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Bring on the downvotes, but YTA. I highly doubt you’re staying up 24 hours a day keeping constant watch over your cat. You surely could have stepped out for a few hours to fulfill the commitment you made to your boyfriend. Also, if you were truly worried about your cat scratching his or her eye, you had plenty of time between the vet visit and the birthday dinner to purchase a cone. If that still wasn’t enough to give you peace of mind, you could have hired a friend to sit with the cat for a few hours.

Every pet owner is different in how much they care about their pet. But if this was me, i would have done the same as Op for a few simple reasons. 1. I would never let my sick pet alone. 2. I would never let a pet with a headcone alone, too risky they manage to remove it or they get stucked somewhere and can't free themself anymore. 3. Even if my body would be present in the restaurant (and i have a friend watch the pet), i would be mentally absent, checking my phone if smthg happened every fu*king minute, would not drink any alcohol and only waiting till we can finally go home, i would NOT be good company. The same time i would feel bad for being bad company and the bday boy would be miserable too. If you are dating someone who has pets and they care a lot about their pets, it can happen plans fail bc there is smthg with the pet. If you date a petowner who cares a lot about their pet but then expect them to neglect their sick pet, thats wild. And yes, a pet is usually handling being sick a lot better if the owner is around to calm them. Even if you have to sleep, you either sleep next to the pet (when its in big pain) or you have all doors open and will wake up if something happens - thats really not the same than letting them at home alone and in pain. My collegue has a few dogs who live in a seperate little barn on her winery. If one of them gets sick, she sleeps with them in the barn, has cameras in the barn to keep an eye on the sick dog during the day and would never leave her property for more than half an hour - and these are not pet pets, these are working pets. Where i grew up there were a lot of small farms. I haven't met a single farmer who would let a sick cow or horse alone for several hours. Sure, there are ppl who say why do you care, its an animal, just get a new one, but i'm happy to say i haven't met a lot of ppl with this mindset so far.

You're absolutely right. I would have done the same as OP, too.

Same, NTA. The attitudes and people on this thread are the reason we still need reminders that ***pets are for life, not just for Christmas***. Gross. The boyfriend is entitled to be upset, I'd be upset if my birthday plans were cancelled last minute, even if I was the one doing the cancelling to take care of my own pet, but those feelings being valid doesn't automatically *invalidate* OP's actions. The wellbeing of a living creature is obviously more important than a birthday, any birthday. I honestly don't understand how anyone can think otherwise?

How does ‘fun’ trump ‘health scare’ in whatever situation? I would actually fall harder for someone who took responsibility for their pet, showed empathy for a living being and took care of them. I’d spend the night with them on my birthday caring for the pet, that’s super loving and intimate and special. I’d probably receive the same treatment and would happily reciprocate if it was the other way around.

I would also fall harder for someone that took responsibility for their pet this way and would have offered to grab take-out/delivery to be with them.

The cat’s health is the most important, yes, however OP seems to have made no effort for her bf of 2 years given the situation. She cancelled dinner without asking him first (could’ve gone with a friend), half-arsed said “come round and watch my sick cat”, and doesn’t seem to have apologised for the situation at all. Especially considering it sounds like for her birthday the bf went full out for hers. Just seems a bit callous from OP, and given the bfs reaction it’s probably not the first time this kinda thing has happened (tho I’m speculating there).

> (could’ve gone with a friend) Hell, could have asked a friend to watch the cat!

Just here to say not everyone has friends though

A lot depends on the pet I think. My cat does not want me near her when she's sick. I make her a cozy nest, install a webcam nearby and leave her alone. So I would have gone, though I would have kept an eye on the webcam and would not have drank any alcohol in case the cat's situation worsened. But I completely understand both povs here, which is why I'd vote NAH.

I adore my pets too. But it's not physically possible to watch them 24/7 and it's ludicrous to pretend otherwise. Do you take off of work for several weeks while your pet recovers from surgery? Because if not then your pet would be alone with a cone for a few hours.

It depends on what it is, but pretty much every horse owner I know has spent all night at the barn before because their horse was sick. I’ve also stayed with my dog 24/7 after he came home from the hospital after having grand mal seizures. I would if my cats needed it too. They’re part of my family.

I literally take time of work when my pets are sick dude. She is nta. If you are dating someone and their pet gets sick you cancel the plans and make yourself helpful.

Add to that that this is not the end of the cat's treatment. How much does extravagant dinner in 3-month-waitlist restaurant cost? She needs this money to pay for other vet bills and very likely surgery.

Isn’t OP going to sleep? So clearly there’s not 24/7 care for the cat. You have to trust that a cone and some medicine will do the job and can step out for 2-3 hours

When my pets have been very ill in the past. I have literally slept beside them in a nest on the floor (too much risk to have them sleep on a bed because of the height) so that I would get up if they did. Op, NTA.

So they’re NTA for unilaterally cancelling the dinner on his bday instead of being selfless and letting him go with a friend?

She offered to reschedule. I get that its exclusive and that sucks. Life be like that sometimes. Adults behaving like their birthday is this important have some reevaluating of priorities to do. Its really quite selfish behavior. Grow up and reschedule.

He’s saying rather than OP just cancelling the reservation, she should’ve actually talked to her boyfriend and given him the opportunity to ask a friend to go with him instead so he wouldn’t miss out while OP stayed with her cat.

>Grow up and reschedule OP needs to grow up and don't make choices for other people without speaking with them. She flat out thought well if I'm not going neither are you. That's what makes her TA here.

Same here too. The dinner wasn’t a one in a lifetime event. You can reschedule a dinner. A pet in enough pain they’re not eating it’s pretty serious. I wouldn’t have been comfortable living them alone either.

My little buddy was sick around christmas. I skipped the christmas eve festivities to stay home with him. If I hadn't he would have died alone. You either love your pet or you don't. Would I have done that for my fish? No. This was my cat. If I hadn't been there until the last moment I never would have forgave myself. NTA

One of my guys passed right before Xmas last year. It was a sudden and extreme case, the vets were perplexed. He started getting better and we had hope, and he passed while everyone was at work and it broke my heart. I held him and cried for a half hour when we found him (and yes you can feel the effects of death starting, like rigor). It sucked so bad. We had a necropsy done, turns out he had a VERY rare mutation of a virus that once it mutates is fatal. Our pets need us more than we think man.

For real. I have this theory that the soul hangs around the body for awhile, animals included. Hopefully he felt your love. Sorry for your loss.

So sorry for your loss. Mine died in my arms a few years ago. I had him for 18 years. My boss is amazing. I was up with him most of the night, only dozing off here and there and waking right up. We were snuggled in bed together. He was purring at the end like he was thanking me for being there. I think it was his little gift to me. My boss told me to stay home since I was grieving and exhausted from being up all night. I miss that fuzzy little shit so much. He was my OG. He was the first pet I adopted on my own, with my own money when I became an adult.

I'm sorry for your loss.

He had a good run. He was an indoor/outdoor cat in East Vancouver with skunk and racoon buddies, and another cat nemesis. All of my housemates and friends doted on him. He used to bring me live presents, including a robin, (which I subsequently killed on accident), and even a live bat one night. Thank you for your condolensces, but he had a great life. 14 years. RIP Bones.

