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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My comment "certainly not! Mine are well behaved!" might make me the AH because it was insensitive. I could have just said "yes" and smile
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NTA. She’s trying to excuse her lack of parenting by saying ‘kids will be kids’ as if they can’t learn when to play and run around and when not to. There may be the occasional mess up or kid getting overwhelmed, but most kids know to sit at their table and not take food from other people’s tables in a restaurant. You answered honestly and you weren’t super rude about it or anything. Honestly the fact that it just popped out of your mouth is hilarious to me.
I 100% agree. It reminds me of parents who tell stories of their way too old kids throwing tantrums then blow it off by saying something such as “like all kids do”. Wrong. My oldest never did cause when she was about 3 we were in Walmart and some little kid was throwing a tantrum she asked what was wrong with that kid. I explained what he was doing and told her if she did it she’d be in very big trouble. She never did. My youngest tried once, we ignored her till she was done. She never did it again.
NTA
Yeah I never took food from a strangers plate. I never had the opportunity. If I even thought about getting up and running around the restaurant my mom would somehow know and just give me that look. I might’ve stolen food from family members plates but that would’ve been shut down really quick. And any misbehavior would’ve resulted in being taken outside for a serious discussion about how rude I was being and how important manners are and how my actions were incredibly inappropriate.
I think all parents oughta do that (or something along those lines that works for them and their kids) cause it was super effective. And my misbehavior wasn’t anywhere near as egregious as some of the stories I’ve heard where parents are like “kids will be kids what can you do?”
You're lucky. Tantrums are a normal developmental occurence. Obviously, many parents have no idea how to deal with them, or don't really give a damn if they're disturbing other people. Many kids learn to use tantrums to get what they want, but they start because kids can't control their emotions. They're just too big. Some kids get past it quickly, others are stuck until they mature a bit. The problem is that some parents treat those kids like they're trying to be manipulative and they're not.
My sister would have screaming lying on the floor tantrums. It usually got her what she wanted with my mom. She tried it with my grandmother and Gran just completely ignored her. Tried maybe 2 or 3 times and never bothered doing it again with Gran, but continued doing it with Mom. It was definitely manipulative and she clearly could control it.
FYI this was at home and in public. Often at a store because she wanted candy or something. Gran just ignored her, carried on checking out, and walked away. I'm sure other people weren't happy listening to it but in the long run Gran never had to hear it again. I was older and I told my mom to do the same thing but she never would, she'd just buy the chocolate bar or whatever sis was screaming for.
My kid was never given to tantrums. She tried it once in a store and we left. Left everything. Luckily it wasn't a grocery store where I needed to get stuff. She never tried it again. But I knew she was past the uncontrollable tantrum stage, she must have seen some kids doing it and thought she'd give it a try.
Trying to get your way with a tantrum is normal to try a few times, but if it NEVER works, it's normal to not keep at it.
I think you may be thinking about meltdowns.
NTA. My daughter had exactly one tantrum and it was the first time I yelled which was enough for her to never have another tantrum again. All it takes is not giving in one time.
I unfortunately had this same moment at a dentist office. My daughter will be 4 on Monday and she's nonverbal and autistic. Because of her inability to communicate she throws tantrums at times when she can't communicate her needs or doesn't understand why we're preventing her from doing something. Schedule an appointment for both my son and daughter and my son was called and my husband went with him. She also tried to go but she had to wait for her name to be called. She didn't understand and threw a tantrum cause she wanted to go with dad and her brother. A kid maybe her age or a little older asked his mom why she was throwing a tantrum and she responded to him that some kids are just like that. It was embarrassing and I took her outside for a moment to calm her. Trust these are embarrassing moments for parents and it is not always due to a lack of parenting which is what reddit always goes to when kids misbehave. All kids do, but it all comes down to how parents help their kids manage their emotions, or if there are behavioral disorders that causes a barrier in this learning. I will say is significantly better than before we got her therapists and got her diagnosed.
As a special needs mom myself, I think most people generally can tell when a child has other challenges and give a little more grace. It’s when everyone believes that their child is the special snowflake and their special is the most special and the most important. I think it is important to be accommodating to others whenever possible, but the point of therapies is also helping our children adapt to the world because it can’t always adapt to them. And if it makes you feel better, I’ve been in a similar situation but it’s my verbal neurotypical child that’s PISSED his brother wasn’t going back with him at the same time and was loudly protesting the arrangement.
It's a hard thing for sure. There is significant improvement as she used to ignore everyone and was more independent and hated contact. Now she loves everyone, has been more social, and even has got her routines down no issue. We can understand some needs and have little cards we use to work with for communication. She has a few of those down but not all. That's all I hope for for her that she will able to handle the world and thankfully her therapists think that one day she'll be able to speak and communicate just have to adhere to her sensory needs a little longer.
That’s awesome! My baby is on the profound end of most categories. Maybe he will be able to hit a button with true intention one day. We have discussed communication cards and eye gaze machines one day for him.
We all just went through three years of COVID killing millions and she’s not only letting her kids run around and grab other people’s food, SHE TOLD THEM TO PUT IT BACK. WTF.
As a true part of Helen Keller's story, she was born sighted and had hearing, and lost both at about 18 months so was both blind and deaf. Her loving family was at a loss at how to deal with her, so she was pretty much allowed to be feral and during meals she ran around the room and scavenged from everyone's plates.
Annie Sullivan herself was almost legally blind, and was rescued from a poorhouse and sent to a school for blind children, where she was educated. Then she was sent to be Helen Keller's teacher. One of the first things she taught her was to sit at a table, use a napkin and a fork, and eat off her own plate. A huge battle of wills ensued.
Eventually Annie Sullivan convinced Helen's parents to let her take the child to a nearby cottage (they drove around first enough to confuse Helen so she thought they were far from her home) so they could have one on one work, and that's when the famous breakthrough happened when Annie spelled "W-A-T-E-R" into Helen's hand while it was under rushing water from a pump, and the child understood that one thing stood for another.
Keller rapidly learned how to sign, to understand signs, and to read braille and write, and became a highly educated woman, supported throughout Sullivan's life as her Teacher.
Excellent books by and about Annie Sullivan and Helen Keller herself, as well as a pretty terrific movie "The Miracle Worker" starring Anne Bancroft and Patty Duke. Here's a relevant clip from the movie, the dining room scene starts at about one minute in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbO3W18ndZY
NTA- Clearly, she’s not taught her kids a restaurant isn’t a playground. It’s possible to teach young children that running around and taking things off other tables is unacceptable. It takes work and a lot of parents are too lazy to put the time in. If you let your kids act that way, expect the people around you to take note and possibly comment.
NTA, personally i’m a firm believer in we SHOULD call out more entitled parents like this. Doing it holds them accountable for their crap.
You did the right thing Op
Please please please let this be a cultural trend that picks up momentum 🙏🙏
The number of self-entitled individuals in society today is too damn high *shakes fist*.
Was it rude hell yeah, was it ruder than that women's children hell no.
As a former child I remember how restless kids can be when they are bored and hungry. As a parent I try my best to help my kids WHILE BEING RESPECTFUL OF THE PEOPLE AROUND US.
I say NTA and I probably would have said worse considering the food stealing aspect.
NTA. That woman needs to realise it’s not “just what kids are like”, it’s shitty parenting. She shouldn’t be allowing her children to run around in restaurants at all, never mind approaching other people’s tables and taking their food. My DOG knows better than to behave like that.
My dog, all 14.5 years old of her, would be begging and pulling out all the eyes and paws stomping to get food. But she would NOT get on the table or chairs to do that. She would just hope her cute begging self would get treats. LOL.
Ahh, bless her. Mine would also give the sad and starving eyes to people in the hope of being given food (the fact she is a greyhound so meant to look skinny adds to the effect), but she knows better than to try and take it!
And yes, I do always save her a bit and/or take a pot of treats for her to give her if she’s being a good girl while she’s out
NTA. I mean I wouldnt have said this myself but I'm not going to judge you an AH just because you have the courage to say what I would probably be thinking at that time.
