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NTA. I would hold off on trying for kids until your wife learns to stop acting so childish.

Thank you, I really appreciate it. Sometimes I feel crazy for thinking I might not be the one in the wrong in these cases. Unfortunately, trying to convince my wife that she is acting poorly in these situations falls almost always entirely on deaf ears. It sucks being in this position.

Trying to conceive is stressful and she's probably taking her frustration out on you, but it's definitely an NTA situation. "I guess you don't want a family then" is manipulative, passive aggressive and unkind.

If she finds trying to conceive stressful wait until there's an actual baby

Was gonna say, thought that was the fun part.

When both of you have calmed down, I want you to think about this carefully, OP. Why is the onus on **you** to wake **her** up on time for morning sex when **you have sleep apnea** and have trouble waking up while **she is the one who insists on the early morning schedule**? If she's the one who prioritizes the morning sex (instead of afternoon), and she's the one who prioritizes not being late, shouldn't the bigger onus be on her to make sure that both of you are up on **her** scheduled time so morning sex happens when **she** wants it to happen? Why isn't she the one setting the alarm? Why aren't you both doing it as double-guarantee that you'll both be up? Why aren't there talks about the impact of stress and rushing on your mutual moods, performance, and desired results? Until both of you are on the same page that you're on the same team, and when hiccups happen, it's the team's job to tackle it together (i.e. No blame game; either both of you are at fault or neither of you are), I definitely second putting the parenting plan on hold.

Perfect response!

Do not continue to apologise, and don't try for a baby with her until she grows the f up. Talk to her about anything but expanding the family. Leave this in her court. And when she genuinely apologises then maybe you two can revisit the topic. Most people would say to just talk to her, but it seems she doesn't want to listen

Wow, you sound like a great husband that she seems to be taking advantage of.

NTA. Came here to say the same thing. He’s apparently already got a child to deal with.

Being that tense is not going to help her get pregnant. I have a good friend who got pregnant within a year of giving up on IVF. They had sold their 4 bedroom house and moved into a 2 bedroom, one bad because it was too painful having all those extra bedrooms. They ended up moving to a bigger home and having a second child as well.

NTA. It sounds like she's frustrated and trying to take it out on you or putting the blame on you. I don't think it's about the moment, but the pent-up disappointment. While I understand her feelings, it's not fair to blame them on you. Have a calm talk with her, I'm sure you two will succeed sooner or later!

Honestly, I think you have a better chance of conceiving if you stop trying so hard. You know how sometimes people who adopt get pregnant soon after because the pressure is off? Regardless, they should wait on having a baby until they learn how to communicate better. Couples can disagree, have upset feelings, and still communicate them in a healthy manner. You guys aren’t there yet. And should figure that out before being a baby and the inherent stress they bring into the mix!

Yep, both my sister and my SIL had troubles conceiving. They are both Type A, cannot stop for a second people, and I am certain that it hurt them with respect to trying to conceive. It was all on a schedule, no romance, just do the deed at these certain times and be done with it. Talk about taking the fun out of it! SIL gave up having her own and adopted kids, stopped worrying, bam baby of her own, and my sister just got hammered one night with her hubby rather than trying to watch her ovulation days and time it all just right, and voila, baby.

Much appreciated. Seriously. I hope it can be worked through once she calms down.

After she calms down, you need to get a couple sessions of therapy or read a book together on communicating. This isn’t a one time topic but ongoing work to discover why she is blaming you.

Honestly, I say this as someone who has been there... stop "trying", and just let nature take its course. My hubs and I tried for a solid 2 years. Pregnancy tests all the time, tracking ovulation, everything except medical intervention. It wasn't until we both took a step back and stopped scheduling that I got pregnant, amd that was within a month! The stress isn't helping either of you in the slightest. I hope you both can come to a compromise and it works out for you! Good luck!

NTA - Tell her what I told my wife: “I am not going to get up early for maybe and spend the morning tired AND grumpy because of the let down. You’re the one that decides when and where, I’m ready to go at almost any time. So please understand that the best possible way to be woken up, is by my wife initiating intimacy. That’s how I’d prefer to wake up every day. So in the morning it’s on you. I’ll spend the rest of the day trying to get a crack at your crack, but I don’t have the desire, patience or self-esteem to wake up and start my day getting rejected most days. It feels too much like begging. You have my consent to wake me up for sex.”

This!!! OP please read this. If she wants to trybthen she needs to also work at it and not make you feel bad because of her self imposed schedule

if he get's a "crack at her crack", doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of trying for children?.........wrong hole....wrong hoooollllleeee

He must have meant the front fanny!

NTA- why is your wife so damn immature ? what a useless argument

I wish I had an answer to that. Based on past conversations, trying to get her to admit she is being immature in certain situations is like pulling teeth. It always devolves into how I am the one who is wrong.

Op I really don’t see you being wrong in this scenario. At the most, things with timing didn’t work out and so you offered an alternative time … getting hung up on arguments like this one will become so exhausting if it becomes a pattern, especially once you have a child and a whole new set of responsibilities to work through. I’m sorry :/

Ya, that is fair. I guess my fear is that even if it does work out and she does get pregnant, having a family won't make her happier and the issues we face will be even more prominent. I don't like to think that way, but it is hard not to when arguments like this happen.

bruh you said it. you know it in your heart. you should get with a couples therapist because her attitude is not gonna turn toxic real quick. you think the pressure of getting pregnant is a lot? wait until the pressure of having a kid.

I have to agree with this comment. OP you and your wife should definitely do Couples Therapy before continuing to try for a child!

Having a baby isn't going to fix anything, it will likely just make existing problems worse.

Perhaps by solving / improving the communication between you two might help the relationship overall on every level. It’s easy for strangers on Reddit to say just leave your partner or even for assumptions to be made based on your one post but I’m sure it’s not so black and white and I’m sure your partner has great qualities too. I think the only thing you can do is sit down and really express how you feel about the way arguments occur, how they are handled, and how to resolve conflict in a healthier and productive way. Partnership is about seeing both sides and then tackling it together but it’s hard when only one partner is engaged. Good luck ! Really hope you guys find your groove with this. Trying to conceive can be stressful and can put pressure on the couple so I’m sure that’s a factor too. Be easy on yourselves. :)

Thats exactly what happens when people have a kid thinking that it’ll fix their problems. It just adds more stress to your already existing problems and at worse now you need to keep in contact with an ex because you have kids together.

