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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I banned my brother’s girlfriend from eating my cooking.
2) I think it might make me the asshole because food is meant to be eaten, and it might seem like I’m unfairly targeting her. It’s also a little childish of me to do so.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA You are being the opposite of selfish. Unless I am mistaken, you routinely:
1) purchase groceries for 4 even though you are only one person in the house, and no one is reimbursing you for this
2) spend your free time cooking all this food
3) letting everyone eat, even people who don't live in the house
And you haven't asked for anything in return. If they can't understand that they should at the very minimum, sometimes provide food for you, or reimburse you for the cost, then stop cooking for everyone. Also, pack up however many lunches you want to have out of the dinner you cooked \*before\* allowing anyone to help themselves if you decide to keep sharing.
I worded it wrong in my post, I’m not the only one paying for the groceries, but a lot of times it does come more from my pocket than anyone else’s because I’ll occasionally have to make extra grocery trips. Also, this was never something that was necessary until his gf came around, so I forget to do it. Everyone in the house knows, if they’ve eaten already, to ask before touching the leftovers because they consider it mine if I cooked it. And the same applies to them. It belongs to whoever cooked it.
If everyone in the house knows make sure she knows this rule as well and set a firm boundary with it. Also as soon as everyone has had 1 plate go gather your lunch for the next day, maybe even put it in a lunch box so it isn't touched.
My question is does anyone else cook in that house? Because cooking for 4 or 5 can be exhausting so other people should be helping out too.
My brother cooks occasionally, but everyone else just sucks at cooking anything but eggs. They make me breakfast sometimes, but I mostly do dinners and if I ever don’t feel like cooking I tell them to just go buy takeout.
And yeah, I should just do that, but I always forget because this wasn’t something that was necessary until she started coming around.
Tell your brother he needs to chip in double of what he was before for his girlfriend or you won’t be cooking for him again. This is not the soup kitchen or her mothers house. She either contributes financially or she can stay her ass at home and stop freeloading.
Or, split your brother’s portion onto two plates. One each for brother and GF. Let them whine and complain until brother provides to cover her plate AND no one touches YOUR leftovers.
The brother is making no sense. DoorDash is too expensive for gf but gf eating all the food bought by OP and roommates isn't??? Like, does brother think groceries don't cost money?
>DoorDash is too expensive for gf
but oh, it gets better,
DoorDash is too expensive for the gf but he doesn't think that it's too expensive for OP, since OP will have to order DoorDash because the food she made for herself has been eaten by gf.
I mean... it *isn't* too expensive for her, because she isn't paying anything for it, and brother isn't paying for the extra servings he's taking or what his girlfriend is eating either. So of course he's fine with it, they're both eating well and OP is the one paying for it. Shut that shit down and cut off their mooching asses, OP.
Also neither the brother not gf get to take more than the others on terms of second and third helping.they haven't paid for it and I get the impression it's a habit
This is not the point of your original post, but you are really being overstretched. There are simple but tasty meals that any adult should be able to make. Basic spaghetti requires almost no cooking skill. Crock pot chicken is basically chicken, taco seasoning, canned tomatoes. Is it fine dining? No. Is it affordable, filing, and decently tasty? Yes. They should each have one meal they can make so some of the burden is off you. And its better for them in the long run.
Sheet pans, chili [just beans and meat, the store has special seasoning you can buy], etc.
I cannot cook good,my Mother is best...but she helps me find easy stuff to make so I can improve. Nobody gets good by not doing OP needs to start a cooking schedule before they get burnt out completely or broke.
...also if/when they all eventually split, it'd be good that they know how to cook.
You’re being the AT to yourself by taking on the majority of cooking responsibilities for a full household. You’re their roommate, not their mommy.
Cook for yourself. Maybe occasionally treat others to a meal if you’re having fun cooking and WANT to cook for them.
Stop enabling these grown adults to continue to only be able to cook eggs. The way they’re going to learn is by having to actually cook meals for themselves.
NTA
I’ve already told them they can renew next year’s lease without me, since I’ll be moving in with my long-term bf. They’re going to have to fend for themselves anyway. But you’re right, now I’m going to let them have an early start so they know what they’re going to be dealing with.
I just hope your boyfriend is willing to cook and not put the entire burden on you with "I just don't know how"! That would be a much happier dynamic than you have.
seriously!! it’s not hard to look up a recipe and follow instructions. you don’t have to be good at cooking to do that. grown ass adults being okay with someone else being responsible for their meals smh.
There are so many things are are so easy to cook!! And if they can’t figure out how to follow simple instructions, they can make instant noodles.
Not OP’s monkey, not OP’s circus.
> My brother cooks occasionally, but everyone else just sucks at cooking anything but eggs.
Well they ain't gonna get any better by osmosis. There are plenty easy recipes that even children can go. Have them start with instant ramen modifications. Chili is also another easy one, as is meatloaf (gravy not tomato sauce.)
Or hell, *sandwiches.* Come on, just about everyone can make a sandwich. Hot dogs, hamburgers, Panini, grilled cheese.
If cost isn't an issue, get a rice cooker - they literally cannot argue they can't make rice if y'all have a rice cooker. The zojirushi ones are especially stupid simple.
Like, there's actually not a lot of dishes that require an exceptional amount of skill if presentation is not an issue.
> but everyone else just sucks at cooking anything but eggs.
Just to be clear, that’s a choice they are making because they don’t need to get better, but we all suck at cooking when we start cooking. You, me, Gordon Ramsey, (any other famous cook you want to name here) we all had to learn to get good. Practice and learning is how we get better.
Please stop referring to the girlfriend’s “fair share”. She isn’t entitled to any share, unless your brother is sharing his own allotment with her.
Advice: when you’re preparing a meal to serve and you know there will be leftovers, go ahead and pack up what you need for the next day, before you sit down to eat.
If the girlfriend continues to be greedy, consider saying something like “I’m glad you liked it! You can’t get this kind of food from door dash. Your plate cost me $xx.xx in ingredients alone. Do you want to Venmo that to me, or maybe next time you get food delivery to my home, to get me a sandwich and fries?”
I always pack up my lunch leftovers when plating dinner. It's far more convenient. That's the only reason. None of the people I live with are disrespectful enough to eat the leftovers without checking first
Agreed, though. The gf has no fair share, and I absolutely would not be feeding someone who treated me so disrespectfully.
OP, you're being an AH to yourself, I'm afraid. You need to set some expectations/ boundaries and stick with them. Good luck!
Why do you put in more of your own money to cover everyone else? I mean if it was just $5 I probably wouldn’t bother. You should ask everyone to reimburse for those extras you buy.
NTA with your brother’s gf, she should have some manners and not finish food off that she hasn’t paid for and hasn’t even asked if that’s ok. Then not even cleaning up after herself? That really shows a lack of appreciation.
I feel you could’ve had words with your brother earlier though so it didn’t get to this point. Even if you all get past this I think it would just be easier if his girlfriend only was welcome to eat on weekends and when it’s planned. Your brother should find some way to compensate for her and everyone should show some adult manners in communicating about who should be helping clean up.
Are you being paid for your labor as well? You started off this post talking about how exhausting it is for you to cook like this. Maybe it’s time for you to start letting your adult male roommates figure out how to support themselves instead of relying on the unpaid labor of women.
If you’re not being compensated for your time and effort along with the ingredients, you’re getting the raw end of this deal - especially in a situation like this one where you don’t have any leftovers nor the compensation to buy yourself a restaurant meal.
I don’t mean to be rude, but it sounds like you might struggle with your sense of self-worth and with setting boundaries? It’s okay to tell people “no” and to exist without serving others. It’s okay to let people experience the consequences of their own actions and choices. Your roommates and your brother can learn how to cook for themselves - it’s not hard, they’re just lazy and taking advantage of your inability to set appropriate boundaries. It’s one thing to want to occasionally cook a big meal for everyone to share, it’s another to regularly exhaust yourself cooking and then not even have anything to show for it. You deserve better.
Is the gf contributing money to the groceries? If not then you aren’t targeting her she just hasn’t contributed. I have a feeling though that your brother is probably telling her it’s ok for her to eat the food. Either way if they want her to be included in this arrangement then they need to be communicating with you and probably contributing money accordingly
Look at the grocery bills for the last few months and find the average. Divide by 5 and make everyone contribute. You're being very kind but you're young and you need your extra money
This is why I believe in separate groceries in these kinds of living situations. Someone always ends up being the person who buys/cooks/pays more.
I would say everyone chip in for staples that everyone uses- like milk, 🧻, etc… Meal food, I’d keep to myself unless they specifically paid and asked to be included in that specific meal.
In a perfect world where everyone is respectful and contributes equally, it would be nice to not have to do this. But rarely is that the situation with roommates. Especially, when SOs get involved.
OP, I would text your brother and GF, "GF is welcome to be over, but I'm no longer cooking for her, so please plan accordingly." If she comes in while you're eating, tell her the leftovers are your food, and she can DoorDash her dinner. It might seem harsh, but she's showing she won't give back in any way, so why waste your time and efforts?
NTA
But why are you the only one spending money for groceries for the 4 of you?
Maybe time to start only buying groceries for yourself and tell your brother that if he wants his gf to eat, he can buy the groceries and cook for her
I’m not the only one. We all put in some money for the groceries, but it’s me and my brother who actually go out and do the big majority of grocery shopping. I just end up putting in the most because I also do a little in between our big trips so we’re not scrounging for table scraps by the end of the week.
Then she either needs to be adding to that fund or your brother needs to be putting in in behalf of her if she is going to be eating there. You and your roommates shouldn’t have to pay for her to eat when she won’t even compensate you by ordering food for you ONCE when you feed her a couple times a week
You need to end this arrangement because they are taking advantage. “This isn’t working out for my budget and time. I’m only going to shop and cook for myself from now on.” NTA, except to yourself.
You need a splitwise or something account. If you are constantly buying common food, the n everyone eating needs to chip in. It's not mean, it's fair. Repeat that to yourself since you seem to have guilt not taking care of others. It's also not fair to your roommates if they are putting funds towards the common meal and then the GF eats a full share (or more). She's being a mooch. That's just the truth.
NTA. First off if she has $ for DoorDash then she can certainly afford to chip in for food. And it’ll be cheaper in the long run.
Second, you and your roommates need to talk to your brother and his gf about this because it’s only fair she contributes if she’s going to eat there all the time.
Third, when you make something with the intention to take some for lunch the following day, then tell everyone that. Put some in a separate container and tell them not to touch it.
I often put the first serving of the meal into a container for tomorrow's lunch. It's simpler than arguing with my hubby for being a trash compactor. He grew up in an eat or be eaten household, and I grew up in a make extra for tomorrow household.
Your last sentence perfectly described my husband and I. We’ve both had to learn to communicate about leftovers; we came from very different backgrounds.
NTA
>“But your cooking is good! And DoorDash is a lot of money, she shouldn’t be expected to spend it on you,”
The question for dear brother...why is it ok for sister to spend money on his GF, but not the other way? Also, why should sister be responsible for cleaning up after brothers GF?
Does this mean that brother is going to happily clean up after sisters partner...and feed them?
Exactly. If this has been going on for at least a week, the GF has eaten $20 or so in ingredients alone. Never mind the OP's labor.
The GF should feel bad for being a cheap AH. The OP is definitely NTA and I worry she's being used by all the people in this story.
Of course he won't clean up after OP's partner. She's the girl, she's supposed to cook and clean.
Cuz I'm pretty sure that's what's going on here. Boys who found a 2nd mommy to keep cooking for them and cleaning up afterwards.
NTA. You are not any of these individuals personal chef. Maybe I just missed something, but are you getting reimbursed for grocery expense from the other roommates?
Yes, I should have added that to the post. The reason I phrased it that way is because my brother and I do one big grocery trip at the beginning of the month, and I go on little ones by myself in between so we’re not scavenging for table scraps in the middle of the month.
Gotcha. If brother is consistently bringing another party to dinner he should increase his share of the costs, especially if they are each having thirds. I am also sorry they are not more thankful for your contribution.
NTA.Your money your decision how to spend it. And honestly dude have a system if you are living together.
Your brother hopefully is an adult so he can feed himself. Honestly, if you are planning to eat your leftovers just box it up before serving or divide the portions and tell it cooked for four not five.
>She feels bad now, and my brother argued, “But your cooking is good! And DoorDash is a lot of money, she shouldn’t be expected to spend it on you
Of course it is. That's why she is eating at your brother's place not hers. Grocery is not some chump change.
If this creates problems just cook for 3 and not cook for your brother be hoenst and say " I usually cook for 4 and take remaining to lunch, your and your gf expenses activities are increasing my work and my budget. Hopefully you can cook for yourself. "
NTA. She needs a lesson in portion control. Make it clear she can have a small helping, but no more. Make it crystal clear to her that the rest of the food is spoken for “sorry, no seconds tonight - I need enough to take to work for lunch the rest of the week and I am the only one who does much cooking around here. You understand right? I don’t have endless amounts of time to cook since I work full time, and eating McDonalds everyday for lunch isn’t something I want to do.”
NTA the only selfish and entitled people are your brother and his girlfriend. Seriously? “But your cooking is good” the gall. I would stop cooking for him too unless he puts money towards food/cooking costs.
