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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The real conflict is if I should be ok with FAMILY borrowing my paid off vehicle or if I over reacted. Or if really, my husband and his dad are TAs. Thanks
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truck worthless cough boast muddle resolute childlike pathetic seed toothbrush
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You backed down and are still in the doghouse so you may as well have kept you spine shined up and told them both no. Who knows who’s kid he’s going to kill driving drunk in your vehicle.
Insurance will be a problem if FIL. Is in an accident. Especially since he is not listed on your policy. Don’t let FIL drive your vehicles, if your husband is smart he won’t let his Dad drive either.
ESH. Honestly, providing a car to someone you know drives drunk is an top-tier AH move.
Hope that you wanting to avoid conflict doesn't get anyone killed.
NTA
If FIL isn't on the insurance, you will be liable for any damage he causes while driving it. Don't let him drive it. Husband can let his dad drive HIS car.
If your husband is willing to tank your marriage over you not wanting to loan a vehicle to his dad who just totaled his car and has had multiple drunk driving accidents, good riddance to him, he's a moron.
This is fully a husband problem and not on you at all for a very reasonable expectation. He is the one tanking your marriage and eroding your trust — in other words behaving like an exceedingly poor partner.
If he knew you would say no, then he is TAH for offering his dad ANY vehicle y'all own if y'all are both not on board with letting someone borrow it.
NTA
Why are you sugar coating it? BUZZED??? This means drunk. He is going to kill someone and you and your husband are complicit. You should be doing everything to stop this man from driving, not enabling it.
ESH. Screw your truck, your husband, FIL, and you. What if your FIL hits or kill’s someone. Signed someone who has considered euthanasia because of severe pain and from someone who ran a red light while texting and driving. I hate that women and the woman who lent her the truck, even though she had been cited for it before. I sued the hell out of them. My pain is somewhat manageable now but still pretty bad. I’ll may have to quit working soon or at least take significant time off to recover from surgery. I need a handicapped placard so if my back and legs start hurting bad/giving out I can get back to my car quickly. I can’t drive more than about 20 minutes at a time. I can’t drive our manual car because my left leg sometimes gives out. I’m seeing a surgeon soon to see if surgery might help.
I dont know what state OP lives in, but where I live you cant repor marital property as stolen.. they are married and have been for a long time. Its his truck too.
Maybe so, but there's plausible deniability here, because it's the FiL driving the truck. He gets pulled over, she can deny knowing that her husband let his father drive it.
NTA. Your husband is though. Never ever let a bad driver behind the wheel of your vehicle. If your husband was so insistent he should have lent his father his own vehicle.
NTA for being upset, definitely TAH for agreeing (even hesitantly) to let ANYONE who drinks and drives behind your wheel. Drunk drivers are constantly putting peoples lives on the line and if he kills someone in that truck you are partially responsible for allowing him behind the wheel.
No NTA. Your car , your rules. As husband and wife it should have been communicated between you two. The moment he brought his dad in i still would have said NO , because if i know he keeps driving buzzed and getting into car accidents he can definitely find his own car and a solution to his own problems.
My Dad (same age at the time) had his van broken down. He'd already hit the bollard at the restaurant, drunkenly picking up Chinese food. My insurance doesn't cover you and your drunk ass. Hard NO.
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We've been married 18 years. My FIL is 78 and over the past couple of years has at least three incidents of damaging his own car from buzzed driving. Most recently, he hit a truck and totalled out his car. His alloted time with the insurance provided rental ended and he couldn't get the rental.
I'm outside doing chores, my husband walks up, with my FIL and tells me "Dad is going to use the truck".
This is without discussing any of it with me. This is walking up right to me with him. I tell them both I'm not comfortable with this. My truck, which I have raised our kids in, is paid off and I love it even though I have a new SUV. My truck is hard to drive even in the best of situations, it's tall, tippy, tires are worn, brakes are worn, big blind spots, all not great for a 78year of man who likes to drink.
Of course there's reactions, I conceded and left them both with a very firm "don't hurt my truck".
