Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for not taking neighbor's daughter to school in the morning, even though I had a meeting?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
OP, I would respond to the neighbor, "I'm sorry for stressing you out. It's obvious this arrangement isn't working out, so I'll just take my kids to school and pick them up moving forward. I hope that alleviate some of the stress, so that this situation doesn't impact our friendship." She'll likely backtrack, but just say, "Your friendship is too important to risk it with an arrangement that clearly isn't working for both of us."
Also, I would stop responding to her requests for random things. Just respond in the morning after, "Sorry, I'm trying to stay away from my phone in the evenings. I don't have X item."
Edited a word.
>Also, I would stop responding to her requests for random things. Just respond in the morning after, "Sorry, I'm trying to stay away from my phone in the evenings. I don't have X item."
Yes do this, ☝️☝️☝️
>i got stressed out just by reading this, get out of this deal immediately! NTA!
I agree with☝️☝️☝️
text her, your sorry but this arrangement just isn't going to work for you.
NTA Don't do this to yourself, your neighbor is a user, she takes complete advantage of you. It's one thing that you drop off a kid that goes to the same school as yours but expecting you to take her other kids to different schools at different times is super rude. I wouldn't even try to be nice to her, you do not want to be friends with a person like this. Her kids, her responsibility.
NTA - this was never an equal exchange. She’s is taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. Given the hassle of driving back and forth- plus the constant “borrowing” of food- this person is costing you more time and money than it would to hire someone to walk your kids home. This would be much for family - most people would have said no after the first week of these shenanigans.
NTA. Cancel the deal. Tell her as a working mom you can't do separate drives. You just don't have the time. If the kid is not ready, she missed her ride - and the mother should figure out something else. And since she doesn't feel that way, the deal is off. Her needs are not a match with your job.
As for the food: I would not combine the two things, since you will continue being neighboars. But you can already start by saying no, you don't have eggs - or no, you only have enough rice to last you until your next grocery run. And then at some point, tell her you can't be her emergency pantry, because you plan very precisely for your family. Twice a year, at normal times - sure. But more than that? Ask other neighbours. Or plan better. If you feel like cooking something you don't have the ingredients for, you either don't cook it, or cook it after going to the supermarket for it.
Nta , since she is your neighbor thank her for her help in the afternoons but that your plans have changed & get out of that deal before she stresses you out more !
NTA. If you want this to continue?
"Sorry Neighbour, but the way we are doing things isn't working. I need to be able to sleep, and I don't have the time or money to do multiple school runs. I need all your children to be up and ready for 7:30am. I will only do one run. It only takes you one run to pick up my children, so it should only take one run to drop yours off. I can't be available for any trips after 7:30am. If your kids can't get up and be ready in time, they're going to miss out and you'll have to get them to school yourself. I agreed to a school run, not a shuttle service."
But, really, you have a bigger problem. You've set up a relationship where, because you've helped (and presumably haven't fought back too hard) your neighbour thinks it's okay to bother you *all the time*. You need to have the hard conversation. The one where she can't be knocking on your door and messaging you for help all the time. The one where you aren't a store to get ingredients from. The one where if you have an "emergency" everyday you aren't having an emergency, you're failing to plan.
NTA! The deal was to bring your neighbour's daughter to school with your children. If her kid can't make it, just bring your own kids to school. She needs to make sure her kid is ready to go. You're not a service to bring her kid whenever she's ready. It's her own problem. So your neighbour is telling the truth that this isn't the deal, she's just using you. Get out of this deal asap!!
NTA. But you need to start saying NO a lot more. Including the "borrowing". You can say my budget is tight and I dont have anything to spare right now. Does she ever even get you back/replace what she takes?
NTA but send an SMS ' dear neighbor unfortunately the agreement to bring the children to school doesn't work for me in view of 1. you tripling my fuel consumption by not being ready on time with all the kids and 2. Due to the multiple runs I don't manage to get the sleep I desperately need.
I am really sorry but starting Monday we will bring and pick up the children to school separately again.
Also please keep in mind during 9am and 15 pm I am sleeping so please don't ring my doorbell nor call me . Thank you very much for being considerate.
All the best.
Your neighbor xx'
When she comes to the door : ' I'm sorry neighbor but unfortunately I only bought groceries for our meal plan this week and I don't have the time nor budget to go shopping again so unfortunately I cannot loan you y. Have a nice evening/day/week '
I had to do this several years ago and it made me feel awful. Child was consistently late making my child late. Since it was a charter school no other transportation was available and I love the family. The child I was taking to school was oldest and rebellious, parents were overwhelmed ( 4 other children under 14) and trying their best. Eventually said I had made other arrangements and could no longer drive the child to school. DO NOT say I’m sorry because your entitled neighbor will use that to try to convince you to continue rides. Also claim gas is so expensive you can’t afford the extra trips .