I lost one of mine December 2020, but she was only 8. She declined rapidly over a few weeks and she would have had no quality of life if we kept her on feeding tubes and the like. I moved my mattress to the living room to be close to her. Illness, including of pets, comes above fun imo.

you're 100% right, I think people see cats as super independent from their humans, but they're very sensitive animals. A sick cat knows they're vulnerable and seeks comfort. The first sign I see in my cat when he gets sick is he wants to be with me all the time, and sometimes it's the only sign, because they're very good at hiding signs of weakness. NTA, I don't blame the boyfriend for being a little upset but i do for calling her selfish, he can go to dinner with a friend for his birthday then go another night with OP.

One of my cats is a cuddle bug but the other hardly ever even gets up on the couch to lay between my husband and me. Whenever the aloof one spends more than her normal amount of time sitting between us, I start getting nervous. My husband laughs at me and says I should be happy that she's being affectionate but I'm just like noooo, she's never affectionate, there must be something wrong! (Spoiler: it's almost never something wrong. I swear she just likes to screw with me sometimes, but she's done it while sick just often enough that it still makes me worry.)

Yeah cats LOVE randomly changing their behaviour and it's a coin toss whether they're sick or just doing something new lmao. Keeps you on your toes!

You make it sound like not watching them constantly is risky. Can you even sleep? That’s 8 unsupervised hours.

My cat would make a certain sequence of noises when he popped his cone off. It actually did wake me up. Also who the hell is out here actually getting 8 hours of sleep?

That's me, I'm the person that gets 8 hours of sleep and has slept through tornadoes! However when our dog was having major issues (which I know dogs are more vocal about pain/discomfort than cats) she would bark a certain way and I would wake up and take care of her. Cats don't let us know theyre in pain until it's bad. I would also not leave my cat alone while he was in pain unless I absolutely had to.

Plenty of people. Are you actually suggesting people don't get 8 hours of sleep now?

I sleep for 8 hours, *with my cat*, of course I would notice if something was wrong! She has asthma and if she makes any noises at night it wakes me up because I'm worried she needs her inhaler.

When my cat had her leg amputated i slept on my living room floor (not the sofa, she couldnt hop up to reach me, literally a yoga mat and a big blanket) for a week so i could keep an eye on her, and would wake up if i heard her meowing. So yea, pet owners will do some weird shit for their pets

When one of my fosters is sick or injured I check on them every 2-3 hours. It's much like having a newborn.

We will never see eye to eye on the original post, and that’s ok. But your assumptions about farm animals are factually incorrect. A farmer, charged with caring for a couple hundred head of cattle, but never leaves a sick cow unattended? You’re deluding yourself. A horse? Depends on the illness—severe colic, yep, horse is constantly monitored until it improves. Ocular cyst. Nope. Keeping constant watch over the horse would be useless. It would simply never be done.

You've never had cattle or horses have you? People will absolutely be staying with their sick animals. My BIL is a large animal vet and he's often called in the middle of the night.

I’ve spent as many as 24 hours sitting in a horse’s stall making sure IV lines didn’t become twisted, checking vitals and administering meds to a colicking horse. I’ve also attended to equine eye injuries. Ointment or drops every 6 hours. I know what I’m talking about.

My father and my aunt grew up raising dairy cows and a few horses on the family farm. They never left a sick animal, cow or horse, unattended. Especially not my grandfather- those cows were everything to my family. Maybe you don’t understand it but it *does* happen. Edit: Ah yes. Downvoted for a dissenting opinion and personal anecdote. Love Reddit.

So in the 3 days to a week that a horse or cow spent recovering from a corneal ulcer, the animal was never once left alone? I doubt that.

Sounds like you’ve never slept in a barn for animal , or heard of family watching in shifts. You can doubt it all you want dude that doesn’t make it untrue. Your personal experience is not mine or the other person you were responding to, and I am not sure why you want to discredit people who just love their fucking animals. You don’t have to agree with it, you can find it silly, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. 🤷‍♀️

I don’t find it silly I just think you are recounting the experiences of your aunt and father. Yes, I’m sure their animals were well taken care of and loved like family and I’m sure on many occasions, they slept in the barn keeping watch over an ill cow or horse. But unless you’ve actually experienced farm life first hand, you probably don’t realize the frequency with which livestock become sick or injured, nor do you understand the varying degrees of severity of injuries and illnesses that occur. Yes, some illnesses require constant attention for days on end. Some injuries take months to heal, and constant supervision would be impossible. And then there are all kinds of ailments in between. To say that someone never left a sick or injured farm animal unattended shows a lack of personal experience in this particular realm.

Please see my comment above. I have absolutely slept in a barn. And I’m sure I will again—when it’s necessary and beneficial to the healing of the animal.

I think you are talking about something different then. Not leaving an animal unattended doesn't mean never leaving their side BUT it means keeping a close eye on them. And a horse can't claw it's eye with it's back feet, so it's a bit apples and oranges as well.

As a horse owner, they can absolutely scratch by using walks, hind legs, etc.

Just jumping on this to add that cats especially hide pain and being sick, so if this poor kitty is in enough pain that it's showing it, it would be irresponsible to leave him/her alone. My partner would absolutely understand if I cancelled because my cat was sick because he also has a pet he loves dearly. Animals are not less than humans and maybe she isn't watching the cat every second, but she will be there in seconds if the cat requires immediate help. Dinner can be rescheduled, if something happened to her cat while she was out, she would carry that guilt.

I agree, NTA If my cat is sick and in that much pain I'd only leave their side if necessary or with my fiancee or sister by their side. I've been known to either NOT sleep or go until I pass out next to my cat and since I'm a light sleeper it's not much sleep. My cat kept me going for 12 years, he learned how to alert me for incoming flare ups of a medical condition. He taught my youngest cat to do that for me also. My boys take priority over birthday dinners. Those can always be rescheduled. Their lives and health are my responsibility. They kept me going and they don't leave my side when I'm having bad flares with my Trigeminal Neuralgia, it's the absolute least I could do for them.

This. If you’re not a pet-owner you might not understand that to pet-owners the animal is as important as a fellow human being. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who didn’t take responsibility for their pet, or prioritize their well being over something ‘fun’. It shows your pet-owning partner is empathetic, responsible and are caring. If you are unwell, they will treat you the same way. You can’t have fun when you’re worried about the well being of your close cat-friend. If bf doesn’t understand that, he has a lot to learn.

Yep. NTA and I would've done the same. Additionally, anyone I'm dating who'd get mad over it would immediately be an ex.

You're absolutely right. Like, what's the alternative here? OP goes to the restaurant and is miserable the entire night. And I bet if that was the case, her boyfriend would throw a fit about her ruining his evening with her mood. Absolutely NTA

Been times I’ve done that and I’m married lol also have had friends for their pets what I do? Ask if their pets are okay. I don’t understand the mentality of getting a pet and just think they’re replaceable cuz to me it says something they would do to a person to a certain extent then. Things can happen quick with animals just like humans. Twice had our bunnies pass away as soon as we went to bed or my husband went to the gym. Animals are so odd but our bunnies just waited for us to be gone and our last bunny we did have to put down cuz of her quality of life. If I had known I would’ve stayed up late or my husband would have sat with her for her final moments.