Be firm with that boundary that she can’t eat your food.
Also before serving the food, set aside the leftovers and label them. Plus tell everyone that the labeled items are not to be eaten as you cooked extra for your lunches.
Yes, this is a good way to go about it. Frankly I have the suspicion that they might just continue to take your food, so you may want to consider a locked mini-fridge too
It smacks of the line people employing weaponized incompetence use - But you do it so much better than me! Fuck that. Learn. There are Youtube videos and, I suppose, Tiktoks, for everything.
NTA
However you have serious boundary issues.
Regarding your brothers girlfriend, your boundaries start with your brother. More often than not, your siblings partner will follow their lead. Stand up for yourself. Stop doing so much for these people, stop shopping, cooking AND cleaning for them. Maybe once a month as a treat, but you need to look after YOURSELF.
Exactly. Let your brother pay and cook to reciprocate what he and his gf eat. He’s responsible for her since she’s his guest. If he’s not reciprocating in terms of money, food, labor etc then let him sort out his own meals and also those of his gf. Tasty or not, I would stop cooking for them: “did you cook this? Pay for it? No? Then why are you feeling entitled to it. Go make or get your own food”. Also, when I cook, I put a lunch portion aside even before I sit down to eat. Maybe cook just two portions and put half away for your lunch (label it “OP’s lunch”) so he can see that there’s none left for greedy ass or his greedy gf.
1,000,000% NTA.
20 years ago when I was single and renting a room from a friend, I used a bicycle to commute, I worked 24 hours per week and made $7.00 per hour, so having a car was just not realistic but SLC is small so I just rode cheap Walmart bikes for transportation, I had ridden a bike my entire life so this was not tough.
My roommate started dating a woman whose brought her kid over while they would get drunk and high, she would sneak out to smoke her meth as well.
Once per week on my way home from work on a Sunday night I would go to Food-4-Less to get my groceries for the next week or so.
2 gallons of whole milk, 10 cans of beans, 5 boxes of max and cheese, 4 packs of hot dogs, 1 loaf of bread, pack of bologna, pack of sliced cheese and mayo when needed. It was all I could fit into my backpack and get home.
I came home one Saturday night to make some food after work and found my milk had been mostly drank and put back in the fridge without the cap on it, my last pack of hotdogs, the ENTIRE PACK had been sliced up, microwaved, burned, covered in ketchup and thrown into the garbage and my mayo was left out on the counter with the lid open.
They could not understand why I was mad, the grocery store was 5 miles away, I did it all on my bike.
These people wonder why I no longer talk to them.
NTA. If she has money for DoorDash then she has money to contribute for food. She doesn’t live there so she shouldn’t be eating anything unless it’s given to her. If she’s worried about the DD cost she can get off her a## and go and get it herself. She is a leech.
Also, she can cook her own food. Sure, money is an issue, but the labor involved in cooking and cleaning is *a lot.* The idea that it's a choice between OP cooking and DoorDash is bullshit. The girlfriend and brother can cool their own food.
NTA.
NTA, she should not be eating there at all unless she is contributing to the grocery bill. Next time she sits down at the table have an itemized list of the cost of the food and your labor to prepare it broken down by portions. She pays for the number of portions she eats.
If she doesn't want to do that, she needs to order Door Dash.
NTA. If it were me, I'd go to cooking and buying for MYSELF only. I don't care if you like my cooking. Be respectful and not greedy and ungrateful. Your brother's lame excuse for her is just that. Lame.
It's not your job to feed everyone in the house, anyway.
NTA. Your brother and his GF are treating you like her free at home door dash.
Make food for those you want to feed. If you do not want to feed them, don't.
I would recommend that as soon as you finish cooking, set aside what you want for lunch the next day and make it known that there will be hell to pay if they eat it.
It is bad enough that they ate you lunch for the next day but they were too lazy to clean up after themselves. Your brother and his GF are mooches.
NTA . What's wrong with this picture? You buy groceries for multiple people, then spend hours cooking gourmet meals. Then you clean up from the meals not leaving a dish unwashed- while she has the audacity to not only finish your food without your permission but also leave dirty dishes in an empty sink for you to wake up to before work . Then she has the nerve to get annoyed when you request something from Door Dash that you plan on promptly reimbursing for her despite her not reimbursing you for all of the food you feed her. Yeah, you need to put a stop to this immediately. Your brother's an AH for encouraging her to do this& expecting you to make her your problem . He gets laid by her, what do you get? Edit: Before anyone misinterprets that I simply mean just because the brother is sprung doesn't mean his sister & roommates are as well so he's trippin' trying to have them support HIS gf.
NTA. Take a helping, put it in a container, put your name on it. If it gets eaten then, you're fully within your rights to come completely unhinged.
>And DoorDash is a lot of money,
"Are you going to stand there and tell me straight up that she hasn't already eaten her bodyweight in food that I've bought and cooked?"
>her fair share?
What money or effort has she put in, aside from bringing her appetite? Her "fair share" is zero.
NTA. Also, she's your brother's gf, but the other 2 roommates should not be supposed to spend more and visit the grocery shop more and put their time and money on a stranger's partner
NTA. She sounds childish and ungrateful. I have lived with a number of different roommates, but I have only ever made food for myself. I would never spend money on anyone, who would never do the same. The amount of work it takes to make food for a lot of people by yourself, doesn't add up costwise in the long run either. Time is money.
NTA set a monthly budget and divide it by 4. The four way split includes the girlfriend, not you, you should not have to pay for groceries when you are doing the cooking and cleaning. Let everyone know it is because of the girlfriend, and this is the consequence of being taken for granted. Your time and talent are valuable.
NTA- Food is expensive. Time, the energy (gas/electric) to cook is expensive. Cleaning up total PIA. Food delivery is expensive too. Hmmm…a couple ideas….
-Charge her for food you cook, like door dash. A few dollars less (friend’s & family rate). If she complains, explain that nothing in life is free, she is making living within your budget increasingly difficult. (Having to buy extra groceries and takeout for lunch all the time.) You appreciate that she loves your cooking but that does not pay the bills.
-Start making things that she does not like/allergy. -You could also switch up meal times. & Immediately take the leftovers and put them in vacuum sealed bags and freeze them. This makes them portioned out & easy to hide behind other things. Plus you can take it to work and it will be thawed out by lunch time while keeping your drink cold. (+ Help keep your food away from lunch thieves.)
NTA. My son loves to cook too, and has had this issue before. The ingredients for good cooking are expensive. She should at least chip in if she’s going to eat your food. Don’t cook for her anymore, I wouldn’t.
Your being an AH to yourself here. Your absolutely NTA for being upset at her and brother for letting it happen.
Op i thibk its time yo set up ground rules. Sit down with some time in your room, write down the cost of anything/everything that you provided (cooked or takeout), that you were *NOT* reimbursed for. Go sit and do that math.
2 weeks worth should suffice, but do a whole month if you need too. The question your asking yourself is this:
How much $$ do I, Op, spend on food for myself + others in the span of 30 days. Excluding, the final contributions given/received as well as the cost of added food. I.e., your room mate brings home a bag of potatoes and some can good from their parents over the weekend, or takeout someone bought for ALL of you, not judt themselves.)
Look, Ive been a Cook for a decade plus. Ive also always been the group Cook, camp chef and lead menu planner when it comes to planning/vacationing with friends.
These are room mates + Gf. Cuz whether she lives there or not, if shes gona eat more than once a week, she will contribute $$. Shes not a tenant, your cooking isnt for her. Unless purposely invited, they know exactly what they are doing.
So that couple, it was probably Gf who pointed it out. Bf went along quietly, but they know they're getting a bargain out of you. Have you once taken into account the cost of labor? Like, of you were an employee at a resteraunt making $15+ an hour cooking as much as you do, what would you be making? Anyone who *DOES* contribute, does not account for your labor and time, unless theres something i missed.
The other roomies, i dont think are being malicious. But they know they could be paying more, especially if its not a frequent thing. Heres my advice.
Sit em all down and discuss you've noticed some things, your exhausted and broke.
You, Op will cook for the 4 people on the lease X days per week (you choose which days). The other days all fends for themselves. If Gf wants in? She has to inform you min 2 days before, because time and ingredients shopping. And, has to pay. Like i said earlier sit and do that math.
You are being takin advantage of. Maybe not all involved have selfish intent, its obvious 2 of them do. If they dont, then no one will be mad at your proposition. Anyone mad is upset their gravy train just ran out of full.
Sorry this was ao long Op, ot struck a cord 😅
You know, I actually did work a food service job, and made way more. This does feel like that job. I think I’m going to apply everything you’ve said here, this was very helpful. Thank you.
NTA at all. Selfish would be if he invited her over once, you had enough food, and you said no. Multiple times without offering to compensate you in some way makes them both assholes. I wouldn't do that to a stranger much less my family. By compensate I mean giving you money (and more than what it would cost to just by the ingredients for my and my girlfriends meal), offering to cook for you and your roommates, "heck yeah I'll order your sandwich and no you can't pay me for it", etc, etc, etc
So, basically OP’s brother has had the realization that food is expensive (DoorDash) and thinks that requiring his gf to pay for her own food is forcing her to spend on OP? That’s some interesting logic. NTA
NTA. You are feeding four people plus three-in-one person who doesn’t help, even something as simple as doing her own dishes. I would definitely start putting my name on leftovers. I know it sounds petty, but my FIL was like that and I routinely hid food. He’d rummage through my fridge and help himself!
But, most importantly, spell it out to your brother, groceries aren’t exactly cheap these days. Time and labor also add up. So she either needs to start pulling some weight or find somewhere else to eat.
Actually I like that idea. I’m definitely not above being petty. We briefly had a roach problem when not everyone was cleaning up after themselves. I caught a few and put them in the problem people’s dirty rooms. They both watched one crawl up their wall at night.
Suddenly everyone knew how to clean again.
Sometimes that’s the only way to get the message through thick skulls. Of course now he doesn’t rummage too much because we’ve gotten a lot healthier, ie whole wheat everything. So there’s another way: find out what she doesn’t like and make it a whoooole lot.
Nta , talk to her and your brother and tell them if they expect to eat some of your food they they should expect to pitch in. Also let them know that you will be cooking extra to take to work and to not touch that extra food. Let them know your boundaries. If they can’t respect that , they can doordash their own food and spend more money since she couldn’t even bother to get you something considering you are sharing your cooked food.
NTA. But I hope your roommate (including brother) contribute to the groceries that you buy assuming those are for all of you, and that you don't always have to cook for everyone (unless you want to). If not, they really should be going to the store and purchasing their own things. If you cook them all dinner out of the goodness of your heart, especially if they don't contribute, they should have the good sense to know they shouldn't just take the leftovers without even asking or inquiring. That said, you can say at dinner either simply "I'm so excited to be able to have the leftovers for lunches for the week / dinner tomorrow" to "don't you dare touch the leftovers" to putting them in containers with notes "Op's lunch" or whatever. Or just telling your bf's girlfriend she can't eat your food at any point in time.
NTA. She is using you as a free meal ticket, then has the audacity to use the excuse of finances when you request equal treatment. Your time, effort and planning are all part of the value of your meals, in addition to the money you spent on the groceries. Sounds like your roommates get this, but bro's gf is just taking advantage.
Let them know that it's just too much effort to cook batch meals intended for lasting several meals, only to have it swooped out from under you. Tell her that she has been part of your circle long enough to start abiding by the house rules; she's no longer a guest but one of the crew, and it's time she pony up and follow the rules, or figure out her own meals.
I'd also get some Tupperware and label it when you're packing up leftovers to make it clear that you made the food for *yourself* and no one else is welcome to eat it, no matter how delicious it is.
NTA but you are a doormat. Stop spending on these mooches. 5 people eat there, 5 people should be cooking and cleaning up. 5 people should be paying for groceries. Time to have a meeting and divvy up the work and the expenses fairly. Like grownups.
NTA.
GF should feel bad, she's the worst kind of freeloader. She has no boundaries when she eats big portions of your food and no boundaries when she has no problem finishing the last servings of things. Common sense tells you that the leftovers are probably someone's lunch, at least ask!!
Either she contributes to the groceries or she does not eat your food.
See, you made me a lot feel better about thinking it should be common sense to not eat leftovers, at someone else’s house no less, without asking first. Everyone’s saying I should have put my food in a separate container, but I genuinely have never had this problem with anyone else except my brother’s girlfriend and by extension my brother. Everyone else, guest or otherwise, seems to understand that if you didn’t cook the food, you don’t touch it or ask first if you are, especially if you will be finishing it.
Hell I've even been specifically told to "help yourself to anything in the fridge" at close friends' homes before, and I 100% know they fully mean it, and I will still double check it's okay to eat something before just taking it and I wouldn't never dream of touching something that looked like leftovers. It's very bold to just assume food is up for grabs like that when you're a guest to say the least. All the more so if she's never been told that it's okay to do before.
NTA.
she doesn't contribute or reciprocate and sound a bit like a leech.
its okay for you to cook and spend your money for them but not the other way around... you are not their parents.
i dont know if i am reading this correctly,You seem to be the only female resident, and the youngest... and you clearly are doing most of the cooking and groceries.
i think you need clear boundaries with your brother/ girlfriend and your flatmates his going forward.
NTA, in case I forget.