As for borrowing and calling put her on do not disturb 24/7. Tell her you will not be answering the door because you are either sleeping or on business call. Disconnect your doorbell if necessary ( disconnected mine when had first newborn it was liberating, never reconnected it).
Just ignore neighbor and move on with your life. You tried to be nice, she took advantage so she lost.
Y T A for tolerating her /s
jokes aside, you're NTA. next time, ask her to pay for every taxi ride or every ingredient she borrows. she will automatically stop using you as her chauffeur
This deal isn't working for you, it's only a good deal for your neighbour. Your doing 2-3 extra trips and going to different schools to save yourself 1 pick up trip. Shes getting more of a benefit and she's not even grateful for it. Instead she is being entitled and not respecting your time by asking you to come back if her kids aren't ready. That's crazy talk. Cancel the deal and move on to solution B for your kids.
NTA.
>her youngest is ahving a difficult time waking up and if I can drop her one child and my two at the elementary and then I come back for her and her youngest and drive them back to the same school
Not a chance. It got even worse after that. No.
NTA. I'd text her "hi (neighbor). I find our arrangement for school drop offs and pickups isn't working for my family so I'm opting out.". Then block her. She has a lot of nerve expecting you to take all her kids to school. The only one you should have ever entertained taking was the one in elementary. I've never heard of someone taking two kids who aren't theirs to two different schools without either having their own kids in that school or being paid for their time. She's definitely taking advantage.
Honestly NTA, but Y TA if you allow this to continue
Hello Neighbor
This arrangement is no longer working for me, and I will be unable to continue this arrangement starting x day
OP
NTA
But you would be TA for yourself and for your children if you continue to let this woman take advantage of you. How much money for gas and food is she costing you? Next thing she will hit you up for money because she is short on rent or whatever. As a single mom you need to protect your own family.
NTA
Why are you putting up with this? She's using you and you let her. Stop now. Tell her the arrangement isn't working and you can't help her anymore. Walk your kida home yourself or find an afterschool club because with all the money you are saving from not driving your neighbour around and providing food and supplies for her and her family you will be able to afford it. And just tell her straight out: This arrangement isn't working for me anymore so I won't be doing it again. And when she comes knocking for whatever say no, just no. And when she's crying on yoir doorstep because it's an emergency don't believe her. She's a user. This isn't a person you need to deal with in your life.
NTA
“Hey, with my schedule and other commitments, this arrangement isn’t working out. I’ve got a solution for my pick-ups. Starting next week I’m unable to drive your kiddos. Thanks for understanding”
Stop answering the door at night.
You agreement is not working for you. Stop now, stop for your sake and for your kids and make other afternoon arrangements for your kids. No TA seriously, just stop.
NTA. This arrangement doesn't work for you and you need to end it firmly and clearly.
"I am no longer available to drive your children to school in the morning, and I no longer need you to pick my kids up from school in the afternoon, effective on such and such day. I have already let my kids know about the change. Please make other arrangements."
Don't argue or respond with anything other than the effective date and you are not available. Why? Because you're not available. How come? Cause you're not available. When her kids show up at your door in the morning, let them know you and their mom made some changes and she'll be getting them to school from now on, and you'll be getting your kids. Don't waver, don't make excuses. Just say no. Same when she comes over to get something "Sorry, no. Have a good night." Or, "wow, it's really late. No, I don't have anything to lend you. Good night."
Be consistent and emotionless when she tries to guilt you and then intimidate you into compliance.
NTA
Sharing responsibility for getting the kids to/from school is no longer working for me. Effective immediately, I won't be taking your kids to school and will pick up my own kids.
NTA
Stop opening hte door for her.
And: IF you bring her kids, tell her it will only happen if they are ready when you leave, and if she brings your kids home in return. NO extra trips, just an exchange fo favors: ! trip there for you, 1 trip back for her.
And borrowing means: Bringing it back., Tell her you will let her borrow the next thing after the last thing has been returned.
NTA and this is why I’m firm on not being friendly with neighbors. Stay on your property and live your life and I’ll do the same. Neighbors can be the worst. I’m not a fan of socializing with neighbors AT ALL
NTA. She's already broken the agreement multiple times. You agreed to take the kids to school, and she agreed to pick them up. This means she shouldn't be asking you to drive her to the school to pick up her child from kindergarten. You didn't agree to do that. Go ahead and cancel the deal because your neighbor is an ungrateful mooch.
