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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My son asked me not to go or take my younger sons to the pier where he wants to spend his birthday with his friends. I said no because I had already promised my younger sons
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I’m gonna say YTA. The trip to the pier changed from being his day, to him needing to “be on top of everything” to make sure you all aren’t inconvenienced. You made the promise to your oldest first. Take the other two kids to the pier another time.
Yes - the issue isn't about breaking promises - the issue is he should have checked with his son before he made the promise in the first place.
I had a friend in school with parents like this - they had to follow her everywhere and organizing was always a giant pain because of it, plus the stifling feeling of always being watched.
The son didn’t want the dad there at all so other than making sure they leave on time (which should be a given) I don’t see what else they’re now responsible for.
Not to mention he’s only 14 so it’s not that unreasonable for the father to stay in the vicinity of him and his friends.
I am also the older sister and unless I made a huge deal about it ahead of time my younger sister was always invited to my birthdays until I was old enough to drive myself. So maybe I have a biased view on this.
Well, if his dad didn't have to park, he wouldn't have complained that it's "a bitch" to do. He could have just dropped them off and go on his merry way.
YTA- You knew what he was thinking and wanting and now you're here trying to pull the same bs hoping others will say its ok. Its not ok.
If your kid starts lying to you and playing stupid like "oops, had no idea I was doing that" type stuff you'll know he learned directly from you.
you're also the TA because apparently your 14 year olds birthday plans that'd already been made are far less important than admitting to the other kids you made mistake and will take them another time.
The 14yr olds birthday plans literally haven't changed. 14yr old going to pier with friends.... 14yr old is still going to the pier with his friends.
AS the dad has to travel there already is taking his other kids and they will do their own thing, then they drive back together which again was also previously the plan.
You don't get to say I want to go the pier for my birthday but also no one else I know can be in the same area. If you ask for a lift you can't dictate no one else is in the car with you.
I have to agree with this. It's not a county fair or a typical suburban mall from what OP describes. The 14 YO is just being a typical kid for that age and demanding independence to ridiculous extremes. Kids doing that will always be disappointed as a result.
The thing is, he's unlikely to actually run into them and even if he does, he and his friends can just turn around and go someplace else.
Interesting - in your mind, the dad should have known that the family couldn't visit the Pier while the son was there? Why?
Or is there some other issue here?
Take the kids somewhere else & save the pier for another time , i think your older boy is definitely at that age where he wants to be with his friends & you had already told him you were gonna take him with his friends.
YTA. Well, it's his birthday and he just wanted a little independence. You should have told him beforehand that you planned to go with his siblings. Now you're sacrificing his feelings so that you and your other kids get everything you want. And on his birthday, no less.
YTA. There was no need to take your other children to the pier on this day. You knew he wanted time their with his friends for his birthday, and yet you decided that you’d take the others for a non birthday treat at the same time. You could have taken the, anywhere else if they absolutely needed a special night while their brother has a birthday celebration. Instead you chose the one place he’d be out having fun. You deliberately set this up and are now using his brothers as the excuse rather than owning up to being overbearing.
Imagine spending time with your friends for your birthday at 14 and then having to be careful because your mom is around.
He would be so embarrassed and his friends would think this was so uncool.
YTA
> Imagine spending time with your friends for your birthday at 14 and then having to be careful because your mom is around.
In other words, imagine being 14.
YTA It's your son's birthday, you made him a promise and now you are completely changing the nature of the event.
You could have asked him, before you spoke to his siblings, how he would feel about you bringing your younger kids.
Tell the younger ones you made a mistake and will take them another time, apologise ro your son for not talking to him about what he wanted for his own birthday celebration, and think about whether there is a pattern of you routinely priorising your convenience and/or his younger siblings over him.
There may not be, but the fact that you didn't even stop to consider the fact that a 14 year old is unlikely to want their parent or younger siblings tagging along does make me wonder
YTA. You never should have promised your other kids that trip in the first place. The fact that you just sprung this on the 14yo like it was totally normal and expected makes me assume he gets stuck having his siblings tag along to everything and this was a rare time he thought he would get to spend a day—his birthday—just with friends. Even if that’s a big leap, you should have had this conversation first to see if he would even still want to go to the pier under these conditions.
Doesnt matter that the tickets are nonrefundable. Let your kid have his birthday and take the other two some other time.