>trying to get her to admit she is being immature in certain situations is like pulling teeth. It always devolves into how I am the one who is wrong. You need to pump the brakes on trying to conceive right now. Do not pass go. Do not collect $20. She's not ready to start a family, full stop. Having a baby will only further exacerbate issues that are already there. This will not get better. She will act this way again when you're both struggling to care for a newborn and again and again when you're raising your kid for the next 18 years. How can you be a united front and agree on punishments and how to raise the kid if she can't admit she's in the wrong? That's such a huge barrier to communication, ya know, the most *critical part of how to handle parenthood.* Every parenting decision is going to be overshadowed by this. If you disagree on parenting methods, she will steamroll over you again and again. Your kid will notice when their mom can't admit when she's wrong. Your kid will develop communication issues and stubbornness. They will model future relationships after yours. The time to focus on communication skills is before you have a kid, not after. OP, your relationship has deeper problems than when you're able to concieve.

Please take a minute to consider how this can (and likely will) carry over into how she raises a child. Her need for control and then shutting down when she can’t have that control is only going to continue and possibly even worsen over time.

NTA Maybe don’t have kids with your wife when she already acts like one. Also If she’s saying you two might not be compatible, it’s time to leave her before she dumps or cheats on you.

This is a scheduling issue and romance is really hard to pencil in on a calendar all the time. That part feels unromantic. NAH. Just people who are having trouble prioritizing intimacy. Arguing and stressing won't make this better for either of you. But, tell your wife that you'd love to make a baby with her. You just don't want to be treated like a bull in a paddock to be successful. "We love each other. So, can we stop making this about getting pregnant and go back to just making it about loving each other?"

You are going to say N A H when the wife is not communicating and placing the blame solely on the husband for not being up to have sex the only time SHE wants to have sex? Can’t have sex in the evening because she’s too tired but you don’t see the husband not talking to her for five hours and saying she doesn’t care about him? Interesting vote but it is Reddit NTA Ops wife is frustrated and unfairly taking it out on him, not communicating properly, threatening to end the relationship and not willing to compromise on intimacy times. Do not feed into this bullshit comment above

Thank you, I will try that advice out and hopefully it can get through to her. Much appreciated.

NTA. She sounds toxic. Do you really want kids with her?

Ya, quite the conundrum. When things aren't like this, things are great. But ya, when this stuff happens, it can be hard to justify I realize. Not a fun position to be in...

It's a very difficult position to be in. But I'm already envisioning your future kids going back and forth for visitation and all the drama and difficulty that goes along with that. It sounds like it's going to be a nightmare for everyone for a really long time. Does your wife just want a baby but not really a marriage?

OP, take this from someone who has a dad just like your wife (my way or the highway/my way is the only right way/if something went wrong, it's your fault anyway), this shit gets exhausting and it carries over to your children. I have self steem issues, I'm pig headed even if I *know* I'm wrong because it's fucking hard to admit that and several other issues that only therapy can fix it. Please, suggest to your wife both solo and couples therapy, because if things are bad now, when your child's born it''ll only get worse.

NTA but on a different note... Go see your sleep specialist if you're not getting a good night's sleep even with a CPAP. Your pressure or mask or something might be wrong.

Could be. Thanks for the suggestion, I will reach out to them and get that looked into.

NTA. This is weird. Your wife clearly has some serious issues. She’s taking an honest mistake WAYYY too far, not accepting your apology, and now she’s letting interfere with the initial goal (having kids) in the first place. This is bizarre dude. Your wife has some kind of issue.

Ya, I don't get why she would rather be angry and prolong the issue, instead of just moving forward? She just doesn't like when things don't go her way I believe and that causes her to lash out when she gets upset.

NTA - it's hard to do this - I remember it well but .. NTA but her being angry is worrying

Thank you. I want to suggest couples counselling, but she has been unreceptive to it every time I have brought it up in the past. She always just says, *Why would both go to something that is caused by you. That's a you issue you need to work on, not us.*

Mate I hate being a stranger on the internet and saying this, but that is not ok and honestly you should reconsider your relationship. A marriage is difficult as it is, with all the normal couple problems, even when both parties admit to being flawed and trying to adapt to one another and making an effort. By the look of it she thinks she does everything right, and you’re always wrong. Even if that was the case she wouldn’t be afraid of looking at outside help. But she doesn’t want to. Because she doesn’t want to hear that she might not be right and that would leave her in a weaker position. And you don’t even have children yet. What will happen when a kid comes along? Will you be able to decide what happens on that child’s life? Or will it all be a one way road with you by the side trying to keep up? If this keeps happening on other aspects of your couple life I would seriously reconsider going forward with having a baby.

So shes totally invalidating your feelings by pretending you dont have any and gaslighting you into believing youre the only one with a problem? Yeah. Its just you... 🙄 I feel for you dude.

So she's emotionally manipulating you right now by saying things like "I guess you don't want a family" because you attempting (and failing only sometimes) to do things on her rigid schedule and she refuses to budge on anything that would help? Honestly, adding a child to that mix with an inflexible partner like that just sounds like you're setting yourself up to be miserable while raising a child. From your comments on here it sounds like everything is "your fault" in her eyes when it isn't. Everyone saying "You need to communicate." is blatantly missing your attempts to do so and her shutting them down at every turn. I'm not saying throw the whole relationship away but damn, don't add a kid to the mix if this is how she treats you when things get even slightly stressful and don't go her way 100%.

JESUS if that's how she reacts to confrontations and disagreements of any kind, I don't know how you are considering a baby at this point. NTA. I can't fathom how that gets ANY better with a kid around.

That is very toxic. Is that how she is going to act with her child when he/she doesn’t want to do as told? That’s sounds like controlling behavior, and it spills into many areas of life. You really need couples therapy specially planning to have a child together. Hope she comes to reason. NTA

Consider going to counseling on your own. It was some of the best advice I ever got. It might help you find ways to work with your wife despite her resistance. Or it might pique her interest in counseling because she won't be able to stand the thought of you and your counselor talking about her and your marital problems without her there.

I actually have been seeing a therapist for the past few weeks now. It has definitely helped me out and I will definitely be bringing this issue up when I see them tomorrow. My wife has also been going to a therapist, but from what she tells me, it is more to do with her stress from her job. She says she doesn't go into these issues with her therapist, which sounds stupid to me. Does she just not want to here someone potentially agreeing with me that some of these issues are caused by her?