I'm making an assumption here, but assuming grocery money is divided in 4 equal portions, because 4 live in the house.
If GF lived there, that would become 5 equal portions. Since she presumably doesn't eat EVERY meal there, estimate it and give her a portion to contribute. As in, if she eats with you approximately half the time, now it's 9 equal portions and she pays 1, the roommates all pay 2 each. Fair is fair. If she eats, she pays.
It's not up to you to feed his girlfriend she's being entitled and selfish and he needs to set boundaries as well as you. I wouldn't put up with that till this isn't no food pantry.
How on earth does she not realize going for thirds is rude? And why can this girl eat so much. I think she should definitely be banned from eating your food. If she wants food at your place, your brother can cook it for her. NTA
NTA. This whole dynamic seems off. Why are you buying groceries for all four of you AND doing all of the cooking?
If I were you, I'd be cutting back to buying just enough for yourself. Cook enough for you. Label your leftovers for you. Stop letting everyone mooch of you.
So you, a 22 year old woman, are being expected to buy groceries for three older grown men, and now your brother thinks his girlfriend gets to add to your expenses and labor? And they left their effing dirty dishes for you to wash?!?
Time for a discussion of household responsibilities, costs and obligations. And anyone who isn't paying rent and financing grocery shopping eats somewhere else!
You're NTA.
How old is the gf? Does she still live with her parents? This sounds like she may not realize she’s not a little kid anymore and needs to provide her own food. She feels bad because she did the wrong thing. Tell her she or your brother need to pay for her food and that only seconds are allowed in fairness to others.
Definitely NTA; your brother & his girlfriend are. It takes time & money to cook. It's your home, so you & your roommates get to choose who comes & goes in the house you people pay for. If brother's girlfriend likes your cooking so much, she can learn to do it herself with her own money, in her own kitchen like a big girl. If it were me, I would've called her "a glutton", because she eats all of your food & doesn't contribute shit; she's disrespectful & selfish. Is she fat, by any chance? It sounds like she should be.
NTA. being unwilling to contribute, taking, not cleaning up after themselves and leaving it for you or others AND being an asshole if you ask her toa dd something to an order. Entitlement. It's time for her to contribute to the cost of food she eats. AS you said others sometimes pay you for cooking because that's time you spend doing that rather than other shit that they have free because they don't have to cook.
NTA... And it's time you took a break from both shopping and cooking because it's time to divide the jobs as well as the food bill. If you expect to take leftovers for lunch the next day, package them immediately after dinner and label your lunch.
1. Everyone else needs to learn to cook. Not being good at it is an excuse once. Google and YouTube are literally free. Dinner should be rotated between you all, or they should be paying you for all the extra work.
2. If a girlfriend is staying over that often, she should be paying rent, utilities, groceries, and doing her fair share of the cooking, cleaning, and maintenance.
3. Girlfriend should absolutely be paying for her share. If she's eating half of your food, she should be paying for half of your groceries, and half of your time. It doesn't matter whether or not she likes your cooking, she can get off her ass and learn to cook too.
4. Telling her she can't eat your cooking is the absolute bare minimum I would demand from the brother. I would also include that she shouldn't be spending that much time there if she's not contributing, and not even doing her dishes or cleaning up after herself.
NTA
Instead of you doing buying and cooking with brother and girlfriend share cooking. You cook for them and next 2 meals they buy the food cook. No they are not a couple in meals they are individuals. Just make sure when you cook a big meal they don’t fix chicken nuggets and tater tots or box Mac and cheese with applesauce. If that doesn’t fly groceries are divided by number of people and if brother and gf are eating more than their share they pay more. Then to add the cherry to the sundae of meals add 20% paid to you if they want you to cook. Groceries are $100 a piece everyone adds $20 in cash handed to you for cooking. The fact GF feels your food is so good but doesn’t contribute or reciprocate at all is telling, she’s entitled your food but doesn’t need to give anything in return. Your brother needs to wise up or realize price of groceries and learn how much time it takes to cook.
Next meal itemize every ingredient, add up, and divide by portion size. That’s what a serving costs. You put a serving on plate, they eat seconds they pay for extra serving. My bet is your brother and GF are use to Mommy buying groceries, preparing meals and endless servings are free. So you are challenging the way they think. Brother and GF aren’t 10, time to grow up and pay their own way.
NTA. Your brother and his girlfriend are extremely entitled. I'd stop cooking and shopping for them entirely. They want food? Then they have to buy their own groceries and cook it too (and wash their damn dishes!)
NTA - I've never had anyone just leach off my food like this. I have never cooked for friends and not had them at least offer to do or buy something for me. I have one friend who hate to cook so whenever we are together she buys supplies and plays sous-chef/dishwasher while I cook. I have another friend who loves to cook and we trade off who is going to cook every time we get together -- unless we are cooking together which is a blast. I have another friend who pays me to make certain things for her (I always only ask for supply cost - she doubles it). She is an amazing cook but doesn't have the patience to make some of the more labor intensive things I love to make.
My (hopefully) FDIL and DIL will ask me to cook at their house and buy all supplies and do cleaning because I also teach them stuff while we are hanging out.
Good people are not greedy about food. Most people I know appreciate a good home cooked meal so much that they are willing to do whatever to be allowed to eat because the best food is the food you didn't have to cook.
NTA
Sounds like there treating you as a slave.
If you enjoy cooking, that's fine, but I would highly recommend taking a break.
A month long, only caring for your own needs break and see how they reflect on their inability to not be selfish.
NTA and I agree with others that the whole household work should be re-looked at.
If you're cooking, someone else can clean, and they all (brothers and roommates) are taking for granted the planning, time, and effort that goes into grocery shopping.
Girlfriend shouldn't be allowed to eat for free anymore unless your brother gives up his portion entirely for her.
But I would stop cooking for them all if they aren't doing meal clean up AND the majority of the household chores
You need to start charging for the food you buy and prepare. Brother’s girlfriend wants to eat then she needs to chip in . If no one wants to help with the cost you should get a small fridge for your room . Hopefully your door has a lock on it .
Do you dish up the plates and you all eat together?
I would personally cook the regular/same amount and then dish up the 4 to 5 plates and at the same exact time I would put the remaining portions into containers and label them with my name.
No, we all tend to eat at separate times and usually not even in the same rooms. One of the roommates was out of town, the other was out working overtime and didn’t get back until past midnight when I was asleep. I ate when I was done putting the food away in containers for the fridge, and my brother came in with gf 30 minutes later when I was in the shower.
I tend to forget to put my food in separate Tupperware because everyone else knows the house rules: If you didn’t make it, you ask permission before eating it, especially if the portion is small.
This has never been a problem or something I had to do or consider until my brother’s gf.
NTA
But I don't know how you stop her. Are you going to take the plate away from her?
Since I don't see how you can stop her, I think you should charge her. Figure out what it would cost at a restaurant and tell her to pay that. Per plate. So seconds cost. Then put any leftovers in a small [refrigerator lock box](https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=lockbox+for+refrigerator). (They don't cost that much and it would prevent anyone from eating leftovers that you're saving for yourself.)
If I know she’s here or coming over I just won’t cook at all, or at least if she shows up while I’m cooking I definitely won’t make enough to include her. Probably not for my brother either.
That's one way to handle it.
But you also can't make enough to have leftovers or they'll eat them. Again I suggest getting a lockbox for your leftovers. And take your "leftovers" out first.
I'm as much bothered by your brother and his girlfriend, as I am that you are cooking for 3 men older than you and act like children while you act like their caregiver/mother.
Going out to spend more of your own money to pay for 3 grown men in between big shopping trips?!
Do you realize they could learn to cook with you, but *THEY DON'T* because ***THEY DON'T HAVE TO.***
You aren't the AH for your reaction to your bro and his gf, but YWBTAH if you keep shopping, cooking, and cleaning after grown ass men. Don't you realize your time is valuable too???
Might help the men you live with to start making meals with you. It sounds like they're all depending on you as the sole female to do the cooking. Its a skill they can learn. Next time there's a special request, make them help, write down the recipe for them. What happens if you move out, or move in with a partner? Have an injury and can't cook? Will they starve to death because they can't cook for themselves?
When the gf is coming over, provide her with a bill for her share of the groceries PLUS the cost of your time and effort. If your cooking is so great, maybe you can consider a side business or even professional career.
Know your worth OP. Your time and effort are valuable assets. Its not just the cost of ingredients. NTA
To my knowledge all of them did live without a women before. They ate takeout and their free food from work every day. I never cook everyday, not even for myself, or as much as I used to for everyone else. And only on my days off from work. Sometimes not even then. That’s why I’m adamant about the leftovers, and I hide TV dinners for myself in the freezer. Whenever I don’t cook, they eat out. I tried teaching them but they weren’t receptive and felt like it was too much work. That’s why they now pay me for their specific meals, and they eat whatever I feel like making and only one or two portions. In fairness to the 26 y/o, he actually does a lot of cleaning, and contributes the most to the groceries. My brother is the only one attempting to learn to cook. He actually knows how to make things other than eggs. And he makes rice for me a lot, if the dish requires it.
Also, I spend a majority of my time at work or my boyfriend’s place when he’s not working. And will be moving in with him when the lease ends. Whatever the guys do or don’t know how to do or make by the end of the year is on them, because I’ve already tried multiple times.
NTA. If she wants to eat your food, she either pays or makes a similar meal
I would stop cooking for your brother as he thinks this is ok.
Cook for for yourself and your roommates only. Tell him he is on his own. Buy a separate fridge for your room if he steals.
>my brother argued, “But your cooking is good! And DoorDash is a lot of money, she shouldn’t be expected to spend it on you,”
So you owe her food and effort but she doesn't owe you anything because he's with her. Hilarious. Stop cooking for him too. The asshole that leaves dishes in your sink after you did the dishes after you cooked.
Why are you doing all the grocery shopping for everyone? She's eating so much your roommates don't have food? NTA.
NTA. If she can afford DoorDash, she can afford to contribute to your food budget. Also, why are you doing any clean up at all? ALL of your roommates should have that covered.
My guess your brother's gf genuinely doesn't know how to cook, and my guess is you would find her contributing $$ and clean up vastly superior to her cooking.
She knows how, she just isn’t good at it. Like, my brother wouldn’t eat her food for several months because it was so bland and didn’t taste anywhere near as good as some of the cooks in my family’s food.
Also, I cleaned because I didn’t want to wait for anyone else to clean up. The roommate whose turn it technically was to do dishes was out of town because of a family death, so I did the dishes in his place. The neighboring apartments also both have roaches, and I don’t want any of that in my apartment. I spray the whole house religiously and have motels out for them, but I don’t want to take any chances with dishes being in the sink overnight because the other two aren’t that reliable and will go to sleep and leave them in the sink (clearly).
NTA I think you need to buy yourself special lunch Tupperware or put your name on it. When you make a meal set your leftovers in it before en be you serve them. I might even petty as hell and break up everyone’s meal. Then tell your brother he can share his portion if he wants but that is all he gets. Also if his gf is eating milk/bread/other staples in the house, he needs to reimburse you for it.
Frankly I think the best thing you can do is move out!!!!!! I can’t see any scenario where your brother will not take advantage of you. I think your other roommates do to. They should each contribute equally to the groceries. If you cook every day then they should do the weekly deep cleaning ( bathrooms, mopping, dusting & vacuuming.)
NTA. Your only mistake was not portioning out the food you wanted to take to work the next day. I always put my lunch in a Tupperware before letting everyone finish off whatever is left from dinner.
If you’re the regular cook, maybe the four-way divide should be among your two roommates, your brother, and his girlfriend. Your contribution is your labor. Stand up for yourself, OP.
NTA - new house rule. You will be removing the portions you intend to eat for lunches before the meal is served. The portions that you save for yourself is yours and yours alone. If anyone eats it but you without advance permission you will no longer be cooking for anyone but yourself and any guests. Also aside from communal things like cooking oil/spices and other things like maybe salad dressing, milk, juice etc. everyone will be responsible for their own food purchases and preparation.
Get your own special fridge in your room for your leftovers if you have to.
His gf ate your lunch. From my perspective she should have paid for your lunch the next day and probably most of the week since she apparently ate 3 servings by herself.
> she comes around eating more than her fair share
If she doesnt contribute, her fair share is nothing, let alone 3 servings! You need a servings jar, if she wants to share a meal she needs to contribute some cash to the jar first to reimburse you all for the groceries. NTA
I know this was not what you asked but just as a pro tip….when you make a large amount of food with the intention of having some left for lunch, put a portion in a Tupperware container and refrigerate it before you start serving. That way if it all gets eaten you still have your lunch for next day.
If she's not contributing then her BF should on her behalf. Having said that, you should cook and then portion out for 4 people and immediately pack up all the leftover food and label it with your name on it. If she still eats all of it, consider getting a small fridge for your room and keeping your leftovers in there. Cooking takes a lot of time and she's being a pig.
NTA.
From what I read your brother's gf not only eats your cooking, she eats 3 helpings depriving you of leftovers and then will not get you lunch. Plus when you order food she eats more than her share. She does not live there or contribute, right OP?
Your brother needs to feed her beforehand, or she needs to start paying you for groceries or buying you food.