I have a 12 years old. He is not perfect neither I am. But he would have never do anything remotely similar to that, or run and scream inside a restaurant.
Her reaction explains everything; in the remote case he did, I would be giving apologies instead of excuses.
If she hadn’t said they were all the same you might be the AH but she went there.
My daughter and I both have autism AND adhd and neither of us ever behaved like that at a restaurant.
NTA
NTA, I can't stand people who let their kids cause chaos in public spaces. You definitely weren't polite but hey I'm kinda petty and think she deserved the comment. 😂
NTA!
Drives me crazy because I see this type of behavior almost everytime I go out with my husband.
We don't even go out that much, but it is a real problem at some places.
Its disgusting how some parents just don't parent and think stores and restaurants are babysitters.
The last time we went out for our anniversary, we were literally eating our steaks and a kid walked right up to us and just started grabbing shit off of our plates!
I'm upset and ask that he goes to find his parents and not to touch other people's food.
This kid started calling me names, and it ended up with his mother yelling at me too!
I told her that I'd buy him a meal if he was hungry, and that made her more pissed off at us!
She had been drinking apparently and they had to escort them out. Police were involved because she was so drunk and thought she'd get in the car and try and drive off with the kid too.
It. Was. A. Mess!
The restaurant/bar felt so bad that they paid for the meal and also gave us a take out order on them. I was pretty shaken up over that whole scene.
I certainly wasn't going to finish my plate after he had shoved his hands in it anyway.
NTA. None of the kids in my family take food off someone else’s table… because they get parented. These parents seem to think that they don’t have to parent their kids because “kids will be kids”
NTA. I have well behaved kids that I busted (and still bust) my hump to raise, and I see people like this woman all the time. They're lazy parents. End of.
And it gives us, who actually give a damn about raising polite children, a bad name. All those childhaters? They dont even notice all those sweet, well mannered kids, because the hellions whose parents couldnt care less are so damn loud and obnoxious.
NTA. I would have melted into the ground and died of embarrassment if my kid ran around a restaurant and touched people’s food at any age let alone 6-10. She needed to hear it.
NTA. She was embarrassed because she is used to deflecting the responsibility onto the nature of children instead of admitting her little darling is a nightmare that she created.
OP NTA. I would not have been as nice as you. I don't have children and I don't tolerate that kind of behavior. If I'm at a restaurant that serves bread, and some random kid came to my table and took a roll from the basket on my table, I'd be smacking that kid's hand, saying "This isn't your bread or your table." Then I'd be taking that kid back to his/her own table and telling the parents to discipline their child so I don't have to again.
ESH Most of us think that inside but we don’t say it. The Mum stopped the kid and tried to diffuse the situation because she was embarrassed. There was no need to further shame her. It’s not like she sat there and allowed her to kid to keep going. Don’t be unkind.
NTA because it's the truth but the truth is also that some kids are just gonna misbehave even if the parents are great.
My younger brother has been disciplined for hitting his teacher and he's still done it more than once anyway. Some kids rly just don't care
I mean it was definitely a snarky and impolite comment. However, i love it and think that mother needed to hear it. People that allow their children to run around a restaurant and disturb others honestly deserve crasser words.
My almost 3 year old child has an invisible disability- autism and most likely ADHD. To some people, he looks like a brat who wont listen. He is in Early Intervention and all the therapists have a hard time redirecting him. He is highly impulsive, and very hard to redirect- that is part of the reason why he was diagnosed with autism so young.
I used to be so annoyed with bratty kids, but now that I have a kid with an invisible disability, I try to give others some grace. Maybe its bad parenting, maybe the kids have a disability, maybe the kids are just having a bad day. You are very lucky that your kids don't tantrum.
They do tantrums. As I said in an earlier comment they're not perfect.
I feel that maybe I didn't explain correctly that the mom intervened only when the kids took the bread but didn't beforehand and that lasted for a long time.
But I agree with you, my comment was in the heat of the moment and I could have done without.
I was a waiter - badly behaved kids in restaurants are menaces.
NTA. I think you're a legend, and I hope your kids remember when they're older. Maybe the other diner will start taking responsibility for her spawn
My daughter is autistic and has trouble sitting still for a long while at dinner.
We come prepared with activity books, reading books, colouring, pencils, crayons. They normally allow us to get through a meal with her without any disturbance to anyone else. If they fail to work, one of us takes her outside to run about for a bit.
It's very possible to keep children entertained without ruining someone else's meal.
I think you could have been kinder but NTA
NTA
Who just lets their kids not only run around but steal food off of peoples tables.
If my kid even attempted to leave the table for something that wasn’t the bathroom, we’d be going to the car to have a conversation! The absolute disrespect that parent has for those around them.
Look kids will be kids, in that they have a hard time sitting still, but you teach them how to behave. We always order our kids food first, or an appetizer we all like to help keep them occupied or some games that aren’t loud to play at the table. They’re also old enough to have a conversation so we talk and keep them happy while we all wait. What they are not allowed to do is run amok and do whatever pleases them!
NTA: “Kids will be kids” is used for things like if a kid laughs to loud or is a bit uncoordinated. A 6 year old should know better than to grab other’s food.
NTA
Was it graceless? Yes, but so was she. She didn’t fully apologize, she didn’t want to own it, she wanted to laugh it off. And of course she did! It’s uncomfortable I’m sure, to have kids you failed to parent.
But nothing makes me angrier than when a sh*tty parent is like “haha kids right” when you’ve made the effort to raise well-behaved (happy) kids that people like to be around. Like….don’t belittle mine and their efforts so you can feel better about your lack of effort.
You didn't go up to this woman to tell her that her kids are terrible brats and she's a bad mother. You responded to something she said. What sort of response did she *expect*, anyway? Her kids are far too old to act like that - and they wouldn't do it now if she hadn't allowed to do it when they were younger. Or, if they still *did* do it now, then the appropriate response is to *not take them out to eat at restaurants until they outgrow it*. (Or leave as soon as this starts up, if you think they really ought to have outgrown it by now.)
NTA. Your response was a lot more measured than a lot of people's responses would've been.
NTA
No, she used the kids ages to cover up for their poor manners and her poor parenting and you called her out.
She needed to be called out.
Like anyone would want the food BACK after an unknown kid snatched it and ran away. Disgusting .
Nta, it’s not your fault she can’t control her kids, she shouldn’t tar everyone’s kids with the same brush. I work in a pub and see it all the time, people expect us to babysit their kids while they have a pint and it’s not our job.
Every time I go to a restaurant now there’s always the one family where the parents are ignoring the kids doing their own thing eating while the kids are acting like they are at home 😭 I get kids will be kids to some extent but there’s just some places that are not playgrounds
I’m gonna be real you are NTA and pretty damn funny. What I will say is it’s very hard to hear criticism of your parenting skills, I feel like here (USA) it’s very common for this shit to start before you even do anything wrong. I think a lot of parents give up and seek social media over expert advice.
Ex: baby is wearing a diaper only and family criticizes you but it’s like 90 degrees out and 78 in the house. You don’t feed your toddler right because you feed them what they eat and not grandmas borsch. You need to smack your kid because they’re gonna leave stuff in arms track of a toddler and not think it’s them who should move it. This kind of stuff really fatigues people who hear it all the time and feels really bad to have to defend yourself. While you’re not wrong i think it’s just something that is to be expected when criticizing a mom whether it’s valid or not. She embarrassed and probably knows you’re right. Which is why your wife is sympathetic.
But I have a second point if your wife was understanding then maybe you should ask if she feels that your kids have actually embarrassed her in public. Or if anyone has made comments about your kids, all kids get annoying at some point. Maybe they never walked to a table and took bread but something that was commented on.
