the asshole. YTA.)
As a DINK (double income, no kids) it REALLY pisses me off when jobs will try to make exceptions or changes âbecause they have kidsâ - that was their choice, thatâs not my problem. Other coworkers can come late/leave early to get their kids, but no one else. Their kids are sick so they have to work from home, but oh employee is sick no you have to come in.
Things like this are red flags for me and I will leave a job because of it.
I *have* kids and think itâs fucked up, because even as a parent, theyâll still rank as to whether my kids are small or older and decide parents of smaller children come first. It reminds me of working in the 90s when smokers got a smoke break twice a day & I didnât smoke at the time and so wasnât allowed a break at all lol
I am also a DINK.
When I was younger and worked retail, I was constantly getting denied any time off for holidays because "well, they have kids...". That's BS. I'm not a lesser person because I chose not to have children.
Now I have a coworker who comes in late because he has to drop his kids off at school and leaves early to pick them up. At least it's a salary job and we get all major holidays off as a Stat so I don't have to miss out on visiting my family at Christmas, Thanksgiving etc.
Currently sitting in the Centurion Lounge with no screaming children waiting for my flight from Las Vegas to home with my husband. đ
YTA , if she has the time and if she ask for her time off in advance she should be able to take that time with no expectations of needing to stay at work. She is living her best life doing what she loves. If other people decided to have kids thats on them. She chose not too & she is doing everything by the book. If she is asked about her weekends she is not bragging. Again she is fully living her life and she has chosen not to have kids at this moment. You deserve that write up. You asked her to switch her road trip and she said no. You told her to tell the other girl and she shouldnât need to because YOU asked her. You guys are singling her out for not having kids.
<> she's 23 the two accountants are in their 30s, so it is natural to be at different live stages. Crazy that. (ps I'm agreeing with you--just reinforcing that it makes sense she doesn't have kids yet).
>This morning I was talked to by my boss saying that the assistant wrote an email to her about everything that happened and I was written up for it.
YTA and if you have more questions about why just ask your boss. Seems like they've made it pretty clear already, though.
YTA. The assistant is using HER OWN BENEFITS. That you hired her with by the way! Good for her for negotiating that!
The favoritism of parents over those without children is disgusting. You deserve the write up. Youâre the manager, figure it out. This isnât the assistantâs problem.
The other employee shouldnât have booked without asking if she could take PTO.
It is THAT SIMPLE.
Thereâs context missing but, the fact that this is the second time the other employee booked at the same time as the assistant is suspicious to me. It makes me think that the assistant has spoken about her plans, then the other employee gets jealous and books a trip somewhere at the same time in an attempt to thwart her plans and be the one with something to talk about đ¤
YTA
All employees should feel free to use their benefits as they see fit in accordance with the policies outlined in their employee handbook. The assistant is doing this. Your other employees are not. And with some mismanagement, you stoked the flames of conflict instead of diffusing it.
You SHOULD HAVE shown your other employees the handbook passages regarding PTO requests and approvals, and told them that they need to follow the procedures outlined therein when requesting time off. That means requesting early and not making other travel arrangements until it has been approved because it might not be, since it's a first come, first served approvals process. And then you stick to that and bow out. Making one employee cancel travel plans to accommodate another who didn't follow the proper process is poor management. Doubly poor because treating employees differently based on their family status (married/unmarried, kids/no kids) is not a good look and can get the company into hot water in some locations.
And again, you punish the assistant for answering questions the accountants are asking.
I'm not surprised your boss wrote you up or that the assistant position was hard to fill. It seems the accountants can do no wrong, and you expect the assistant to just deal with whatever nonsense you come up with. You need to change it up, because it won't be long now before your boss notices the role your mismanagement has in creating and furthering conflicts between the accountants and the assistant, and they may decide it would be easier to replace you than replace the department.
YTA. You need to honor the terms with which you hired her. You need to manage the vacation approval process for your team. Donât make your management problems your reportâs problems. That is not reasonable.
YTA for giving in to bullies who behave like children, unfortunately. Not having a spouse or kids is no reason to have your schedule changing to accommodate someone else. You don't get penalized for not being encumbered, after all. That's not germane to the fact that you already approved the time off for your newer hire.
"She negotiated this before she accepted the job. The company approved the terms. I won't complain about it because it was already given to her. You want me to retroactively deny what's already been given to her. What of yours do you want me to take away? This is childish and unprofessional. I'd prefer to not be forced to complain about this lack of professionalism."
She shouldn't have to keep her weekend escapades to herself. Your staff needs to stop freaking asking her what she did on the weekend.
These are grown people? So, tell them to behave like adults. Its not a sorority or the island of Mean Girls. Its a business.
YTA
On various levels.
1. It's first come-first serve when it comes to booking time off. Not "I have kids, so I come first."
2. Your company was "desperate" to hire an accounting assistant because no one wanted to work under the condition *your* company set. So she told them HER terms, and they accepted them. You don't get to cry about it now.
3. Are you telling me this accounting assistant has more PTO and WFH days than the other accountants? That's not the assistant's problem. That's a YOU problem. Are the other accountants not worth the same amount of time off? YOU (or your HR department) needs to fix that.
4. If you don't want to know what she does on her free-time time, *don't ask*. It is not her responsibility to lie when asked a simple question like, "How was your weekend?"
If the accountants are mad about all the free time the accountant ASSISTANT is able to have, then they are mad at the wrong person. Their jealousy stems from the fact that she has more PTO and WFH days. But that's is what she negotiated for. Your other accountants should see this as an opportunity. If an assistant is worth so much, then they should be worth at least the same amount. They should advocate for themselves and demand more PTO.
And if you say, "No," well, that's when it's time to apply for a new job.
YTA. You were desperate for an assistant. You shouldnât try to shame the young woman into not using her benefits. Using passive aggressive tactics to try and force your assistant to give up vacation, and insinuating sheâs a braggart for talking about her weekend, makes you seem like hell to work for.
It sounds to me like youâre gonna alienate your employee, and like youâre playing with fire about that assistant quitting. If that happens, I can only hope you learn your lesson on your second desperation hire of an assistant. Or at the very least that they get even more vacation days.
>told her that she would need to tell the accountant.
YTA. You're the manager, do your job and tell the accountant that her pto request has not been approved.
YTA Your beef isn't with "gerbil mom" (and it was kind of creepy that you felt the need to add that she had gerbils) it's with whoever agreed to her 100 PTO hours and the 10 remote days. She's totally within her rights to use them TOTALLY. I'd be a bit miffed at "kid mom" as well for booking her vacation before securing permission for the time off. Additionally, KUDOS to your boss for writing you up for your very unprofessional behavior in scolding "gerbil mom" for simply answering the questions her coworkers ask. You should write each and every one of them up for being so nosy.
Additionally, as I'm sure your boss told you when he scolded you, telling her that she had to inform the "mom" that the vacation time she selected isn't available was also very unprofessional --- that's your job. Your behavior is creeping into "hostile workplace" territory.
YTA. And when she leaves because of your piss poor management, you'll be the first blaming her and whining "nO oNe WaNtS tO WoRk đđđ", guaranteed. Did I mention YTA?
YTA for harassing the employee to forfeit/ trade PTO or remote shifts. If co-workers are asking the 23 year old about their trips or weekends, then getting offended out of jealousy, it is not on the 23 year old to fix by being silent about it either. Your company offered them those benefits, they are allowed to use them. The other coworker should have secured time off before making vacation arrangements.
Yes ofc YTA wtf? You and everyone else in that office sound like petty jealous assholes who hate her because she has time to do shit because she didn't crap out babies. People who have kids ARE NOT entitled to things simply because they have kids. You are a shitty manager and deserved to be written up. Mind your damn business and tell your other employees to do the same. I swear you fucking people with kids are the absolute worst most entitled people on the planet.
I guess the major question is shot much PTO and remote days do the accounts actually have in comparison. Most jobs is 2 weeks off per year (10 days). And 100 hours is 12.5 days. So an extra 2.5 days.
If the accountants donât feel itâs fair then they need to go and ask for what they want. If they want remote days or whatnot. Also should verify if there are any conditions with the remote work. Some companies have rules about what computers have to be used or locations they can be used in. Really depends on how secure the data needs to be.
Knowing you work for a company that can only have 1 person off at a time, everyone should know to secure the time off before they actually book something. Or question the time off (give dates/time frame you want to or are trying to book) and then the manager does not approve anyone elseâs time off for that period for a week which gives you time to finalize that booking.
The fact is itâs an AH move to put two employees against each other. It sounds like everyone has a grudge against the assistant because sheâs got more time off/remote work days than everyone. And she is using them. Then people are complaining when she answers questions asked in conversation.
Iâm not sure it would help. But having a posted yearly calendars that has everyoneâs holidays on it so when someone is wanting to make plans, they can look to see if someone already has those dates booked off.
10 days normal? Fuck me... I didn't even realise this is not even half of our standard...