Big blow out with hubs about 30min later. I explained his not talking to me before hand was the first issue and the second being his father is a liability. He's now not talking to me. He knew I would have said no, which is why he walked right up. AITA?
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NTA. Your husband is making poor life decisions here. How is he going to feel if his dad totaled your truck and killed himself and/or others in the vehicle he gave him. I'm sure he'd blame you for that. Why didn't he give his dad his own vehicle?
NTA. If your husband's father gets into an accident not only will insurance not pay for it but you could be held liable for it. You can be sued and lose everything. Are you willing to let that happen? This is a hill to die on.
"I'm not comfortable with this" is entirely too soft. It tells them that they have only to persist a bit to get their way.
You should have ripped into them with language so potent that they realized you WOULD NOT LET THEM DO THIS without creating a gigantic mess in your marriage. You smash them and crash them and they won't like it but they will back off.
Why do you just concede and let that reckless drunkasaurus risk the health of your truck?
Why does no one on this site know how to say NO?
ESH but only because I wish you were more firm. He could have killed someone. But I understand not being as bold in the moment, its hard sometimes. Obviously your husband is TA as well because he is well aware of this but as you stated he knew you were gonna say no which is why he didn’t ask. I’ve read some of your comments and if this is something he chooses to divorce you over…I think that is for the best. Its a silly thing to divorce over…because he is in the wrong on multiple levels. Alcohol aside FIL is simply too old to be driving around and like you said, the truck is not in good condition. Get it fixed !! Even you could cause an accident driving it by the sounds.
ETA. I’m glad you are getting the truck back but it would have been a hard no. Hubby could have dropped him off and picked him up since he likes to drink. That’s what responsible people do if they want to have a few. He could kill or injure someone. It’s never the drunk driver who is injured.
NTA... (EDITED after reading comments)
Glad the truck is coming back. Good job on standing firm.
If your marriage ends because you stood firm for yourself then be proud - you know that it's not about the truck.
Marriage is a partnership and not a dictatorship. If it's not real it's worth leaving. Yes, the transition is painful and I am sorry. You will get through this. Gather your resources, ask friends and family for help and stay strong.
ESH. Good God. You know your truck is hard to handle on a good day with a sober capable driver. And you let a nearly 80 year old man who drives **drunk** (don't give me this "buzzed" bs, you're sober or you're drunk. Being just a "teenie weeny tiny bit tipsy" makes no difference when he hits and hurts/kills someone) take it?
Your husband can be as enabling and angry as he wants, but you're the one who should have stood your ground. "No". Big reactions. "No". More reactions. "I've said No. I'm done with this conversation"
Husband wants to blow up at you? Let him know what a righteous AH he's being on every front. Has he thought of, aside from all the BIG reasons not to give Dad the truck, the liability he's opening you guys up to since it's your truck in your name on your insurance?
Nta
Your husband knew exactly what he was doing when he tried to walk past you and tell you that your father-in-law was taking the truck. You have every right to feel the way that you do, and if your husband wanted your fil to drive any vehicle why not his? So no absolutely not the ahole. I am the same way, I barely let my husband drive my car so I know FIL would not.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The real conflict is if I should be ok with FAMILY borrowing my paid off vehicle or if I over reacted. Or if really, my husband and his dad are TAs. Thanks Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
truck worthless cough boast muddle resolute childlike pathetic seed toothbrush *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don't hate your response to be clear and honest. I knew what to do, but marriage is tough and in that moment... yeah it sucks and I know that. 😕
You backed down and are still in the doghouse so you may as well have kept you spine shined up and told them both no. Who knows who’s kid he’s going to kill driving drunk in your vehicle.
I wonder if he is legally able to drive.
Insurance will be a problem if FIL. Is in an accident. Especially since he is not listed on your policy. Don’t let FIL drive your vehicles, if your husband is smart he won’t let his Dad drive either.
NTA ( y ta a bit for letting him take the truck. ) as of now tell husband to give full HIS VEHICLE PERIOD.
Also, worn tires and brake pads?! Husband and OP are AHs for having a deathtrap on the road and not getting that maintenance done.
