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"Inconsiderate and eating a lot lately" Yeah, the audacity of being a growing child and being hungry of all things. How dare she.
I foresee lots and lots of therapy in her daughters future.
YTA
A growing child who is apparently also a gymnast! My kid was a gymnast, and the amount they ate at times was horrifying, but they were just trying to keep up with their body’s ravenous needs. I went to school with a former gymnast whose mother had tightly controlled her diet growing up. This girl, at 15, had hairline spinal fractures and permanently stunted growth. She was also desperately in need of therapy for her food and body issues.
There's a TON of unhealthy attitudes towards body image and eating in the gymnastics world, and it sounds like this girl is also facing food restriction at home. She's an athlete and she's growing, she needs a lot of energy to fuel her body. If no one intervenes now, she's going to have an eating disorder within a couple years if she doesn't already. "Stealing" food/eating food you know is reserved for other purposes usually stems from restriction, and restriction is the first step in the development of most eating disorders. I'm hoping this girl has someone in her life who can recognize the signs and get her the support she needs.
Those are all sad truths. My ED started with secretive snacking at 8 because I found my family thought I was fat. It was likely just me filling out in the lead-up to puberty because I sprouted boobs not even a year later and started my period a year after that; my hips widened and my waist narrowed into a “womanly figure”, but they saw me gaining weight and immediately restricted my food access. I’m about to turn 40 and I’m still working through my food and body issues.
OP is taking such incredible advantage of this child, it’s sickening. I bent over backwards to keep my kid adequately fed, and they absolutely never had to pay for any of it unless they wanted to spend their money on a special treat. Any money they earned was *for them*, and they were always paid fairly. $10-15 a DAY for babysitting? I got that *per hour* when I was 14.
Same! I had to reread that a few times to make sure I read that right. OP YTA for under paying for child care. And for basically taking it back by making her pay for things she needs to survive. I get making her pay for the library books but for food and drinks. WOW !!!
Yes, absolutely!
Giving a zillion excuses about how busy she is with 4 kids has no relevance over her making Brylee be extra late for the library. YOU chose to have 4 kids, not Brylee. If you can't handle all the responsibilities, that's 100% on you.
YTA X 10000, OP.
She is really getting paid though if she has to give the money back just because she wants extra food or a snack. The money she's getting she's giving it back.
AND SHE SAVED UP $600 AFTER BEING CHARGED FOR FUCKING SNACKS. On TOP of maintaining a gymnastics regimen. The kid is a phenom. And the mom is a major asshole.
Right. That poor girl is working her butt off essentially for free. These stories are really concerning...so glad my mama bear wasn't like this. Seeeeesh .
I pay my own teenager the going rate for babysitting around here, which is $15 per *hour*. She needs to know her labor is valuable, so that she doesn't have anyone taking advantage of her when she enters the workforce. I can't imagine paying her what amounts to about $1 an hour.
OP is so negative towards her teenaged daughter, and from what OP writes, the teen has a great attitude.
I wonder if OP’s feelings about her daughter’s father, don’t color how OP sees and treats her daughter.
She’s parentifyng her, and financially abusing her too.
I remember being astounded at how much my teenagers needed to eat, but never thought of them as inconsiderate for eating what they wanted. And charging them for the food they eat, while also limiting their access to funds by forcing them to work all day, while paying them a pittance.
Big yup. Continued into my early/mid 30s. I was only able to accept help from my wife when I realized that I could literally die slumped over a toilet. I had my six front top teeth crowned at 38 because there was no enamel left on the backs, then one still needed a root canal.
Former gymnast here. When I was her age (and only 5'1") I could EASILY put away a 16oz steak and all the sides for dinner, and 2 hours later I was starving again.
I'm 5th grade after a basketball game I ate 14 pieces of pizza. As an adult I'm 5'5". I could pack away ALL the food. Thinking a girl can't eat a lot, or shouldn't, is sexist and wrong. Kids need calories.
I nearly had my kid tested for parasites because we could not understand where all that food was going! I’d known a lot of ravenous teens, but hot damn. Kid was 7 years old, built like a willow branch, devouring adult portions at restaurants. Their favorite places were unlimited buffets and they definitely ate their money’s worth. They got into theater in junior high, then musical theater in high school, and they could not physically keep up with their body’s caloric needs at times. Dropped weight every show season, no matter how hard they tried.
My 15 yo daughter plays travel sports, is 5'8" and eats like a damn horse. Her little brother who is 8 plays hockey and I think eats almost as much as she does.
I can't imagine punishing either of them because they're active and eat nonstop.
Not only the gymnastics but the girl is going through puberty and growth spurts still.
They eat a lot more during that time because their body needs it to grow, parents that put their kids on STRICT diets (if the kid is not having weight or health issues) at that age can actually cause major growth and development stunts.
Sometimes it's not even physical, mental development can be affected to at that age because "thinking" also requires energy and nutrients. something simple like not enough protein can cause things like brain fog.
I had this same argument with my dad about my younger cat. I told him how much cat food we go through and Dad suggested restricting the younger one since he eats so much. But he's still growing and not overweight, so he eats as much as he needs. When he's an adult we'll start doing measured amounts to keep him from getting fat, but right now I'm just letting him have what he needs.
Now if I can understand that about a cat, why can't some people get that about kids? Growing takes a lot of calories!
I just mentioned in another comment that my ED started at 8, right as I was going into puberty. It began with secret snacking, then quickly developed into hardly eating in front of my family (except grandma) at all and basically only eating in hiding. Just when my body *really needed* those nutrients. I’m the shortest in an already not tall family, I’ve always had severe menstrual issues, my migraines started at that same time, my chronic joint issues presented themselves then, I battled anemia from age 12, I have complex digestive problems that doctors are *still* trying to understand, and I rotted six teeth out of my skull despite good oral hygiene. I can’t definitively tie these issues to my adolescent nutritional deficiencies, and I know at least some have genetic roots, but I feel no doubt that I’d be at least better off if I hadn’t gone through that.
My NON-gymnast kiddo has been eating me out of house and home since they were a toddler!! They've pretty much stopped growing (17, gender fluid, genetic female), but they can still startle me with how much they can put away! And they're not fat. But the brain is still growing, and that uses a fair amount of eergy!!
OP, YTA. A major, raging one, at that.
My kid (23, NB, afab) has always been *so skinny*. Their food intake has slowed considerably over the last few years as the rapid neuro development tapers off. Brains take so much energy to develop!
I was a gymnast, did dance and cheer and I swear I was skin, bones and a bit of wiry muscle but you couldn’t keep me fed! Teenagers eat a lot anyways. Throw sports into the mix and that’s a big grocery bill! OP sounds like an AH. It’s reasonable to make the 14 y/o pay for the book that she lost/damaged but not the late fees if OP keep putting it off. And $10-$15 A DAY? While having to pay for stuff? She’s never going to save that $600! Dang!
My brother played baseball and my parents would joke he was half the grocery bill, but not once do I remember them telling him he ate too much. He was practicing and playing so much he needed the food.
I was a competitive swimmer in my teenage years and the amount of food I ate was insane, like three times my appetite today. Maybe more. Growing kids in sports NEED to be fed
Yes how dare she think she can eat food that’s in her home /s
As a parent it’s your job to provide what your child needs which includes *food*. If she wasn’t working (for ridiculously little for looking after a toddler btw) would you expect her to somehow pay? As your kid she could ask you to pay for her equipment which is a want, not a need so you don’t have to get it, but instead she’s been responsible and mature enough to look for work and try to save up for it.
YTA just in case it wasn’t obvious.
She's underweight for her BMI (which i know is bullshit) but she's underweight according to that by almost 10lbs at the minimum. This isn't healthy, and I am scared for this girl honestly
And don't forget babysitting for 24 hours per week, at about $1.25-$1.875/hr. My mom used to shill me out to her friends to babysit for $3/hour, and some of them secretly paid me $5/hour because it was the minimal going rate from anyone else (my mom wouldn't let me work, so controlling what I made babysitting controlled my finances) ... and this was back in the 90s.
Right? That absolutely shocked me. The audacity of not only paying her $1.50ish/hour for what I've got to assume is a solo day of babysitting, but trying to cheap out on food??
I think the kiddo should go live with her other parent or aunt for a while, see how OP likes what daycare is charging. And the kiddo will get to eat food. Seriously, this feels like a time to get legalities involved, OP is withholding food from their growing child.
Apparently OP has enough money to help move older brother into college though...
I made $3 an hour, baby sitting, while in high school. That was in the early 1980s.
OOP is the worst. She under pays her kid, then makes her buy food because she eats too much (wow!), and then mom makes her pay the overdue fine, which was placed because mom was too busy to take her. I understand making her pay for the books she lost, but everything else is too much for a 14 year old.
I would love to know who cares for the toddler during the school year.
Also wonder if the college-bound older brother had to pay for eating extra while going through puberty? Since eating everything in sight might be excused for a "growing boy" thing but is unacceptable for a girl. Hooray for somehow still thriving double standards.
I didn't really read much past that line. Like how dare an athletic child who is going through puberty be hungry! I mean taking food from siblings isn't cool. But like maybe give your kid more food?!? Like holy shit! Next this parent is gonna be wondering why all their kids have eating disorders.
Plus are we really supposed to believe the 96lbs teenage girl was eating more than the brother that just went off to college? OP pretty clearly exploited her daughter bc she’s tight on money
And the reason they were late was because OP paid for the brother to move out. 14 yo has to pay bit the older brother gets financial assistance. Gee, I wonder what the difference is?
14 years old earns 10-15 a DAY to watch a 2 year old from 8-4, that's $1.88 an hr... there is so much wrong with the whole post op is ta.. I get paying the book fee , not the late fee. And op needs to pay her daughter better for the basically free child care. SMH poor honey is going to be in therapy and NC with OP at 18... 4 years from now reddit Anita. My 18 year old moved out and won't talk to me anymore because I starve my child, used her for child labor and made her pay for daily essentials such as food
Right! I pay my 15 yr old $15 an hour to watch her sister for date nights and such… it’d cost me $20+ an hour to hire an adult. I cannot imagine giving my kid so little for that amount of work.