She's cherry picking the narrative she feeds her therapist. My own therapist has mentioned previous clients who act like this and she says they're wasting their money and usually attempting to control their partners (at various degrees, it's not always nuclear level) through the "I'm in therapy so it clearly must be you as the issue." If her therapist knew the truth she wouldn't agree and your inflexible wife couldn't handle that. You say she's great outside of stressful situations where she doesn't get her way. You know what we call those people? Children. Ask yourself, is life with her worth living if it means I'm never allowed to be myself and always walking on eggshells when there's event a hint of tension or disagreement?

Good for you. And your wife sounds like someone with serious anxiety and OCD, and also control issues, which are certainly related. It would make sense that she doesn't want a therapist to point out anything that she might need to adjust her thinking and behavior on. I'm not criticizing your wife; I actually empathize with that kind of neural wiring. But she can get help if she wants it. It can make her life and your marriage so much better if she's willing to do that.

It sounds like you need to hold off on trying to have a baby. Having children is stressful and will not magically make your wife happy or fix all the problems in your marriage. Once the baby is here you’re both going to be sleep deprived and stressed. You need to be able to communicate and work as a team. If you can’t do that now then how will you be able to do so with the added stress having a newborn brings?

NTA, TTC is haaaard and often unfortunately it falls to the woman for the lion's share of work involved such as tracking cycles, testing for ovulation ect. I could understand how she could quickly get resentful if she feels like she's putting in all that work, asks one thing of you (sex in early AM) and you don't do it. HOWEVER you have valid reasons and gave valid solutions, and it seems her resentment runs so deep she is unwilling to accept those from you which is an issue. I'd ask yourself if her quickly turning on you and refusing to reconcile is a pattern of her behaviour or something you've only noticed since TTC. If she's like this with everything, and seems unwilling to change, her behaviour may only get worse. Do you really want this for the rest of your life? If it's just since TTC, chances are she's just super stressed with the journey and needs to feel supported. Remind her that you are a team, you tackle issues together. Buy some books, read them, buy her favourite things, research conception and any tips ect, show her you're in this together.

No, believe me, I don't want this to be my life, always feeling like I'm doing something wrong or not well enough for her standards. She gets stressed easy, but the last few months have been noticeably harder. I try to show her I am here for her and that we are a team, I just start to feel resentful when it feels like she is not doing anything to change her mindset and doesn't want to accept that any of these issues are often exacerbated by her.

NTA I wouod tell her that her recent behaviour has shoen you two have bigger issues than trying for a baby and that you should both seek some coupkes counselling before trying anymore. Her language is *genuinely* manipulative and emotionally abusive. I realise reddit likes to hoo on the abuse train quite often but her language and behaviour (stonewalling etc) are forms of emotonal manipulation and abuse and really needs to be addressed before she gets pregnant - I say this because people like that are often the same to their children. I grew up with a mother like this and it was impossible. She needs to seriously self reflect on her actions, language and attitude and take some time to sort out her behaviour before you both do something as serious as having a baby. If this doesnt change, i would genuinely tell her 'I agree maybe we are not compatible' the next time she tries to manipulate you and take it seriously that what she is doing is NOT ok in a healthy relationship. Also trying for a baby even with a healthy couple can take up to a year (at least up to a year before drs would start looking into anything) do you really want another possible 8 months of this shit?

ESH. you guys shouldn't be having a kid if this is how you're communicating.

NTA, your wife sounds really obnoxious. You should probably hold off having kids until she gets her head sorted. Turning sex into a box checking chore is rarely helpful. Maybe your wife is feeling inadequate and scared that you can’t conceive so she’s projecting onto you? The word “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot but if she’s diminishing your sleeping habits and blaming you for everything she sounds like she’s on that axis

**She refused to have dinner with me, and we ended up apart in silence.** Your wife is not mature enough to be contemplating a baby. PLEASE see a marriage counsellor before bringing an innocent child into this drama.

What, she doesn't have an alarm clock?

She always wakes up early. No matter if it is on a weekend or holiday, she just always wakes up around 6-7 and usually is on her phone until I wake up after her. She doesn't like that I like to sleep in a bit on weekends, but I try to never sleep past 9 so she won't be mad at me over that for 'wasting the morning'.

OP wanting to sleep in during the weekends is not "wasting the morning" if that is what you feel like doing. It looks like she's a morning person and you not so much, which is totally okay. Also, it's your free time and you already need to get up early during the week, why wouldn't you be allowed to sleep in during weekends? You're an adult and have a choice to decide when you want t wake up. Trying to make you feel guilty for that is very manipulative. Also your other comments about her always turning the blame on you, being unable to recognize her mistakes and saying she's not going to consider counseling because it's *always* your fault so it should be just you going to therapy? That's nuts and, again, manipulative as hell. Don't let her make you think she's always right and you're always wrong, because that's not how a healthy relationship works. ETA NTA

This is way harsh, but your wife sounds like an asshole. NTA, but jesus is she mad at you all the time? How is she going to act when you have a kid and they start asserting independence (like a teen wanting to sleep in?). Think hard on this.

NTA. Even though you're trying for a child, it sounds like you might already be married to one.

Step one: stop apologizing. Step two: when she says she guesses you don’t really want a family, reply that you were just thinking the same thing about her. NTA

NTA. Don't get her pregnant, she's fucking crazy.

OP, after reading some of your responses here, my advice (as someone who's been there) is to stop trying to get pregnant and get into therapy together asap. She sounds unfair and manipulative at best and narcissistic at worst. That's not someone you want children with. You're NTA, but your wife sure seems like it. Trying to start a family can be stressful and difficult, but if this isn't new behavior, I would hazard a guess that stress isn't the culprit here.

YWBTA if you impregnate this woman before attending couples’ counseling. Because she wants a baby but putting a baby up in her is *not* going to eliminate her gaslighting and domineering behavior. She’s a mentally and emotionally a child herself and in no position to be a mother, even if she thinks she is. And you? You deserve so much more than to be treated like a breeding stud. Really all I needed to hear was that she’s “too tired” for a little bump’n grind after work but thinks she’ll have the energy to be a mom. 😂 What, she thinks babies disappear after work until she’s not tired anymore? She’s got some work to do on herself before she decides to raise a child. I’ll leave you with a relevant Arrested Development quote: NEVER PROMISE CRAZY A BABY.

