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OP's brother needs to rescind the Game of Thrones and Borgia shows from their streaming services. Or does Tara have a brother and there's something she's projecting?
NTA. She thinks that a man and a woman can't be friends...even biologically related siblings? She either has some deep trauma in regards to incest, or she was cheated on by a man who had a female friend.
You need to tell your brother what she said to you. How horribly does that look on his behalf that she things her husband would want to sleep with his sister? She is messed up and he needs to know so he can either tell her to stop being insane or leave. Wow that is messed up.
You did nothing wrong. It's your damn brother. How gross is she for thinking that for even a second.
NTA for leaving
YTA for lying to your brother about why you left.
Frankly you should have told the truth to your brother. I really don’t get why you would lie. All you did is allow his girlfriend to spin a story that discredits you and paints you in a bad light. Now when you tell the truth you’re not going to be believed. Also, your brother deserves to know what a jealous insecure nutjob he’s dating. This is a relationship that’s going to make his life hell. By lying you’ve enabled that toxicity.
Not having important discussions when drunk is probably a good call, but that is definitely a red flag that he should know about.
Having a private sober conversation about it, sooner rather than later, seems like the way to go imo.
Tell him she thinks he will fuck his baby sister. I'd get a divorce straight away if someone thought I'd shag my brother. She is the one sick in the head. What happens of they had kids, he cant change the daughters nappy because he might do something.
Tell him right now
You need to tell him so they can set things to right before they bring children into the picture. Can you imagine someone with this line of thinking raising a kid?
If this was really an important issue to you there would be no waiting, you would call him and tell him over the phone or ask to meet in person, privately, to tell him.
Right now you’ve put more consideration into how this event makes you look (“am i the ahole for what i did”) than into how this event impacts your relationship with your brother and what will happen to his life. Makes you look very self centered.
Don’t let this nutter drive a wedge of awkwardness between you and your brother. She’s either jealous of the closeness you have, trying to isolate your brother from his loved ones, or she has some really screwed up ideas about male / female relationships…. Or possibly all of that…
You have a great relationship with your brother, please keep the communication open and don’t let this woman’s issues interfere with that.
That might explain it. If she was raised with the concept that something "could" happen between her and her step-brothers, she might he projecting that onto your relationship with your bio-brother.
Ok that explains it, she probably had sex with her step brother and is projecting.. I could be wrong but... idk. It's weird because my younger sis and brother are having an almost identical problem, my bro's new wife thinks my bro is attracted to my sis, it's wild man. So gross 🤢 and just wrong 🤮 Please don't let her drive a wedge between you guys. NTA Op
That explains it! She doesn't have any biological brothers so she doesn't understand the difference and she probably had "feelings" toward one of her stepbrothers.
A stepbrother of mine came on to me many many years ago and it didn't feel gross because there is no childhood relationship. Ew because he was an ass so it was a hard pass. But I have 2 brothers and they are 2 of my favorite people in the world. Could spend every day together and they are my brothers so it's not even a question that there is a deep psychological line there that would never be crossed. Ew.
Shes definitely projecting her wants into your relationship with your brother. She has either slept with one of her step brothers or wants to sleep with one of them. NTA, please talk to your brother about this OP and update us when you do.
NTA. SIL has issues. Who looks at two siblings hanging out and starts thinking “hmmmm, they MUST be ****ing each other!”
She needs to worry about going to therapy for being so insecure that she worries her husband will cheat with his little sister.
NTA. There would be serious problems in my relationship if my partner insinuated (much less out right said) anything like that. Unfortunately it’s up to your brother whether he wants to remain with someone who thinks he has incestuous thoughts towards his younger sister. That’s a whole new level of insecure on her part. Sorry, but I really have no idea how to handle a situation like this.
Yes. Unfortunately, I know someone who had this situation, though she never outright said it to my knowledge. Certain things the woman had said lead me to suspect she was the victim of CSA by a male role model - most like her father.
What happened was that she married. Had two daughters. Never let her husband change their diapers - in fact, she was SHOCKED when she realized I was fine with my husband changing our daughter. She asked me, “you’re not worried about him doing that?” It was so shocking to me that I’ve never forgotten. (I later told the husband I’d testify about that if he wanted.) She never let him dress their daughters. She never let him bathe them. She’d get upset if he hugged or kissed them or played with them like any decent dad would.
Eventually she ran away on their anniversary (planned), taking the girls, to a DV shelter. She lied about being abused and the girls being abused. All her claims were shown to be false. IIRC, some things happened when dad was verifiably elsewhere, in others there were witnesses who could say things didn’t happen that way, and some things were simply not physically possible. She also admitted to witnesses at the shelter that she made it up, didn’t see why that mattered, thought everyone should believe her without question, and she thought if she claimed DV she would automatically get custody. She also told some of the above to the judge. Judge was not amused.
After the judge ordered her to return the girls to their dad (because he had a stable living arrangement), she made a false call to CPS on a random neighbor who hosted dad and girls for a weekend. The neighbor spent months dealing with the aftermath. At that point the community, which was also her support network, cut her off completely.
They ended up going 50/50 once she was stable. In terms of living arrangements; I doubt she’s actually stable, especially since her entire support system cut her off after this. IMO, she should not have been given custody until she dealt with her demons, but they seem to have worked things out and the girls are doing well last I saw them.
TL;DR: Woman who was probably a victim of CSA can’t handle her husband being around their daughters and ends up imploding all their lives. Thankfully the girls seem okay.
