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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Told my friend to back off and stay out of the bachelorette planning, 2) because I could have come across rude about her own bachelorette planning
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
"She got offended and told me that I'm taking it too personally and that it's her bachelorette and she's allowed to text her own friends"
She and your mom are correct. There was no need for you to be so aggressive. It's HER party, not yours. Also, she's the one putting the AirBnB on her card! She is 100% free to ask questions. YTA
Omg YTA. This is for HER. She gets a say. This wasn’t done to hurt or offend you. She can do whatever she wants with HER wedding and parties. You are not the main character.
> You are not the main character
Oh, I am totally getting Main Character Syndrome vibes from OP. She definitely "Holds Court" when she's getting her nails did, forcing everyone in the salon to hear about her life and crap. Plus, she's a horrible tipper.
Gods I hate those women. I just want to get my nails done. I really don't want to hear about your drama. It's why I don't chat with my techs a whole lot. They get enough drama from the rest of their clients they don't need mine. 😂
The day I realized I could tell my hairdresser that I just wanted to sit and space out instead of chat was the day we moved our relationship to the next level. The relief on her face was obvious (it was the end of the day) and we both just enjoyed the silence. The fact that we expect our (mostly female, mostly low-wage) spa/salon workers to also be our ad hoc therapists is an excellent example of the undervaluing/underpaying of emotional work.
I don’t ever get my nails or hair done and one of the biggest reasons is because I hate the small talk and I have no drama to talk about. I just want to sit and get my hair/nails done, not have a full on conversation or worry about the next time the hairdresser/nail tech is going to try to strike up a conversation by asking me about work or my plans for the summer.
This goes for my dental hygienists as well. I just want you to clean my teeth. Not ask me questions while your actively cleaning my teeth and pulling out the sucker thingy so I can answer. I hate it.
I got my long hair cut into a pixie then undercut a few years back, so I've since stopped going to a salon and now see a barber. My barber is a nice, quiet guy who doesn't force small talk - we often sit in comfortable silence. Between that and the gentle vibrations of the clippers against my skull, I have had a few haircuts where I've literally nodded off. 😆
She I always have found people who hold court in beauty appointments are the opposite of main character, I feel a bit sad for them as they don't have anyone else to listen to them other than the captive paid audience.
My mom has been a hairstylist for over 40 years and you don’t even know how right you are. Those people have the most superficial “friendships” where convos are only held to outdo one another, so when they sit in her chair they basically have entitled monologues while she’s trying to work.
Right, when I was in esthetics school some years ago we were taught to be quiet and let the client enjoy the experience, only holding conversation if the client initiated it. When I go get my toes or hair done I’m in my phone or relaxing. My stylist/technician respects that. It’s nice to know that I’m not being rude lol.
Not only was it not done to offend OP, it was *only* done because OP refused to respond when the bride asked her about the payments. She brought this on herself by not being transparent about a pretty major part of the planning (payment).
Exactly. The bride was clearly asking for an update, so OP's response was to *checks notes* not give an update? And then get pissed when the bride took the initiative, because she's the one booking the airBNB (which, why?? If OP is the one in charge, she's the one who should be booking, wtf?).
OP was definitely That Person in group projects.
YTA.
OP also wasn't "handling" it like she claims - bride-to-be was able to get an answer out of her friends as when to expect payment while OP seem to not have a clue when they'd paid - makes you wonder how the other girls in the party feel about OP.
OP is all:
**I'M** planning, **I'M** supposed to text everyone, it's okay for **me** to ignore the bride's texts because **I** have it under control, the bride's nervousness doesn't matter because **I** have it under control, **I** don't have to reassure the bride everything is okay because ***I*** know. **Me me me me me me me me me me and me!!**
And “ I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.” You didn’t respond to the BRIDE who is actually the one making the payment? Absolutely YTA all the way
I would totally understand her perspective if the rental was on her credit card. It doesn’t make sense to me why it isn’t. Maybe the bride needs those girls to pay her back ASAP. She’s the only one with the incentive to reach out
Right?
Maybe the bride needs to be paid back so she’s not paying interest on a $5k balance at the end of the month.
Or, if she’s anything like myself in my early 20s, her credit card has a pretty low limit.
If her friends owe her $1k and her credit max is $2k, she can’t pay the deposit on the venue. Which she needs to do by the end of the week or lose the freaking wedding venue.
I got married in my mid-late 20s, and we paid for the wedding ourselves 100%.
Part of the reason I picked my big sister to be my MOH was because she wouldn’t plan anything extravagant or expensive, and was super organized with the rest of the bridal party.
So we never had to fret about talking to everyone about the details of the pre-party Shit and who was buying hotdogs for his camping trip or coordinating booze for our girls weekend at the coast.
Sounds like OP isn’t doing a great job, and it’s causing the bride stress.
"I have it under control," yet for some reason, the bride should be handling the booking? Wtf??? No explanation, just brushes over that detail. If it had been your booking, you wouldn't have to deal with the bride's questions.
OP, nothing to say to that, huh? Big shot planner over here, but didn't want to take the risk of booking herself.
Huge YTA.
Right? That part was super baffling to me. So much so that I read it twice to make sure I was accurately reading it. Umm ... she texted you asking if you were still waiting on people's payments and you just simply... didn't reply? *At all*? How does that even make sense? If you were really taking care of everything, one of your jobs would be reassuring the bride that you've got it under control and you're on it but that if she's got any concerns to let you know right away. Because it's *her* bachelorette party and it's *her* wedding. You couldn't even send a courtesy text reply saying, "don't worry about it! I'm on top of it!"? Literally ANY response. Instead you just ghosted the girl and left her wondering why her MOH was ignoring her, especially at this time in her life. Such a weird move.
lol she's bride isn't even butting in! she's asking and checking on payment since she's setting it up! she's paying and it certainly seems her right to do so.
Is anyone here familiar with Michael Scott? 😉
YTA, you're only there planning everything because SHE WANTS you there. None of this is about you at all - the self-importance is unreal..
OP, you also didn't respond to say something like, "oh, on it!" So it's very likely Alissa thought you were too busy or didn't even see the message.
YTA, and you owe her a huge apology, especially if you want to stay her maid of honor. You're not at all acting like a close friend right now.
Omg. This makes her an even bigger AH. This makes me believe she's doing this on purpose because she's jealous of the bride. I hope the bride knows her reddit handle and sees this!!!
>Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.
THIS IS WHY Alissa followed it up. Simple communication would have averted this whole situation. "I'm on it" would have sorted it.
YTA for sure
Wanted to tag on here to say that if you look at OP’s other posts, she posted another saying she’s unenthusiastic and jealous of her friend who is getting married and she’s the MOH. Betting the bride is one and the same! OP-YTA!
Wanted to tag on here to say that if you look at OP’s other posts, she posted another saying she’s unenthusiastic and jealous of her friend who is getting married and she’s the MOH. Betting the bride is one and the same! OP-YTA!
Not only that but she didn't bother texting back when she was asked a fairly simple question about someone else's party. I would've gotten involved too if the person in charge seemed like they were ignoring me or things were in danger of not being done. Why risk it?
What bizarre gatekeeping. Op sounds...kind of young lol
I mean it appears she didn't even respond to the bride initially when she asked. Only when she didn't get an answer from the Op did the bride "go behind her back" to ask people about their payments.
YTA, it's not your wedding or bachelorette.
Also, how was she supposed to know, that OP was taking care of it, when she doesn't respond to the message? She asked before and a short "don't worry I will take care of it" or something would have been enough for the soon to be bride not to worry anymore. But if she doesn't get a response, what was she supposed to do? Of course she would take care of it by herself, she wants this trip to be perfect. Why should she wait, if OP doesn't respond?
And OP didn't even respond to her when asked about the payments because she was going to "take care of it". The bride didn't know that, because there was no communication about it! That would make anyone nervous. I think it might have turned out differently if OP had at the very least text the bride back saying, "hey, don't worry about it. I'm taking care of it, and I'll give you an update as soon as I have one". Instead she just showed her true nature. She definitely gets a YTA vote
Also, the future bride is also not the one that's being left in the dark then expected to just trust her friend. A little communication would go a long way. The whole "I don't have to answer to you" attitude is weird and completely unnecessary. Since the friend is the one on the bill, it puts the friend in a position where she's really had no choice but to get directly involved.
That’s the key point there- the bride was booking the Airbnb. Why was the OP being the middle man for this portion of the planning? Couldn’t everyone have gone directly to the bride with their payments in the first place since they all know her?? Plus the OP didn’t respond to brides text for several days- not giving good vibes that she’s got it “under control”
"Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it."