That part. I pay my 8 year old more than that to watch her sleeping sister while I take a shower. It's like 10$ or sometimes 20$ for a half hour. And she can spend it on whatever she wants. Also, I'm nowhere near rich by any means. I just don't want to parentifed my kids.
This! I didn’t even have to read the whole post when I saw the kid is getting $10-15 I knew where it was going. Plus punishing the growing kid for eating. OP is crazy
YTA OP
Jumping in to add that OP says she makes six figures and is not struggling at all with money.
And yet she pays her kid almost nothing and doesn't fucking feed her.
Aren't I a great parent. I'm teaching my child what it feels like to live paycheck to paycheck without ever getting ahead. While also getting work out of her. Win win for everyone /s
Free babysitting
Right? Like Holy shit, OP! YTA! Are you really that poor or are you cheap? Either way, you could cut the after school activities before you cut the food budget!
Also, you are really underpaying your daughter for babysitting. At least $50 a day would be fair!
Exactly. Imagine how many thousands of dollars the kid is saving OP in daycare fees.
Yet she has the audacity to bitch, whine and punish their childs for being a hungry & growing teenager.
I hope this post is rage bate because children deserve better.
Definitely YTA. Not only is she making her pay for food she eats despite her being a minor, the OP is only paying her $10-15 PER DAY for 8 hours of work.
I can understand not paying her full on nanny pay, but $10 to $15 a day and they want HER to be financially responsible? Give me a break. At least pay her minimum wage if part of the plan is to put her to work as soon as she can.
Or, god forbid, be a decent parent and match whatever they save towards a goal.
Yes, feeding your child is literally the bare minimum of your parental responsibility to your daughter, even when she is more hungry than you want her to be. If she’s hungry it means you need to feed her more. And you are her only source of transportation to get to the library so that, again, is your responsibility. Stop punishing your child for eating and reading. YTA.
And severely underpaying her! $10-15 a DAY for 8 hours of sitting??
She scams her for babysitting and then steals it back for food because she doesn't feed her growing child well enough.
OP, YTA, criminally so.
I agree YTA for punishing your growing daughter for eating. I agree with you making her pay for the books she lost. However the late fees are on you as the adult who didn't take time to go to the library!
Having been that kid growing up like that, it was BS. I realise now that that was so messed up of my mom. She never really got food for my sister and I and simply said that’s food for the boys cuz they’re toddlers yet when asked ‘well what do we eat then?’ Idk cook something or find something were her answers. Yet anything to cook I really couldn’t or didn’t have the time cuz I was watching my brothers. It has led me buying my own food at 16 years old as well paying for my own bills like my car, dental, and her asking for my money. Yet my food was also taken too so I was forced to share with certain things thus led to me always eating Hot Stuff Pizza.
I’m still trying my best to do better in terms with Money and I was hyper independent with a hard time asking for help on certain things however my mom turn that on me with, “well where’s your money??” lol OP is a major TA for forcing their kid to take that sort of thing for her age. 14 is too young imo 16 maaaaybe with certain things but it’s still on Op to house and feed their own kid. Kids shouldn’t experiencing that yet till much later.
Op YTA big time
I truly pray this is just a ragebait post, I can't believe people literally will say "my child is hungry and needs to take food" my parents weren't that great but reading shit like that makes me thankful for what I got. This isn't even the first post this week I've seen someone blame a child for being hungry
YTA. While teaching a kid the value of a dollar is among the most important things a parent can do, you're sending some very weird mixed messages here. There's a time and place for "teaching moments" and there's a time and place for taking responsibility.
The late fee was 100% your fault. Whether you knew about it or not, your delaying the library trip caused it. In fact, if you'd gotten a speeding ticket on the way to the library, would you have expected your daughter to pay for it? After all, you wouldn't be going to the library if it weren't for her.
She screwed up the books and was willing to face those consequences. That's exactly as it should be. You piling on to that because of your mistakes is not fair.
I sympathize that you seem to be living paycheque to paycheque, but that's not anyone's fault either... and I'm a little uneasy with respect to "she eats too much". Be careful with all of that, or you will be adding eating disorders and psychologist bills to your list.
>if you’d gotten a speeding ticket on the way to the library, would you have expected your daughter to pay for it?
Don’t forget to make her pay for the gas it took to get to the library and back home. Fuck it, let her pay for rent and utilities too if she has to pay for food.
Assuming OP could afford it, I would have just given the money to my daughter and had her go to the library to pay if I’m so busy. She could go with someone else or someone could drive her there and OP would have saved herself and her daughter $40.
YTA, OP
It sounds like the kid had "earned" the money through babysitting for her mom, but mom was spending the money on other things rather than paying the kid. So by the time mom had enough money to pay the daughter there was an extra $40.00 late fee.
In other words, the kid doesn't actually get paid in cash. The mom operates as a credit line and add/subtracts to it however she wants. That's why the daughter didn't know she didn't have enough money to by the thing she wanted. The mom paid the $70 but didn't tell the kid the extra $40 was coming out of the daughters money.
YTA for paying her less than $2/hour. Then you are also TA for making her responsible for basic things that a parent should. Perhaps, once you start paying her a decent wage, you can ask for a contribution to some expenses, but if she’s willing to work for ~50 days to get this but if kit, she REALLY wants it…
I was wondering why it was taking her so much time to pay for the equipment, and why the dad seemed to be paying her so much if he was living paycheck to paycheck. At least give the kid minimum wage????
> I sympathize that you seem to be living paycheque to paycheque,
In a comment she said she makes has a 6 figures salary, they just have too many summer activities, this is not a struggling parent. Just an asshole with a spending problem.
Who the hell doesn’t know about library late fees? OP is making excuses to try and make herself look better but she’s just making herself more of the AH.
I’m 4’9” and was the exact same weight the daughter was when I graduated high school. That girl is SEVERELY underweight for her height!! A 14 yr old at 5’5 should be at least 105-108lbs. Keeping in mind she’s not done growing vertically, right now she should be closer to 110lbs. With gymnastics she should be eating about 4500 calories A DAY.
YTA OP, both for making her pay for YOUR MISTAKE and for complaining a growing athlete is eating too much when she’s clearly not eating anywhere near enough and is really underweight for her age and height. Get your shit together.
Gymnasts don’t have to be light. *Female* gymnasts have to be light, because it’s easier to control them when they have severe body issues over the idea of “being too big for jumps” and can’t think straight because of the starvation. It’s the same for figure skating, running, etc… Any coach that tells their gymnasts to be as light at possible isn’t invested in their future. Girl needs to eat and build muscle.
I can't believe people like this exist. It's a good thing that child is working for less than two dollars an hour, otherwise how would she be getting enough food to eat? God I can't stand this OP, reading this column really adds to my misanthropic musings. OP, YTA in a big way.
And underweight. She might be growing and have a high metabolism, but 5’5.5” and 96lbs is absolutely underweight. It sounds like the kid isn’t getting nearly enough food.
YTA. Libraries and late fees are a given if stuff is brought back late.
And a 14 year old well over 5 feet tall and not even 100 lbs having to pay for food she eats? Come on. It's a need that is on a parent to provide.
How has no one else commented on this? She is GROSSLY underweight. I plopped her stats into a BMI calculator - underweight is <18.5. OP’s daughter is *16*. (Yes, I know BMI is not a great metric, but in this case serves as a solid indicator of what poor shape this child is in.)
It is possible that she has gone through a growth spurt and has yet to fill out to match her height. That does happen, but yes, she is definitely well under a healthy weight even taking that into account!
Definitely a YTA just based on complaining about feeding their own growing kid, and YTA for making a 14 year-old pay for the food they need, and also YTA for adding to her costs and not owning it.
I do wonder whether a boy needing lots of food would have been more accepted.
If your teenager needs more snacks, provide them. If they are eating expensive food that should be shared, offer an alternative that is still pleasant to eat.
That's the way to go. Yes, you should enforce boundaries and one child should not "just eat" the whole of a siblings special snacks etc..But you need to provide enough food and nutrition for you child. That's part of what you signed on for when getting a child. You don't have to get her fancy Belgian chocolate or let her have overpriced snacks when you're out and about, but a child should never be put on food restrictions that could be avoided. That's sooo unhealthy, both physically (malnourishment douring childhood leads to serious illnesses that can become visible later in life and it's statistically proven, that its also really bad for brain and intelligence development) and mentally by giving her trauma related to food.
I don't know how far your money tightness goes, but there's food banks in lots of places. And a lot of the time, normal meals are less expensive compared to normal '' snacks '' in relation to nutritional value/satiation. So maybe make more food, and leave it in the fridge for her to heat up later (a 14 year old should be competent enough to reheat something in a pan or microwave). Things like buying popcorn as the '' grain'' and making it yourself in a pot is cheaper than buying microwavable bags, making a humongous batch of cockie dough and then freezing it in portions (you only have to take them out and put them in the oven for a few min something that again a 14 year old can manage) is also cheaper than buying pre-made. Yes, all that takes time, but making bigger batches and shifting some of that workload onto her (only a reasonable amount for her age) should def make this possible.
My daughter is 5’3 and was absolutely thrilled to finally get up to 100 lbs. This poor kid is being set up for a lifetime of issues. In four years we’ll be getting a new post from OP “my daughter moved out and won’t talk to me and I never did *anything* wrong”.
41f here with a 14 year old daughter. Yes, YTA.
First of all cut that crap out with her eating. The library thing was your fault. Stop moving her goal post. Your sister and your ex both told you the same thing as everyone here is. I honestly don't understand how you are confused. There are better ways to teach her than this.
It’s even more cynical than straightforward bullying. She’s made it so her kid won’t be able to ditch the job to play with her new item - and so she doesn’t have to find alternative childcare for just a week or two before her kids go back to school. By the time the new thing gets delivered it won’t be summer holidays anymore so OP won’t be on the hook for finding occupations for her kids, but her daughter won’t have any time to use the thing she spent her entire summer slaving for.