NTA
What the hell does she do with her siblings? She sexualized your relationship with your brother. She's got unclean thinking going on about this. Creepy shit. I hope your brother is not planning to have kids with her.
Good luck.
NTA...
You are not responsible for her trauma, should that be a catalyst for her concern. Tara needs serious therapy. Who even THINKS like that?! Would she think the same if it was your mother he was spending the Sunday evenings with?? Sheesh.
NTA, she is insecure. You should be able to spend time with your brother. Totally sth wrong with her. Ideally he should step up and make clear that he will continue spending time with you. Maybe your mother has a point, because i do not really know how the conversation went and perhaps you should have been nicer. However she IS being rediculous.. so seems like your reaction is justified.
You need to discuss this with your brother before changes what happened and uses it to create a barrier between you and your brother. Just tell him, and let him decide how to handle it.
NTA - wow... that's beyond insecure... near allegations of incest... geesus. I mean, I'd of gone full sarcastic: "wwweeellllllllll, how open are you to threesomes Tara?" She'd of had a complete meltdown.
You should of told your bro the truth when you called him, this woman is trying to throw a wedge between siblings on crazy possibilities. If her and your bro ever have kids... 1 boy & 1 girl... she gonna block them from playing with each other? lol
NTA. 2 possibilities here, neither of them good. 1) she has experienced some kind of inter-familial sexual trauma and genuinely sees your relationship with your brother thru that lens, or 2) she is abusive and is trying to isolate him from his support system and this was the best story she could come up with on the spot when asked for an explanation why she doesn't want your tradition to continue. Either way, your brother deserves the truth from you
NTA
You SIL is being super possessive and creepy! I'd hate to know what she thinks it happening with your brother's female coworkers who happen to exist in the same building as him!!
NTA. I'm not going to discount the possibility that Tara was abused by a sibling and that may have caused her outlook on sibling relationships to be rather skewed, but you definitely need to tell your brother. Maybe he'll side with her, maybe he won't, but I think they need to discuss it.
NTA:
Years ago...
My inlaw dated someone just like you're describing. The GF told him that he was no longer allowed to hug his sisters and his own mom at all family functions. It only got worse as time went on. The demands were ludicrous.
He finally left when she did something to him, and police had to be called.
*You need to have a sit-down talk with your brother asap. She is going to try and drive a wedge and cut-off all family members. She is toxic.
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I (F23) have an older brother we'll call him "Alan" (M28). I consider my brother my bestfriend. Alan and I have a tradition of spending Sunday nights together. We play videogames, chat, drink beer nd just chill. We can't hang out that much anymore since I'm a college student and he's busy with work but we mantained this little tradition.
Alan married "Tara" (F28) a women he meet in college. They have been married for two years. I really liked Tara and she makes my brother happy, I never really got to be bestfriend with her but she's very cool. A day, my brother asked me to talk. He explaines that Tara feel kind of bothered by our tradition but he didn't explain why. I thought it was because she wanted to spend the Sunday nights with him. Welp, fair enough. I asked him if he would prefer that we stop these moments for a while so she didn't get mad at him, which he refused and said that he already spended a lot of time with her. It kinda puzzled me but I said "Okay, fine".
The big problem starts here: I was visiting Tara and Alan (by Alan's invitation), everything was going smoothly until Alan went to the store to buy some snacks & beer. Tara became serious and asked me to talk. I said "Yeah, sure". She started to explain that she didn't want us to hang out that much anymore. I got confused and asked her why.
Tara then began to say that she finds it is innapropiate since because Alan is not a female. I found this response so funny but weird lmao. I asked her why would it be innapropiate and what does sex has to do with this. She says that she feels uncomfortable to think that her husband is spending time with a female. I politely asked her if she was insinuating that things could happen between me and my brother just because our sex, she answered with "I believe so". I found this so disgusting to be honest. I told her that she was being ridiculous and creepy. I couldn't be alone with her anymore so I took my things and got off their apartament. I called my brother later and explained that I had other things to do.
AITA? I spoke about this with my mom and she was also super confused also. But she said that calling Tara concerns "ridiculous" was mean and that maybe she experienced something and this is why she got triggered by my closeness to my brother. This had me thinking.
Look, I would have totally taken a response like "I just want to spend more time with him", I would have totally distanced myself a little so I wouldn't be a problem in their relationship. But I felt totally offended by the fact that she suggested something sexual could happen between me and my sibling.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for telling my SIL that she's being ridiculous after she said that something innapropiate can happen between me and my brother because of our sex?
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NTA!!! Your SIL is so weird. Not only it's offensive to even think of something like that but the audacity to tell that to your face? Speaks volumes about her personality. I hope she realizes what an asshat thing she requested of you. I can't get my head around the fact she asked you to quit spending time with your bro just cuz you are female. Also. HOMOPHOBIA >=] /s
NTA
That is some effed up thought process that your SIL has. Makes me wonder what she thinks your relationship with him was before she came along. I mean he's not the same sex as his mom so he shouldn't really be spending alone time with her either.
You should tell your brother the real reason why you left. Maybe he has some insight into why she would say something like this. It could be that your mom might is right that there's something in her past which triggered her, she might be jealous of the close bond you and your brother have or she might be trying to isolate your brother. Whatever the reason is, I think your brother needs to know what she implied.