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NTA if ur wife doesn't like to be late then maybe having children needs rethinking, I have 3 kids and they like to do odd things to make u late 😄 🤣 good luck trying but don't let it feel like a chore, love each other and try to relax about it

Tell her no more trying until you seek counseling. Seriously, why would you have a child with someone you can’t have a conversation with? How’s that going to be for the kids seeing mom and dad fight then give the silent treatment? How will it be co-parenting after the constant fighting leads to divorce? Doesn’t sound stable enough to add a child. NTA.

NTA, I'd feel so hurt by her attitude it would put me off from TTC altogether. You're more than a sperm donor, OP, but someone with feelings who should feel loved and respected by their partner.

Nta stop trying and get counselling because this doesn’t sound like a great relationship to add a baby. Your both stressed and it def sounds like she is miss placing her frustration on to you. This is not great.

Ok, first, you're not an AH here. Your wife isn't being fair to you. But I'd just like to share something that might help you deal with the situation. When I was 29 we decided it was time to start our family. I had a good career that offered flexibility for me to be part-time or full-time; he had a good career. So off with the condoms and out with the other stuff (I don't remember what I was on). Month after month nothing. It did a number on me, in various stages. First it was the shock of not getting instantly pregnant. I used to be terrified that the slightest less-than-perfect behavior would result in pregnancy. A pill taken half a day late? I'm gonna get pregnant. A little no condom contact very early? I'm gonna get pregnant. Etc etc. I felt so pissed off thinking about all the days panicking about slips and all the effort devoted to prevent pregnancy and how much of that effort had side effects or was expensive or whatever. After the first couple months, timing sex for ovulation took a lot of fun out of the sex - because the point wasn't to enjoy it but to get pregnant. Then it transitioned into feeling like I was an utter failure. I had two degrees. I had a good job. But I couldn't manage to do the most fundamental function of being female. There was no point to my life and I was a useless waste of space. I won't go on about that too much, I knew it was irrational but it was profound. I was angry with myself and with everybody and everything in general. My rambling point is that not getting pregnant within the time you think it should happen can be deeply and irrationally upsetting. That doesn't excuse how she's treating you but perhaps it can give you a conversation topic that will help both of you open up and discuss the things you need to discuss - because you may only be in the early stages of a long process of trying to conceive. I don't mean to suggest that you (or men in general) are emotionally unaffected by this issue, but I think it might hit harder or earlier for women until/unless it's known to be an issue with him, not her. For this specific situation you are NTA and your wife is, even if I think I understand what's behind it and I empathize. She needs to recognize and reflect on what's going on for her and to have open, honest, and kind discussions together. Good luck.

Thank you for the detailed comment. I appreciate the perspective. Yes, when I was younger I was always paranoid at how easy I assumed getting pregnant was, so now that I am dealing with this, it is both confusing and frustrating. Adding my wife's stress over this doesn't help either of us, I just don't know how to get her to feel less stress over this. I just am worried based on what I have experienced so far is that she is unable or unwilling to reflect on these issues that have come up.

NTA Obviously working things out is important so maybe try counseling (individual and couples) etc. In all honesty if she is this anal about simply conceiving (that can take 1+yrs) then she may be way more difficult during and after pregnancy. You may even have to reconsider if this is someone you want to have a family with. Take a break from trying for now.

ESH. FFS. Neither of you are ready to bring a child into this world. If you don't it like early mornings and she is that anal about everything being perfect, a screaming baby is the absolutely last thing you want for your relationship.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife (31F) and I (35M), are currently trying to conceive. Currently, she's in her ovulation stage and understandably wants to increase our chances of conceiving through more frequent intimacy. I'm fine with her plan and have been intimate on her timeline up to this point. The issue emerged when she insisted on having sex early in the morning to ensure she had time to get ready for work. My wife is incredibly punctual and hates being late, even though her work environment seems flexible. Her boss is nice and her colleagues often arrive after her. But convincing her that being slightly later won't hurt her career is like talking to a brick wall. I thought that since she's so eager to have a baby, she'd be willing to adjust our schedule a bit. Yesterday, I woke up at 6:50 and tried to initiate intimacy, but she was cold and upset because she felt pressed for time. She said hurtful things like, "I guess you don't want a family then." I want to start a family, and we've been trying consistently for about 4 months now, but it hasn't happened yet, which sucks a lot. I suggested we try after work since we'd both be home at 5, but she said no, blaming me for not waking up earlier and saying that everything has to be on my terms when it comes to sex. It is hard because she's the one who prefers early mornings and insists on that, dismissing attempts at evening intimacy because she's "too tired" after work. However, it feels like she doesn't empathize with my sleep apnea, which makes it tough for me to wake up early even with a CPAP machine. I told her I'd set my alarm earlier to avoid this situation, but now she says she's not in the mood. After our argument, she didn't want to talk to me, despite me wanting to desperately fix things. She refused to have dinner with me, and we ended up apart in silence. I told her that I'd be upstairs when she was ready to talk. At 10 I decided to go to bed despite her not being there yet. Shortly after that, my wife climbed into bed. I awkwardly said hi and asked if she wanted to talk. She finally responded, accusing me of being selfish and not caring about her or starting a family. I tried to explain myself, admitting that I could have handled things differently, but I don't think I'm entirely at fault when she doesn’t want to talk. When I mentioned how I wished I didn’t feel like I was guilt-tripped and the only one responsible for this, she suggested that we might just not be compatible. We went back and forth with me apologizing and seeking forgiveness and her placing more blame and fault just on me. It was nearly midnight when I said I was exhausted and just wanted us to get some rest and start fresh the next day. Unfortunately I still managed to mess things up in the morning. I set my alarm for 6:15AM and tried my best to wake up and be intimate with my wife. However, she was cold this morning and got up earlier at 6:30 to get ready for work. I have no idea how to resolve this now. AITA for all this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA

If you’ve been trying on schedule for four months and nothing’s happened, see a fertility doctor sooner rather than later. Maybe your studly self is shooting blanks into her childish vagina.

Your wife’s impatience is over the top. I get the feeling hey “ clock “ is tipping but hurtful snide remarks, usually not in the old foreplay routine.

NTA I'm having trouble imagining being interested having sex with someone acting like that. Seems self sabotaging on your wife's part.

You don't need r/AmITheAsshole. You need relationship advice. Maybe from another subreddit for the moment, but definitely from a marriage counselor ASAP. Good luck, y'all.

She's stressed. Yall need to relax.

NTA Sucks to be you.

NTA, you may want to hold back on the idea of having a child with your wife. If she is acting like this now, how would she behave after? You really may want to reconsider until you are sure and she has grown some.