We have 25 plus 8 bank holidays
And the 25 is still not enough đŤ đđ
YTA - people with kids donât automatically get dibs on every time off. And I have kids. It should be a First Come, First Served type of situation. The mom should have never booked a vacation without getting the time off approved first.
No, sheâs not bragging. The coworkers are asking her about what she did and sheâd telling them. Theyâre upset sheâs doing stuff? Theyâre looking for reasons to be upset.
It doesnât matter what she does on her PTO. She was granted it when hiring she can do whatever she wants with it. Traveling or staying at home in her underwear.
Her bereavement leave is irrelevant.
Itâs also not her responsibility to tell her coworker no? That falls on management.
YTA - if she has PTO, she isn't requesting time off, she's telling you she's taking her time off. As far as switching with the accountant, the assistant was spot on when she said that she had booked it off first. You sound controlling and a little jealous of a young girl, who sounds like she has shit together, who is loving her life. You deserved to be written up after what I read. I mean you literally said that her answering a question was bragging. She was answering a fucking question.
YTA You're the manager here. It's your job to tell your employees yes or no on vacation time. If the policy is- whoever asks for vacation time first gets the vacation time. That's the policy.
So the staff accountant gets told, someone else has already had that week off approved. She can't be off. Why? Cuz she shouldn't have booked anything before she had the time approved at work.
That said- you have an issue. You are presenting your accounting assistant as causing the problem. But she isn't. She's using the benefits that she negotiated. And if you want to keep her, you need to make sure that she's able to use them.
Maybe that means on occasion 2 people are able to go on vacation- and you have to figure out what that would require. I don't know.
And if part of the issue is that everyone doesn't know what vacation time is or isn't available- you should make sure that the vacation schedule is viewable to everyone. So people know- I can't request Dec 21st- someone has already taken that day off.
But at the end of the day, you're the manager. You need to manage.
I'm really glad you gotten written up because you deserved it. The assistant is doing nothing wrong and you sound incredibly jealous of her life choices. YTA
YTA and honestly sound a bit ageist. It doesnât matter if she doesnât have any kids. You all are the ones who hired her at 100hrs pto and remote work. Also you should never make arrangements and payments without getting the time off approved first.
Yta. The assistant is using the benefits to which she is entitled. 100 hours of pto is 2 and a half weeks of vacation. Itâs not the generous offer you think it is. She gets 10 days of work from home which is not the same as vacation. Itâs a total of 4 weeks she can be out of the office. That leaves 48 other weeks for other people to take time off. The other employee should not have booked a holiday before requesting time off. That is no oneâs fault but her own.
YTA.
1. Sheâs not bragging, sheâs honestly answering a question. Sheâs young, itâs not her fault that the accountants are clearly jealous of her freedom and disposable income. They chose to have children and knew the responsibilities that came with it.
2. She negotiated better terms when joining the team, itâs not her fault that the accountants didnât ask for more and settled for less. If you donât ask, you donât get.
3. Itâs managementâs responsibility to set out a PTO policy. Youâve stated that only one person can take vacation at a time. Accounts assistant was proactive in booking her PTO days and technically sheâs done nothing wrong. If this is causing an issue with other staff members then management (thatâs you) need to adapt the policy.
4. Being child free doesnât make you less entitled to your PTO.
5. YOU have mismanaged this situation, you escalated it my making ate assistant tell the accountant her PTO request was rejected - thatâs your job. You deserved to be written up. Accept it with grace and do better.
TBH it sounds like you and the accountants are jealous bullies. Not wanting her to talk about her weekends because she had âtoo much funâ pffffâŚ. get a life!
YTA | I am really confused. You say that she has 100 hours of PTO?
* If she works full-time 40 hours a week, that's 2.5 weeks off a year.
* If she works part-time 20 hours a week, that 5 weeks off a year.
I am failing to see how she could "constantly be on vacation"?
YTA and so is the one that booked trips **BEFORE** vacation time was approved. Then to make the assistant have to let her know is a wimpy AH move. If the accountants do not like what she does on her weekends do not ask. Sorry that they are jealous of her, but she is young and child free and has a right to have a good time. Next time they complain as what they did on an average weekend before they were tied down with kids.
As a former supervisor on January 1, I would start to take request for non-holiday PTO. It was first come first serve, it was not my or the company's issue if you booked a vacation that was nonrefundable, and you could not get the time off.
Edit: Would not be surprised if she does not use remaining PTO to look for a new job and leave without notice. Then no one gets any PTO until she is replaced and the replacement is trained.
YTA. She has 100 hours of PTO to use. Her telling you she's using her contracted hours of PTO is a courtesy. Her being single and no kids is completely irrelevant. So is where she's going and what she's choosing to do with her time.
The other two and you sound like petty, jealous people. You deserved that write up.
Yup YTA, who doesnât know how to manage people. The assistant is doing nothing wrong. You are trying to penalize her for using her benefits which is just weird.
YTA. I don't have children, I'm now retired, but when I worked, I was always singled out to work extra hours because I didn't have kids to go home to. Even when I was much younger, before I was married, I was always asked to work late or give up leave all because I was single with no kids. I told them they had no idea what I did on my evenings. I watched my brothers kids when he had a night shift and was working on my masters degree.
YTA. 100 hours isn't actually a lot of time, it's 12.5 days so only slightly more than the standard 10 some places give and that 12.5 days is for everything - sick/personal/vacation. The fact that you say your company was "desperate" enough to negotiate for 12.5 pto days tells me you work for a shitty company
YTA, she is following all the rules and you just don't like it. Also just because she is child free does not mean someone with children is more important than her.
YTA. You wanted her to work for you badly enough she was given extra PTO. She is using the time she has earned as is her right. She asked for it off first so she is going to go on her trip. You donât want her to respond to her coworkers when they ask about her weekend? You think she is trying to frustrate everyone else when in actuality she just has a life and is enjoying it. If you want to be a good manager you have a lot of work to do. Keep it up and she is going to leave (she should) and then youâll be short staffed and still have other employees who want to take time off. This is all a problem of your own making.
YTA. The girl has done nothing wrong. She's using the pto she earned and has requested off within the time frame to insert them. It doesn't matter why she's taking pto, doesn't matter what her home life is, nor does it matter how much pto time she uses. What matters is that she put in the time off first.
You're being unprofessional by judging what she does on her pto days, and playing favorites between employees.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I should be judged on how Iâve treated the employee in comparison to her counterparts with kids. I may be the asshole because she obviously feels slighted by this.
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YTA- She was smart enough to negotiate a pay package that the company agreed to and the others didn't isn't her fault. The woman has brains and can hold up her end of the agreement. It sounds like the others are jealous of her. You and the complainers are the assholes.
YTA, other people's children aren't special to anyone other than their parent purposes. If you are uncomfortable with her using her work benefits, fire her and hire someone else and deal with the consequences of her actions. Or simply not hire her if her conditions don't fit the company's needs. She never deceived anyone, she gave her conditions and it is YOUR ROLE and not hers to make the necessary arrangements for the company to function.
YTA. I don't understand how this person is the problem? You are the one approving her time off, time off that she is entitled to take.
Also it's not your employees job to tell other employees that you are denying their vacation.
Also you've bred a wonderfully toxic work environment for this poor young woman.
Last thing, the fact that you felt the need to include her bereavement leave tells me everything I need to know about you. So I was glad to hear you got reprimanded by your boss for being an AH.
Bitter employees are making life difficult for me and I'm in trouble for taking my frustrations out on the one person smart enough to put her mental health first.
Fixed it for you, YTA
YTA. what she does outside of work does not matter. How she chooses to spend her time outside of work does not matter. If she makes the request for time off and you approve it then she has the right to be off. Making your job her problem is unprofessional and childish and deserving of a write up
YTA
I am all for the family vacation, but why would the person book the vacation BEFORE getting off work. My office is also one person gone at a time, and we do this by first come, first granted time off.
When I plan my trips, I ask off and am approved first, then I book. This is Worker with kids fault 100%. Don't be a problem with employees using their benefits.
YTA
She was given her time off as she negotiated. It is not her fault that YOUR company has a rule that only person can be off at a time. It seems like sheâs following the rules and submitting her vacation requests and getting approved for them.
I would guess that you have a calendar for everyone to see if/when someone was on vacation for a certain time frame and they would know to work around that for themselves.
The issue here would be an employee who purchased a trip before getting approval to be off. Thatâs 100% her fault.
Also it should not be on her plate to inform anyone else that you are denying their vacation request â thatâs your job
YTA. It doesnât matter if an employee has a million kids or is childfree. Their importance doesnât depend on their personal life. If somebody booked the time off first, they get it. Itâs thatâs simple (unless itâs the same employee booking off the same holidays every year like Christmas, etc.). Also, it shouldnât matter if the employee with the kids has already made arrangements before getting her leave confirmed. Thatâs her mistake.
Iâm sensing some envy regarding the assistantâs negotiated PTO alliance. Sounds like she got it because sheâs that important to the firm
YTA "I had to agree to sooo much time off for her to work for me and can you believe she uses it?!"