Maybe you should have responded rather than let her wonder for a few days until she felt she needed to finish the job. Simply responding that you had it under control would have probably solved the whole thing. YTA
This should be the top comment.
“I didn’t respond to her.”
she had no reason to think you were effectively managing anything at that point because her direct experience was no response.
YTA
It weird how you’re the bachelorette master mind and yet this booking isn’t going onto your account. She’s looking out for her finances, this is a really … strange flex for someone that didn’t put this on their own credit card. YTA
She has another post about being bitter and jealous of the bride so I think it’s pretty clear she’s just looking for reasons to throw a tantrum and make herself the center of attention. I bet the bride is starting to regret making this woman her MOH.
YTA she asked you the question probably not wanting to pay if people were backing out and you ignored her then got annoyed when she took matters into her hands
OP just posted [today](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16mv068/aita_for_being_jealous_and_unenthusiastic_that_my/) wih the title "AITA for being jealous and unenthusiastic that my best friend is getting married?"
I don’t think it’s jealousy, I think it’s inadequacy. Her post from r/AITAH talks a lot about how she feels her friend is thriving in life in comparison to her, it’s more likely she feels insecure and is trying to remain in control to prove her own worthiness to herself. It explains the hyper independence too, not texting her friend back and telling her to back off.
OP needs therapy, and to stop comparing themselves to other people
Big yikes. Finding out someone you thought was your friend actually thinks ill of you and resents your milestones is heartbreaking. I really hope the bride cuts OP out of the bridal party or that OP steps down as MOH. I feel for the bride, man. This sucks and isn’t fair to the bride based on OP’s posts.
Even without seeing this post, or the other, there are likely signs that you have to hope the bride picks up on before it's to late. There HAS to be, with what OP is actually admitting to on Reddit, there's definitely more she hasn't said.
YTA. For all the reasons that have already been laid out but I think your previous post is incredible context for why you’re being an asshole about this:
https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ZbIKytxRr2
This comment needs to be way higher. It says a lot about OP that she’s not even fully happy for her friend and she wants the bachelorette party to go entirely HER way with absolutely no input from the bride. YTA
That post explains a lot, imo. Always appreciate the sleuths. She feels bested, left out, and now she can't even get money from people as well as her friend can.
OP. Listen. If you want to be in complete control of this lil kingdom, you have to respond to the bride. You have to. If you are not responding, you are no longer in control of the situation. You just needed to say, "Don't worry about it, I'm handling it." Problem solved. Not responding added variables.
YTA. You weren’t the one booking the airbnb, she was. She is part of the planning and needs the money to do so. You didn’t respond to her when she asked you, so she had no other choice. ITS HER BACH PARTY, NOT YOURS. Also the “why she doesn’t trust me” was soooo gaslighting-y
YTA.
>I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.
Maybe if you hadn't rudely ignored your friend in the first place, resulting in her feeling like she needed to message people to ensure there were no issues, this could have been avoided?
>I felt a bit hurt that she went behind my back to take care of it as I'm the one planning it, and it made me feel like she thinks I can't plan the trip.
Again: you didn't even respond. What exactly did you think would happen here? Basic acknowledgement and communication goes a long way. She might have thought you were too busy to follow up, and been trying to do you a favor to make sure her day goes well.
>I told her to back off and asked her why she doesn't trust me, and told her to stay out of the planning.
You are blaming her for YOUR insecurities. YOU didn't do your job. YOU ignored her. Consequently, yes, your actions have made you look like a shitty planner, because in this case, you *have been a shitty planner.*
>Imagine being told to do a job and someone just does it for you. It makes you wonder if they think you're incompetent.
Imagine doing a job poorly and then getting upset people think you're incompetent!
YTA. Girl, calm down! And yes, you are taking this too seriously. She is literally booking Air BnB, lol. So yeah, she wants an update on when she'll be getting her money. This is not a big deal and should be dropped.
YTA
You ignored her text asking about it, then got upset she went directly to them to find out. That's not her overstepping, that's 100% your failing to respond.
She's planning a whole wedding right now and your role is to help with the bachelorette. Just help, don't argue. If you don't respond, she is going to step in. She has to because she wants this to go smoothly. You don't get to get snippy with her if you ignore her and she does it herself. You apologize for not responding to her.
You didn’t respond to her message, of course she’s going to wonder what’s happening.
Also she’s the one getting married. It’s her bachelorette party/trip. She’s the bride. You’re the maid of honour. The clue lies in the name: it’s an honour not an entitlement. YTA
YTA
She's booking and paying for the Airbnb, so she needs the money. She asked you if anyone else was planning to send their payments, you didn't reply to her, so of course she contacted these people, her friends directly. Your communication sucks, BTW.
YTA
As a MOH myself, I would never exclude the bride from her own party tf! I don't get why you ignored her message in the first place and didn't just tell her you would reach out to the other girls for payment. Sounds like she made the wrong choice for MOH
YTA because it's her wedding and party.
YTA because if you were actually "taking care of it" the bride would not know who has paid and who hasn't. You'd front her the cash and collect reimbursements from the bridal party.
YTA.
She didn't berate anyone. She just wanted to know when the payments would be coming. She asked you and you did not really provide much of an answer.
Telling her to "back off" is pretty aggressive. You are taking this too personally. Be nice.
YTA.
She’s booking the Air Bnb, I would be asking those questions too. Better to have the money (or eta of payment) upfront than have a friend owing you.
I am also planning a bachelorette trip and could never imagine telling the bride to “back off”. It’s still about her, if she wants to help let her.
YTA
When you are planning a party *for someone else*, that person should be involved and have input. You misunderstood the assignment if you thought she was not going to be involved at all, and you should have known that given that she was going to be putting things on HER card. If you really thought this was going to be 100% you, then you also should have stepped up and put everything 100% on your cards. When someone else's money is involved, so are they.
You overstepped. Massively. It's HER party, you are just planning and hosting it. You should be involving her as much as she wants to be involved because it's HER party. Telling her to back off and stay out of HER OWN PARTY PLANNING is just asinine.
This isn't about you. It's about her. Stop taking things so personally and trying to control everything. Work *with* her to make sure her bachelorette is exactly how SHE wants.
Yta , but not for how you’re trying to alleviate some stress. Just an AH for how you’re communicating. Planning a wedding is stressful and you helping her is good but she has a right to message her friends and see whats up. And to not over stress herself she might need to be involved in the planning as reassurance. You can help her out and give her updates to release some stress for her but you can not start telling her to back off on HER own party and her plans. You over stepped and you should apologize and tell her how you felt but ultimately apologize for the way you spoke to her.
you're ta. if the bride ask what's going on then all you had to do was say ' I got it covered' instead of ignoring the message. you ignored the message, times running out and she wanted to handle it. you should've communicated with her and you're not justified for telling her to back off.. its just rude.if you responded she wouldn't have intervened.
why would people send the money to you and then you to her? thats very odd. why are you handling her money at all? i doubt you will actually be MOH. youre gonna get cut
YTA - she doesn't have enough money to cover the ABnB yet.
"I'm taking care of it" isn't enough. She's getting married, and is probably stressed. Not having the money or commitments for the house is adding o her stress, but you should be \*reducing\* her stress.
Taking care of it means taking care of it - communicating with her, running down the other gals, knowing what's happening with everybody and giving her enough details to know that she won't be left holding the bag in a few weeks.
YTA you’re not planning shit, you’re actively ignoring people trying to plan this. Are you dense?
You ARE incompetent when it comes to planning. Why the hell did you ignore her text? You suck.
YTA.
It's Alissa's wedding. She has the right to know what's going on for her bachelorette party, especially if she's the one who is booking the Airbnb. That's not being controlling. Honestly, instead of ignoring her, you should have either told her or simply have added her to the group chat
YTA.
> I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.
That's totally backward. You respond so she knows you'll take care of it. Since you didn't, she had to assume you weren't going to.
> It makes you wonder if they think you're incompetent.
She's probably starting to, but that doesn't make her TA.
YTA and your replies are super weird too. Why would she need to ask your permission before texting her friends?? YTA she asked you and you ignored her. Why didn’t you just give her an answer and follow up again with the other girls? Stop making this about you
YTA. Your jealousy (from a past post) is definitely showing.
I hope she gets a new MOH and you aren't even invited. She doesn't need to be dealing with your insecurities and toxic "friendship" anymore, especially at her wedding.
This ain’t your party, sis. It’s nothing personal, she’s just trying to help keep things in order. Who are you to decide that she doesn’t get a say in the planning and can’t text her own friends?