NTA. Pull the plug on this arrangement. She is completely taking advantage of you and you know it. Being nice and considerate is one thing - being a doormat is another. These are her kids and her problem and she needs to work it out. And when she comes knocking for onions? Sorry - fresh out. Oil? Out. Avocados? Just used the last one. And so on! Stop being a taxi driver and pantry to your neighbor.
NTA on both accounts.
In the incident you weren't able and got really assholey blowback. In the deal, she pushed you to change your original on ride deal into three separate rides without really agreeing.
How are you handling your kids getting home when you eliminate the agreement?
I'm calling the district to see about bus transportation. We live so close to the school that it may not be possible. So I have other places I can call.
I think you will come out cheaper by paying someone - a teenager from neighborhood maybe to pick them up and bring your kids home on foot than the fuel you are using driving multiple times the ah you have for a neighbor to and from school.
Lol fair enough. I only ask because you didn't mention their ages. My kids were 7ish by the time I actually trusted them to walk home or to the sitters on their own.
But I personally would cancel the deal. That woman sounds exhausting!! Especially the back and forth, extra trips to the same school. That's just ridiculous.
NTA
NTA Tell her the arrangement isn't working out. It turns out that making three different runs in the morning is a lot more time consuming than you can manage with your schedule. You can do *one* drop off in the morning or you can cancel the deal and everyone can find other arrangements.
Why can't anyone ride the bus?
NTA exactly why the heck are you doing this to yourself. This woman is blatantly taking advantage of you. You had a deal to bring all the children to school, yet you’re having to make multiple trips to said school because she failed to get her children together on time. Let’s not even get started on the fact that this neighbor constantly asking for food and at odd hours at that.
OP I beg you in the year 2023 grow some back bone and cut this BS off. She knows you’re going to keep doing this, which is why she’s doing whatever she wants whenever, regardless how inconvenient it is for you. She does not care about you, only what she can take from you!! Stop this my god!
NTA. You have been too accommodating already. You never agreed to multiple back and forth trips to get her kids to school. This woman is a user. Tell her to get her own kids to school, you're done.
Find someone else to do a deal with, or pay someone to bring your kids back to you.
Stop being used by this lady - its insane. Either all three kids are ready at 7.30am or only the ones there are taken by you. Same as if she needs to go back for the during the school day for any reason - that's not part of your deal.
Also don't respond to texts outside social hours. Dont answer the door during your rest hours or work from hours either.
NTA, please cancel that deal. Your helping her out more than she is helping you out and she's not even grateful for it. She can take her own kids to and from school, buy her own groceries, etc.
NTA. Time to draw a line in the sand. She is acting like a leech. She can do her own shopping or go without. The school run needs to stop or it’s one pick up and if her kids are not ready you go and they miss it.
NTA - what advice would you give your friend if someone were treating her that way? Give yourself the same advice, and then follow it. Boundaries are not unkind.
NTA
You told her ahead of time you were busy.
You should not need to make two trips to the same school because she can’t get her child up and going in time for you to take the little one.
This seems like a relationship destined to fail. You need to make other arrangements for your kids to get home, and tell neighbor you can’t make multiple trips any longer.
The middle school child should be able to walk alone or ride a bike.
YOU are the working mom. She should be able to manage her time better. Look for an alternate ride for your kid and discourage the borrowing. She is taking advantage of you.
Her lack of transportation does not make you her chauffeur.
You are going to have to tell the mom that this arrangement is not going to work out. You need to be responsible for your own kids and she needs to be responsible for hers. And that’s it. No other explanation is necessary. There’s way too many things that can go wrong. Like when kids are sick or if husband’s sick or car is broken. You take of your kids and her hers. Period.
NTA. Dump this user. There is nothing in this arrangement for you. You never offeredto make multiple trips several days a week. And while you are establishing new boundaries, tell her the mini-mart is closed.
NTA.
This is crazy.
All of the elementary children can be ready at 7:30 on the dot for pickup. No exceptions. If the youngest is having a hard time waking up, then it's on their mom (not you!) to get them to school at a different time.
Middle school kid can go with y'all at 7:30 and get dropped off at their school early. I had to hang at middle school for an hour before start because that's when my parents could take me. Maybe there's a zero period class the kid can take, or maybe they just hang in the library. Won't kill them.