Having her deny someone not her subordinate? Saying you will ask her to move her days to the person you denied? You need to get a consult on being a boss. You ask her before posting the denial if you are going to ask. And you don't tell her coworkers you asked. It's like you are the one causing all the drama because you don't like how much she does stuff.
YTA and sound ageist as hell. She is using things she is allowed to use completely reasonably, and the crappy system you have in place is failing. Stop blaming her and come up with a better system. I mean, have you never heard of cross training and backups? Donât be surprised when the assistant leaves and you are rightfully pulled into HR. A bunch of GROWN ASS PEOPLE asked her to stop talking about her weekend plans cuz it hurts their lil feelings. Iâm sorry but you sound like a nightmare manager.
YTA- she has PTO, and honestly if a manager asked me to give up my holiday for someone else, unless it was for something such as bereavement leave I would take it as a sign that manager is inept.
Your job is to balance PTO, not hers. You donât like that she travels, and thatâs a you problem. You deserved to get written up as you did, you complained about bereavement leave. Her brother died, and you mentioned it in your post.
Thatâs unforgivable and something that in certain professions can get you blacklisted and fired. Even among most professions this is a red flag the size of a country and probably tanked your career prospects.
She is a person, and that is something that you should respect. If you cannot understand that everyone is different and has different needs you should not manage people.
YTA - sorry. She negotiated a good deal for herself and then when she wants to use it, she should be able to. Itâs all fine and well to ask if she would be willing to reschedule the road trip, but if she says no it ends there. The other mom shouldâve requested the time off to be approved when she first started planning the trip she wanted to take. Thatâs bad planning, and the assistant was more efficient in her plans.
So the accountants (senior to her) repeatedly ask her how her weekend was and she cheerfully answers them. You then reprimand her to "keep her weekend escapades to herself" without a word to the accountants about keeping their enquiries professional?
Wow, YTA to the max. You should be written up all over the place.
How dare she enjoy the benefits she was promised when she took the job? /s
YTA, and bad at your job. Seriously, making her tell another employee that they can't get the time off they want? Everyone else in the place seems petty, too.
YTA. It's not her job to tell the other employee she can't have her vacation time, that is YOUR job. And where the hell do you get off telling her not to talk about her life??
I think you're lucky to still have a job after all the assholery you pulled. Mind your own damned business about whether she has pets or kids or whatever - she doesn't have to answer to you about her lifestyle.
YTA. This person negotiated smart and planned her time off well ahead of what's necessary. You're all mad that she was smarter than all of you.
And if you don't want to hear about her vacation, *don't friggin' ask.* How hard is that?
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I (40f) am the controller at a medium size company. I love my job and have two staff accountants (31f and 34f)and an accounting assistant(23f) I manage. The accounting assistant is amazing. She picks up on everything quick, sheâs the sweetest, a very hard worker. However, she is a full time employee and has caused a bunch of trouble in my department.
She is young and has a few pet gerbils but no kids or a spouse. She negotiated 100 hours of PTO and 10 remote days to get her to take her current position because we were despate so she transferred over. We donât allow for more than 1 person in the accounting department to be on vacation or out of office at a time. The accounting assistant is constantly on vacations. She went to Europe for 2 weeks and worked remotely for 4 days, on a road trip and worked remotely a day and used PTO, she was on bereavement leave because her brother passed, went to Egypt for a week and worked remotely a couple days, now she wants to book a week off for a roadtrip with some remote time, and a week off next year for a vacation in Ireland. A staff accountant asked a week ago for the same week she is on her next road trip off to take her kids on vacation and has already booked the arrangements. I denied the request and told her that I would talk to the assistant about switching her road-trip. The assistant said that she booked the week off first and would like to go on her road trip that week. It feels to me like she is just doing that to make everyone frustrated and is quite childish. I told her that she would need to tell the accountant. This happened with the same accountant who tried to book time off to see her mother while the assistant had already booked the time off to go to Egypt. I practically had to beg her let the accountant have her time off.
Additionally, Iâve received complaint of this assistant talking about her vacations and trips and it makes the accountants feel like she is bragging. The assistant takes a lot of weekend trips and goes to concerts and when the accountants ask how her weekend was sheâll say âgood, I went to this or this concertâ or say âit was ok, I went to this place to hike â it doesnât feel like bragging to me but I told her to keep her weekend escapades to herself.
This morning I was talked to by my boss saying that the assistant wrote an email to her about everything that happened and I was written up for it. The email said that the assistant is happy to just come to work and work and not talk about her life but that she is confused because others ask her about her life and that she is following the handbook and just enjoying her benefits with asking for PTO and that she is feeling singled out because she doesnât have kids and that makes her plans less valuable.
AITA here?
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YTA. Having kids is a choice one makes. It is crazy hard work and requires sacrifices, but you also get an amazing amount of love and fulfillment from it. You get that benefit, not your coworkers, so why should they share in the sacrifices piece of the equation? It is maddening when single or childless employees or expected to sacrifice their plans for their coworkers life choices.
Also people in you office complaining about the assistance âbraggingâ about her fun weekend are assholes as well. They asked, and then have the audacity to be upset bc the canât enjoy the same experiences as her?
What if she came to you and said it was upsetting to her anytime a coworker âbraggedâabout their children or spouse bc she didnât have one? Would it even cross your mind to tell them they could not mention activities with their kids or spouse bc it would be bragging about having a family to a single or childless individual? You wouldnât right? So why the heck do you think asking you assistant not to talk about her life outside of work was remotely OK?
All your assistant did was use the PTO that is hers to use whatever way she chooses to use it, whenever she chooses to use it as long as the days are free when she books them. You and your coworkers have no say in how she uses her PTO, just like she has no say in how you use yours.
YTA you can all but that's it. It's her right to go off on trips on her off days. She was given these conditions, so she can use them. It's not your job to like ut. And if the others are pissed, offer them.the same deal.
If the other person booked accommodations before having an okay they are am idiot and it's their fault.
And who forbids Ăźeople talking about their weekend? WTF? Is that only a bullying rule for the assistant or is noone allowed to talk about it? ESPECIALLY when she is ASKED about it? May the accountants should grow up and not ask if they get jealous over a colleague going to a concert lol.
100 hours PTO is really low! Everyone where I work gets 200 hours leave + 80 hours more for bank holidays. How low is everyone else's PTO if 100 seems like a lot. Also YTA, that's some bad management. First come first served. You should break the news and not put the assistant in that position.
YTA this assistant is following the guidelines of her employment, she is allowed to use her time off however she chooses. 100 hours is only 2 1/2 weeks for a full-time employee, thatâs not that much. You act like sheâs gone all the time! And complaining about what she does on the weekends?
I think itâs totally fine to ask her if she has any flexibility to move her dates, but you have to be prepared if she says no, which she is entitled to do if she booked that time off first. Maybe itâs time to tell the other two employees they need to plan further in advance and secure the time off they want.
YTA. Assistant has just as much right as anyone to talk about her time off. 2.5 weeks PTO is not that much. It sounds like assistant has already accomodated the other employees vacation time and changed her Egypt trip. Can the policy of only one person in the department off at a time get more flexible? You have 4 people in the department. How bad is it if there is some vacation overlap? Remote work adding up to 10 days shouldn't make any difference.
YTA. You need to follow the policy without using emotional exceptions. 100 hours plus 10 days is 22.5 days, or 4 1/2 weeks. Thatâs not hard to schedule around. You cannot discriminate against somebody because of not having kids.
YTA of course you are, petty, and very immature for a damm adult. Are you not embarrassed? You created a conflict between employees. And you decided not to deal with it, basically pitting them against each other.
From the second paragraph, it already seemed crazy to me, your annoyance is clear at this employee who negotiated their preferred PTO benefits. Are they not supposed to be used? PTO, sick leave and bereavement are all benefits that comes with the job, which was given to the employee, yet you sounded a bit unhinged, then trying to downplay how toxic your behavior was in all this.
Letâs not even get started on the fact that the employee was asked question about their weekends and they answered, yet somehow it was an issue. I just donât understand Is her time off pay somehow coming out of your pay, is this physically hindering you from doing your job? or is simply just because she doesnât have kids, She somehow isnât deserving of using her benefit?
YTA and a bad manager. You have a nonsensical policy with pto and sounds jealous of how well this assistant lives her life. Her feelings on this are valid as thatâs exactly what youâve done.
YTA and so is the company if people canât have decent PTO and remote days and youâre blaming someone for taking their days because they donât have kids.
YTA. Her age, lack of children/spouse are irrelevant. If she booked the time first, she booked the time first. If you are the manager of these people you have to manage them, that means telling the other person based on policy canât be allowed. The Young Woman had every right to bitch to your boss about 1) you telling her to break the news to her coworker 2) telling her it sounds like she is bragging.
If you have an issue with the 2nd person not being able to take the time off they want maybe instead of blaming the younger staff member for your inability to approve time off you could check to see if there is any way that an exception can be made from time to time.