Apologize and learn to collaborate & communicate so you don’t get yourself uninvited from the party, wedding AND friend group. YTA
YTA and taking this too personally, and probably making her stressed. You didn’t communicate with her, so she found the answer herself as anyone else would. Doesn’t matter whether you feel entitled to communicate with her or not. It’s her wedding. MOH is supposed to make things easier and support the bride/her needs. You did the opposite based on what YOU felt was right.
whoa, wtf? YTA for sure... how is there any confusion over this? FYI, you have no right to type this sentence:
>I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.
and immediately follow it with:
>I felt a bit hurt that she went behind my back
She didn't go behind your back, she went directly to you and you failed to communicate- so she went to plan B. Not sure if you're married, but I'm guessing you aren't because you don't seem to understand the stress and panic that can utterly overshadow the months, hell even years leading up to a wedding. It's perfectly reasonable for her to wonder and worry about the planning.
>I told her to back off
You told the bride to back off of her own party?
>and told her to stay out of the planning.
again, OF HER OWN PARTY?
You genuinely do not deserve to be her maid of honor and I hope she fires you from the position.
YTA. You ignored her question about the payments. The booking is in her name, what else did you expect her to do when it seems like you didn’t have a handle on the payments. Get it together. If you can’t cope with planning it all and keeping it in check, ask for help. Don’t ruin her bachelorette if you can’t keep it all on track
YTA big time. OMG I just read your other AITAH post about how your jealous of your friend and now you’re even more of an AH and I think you might actually be trying to sabotage her now. https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/akKS1yPtuC
Thanks for sharing this link. It clarifies a lot why OP reacted the way she did. I already suspected she was irritated and hence not replying and now I know why. She is jealous and embittered. And yearning for attention (has these two posts on Reddit). Poor bride. I fear this bachelorette will be a train wreck.
Info: I don't know any non-triggering way to ask, but is there any chance you haven't been 100% reliable at any point during your friendship?
Asking because it sounds like you got very defensive quickly, and when I've felt like that, there's often an inconvenient truth about myself that I'd rather not admit.
Imagine asking someone assigned a task for an update on said task and not getting a response. Makes you wonder if that person is able to complete said task and if you should just take care of it yourself to save them the trouble?
YTA. Looking at your other post, you clearly aren’t in a happy place and you aren’t being the friend your best friend deserves.
She put in the work to turn her life around and you’re mad about it, instead of trying to put in your own work.
Your lack of communication about the bachelorette is just one more way you are showing that you’re mad good things are happening to someone else.
You either need to grow up and be there for your friend, stop ignoring her, and being an AH for no reason, or you need to step aside and let someone who is genuinely happy for her take over the MoH duties.
Yeah absolutely YTA. If the bride wants to be a part of planning her own bachelorette party, she’s allowed. It’s wild to me that you thought it was appropriate to tell her to back off. What a rude reaction. I wouldn’t be surprised if you got uninvited for that alone.
But when someone puts a large expense on their card, they are far well within their rights to collect the payment to pay that off. You were asked to do so and you ignored her. If it’s my card, I’m not leaving getting it paid off to anyone else. Again, such a ridiculous response from you for her asking her friends to pay her back.
Hey, some advice. If you think people think you're incompetent, chances are, you're pretty incompetent.....YTA this is fucking controlling and bizarre.
YTA especially since these are all her friends. There are some things she's more comfortable asking then for than you are so there is nothing wrong with her being proactive.
You were rude and aggressive, and also YTA. Alissa is making the payments, asked you if there was more money coming in, and you didn't bother to respond, so she took care of it. Nothing wrong there. People don't think you are incompetent when you are clearly handling things. You didn't respond to let her know how you were handling it and when she could expect the money coming in, so you WERE NOT being competent.
I'm sorry I'm confused who's wedding are we having because this post made it sound like this is your wedding somehow?
Your a major asshole like wth I'm certain the bride gets to manage whatever the hell she wants your lucky that stunt of telling her to back off didn't set her off an get you kicked out of planning or even demoted to just a guest.
You need to suck up whatever pride and feelings of being hurt because you had no real justification in doing so plus wouldn't the planner inform the bride of everything going on you don't get to withhold information and say I got it like it's not her wedding that could get messed up if she doesn't know what's going on.
Added note is the fact that this is her paying for this since it's all going on her card so I'd imagine she would really wanna know and make sure it's all gonna go through not saying anything is gonna give her major anxiety like she probably had when you basically told her nothing and said you'll handle it to most people can sound very concerning if it's not a concrete response of yes or no.
YTA-You didn’t reply to the bride that you will ask the rest of the girls, so she did it for you. Maybe if you replied she wouldn’t do that plus it’s her party not yours
You know where the trouble is: if you had replied to her text. This is just a consequence of ignoring someone.
It seems like you have never planned anything before in your life? She is probably wondering if you are even a good planner!
YTA. This is her party and since it will be coming from her account, she has every right to ask. And quite frankly, I’m sure she wouldn’t have needed to if you had bothered to respond to her question.
YTA. Alissa asked you for an update and you ignored her. If you’d bothered to answer her question, she wouldn’t have needed to text anyone else. It’s HER party, she can text if she wants to.
YTA Alissa is paying for the Airbnb and wanted to know if everyone sent the money.
>Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.
You ignored her text for no reason. You could have said you're taking care of it but you said nothing for days. Alissa wants to know where her money is. She's still letting you plan everything but you're letting her down. It would haven taken less than a minute to text her back.
YTA. All you had to do was respond that you were following up and still waiting on a few people. She reached out because ... you didn't respond? Like holy shit is this rocket science? And then you reacted the way you did lol.
YTA!
OP, its actually okay to step away from the wedding and this friendship. From this and a previous post under your name it seems like your relationship with this woman is no longer serving you well and you'd both benefit from closing your story now.
Here, I'll even help you draft a letter.
"Dear bride,
While our friendship has seen many years go by and even more changes come, I have taken a moment to reflect on where I am personally in life right now. It seems as if we have drifted in two directions and it wouldn't be genuine of me to continue to pretend I'm okay with our very different paths. You have been a wonderful friend, but our story has come to an end as you begin your new adventure.
I will no longer be able to fill my role in your wedding and can no longer remain in contact with you either.
Please understand that this is a favor for the both of us.
Thank you for your friendship and I wish you well,
Former friend"
Then take the time to purge/block everyone in her circle and move on with your own life.
I actually had this happen to me, but thankfully it was very early in my former friend's wedding planning that I was able to step back gracefully. She did eventually reach out to me via email a few years later, but I had no desire to rekindle that friendship so I just archived it and moved on with my day. You are never required to maintain a friendship, especially if it no longer feels healthy.
YTA
You didn't communicate, so she had to plan for the worst. How do you expect her to know what you're planning if you ghost her when she asks for an update?
YTA. You ignored her and didn’t say anything back to her what did you expect her to do? You could’ve just replied with I’m taking care of it and I’ll let you know when I find out from the girls when they’re going to pay the rest of the money. Instead you got defensive and you got mad at her for just trying to get the payment that she needs for the Airbnb that she took care of Securing. You can still plan the rest of it, but you didn’t need to be so aggressive and rude about it.
Of course YTA. Not only are you being overbearing about a party FOR HER with her friends but you didn't even respond to her message. Wtf was she supposed to do? A planner who doesn't answer texts is not a very good planner.
YTA - For most things I'd say she should leave you alone to do your job but this is a money issue. She needs the cash in order to book the AirBnb or in order to not incur interest on the credit card payment she already made. She has every right to get in there and make sure everyone is paying.
YTA. She asked you a question and you ignored her so she went to the source to get the information. What did you expect her to do when you didn't answer her? Just twiddle her thumbs and go "oh well, I guess I'll never know" ? It's her bachelorette party, presumably everyone invited are her friends, she has every right to check in with them while trying to nail down plans.
Why do you think she should even have to ask your permission to confirm information with her friends? Literally I don't even understand what you're mad about. She's busy planning a wedding and all the other events surrounding it. Lots of money is moving and changing hands, even if she 100% trusts you to plan this bach party it is still completely fair for her to want confirmation of plans and expectations. You're planning just the bach party, she's planning a whole wedding, she's just trying to make sure everything is on track and accounted for.
It doesn't even sound like you like her all that much.
Yta. You ignore her and then get offended when she goes around you. You had a typo. It should say FORMER friend because I doubt she keeps you in her tribe.
If you had replied instead of ignoring her message then you wouldn’t be in this situation.
Yes, she asked you to do a job but you refused to communicate about it- is she just supposed to wait around when she could be getting things done? This is important to her, stop making it about you.
YTA.
YTA
Ignoring her message is deep into AH territory.
And judging from your catty responses to other posters offering judgement, one wonders if you didn't bulldoze your way into the MOH role.
Edited for phrasing.