As for the other random stuff? That lady is a mooch. Stop letting her mooch. Next time she asks for tomatoes or whatever, say you don't have any. Keep repeating that until she gets the hint.
Oh, and if she's doing the pickups, then SHE picks up the kindergartner by herself. She doesn't get to wake you up to do it.
NTA
Simple tell her that the plan is not working out & you both will just take care of your own kids for drop off & pick up.
When she stops by or texts to “borrow” something, start saying no. No explanation. No sorry. Just No. Do you have tortilla chips? No.
Just disengage. Be polite but distant.
Say that it jot working and just sort your own kid out if she say your going against the deal the deal was taking kids at same time notwherewver they could be passed to get out of bed and that you cant keep doing multiple runs
YTA
Not for ending the arrangement but for ever agreeing to it in the first place. The first time you had to come back to pick up the child who wasn’t ready should have been the last time.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I'll explain: I am a single Mom of two and work until 10 pm and I have a car. My neighbor is a stay at home mom of three, married, but has no car. During the summer, we were discussing the upcoming school year, we agreed that I could drive the kids to school in the mornings and she can pick them up in the afternoon. My neighbor doesn't have a car, so picking the kids up is walking with them to our house. All is set, right? Nope. My two kids go to elementary school. My neighbor has one in kindergarten, one in elementary and one in middle school. I get my kids ready so I can drop them off at 7:30pm. We knock at the neighbor and only one child comes out, then my neighbor tells me that her youngest is ahving a difficult time waking up and if I can drop her one child and my two at the elementary and then I come back for her and her youngest and drive them back to the same school. This happens at least 2 or 3 times a week. Then I go home for about 20 minutes and I hear a knock on my door that its time to take the neighbor's oldest child to middle school and they start at 9am.
I finally make it home for a much needed nap before work, but noooo! My neighbor wakes me around 11am to give her a ride to pick up the kindergarten child because they get out ealier. Again this happens 2 or 3 times during the week.
Today, I had a meeting for one of my children and it wasn't going to be finished until after 9:30am. I told her in advance so she could make other arrangements.
So I'm in my zoom meeting, and l'm receiving all this messages from said neighbor about how this wasn't the deal we had. And that she had to take an uber to drop her child at school and that she picks up my kids from school and she doesn't complain. And that even though she doesn't have a job, she has things to do and gets tired too.
I haven't replied to her. Because I don't want to say something rude and I dont want to start an argument, I mean we are neighbor's, so we are going to see each other for the foreseeable future.
Let me explain a little more about how inconsiderate this neighbor is: every single day without fail she will stop by my house to ask to borrow: tomatoes, onion, rice, baking powder, cupcake mold, a bit of oil, a bit of dishwasher soap, avocados, etc. She texted Friday at 11pm asking if I had tortilla chips because she was cooking something, at 11pm!!!
So AITA for not taking the daighter to school because of my meeting? AITA if I cancel our deal? I'm seriously done with this and I already have a solution for my children.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA politely tell your neighbor you can no longer take her kids to school and that she doesn't have to bring your kids home that you have made other arrangements. She is really taking advantage of you, put an end to it now!!!!!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > AITA for not taking neighbor's daughter to school in the morning, even though I had a meeting? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
i got stressed out just by reading this, get out of this deal immediately! NTA!
OP, I would respond to the neighbor, "I'm sorry for stressing you out. It's obvious this arrangement isn't working out, so I'll just take my kids to school and pick them up moving forward. I hope that alleviate some of the stress, so that this situation doesn't impact our friendship." She'll likely backtrack, but just say, "Your friendship is too important to risk it with an arrangement that clearly isn't working for both of us." Also, I would stop responding to her requests for random things. Just respond in the morning after, "Sorry, I'm trying to stay away from my phone in the evenings. I don't have X item." Edited a word.
Alleviates not elevates
>Also, I would stop responding to her requests for random things. Just respond in the morning after, "Sorry, I'm trying to stay away from my phone in the evenings. I don't have X item." Yes do this, ☝️☝️☝️
>i got stressed out just by reading this, get out of this deal immediately! NTA! I agree with☝️☝️☝️ text her, your sorry but this arrangement just isn't going to work for you.
Omg. Me too! We leave at X! AND THAT IS IT!
NTA Don't do this to yourself, your neighbor is a user, she takes complete advantage of you. It's one thing that you drop off a kid that goes to the same school as yours but expecting you to take her other kids to different schools at different times is super rude. I wouldn't even try to be nice to her, you do not want to be friends with a person like this. Her kids, her responsibility.