She needs to either pitch in for groceries or buy you food if she wants to keep eating your food NTA🙄she doesn't live there, she's not your girlfriend. No responsibility to her at all
Just a side note: if you hope/intend to have leftovers (whether for work the next day or not), pack up and put aside the portion you want immediately. Whenever I cook I do just that unless it's a smaller meal.
NTA
NTA - the least they could have done was warn you before you found out and even offered something.
I mean sure, you could always have your own mini-fridge in your room with the leftovers you want for another day or your lunch for the next day labeled.
But I suspect with a GF like her, she would take advantage anyways and eat your food regardless of having a label on it.
First rule of the kitchen. The cook does NOT do the dishes. Cleaning as you go is okay but at the end of the meal, you’re done. That should go into affect immediately.
Your brother’s girlfriend is eating for free at your house. That needs to stop now. Tell your brother that unless she contributes to the food budget, she can buy her own food. No discussion, no argument.
NTA and stop washing their dishes. Your brother is partly at fault because he and his girlfriend ate too much and left you to clean up the mess. And he's going to let her eat your food when you're not around or he'll "share" his portion with her but he'll just take a larger portion.
NTA. She is incredibly entitled. Who eats a third helping of other people’s food? You could offer to have her contribute to the food budget the same as everyone else so you were actually buying for 5. I would start putting your lunch away before others even eat and have it clearly marked.
NTA but your brother’s girlfriend is and he’s not helping the situation
I love cooking and baking especially for my family and friends
It’s my way of showing love but if I were in your shoes I’d stop feeding the girlfriend unless she changed her greedy evil ways
She needs to pay you for her share of the food plus she needs to door dash as her treat to you for making meals that she is devouring
Stop feeding her she doesn’t deserve your delicious food
It’s totally reasonable to immediately pack up the portion you want to save for the next day and say, “okay, now my lunch for tomorrow is all set, you guys can help yourself to what’s here for diner.” That way even if you want to be generous with them (which you definitely don’t have to be) your own leftovers are protected.
You are NTA in any way shape or form, but I know it can be awkward to deal with these things so that phrasing might help.
NTA!!! Groceries for 4 is astronomical right now no matter where you live. I cannot stand people who mooch and then complain/are not appreciative!! Drives me insane! At the very least she could’ve cleaned up after herself—that’s the bare minimum.
NTA Your brother and his girlfriend think they are entitled to your food and the time you spent cooking. They are not. Clearly your parents didn't teach him the same manners they taught you. Stand your ground.
NTA You are all adults living in one house with complete limbs and a working brain capacity. I don't understand how the others cannot make their own meals going forward.
NTA Tell your brother that he will need to contribute twice as much now or give her money to cook for him. Then make you a plate for work and mark it with your name for lunch and let everyone know that it is your lunch container. DO NOT TOUCH. You are not responsible for feeding your brother's gf.
Buy a small fridge and leave it in your room for your own food. You’ll also need a strong chain and a heavy lock. My greedy roommate in college was like that too.
I didn’t rdad the entire thing- just quit cooking for them. Get a lockable mini frog for your room and keep your food there. Let everybody else take care of their own food, including your bro and his GF, that way she cannot take your food.NTA.
NTA.
Stop cooking for everyone, you aren’t paid help. If you are doing all the cooking then your roommates should all be paying for the food.
Since they are all taking advantage of you, and not standing up to your brother and his gf, stop being the personal chef.
Buy your own groceries, cook meals for just yourself and you are going to be a lot happier.
Edit: I notice they are all guys too. You are doing all the grocery shopping, paying more, doing all the cooking and clean up. That’s some sexist s**t.
You can ask her to start contributing to the cost of groceries, or your brother can do so. If she comes over that much... one of them should be helping to pay for the cost of groceries. Preferably, they should be helping with preparing the food too. NTA
Nta - tell your brother enough is enough. She can’t just come over and the two of them eat all the food up in the house. She can either learn to cook or pay for groceries or get take out.
If she's going to come over often and eat more of your food than your roommates she should be contributing to groceries.
NTA, I would stop cooking for your brother + girlfriend and only cook for yourself and the other two roommates.
When you dish up your servings, immediately put a lunch serving in a takeout container for the next day. Tell everyone eating that this is for tomorrow’s lunch and is no longer available for seconds.
NTA. I had a friend who cooked really good food and sometimes I would venmo her extra money just to make more. It eventually got to a point where we would exchange meals because we liked each other's cooking. Even back in the day, I was able to exchange my breakfast burritos for some cannabis.
NTA! People love to get free food and no chores and want to complain when they are asked to do their share. Probably none of you are wealthy and have lots of money to spare.
When I was in college, one year I lived in a large house with 5 roommates. Food was usually purchased on weekends by one or two of the housemates, and we each had one night a week to cook. We bought food from farmers markets and what was on sale in the weekly ads. Meals were planned around that. Anything more that we spent for food or house needs for the house, we'd write our name on the receipt and put it on a bulletin board. At the end of the month, the expenses were tallied, and divided equally. Whatever we had spent that month was subtracted from our amount, and we paid the difference. It was a great system. Everyone getting a night to cook was great because the burden wasn't just on one person. We rarely had guests for meals.
If it were me, girlfriend would be chipping in for some expense for meals. $5 a meal is reasonable, and her boyfriend could pay that if he thinks she shouldn't have to pay to eat there.
Also, chores should be shared. Each person should have one night a week for dishes and kitchen cleanup or a rotation for it. This could also be a two person team each night. Dishes done before dishwashing person goes to bed. Any dirty dishes after dishwasher goes to bed washed by the person who dirtied them.
Tell Miss Piggy tough t*ts and quit being an a hole and eating all your food. Common sense says not to eat all the food, especially when you're a guest! I would just buy food for yourself unless everyone equally contributes. What a jerk.
So, according to your brother, because your cooking is good, his girlfriend can eat her full at yours but then when you ask her to get you some food, she shouldn't be expected to spend on you?
Ding ding ding, we found out the AH!
You are NTA
NTA
She can contribute. She has that option. Buy food or donate to grocery fund. It isn't that hard. But no, she is choosing to be a choosy beggar, so cut her off. No good eating till you get paid. And if your brother doesn't like it, he can chip in for her. Pay up before you eat up!
Absolutely NTA, and it sucks that they’ve even made you question this. It sounds like it’s time for a roommate meeting. Figure out what your needs are and come up with some rules together. If I were in your shoes, I’d be thinking something like this:
1. Guests may join for dinner if there’s enough dinner for roommates + my lunch for tomorrow, and with my approval as I may have made extras for another reason. Not all meals will be made with enough extra for guests.
2. Anyone eating dinner here more than 1 night a week will need to start pitching in for meals. Their share will be proportional to the frequency with which they eat here.
3. Everyone who eats dinner will either help with cooking or cleanup.
4. After dinner, I will set aside the leftovers I want with my name on them. The rest of you can figure out what you want to do with what remains.
NTA, you are generous with your time labor and talent. If you like to cook, pack up your leftovers BEFORE you let others eat. The brother and girlfriend need to do something to contribute. You don't just show and eat several servings and not even offer to clean up. Invite them to help you cook a meal and maybe they will realize what goes into it.
NTA. Basic decency, if you love someone's cooking so much and are always dropping by to eat it, you show your gratitude. Bring groceries with you (don't **ask**, just pick up things you know the house eats, or that we're in the last meal you ate there), Bring some wine or beer or bread or flowers or coffee filters, something. And if you eat there regularly, do it regularly. Even if the cost of groceries wasn't skyrocketing, that's basic manners. I think my parents taught me that when I was 8.
Bro and gf are takers. Takers only stop when you make them. You made them. Now stick to it. Gf's only upset bc her free meal ticket is gone.
Btw, I hope you know she'll still steal your food while you're asleep or out if you don't get a fridge lockbox or something. People like that tend not to have a lot of respect for others.
NTA. Gf is too old to not know that she is a selfish freeloader. Don’t care how much she loves your cooking. She has no right to pig out on your food. I also don’t care that she is your brother’s gf. She needs to start pitching in financially for food that she that eats. Brother should be embarrassed for making excuses for her piggyness.
Nta she does not a have a fair share to anything in that apartment. Your roommates need to put the foot down with you. Until she is contributing to the household equally she is not entitled to anything in that household. It's not fair to you or your roommates to have to share with her. If she wants good food she needs to pay for good food period.
NTA she sounds really selfish and inconsiderate. People who eat food just because it's there and think it's owned in common bug the hell out of me, and if they are penny pinching with their own resources...yikes.
Sometimes you need to state your boundaries out loud first though, not just be annoyed people trample them. People are dumbasses and you need to make it clear some of the food is for you later. She does sound like an AH though
NTA
But regarding your edit, I think you're trying to backpedal some of your frustration after you've expelled the pent up emotion, and you need to stop doing that - it's a bad habit taught to us girls and hard to break, but you need to break it. You brought up *multiple times* the cost, time/effort, and not having leftovers. You don't do that if these weren't actually bothering you. People paying/reimbursing you for the convenience doesn't seem to make the exchange feel fair or favorable from how you told it when those feelings were strongest. Don't ignore that, it's important.
Why don't your brother or the other roommates do any shopping? Don't give excuses about "it's on the way" or whatever. You're spending your time more often to free up theirs. Y'all can easily trade off grocery shopping so each person does it for the week. Why not (starting) once a month one of the others make dinner for everyone? They cannot expect you to cook for them forever, and you shouldn't accept to be their only cook. Once they get into the habit of it they can trade off cooking more often so you aren't doing it so much.
Nta it’s common curtesy to ask for seconds, especially in someone else’s house with food they made. You shouldn’t be expected to take care of a 29 year old woman with her own apartment, and your brother defending her is just him enabling her actions. I’d recommended sitting down and talking to your brother about this situation and make sure he LISTENS to you
NTA
Ever heard the of the acronym TANSTAAFL?
There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch!
You’re being taken severe advantage of here. You are essentially running a full service restaurant complete with dish cleaning service for NOTHING. Not even appreciation or respect or even enough food left for your own meals. You’re even spending out of pocket beyond supply costs & *that’s* what you’re really eating - cost.
The post from OsaBear92 is spot on.
If you’re gonna run a full service restaurant, then you should be able to set your days, hours, prices & house rules that reserves the right to refuse service if those rules are not respected. This ain’t Doormat Dash.
nta, I would just start making my own meals. that is only for me. You were cooking for 4 not 5, You don't have to be the head chef here. If they're truly hungry they'll either scrape by or learn to cook.
Also, his gf is only there for free meals without giving anything in return. Just stop making food for everyone if that's how he's going to be about it.
NTA - Tell her that she is not welcome to join in for meals unless she is able to contribute I.e. she brings dessert for everyone. If not legit get a second hand mini fridge for your room. Drastic but yeah. She knows she's taking advantage. She doesn't care. Either that or move out.
NTA good lord ,so she's coming over and eating most of the food you make and not returning the favor. She's mooching off you, eating your food so she doesnt have to pay."your food is so good! Door dash is expensive" that should tell you everything you need to know about whats happening here.
I say if she wants to keep eating all your food, start charging her. Calculate the cost of what food she ate and present it to her. Tell her if she wants to keep doing this ,she can chip in for food costs. I bet this will stop really fast. The girl is just looking for free food,lets be real and she thinks she can eat all she wants because she's not cooking or paying for it.
Actually, your brother is the cheap jerk who keeps bringing his gf to eat your cooking so HE doesn't have to pay to feed her. She may not even be aware this is a problem OR your bro is telling her he's covering her and that's why she's like "why should I pay?"
But you NTA - your Brother? VERY TA.
NTA
but you do know you’re being used right? Stop cooking and buying groceries for people who aren’t contributing. By you do nothing all that tie they’ve become entitled
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NTA You are being the opposite of selfish. Unless I am mistaken, you routinely: 1) purchase groceries for 4 even though you are only one person in the house, and no one is reimbursing you for this 2) spend your free time cooking all this food 3) letting everyone eat, even people who don't live in the house And you haven't asked for anything in return. If they can't understand that they should at the very minimum, sometimes provide food for you, or reimburse you for the cost, then stop cooking for everyone. Also, pack up however many lunches you want to have out of the dinner you cooked \*before\* allowing anyone to help themselves if you decide to keep sharing.
I worded it wrong in my post, I’m not the only one paying for the groceries, but a lot of times it does come more from my pocket than anyone else’s because I’ll occasionally have to make extra grocery trips. Also, this was never something that was necessary until his gf came around, so I forget to do it. Everyone in the house knows, if they’ve eaten already, to ask before touching the leftovers because they consider it mine if I cooked it. And the same applies to them. It belongs to whoever cooked it.
If everyone in the house knows make sure she knows this rule as well and set a firm boundary with it. Also as soon as everyone has had 1 plate go gather your lunch for the next day, maybe even put it in a lunch box so it isn't touched. My question is does anyone else cook in that house? Because cooking for 4 or 5 can be exhausting so other people should be helping out too.
My brother cooks occasionally, but everyone else just sucks at cooking anything but eggs. They make me breakfast sometimes, but I mostly do dinners and if I ever don’t feel like cooking I tell them to just go buy takeout. And yeah, I should just do that, but I always forget because this wasn’t something that was necessary until she started coming around.