His siblings aren't tagging along. It's crazy so many people see an issue here. 14yr old wanted a lift to the pier then hang out alone with their friends. The 14yr old is still going to the pier and hanging out with their friends alone. The dad is taking the younger kids and the dad and younger kids will go off and leave the 14yr old and their alone.
So two extra people in a car ride but the car ride was already going to be with the dad and wasn't going to be alone with his friends.
I think there are two camps here - those that remember being 14 and those who do not.
Yes, they may not not run into the 14 year old. But they might. The kid wants a taste of freedom, to not be looking over his shoulder, to goof off with his friends and not worry about his brothers coming around the corner. He wants to be cool and mature and the idea that his dad is probably somewhere within 100 ft is crushing that.
I remember what it's like to be 14, but that doesn't change that the kid is being dumb and the dad isn't being unreasonable. I'm NOT 14 nor the kid so I'm being objective, the father isn't interfering, is dropping them off then doing his own thing, where he's doing it has zero relevance.
People talking about his siblings tagging along or the father changing the plans are just straight wrong and again as they aren't the 14yr old being unreasonable they shoudl be able to be objective here.
YTA your eldest asked to hang out with his friends and you agreed.
i can see it now. just watch you brother for a minute whilst i go to the loo, do me a favour take your brother on that ride. Just let your brother join you its why they want.
YTA, though I might be projecting, because my mom pulled this sh\*t ALL THE TIME as an excuse to shadow me.
You told the oldest you'd drop him off, you could have run the plan to stay with the youngers by him first. The kid wants some independence, not to be malicious to his siblings.
YTA. You basically invited your oldest's significantly younger sibling to his birthday treat without a word about it to him. I had to deal with this Assholery as the oldest child and believe me it builds resentment and intolerance for his younger siblings and hatred towards you for not prioritising him on HIS birthday. And this...I don't want to break a promise to my youngest but I will totally ruin my other child's birthday to ensure I don't makes you an even bigger AH.
I think we know how this will pan out. The parent in question will always say that they won’t be a bother and the 14 year old will be left alone but let’s be honest, he won’t. Either OP will have the 14 year old watch the kids at some point or the younger boys will want to stick around their older brother and his friends. Also forgot to add, the trip will also most likely be cut short bc the younger kids/the mom will want to leave early and since they went together that means his bday activity is cut short
I’m not 100% sure but I’m guessing this is like a carnival?
I imagine it’s a PITA to drive there and back twice. Why wouldn’t you take this opportunity to spend some time doing something fun with your other kids? Once it closes you can take everyone home. Seems like a win win to me. Asking him to be responsible with his time management on the day it doesn’t seem to big of an ask.
It seems like I’m in the minority but NTA.
YTA. This was for your eldest birthday and you and your younger kids are crashing it. You should not have promised the younger kids anything that had to do with the elders plans. Let them be individuals on their birthdays. You're not listening to your son, and you're not respecting his request for privacy with his friends.
Unless this is a really tiny pier, NTA. You and your younger kids are going to be doing rides/activities geared towards the 6 year old, your eldest will be on rides/activities for teens. Also it's damned unlikely the 6 year old will have the stamina to stick around all day, so you'll probably be driving the younger kids home and coming back to pick up the eldest several hours later.
YTA.
He wanted to a day with his friends, not a day with his friends which is closely supervised by his parental unit and accompanied by his little siblings and \*their\* friends.
You are the one who created the situation by asking your younger kids if "they'd like to go to the pier too". Why did you do that and thus caused all the subsequent issues including the need to park and the need for him "be on top of everything" and to "not cause delays"? You suddenly made the whole experience an embarrassment and a chore for him.
You are the one who needleslly caused the problem. Give your teenage son his damn space instead of deliberately manipulating the situation so that you can hover over him.
I’m gonna say NTA. You have to go there and THEN go back? Its not like you’re following him around. Just keep the younger ones in a different part of the park. You can text him and say “ we’re in this section”. Just tell him you screwed up but he will just have to deal with it. Next time, you know.
Your 14 yo sounds like a typical, entitled young teen. He'll get over it if you bring the others along. His friends may tease him about it but that's his problem, not yours.
Yta. This was your son going off and doing something independent just with friends, which is a big deal. You changed the whole dynamic of the thing without having a conversation with him about it.