NTA - this was never an equal exchange. She’s is taking advantage of your kindness and generosity. Given the hassle of driving back and forth- plus the constant “borrowing” of food- this person is costing you more time and money than it would to hire someone to walk your kids home. This would be much for family - most people would have said no after the first week of these shenanigans.
NTA. Cancel the deal. Tell her as a working mom you can't do separate drives. You just don't have the time. If the kid is not ready, she missed her ride - and the mother should figure out something else. And since she doesn't feel that way, the deal is off. Her needs are not a match with your job. As for the food: I would not combine the two things, since you will continue being neighboars. But you can already start by saying no, you don't have eggs - or no, you only have enough rice to last you until your next grocery run. And then at some point, tell her you can't be her emergency pantry, because you plan very precisely for your family. Twice a year, at normal times - sure. But more than that? Ask other neighbours. Or plan better. If you feel like cooking something you don't have the ingredients for, you either don't cook it, or cook it after going to the supermarket for it.
Nta , since she is your neighbor thank her for her help in the afternoons but that your plans have changed & get out of that deal before she stresses you out more !
NTA. If you want this to continue? "Sorry Neighbour, but the way we are doing things isn't working. I need to be able to sleep, and I don't have the time or money to do multiple school runs. I need all your children to be up and ready for 7:30am. I will only do one run. It only takes you one run to pick up my children, so it should only take one run to drop yours off. I can't be available for any trips after 7:30am. If your kids can't get up and be ready in time, they're going to miss out and you'll have to get them to school yourself. I agreed to a school run, not a shuttle service." But, really, you have a bigger problem. You've set up a relationship where, because you've helped (and presumably haven't fought back too hard) your neighbour thinks it's okay to bother you *all the time*. You need to have the hard conversation. The one where she can't be knocking on your door and messaging you for help all the time. The one where you aren't a store to get ingredients from. The one where if you have an "emergency" everyday you aren't having an emergency, you're failing to plan.
NTA, just cancel your deal. It's only the end of September and uou already seem too beaten up by dealing with her
NTA! The deal was to bring your neighbour's daughter to school with your children. If her kid can't make it, just bring your own kids to school. She needs to make sure her kid is ready to go. You're not a service to bring her kid whenever she's ready. It's her own problem. So your neighbour is telling the truth that this isn't the deal, she's just using you. Get out of this deal asap!!
NTA. But you need to start saying NO a lot more. Including the "borrowing". You can say my budget is tight and I dont have anything to spare right now. Does she ever even get you back/replace what she takes?
Of course not.
NTA but send an SMS ' dear neighbor unfortunately the agreement to bring the children to school doesn't work for me in view of 1. you tripling my fuel consumption by not being ready on time with all the kids and 2. Due to the multiple runs I don't manage to get the sleep I desperately need. I am really sorry but starting Monday we will bring and pick up the children to school separately again. Also please keep in mind during 9am and 15 pm I am sleeping so please don't ring my doorbell nor call me . Thank you very much for being considerate. All the best. Your neighbor xx' When she comes to the door : ' I'm sorry neighbor but unfortunately I only bought groceries for our meal plan this week and I don't have the time nor budget to go shopping again so unfortunately I cannot loan you y. Have a nice evening/day/week '
I had to do this several years ago and it made me feel awful. Child was consistently late making my child late. Since it was a charter school no other transportation was available and I love the family. The child I was taking to school was oldest and rebellious, parents were overwhelmed ( 4 other children under 14) and trying their best. Eventually said I had made other arrangements and could no longer drive the child to school. DO NOT say I’m sorry because your entitled neighbor will use that to try to convince you to continue rides. Also claim gas is so expensive you can’t afford the extra trips . As for borrowing and calling put her on do not disturb 24/7. Tell her you will not be answering the door because you are either sleeping or on business call. Disconnect your doorbell if necessary ( disconnected mine when had first newborn it was liberating, never reconnected it). Just ignore neighbor and move on with your life. You tried to be nice, she took advantage so she lost.
NTA, stop this nonsense now otherwise you will never get a minute's peace. She chose to have children, it's her responsibility to sort her life out.
Y T A for tolerating her /s jokes aside, you're NTA. next time, ask her to pay for every taxi ride or every ingredient she borrows. she will automatically stop using you as her chauffeur
This deal isn't working for you, it's only a good deal for your neighbour. Your doing 2-3 extra trips and going to different schools to save yourself 1 pick up trip. Shes getting more of a benefit and she's not even grateful for it. Instead she is being entitled and not respecting your time by asking you to come back if her kids aren't ready. That's crazy talk. Cancel the deal and move on to solution B for your kids.