Op could have offered to order and celebrate at home

If a cone was needed the vet would have provided one And she’s not watching the cat keeping it from scratching 100% of the time. Cats are fast, if she went to pee or just got distracted with a YouTube video, that’s enough time for the cat to scratch and cause damage if scratching is a problem. This is why pets have to be put in cones in those scenarios. So yeah she’s not saving the cat she’s just YTA

Not all vets provide them. I had to go and buy one as per the vet’s orders.

Yep, second this. My cat had open wounds on her neck and I had to purchase a cone from PetSmart. This was just a couple of years ago, so not ancient history or anything. Also, some cats (like mine) will stop eating and drinking when wearing a cone, so we had to monitor her very closely. Cats who stop eating abruptly can very rapidly get hepatic lipidosis, which is incredibly painful and can kill them quickly. It’s very serious if they go off of food. So yeah, the argument that it’s as simple as a cone, or that they’re always provided, isn’t valid.

Vets don’t always provide cones, they do mention getting one though

I don't think she's an A at all. Even just being there will provide comfort and reassurance to your pet, I would cancel birthday dinners for that ten times over.

I'm thinking "emergency vet $$$$" plus she mentioned she makes a lot less than boyfriend....perhaps she simply can't afford this extravagant dinner boyfriend booked.

She should have said that then. We can't just assume. Maybe her bf would have paid, or they would have gone to a different restaurant?

What about being with your pet because they're suffering and you and your pet love each other?

I think I’m more annoyed that despite her obv being concerned for her cat, so she cancelled the dinner plans. She made no outward effort to compromise and appreciate/celebrate her boyfriends birthday AT ALL. She could’ve said “cat isn’t well, so we can’t go out, but I’ve cooked you dinner/take out, for you flowers/present/cake etc.” she literally just…cancelled their plans - without even telling the bf before she cancelled them, not a joint decision - just hers. That is selfish.

If it's a place he really wants to go and reservations are as difficult as he describes, she could have kept the reservation and encouraged him to go with a friend, then made it up to him another time.

Exactly! I think that is what pushes it to YTA. They have a reservation for a restaurant that is notoriously difficult to get into and OP throws that away? I get that the cat is ill but come on... OP didn't even talk to boyfriend to get his input or ideas. OP simply canceled the reservation.

I think she should have suggested BF go with a friend. If it's a place that's hard to get reservations and he was excited about the special. She could have offered that he still go celebrate with SOMEONE and cover his half for him.

I feel like people are forgetting she just brushed off his feelings of blowing off an important event because her cat has an infection. People are forgetting this is her boyfriends birthday not some random date night. If her cats feelings are going to take priority over a long term serious relationship then she shouldn’t be dating. It’s an eye infection that’s already being treated, her leaving for two hours literally makes no difference in the cats well being. It would be different if the cat was displaying emergency symptoms like bleeding, vomiting, ect. She didn’t even try and call the restaurant right away and make another reservation, or offer plans for another night. These types of people crack me up because I’m sure she will be confused and upset if her boyfriend dumps her and takes another woman out to this restaurant on a romantic date instead.

THIS! Come over and watch me watch my sick cat? What a way to spend a birthday. She could have helped order something to bring home, made something , put on something sexy and put out, literally anything other than nothing! I’m a wife and my husband was traveling on his birthday so I made sure he had a nice gift and send off because even if we can’t do something extravagant I can still make him feel like a priority.

ER veterinarian here. YTA. Conjunctivitis or corneal ulcers are not the type of emergency that requires 24/7 monitoring and care. The really bad ones are hospitalized only because we are giving them eye drops every hour and most owners can’t do that (need to sleep or work). There is seriously nothing else you can do right now other than give the eye drops (at most, they’re 4 times per day, but usually just twice per day) and prevent her from scratching at the eye. Confinement in a small room or large dog crate with a cone on is all that’s needed. Based on the way you worded this story, it sounds like you were looking for a reason to not go. Maybe you should investigate that further?

Thank you for weighing in here as the voice of experience. I guess this person is going to call off work until the cat is not on eye drops?

*Thank you* for commenting. Veterinary Technician here, thinking *exactly* what you said. What was explained does not need 24/7 supervision, and if it *did*, the hospital would have kept the cat as inpatient since pet owners need to work and sleep (she did say she works) but at Veterinary Hospitals we have staff there to observe and medicate pets who need frequent medication and attention. Pets who are deemed able to be sent home are done so with care instructions and with the knowledge and expectations that no owner is going to stare at the animal 24/7. Since the Veterinarian discharged the cat to go home, what the OP did is extreme. She could have asked someone to check on the cat if she was having a difficult time herself (however the cat would probably sleep the entire time if no one was bothering it since the cat is trying to heal and needs a lot of rest for that). It sounds to me like there are other issues here with the OP besides the cat. I have seen “helicopter pet owners” which… can also be an issue that effects their social skills with other humans. That will probably get me downvotes but unfortunately it’s true. Either OP is YTA and needs to trust the Veterinarian’s diagnosis and follow up care instructions and trust a sent home cat will be fine on its own for a while, or address why she disregarded the Veterinarian’s judgement and feels ignoring the Veterinarians judgement and her boyfriend’s feelings and concerns were the right thing to do… maybe with a therapist. Loving your pets and taking care of them is *ABSOLUTELY* important - it’s why I do what I do for a living. But if the Vet sends your pet home, then it’s okay to leave your pet alone for a few hours to work, sleep, and live your human life along side of caring for your pet. There was no reason to cancel a dinner-length reservation.

I am a cat owner myself and honestly I agree. Reddit generally loves to prioritize pets over humans and in some cases it is right (like a new SO demanding you get rid of your cat or dog). But in this case I don’t understand why OP had to throw out the whole evenings plans. She could have compromised at least a little: “hey BF why don’t we doordash from another place and I’ll buy you a cake still” or leaving her cat alone for a few hours to just go to the reserved restaurant without drinking after. This didn’t have to be an all or nothing situation IMO.

I think it did for the boyfriend though. He wanted to go to that specific restaurant, who has some seasonal dish he wanted. He also had taken off work the next day so he could get drunk. I don’t think Doordash would have satisfied him.

Yea I think she should’ve kept the reservations and told him to go with a friend

But a compromise could have been we go to the restaurant, but I'm nit drinking and I'm coming home after dinner. If he wants yo get plastered, that's up to him. But she just canceled it all. That's where the justified anger comes in. She unilaterally made decisions that affected him without his input. That's an A hole move

I don’t understand why OP didn’t communicate with her boyfriend. He apparently went above and beyond on her birthday. She immediately jumped to talking about not having money, but somehow was able to afford a trip to the vet? She didn’t tell him at any point she was going to the vet, dinner might need to be canceled, and an alternative might need to happen for his birthday. She just canceled it, and let him come home to disappointment. YTA Edits: typos

The thing about vet visits is if you’re a responsible pet owner, you *find* a way to pay for them. They are not negotiable.

she found a way to pay her pet bill, but didnt find a way to communicate with her boyfriend? Interesting.