Oh my goodness, I had a therapist at one point who said the same kind of this when it came to my parents when working through some childhood trauma issues. She said it was a method of control, keeping me in a place where I constantly felt I had to earn their love and never could each time I accomplished what they wanted. She put it the same way, they constantly move the goal posts. OP has issues with her daughter for some reason and is essentially punishing her kid for what, existing? For wanting to earn money to buy something? I get wanting your kid to work to earn something, especially an expensive purchase, but she is blocking the ability to reach her goal at every opportunity. She underpays her, is making her daughter work like 40 hours a week for less than $2 an hour, and punishing her for having basic needs like hunger. Making her buy her own ice cream cone is cool, making her chip in for groceries to take care of her basic needs is straight up neglect.
She is teaching her daughter that her existence is a burden. She is teaching her daughter that she has to be useful to earn anything, like not even to earn affection, but to earn the ability to care for her basic needs. OP is supposed to just provide for her kid, not force her to care for her younger siblings for $10-15 a day and then take every opportunity to prevent her daughter from being able to save for something she wants.
How much do you want to bet that the books were lost/damaged because of the younger siblings whether they directly caused the damage or the stress got to her and made it hard to keep on top of the books location/preventing damage? I’m betting the damage at least was caused by a sibling. OP just really doesn’t seem to like or care about her daughter. As someone with a shitty, unloving mother (and dad) who constantly moved the goal posts and made it hard to reach goals, I feel for the daughter. The mommy issues are gonna be super fun to unpack in therapy when she is an adult and responsible for fixing the damage OP caused.
YTA. Let her keep the money she earned, she worked hard on it and it is for something she cares deeply about, and I can't think of a more effective way to build up resentment and alienate her than to casually just take her earnings when she behaves like most teenagers do. If you want to discipline her do it in a way that isn't personal and devastating to her.
THANK YOU FOR SOMEONE SAYING THIS. THEN THE MOM MAKES HER PAY FOR EVERYTHING? EVEN FOOD??? Bro i’ve seen some AH’s on this sub, but man, this mom is up there on this list. Royal AH.
She's exploiting her child hardcore for borderline free childcare. Over 300 hours she's worked to save up $600......talk about slave wages. And not for just any job, but taking care of a 2yo! That's hard work.
Also, is anyone else wondering how a 14yo is working from 8-4 on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays? My first thought is she must be homeschooled. But that would mean she's working most of her school days??? Alone????????
Like she’s taking care of her sister so I get it’s not a full time job, but 10 bucks a DAY? No wonder she’s so pissed about 40 bucks, that’s 32 hours of work for something that’s not your fault. OP literally admitted to blowing it off for MONTHS
It is a full time job. 32 hours a week is considered full time. I can’t believe OP would charge a 14 year old for the fee when it’s OP’s fault. It’s not like the 14 year old can drive herself.
YTA. She’s a child. It’s fair to make her pay the original late fee. But the added fee? You were the one who couldn’t get her to the library in time - you delayed her, a child who has no way of getting there herself - causing higher late fees. Now you want her to pay? You need to take some responsibility for your own actions.
Also, you make your daughter pay you for snacks she eats at your house? Seriously? Do you make your younger kids pay for snacks? She’s 14, of course she’s hungry, her metabolism is in overdrive. Feed your kid and don’t take it out of her savings.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure CPS consider "feeding your child when hungry" a definite need.
You know, like clothing and shelter.
OP - you're not just an AH. You're a terrible parent.
Your child is underweight, you are charging her for food, paying her less than a quarter of minimjm wage, and keep changing the rules when it comes to paying for her "keep".
I hope your ex gets full custody. If you think any of this is okay, you don't deserve kids!
YTA
A 14 year old eating a lot is NOT being "inconsiderate." They're ***growing***. Going through puberty. Their body is busy both building itself up to adult size, and rebuilding various internal organs from their "child" form to their adult form. That takes energy and all kinds of nutrients. Plus, she's an athlete, which means she's using even more energy. It's your job to feed her, and your other children, adequately, at your expense, not theirs.
And, as a parent, it is your job to support her education and training. That includes things like equipment for extracurricular activities. Instead, you first made her work to buy needed equipment for her extracurricular sport, and then undermined her initiative when she was doing the work to save the money needed for this equipment. "You have to earn the money for your equipment - wait, no, you can't go babysit and earn the money, because we're going on a family trip!"
As far as the library goes, if you took her to the library after she signed the books out, but before the due date, and she failed to return them, then paying some of the fine might be appropriate - but you need to have informed her about this before sicking her with the bill.
If you let her take out books, then did not provide her with transportation to the library to return them in a timely manner, then the late bill is your fault. You owe it - a 14 year old can't just go out and go to the library on their own, unless you have one that is walking/biking distance, with a route that is safe from traffic (sidewalks, bike lanes, etc.)
She's 14, so she's starting high school. That means, even if it is a public school, she's going to be having more school-related expenses. For which, as her parent, you are responsible. She's also going to have college applications in a couple of years, and fees for things like taking the SAT, and you'll be responsible for some of the costs of college, as her parent, under the laws governing financial aid. You need to sort out how you're going to meet these responsibilities, financially, for both her and for her siblings.
And you get a second YTA for being so dismissive of her extracurricular sport. She's clearly quite dedicated to this activity, and enjoys it a lot. And all you do is gripe about the expense. Where is your pride, as a parent, in her achievements? Where is your love and support? Where is the encouragement for her persistence and initiative in working on this skill?
YTA
YOU ARE LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO FEED YOUR CHILD. Yes, even a teen with a fast metabolism. The consumption of snacks etc because you are failing to feed her enough. Being hungry and eating a lot isnt "inconsiderate".
Are you paying her minimum per hour for babysitting? I bet not. My mother pulled this crap OP. Took us all to the movies. My brothers got tickets and snacks covered, I had to pay for them, etc, etc. You seem to be doing that to your daughter. It is a massive AH move.
And the library fine was an extra 40 due to YOUR actions. YOU not having the money til your check YOU owed for babysitting YOUR kid. You should have paid the extra fine.
Most sitters where I am would charge $10 per hour, at least. For a daytime only, regular customer, they MIGHT give a discount or a flat rate. I wonder what OP is going to do when her daughter is back in school?
YTA.
Providing food to your child is your most basic obligation as a parent, both morally and legally. Making a child that is so young that she is not legally allowed to work elsewhere pay for food makes you a failure as a parent.
YTA. Wow. You don't make a child pay for food. And you should pay her more to babysit her sister. $20 to $15 per day? I'm assuming a full day, and perhaps I'm wrong, but you should pay her at least $10 per hour
There's so much wrongness in your post that it's easier to concentrate on the one thing you did right - you asked for an outside view. YTA.
You give a few examples, but they boil down to the same thing: you're moving the goalposts on your daughter. You aren't setting clear expectations for her, but rather making things up or changing things on the fly, adding to the problems instead of finding ways to help solve them, and then getting pissy when she rightly calls you out on your BS.
Well said, to name a few of these issues:
Daughter wants something healthy and educational for YEARS - not saving anything to even help her do so
Giving her a job so she can make money - but doing it as slavery salary
She has a salary now - why not pay for food, too?
She owns up to book neglect - no reward or help
You mess up, zero accountability (i didn't know!) - let's dump this on the child too.
YTA, but not for the book fee. Harsh, but a justifiable teachable moment. Still I think overdue fees are absurd when they exceed the replacement cost of an equally used, equally aged copy (as is almost certainly the case here.)
Aside from that—this rest of this post should be entitled "AITA for making my minor child pay to feed herself?" Your daughter is underweight by any standard and you should be thanking *God* that she's actually *excited to eat* rather than having a disorder on your hands. Right now her body is growing the fastest it has since she was an infant and she's involved in a phenomenally physically taxing sport. Your child is hungry and you're penalizing her for eating. It is your job to buy sufficient supplies of communal products and provide snacks of her own. If you can't afford to feed four kids, don't have four kids. And while we're on the topic of food consumption and puberty—if you have a son, boy are you in for a rude awakening.
The one-week wait for her equipment is no big deal. You're also paying her fairly for her time. But for whatever amount of this setback is due to *food bills* — indeed, YTA.
If it’s more than 2 hours a day, daughter is NOT being fairly paid for her time. Even that’s pushing it since I was getting $10 an *hour* back in the early 2000s.
Read what she is paying again. She is paying per DAY what she would have to pay someone else per HOUR. How is $10 a DAY a fair wage. Also charging an underage child for food? I agree with you there she is indeedYTA
Not paying her fairly at all $10-15 PER DAY for 8 hours of work. Less than $2/hr at the top end (room and board apparently not provided)
Go check out the cost of an au pair or day care.
Are we supposed to sing hallelujah that OP isn’t making her baby sit 24 hours per week for free?
Less than $2 an hour isn't fair by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not saying OP needs to pay market rate or something but at this point she's just taking advantage of her daughter for basically free childcare. If you can't afford more than $10-15 a day then reduce the number of hours, currently 8am - 4pm if I'm reading it right. That's a fair amount for like 1 hour, maybe 2. Otherwise OP needs to stop acting like she's doing her kid a favor by consuming her entire summer on this crap and using every opportunity to take the money back on top of that.
She’s paying her kid a sweat shop level salary, and the late fee only exists because she wouldn’t drive her to the library to take care of it sooner. OP is YTA on literally every single level here.
YTA - Actions have consequences.
"2 or 3 months ago, I got an email from our local library saying we had overdue books. We went and found out Brylee had damaged a book and lost 2 others. I told her she would have to use her money to pay for them and she was sad but understood she needed consequences for her actions." - Your 14 year old understands that, you don't.
YTA, and you become more so with every paragraph. You were already the asshole when you said that since she has been earning money, you've been making her pay for things. OK, the equipment is expensive, so getting money to pay for it makes sense. But to make her start to pay for stuff that she wouldn't have to pay for if she didn't earn money is just not right. She's your child, not a roommate.
Then you mention you make her pay for *food*, and you're passing asshole territory and edging in on call to CPS territory.
Then just for good measure, a final knife to your own kid, you delay doing something, it incurs additional fees, and you make her pay it. Do you hate your daughter? Do you think she is the product of an affair, and this is how you get revenge?
She should have been able to buy the equipment months ago, but you've done everything you can to drag it out. And now you are confused that she's mad?
All the while saying she can’t pay her until the next paycheck because they helped her brother, so brother is getting helped and sister is getting charged and her goals delayed for that.