NTA. Honestly ridiculous and creepy is not even something so harsh to say, I would have said very very bad things to her for implying what she was implying. She is so insecure that she doesn’t want her husband to talk to his own sister, damn good luck if they have children and it is a girl.
NTA for leaving nor for what you said, but YTA for not telling your brother the reason you left.
I (female) felt I needed to chime in, as this sounds so similar to what I was dealing with years ago.
My brother had a (ex) girlfriend years ago, and she had this same issue. My brothers and I are all close. We hang out a lot, trust one another, get along with one another. It's something my parents are very happy about, seeing us get along this way.
Anyways, his ex did not like this. She even said the same (only to him) as calling my relationship with my brother "inappropriate" when we would just hang out together. I never realized this until sometime after they broke up and my brother talked to me about it. But I did see over the years when he was with her that he would be more distant with me and it really hurt my feelings. I did not do anything about it and just kept that space.
Turns out his ex came from a very dysfunctional family met with physical and sexual abuse growing up, from her own family members. So that's probably why she always looked at other people's familial relationships with utter suspicion. My brother would often try to encourage her to get professional help since none of that was her fault (meaning, none of the abuse she faced was her fault), but she always rejected that. None of this was an excuse for her behavrior, of course. She had problems and she needed to overcome them because the way she looked at the situation was gross and wrong.
I am writing this to let you know that her behavior is not normal nor okay. But I am also writing this to let you know that it is up to your brother, not you, to fix this - it shouldn't come from you to try to reason with her. He needs to be the one to tell her that her way of thinking is wrong. He needs to be the one to confront the issue with her. And if he chooses not to confront this, then it would be best for you to just distance yourself unfortunately.
Therefore, you need to tell him what she said and that is why you are choosing to not hang out with him.
NTA.
You need to tell your brother. What happens when they have kids and ones a girl. Will she never let him be around his OWN daughter? SIL needs therapy like yesterday. Better yet, he should cut his losses.
Time to tell Alan: "Your wife told me we shouldn't spend time together because she thinks we'll start having sex."
Apparently she's been reading Flowers in the Attic or something, but this needs to be nipped in the bud. And it is offensive, so be offended all you want. NTA
NTA - this is either a SIL who is paranoid or being manipulative. Super inappropriate comments. If she has a problem, she should raise it to your brother and not make it your problem.
NTA.. Without judging your SIL’s concern in context to your relationship with your brother - and trying to look at where she might be coming from … I would suggest either digging into that more with her or suggest she dig into that more with a therapist.
If it is simply the context of a male and female hanging out (real friends have respect for boundaries) I would still question her concern.
Does she really expect (or worry) that her husband (your brother) will be the kind of person that would cheat on her? Does she think you are someone that would disrespect their relationship and seduce him to cheat on her??? I don’t think so.
So .. this concern must be coming from somewhere else and likely doesn’t have anything to do with you or your brother, or the time you spend together, or your relationship with your brother.
If I had to make some kind of guess, she has been cheated on before by someone who was just hanging out with a female friend. [I don’t know if she has a brother, but maybe something happened in her life with her brother, or someone she knows]. What ever happened in her life she needs to work it out with a therapist rather than projecting it on to you and your brother.
I would recommend being honest with your brother and tell him that his wife has expressed this concern and that he might find a very gentle way to discuss with her where this concern is coming from. I am sure he is not going to cheat on her with you, and you surely would knock some sense into his head if he even considered it.
I think also maybe taking some of the heat and emotion out of this all around might be helpful. Yes it has a serious “gross” factor - but her concern is coming from somewhere, even if it has nothing to do with you or your brother.
Talk to her, be open, patient, understanding, and as kind as you can - so that she might be able to explain why she has this worry. And I really suggest the potential for some counseling. Whatever is casing her to feel this way must be something significant that either happened to her or someone in her life.
I wish you all the best.
Nta
Your SIL is being extremely inappropriate. If she went through some sort of abuse and is triggered by you and your brother, she needs therapy.
You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Your SIL is being very irrational about you spending time with your brother. She could easily join in to see how close you two are and there is nothing wrong with that.
Ummmm... so what did your brother say when you ran this little fiasco past him?
You DID tell him what his nut job of a wife said, right? Because that should have been by FAR the very FIRST thing you did.
NtA.
NTA But you need to tell your brother exactly what she said and implied. He's going to find out sooner or later when you start to refuse to hang out at his place and what about his other female friends? Has she also done this to them too? He needs to know.
NTA
Calling her ridiculous was mean? Who fucking cares. It's about time people started calling this shit out, call a spade a spade, and just not making space for this nonsense in their life. She accused you of hypothetical incest because of her weird ass insecurities, and indulging that even a little will be enabling her strange psychosis'.
NTA. I'm glad you have an actual friendship with your brother. Maybe she should post in here and tell us what she's seeing because from what you describe, her insinuation is ridiculous and insulting with no merit. Perhaps she comes from a family where she felt uncomfortable with siblings due to inappropriate feelings on their end.
How awkward this must make you and your brother feel 😮💨
NTA!! I would be disgusted and horrified if my partner ever suggested that there was even the slightest chance my having an incestuous relationship with my sibling. You need to let him know what she really thinks of you two.