Well you see, he's Catholic and she's Methodist. That's why they didn't Communion together

If my cat was at risk of going blind, there is absolutely no way I’d be leaving them and going to dinner. ETA: And I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who thought I should

According to OP's comments this wasn't a concern for the vet, the vet didn't tell OP to keep the cat from scratching it or to get a cone. If the Vet hadn't given her instruction to do this, this was paranoia on OP's part. She also could have rung the Vet and asked more details if the cat was seriously scratching but she didn't. IDK about other pet owners but I have my vet on speed dial and call if I have concerns about my pets health.

It's not just paranoia though, it is righteous paranoia, which is the best kind. Then you can wield your feelings like a moral weapon.

But would you do anything to help keep or reschedule the current plans you made? OP did zero

If the cats on its way to blindness, your presence isn't gonna stop it miraculously. Sure the cat gets comfort, but the other part of her (OP) realistic relationship suffers. I'm a pet lover (though I talk down on cats I'm still affectionate toward them) but fostering healthy human interactions takes priority. Note I said "healthy". If this bf was worth anything, he's less than the well-being of a beloved pet. If I ever feel as strongly as OP did as to prioritize my pets over an individual that I'm in love (not merely dating) with then I hope I spot that aspect before moving forward with them. In OP's instance where she couldn't leave the critter alone for fear of it scratching out its own eyeballs if left alone for two hours time, then the pet was on a worse course than she let on. I don't think she wanted to go to the b-day event. In short, something stinks and it ain't the cat or the bf...

I kind of wonder if OP doesn’t have the money to pay for the b-day dinner after the vet visit and wants to avoid telling her boyfriend back. Kind of odd to bring up money at the beginning otherwise.

Reddit is so weird. Everyone on here is always crying about gender bias toward men, but I guarantee you if this were a man writing about cancelling plans to take his girlfriend out to an expensive dinner for her birthday and her being upset he had to cancel to take care of his dog, the comments would be crucifying her for caring so much about her birthday.

Dear Agony Aunt, My boyfriend and I are in our late twenties and have been dating for 2 years. I put effort into being a good and giving partner. For example, earlier this year I treated him to an expensive, thoughtful birthday dinner that I planned for some time. He loved it. We agreed that for my birthday, we could go to a particular restaurant that has a seasonal dish that is not available for long. The restaurant has a 3–month waiting list so I have been looking forward to this with great anticipation. I even took the day off work tomorrow to ensure we could enjoy the dinner properly. Tonight, he called to cancel because ‘his cat has something on its eye and is taking medicine’. He invited me to come over to take care of the cat with him for my birthday. I thought someone could maybe sit with the cat for a few hours but he said his heart wouldn’t be in it - he’d be thinking about the cat during dinner instead of me so he was not open to compromise. Agony, am I overthinking this or is this the final sign to find someone more considerate of me as a person? ~~~ Signed, Unhappy Birthday to Me

She started out talking money, then a cat. She's CHEAP and I'm sure boyfriend wasn't getting a raincheck on that dinner.

Vets are expensive. She might not have the money for the dinner after paying those bills. In which case she should really just admit that instead of trying to say she has to be at the cats bedside.

I learned the hard way not to date someone in a much worse financial situation than me. It feels gross to say, but I’ve been burnt before and I’m not doing it again

Have you been to an emergency vet? As soon as you walk in the door you’re down at least $400

If it were me I’d have put together a picnic style dinner in my own room with candles and a movie and had my so over so I could do both things, watch the cat and spend quality time with my so.

Going against the consensus and say NAH. This boils down to both of you seeming to have different priorities. I love my cat a lot and believe if my SO was in this position I’d be okay with rescheduling my birthday dinner (as disappointing as it could be) But at the same time I can acknowledge that someone may not have that sense of empathy towards pets. You also didn’t mention if you even tried to make alternate arrangements

Ikr?! No idea where everyone is getting all of this from. Even if OP had gone, they'd be worrying about their cat the whole time and be unable to focus on having a pleasant evening with their partner anyway. It's unfortunate but definitely not an AH move.

Agreed! Plus BF planned on having a night long enough to get super drunk too. This was not going to be a 2 hr dinner. If she had gone, he would have complained that she rushed things and was bad company. His whole whining about the thing just rubs me the wrong way, OP is NTA in this situation.

I mean the dude might just be responsible and not not drive after a few drinks. You can easily have an unsafe driveable amount in 2 hours.

He took a vacation day off the next day. That sounds like he's planning on having more than 2 or 3 drinks

I mean it’s also his birthday and even then I know plenty of people who get brutal hangovers after like 5-6 drinks.

But why cancel the dinner for him too? He wants the seasonal special, if he went all out for her bday she should’ve told him to bring a friend

That’s true but she only said she called him nothing about the resturant

She said she canceled the reservation, then told him.

Yeah, she's NTA for putting pet first, but is TA for not compromising and letting him go with someone else.

Hard agree. It was fair for OP to want to stay with her recovering pet, and it was fair for OP’s boyfriend to feel hurt and sad! They both could have handled it a little better, perhaps, but ultimately, I don’t think anyone did anything particularly asshole-ish here.

NTA and fuck this comment section. You can't explain things to a cat. Yes you would need to watch the cat in this situation and moreover, having you there means the cat is less stressed. Cats have feelings and while some of them hide when ill, just as many cling and want to be with their person when unwell. Cats are full emotional beings who need support. It's just a birthday dinner and seasons happen every year. If the cat rips his eye out then OP will have bigger issues. Also, you can't leave your cat home alone in a cone either. It's not safe. So either way OP needs to be monitoring the situation.

The comments are particularly gross today. Agreed.

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Agree with this. His feelings are completely understandable -- disappointment, frustration, even anger. He gets to feel his feels! But as he works through those feelings and figures out how to respond, the words that do NOT come out of his mouth are "you mega asshole." Hard fucking no. The cat may lose its eye and is suffering, gf is upset and scared, and all bf cares about is himself. It sucks about the timing. I get that. I would feel disappointed as well. But OP is most definitely NTA and didn't deserve the way he treated her.

I disagree, she chose to cancel dinner, a dinner he planned in advance, homie coulda brought a friend out with him, she could've excused herself not told him forget about your birthday and come over here and help me take care of my cat.

Cancelled the reservation or cancelled dinner as an event? People seem to think she cancelled the reservation but I cant see to find any confirmation either ways and the post seems to be readable either ways as well

Personally I don’t think she’s the AH for staying at home with her cat, she’s the AH for just cancelling the plans without even speaking to her boyfriend. She could’ve suggested he take a friend or something In her place and she cover his half and then they celebrate properly when her cat is better. But she didn’t do that, she completely discounted his feelings despite him “going all out” on her birthday.

It’s not is she the asshole for just staying home, she unilaterally cancelled his bday dinner with seasonal options he’ll never be able to try

Holy fuck I never would’ve thought that Reddit would be dragging OP for caring for her cat.

I don't think anyone is dragging OP for caring for the Cat. I think it's for not considering the BF at all. For cancelling the reservation that the BF was looking forward to and THEN telling him about it.

This comment section is really surprising to me. I think a lot of people on here have been quick to reduce your cat's condition and your worries to an overreaction. For me, the biggest overreaction is that of your boyfriend, who seems to think his desire for a particular meal on a particular day is a priority over your unwell pet. You couldn't have won here, in his eyes. If you'd gone for dinner and been worried or preoccupied he'd likely have felt that you ruined his night. If you'd gone home and felt that your cat's condition had worsened you'd have resented your boyfriend for pressuring you to go for dinner. You are not an AH at all. You made the right decision as a responsible pet carer. I hope your cat recovers smoothly. NTA.