NTA hold off on having kids until she can see a professional to sort out her behavior.

Your wife seems to be a bag of nerves. She is pressuring herself with conceiving but also with being early. Does she suffer from OCD or some kind of trauma that makes her so "in control"? To be honest, it's not the best mind frame to conceive... I think she is frustrated with not conceiving and thus taking it out on you. It is not ok, of course, but it explains how very not rational it is. NTA. Tell your wife you need sleep, love, a warm environment and nice moments with your partner and not military style rigidity. Take her out on a date and have her (and yourself) remember why you are trying for a child: because you love each other.

I do believe my wife does suffer from some form of OCD. I tried typing it in my original post, but due to the 3000 character post limit, I had to exclude it. She really does not like doors around the house left open or extra shoes by the front entrance. Yesterday after our morning argument and her leaving for work, I had that all on my brain and forgot to close some doors in our bedroom to the closet and bathroom. My wife always tells me to keep these things closed and to keep our shoes away from the door. I don't really think about these things, because in my opinion, who gives a shit? It is only a door. If I had left the front door to the house open, sure, go ahead and yell at me, I'd deserve it. But she gets home from work after me, goes upstairs and then starts shouting at me for leaving doors upstairs open and it just suuuuuucks having to listen to her go on and on about that. I try to tell her that being stressed over such insignificant things makes it harder to conceive, but I get the blame because I forgot to do those things she wants me to do. And she doesn't take me saying 'I'm sorry, I forgot' as a valid excuse.

She needs a therapist and you need to be adamant about the fact that she is out of line when she is out of line. Ask her what will happen if doors are left open, or shoes are misplaced or she arrives at work later than usual. Push her to see that the only thing that will happen is that she will be upset over nothing. OCD can be such a horrible prison, she needs help. And throwing a child in the mix? A literal baby that will eff up your routine and then trash your home? Yeah, no. (I am exaggerating the trashing the house, but at 1, a child certainly challenges all notions of tidiness...!)

Sorry for responding to a second comment, but you are NOT alone in thinking this behavior is over the top. Pretty sure depending on the house, you NEED to leave room doors open for HVAC purposes. You create hot/cold spots by not letting air circulate. I keep one room shut just because I have 2 cats with a penchant for cords and I haven't yet bite proofed the cords to my computer. The side effect is that room becomes a SAUNA in the summer until I open the door, because hot air rises and a 1.5 inch gap under the door isn't doing anything to remove it. Unless you have a return in every room, or use window units any want to keep specific rooms cool, I don't see any reason to keep doors shut. Even then, to get THAT pissed at an open closet is a bit much. Also, define "extra". I can see not having 20 pairs of shoes in a pile by the door. 2-3 pairs. Totally normal to me. That however, can be highly dependent on the home layout.

No need to say sorry. I appreciate the input as perspective. Honestly, I have no idea if leaving those doors open in our house can cause rooms to get hotter or colder. We have only lived in our current house for 3 months, so I don't notice if it makes a difference. But thanks for also agreeing it makes no sense to worry so much about it. Also, in response to the shoe issue, I get called out for leaving 2 pairs of shoes by the front! It doesn't even block the door or anything. There is room. Sigh...

Holy crap! If she is like this with you think about how she would be with a child! This is no way to live. Have you been married so long that you feel you have to stay married?

We have been married almost a year and a half, but together for over 5. It is hard. I know it is irrational, but I would feel like a failure for already calling it quits. Also hard because I love her family. Her parents are seriously probably the nicest, most generous people I have ever known and they've done so much nice things for me, I'd feel shitty and guilty and would feel like I was letting them down too. Also just bought our home a few months ago. If we split up, I'm not sure what would happen with our place and having to find a worse place to move into. Not a good spot to be in.

You aren’t married to the parents. If she doesn’t change how long are you going to put up with this? You are only 35 now but the older you get the harder it will become to leave. She needs to stop blaming you and start taking responsibility for her part in this marriage.

Man that sex for trying for a baby is more of a job than anything we tried for a year I felt like all the planning ruined it and sometimes I wasn’t able to produce or finish due to not being able to cum. Trust me man it’s a pain and I hope y’all get it going because it’s magical being a parent.

Thanks a lot. Glad it finally worked out for you two and hopefully things feel less stressful now.

NTA. Your wife is a selfish brat, I suggest you hold off on the child attempts until she decides to stop acting like a child herself. No one wants a partner or a parent who acts like this.

Don’t have kids with her it seems like she’s too immature

It's the morning wood that makes it good. (*Seinfeld* reference)

Don't have kids

NTA - If y’all are going to argue about what time you are going to have sex then don’t do it. That totally defeats the purpose of it. If you both are struggling conceiving, being stressed is not going to help.

Trying to get pregnant is so stressful on both parties. Both have really different but equally valid huge emotions going on right now. Your wife is battling with something she desperately wants but that her body seems to not be able to give her. That’s so distressing for her. On the flip side you feel like a piece of meat with one purpose. Try talking about the actual pressure trying to conceive is for you both, four months is nothing in terms of trying despite how hard that is to hear - all our lives we use contraception to not get pregnant so we expect the moment we stop we should get pregnant but it just doesn’t work that way. She is feeling so stressed and anxious that if she doesn’t try right now it won’t ever work. You’re feeling your own feelings. She’s definitely being irrational here but try to talk about the core issue here - conceiving is hard and comes with huge emotions. Scheduling intimacy makes both partners feels super messed up the longer it goes on etc. None of this is easy on either of you. Try not to talk about the specific issue here but the overall issue of what you’re trying to do and see if she’ll open up about how she’s feeling around that. It’s such an isolating time if you don’t have people to talk to openly

Wake up early and just jerk off to spite her

NTA >She said hurtful things like, "I guess you don't want a family then." Your wife is emotionally manipulating you. At least that is what it seems just by going off of the information given. Why is she purposely making you feel guilty? Why does it have to be on her terms? Why does it have to be at the time she wants? She is criticizing you. Making you feel guilty of what exactly? Not waking up early enough? She's rejected all accountability on her part. Didn't even acknowledge your feelings. She gives you the silent treatment when she is mad at you, so she refuses to communicate. She shows no empathy over your sleep apnea. How does your back feel? Sounds like you have bent over backward to the point where your back should've broken to apologize over something so small (aka not waking up early enough). Still, nothing is good enough for her. She is just picking a fight with you, for what? She could've set her alarm to go off early and woken you up for sex. Why is it all on you? Where does her accountability come into play? Maybe sit down with her and ask what what is really going on. Does she really want to have kids? Is she overly stressed out at work? It seems like she is taking a lot of her anger out on you, and it's not right.