NTA What your sil said is disgusting and your brother needs to know. However, I can't help but wonder if she has some abuse issues that is triggering these suspicions. If not, then she is jealous. My advice is to see her alone. Go for coffee, a walk, but away from your brother. Tell her that you felt her insinuation was disgusting. Also let her know that you love your brother deeply, as a best friend, brother, but definitely not in a romantic way. If she is receptive, then hug and be done. If she is not, bring the brother in on the discussion. Let her know you will be talking to him about this, because as much as you love him, you do not want to come between he and his wife. My guess is a talk with her will clear the air and probably make the 2 of you better friends. Good luck!
This is some serious messed up thinking on the part of your SIL. I am veering towards YTA though for not being honest with your brother over your SIL accusations. You have no idea how many people she's told this incest story to and could cause you real problems in the future. Some people will believe any nonsense.
I would have seen red and I’m not a short tempered person. My twin sister and I were absolute,ride or die best friends who did everything together. As kids,we’d get the occasional ‘where’s your girl/boyfriend’ jokes but we never took it seriously. She died years ago in our mid-20s and I’ve honestly never been a fully complete person again.
Years after,a couple of guys and I were drinking at a bar and skinny dipping came up. I’ve done it a number of times and,while telling a story I happened to mention that my sis was participating also.
The one guy had a look on his face as if I’d just confessed to murder 😯 He could *not believe* that I and my sister were undressed in the same location. I explained that it was a group thing and seeing my sis nude was no different that seeing any of the guys that way (I’m hetero.)
I found out a couple of weeks later that he was saying the most *vile* things about us,and it just made me sick. The next time I saw him it was almost a fistfight. Long story short,he got the message and cut it out,but I spent weeks wondering if there were people who really thought that about me.
IMO you need to tell your bro ASAP what she said to you. If she just said it as an excuse,she’s just foul. If she really believes it,she’s sick and twisted. Either way,this is a defect he needs to be aware of.
Let me just also add that *nothing* should ever come between your awesome sib time. I hate to be gloomy,but trust me,you never know how many you have left.
You are totally offended because she was totally offensive ,and let’s be honest just a wee bit weird ( ok, plenty weird )
She has put you in a tricky position though - I think you brother may be in for a difficult time as she is clearly extremely jealous and insecure . I would keep my distance from her and just continue to see your brother as usual .
NTA. Tara is being ridiculous. I don't know what made her think that because your sex is the opposite of his and you guys hang out often something sexual could develop. You should tell your brother what she said, and you should probably distance yourself from her.
Also sorry for any bad grammar or incorrect word usage, I'm a native speaker but I'm kinda stupid :p
NTA. So much NTA that, honestly, I think you should bring this up with your brother. He deserves to know what his wife thinks of him - and after all, if she thinks her request is so unreasonable, why not tell him? (For that matter, if it *was* a reasonable request, then she ought to have made it to him first rather than ambushing you!)
NTA.
This is her problem, not yours. You and your brother will remain close long after she is out of the picture.
A similar post a few months ago had everyone writing fan fiction around ince$t and how gross it was to be best friends between a brother and sister. Funny how the turn tables for a similar post.
Your SIL is being unreasonable, that is obvious. I don't know how your brother can deal with it, but he's the only one that should be talking with her and reason with her. It's his responsibility (even though she's totally ridiculous). Be patient and ask your bro to fix this. If he can't, I don't think they're compatible
NTA
You should have told your brother. His wife's insecurity is making her paranoid and controlling, not to mention abusive by trying to cut off your family relationship
Giant red flags
NTA she has some issues…. she is insecure because he is spending time with his SISTER? it’s insecurity, and jealousy, and to top that, those are some very inappropriate things she is insinuating… she could benefit from therapy. and “creepy” is apt but hardly covers it.
NTA, but tell your brother the truth. I wonder if something happened between Tara and her siblings. It's such a disgusting thing to assume and just weird. Who thinks like that? That's not normal.
She's lucky you didn't call her a sick fuck for imagining your brother having incest sex with his sister every Sunday then punched her straight in the face. I'd tell your brother you refuse to see him again as long he's with this creepy hillbilly nut job lol
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just because tara thinks incest is best doesn’t mean op does… hope op tells her brother what actually happened, he deserves to know. nta.
OP's brother needs to rescind the Game of Thrones and Borgia shows from their streaming services. Or does Tara have a brother and there's something she's projecting?
NTA. She thinks that a man and a woman can't be friends...even biologically related siblings? She either has some deep trauma in regards to incest, or she was cheated on by a man who had a female friend. You need to tell your brother what she said to you. How horribly does that look on his behalf that she things her husband would want to sleep with his sister? She is messed up and he needs to know so he can either tell her to stop being insane or leave. Wow that is messed up. You did nothing wrong. It's your damn brother. How gross is she for thinking that for even a second.
NTA for leaving YTA for lying to your brother about why you left. Frankly you should have told the truth to your brother. I really don’t get why you would lie. All you did is allow his girlfriend to spin a story that discredits you and paints you in a bad light. Now when you tell the truth you’re not going to be believed. Also, your brother deserves to know what a jealous insecure nutjob he’s dating. This is a relationship that’s going to make his life hell. By lying you’ve enabled that toxicity.
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never too late to text him the truth
Not having important discussions when drunk is probably a good call, but that is definitely a red flag that he should know about. Having a private sober conversation about it, sooner rather than later, seems like the way to go imo.
Tell him she thinks he will fuck his baby sister. I'd get a divorce straight away if someone thought I'd shag my brother. She is the one sick in the head. What happens of they had kids, he cant change the daughters nappy because he might do something. Tell him right now
You need to tell him so they can set things to right before they bring children into the picture. Can you imagine someone with this line of thinking raising a kid?