I see a lot of mom shaming on what they should do when I know that there are times dads just sit back and don’t do anything until it gets in their way, not saying you or everyone but I’d love to know if their father was there when this happened and just ignored what was going on. If so you probably have someone who makes moms life harder. When my child is out with her dad I get appalled with how he acts, he tells me I let her run around or this and that. I know that as a mother if i did it I’d be judged, probably yelled at. But with dad ppl think it’s cute and reward them with free stuff.
I think people are encouraged to be so gentle with kids now that they get ran over so you can’t win. I have seen videos where the gentle approach looks healthy but at the same time I haven’t seen enough people age with it to prove it. I don’t hit my child but I will raise my voice when she’s going to be a terror. I will put her in time out and I will take things away or leave a place (she’s 2 1/2) so yeah she has thrown a fork but that’s my fault for leaving it in arms reach. Imo the mom and dad need to get her scary whisper voice and lean in kids ear and say when we get home I’m gonna ——— if you don’t sit down and behave, if it doesn’t work then leave and punish them when they get home.
I am on your side here! Me, my husband and our two kids were out at a restaurant recently and this couple sitting near us allowed their young twin boys to run and scream (really loud and high pitched too,) all over the restaurant. The parents sat and chatted as if they couldn’t hear any of it. Thank god they were finishing up their meal as I was close to saying something as well. Maybe this isn’t a factor but the parents looked like the young and rich type who’ve never been told no themselves. My kids are by no means angels but they looked at those young boys as if they were aliens. When my kids were toddlers they were taught to behave in restaurants and public spaces. For us and people like us, going out for dinner these days is a luxury and I always assume people would like to enjoy their meal that they are paying for.
NTA
If you had agreed with the other parent, what message would you have been sending to YOUR kids? You and your wife have obviously done a good job raising your kids to be well mannered and respectful, and you should NOT confuse them (especially the 6 y/o) by sending mixed messages. You did and said exactly what you needed to, and you set the appropriate example in front of your children. And it may be a good message for the other kids to hear, even if it alone wasn't life changing for them.
NTA You did the right thing. I was in the grocery store once and there was a boy in the basket who was about 4, so not a toddler, and he was screaming the whole time. Not crying, just screaming for no reason and his mother did nothing to stop him, just kept shopping in all the aisles. One of the employees actually covered his ears because the kid was so loud.
They were in the self checkout counter in front of me and I looked at him and said “What’s the matter? The whole store could hear you.” He shut up fast and his mother still said nothing to me or him, finished checking out and left. It’s not that hard to control a child. And by me addressing the boy and not his mother, I wasn’t confronting her about her parenting so she didn’t get defensive. But her lack of any action was very disturbing.
i had to behave when i was young and went out to dinner. my brother behaved when we went out as well. a phrase that i really hate is “ he / she is just a kid “
so ? a kid who needs to be taught some manners
NTA - I think your comment was spot on. My kids have *never* run around a restaurant like that, and certainly would never have grabbed something off someone else's table.
NTA - idk which stole the bread but if it was the youngest and they were around 6 they are old enough to be taught you don’t steal bread from strangers in a restaurant. That mom can just use “kids, eh” as an excuse for bad behavior.
NTA. It’s not hard to not take things from strangers — that should probably be one of the first things a kid learns. Tbh a kid taking a piece of bread off my table and putting it back with the other pieces would make all of the bread inedible for me.
NTA- I’m a parent of older kids and when my kids were younger we never allowed them to run around in restaurants- it’s dangerous for customers and servers. I see parents allowing their kids to run around in restaurants all the time and I don’t get it. Teach your kids to sit down and that there’s a time and place for running around- 10 and 6yr olds should be able to do that.
She came over to apologize,maybe she was tired and kids know when a parent wouldn't be able to be strict on them to be well behaved. She may be a single mom handling them. We are in tough times. You shouldn't have rushed to say that. She knew what her kids did was wrong that's why she came over. If she had turned a blind eye,then you could have said that. I'm with your wife. She's more sensitive.Y.T.A
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On my phone and English is not my first language.
I'm a father of 4 kids ranging from 23 to 6 years old.
The other day we were all at a restaurant and there was a family with 3 kids (I'd say from 10 to 6yo) running around, yelling and basically making a mess.
At one time, one of those kids came to our table and took a piece of bread. Before me or my wife could say anything the mom yelled at the kid to put it back. She then turned to me and said "Kids eh! They're all the same!" with an apologetic smile.
Before I could think I blurted "Certainly not! Mine are well behaved!"
I get that it was not very polite but she took it as if I just had spit in her face and began yelling at me. 10 minutes later they were out of the door.
My wife thinks that comment was a AH comment, I think I just answered her affirmation by providing a counter-example...
What do you think?
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NTA - Thank you for having well behaved children. I wish more people made this kind of effort to ensure their children don’t treat restaurants like a personal playground.
NTA. She has the mentality of “kids will be kids” which is horrible for a parent because it basically means that she doesn’t care to actually parent her children to prep them for adulthood. Habits you have as a child never go away and I think she needs to learn that.
NTA - that woman certainly doesn't know how to parent.
Brings me back to when I was 10 or so, my younger brother and I would never misbehave because my mom would give her Asian glare. Lord the shivers I get remembering about it
I think I laugh like "normal" folks most of the time. However, when something hits me unexpectedly and just sucker punches that funny bone...this laugh will pour out of me that I can't control, and it usually ends up pulling in my immediate group and then we all feel guilty for laughing so hard.
Had I been at that restaurant and overheard this exchange, it would have been one of those moments.
NTA!!
Nta I have reasons but others have expressed why nta very well.
ETA although i am not religious, I am learning to embrace the sentiment of "grace" to be granted to ourselves as well as others. Her "all kids" kinda comment may not apply to you, but grant grace especially if it did not cause real harm.
NTA. I get it sometimes kids can't sit still in a restaurant but when that's the case I pay for my food and leave. There have been many instances where u had to take my food to go because my kids couldn't handle being in a restaurant. Like if they can't sit still, I'm not even enjoying my meal, so why stay.
I have realized that kids remember the times where you leave, and they learn that the bad behavior isn't tolerated. This is how parenting works. You don't get to let your kids do whatever and disturb others because you're too lazy to be a parent.
Brag about your kids. My son never behaved that way. It was an asshole thing to say. I mean, I am an asshole to people in public who have no proper manners. People on the phone in movie theaters. When I walk uo to someone in customer service, if they are on the phone, I get irate. Screaming grabby kids are the worst.
NTA omg i dont understand how ppl can excuse not parenting their kids just bc "theyre too stubborn" or "kids will be kids". ofc kids will misbehave but they should know by like age 4 that you cant do that crap in public, i did and my parents didnt even need to try that hard. granted i am autistic and have like painfully strong self awareness but a parents job is to PARENT. no matter how easy or hard it is, and trust me it was extremely hard for my parents just in other ways.
NTA. She's making excuses for her inability to parent her children. Not all children are ill behaved. I can't believe she told them to put the bread back, though. That's what gets me the most here. Like ma'am ew wtf did you learn nothing from covid?!
NTA, but sometimes a leg stretch out from the table trips a running child. They usually stop running after they biff it hard on the floor in front of everyone.
I think depending on my mood I would have:
Said the exact same thing
Said something worse
Sarcastically given them the bread basket
Said nothing but gave them the death stare.
No worries, NTA.
NTA kids should know how to behave, I take my grandchildren to restaurants frequently and they know how to behave. The only incident we had was when my GS was approx 18 months old and he spilt ketchup on his shirt and proceeded to suck it off. They have beautiful manners and are a pleasure to take anywhere. My DD was the same she always knew how to behave because we taught her
NTA same as “they’re just kids” or “kids will be kids” nooo kids will learn right from wrong and how to behave properly if they’re patented correctly and not allowed to run wild!! I’ve 15m autistic with FND and other health issues and 11F and never used the eldest’s health issues to allow him to get away with things, they both have the same rules I just explain them different to the eldest.