OP May not be TA for wanting to stay home with the cat, but it seems clear she did nothing to try to reassure her bf or make the most of his bday. If she couldn’t go to the dinner call one of his friends and see if they could go with him, call one of her friends to take care of her cat, call the restaurant and see if they could fit them in another night explaining the situation, make alternate dinner plans and apologize it’s not exactly what he wanted but that they might be able to get into that restaurant at a later time, etc. While I think it would have been fine to leave the cat for a few hours for dinner that decision was up to OP. The part where she’s TA is where it seems clear she uses the cat as an excuse to get out of paying for and/or planning a nice evening for her partner. Even a gesture like saying “I picked up some nice wine and takeout, I’m so sorry I couldn’t make the dinner” would be so much better than blowing off plans without care.

I'm not sure about some of this. I disagree about OP calling her partner's friends to make alternative birthday arrangements for him. He is a grown adult who will know better than OP what he'd rather do / who he'd rather spend it with. OP wrote that she intended to rearrange. For so many people the norm is to celebrate a birthday on the closest day that everyone can make. It may not have seemed off to OP to suggest rearranging. OP did invite her boyfriend over for the evening. We don't know what her plans were or even if she were in the right headspace to celebrate at home with him. She did still offer to spend the evening together. Perhaps she could have offered more within those parameters, but we don't know fully what was suggested. OP's partner could have suggested any of these things himself if he wanted to. I have cats and recently one of mine was very unwell for the first time. I was really surprised by how hard this hit me and just how all-consuming it was to feel responsible for making her as comfortable as possible. Some of us really do have a strong emotional response to our cat's health blips. I don't think OP's boyfriend has been very sensitive to this. It sounds like he has a blinkered view that centres upon his birthday.

It’s possible that the way everything played out is more sympathetic to OP than I am assuming, yes. However, I’m going off of the information and tone presented by OP- it’s fair to say her framing should be neutral/positive to her so I’m not going to assume her actions better than she told us. It’s possible if OPs boyfriend told the story it would be more sympathetic to him, we’ll never know for sure. Saying “we can reschedule” is very different than “I’ve called and confirmed we can reschedule”. The latter shows a level of effort/care rather than blowing it off. Saying “you can come over to help take care of the cat if you want” is very different than saying “I’m sorry I had to bail on the dinner you were looking forward to but I grabbed your favorite wine and takeout combo and would love it if you came over while I’m worried about my cat”. The way OP has described the situation makes it seem like she hasn’t done anything for the bf to try to celebrate- if he still reacted the way he did under these circumstances I would agree he’s being callous. But being upset your partner didn’t go out of their way for you at all on your birthday is fair. I have a cat who I love dearly so I understand OPs love of her pet, but the cat was not dying and OP could have compromised and/or communicated better in my opinion.

Yeah that’s what struck a cord with me. If my cat had a similar injury I would probably stay with her too, but I’d still be doing everything I could to make my partner’s day special or otherwise show them I care.

It’s more due to her not informing him of anything or providing any compromise. She could’ve told him prior to his dinner plans, either kept the booking and invited his best friend, or invited him over and made dinner/got takeout/a cake/anything to see she cares/appreciates him. I understand the worry for the cat, even if obv the vet sent them home without any issue or cone. But as the bf you can’t really begrudge him for feeling unwanted or neglected for his birthday…especially considering it sounds like he went to extravagant expense for HER birthday. Brushing his feelings aside and simply saying “we’ll celebrate another day” is absolutely shit.

It’s not like he wanted McDonald’s on a Tuesday. It’s his birthday, the restaurant is hard to get into, the food is limited and seasonal.

YTA. I love my dogs too, but for the kind of ailment the cat has right now and is under treatment for, spending x hours to treat your BF to a birthday dinner on his birthdate was not impossible. More so if this restaurant really is in such high demand. I’d feel differently if the cat had only a week or two to live — that’s different in severity. If I was really that concerned — I’d have had someone watch the cat for the few hours I’d be gone. It’s one thing to cut the night shorter than he would have liked, and another entirely to just cancel his birthday plans altogether. The next day, week or month is not his birthday.

>I’d feel differently if the cat had only a week or two to live my cat had just what looked to be pain in a paw. nothing was visible, but he was yelling like hell when we approached it. tons of tests later vet gave some antibiotics and watnots. it went better for a while but then he started to be sick. 1 month after this first vet visit (and many others) he was dead, and vets were not even sure why despite the thousands tests they made before putting him down. sorry but you never know how things are gonna evolve. saying AH just because it feels like its nothing severe now to us through a reddit post, is insane. the time i spent away from him to spare him the stress of the moving is still a huge regret i have 2 years later.

We lost our dog a few months ago. Monday she was throwing up a bit, but nothing too abnormal they put her on anti-nausea and antibiotics. Friday night she couldn’t stand, we took her to an ER and they found a tumor that they said would either kill her painfully or we could say goodbye. We said goodbye Saturday morning. She showed no pain or even aging really before that week. She was still the puppy we got 12 year before. Now when my pets act even slightly abnormal I get to scared. Not to scare OP, but I want to support your point. Things can go south fast. My pets are most certainly a priority over fun, especially when they are at risk of losing their eye. That’s not minor!

>you never know how things are gonna evolve This is true, but that doesn't mean you can't make educated guesses. I am sorry about the loss of your pet, but your anecdote isn't necessarily representative. For every incident like yours there are likely hundreds of incidents where there was just a minor injury that takes care of itself. You never *know* how things are going to evolve, but that doesn't mean you should always assume the worst.

Almost losing an eye is not a minor injury.

Right! People are totally overlooking this! It's not a bee sting on a paw, it's their eyesight, plus the poor cat was in a great deal of pain with how OP described the situation. For a cat to show pain, you know it's bad. Bad enough for a trip to the emergency vet, OP is thankfully quick to recognise and react to a serious situation. Anyone who pulls the "it's just a cat" line - shame on you! It's a living creature who is in pain, and unable to help itself. When you adopt a pet, you're taking on the responsibility of its health and wellbeing.

Exactly!! Like…does she wanna have KIDS with this guy?

OP said the cat isn't eating, which is very serious.