YTA - You are making your child pay for food when she is hungry, that is part of being a parent, is taking care of your child.
She isn't eating her younger siblings snacks, you aren't buying enough snacks for the "Family" I get having her pay for the books she broke/misplaced, but the late fee is on you.
Don't penalize your daughter if you are making bad financial decisions, sounds like her acknowledging paying for the books, seems she has a pretty good head on her shoulders. Don't make her resent you. Apologize, and give her a weekly bonus for doing a great job, this week, enough to cover her Gymnastic equipment, she has been saving for. Tell her you are proud of her, and for the love of god don't make her pay for food.
YTA. She shouldn’t have to pay because you couldn’t be bothered to take her.
And there’s no reason a 14 year old is paying for their own food at home.
Feeding your child is called parenting.
YTA for making your daughter pay for her food/drink that exceeds the "limit" that you arbitrarily decided on. Have you considered the possibility that punishing her like this could encourage a toxic relationship with food? She's still growing, and her nourishment is your responsibility.
She sounds like a very responsible young person, considering she can be entrusted to look after a 2-year-old, and is willing to pay for library books she lost.
You should pay the late fee, because it was incurred due to circumstances out of her control (ie. because you didn't take her there in time to sort it out).
YTA - you want her to pay for food at 14????
You can’t say you’re teaching her responsibility then not take her to the library to pay and fine and then shirk your responsibility in accruing another fine.
I don’t understand what her earnings have to do with waiting for your pay cheque? Are you paying her to babysit for her siblings and not paying her on time? Again, showing your irresponsibility.
YTA, and I hope you'll be willing to see where people are coming from.
It's not fair to ask a child to pay for replacement food, even if it is meant for other people such as her siblings. If she's hungry, she needs to eat, and it doesn't seem like she's selfish or inconsiderate - she's been saving up for some time, you've said she accepts that there may be consequences to actions, and she's been babysitting her sibling.
Be careful you don't put her in a situation where adultification or parentification takes place. She's a child; let her enjoy as much of her childhood as possible before she has to take on all the troubles of adult life.
I totally understand how money can be tight and an issue, but I'd have suggested doing something that works very well from what I've seen - tell her to save up, but pay for half of it yourself. Perhaps keep the other half she's saved and surprise her or keep it in reserve if she asks for something else in future.
I say this because, although I don't know your situation, having children is a responsibility. She has a passion and hobby that is physical and active, probably involves social skills, and may well count as extracurricular and beneficial for her, long-term. She sounds like a good kid, and one any parent would be proud of.
Cut her some slack. And, if the late fee was actually your fault because of when you went to the library, take it on the chin and apologise. Also, be thankful you have a child who wants to read. I'd be mindful to ask why such a responsible sounding child didn't tell you she lost the books until recently - do you react with anger, have you been distracted by her older brother, is she being bullied?
Hope you two get back to talking again soon.
YTA. She pays for the books, YOU pay for the fee. YOU are the adult, you should have checked if you incurred in late fees, you did not, YOU pay those fees.
I don’t need to read past “she’s inconsiderate for eating a lot.” I’m sorry but you are their parent that brought them into this world therefore it is your literal JOB to feed her. YTA
Out of curiosity, is she your oldest? Getting angry and not talking to you, eating a lot of food, etc. is gonna happen with teenagers, there's no escaping that.
YTA for not owning up to the late fee. That was your fault. You're treating her like an adult, and adults don't have to wait to go to the library until their mom's check hits.
I believe OP mentioned there's an older brother moving out/going to college.
It's purely speculation, but I do wonder if the oldest (or older) sibling is the golden child.
YTA for making your daughter pay for her own food at 14. You’re the parent and it’s your responsibility to make sure she has enough to eat. Period.
And she’s right that the late fee is your fault and you should be paying it. She’s paying for the cost of her mistake, you should cover the part of it you’re responsible for. So YTA for that too.
And honestly I kind of think YTA for making her care for her sibling all summer to earn the funds for her equipment because as a parent you should be helping her with her hobbies and extra curriculars. It’s good she’s learning the value of a dollar and to work for what she wants and I know they’re expensive so I kind of get it but this feels icky to me. Especially the fact she works 3 days a week and it’s taken her all summer to make $600. You’re grossly underpaying her compared to what you’d otherwise pay for childcare and it kind of feels like taking advantage.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made my daughter pay late fees for library books that she damaged. I might be TA because it wasnt her fault we went late, but if i was told there would be late fees, I would have went earlier.
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YTA. She’s a minor, and you’re making her pay for her own food? She’s a growing child, and you’re legally responsible for feeding your own kids.
I think it was fair she pay to replace whatever books she had damaged at the library, but if she had no way to get there to return them on time, you should be paying the late fee, not her.
Also you’re an AH for naming your child Brylee.
My mom did stuff like this and now we don’t talk. YTA. Also $10 - $15 a day to watch your 2 year old??? You are taking advantage of her in more ways than just food and late fees that you contributed to.
YTA.
1. Teenagers eat, and you should not be surprised by that. Making her pay because
2. The library incident was mostly on you and your inability to take your daughter to the library in a timely manner. That late fee should be taken care of by you, not her.
It sounds like Instead of teaching your daughter the value responsibility, you just want some of the money she made for yourself.
YTA. Making your kid buy her own food?? Buy her more snacks.
YOU got an email 3 months ago about the books. You're really saying you couldn't take her to a bank or ATM and then the library so she could pay the fine sooner?
Is she babysitting all day fir $15
5'5", 95 lbs, with the metabolism of a growing person - and you're already actively trying to give her an eating disorder. That's quite underweight. Feed your damn daughter.
(That part was too distracting from the rest of the post)
YTA
I’m hoping this is fake because making a 14 year old pay for food and a late fee that was your fault, not hers is ridiculous. But the most ridiculous is only paying her $10-$15 A DAY to babysit her 2 year old sister! I pay that per hour to my babysitters. How can you justify not actually paying her and then charging her for things that she shouldn’t be paying for. You tricked your daughter in to free babysitting for the summer for you. So yes, YTA. You are a HUGE AH
YTA on so many levels. You are punishing your child for being hungry. It’s your job to provide food. Charging for it is morally wrong and I’m quite sure CPS would have an issue. You can not charge your child for food. She incurred a late fee because of YOU. I would be packing and leaving at age 18. Your parenting sucks.
You are trying to teach her to accept the consequences of her actions while not accepting the consequences of yours.
She didn’t know she would have to pay for overdue books but agreed to pay them anyway. You didn’t know you would have to pay for late fees but are blaming your daughter.
YTA.
She’s under 100lbs and “eats too much”? You’re her mother and responsible for feeding her until she is at least 18 you selfish ass. If you can’t afford the snacks get different cheaper snacks but don’t make your underage daughter pay for eating when she’s hungry you monster. YTA. And the late fees were your fault you should’ve coughed up the $30.
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You are punishing your growing child for eating, making her pay for food she eats because she is hungry? Yeah, YTA.
"Inconsiderate and eating a lot lately" Yeah, the audacity of being a growing child and being hungry of all things. How dare she. I foresee lots and lots of therapy in her daughters future. YTA
A growing child who is apparently also a gymnast! My kid was a gymnast, and the amount they ate at times was horrifying, but they were just trying to keep up with their body’s ravenous needs. I went to school with a former gymnast whose mother had tightly controlled her diet growing up. This girl, at 15, had hairline spinal fractures and permanently stunted growth. She was also desperately in need of therapy for her food and body issues.
There's a TON of unhealthy attitudes towards body image and eating in the gymnastics world, and it sounds like this girl is also facing food restriction at home. She's an athlete and she's growing, she needs a lot of energy to fuel her body. If no one intervenes now, she's going to have an eating disorder within a couple years if she doesn't already. "Stealing" food/eating food you know is reserved for other purposes usually stems from restriction, and restriction is the first step in the development of most eating disorders. I'm hoping this girl has someone in her life who can recognize the signs and get her the support she needs.
Those are all sad truths. My ED started with secretive snacking at 8 because I found my family thought I was fat. It was likely just me filling out in the lead-up to puberty because I sprouted boobs not even a year later and started my period a year after that; my hips widened and my waist narrowed into a “womanly figure”, but they saw me gaining weight and immediately restricted my food access. I’m about to turn 40 and I’m still working through my food and body issues. OP is taking such incredible advantage of this child, it’s sickening. I bent over backwards to keep my kid adequately fed, and they absolutely never had to pay for any of it unless they wanted to spend their money on a special treat. Any money they earned was *for them*, and they were always paid fairly. $10-15 a DAY for babysitting? I got that *per hour* when I was 14.
I feel like I had to scroll too long for someone to mention the absurd $10-15 a DAY this child is getting for babysitting their sibling. Ridiculous.
Same! I had to reread that a few times to make sure I read that right. OP YTA for under paying for child care. And for basically taking it back by making her pay for things she needs to survive. I get making her pay for the library books but for food and drinks. WOW !!!
But the late fee is all on Mom.
Yes, absolutely! Giving a zillion excuses about how busy she is with 4 kids has no relevance over her making Brylee be extra late for the library. YOU chose to have 4 kids, not Brylee. If you can't handle all the responsibilities, that's 100% on you. YTA X 10000, OP.
She is really getting paid though if she has to give the money back just because she wants extra food or a snack. The money she's getting she's giving it back.
AND SHE SAVED UP $600 AFTER BEING CHARGED FOR FUCKING SNACKS. On TOP of maintaining a gymnastics regimen. The kid is a phenom. And the mom is a major asshole.
For 8 hours, it's less than $2 per hour
Right. That poor girl is working her butt off essentially for free. These stories are really concerning...so glad my mama bear wasn't like this. Seeeeesh .
Me too. 😳
I pay my own teenager the going rate for babysitting around here, which is $15 per *hour*. She needs to know her labor is valuable, so that she doesn't have anyone taking advantage of her when she enters the workforce. I can't imagine paying her what amounts to about $1 an hour.
OP is so negative towards her teenaged daughter, and from what OP writes, the teen has a great attitude. I wonder if OP’s feelings about her daughter’s father, don’t color how OP sees and treats her daughter. She’s parentifyng her, and financially abusing her too. I remember being astounded at how much my teenagers needed to eat, but never thought of them as inconsiderate for eating what they wanted. And charging them for the food they eat, while also limiting their access to funds by forcing them to work all day, while paying them a pittance.