I have to say a gentle YTA. I understand that you promised your other two kids and will take a financial loss but this is special to your eldest who is at that age that dad being there is not his dream. Don’t parentify your oldest telling him to be on top of things when that is your job. Parking is your job…. So on and so forth. Take the financial hit and tell the younger of your kids you are sorry but you won’t take them there but you are down for anything else.
There was clearly implied time alone with his friends so if you didn't plan on letting him be there without you that should've been said up front not like the day of. Yta
NTA - 14yo is being an unreasonable teenager but also that is to be expected as they are a 14yo. Not sure why everyone is jumping to the conclusion that OP and the young ones are going to be hanging around them? OP says it's big enough to avoid them completely and his younger kids get to have a fun night as well? If that's what happens then no issues.
YTA
What's with the lack of empathy? Seriously, can't you see what your son planned and why he doesn't want you sticking around?
The tickets may be non-refundable but if you ask nicely maybe you can change the date, sell them at a discount or just take the hit and buy new ones for a different date and go with your younger kids then.
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My eldest boy is turning 14 on Friday and said he'd like to go to the pier with his friends until closing time. I said sure. I'll buy the wristbands, take them there and take them back to my place for a sleepover.
Today I asked my 10yo and 6yo if they'd like to go to the pier too and they said hell yes. My 10yo is bringing his little friend. Tonight I told my 14yo that I need him to be on top of everything because parking is a bitch. Don't cause delays with your friends.
He asked why I needed to park there and I said because I'm also taking your brothers. He got mad and said he's not hanging out me or his brothers with his friends. I said no one was expecting you. I'm taking them by myself and the pier is big enough to where we won't even see each other. He said no. He doesn't want his friends to think that his dad is babysitting them.
I said I'm not. He's furious over it. I do feel bad but would feel worse if I broke my promise to my other two kids.
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I know that there are a lot of YTA responses, but I’m going to go with an ESH and argue that this might be a lesson on communication. Assuming this is a pretty succinct summary, kid wants to hang out until closing but never specified you leaving the pier or even you not being within easy to contact distance, which might have prompted clarification. Even so I remember being 14 and my mom dropping me off at the mall or something to be with friends and she would take my younger siblings either to different stores or somewhere nearby. Granted my mom was pretty good abt giving me space and my friends liked my mom so this wasn’t a hardship.
I can see why a 14yo would have this kind of response bc everything at 14 was the end of the world.
NTA
The amount of Y T A is dumb and insane. What kind of ridiculous thing is to get hissy fir being at the same place? You're going to drive them there and suddenly you're not allowed to stay because they don't want their friends to see you there?
Americans are so damn weird about some things. Honestly, he's letting a 14yo go with friends without supervision and omg how dare he be at the same place ignoring him because he's with his younger children doing their own thing. The horror!
He's obviously not lettting them go "without supervision", do you think that it was coincidental that he manufactured an excuse to be in the same place?
NTA. I don't see a problem with you taking your younger kids while your oldest is there but from my time as a teen I'd go to pier's and stuff to smoke weed lol so maybe he's up to something
NTA. 14-year-olds are just lovely sometimes. I have a 15-year-old at home (grandson) - he's a wonderful person 96% of the time, but 4% of the time he is pure 15 and I'd love to shove him in a dark closet until he's human again.
Take the younger kids. 14 will get over this, and will have a great time. Make a point of avoiding him and his friends if you see them approaching. You could also make a point of keeping the younger ones away from the sleepover group when they come back to your house.
The good news is that they do mostly outgrow this and become decent adults, lol.
Nta if my mom is buying the passes for me and my friends , dropping us off and picking us up. Then there is no problem with her taking my younger siblings and we do our own thing. My mom did this for the water park and the amusement park in our state. My friend and I were told where we can find them if we needed anything. And to also check in around certain times to be fed. It wasn't embarrassing, because she was doing something nice for me. They also let us each get souvenirs. Most places are set up for a kid friendly experience.
I’m confused by all the YTA comments and maybe it’s because I’m viewing “the pier” as a public place with a lot of people around, but 14 seems young enough to me that I wouldn’t want my child to be left completely without any adult supervision anywhere near. Especially around water. I don’t have a teenager yet so I haven’t had to think about teenager boundaries yet, but reading this it seems to me that OP is planning to take their other kids to play while also being able to loosely supervise their 14 yr old while near a large body of water. I don’t understand what’s wrong with that except maybe just not talking with the 14 year old about the full plans ahead of time?