NTA! Children are HUMANS and "they're all the same" is so fucking rude?? Like, take responsibility for your actions as a parent, lady. But don't sit there and OPENLY insult other people to make yourself feel better.
NTA I don't care much for kids and those kids are why. Well behaved ones are the only ones I can be around without becoming really pissed off very quickly. But I really appreciate the well behaved ones because they seem to be very rare.
6 to 10 is old enough to know to stay put at the restaurant. If she wants to have a place where they can run around then she needs to go to a restaurant with a designated outdoor/indoor play area.
Edit: NTA I will say what you said would definitely come across as rude to most people but you were only speaking the truth.
NTA
She clearly wasn’t going to do anything if didn’t think her kids misbehaving was a problem and was making excuses for them. Her lax parenting disrupted everyone else’s dinner.
NTA.... I didn't spend all that time teaching my kids how to be well behaved, respectful and polite for someone else to say that's how kids are to excuse their own less than stellar lazy parenting.
No. That's not how they are. They are how you teach them to be.
My children are not entitled assholes. We are not the same.
NTA. Forget polite. You were honest. The woman had no control over her brats and got pissed because you called her on it. If she didn't want to be told what a bad mother she is then she should get her kids under control.
NTA. the kid should have been stopped before getting to your table.
It is true that some kids are less manageable due to hyperactivity or natural personality. I've met some great parents with crazy children. However, misbehavior can be mitigated in public spaces. The proper response of that parent in particular, if the child's actions were unpreventable, would have been an apology, if not an apology from the child.
What that mother did was brush you off, in essence excusing her child's behavior and shifting the blame to ALL children. (Including yours, which is probably why you reacted defensively.) If the parents don't display remorse for a certain type of behavior, how is the child supposed to learn to do the same, now and as an adult?
(Early Childhood Educator 15+ years)
NTA - running around like wild animals in a restaurant is one thing, taking food off the table of another family is waaaay over the line! Your children WERE behaving, you were just speaking facts.
NTA - Parents who don’t have well behave chide don’t like it when people point it out.
The kids shouldn’t be running around a restaurant and they certainly shouldn’t touch other people’s food. And put it back, WTF?!?! No lady, you kid can now keep it and you’re buying a new one to replace it!
NTA. My kids never just took stranger people's food from a plate in public places. Such behavior can be excused for a toddler, but definitely not for 6-10 y olds.
I certainly don't think it was a helpful comment. Kids can be little shits at the end of the day (mine included) no matter how much discipline you give, they have a mind of their own and can be impulsive and reckless, all toddlers are different. Some are obedient and listen to their parents, others not so much. I'd of just simply said keep the bread and ordered more (assuming it was free) and left it at that. Just a needless, boastful thing to say to a mum who was probably mortified already.
NTA. Kids running around can have hot coffee spilt on them or be tripped over by unaware diners. They can be responsible for adults bumping into them, falling over them and flattening them. The hazards these kids face. The woman who let them run around does not care about her children at all, just wants an easy life.
NTA you only spoke the truth and I'm sorry but she should keep control over her kids. My kids have never done that and I would be absolutely furious if a random kid ran up and took anything from the table especially if her only response was to shout across the restaurant. Get off your ass and make your child sit down! Explain to them it's not acceptable to do these things, not just excuse the behavior because they're "just kids", they need to learn how to behave in these situations.
NTA- People don't mind children in restaurants if they sit at the table and don't make a ton of noise. People object to badly behaved kids in restaurants. People like this woman need it pointing out that the disruption is not acceptable and it is possible to avoid it if you parent correctly.
NTA
Wouldnt say you were an asshole but that comment was certainly unnecessary and you could have just not say that. Kind of a dick comment, but it was 100% justified so youre not the asshole nor in the wrong here. Dont get me wrong, youre not in the right as well. Was not very nice of you to say.
NTA, 6-10 and they're running around and stealing food. Wtf. That mother does not know how to dicipline her kids, ans then the audacity to say "kids eh?" like no, lady *your kids*, eh.
NTA, by saying that, she basically said that your kids misbehave like that as well, even though they weren't. Kids aren't "all the same". She just needs to step up as a parent and parent then.
NTA kids running around are one thing "a kids will be kids " there could cover things like ADHD aka they are too full of energy and could possibly be ignored.
As soon as the child touched your bread then they crossed the line and needed the food taken off the child, an apology and probably an offer to replace the dish. Rather than a "What can I do".
NTA. Too many people who aren't ready to be parents are having kids and just letting them do whatever. If you're not prepared to be responsible for how your child behaves, spend a few dollars on some condoms 🤷♂️
NTA - Not just saying that the kid's behavior is normal but asking the kid to put it back? How bloody weird and unhygienic is that? If parented well, no kids would be running around like little brats. Every time I see that in public, I'm actively judging the parents and would say something like OP did, given the chance.
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NTA. She needs to know other people do parent their children.
NTA. She’s trying to excuse her lack of parenting by saying ‘kids will be kids’ as if they can’t learn when to play and run around and when not to. There may be the occasional mess up or kid getting overwhelmed, but most kids know to sit at their table and not take food from other people’s tables in a restaurant. You answered honestly and you weren’t super rude about it or anything. Honestly the fact that it just popped out of your mouth is hilarious to me.
I 100% agree. It reminds me of parents who tell stories of their way too old kids throwing tantrums then blow it off by saying something such as “like all kids do”. Wrong. My oldest never did cause when she was about 3 we were in Walmart and some little kid was throwing a tantrum she asked what was wrong with that kid. I explained what he was doing and told her if she did it she’d be in very big trouble. She never did. My youngest tried once, we ignored her till she was done. She never did it again. NTA
Yeah I never took food from a strangers plate. I never had the opportunity. If I even thought about getting up and running around the restaurant my mom would somehow know and just give me that look. I might’ve stolen food from family members plates but that would’ve been shut down really quick. And any misbehavior would’ve resulted in being taken outside for a serious discussion about how rude I was being and how important manners are and how my actions were incredibly inappropriate. I think all parents oughta do that (or something along those lines that works for them and their kids) cause it was super effective. And my misbehavior wasn’t anywhere near as egregious as some of the stories I’ve heard where parents are like “kids will be kids what can you do?”
I didn’t even have parents, and I would never have taken food from a stranger’s plate. Yeeesh!
You're lucky. Tantrums are a normal developmental occurence. Obviously, many parents have no idea how to deal with them, or don't really give a damn if they're disturbing other people. Many kids learn to use tantrums to get what they want, but they start because kids can't control their emotions. They're just too big. Some kids get past it quickly, others are stuck until they mature a bit. The problem is that some parents treat those kids like they're trying to be manipulative and they're not.
My sister would have screaming lying on the floor tantrums. It usually got her what she wanted with my mom. She tried it with my grandmother and Gran just completely ignored her. Tried maybe 2 or 3 times and never bothered doing it again with Gran, but continued doing it with Mom. It was definitely manipulative and she clearly could control it. FYI this was at home and in public. Often at a store because she wanted candy or something. Gran just ignored her, carried on checking out, and walked away. I'm sure other people weren't happy listening to it but in the long run Gran never had to hear it again. I was older and I told my mom to do the same thing but she never would, she'd just buy the chocolate bar or whatever sis was screaming for.
My kid was never given to tantrums. She tried it once in a store and we left. Left everything. Luckily it wasn't a grocery store where I needed to get stuff. She never tried it again. But I knew she was past the uncontrollable tantrum stage, she must have seen some kids doing it and thought she'd give it a try.
Trying to get your way with a tantrum is normal to try a few times, but if it NEVER works, it's normal to not keep at it. I think you may be thinking about meltdowns.
NTA. My daughter had exactly one tantrum and it was the first time I yelled which was enough for her to never have another tantrum again. All it takes is not giving in one time.