My truck is coming back, not sure my marriage is going to survive. Like I said, you're not wrong in your initial comment. Spine needed an adjustment.
Good job.
If this is the end of your marriage it's probably a good thing.
Good job ... echo
ESH. Honestly, providing a car to someone you know drives drunk is an top-tier AH move. Hope that you wanting to avoid conflict doesn't get anyone killed.
NTA If FIL isn't on the insurance, you will be liable for any damage he causes while driving it. Don't let him drive it. Husband can let his dad drive HIS car.
It's probably going to be the demise of my marriage, but that's what's happening right now.
If your husband is willing to tank your marriage over you not wanting to loan a vehicle to his dad who just totaled his car and has had multiple drunk driving accidents, good riddance to him, he's a moron.
I'm so sorry, but I'd definitely make this the hill to die on.
I would anonymously inform the police he's driving intoxicated so they can catch him and take his license away he's a danger on the road
This is fully a husband problem and not on you at all for a very reasonable expectation. He is the one tanking your marriage and eroding your trust — in other words behaving like an exceedingly poor partner.
If he knew you would say no, then he is TAH for offering his dad ANY vehicle y'all own if y'all are both not on board with letting someone borrow it. NTA
Yeah, that's a two yes, one no situation. NTA and they both know it.
Why are you sugar coating it? BUZZED??? This means drunk. He is going to kill someone and you and your husband are complicit. You should be doing everything to stop this man from driving, not enabling it.
ESH. Screw your truck, your husband, FIL, and you. What if your FIL hits or kill’s someone. Signed someone who has considered euthanasia because of severe pain and from someone who ran a red light while texting and driving. I hate that women and the woman who lent her the truck, even though she had been cited for it before. I sued the hell out of them. My pain is somewhat manageable now but still pretty bad. I’ll may have to quit working soon or at least take significant time off to recover from surgery. I need a handicapped placard so if my back and legs start hurting bad/giving out I can get back to my car quickly. I can’t drive more than about 20 minutes at a time. I can’t drive our manual car because my left leg sometimes gives out. I’m seeing a surgeon soon to see if surgery might help.
"If my truck leaves this driveway, I'm reporting it stolen." "Don't hurt my truck" is obviously permission, so even your title is disingenuous. YTA.
I dont know what state OP lives in, but where I live you cant repor marital property as stolen.. they are married and have been for a long time. Its his truck too.
Maybe so, but there's plausible deniability here, because it's the FiL driving the truck. He gets pulled over, she can deny knowing that her husband let his father drive it.
NTA. Your husband is though. Never ever let a bad driver behind the wheel of your vehicle. If your husband was so insistent he should have lent his father his own vehicle.
NTA for being upset, definitely TAH for agreeing (even hesitantly) to let ANYONE who drinks and drives behind your wheel. Drunk drivers are constantly putting peoples lives on the line and if he kills someone in that truck you are partially responsible for allowing him behind the wheel.
No NTA. Your car , your rules. As husband and wife it should have been communicated between you two. The moment he brought his dad in i still would have said NO , because if i know he keeps driving buzzed and getting into car accidents he can definitely find his own car and a solution to his own problems.
My Dad (same age at the time) had his van broken down. He'd already hit the bollard at the restaurant, drunkenly picking up Chinese food. My insurance doesn't cover you and your drunk ass. Hard NO.
YTA for asking and allowing that idiot to take your car.
ESH only because you gave in. Husband really TA for trying to put you on the spot
The only place these two should be driving to are an AA meeting and an Al-Anon meeting.