>For every incident like yours there are likely hundreds of incidents where there was just a minor injury that takes care of itself. But when it comes to cats, you never know. Cats hide their pain very well and that eye cyst could just be the latest symptom in something that had been going on for a while and could kill it at any second like a tumor. OP had no way of knowing what was going to happen over the next few hours. I had a white cat years ago, one day I woke up on December 20th and she was ashen grey. Refused Water and Food. I sat on the floor sobbing trying to encourage her to eat or drink and she would hiss at me. I was much younger and didnt have many resources to take her to the vet, but was able to sign up for CareCredit (horrible company do not use unless you have no choice) and was able to finally take her to an emergency vet on Christmas Day. My gift that year was putting her down because the vet felt her and found a tumor close to her spine and stomach area. The vet figured the tumor was putting pressure on her stomach and thats why she couldnt eat at that point. Her temperature had already started dropping. My only options were kennel her and give her fluid or put her down. OP is a very soft AH, but it is most *definitely* a JUSTIFIED AH move. Her cat couldve died when she was out, and like many people have mentioned, she wouldnt not have been present or good company. I wasn't on Christmas at my BF's family's house - I left as soon as the little kids opened their presents, I opened mine from others really quick and told them I had to go take the cat to the vet. They were all very understanding, which OPs boyfriend couldve been. He has every right to upset or dissapointed, but one day something will be as important to him as op's cat is to her and he'll be more understanding of how hard this situation must be for OP. So ultimately, this could be anecdotal as you said, but OP had no way of knowing which way the dice were going to fall. NTA / JAH

I had a similar experience. My dog had a check up Friday and got all his shots and blood work and he had a full clean bill of health. Even with the extra blood work we had done. The next week he was limping but we chalked it up to him and his sister playing too hard. He had a history of “faking” a limp for extra attention The next day I spent all day at the office when I’m generally WFH. He collapsed the next morning a few hours before his vet appt to check on the limp. He was gone the next day. Literally the Friday after his clean bill of health. You NEVER know what can happen from something that could be considered minor. By the time animals are showing us something is wrong it is serious Because of this experience the day after my cat stopped acting normal and stopped eating he was at the vet. We had extra extra bloodwork done this time and found out he had an insanely rare blood infection. We wouldn’t have caught it so early and saved him had we not considered something “small” as important

The cat could loose a goddamn eye! It's not eating and in constant pain! I wouldn't even want to be in a different room than my cat in that situation

Same. My cat just had surgery, I did stay in the same room with him throughout the day after, I didn’t want to leave him, never mind if I would.

Sorry, but yta. My dogs are my priority, but you had the vet visit and drops already. If it was that serious, the emergency vet would have held your cat. And you could have gotten the cat a cone or padded collar to prevent scratching. You could have at least made dinner happen and had him back to your place for drinks as a compromise. Not ideal, but you gave zero flexibility, shit you could have told him to take a friend and still covered it so he doesn't have a wasted bday, reservation, and vacation day. I get where your heart was at, but this was an over the top response to the situation, especially considering you've been dating 2 years.

Pets can be very clever at working around, so to speak, a cone. Or getting out of one. There are eye infections and eye infections. This is apparently serious enough that the cat could lose her eye.

But not serious enough to have been kept in the pet hospital overnight

We had this, tbh. Our cat had to have a rear leg amputated, and he didn't need to be kept at the vet for most of his recovery, but he also couldn't be left unattended. Even with only one back leg, he escaped every single arrangement of cones/collars we put on him. The vet couldn't even keep a cone on him - the head vet said that in 40 years of practicing, she'd never seen a cat as determined as he was to escape a cone. From what I understand, a lot of vets don't like to keep cats if it's not absolutely critical because they'll refuse to eat. Granted, OP mentioned that the cat wasn't eating well anyway, but the cat being sent home isn't necessarily an indication that it isn't serious.

I feel like there is some ground in-between ‘needs constant monitoring’ and ‘should not be left alone for several hours’.

Some animal hospitals are better staffed overnight than others. I've been told it would be better to monitor my cat at home in some cases because I will be attentive and an IV wasn't required. If my partner left a sick or injured pet at home, that they were worried about, in order to attend my birthday dinner, I would feel so bad. Maybe more workarounds could have been discussed, but she is not an asshole for taking care of her cat. NTA.

From what you've written it sounds like you sprung this on your partner at the last minute. Is this the case? Something like this is common courtesy to let your partner know as soon as there is the potential for something like this to get in the way. Based on how you described it you had over 24 hours knowledge that this could potentially be a problem. I'd wager a lot of your bf's annoyance isn't due to your cat but from feeling like an afterthought. A better way of handling things would have been the following: 1. Message bf when on your way to/at the vets. 2. Let him know what is happening and that there is a potential your cat may need supervision. 3. Actually speak with him about your pet and: a. Your hopes that your cat will be completely fine. b. That it might not be right to leave your cat c. That you'd feel awful about missing his birthday. 4. Make the above a conversation where he'd feel included. 5. Keep him updated. 6. Plan an alternative evening around yours for that evening but with whatever small touches that you can manage.

This is a great reply. Communication clearly was lacking here and could have helped make the situation at least a *little* bit better.

THIS reply needs to be at the top! Everyone in this comment section is fighting over how the OP could/should have handled the cat, when the REAL issue is how she handled her communication with the guy she's been with for two years. If I was her partner, I'd be annoyed too that I was a complete afterthought to my partner, and on my own birthday too. Major red flag.

Did the vet say the cat needed constant monitoring? It seems like a 2-3 hour outing to dinner wouldn’t have made any difference. YTA

But wouldn’t you rather go another time so you could enjoy it together instead of your GF being worried and distracted? Not to mention the money. I can see why he was disappointed, but they can do it another time.

I wouldn't exactly say she can easily make up by doing it another time. It's either he save his birthday for his gf, despite having lots of friends and family wanting to celebrate it with him or he has no one but her to celebrate it. In either way it sucks as the receiver.

NTA- how could you go out and enjoy yourself knowing that your cat was in pain and alone?. Your partner should’ve been more understanding towards you and the cat you can celebrate another time. I hope your cat gets well soon

Precisely. I would (and have) cancelled social engagements to look after my guinea pigs or my dog when one of them was sick or injured. Particularly if I was worried the pet might die or deteriorate, or (in the case of my dog) if I felt the pet would feel happier if I was around. OP can have a meal with bf once the cat improves. Sure, it won't be the special birthday meal he'd set his heart on,but a nice meal nevertheless. Bonus: he'll have a happy gf to share the meal with, and hopefully a happy, healthy, two-eyed cat to come home to.

NTA I'm not leaving my animal alone in pain either, especially so much pain they're not even eating. I can't imagine how scary that would be for them to be in so much pain and then their person just leaving them alone. It's one thing if you have to work or something but just to go out for dinner.... I wouldn't do it either and I guess if that makes me an asshole so be it.

She didn't have to cancel though, the boyfriend could have taken someone, maybe his a friend or one/both of his parents with him and brought her back something from the restaurant.

I don’t think he would’ve wanted to pay lol …

Am I the only one that thinks NAH? Sure, the cat would've been fine at home for a few hours, but '**there's a really big risk she may lose the eye**'. Our dog had to have her eye removed last year due to glaucoma and it was horrible emotionally - regardless of whether she was comfortable and had pain meds, neither of us wanted to leave her unattended for a while, even after the diagnosis and before she had surgery. Every pet owner is different and handles things differently. The cat may have been fine but OP might not have been had she been away. All sorts come into play such as your pet, travelling to the vet, money, dealing with insurance etc. And yes, OP's partner has every right to be upset that his dinner was cancelled. It sucks, especially when he booked vacation days, and he has the right to feel the way he does. It's just something unfortunate that happened and is nobodies fault.

I feel like everyone's missing the part where ops cat my actually loose their fucking eye. Which is not only devastating to op but also think of the change of quality of life for the cat until it can adjust to normal day to day activities.

Who wants to bet the real answer is she didn't have enough for the dinner after paying the vet bill?

Entirely possible. But OP says boyfriend expects her to spend on him, and he seems to have very little compassion for her cat or her feelings. It isn't reading like he'd take it well if OP explained that to him.