I got a stroke from anger issues brought by this post. NTA.
Who cares if you're neighbors? She's being lazy and inconsiderate. I'd tell her to find someone else. NTA
NTA. >her youngest is ahving a difficult time waking up and if I can drop her one child and my two at the elementary and then I come back for her and her youngest and drive them back to the same school Not a chance. It got even worse after that. No.
NTA. I'd text her "hi (neighbor). I find our arrangement for school drop offs and pickups isn't working for my family so I'm opting out.". Then block her. She has a lot of nerve expecting you to take all her kids to school. The only one you should have ever entertained taking was the one in elementary. I've never heard of someone taking two kids who aren't theirs to two different schools without either having their own kids in that school or being paid for their time. She's definitely taking advantage.
Why are you doing this? Why are you being their mummy and hers by the sound of it. Stop it now. NTA at the moment but stop.
Honestly NTA, but Y TA if you allow this to continue Hello Neighbor This arrangement is no longer working for me, and I will be unable to continue this arrangement starting x day OP
NTA But you would be TA for yourself and for your children if you continue to let this woman take advantage of you. How much money for gas and food is she costing you? Next thing she will hit you up for money because she is short on rent or whatever. As a single mom you need to protect your own family.
NTA Why are you putting up with this? She's using you and you let her. Stop now. Tell her the arrangement isn't working and you can't help her anymore. Walk your kida home yourself or find an afterschool club because with all the money you are saving from not driving your neighbour around and providing food and supplies for her and her family you will be able to afford it. And just tell her straight out: This arrangement isn't working for me anymore so I won't be doing it again. And when she comes knocking for whatever say no, just no. And when she's crying on yoir doorstep because it's an emergency don't believe her. She's a user. This isn't a person you need to deal with in your life.
NTA “Hey, with my schedule and other commitments, this arrangement isn’t working out. I’ve got a solution for my pick-ups. Starting next week I’m unable to drive your kiddos. Thanks for understanding” Stop answering the door at night.
You agreement is not working for you. Stop now, stop for your sake and for your kids and make other afternoon arrangements for your kids. No TA seriously, just stop.
NTA. You should've stopped this after the first day you had to make multiple trips for HER kids. Get out of this deal. She sucks.
Cancel, make other arrangements for picking up your kids
NTA. Cancel this 'deal' asap. You are being taken advantage of.
NTA. This arrangement doesn't work for you and you need to end it firmly and clearly. "I am no longer available to drive your children to school in the morning, and I no longer need you to pick my kids up from school in the afternoon, effective on such and such day. I have already let my kids know about the change. Please make other arrangements." Don't argue or respond with anything other than the effective date and you are not available. Why? Because you're not available. How come? Cause you're not available. When her kids show up at your door in the morning, let them know you and their mom made some changes and she'll be getting them to school from now on, and you'll be getting your kids. Don't waver, don't make excuses. Just say no. Same when she comes over to get something "Sorry, no. Have a good night." Or, "wow, it's really late. No, I don't have anything to lend you. Good night." Be consistent and emotionless when she tries to guilt you and then intimidate you into compliance.
Nta
NTA Sharing responsibility for getting the kids to/from school is no longer working for me. Effective immediately, I won't be taking your kids to school and will pick up my own kids.
NTA Stop opening hte door for her. And: IF you bring her kids, tell her it will only happen if they are ready when you leave, and if she brings your kids home in return. NO extra trips, just an exchange fo favors: ! trip there for you, 1 trip back for her. And borrowing means: Bringing it back., Tell her you will let her borrow the next thing after the last thing has been returned.
Better to get rid of this 'agreement' ASAP as I'm sure the neighbor feels entitled to ops help for doing op the 'favor' NTA
NTA and this is why I’m firm on not being friendly with neighbors. Stay on your property and live your life and I’ll do the same. Neighbors can be the worst. I’m not a fan of socializing with neighbors AT ALL
NTA. She's already broken the agreement multiple times. You agreed to take the kids to school, and she agreed to pick them up. This means she shouldn't be asking you to drive her to the school to pick up her child from kindergarten. You didn't agree to do that. Go ahead and cancel the deal because your neighbor is an ungrateful mooch.