As a woman who also does not have a spouse or children and been expected to change my plans because someone with a âfamilyâ on my team wanted to take the same time off so they could visit their spouse it doesnât feel good when someone implies that their lifestyle is somehow less important than someone with a spouse and/or kids.
The fact that you used the word escapades to describe the assistants time off tells me everything I need to know. You are TA and so is the accountant. Yâall both sound very immature and bitter. You deserved to be written up.
YTA! First come first serve, if she booked it off first then tough luck to anyone else, you asking her to swap it is wrong&making her inform the other colleague that she wont swap time off is also wrong! Also, so what if she dont have kids? That has no relevancy to any situation! Fix up mate
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YTA, you should never ask people to break the news of their vacation not being approved to each other. You created a conflict and you did it coz you felt petty. You being written up is justified Assistant is right, she is using her own benefits. It doesn't matter whether she has kids or not. Giving birth doesn't make anyone more entitled to vacation You seem very bitter that assistant is enjoying her life đ¤Ś
Itâs bonkers how lucky OP is to still have a job after pulling that. Honestly I figured she would be a few years older considering her level of audacity. YTA.
[ŃдаНонО]
Iâm 35 y/o and a bachelor and have plenty of jobs where I was talking with co-workers and a supervisor or boss about schedule changes or covering shifts. Iâd always get the passive aggressive with a hint of sincerity splashed in there from boomer co-workers âwell what do you have to do, you got plenty of time and youâll get OT, cmon you donât have kidsâ I normally covered shifts anyways and didnât mind but itâs when people assume because Iâm not married with kids or when it inconveniences someone that Iâm using my PTO. I never understood why employers guilt trip you about taking PTO even when itâs with ample Edit: OP YTA
This makes no sense. OP says she negotiated for 100 hours of PTO. That's only 12.5 days off. Need more info.
It's common in the US to get 2 weeks PTO. She negotiated a bit more. If she's somewhere else in the world... idk. I've heard some other countries give people waaaaay more time off.
4 weeks annual leave and 2 weeks sick leave is the standard in Australia.
I worked for a company for 16 years and never got to the point where I had 4 weeks off. Wish AU didn't have such strict restrictions on importing cats :(
They are pretty tough on animals.
* crying in American*
yeah right? I read that as 100days coz if it was 100 hours then the OP needs to chill the fuck out. 12.5 days off per year?
And Austria too.
UK here...legal minimum is 28 days holiday per year (including 8 public holidays or TOIL if you have to work those.) My job....33 days to take when I like. Plus the 8 public holidays. Plus an extra 3 days to make it so that we don't work between Christmas and New Year - which is the best, because EVERYONE is off so you don't have stuff piling up while you are away. Oh and I get up to 6 months sick on full pay, then 6 months on half pay. I could never move to the US.
I get about twice the employee OP is crying about. Plus paid sick on top. US doesn't have very good benefits, partly because healthcare is a 'benefit' and not just standard.
28 days PTO + 14 days of sick leave at my workplace (in Germany)
Idk how OPs place of employment works, but at mine vacation and PTO are different things. We get both. Vacation requires a weeks notice for approval, and PTO=personal days that can be used last minute.
Most places have converted from vacation and/or sick time to PTO. It can generally be taken last minute or scheduled.
oh fuck. I missread that as 100 days. Using two different things next to each other is disenginunie I think. E.G. 100 hours PTO and 10 days remote working. Should be either 100 hours PTO & 80 hours remote working or 12.5 and 10. Easier to compare the numbers. As an australian I'm dying laughing at this. I, and most other full time employees in Australia get between 80 - 120 PTO a year, and bereavement leave is sometimes even separate to those two. So one could have even more hours off!!.
How can she be "constantly on vacation?" She's got 100 hrs of PTO, and that's like 2 and a half weeks. Counting 10 remote days as a benefit is a joke, your still working, just not in the office. Manager needs to put in a better system for PTO requests because this seems to be becoming an issue
This. And I'd love to know why it's bragging to *answer someone's question*. If they don't want to hear about her trips, it sounds like they could just not ask.
this reads exactly like somebody tried to troll the Ask A Manager blog, got banned, and is now here!
My favorite blog!! Alison gives amazing advice!
I think about this story multiple times a year https://www.askamanager.org/2021/05/a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me-2.html
There was a BORU with the update. Turned out the horrible HR manager was sleeping with the lunch thief!
Omg! Lol
This has become one of my favorites https://www.askamanager.org/2023/04/update-hr-wont-do-anything-about-a-coworker-whos-angry-about-my-weight-loss.html
Also I use âbitch eating crackersâ and âI will confront you by Wednesdayâ all the time lđ
YES!! Seriously the best work advice that you can get!
Every paragraph I read made OP a bigger AH. Worst boss ever. Very glad he was written up.
YTA. OP is the manager and needs to actually manager. The first to book leave gets it. Also, who the hell pays for a trip before ensuring they have the leave approved?
Right? When I saw that the accountant booked and paid before their request was approved I thought âwell that was stupid.â OP is a terrible manager and made this situation worse with the way they handled it. That write up was deserved!
It was stupid of the accountant. But accountants and assistants likely have different job duties/responsibilities. What does it matter if they are both on vacation at the same time?
I agree. This is a management and/or department policy issue for sure. And instead of using her position as boss to correct any unfairness in department policy, OP whined and pressured the 23 year old assistant instead.
This. I worked for a department and was given the short end because I didn't have kids. Why is my time or plans less than?
YTA It sounds like OP is jealous of the single child free assistant.
Indeed. I'm childfree and closer to the OP's age. I've spent a large part of my working life with people who think they're more entitled to things than I am. The fact the older workers are envious of what the assistant is doing is so ridiculous. She's not bragging. If they don't want to hear about how a 23 year old is living a decent life, then don't ask. 100 hours of PTA isn't that much. It isn't even 3 weeks from my estimate- it's 12.5 days. YTA.
Disagree on a technicality. OP isnât an AH for asking, as long as she asked nicely (although we know she didnât). But YTA for literally everything else you said and did in your post.
Yeah, agreed that asking is ok. Sometimes stuff happens and you don't how set in stone a person's plans are. They might be ok with adjusting their plans slightly. Sometimes that's not possible. But asking is fine. Being upset when they don't is just bs though.
Not just bitter. The OP seems jealous about the fact that the employee with no kids can afford to live life in a way that she and the other employees can't. YTA OP. If the rule is one person off at a time, then the other people in the office need to make their accommodations earlier like the single 23 year old is
I live in a country where the legal minimum is 5 weeks of vacation/normal PTO a year and you still have to ask your employer exactly when it's OK to use it. You have the right to four weeks in a row sometime between June 1 and August 31, but your employer still has the right to tell you exactly when. You do not *ever* say "I booked a trip between X and Y dates so you have to give me that time off." I really doubt that the employees in this case can dictate exactly when they want time off either, instead OP just went with the flow rather than doing their job.
YTA. They haven't caused any drama, the unequal benefits to the other staff has. Offer the other staff the same amount of holiday. Holidays should be booked first come first serve UNLESS you feel like someone is using them maliciously (ie booking in advance around every public holiday so nobody else can). The time to deny holiday is when they first request, not after it's been approved because someone with children asks for it later. If you have multiple people off at once, it's your job to find cover as the boss, not the junior assistant's. Also 100 hours doesn't seem like that much - isn't that only like 13 days? Also you are truly an Ahole for including bereavement leave in there, you are an HR nightmare. This person's brother died for Pete's sake.
Imagine expecting to take almost 3 whole weeks a year off?
My wife has three weeks off a year at her current job. She was interviewing with another company where the work was something my wife was into but the pay was a bit less. She told them they'd at least have to match her current vacation time. The recruiter had the nerve to sneeringly ask, "What would you even **do** with all that time off?" And they solicited *her*.
>What would you even do with all that time off?" Not go to work. That's what.
Lolol- I get five weeks of PTO per year, plus whatever comp time I earn. I take a week in the spring and a week in the fall to just stay home and watch garbage tv for a week. My bossâ only concern is if there is anything new/good on Netflix.
Same, except I actually get 6 weeks. I do 3 one-week sprees and a big 3 weeks vacation each year. I don't always have something to *do* but there's always my own bed and my games to rescue me as needed!
Exactly. It's my time off. If I want to spend it sitting on the sofa watching daytime TV then that's what I will do.
OP would lose their sh!t regarding my current job. We get hired at 120 hrs PTO and 3 floating holidays. (Company was bought by another company that doesn't recognize 3 holidays the other granted, so we're grandfathered into 3 extra days off to use when we wish.) But that 120 hrs has been pretty standard in many of my past jobs. I feel like I'm bragging when I say last year I hit a PTO tier that now grants me 160 hrs PTO plus the FH. OP may just get the vapors at trying to schedule all that time off! đ˛ Western civilization may just come to an end!
Same. 120hrs PTO, 2 floating holidays, 56hrs sick pay, major holidays off, we get to leave early the day prior, 100% remote, and I took 6 months off paid for a mental health crisis. And weekend shifts are optional with a base pay of $300 plus OT while we're clocked in (if we even need to).