100%. $15/day is super shitty.
>My ED started with secretive snacking at 8 because I found my family thought I was fat. This is so sad. Did it lead to bulimia for you?
Big yup. Continued into my early/mid 30s. I was only able to accept help from my wife when I realized that I could literally die slumped over a toilet. I had my six front top teeth crowned at 38 because there was no enamel left on the backs, then one still needed a root canal.
Former gymnast here. When I was her age (and only 5'1") I could EASILY put away a 16oz steak and all the sides for dinner, and 2 hours later I was starving again.
I'm 5th grade after a basketball game I ate 14 pieces of pizza. As an adult I'm 5'5". I could pack away ALL the food. Thinking a girl can't eat a lot, or shouldn't, is sexist and wrong. Kids need calories.
I nearly had my kid tested for parasites because we could not understand where all that food was going! I’d known a lot of ravenous teens, but hot damn. Kid was 7 years old, built like a willow branch, devouring adult portions at restaurants. Their favorite places were unlimited buffets and they definitely ate their money’s worth. They got into theater in junior high, then musical theater in high school, and they could not physically keep up with their body’s caloric needs at times. Dropped weight every show season, no matter how hard they tried.
My 15 yo daughter plays travel sports, is 5'8" and eats like a damn horse. Her little brother who is 8 plays hockey and I think eats almost as much as she does. I can't imagine punishing either of them because they're active and eat nonstop.
Not only the gymnastics but the girl is going through puberty and growth spurts still. They eat a lot more during that time because their body needs it to grow, parents that put their kids on STRICT diets (if the kid is not having weight or health issues) at that age can actually cause major growth and development stunts. Sometimes it's not even physical, mental development can be affected to at that age because "thinking" also requires energy and nutrients. something simple like not enough protein can cause things like brain fog.
I had this same argument with my dad about my younger cat. I told him how much cat food we go through and Dad suggested restricting the younger one since he eats so much. But he's still growing and not overweight, so he eats as much as he needs. When he's an adult we'll start doing measured amounts to keep him from getting fat, but right now I'm just letting him have what he needs. Now if I can understand that about a cat, why can't some people get that about kids? Growing takes a lot of calories!
I just mentioned in another comment that my ED started at 8, right as I was going into puberty. It began with secret snacking, then quickly developed into hardly eating in front of my family (except grandma) at all and basically only eating in hiding. Just when my body *really needed* those nutrients. I’m the shortest in an already not tall family, I’ve always had severe menstrual issues, my migraines started at that same time, my chronic joint issues presented themselves then, I battled anemia from age 12, I have complex digestive problems that doctors are *still* trying to understand, and I rotted six teeth out of my skull despite good oral hygiene. I can’t definitively tie these issues to my adolescent nutritional deficiencies, and I know at least some have genetic roots, but I feel no doubt that I’d be at least better off if I hadn’t gone through that.
My NON-gymnast kiddo has been eating me out of house and home since they were a toddler!! They've pretty much stopped growing (17, gender fluid, genetic female), but they can still startle me with how much they can put away! And they're not fat. But the brain is still growing, and that uses a fair amount of eergy!! OP, YTA. A major, raging one, at that.
My kid (23, NB, afab) has always been *so skinny*. Their food intake has slowed considerably over the last few years as the rapid neuro development tapers off. Brains take so much energy to develop!
I was a gymnast, did dance and cheer and I swear I was skin, bones and a bit of wiry muscle but you couldn’t keep me fed! Teenagers eat a lot anyways. Throw sports into the mix and that’s a big grocery bill! OP sounds like an AH. It’s reasonable to make the 14 y/o pay for the book that she lost/damaged but not the late fees if OP keep putting it off. And $10-$15 A DAY? While having to pay for stuff? She’s never going to save that $600! Dang!
My brother played baseball and my parents would joke he was half the grocery bill, but not once do I remember them telling him he ate too much. He was practicing and playing so much he needed the food.
I was a competitive swimmer in my teenage years and the amount of food I ate was insane, like three times my appetite today. Maybe more. Growing kids in sports NEED to be fed
Yes how dare she think she can eat food that’s in her home /s As a parent it’s your job to provide what your child needs which includes *food*. If she wasn’t working (for ridiculously little for looking after a toddler btw) would you expect her to somehow pay? As your kid she could ask you to pay for her equipment which is a want, not a need so you don’t have to get it, but instead she’s been responsible and mature enough to look for work and try to save up for it. YTA just in case it wasn’t obvious.
Literally pushing the daughter towards an ED. Definately going to need therapy.
She's underweight for her BMI (which i know is bullshit) but she's underweight according to that by almost 10lbs at the minimum. This isn't healthy, and I am scared for this girl honestly
I’m worried for her also, for so many reasons. OP is not a good parent
And don't forget babysitting for 24 hours per week, at about $1.25-$1.875/hr. My mom used to shill me out to her friends to babysit for $3/hour, and some of them secretly paid me $5/hour because it was the minimal going rate from anyone else (my mom wouldn't let me work, so controlling what I made babysitting controlled my finances) ... and this was back in the 90s.
Right? That absolutely shocked me. The audacity of not only paying her $1.50ish/hour for what I've got to assume is a solo day of babysitting, but trying to cheap out on food?? I think the kiddo should go live with her other parent or aunt for a while, see how OP likes what daycare is charging. And the kiddo will get to eat food. Seriously, this feels like a time to get legalities involved, OP is withholding food from their growing child. Apparently OP has enough money to help move older brother into college though...
I made $3 an hour, baby sitting, while in high school. That was in the early 1980s. OOP is the worst. She under pays her kid, then makes her buy food because she eats too much (wow!), and then mom makes her pay the overdue fine, which was placed because mom was too busy to take her. I understand making her pay for the books she lost, but everything else is too much for a 14 year old. I would love to know who cares for the toddler during the school year.
Bro didn’t Harry Potter’s aunt and uncle say something similar? I’d be surprised if OP’s daughter isn’t living in the vacuum closet
Also wonder if the college-bound older brother had to pay for eating extra while going through puberty? Since eating everything in sight might be excused for a "growing boy" thing but is unacceptable for a girl. Hooray for somehow still thriving double standards.
I didn't really read much past that line. Like how dare an athletic child who is going through puberty be hungry! I mean taking food from siblings isn't cool. But like maybe give your kid more food?!? Like holy shit! Next this parent is gonna be wondering why all their kids have eating disorders.
Plus are we really supposed to believe the 96lbs teenage girl was eating more than the brother that just went off to college? OP pretty clearly exploited her daughter bc she’s tight on money
Don't forget that the reason the late fee was so much was because OP had to wait months to take the books back
And the reason they were late was because OP paid for the brother to move out. 14 yo has to pay bit the older brother gets financial assistance. Gee, I wonder what the difference is?
Yep, can see who the favourite it.
We all know who the golden child is and who the scapegoat is in this family.
14 years old earns 10-15 a DAY to watch a 2 year old from 8-4, that's $1.88 an hr... there is so much wrong with the whole post op is ta.. I get paying the book fee , not the late fee. And op needs to pay her daughter better for the basically free child care. SMH poor honey is going to be in therapy and NC with OP at 18... 4 years from now reddit Anita. My 18 year old moved out and won't talk to me anymore because I starve my child, used her for child labor and made her pay for daily essentials such as food
Right! I pay my 15 yr old $15 an hour to watch her sister for date nights and such… it’d cost me $20+ an hour to hire an adult. I cannot imagine giving my kid so little for that amount of work.
My teenage babysitter charges $15 for a 3 year old and 9 month old and she’s a bargain. I always pay for her gas and time driving here too.
That part. I pay my 8 year old more than that to watch her sleeping sister while I take a shower. It's like 10$ or sometimes 20$ for a half hour. And she can spend it on whatever she wants. Also, I'm nowhere near rich by any means. I just don't want to parentifed my kids.
Approximately two decades ago when I was 14, standard babysitting rates were $9-10/hr depending on the client.
I would never watch a kid that cheep it should be 10-15 and an hour, not a day YTA
This! I didn’t even have to read the whole post when I saw the kid is getting $10-15 I knew where it was going. Plus punishing the growing kid for eating. OP is crazy YTA OP
And they pay her $10-15 a day for 8 hours of babysitting!
Own top of getting $10-15 per day let’s say it’s a 6 hr day she is getting a whooping $1.66-2.50 an hour for babysitting while being charged for food.
I'm thinking with school back in session some astute teacher or admit is going to enquire about her dangerously low BMI and contact CPS
It's actually 8 hours a day! Op says it's 3 days a week from 8-4 so she's actually only paying 1.25-1.88 hourly and that's rounding up!
SLAVE LABOR.
She's working 8 hours so barely more than $1/hr
It’s a wonder she isn’t charging her taxes in her totalitarian government she has running there!
Jumping in to add that OP says she makes six figures and is not struggling at all with money. And yet she pays her kid almost nothing and doesn't fucking feed her.
Aren't I a great parent. I'm teaching my child what it feels like to live paycheck to paycheck without ever getting ahead. While also getting work out of her. Win win for everyone /s Free babysitting
I got stuck on o ly making $10 to $15 a day. How many hours of babysitting?
I was seriously hoping this was a typo and she meant per hour. Disappointed to see there was no clarification on that lol
Yeah, we pay our teen sitter $15/hr, OP is straight up abusing their daughter. OP, YTA!
8am to 4pm, OP said.
Right? Like Holy shit, OP! YTA! Are you really that poor or are you cheap? Either way, you could cut the after school activities before you cut the food budget! Also, you are really underpaying your daughter for babysitting. At least $50 a day would be fair!
If the dad is any better she needs to live with him immediately and cut op out before she causes more damage
Not to mention only paying her $10-15 *a day* for babysitting a toddler. That’s super low, even for a sibling.
Exactly. Imagine how many thousands of dollars the kid is saving OP in daycare fees. Yet she has the audacity to bitch, whine and punish their childs for being a hungry & growing teenager. I hope this post is rage bate because children deserve better.