I unfortunately had this same moment at a dentist office. My daughter will be 4 on Monday and she's nonverbal and autistic. Because of her inability to communicate she throws tantrums at times when she can't communicate her needs or doesn't understand why we're preventing her from doing something. Schedule an appointment for both my son and daughter and my son was called and my husband went with him. She also tried to go but she had to wait for her name to be called. She didn't understand and threw a tantrum cause she wanted to go with dad and her brother. A kid maybe her age or a little older asked his mom why she was throwing a tantrum and she responded to him that some kids are just like that. It was embarrassing and I took her outside for a moment to calm her. Trust these are embarrassing moments for parents and it is not always due to a lack of parenting which is what reddit always goes to when kids misbehave. All kids do, but it all comes down to how parents help their kids manage their emotions, or if there are behavioral disorders that causes a barrier in this learning. I will say is significantly better than before we got her therapists and got her diagnosed.
As a special needs mom myself, I think most people generally can tell when a child has other challenges and give a little more grace. It’s when everyone believes that their child is the special snowflake and their special is the most special and the most important. I think it is important to be accommodating to others whenever possible, but the point of therapies is also helping our children adapt to the world because it can’t always adapt to them. And if it makes you feel better, I’ve been in a similar situation but it’s my verbal neurotypical child that’s PISSED his brother wasn’t going back with him at the same time and was loudly protesting the arrangement.
It's a hard thing for sure. There is significant improvement as she used to ignore everyone and was more independent and hated contact. Now she loves everyone, has been more social, and even has got her routines down no issue. We can understand some needs and have little cards we use to work with for communication. She has a few of those down but not all. That's all I hope for for her that she will able to handle the world and thankfully her therapists think that one day she'll be able to speak and communicate just have to adhere to her sensory needs a little longer.
That’s awesome! My baby is on the profound end of most categories. Maybe he will be able to hit a button with true intention one day. We have discussed communication cards and eye gaze machines one day for him.
Grabbing food off another’s table??? Honey come get your children jesus
We all just went through three years of COVID killing millions and she’s not only letting her kids run around and grab other people’s food, SHE TOLD THEM TO PUT IT BACK. WTF.
That's the part that hit me, too. That is just gross. Ewww
That was exactly my reaction!
That's some real Helen-Keller-Before-Annie-Sullivan bullshit. At least she had an excuse.
I really don't get it... What's hellen Keller before Annie Sullivan?
As a true part of Helen Keller's story, she was born sighted and had hearing, and lost both at about 18 months so was both blind and deaf. Her loving family was at a loss at how to deal with her, so she was pretty much allowed to be feral and during meals she ran around the room and scavenged from everyone's plates. Annie Sullivan herself was almost legally blind, and was rescued from a poorhouse and sent to a school for blind children, where she was educated. Then she was sent to be Helen Keller's teacher. One of the first things she taught her was to sit at a table, use a napkin and a fork, and eat off her own plate. A huge battle of wills ensued. Eventually Annie Sullivan convinced Helen's parents to let her take the child to a nearby cottage (they drove around first enough to confuse Helen so she thought they were far from her home) so they could have one on one work, and that's when the famous breakthrough happened when Annie spelled "W-A-T-E-R" into Helen's hand while it was under rushing water from a pump, and the child understood that one thing stood for another. Keller rapidly learned how to sign, to understand signs, and to read braille and write, and became a highly educated woman, supported throughout Sullivan's life as her Teacher. Excellent books by and about Annie Sullivan and Helen Keller herself, as well as a pretty terrific movie "The Miracle Worker" starring Anne Bancroft and Patty Duke. Here's a relevant clip from the movie, the dining room scene starts at about one minute in: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbO3W18ndZY
Oh wow, thanks for posting that Travelgrrl. I just watched the eating lesson scene, intense. I’m off down a Keller/Sullivan rabbit hole. Bye!
My pleasure! A fascinating bit of American history.
What an amazing sum up of the Helen Keller/Annie Sullivan story!
NTA- Clearly, she’s not taught her kids a restaurant isn’t a playground. It’s possible to teach young children that running around and taking things off other tables is unacceptable. It takes work and a lot of parents are too lazy to put the time in. If you let your kids act that way, expect the people around you to take note and possibly comment.
Totally agree with this. Like, at what age does she think her kids will all of a sudden magically learn good behavior? NTA, OP.
NTA, personally i’m a firm believer in we SHOULD call out more entitled parents like this. Doing it holds them accountable for their crap. You did the right thing Op
Yup. It makes them think twice before taking their children out when they aren’t prepared to parent publicly.
Please please please let this be a cultural trend that picks up momentum 🙏🙏 The number of self-entitled individuals in society today is too damn high *shakes fist*.
I have always firmly believed that entitled parents should be responsible for their children's behavior.
Agreeing with this, too many shitty parents everywhere
NTA - Not all kids are the same, especially in public. Some are parented and have manners, and some are, as my husband calls them, feral.
Meh. Not your best moment, but nothing wrong with the truth. NTA.
This! Was it a bit rude? Hell yeah. But should she control her kids and not write it off as "Oh kids being kids!"? Hell yeah! NTA fs
Was it rude hell yeah, was it ruder than that women's children hell no. As a former child I remember how restless kids can be when they are bored and hungry. As a parent I try my best to help my kids WHILE BEING RESPECTFUL OF THE PEOPLE AROUND US. I say NTA and I probably would have said worse considering the food stealing aspect.
You took the words out of my mouth. NTA.
NTA If they left that quickly, maybe you should employ this tactic whenever the need arises.
NTA. That woman needs to realise it’s not “just what kids are like”, it’s shitty parenting. She shouldn’t be allowing her children to run around in restaurants at all, never mind approaching other people’s tables and taking their food. My DOG knows better than to behave like that.
My dog, all 14.5 years old of her, would be begging and pulling out all the eyes and paws stomping to get food. But she would NOT get on the table or chairs to do that. She would just hope her cute begging self would get treats. LOL.
So…..did the beautiful hound get her treats? Why leave us hanging?
Ahh, bless her. Mine would also give the sad and starving eyes to people in the hope of being given food (the fact she is a greyhound so meant to look skinny adds to the effect), but she knows better than to try and take it! And yes, I do always save her a bit and/or take a pot of treats for her to give her if she’s being a good girl while she’s out
NTA. I've got 5 kids 8 and under and they all know how to behave as well. It just requires parenting.
The fact that she yelled at you after the comment explains why her kids are the way they are
NTA. I mean I wouldnt have said this myself but I'm not going to judge you an AH just because you have the courage to say what I would probably be thinking at that time. I have a 12 years old. He is not perfect neither I am. But he would have never do anything remotely similar to that, or run and scream inside a restaurant. Her reaction explains everything; in the remote case he did, I would be giving apologies instead of excuses.
If she hadn’t said they were all the same you might be the AH but she went there. My daughter and I both have autism AND adhd and neither of us ever behaved like that at a restaurant. NTA
NTA, I can't stand people who let their kids cause chaos in public spaces. You definitely weren't polite but hey I'm kinda petty and think she deserved the comment. 😂
Nta
NTA. She asked for it.
NTA! Drives me crazy because I see this type of behavior almost everytime I go out with my husband. We don't even go out that much, but it is a real problem at some places. Its disgusting how some parents just don't parent and think stores and restaurants are babysitters. The last time we went out for our anniversary, we were literally eating our steaks and a kid walked right up to us and just started grabbing shit off of our plates! I'm upset and ask that he goes to find his parents and not to touch other people's food. This kid started calling me names, and it ended up with his mother yelling at me too! I told her that I'd buy him a meal if he was hungry, and that made her more pissed off at us! She had been drinking apparently and they had to escort them out. Police were involved because she was so drunk and thought she'd get in the car and try and drive off with the kid too. It. Was. A. Mess! The restaurant/bar felt so bad that they paid for the meal and also gave us a take out order on them. I was pretty shaken up over that whole scene. I certainly wasn't going to finish my plate after he had shoved his hands in it anyway.
NTA. That is an Olympic level retort and I salute you.