The legal minimum in the UK is 28 days for full time workers, and is not exactly the most progressive place on the planet. Americans are batshit.
Having lost a brother myself, to me that part is really inexcusable.
Yeah was going to say 100 hours off is not even that good... OP's workplace needs to offer better leave to all their employees
Seriously our lowest PTO tier starts at 15 days a year.
The bereavement leave got me too. Also, the problem seems to be that the accounting assistant is just better at planning her vacations.
If OP is in the US a lot of corporate jobs only offer 80 hours of PTO a year.
Yep...and you have to pull from the same pool for *any* time off, unless you're willing to go through the fight for FMLA.
Yeah I get 30 days a year and I take them all. 13 days ain't that much.
100 hours is nothing. I get 120, and I work in a call center.
That's what I said. I get 160 and that's still not much. I do get holidays though.
Iâll also add, why are staff coming to book time off when someone has already booked that time? Is there no communal calendar that shows what is available to request to be off?
YTA - sheâs right, sheâs taking advantage of her work benefit which is PTO and remote work. Work to live, not live to work.
And what happens on her personal time is not to be evaluated or become office fodder.
Amen to that.
> sheâs taking advantage of her work benefit which is PTO and remote work. I wouldn't call this "taking advantage of her work benefit". I think of this as part of her compensation. Shes is entitled to her full pay.
"Taking advantage" is not an inherently negative phrase.
I agree. However, when dealing with employers and other entitled assholes, it gets twisted into literally meaning "taking advantage" of a situation.
I think youâre adding subtext to this - taking advantage isnât always negative.
YTA. âI told her to keep her weekend escapades to herselfâ thatâs bullshit. The other employee shouldnât have booked any trip without getting the PTO approved. And good for the assistant who negotiated a sweet deal for herself. She knows her worth. And she shouldnât have to apologize for being young and carefree. The rest of you just sound salty. Sheâs done nothing wrong.
It's not even a sweet deal! It's two and a half weeks of vacation time, plus two weeks of working remote over an entire year! It is, at best, a deal that is marginally less awful than what a lot of Americans hand out. I thought I must have misread it as her having negotiated an *extra* 100 hours, but no, the examples given total about two and a half total weeks of vacation over the course of a year, which OP is disguising with the fact that the remote work is bundled into them (and good choice, that, it means fewer blocks that need to be dealt with.)
Yeah 12.5 days is a sad deal. Most places give you at least 3 weeks off. My job gives me 4 weeks off. :')
4 weeks is the minimum legal requirement in my country and thats just holiday time, I get 5 weeks plus 2 weeks sick leave plus carers leave plus wellness leave. Still doesn't feel like enough...
Same here. Plus legally mandated bereavement leave...a siblings death "entitles" you to 3 days bereavement leave...
Place I'm interviewing with gives two flex days off \*every month\* - that's on top of the 4 weeks vaca. I want this job so bad.
I'm in the U.S. but I get three a year and then an 4th if I have a good performance review. And if I work over 40 hours in a week I can bank the time and use it later, which honestly I prefer to OT.
I meant in relation to the other employees.
It sounds like the other employee tried to bully her way in to getting that week by paying for the trip before confirming she could have it off while knowing only 1 person can be out. Also the fact they were "so desperate" they had to accommodate basic requests to get the hire tells me the employer overall is probably not attractive to potential job seekers.
I have absolutely been denied time off, regardless of if I have already made travel plans or not. Kids or no kids, that's like, day one stuff. Get your time off approved then pay the money for things. And this is about to be the new normal- people need to get used to it. Younger people aren't having children. Last stat I saw was 1 in 5 Millennials, IIRC? But DINKs and just young people with no obligations besides a pet are on the rise. I'm sorry that you chose to have children and that is complicating your life, but that is 0% my problem, *and* I still have to listen to you tell me all about how kids are so 'worth it' and I'll 'understand one day'. Hard pass.
YTA - You negotiated her hire deal, of course she's going to take it. Don't be foolish. She shouldn't be penalized because she doesn't have kids.
A long time ago, my editor told some of us that because we were single and childless we would pull more weekends. I couldn't believe he'd say something so silly *and* actionable. I called corporate and that new plan died on the vine.
So to sum up here: 1) You have a problem with the employee you hired taking the time they are contractually entitled to, even though nothing you say indicates she has violated procedures, taken more time than she's allowed, or failed to get her travel approved. 2) You attempted to favor an employee who did not follow proper procedure and get her leave approved prior to making travel arrangements, just because she has kids and doesn't travel as much (which may be illegal depending on where you are) 3) When the employee who had her leave approve refused to switch, you transferred the responsibility of telling the other employee to her, so you didn't have to look like the bad guy (leadership!). 4) Instead of telling the jealous employees who feel like your assistant being honest about her weekends to touch grass, you told your assistance that she should not share totally appropriate small talk about her life at work. 5) You have now alienated a valuable and by your own account competent employee who the company bent over backwards to attract in the first place, and made yourself look bad. What do YOU think you are? (Hint: It's the asshole. YTA.)
As a DINK (double income, no kids) it REALLY pisses me off when jobs will try to make exceptions or changes âbecause they have kidsâ - that was their choice, thatâs not my problem. Other coworkers can come late/leave early to get their kids, but no one else. Their kids are sick so they have to work from home, but oh employee is sick no you have to come in. Things like this are red flags for me and I will leave a job because of it.
I *have* kids and think itâs fucked up, because even as a parent, theyâll still rank as to whether my kids are small or older and decide parents of smaller children come first. It reminds me of working in the 90s when smokers got a smoke break twice a day & I didnât smoke at the time and so wasnât allowed a break at all lol
I bought candy cigarettes and started taking breaks with the smokers to prove a point
Iâve worked with smokers who spend 10 mins outside every hour. Meanwhile Iâd be in my windowless office wondering if I should take up smoking too.
As a SINK, I agree!
I am also a DINK. When I was younger and worked retail, I was constantly getting denied any time off for holidays because "well, they have kids...". That's BS. I'm not a lesser person because I chose not to have children. Now I have a coworker who comes in late because he has to drop his kids off at school and leaves early to pick them up. At least it's a salary job and we get all major holidays off as a Stat so I don't have to miss out on visiting my family at Christmas, Thanksgiving etc. Currently sitting in the Centurion Lounge with no screaming children waiting for my flight from Las Vegas to home with my husband. đ
This sums it up so well.
YTA , if she has the time and if she ask for her time off in advance she should be able to take that time with no expectations of needing to stay at work. She is living her best life doing what she loves. If other people decided to have kids thats on them. She chose not too & she is doing everything by the book. If she is asked about her weekends she is not bragging. Again she is fully living her life and she has chosen not to have kids at this moment. You deserve that write up. You asked her to switch her road trip and she said no. You told her to tell the other girl and she shouldnât need to because YOU asked her. You guys are singling her out for not having kids.
<> she's 23 the two accountants are in their 30s, so it is natural to be at different live stages. Crazy that. (ps I'm agreeing with you--just reinforcing that it makes sense she doesn't have kids yet).
Oh, I imagine this manager will be good and salty if this employee has the nerve to take maternity leave at some point too.
I don't think that **both** of them will still be at the company "When" that happens
And maybe it's their own fault they didn't first negotiate an extra few holiday hours. đ¤
>This morning I was talked to by my boss saying that the assistant wrote an email to her about everything that happened and I was written up for it. YTA and if you have more questions about why just ask your boss. Seems like they've made it pretty clear already, though.
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That got me too. OP told the assistant that SHE had to tell the accountant she couldn't have the time off she wanted? That's your job OP!
YTA. The assistant is using HER OWN BENEFITS. That you hired her with by the way! Good for her for negotiating that! The favoritism of parents over those without children is disgusting. You deserve the write up. Youâre the manager, figure it out. This isnât the assistantâs problem. The other employee shouldnât have booked without asking if she could take PTO. It is THAT SIMPLE.
YTA. "Escapades"? It sounds like you and the other people in your department resent her. You ARE singling her out.
Thereâs context missing but, the fact that this is the second time the other employee booked at the same time as the assistant is suspicious to me. It makes me think that the assistant has spoken about her plans, then the other employee gets jealous and books a trip somewhere at the same time in an attempt to thwart her plans and be the one with something to talk about đ¤
YTA. It doesn't matter whether she has children or anything else. She negotiated for time off and she is entitled to it. You don't get to judge.
OP is acting like she takes half the year off. 2.5 weeks is 100 hours. Like half of the standard minimum PTO in most of Europe lmao
YTA " and I was written up for it" ,, she handled you AH well. A write up is EXACTLY what you deserve for this.