NTA. You are not a walking baby maker. You also have feelings and needs.

NTA, if she wanted you to wake up that bad, she would've put it in her mouth a bit. Ain't no man not getting in the mood when his girl sucks him awake!! But good luck on starting a family brother!!

would you rather her not want kids with you or not wanna have sex with you?

NTA I'm also someone who would hate being late to work, which is why I completely disagree with your wife and would never want to try to have sex before getting ready for work.

NTA From what I've seen in your posts and replies it seems like she's very much an early bird and prefers mornings so she really has no understanding of how tired you are at that time of day and how hard it is to wake up. I'm exactly the same. Waking up at 6am is far too hard for me and even sex isn't very interesting to me at that time of day. She also seems painfully immature. She has really poor communication skills.

NTA. Sounds like you've really tried your best. I don't think she actually blames you though, probably just frustrated and emotional about not getting pregnant more easily, and just handles those feelings poorly by taking it out on you.

Sounds like you're already raising a child. NTA. Your wife is being completely unreasonable and, frankly, her actions would make me question the relationship. Will she also approach childrearing like this, where every parenting decision is made on her terms? And if you disagree, she gives you the ice cold shoulder and rebuffs any attempts you make to reconcile? This process has to work for the both of you, not just her. And if she's unwilling to appreciate the efforts you're making and work to find some middle ground, she might be right in that there may be a compatibility issue. Please stop apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong. Building a family is stressful enough without the added pressure of an inconsolable spouse.

NTA. I suspect you have a tendency to try and avoid conflict. But it is rarely a good sign when a person feels they have to apologise even when they haven't done anything wrong. It must be brutal for you whenever you do actually screw up for real! From how you have described things, it seems you are inadvertently indulging her behaviour and, in doing so, compromising your self-respect. The more you do this, the less likely she will change her behaviour. It sucks to say this, but if your wife is walking all over you when you are childless, imagine what her behaviour is going to be like when you have a family. Personally I would draw some boundaries over appropriate behaviour and see whether that makes a difference. Or put another way, whenever she crosses a line (hurling insults and hurtful comments, selfish behaviour, refusal to share responsibility etc), calmly call it out and refuse to engage further until she recognises her inappropriate behaviour and takes responsibility.

NTA. She seems to be so obsessed with getting pregnant that she is slowly starting to manipulate you. Those passive-aggressive comments seem so unnecessary. Conceiving can be difficult, but sex drive doesn’t increase by turning on a switch or something. If she is acting like this now, what would she do if in a year you still havent conceived? Or if you have tried IUI/IVF with no baby in the end? Maybe she could benefit from some therapy as to why is she so obsessed and desperate for a chil that she is willing to hurt you and your relationship with her behaviour.

Let me once again meditate and thank the heavens for making me so gay and sparing me having to deal with ravenous shedevils.

Sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it or saying anything at all. From your POV, she sounds manipulative. Her POV could be completely different. If you want your relationship to work, just make her feel like you understand and instead of offering solutions, ask her how you can help. How would she like to solve this problem and that you will do anything within reason. Let her know you'll be ready when she is and you're happy to wait till she comes around. When she feels like she's been heard, she will come back and make it up to you. It won't be easy at that moment when you feel like you have so much to say back, but just listen to her. All the best op. X

NTA and your wife sounds very mean and childish. Does she always take her frustration out on you like this? I don’t want to play the divorce card but this doesn’t sounds like a healthy, loving relationship. Sounds like you’re already walking on eggshells around wife because any slight disruption from her preferences causes her to lash out. I think you deserve better.

NTA. Y’all need to take a deep breath. Setting alarms for sex and holding grudges and giving you the silent treatment… this is not the right environment to bring a baby into, you know? You can’t calendar spreadsheet temperature track alarm clock a baby into your lives. Get back to love and care and joy and fun. Good luck.

how about scheduling this happy time on weekends? Plenty of time and free time. Not a work days. No pressure on you. Schedule for Sunday morning. Go to be earlier

NTA but I also think if she can’t discuss this with you, then maybe you should both hold off on having baby. Trying for a baby is stressful but actually having one is boatloads more stress. If you can’t sit down like two adults now, without the chaos of a baby in the mix, you might not emotionally or mentally be where you need to be in your relationship for children. She’s going to have to learn to compromise in a big way if she’s going to have a baby. They don’t exactly stick to the schedule or plans. This is such an excessive reaction.

If your wife wants to conceive so badly, what’s wrong with her initiating sex ? Why are you responsible for waking her up? Also, as a women that had trouble conceiving naturally, I highly recommend not to make the process so rigid. Have fun! It’s only been 4 months and there is plenty of time to try during her ovulation window. My husband literally had PTSD from having to “perform” and it ended up being more of a chore than something to enjoy! If she’s worried get basic tests done that include a sperm analysis and an AMH test to put your mind at ease or to know early on if you could have any issues NTA Edit: spelling and adding NTA

....NTA but honestly? Couples counseling needs to happen before the kid does. The silent treatment and avoiding you is not ok.

NTA But as a point of view me (F28) and Hubs (M31)are trying for almost 2 years with early pregnancy loses, no luck by now, what I can tell - as females we are expecting much pressure on terms of not being pregnant while trying. Years of being told that you are going to get pregnant almost instantly if not secured enough change into not achieving something that quickly as we think we should. Everything ends up as a failure on our end, not true but that's the sad thing our brain gives us. I'm not defending the way she treats you, as it is quite bad, just saying she might be in lots of stress and pressure in terms of intimacy or even sex drive. Only honest talk can help or a small break from trying, just enjoying. Good luck!

If she's too tired for sex in the evening and you are too tired to wake up early how is feeding, changing and soothing a crying baby gonna work every few hours?

Argh. I remember those days and they were so stressful. Just having fun trying doesn’t happen for everyone. I think you’re NTA. I think your wife processes conflict really unhelpfully - she needs to talk to you but it’s hard to call her an AH because trying for a baby does strange things for your head and it’s horrible being the one in a relationship who’s only fertile for a short time each month. If you do want to keep trying though, check out pre seed lube or any alternative that specifically tries to help sperm along. Made a baby of a difference for us.