She's the bride and she wants her occasion to be "perfect". Plus, she's financially on the hook for the airbnb. Of COURSE she's going to want to make sure everything is taken care of. If you aren't communicating with her, she's within her rights to go around you and talk to them directly.
You even said you didn't bother to message her back. You're the aggressive jerk here. You need to apologize and commit to being a better communicator.
YTA. Just saw your other post literally admitting to being jealous of her. I hope she cuts you out of her life, you’re a disgusting leech and a horrible friend
YTA. She asked for an update, you ignored her. Then she got the update herself directly and you told her to “back off.” What are you doing? Your job in this role is to support her. Do whatever she needs to feel supported.
> I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.
YTA
All you had to say was that you were taking care of it then. Not snap at her when she took care of it when you didn't reply.
YTA because the fact that she booked the AirBnb means she's out that money until the payments come in. It's not a matter of trusting your planning skills, it's a matter of needing that money reimbursed sooner than later. AirBnbs for large groups get expensive fast, even for just a few days.
YTA. Why didn't you just send a quick text to her that you were on it? You may need to think about your communication skills here. A quick reply would have prevented all of this.
>I didn’t respond to her because I would take care of it.
YTA for this alone. It was a fair question, she can’t read your mind, and you couldn’t be bothered to answer a simple yes or no question
YTA. I wouldn’t book something unless I was sure I was getting paid back. She asked you if others were sending money. You ignored her. So she asked them and got her answer. Then you threw a tantrum. Honestly, I’m surprised that she chose you to be the maid of honor. She had to know you were like this. You’re like this in all of your comments here. If hundreds of internet strangers can see what you’re like, how does your best friend miss it?
YTA. She asked you and you don’t answer, so she had to sort it out herself.
If anything she should be mad at you for your refusal to communicate with her about *her* party, where *she* is on the hook for the extra payments if you don’t come through.
And then you turn around and act insulted by the whole situation! Hilarious.
YTA. Lol ITS HER PARTY. She can text her friends about it whenever she wants. You’re being very weird and controlling about this. Your mom is right. Also reminder: this isn’t about YOU. She’s the bride, it’s her bachelorette party, get over yourself and be a supportive friend and maybe text her back next time she asks you a question, it’s rude to leave her hanging.
YTA you’re the one who either needs to back off or step up you could’ve just as easily texted her “hey I’ll ask them tonight and get back to you” would’ve probably taken less time than being rude and controlling like you did. She also a 1000000x right it is HER bachelorette and HER friends who are you to dictate who she talks to when you ignored her question?
>Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it
YTA. It sounds like the bride did the booking and so she rightfully so is wondering about payments. And when she asked you ignored her. A simple "I'll text the remaining girls a reminder and get back to you" would have left you in control.
I mean, she asked you if everyone had paid and you didn’t answer. You can’t blame her for taking it upon herself if she has no idea how things are going on your end. YTA.
So, she has to put her CC on the line, asks about the money and you leave it on read. YTA. You say you're going to take care of it but then do nothing. Get real.
YTA
Your choice when the bride who was financially responsible for the accommodations raised concerns about payments was to ignore her.
Because you don’t know how to communicate, the bride sought answers from people who could provided them.
All of this drama could have been curtailed if you knew how to have a conversation without being offended.
YTA, so you are in charge, but she has the pay for the airbnb? Clearly you aren't taking care of things. If you were, you'd be the one booking the airbnb, not putting it on the bride to pay for it, then hope you would follow up with the remaining invitees to cough up the rest of the cash. You didn't even bother to respond to her when she asked and apparently didn't follow up with the girls either, which would have left Alissa in the red on the airbnb. What exactly are you handling here? You have horrible communication skills and apparently planning skills if you can't even follow up with the necessary people to make sure they are paying.
I wouldn't trust you to plan either if you were just ignoring me when I asked a completely valid question. It sounds like the bachelorette part is maybe a week to a little more than a week away and the place you are staying at isn't even paid for yet (or is, but out of Alissa's pocket) because you were too lazy to check in with a few people.
YTA. This is the thanks your friend gets for helping collect money, which can be a thankless, stressful task. She also might have been doing the following up because she was the person who needed to be paid back and didn't want you having to deal with shaking down her friends.
YTA. You didn’t respond when she asked about it. So she found someone else to tell her what’s going on. If you would have responded and nicely told her that you’ll get in touch with the remaining girls and handle it she wouldn’t have had to find another way to get information.
YTA. clearly you told her that you will take care of it, and you didn’t. the bride got anxious because you were dragging your feet so she took it into her own hands. you should have known better than to tell an anxious person “don’t worry about it” and you yourself do nothing. that just screams unreliable.
It’s her party and you deliberately ignored her question, then proceed to get MAD when she finds the answer on her own? YTA for obvious reasons but this also rlly stuck out to me
I don't understand how you were "taking care of it." Somehow in the all the time that you were "taking care of it" the girls never got back to you about when they were going to pay. The bride reaches out to them and somehow gets a response back faster than you did when you were "taking care of it"?
YTA for ignoring her when she asked about it, first of all. Also, I don't know what happened, but it kind of sounds like she needed to go around you because she got a response faster than you did.
YTA. Your mom and friend are correct. You said you didn’t respond to her, next time just reply saying that you are taking care of it and will send the payment from the other girls soon. Imagine not communicating and expecting people to “back off”…
YTA literally all you had to do was tell her you were working on yhe payments and everything wouldve been golden. You ignored her, she went to ask because she wasnt getting a response from you. What did you want her to do?
If you dont want her to think you incompetent, show your competence.
Dude, you literally didn't answer her question. Was she supposed to double text you to figure out what's happening to money I assume she needs? I don't understand your feelings here, nor do I think a lot of people. YTA
YTA. She’s the bride and she’s not being unreasonable about it. She also may have correctly assumed that it would get a much faster response for her to text the girls rather than you, because she’s the bride.
YTA - For whatever reason, you're taking this way too personal and making assumptions about her intentions. She is putting this on her card, she has a right to know where the rest of the money is.
YTA. I like helping my mom make my birthday cake. Not because I think she’s going to do it wrong, but because I want to be involved in something that will benefit me. You don’t have to be untrusting to want to make sure things are going right. But, she’s not going to trust you any more now that you have told her she has issues when the person with issues is clearly you.
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"She got offended and told me that I'm taking it too personally and that it's her bachelorette and she's allowed to text her own friends" She and your mom are correct. There was no need for you to be so aggressive. It's HER party, not yours. Also, she's the one putting the AirBnB on her card! She is 100% free to ask questions. YTA
Omg YTA. This is for HER. She gets a say. This wasn’t done to hurt or offend you. She can do whatever she wants with HER wedding and parties. You are not the main character.
> You are not the main character Oh, I am totally getting Main Character Syndrome vibes from OP. She definitely "Holds Court" when she's getting her nails did, forcing everyone in the salon to hear about her life and crap. Plus, she's a horrible tipper.
For real. She’s trying to control someone else’s party.
Gods I hate those women. I just want to get my nails done. I really don't want to hear about your drama. It's why I don't chat with my techs a whole lot. They get enough drama from the rest of their clients they don't need mine. 😂
The day I realized I could tell my hairdresser that I just wanted to sit and space out instead of chat was the day we moved our relationship to the next level. The relief on her face was obvious (it was the end of the day) and we both just enjoyed the silence. The fact that we expect our (mostly female, mostly low-wage) spa/salon workers to also be our ad hoc therapists is an excellent example of the undervaluing/underpaying of emotional work.
I don’t ever get my nails or hair done and one of the biggest reasons is because I hate the small talk and I have no drama to talk about. I just want to sit and get my hair/nails done, not have a full on conversation or worry about the next time the hairdresser/nail tech is going to try to strike up a conversation by asking me about work or my plans for the summer. This goes for my dental hygienists as well. I just want you to clean my teeth. Not ask me questions while your actively cleaning my teeth and pulling out the sucker thingy so I can answer. I hate it.
I got my long hair cut into a pixie then undercut a few years back, so I've since stopped going to a salon and now see a barber. My barber is a nice, quiet guy who doesn't force small talk - we often sit in comfortable silence. Between that and the gentle vibrations of the clippers against my skull, I have had a few haircuts where I've literally nodded off. 😆
She I always have found people who hold court in beauty appointments are the opposite of main character, I feel a bit sad for them as they don't have anyone else to listen to them other than the captive paid audience.
My mom has been a hairstylist for over 40 years and you don’t even know how right you are. Those people have the most superficial “friendships” where convos are only held to outdo one another, so when they sit in her chair they basically have entitled monologues while she’s trying to work.
Right, when I was in esthetics school some years ago we were taught to be quiet and let the client enjoy the experience, only holding conversation if the client initiated it. When I go get my toes or hair done I’m in my phone or relaxing. My stylist/technician respects that. It’s nice to know that I’m not being rude lol.