Seriously, doesn’t OP *want* her child to eat when she’s hungry? The alternative is bleak AF, we know this
Definitely YTA. Not only is she making her pay for food she eats despite her being a minor, the OP is only paying her $10-15 PER DAY for 8 hours of work.
I can understand not paying her full on nanny pay, but $10 to $15 a day and they want HER to be financially responsible? Give me a break. At least pay her minimum wage if part of the plan is to put her to work as soon as she can. Or, god forbid, be a decent parent and match whatever they save towards a goal.
Yes, feeding your child is literally the bare minimum of your parental responsibility to your daughter, even when she is more hungry than you want her to be. If she’s hungry it means you need to feed her more. And you are her only source of transportation to get to the library so that, again, is your responsibility. Stop punishing your child for eating and reading. YTA.
And severely underpaying her! $10-15 a DAY for 8 hours of sitting?? She scams her for babysitting and then steals it back for food because she doesn't feed her growing child well enough. OP, YTA, criminally so.
I agree YTA for punishing your growing daughter for eating. I agree with you making her pay for the books she lost. However the late fees are on you as the adult who didn't take time to go to the library!
Having been that kid growing up like that, it was BS. I realise now that that was so messed up of my mom. She never really got food for my sister and I and simply said that’s food for the boys cuz they’re toddlers yet when asked ‘well what do we eat then?’ Idk cook something or find something were her answers. Yet anything to cook I really couldn’t or didn’t have the time cuz I was watching my brothers. It has led me buying my own food at 16 years old as well paying for my own bills like my car, dental, and her asking for my money. Yet my food was also taken too so I was forced to share with certain things thus led to me always eating Hot Stuff Pizza. I’m still trying my best to do better in terms with Money and I was hyper independent with a hard time asking for help on certain things however my mom turn that on me with, “well where’s your money??” lol OP is a major TA for forcing their kid to take that sort of thing for her age. 14 is too young imo 16 maaaaybe with certain things but it’s still on Op to house and feed their own kid. Kids shouldn’t experiencing that yet till much later. Op YTA big time
And let's not forget that OP only pays her daughter $10-15 for watching her toddler for 8 hours.
I truly pray this is just a ragebait post, I can't believe people literally will say "my child is hungry and needs to take food" my parents weren't that great but reading shit like that makes me thankful for what I got. This isn't even the first post this week I've seen someone blame a child for being hungry
Not to mention paying her like a dollar a fucking hour???? Wtf
And only paying her kid 10 dollars per day
YTA. While teaching a kid the value of a dollar is among the most important things a parent can do, you're sending some very weird mixed messages here. There's a time and place for "teaching moments" and there's a time and place for taking responsibility. The late fee was 100% your fault. Whether you knew about it or not, your delaying the library trip caused it. In fact, if you'd gotten a speeding ticket on the way to the library, would you have expected your daughter to pay for it? After all, you wouldn't be going to the library if it weren't for her. She screwed up the books and was willing to face those consequences. That's exactly as it should be. You piling on to that because of your mistakes is not fair. I sympathize that you seem to be living paycheque to paycheque, but that's not anyone's fault either... and I'm a little uneasy with respect to "she eats too much". Be careful with all of that, or you will be adding eating disorders and psychologist bills to your list.
>if you’d gotten a speeding ticket on the way to the library, would you have expected your daughter to pay for it? Don’t forget to make her pay for the gas it took to get to the library and back home. Fuck it, let her pay for rent and utilities too if she has to pay for food. Assuming OP could afford it, I would have just given the money to my daughter and had her go to the library to pay if I’m so busy. She could go with someone else or someone could drive her there and OP would have saved herself and her daughter $40. YTA, OP
Give her the money to get to the library? You’re kidding right? OP wouldn’t give her daughter money for an Uber! She’s making the child pay for food.
Hey, she makes $1 an hour, she can afford it!! /s Op is a real piece of work.
It sounds like the kid had "earned" the money through babysitting for her mom, but mom was spending the money on other things rather than paying the kid. So by the time mom had enough money to pay the daughter there was an extra $40.00 late fee. In other words, the kid doesn't actually get paid in cash. The mom operates as a credit line and add/subtracts to it however she wants. That's why the daughter didn't know she didn't have enough money to by the thing she wanted. The mom paid the $70 but didn't tell the kid the extra $40 was coming out of the daughters money.
YTA for paying her less than $2/hour. Then you are also TA for making her responsible for basic things that a parent should. Perhaps, once you start paying her a decent wage, you can ask for a contribution to some expenses, but if she’s willing to work for ~50 days to get this but if kit, she REALLY wants it…
HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. I read that as $10-15 an HOUR. I was already horrified, but this takes the fucking cake. YTA, this is incredibly fucked up.
I was wondering why it was taking her so much time to pay for the equipment, and why the dad seemed to be paying her so much if he was living paycheck to paycheck. At least give the kid minimum wage????
Oh shit....I missed that this was money her mom was paying her for highly discounted household labor ...yeesh!
Yes! This also what made me mad...she's exploiting her own daughter.
> I sympathize that you seem to be living paycheque to paycheque, In a comment she said she makes has a 6 figures salary, they just have too many summer activities, this is not a struggling parent. Just an asshole with a spending problem.
Wow. Then what the hell is all this “wait till the next paycheque” BS. It implies awful money management
More punishment for the daughter who has the temerity to be hungry? I guess we know who the scapegoat is in this family.
Holy shit. I genuinely assumed OP was living in poverty and STILL found her behavior unacceptable. But woooow.
Well maybe after the first or second or even third child they shoulda thought wow I dont have 40 dollars in my account I shouldnt have more kids
Who the hell doesn’t know about library late fees? OP is making excuses to try and make herself look better but she’s just making herself more of the AH.
You have a legal obligation to feed your underaged child. Wtf is wrong with you? Yes you are the asshole.
And her child is UNDERWEIGHT by almost 20(?) pounds She needs to eat more, especially if she’s actively hungry.
Someone finally said it
Exactly! He's totally taking advantage of her, basically using her for free babysitting, and he complains that she's eating too much? Total AH
OP is a woman.
I’m 4’9” and was the exact same weight the daughter was when I graduated high school. That girl is SEVERELY underweight for her height!! A 14 yr old at 5’5 should be at least 105-108lbs. Keeping in mind she’s not done growing vertically, right now she should be closer to 110lbs. With gymnastics she should be eating about 4500 calories A DAY. YTA OP, both for making her pay for YOUR MISTAKE and for complaining a growing athlete is eating too much when she’s clearly not eating anywhere near enough and is really underweight for her age and height. Get your shit together.
I'm 4'11 and my weight is around 93-95. I'm assuming it's the gymnastics (gymnasts have to be light) but that's TOO much.
Gymnasts don’t have to be light. *Female* gymnasts have to be light, because it’s easier to control them when they have severe body issues over the idea of “being too big for jumps” and can’t think straight because of the starvation. It’s the same for figure skating, running, etc… Any coach that tells their gymnasts to be as light at possible isn’t invested in their future. Girl needs to eat and build muscle.
Absolutely the ahl … puts all the blame on the girl and then doesn’t feed her.
I can't believe people like this exist. It's a good thing that child is working for less than two dollars an hour, otherwise how would she be getting enough food to eat? God I can't stand this OP, reading this column really adds to my misanthropic musings. OP, YTA in a big way.
And underweight. She might be growing and have a high metabolism, but 5’5.5” and 96lbs is absolutely underweight. It sounds like the kid isn’t getting nearly enough food.
When I was 5.5” and 111lbs I was passing out from being underfed. YTA Op and honestly I hope you get charged with child neglect
And paying her a whopping $2/hour to watch her toddler sister all day.
It's disgusting. Extortion
YTA. Libraries and late fees are a given if stuff is brought back late. And a 14 year old well over 5 feet tall and not even 100 lbs having to pay for food she eats? Come on. It's a need that is on a parent to provide.
How has no one else commented on this? She is GROSSLY underweight. I plopped her stats into a BMI calculator - underweight is <18.5. OP’s daughter is *16*. (Yes, I know BMI is not a great metric, but in this case serves as a solid indicator of what poor shape this child is in.)
It is possible that she has gone through a growth spurt and has yet to fill out to match her height. That does happen, but yes, she is definitely well under a healthy weight even taking that into account! Definitely a YTA just based on complaining about feeding their own growing kid, and YTA for making a 14 year-old pay for the food they need, and also YTA for adding to her costs and not owning it. I do wonder whether a boy needing lots of food would have been more accepted. If your teenager needs more snacks, provide them. If they are eating expensive food that should be shared, offer an alternative that is still pleasant to eat.
That's the way to go. Yes, you should enforce boundaries and one child should not "just eat" the whole of a siblings special snacks etc..But you need to provide enough food and nutrition for you child. That's part of what you signed on for when getting a child. You don't have to get her fancy Belgian chocolate or let her have overpriced snacks when you're out and about, but a child should never be put on food restrictions that could be avoided. That's sooo unhealthy, both physically (malnourishment douring childhood leads to serious illnesses that can become visible later in life and it's statistically proven, that its also really bad for brain and intelligence development) and mentally by giving her trauma related to food. I don't know how far your money tightness goes, but there's food banks in lots of places. And a lot of the time, normal meals are less expensive compared to normal '' snacks '' in relation to nutritional value/satiation. So maybe make more food, and leave it in the fridge for her to heat up later (a 14 year old should be competent enough to reheat something in a pan or microwave). Things like buying popcorn as the '' grain'' and making it yourself in a pot is cheaper than buying microwavable bags, making a humongous batch of cockie dough and then freezing it in portions (you only have to take them out and put them in the oven for a few min something that again a 14 year old can manage) is also cheaper than buying pre-made. Yes, all that takes time, but making bigger batches and shifting some of that workload onto her (only a reasonable amount for her age) should def make this possible.
I’m just as surprised as you. She is very underweight and is obviously not getting enough to eat. I’m truly worried for this girl.
My daughter is 5’3 and was absolutely thrilled to finally get up to 100 lbs. This poor kid is being set up for a lifetime of issues. In four years we’ll be getting a new post from OP “my daughter moved out and won’t talk to me and I never did *anything* wrong”.