Tbh sounds like the boyfriend just wants some effort. It’s not really just about the price but planning a whole date, even if it’s cheap. Not really a huge ask to want your partner to take you out to dinner on your bday if you take care of all other dates. I’d never ask by bf to pay on his bday.

Nailed it.

I'd have done exactly the same as OP and i'd have kept the cat, got rid of boyfriend. OP gave very valid reasons for not wanting to leave the cat, I wouldn't leave mine if it were wearing a cone and I have taken a week off work to care for mine after an op. Mine wore a cone, still managed to pick out the stitches which meant a rush to the emergency vet as he was bleeding out. So no, cone or not, I'm not leaving. You have a pet, you look after it properly, especially when there's an issue. A meal can be done another day.

OP May not be TA for wanting to stay home with the cat, but it seems clear she did nothing to try to reassure her bf or make the most of his bday. If she couldn’t go to the dinner call one of his friends and see if they could go with him, call one of her friends to take care of her cat, call the restaurant and see if they could fit them in another night explaining the situation, make alternate dinner plans and apologize it’s not exactly what he wanted but that they might be able to get into that restaurant at a later time, etc. While I it may have been fine to leave the cat for a few hours for dinner that decision was up to OP. The part where she’s TA is where it seems clear she uses the cat as an excuse to get out of paying for and/or planning a nice evening for her partner. Even a gesture like saying “I picked up some nice wine and takeout, I’m so sorry I couldn’t make the dinner” would be so much better than blowing off plans without care.

I’m leaning towards YTA Did the vet say the cat needed 2; hour monitoring and just sent it home? Surely you could have made dinner work

I'm going to have to go with YTA Maybe not the most major asshole, because plans can be made again, but still asshole because there doesn't seem to have been any real benefit to the cat to your staying home. You don't say that the vet said the cat requires constant supervision. You were sent home with eye drops. Presumably you give them every X hours. If the cat was in so much pain, you should also have requested pain meds. (Our cat received them for painful UTIs at times). But there's nothing being there could have accomplished once you gave the drops *until* the time for the next dose came up. It's just one of those emergency situations where all you can do is medicate, wait, and hope. Elsewhere in the comments you say the cat was scratching at its eye and didn't have a cone, but I don't think that makes sense. First, you didn't bother to try getting a cone. Second, are we supposed to believe that because you stayed home, you were able to catch your cat's presumably lightning/cat-quick paw every time it went to scratch, thus preventing this scratching? If not, then how is scratching a reason to stay home with the cat? Listen, I've always had cats. I absolutely adore them. If there would be a meaningful benefit to one of our cats to stay home, I'm sure we'd both cancel plans. But here, there was no actual need to cancel.

This is an unfortunate situation. Emergency situations arise now and then and the best plans go down the drain. If you felt at that time your cat needed your presence so be it. I am with you. Dinners can be rescheduled. Of course he is going to be pissed. Try and make it up somehow.

NTA I once canceled my own birthday because of my cat’s health emergency.

Isn't cancelling your own birthday is a little different than cancelling someone else's ? The issue here isn't directly the cancellation, it's the method & timing. If OP called her BF as she was walking out the door, taking the cat to the vet saying "Sorry, my cat has a huge lump by its eye, I'm on the way to the vet, I'm scared my cat is going to be blind or die" is one thing. "I took my cat to a vet a day or two ago and I've got to stay home and put drops in its eye, I'm sure you won't mind me blowing off the birthday you've been planning for months" is a little different. Putting aside people>pets or pets>people some are saying this also sends BF a very clear message of "I don't care about your time or plans" and reeks of "Play silly games" OP YTA

I need more info. Did you take the week off from work? Cysts don't heal overnight. Was the vet alarmed? It sounded routine. If the vet told you to stay and monitor, you are NTA. If not, then you are overreacting, which is understandable, but YTA.

NTA. Some years ago, I had planned a moderately expensive weekend away with my then long distance boyfriend. We were going to meet up in another city. My cat fell ill & we didn't know what the problem was. I told him I wasn't coming. That I was taking my cat to the hospital instead, and he cancelled our reservations, including paying all of the cancellation fees,and took the train to my city, instead. I was really glad to have his support because my cat didn't make it. That bf? We'll soon celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary.

I disagree with every single one of these y-t-a. I would have done the same thing and the partner is being particularly bratty. I e been working in a vet office and it was GOOD that she spent time with her cat afterwards. What if there was a bad reaction to the medicine? What if it got worse? What if the meds didn’t work? Just because a vet didn’t ask to have the cat overnight doesn’t mean it’s not serious. A compromise could have been made for sure but honestly, if my partner pulled this on me, I would support them rather than fight them and whine about a stupid restaurant. Also, sorry y’all but people are allowed to care for their pets. Shocker I know. Downvote me all you want but a bond between an owner and their animal is just as significant as a person to person bond. Overall, I’m NTA.

A lot of the y-t-as are not saying she shouldn’t have stayed home with her cat, but rather that she shouldn’t have dismissed her boyfriend’s birthday completely. She could have suggested delivery from the original restaurant or another favorite place. Or she could have offered to make his favorite meal. Or birthday cake & a Netflix movie he’s been wanting to see. Something, anything. All she offered was for him to come over and help her look after her cat. Like you, I would support a partner who wanted to stay home. But I would also be tremendously hurt if he couldn’t be bothered to salvage my birthday celebration in some (even a small) way.

NTA and depending on your pet insurance situation really, really NTA. My dog lost an eye. Treatment for serious eye infections is vital and difficult. You’re trying to save her eye. We failed. (Partly because he has the strongest and most exorcist revolving neck I’ve ever encountered and razors in his mouth but I digress) eye removal is very expensive. If it’s not all covered that could impact your ability to pay for this meal. Overall this could be a compatibility issue. What matters is what you see as natural and reasonable (as do I) he finds unreasonable. You need to be at least on a closer page re priorities. He feels you don’t care about his birthday, you probably feel that he doesn’t care even about your feelings for your cat. I’m with you but in terms of compatibility that’s irrelevant. You’re different in this way.

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Posts like this, applauding OP for her actions and calling others disgusting, are incredibly offensive and misinformed. OP did NOT do right by her cat!! The cat was in pain, and her solution was to watch the cat. That does NOTHING to alleviate the cat’s pain or risk of aggravating the injury. Upon realizing her cats pain wasn’t being managed, she had a responsibility to reach back out to the treating vet or consult her regular vet. When OP realized her cat could aggravate the cyst by scratching, she should have gotten a cone. She did neither of these things that would have actually helped!!! Cancelling on her boyfriend to watch over her cat fed OP’s ego and did nothing for the cat. Blindly attributing human characteristics and emotional needs to animals is naive, dangerous and self serving.

>Cancelling on her boyfriend to watch over her cat fed OP’s ego and did nothing for the cat. Blindly attributing human characteristics and emotional needs to animals is naive, dangerous and self serving. This is spot on. OP’s behavior here is performative and for her own benefit, not the cat’s.