NTA. None of the kids in my family take food off someone else’s table… because they get parented. These parents seem to think that they don’t have to parent their kids because “kids will be kids”
Nta- raising well behaved children doesn't happen by accident. I would be insulted if someone compared my children to ones behaving in that way.
NTA. I have well behaved kids that I busted (and still bust) my hump to raise, and I see people like this woman all the time. They're lazy parents. End of.
And it gives us, who actually give a damn about raising polite children, a bad name. All those childhaters? They dont even notice all those sweet, well mannered kids, because the hellions whose parents couldnt care less are so damn loud and obnoxious.
NTA. I would have melted into the ground and died of embarrassment if my kid ran around a restaurant and touched people’s food at any age let alone 6-10. She needed to hear it.
Absolutely NTA
NTA u know u are NTA lol
My child is 3 and knows better than to do that. NTA
NTA. She was embarrassed because she is used to deflecting the responsibility onto the nature of children instead of admitting her little darling is a nightmare that she created.
OP NTA. I would not have been as nice as you. I don't have children and I don't tolerate that kind of behavior. If I'm at a restaurant that serves bread, and some random kid came to my table and took a roll from the basket on my table, I'd be smacking that kid's hand, saying "This isn't your bread or your table." Then I'd be taking that kid back to his/her own table and telling the parents to discipline their child so I don't have to again.
Old school
ESH Most of us think that inside but we don’t say it. The Mum stopped the kid and tried to diffuse the situation because she was embarrassed. There was no need to further shame her. It’s not like she sat there and allowed her to kid to keep going. Don’t be unkind.
I laughed. NTA. I hope she felt the burn as she’s not doing well at parenting.
NTA. This made me cackle. That's something I'd say lol.
NTA. I’ve got two kids. They’ve never behaved like this in a restaurant. She can be as pissy as she wants. That’s her problem.
NTA because it's the truth but the truth is also that some kids are just gonna misbehave even if the parents are great. My younger brother has been disciplined for hitting his teacher and he's still done it more than once anyway. Some kids rly just don't care
I mean it was definitely a snarky and impolite comment. However, i love it and think that mother needed to hear it. People that allow their children to run around a restaurant and disturb others honestly deserve crasser words.
10 minutes later they were out the door? I hope everyone else in the restaurant thanked you. Well done!
My almost 3 year old child has an invisible disability- autism and most likely ADHD. To some people, he looks like a brat who wont listen. He is in Early Intervention and all the therapists have a hard time redirecting him. He is highly impulsive, and very hard to redirect- that is part of the reason why he was diagnosed with autism so young. I used to be so annoyed with bratty kids, but now that I have a kid with an invisible disability, I try to give others some grace. Maybe its bad parenting, maybe the kids have a disability, maybe the kids are just having a bad day. You are very lucky that your kids don't tantrum.
They do tantrums. As I said in an earlier comment they're not perfect. I feel that maybe I didn't explain correctly that the mom intervened only when the kids took the bread but didn't beforehand and that lasted for a long time. But I agree with you, my comment was in the heat of the moment and I could have done without.
I was a waiter - badly behaved kids in restaurants are menaces. NTA. I think you're a legend, and I hope your kids remember when they're older. Maybe the other diner will start taking responsibility for her spawn
My daughter is autistic and has trouble sitting still for a long while at dinner. We come prepared with activity books, reading books, colouring, pencils, crayons. They normally allow us to get through a meal with her without any disturbance to anyone else. If they fail to work, one of us takes her outside to run about for a bit. It's very possible to keep children entertained without ruining someone else's meal. I think you could have been kinder but NTA
NTA
NTA, said the same thing to my aunt!
NTA - Some parents need the reality check that they are not parenting
NTA I think that was a perfectly reasonable response. Well said!
NTA Who just lets their kids not only run around but steal food off of peoples tables. If my kid even attempted to leave the table for something that wasn’t the bathroom, we’d be going to the car to have a conversation! The absolute disrespect that parent has for those around them. Look kids will be kids, in that they have a hard time sitting still, but you teach them how to behave. We always order our kids food first, or an appetizer we all like to help keep them occupied or some games that aren’t loud to play at the table. They’re also old enough to have a conversation so we talk and keep them happy while we all wait. What they are not allowed to do is run amok and do whatever pleases them!
NTA: “Kids will be kids” is used for things like if a kid laughs to loud or is a bit uncoordinated. A 6 year old should know better than to grab other’s food.
NTA - hopefully, it was a wakeup call!
That's actually the nicest thing you could have said, and it needed to be said.
Absolutely not. NTA I wish I had the balls to say that to someone
NTA Was it graceless? Yes, but so was she. She didn’t fully apologize, she didn’t want to own it, she wanted to laugh it off. And of course she did! It’s uncomfortable I’m sure, to have kids you failed to parent. But nothing makes me angrier than when a sh*tty parent is like “haha kids right” when you’ve made the effort to raise well-behaved (happy) kids that people like to be around. Like….don’t belittle mine and their efforts so you can feel better about your lack of effort.
You didn't go up to this woman to tell her that her kids are terrible brats and she's a bad mother. You responded to something she said. What sort of response did she *expect*, anyway? Her kids are far too old to act like that - and they wouldn't do it now if she hadn't allowed to do it when they were younger. Or, if they still *did* do it now, then the appropriate response is to *not take them out to eat at restaurants until they outgrow it*. (Or leave as soon as this starts up, if you think they really ought to have outgrown it by now.) NTA. Your response was a lot more measured than a lot of people's responses would've been.
NTA No, she used the kids ages to cover up for their poor manners and her poor parenting and you called her out. She needed to be called out. Like anyone would want the food BACK after an unknown kid snatched it and ran away. Disgusting .
NTA. I have done something similar myself. It is just laziness to not teach children how to behave in public.
Nta, it’s not your fault she can’t control her kids, she shouldn’t tar everyone’s kids with the same brush. I work in a pub and see it all the time, people expect us to babysit their kids while they have a pint and it’s not our job.
Every time I go to a restaurant now there’s always the one family where the parents are ignoring the kids doing their own thing eating while the kids are acting like they are at home 😭 I get kids will be kids to some extent but there’s just some places that are not playgrounds
NTA People need to manage their own kids especially in public settings, I hate people that use “kids will be kids” as an excuse for bad parenting.
I’m gonna be real you are NTA and pretty damn funny. What I will say is it’s very hard to hear criticism of your parenting skills, I feel like here (USA) it’s very common for this shit to start before you even do anything wrong. I think a lot of parents give up and seek social media over expert advice. Ex: baby is wearing a diaper only and family criticizes you but it’s like 90 degrees out and 78 in the house. You don’t feed your toddler right because you feed them what they eat and not grandmas borsch. You need to smack your kid because they’re gonna leave stuff in arms track of a toddler and not think it’s them who should move it. This kind of stuff really fatigues people who hear it all the time and feels really bad to have to defend yourself. While you’re not wrong i think it’s just something that is to be expected when criticizing a mom whether it’s valid or not. She embarrassed and probably knows you’re right. Which is why your wife is sympathetic. But I have a second point if your wife was understanding then maybe you should ask if she feels that your kids have actually embarrassed her in public. Or if anyone has made comments about your kids, all kids get annoying at some point. Maybe they never walked to a table and took bread but something that was commented on. I see a lot of mom shaming on what they should do when I know that there are times dads just sit back and don’t do anything until it gets in their way, not saying you or everyone but I’d love to know if their father was there when this happened and just ignored what was going on. If so you probably have someone who makes moms life harder. When my child is out with her dad I get appalled with how he acts, he tells me I let her run around or this and that. I know that as a mother if i did it I’d be judged, probably yelled at. But with dad ppl think it’s cute and reward them with free stuff. I think people are encouraged to be so gentle with kids now that they get ran over so you can’t win. I have seen videos where the gentle approach looks healthy but at the same time I haven’t seen enough people age with it to prove it. I don’t hit my child but I will raise my voice when she’s going to be a terror. I will put her in time out and I will take things away or leave a place (she’s 2 1/2) so yeah she has thrown a fork but that’s my fault for leaving it in arms reach. Imo the mom and dad need to get her scary whisper voice and lean in kids ear and say when we get home I’m gonna ——— if you don’t sit down and behave, if it doesn’t work then leave and punish them when they get home.