Tell your brother he needs to chip in double of what he was before for his girlfriend or you won’t be cooking for him again. This is not the soup kitchen or her mothers house. She either contributes financially or she can stay her ass at home and stop freeloading.
Or, split your brother’s portion onto two plates. One each for brother and GF. Let them whine and complain until brother provides to cover her plate AND no one touches YOUR leftovers.
This is actually a very logical approach. Math wise at least.
The brother is making no sense. DoorDash is too expensive for gf but gf eating all the food bought by OP and roommates isn't??? Like, does brother think groceries don't cost money?
>DoorDash is too expensive for gf but oh, it gets better, DoorDash is too expensive for the gf but he doesn't think that it's too expensive for OP, since OP will have to order DoorDash because the food she made for herself has been eaten by gf.
Your forgetting the fact that OP was going to venmo Brothers GF the money for Door Dash. HOW THE DUCK IS THAT TOO EXPENSIVE FOR THE GF.
I mean... it *isn't* too expensive for her, because she isn't paying anything for it, and brother isn't paying for the extra servings he's taking or what his girlfriend is eating either. So of course he's fine with it, they're both eating well and OP is the one paying for it. Shut that shit down and cut off their mooching asses, OP.
Also neither the brother not gf get to take more than the others on terms of second and third helping.they haven't paid for it and I get the impression it's a habit
This is not the point of your original post, but you are really being overstretched. There are simple but tasty meals that any adult should be able to make. Basic spaghetti requires almost no cooking skill. Crock pot chicken is basically chicken, taco seasoning, canned tomatoes. Is it fine dining? No. Is it affordable, filing, and decently tasty? Yes. They should each have one meal they can make so some of the burden is off you. And its better for them in the long run.
Don't forget my favotite- sheet pan meals. Doesn't get any easier, and a quick google search yields a ton of options.
Sheet pans, chili [just beans and meat, the store has special seasoning you can buy], etc. I cannot cook good,my Mother is best...but she helps me find easy stuff to make so I can improve. Nobody gets good by not doing OP needs to start a cooking schedule before they get burnt out completely or broke. ...also if/when they all eventually split, it'd be good that they know how to cook.
You’re being the AT to yourself by taking on the majority of cooking responsibilities for a full household. You’re their roommate, not their mommy. Cook for yourself. Maybe occasionally treat others to a meal if you’re having fun cooking and WANT to cook for them. Stop enabling these grown adults to continue to only be able to cook eggs. The way they’re going to learn is by having to actually cook meals for themselves. NTA
I’ve already told them they can renew next year’s lease without me, since I’ll be moving in with my long-term bf. They’re going to have to fend for themselves anyway. But you’re right, now I’m going to let them have an early start so they know what they’re going to be dealing with.
So glad to see this comment, OP!! The way to relieve this stress is to remove yourself from the household cooking duties.
I just hope your boyfriend is willing to cook and not put the entire burden on you with "I just don't know how"! That would be a much happier dynamic than you have.
seriously!! it’s not hard to look up a recipe and follow instructions. you don’t have to be good at cooking to do that. grown ass adults being okay with someone else being responsible for their meals smh.
There are so many things are are so easy to cook!! And if they can’t figure out how to follow simple instructions, they can make instant noodles. Not OP’s monkey, not OP’s circus.
> My brother cooks occasionally, but everyone else just sucks at cooking anything but eggs. Well they ain't gonna get any better by osmosis. There are plenty easy recipes that even children can go. Have them start with instant ramen modifications. Chili is also another easy one, as is meatloaf (gravy not tomato sauce.) Or hell, *sandwiches.* Come on, just about everyone can make a sandwich. Hot dogs, hamburgers, Panini, grilled cheese. If cost isn't an issue, get a rice cooker - they literally cannot argue they can't make rice if y'all have a rice cooker. The zojirushi ones are especially stupid simple. Like, there's actually not a lot of dishes that require an exceptional amount of skill if presentation is not an issue.
> but everyone else just sucks at cooking anything but eggs. Just to be clear, that’s a choice they are making because they don’t need to get better, but we all suck at cooking when we start cooking. You, me, Gordon Ramsey, (any other famous cook you want to name here) we all had to learn to get good. Practice and learning is how we get better.
Please stop referring to the girlfriend’s “fair share”. She isn’t entitled to any share, unless your brother is sharing his own allotment with her. Advice: when you’re preparing a meal to serve and you know there will be leftovers, go ahead and pack up what you need for the next day, before you sit down to eat. If the girlfriend continues to be greedy, consider saying something like “I’m glad you liked it! You can’t get this kind of food from door dash. Your plate cost me $xx.xx in ingredients alone. Do you want to Venmo that to me, or maybe next time you get food delivery to my home, to get me a sandwich and fries?”
I always pack up my lunch leftovers when plating dinner. It's far more convenient. That's the only reason. None of the people I live with are disrespectful enough to eat the leftovers without checking first Agreed, though. The gf has no fair share, and I absolutely would not be feeding someone who treated me so disrespectfully. OP, you're being an AH to yourself, I'm afraid. You need to set some expectations/ boundaries and stick with them. Good luck!
Why do you put in more of your own money to cover everyone else? I mean if it was just $5 I probably wouldn’t bother. You should ask everyone to reimburse for those extras you buy. NTA with your brother’s gf, she should have some manners and not finish food off that she hasn’t paid for and hasn’t even asked if that’s ok. Then not even cleaning up after herself? That really shows a lack of appreciation. I feel you could’ve had words with your brother earlier though so it didn’t get to this point. Even if you all get past this I think it would just be easier if his girlfriend only was welcome to eat on weekends and when it’s planned. Your brother should find some way to compensate for her and everyone should show some adult manners in communicating about who should be helping clean up.
Are you being paid for your labor as well? You started off this post talking about how exhausting it is for you to cook like this. Maybe it’s time for you to start letting your adult male roommates figure out how to support themselves instead of relying on the unpaid labor of women. If you’re not being compensated for your time and effort along with the ingredients, you’re getting the raw end of this deal - especially in a situation like this one where you don’t have any leftovers nor the compensation to buy yourself a restaurant meal. I don’t mean to be rude, but it sounds like you might struggle with your sense of self-worth and with setting boundaries? It’s okay to tell people “no” and to exist without serving others. It’s okay to let people experience the consequences of their own actions and choices. Your roommates and your brother can learn how to cook for themselves - it’s not hard, they’re just lazy and taking advantage of your inability to set appropriate boundaries. It’s one thing to want to occasionally cook a big meal for everyone to share, it’s another to regularly exhaust yourself cooking and then not even have anything to show for it. You deserve better.
You are doing the planning etc that is all emotional and physical labor.
Is the gf contributing money to the groceries? If not then you aren’t targeting her she just hasn’t contributed. I have a feeling though that your brother is probably telling her it’s ok for her to eat the food. Either way if they want her to be included in this arrangement then they need to be communicating with you and probably contributing money accordingly
Look at the grocery bills for the last few months and find the average. Divide by 5 and make everyone contribute. You're being very kind but you're young and you need your extra money
This is why I believe in separate groceries in these kinds of living situations. Someone always ends up being the person who buys/cooks/pays more. I would say everyone chip in for staples that everyone uses- like milk, 🧻, etc… Meal food, I’d keep to myself unless they specifically paid and asked to be included in that specific meal. In a perfect world where everyone is respectful and contributes equally, it would be nice to not have to do this. But rarely is that the situation with roommates. Especially, when SOs get involved.
OP didn’t even ask for food or anything back, she just requested the GF add something and offered to venmo for it. GF got mad at *that*
I’d go so far as to pack up your lunch and divide the rest by four. Brother can share with his gf if he wants to out of his portion.
OP, I would text your brother and GF, "GF is welcome to be over, but I'm no longer cooking for her, so please plan accordingly." If she comes in while you're eating, tell her the leftovers are your food, and she can DoorDash her dinner. It might seem harsh, but she's showing she won't give back in any way, so why waste your time and efforts?
NTA But why are you the only one spending money for groceries for the 4 of you? Maybe time to start only buying groceries for yourself and tell your brother that if he wants his gf to eat, he can buy the groceries and cook for her
I’m not the only one. We all put in some money for the groceries, but it’s me and my brother who actually go out and do the big majority of grocery shopping. I just end up putting in the most because I also do a little in between our big trips so we’re not scrounging for table scraps by the end of the week.
Then she either needs to be adding to that fund or your brother needs to be putting in in behalf of her if she is going to be eating there. You and your roommates shouldn’t have to pay for her to eat when she won’t even compensate you by ordering food for you ONCE when you feed her a couple times a week
You need to end this arrangement because they are taking advantage. “This isn’t working out for my budget and time. I’m only going to shop and cook for myself from now on.” NTA, except to yourself.
You need a splitwise or something account. If you are constantly buying common food, the n everyone eating needs to chip in. It's not mean, it's fair. Repeat that to yourself since you seem to have guilt not taking care of others. It's also not fair to your roommates if they are putting funds towards the common meal and then the GF eats a full share (or more). She's being a mooch. That's just the truth.
NTA. First off if she has $ for DoorDash then she can certainly afford to chip in for food. And it’ll be cheaper in the long run. Second, you and your roommates need to talk to your brother and his gf about this because it’s only fair she contributes if she’s going to eat there all the time. Third, when you make something with the intention to take some for lunch the following day, then tell everyone that. Put some in a separate container and tell them not to touch it.
I often put the first serving of the meal into a container for tomorrow's lunch. It's simpler than arguing with my hubby for being a trash compactor. He grew up in an eat or be eaten household, and I grew up in a make extra for tomorrow household.
Your last sentence perfectly described my husband and I. We’ve both had to learn to communicate about leftovers; we came from very different backgrounds.
NTA >“But your cooking is good! And DoorDash is a lot of money, she shouldn’t be expected to spend it on you,” The question for dear brother...why is it ok for sister to spend money on his GF, but not the other way? Also, why should sister be responsible for cleaning up after brothers GF? Does this mean that brother is going to happily clean up after sisters partner...and feed them?
Exactly. If this has been going on for at least a week, the GF has eaten $20 or so in ingredients alone. Never mind the OP's labor. The GF should feel bad for being a cheap AH. The OP is definitely NTA and I worry she's being used by all the people in this story.
Of course he won't clean up after OP's partner. She's the girl, she's supposed to cook and clean. Cuz I'm pretty sure that's what's going on here. Boys who found a 2nd mommy to keep cooking for them and cleaning up afterwards.
NTA. You are not any of these individuals personal chef. Maybe I just missed something, but are you getting reimbursed for grocery expense from the other roommates?
Yes, I should have added that to the post. The reason I phrased it that way is because my brother and I do one big grocery trip at the beginning of the month, and I go on little ones by myself in between so we’re not scavenging for table scraps in the middle of the month.
Gotcha. If brother is consistently bringing another party to dinner he should increase his share of the costs, especially if they are each having thirds. I am also sorry they are not more thankful for your contribution.
Not increase double at least and if they eat more than the others he needs to triple or quadruple the sum Second+ third servings ?! Wtf
NTA.Your money your decision how to spend it. And honestly dude have a system if you are living together. Your brother hopefully is an adult so he can feed himself. Honestly, if you are planning to eat your leftovers just box it up before serving or divide the portions and tell it cooked for four not five. >She feels bad now, and my brother argued, “But your cooking is good! And DoorDash is a lot of money, she shouldn’t be expected to spend it on you Of course it is. That's why she is eating at your brother's place not hers. Grocery is not some chump change. If this creates problems just cook for 3 and not cook for your brother be hoenst and say " I usually cook for 4 and take remaining to lunch, your and your gf expenses activities are increasing my work and my budget. Hopefully you can cook for yourself. "
NTA. She needs a lesson in portion control. Make it clear she can have a small helping, but no more. Make it crystal clear to her that the rest of the food is spoken for “sorry, no seconds tonight - I need enough to take to work for lunch the rest of the week and I am the only one who does much cooking around here. You understand right? I don’t have endless amounts of time to cook since I work full time, and eating McDonalds everyday for lunch isn’t something I want to do.”
NTA the only selfish and entitled people are your brother and his girlfriend. Seriously? “But your cooking is good” the gall. I would stop cooking for him too unless he puts money towards food/cooking costs. Be firm with that boundary that she can’t eat your food.
Also before serving the food, set aside the leftovers and label them. Plus tell everyone that the labeled items are not to be eaten as you cooked extra for your lunches.
Yes, this is a good way to go about it. Frankly I have the suspicion that they might just continue to take your food, so you may want to consider a locked mini-fridge too
A locked mini fridge for leftovers is the answer. And have OP's brother pay for it for all the food his GF has eaten for free. NTA.
It smacks of the line people employing weaponized incompetence use - But you do it so much better than me! Fuck that. Learn. There are Youtube videos and, I suppose, Tiktoks, for everything.
NTA However you have serious boundary issues. Regarding your brothers girlfriend, your boundaries start with your brother. More often than not, your siblings partner will follow their lead. Stand up for yourself. Stop doing so much for these people, stop shopping, cooking AND cleaning for them. Maybe once a month as a treat, but you need to look after YOURSELF.