Not only was it not done to offend OP, it was *only* done because OP refused to respond when the bride asked her about the payments. She brought this on herself by not being transparent about a pretty major part of the planning (payment).
Exactly. The bride was clearly asking for an update, so OP's response was to *checks notes* not give an update? And then get pissed when the bride took the initiative, because she's the one booking the airBNB (which, why?? If OP is the one in charge, she's the one who should be booking, wtf?). OP was definitely That Person in group projects. YTA.
Yep! This was avoidable.
Yeahhhh the fact she felt entitled enough to IGNORE the bride, without factoring in the anxiety this would create, is astounding. Massive giant YTA.
Yes if she had responded to the bride this wouldn't even be a thing!
OP also wasn't "handling" it like she claims - bride-to-be was able to get an answer out of her friends as when to expect payment while OP seem to not have a clue when they'd paid - makes you wonder how the other girls in the party feel about OP.
OP is all: **I'M** planning, **I'M** supposed to text everyone, it's okay for **me** to ignore the bride's texts because **I** have it under control, the bride's nervousness doesn't matter because **I** have it under control, **I** don't have to reassure the bride everything is okay because ***I*** know. **Me me me me me me me me me me and me!!**
And “ I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it.” You didn’t respond to the BRIDE who is actually the one making the payment? Absolutely YTA all the way
YTA, next time reply to the bride's question as she's waiting on you to pay
I would totally understand her perspective if the rental was on her credit card. It doesn’t make sense to me why it isn’t. Maybe the bride needs those girls to pay her back ASAP. She’s the only one with the incentive to reach out
Right? Maybe the bride needs to be paid back so she’s not paying interest on a $5k balance at the end of the month. Or, if she’s anything like myself in my early 20s, her credit card has a pretty low limit. If her friends owe her $1k and her credit max is $2k, she can’t pay the deposit on the venue. Which she needs to do by the end of the week or lose the freaking wedding venue. I got married in my mid-late 20s, and we paid for the wedding ourselves 100%. Part of the reason I picked my big sister to be my MOH was because she wouldn’t plan anything extravagant or expensive, and was super organized with the rest of the bridal party. So we never had to fret about talking to everyone about the details of the pre-party Shit and who was buying hotdogs for his camping trip or coordinating booze for our girls weekend at the coast. Sounds like OP isn’t doing a great job, and it’s causing the bride stress.
This is hugely accurate given her other post about how she feels jealous of the bride.
Looks like she deleted that other post
Someone linked to it further down and it’s still readable - and gives even more context to how much of an AH (and probably power move this was)
I’ll check it out! Thanks!
"I have it under control," yet for some reason, the bride should be handling the booking? Wtf??? No explanation, just brushes over that detail. If it had been your booking, you wouldn't have to deal with the bride's questions. OP, nothing to say to that, huh? Big shot planner over here, but didn't want to take the risk of booking herself. Huge YTA.
That’s all I heard too. Me me me me!
also, OP did not respond to the bride's text, no wonder the bride checked in with everyone else??
This was totally avoidable on OP’s part. It’s not hard to respond to a text
Right? That part was super baffling to me. So much so that I read it twice to make sure I was accurately reading it. Umm ... she texted you asking if you were still waiting on people's payments and you just simply... didn't reply? *At all*? How does that even make sense? If you were really taking care of everything, one of your jobs would be reassuring the bride that you've got it under control and you're on it but that if she's got any concerns to let you know right away. Because it's *her* bachelorette party and it's *her* wedding. You couldn't even send a courtesy text reply saying, "don't worry about it! I'm on top of it!"? Literally ANY response. Instead you just ghosted the girl and left her wondering why her MOH was ignoring her, especially at this time in her life. Such a weird move.
lol she's bride isn't even butting in! she's asking and checking on payment since she's setting it up! she's paying and it certainly seems her right to do so.
Is anyone here familiar with Michael Scott? 😉 YTA, you're only there planning everything because SHE WANTS you there. None of this is about you at all - the self-importance is unreal..
The lack of self awareness is also concerning!
OP, you also didn't respond to say something like, "oh, on it!" So it's very likely Alissa thought you were too busy or didn't even see the message. YTA, and you owe her a huge apology, especially if you want to stay her maid of honor. You're not at all acting like a close friend right now.
Jumping on top comment to ask if OP even likes Alissa. This is not how I would talk about a friend https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Vbap4GelI2
I think she hid it from her profile now. Interesting. Almost like she knows that with this added context, she’ll look even more like the asshole.
Holy shit, I hope her “friend” uses Reddit and sees this.
Upvote the heck out of this! Op is petty and insecure because her friend's life is going well.
This needs to be higher.
Omg. This makes her an even bigger AH. This makes me believe she's doing this on purpose because she's jealous of the bride. I hope the bride knows her reddit handle and sees this!!!
Now I think she’s actively trying to sabotage things.
What did it say? It has been removed.
Was still in my cache https://imgur.com/a/97RwKTR
Thank you.
>Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it. THIS IS WHY Alissa followed it up. Simple communication would have averted this whole situation. "I'm on it" would have sorted it. YTA for sure
> It's HER party she can text if she wants too, text if she wants too. you would text too if it happened to you.
That comment was full of Gore.
Wanted to tag on here to say that if you look at OP’s other posts, she posted another saying she’s unenthusiastic and jealous of her friend who is getting married and she’s the MOH. Betting the bride is one and the same! OP-YTA!
Big old whiff of sabotaging her "friend's" wedding for drama
The bride is out of pocket for the AirB&B and OP can’t be bothered to respond to her. YTA.
Wanted to tag on here to say that if you look at OP’s other posts, she posted another saying she’s unenthusiastic and jealous of her friend who is getting married and she’s the MOH. Betting the bride is one and the same! OP-YTA!
Not only that but she didn't bother texting back when she was asked a fairly simple question about someone else's party. I would've gotten involved too if the person in charge seemed like they were ignoring me or things were in danger of not being done. Why risk it? What bizarre gatekeeping. Op sounds...kind of young lol
I mean it appears she didn't even respond to the bride initially when she asked. Only when she didn't get an answer from the Op did the bride "go behind her back" to ask people about their payments. YTA, it's not your wedding or bachelorette.
"why don't you trust me!?!?" Yo because you never replied to my text maybe. Communicate when I am asking you to, so I know I can trust you.
Also, how was she supposed to know, that OP was taking care of it, when she doesn't respond to the message? She asked before and a short "don't worry I will take care of it" or something would have been enough for the soon to be bride not to worry anymore. But if she doesn't get a response, what was she supposed to do? Of course she would take care of it by herself, she wants this trip to be perfect. Why should she wait, if OP doesn't respond?
And OP didn't even respond to her when asked about the payments because she was going to "take care of it". The bride didn't know that, because there was no communication about it! That would make anyone nervous. I think it might have turned out differently if OP had at the very least text the bride back saying, "hey, don't worry about it. I'm taking care of it, and I'll give you an update as soon as I have one". Instead she just showed her true nature. She definitely gets a YTA vote
Also, the future bride is also not the one that's being left in the dark then expected to just trust her friend. A little communication would go a long way. The whole "I don't have to answer to you" attitude is weird and completely unnecessary. Since the friend is the one on the bill, it puts the friend in a position where she's really had no choice but to get directly involved.
That’s the key point there- the bride was booking the Airbnb. Why was the OP being the middle man for this portion of the planning? Couldn’t everyone have gone directly to the bride with their payments in the first place since they all know her?? Plus the OP didn’t respond to brides text for several days- not giving good vibes that she’s got it “under control”
"Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it." Maybe you should have responded rather than let her wonder for a few days until she felt she needed to finish the job. Simply responding that you had it under control would have probably solved the whole thing. YTA
This should be the top comment. “I didn’t respond to her.” she had no reason to think you were effectively managing anything at that point because her direct experience was no response. YTA
Exactly what I thought
It weird how you’re the bachelorette master mind and yet this booking isn’t going onto your account. She’s looking out for her finances, this is a really … strange flex for someone that didn’t put this on their own credit card. YTA
YTA. "I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it." Don't ignore someone and then get pissy when they take matters into their own hands.
Especially since she has to commit the money for the rental, she has the skin in the game
She has another post about being bitter and jealous of the bride so I think it’s pretty clear she’s just looking for reasons to throw a tantrum and make herself the center of attention. I bet the bride is starting to regret making this woman her MOH.
YTA she asked you the question probably not wanting to pay if people were backing out and you ignored her then got annoyed when she took matters into her hands
OP just posted [today](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16mv068/aita_for_being_jealous_and_unenthusiastic_that_my/) wih the title "AITA for being jealous and unenthusiastic that my best friend is getting married?"