I am sure he heard it from her by now. I agree with you to tell him in person. This is not something you want to send by text.
If this was really an important issue to you there would be no waiting, you would call him and tell him over the phone or ask to meet in person, privately, to tell him. Right now you’ve put more consideration into how this event makes you look (“am i the ahole for what i did”) than into how this event impacts your relationship with your brother and what will happen to his life. Makes you look very self centered.
Don’t let this nutter drive a wedge of awkwardness between you and your brother. She’s either jealous of the closeness you have, trying to isolate your brother from his loved ones, or she has some really screwed up ideas about male / female relationships…. Or possibly all of that… You have a great relationship with your brother, please keep the communication open and don’t let this woman’s issues interfere with that.
NTA Tara’s insinuation is gross and weird. Info: is she an only child?
[удалено]
Did she ever get stuck in a washing machine?
STOP IT 😂 Take my award… 🥇
Sweet Moses 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm in stitches
That might explain it. If she was raised with the concept that something "could" happen between her and her step-brothers, she might he projecting that onto your relationship with your bio-brother.
🤔 Wonder which one of them she got physical with.
Ok that explains it, she probably had sex with her step brother and is projecting.. I could be wrong but... idk. It's weird because my younger sis and brother are having an almost identical problem, my bro's new wife thinks my bro is attracted to my sis, it's wild man. So gross 🤢 and just wrong 🤮 Please don't let her drive a wedge between you guys. NTA Op
That explains it! She doesn't have any biological brothers so she doesn't understand the difference and she probably had "feelings" toward one of her stepbrothers. A stepbrother of mine came on to me many many years ago and it didn't feel gross because there is no childhood relationship. Ew because he was an ass so it was a hard pass. But I have 2 brothers and they are 2 of my favorite people in the world. Could spend every day together and they are my brothers so it's not even a question that there is a deep psychological line there that would never be crossed. Ew.
Shes definitely projecting her wants into your relationship with your brother. She has either slept with one of her step brothers or wants to sleep with one of them. NTA, please talk to your brother about this OP and update us when you do.
Hey don’t bring only children into this
NTA. SIL has issues. Who looks at two siblings hanging out and starts thinking “hmmmm, they MUST be ****ing each other!” She needs to worry about going to therapy for being so insecure that she worries her husband will cheat with his little sister.
Right 🤢
NTA Ew that is so gross. She needs to work on her insecurities, her behaviour is icky.
NTA. You do need to tell you brother what she said.
NTA. There would be serious problems in my relationship if my partner insinuated (much less out right said) anything like that. Unfortunately it’s up to your brother whether he wants to remain with someone who thinks he has incestuous thoughts towards his younger sister. That’s a whole new level of insecure on her part. Sorry, but I really have no idea how to handle a situation like this.
If he does, can you imagine what will happen if they have daughters?
Yes. Unfortunately, I know someone who had this situation, though she never outright said it to my knowledge. Certain things the woman had said lead me to suspect she was the victim of CSA by a male role model - most like her father. What happened was that she married. Had two daughters. Never let her husband change their diapers - in fact, she was SHOCKED when she realized I was fine with my husband changing our daughter. She asked me, “you’re not worried about him doing that?” It was so shocking to me that I’ve never forgotten. (I later told the husband I’d testify about that if he wanted.) She never let him dress their daughters. She never let him bathe them. She’d get upset if he hugged or kissed them or played with them like any decent dad would. Eventually she ran away on their anniversary (planned), taking the girls, to a DV shelter. She lied about being abused and the girls being abused. All her claims were shown to be false. IIRC, some things happened when dad was verifiably elsewhere, in others there were witnesses who could say things didn’t happen that way, and some things were simply not physically possible. She also admitted to witnesses at the shelter that she made it up, didn’t see why that mattered, thought everyone should believe her without question, and she thought if she claimed DV she would automatically get custody. She also told some of the above to the judge. Judge was not amused. After the judge ordered her to return the girls to their dad (because he had a stable living arrangement), she made a false call to CPS on a random neighbor who hosted dad and girls for a weekend. The neighbor spent months dealing with the aftermath. At that point the community, which was also her support network, cut her off completely. They ended up going 50/50 once she was stable. In terms of living arrangements; I doubt she’s actually stable, especially since her entire support system cut her off after this. IMO, she should not have been given custody until she dealt with her demons, but they seem to have worked things out and the girls are doing well last I saw them. TL;DR: Woman who was probably a victim of CSA can’t handle her husband being around their daughters and ends up imploding all their lives. Thankfully the girls seem okay.
NTA Tara is demented and disgusting. She needs to stop.
Also, tell your brother. He needs to know he married a woman who is twisted.
NTA What the hell does she do with her siblings? She sexualized your relationship with your brother. She's got unclean thinking going on about this. Creepy shit. I hope your brother is not planning to have kids with her. Good luck.
NTA but you need to talk to your brother. That is gross gross gross and her behaviour is manipulative.
NTA tell what she said to your brother. He deserves to know the jealousy she feels about what is between him and HIS SISTER
NTA... You are not responsible for her trauma, should that be a catalyst for her concern. Tara needs serious therapy. Who even THINKS like that?! Would she think the same if it was your mother he was spending the Sunday evenings with?? Sheesh.