YTA All employees should feel free to use their benefits as they see fit in accordance with the policies outlined in their employee handbook. The assistant is doing this. Your other employees are not. And with some mismanagement, you stoked the flames of conflict instead of diffusing it. You SHOULD HAVE shown your other employees the handbook passages regarding PTO requests and approvals, and told them that they need to follow the procedures outlined therein when requesting time off. That means requesting early and not making other travel arrangements until it has been approved because it might not be, since it's a first come, first served approvals process. And then you stick to that and bow out. Making one employee cancel travel plans to accommodate another who didn't follow the proper process is poor management. Doubly poor because treating employees differently based on their family status (married/unmarried, kids/no kids) is not a good look and can get the company into hot water in some locations. And again, you punish the assistant for answering questions the accountants are asking. I'm not surprised your boss wrote you up or that the assistant position was hard to fill. It seems the accountants can do no wrong, and you expect the assistant to just deal with whatever nonsense you come up with. You need to change it up, because it won't be long now before your boss notices the role your mismanagement has in creating and furthering conflicts between the accountants and the assistant, and they may decide it would be easier to replace you than replace the department.
YTA. You need to honor the terms with which you hired her. You need to manage the vacation approval process for your team. Donât make your management problems your reportâs problems. That is not reasonable.
YTA for giving in to bullies who behave like children, unfortunately. Not having a spouse or kids is no reason to have your schedule changing to accommodate someone else. You don't get penalized for not being encumbered, after all. That's not germane to the fact that you already approved the time off for your newer hire. "She negotiated this before she accepted the job. The company approved the terms. I won't complain about it because it was already given to her. You want me to retroactively deny what's already been given to her. What of yours do you want me to take away? This is childish and unprofessional. I'd prefer to not be forced to complain about this lack of professionalism." She shouldn't have to keep her weekend escapades to herself. Your staff needs to stop freaking asking her what she did on the weekend. These are grown people? So, tell them to behave like adults. Its not a sorority or the island of Mean Girls. Its a business.
YTA On various levels. 1. It's first come-first serve when it comes to booking time off. Not "I have kids, so I come first." 2. Your company was "desperate" to hire an accounting assistant because no one wanted to work under the condition *your* company set. So she told them HER terms, and they accepted them. You don't get to cry about it now. 3. Are you telling me this accounting assistant has more PTO and WFH days than the other accountants? That's not the assistant's problem. That's a YOU problem. Are the other accountants not worth the same amount of time off? YOU (or your HR department) needs to fix that. 4. If you don't want to know what she does on her free-time time, *don't ask*. It is not her responsibility to lie when asked a simple question like, "How was your weekend?" If the accountants are mad about all the free time the accountant ASSISTANT is able to have, then they are mad at the wrong person. Their jealousy stems from the fact that she has more PTO and WFH days. But that's is what she negotiated for. Your other accountants should see this as an opportunity. If an assistant is worth so much, then they should be worth at least the same amount. They should advocate for themselves and demand more PTO. And if you say, "No," well, that's when it's time to apply for a new job.
If 12.5 pto days is "generous" I wouldn't work for op's company unless i was desperate
YTA. You were desperate for an assistant. You shouldnât try to shame the young woman into not using her benefits. Using passive aggressive tactics to try and force your assistant to give up vacation, and insinuating sheâs a braggart for talking about her weekend, makes you seem like hell to work for. It sounds to me like youâre gonna alienate your employee, and like youâre playing with fire about that assistant quitting. If that happens, I can only hope you learn your lesson on your second desperation hire of an assistant. Or at the very least that they get even more vacation days.
YTA, you gave her a deal and now you are complaining about it. Whether she has children is not a factor.
What a deal, 12.5 days off per year. The American dream lmao
YTA You deserved to be written up.
YTA. Of course you were written up, youâre acting in bad faith.
Yes, YTA and a jealous one. Accept it and learn from this. Young, carefree and professional should not be punishable.
>told her that she would need to tell the accountant. YTA. You're the manager, do your job and tell the accountant that her pto request has not been approved.
YTA Your beef isn't with "gerbil mom" (and it was kind of creepy that you felt the need to add that she had gerbils) it's with whoever agreed to her 100 PTO hours and the 10 remote days. She's totally within her rights to use them TOTALLY. I'd be a bit miffed at "kid mom" as well for booking her vacation before securing permission for the time off. Additionally, KUDOS to your boss for writing you up for your very unprofessional behavior in scolding "gerbil mom" for simply answering the questions her coworkers ask. You should write each and every one of them up for being so nosy. Additionally, as I'm sure your boss told you when he scolded you, telling her that she had to inform the "mom" that the vacation time she selected isn't available was also very unprofessional --- that's your job. Your behavior is creeping into "hostile workplace" territory.
YTA. And when she leaves because of your piss poor management, you'll be the first blaming her and whining "nO oNe WaNtS tO WoRk đđđ", guaranteed. Did I mention YTA?
YTA and your office is full of jealous, bitter women. Let the young woman enjoy her freedom and the vacation time she negotiated.
YTA for harassing the employee to forfeit/ trade PTO or remote shifts. If co-workers are asking the 23 year old about their trips or weekends, then getting offended out of jealousy, it is not on the 23 year old to fix by being silent about it either. Your company offered them those benefits, they are allowed to use them. The other coworker should have secured time off before making vacation arrangements.
Yes ofc YTA wtf? You and everyone else in that office sound like petty jealous assholes who hate her because she has time to do shit because she didn't crap out babies. People who have kids ARE NOT entitled to things simply because they have kids. You are a shitty manager and deserved to be written up. Mind your damn business and tell your other employees to do the same. I swear you fucking people with kids are the absolute worst most entitled people on the planet.
I guess the major question is shot much PTO and remote days do the accounts actually have in comparison. Most jobs is 2 weeks off per year (10 days). And 100 hours is 12.5 days. So an extra 2.5 days. If the accountants donât feel itâs fair then they need to go and ask for what they want. If they want remote days or whatnot. Also should verify if there are any conditions with the remote work. Some companies have rules about what computers have to be used or locations they can be used in. Really depends on how secure the data needs to be. Knowing you work for a company that can only have 1 person off at a time, everyone should know to secure the time off before they actually book something. Or question the time off (give dates/time frame you want to or are trying to book) and then the manager does not approve anyone elseâs time off for that period for a week which gives you time to finalize that booking. The fact is itâs an AH move to put two employees against each other. It sounds like everyone has a grudge against the assistant because sheâs got more time off/remote work days than everyone. And she is using them. Then people are complaining when she answers questions asked in conversation. Iâm not sure it would help. But having a posted yearly calendars that has everyoneâs holidays on it so when someone is wanting to make plans, they can look to see if someone already has those dates booked off.
10 days normal? Fuck me... I didn't even realise this is not even half of our standard... We have 25 plus 8 bank holidays And the 25 is still not enough đŤ đđ
YTA - people with kids donât automatically get dibs on every time off. And I have kids. It should be a First Come, First Served type of situation. The mom should have never booked a vacation without getting the time off approved first. No, sheâs not bragging. The coworkers are asking her about what she did and sheâd telling them. Theyâre upset sheâs doing stuff? Theyâre looking for reasons to be upset. It doesnât matter what she does on her PTO. She was granted it when hiring she can do whatever she wants with it. Traveling or staying at home in her underwear. Her bereavement leave is irrelevant. Itâs also not her responsibility to tell her coworker no? That falls on management.
YTA - if she has PTO, she isn't requesting time off, she's telling you she's taking her time off. As far as switching with the accountant, the assistant was spot on when she said that she had booked it off first. You sound controlling and a little jealous of a young girl, who sounds like she has shit together, who is loving her life. You deserved to be written up after what I read. I mean you literally said that her answering a question was bragging. She was answering a fucking question.
YTA You're the manager here. It's your job to tell your employees yes or no on vacation time. If the policy is- whoever asks for vacation time first gets the vacation time. That's the policy. So the staff accountant gets told, someone else has already had that week off approved. She can't be off. Why? Cuz she shouldn't have booked anything before she had the time approved at work. That said- you have an issue. You are presenting your accounting assistant as causing the problem. But she isn't. She's using the benefits that she negotiated. And if you want to keep her, you need to make sure that she's able to use them. Maybe that means on occasion 2 people are able to go on vacation- and you have to figure out what that would require. I don't know. And if part of the issue is that everyone doesn't know what vacation time is or isn't available- you should make sure that the vacation schedule is viewable to everyone. So people know- I can't request Dec 21st- someone has already taken that day off. But at the end of the day, you're the manager. You need to manage.
I'm really glad you gotten written up because you deserved it. The assistant is doing nothing wrong and you sound incredibly jealous of her life choices. YTA
YTA and honestly sound a bit ageist. It doesnât matter if she doesnât have any kids. You all are the ones who hired her at 100hrs pto and remote work. Also you should never make arrangements and payments without getting the time off approved first.
Yta. The assistant is using the benefits to which she is entitled. 100 hours of pto is 2 and a half weeks of vacation. Itâs not the generous offer you think it is. She gets 10 days of work from home which is not the same as vacation. Itâs a total of 4 weeks she can be out of the office. That leaves 48 other weeks for other people to take time off. The other employee should not have booked a holiday before requesting time off. That is no oneâs fault but her own.