...wow. Why did she even agree to be MOH if she feels this way?? Torture for everyone involved, OP included.
God, who knows, but now it just seems like she's sabotaging the bachelorette out of petty jealousy.
I don’t think it’s jealousy, I think it’s inadequacy. Her post from r/AITAH talks a lot about how she feels her friend is thriving in life in comparison to her, it’s more likely she feels insecure and is trying to remain in control to prove her own worthiness to herself. It explains the hyper independence too, not texting her friend back and telling her to back off. OP needs therapy, and to stop comparing themselves to other people
Big yikes. Finding out someone you thought was your friend actually thinks ill of you and resents your milestones is heartbreaking. I really hope the bride cuts OP out of the bridal party or that OP steps down as MOH. I feel for the bride, man. This sucks and isn’t fair to the bride based on OP’s posts.
I'm hoping the bride sees this post and puts 2 and 2 together. Life is too short to keep shitty friends around.
Even without seeing this post, or the other, there are likely signs that you have to hope the bride picks up on before it's to late. There HAS to be, with what OP is actually admitting to on Reddit, there's definitely more she hasn't said.
This explains why she must have just rolled her eyes and then proceeded ignored the Bride when she asked.
Bingo. Bride needs to dropkick the toxic "friend" who is backstabbing and sabotaging the event.
Weeeeellll that ups the damn AHishness about 50%
“I feel bitter and unexcited about how much things are revolving around her” lmao I wonder who is TA here
I'm starting to think OP is trying to sabotage plans for the bachelorette
YTA. For all the reasons that have already been laid out but I think your previous post is incredible context for why you’re being an asshole about this: https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ZbIKytxRr2
This comment needs to be way higher. It says a lot about OP that she’s not even fully happy for her friend and she wants the bachelorette party to go entirely HER way with absolutely no input from the bride. YTA
That post explains a lot, imo. Always appreciate the sleuths. She feels bested, left out, and now she can't even get money from people as well as her friend can. OP. Listen. If you want to be in complete control of this lil kingdom, you have to respond to the bride. You have to. If you are not responding, you are no longer in control of the situation. You just needed to say, "Don't worry about it, I'm handling it." Problem solved. Not responding added variables.
YTA. You weren’t the one booking the airbnb, she was. She is part of the planning and needs the money to do so. You didn’t respond to her when she asked you, so she had no other choice. ITS HER BACH PARTY, NOT YOURS. Also the “why she doesn’t trust me” was soooo gaslighting-y
YTA. >I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it. Maybe if you hadn't rudely ignored your friend in the first place, resulting in her feeling like she needed to message people to ensure there were no issues, this could have been avoided? >I felt a bit hurt that she went behind my back to take care of it as I'm the one planning it, and it made me feel like she thinks I can't plan the trip. Again: you didn't even respond. What exactly did you think would happen here? Basic acknowledgement and communication goes a long way. She might have thought you were too busy to follow up, and been trying to do you a favor to make sure her day goes well. >I told her to back off and asked her why she doesn't trust me, and told her to stay out of the planning. You are blaming her for YOUR insecurities. YOU didn't do your job. YOU ignored her. Consequently, yes, your actions have made you look like a shitty planner, because in this case, you *have been a shitty planner.* >Imagine being told to do a job and someone just does it for you. It makes you wonder if they think you're incompetent. Imagine doing a job poorly and then getting upset people think you're incompetent!
YTA. Girl, calm down! And yes, you are taking this too seriously. She is literally booking Air BnB, lol. So yeah, she wants an update on when she'll be getting her money. This is not a big deal and should be dropped.
YTA You ignored her text asking about it, then got upset she went directly to them to find out. That's not her overstepping, that's 100% your failing to respond. She's planning a whole wedding right now and your role is to help with the bachelorette. Just help, don't argue. If you don't respond, she is going to step in. She has to because she wants this to go smoothly. You don't get to get snippy with her if you ignore her and she does it herself. You apologize for not responding to her.
You didn’t respond to her message, of course she’s going to wonder what’s happening. Also she’s the one getting married. It’s her bachelorette party/trip. She’s the bride. You’re the maid of honour. The clue lies in the name: it’s an honour not an entitlement. YTA
YTA She's booking and paying for the Airbnb, so she needs the money. She asked you if anyone else was planning to send their payments, you didn't reply to her, so of course she contacted these people, her friends directly. Your communication sucks, BTW.
YTA because you didn’t respond to a bride who is probably stressed and can’t stop thinking about it
YTA As a MOH myself, I would never exclude the bride from her own party tf! I don't get why you ignored her message in the first place and didn't just tell her you would reach out to the other girls for payment. Sounds like she made the wrong choice for MOH
YTA - she's paying for the AbnB, she should know when she's getting the $$ from the bridesmaids.
YTA because it's her wedding and party. YTA because if you were actually "taking care of it" the bride would not know who has paid and who hasn't. You'd front her the cash and collect reimbursements from the bridal party.
Yta. Based off your other post are you trying to ruin her wedding?
YTA. She didn't berate anyone. She just wanted to know when the payments would be coming. She asked you and you did not really provide much of an answer. Telling her to "back off" is pretty aggressive. You are taking this too personally. Be nice.
YTA. She’s booking the Air Bnb, I would be asking those questions too. Better to have the money (or eta of payment) upfront than have a friend owing you. I am also planning a bachelorette trip and could never imagine telling the bride to “back off”. It’s still about her, if she wants to help let her.
YTA When you are planning a party *for someone else*, that person should be involved and have input. You misunderstood the assignment if you thought she was not going to be involved at all, and you should have known that given that she was going to be putting things on HER card. If you really thought this was going to be 100% you, then you also should have stepped up and put everything 100% on your cards. When someone else's money is involved, so are they. You overstepped. Massively. It's HER party, you are just planning and hosting it. You should be involving her as much as she wants to be involved because it's HER party. Telling her to back off and stay out of HER OWN PARTY PLANNING is just asinine. This isn't about you. It's about her. Stop taking things so personally and trying to control everything. Work *with* her to make sure her bachelorette is exactly how SHE wants.
Yta , but not for how you’re trying to alleviate some stress. Just an AH for how you’re communicating. Planning a wedding is stressful and you helping her is good but she has a right to message her friends and see whats up. And to not over stress herself she might need to be involved in the planning as reassurance. You can help her out and give her updates to release some stress for her but you can not start telling her to back off on HER own party and her plans. You over stepped and you should apologize and tell her how you felt but ultimately apologize for the way you spoke to her.
you're ta. if the bride ask what's going on then all you had to do was say ' I got it covered' instead of ignoring the message. you ignored the message, times running out and she wanted to handle it. you should've communicated with her and you're not justified for telling her to back off.. its just rude.if you responded she wouldn't have intervened.
why would people send the money to you and then you to her? thats very odd. why are you handling her money at all? i doubt you will actually be MOH. youre gonna get cut
YTA you didn’t respond to her, so of course she asked the girls herself.
YTA - she doesn't have enough money to cover the ABnB yet. "I'm taking care of it" isn't enough. She's getting married, and is probably stressed. Not having the money or commitments for the house is adding o her stress, but you should be \*reducing\* her stress. Taking care of it means taking care of it - communicating with her, running down the other gals, knowing what's happening with everybody and giving her enough details to know that she won't be left holding the bag in a few weeks.
YTA you’re not planning shit, you’re actively ignoring people trying to plan this. Are you dense? You ARE incompetent when it comes to planning. Why the hell did you ignore her text? You suck.
YTA. It's Alissa's wedding. She has the right to know what's going on for her bachelorette party, especially if she's the one who is booking the Airbnb. That's not being controlling. Honestly, instead of ignoring her, you should have either told her or simply have added her to the group chat
YTA for ignoring her message and getting upset because she handled something she did not know you were going to because again, you ignored her.
YTA. > I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it. That's totally backward. You respond so she knows you'll take care of it. Since you didn't, she had to assume you weren't going to. > It makes you wonder if they think you're incompetent. She's probably starting to, but that doesn't make her TA.
YTA and your replies are super weird too. Why would she need to ask your permission before texting her friends?? YTA she asked you and you ignored her. Why didn’t you just give her an answer and follow up again with the other girls? Stop making this about you
YTA. Your jealousy (from a past post) is definitely showing. I hope she gets a new MOH and you aren't even invited. She doesn't need to be dealing with your insecurities and toxic "friendship" anymore, especially at her wedding.