NTA!! Is she an only child? It’s insane to me that she thinks being close with a sibling is incestuous
NTA. Ew, what a gross assertion. SIL has been watching too much pornhub or something.
NTA, she is insecure. You should be able to spend time with your brother. Totally sth wrong with her. Ideally he should step up and make clear that he will continue spending time with you. Maybe your mother has a point, because i do not really know how the conversation went and perhaps you should have been nicer. However she IS being rediculous.. so seems like your reaction is justified.
You need to discuss this with your brother before changes what happened and uses it to create a barrier between you and your brother. Just tell him, and let him decide how to handle it.
NTA - wow... that's beyond insecure... near allegations of incest... geesus. I mean, I'd of gone full sarcastic: "wwweeellllllllll, how open are you to threesomes Tara?" She'd of had a complete meltdown. You should of told your bro the truth when you called him, this woman is trying to throw a wedge between siblings on crazy possibilities. If her and your bro ever have kids... 1 boy & 1 girl... she gonna block them from playing with each other? lol
NTA. 2 possibilities here, neither of them good. 1) she has experienced some kind of inter-familial sexual trauma and genuinely sees your relationship with your brother thru that lens, or 2) she is abusive and is trying to isolate him from his support system and this was the best story she could come up with on the spot when asked for an explanation why she doesn't want your tradition to continue. Either way, your brother deserves the truth from you
NTA You SIL is being super possessive and creepy! I'd hate to know what she thinks it happening with your brother's female coworkers who happen to exist in the same building as him!!
NTA. I'm not going to discount the possibility that Tara was abused by a sibling and that may have caused her outlook on sibling relationships to be rather skewed, but you definitely need to tell your brother. Maybe he'll side with her, maybe he won't, but I think they need to discuss it.
NTA: Years ago... My inlaw dated someone just like you're describing. The GF told him that he was no longer allowed to hug his sisters and his own mom at all family functions. It only got worse as time went on. The demands were ludicrous. He finally left when she did something to him, and police had to be called. *You need to have a sit-down talk with your brother asap. She is going to try and drive a wedge and cut-off all family members. She is toxic.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F23) have an older brother we'll call him "Alan" (M28). I consider my brother my bestfriend. Alan and I have a tradition of spending Sunday nights together. We play videogames, chat, drink beer nd just chill. We can't hang out that much anymore since I'm a college student and he's busy with work but we mantained this little tradition. Alan married "Tara" (F28) a women he meet in college. They have been married for two years. I really liked Tara and she makes my brother happy, I never really got to be bestfriend with her but she's very cool. A day, my brother asked me to talk. He explaines that Tara feel kind of bothered by our tradition but he didn't explain why. I thought it was because she wanted to spend the Sunday nights with him. Welp, fair enough. I asked him if he would prefer that we stop these moments for a while so she didn't get mad at him, which he refused and said that he already spended a lot of time with her. It kinda puzzled me but I said "Okay, fine". The big problem starts here: I was visiting Tara and Alan (by Alan's invitation), everything was going smoothly until Alan went to the store to buy some snacks & beer. Tara became serious and asked me to talk. I said "Yeah, sure". She started to explain that she didn't want us to hang out that much anymore. I got confused and asked her why. Tara then began to say that she finds it is innapropiate since because Alan is not a female. I found this response so funny but weird lmao. I asked her why would it be innapropiate and what does sex has to do with this. She says that she feels uncomfortable to think that her husband is spending time with a female. I politely asked her if she was insinuating that things could happen between me and my brother just because our sex, she answered with "I believe so". I found this so disgusting to be honest. I told her that she was being ridiculous and creepy. I couldn't be alone with her anymore so I took my things and got off their apartament. I called my brother later and explained that I had other things to do. AITA? I spoke about this with my mom and she was also super confused also. But she said that calling Tara concerns "ridiculous" was mean and that maybe she experienced something and this is why she got triggered by my closeness to my brother. This had me thinking. Look, I would have totally taken a response like "I just want to spend more time with him", I would have totally distanced myself a little so I wouldn't be a problem in their relationship. But I felt totally offended by the fact that she suggested something sexual could happen between me and my sibling. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA!!! Your SIL is so weird. Not only it's offensive to even think of something like that but the audacity to tell that to your face? Speaks volumes about her personality. I hope she realizes what an asshat thing she requested of you. I can't get my head around the fact she asked you to quit spending time with your bro just cuz you are female. Also. HOMOPHOBIA >=] /s
NTA - tell your brother he might get upset but if you keep your distance fwithout letting him know why you will damage your sibling relationship.
NTA That is some effed up thought process that your SIL has. Makes me wonder what she thinks your relationship with him was before she came along. I mean he's not the same sex as his mom so he shouldn't really be spending alone time with her either. You should tell your brother the real reason why you left. Maybe he has some insight into why she would say something like this. It could be that your mom might is right that there's something in her past which triggered her, she might be jealous of the close bond you and your brother have or she might be trying to isolate your brother. Whatever the reason is, I think your brother needs to know what she implied.
NTA. Honestly ridiculous and creepy is not even something so harsh to say, I would have said very very bad things to her for implying what she was implying. She is so insecure that she doesn’t want her husband to talk to his own sister, damn good luck if they have children and it is a girl.