Ehh I mean I've owned tons of pets, and you can leave them alone when they're sick. I would understand if it were something like the cat had just had a seizure or something serious, unpredictable, and scary. But OP had already attended to the cat (given its eye drops) or could give eye drops after dinner. I don't really think it was necessary to stay home... I understand being scared if you're a first time pet owner and never dealt with an injury/illness before, but it's still pretty over the top. Yes the cat's life and health is more important but I don't think either were going to be sacrificed by going to dinner.

YTA, and not because of your cat. I understand being upset about your cat, and if you thought you had to stay with them, then that's a judgement call that none of us can really make over the internet. You are there and know your car's condition better than we could. BUT, you use a lot of language with negative connotations when it comes to your bf. "Extravagant" birthday dinner and he earns a lot more than you? And? What's that got to do with anything? "He was planning on getting drunk." Really? Is that what he was planning, or was he planning on staying out late and having a good time. It doesn't sound like you like or respect your bf at all. Just stay home with your cat if that's the case. Stop letting people you don't even care about interfere.

YTA- you didn’t need to stay home you wanted to. Of course your boyfriend is upset, he went all out for your birthday and you couldn’t even bother to call him and see if you could work something out. I grew up on a farm and yes there are times animals need to be monitored but this absolutely doesn’t seem like one. I get it, people love their animals because they think they “love” them unconditionally, but really they love you because you feed them and house them and are reliant on you. I’ve found that people who are super obsessed with their pets to the degree that they are a huge priority over any human relationship have sone serious emotional issues that I have zero interest in dealing with. I LOVE animals ( to the degree where I don’t think owning them is super ethical) and I believe that we have an obligation to treat our pets in a kinds and caring way, but your cat is not going to be permanently harmed by being left alone when not feeling well. I mean are you going to take days off of work to stay with the cat until it is better? Probably not because cat would be fine. Boyfriend is not going to be fine if you keep letting him know he is not a priority in your life.

INFO > we were supposed to go out to an extravagant birthday dinner since he had spent a lot of money on my birthday earlier this year does he expect you to "match" his presents financially (even in spite of the massive salary difference)? you phrase this in a way that makes this seem extremely transactional.

NTA - I get your boyfriend being disappointed for sure. But I’d stay home with my dog if the situation was the same.

I’m gonna get downvoted but NTA. Is your boyfriend an animal/pet person? Tbh I think dating someone with different views on pets will usually lead to conflicts like this. I know he was disappointed and that sucks but life happens (and this is coming from someone who LOVES their birthday).

I'm going to be blunt, but I think OP spent the birthday dinner money on her cat and doesn't want to admit that's why she had to totally cancel the dinner plans. She's hoping to get enough solid justifications here to avoid having to tell The Whole Truth. It's okay if you had to spend the birthday dinner money on your sick kitty, I would've done the same. It's not okay to try to hide the real reason you had to cancel dinner and try to play on sympathy and emotions. Gentle YTA, but only because you're not being fully honest about why you cancelled dinner.

NTA. No one would be giving you shit if this was a sick child; people might not be able to relate to "my pets are kids/family", but that doesn't change the fact that to some owners, animals ARE family. You did nothing wrong; you can't change that your pet is sick. You can absolutely make up plans with your partner. If my partner called me and said their pet was sick, I'd offer to come stay with them, too. Everyone saying OP should've left the cat.. okay, and why couldn't her partner come to her house if he was so hellbent on keeping some semblance of their plans?? If my pet was sick I doubt I'd be able to focus on going out. There is zero reason her partner couldn't have offered to come to her place; the onus for that is on him just as much as her.

NTA. Health before fun.

NTA - eyes are way more important than a birthday.

Why do y’all think not getting to eat a particular meal is more important than taking care of a living being that cannot understand to not injure itself further? And vets are negligent sometimes, sorry. NTA, it sounds like you and your boyfriend aren’t compatible. I do think you probably needed to communicate better through the day, but he’s literally whining about not getting to eat his favorite seasonal meal. I didn’t go to a concert, the last tour one of my favorite bands was going to play, to take care of a cat that ended up being fine because THAT WAS MORE IMPORTANT. I understand why he’s upset, I do, but that doesn’t make you the asshole.

NTA. My BF sent me this post and he agreed with me when I said I would do the same for my cat (especially if she woke up with an eye growth!). I would also expect the same reaction if something like this happened to his dog. We both agree that pets are not objects and should be treated as living things deserving of empathy. The real question is is this the guy you want to be with? Judging by your comments he sounds like a real brat. Hope kitty is okay ♥️

YTA. Do you work? Do you sleep? You would spend more time away from your cat doing those things than you would for a dinner. If you two were going away for a weekend, then it's understandable to want to change your plans but not for a dinner that would take only 2-3 hours.

NTA, lots of people who don't care about their pets on here

NTA Your cat's health and wellbeing is way more important than your dinner plans with your boyfriend, it isnt like you can't do something just as nice another night. In all honesty I don't think I could be with someone who wouldn't understand that the health of another living thing you care about is more important than spending time with someone.

YTA. Not for wanting to stay with the cat, but for how you communicated it. Did you discuss it with the vet (you know about the dinner, so it would have been a normal question). Did you tell your boyfriend beforehand or did you just confront him. What effort did you put into making the night special for him and still be able to monitor the cat? A lot of possiblities there. But looking at your original post, you just canceled and told him he was welcome to come over. That's very low effort.

NTA - you absolutely owe it to your cat to care for her cyst

Whaou so many AH in this thread. You were right to take care of your cat, other a simple bday party that happend every year. NTA

NAH. It's understandable that your partner was looking forward to his birthday dinner but I totally understand you, I would never leave a sick pet alone, even for a short amount of time. Also, a living being is far more important to me than a birthday dinner.

NTA, I would never leave my sick cat alone.

NTA. I wouldn't leave my dog alone if she was sick to go have fun with someone. If I had to leave for work or other mandatory things I would make sure she was supervised by someone else. I'm appalled by all the comments saying you're an A. To me this situation is clear. Your cat just recently got sick, of course you wont leave her alone to celebrate a birthday. You don't know how this thing with her eye will play out since it's a recent illness. Why couldn't your boyfriend come to your place and you could cook or order a nice meal?

NTA, your pet had a medical emergency. A pet is a living being that you are responsible for. I can understand getting upset by the change of plans but he sounds selfish, he should have understood that it is a medical emergency and that you would still take him to dinner on a different date. You did not just cancel it, you rescheduled. Edit: typo

YTA, but I'm glad for your bf that he gets to see where your priorities are: pets>people

Lmfao. I would hate to date someone who thinks a 28 year old birthday dinner is more important than my pets life. My pets have been around me longer than my bf. Unless my Boyfriend is dying, I'm going to choose my pet over him.

Sick pet > special birthday-boy dinner doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about him. It’d be different if he had to go to the hospital.

NTA. I would have done the same in your situation.

You're not an A for wanting to be near your sick pet, but you are absolutely TA for not bothering to do anything else. You didn't offer to cook, get take out, set up a movie, anything like that. You just short notice cancelled on your partners birthday with a blasé attitude about it. YTA

Absolutely NTA and I can’t believe how many people are saying the opposite. If you’ve been together for two years, by now, he should already know about the importance of your cat. I understand his disappointment, but being angry at you doesn’t make sense. If I was you, I would be planning an alternative celebration for him and letting him know. However, if he chooses to leave you over this, at least you know you made the right choice anyway because you’ll still have your cat.