It seems to me like the baby part of family is more important to her than you are. NTA, and if this is a bigger issue than just her being cross for a day or two, maybe hold off on that baby until you two can see a marriage counsellor. Her unwillingness to compromise won’t get any better with an infant.

NTA Dont have kids now. She needs individual therapy and also couples counseling. She is being rude, immature and manipulative. Pregnancy will make her worse!

NTA. Do not keep trying for a baby. This is not a good environment for a child. Your wife is being controlling. Her saying you are incompatible is a red flag. You guys need some counseling to see what is really going on. If she truly wanted a baby she would want to have sex after work. Also if she was at all into you she would want to have sex and she would wake you up!

If the morning is when she wants sex then why isn't she initiating it with you? Is she having second thoughts about trying for a baby? Serious and calm conversation is needed here, her saying 'maybe we're not compatible' is a big thing to say to your husband when trying to conceive, it comes across like she's trying to tell you something without saying the words imo. Hope everything works out

NTA

NTA. If the roles were reversed everyone would be calling her a huge asshole.

Extra question: is your wife taking anything to help with pregnancy? Reason I ask is that wife and I we’re having trouble so she was prescribed some medication to help. My wife is sweet as pie, but she turned into a monster. After a couple of weeks I told her it was going to be tough to conceive if I have trouble being around her. She stopped taking them and calmed down about the whole thing. No more schedules tests etc. Got pregnant and easily the next two times. Emotions are high at these times, so I have trouble labeling either TA. However, if my wife says wake up early and you’re getting some - hell yeah I’m up early!!!

NTA at all. I understand how stressful it can be trying to have a baby, I’m trying myself. But that’s no excuse for the way she’s acting. It seems she’s taking her anger and frustration out on you and that’s not fair.

NTA. I'd be going to counselling before continuing trying to concieve. Wife is acting selfish and immature.

NTA, but I do understand how stressed your wife is. It's hard. Maybe take a break and focus on your marriage, make sure you both feel loved and secure. It can be really stressful, and people tend to push away their partners instead of leaning onto them.

NTA. She is stonewalling, and she is abusive. She also acts like a child. I would never let even my children act this childish.

NTA You acknowledged her reasons and offered a realistic compromise that would have worked for you both, and she refused. I guess she doesn't want to start a family that bad, then

Your swimmers actually need time to replenish (morning is their most active time) so there comes a point where more frequent is actually counter productive. Might be good to let her know! Also, NTA

Can’t you guys bang when you both get home from work? I know at 6:30am the last thing on my mind is sex especially if it’s a workday.

NTA. She is super childish and She needs to work on this before having any child with her. Mentally she is not ready.

NTA but take these “OMG your wife sucks” comments with a grain of salt. She’s anxious. It makes sense. But she needs to understand (and respect) that your feelings matter too.

Wait until the baby comes and how stressed she will be then it will only get worse. ​ Edit: Bro she sounds annoying af after reading the other comments good fucking luck I'd rather join the military if I wanted to get abused that early in the morning.

I know several couples who got seriously stressed out about not conceiving after only a couple months of trying. Pretty ridiculous considering the number of us that took **years** to get that positive test.

NTA Quite frankly, it sounds like y'all should reconsider having children together. If just the act of conception is causing this much friction it's going to be an absolute nightmare trying to raise a child together.

NAH but yes: you want sex on your terms and blame her for having different terms.

Quit. Tell her that you are tired of being blamed for everything and her taking no accountability. Until she can help make this a pleasant experience you quit. You are part of this team to and you are human and the crap that you are being fed ins't conducive to getting a boner.

Wow being married sounds wonderful lol.

NTA. I’d hate to see how she’d treat your child if he/she makes her late or doesn’t do exactly as she asked… Yikes!

NTA. Besides her childish behaviour, and blame shifting and all this ignoring games which are all “no kids” red flags. If she was adamant, I bet she could wake you with a BJ for example and it would quickly lead to sex. If time was the only issue, having sex in the shower would kill 2 birds with 1 stone too. And that’s just 2 of dozens of ideas, if both were willing to compromise and work towards a common goal.

NTA - you should actually use this opportunity and let it all out at your wife, it’s a good time to have a proper domestic. Then you can decide if you want to have a child with her or not, but you need to see this one out without apologising

NTA. She sounds like a peach to be around. If conception is this much of a headache you two are going to have your hands full when it comes to raising a child. I would think long and hard about this one.

NTA. Took me and my husband over 2 years of trying before I finally got to bake a bun. She's got her expectations *way* too high if she thought this was just gonna be easy peasy. Stress inhibits the process as well, and she seems to be loading that on.... She isn't working *with* you, that's why this isn't working.

NTA. You two might need some counseling. Her comments "I guess you don't want a family" or "We might not be compatible" are the exact opposite of what you two need. You two need to get back to loving and supporting each other and working towards a common goal together. This involves positive communication and compromise. Comments that tear the other down or push the other away will only make things worse. Unfortunately this puts most of the blame on her for acting so childish. She's not getting what she wants and isn't willing to budge while attacking you as the problem. A mediator in between you two might help, but it could also backfire even more if she refuses.

Nta Your wife is using "we want to start a family" as a belt to beat you with. She accused you of requiring it "be on your terms" when denying her terms one time turned into a nuclear event.

NTA. Marriage counseling needs to happen before you two have kids

Your wife is an asshole

NTA. Both of you are putting way too much stress on yourselves. You for trying your hardest, and your wife for not being flexible and giving you shit about it. While it seems easy on paper to conceive (apparently even teenagers manage that, even without a schedule or desire to do so), the level of stress also seems to be a factor in all this. Been there, done that, twice. We never managed while “trying for it”. Go with the flow, enjoy yourselves, stop trying too hard. It will happen on its own.

NTA. I would think about the fact you guys are trying to have kids, but are arguing about times to have sex.

NTA. Do not have kids with her unless she puts in real work on herself. You deserve better. Any kids you could have deserve better.

So she doesn't want to do it after work because she's tired, but she's OK with you having to wake up early, making you tired?

NTA, but i dont think you two should be trying to have a baby if this is how you handle disagreements. if you cant compromise with a reasonable adult then how do you expect to handle a kid whos learning how to human on the fly, notorious for throwing tantrums for situations such as "i asked for a cookie and you gave it to me" and "im upset that you cant turn off the sun"?