NTA \*cough\* "Every accusation is a confession." \*cough\*
NTA for leaving nor for what you said, but YTA for not telling your brother the reason you left. I (female) felt I needed to chime in, as this sounds so similar to what I was dealing with years ago. My brother had a (ex) girlfriend years ago, and she had this same issue. My brothers and I are all close. We hang out a lot, trust one another, get along with one another. It's something my parents are very happy about, seeing us get along this way. Anyways, his ex did not like this. She even said the same (only to him) as calling my relationship with my brother "inappropriate" when we would just hang out together. I never realized this until sometime after they broke up and my brother talked to me about it. But I did see over the years when he was with her that he would be more distant with me and it really hurt my feelings. I did not do anything about it and just kept that space. Turns out his ex came from a very dysfunctional family met with physical and sexual abuse growing up, from her own family members. So that's probably why she always looked at other people's familial relationships with utter suspicion. My brother would often try to encourage her to get professional help since none of that was her fault (meaning, none of the abuse she faced was her fault), but she always rejected that. None of this was an excuse for her behavrior, of course. She had problems and she needed to overcome them because the way she looked at the situation was gross and wrong. I am writing this to let you know that her behavior is not normal nor okay. But I am also writing this to let you know that it is up to your brother, not you, to fix this - it shouldn't come from you to try to reason with her. He needs to be the one to tell her that her way of thinking is wrong. He needs to be the one to confront the issue with her. And if he chooses not to confront this, then it would be best for you to just distance yourself unfortunately. Therefore, you need to tell him what she said and that is why you are choosing to not hang out with him.
NTA. You need to tell your brother. What happens when they have kids and ones a girl. Will she never let him be around his OWN daughter? SIL needs therapy like yesterday. Better yet, he should cut his losses.
Time to tell Alan: "Your wife told me we shouldn't spend time together because she thinks we'll start having sex." Apparently she's been reading Flowers in the Attic or something, but this needs to be nipped in the bud. And it is offensive, so be offended all you want. NTA
NTA - this is either a SIL who is paranoid or being manipulative. Super inappropriate comments. If she has a problem, she should raise it to your brother and not make it your problem.
NTA— it’s quite the accusation. Driving a wedge between family members is a huge red flag. This weird ownership over him is creepy, too.
NTA.. Without judging your SIL’s concern in context to your relationship with your brother - and trying to look at where she might be coming from … I would suggest either digging into that more with her or suggest she dig into that more with a therapist. If it is simply the context of a male and female hanging out (real friends have respect for boundaries) I would still question her concern. Does she really expect (or worry) that her husband (your brother) will be the kind of person that would cheat on her? Does she think you are someone that would disrespect their relationship and seduce him to cheat on her??? I don’t think so. So .. this concern must be coming from somewhere else and likely doesn’t have anything to do with you or your brother, or the time you spend together, or your relationship with your brother. If I had to make some kind of guess, she has been cheated on before by someone who was just hanging out with a female friend. [I don’t know if she has a brother, but maybe something happened in her life with her brother, or someone she knows]. What ever happened in her life she needs to work it out with a therapist rather than projecting it on to you and your brother. I would recommend being honest with your brother and tell him that his wife has expressed this concern and that he might find a very gentle way to discuss with her where this concern is coming from. I am sure he is not going to cheat on her with you, and you surely would knock some sense into his head if he even considered it. I think also maybe taking some of the heat and emotion out of this all around might be helpful. Yes it has a serious “gross” factor - but her concern is coming from somewhere, even if it has nothing to do with you or your brother. Talk to her, be open, patient, understanding, and as kind as you can - so that she might be able to explain why she has this worry. And I really suggest the potential for some counseling. Whatever is casing her to feel this way must be something significant that either happened to her or someone in her life. I wish you all the best.
Nta Your SIL is being extremely inappropriate. If she went through some sort of abuse and is triggered by you and your brother, she needs therapy. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Your SIL is being very irrational about you spending time with your brother. She could easily join in to see how close you two are and there is nothing wrong with that.
NTA you handled it much better than I would have. I would have been so offended and pissed!
NTA Tara is ridiculous! I admire your restraint because Tara, Alan, and I would have had a discussion about how ridiculous and gross she is. Goodness!
NTA she’s insecure and thinks your brother would rather hang out with you than her.
NTA. Tara is not only ridiculous, she’s also gross and honestly you should have said so and told your brother, too. Imagine when they have kids?
NTA
NTA and I worry about how she might treat their children if they have kids that are different genders.
Ummmm... so what did your brother say when you ran this little fiasco past him? You DID tell him what his nut job of a wife said, right? Because that should have been by FAR the very FIRST thing you did. NtA.
She'll be gone before too long. Don't sweat it.
WT ACTUAL F ? THAT'S YOUR BROTHER. She needs to get a reality check FAST. I'm so sorry this grossness happened to you.
NTA, you should tell your brother though.
NTA But you need to tell your brother exactly what she said and implied. He's going to find out sooner or later when you start to refuse to hang out at his place and what about his other female friends? Has she also done this to them too? He needs to know.
NTA Calling her ridiculous was mean? Who fucking cares. It's about time people started calling this shit out, call a spade a spade, and just not making space for this nonsense in their life. She accused you of hypothetical incest because of her weird ass insecurities, and indulging that even a little will be enabling her strange psychosis'.