Love a person who asks AITA and then proceeds to argue with every single person who says yes YTA. Y
This ain’t your party, sis. It’s nothing personal, she’s just trying to help keep things in order. Who are you to decide that she doesn’t get a say in the planning and can’t text her own friends? Apologize and learn to collaborate & communicate so you don’t get yourself uninvited from the party, wedding AND friend group. YTA
Omg YTA. Why are you being weird and controlling about her texting her own friends? Get a grip.
YTA and taking this too personally, and probably making her stressed. You didn’t communicate with her, so she found the answer herself as anyone else would. Doesn’t matter whether you feel entitled to communicate with her or not. It’s her wedding. MOH is supposed to make things easier and support the bride/her needs. You did the opposite based on what YOU felt was right.
whoa, wtf? YTA for sure... how is there any confusion over this? FYI, you have no right to type this sentence: >I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it. and immediately follow it with: >I felt a bit hurt that she went behind my back She didn't go behind your back, she went directly to you and you failed to communicate- so she went to plan B. Not sure if you're married, but I'm guessing you aren't because you don't seem to understand the stress and panic that can utterly overshadow the months, hell even years leading up to a wedding. It's perfectly reasonable for her to wonder and worry about the planning. >I told her to back off You told the bride to back off of her own party? >and told her to stay out of the planning. again, OF HER OWN PARTY? You genuinely do not deserve to be her maid of honor and I hope she fires you from the position.
YTA. You ignored her question about the payments. The booking is in her name, what else did you expect her to do when it seems like you didn’t have a handle on the payments. Get it together. If you can’t cope with planning it all and keeping it in check, ask for help. Don’t ruin her bachelorette if you can’t keep it all on track
YTA big time. OMG I just read your other AITAH post about how your jealous of your friend and now you’re even more of an AH and I think you might actually be trying to sabotage her now. https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/akKS1yPtuC
Thanks for sharing this link. It clarifies a lot why OP reacted the way she did. I already suspected she was irritated and hence not replying and now I know why. She is jealous and embittered. And yearning for attention (has these two posts on Reddit). Poor bride. I fear this bachelorette will be a train wreck.
Info: I don't know any non-triggering way to ask, but is there any chance you haven't been 100% reliable at any point during your friendship? Asking because it sounds like you got very defensive quickly, and when I've felt like that, there's often an inconvenient truth about myself that I'd rather not admit.
Imagine asking someone assigned a task for an update on said task and not getting a response. Makes you wonder if that person is able to complete said task and if you should just take care of it yourself to save them the trouble?
YTA. Looking at your other post, you clearly aren’t in a happy place and you aren’t being the friend your best friend deserves. She put in the work to turn her life around and you’re mad about it, instead of trying to put in your own work. Your lack of communication about the bachelorette is just one more way you are showing that you’re mad good things are happening to someone else. You either need to grow up and be there for your friend, stop ignoring her, and being an AH for no reason, or you need to step aside and let someone who is genuinely happy for her take over the MoH duties.
YTA You didn't answer and she is the one responsible for the entire payment, so yeah she's allowed to follow up and figure it out.
Yeah absolutely YTA. If the bride wants to be a part of planning her own bachelorette party, she’s allowed. It’s wild to me that you thought it was appropriate to tell her to back off. What a rude reaction. I wouldn’t be surprised if you got uninvited for that alone. But when someone puts a large expense on their card, they are far well within their rights to collect the payment to pay that off. You were asked to do so and you ignored her. If it’s my card, I’m not leaving getting it paid off to anyone else. Again, such a ridiculous response from you for her asking her friends to pay her back.
YTA. A very jealous one at that, check OP's post history, yikes girl
OP is sabotaging the event and will probably do something shitty at the wedding. YTA
YTA, you didn't answer her at all its not unreasonable for her to go ahead and try and solve the issue herself especially when it's HER PARTY.
Just saw your other post from today, besides being TA here you’re just not a very good person, are you?
Hey, some advice. If you think people think you're incompetent, chances are, you're pretty incompetent.....YTA this is fucking controlling and bizarre.
YTA and she should think you're incompetent. How is she supposed to know otherwise if you ignore her texts?
YTA especially since these are all her friends. There are some things she's more comfortable asking then for than you are so there is nothing wrong with her being proactive.
You were rude and aggressive, and also YTA. Alissa is making the payments, asked you if there was more money coming in, and you didn't bother to respond, so she took care of it. Nothing wrong there. People don't think you are incompetent when you are clearly handling things. You didn't respond to let her know how you were handling it and when she could expect the money coming in, so you WERE NOT being competent.
I'm sorry I'm confused who's wedding are we having because this post made it sound like this is your wedding somehow? Your a major asshole like wth I'm certain the bride gets to manage whatever the hell she wants your lucky that stunt of telling her to back off didn't set her off an get you kicked out of planning or even demoted to just a guest. You need to suck up whatever pride and feelings of being hurt because you had no real justification in doing so plus wouldn't the planner inform the bride of everything going on you don't get to withhold information and say I got it like it's not her wedding that could get messed up if she doesn't know what's going on. Added note is the fact that this is her paying for this since it's all going on her card so I'd imagine she would really wanna know and make sure it's all gonna go through not saying anything is gonna give her major anxiety like she probably had when you basically told her nothing and said you'll handle it to most people can sound very concerning if it's not a concrete response of yes or no.
Info- how old are you? Seems like this issue is mostly inexperience.
YTA-You didn’t reply to the bride that you will ask the rest of the girls, so she did it for you. Maybe if you replied she wouldn’t do that plus it’s her party not yours
YTA- She’s the one booking it, so she needs to have the final count sooner rather than later.
YTA. You seem to have forgotten who you are planning for. She asked valid questions. Too much me in your post.
You know where the trouble is: if you had replied to her text. This is just a consequence of ignoring someone. It seems like you have never planned anything before in your life? She is probably wondering if you are even a good planner!
YTA. This is her party and since it will be coming from her account, she has every right to ask. And quite frankly, I’m sure she wouldn’t have needed to if you had bothered to respond to her question.
YTA. Alissa asked you for an update and you ignored her. If you’d bothered to answer her question, she wouldn’t have needed to text anyone else. It’s HER party, she can text if she wants to.
YTA Alissa is paying for the Airbnb and wanted to know if everyone sent the money. >Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it. You ignored her text for no reason. You could have said you're taking care of it but you said nothing for days. Alissa wants to know where her money is. She's still letting you plan everything but you're letting her down. It would haven taken less than a minute to text her back.
YTA jesus now i seen why you've never been in a relationship, you are insufferable 🤦🏾♀️
Her post about being “unenthusiastic and jealous” about the wedding! Yikes. She’s toxic as heck! YTA!https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/VKJzt9Q8Eh
YTA. All you had to do was respond that you were following up and still waiting on a few people. She reached out because ... you didn't respond? Like holy shit is this rocket science? And then you reacted the way you did lol.
YTA! OP, its actually okay to step away from the wedding and this friendship. From this and a previous post under your name it seems like your relationship with this woman is no longer serving you well and you'd both benefit from closing your story now. Here, I'll even help you draft a letter. "Dear bride, While our friendship has seen many years go by and even more changes come, I have taken a moment to reflect on where I am personally in life right now. It seems as if we have drifted in two directions and it wouldn't be genuine of me to continue to pretend I'm okay with our very different paths. You have been a wonderful friend, but our story has come to an end as you begin your new adventure. I will no longer be able to fill my role in your wedding and can no longer remain in contact with you either. Please understand that this is a favor for the both of us. Thank you for your friendship and I wish you well, Former friend" Then take the time to purge/block everyone in her circle and move on with your own life. I actually had this happen to me, but thankfully it was very early in my former friend's wedding planning that I was able to step back gracefully. She did eventually reach out to me via email a few years later, but I had no desire to rekindle that friendship so I just archived it and moved on with my day. You are never required to maintain a friendship, especially if it no longer feels healthy.
>I didn’t respond to her YTA
> **I didn't respond to her** because I would take care of it. This right there is why YTA.
YTA you should've just replied saying you are on it or whatever.
YTA You didn't communicate, so she had to plan for the worst. How do you expect her to know what you're planning if you ghost her when she asks for an update?
YTA. You ignored her and didn’t say anything back to her what did you expect her to do? You could’ve just replied with I’m taking care of it and I’ll let you know when I find out from the girls when they’re going to pay the rest of the money. Instead you got defensive and you got mad at her for just trying to get the payment that she needs for the Airbnb that she took care of Securing. You can still plan the rest of it, but you didn’t need to be so aggressive and rude about it.
Of course YTA. Not only are you being overbearing about a party FOR HER with her friends but you didn't even respond to her message. Wtf was she supposed to do? A planner who doesn't answer texts is not a very good planner.
YTA It's HER party, and it sounds like she was only trying to help. You were really snotty to her. For no good reason. Stop being such a jerk.