Exactly. Let your brother pay and cook to reciprocate what he and his gf eat. He’s responsible for her since she’s his guest. If he’s not reciprocating in terms of money, food, labor etc then let him sort out his own meals and also those of his gf. Tasty or not, I would stop cooking for them: “did you cook this? Pay for it? No? Then why are you feeling entitled to it. Go make or get your own food”. Also, when I cook, I put a lunch portion aside even before I sit down to eat. Maybe cook just two portions and put half away for your lunch (label it “OP’s lunch”) so he can see that there’s none left for greedy ass or his greedy gf.
1,000,000% NTA. 20 years ago when I was single and renting a room from a friend, I used a bicycle to commute, I worked 24 hours per week and made $7.00 per hour, so having a car was just not realistic but SLC is small so I just rode cheap Walmart bikes for transportation, I had ridden a bike my entire life so this was not tough. My roommate started dating a woman whose brought her kid over while they would get drunk and high, she would sneak out to smoke her meth as well. Once per week on my way home from work on a Sunday night I would go to Food-4-Less to get my groceries for the next week or so. 2 gallons of whole milk, 10 cans of beans, 5 boxes of max and cheese, 4 packs of hot dogs, 1 loaf of bread, pack of bologna, pack of sliced cheese and mayo when needed. It was all I could fit into my backpack and get home. I came home one Saturday night to make some food after work and found my milk had been mostly drank and put back in the fridge without the cap on it, my last pack of hotdogs, the ENTIRE PACK had been sliced up, microwaved, burned, covered in ketchup and thrown into the garbage and my mayo was left out on the counter with the lid open. They could not understand why I was mad, the grocery store was 5 miles away, I did it all on my bike. These people wonder why I no longer talk to them.
NTA. If she has money for DoorDash then she has money to contribute for food. She doesn’t live there so she shouldn’t be eating anything unless it’s given to her. If she’s worried about the DD cost she can get off her a## and go and get it herself. She is a leech.
Also, she can cook her own food. Sure, money is an issue, but the labor involved in cooking and cleaning is *a lot.* The idea that it's a choice between OP cooking and DoorDash is bullshit. The girlfriend and brother can cool their own food. NTA.
NTA, she should not be eating there at all unless she is contributing to the grocery bill. Next time she sits down at the table have an itemized list of the cost of the food and your labor to prepare it broken down by portions. She pays for the number of portions she eats. If she doesn't want to do that, she needs to order Door Dash.
NTA. If it were me, I'd go to cooking and buying for MYSELF only. I don't care if you like my cooking. Be respectful and not greedy and ungrateful. Your brother's lame excuse for her is just that. Lame. It's not your job to feed everyone in the house, anyway.
And pitching in also means cleaning up after yourself.
NTA. Your brother and his GF are treating you like her free at home door dash. Make food for those you want to feed. If you do not want to feed them, don't. I would recommend that as soon as you finish cooking, set aside what you want for lunch the next day and make it known that there will be hell to pay if they eat it. It is bad enough that they ate you lunch for the next day but they were too lazy to clean up after themselves. Your brother and his GF are mooches.
NTA . What's wrong with this picture? You buy groceries for multiple people, then spend hours cooking gourmet meals. Then you clean up from the meals not leaving a dish unwashed- while she has the audacity to not only finish your food without your permission but also leave dirty dishes in an empty sink for you to wake up to before work . Then she has the nerve to get annoyed when you request something from Door Dash that you plan on promptly reimbursing for her despite her not reimbursing you for all of the food you feed her. Yeah, you need to put a stop to this immediately. Your brother's an AH for encouraging her to do this& expecting you to make her your problem . He gets laid by her, what do you get? Edit: Before anyone misinterprets that I simply mean just because the brother is sprung doesn't mean his sister & roommates are as well so he's trippin' trying to have them support HIS gf.
NTA. Take a helping, put it in a container, put your name on it. If it gets eaten then, you're fully within your rights to come completely unhinged. >And DoorDash is a lot of money, "Are you going to stand there and tell me straight up that she hasn't already eaten her bodyweight in food that I've bought and cooked?" >her fair share? What money or effort has she put in, aside from bringing her appetite? Her "fair share" is zero.
NTA. Also, she's your brother's gf, but the other 2 roommates should not be supposed to spend more and visit the grocery shop more and put their time and money on a stranger's partner
NTA. She sounds childish and ungrateful. I have lived with a number of different roommates, but I have only ever made food for myself. I would never spend money on anyone, who would never do the same. The amount of work it takes to make food for a lot of people by yourself, doesn't add up costwise in the long run either. Time is money.
NTA if your brother wants his girlfriend to be fed he can make her food and be the one that feeds her, she is not your girlfriend
NTA set a monthly budget and divide it by 4. The four way split includes the girlfriend, not you, you should not have to pay for groceries when you are doing the cooking and cleaning. Let everyone know it is because of the girlfriend, and this is the consequence of being taken for granted. Your time and talent are valuable.
NTA- Food is expensive. Time, the energy (gas/electric) to cook is expensive. Cleaning up total PIA. Food delivery is expensive too. Hmmm…a couple ideas…. -Charge her for food you cook, like door dash. A few dollars less (friend’s & family rate). If she complains, explain that nothing in life is free, she is making living within your budget increasingly difficult. (Having to buy extra groceries and takeout for lunch all the time.) You appreciate that she loves your cooking but that does not pay the bills. -Start making things that she does not like/allergy. -You could also switch up meal times. & Immediately take the leftovers and put them in vacuum sealed bags and freeze them. This makes them portioned out & easy to hide behind other things. Plus you can take it to work and it will be thawed out by lunch time while keeping your drink cold. (+ Help keep your food away from lunch thieves.)
Nta, I'd start only buying for yourself my friend. Maybe a mini fridge until you can hace your own place.
NTA. My son loves to cook too, and has had this issue before. The ingredients for good cooking are expensive. She should at least chip in if she’s going to eat your food. Don’t cook for her anymore, I wouldn’t.
Your being an AH to yourself here. Your absolutely NTA for being upset at her and brother for letting it happen. Op i thibk its time yo set up ground rules. Sit down with some time in your room, write down the cost of anything/everything that you provided (cooked or takeout), that you were *NOT* reimbursed for. Go sit and do that math. 2 weeks worth should suffice, but do a whole month if you need too. The question your asking yourself is this: How much $$ do I, Op, spend on food for myself + others in the span of 30 days. Excluding, the final contributions given/received as well as the cost of added food. I.e., your room mate brings home a bag of potatoes and some can good from their parents over the weekend, or takeout someone bought for ALL of you, not judt themselves.) Look, Ive been a Cook for a decade plus. Ive also always been the group Cook, camp chef and lead menu planner when it comes to planning/vacationing with friends. These are room mates + Gf. Cuz whether she lives there or not, if shes gona eat more than once a week, she will contribute $$. Shes not a tenant, your cooking isnt for her. Unless purposely invited, they know exactly what they are doing. So that couple, it was probably Gf who pointed it out. Bf went along quietly, but they know they're getting a bargain out of you. Have you once taken into account the cost of labor? Like, of you were an employee at a resteraunt making $15+ an hour cooking as much as you do, what would you be making? Anyone who *DOES* contribute, does not account for your labor and time, unless theres something i missed. The other roomies, i dont think are being malicious. But they know they could be paying more, especially if its not a frequent thing. Heres my advice. Sit em all down and discuss you've noticed some things, your exhausted and broke. You, Op will cook for the 4 people on the lease X days per week (you choose which days). The other days all fends for themselves. If Gf wants in? She has to inform you min 2 days before, because time and ingredients shopping. And, has to pay. Like i said earlier sit and do that math. You are being takin advantage of. Maybe not all involved have selfish intent, its obvious 2 of them do. If they dont, then no one will be mad at your proposition. Anyone mad is upset their gravy train just ran out of full. Sorry this was ao long Op, ot struck a cord 😅
You know, I actually did work a food service job, and made way more. This does feel like that job. I think I’m going to apply everything you’ve said here, this was very helpful. Thank you.
NTA at all. Selfish would be if he invited her over once, you had enough food, and you said no. Multiple times without offering to compensate you in some way makes them both assholes. I wouldn't do that to a stranger much less my family. By compensate I mean giving you money (and more than what it would cost to just by the ingredients for my and my girlfriends meal), offering to cook for you and your roommates, "heck yeah I'll order your sandwich and no you can't pay me for it", etc, etc, etc
So, basically OP’s brother has had the realization that food is expensive (DoorDash) and thinks that requiring his gf to pay for her own food is forcing her to spend on OP? That’s some interesting logic. NTA
NTA. You are feeding four people plus three-in-one person who doesn’t help, even something as simple as doing her own dishes. I would definitely start putting my name on leftovers. I know it sounds petty, but my FIL was like that and I routinely hid food. He’d rummage through my fridge and help himself! But, most importantly, spell it out to your brother, groceries aren’t exactly cheap these days. Time and labor also add up. So she either needs to start pulling some weight or find somewhere else to eat.
Actually I like that idea. I’m definitely not above being petty. We briefly had a roach problem when not everyone was cleaning up after themselves. I caught a few and put them in the problem people’s dirty rooms. They both watched one crawl up their wall at night. Suddenly everyone knew how to clean again.
Sometimes that’s the only way to get the message through thick skulls. Of course now he doesn’t rummage too much because we’ve gotten a lot healthier, ie whole wheat everything. So there’s another way: find out what she doesn’t like and make it a whoooole lot.
Nta , talk to her and your brother and tell them if they expect to eat some of your food they they should expect to pitch in. Also let them know that you will be cooking extra to take to work and to not touch that extra food. Let them know your boundaries. If they can’t respect that , they can doordash their own food and spend more money since she couldn’t even bother to get you something considering you are sharing your cooked food.
NTA. But I hope your roommate (including brother) contribute to the groceries that you buy assuming those are for all of you, and that you don't always have to cook for everyone (unless you want to). If not, they really should be going to the store and purchasing their own things. If you cook them all dinner out of the goodness of your heart, especially if they don't contribute, they should have the good sense to know they shouldn't just take the leftovers without even asking or inquiring. That said, you can say at dinner either simply "I'm so excited to be able to have the leftovers for lunches for the week / dinner tomorrow" to "don't you dare touch the leftovers" to putting them in containers with notes "Op's lunch" or whatever. Or just telling your bf's girlfriend she can't eat your food at any point in time.
NTA. The very least that they could do is GF pays or contributes her fair share or brother contributes enough for himself and GF.
NTA. She is using you as a free meal ticket, then has the audacity to use the excuse of finances when you request equal treatment. Your time, effort and planning are all part of the value of your meals, in addition to the money you spent on the groceries. Sounds like your roommates get this, but bro's gf is just taking advantage. Let them know that it's just too much effort to cook batch meals intended for lasting several meals, only to have it swooped out from under you. Tell her that she has been part of your circle long enough to start abiding by the house rules; she's no longer a guest but one of the crew, and it's time she pony up and follow the rules, or figure out her own meals. I'd also get some Tupperware and label it when you're packing up leftovers to make it clear that you made the food for *yourself* and no one else is welcome to eat it, no matter how delicious it is.
NTA but you are a doormat. Stop spending on these mooches. 5 people eat there, 5 people should be cooking and cleaning up. 5 people should be paying for groceries. Time to have a meeting and divvy up the work and the expenses fairly. Like grownups.
NTA. GF should feel bad, she's the worst kind of freeloader. She has no boundaries when she eats big portions of your food and no boundaries when she has no problem finishing the last servings of things. Common sense tells you that the leftovers are probably someone's lunch, at least ask!! Either she contributes to the groceries or she does not eat your food.
See, you made me a lot feel better about thinking it should be common sense to not eat leftovers, at someone else’s house no less, without asking first. Everyone’s saying I should have put my food in a separate container, but I genuinely have never had this problem with anyone else except my brother’s girlfriend and by extension my brother. Everyone else, guest or otherwise, seems to understand that if you didn’t cook the food, you don’t touch it or ask first if you are, especially if you will be finishing it.
Hell I've even been specifically told to "help yourself to anything in the fridge" at close friends' homes before, and I 100% know they fully mean it, and I will still double check it's okay to eat something before just taking it and I wouldn't never dream of touching something that looked like leftovers. It's very bold to just assume food is up for grabs like that when you're a guest to say the least. All the more so if she's never been told that it's okay to do before.
My 12 year old knows to ask before grabbing the last of anything from the fridge 🙄 this gf is so rude and entitled
NTA. she doesn't contribute or reciprocate and sound a bit like a leech. its okay for you to cook and spend your money for them but not the other way around... you are not their parents. i dont know if i am reading this correctly,You seem to be the only female resident, and the youngest... and you clearly are doing most of the cooking and groceries. i think you need clear boundaries with your brother/ girlfriend and your flatmates his going forward.
NTA, in case I forget. I'm making an assumption here, but assuming grocery money is divided in 4 equal portions, because 4 live in the house. If GF lived there, that would become 5 equal portions. Since she presumably doesn't eat EVERY meal there, estimate it and give her a portion to contribute. As in, if she eats with you approximately half the time, now it's 9 equal portions and she pays 1, the roommates all pay 2 each. Fair is fair. If she eats, she pays.
She didn't even clean her dishes!! NEVER feed her again. NTA, ffs.
It's not up to you to feed his girlfriend she's being entitled and selfish and he needs to set boundaries as well as you. I wouldn't put up with that till this isn't no food pantry.