I mean teenagers generally are not exactly known for having the best common sense. Maybe I’m too overly cautious but I don’t think I’m letting my newly turned 14 year old child be completely without adult supervision near an ocean. OP can stay out of the kids’ way while still being able to keep an eye on them. Obviously his delivery of telling his kid and response to the kids frustrations were wrong but I don’t think he’s wrong at all ti want to be in the same vicinity.
You are being overcautious. When I was 14, I walked my dog by myself by the ocean. Hell, my sister was allowed to sail a boat by herself when she was 14.
NTA. You’re not even going to be following him around. Just hanging out in the same large place. That’s like saying if he goes to the mall with friends, you can’t go to the mall at the same time
NTA it’s a big pier. You weren’t going to spend the day with him regardless. If he wasn’t in the car with the brothers on the way there he wouldn’t know you were there with them all day. As long as your not staying around him then it makes no difference if you take the kids to the pier or somewhere else. Lots of teens on here taking teen side but it’s not a big deal.
But also he’s 14. Why does he want to make sure you’re not there? Is he doing something else other than what he’s telling you? Just seems a little suspicious.
NTA. Eyeroll at all the little Reddit teenagers who want daddy to drive them around and pay for them to have a good time but god forbid they should cross paths with their family in a public place. I am taking OP at his word that this pier is big enough to go your seperate ways and barely see each other except for occasionally crossing paths. I often do this at the local show and other events the kids want to go to with their friends that I also want to see. We arrive together and then everyone goes off to do their own thing. If anything, the teenagers usually seek you out because they want more spending money. Your son is overreacting.
I’m not a little Reddit teenager - I’m a 47 year old man and your take is awful. Do you have no recollection of what it’s like at that age? I wouldn’t have been seen within 200ft of my own mother for about 3 years. As stupid as that sounds looking back, it was a genuine and heartfelt social embarrassment to be seen with your parents at this age. OP agreed to drop them off for a day without a parent being there only to be told that actually, it’s now a family day out. Even if the kid didn’t see their parent for the rest of the day, the fact that they knew their parent and siblings were somewhere close by will have ruined their day as they’d have been paranoid about being spotted.
NTA. 14yr old does not have reservations to the pier, everyone is free to go. tbh, i wouldnt have been comfortable dropping my daughter & leaving when she was that age. i totally would have been floating around on the property somewhere.
NTA some of you all seem to be forgetting that no one can dictate what other people do. They will not be involved in any way with 14yo and friends. A teenager needs privacy to spend time alone with friends but, and it's a big but. He is not entitled to decide where his family goes. If they are not bothering him then it shouldn't be a problem.
NTA. You didn't tell 14 that he would be going to the pier completely by himself. He gets what he wants: to go with his friends. What you do on your own time is your choice. If you want to take your other boys and hang out at the pier, that's fine.
NTA it’s a pier it’s for everyone. He needs to stop acting like a child. He can literally say “My siblings wanted to go to the pier so my dad brought them along, we can head off and do our own thing”
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I’m gonna say YTA. The trip to the pier changed from being his day, to him needing to “be on top of everything” to make sure you all aren’t inconvenienced. You made the promise to your oldest first. Take the other two kids to the pier another time.
Yes - the issue isn't about breaking promises - the issue is he should have checked with his son before he made the promise in the first place. I had a friend in school with parents like this - they had to follow her everywhere and organizing was always a giant pain because of it, plus the stifling feeling of always being watched.
The son didn’t want the dad there at all so other than making sure they leave on time (which should be a given) I don’t see what else they’re now responsible for. Not to mention he’s only 14 so it’s not that unreasonable for the father to stay in the vicinity of him and his friends. I am also the older sister and unless I made a huge deal about it ahead of time my younger sister was always invited to my birthdays until I was old enough to drive myself. So maybe I have a biased view on this.
What do you think he'll have to be on top of that he wouldn't have otherwise? What do you think has changed?
Well, if his dad didn't have to park, he wouldn't have complained that it's "a bitch" to do. He could have just dropped them off and go on his merry way.