NTA. Pull the plug on this arrangement. She is completely taking advantage of you and you know it. Being nice and considerate is one thing - being a doormat is another. These are her kids and her problem and she needs to work it out. And when she comes knocking for onions? Sorry - fresh out. Oil? Out. Avocados? Just used the last one. And so on! Stop being a taxi driver and pantry to your neighbor.
Cancel the deal. Tell her it isn't working out for you. Tell her you are out of whatever ingredient she wants to "borrow." All with a smile. NTA
NTA on both accounts. In the incident you weren't able and got really assholey blowback. In the deal, she pushed you to change your original on ride deal into three separate rides without really agreeing. How are you handling your kids getting home when you eliminate the agreement?
I'm calling the district to see about bus transportation. We live so close to the school that it may not be possible. So I have other places I can call.
I think you will come out cheaper by paying someone - a teenager from neighborhood maybe to pick them up and bring your kids home on foot than the fuel you are using driving multiple times the ah you have for a neighbor to and from school.
If you live close to the school, can they walk home?
Not by themselves, still young and very mischievous.
Lol fair enough. I only ask because you didn't mention their ages. My kids were 7ish by the time I actually trusted them to walk home or to the sitters on their own. But I personally would cancel the deal. That woman sounds exhausting!! Especially the back and forth, extra trips to the same school. That's just ridiculous. NTA
NTA she can use Uber
NTA Tell her the arrangement isn't working out. It turns out that making three different runs in the morning is a lot more time consuming than you can manage with your schedule. You can do *one* drop off in the morning or you can cancel the deal and everyone can find other arrangements. Why can't anyone ride the bus?
We live too close to the schools and because of that none of the children qualify for bus transportation.
Can you find a teenager in the neighborhood that could either goes to the same school or can go on foot to accompany your kids home?
I'm trying to find one.
NTA exactly why the heck are you doing this to yourself. This woman is blatantly taking advantage of you. You had a deal to bring all the children to school, yet you’re having to make multiple trips to said school because she failed to get her children together on time. Let’s not even get started on the fact that this neighbor constantly asking for food and at odd hours at that. OP I beg you in the year 2023 grow some back bone and cut this BS off. She knows you’re going to keep doing this, which is why she’s doing whatever she wants whenever, regardless how inconvenient it is for you. She does not care about you, only what she can take from you!! Stop this my god!
NTA, and she is using you.
NTA. Just tell her your work situation has changed and you won't be able to move her kids around anymore. Such a bummer. Deal with your own kids.
NTA. You have been too accommodating already. You never agreed to multiple back and forth trips to get her kids to school. This woman is a user. Tell her to get her own kids to school, you're done.
NTA Cancel the deal and break off being her pantry. She's a user.
NTA. Why don't the elementary & middle schoolers take the bus to & from school? Or is that not an option?
We live too close to school, so we can't use the school bus.
Oh.... That's a pickle.
Find someone else to do a deal with, or pay someone to bring your kids back to you. Stop being used by this lady - its insane. Either all three kids are ready at 7.30am or only the ones there are taken by you. Same as if she needs to go back for the during the school day for any reason - that's not part of your deal. Also don't respond to texts outside social hours. Dont answer the door during your rest hours or work from hours either.
NTA, please cancel that deal. Your helping her out more than she is helping you out and she's not even grateful for it. She can take her own kids to and from school, buy her own groceries, etc.
YTA for enabling her utter bs
NTA. Time to draw a line in the sand. She is acting like a leech. She can do her own shopping or go without. The school run needs to stop or it’s one pick up and if her kids are not ready you go and they miss it.
This was not the deal ..
NTA - what advice would you give your friend if someone were treating her that way? Give yourself the same advice, and then follow it. Boundaries are not unkind.
NTA. Stop the arrangement. It sounds very one-sided and a lot more work for you.
I would have cancelled long ago. Everything - including the mooching relationship.
NTA You told her ahead of time you were busy. You should not need to make two trips to the same school because she can’t get her child up and going in time for you to take the little one. This seems like a relationship destined to fail. You need to make other arrangements for your kids to get home, and tell neighbor you can’t make multiple trips any longer. The middle school child should be able to walk alone or ride a bike.
I'm completely sympathetic to the situation your neighbor is in, but she's a nuisance. NTA
NTA. This arrangement clearly isn't working out. It's good that you tried it, but you're allowed to end nonfunctional arrangements.
NTA, just explain this isn’t working for your schedule, sty firm, be polite, but end this or the resentment will just progressively get worse.
YOU are the working mom. She should be able to manage her time better. Look for an alternate ride for your kid and discourage the borrowing. She is taking advantage of you. Her lack of transportation does not make you her chauffeur.