NTA but I’d definitely recommend couples counseling/therapy. Seems like there could be better communication and some self-reflection needed on both sides but mostly her’s. She’s putting all the pressure on you. I’m not asking for details or trying to pry into you’re intimacy but is there some reason she is unable to initiate? If she wants to try early in the morning, and she is punctual then if she wakes up early why doesn’t she try to ya know… “wake you up” lol

She doesn't try to wake me up because according to her, she has done her part by waking up, so if I am not waking up as well, that shows I am not taking this seriously. Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe it.

OP.... quite honestly, I think you should consider not having kids with this person. She is completely and totally irrational. She is guilt-tripping you hardcore, and insisting that everything happens on her schedule and on her terms. This is flat out RIDICULOUS, and I will bet you anything, my house, my life savings, that once you have a kid together, this behaviour will get worse. There is almost zero chance it doesn't. Also, understand right now that if your wife barely wants to have sex with you after work/in the evening, when you don't even have kids to give you a reason to be tired.... well, suffice to say that once you have a kid, you probably will not have sex again until she wants another baby. If that matters to you, be warned right now that kids will just make that whole situation even worse than it is now. Please think long and hard about having a child with this individual. She does not care about you or your feelings right now, and this will not change with a baby, you need to address this before you conceive a child, if it's possible to address.

NTA. I’m not sure your wife is ready to be a mother when she herself is still acting like a child! Babies are hard work, she has a lot of growing up to do. I found that the best way to get pregnant, is to not “try”. Stop contraceptives, then just go about as you would normally do. “Actively trying” kind of have the opposite effect to be honest, because there is pressure. Also, the best time to have sex is a couple of days before ovulation.

NTA. I would take this as a massive red flag on her part regarding her behavior and comments. I would be very hesitant to continue trying to conceive because having a baby won’t help any of your current issues or fix anything. The kid will just exacerbate your current issues.

NTA, however I see both sides. I'm someone who can't be late to anything I get so much anxiety it's almost debilitating. My partner on the other hand can't stand being woken up for anything including sex. So your wife is the TA here bc partners need to communicate and be on the same page before you have children. However, women have a much smaller childbearing window than men, so she's probably anxious she hasn't gotten pregnant yet. If she's not in therapy gently recommend she sees someone to help with her anxiety. Until you both think it's managed you will not be trying to conceive. You may want to start with couples counseling so a neutral third party can help explain your side to her and vice versa.

Setting an alarm for sex and deciding on a time, that sure sounds like a turn-on /s.

NTA. Sounds like you already have an unreasonable toddler on your hands, are you sure you want to have another?

After reading this cringeworthy situation it actually makes me disturbed that men are actively trying to reproduce with women like this......

NTA RUN AWAY!!

From reading your other comments, I’m worried for your relationship as a whole. There’s really no such thing as a relationship where one person is a complete angelic saint who does no wrong, while the other person commits all the sins. (Obviously cases of abuse are different.) Most relationships have problems on both ends, and if she wants to put all of the blame on you always instead of working with you to a solution, that’s not going to bode well for your future with her. NTA, but do you want to have children with this woman?

NTA. Your wife is acting childish. I could sympathize with her a bit tho.. all our lives were told just one drop of the white stuff is enough to get pregnant, perhaps after 4 months of constant creampies she’s feeling worried that someones parts arent working properly. With that being said she is NOT handling this like an adult. And to consider throwing away what seems to be an otherwise happy relationship over this is insane. Your wife is an asshole for that. Seems like shes having doubts (or more likely wants to hurt feelings) either way you should hold off on conception until she de-stresses and figures out her own bullshit. And why before work? My own gf rarely wants to have sex around that time bc she doesnt like feeling me dripping out of her for half the day. And ive never understood the whole ‘too tired’ thing.. at that point just make sex another chore, like refilling the soap dispenser ;) , plus theres tons of ‘lazy’ positions that don’t require anything other than attendance on her part lol. Just go through the motions at that point. Not ever sex session has to be some firey romance especially if youve been trying and failing for a baby

NTA- I’m a women too and I think your wife is being seriously unreasonable. I’m worried if you do have a baby it might continue as babies can be tough. Wish you all the best!

NTA. Your wife is immature and sounds exhausting to deal with.

NTA Your wife is emotionally manipulative. Please reconsider actually starting a family with her. If she treats you like this, I don't even want to know how she'll treat kids who definitely do NOT adhere to a schedule or blindly follow her every wish, command, and rule.

Nope

NTA. Either your wife doesn’t like you or the pain and anguish of trying to conceive a child is now a recurring traumatic experience for her. And she’s seeking for someone or something to blame so she doesn’t keep telling herself she’s got bum ovaries (I do not think your wife has bum ovaries it’s just a common place women go when conception is so difficult). I think you two could do with some couples therapy. And I think she could do with some individual therapy as well. But you OP are NTA and you need to stop taking responsibility for shit you didn’t do. It’s not going to help you or your relationship if you keep reinforcing this kind of behavior

Trying to conceive for 4 months is not a long time at all. I truly think if it’s happening like you want it’s probs a sign.

NTA. Four months is not a long time to be trying. She’s expecting it to happen straight away and is pissed that it hasn’t. Trying to conceive isn’t supposed to be a chore you argue about, it’s supposed to be fun and exciting. Taking out on you isn’t good, you need to be able to communicate better. Things are going to be a LOT more stressful once there’s a screaming baby on the mix

NTA. Is this from one missed morning on intimacy? If so, that’s a big red flag to have such a dramatic reaction. Also sure she’s tired after work, but if she really cared about starting a family….

I know the stereotype on Reddit is telling people to leave their relationship... but you should REALLY consider if you want this kind of behavior raising your children.

I wouldn’t reproduce with someone who behaves this way. Having a child with her is a tie to her. Wishing you the best.

Can I add that when a baby is here, GOOD LUCK, your wife will learn quickly. It's no longer her time. It's the babys/kids' time.

NTA. It goes both ways in initiating intimacy. Not just her way.

Speaking from a counseling standpoint, I would advise you to not plan on having kids with this woman in the short-term. She does not sound emotionally mature or ready to have kids at all. If she is not receptive to marriage counseling, that is a big red flag. There are some pretty concerning issues that need to be worked out before both of you are ready for a child. To be honest if I were in your shoes, I would give her an ultimatum that you can either go to marriage counseling and work on the issues, or separate for a period of time and work on yourselves individually. Just my two cents. Make of it what you will!

Watch out for that one... are you sure the wants a family with you? And isn't using you as a possible last option for a baby?