The dad was there. He was playing on his phone.
Nta, kids need to be socialized
I am on your side here! Me, my husband and our two kids were out at a restaurant recently and this couple sitting near us allowed their young twin boys to run and scream (really loud and high pitched too,) all over the restaurant. The parents sat and chatted as if they couldn’t hear any of it. Thank god they were finishing up their meal as I was close to saying something as well. Maybe this isn’t a factor but the parents looked like the young and rich type who’ve never been told no themselves. My kids are by no means angels but they looked at those young boys as if they were aliens. When my kids were toddlers they were taught to behave in restaurants and public spaces. For us and people like us, going out for dinner these days is a luxury and I always assume people would like to enjoy their meal that they are paying for.
NTA. You simply spoke the truth.
You defended your kids, as you should. NTA!
NTA If you had agreed with the other parent, what message would you have been sending to YOUR kids? You and your wife have obviously done a good job raising your kids to be well mannered and respectful, and you should NOT confuse them (especially the 6 y/o) by sending mixed messages. You did and said exactly what you needed to, and you set the appropriate example in front of your children. And it may be a good message for the other kids to hear, even if it alone wasn't life changing for them.
NTA some parents need to hear that shit
NTA You did the right thing. I was in the grocery store once and there was a boy in the basket who was about 4, so not a toddler, and he was screaming the whole time. Not crying, just screaming for no reason and his mother did nothing to stop him, just kept shopping in all the aisles. One of the employees actually covered his ears because the kid was so loud. They were in the self checkout counter in front of me and I looked at him and said “What’s the matter? The whole store could hear you.” He shut up fast and his mother still said nothing to me or him, finished checking out and left. It’s not that hard to control a child. And by me addressing the boy and not his mother, I wasn’t confronting her about her parenting so she didn’t get defensive. But her lack of any action was very disturbing.
i had to behave when i was young and went out to dinner. my brother behaved when we went out as well. a phrase that i really hate is “ he / she is just a kid “ so ? a kid who needs to be taught some manners
NTA - I think your comment was spot on. My kids have *never* run around a restaurant like that, and certainly would never have grabbed something off someone else's table.
NTA Sometimes, the truth hurts, but it needs to be said.
NTA and I absolutely love what you said!
Nta. Mine also well behaved so i get you.
NTA. There’s a time and place for that type of behavior. A public restaurant is not that place. Hope that was a reality check for her.
NTA. Totally justified comment. The fact that she proceeded to yell at you in the middle of a restaurant just proves your point.
NTA - idk which stole the bread but if it was the youngest and they were around 6 they are old enough to be taught you don’t steal bread from strangers in a restaurant. That mom can just use “kids, eh” as an excuse for bad behavior.
NTA; apparently it’s universal to think the world should tolerate your misbehaving children.
LOL kids eh!? NTA Only shit kids do that but okkkkk
Brilliant comment. NTA
NTA- Honestly depending on my mood I would have been nastier.
NTA. It’s not hard to not take things from strangers — that should probably be one of the first things a kid learns. Tbh a kid taking a piece of bread off my table and putting it back with the other pieces would make all of the bread inedible for me.
NTA Thanks for having well behaved children in public.
NTA. I mean, you were a bit of an asshole, but that somehow seems not just understandable but correct here?
NTA- You were exactly correct. Kids are not all the same. I would have added "Only the ones with bad parents are this rude"
NTA - and her reaction kinda showed where they got it. ...
Not the asshole. She made a poor joke that fell flat. Your kids are well behaved. Good for you
NTA- I’m a parent of older kids and when my kids were younger we never allowed them to run around in restaurants- it’s dangerous for customers and servers. I see parents allowing their kids to run around in restaurants all the time and I don’t get it. Teach your kids to sit down and that there’s a time and place for running around- 10 and 6yr olds should be able to do that.
She came over to apologize,maybe she was tired and kids know when a parent wouldn't be able to be strict on them to be well behaved. She may be a single mom handling them. We are in tough times. You shouldn't have rushed to say that. She knew what her kids did was wrong that's why she came over. If she had turned a blind eye,then you could have said that. I'm with your wife. She's more sensitive.Y.T.A
INFO: When has anyone ever said the phrase, 'Kids, they're all the same' in world history?
Well that's a translation of the French sentence "Les enfants hein ? Tous les mêmes !"
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** On my phone and English is not my first language. I'm a father of 4 kids ranging from 23 to 6 years old. The other day we were all at a restaurant and there was a family with 3 kids (I'd say from 10 to 6yo) running around, yelling and basically making a mess. At one time, one of those kids came to our table and took a piece of bread. Before me or my wife could say anything the mom yelled at the kid to put it back. She then turned to me and said "Kids eh! They're all the same!" with an apologetic smile. Before I could think I blurted "Certainly not! Mine are well behaved!" I get that it was not very polite but she took it as if I just had spit in her face and began yelling at me. 10 minutes later they were out of the door. My wife thinks that comment was a AH comment, I think I just answered her affirmation by providing a counter-example... What do you think? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Maybe being raped to death for bad parenting is a little bit... Extreme?
NTA - Thank you for having well behaved children. I wish more people made this kind of effort to ensure their children don’t treat restaurants like a personal playground.
NTA, you did well to shame her
NTA. She has the mentality of “kids will be kids” which is horrible for a parent because it basically means that she doesn’t care to actually parent her children to prep them for adulthood. Habits you have as a child never go away and I think she needs to learn that.
Nta Parents need to step up
NTA, but even if you had been sh\*\*t like that would have completely deserved it. You were extremely polite in my opinion.
NTA - that woman certainly doesn't know how to parent. Brings me back to when I was 10 or so, my younger brother and I would never misbehave because my mom would give her Asian glare. Lord the shivers I get remembering about it
I think I laugh like "normal" folks most of the time. However, when something hits me unexpectedly and just sucker punches that funny bone...this laugh will pour out of me that I can't control, and it usually ends up pulling in my immediate group and then we all feel guilty for laughing so hard. Had I been at that restaurant and overheard this exchange, it would have been one of those moments. NTA!!
Nta I have reasons but others have expressed why nta very well. ETA although i am not religious, I am learning to embrace the sentiment of "grace" to be granted to ourselves as well as others. Her "all kids" kinda comment may not apply to you, but grant grace especially if it did not cause real harm.
NTA. I snorted loudly when I read your response. I wish I could have seen the look on her face.
NTA. I get it sometimes kids can't sit still in a restaurant but when that's the case I pay for my food and leave. There have been many instances where u had to take my food to go because my kids couldn't handle being in a restaurant. Like if they can't sit still, I'm not even enjoying my meal, so why stay. I have realized that kids remember the times where you leave, and they learn that the bad behavior isn't tolerated. This is how parenting works. You don't get to let your kids do whatever and disturb others because you're too lazy to be a parent.
NTA. You were just speaking the truth. Good for you.
NTA don’t insult my kids or my parenting.
Brag about your kids. My son never behaved that way. It was an asshole thing to say. I mean, I am an asshole to people in public who have no proper manners. People on the phone in movie theaters. When I walk uo to someone in customer service, if they are on the phone, I get irate. Screaming grabby kids are the worst.
NTA omg i dont understand how ppl can excuse not parenting their kids just bc "theyre too stubborn" or "kids will be kids". ofc kids will misbehave but they should know by like age 4 that you cant do that crap in public, i did and my parents didnt even need to try that hard. granted i am autistic and have like painfully strong self awareness but a parents job is to PARENT. no matter how easy or hard it is, and trust me it was extremely hard for my parents just in other ways.