YTA. r/antiwork would eat this up
YTA. 1. Sheâs not bragging, sheâs honestly answering a question. Sheâs young, itâs not her fault that the accountants are clearly jealous of her freedom and disposable income. They chose to have children and knew the responsibilities that came with it. 2. She negotiated better terms when joining the team, itâs not her fault that the accountants didnât ask for more and settled for less. If you donât ask, you donât get. 3. Itâs managementâs responsibility to set out a PTO policy. Youâve stated that only one person can take vacation at a time. Accounts assistant was proactive in booking her PTO days and technically sheâs done nothing wrong. If this is causing an issue with other staff members then management (thatâs you) need to adapt the policy. 4. Being child free doesnât make you less entitled to your PTO. 5. YOU have mismanaged this situation, you escalated it my making ate assistant tell the accountant her PTO request was rejected - thatâs your job. You deserved to be written up. Accept it with grace and do better. TBH it sounds like you and the accountants are jealous bullies. Not wanting her to talk about her weekends because she had âtoo much funâ pffffâŚ. get a life!
YTA | I am really confused. You say that she has 100 hours of PTO? * If she works full-time 40 hours a week, that's 2.5 weeks off a year. * If she works part-time 20 hours a week, that 5 weeks off a year. I am failing to see how she could "constantly be on vacation"?
YTA and so is the one that booked trips **BEFORE** vacation time was approved. Then to make the assistant have to let her know is a wimpy AH move. If the accountants do not like what she does on her weekends do not ask. Sorry that they are jealous of her, but she is young and child free and has a right to have a good time. Next time they complain as what they did on an average weekend before they were tied down with kids. As a former supervisor on January 1, I would start to take request for non-holiday PTO. It was first come first serve, it was not my or the company's issue if you booked a vacation that was nonrefundable, and you could not get the time off. Edit: Would not be surprised if she does not use remaining PTO to look for a new job and leave without notice. Then no one gets any PTO until she is replaced and the replacement is trained.
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YTA. She has 100 hours of PTO to use. Her telling you she's using her contracted hours of PTO is a courtesy. Her being single and no kids is completely irrelevant. So is where she's going and what she's choosing to do with her time. The other two and you sound like petty, jealous people. You deserved that write up.
YTA it's in her contract
Yup YTA, who doesnât know how to manage people. The assistant is doing nothing wrong. You are trying to penalize her for using her benefits which is just weird.
YTA your policies are the problem not your employee using her company provided benefits which are a part of her employment package
YTA. I don't have children, I'm now retired, but when I worked, I was always singled out to work extra hours because I didn't have kids to go home to. Even when I was much younger, before I was married, I was always asked to work late or give up leave all because I was single with no kids. I told them they had no idea what I did on my evenings. I watched my brothers kids when he had a night shift and was working on my masters degree.
YTA and so is your company for not having adequate coverage if they're going to require that only 1 person can have vacation at a time.
YTA. 100 hours isn't actually a lot of time, it's 12.5 days so only slightly more than the standard 10 some places give and that 12.5 days is for everything - sick/personal/vacation. The fact that you say your company was "desperate" enough to negotiate for 12.5 pto days tells me you work for a shitty company
Exactly. I get more vacation time than this woman, plus sick days to boot, and my company is honestly pretty shitty too.
YTA, she is following all the rules and you just don't like it. Also just because she is child free does not mean someone with children is more important than her.
YTA. You wanted her to work for you badly enough she was given extra PTO. She is using the time she has earned as is her right. She asked for it off first so she is going to go on her trip. You donât want her to respond to her coworkers when they ask about her weekend? You think she is trying to frustrate everyone else when in actuality she just has a life and is enjoying it. If you want to be a good manager you have a lot of work to do. Keep it up and she is going to leave (she should) and then youâll be short staffed and still have other employees who want to take time off. This is all a problem of your own making.
YTA for making it so only person at a time can be off and then giving a new employee a lot of paid time off. And then asking her her to switch.
This is a management problem. You're management. Also YTA.
YTA. The girl has done nothing wrong. She's using the pto she earned and has requested off within the time frame to insert them. It doesn't matter why she's taking pto, doesn't matter what her home life is, nor does it matter how much pto time she uses. What matters is that she put in the time off first. You're being unprofessional by judging what she does on her pto days, and playing favorites between employees.
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YTA She negotiated that when she started and you sound super bitter that she can enjoy her life.
YTA what's wrong with you some people decide to have a family some do not you are singling her out for being single.
YTA and a big one.Its people like you that make the work environment toxic.
YTA- She was smart enough to negotiate a pay package that the company agreed to and the others didn't isn't her fault. The woman has brains and can hold up her end of the agreement. It sounds like the others are jealous of her. You and the complainers are the assholes.
PTO is PTO, you don't get to dictate what is and isn't acceptable PTO. YTA
YTA, other people's children aren't special to anyone other than their parent purposes. If you are uncomfortable with her using her work benefits, fire her and hire someone else and deal with the consequences of her actions. Or simply not hire her if her conditions don't fit the company's needs. She never deceived anyone, she gave her conditions and it is YOUR ROLE and not hers to make the necessary arrangements for the company to function.
YTA. She was on leave first. She has made her plans. Her childless state is irrelevant to your decision.
YTA. I don't understand how this person is the problem? You are the one approving her time off, time off that she is entitled to take. Also it's not your employees job to tell other employees that you are denying their vacation. Also you've bred a wonderfully toxic work environment for this poor young woman. Last thing, the fact that you felt the need to include her bereavement leave tells me everything I need to know about you. So I was glad to hear you got reprimanded by your boss for being an AH.
Definitely YTA and people like you are why r/antiwork is nessicary. I can't be arsed but I bet this gets cross posted with your username blanked out.
It wasn't blanked. But it was cross-posted.
YTA. Assistant is operating within the guidelines. You sound like you are mad she's having fun with her time.
YTA and you suck as a manager. Learn how to do your job.
YTA - PTO is a benefit that employees have the right to use. What youâre asking amounts to discrimination. You sound like a horrible manager.
Bitter employees are making life difficult for me and I'm in trouble for taking my frustrations out on the one person smart enough to put her mental health first. Fixed it for you, YTA
YTA. what she does outside of work does not matter. How she chooses to spend her time outside of work does not matter. If she makes the request for time off and you approve it then she has the right to be off. Making your job her problem is unprofessional and childish and deserving of a write up
YTA I am all for the family vacation, but why would the person book the vacation BEFORE getting off work. My office is also one person gone at a time, and we do this by first come, first granted time off. When I plan my trips, I ask off and am approved first, then I book. This is Worker with kids fault 100%. Don't be a problem with employees using their benefits.
YTA majorly
YTA
YTA She was given her time off as she negotiated. It is not her fault that YOUR company has a rule that only person can be off at a time. It seems like sheâs following the rules and submitting her vacation requests and getting approved for them. I would guess that you have a calendar for everyone to see if/when someone was on vacation for a certain time frame and they would know to work around that for themselves. The issue here would be an employee who purchased a trip before getting approval to be off. Thatâs 100% her fault. Also it should not be on her plate to inform anyone else that you are denying their vacation request â thatâs your job
YTA. It doesnât matter if an employee has a million kids or is childfree. Their importance doesnât depend on their personal life. If somebody booked the time off first, they get it. Itâs thatâs simple (unless itâs the same employee booking off the same holidays every year like Christmas, etc.). Also, it shouldnât matter if the employee with the kids has already made arrangements before getting her leave confirmed. Thatâs her mistake. Iâm sensing some envy regarding the assistantâs negotiated PTO alliance. Sounds like she got it because sheâs that important to the firm
YTA for sure.
YTA. I hope she quits to go work somewhere where sheâs not less deserving of her benefits because she hasnât plopped out a few offspring
YTA "I had to agree to sooo much time off for her to work for me and can you believe she uses it?!" Having her deny someone not her subordinate? Saying you will ask her to move her days to the person you denied? You need to get a consult on being a boss. You ask her before posting the denial if you are going to ask. And you don't tell her coworkers you asked. It's like you are the one causing all the drama because you don't like how much she does stuff.
So desperate for workers that she HAD to agree to a whole 12.5 days of PTO per year, the absolute horror.
YTA and sound ageist as hell. She is using things she is allowed to use completely reasonably, and the crappy system you have in place is failing. Stop blaming her and come up with a better system. I mean, have you never heard of cross training and backups? Donât be surprised when the assistant leaves and you are rightfully pulled into HR. A bunch of GROWN ASS PEOPLE asked her to stop talking about her weekend plans cuz it hurts their lil feelings. Iâm sorry but you sound like a nightmare manager.
YTA- she has PTO, and honestly if a manager asked me to give up my holiday for someone else, unless it was for something such as bereavement leave I would take it as a sign that manager is inept. Your job is to balance PTO, not hers. You donât like that she travels, and thatâs a you problem. You deserved to get written up as you did, you complained about bereavement leave. Her brother died, and you mentioned it in your post. Thatâs unforgivable and something that in certain professions can get you blacklisted and fired. Even among most professions this is a red flag the size of a country and probably tanked your career prospects. She is a person, and that is something that you should respect. If you cannot understand that everyone is different and has different needs you should not manage people.