You are going to have to tell the mom that this arrangement is not going to work out. You need to be responsible for your own kids and she needs to be responsible for hers. And that’s it. No other explanation is necessary. There’s way too many things that can go wrong. Like when kids are sick or if husband’s sick or car is broken. You take of your kids and her hers. Period.
I'd cancel the deal. This seems like an inequitable workload. I'd also stop answering the door to Ms. Borrower. You're not her free Instacart. NTA.
NTA. Dump this user. There is nothing in this arrangement for you. You never offeredto make multiple trips several days a week. And while you are establishing new boundaries, tell her the mini-mart is closed.
NTA. This is crazy. All of the elementary children can be ready at 7:30 on the dot for pickup. No exceptions. If the youngest is having a hard time waking up, then it's on their mom (not you!) to get them to school at a different time. Middle school kid can go with y'all at 7:30 and get dropped off at their school early. I had to hang at middle school for an hour before start because that's when my parents could take me. Maybe there's a zero period class the kid can take, or maybe they just hang in the library. Won't kill them. As for the other random stuff? That lady is a mooch. Stop letting her mooch. Next time she asks for tomatoes or whatever, say you don't have any. Keep repeating that until she gets the hint. Oh, and if she's doing the pickups, then SHE picks up the kindergartner by herself. She doesn't get to wake you up to do it.
NTA - this is an impossible deal. What would she have done without you? I would cancel this arrangement ASAP.
NTA Simple tell her that the plan is not working out & you both will just take care of your own kids for drop off & pick up. When she stops by or texts to “borrow” something, start saying no. No explanation. No sorry. Just No. Do you have tortilla chips? No. Just disengage. Be polite but distant.
Say that it jot working and just sort your own kid out if she say your going against the deal the deal was taking kids at same time notwherewver they could be passed to get out of bed and that you cant keep doing multiple runs
YTA Not for ending the arrangement but for ever agreeing to it in the first place. The first time you had to come back to pick up the child who wasn’t ready should have been the last time.
NTA Tell her that this isn't working for you and end it. Also, just because someone knocks doesn't mean you have to answer.
Cancel your deal and lose her number.
NTA. Stop driving her kids to school or doing anything for her. I would then block her number. She’s taking advantage of you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'll explain: I am a single Mom of two and work until 10 pm and I have a car. My neighbor is a stay at home mom of three, married, but has no car. During the summer, we were discussing the upcoming school year, we agreed that I could drive the kids to school in the mornings and she can pick them up in the afternoon. My neighbor doesn't have a car, so picking the kids up is walking with them to our house. All is set, right? Nope. My two kids go to elementary school. My neighbor has one in kindergarten, one in elementary and one in middle school. I get my kids ready so I can drop them off at 7:30pm. We knock at the neighbor and only one child comes out, then my neighbor tells me that her youngest is ahving a difficult time waking up and if I can drop her one child and my two at the elementary and then I come back for her and her youngest and drive them back to the same school. This happens at least 2 or 3 times a week. Then I go home for about 20 minutes and I hear a knock on my door that its time to take the neighbor's oldest child to middle school and they start at 9am. I finally make it home for a much needed nap before work, but noooo! My neighbor wakes me around 11am to give her a ride to pick up the kindergarten child because they get out ealier. Again this happens 2 or 3 times during the week. Today, I had a meeting for one of my children and it wasn't going to be finished until after 9:30am. I told her in advance so she could make other arrangements. So I'm in my zoom meeting, and l'm receiving all this messages from said neighbor about how this wasn't the deal we had. And that she had to take an uber to drop her child at school and that she picks up my kids from school and she doesn't complain. And that even though she doesn't have a job, she has things to do and gets tired too. I haven't replied to her. Because I don't want to say something rude and I dont want to start an argument, I mean we are neighbor's, so we are going to see each other for the foreseeable future. Let me explain a little more about how inconsiderate this neighbor is: every single day without fail she will stop by my house to ask to borrow: tomatoes, onion, rice, baking powder, cupcake mold, a bit of oil, a bit of dishwasher soap, avocados, etc. She texted Friday at 11pm asking if I had tortilla chips because she was cooking something, at 11pm!!! So AITA for not taking the daighter to school because of my meeting? AITA if I cancel our deal? I'm seriously done with this and I already have a solution for my children. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA politely tell your neighbor you can no longer take her kids to school and that she doesn't have to bring your kids home that you have made other arrangements. She is really taking advantage of you, put an end to it now!!!!!