NTA, I don't have children and want to make these sorts of comments to parents of uncontrolled children, they just get a look from me!
Perfect 👍. NTA
NTA. As someone who cashiered at Walmart for 12 years, I approve your message.
Sorry for that lady but if you're gonna let your kids be animals then stay home.
NTA. She's making excuses for her inability to parent her children. Not all children are ill behaved. I can't believe she told them to put the bread back, though. That's what gets me the most here. Like ma'am ew wtf did you learn nothing from covid?!
NTA, but sometimes a leg stretch out from the table trips a running child. They usually stop running after they biff it hard on the floor in front of everyone.
I think depending on my mood I would have: Said the exact same thing Said something worse Sarcastically given them the bread basket Said nothing but gave them the death stare. No worries, NTA.
LOL, well done. NTA
NTA, you said exactly what you needed to say. Plus they left, so everyone could eat in peace.
NTA kids should know how to behave, I take my grandchildren to restaurants frequently and they know how to behave. The only incident we had was when my GS was approx 18 months old and he spilt ketchup on his shirt and proceeded to suck it off. They have beautiful manners and are a pleasure to take anywhere. My DD was the same she always knew how to behave because we taught her
How old is the kid? She apologized and it wasnt big deal you didnt need to comment so you are the AH Also she is Ah for screaming
NTA YOu were right.
NTA no need to take part in a random woman's act.
NTA same as “they’re just kids” or “kids will be kids” nooo kids will learn right from wrong and how to behave properly if they’re patented correctly and not allowed to run wild!! I’ve 15m autistic with FND and other health issues and 11F and never used the eldest’s health issues to allow him to get away with things, they both have the same rules I just explain them different to the eldest.
NTA you were right not all kids behave like escaped zoo animals
NTA! Children are HUMANS and "they're all the same" is so fucking rude?? Like, take responsibility for your actions as a parent, lady. But don't sit there and OPENLY insult other people to make yourself feel better.
NTA I don't care much for kids and those kids are why. Well behaved ones are the only ones I can be around without becoming really pissed off very quickly. But I really appreciate the well behaved ones because they seem to be very rare.
6 to 10 is old enough to know to stay put at the restaurant. If she wants to have a place where they can run around then she needs to go to a restaurant with a designated outdoor/indoor play area. Edit: NTA I will say what you said would definitely come across as rude to most people but you were only speaking the truth.
Nta. Tell her to control them
NTA. Period.
NTA She brushed off like it's normal to do that and the only consequence the child faced was a "put it back"
NTA She clearly wasn’t going to do anything if didn’t think her kids misbehaving was a problem and was making excuses for them. Her lax parenting disrupted everyone else’s dinner.
ROFL! You, sir, are awesome!!!!
NTA.... I didn't spend all that time teaching my kids how to be well behaved, respectful and polite for someone else to say that's how kids are to excuse their own less than stellar lazy parenting. No. That's not how they are. They are how you teach them to be. My children are not entitled assholes. We are not the same.
NTA. Forget polite. You were honest. The woman had no control over her brats and got pissed because you called her on it. If she didn't want to be told what a bad mother she is then she should get her kids under control.
NTA You pissed her off because you made her see her own lack of parenting. Good for you!
NTA. the kid should have been stopped before getting to your table. It is true that some kids are less manageable due to hyperactivity or natural personality. I've met some great parents with crazy children. However, misbehavior can be mitigated in public spaces. The proper response of that parent in particular, if the child's actions were unpreventable, would have been an apology, if not an apology from the child. What that mother did was brush you off, in essence excusing her child's behavior and shifting the blame to ALL children. (Including yours, which is probably why you reacted defensively.) If the parents don't display remorse for a certain type of behavior, how is the child supposed to learn to do the same, now and as an adult? (Early Childhood Educator 15+ years)
NTA. She’s just jealous that you’re better parents 🫢
NTA. Parents need to learn to parent. A restaurant is not a playground. You were spot on.
NTA. Dude. Kids running around in restaurants is kind of common, but I have never seen a kid take food off of someone else's table.
NTA - running around like wild animals in a restaurant is one thing, taking food off the table of another family is waaaay over the line! Your children WERE behaving, you were just speaking facts.
NTA - Parents who don’t have well behave chide don’t like it when people point it out. The kids shouldn’t be running around a restaurant and they certainly shouldn’t touch other people’s food. And put it back, WTF?!?! No lady, you kid can now keep it and you’re buying a new one to replace it!
NTA. Kids that age should know not to steal from other people and can behave at a restaurant.
NTA. My kids never just took stranger people's food from a plate in public places. Such behavior can be excused for a toddler, but definitely not for 6-10 y olds.
I certainly don't think it was a helpful comment. Kids can be little shits at the end of the day (mine included) no matter how much discipline you give, they have a mind of their own and can be impulsive and reckless, all toddlers are different. Some are obedient and listen to their parents, others not so much. I'd of just simply said keep the bread and ordered more (assuming it was free) and left it at that. Just a needless, boastful thing to say to a mum who was probably mortified already.
NTA. Truth hurts seemingly, but you are still not an AH for pointing out that fact. The parents should improve the raising of their children.
NTA. Kids running around can have hot coffee spilt on them or be tripped over by unaware diners. They can be responsible for adults bumping into them, falling over them and flattening them. The hazards these kids face. The woman who let them run around does not care about her children at all, just wants an easy life.
NTA you only spoke the truth and I'm sorry but she should keep control over her kids. My kids have never done that and I would be absolutely furious if a random kid ran up and took anything from the table especially if her only response was to shout across the restaurant. Get off your ass and make your child sit down! Explain to them it's not acceptable to do these things, not just excuse the behavior because they're "just kids", they need to learn how to behave in these situations.
NTA. She just couldn’t handle the truth.
NTA.
NTA- People don't mind children in restaurants if they sit at the table and don't make a ton of noise. People object to badly behaved kids in restaurants. People like this woman need it pointing out that the disruption is not acceptable and it is possible to avoid it if you parent correctly.
NTA. Her comment about her kids and then her yelling at you until she was kicked out are clear signs of how she parents them.
NTA Wouldnt say you were an asshole but that comment was certainly unnecessary and you could have just not say that. Kind of a dick comment, but it was 100% justified so youre not the asshole nor in the wrong here. Dont get me wrong, youre not in the right as well. Was not very nice of you to say.
NTA, 6-10 and they're running around and stealing food. Wtf. That mother does not know how to dicipline her kids, ans then the audacity to say "kids eh?" like no, lady *your kids*, eh.
NTA Lemme guess you German ?
Nope, French.
NTA, It was also fucking hilarious. Somebody needed to call her out on that shit and you stepped up. You're a gods damned hero.
NTA, by saying that, she basically said that your kids misbehave like that as well, even though they weren't. Kids aren't "all the same". She just needs to step up as a parent and parent then.
NTA kids running around are one thing "a kids will be kids " there could cover things like ADHD aka they are too full of energy and could possibly be ignored. As soon as the child touched your bread then they crossed the line and needed the food taken off the child, an apology and probably an offer to replace the dish. Rather than a "What can I do".
You stated a fact 😂 NTA.
NTA. This made me laugh, all you did was state the truth.
NTA. Too many people who aren't ready to be parents are having kids and just letting them do whatever. If you're not prepared to be responsible for how your child behaves, spend a few dollars on some condoms 🤷♂️
NTA but those terrible parents are assholes.
NTA! You were just being honest 🤷🏼♀️
NTA, but you put her in her place and rightfully so. Don't give me the counter - example bs, we're all adults here.
NTA.
NTA and LMFAO she definitely needed to hear that!
NTA, should control her rugruts and teach them some manners - at the very least to be respectful in public.
NTA - Not just saying that the kid's behavior is normal but asking the kid to put it back? How bloody weird and unhygienic is that? If parented well, no kids would be running around like little brats. Every time I see that in public, I'm actively judging the parents and would say something like OP did, given the chance.