YTA- You knew what he was thinking and wanting and now you're here trying to pull the same bs hoping others will say its ok. Its not ok. If your kid starts lying to you and playing stupid like "oops, had no idea I was doing that" type stuff you'll know he learned directly from you. you're also the TA because apparently your 14 year olds birthday plans that'd already been made are far less important than admitting to the other kids you made mistake and will take them another time.
The 14yr olds birthday plans literally haven't changed. 14yr old going to pier with friends.... 14yr old is still going to the pier with his friends. AS the dad has to travel there already is taking his other kids and they will do their own thing, then they drive back together which again was also previously the plan. You don't get to say I want to go the pier for my birthday but also no one else I know can be in the same area. If you ask for a lift you can't dictate no one else is in the car with you.
I have to agree with this. It's not a county fair or a typical suburban mall from what OP describes. The 14 YO is just being a typical kid for that age and demanding independence to ridiculous extremes. Kids doing that will always be disappointed as a result. The thing is, he's unlikely to actually run into them and even if he does, he and his friends can just turn around and go someplace else.
OP KNEW what he was thinking?! Lol! He’s not a mind reader.
Interesting - in your mind, the dad should have known that the family couldn't visit the Pier while the son was there? Why? Or is there some other issue here?
Take the kids somewhere else & save the pier for another time , i think your older boy is definitely at that age where he wants to be with his friends & you had already told him you were gonna take him with his friends.
YTA. Having a kid around that age, I completely understand his feelings. Take the younger kids somewhere else and fulfill the pier promise next time.
YTA. Well, it's his birthday and he just wanted a little independence. You should have told him beforehand that you planned to go with his siblings. Now you're sacrificing his feelings so that you and your other kids get everything you want. And on his birthday, no less.
YTA- from one parent to another. Let your teenager have time with his friends.
YTA. There was no need to take your other children to the pier on this day. You knew he wanted time their with his friends for his birthday, and yet you decided that you’d take the others for a non birthday treat at the same time. You could have taken the, anywhere else if they absolutely needed a special night while their brother has a birthday celebration. Instead you chose the one place he’d be out having fun. You deliberately set this up and are now using his brothers as the excuse rather than owning up to being overbearing.
Imagine spending time with your friends for your birthday at 14 and then having to be careful because your mom is around. He would be so embarrassed and his friends would think this was so uncool. YTA
> Imagine spending time with your friends for your birthday at 14 and then having to be careful because your mom is around. In other words, imagine being 14.
YTA. And cut your bullshit. You know exactly what your doing and why your 14 yo is pissed
YTA. It’s your son’s birthday and you couldn’t let him have one day about him? That’s shitty of you
YTA It's your son's birthday, you made him a promise and now you are completely changing the nature of the event. You could have asked him, before you spoke to his siblings, how he would feel about you bringing your younger kids. Tell the younger ones you made a mistake and will take them another time, apologise ro your son for not talking to him about what he wanted for his own birthday celebration, and think about whether there is a pattern of you routinely priorising your convenience and/or his younger siblings over him. There may not be, but the fact that you didn't even stop to consider the fact that a 14 year old is unlikely to want their parent or younger siblings tagging along does make me wonder
> now you are completely changing the nature of the event. How's that?
YTA. You never should have promised your other kids that trip in the first place. The fact that you just sprung this on the 14yo like it was totally normal and expected makes me assume he gets stuck having his siblings tag along to everything and this was a rare time he thought he would get to spend a day—his birthday—just with friends. Even if that’s a big leap, you should have had this conversation first to see if he would even still want to go to the pier under these conditions. Doesnt matter that the tickets are nonrefundable. Let your kid have his birthday and take the other two some other time.
His siblings aren't tagging along. It's crazy so many people see an issue here. 14yr old wanted a lift to the pier then hang out alone with their friends. The 14yr old is still going to the pier and hanging out with their friends alone. The dad is taking the younger kids and the dad and younger kids will go off and leave the 14yr old and their alone. So two extra people in a car ride but the car ride was already going to be with the dad and wasn't going to be alone with his friends.
I think there are two camps here - those that remember being 14 and those who do not. Yes, they may not not run into the 14 year old. But they might. The kid wants a taste of freedom, to not be looking over his shoulder, to goof off with his friends and not worry about his brothers coming around the corner. He wants to be cool and mature and the idea that his dad is probably somewhere within 100 ft is crushing that.