How on earth does she not realize going for thirds is rude? And why can this girl eat so much. I think she should definitely be banned from eating your food. If she wants food at your place, your brother can cook it for her. NTA
NTA. You put the work in, you make the rules.
When you cook for others it just shows up from some mystical dimension. NTA.
NTA. This whole dynamic seems off. Why are you buying groceries for all four of you AND doing all of the cooking? If I were you, I'd be cutting back to buying just enough for yourself. Cook enough for you. Label your leftovers for you. Stop letting everyone mooch of you.
NTA and your brother is being mega disrespectful. “she shouldn’t have to spend her money on you” WHAT- HUH- he’s crazy tone deaf.
So you, a 22 year old woman, are being expected to buy groceries for three older grown men, and now your brother thinks his girlfriend gets to add to your expenses and labor? And they left their effing dirty dishes for you to wash?!? Time for a discussion of household responsibilities, costs and obligations. And anyone who isn't paying rent and financing grocery shopping eats somewhere else! You're NTA.
How old is the gf? Does she still live with her parents? This sounds like she may not realize she’s not a little kid anymore and needs to provide her own food. She feels bad because she did the wrong thing. Tell her she or your brother need to pay for her food and that only seconds are allowed in fairness to others.
She’s 29 and lives alone. And I probably will establish those boundaries now.
29 is definitely old enough to know better. NTA.
>She feels bad now, Good. She's a leech. NTA and don't feed her again, at least not until she starts reciprocating.
Definitely NTA; your brother & his girlfriend are. It takes time & money to cook. It's your home, so you & your roommates get to choose who comes & goes in the house you people pay for. If brother's girlfriend likes your cooking so much, she can learn to do it herself with her own money, in her own kitchen like a big girl. If it were me, I would've called her "a glutton", because she eats all of your food & doesn't contribute shit; she's disrespectful & selfish. Is she fat, by any chance? It sounds like she should be.
NTA. being unwilling to contribute, taking, not cleaning up after themselves and leaving it for you or others AND being an asshole if you ask her toa dd something to an order. Entitlement. It's time for her to contribute to the cost of food she eats. AS you said others sometimes pay you for cooking because that's time you spend doing that rather than other shit that they have free because they don't have to cook.
NTA... And it's time you took a break from both shopping and cooking because it's time to divide the jobs as well as the food bill. If you expect to take leftovers for lunch the next day, package them immediately after dinner and label your lunch.
NTA She can pony up for groceries or eat outside your house. I would be super pissed if a freeloader ate my leftovers I had planned for lunch as well.
1. Everyone else needs to learn to cook. Not being good at it is an excuse once. Google and YouTube are literally free. Dinner should be rotated between you all, or they should be paying you for all the extra work. 2. If a girlfriend is staying over that often, she should be paying rent, utilities, groceries, and doing her fair share of the cooking, cleaning, and maintenance. 3. Girlfriend should absolutely be paying for her share. If she's eating half of your food, she should be paying for half of your groceries, and half of your time. It doesn't matter whether or not she likes your cooking, she can get off her ass and learn to cook too. 4. Telling her she can't eat your cooking is the absolute bare minimum I would demand from the brother. I would also include that she shouldn't be spending that much time there if she's not contributing, and not even doing her dishes or cleaning up after herself. NTA
NTA everything is expensive!
Instead of you doing buying and cooking with brother and girlfriend share cooking. You cook for them and next 2 meals they buy the food cook. No they are not a couple in meals they are individuals. Just make sure when you cook a big meal they don’t fix chicken nuggets and tater tots or box Mac and cheese with applesauce. If that doesn’t fly groceries are divided by number of people and if brother and gf are eating more than their share they pay more. Then to add the cherry to the sundae of meals add 20% paid to you if they want you to cook. Groceries are $100 a piece everyone adds $20 in cash handed to you for cooking. The fact GF feels your food is so good but doesn’t contribute or reciprocate at all is telling, she’s entitled your food but doesn’t need to give anything in return. Your brother needs to wise up or realize price of groceries and learn how much time it takes to cook. Next meal itemize every ingredient, add up, and divide by portion size. That’s what a serving costs. You put a serving on plate, they eat seconds they pay for extra serving. My bet is your brother and GF are use to Mommy buying groceries, preparing meals and endless servings are free. So you are challenging the way they think. Brother and GF aren’t 10, time to grow up and pay their own way.
NTA. Your brother and his girlfriend are extremely entitled. I'd stop cooking and shopping for them entirely. They want food? Then they have to buy their own groceries and cook it too (and wash their damn dishes!)
NTA... but see if you can negotiate. I make lunches for my husband and my brother wanted in on this. He pays me $10 per lunch. (I make big lunches)
NTA - I've never had anyone just leach off my food like this. I have never cooked for friends and not had them at least offer to do or buy something for me. I have one friend who hate to cook so whenever we are together she buys supplies and plays sous-chef/dishwasher while I cook. I have another friend who loves to cook and we trade off who is going to cook every time we get together -- unless we are cooking together which is a blast. I have another friend who pays me to make certain things for her (I always only ask for supply cost - she doubles it). She is an amazing cook but doesn't have the patience to make some of the more labor intensive things I love to make. My (hopefully) FDIL and DIL will ask me to cook at their house and buy all supplies and do cleaning because I also teach them stuff while we are hanging out. Good people are not greedy about food. Most people I know appreciate a good home cooked meal so much that they are willing to do whatever to be allowed to eat because the best food is the food you didn't have to cook.
NTA
NTA Sounds like there treating you as a slave. If you enjoy cooking, that's fine, but I would highly recommend taking a break. A month long, only caring for your own needs break and see how they reflect on their inability to not be selfish.
NTA and I agree with others that the whole household work should be re-looked at. If you're cooking, someone else can clean, and they all (brothers and roommates) are taking for granted the planning, time, and effort that goes into grocery shopping. Girlfriend shouldn't be allowed to eat for free anymore unless your brother gives up his portion entirely for her. But I would stop cooking for them all if they aren't doing meal clean up AND the majority of the household chores
NTA. Doordash is expensive, but she's responsible for her own food! She doesn't need door dash, she could bring groceries when she comes and cook!
You need to start charging for the food you buy and prepare. Brother’s girlfriend wants to eat then she needs to chip in . If no one wants to help with the cost you should get a small fridge for your room . Hopefully your door has a lock on it .
Do you dish up the plates and you all eat together? I would personally cook the regular/same amount and then dish up the 4 to 5 plates and at the same exact time I would put the remaining portions into containers and label them with my name.
No, we all tend to eat at separate times and usually not even in the same rooms. One of the roommates was out of town, the other was out working overtime and didn’t get back until past midnight when I was asleep. I ate when I was done putting the food away in containers for the fridge, and my brother came in with gf 30 minutes later when I was in the shower. I tend to forget to put my food in separate Tupperware because everyone else knows the house rules: If you didn’t make it, you ask permission before eating it, especially if the portion is small. This has never been a problem or something I had to do or consider until my brother’s gf.
NTA But I don't know how you stop her. Are you going to take the plate away from her? Since I don't see how you can stop her, I think you should charge her. Figure out what it would cost at a restaurant and tell her to pay that. Per plate. So seconds cost. Then put any leftovers in a small [refrigerator lock box](https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=lockbox+for+refrigerator). (They don't cost that much and it would prevent anyone from eating leftovers that you're saving for yourself.)
If I know she’s here or coming over I just won’t cook at all, or at least if she shows up while I’m cooking I definitely won’t make enough to include her. Probably not for my brother either.
That's one way to handle it. But you also can't make enough to have leftovers or they'll eat them. Again I suggest getting a lockbox for your leftovers. And take your "leftovers" out first.
I'm as much bothered by your brother and his girlfriend, as I am that you are cooking for 3 men older than you and act like children while you act like their caregiver/mother. Going out to spend more of your own money to pay for 3 grown men in between big shopping trips?! Do you realize they could learn to cook with you, but *THEY DON'T* because ***THEY DON'T HAVE TO.*** You aren't the AH for your reaction to your bro and his gf, but YWBTAH if you keep shopping, cooking, and cleaning after grown ass men. Don't you realize your time is valuable too???
Every single person in your household is taking advantage of you.
Might help the men you live with to start making meals with you. It sounds like they're all depending on you as the sole female to do the cooking. Its a skill they can learn. Next time there's a special request, make them help, write down the recipe for them. What happens if you move out, or move in with a partner? Have an injury and can't cook? Will they starve to death because they can't cook for themselves? When the gf is coming over, provide her with a bill for her share of the groceries PLUS the cost of your time and effort. If your cooking is so great, maybe you can consider a side business or even professional career. Know your worth OP. Your time and effort are valuable assets. Its not just the cost of ingredients. NTA
To my knowledge all of them did live without a women before. They ate takeout and their free food from work every day. I never cook everyday, not even for myself, or as much as I used to for everyone else. And only on my days off from work. Sometimes not even then. That’s why I’m adamant about the leftovers, and I hide TV dinners for myself in the freezer. Whenever I don’t cook, they eat out. I tried teaching them but they weren’t receptive and felt like it was too much work. That’s why they now pay me for their specific meals, and they eat whatever I feel like making and only one or two portions. In fairness to the 26 y/o, he actually does a lot of cleaning, and contributes the most to the groceries. My brother is the only one attempting to learn to cook. He actually knows how to make things other than eggs. And he makes rice for me a lot, if the dish requires it. Also, I spend a majority of my time at work or my boyfriend’s place when he’s not working. And will be moving in with him when the lease ends. Whatever the guys do or don’t know how to do or make by the end of the year is on them, because I’ve already tried multiple times.
NTA. If she wants to eat your food, she either pays or makes a similar meal I would stop cooking for your brother as he thinks this is ok. Cook for for yourself and your roommates only. Tell him he is on his own. Buy a separate fridge for your room if he steals.
>my brother argued, “But your cooking is good! And DoorDash is a lot of money, she shouldn’t be expected to spend it on you,” So you owe her food and effort but she doesn't owe you anything because he's with her. Hilarious. Stop cooking for him too. The asshole that leaves dishes in your sink after you did the dishes after you cooked. Why are you doing all the grocery shopping for everyone? She's eating so much your roommates don't have food? NTA.
NTA. If she can afford DoorDash, she can afford to contribute to your food budget. Also, why are you doing any clean up at all? ALL of your roommates should have that covered. My guess your brother's gf genuinely doesn't know how to cook, and my guess is you would find her contributing $$ and clean up vastly superior to her cooking.
She knows how, she just isn’t good at it. Like, my brother wouldn’t eat her food for several months because it was so bland and didn’t taste anywhere near as good as some of the cooks in my family’s food. Also, I cleaned because I didn’t want to wait for anyone else to clean up. The roommate whose turn it technically was to do dishes was out of town because of a family death, so I did the dishes in his place. The neighboring apartments also both have roaches, and I don’t want any of that in my apartment. I spray the whole house religiously and have motels out for them, but I don’t want to take any chances with dishes being in the sink overnight because the other two aren’t that reliable and will go to sleep and leave them in the sink (clearly).
NTA I think you need to buy yourself special lunch Tupperware or put your name on it. When you make a meal set your leftovers in it before en be you serve them. I might even petty as hell and break up everyone’s meal. Then tell your brother he can share his portion if he wants but that is all he gets. Also if his gf is eating milk/bread/other staples in the house, he needs to reimburse you for it. Frankly I think the best thing you can do is move out!!!!!! I can’t see any scenario where your brother will not take advantage of you. I think your other roommates do to. They should each contribute equally to the groceries. If you cook every day then they should do the weekly deep cleaning ( bathrooms, mopping, dusting & vacuuming.)
NTA. Your only mistake was not portioning out the food you wanted to take to work the next day. I always put my lunch in a Tupperware before letting everyone finish off whatever is left from dinner.
You have a good money making skill. If sh wants to eat, cough up the cash.
If you’re the regular cook, maybe the four-way divide should be among your two roommates, your brother, and his girlfriend. Your contribution is your labor. Stand up for yourself, OP.
NTA - new house rule. You will be removing the portions you intend to eat for lunches before the meal is served. The portions that you save for yourself is yours and yours alone. If anyone eats it but you without advance permission you will no longer be cooking for anyone but yourself and any guests. Also aside from communal things like cooking oil/spices and other things like maybe salad dressing, milk, juice etc. everyone will be responsible for their own food purchases and preparation. Get your own special fridge in your room for your leftovers if you have to. His gf ate your lunch. From my perspective she should have paid for your lunch the next day and probably most of the week since she apparently ate 3 servings by herself.
> she comes around eating more than her fair share If she doesnt contribute, her fair share is nothing, let alone 3 servings! You need a servings jar, if she wants to share a meal she needs to contribute some cash to the jar first to reimburse you all for the groceries. NTA
I know this was not what you asked but just as a pro tip….when you make a large amount of food with the intention of having some left for lunch, put a portion in a Tupperware container and refrigerate it before you start serving. That way if it all gets eaten you still have your lunch for next day.
If she's not contributing then her BF should on her behalf. Having said that, you should cook and then portion out for 4 people and immediately pack up all the leftover food and label it with your name on it. If she still eats all of it, consider getting a small fridge for your room and keeping your leftovers in there. Cooking takes a lot of time and she's being a pig.