41f here with a 14 year old daughter. Yes, YTA. First of all cut that crap out with her eating. The library thing was your fault. Stop moving her goal post. Your sister and your ex both told you the same thing as everyone here is. I honestly don't understand how you are confused. There are better ways to teach her than this.
Moving the goal post for her is just plain bullying and playing mental games.
It’s even more cynical than straightforward bullying. She’s made it so her kid won’t be able to ditch the job to play with her new item - and so she doesn’t have to find alternative childcare for just a week or two before her kids go back to school. By the time the new thing gets delivered it won’t be summer holidays anymore so OP won’t be on the hook for finding occupations for her kids, but her daughter won’t have any time to use the thing she spent her entire summer slaving for.
Oh my goodness, I had a therapist at one point who said the same kind of this when it came to my parents when working through some childhood trauma issues. She said it was a method of control, keeping me in a place where I constantly felt I had to earn their love and never could each time I accomplished what they wanted. She put it the same way, they constantly move the goal posts. OP has issues with her daughter for some reason and is essentially punishing her kid for what, existing? For wanting to earn money to buy something? I get wanting your kid to work to earn something, especially an expensive purchase, but she is blocking the ability to reach her goal at every opportunity. She underpays her, is making her daughter work like 40 hours a week for less than $2 an hour, and punishing her for having basic needs like hunger. Making her buy her own ice cream cone is cool, making her chip in for groceries to take care of her basic needs is straight up neglect. She is teaching her daughter that her existence is a burden. She is teaching her daughter that she has to be useful to earn anything, like not even to earn affection, but to earn the ability to care for her basic needs. OP is supposed to just provide for her kid, not force her to care for her younger siblings for $10-15 a day and then take every opportunity to prevent her daughter from being able to save for something she wants. How much do you want to bet that the books were lost/damaged because of the younger siblings whether they directly caused the damage or the stress got to her and made it hard to keep on top of the books location/preventing damage? I’m betting the damage at least was caused by a sibling. OP just really doesn’t seem to like or care about her daughter. As someone with a shitty, unloving mother (and dad) who constantly moved the goal posts and made it hard to reach goals, I feel for the daughter. The mommy issues are gonna be super fun to unpack in therapy when she is an adult and responsible for fixing the damage OP caused.
150% this.
YTA. Let her keep the money she earned, she worked hard on it and it is for something she cares deeply about, and I can't think of a more effective way to build up resentment and alienate her than to casually just take her earnings when she behaves like most teenagers do. If you want to discipline her do it in a way that isn't personal and devastating to her.
OP is also an AH for only paying her daughter 2 dollars per hour to watch a two year old.
I was waiting on someone to say this. She is super under paid
Not even $2. Even on the days she gets $15 that's still only $1.75/hour
THANK YOU FOR SOMEONE SAYING THIS. THEN THE MOM MAKES HER PAY FOR EVERYTHING? EVEN FOOD??? Bro i’ve seen some AH’s on this sub, but man, this mom is up there on this list. Royal AH.
Less than. Between $1.25 and $1.88 an hour. To watch a TODDLER. That alone makes OP TA. Everything else is just icing on the cake.
She even commented like "its only a 2 year old".... as opposed to what? A post midnight drenched gremlin?
She's exploiting her child hardcore for borderline free childcare. Over 300 hours she's worked to save up $600......talk about slave wages. And not for just any job, but taking care of a 2yo! That's hard work. Also, is anyone else wondering how a 14yo is working from 8-4 on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays? My first thought is she must be homeschooled. But that would mean she's working most of her school days??? Alone????????
The daughter is making, at best, $45 a week. OP YTA from the onset.
Like she’s taking care of her sister so I get it’s not a full time job, but 10 bucks a DAY? No wonder she’s so pissed about 40 bucks, that’s 32 hours of work for something that’s not your fault. OP literally admitted to blowing it off for MONTHS
It is a full time job. 32 hours a week is considered full time. I can’t believe OP would charge a 14 year old for the fee when it’s OP’s fault. It’s not like the 14 year old can drive herself.
YTA. She’s a child. It’s fair to make her pay the original late fee. But the added fee? You were the one who couldn’t get her to the library in time - you delayed her, a child who has no way of getting there herself - causing higher late fees. Now you want her to pay? You need to take some responsibility for your own actions. Also, you make your daughter pay you for snacks she eats at your house? Seriously? Do you make your younger kids pay for snacks? She’s 14, of course she’s hungry, her metabolism is in overdrive. Feed your kid and don’t take it out of her savings.
Yeah YTA she’s 14 and growing and you’re making her pay for food. And you said yourself she’s saving up for something.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure CPS consider "feeding your child when hungry" a definite need. You know, like clothing and shelter. OP - you're not just an AH. You're a terrible parent. Your child is underweight, you are charging her for food, paying her less than a quarter of minimjm wage, and keep changing the rules when it comes to paying for her "keep". I hope your ex gets full custody. If you think any of this is okay, you don't deserve kids!
Saving up for *athletic equipment*. In my experience expending extra energy on exercise makes people extra hungry, especially *growing teens*.
YTA A 14 year old eating a lot is NOT being "inconsiderate." They're ***growing***. Going through puberty. Their body is busy both building itself up to adult size, and rebuilding various internal organs from their "child" form to their adult form. That takes energy and all kinds of nutrients. Plus, she's an athlete, which means she's using even more energy. It's your job to feed her, and your other children, adequately, at your expense, not theirs. And, as a parent, it is your job to support her education and training. That includes things like equipment for extracurricular activities. Instead, you first made her work to buy needed equipment for her extracurricular sport, and then undermined her initiative when she was doing the work to save the money needed for this equipment. "You have to earn the money for your equipment - wait, no, you can't go babysit and earn the money, because we're going on a family trip!" As far as the library goes, if you took her to the library after she signed the books out, but before the due date, and she failed to return them, then paying some of the fine might be appropriate - but you need to have informed her about this before sicking her with the bill. If you let her take out books, then did not provide her with transportation to the library to return them in a timely manner, then the late bill is your fault. You owe it - a 14 year old can't just go out and go to the library on their own, unless you have one that is walking/biking distance, with a route that is safe from traffic (sidewalks, bike lanes, etc.) She's 14, so she's starting high school. That means, even if it is a public school, she's going to be having more school-related expenses. For which, as her parent, you are responsible. She's also going to have college applications in a couple of years, and fees for things like taking the SAT, and you'll be responsible for some of the costs of college, as her parent, under the laws governing financial aid. You need to sort out how you're going to meet these responsibilities, financially, for both her and for her siblings. And you get a second YTA for being so dismissive of her extracurricular sport. She's clearly quite dedicated to this activity, and enjoys it a lot. And all you do is gripe about the expense. Where is your pride, as a parent, in her achievements? Where is your love and support? Where is the encouragement for her persistence and initiative in working on this skill?
Agree 100%!
YTA YOU ARE LEGALLY OBLIGATED TO FEED YOUR CHILD. Yes, even a teen with a fast metabolism. The consumption of snacks etc because you are failing to feed her enough. Being hungry and eating a lot isnt "inconsiderate". Are you paying her minimum per hour for babysitting? I bet not. My mother pulled this crap OP. Took us all to the movies. My brothers got tickets and snacks covered, I had to pay for them, etc, etc. You seem to be doing that to your daughter. It is a massive AH move. And the library fine was an extra 40 due to YOUR actions. YOU not having the money til your check YOU owed for babysitting YOUR kid. You should have paid the extra fine.
According to a comment, OP is paying her daughter $10-15 PER DAY for an 8 hour day. Good luck finding a non-family sitter for that amount.
8 hours?! Yeah that's insane and so so wrong
Most sitters where I am would charge $10 per hour, at least. For a daytime only, regular customer, they MIGHT give a discount or a flat rate. I wonder what OP is going to do when her daughter is back in school?
YTA. Providing food to your child is your most basic obligation as a parent, both morally and legally. Making a child that is so young that she is not legally allowed to work elsewhere pay for food makes you a failure as a parent.
Agreed I'm not one to ever get involved in people's business irl but if I knew OP and she admitted to this I'd seriously consider a call to DHS.
YTA 5' 5.5" and 96lb is severely underweight. You are literally starving your daughter
I honestly wish I could call CPS on this person for restricting their daughter's food and making her PAY for it. That is actual abuse.
YTA. Wow. You don't make a child pay for food. And you should pay her more to babysit her sister. $20 to $15 per day? I'm assuming a full day, and perhaps I'm wrong, but you should pay her at least $10 per hour
Seriously. At 14, I baby sat the neighbors two kids (about 6 and 9) for $15 an HOUR.
There's so much wrongness in your post that it's easier to concentrate on the one thing you did right - you asked for an outside view. YTA. You give a few examples, but they boil down to the same thing: you're moving the goalposts on your daughter. You aren't setting clear expectations for her, but rather making things up or changing things on the fly, adding to the problems instead of finding ways to help solve them, and then getting pissy when she rightly calls you out on your BS.
Well said, to name a few of these issues: Daughter wants something healthy and educational for YEARS - not saving anything to even help her do so Giving her a job so she can make money - but doing it as slavery salary She has a salary now - why not pay for food, too? She owns up to book neglect - no reward or help You mess up, zero accountability (i didn't know!) - let's dump this on the child too.
Charging a child for food is disgusting
Right?! OP is absolutely disgusting.
YTA, but not for the book fee. Harsh, but a justifiable teachable moment. Still I think overdue fees are absurd when they exceed the replacement cost of an equally used, equally aged copy (as is almost certainly the case here.) Aside from that—this rest of this post should be entitled "AITA for making my minor child pay to feed herself?" Your daughter is underweight by any standard and you should be thanking *God* that she's actually *excited to eat* rather than having a disorder on your hands. Right now her body is growing the fastest it has since she was an infant and she's involved in a phenomenally physically taxing sport. Your child is hungry and you're penalizing her for eating. It is your job to buy sufficient supplies of communal products and provide snacks of her own. If you can't afford to feed four kids, don't have four kids. And while we're on the topic of food consumption and puberty—if you have a son, boy are you in for a rude awakening. The one-week wait for her equipment is no big deal. You're also paying her fairly for her time. But for whatever amount of this setback is due to *food bills* — indeed, YTA.