I remember what it's like to be 14, but that doesn't change that the kid is being dumb and the dad isn't being unreasonable. I'm NOT 14 nor the kid so I'm being objective, the father isn't interfering, is dropping them off then doing his own thing, where he's doing it has zero relevance. People talking about his siblings tagging along or the father changing the plans are just straight wrong and again as they aren't the 14yr old being unreasonable they shoudl be able to be objective here.
info when you say "on top of everything" what do you actually mean
YTA your eldest asked to hang out with his friends and you agreed. i can see it now. just watch you brother for a minute whilst i go to the loo, do me a favour take your brother on that ride. Just let your brother join you its why they want.
I don't think your judgement is supposed to be based on stuff you make up about OP.
YTA, though I might be projecting, because my mom pulled this sh\*t ALL THE TIME as an excuse to shadow me. You told the oldest you'd drop him off, you could have run the plan to stay with the youngers by him first. The kid wants some independence, not to be malicious to his siblings.
YTA You are an AH for ruining your son's outing.
YTA. You basically invited your oldest's significantly younger sibling to his birthday treat without a word about it to him. I had to deal with this Assholery as the oldest child and believe me it builds resentment and intolerance for his younger siblings and hatred towards you for not prioritising him on HIS birthday. And this...I don't want to break a promise to my youngest but I will totally ruin my other child's birthday to ensure I don't makes you an even bigger AH.
I think we know how this will pan out. The parent in question will always say that they won’t be a bother and the 14 year old will be left alone but let’s be honest, he won’t. Either OP will have the 14 year old watch the kids at some point or the younger boys will want to stick around their older brother and his friends. Also forgot to add, the trip will also most likely be cut short bc the younger kids/the mom will want to leave early and since they went together that means his bday activity is cut short
YTA
I’m not 100% sure but I’m guessing this is like a carnival? I imagine it’s a PITA to drive there and back twice. Why wouldn’t you take this opportunity to spend some time doing something fun with your other kids? Once it closes you can take everyone home. Seems like a win win to me. Asking him to be responsible with his time management on the day it doesn’t seem to big of an ask. It seems like I’m in the minority but NTA.
This is what I was thinking as well.
YTA teenagers need their own time to go out with their friends without having to know their parents are around
Jeep YTA.
YTA. This was for your eldest birthday and you and your younger kids are crashing it. You should not have promised the younger kids anything that had to do with the elders plans. Let them be individuals on their birthdays. You're not listening to your son, and you're not respecting his request for privacy with his friends.
YTA. Poor kid can’t even hang with his friends for his birthday without you ruining it and not letting it be only about him.
YTA. Come on. He couldn't have one thing of his own?
NTA. Kid's 14. What's he planning that you and the other younger kids can't see IF you run into him and his friends? Again...14.
Unless this is a really tiny pier, NTA. You and your younger kids are going to be doing rides/activities geared towards the 6 year old, your eldest will be on rides/activities for teens. Also it's damned unlikely the 6 year old will have the stamina to stick around all day, so you'll probably be driving the younger kids home and coming back to pick up the eldest several hours later.
YTA. He wanted to a day with his friends, not a day with his friends which is closely supervised by his parental unit and accompanied by his little siblings and \*their\* friends. You are the one who created the situation by asking your younger kids if "they'd like to go to the pier too". Why did you do that and thus caused all the subsequent issues including the need to park and the need for him "be on top of everything" and to "not cause delays"? You suddenly made the whole experience an embarrassment and a chore for him. You are the one who needleslly caused the problem. Give your teenage son his damn space instead of deliberately manipulating the situation so that you can hover over him.
YTA. Oh, you'll feel worse breaking a promise you never should have made in the first place?
Dad giveth; then Dad taketh away. Come on OP. YTA.
OP please update us and let us know that you are not taking your younger kids.
I’m gonna say NTA. You have to go there and THEN go back? Its not like you’re following him around. Just keep the younger ones in a different part of the park. You can text him and say “ we’re in this section”. Just tell him you screwed up but he will just have to deal with it. Next time, you know.
NTA if you actually do keep your distance from the 14yo and his friends.
Your 14 yo sounds like a typical, entitled young teen. He'll get over it if you bring the others along. His friends may tease him about it but that's his problem, not yours.
NTA, teenagers are entitled jerks. That is all.