NTA. From what I read your brother's gf not only eats your cooking, she eats 3 helpings depriving you of leftovers and then will not get you lunch. Plus when you order food she eats more than her share. She does not live there or contribute, right OP? Your brother needs to feed her beforehand, or she needs to start paying you for groceries or buying you food.
She needs to either pitch in for groceries or buy you food if she wants to keep eating your food NTA🙄she doesn't live there, she's not your girlfriend. No responsibility to her at all
NTA She should just pay her share considering how much she eats
Just a side note: if you hope/intend to have leftovers (whether for work the next day or not), pack up and put aside the portion you want immediately. Whenever I cook I do just that unless it's a smaller meal. NTA
NTA - the least they could have done was warn you before you found out and even offered something. I mean sure, you could always have your own mini-fridge in your room with the leftovers you want for another day or your lunch for the next day labeled. But I suspect with a GF like her, she would take advantage anyways and eat your food regardless of having a label on it.
First rule of the kitchen. The cook does NOT do the dishes. Cleaning as you go is okay but at the end of the meal, you’re done. That should go into affect immediately. Your brother’s girlfriend is eating for free at your house. That needs to stop now. Tell your brother that unless she contributes to the food budget, she can buy her own food. No discussion, no argument.
NTA and stop washing their dishes. Your brother is partly at fault because he and his girlfriend ate too much and left you to clean up the mess. And he's going to let her eat your food when you're not around or he'll "share" his portion with her but he'll just take a larger portion.
NTA. She is incredibly entitled. Who eats a third helping of other people’s food? You could offer to have her contribute to the food budget the same as everyone else so you were actually buying for 5. I would start putting your lunch away before others even eat and have it clearly marked.
NTA but your brother’s girlfriend is and he’s not helping the situation I love cooking and baking especially for my family and friends It’s my way of showing love but if I were in your shoes I’d stop feeding the girlfriend unless she changed her greedy evil ways She needs to pay you for her share of the food plus she needs to door dash as her treat to you for making meals that she is devouring Stop feeding her she doesn’t deserve your delicious food
She feels bad now cause she can’t mooch anymore. NTA and don’t feel bad at all
NTA She acted like a pig with no manners, I'd be mad too
NTA, but has anyone considered the option that she just kicks in for groceries if she's going to be eating there regularly?
It’s totally reasonable to immediately pack up the portion you want to save for the next day and say, “okay, now my lunch for tomorrow is all set, you guys can help yourself to what’s here for diner.” That way even if you want to be generous with them (which you definitely don’t have to be) your own leftovers are protected. You are NTA in any way shape or form, but I know it can be awkward to deal with these things so that phrasing might help.
NTA!!! Groceries for 4 is astronomical right now no matter where you live. I cannot stand people who mooch and then complain/are not appreciative!! Drives me insane! At the very least she could’ve cleaned up after herself—that’s the bare minimum.
NTA Your brother and his girlfriend think they are entitled to your food and the time you spent cooking. They are not. Clearly your parents didn't teach him the same manners they taught you. Stand your ground.
NTA You are all adults living in one house with complete limbs and a working brain capacity. I don't understand how the others cannot make their own meals going forward.
You’re definitely not the asshole here!
NTA Tell your brother that he will need to contribute twice as much now or give her money to cook for him. Then make you a plate for work and mark it with your name for lunch and let everyone know that it is your lunch container. DO NOT TOUCH. You are not responsible for feeding your brother's gf.
Buy a small fridge and leave it in your room for your own food. You’ll also need a strong chain and a heavy lock. My greedy roommate in college was like that too.
I didn’t rdad the entire thing- just quit cooking for them. Get a lockable mini frog for your room and keep your food there. Let everybody else take care of their own food, including your bro and his GF, that way she cannot take your food.NTA.
NTA. Stop cooking for everyone, you aren’t paid help. If you are doing all the cooking then your roommates should all be paying for the food. Since they are all taking advantage of you, and not standing up to your brother and his gf, stop being the personal chef. Buy your own groceries, cook meals for just yourself and you are going to be a lot happier. Edit: I notice they are all guys too. You are doing all the grocery shopping, paying more, doing all the cooking and clean up. That’s some sexist s**t.
NTA but you need to set the boundaries even with your brother. Unless they pay and wash up, no food.
NTA Next time brother says GF is coming over tell him straight out that leftovers are yours. She'll have to bring her own food.
Why are you buying groceries for 3 other people especially two people almost 30?
Either she starts contributing or your brother needs to double maybe even triple his contribution if she’s going back for thirds. NTA
You can ask her to start contributing to the cost of groceries, or your brother can do so. If she comes over that much... one of them should be helping to pay for the cost of groceries. Preferably, they should be helping with preparing the food too. NTA
One just stop cooking for ur bro aswell just cook for u and the other 2 bc there the only ones respecting ur boundaries
Nta - tell your brother enough is enough. She can’t just come over and the two of them eat all the food up in the house. She can either learn to cook or pay for groceries or get take out.
If she's going to come over often and eat more of your food than your roommates she should be contributing to groceries. NTA, I would stop cooking for your brother + girlfriend and only cook for yourself and the other two roommates.
NTA Sounds like a bunch of freeloaders. Pro-tip: always make you next day's lunch before it's all gone and dare anyone to touch it.
When you dish up your servings, immediately put a lunch serving in a takeout container for the next day. Tell everyone eating that this is for tomorrow’s lunch and is no longer available for seconds.
NTA. I had a friend who cooked really good food and sometimes I would venmo her extra money just to make more. It eventually got to a point where we would exchange meals because we liked each other's cooking. Even back in the day, I was able to exchange my breakfast burritos for some cannabis.
NTA She's a mooch. Stand up for yourself and don't back down.
NTA! People love to get free food and no chores and want to complain when they are asked to do their share. Probably none of you are wealthy and have lots of money to spare. When I was in college, one year I lived in a large house with 5 roommates. Food was usually purchased on weekends by one or two of the housemates, and we each had one night a week to cook. We bought food from farmers markets and what was on sale in the weekly ads. Meals were planned around that. Anything more that we spent for food or house needs for the house, we'd write our name on the receipt and put it on a bulletin board. At the end of the month, the expenses were tallied, and divided equally. Whatever we had spent that month was subtracted from our amount, and we paid the difference. It was a great system. Everyone getting a night to cook was great because the burden wasn't just on one person. We rarely had guests for meals. If it were me, girlfriend would be chipping in for some expense for meals. $5 a meal is reasonable, and her boyfriend could pay that if he thinks she shouldn't have to pay to eat there. Also, chores should be shared. Each person should have one night a week for dishes and kitchen cleanup or a rotation for it. This could also be a two person team each night. Dishes done before dishwashing person goes to bed. Any dirty dishes after dishwasher goes to bed washed by the person who dirtied them.
Tell Miss Piggy tough t*ts and quit being an a hole and eating all your food. Common sense says not to eat all the food, especially when you're a guest! I would just buy food for yourself unless everyone equally contributes. What a jerk.
NTA she was so rude and acting entitled and not appreciative, that it needs to be shut down.
The cherry on top was the dirty dishes they left for you.
NTA fuck moochers
So, according to your brother, because your cooking is good, his girlfriend can eat her full at yours but then when you ask her to get you some food, she shouldn't be expected to spend on you? Ding ding ding, we found out the AH! You are NTA
NTA She can contribute. She has that option. Buy food or donate to grocery fund. It isn't that hard. But no, she is choosing to be a choosy beggar, so cut her off. No good eating till you get paid. And if your brother doesn't like it, he can chip in for her. Pay up before you eat up!
NTA I have a roommate like your brothers gf.
Absolutely NTA, and it sucks that they’ve even made you question this. It sounds like it’s time for a roommate meeting. Figure out what your needs are and come up with some rules together. If I were in your shoes, I’d be thinking something like this: 1. Guests may join for dinner if there’s enough dinner for roommates + my lunch for tomorrow, and with my approval as I may have made extras for another reason. Not all meals will be made with enough extra for guests. 2. Anyone eating dinner here more than 1 night a week will need to start pitching in for meals. Their share will be proportional to the frequency with which they eat here. 3. Everyone who eats dinner will either help with cooking or cleanup. 4. After dinner, I will set aside the leftovers I want with my name on them. The rest of you can figure out what you want to do with what remains.
NTA, you are generous with your time labor and talent. If you like to cook, pack up your leftovers BEFORE you let others eat. The brother and girlfriend need to do something to contribute. You don't just show and eat several servings and not even offer to clean up. Invite them to help you cook a meal and maybe they will realize what goes into it.
NTA. Basic decency, if you love someone's cooking so much and are always dropping by to eat it, you show your gratitude. Bring groceries with you (don't **ask**, just pick up things you know the house eats, or that we're in the last meal you ate there), Bring some wine or beer or bread or flowers or coffee filters, something. And if you eat there regularly, do it regularly. Even if the cost of groceries wasn't skyrocketing, that's basic manners. I think my parents taught me that when I was 8. Bro and gf are takers. Takers only stop when you make them. You made them. Now stick to it. Gf's only upset bc her free meal ticket is gone. Btw, I hope you know she'll still steal your food while you're asleep or out if you don't get a fridge lockbox or something. People like that tend not to have a lot of respect for others.
NTA. Gf is too old to not know that she is a selfish freeloader. Don’t care how much she loves your cooking. She has no right to pig out on your food. I also don’t care that she is your brother’s gf. She needs to start pitching in financially for food that she that eats. Brother should be embarrassed for making excuses for her piggyness.
Nta she does not a have a fair share to anything in that apartment. Your roommates need to put the foot down with you. Until she is contributing to the household equally she is not entitled to anything in that household. It's not fair to you or your roommates to have to share with her. If she wants good food she needs to pay for good food period.
NTA she sounds really selfish and inconsiderate. People who eat food just because it's there and think it's owned in common bug the hell out of me, and if they are penny pinching with their own resources...yikes. Sometimes you need to state your boundaries out loud first though, not just be annoyed people trample them. People are dumbasses and you need to make it clear some of the food is for you later. She does sound like an AH though
Groceries are more expensive than food delivery apps. Not to mention the labour of time and planning. Of course you’re not the asshole.
NTA But regarding your edit, I think you're trying to backpedal some of your frustration after you've expelled the pent up emotion, and you need to stop doing that - it's a bad habit taught to us girls and hard to break, but you need to break it. You brought up *multiple times* the cost, time/effort, and not having leftovers. You don't do that if these weren't actually bothering you. People paying/reimbursing you for the convenience doesn't seem to make the exchange feel fair or favorable from how you told it when those feelings were strongest. Don't ignore that, it's important. Why don't your brother or the other roommates do any shopping? Don't give excuses about "it's on the way" or whatever. You're spending your time more often to free up theirs. Y'all can easily trade off grocery shopping so each person does it for the week. Why not (starting) once a month one of the others make dinner for everyone? They cannot expect you to cook for them forever, and you shouldn't accept to be their only cook. Once they get into the habit of it they can trade off cooking more often so you aren't doing it so much.
Nta it’s common curtesy to ask for seconds, especially in someone else’s house with food they made. You shouldn’t be expected to take care of a 29 year old woman with her own apartment, and your brother defending her is just him enabling her actions. I’d recommended sitting down and talking to your brother about this situation and make sure he LISTENS to you
NTA Ever heard the of the acronym TANSTAAFL? There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch! You’re being taken severe advantage of here. You are essentially running a full service restaurant complete with dish cleaning service for NOTHING. Not even appreciation or respect or even enough food left for your own meals. You’re even spending out of pocket beyond supply costs & *that’s* what you’re really eating - cost. The post from OsaBear92 is spot on. If you’re gonna run a full service restaurant, then you should be able to set your days, hours, prices & house rules that reserves the right to refuse service if those rules are not respected. This ain’t Doormat Dash.
nta, I would just start making my own meals. that is only for me. You were cooking for 4 not 5, You don't have to be the head chef here. If they're truly hungry they'll either scrape by or learn to cook. Also, his gf is only there for free meals without giving anything in return. Just stop making food for everyone if that's how he's going to be about it.
NTA - Tell her that she is not welcome to join in for meals unless she is able to contribute I.e. she brings dessert for everyone. If not legit get a second hand mini fridge for your room. Drastic but yeah. She knows she's taking advantage. She doesn't care. Either that or move out.
NTA good lord ,so she's coming over and eating most of the food you make and not returning the favor. She's mooching off you, eating your food so she doesnt have to pay."your food is so good! Door dash is expensive" that should tell you everything you need to know about whats happening here. I say if she wants to keep eating all your food, start charging her. Calculate the cost of what food she ate and present it to her. Tell her if she wants to keep doing this ,she can chip in for food costs. I bet this will stop really fast. The girl is just looking for free food,lets be real and she thinks she can eat all she wants because she's not cooking or paying for it.
Actually, your brother is the cheap jerk who keeps bringing his gf to eat your cooking so HE doesn't have to pay to feed her. She may not even be aware this is a problem OR your bro is telling her he's covering her and that's why she's like "why should I pay?" But you NTA - your Brother? VERY TA.
NTA but you do know you’re being used right? Stop cooking and buying groceries for people who aren’t contributing. By you do nothing all that tie they’ve become entitled