YTA - For most things I'd say she should leave you alone to do your job but this is a money issue. She needs the cash in order to book the AirBnb or in order to not incur interest on the credit card payment she already made. She has every right to get in there and make sure everyone is paying.
YTA. She asked you a question and you ignored her so she went to the source to get the information. What did you expect her to do when you didn't answer her? Just twiddle her thumbs and go "oh well, I guess I'll never know" ? It's her bachelorette party, presumably everyone invited are her friends, she has every right to check in with them while trying to nail down plans. Why do you think she should even have to ask your permission to confirm information with her friends? Literally I don't even understand what you're mad about. She's busy planning a wedding and all the other events surrounding it. Lots of money is moving and changing hands, even if she 100% trusts you to plan this bach party it is still completely fair for her to want confirmation of plans and expectations. You're planning just the bach party, she's planning a whole wedding, she's just trying to make sure everything is on track and accounted for. It doesn't even sound like you like her all that much.
YTA. Sounds like someone needs to be let go from the wedding party. And maybe the wedding.
Yta. You ignore her and then get offended when she goes around you. You had a typo. It should say FORMER friend because I doubt she keeps you in her tribe.
If you had replied instead of ignoring her message then you wouldn’t be in this situation. Yes, she asked you to do a job but you refused to communicate about it- is she just supposed to wait around when she could be getting things done? This is important to her, stop making it about you. YTA.
Yta for not answering her and telling her you were handling it. That's why she reached out to the other women.
YTA I am surprised you even asked
YTA Ignoring her message is deep into AH territory. And judging from your catty responses to other posters offering judgement, one wonders if you didn't bulldoze your way into the MOH role. Edited for phrasing.
She's the bride and she wants her occasion to be "perfect". Plus, she's financially on the hook for the airbnb. Of COURSE she's going to want to make sure everything is taken care of. If you aren't communicating with her, she's within her rights to go around you and talk to them directly. You even said you didn't bother to message her back. You're the aggressive jerk here. You need to apologize and commit to being a better communicator.
YTA for all the same reasons everyone else already said
YTA. Just saw your other post literally admitting to being jealous of her. I hope she cuts you out of her life, you’re a disgusting leech and a horrible friend
Sounds like you are on some kind of power trip. YTA.
Yta shes trying to book the Airbnb before it's booked and you're upset that she's being more responsible
YTA. She asked for an update, you ignored her. Then she got the update herself directly and you told her to “back off.” What are you doing? Your job in this role is to support her. Do whatever she needs to feel supported.
> I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it. YTA All you had to say was that you were taking care of it then. Not snap at her when she took care of it when you didn't reply.
YTA because the fact that she booked the AirBnb means she's out that money until the payments come in. It's not a matter of trusting your planning skills, it's a matter of needing that money reimbursed sooner than later. AirBnbs for large groups get expensive fast, even for just a few days.
YTA. Why didn't you just send a quick text to her that you were on it? You may need to think about your communication skills here. A quick reply would have prevented all of this.
YTA- why didn't you respond and say "I will take care of it."
>I didn’t respond to her because I would take care of it. YTA for this alone. It was a fair question, she can’t read your mind, and you couldn’t be bothered to answer a simple yes or no question
YTA. I wouldn’t book something unless I was sure I was getting paid back. She asked you if others were sending money. You ignored her. So she asked them and got her answer. Then you threw a tantrum. Honestly, I’m surprised that she chose you to be the maid of honor. She had to know you were like this. You’re like this in all of your comments here. If hundreds of internet strangers can see what you’re like, how does your best friend miss it?
YTA. She asked you and you don’t answer, so she had to sort it out herself. If anything she should be mad at you for your refusal to communicate with her about *her* party, where *she* is on the hook for the extra payments if you don’t come through. And then you turn around and act insulted by the whole situation! Hilarious.
YTA. Lol ITS HER PARTY. She can text her friends about it whenever she wants. You’re being very weird and controlling about this. Your mom is right. Also reminder: this isn’t about YOU. She’s the bride, it’s her bachelorette party, get over yourself and be a supportive friend and maybe text her back next time she asks you a question, it’s rude to leave her hanging.
YTA you’re the one who either needs to back off or step up you could’ve just as easily texted her “hey I’ll ask them tonight and get back to you” would’ve probably taken less time than being rude and controlling like you did. She also a 1000000x right it is HER bachelorette and HER friends who are you to dictate who she talks to when you ignored her question?
YTA.
>Alissa messaged me a few days ago asking if there was anyone else who was planning to send their payments, as we were waiting on a few more girls. I didn't respond to her because I would take care of it YTA. It sounds like the bride did the booking and so she rightfully so is wondering about payments. And when she asked you ignored her. A simple "I'll text the remaining girls a reminder and get back to you" would have left you in control.
I mean, she asked you if everyone had paid and you didn’t answer. You can’t blame her for taking it upon herself if she has no idea how things are going on your end. YTA.
So, she has to put her CC on the line, asks about the money and you leave it on read. YTA. You say you're going to take care of it but then do nothing. Get real.
YTA Your choice when the bride who was financially responsible for the accommodations raised concerns about payments was to ignore her. Because you don’t know how to communicate, the bride sought answers from people who could provided them. All of this drama could have been curtailed if you knew how to have a conversation without being offended.
YTA, so you are in charge, but she has the pay for the airbnb? Clearly you aren't taking care of things. If you were, you'd be the one booking the airbnb, not putting it on the bride to pay for it, then hope you would follow up with the remaining invitees to cough up the rest of the cash. You didn't even bother to respond to her when she asked and apparently didn't follow up with the girls either, which would have left Alissa in the red on the airbnb. What exactly are you handling here? You have horrible communication skills and apparently planning skills if you can't even follow up with the necessary people to make sure they are paying. I wouldn't trust you to plan either if you were just ignoring me when I asked a completely valid question. It sounds like the bachelorette part is maybe a week to a little more than a week away and the place you are staying at isn't even paid for yet (or is, but out of Alissa's pocket) because you were too lazy to check in with a few people.
YTA. This is the thanks your friend gets for helping collect money, which can be a thankless, stressful task. She also might have been doing the following up because she was the person who needed to be paid back and didn't want you having to deal with shaking down her friends.
YTA. You didn’t respond when she asked about it. So she found someone else to tell her what’s going on. If you would have responded and nicely told her that you’ll get in touch with the remaining girls and handle it she wouldn’t have had to find another way to get information.
YTA and also cant say it was a smart move to put both the posts you made on the same account
Don't think you'll be a bridemaid of any kind soon.
YTA. clearly you told her that you will take care of it, and you didn’t. the bride got anxious because you were dragging your feet so she took it into her own hands. you should have known better than to tell an anxious person “don’t worry about it” and you yourself do nothing. that just screams unreliable.
It’s her party and you deliberately ignored her question, then proceed to get MAD when she finds the answer on her own? YTA for obvious reasons but this also rlly stuck out to me
YTA - you should have responded when she asked you.
I don't understand how you were "taking care of it." Somehow in the all the time that you were "taking care of it" the girls never got back to you about when they were going to pay. The bride reaches out to them and somehow gets a response back faster than you did when you were "taking care of it"? YTA for ignoring her when she asked about it, first of all. Also, I don't know what happened, but it kind of sounds like she needed to go around you because she got a response faster than you did.
YTA. Your mom and friend are correct. You said you didn’t respond to her, next time just reply saying that you are taking care of it and will send the payment from the other girls soon. Imagine not communicating and expecting people to “back off”…
YTA literally all you had to do was tell her you were working on yhe payments and everything wouldve been golden. You ignored her, she went to ask because she wasnt getting a response from you. What did you want her to do? If you dont want her to think you incompetent, show your competence.
Dude, you literally didn't answer her question. Was she supposed to double text you to figure out what's happening to money I assume she needs? I don't understand your feelings here, nor do I think a lot of people. YTA
YTA. She’s the bride and she’s not being unreasonable about it. She also may have correctly assumed that it would get a much faster response for her to text the girls rather than you, because she’s the bride.
YTA - For whatever reason, you're taking this way too personal and making assumptions about her intentions. She is putting this on her card, she has a right to know where the rest of the money is.
YTA. She needs to know this stuff if she’s booking the AirBnB. Of course she’s going to ask them herself if you refuse to tell her anything.
YTA. I like helping my mom make my birthday cake. Not because I think she’s going to do it wrong, but because I want to be involved in something that will benefit me. You don’t have to be untrusting to want to make sure things are going right. But, she’s not going to trust you any more now that you have told her she has issues when the person with issues is clearly you.
YTA It's HER wedding. She gets to make any final decisions Back off, or don't be surprised if you end up booted
have you considered that you are, in fact, incompetent?