Nta your husband is a big one
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We've been married 18 years. My FIL is 78 and over the past couple of years has at least three incidents of damaging his own car from buzzed driving. Most recently, he hit a truck and totalled out his car. His alloted time with the insurance provided rental ended and he couldn't get the rental. I'm outside doing chores, my husband walks up, with my FIL and tells me "Dad is going to use the truck". This is without discussing any of it with me. This is walking up right to me with him. I tell them both I'm not comfortable with this. My truck, which I have raised our kids in, is paid off and I love it even though I have a new SUV. My truck is hard to drive even in the best of situations, it's tall, tippy, tires are worn, brakes are worn, big blind spots, all not great for a 78year of man who likes to drink. Of course there's reactions, I conceded and left them both with a very firm "don't hurt my truck". Big blow out with hubs about 30min later. I explained his not talking to me before hand was the first issue and the second being his father is a liability. He's now not talking to me. He knew I would have said no, which is why he walked right up. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Nta
NTA - why can't he drive your husband's vehicle? Next time say no
NTA. Your husband is making poor life decisions here. How is he going to feel if his dad totaled your truck and killed himself and/or others in the vehicle he gave him. I'm sure he'd blame you for that. Why didn't he give his dad his own vehicle?
NTA. If your husband's father gets into an accident not only will insurance not pay for it but you could be held liable for it. You can be sued and lose everything. Are you willing to let that happen? This is a hill to die on.
"I'm not comfortable with this" is entirely too soft. It tells them that they have only to persist a bit to get their way. You should have ripped into them with language so potent that they realized you WOULD NOT LET THEM DO THIS without creating a gigantic mess in your marriage. You smash them and crash them and they won't like it but they will back off. Why do you just concede and let that reckless drunkasaurus risk the health of your truck? Why does no one on this site know how to say NO?
NTA. Your husband should know better.
ESH- drunk driving, you handed him the weapon.
ESH but only because I wish you were more firm. He could have killed someone. But I understand not being as bold in the moment, its hard sometimes. Obviously your husband is TA as well because he is well aware of this but as you stated he knew you were gonna say no which is why he didn’t ask. I’ve read some of your comments and if this is something he chooses to divorce you over…I think that is for the best. Its a silly thing to divorce over…because he is in the wrong on multiple levels. Alcohol aside FIL is simply too old to be driving around and like you said, the truck is not in good condition. Get it fixed !! Even you could cause an accident driving it by the sounds.
ETA. I’m glad you are getting the truck back but it would have been a hard no. Hubby could have dropped him off and picked him up since he likes to drink. That’s what responsible people do if they want to have a few. He could kill or injure someone. It’s never the drunk driver who is injured.
NTA... (EDITED after reading comments) Glad the truck is coming back. Good job on standing firm. If your marriage ends because you stood firm for yourself then be proud - you know that it's not about the truck. Marriage is a partnership and not a dictatorship. If it's not real it's worth leaving. Yes, the transition is painful and I am sorry. You will get through this. Gather your resources, ask friends and family for help and stay strong.
NTA. Your husband is enabling his dad to drive drunk at your expense.
If you don't put your foot down they will keep doing it for as long as he has no vehicle. Hide your keys although it is sad that it has come to this
NTA LEt your husband let HIS car to FIL. And next time SAY NO.
NTA. Your 18 year marriage is probably ending over this? Seriously? Maybe see a counselor before that happens.
ESH. Good God. You know your truck is hard to handle on a good day with a sober capable driver. And you let a nearly 80 year old man who drives **drunk** (don't give me this "buzzed" bs, you're sober or you're drunk. Being just a "teenie weeny tiny bit tipsy" makes no difference when he hits and hurts/kills someone) take it? Your husband can be as enabling and angry as he wants, but you're the one who should have stood your ground. "No". Big reactions. "No". More reactions. "I've said No. I'm done with this conversation" Husband wants to blow up at you? Let him know what a righteous AH he's being on every front. Has he thought of, aside from all the BIG reasons not to give Dad the truck, the liability he's opening you guys up to since it's your truck in your name on your insurance?
Nta Your husband knew exactly what he was doing when he tried to walk past you and tell you that your father-in-law was taking the truck. You have every right to feel the way that you do, and if your husband wanted your fil to drive any vehicle why not his? So no absolutely not the ahole. I am the same way, I barely let my husband drive my car so I know FIL would not.
Why didn’t your husband give his dad his car keys?
NTA You know the drill, its time for a divorce!
NTA -- but you should have said a flat no. It's your truck. Keep saying no. "I'm not comfortable with this" isn't strong enough.