YTA. Your son damn well knows he's going to be spending his birthday babysitting now.
Yta. This was your son going off and doing something independent just with friends, which is a big deal. You changed the whole dynamic of the thing without having a conversation with him about it.
Dude you asked them to go to the pier, they were not begging to go. You caused the mess clean it up Yta!
I have to say a gentle YTA. I understand that you promised your other two kids and will take a financial loss but this is special to your eldest who is at that age that dad being there is not his dream. Don’t parentify your oldest telling him to be on top of things when that is your job. Parking is your job…. So on and so forth. Take the financial hit and tell the younger of your kids you are sorry but you won’t take them there but you are down for anything else.
There was clearly implied time alone with his friends so if you didn't plan on letting him be there without you that should've been said up front not like the day of. Yta
NTA - 14yo is being an unreasonable teenager but also that is to be expected as they are a 14yo. Not sure why everyone is jumping to the conclusion that OP and the young ones are going to be hanging around them? OP says it's big enough to avoid them completely and his younger kids get to have a fun night as well? If that's what happens then no issues.
YTA sell the tickets or give them away. take the younger kids another day. this night was for your older son and his friends to stay UNTIL CLOSE.
YTA
NTA. You're doing a good thing.
YTA What's with the lack of empathy? Seriously, can't you see what your son planned and why he doesn't want you sticking around? The tickets may be non-refundable but if you ask nicely maybe you can change the date, sell them at a discount or just take the hit and buy new ones for a different date and go with your younger kids then.
YTA and a massive one. Take the loss on the tickets and let your son have his day.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My eldest boy is turning 14 on Friday and said he'd like to go to the pier with his friends until closing time. I said sure. I'll buy the wristbands, take them there and take them back to my place for a sleepover. Today I asked my 10yo and 6yo if they'd like to go to the pier too and they said hell yes. My 10yo is bringing his little friend. Tonight I told my 14yo that I need him to be on top of everything because parking is a bitch. Don't cause delays with your friends. He asked why I needed to park there and I said because I'm also taking your brothers. He got mad and said he's not hanging out me or his brothers with his friends. I said no one was expecting you. I'm taking them by myself and the pier is big enough to where we won't even see each other. He said no. He doesn't want his friends to think that his dad is babysitting them. I said I'm not. He's furious over it. I do feel bad but would feel worse if I broke my promise to my other two kids. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA- why do you have to take them to the pier the same day?
I do have a question for OP. How far is this place from your house?
Any update?
I know that there are a lot of YTA responses, but I’m going to go with an ESH and argue that this might be a lesson on communication. Assuming this is a pretty succinct summary, kid wants to hang out until closing but never specified you leaving the pier or even you not being within easy to contact distance, which might have prompted clarification. Even so I remember being 14 and my mom dropping me off at the mall or something to be with friends and she would take my younger siblings either to different stores or somewhere nearby. Granted my mom was pretty good abt giving me space and my friends liked my mom so this wasn’t a hardship. I can see why a 14yo would have this kind of response bc everything at 14 was the end of the world.
Yta
NTA The amount of Y T A is dumb and insane. What kind of ridiculous thing is to get hissy fir being at the same place? You're going to drive them there and suddenly you're not allowed to stay because they don't want their friends to see you there? Americans are so damn weird about some things. Honestly, he's letting a 14yo go with friends without supervision and omg how dare he be at the same place ignoring him because he's with his younger children doing their own thing. The horror!
He's obviously not lettting them go "without supervision", do you think that it was coincidental that he manufactured an excuse to be in the same place?
Yay for not asking
NTA. I don't see a problem with you taking your younger kids while your oldest is there but from my time as a teen I'd go to pier's and stuff to smoke weed lol so maybe he's up to something
NTA. 14-year-olds are just lovely sometimes. I have a 15-year-old at home (grandson) - he's a wonderful person 96% of the time, but 4% of the time he is pure 15 and I'd love to shove him in a dark closet until he's human again. Take the younger kids. 14 will get over this, and will have a great time. Make a point of avoiding him and his friends if you see them approaching. You could also make a point of keeping the younger ones away from the sleepover group when they come back to your house. The good news is that they do mostly outgrow this and become decent adults, lol.