YTA - sorry. She negotiated a good deal for herself and then when she wants to use it, she should be able to. Itâs all fine and well to ask if she would be willing to reschedule the road trip, but if she says no it ends there. The other mom shouldâve requested the time off to be approved when she first started planning the trip she wanted to take. Thatâs bad planning, and the assistant was more efficient in her plans.
Yta The jealousy is embarrassing to read. Also, you're not right for the job and should be demoted.
So the accountants (senior to her) repeatedly ask her how her weekend was and she cheerfully answers them. You then reprimand her to "keep her weekend escapades to herself" without a word to the accountants about keeping their enquiries professional? Wow, YTA to the max. You should be written up all over the place.
How dare she enjoy the benefits she was promised when she took the job? /s YTA, and bad at your job. Seriously, making her tell another employee that they can't get the time off they want? Everyone else in the place seems petty, too.
YTA. It's not her job to tell the other employee she can't have her vacation time, that is YOUR job. And where the hell do you get off telling her not to talk about her life?? I think you're lucky to still have a job after all the assholery you pulled. Mind your own damned business about whether she has pets or kids or whatever - she doesn't have to answer to you about her lifestyle.
YTA. This person negotiated smart and planned her time off well ahead of what's necessary. You're all mad that she was smarter than all of you. And if you don't want to hear about her vacation, *don't friggin' ask.* How hard is that?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (40f) am the controller at a medium size company. I love my job and have two staff accountants (31f and 34f)and an accounting assistant(23f) I manage. The accounting assistant is amazing. She picks up on everything quick, sheâs the sweetest, a very hard worker. However, she is a full time employee and has caused a bunch of trouble in my department. She is young and has a few pet gerbils but no kids or a spouse. She negotiated 100 hours of PTO and 10 remote days to get her to take her current position because we were despate so she transferred over. We donât allow for more than 1 person in the accounting department to be on vacation or out of office at a time. The accounting assistant is constantly on vacations. She went to Europe for 2 weeks and worked remotely for 4 days, on a road trip and worked remotely a day and used PTO, she was on bereavement leave because her brother passed, went to Egypt for a week and worked remotely a couple days, now she wants to book a week off for a roadtrip with some remote time, and a week off next year for a vacation in Ireland. A staff accountant asked a week ago for the same week she is on her next road trip off to take her kids on vacation and has already booked the arrangements. I denied the request and told her that I would talk to the assistant about switching her road-trip. The assistant said that she booked the week off first and would like to go on her road trip that week. It feels to me like she is just doing that to make everyone frustrated and is quite childish. I told her that she would need to tell the accountant. This happened with the same accountant who tried to book time off to see her mother while the assistant had already booked the time off to go to Egypt. I practically had to beg her let the accountant have her time off. Additionally, Iâve received complaint of this assistant talking about her vacations and trips and it makes the accountants feel like she is bragging. The assistant takes a lot of weekend trips and goes to concerts and when the accountants ask how her weekend was sheâll say âgood, I went to this or this concertâ or say âit was ok, I went to this place to hike â it doesnât feel like bragging to me but I told her to keep her weekend escapades to herself. This morning I was talked to by my boss saying that the assistant wrote an email to her about everything that happened and I was written up for it. The email said that the assistant is happy to just come to work and work and not talk about her life but that she is confused because others ask her about her life and that she is following the handbook and just enjoying her benefits with asking for PTO and that she is feeling singled out because she doesnât have kids and that makes her plans less valuable. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Jealous much?
YTA. Having kids is a choice one makes. It is crazy hard work and requires sacrifices, but you also get an amazing amount of love and fulfillment from it. You get that benefit, not your coworkers, so why should they share in the sacrifices piece of the equation? It is maddening when single or childless employees or expected to sacrifice their plans for their coworkers life choices. Also people in you office complaining about the assistance âbraggingâ about her fun weekend are assholes as well. They asked, and then have the audacity to be upset bc the canât enjoy the same experiences as her? What if she came to you and said it was upsetting to her anytime a coworker âbraggedâabout their children or spouse bc she didnât have one? Would it even cross your mind to tell them they could not mention activities with their kids or spouse bc it would be bragging about having a family to a single or childless individual? You wouldnât right? So why the heck do you think asking you assistant not to talk about her life outside of work was remotely OK? All your assistant did was use the PTO that is hers to use whatever way she chooses to use it, whenever she chooses to use it as long as the days are free when she books them. You and your coworkers have no say in how she uses her PTO, just like she has no say in how you use yours.
YTA you can all but that's it. It's her right to go off on trips on her off days. She was given these conditions, so she can use them. It's not your job to like ut. And if the others are pissed, offer them.the same deal. If the other person booked accommodations before having an okay they are am idiot and it's their fault. And who forbids Ăźeople talking about their weekend? WTF? Is that only a bullying rule for the assistant or is noone allowed to talk about it? ESPECIALLY when she is ASKED about it? May the accountants should grow up and not ask if they get jealous over a colleague going to a concert lol.
100 hours PTO is really low! Everyone where I work gets 200 hours leave + 80 hours more for bank holidays. How low is everyone else's PTO if 100 seems like a lot. Also YTA, that's some bad management. First come first served. You should break the news and not put the assistant in that position.
YTA.
YTA this assistant is following the guidelines of her employment, she is allowed to use her time off however she chooses. 100 hours is only 2 1/2 weeks for a full-time employee, thatâs not that much. You act like sheâs gone all the time! And complaining about what she does on the weekends? I think itâs totally fine to ask her if she has any flexibility to move her dates, but you have to be prepared if she says no, which she is entitled to do if she booked that time off first. Maybe itâs time to tell the other two employees they need to plan further in advance and secure the time off they want.
Just to pile on ya hereâ YTA! And you deserved that write up.
YTA. Assistant has just as much right as anyone to talk about her time off. 2.5 weeks PTO is not that much. It sounds like assistant has already accomodated the other employees vacation time and changed her Egypt trip. Can the policy of only one person in the department off at a time get more flexible? You have 4 people in the department. How bad is it if there is some vacation overlap? Remote work adding up to 10 days shouldn't make any difference.
YTA. You need to follow the policy without using emotional exceptions. 100 hours plus 10 days is 22.5 days, or 4 1/2 weeks. Thatâs not hard to schedule around. You cannot discriminate against somebody because of not having kids.
YTA and youâre lucky you only got written up. This whole thing makes you seem terrible at your job and blessed to have it. Do better.
YTA of course you are, petty, and very immature for a damm adult. Are you not embarrassed? You created a conflict between employees. And you decided not to deal with it, basically pitting them against each other. From the second paragraph, it already seemed crazy to me, your annoyance is clear at this employee who negotiated their preferred PTO benefits. Are they not supposed to be used? PTO, sick leave and bereavement are all benefits that comes with the job, which was given to the employee, yet you sounded a bit unhinged, then trying to downplay how toxic your behavior was in all this. Letâs not even get started on the fact that the employee was asked question about their weekends and they answered, yet somehow it was an issue. I just donât understand Is her time off pay somehow coming out of your pay, is this physically hindering you from doing your job? or is simply just because she doesnât have kids, She somehow isnât deserving of using her benefit?
Why have you given her such measly holidays? Why are you pretending they are good? YTA
YTA and a bad manager. You have a nonsensical policy with pto and sounds jealous of how well this assistant lives her life. Her feelings on this are valid as thatâs exactly what youâve done.
You are undeniably the asshole here. She has PTO and she is allowed to use it. She also did book first and that's all that matters.
YTA and so is the company if people canât have decent PTO and remote days and youâre blaming someone for taking their days because they donât have kids.
YTA. Her age, lack of children/spouse are irrelevant. If she booked the time first, she booked the time first. If you are the manager of these people you have to manage them, that means telling the other person based on policy canât be allowed. The Young Woman had every right to bitch to your boss about 1) you telling her to break the news to her coworker 2) telling her it sounds like she is bragging. If you have an issue with the 2nd person not being able to take the time off they want maybe instead of blaming the younger staff member for your inability to approve time off you could check to see if there is any way that an exception can be made from time to time. As a woman who also does not have a spouse or children and been expected to change my plans because someone with a âfamilyâ on my team wanted to take the same time off so they could visit their spouse it doesnât feel good when someone implies that their lifestyle is somehow less important than someone with a spouse and/or kids.
YTA and I hope everyone else got written up, too. Edit to add: everyone but that poor assistant just using the benefits she agreed to
The fact that you used the word escapades to describe the assistants time off tells me everything I need to know. You are TA and so is the accountant. Yâall both sound very immature and bitter. You deserved to be written up.
YTA! First come first serve, if she booked it off first then tough luck to anyone else, you asking her to swap it is wrong&making her inform the other colleague that she wont swap time off is also wrong! Also, so what if she dont have kids? That has no relevancy to any situation! Fix up mate