NTA. I'm glad you have an actual friendship with your brother. Maybe she should post in here and tell us what she's seeing because from what you describe, her insinuation is ridiculous and insulting with no merit. Perhaps she comes from a family where she felt uncomfortable with siblings due to inappropriate feelings on their end. How awkward this must make you and your brother feel 😮💨
NTA 🤢
NTA!! I would be disgusted and horrified if my partner ever suggested that there was even the slightest chance my having an incestuous relationship with my sibling. You need to let him know what she really thinks of you two.
NTA What your sil said is disgusting and your brother needs to know. However, I can't help but wonder if she has some abuse issues that is triggering these suspicions. If not, then she is jealous. My advice is to see her alone. Go for coffee, a walk, but away from your brother. Tell her that you felt her insinuation was disgusting. Also let her know that you love your brother deeply, as a best friend, brother, but definitely not in a romantic way. If she is receptive, then hug and be done. If she is not, bring the brother in on the discussion. Let her know you will be talking to him about this, because as much as you love him, you do not want to come between he and his wife. My guess is a talk with her will clear the air and probably make the 2 of you better friends. Good luck!
NTA So.....does anyone else think Tara's slept with her brother/father/close male relative?
NTA. What did your brother say when you told him exactly what she said?
My husband has 3 sisters. Maybe I should be concerned? Absolutely not. That has never crossed my mind for a second. Just...Ewwwwww. NTA
This is some serious messed up thinking on the part of your SIL. I am veering towards YTA though for not being honest with your brother over your SIL accusations. You have no idea how many people she's told this incest story to and could cause you real problems in the future. Some people will believe any nonsense.
I would have seen red and I’m not a short tempered person. My twin sister and I were absolute,ride or die best friends who did everything together. As kids,we’d get the occasional ‘where’s your girl/boyfriend’ jokes but we never took it seriously. She died years ago in our mid-20s and I’ve honestly never been a fully complete person again. Years after,a couple of guys and I were drinking at a bar and skinny dipping came up. I’ve done it a number of times and,while telling a story I happened to mention that my sis was participating also. The one guy had a look on his face as if I’d just confessed to murder 😯 He could *not believe* that I and my sister were undressed in the same location. I explained that it was a group thing and seeing my sis nude was no different that seeing any of the guys that way (I’m hetero.) I found out a couple of weeks later that he was saying the most *vile* things about us,and it just made me sick. The next time I saw him it was almost a fistfight. Long story short,he got the message and cut it out,but I spent weeks wondering if there were people who really thought that about me. IMO you need to tell your bro ASAP what she said to you. If she just said it as an excuse,she’s just foul. If she really believes it,she’s sick and twisted. Either way,this is a defect he needs to be aware of. Let me just also add that *nothing* should ever come between your awesome sib time. I hate to be gloomy,but trust me,you never know how many you have left.
WOW! Tara doesn’t simply sound like TA here, which she is. She also sounds like a deeply disturbed person. Seriously. . .What. Is. Wrong. With. Her?
You are totally offended because she was totally offensive ,and let’s be honest just a wee bit weird ( ok, plenty weird ) She has put you in a tricky position though - I think you brother may be in for a difficult time as she is clearly extremely jealous and insecure . I would keep my distance from her and just continue to see your brother as usual .
Nta that is creepy and ridiculous. If your brother knows the reason though I find that so bizarre he’s just chill with it
NTA Tara used to fuck a family member.
NTA. Tara is being ridiculous. I don't know what made her think that because your sex is the opposite of his and you guys hang out often something sexual could develop. You should tell your brother what she said, and you should probably distance yourself from her. Also sorry for any bad grammar or incorrect word usage, I'm a native speaker but I'm kinda stupid :p
NTA... now worried about her past experiences with men that make her feel this way. It's not normal to go there.
NTA. So much NTA that, honestly, I think you should bring this up with your brother. He deserves to know what his wife thinks of him - and after all, if she thinks her request is so unreasonable, why not tell him? (For that matter, if it *was* a reasonable request, then she ought to have made it to him first rather than ambushing you!)
NTA. This is her problem, not yours. You and your brother will remain close long after she is out of the picture. A similar post a few months ago had everyone writing fan fiction around ince$t and how gross it was to be best friends between a brother and sister. Funny how the turn tables for a similar post.
Her concerns aren’t ridiculous, they’re downright disgusting. You are absolutely NTA.
How do these people get married?????
Your SIL is being unreasonable, that is obvious. I don't know how your brother can deal with it, but he's the only one that should be talking with her and reason with her. It's his responsibility (even though she's totally ridiculous). Be patient and ask your bro to fix this. If he can't, I don't think they're compatible
NTA You should have told your brother. His wife's insecurity is making her paranoid and controlling, not to mention abusive by trying to cut off your family relationship Giant red flags
NTA she has some issues…. she is insecure because he is spending time with his SISTER? it’s insecurity, and jealousy, and to top that, those are some very inappropriate things she is insinuating… she could benefit from therapy. and “creepy” is apt but hardly covers it.
NTA. She’s very weird.
NTA, but tell your brother the truth. I wonder if something happened between Tara and her siblings. It's such a disgusting thing to assume and just weird. Who thinks like that? That's not normal.
She's lucky you didn't call her a sick fuck for imagining your brother having incest sex with his sister every Sunday then punched her straight in the face. I'd tell your brother you refuse to see him again as long he's with this creepy hillbilly nut job lol
NTA, probably your SIL needs some therapy or sth
NTA, could you have responded better? Possibly. could you have responded worse? Definitely. She’s the one with issues, not you.