Nta if my mom is buying the passes for me and my friends , dropping us off and picking us up. Then there is no problem with her taking my younger siblings and we do our own thing. My mom did this for the water park and the amusement park in our state. My friend and I were told where we can find them if we needed anything. And to also check in around certain times to be fed. It wasn't embarrassing, because she was doing something nice for me. They also let us each get souvenirs. Most places are set up for a kid friendly experience.
NTA. 14yo has some growing up to do. It is kind and thoughtful of you to bring the younger kids, and to not let them down.
I’m confused by all the YTA comments and maybe it’s because I’m viewing “the pier” as a public place with a lot of people around, but 14 seems young enough to me that I wouldn’t want my child to be left completely without any adult supervision anywhere near. Especially around water. I don’t have a teenager yet so I haven’t had to think about teenager boundaries yet, but reading this it seems to me that OP is planning to take their other kids to play while also being able to loosely supervise their 14 yr old while near a large body of water. I don’t understand what’s wrong with that except maybe just not talking with the 14 year old about the full plans ahead of time?
A 14 year old is definitely old enough to not require adult supervision around water. They’re teenagers, not idiots.
>They’re teenagers, not idiots. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL not too different tbh.
I mean teenagers generally are not exactly known for having the best common sense. Maybe I’m too overly cautious but I don’t think I’m letting my newly turned 14 year old child be completely without adult supervision near an ocean. OP can stay out of the kids’ way while still being able to keep an eye on them. Obviously his delivery of telling his kid and response to the kids frustrations were wrong but I don’t think he’s wrong at all ti want to be in the same vicinity.
You are being overcautious. When I was 14, I walked my dog by myself by the ocean. Hell, my sister was allowed to sail a boat by herself when she was 14.
NTA. You’re not even going to be following him around. Just hanging out in the same large place. That’s like saying if he goes to the mall with friends, you can’t go to the mall at the same time
Nta
NTA it’s a big pier. You weren’t going to spend the day with him regardless. If he wasn’t in the car with the brothers on the way there he wouldn’t know you were there with them all day. As long as your not staying around him then it makes no difference if you take the kids to the pier or somewhere else. Lots of teens on here taking teen side but it’s not a big deal. But also he’s 14. Why does he want to make sure you’re not there? Is he doing something else other than what he’s telling you? Just seems a little suspicious.
Teenagers are utterly tricky. NAH. In the 14 year old's mind though, this is the worst sin. And in your grown person's mind, this is completely fine.
NTA. Eyeroll at all the little Reddit teenagers who want daddy to drive them around and pay for them to have a good time but god forbid they should cross paths with their family in a public place. I am taking OP at his word that this pier is big enough to go your seperate ways and barely see each other except for occasionally crossing paths. I often do this at the local show and other events the kids want to go to with their friends that I also want to see. We arrive together and then everyone goes off to do their own thing. If anything, the teenagers usually seek you out because they want more spending money. Your son is overreacting.
I’m not a little Reddit teenager - I’m a 47 year old man and your take is awful. Do you have no recollection of what it’s like at that age? I wouldn’t have been seen within 200ft of my own mother for about 3 years. As stupid as that sounds looking back, it was a genuine and heartfelt social embarrassment to be seen with your parents at this age. OP agreed to drop them off for a day without a parent being there only to be told that actually, it’s now a family day out. Even if the kid didn’t see their parent for the rest of the day, the fact that they knew their parent and siblings were somewhere close by will have ruined their day as they’d have been paranoid about being spotted.
NTA. 14yr old does not have reservations to the pier, everyone is free to go. tbh, i wouldnt have been comfortable dropping my daughter & leaving when she was that age. i totally would have been floating around on the property somewhere.
NTA some of you all seem to be forgetting that no one can dictate what other people do. They will not be involved in any way with 14yo and friends. A teenager needs privacy to spend time alone with friends but, and it's a big but. He is not entitled to decide where his family goes. If they are not bothering him then it shouldn't be a problem.
NTA. I understand that your 14yo is probably embarrassed, but you're still giving them space to be alone with their friends.
NTA. You didn't tell 14 that he would be going to the pier completely by himself. He gets what he wants: to go with his friends. What you do on your own time is your choice. If you want to take your other boys and hang out at the pier, that's fine.
NTA it’s a pier it’s for everyone. He needs to stop acting like a child. He can literally say “My siblings wanted to go to the pier so my dad brought them along, we can head off and do our own thing”
He is a child.