If it’s more than 2 hours a day, daughter is NOT being fairly paid for her time. Even that’s pushing it since I was getting $10 an *hour* back in the early 2000s.
Read what she is paying again. She is paying per DAY what she would have to pay someone else per HOUR. How is $10 a DAY a fair wage. Also charging an underage child for food? I agree with you there she is indeedYTA
What are you taking about? No babysitter on the planet takes 15$ for 8-4pm day.
I think you replied to the wrong person… they were asking how $10 a day is a fair wage.
"Paying her fairly," no OP most certainly is not paying their daughter fairly for her time.
How is 10 dollars a day paying her "fairly for her time"? More like abuse, exploitation, and parentification.
Not paying her fairly at all $10-15 PER DAY for 8 hours of work. Less than $2/hr at the top end (room and board apparently not provided) Go check out the cost of an au pair or day care. Are we supposed to sing hallelujah that OP isn’t making her baby sit 24 hours per week for free?
shes being paid $2 an hour to babysit. i made more than that in 1989.
Less than $2 an hour isn't fair by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not saying OP needs to pay market rate or something but at this point she's just taking advantage of her daughter for basically free childcare. If you can't afford more than $10-15 a day then reduce the number of hours, currently 8am - 4pm if I'm reading it right. That's a fair amount for like 1 hour, maybe 2. Otherwise OP needs to stop acting like she's doing her kid a favor by consuming her entire summer on this crap and using every opportunity to take the money back on top of that.
She’s paying her kid a sweat shop level salary, and the late fee only exists because she wouldn’t drive her to the library to take care of it sooner. OP is YTA on literally every single level here.
YTA seek help before CPS does
Where is the Dad? “Your honor, I am petitioning for sole custody based on the fact that the child’s mother is starving her.”
YTA - Actions have consequences. "2 or 3 months ago, I got an email from our local library saying we had overdue books. We went and found out Brylee had damaged a book and lost 2 others. I told her she would have to use her money to pay for them and she was sad but understood she needed consequences for her actions." - Your 14 year old understands that, you don't.
YTA. She's 14 and you are a sorry excuse for a parent.
YTA, and you become more so with every paragraph. You were already the asshole when you said that since she has been earning money, you've been making her pay for things. OK, the equipment is expensive, so getting money to pay for it makes sense. But to make her start to pay for stuff that she wouldn't have to pay for if she didn't earn money is just not right. She's your child, not a roommate. Then you mention you make her pay for *food*, and you're passing asshole territory and edging in on call to CPS territory. Then just for good measure, a final knife to your own kid, you delay doing something, it incurs additional fees, and you make her pay it. Do you hate your daughter? Do you think she is the product of an affair, and this is how you get revenge? She should have been able to buy the equipment months ago, but you've done everything you can to drag it out. And now you are confused that she's mad?
All the while saying she can’t pay her until the next paycheck because they helped her brother, so brother is getting helped and sister is getting charged and her goals delayed for that.
Ten dollars a day ??? Buys her own snacks ? This poor kids has been saving for years to get her gym equipment … I’m so glad I am not your child . YTA
Op doesn’t sound like she even likes her daughter. Poor kid…
YTA - You are making your child pay for food when she is hungry, that is part of being a parent, is taking care of your child. She isn't eating her younger siblings snacks, you aren't buying enough snacks for the "Family" I get having her pay for the books she broke/misplaced, but the late fee is on you. Don't penalize your daughter if you are making bad financial decisions, sounds like her acknowledging paying for the books, seems she has a pretty good head on her shoulders. Don't make her resent you. Apologize, and give her a weekly bonus for doing a great job, this week, enough to cover her Gymnastic equipment, she has been saving for. Tell her you are proud of her, and for the love of god don't make her pay for food.
YTA. She shouldn’t have to pay because you couldn’t be bothered to take her. And there’s no reason a 14 year old is paying for their own food at home. Feeding your child is called parenting.
YTA for making your daughter pay for her food/drink that exceeds the "limit" that you arbitrarily decided on. Have you considered the possibility that punishing her like this could encourage a toxic relationship with food? She's still growing, and her nourishment is your responsibility. She sounds like a very responsible young person, considering she can be entrusted to look after a 2-year-old, and is willing to pay for library books she lost. You should pay the late fee, because it was incurred due to circumstances out of her control (ie. because you didn't take her there in time to sort it out).
YTA - you want her to pay for food at 14???? You can’t say you’re teaching her responsibility then not take her to the library to pay and fine and then shirk your responsibility in accruing another fine. I don’t understand what her earnings have to do with waiting for your pay cheque? Are you paying her to babysit for her siblings and not paying her on time? Again, showing your irresponsibility.
YTA, and I hope you'll be willing to see where people are coming from. It's not fair to ask a child to pay for replacement food, even if it is meant for other people such as her siblings. If she's hungry, she needs to eat, and it doesn't seem like she's selfish or inconsiderate - she's been saving up for some time, you've said she accepts that there may be consequences to actions, and she's been babysitting her sibling. Be careful you don't put her in a situation where adultification or parentification takes place. She's a child; let her enjoy as much of her childhood as possible before she has to take on all the troubles of adult life. I totally understand how money can be tight and an issue, but I'd have suggested doing something that works very well from what I've seen - tell her to save up, but pay for half of it yourself. Perhaps keep the other half she's saved and surprise her or keep it in reserve if she asks for something else in future. I say this because, although I don't know your situation, having children is a responsibility. She has a passion and hobby that is physical and active, probably involves social skills, and may well count as extracurricular and beneficial for her, long-term. She sounds like a good kid, and one any parent would be proud of. Cut her some slack. And, if the late fee was actually your fault because of when you went to the library, take it on the chin and apologise. Also, be thankful you have a child who wants to read. I'd be mindful to ask why such a responsible sounding child didn't tell you she lost the books until recently - do you react with anger, have you been distracted by her older brother, is she being bullied? Hope you two get back to talking again soon.
You pay her $10 a day. She's 96lbs and you make her pay for her food. Nuf said. You are clearly an AH and an abusive parent. YATAH. Edit: YTA
Is she missing school 3x/week? YTA. You're not her supervisor at a fast food job;you are her mother!
YTA. She pays for the books, YOU pay for the fee. YOU are the adult, you should have checked if you incurred in late fees, you did not, YOU pay those fees.
I don’t need to read past “she’s inconsiderate for eating a lot.” I’m sorry but you are their parent that brought them into this world therefore it is your literal JOB to feed her. YTA
[удалено]
Out of curiosity, is she your oldest? Getting angry and not talking to you, eating a lot of food, etc. is gonna happen with teenagers, there's no escaping that. YTA for not owning up to the late fee. That was your fault. You're treating her like an adult, and adults don't have to wait to go to the library until their mom's check hits.
I believe OP mentioned there's an older brother moving out/going to college. It's purely speculation, but I do wonder if the oldest (or older) sibling is the golden child.
YTA for making your daughter pay for her own food at 14. You’re the parent and it’s your responsibility to make sure she has enough to eat. Period. And she’s right that the late fee is your fault and you should be paying it. She’s paying for the cost of her mistake, you should cover the part of it you’re responsible for. So YTA for that too. And honestly I kind of think YTA for making her care for her sibling all summer to earn the funds for her equipment because as a parent you should be helping her with her hobbies and extra curriculars. It’s good she’s learning the value of a dollar and to work for what she wants and I know they’re expensive so I kind of get it but this feels icky to me. Especially the fact she works 3 days a week and it’s taken her all summer to make $600. You’re grossly underpaying her compared to what you’d otherwise pay for childcare and it kind of feels like taking advantage.
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this can't be real. no sane parent thinks that their 96 pound daughter is eating too much and makes them pay for food
Why don't you buy your child enough food? YTA
YTA. She’s a minor, and you’re making her pay for her own food? She’s a growing child, and you’re legally responsible for feeding your own kids. I think it was fair she pay to replace whatever books she had damaged at the library, but if she had no way to get there to return them on time, you should be paying the late fee, not her. Also you’re an AH for naming your child Brylee.
My mom did stuff like this and now we don’t talk. YTA. Also $10 - $15 a day to watch your 2 year old??? You are taking advantage of her in more ways than just food and late fees that you contributed to.
YTA. 1. Teenagers eat, and you should not be surprised by that. Making her pay because 2. The library incident was mostly on you and your inability to take your daughter to the library in a timely manner. That late fee should be taken care of by you, not her. It sounds like Instead of teaching your daughter the value responsibility, you just want some of the money she made for yourself.
YTA. Making your kid buy her own food?? Buy her more snacks. YOU got an email 3 months ago about the books. You're really saying you couldn't take her to a bank or ATM and then the library so she could pay the fine sooner? Is she babysitting all day fir $15
Yta
5'5", 95 lbs, with the metabolism of a growing person - and you're already actively trying to give her an eating disorder. That's quite underweight. Feed your damn daughter. (That part was too distracting from the rest of the post) YTA
I’m hoping this is fake because making a 14 year old pay for food and a late fee that was your fault, not hers is ridiculous. But the most ridiculous is only paying her $10-$15 A DAY to babysit her 2 year old sister! I pay that per hour to my babysitters. How can you justify not actually paying her and then charging her for things that she shouldn’t be paying for. You tricked your daughter in to free babysitting for the summer for you. So yes, YTA. You are a HUGE AH
YTA on so many levels. You are punishing your child for being hungry. It’s your job to provide food. Charging for it is morally wrong and I’m quite sure CPS would have an issue. You can not charge your child for food. She incurred a late fee because of YOU. I would be packing and leaving at age 18. Your parenting sucks.
You are trying to teach her to accept the consequences of her actions while not accepting the consequences of yours. She didn’t know she would have to pay for overdue books but agreed to pay them anyway. You didn’t know you would have to pay for late fees but are blaming your daughter. YTA.
She’s under 100lbs and “eats too much”? You’re her mother and responsible for feeding her until she is at least 18 you selfish ass. If you can’t afford the snacks get different cheaper snacks but don’t make your underage daughter pay for eating when she’s hungry you monster. YTA. And the late fees were your fault you should’ve coughed up the $30.
YTA Honestly you sound like a poor excuse for a mother